Farmington Community Matters November 2018

Commun ty Matters Farmington Presbyterian Manor

November 2018

Oscar Govereau and Jennifer Rowe

Oscar Govereau has cracked the happiness secret There’s something about resident Oscar Govereau that just makes you smile. From his sense of humor to the way he greets visitors at the back door, you can’t help but feel happy when you’re around him.

“Oscar is a wonderful person. He sits by the back door where most visitors come in and always has a smile for you when you come through the door. He draws you in and you want to talk to him. He has a great sense of humor and is just a sweetheart,” said Jennifer Rowe, RN. Oscar also enjoys the outdoors. “He loves to go outside, and he also loves squirrels. He has feeders outside his window and watches them get fed,” said Jennifer.

Raised in Farmington along with his four sisters and one brother, OSCAR, continued on page 2

Joan Hampton and her husband, Ed

Residents share their favorite Thanksgiving memories, recipes As Thanksgiving approaches, residents PhyllisWigger and Joan Hampton reflect back to share fond Thanksgiving memories and their favorite family recipes.

Phyllis shared: “My mom was a very good cook and watching her cook or helping her was a great cooking lesson. In Home Economics, I was supposed to follow the teacher’s recipe for apple pie. I used my mother’s recipe instead – the teacher said it was very good, but she took away from my grade because I didn’t use the teacher’s recipe. I thought my mother was smarter than my teacher.”

Joan shared: “We’d sit around and tell family stories. And of course, we had to relax after that big meal. We used to have a lot of sides. We’d have sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, gravy, broccoli casserole and lots of pies. A lot of times we’d make dressing at Thanksgiving and have enough we wouldn’t have to make it at Christmas. Same thing with pie — we’d make extra and freeze them for Christmas.”

THANKSGIVING, continued on page 2

OSCAR, continued from page 1

THANKSGIVING, continued from page 1

Oscar worked for nearly 20 years in the mining industry and wound up in east Texas working for Lone Star Steel for nine years following that. Then he and his wife, Linda, came back to Farmington where he eventually retired.

Favorite Thanksgiving recipes

“A big family man,” Oscar and Linda have a daughter and two sons who visit him often. He also stays busy at Farmington Presbyterian Manor by playing bingo, listening to music (mostly religious) and going to church services.

When asked what his secret was to being happy, Oscar shared, “I enjoy living. God’s been good to me.”

Community Matters is published monthly for residents and friends of Farmington Manor by Presbyterian Manors of Mid-America Inc., a not-for-profit 501(c)(3) organization. Learn more at PresbyterianManors.org Jane Hull, executive director Anne Allen, marketing director To submit or suggest articles for this publication, contact aallen@pmma.org Telephone: 573-756-6768 Fax: 573-756-6014 Address: 500 Cayce St., Farmington, MO 63640-2910 Our mission: We provide quality senior services guided by Christian values.

Mother’s Sage Dressing (from Phyllis) Chop a medium yellow onion and 3-4 stalks of celery in pieces the size of your onion pieces. Saute the onion and celery in a small amount of butter or olive oil until it’s transparent. Add this to 2 cups of chicken broth (you may need to add more). Don’t use sodiumfree broth. Stir together. Add salt, pepper and sage.

When you cook, you can determine how much to add by the smell — if you use ground sage it’s not as strong as the leaf sage. Take 1 ½ loaves of white bread — I like dayold white bread or French bread –— and crumble, or tear it up, into pieces and mix it in with your broth.

Put everything in a shallow baking dish or pan. Bake in the oven at 250 degrees for at least 35-40 minutes.

It will bake slow, but it’s better that way. It’s just as good with a roast pork, turkey or chicken. Makes about six servings.

Cranberry Sauce (from Joan) Take fresh cranberries, wash them, dry them and grind them up in an old-fashioned grinder with two oranges and one apple. Add some sugar and mix it up.

Dressing (from Joan) Depending on the number of

Phyllis Wigger

people, we took about 6 loaves of bread, dried it out in the oven and then broke it up. Set it aside. Cut up a whole stalk of celery (plus the leaves) and put it in a pan with three pounds of onions cut up. To cut down on fat, cook it all in water and chicken stock mixed together to give it more flavor. Cook until tender.

After that cooks up, put that together with one pound of cooked pork sausage and the bread. Mix it up.You don’t want it soupy.

Accommodate the bread/stock ratio as needed. Add spices you typically use with chicken such as sage.

Cook it on the side of the pan with the turkey or in the crockpot.

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Community Matters November 2018

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How to have difficult conversations with your aging parents

By Catherine Hodder An important part of caring for your aging parents is understanding their situation and knowing what they want. If you don’t know, then it is up to you to figure it out.

Having open and frank discussions with your parents help avoid the stress and uncertainty about the future. It is a good idea to talk to parents about their wishes now instead of when they become much older or infirm. These talks will help them plan for future life events, resolve any conflicts within the family, and take the decision making burden off of you.

There are five essential conversations to have with your parents: The financial talk – Find out about their financial situation. Do they have enough to live on and enough for the future? Do they have a durable power of attorney naming someone to handle their financial decisions if they are unable to? Do they have a will?

The health care talk – What medical issues do they have? What medications do they take? Do they have a health care power of attorney appointing someone to make medical decisions if they are incapacitated?

The aging talk – What happens if they need significant care? Do they plan to age-in-place at home? What senior living options should they consider?

The end of life talk – What are their wishes when they have a terminal or end-stage illness?

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Do they have advance medical directives or a living will?

The family legacy talk – What do they want you to remember about them?

What are the family stories, treasured recipes, and heirlooms to pass to future generations?

Before you start these talks, keep in mind the following to make the conversations easier and more productive.

Be patient Talking with your parents about their future will not be a one time conversation but an ongoing process.You must be patient and willing to wait until your parents feel comfortable. They will need to be “ready” to talk with you or to make certain decisions about their future. The hardest part will be for them to admit they need help and that you will be taking on more responsibility for them. Understand they still see you as their child who they should be helping, not the other way around. Try to feel out the right times to talk about health care concerns and when to talk about finances.

Be transparent with other family members While it is tempting to manage all information about your parents and keep it to yourself, you may be perceived by other siblings

as too secretive, controlling, or influential. Try to include siblings in conversations or at least give them updates on what is transpiring so there are no unpleasant surprises.

Most siblings will be happy for you to handle things as long as you keep them in the loop. Difficult siblings who have contrary opinions can be extremely challenging. But if you give them consistent updates, you can take some of the drama away from them. They can’t accuse you of hiding something or going behind their back on some matter.

Of course, if you have exceptionally difficult family members, realize that you can’t please everyone all of the time, and focus on what is in the best interests of your parents.

Keep notes Since this is an ongoing process, when your parent expresses what they would like to do in the future, be ready to record their thoughts.

Recording thoughts and wishes makes it easier to follow up in future conversations. Based on what they say, you can figure out what needs to be done and what steps to take. It is also helpful to have notes when updating siblings and family members.Your notes can PARENTS continued on page 4 Farmington Presbyterian Manor

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PARENTS continued from page 3

also prompt future discussions. For example, you could say, “Mom, we talked about who gets your jewelry and china, but you haven’t told us what you want to do with the house.”

Keep in mind, however, that any notes or recordings regarding beneficiaries or giving away assets are not enforceable unless they are made part of their wills.

Don’t pressure Talking to your parents gently and without reproach will have better results than being confrontational.

This is not a time to make things fair among siblings or to right past transgressions (real or perceived) within the family. The goal is to have your parents set out plans for their financial and medical future.You may not agree with how they may

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Community Matters November 2018

handle distributions, but their plan is is to just listen without judgment.

A parent may need to express anger better than no plan at all. and anxiety over these preparations.

Empathize There may be some bitterness at Put yourself in your parents’ shoes. discovering their life did not turn out the way they wanted it. They How would that make you feel? may make accusations or blame Would you be scared of the future? themselves or their spouse for not How would you feel if you were losing control of your body and your taking responsibility sooner. Let mind? Would you want to talk about your parents vent their frustrations and then help them work towards death? What if you could no longer some resolutions. work or enjoy social events and activities you once did?

Consult an attorney Recognize that your aging parents may not want to focus on death.

Discuss their thoughts and plans for the future without mentioning “death” or “dying.” Use terms like “passing” or “no longer with us.”

Listen Sometimes the most important thing you can do to help someone

Making decisions to cover future life events is hard. Not only is an attorney skilled in making sure all the documents are correct and enforceable, but also a qualified estate attorney can raise questions you never contemplated. Everyone’s family and circumstances are unique.

Online forms cannot account for the particular needs of your family.

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