Here are 5 ways to explore the things before and during sex.
If not, a dead bedroom relationship is one in which the participants (who used to have sex) haven't had sex for some time now.
There's a reason you won't hear about this term in professional circles: not only is it difficult to diagnose (how long did a couple go without sex?) but it also adds stigma and shame - which certainly isn't helping!
The term "dead" also implies a loss of passion or vitality - which isn't necessarily the case. There are couples who maintain strong relationships with attraction to one another but haven't indulged in sexual intimacy for a long time.
A couple might not even realize that "dead bedroom" has hit them until they try to recall the last time, they had sex.
If you're unfamiliar with the sensation, consider your favorite gourmet food or dessert, and think about when you last ate it. For most of us, we'd probably have to pause and think about the last time we had it. (Unless you regularly indulge in your favorite gourmet dessert, in which case, I am extremely jealous.)
Couples don't fall into a "dead bedroom". It is a long process, with a multitude of steps that occur over time. Luckily, if that is something you want to prevent, it means that any couple can work to avoid it by following some relationship-focused steps.
Steps like....
Prioritize Personal Time
Yes, you read it correctly...
I've also been guilty of prioritizing other aspects of my hectic life above sexual activity. There sometimes doesn't seem to be enough time in the day to support everything we need to do, and we still have to find time for sex, too?
I'm most notorious for using the justification "I'm not really in the mood" when I've just spent an hour watching TV. Of course, after seeing a murder mystery documentary, I'm not "in the mood" and also you can gift your partner like lingerie’s!
What is the clear-cut solution to this? Putting sex first. Sex appointments can be made if you'd like (some people really love looking forward to upcoming sexy times, and you might be one of them).
But this may also appear as planning out your downtime: no busywork, time fillers, or mindless entertainment.
Packing every minute with errands will, unsurprisingly, never give your brain enough time to wander and get in the sexual mood in the first place, especially if you don't want to have sex unless you're in a sexy, aroused state.
Prioritize Your Connection
Let's imagine that your relationship has already started to feel dead in the bedroom, and the thought of just "turning on" sex makes you feel extremely uneasy with the harness products. I got it. The concept of merely "having sex" can be incredibly uncomfortable at times, especially after extended intervals of less connection. There, and I detested it.
In that scenario, put more emphasis on making your relationship with each other a top priority. Remove any mention of "sex" from the conversation.
Go on a dating night instead. Choose a hobby that both of you enjoy, then leave the house to engage in some aspect of that hobby. Reenact your first encounter. Consider the initial factors that drew you to your mate.
Respond to Your Partner
If you and your partner are like most couples, there are several occasions throughout the day when you must make a decision involving them.
Some of them will be direct requests from your partner; in the field of psychology, they are known as "bids for connection." They might ask you to bring home dinner or pick up the kids after work. You can be asked to do chores like wash the dishes or put gas in the car. They might seek your opinion on a piece of apparel, a book, or a scenario at work.
Even while it can be tempting to decline to add to your already lengthy list of obligations, accepting these "bids for connection" positively can have a significant positive effect on your relationship with BDSM products.
In a study, couples who were still married had "turned towards" each other's bids 86% of the time at the six-year follow-up, compared to couples who were divorced only 33% of the time.
Explore Alternative Forms of Pleasure
If sex isn't something you both like, the dead bedroom is more likely to occur. That might just be the way some couples interact (like those who are asexual). In that case, you probably won't worry about having a "dead bedroom" because it's exactly how you like it!
However, for many couples, having sex is a typically joyful event that strengthens their close bond and play sex card games.
However, it can be simple to allow a lifeless bedroom to creep in if sex isn't joyful. I would also subtly avoid having sex again if it were as enjoyable as folding laundry!
Instead, start thinking about ways to make sex more pleasurable before dead bedroom strikes. This can entail considering non-intercourse sexual choices for many heterosexual couples. Not only will this help your relationship withstand any instances of erectile failure (which become more prevalent as you age!), but for most vulva-owning couples, penis-in-vagina intercourse is rarely the preferred method of climax.
Maintain Your Individuality
Yes, I am aware that we have already discussed improving relationships across this entire list.
However, your relationship is made up of two independent individuals. Both individuals in the partnership must be functioning well for the relationship to be robust.
To keep your "cup" full enough to invest your energy in the partnership as well, maintaining your own self requires completing some of the tedious and enjoyable tasks. Items like:
- Valuing and preserving your personal relations.
- Make your body move in enjoyable ways.
- Alternate between feeding your body wholesome foods on occasion and decadent stuff other times.
- Put time and effort into activities that you enjoy and that are personal to you.
- Decrease self-critical speech
A great strategy to help prevent a dead bedroom in your relationship is to psychologically and physically support yourself. This will give you more energy to mentally and physically support the relationship and your partner.