The serpent

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The Serpent The Sorcerer’s view of Human Psychology – how they understand the mechanism of human behavior and understanding Pradeep Maheshwari Contact: gururdeva@yahoo.com Academy of Behavioral Therapy New Delhi. India.

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Phone: 0091-11-41730043 The Major part of the Complex human persona is well hidden behind layers of smoke screens.

For civilisation and evolution to go ahead we need to come out of the corners; come into the spot-light with all our imperfect and yet great souls Let the serpent out into the light!

Happiness is self-deceit in motion: But then I am here to be meaningful – to shake things up a little and I will not sugar-coat my thoughts We need to go below the surface into the hidden occult world and study the subliminal minds where the actuality of our lives resides.

Suddenly this subject has come up and again I am forced to reflect upon the self-deceiving images that humans live by.

How many people really question their motives and wish to grope into the darkness of the shadowy part of their beings? We actually run away from this as if the plague was after us not realizing that until we do this examination, the light won’t shine through and the fog won’t lift.

The question is what drives?

The need to feed ourselves, the need to protect ourselves from the weather and the need to procreate. In between there are episodes of love for other things and people that make us creative and happy.

We start by giving birth.

Soon the child grows up and puberty hits. Today from the scientific angle the hormonal and mental changes flowering in the young people is well understood. But understood or not, they are still in 3

command and they are strong enough to carry away the young people with them.

Philosophy, Media and literature and social norms have tried to instill values of Regard and Respect that should be the motivators in all relationships but the truth is the human only sees this world as a platform for the culmination of desires.

For example for a male, the most beautiful female of the species is the one who permits him to approach and caress her. Everything else becomes secondary.

In the women the need to procreate takes supreme hold and the likeliest buck becomes the most attractive and a relationship is sought ardently.

The frontal cortex which is the thinking and reasoning mind goes into hibernation.

In today’s human society’s make-up this leads to disruption on a grand scale and everything else would have been acceptable but the problem of a live child/baby becomes virtually unsolvable – and here starts our story.

Education and idealism is fine but it is rather disruptive when not in alignment with reality. To 99% of the men and women, till the age of 21, it is not the values only of people that are important whatever we may have drummed into their heads. The need to fulfill Mother Nature’s commands is almost supreme. A little relaxation in supervision and the two sexes will find moments of togetherness with calamitous results.

No amount of philosophy, Religion or the understanding of Biology will help stop it.

These young people know exactly what is going on but are helpless. They may explain it as “love” but we all know that it is the primeval energy at work. Sugar-coating it with idealistic notions is of no real worth.

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This is the state of human affairs just now.

This is the reason the world is in such an ignorant mess.

Otherwise where would be the need of the Vedas & Upanishads and all this conversation?

To most male of the species, women that would like to see “woman” as a goddess of love, the reality is this: Most women have nothing of greater interest to offer than the small pleasures of married life and most men do not have the wisdom to appreciate anything much more than that even if the women do have it.

Nobody is stupid. Marriages still happen but what is it that is happening at the back of their minds, specially at the subliminal level?

The men know that they cannot run after a new female every moment when their hormones get activated so they speak of “love” and divine graces; trap one and enjoy their lives. This is the best of both worlds. The woman becomes a glorious servant although the men have to accept them as equals. But then some arrangement can always be worked out. This is unfortunately the bare truth. We are all pretending. Relationships last more by habit than deep seated affection The women are no fools. They know that their only value is in their charms and they need to make the most of it when it is at its peak. The female form is imprinted into the male’s hormones and it will do its job in all conditions. So they trap in a good provider and the illusion of a loving family is arduously maintained. Real affection does develop eventually but it is quite in the rarity.

The only good in all this is that both men and women, although they start in relative ignorance thorough hormonal needs, learn to appreciate each other’s values and love and appreciation grows.

This is what makes it all worth the while and when all is said and 5

done it is discovered that the journey was the yogic route of our lives towards a higher state of consciousness.

Unfortunately there are some who never mentally allow themselves to grow; due to circumstances they are able to exercise their brutish desires/wishes and mayhem ensues.

Conclusion: I am talking of the human race. This division of them by sex into two separate species as one coming from Mars and the other from Venus is indicative of our limited-sightedness. Absolutely ridiculous. The elemental Being is the same. We need to rise above this. This is where Consciousness and Understanding of the evolution of humans etc comes in. The greater good will happen only when the mechanics are understood.

It should not be seen as an argument. That is a waste of powerful energy. The egoistic & opinionated stands are what create these problems. Step back and you will see a wider picture of things and mentally mull over all the possibilities of a situation. Go behind the words and shut off your judgmental side.

Whatever I said or say is never in derogatory insinuations. Human kind wants to see itself as a superior, developed thinking race. But it is not really yet so. I suppose it is not polite for me to say so.

But then I am here to be meaningful – to shake things up a little and I will not sugar-coat my thoughts.

A note from a fellow traveler: Life is unjust. People are unreliable. Mature people are a rarity.

Impossible people are disguised. Words are senseless. But whom do I tell that. You will only say now: Another one who has learned a lesson.

On the question of educating (“teaching") the world: Every generation has to be re-taught from scratch. This is the world's enigma. All the secrets I have gathered will die with me.

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Some words may still live. But the live vibes and power that I have accumulated will go into the box with me.

This is why we can only live our life and spread the seeds of caring and kindness, show the way by example but "teach" we cannot.

And change comes with difficulty.

Let us begin our discussions with the most common of tools: language.

Our choice of language always gives away our hidden parameters, prejudices and deep feelings that we are polite enough to want to hide. If we look closely, aren’t humans an insincere lot?

Yet they speak of, and demand honesty. Politicians and lovers are the best examples of this trait. The beautiful part is that most of us tend to believe what we here – and if it is praise we are so insincere that we gulp it down without a second thought. We easily convince our self that where there is smoke there must be some fire.

Erasing, rewriting, overwriting will never be enough. Words that have left our mouths and pens cannot return. And the world may move slowly but does in the end expose the words to those from whom it was meant to be kept hidden.

There is need of change in direction & purpose.

Why are we so bothered about what others will think?

I say – why not? When it comes to living we need each other so this is natural.

The other side of the coin is it has an imprisoning effect because we then do everything to impress them and thereby live by their 7

views and tastes. Yet we pride ourselves as being “individuals” and even exaggerate to the point that we feel that we are running this world and what we have not done, rarely gets done. Anyway we cannot depend on anybody to do it if at all and that too properly.

This is the foundation of our arrogance.

It is also seen that human kind treats each other with great distaste. The number of people who treat others as idiots is simply astounding. These grand all knowing and all understanding people are so confident that that the other guy can only misunderstand, never comprehend anything and it is best to cross the t and dot the i for them. Even then the question will always remain if anything as penetrated their thick heads.

The need to make the world conform to our own way of thinking is so high, that humans normally see the image already in their head, hear only what they want to and remember totally false information more in tune with their way of visualising the world and details in it. In this respect most humans can be called individuals. Living in a very small, very particular world to them.

Under these circumstances, can we ever learn to live together in harmony?

This can be carried to rather extremes in many to the fact that they think of “No” first and think later if at all. Agreeing to anything would mean loss of identity and that will not do. Then arguably it could also add to the workload in life and other unwanted activities or even a change of direction and agenda totally. No - best to protect oneself by denying & refusing it all from the first and save ourselves a lot of trouble.

The point is in life you never know so take care when you take action in anger and when you do there should be no regrets later for the consequences. Humans can be easily manipulated through 8

their anger. When in “anger” mode a few choice words are all that is needed as trigger. Their pride and understanding is like a tinder box; ever ready to ignite. Yet they think of themselves as rational thinking beings.

Which is one thing they are not.

Humans carry in their subconscious many memories and conditioned reflexes which they identify as their persona. Most of us do not even have an idea what all is there. These are the building blocks of their persona. They identify themselves closely with these thoughts, words and inculcated philosophies. Along with these, side by side is the main triggers and these are their wishes & desires. Most are clever enough to be able to use these thoughts and trigger words in their society to find perfectly good explanations to carry out their desires. Conversely they also understand under normal conditions what is not done. There is enough primal intelligence to help them connect the two and some cunning, well educated ones are masters of this trade. They are good at playing with words and know beautifully how to use reverse psychology to make others do their bidding.

Most humans are naïve. They will believe a lot of nonsense if it is couched well in an interesting and plausible sounding logic – not knowing any better due their lack of education their minds are open to suggestions. There is already a seed of revenge in their natural, primitive god-given characters. And when they are hurt or they feel they have been cheated, this seed sprouts and bears immediate fruit. Then only one thing remains to be done – hurt back the other guy in whichever way possible, maximumally by words or bodily. This is the beginning of scenes that we call human drama.

There are spirits in the Universe who take advantage of these uncultured minds to create dramatic events which they then enjoy. Humans don’t realize this aspect and will not accept it as 9

possible. But the fact remains that humans are mostly carriers of certain Beings and being used – unless they start learning from their experience and start using their will and wisdom to think with kindness and reflect before acting.

The chances though are not very high of this happening once the mould is set.

Treatment thru Reiki/Prayers does help. But remember the treatment will last only if you can also mend your fears; fears that are very deep seated and influence our decisions and acts in a very subtle way – some we even carry from past lives. To be able to identify these fears is not simple or possible for the average guy. This requires deep analysis of events continually recurring in our lives which will show up our fears. Few of us wish to confront this fact.

I was also afraid of getting trapped in relationships - something that I was carrying with me since many lives as a fakir. Then this time I decided to bite the bullet. Humbled myself to stick on through thru the storms.

It was harrowing but I came thru and am health-wise better.

Most of us do not want to lose independence to be as stupid as we want to be by entering into restrictive relationships. But the world is made such that we cannot satisfy our desires without doing it either. It is at best a tightrope walk. Mostly we don’t understand the parameters and possibilities that can birth from our decisions.

We see only our desires being fulfilled – totally forgetting that the other people involved have desires and agendas too.

The clash is what makes the world go round. The happiest people are those who are some reason or other in positions of power and they let loose their arrows without deep reflection or fear of consequences. They can create a vortex around them which unfortunately eventually devours them. It can be in terms of 10

revenge from other people or just their bodies ravaged by illness.

This would be though, another story.

But nobody leaves this bodily envelope unless the bill has been paid and the chain of cause and effect has come full circle. This is faultily understood as Karma and it is a good simplification.

Love is everything, I agree but rarely really ever there. There is also anger, envy, dislike, prejudices, judgments etc etc. Let us not delude ourselves into sweet illusions. ...then I realised, that people can’t see into my heart and mind.

They don’t know I am just a child, ready to be part of their family as I already consider them of my family.

Love between 2 humans is an impossibility. Our relationships are all need-based. Deep down, in the very darks of our being, every act of the human-kind, stems from a selfish, self-centered & narcissist fountain. The idea of love and "happiness" from selfish humans is ridiculous. We serve each other's purpose. No more. No less.

Seeking joy in the arms of another as the ultimate destination is illogical in the extreme.

Yet all the ills of this world stem from this activity and the ego boost that it gives on "winning" another's interest or submissionthe term "conquer" is often used and this should be a clear indicator to the fact.

The sub conscious patterns of fear of relationships are the source of much trouble in all of us.

Deep down we are all a pack of lies. We knowingly lie and cheat.

We feel clever and are very proud of it most times. When in trouble we run to soothsayers, astrologers and magicians yet all that is required is a bit of sincerity.

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No, I now realise that their minds are a big stone wall, keeping people out and they will never let me in for they see me most likely as a thief & they are too darned afraid..Yet they would accept blood relations even of the worst kind......how come people of the same surname become family but I cannot ever be?

Some people are really lucky. They have limited needs, simple minds and they don’t suffer with vivid imaginations to bother them with fear and possibilities – good and bad. They always have more than they need and they are quite happy to be left alone to their devices. Their good luck gives them a good job in which they excel because they have no ulterior motives and not much ambition either to compete. Or life provides them in other ways.

It is a life that is full with preoccupations of making the bed and washing the clothes.

This is the reason why their personal relations are at a minimum and they would rather not have people in their lives; yet they are intelligent enough to know that they need others but it is an ongoing battle with their personal world and the world at large.

It is sad to see these people because they allow themselves to be trapped in a limited world in which there is no entry for strangers.

They have no need to improve on anything in the world and least of all themselves. It is a lovely comfortable life in which they are content, happy at rearranging furniture instead of worrying about interior design and the next castle they will own.

I have met many of these kinds – even have had to live with them.

The first thing I noticed was their ability to ignore all inputs from the world at large. They would simply ignore; this tendency also affecting how they dealt with their health. They refuse to listen to their bodies and tend to permit illness to fester to a point of pain before acting on it; which a conscious person would agree is already too late.

They suffer for it but do not wish to see the connection that their illness may have with their attitude. It is a blissful life until the 12

avalanche hits them –and I have seen this happens in older age when the body can’t take the abuse any more. At this point they fall into depressions or suffer from rages which alienate them even more from the world of friends and well wishers and unfortunately also from their own little world that they have created so arduously.

These people have such strong minds that some of us simpletons would be awed. They are good at making accusations, weaving logic with their wishes so elegantly that virtually everyone feels left out as the more worldly types see existence from other angles. The result is that you either listen to them or shut up.

They can argue on till kingdom come. You have to finally give up in exasperation. Suggestions in their world become criticisms and even a hint of it can be the start of a “reaction”.

My way has been to leave them alone, go along with them if I have to but emotionally, mentally, if not physically, keep a distance.

Something that they enforce literally anyway; yet deep somewhere these souls are lonely and they so wish to be admired and be friends with the world; it is like a sad movie that you can see but not get involved.

The torment is real.

They want to be accepted as they are but life unfortunately is as unforgiving as they are.

Embrace your faults. Embrace here would mean - not run away from. Having the courage to admit that we are at fault and intent on correcting them.

The human mind is like absorbent cotton. It has many redeeming features which it never uses. For instance it has an intelligent feature wherein it can analyse and shut off unwanted influences 13

( like an anti-virus program in the computer) but it is rarely used it allows all inputs to go into the subconscious and then react to it. The memory is never used as a learning tool to remember and not repeat history. No effort is made by the conscious mind to stop its desire self and hurt the body and life around it. etc etc The commercial world learnt this early in the last century when Freud and Jung made many things clear to the world's commercial appetite. The consumer goods industry and the medical fraternity have made hay on this knowledge.

IT had become obvious with the coming of the movies. But nobody would listen and still does not listen. The TV made it worse. Now the smart phone has totally taken over. Gadgetry has made life easy for the mind which was not being used much and does not need to be used at all.

The tendency of old habits is to avoid making a change and delay it as much as possible.

Creative people are more perceptive. They are able to see the bigger possibilities with the elements at hand whereas most of us are happy to follow the old traditional route. Creative people can see the borders that most of us have imposed on ourselves and understand better the limits that can be crossed to create more easy living, thinking and beauty. They create because they can/t stand the stuffed atmosphere most of are content to live with. But they are also unhappy people as they also see that they invite ire, envy and discourtesy by daring to change the rules and living a more flourishing life. There is much sadness because they see the unhappiness in most of us and also our blocks; blocks that we put in the ways of genuinely happy people and end cooking up quite 14

some pots of useless miseries. This keeps them on tenterhooks, trying to live in this world but not hurting others but wanting to help nevertheless and also not compromising with their own standards.

Inanities; all of this energy being spent on stuff that really is just gossip and good for whiling away time. Let us focus on the teachings and put them into practice. What is of importance is the experience onward and this we should be ready to share.

Let us not become collectors of data.

People are looking for information. They are collectors. The collection makes them feel rich. They have a quote for every occasion and they can rationalise and explain everything away.

Change is not what they are looking for although they profess so.

It is so depressing.

In materialistic cultures, physical pleasures are on top of the list.

Sex is the highest joy known and understood. Eating for pleasure is the second. Speed and fearsome activities like racing and mountaineering are others. But finding a sexual partner seems to be the highest goal - new ones every now and then add to heighten the pleasure. The stupendous amount of energy that is spent in pursuing an insatiable & exhausting goal and at the same time the complications that we create for ourselves is mind boggling for the artist who has found other pastures!

More a sense of virtue rules the ignorant as they see from afar.

They see a few things, a few photos or films, have a few friends and they become experts and know all the answers - obviously then they know the solutions and go about trying to change the world. The pain comes when we spend a lot of effort in making 15

others see the truth that we have realised - but no one is interested. This makes us bitter.

Most distressful situations happen when the Soul wants to go in one direction, and the mind (desire mind) wants to go in another.

Situations happen to us because the time has come for us to weather them - and then be promoted to the next class. The lesson is never learnt in one go..... And we believe in continuation of the process into many lives, on and on till it is learnt; eventually they do.

The knowledge of the forces behind life goes back many eons and there is nothing much to discuss there as it has been proven to be quite true by everyone who has taken this path.

There is indolence, inertia and mental laziness in the human make-up. There is also arrogance and pride. We are also endowed with intelligence but we prefer to rely more on our pride. We take paths for which we are not ready and get into troublesome spots.

We first are too lazy to prepare ourselves and later too weak to look for the objective solution. Situations go out of hand because we just don't have the required knowledge and understanding to deal with it. The better answer is in agreeing for change and actively pursuing it by going with the flow and learning as fast as we can as much as we can as the moment permits.

Praying to Lord Ganesh to sort everything out may not be enough.

Humans judge by their minds which are under slavery to their petty wishes. The Cosmos has a different way of looking at things besides the human view of what is humane, good or nice.

But in the experience of life after life, the problem and situation continues to pursue the individual till he rises above it.

There is definitely a case for bad conditioning in the way the younger people in "too-free or so called permissible or what I call with-too-many-rights" societies are evolving. To this added titillation from a greedy media. All the film stories in vivid color,

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games and programs on TV tend towards self and egoistic satisfaction with violence if needed.

The personas are not being helped to mature beyond this point.

Then our shows of every kind are giving ideas to those who would have otherwise never thought of it. We show nefarious activities in such details, that it gives confidence to less evolved humans to enact the same Much of the blame for misery is directly connected to the vibrations and acts we are letting happen through us.

Then, we believe, that the soul chooses what misfortune it wants to face. So often unexplained misery visits which is seen as tragedy.

Exuberance I am told it is a good thing. Children are full of it and what I have heard from other adults, it is a most tiresome trait.

In adults it shows up as exaggeration - this is what I feel anyway.

Specially the trend that I have noticed in not-so-traineddisciplined minds in India. Everything is said with aplomb & even figures are wildly augmented to sound the most dramatic. Rumors are started with conviction and exaggerated as they go on. In other manifestations, it shows as accusations - quite unnerving leaving you to contradict, defend and explain yourself. A good technique to keep you fighting for your life; while they enjoy the supreme bliss of righteousness. Religious leaders and advertising use this technique to good advantage.

This keeps everyone busy, engaged in heated, serious conversations, hurting relationships and avoiding the real issues.

It is so ingrained that their entire lives roll out in intense debates of things that are not. Justifying their own faults and daring you to contradict them. It is so emotionally tiring and purposeless in 17

pragmatic terms. When this tendency becomes an interfering issue in work relationships, it becomes a serious problem. In marriages it can lead to separation.

Later when in the last days of life, depression sets in with the obvious made clear by fate, we blame God, Kismet, Destiny and the stars.

All the things that I said I would never stoop down to do - I had to finally do it - every single one of them. No release until the circle is complete! It is uncanny how Life plays you by the nose.

Today’s stressed out, over-active world it is good to understand how the humans tick.

There is a great amount of knowledge available from the past which can be easily adapted to the present with great success to bring contentment in our lives.

From the psychologist’s point of view Facebook helps the wise to stay in touch with the outside world, puts them in touch with other thoughts than our own morbid ones.

It is for the developed mind an outlet to share and even reorient.

But unfortunately the underdeveloped intellect can easily get lost in it, and when the focus is on oneself alone, seeped in selfcentrism, then it can be a serpent attacking itself.

There is this third possibility that it opens us to the wide world and we, in our feeling of safety in the confines of our rooms forget there are predators out there to which we are opening our doors without second thoughts.

Do we go visiting unless invited on special occasions? Do we take the trouble of detours to say hello? The love of get-togethers is gone. People need solid excuses and even stronger reasons to remember those out of sight, which are easy to forget. Yet have 18

you ever asked, why should they remember? And why do you care so much – don’t you have a life of your own? It hurts to be forgotten doesn’t it?

Then go back in your life and check how many you dropped from your list.

Even today at this point in time, there are living beings that carry the knowledge found in all the books ever written. The problem is of whom to give it to.

Everyone's cup is full with all that they really require.

The slothful, self-satisfied humanity is busy with inanities.

Teachers must understand that in their quest for personal glory or advancement, they are only intellectualizing the people. There is no real change forthcoming. All this good knowledge is being reinterpreted by intelligent people to reinforce their petty goals, wishes, agendas – call what you will. (something that has been going on since the beginning of time – to prove my point, just look how good knowledge has been used by religions) Don’t give it to them in writing - ancient secret of teaching – not until the vessel is ready. Too early, too much can only end up being misused and result in confusion, hurt and pain.

A good question to ask is how compassionate are humans? In the present state of the world, we don’t see much evidence of it. All our acts stem from self righteous justification where even murder is acceptable. I don’t see much changing yet unless we learn to step out of mental mind games and head chatter to find stillness within.

Life is what it is.

Every moment it tempts you with a lovely smelling, pretty flower.

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Unknowingly you are being led by the nose. You make of it what you will.

For the layman the approach of not doing because it is fate or karma that will do everything is negative because it gives them a socially acceptable excuse to do nothing and yet remain productive within the limits of society. It may keep them calm but in the final analysis it is a negative trend. This is the reason why sloth and refusal to embrace anything dynamic has become the main psychological tendency of India.

The world is in an evolution mode all the time - slowly at Mother Nature's speed. That is also true. But if we are to take this attitude of everything is perfectly fine as a lot of teachers are propounding with quotes like: You are Divine, You are perfect, Love yourself as you are……. then why even bother about talking about zen, yog, calm, meditation or anything?

For the yogi, on the path, of course, impatience would be a negative thing – even disastrous.

But for the average guy who really wants to change, there has to be intensive "doing"; even the state of getting started - the first step that has to be taken - this has to come from the will and then the mind has to be directed to follow a path with determination.

90% of the facts, accepted as truth, are erroneous (study history of accepted facts and you will see the joke) - more so from the occult perspectives. Just enjoy the joke this life is. And play along. If you analyse people's lives/thinking - the rights and the wrongs, you'll go mad.

There is much wisdom in being a little laid-back but keeping a hawk’s eye on our mental arrogance. Laissez-faire is in order.

Specially when bringing up children. What I tell parents who want to be strict, correctional and lecturing all the time and wish to shape their child into their own image. I tell them, just be there for the child. They can grow only at their pace. Be involved and involve them in your life fully. Play with her and teach her thru play.

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A child brought up with love will always be a formidable one

This is so important but nobody wants to touch the subject.

Today’s illnesses represent this over-confused state of the persona, aura, and state of the planet that we have cooked – right to the very core of the cellular body-state.

The tragedy is in the fact that the treatments that are being devised arise from the same sad state.

Changes come to people who have some element of sincerity already in their aura – you can say the nature/soul they are born with. The cheaters learn their lessons only when cornered and beaten up and ostracised - till then their confidence and acts become more and more intolerable, vindictive and unreasonable.

It is unfortunate that people open to new possibilities and some glimpse of reality or what we generally call The Truth, only when humbled.

There ARE people with strong vital personas and they can override the mental processes of most weakling minds – minds that are childishly open to suggestions and have not learnt to stand by their own principles and do not use their will to stand their ground.

These ungoverned minds actually collaborate in the process as they can be easily tempted.

Sometimes it is difficult to create a shield against the avarice of manipulators but we can always run away from them for our own peace of mind. Learning to say NO can be a great advantage when we feel we are is being overwhelmed.

As I understand - The energy here is of "Beings" that work using people as their conduit vessels. (One has to first accept that there are beings influencing occult the affairs of men).

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I will digress here a bit to warn that there are not so bright downto-earth people on this earth and they form quite the majority who say No very easily and these are the blocks we meet all the time. In this context saying No is non-progressive but to manipulate these people is not easy for they are mostly endowed with strong wills...

Yes - finally the cause or the major part of the situation can be traced to us - if we look into it sincerely.

Constant nagging triggers deep-rooted stress and the naggers know it. It is one way of keeping others on the defensive and submissive. It is a simple technique. Naggers take everything personally; being offended is a part of it. A full blown escape is the only solution to the problem – if you are in a position to manage independently. But seen from the Karmic or occult angle, I would say that this is the situation which you need to learn to overcome and even if you did manage to run away, you find yourself again entangled in similar situations because you do carry yourself always with you.

People come and go out of our lives. The act of jumping to conclusions and parting in a huff without giving the other a chance to explain is a very normal thing in human affairs. We can only continue on with our lives. - that is unless our egos are hurt; the weak ones sulk, the slightly stronger ones hit back and the really strong ones forget it all and get ready for new adventures!

We can’t change the Cosmos simply on the basis because we think it so. We can only do our bit. And it is best done without insistence or taking it personally. Most of us do not even take care of our thoughts in public and act out the thoughts before we know what we are doing - speech included. If this is the level of our mastery over ourselves, what can we expect from the world at large?

The world thinks there is a choice. Not really. We have situations and a "yes-no" choice. Both the answers tend to become dramatic in the end. Progress in any sphere means change of scene.

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Disconcerting and traumatic for those who want status quos and comfort zones.

Just be where you are. Don’t budge. Don’t fall for this enlightenment thing. You'll never know peace again. Continue playing and when you are finally disenchanted with your existence, the soul will come forward and you will know the truth of your being.

It is so difficult to accept that we who wish to be remembered for the great things we did are just footprints in the sand that will wash away into oblivion as fast as we can make them.

Karma, however it is universally and commonly understood, should not detract us from the fact that by refusing to interact with certain vibes in the present, we can help improve on the positivity of the consequences.

If you feel the response is coming for example from within you in anger or revenge thoughts, then you have to stop there. Instead just back out and let the other person rot in their mud. And even then if a situation comes that you need to help, do so and then back away again. The idea is to deflate the Karma's balloon. Over the years the number of consequences will decrease - whatever little they may be.

Karma unfolds from the level of consciousness you are operating in. If you can change that the consequences change. Even by being around others with a more curative, positive and positive consciousness helps often to change the path of unfolding of events.

Marriage. The need to adjust is a form of yoga that makes you to consider your own responses, restrain yourself, and teach yourself selflessness and patience and caring for others. Quarrels that happen will teach you how helpless and vulnerable you are and force you to reorganise yourself and your persona. These lessons 23

may come thru attachments but they come. It is a sweet trap to make your obstacle-full life bearable as the final goal of The Creator is to help you grow into a more Divine you.

Those who need others to complete their lives will always be pawns; never the queen on the chessboard. Yet one keeps on hoping and wishing as we are conditioned to believe that prince charmings and princesses exist and stories like that of Cinderella do happen.

Until life makes you feel small one tends to see one self as a huge gift to this Earth.

There is a saying here with us desert people to describe the arrogance of some: The camel has not passed below a mountain yet.

Nothing will save you from yourself. There is no help from this money minded world that depends on its glory on its money making potential. Even if 100 friends were there to stand guard around you to assist in every way, even if a million dollars were at your constant disposal, you would still have to do your own breathing. Finally with every step we take our preoccupations and our personal agendas are always with us.

It is easy to get discouraged. When life does not meet our selfish ends it is very easy to get despondent. For some it gets worse as they use self-pity to attract attention and fall prey to its acidic vibes. They begin with something like “I am no good� and glorify themselves hoping that the world will see them as someone 24

seeped in humility. Often the blow on their vanity is so strong that they never recover...

In a way you can say, the heart simply gives up.

The spirit refuses to support living anymore.

The first cells to respond are the gut's negative flora. This creates situations which in their worst scenario can give colon cancer.

Depression and heart failures are common in this state.

This kind of scenario comes easily to those who are in the habit living in a state of perfection in their minds and always finding faults and criticising. We should not allow this. Don’t criticise others and don’t let yourself be criticised. Run if possible from abusive people or learn to control the moment with calm and assured, logical behaviour; thereby blunting the attack; still when it happens too often, it will hurt and damage surely.

You certainly have better thing to do than "manage" with nasty people who use constructive criticism as an excuse to boost their own egos.

Then there the people who have found The Truth and take it upon themselves to spread the word. The harm they do is incalculable, playing and disrupting the program of destiny in the lives of others.

The main thing is that language-wise or spirit-wise people are not ready to for the next step. So the efforts to shake and wake them up go all into the waste-bin.

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I would rather focus on what I have to say from my fount of personally experienced wisdom AND address their need IF I sincerely feel I can.

The point is: tell people what you know if and when they ask for it. Be the example so that they would want to ask.

My take on all this Prachar (spread of the word) and Pracharaks (the spreaders) to enlighten the populace: Words, complicated words, these are mere words; you can’t reach them thru words. I think all this need felt by many to explain and spread the word of Gurudev and The Mother is a sheer waste and permits distortion & misunderstanding.

We need to first create an individual centred around something bigger and universal than the ego. Only when we have a concrete persona that is not linked to the ego and automatic subconscious can we call ourselves a proper entity. Then let it go by offering it to the Divine.

The real yogis do not need isolation but silence periods. Eventually as understanding grows their need to interact reduces and gets minimized to basic necessities & as they have nothing exciting to report that would be of interest to others, it keeps them away.

Even yogis make mistakes by assuming rigidly oversimplified rules laid down by god-knows-who in regards to food, exercise, meditation, sex and other things. There are great many assumptions like isolation is needed, vegetarianism is needed, abstinence from sex helps to grow in consciousness etc. I would 26

compare this with looking at the whole self-development program through a pin-hole.

One has to understand the process and adapt our own personal tendencies with the life & circumstances we are born in and the facilities available to us. Following regimens by the book are always dangerous.

One has to balance with what is with should be and can be.

Indications and information are there to minimize noxious effects, not to sanitise life by following rigid rules applicable in all circumstances.

“For example: Not worrying too much about the clothes your child is wearing because you have lazily rationalized that this will increase the natural resistance of the body.” This is precisely what has happened to a 3 month’s old unwanted baby to some working class/uneducated people I know. The baby is dead from pneumonia. Now they are blaming fate and doctors.

What rubbish.

You cannot forsake “thinking” but if you are so inclined, please do not place the blame at other’s doorstep as we normally do when things don’t go right.

When you look at the world with "Love, kindness & affection", the first thing that strikes you is the frustrated power locked inside everyone of us.

The faults that we know we carry and recognise in others easily but in our stance to maintain a sense of "Being Better and Wholesome" we never permit our inner voice to accept the same.

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It is so sad to see the seething inside of us that turns on itself and is like a hungry devil eating into the very innards and giving us sicknesses like rheumatism, angina and migraines (to name a few obvious ones) It would such a good idea to keep track of our wishes and thoughts and how we allow our self-interest to influence our decisions. Wish this was taught to me as a child.

In fact, this is not a new idea. It is the basis of Yoga.

Yet: In some degree or the other we all tend to push and manipulate incessantly the envelop where ever we can - in our selfish interests - often losing even the joy of the moment and later coming home empty handed.

In my life which has been varied and extensively extrovert in new activities and variety, I have met many people; at least 50 new people on the average come and go in my life every year. I have met only 3 people who did not bully.

I have travelled extensively and my feeling of being alone in the crowd was always rather saddening. All these people, with the same thoughts and ends but no one talking to each other. The need to communicate, to exchange feelings resulting from the new experiences is sometimes so demanding.

Karma enters our lives as an important factor only when we act consciously from thought-out, deliberate actions. Otherwise it is the Wheel on its way since many lives and into the future. Trying to understand all this would only need total understanding of the Cosmos.

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There is a high dose of morbidity and moroseness in humans. Look how we consider tragedies and gruesomeness as news that we are rivetingly enjoying. Look at the sports that we love - most of them are terrifying. The mind is like a box. Soon we fill it up and call all the goodies "My Possessions". We become inordinately proud of all the valuables we have there-in. So much so that we refuse to entertain an exchange or change. From this comes the French expression "idée-fixe". The box gets totally crammed-up. This is the point when we stop learning but vehemently, more and more, wherever and however far our influence is accepted, we IMPOSE ourselves – quite mercilessly.

Making life difficult for everyone and involuntarily ours own. It is sickness causing and strokes are common in this kind of atmosphere.

Why is it so important to be "Never Wrong"?..... And to prove the others “Always in error”?

We take pleasure in bullying. To create a great lipstick we are prepared to torture animals. Great pain is being inflicted all around in the name of a few questionable pleasures like creating the perfect burger. The weapons get scarier and scarier + devastating. The medicines cause more side-effects than cures.

Until we learn to see life with objectivity, don’t expect much.

People are afraid to see the bitter side of life even though somewhere in a deep corner of their hidden self they are aware of it. First we need to accept then alone transformation would be possible. Forcing oneself to look at life with rose-tinted glasses in the name of positivity is equal to escapism.

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To some who have the reigns of this world in hand we are all gladiators - the wondrous part is that we are happy to be so. We have permitted Demons to rule us.

We are so programmed to think in a fixed pattern that we do not realise the different stages of relationships and behaviour patterns that happens between people & specially the baby and parents.

The baby grows but the parents don't always grow with them.

There is always possessiveness, selfish-ends involved in all the decisions that parents take for their children.

Few adults are able to detach themselves from the ownership angle vis-a-vis their children or use emotional blackmail towards their own profit.

People use all kinds of stratagems to interfere in the life of others for personal profit & gain thereby creating irritations and untoward incidents. Often just the need to be clever or taking clever short-cuts or not following certain general rules is enough to create serious accidents and occasions for regret. The permutations and combinations for mischief are immense and new occasions are rising up every second in everyone’s lives.

We are all growing all the time and our relationships and equations have to change and do change. That is why people come and go in our lives. The need to re-establish our lives all over again every

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now and again is a reality. But who wants change? Specially when the old pattern is so profitable!

If it is taken as a spiritual experience, these self-centered people are goading us to seek balance. As an irritant and sowers of discord they will disappear only when humanity has grown up into anti-selfishness.

I have felt because in the Indian scenario the development of mind and will + discipline has never been stressed, these people are being used by the Gods of Stupidity to create stressful situations which in the long run are amusement for the Gods and lessons for humans.

The image we maintain for the world at large and the life we lead in reality are always two very different things.

The moment you restrict yourself by needs of society or any other reason like following a philosophy or set of morals or religious precepts, you are projecting something other than your real self.

Whatever it is today. By the expression "your real self" it is to be understood your instinctive, intuitive nature and actions whatever they are.

Philosophers will immediately retort about the Soul and our true nature of God and all that. Let's not get derailed with this nonsense.

The weight of our knowledge is killing us and yet we know nothing, have realised little but we know all the answers; specially for others.

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I see only one thing: that we are all living with a “self-destruct button� in our hands.

Life can flourish when we water it with care and compassion but observe around – we fill it more with self-indulgence, prejudice and segmentation. Our need to be seen as king is more important than to be accepted as a person.

We let lose our anger, disdain and biting words and then wonder why this world is such a malefic place.

I wish this truth had been taught to us early so that we could have created a city for all of us, rather than just a castle for ME. It is hurting because I had to do something that goes against my grain. But I am helplessly watching the connected people selfdestructing with a single-minded vehemence.

I feel on the other hand, their Souls are calling for the pain and experience. By not going along I am only delaying the inevitable.

So finally I have taken a back-seat and am watching things unfold and hoping for a miracle of understanding, love and for me a change of fortune.

I was taught and subsequent life-experience vouches that the human mind operates from three levels - 1) Physical (body consciousness), 2) emotional, 3) the actual thinking mind which is still not a thinker but a storekeeper. The mass of humanity is still operating from the level of physical-habit-instinctive mind, sensations and needs.

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The emotional mind adds to the complexity of everyday needs.

The mental mind is actively in cahoots with these two and does only what these two demand - supplies them with justifications & shows them the means.

It is a witches’ brew.

Those who eventually shift gears and enter the intuitive mind, then see the more stark truth of things.

Why do some people put so much effort in being unhappy by constantly raking the past and deliberately dwelling there; even when there is no reason to do so? They not only make it a matter of pride but also use the past to blackmail events and people around them emotionally and this can never really be a constructive act.

Another aspect of this unhappy drama is the fact that people soon understand in life that they get the most attention when they are sick or hurt. So they dramatise every possibility to garner attention and interest.

Self pity is a huge hole. People wallow in it because sentimentally they find support from others. So this brings us to the next step who to associate/live with and who to avoid?

How to beat life at its own game‌ the first step is quietening the din in our head.

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It is the ability to be our own witness and to be able to see at ourselves as another that gives us power to improve and better our selves. This gives objectivity. We learn from ourselves and our analysis of ourselves vis-a-vis others/world.

The masses are unfortunately too subjective in contrast so they remain miserably where they are, often stuck in their mire.

I believe, feel that if we can learn to be objective - in contrast to being cock-sure, we even allow by our gratitude of being reverent to greater intelligence, other beings to often act thru us; but the first step is quietening the din in our head.

When dusk falls, and all the weight of life is reflected upon. That little moment when we feel, perhaps a moment's respite is finally at hand.

The Soul is running this life with a program. It will take you and put you in situations that will rub on you but also polish your persona. Your basic nature given to you at birth is part of the program. You will often act and do things rather automatically and consequences will follow.

The Sufi way -all of them - are teachers they are all around us.

Whenever a word, story, phrase "hits" you, see it as a teacher speaking to you.

Live Consciously - do every act with absolute awareness and keep an eye on your thoughts and wishes. This is all that needs to be done as an integrated way. Every second of the time.

Change is to come. Don’t get embroiled in other's problems. The right way is in being truthful; look deep within.

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Are you protecting others from hurt? You may also be preventing them from learning their lesson.

Yes it is quite laughable to see people going for enlightenment even without learning to make a toast and omelettes properly and the number of people always ready to gift away their wisdom is legion.

Though I can understand someone sharing his experience for corroboration from others who have gone the same way.

Sri Aurobindo spoke of Beings that get attached to people who take the path of self-improvement (YOGA). Their job is to test and make your resolve stronger. They do this by making every situation tougher than they would normally be. The most irritating mishaps take place all the time, the most irritating people cross your path and just about everything happens to test our state of equanimity.

It looks like misfortune at every step but it is actually helping the initiate to improve or perish under his own karma. But most there is the protection of The Grace and beautiful things also happen every now and then which can be construed as recompense for the effort being made by the initiate.

I can vouch for this from my own life.

He also spoke of very superlative beings that are actually running the world just now. They enjoy mayhem. Anyway it can also be seen as a job they are doing by destroying something that has to go anyway and has lingered too long. The world was never at quite 35

a status quo. Mayhem, conquerors ravaging others has been a continuous process. With technological advancements, it got speeded up and what we saw in the Second World War was quite the best example.

The Divine forces are also growing roots stronger than before and the war is getting more and more violent as we can see.

The main factors that have been vassals of these beings are the financial masters/banking system and scientists who keep on bringing out more and more destructive possibilities. These people are financing very kind of war and malpractice and profiting from it all. The destructive policies now in force are clear to the most average intelligence. The worst kind of behaviour and decisions are to be seen happening. All the products we see today have made humans intrinsically weaker, arrogant, and cause violent accidents and deaths in large numbers now and then.

It is not persons. There is a bigger Force at work and people lend themselves be used as conduits and then it becomes a permanent fixture; part of their persona. - What we see as the person is really a conglomeration of universal energies using and circulating thru us.

This influence can be broken by dint of effort with a strong will and good habits and compassionate building up of understanding with education. But 99.999% times this is just far too much for humans.

To rise above all this a little more is required. True, we should be compassionate and caring. But often in life the best thing to do is to let others go their way and do what they will, without taking it 36

personally or interfering in the name of help, and if they suffer for it, so be it.

I thought about it long and hard.

To enjoy the luxury of the mansion, gourmet food and limousine, I would have to first labour hard, connect with people who I normally dislike, spend hours talking and pretending to like the people and the conversation, then nearly die of anxiety from the problems of pushing my projects and deals and eventually end in the hospital with angina.

No. I decided to earn less and manage and opted for a comfortable, less burdened life.

I knew that means I would have to manage with less and never be certain, but it would also mean being able to travel without a time table, eat without pretension, wear clothes that are purely comfortable and sleep soundly when I felt like it. And do things and work because I like doing what I am doing. …..and don’t think it is a case of grapes are sour.

I was born into this milieu and opportunities came from all corners of the globe but they seemed all so unappetizing.

The entire enigma of existence is hidden behind the fact that every individual is totally certain that he has “seen” the world, 37

knows all there is to really know and is perfectly attuned to understanding each and every other person and phenomena.

If the above assumption be true then of course there is nothing that can be taught to this person nor is he in a frame of mind to learn. And as a corollary it is easy to understand why he will never understand a new point of view and all attitudes not to his way of thinking automatically become non-relevant and suspect.

In most cases this can be seen to be the root cause behind our tendency to see others as silly & not in the know. Our arrogance then takes the onerous job of correcting and teaching the wayward thinker the standardized truth.

Our need to let them know is based on our need to make sure that they are remembering us and taking note of us. Then there is also our hidden need to be seen as someone special that we consider ourselves to be.

The Ego is the part that gives us our Force. When to use it to fight and when to wait is based on intelligence.

You can’t let people walk over you but you will realise in life that often letting people do what they want without taking it personally is the best punishment you can give out. The way to follow here is to try to manipulate the moment by delaying, making oneself unavailable and not reacting prematurely and eventually letting the moment find its own flow.

Do you get upset by all the things you hear around you?

Understand that most people see themselves as the important one in the centre of their group and they are continuously thinking aloud on and about everything. From what I see and learnt from 38

occult knowledge and observation later, most people come in contact with their thoughts only when they are voicing their thoughts. Often they are surprised by their own voicings but then their vanities do not permit to retract and accept that they were mistaken or it is none of their business. A lot of drama around us can be traced to this fact – causing confusion and complicating situations.

The next step is of course to know if what we have is worth sharing. And I mean sharing, not repeating. For repeating is what most do. Experience and perceptions of reality of worth all come from the realm beyond the parameters of the human mind as we know it, in its present barely mature form.

Most people in their pride do not want anything be done for them and are too weak or lazy or incapable of doing it themselves.

Life is designed to make you feel sad. But there is a reason. When you cry, you open the door for The Great Spirit to walk in. Tears are usually also connected with humility as this is the moment of realization when one’s Soul is able to make contact with the outer persona. The sheath of arrogance takes a beating.

Q: Why is my sensitive side a problem for me?

This is because you are an open person. But in the practical material world, we need not advertise this. In the spiritual world use your sensitive side to understand why you are doing whatever 39

you are doing and you will come to your own Centre. Once you reach there, you will have all your questions answered.

Q: now what to do to reach our own centre Quieten your thinking and judging. Observe. And study and read on different subjects like psychology and even good writers like Somerset Maugham etc. You need to increase your awareness of the world around you and how it moves.

This will help you to understand yourself, your emotions and thinking processes and all this reading will show you what others have felt and seen so your experiences will receive corroboration that will guide you towards the right path to take at every turn.

People think that by isolating themselves they will be happy. It is the biggest mistake one can make. It just puts your development on ice. Wilderness is fine once thoughts are collected and channelised. But before you arrive at that state the checks and balances of everyday life are needed. The wilderness can result in most in a false arrogance and often misguided paths get taken.

You learn best when you take on the world but with total commitment and sincerity to do your best by others.

The Biggest conspiracy is the one The Creator is playing out. Ever think what He is getting out of it all?

Do we really need to spin everything in positive tones? Yes this is what I am always thinking about. But still the advice is valid that talking of the ills and focussing on them is not really needed. It is a good idea to focus on what can be done to improve.

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Enlightenment cannot be had for the asking. It is not a peak that can be climbed. One of the facets is that the enlightened person is never aware of it.

The problem comes or rather the ridiculousness of it all emerges when we want to make a show of it - forgetting that life is essentially a personal affair and everyone is relating with life only at the personal level. Peace has to be lived and made to come alive from within. If you can think of it, you can do it - it is already there at the core.

Peace is not something you can "seek". Peace requires withdrawal from the throes of possessive, manipulative compulsions

Take life as it comes and go out with open arms. Yet never forget that our feelings and thoughts cannot be really, wholly shared.

Words are not enough or adequate and images from minds cannot be transferred. We may feel whatever we may want – friendly, altruistic, grateful, obliged and as our Soul dictates, be there for anyone who needs us. But never forget that the world may be acting out on other parameters. Life can be sad. Life can be so ungrateful. Finally I have realised, that we are alone. Nobody cares or gives a darn that we too may need them and for the pains we take for them. Self-centeredness is a reality. We need to let people move on if they are happier that way.

Everything, every event that happens to us, specially where we feel that we have been cheated in spite of our goodwill, it has 41

been seen, is never “unwarranted”. Some small snake hiding in a corner that must have made us think “great” about ourselves and some hint of boasting must have created a hole in our atmosphere that would have permitted some nefarious element to enter our envelope.

There is always an element of “desire” or “insincerity” at the root of it all.

Nothing ever happens without a corresponding vibe emanating from within us. People cannot accept their ordinariness. So they create an illusionary image of their extraordinariness. And the insincere lengths they go to is astounding. Woe to the guy who puts a pin to this bubble.

Amazingly beautiful. But I am not sure I fully understand the need of humans not wanting to die even after death and others not wanting to forget them. Only the “living” who have known someone in their lives can have lingering memories. Memories are born with us and die with us so then the chances that anyone will remember anyone after a gap of 30-60 years is none. Yet we fill up the land with tombstones when there isn't enough to live on.

This is why these events in our life should be taken as a gift of Grace and used sincerely to meditate on our inner self’s make-up.

But then we have to wake up and deal with reality. I would not waste a second on wondering of the ignoble or noble elsewhere.

My hands are full with myself.

When talking of good health and medicine, I am now realising that we are wasting our time worrying about others. Certain bad attitudes are picked up, promoted and often followed for a life 42

time. These habits and practices are so inbred in certain communities and families that nothing can really be done. They live at a level of unawareness that is stupendous. To somebody like me it is positively criminal what they do with their lives. There are a lot of factors like lack of education, income and social practices that curtail but the will also is lacking and negatives attitudes like envy, revenge do their part. In the occult world, it is believed that microbes come from the demonic world – they will proliferate if allowed to – all they need is a glimmer of a foot-hold.

It is difficult to make people understand how much the medical system of giving relief symptomatically has hurt mankind. Being satisfied with a little relief is all this mass of people is aiming for.

These suits well the devilish plans of the malefic forces.

I firmly believe the need to be in control is coupled with excessive and continuous non-essential speech & action which is one of the reasons for exhaustion - even biologically (leading to fatigueinduced illnesses) Let’s be careful about the atmosphere we create around ourselves by our thoughts, emotional reactions, people we agree to be with and activities we agree to take part in. The vibes infect and one starts resonating with the others.

The latest illness seems to be Relationship Fatigue.

Too many changes in friendships. Too little effort to find common grounds. Too many new ones and break-ups at the same time. Too much in contact all the time through internet & telephonically. No 43

charm left and no newness. Nothing is a mystery and nothing left to explore.

The worst: Little alone-time, no time to let our Soul speak to us, no time to ruminate or/and complete the experiencing effect. + Bad living habits are tiring the body as well. The spiritual atmosphere gets contaminated and disturbing force enters the atmosphere and the body will succumb to illness because of the immune system being compromised. The immune system is the spiritual side of the divine in the body.

Life is a pragmatic affair. It is not a “Fun Fair”.

Without trying to “make-it-work”, life will not go anywhere.

Breaking away, running away every time you are displeased is hardly a solution.

To me the spiritual world is the state in which our minds open out into the Intuitive world and the physical mind closes down. A good healthy body with no weak links then becomes ready to receive the action of forces stronger than we know now. We become conduits even though we maintain our individuality but at the same start becoming one with the universe.

These forces need certain conditions to operate. Anything obnoxious or insincere like vanity/pride, anger, blocks them.

There is a world beyond the body and that cannot be touched by material things like drugs/plants etc. But the other world when it chooses can effect change and transformation in the physical domain. If we ready our instrument in tune with the requirements of this other world, they can make their seat here, active thru us.

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It is our cleverness and naive belief that we are in control and that we are virtuous and that God is on our side and finally that our wishes are made to be granted.

And then there are all these posts since the beginning of time that exhort you to be "yourself and that you can do it and that you have all it takes to achieve your desires" - it muddles you up to no end.

People first build strong, impenetrable walls around them, then pride themselves on their exclusive problems and show themselves off as "virtuous" who are ready to try everything and that they actually have.

These are big mind/subconscious games people play with themselves. They are not looking for solutions. It is not impossible to see he thought-out acts people do to be seen as virtuous which also act smoke screens to their real self and activities. If you get sucked into their vortex, only you are to blame.

I am amazed at the amount of trouble and pain we are prepared to bear to prove we are better and different. Take a reality check by observing its continuous laments about the world around it.

The mind cannot "accept" that it does not need to know nor understand and correct all the faults of this earth. The mouth may not be voicing it out loud but the mind is always, even in sleep, talking to itself monotonously. Most of the time, it is a stream of judgmental comments disparaging everything and everyone around it; going in circles over and over – totally muddled up with its wishes and fears.

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We are all suffering from the fever of smugness; expecting that the world is there solely to take care of us, that people will think well of us and will do the best for us. We are simply not ready for reality.

This is what the sages call “illusion”.

Whatever gives us this illusion that doctors, priests, counselors, teachers, superiors, parents, friends and all are always working and will always act for our best?

The truth = Everyone is basically kind but they have their selfinterest uppermost motivating them. And they may not even know what the best is for you. But they always know what is best for them and this is always the primary “raison d’etre” of their behaviour.

The other day I met a young man who wanted to know if everything is preordained and fate runs our lives, then why bother?

Age-old question; so I told him: We have met today by chance or as the believers would say by preordained fate. You asked me a question - this is not a chance

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encounter. This is a subject that is on your mind and you are not satisfied by the answers you have been getting.

But besides all this chancy events, the main thing will come now.

Will you continue to want to meet me again or consider me worth meeting – that is your personal decision.

And this is the important part. Your personal decisions are in-built into the fate’s working.

How you judge, decide and act is not so preordained.

Our prejudices (idées fixes) seem to have a greater hold on our life than fate – it seems to me. Most of us judge from a very superficial point of view and lose more opportunities than we create to better our condition. Most often we are thinking linear and single-pointedly – which means that we have just one wish on our minds and once that is taken care of we have lost interest in that person/situation. No way to know what could have been.

The complex world and we.

Most of us aren’t really that well in tune with the Cosmos. We are using largely a very tiny portion of our faculties in a huge world of great variety. The world is complex and most often there are influences at work that we do not understand, rarely even know about and we end up miscalculating our moves. In simple words we can say that we are buffeted by our simple desires and wishes and the problem is that so is everybody else. This results in 47

clashes of wills and destinies. Millions of people living together but alone individually.

The instrument we use to get along is the mind and I feel it could use more input than it usually has to circumnavigate this sea of Creation. The question begs to be asked as to how some of us are successful and content while most of us in deep despair and disappointment although we may not show it; anyway, no one cares and we are wise enough to understand that our lives are not important to others unless we are of use or of some immediate profit to them. Largely speaking much of the world is already organised and we can bumble along in it quite comfortably.

Society has been organised, laws of behaviour laid down, products and services designed and made for us – all that we need is some talent to earn a living and we can take care of most of our needs.

But the question is - Is that all? NO! We want so much more. Yet few seem to really make an effort to do so. And this is the crux of it all. Our wishes are not commensurate with our readiness and preparation. I can safely say that we have been educated and inculcated with a not-so-correct know-how of this world at large and we have been actually prepared for depression and stress and not the other way round.

To live in this world requires a kind of enlightenment too.

We need to learn and know well: - The human-made laws - The psychology of humanity - The education system 48

- Laws of physics, chemistry and biology at work - Logic behind gadgetry and applications - Know some carpentry. Plumbing and electricals - When to speak and when to lie low/silent - Naturopathy and how to maintain health - How others will & can hurt us.

- The policing system - The punishment system - The monetary system

On what words were you brought up?

What words are you carrying in your subconscious? These words form the base of your persona. Everything you think and do is colored by these words.

Have you ever thought how your decisions are modulated by the words that you carry within?

It is now a well accepted fact that our personas are like icebergs.

The greater, major part is submerged and remains unseen and yet upholds the little portion that is visible to the world. Every image that we carry since our day of birth is connected with words that went with the images. We interact with the world based on these images imprinted in our memory unknowingly and subconsciously.

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Every world carries a little world in itself. It paints pictures in our minds and unleashes emotions in our hearts. So it goes without saying that we should be vary of the words we are bringing up our children on. And we should deeply meditate and focus on the words that we unleash from our mouth and the words that form part of our regular vocabulary. What words and phrases do you use most of the time?

Reading the Soul To be able to care for another and nurse a certain level of sensitivity to the other person’s vibes is required. There cannot be and there is not a codified rigid method to go by although psychiatrists do try to do so. But even for ordinary mortals who find it difficult to read others, two things come in good stead and will be greatly helpful: compassion & deep listening. All that is really required is that we become relatively quiet and let the other person tell his story and believe the other person’s version totally without any critical thoughts from our own side.

And if we could learn to see into the destinies of our students then we could really help by supporting the other person without becoming a permanent pillar and crutch. This always proves of great help – being there, giving moral support and helping the student to unravel his own state of mind. Astrology, numerology, 50

palmistry and such exotic sciences have been used to see into the destined wavelengths of others since thousands of years. I personally feel that they do help.

I have been studying numerology since the age of 17. I find the Chaldean system of numerology as practised, perfected and shown in the book by Cheiro “Cheiro’s Book of Numbers” is very accurate... I have 50 years of personal experience of using it has never lead me astray. I can safely say that it gave me the insight into individuals and situations and helped me decide how far to go and where not to waste my energies. Certain situations demand help and should be helped out; all they need is a little push but then there are others that are best left alone as they are not ready for change and often the whole affair can backfire on you.

The write-ups and comments collected here are purposely chosen to help you understand the mental, emotional blocks and habits that are operative in us in a general sense. Many of our habits and faculties are stumbling blocks that we do not recognize easily but otherwise obvious and as our attitudes are behind our decisions, we become the architect of our own Misery/Contentment – and as experience of life has shown, Disillusionment and Distancing in older age.

What are we?

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We are a product. Our families, society, religious beliefs and practices and finally our professional education and formations have formed our character. We are a complex mixture of many personas, all interconnected often complimentary to each other but often contradictory too. Not surprising because this world is a mix of many extremes and different exigencies require different approaches; the successful professional knows how to play and bring into play the correct mix of his persona at any given time, keeping in mind that our personalities are complex and contain many contradictions. All of us present a different "face" depending on who we meet.

Requirements to keep abreast of the times:

One of the most obvious characteristics is youthfulness. Do not allow yourself to grow old in spirit, you must keep moving – learning new tricks and curiosity keeps one young. Do not get too comfortable with success and successful practices. What works one day may not do so some time later. Curiosity and openness to new ideas should characterize you, though you may sometimes fail to capitalize on what you discover. Being nervous and restless is not seen as good traits but these do help you and act as a goad to constantly exercise your mind in some way. Your nervous energy and driving curiosity will lead you to develop along several lines, making you a multifaceted, interesting, and consequently popular, person.

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You should consciously work on yourself through feedback to project yourself as believable and understandable to others, not intimidating or incredible. Feedback needs to be shifted well and be totally sincere when accepting as true. If you are not true to yourself, you will go astray and accept values and qualities that you do not have. This happens very easily and most of the time as the mind is subjected to mischievous forces and beings whose job is to test your sincerity and get you into trouble.

Although philosophy is normally coupled with religion, it is not so.

Developing an interest in the deeper side of life has long term happy consequences. You may be religious or you may approach spirituality in a more personal way. Meditation and other consciousness raising techniques may appeal to you. Philosophy may also be of great interest and you may use this knowledge to put your life experiences into perspective. Your attitude should be of wanting to know what is really going on in this life and actively seek answers to these kinds of questions.

The world runs on the formula of “Each other�. You help me and I help- you and they help us. So your attitude to others will determine the quality of your life now and in later years when you will have to move on to a different plane of existence while younger people, more in tune with the day to day street-rules in force become active in the immediate field of action.

So keep an eye on yourself. Develop and project a persona that is definitely not mercurial, but reliable and dependable. Add to this 53

a compassionate persona with a deep concern for the welfare of others. Be very nurturing in times of crisis.

It is not short terms gains but long term vision that you will need so that all the effort put in to establish yourself, keeps on paying you for the rest of your life.

Anger and its character

Q posed by Facebook friend Jo-Jo Tiger

Who gets cross first? When two people get angry it is easy to blame the other. Who picks up the anger? Who owns the anger?

Does another really provoke the anger? Or was it there all along?

Does it matter? Can it ever be solved? Or, does it take one person to just walk away? Does that diminish the anger? Where does it go?

What heals it?

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My reply

Anger has basically roots in “Amour Propre” whichever way you look at it – when our vanity is pricked we bristle.

We create a set of standards for ourselves and then measure the rest of the world with it. All those who do not meet the standards meet with our derision.

Anger comes when we feel we have not been given our due consideration, respect and other things like being taken for granted or ignored etc. In the deep of her hearts we know that the image we have formed of ourselves is not accurate but we are unable to humble ourselves in public and shame ourselves.

It is often used as a deliberate tool to show displeasure and force others to fall in line otherwise the threat of our displeasure hangs in the air.

Quite often anger is a camouflage to hide our embarrassment when we know we are in the wrong but cannot accept and we use anger and bluster to confuse the issue.

Often we have underlying hurts and we are looking for revenge and any excuse will do.

Anger is not good. But it cannot be allowed to fester either so therapists say let it come out but this cures nothing and is a good excuse to let it be.

In the professional field when irresponsibility can mean loss of material, means and life, the situation warrants anger. Specially in 55

a team when a recalcitrant member jeopardises everything. The captain and leader may have no other recourse but to show his displeasure in no uncertain terms - very particularly when he has to shoulder the blame.

In certain groups where legalities do not allow freedom of action, such as families, bitterness & anger creeps in easily when some members wish to take advantage of their being there to the detriment of others. Again here they can only grin and bear it but explosions of anger are logical conclusions. There will always be undercurrents of wanting to hurt back in whatever small way or big way they can.

Anger by itself cannot be managed. It is only when with wisdom we realize the impermanence and the relative importance or nonimportance of things that we start taking life with a pinch of salt and our reactions change and we start looking at anger as beneath us. Anger fizzles out slowly from our persona when our amourpropre is way above being pricked by these petty things.

A recent story is of a guy whose car got brushed by another. He went into a rage and started thrashing the other driver. The other driver tried to drive off to save himself. The first driver fell and broke his rib which punctured his heart and killed him.

Something happens and we go ballistic. Amour-propre, our need to be the centre of the constellation, requires that the other be hurt back and hard. All our education and self-control goes into the garbage can. When the spirit has decided to hurt, then all circumspection and concern for future implications also gets thrown to the winds.

Now we come to the question of why some people not only go out of control but let themselves go out of their senses too.

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The first casualty is propriety. We forget the attention we shall draw to ourselves and throw caution to the winds about everything. Our only desire at this moment is to attract as many people to let them see how much we have been wronged.

All our normal self-control on what we are doing and saying and repercussions are lost in our avenging mood. We abuse and accuse – we falsify and lie and want absolutely to put the other guy on the wrong lame foot. As long he can be hurt, it is fine.

At the bottom of our intelligent heart we know that we are creating a situation where most probably to save his honorable skin the other guy will apologize and we could make some hay out of the situation too.

We are intelligent enough to know that others will believe the guy who cries loudest and if it is a woman even more so. We are clever enough to know that people will believe the worst. If the interpretation of facts is plausibly couched and packaged then mud will assuredly stick. An average person may not be very savvy but understands very well that Proof/Evidence is very difficult to come by and to disprove or even prove next to impossible.

The abusive personality is nothing new. Wherever people feel they can get away with, this has happens; in personal or professional situations. I just wonder why suddenly the numbers of cases of this nature are multiplying and it is happening all over the globe; there is vindictiveness in the air. The undermining of somebody’s persona always goes with the hope - I may even say obviously -, that it will in comparison aggrandize our own.

One thing I have observed, there is an element of cunning always involved and to this is added a lack of maturity which in today’s parlance would be called low Emotional Quotient; people who have suddenly acquired some status but have not had the pleasure of seeing much of the world outside their own family and locality tend to be easily drawn into these raging controversies. The selfimportance and value of their virtues is inordinately & disproportionately high.

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The person who quoted that travel enlarges the mind and spirit had a very serious point. Education that comes from being with others from other statuses and cultures has nothing to beat in terms of education and revelation. It is only lucky people who get these gifts in life. This is when we realize, although a little reluctantly, how small, ordinary and often obnoxious we really are in the arrangement of things in this world.

Comment by friend Richard Penney If one were favourable to the doctrine of Karma and reincarnation, it would seem that old enemies are coming back to do battle and the game is to do the most "personal damage" they can and the hell with the country or state or nation the aggressive individual/group is from and the group that is being reviled. Since we live in an age of the "Personality" it seems that the group represented is not a factor and the personality is a barbarian, only aware of their own wants.

As an aside, one writer stated: A "barbarian" is an individual always moving as an individual operating mode "MINE". A "tribe" is the first interconnected group and responsible and working only for the tribe. Their operating mode is "no change!" "Civilization' is a group of persons acting more or less together to bring about a better life and possibilities for everyone in that city or state or nation, the operating principle is that of giving a little individually so everyone 58

gets a lot.

The problem we are seeing and experiencing appears to me as the "tribal" being led by "barbarians" to the detriment of "civilization." In our western countries we have let the members of various groups retain their tribal allegiance while enjoying the fruits of the civilization they now want to make the same as their tribe ethic. Not only ethnic but political "tribes" lead by 'barbarians� are running rampant and doing their best to gain and stay in power with the nation being way down in their priorities.

As individuals, many of us do some introspection to aid our growth, but too many only work upon their "image."

Respectfully ~Richard

* We need to consider the notion of rising above one's self and one's limitations/lower propensities. Otherwise we shall only unleash devastating backlashes. To rise above the mundane, we need to focus on our positive qualities such as tolerance, compassion, ability to ignore, not meddle, laugh it off, not making everything into an ego issue etc.

I made bad choices; rather I would say clever choices and missed many long term boats. Then armed with all the learning from experience, I started saying yes only to the positive vibes and consciously refused the rest. The ship started righting itself, slowly.

Most of my desires transformed as if by magic. Aspirations and goals changed their hues.

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* Everything serves a purpose but it is wisdom to know when to let go, discard old thoughts and habits and adopt new measures.

Creativity is a tool for success Success and Creativity go hand in hand. They walk together like partners in life. Creativity is Life’s Force expanding itself though you. This is a positive life-giving factor in our development and growth.

Wisdom lies in nurturing this Creative element in our lives and making it an essential part of our character. This will permit us to find solutions to roadblocks on the way and make every incident and possibility that crop up in life into a successful step to achieving our goals.

The ability to look for the extraordinary in the ordinary is the difference that differentiates between a successful person who is always cheerful and welcomes the next challenge and others who are always cribbing and complaining but doing nothing about what ails them. It is all about going around the problems of life and turning them into opportunities.

A creative Nature sees beauty and possibilities in everything around him. But this has to be cultivated by constant learning and doing. If this flame is not fed regularly it can easily die out. It has to be inculcated since very early days by encouraging the child to express himself fully through every means that you can make available to the child such as drawing, painting, photography, making things, helping in the garden & kitchen, letting the child “do”. Instead of keeping him safe and protected, we should make it a point to be there, and “do” with him; help the child experience as many different activities and expose him to the 60

world at large. The onus for this falls on the shoulders of the parents and teachers.

A creative child would know when to make lemon if life dishes him out a lemon. The ability to laugh at life's mishaps is one of the attributes of positive creativity. A child with this attribute would leave the past quickly behind and look for solutions and ways & means to achieve his goals by thinking at a tangent - focusing on what he wants to achieve instead of following a pattern. He makes his patterns where none exist.

Education in different disciplines also helps in “seeing� possibilities. So it is good to give the child not only book knowledge but also help to put his knowledge into practice and help him learn by experience. For example in our technology world of today it is best to learn basic physics and algebra alongside other artistic subjects like stitching and embroidery. It is important to understand the logic behind how things work to be able to find solutions later. These help the brain to grow and tackle problems head on. Learning to play chess is more important than playing video games. Chess not only enhances the neuron highway structure of the individual but also teaches him to strategise & win without arrogance or/and lose without getting depressed and blesses the child with the thoughts of hope that there will be another time and opportunity to win + solve problems and juggle possibilities in his head before taking decisive action.

The ability to tackle problems comes naturally to those who have played and worked in a team and indulged in sports like football, 61

badminton, table tennis, cricket, swimming, mountain climbing and rafting etc.

Languages play a very big part in enhancing ones’ ability to learn from others through books and listening. So great effort should be put into improving the child’s language ability and give him the gift of expressing himself correctly and precisely. This will give him the upper hand right from the beginning as he would know how to get his point across and understand the other person easily.

Make your child bilingual. Give him the edge.

Lastly give your child lots of love and positive reinforcement. Help him think and feel that if he tried hard and sincerely enough, he CAN. He is special and more potential is hiding in him and waiting for an opportunity to surface.

Give him the gift of the "URGE to Excel and continuously improve himself; happy to be but not satisfied as there is always room for improvement and change.

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This knowingly hurting the people and earth is something so demoniacally human; makes me wonder about all this talk of spiritual emancipation of humanity. At the other end is the stupidity of the masses that are lapping up everything that is dished out to them without "thought" or study. I suppose we get what we deserve. If we are not going to take responsibility for our lives and actions, we cannot expect any better.

* We mask our insincerity which includes traits like laziness, cleverness etc with all acceptable tools available - created by humans like laws, customs, un-provable lies and everything else we can use.

WE do everything but take life in our hands and do something about it. Moaning & complaining is so much more self-satisfying.

The other day I used this sentence: Not doing is a goal in itself.

Given the limited number of years given to us, passing time without effort is a goal in itself.

Flawed Communication Remarks on this quote: The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. ~George Bernard Shaw What Bernard Shaw is saying is that quite often and I would say from my own experience - that it is more often than not- we "Think" that we have done a good job of communicating our thoughts to another but this is really not so.

In life most of our communications are through talking. The words come and go in a fast stream. Our minds may not be fully focused on what the other person is saying; in fact it rarely is. Most people are reacting to some of the words heard and already thinking of

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the reply rather than listen to the other fully - then give oneself time to assimilate.

The whole process is faulty by its very nature. Then once the thing has been said, the moment is gone and our memory may interpret the words we have just heard in umpteen ways and create a message that was never intended. This is how gossip and rumour works.

How many people have minds working precisely with focus and pin-point sharpness? Most of our lives that we live are basically an illusion in this sense - not only our communication.

What we hear, see, feel, smell..... All these faculties are sending inputs which are interpreted by our minds which is always under the influence of our subconscious and we normally end up interpreting all inputs in very (extremely) subjective ways - rarely in its 100% purity.

Very few people really ever get the opportunity to get directly affected feedback in their lives. They speak and do and life bumbles along. Very few people even understand or are aware of this point that Shaw has raised. Their language abilities are limited and are totally not geared to convey thoughts correctly and precisely. Then they rarely make any effort to improve upon their abilities because they are never aware of their faulty lines of communication. (Even if they realise it, they would rather expend their energies in proving themselves right or arguing so that they do not have to grapple with reality) Leave alone all these points, the very fact there are special course for languages, speech and properly deliveries etc goes to show 64

that there is a lack of these faculties in most of us and there is need and space for improvement in all of us.

* We may explain it away in whatever way we want but words penetrate deep into our psyche and have a deep effect of such impact that they can often direct our lives. Broken bones always mend sooner or later. But the effect of words keep on and on in changes that they bring about. Most words though we know at heart be it of praise or insult, are false and insincere at the core but we do let them influence us.

Fidèle à soi (Focused on one’s own self)

Am noticing more and more the tendency to be “Fidèle à soimeme" (Totally focused on one's own needs). When they need us, they are friends otherwise they have 1001 things and cannot do anything for you. Even when you go to them nothing you say registers. I notice this highly in small businessmen. They are so busy with their continuous preoccupations that from their side they make no effort to call back or render service but payment in full is expected. They forget that if we are just another client for them then they are for us just another shopkeeper. This can be explained away certainly as their need to support their livelihood but when they claim to be friends it rankles.

But this is now seeping into personal friendships too.

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In India it has so far as to start a custom where people give "missed calls" and then expect you to call back. The self centeredness and the attitude that if you need me I am here and the world exists for me is astounding. They believe honestly that it is our job to protect and look after them.

They will come and go as they please. Workers go off leaving things half done without informing, friends do not come as promised, goods are not delivered etc etc. It is your job to pursue them and then when it does not suit them they do not even pick up the phone. The new mobile service allows them to see who is calling and we normally trick them by calling from another phone.

It is a total mystery how that wonderful intelligent and active jelly between their ears is so active when they are speaking but turns to a block of wood when they are supposed to be listening.

But then when they need us, it is always urgent and they use all their selfish un-hidable guile to get first hearing and attention. If you need their friendship you go along otherwise they will drop you with a huff.

I think humanity is still at the stage where yokes are needed. They operate best under pressure. Goodness is misplaced with them.

Considerations are seen as weaknesses. A nice round baton and threats of disasters are the only motivating factors. Otherwise, if you cannot make them fear you, their mini arrogance module and apps will merrily mess up your life,

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When confronted, they give such imaginative rationales & explanations that you can either die laughing or crush them into a hole under your feet.

* I find this even in our land of Yoga and so called spirituality, that we pay lip service to a lot of words, often confusedly with great sounding expressions. The need is to first look at our own five fingers - what is going on within us at the level that we are. Things like prejudices, anger triggers, hidden desires etc - that is, if we are sincere. If these first steps are not being taken, the rest is all a sham; being put up for the neighbours or create an organisation to collect adherents and make money.

* Precarious, life may be, but are we ready for anything else? Is there anything else?

I feel life has always been fine. It is we who want to rub it the wrong way. When we are scratched, we howl in disdain.

Something like “Train ran over car at crossing" - how could the train be responsible? It runs on preordained tracks. It is the rest of the world that throws itself in its path!!!

Mending Relationships A discussion began on the art of mending relationships. But being the cynical guy that I am, I was not convinced on the validity of 67

the subject matter chosen for the discussion. For as crystal clear it can be, the first question is why did things in the relationship come to the impasse where they needed to be mended at all; secondly I am prone to ask rather insensitively if there was a relationship at all and if you are not better off without the relationship hanging around your neck.

Humans are very imperfect and that is putting it kindly. We are a mixed up lot. At any given time so many factors are jostling for space in our considerations that if Martians were peeping at us, they would say we are awfully confused and inconsistent even at the best of times.

It will be called improper but it has to be said that we are opportunists. Find me one earthling who will squarely deny that he was never tickled pink by the slips and misfortunes of others; what a sense of superiority it gives and in case of mishaps it is free slapstick comedy. We love to have a hearty guffaw at the expense.

A certain level of insensitivity is often shown openly which can mar relationships. If we reign in our propensities to insult, spew venom and laugh at others it is because we know that it could turn out to be extremely injurious to our well being. But when safe we do let ourselves go. It is another matter the recipient of our amusement may be hurt to the point of retaliation; quite a lot of people do.

Well whatever the reason; inadvertently or willfully if some drama was enacted that resulted in a relationship to be torn asunder then the first question to be asked is what happened. If it was a planned move to break the relationship then there is nothing except good riddance to be said. If the instance was some of sort of accident then there is only one thing to do. Quickly apologise and rectify matters; if the other permits you. There is no reason on earth to convince a battered ego that it may have been an 68

accident. Then one must face the fact that accident or not, the loss of prestige was real and humans don’t forgive so readily.

Then I have a special view of my own. It is my contention that we are out to grab from each other the most we can. Mostly, personally speaking, it has only brought me tribulations. Why not let a broken relationship be? Take it as a sign from providence. Do we really need too many relationships? My own bent is towards a highly selective choosing of friends and let the other contacts slip into oblivion. The logic is simple. If they need me they will come to me. If I need them I will go to them. Rarely anyone wishes to continue with a relationship that has no benefit in it. Drifting apart is a natural law.

I even go to the extent of breaking willfully certain relationships that have been giving me a crick in the neck. I have often exacerbated an issue that effectively closed avenues for reconstructing the relationship. Often even when the other party tries hard to come over with a new gambit to start all over again, I just play deaf and dumb. There is enough precedence in life to support this attitude. There has to be some reason behind the sayings – Good fences make good neighbors - Treat every man as a gentleman until he proves himself otherwise. – Absence makes the heart grow fonder. – A snake is better left in the bush etc etc.

Relationships kept for formality’s sake only give irritating rashes.

Every relationship dropped gives few more kilos of peace of mind.

I put all my energies in supporting and nurturing my relationships that are happy ones.

Neighbors are the worst offenders. In the name of neighborhoodbrotherhood, they impose, intrude and try more often than not to get more than what politeness may deem right. I remember when 69

we had moved in to this neighborhood, a carpenter was working with us. In my absence a neighbor came and took him away for fixing his curtain rod. Not only no permission was taken but he did not pay the guy for his services; later on he tells me that he was sure I would not mind. How selfishly presumptuous!

Other incidences followed. Eventually I decided to tick them off at the first opportunity which arrived soon enough. They were clearly annoyed, told me in no clear terms that I should not consider myself very hoighty toighty and if I will be belligerent they will answer by being tenfold. I kept my cool and I told the old guy that he was my elder and he should behave that way. He kept on ranting his tune in his wild tone while I kept on repeating the same sentence - "You are my elder. Please behave that way." After about the seventh time he relented and walked off. Later he tried to become friendly again but I refused to accept his greetings and never responded to any overture. Things are now cool and contented between us.

There is a definite case of not fighting against reality and destiny.

Make the effort to keep good relations but if they break nevertheless then let them slip into their natural equilibrium.

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Why do people want to tell so much and solve our problems for us? This is the Q. It is so easy to speak but so difficult to understand that everything in us, including our memories and aspirations are deeply what makes us “US�. The most we can do and that we should do is listen and let people find their own answers. Our job if any is to act as a sounding board.

* Tourism is a change of place without change of pace. Travel has change written into it. When we see the reactions of other people in other cultures with different priorities, our own prejudices are shattered. By force of circumstance we have to adapt to new situations and change is inevitable in us and our make-up.

Unused and Unusable Advice.

HR units and Trainers are tumbling upon each other and doing great work to give yeoman’s advice to people so that they can improve themselves, execute their jobs better and fit in the working environment with success. I feel most of it goes down with no one and achieves very little. Especially all the writings and short advice columns one sees in journals of all description. It is all a lot of useless effort with the advice sounding good on the printed pages but rarely achieving anything; mainly because the theoretical aspect is related by the readers with the facts with difficulty if at all. Then if the reader has not had some experience to back up his reading he would never understand the relevance of the topic at all because he would not be able to correlate the two.

I have today picked up some gems from a journal where the writer is trying to help his readers to enhance their potential. Every word he says is right but useless too.

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See what a brainy young man, who has just joined the workforce, has to say:

COMMUNICATE WELL. Well what makes you say I do not communicate well to begin with?

In school and college I used to even be appreciated for my language and clarity of communication. I was winning debates. I am very confident that my language is good and my grammar correct. Everyone I know in my family and friends said so. What more is needed? Then you say “Be persuasive”. What do you mean? Am I not good at getting things done? Very few people refuse me what I want. I have a string of happy clients to prove it.

You say; Try and adopt effective communication skills. Whatever are they and have I not explained my point already?

THINK THREE STEPS AHEAD. Do you think I am a seer? How do I see ahead? Everything in life is a team effort and most people just don’t put in their 100%. If things are not turning out well, am I solely to blame? Ok I know that I must take this into calculations but that I already do. That is: as much as I know about the game. Then, where is the problem? And if you feel I do not calculate the exigencies well then let me ask you, have you taught us what is what in this game?

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KEEP IT SIMPLE AND SHORT. Have you tried the technique yourself? What interest do I have in talking on and on to explain my point? We are all at work, doing our jobs. The others are supposed to know what they are doing and they are equally responsible. The problem is that they never do. They know that after all it is my baby and the axe will not fall on their heads. Tell me of one person who would know how to get an ounce of seriousness into these guys. Even after crossing the Ts for them, they go and do the very thing they were told to guard against. I assume you have never tried to sell anything with a sales target quota dangling on your head?

STAY IN HIGH SPIRITS Frankly I miss the point entirely. With all these untrained lumber loaders around my neck putting spoke in my wheels at every stage of life it is easy to say. There is a saying: The advisors don’t have to pay for it. First I am needed to delegate, then supervise and finally end up redoing it all by myself again. At work it is a madhouse and home is no place to relax and you ask me to stay in high spirits. Have you ever worked in a team which was not of your choosing; where you have all the responsibility but no authority?

ADOPT A FRESH APPROACH. Shall I fire the team and get a new one? Change my job? Or do you mean I am incompetent? If I were not certain of my methods 73

would I be following them? Why would anyone think this is purposeful advice? Where were these teachers when we were at school and they were appointed for shaping us for life? These people who now want us to change are the ones who taught us earlier or of the same ilk. Then they would not hear a word we had to say. Discussions were discouraged and insistence was taken as argument and opposition. Now when we have been certified as ready for managing our lives and the affairs of men, we are told to forget our old self and recreate into another image. For them it is mere words but have they tried to improve themselves?

BUILD A TEAM I knew you would be coming to this eventually. How much choice do I have in life? Did I choose my parents, family, friends, schools, teachers then what makes you think I have any choice about the boss or the team I have? It is so easy to string a few words that mean nothing. It only shows that you have read a few books and become a trainer but with little experience of life. Get your nose to the grinding wheel and let’s meet again in a few years.

And so on and so forth.

I have yet to meet a person who would listen and admit that he has room for improvement. Just to impress the boss and the entourage they may often make a show of humility by saying yes they have faults with a lot of room for improvement. But it is all a 74

sham. They know what they are. They are quite impressed by their selves. The world likes to find fault and criticize. That is the way of the world and best forgotten or ignored for the good of their mental health.

What sounds good and virtuous is left best alone as wonderful words on paper that will go nowhere and take nobody anywhere.

Good day.

* Finally, all said and done it is your call and destiny. The most natural thing to you is what you will do and the most natural thing to the other person is what he will do. Both will learn & grow in every way from the episodes that are cooked up. We are all interconnected and are supposed to be holding hands when we collaborate.

* Indians, specially in the north of India have mastered the art of accusative conversations. They conveniently keep on accusing the other person so that the spot–light remains focused away and nothing can ever be pointed at them. Keep the other person on the defensive.

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Example in normal household woman to husband: "You did not get the bread". Without checking if there is any or not. When she is shown the bread she will respond by “I was just asking!"

Secondly we have also mastered the art of asking loaded questions. In loaded questions we ask for confirmation, (In a way showing off our knowledge at the same time) Even in ordinary things like a person on the road wanting directions: “This road is a dead-end?” Statement, question, accusation…?

Being true to his salt.

Loyalty and Honesty are words that are getting rather mauled up in the present age. Whatever happened to the established norms of loyalty and undiluted honesty because one had partaken “salt” from parents, families, friends and employers? Once we had taken the gift of sharing their “salt” we were bound to repay in kind; the elders gave us protection and the younger ones by service.

I feel that too much is being given too fast to people who have not been adequately “character-wise” formed to receive the bounties.

We have unleashed motorcycles and cars on the roads. Other facilities like mobile phones etc should have given mobility and communication ease to all. It has. Now the thieves and scoundrels are having a field day. Many who would have been otherwise too afraid to do anything but be decent citizens are now inspired by the gangsterism they see around them and are taking it on as a 76

profession. The hidden forces whose job it is to find receptive humans are able to infect even normally otherwise decent people.

Even decent citizens let themselves go as you can see in road rage cases and women being molested in offices and cars.

In contrast my mother tells me of a story from her childhood. The accountant who was responsible for collecting taxes used to go about alone in the horse buggy with another man. One evening it was getting late and the accountant was getting jittery as they would have to pass through a lonely stretch which was known for its dacoits. He kept on telling the driver to hurry and go faster but the other guy was just not paying heed. The poor accountant became certain that his time had come and he would suffer forever in purgatory for letting his master down. Right in the middle of nowhere the buggy came to a stop. The accountant hollered to his companion that he was being untrue to his salt and what a mean fate has brought them together. The other guy just got down, gave a shout or two and soon there were men surrounding them. The accountant was shaking like a jelly. Guess what the driver did? He asked two of the men to accompany them to the town as there was a huge amount of cash to be protected!

He was a member of this group of thieves. And they all reached home safely.

Another story my mother relates is about a raid by dacoits at her sister’s in-laws. The youngest child bride came weeping to the chief of the dacoits imploring him “Uncle, please do not take my things. My mother in law will kill me�. His response was 77

“Well now that you have called me uncle I am duty bound to protect you. Don’t worry”. He then told his lieutenants to leave anything belonging to this child bride alone and while leaving admonished the mother in law – “If, even a hair of this girl is ever harmed, I shall come back and settle scores!”

This was what it meant to be true to his salt and one’s own.

* From a friend on FB Misty Andromeda Bleu I have a question. I have 1,500 people on my list. Why...are the majority of us single????

PK - The give and take of life requires merging with others, specially to form a "couple". Our sense of independence that has been inculcated in today’s way of seeing things, makes us rather self-centered and less than tolerant.

We want freedom to pursue our pleasures, we seek only fulfilment of our pleasure-seeking; how can anyone else fit into the scheme of things? It is really not needed to marry in today’s life.

The small comforts of married life are all available for a penny.

The washing machine, vacuum cleaner, mixer grinder, frozen meals and the microwave has helped in making partnership not so invaluable.

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Let go and let live

This subject keeps popping up every now and then. How parents maintain control and run & ruin the lives of their children till “Death doth them part� is a perennial source of many miseries.

You won’t need a magnifying lens or lantern to find people who practice strict hold on the psyche on their children and for that matter anywhere they can at home or work. I see this attitude so fairly common that I decided to put down some of the conversations I have had for all to note.

Here is one of the conversations:

Dear PK, I learnt a lot by your remark - "don't try to teach the world".

One of my close relative has been into alcoholism for the last 25 years, his wife and children have left him ages back, and he stays with his mother.

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Both of them share a very close bond and in spite of him being in the habit of abusing his mother...even at such an old age, separation does not seem a viable solution, nothing seems to work....can you suggest any way out?

My response: I don’t think anything will work now.

He has decided that he will forever be a baby. His mother is promoting it.

These are cases in which mothers are responsible for the low esteem and childishness promoted right from the day one is born.

Generally speaking, the misery he will go through when his mother is not there is just frightening.

You will have to let destiny play its part. Anyone who interferes will only burn his fingers.

Mothers can be very possessive, fathers very domineering and bosses dictatorial. Humans find it very difficult to let go. The misery that entails is rarely understood by those perpetrating it.

The very psyche of the child is pummelled into a blob of jelly. The indigestible truth is that the influences of these parents goes on and on into many coming generations as their children perpetuate the same tendencies.

Here I give the essential extracts from another conversation:

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Question: Considering history and events that mankind chooses to write/record as history, humans are a warring species, a cruel species, capable of any atrocity. Yet we have all learnt by experience that in relationships a little appreciation goes a long, long way.

People who erroneously believe they can bludgeon or humiliate a partner into some form of submission are so far out of sync with reality . . . yet it is common; why is that?

Response: It is the feel of indestructibility and power at work. Humans have a cruel streak. The elements of vanity and arrogance make them vulnerable. Whenever and wherever they get a chance to exercise their power over others, they do - often with sadistic tendencies; from Dictators downwards to the clerk, from the patriarch to the cook, from Director in a school to the bully‌ just about everyone.

Normally we are born with a lot of kindness but the harsh condition the child meets later changes the basic nature in many different ways. As the child grows older it learns to protect itself and then it absorbs behaviour patterns from his immediate surrounding and learns to do things the way it sees others doing 81

it. Until the child is also shown and taught that kindness can bring in more rewards than brute sadistic action, the child will never know better. It is all a matter of exposure and examples set by peers.

The hold of the subconscious is very strong and most of the time it is quietly & surreptiously running the show. That is why we need to be careful with what children might be absorbing. We should be kind and loving parents, even indulgent ones but firm.

Unfortunately in real life the opposite is more apparent.

Criticizing instead of softly correcting, scolding/beating and doing the thinking for the child instead of letting him discover and play; thereby pre-empting him at every point are the worst things that leave indelible marks and form his adult nature.

Experiences from the time the child is born get stacked up in the subconscious and influence his persona forever afterwards. It is a chain reaction of habits and tendencies that goes on and on from generations to generations.

First we do not permit the child to flower; clipping his wings at every step. Then we weaken him emotionally by acting as crutches and then we complain that our children are no good, irresponsible and spineless; we even wonder if ever they will grow up. First we stunt their personalities and then ask them to go and make a mark in the world –and that too in our image. How myopic can one get?

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It has been my contention that we should learn to let go after the age of 40 and after 60 the letting go should be total; easier said than done though. Not only let go but even withdraw from controlling interests; continuing to live fully at the personal level but ready for the transition that has to come eventually sooner or later.

I have seen many marriages ruined or broken, many promising careers spoilt, many disturbed kids - all because of the interfering & meddling from parents; many family owned businesses that go bust because the old man at the helm would not make the changes with the times and the next generation was never groomed properly to take over.

It is so sad to see people who have had their day clinging to every vestige of their younger self, their positions and possessions; anxious and sleepless as to what will happen after them.

The graveyard is full of people who thought of themselves as indispensable.

What shall we call this? The human comedy or human tragedy!

* The formative years put in a lot of data in the sub consciousness of a child. The first two years are extremely important. Then the 83

next 3 years and after that the years - before puberty sets in.

What images have been imbibed by the child is what is going to come out in his adult behaviour.

Once he has reached an age when the mind and the child's ego are in play, too much interference can have very opposite effects.

If your adult child is behaving in a particular way, you must first admit that you are responsible to the tune of 70% and his immediate family and the TV, and the school etc the rest.

It would be well to look inward and see what was done wrong and correct the emotional wrongs that the child is reacting to.

Giving the child a talking to and trying to regulate him is pointless.

Whatever you do, do not mess with his ego.

Many parents do not lay out boundaries and do not discuss matters with their children when they are still in the listening age. Later on it becomes more difficult. Unruly behaviour is generally associated with a lack of bonding with the home.

Unruly behaviour is normally a cry for help.

We have to help and keep the door open but the method has to be laced heavily with compassionate outreach.

A little study of psychology and parables/Sufi stories etc help in understanding how to react and respond.

For example, when my child does something beyond her understanding, and which is considered not "Good or correct", no point in criticising and pointing the faults. This results in 84

immediate arguments (one of the best ways to obfuscate an issue). This escalates into a shouting match.

My method in the same case is to first ask the child to stop whatever she is doing, second I ask her to come and explain what she is doing - without raising my voice at any time, then give her clear cut instructions of what is to be done and what is not acceptable and LEAVE it at that. I back off and let the child show responsibility into the future. If later something is repeated, I just repeat my show again. Eventually the point will register and goodwill will win.

Shouting matches can only result in gradual alienation and putting her into a habit that will be seen by the world as a "shrew".

A child will absorb and imitate the elders that the child respects.

We must use this faculty to form their nature/character.

If in our behaviour our own agendas are showing all the time, this is self-centeredness and it will be absorbed by the child which will later be impossible to deal with.

Offended

This quote popped out to me like a shot. And it put into beautiful words something that I was trying to understand. Everything became clear in a flash. Edward R Murrow says: Our self85

importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone.

If this is the case, then it is to be rightly concluded that finding faults all around us also becomes a necessity.

That doesn’t leave much doubt does it? This is how I have been feeling and interpreting my experience as; here is somebody who not only agrees with me but he has put the same into such lucid words. I can see my entire experiences reflected in this one sentence. The irony in this observation is that no one will agree that they are being difficult just to prove that they are also somebody. From an exterior angle most behaviours & utterances can easily be interpreted in many different hues. Is there a deciding parameter to justify who is being difficult and who is being critical, diffident or nice? No and there is no point going to into it.

The truth is always way above and out of the realm of arguments.

If a state of argument exists then the first principle that it is not the truth is already at work. It is bullying in the most gentlemanly manner.

Still one thing can be said without much margin of error in interpretation that people do use a nose-up in the air style and keep others in perennial state of terror as to what barb is coming next. They are clever enough to translate every question or remark of yours into a perceived insult and then use it to pour

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invectives down on you; with a full bag of righteous justification for it.

The trait of accusing and keeping a front of being offended is very common in the Indian character. But I can safely say even though it is generally the rule as all are in the same boat nobody has recognized it for the nagging negativity it brings into our way of thinking & behaviour. Without realizing it we are all unhappy, a little disturbed and irritated at any given times. How did this trait become so dominant in our ethos, I wonder?

* We should definitely share our experience and any other stories/logic that we have to help others see - if they would even let us come near them enough.

But I am also convinced that we should not interfere with the lives of others.

Everyone is following and evolutionary path and eventually they will see too, sooner or later. Most can see but their own priorities are too heavy on their selfish personas.

We are all interconnected and are supposed to be holding hands when we collaborate. Otherwise the lives and troubles of others are not ours. By acting as crutches we weaken others. Let them fight their battles is my view of life. Help if you can and if you have the wisdom to see the outcome.

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Our Souls, Destinies and Personalities are not the same whatever the democratic thinking may say.

Can the salesman coming from ordinary middle class environment understand what it is to live without worrying about money, living in space as big as the school he studied in or know the luxury of being served etc?

I have observed that there are at least five distinct levels in human interactions; be it professional or personal. All these levels have very separate styles of behaviour codes, language abilities, dress codes, philosophies and attitudes. Aspiring professionals who are aiming to rise and change levels or wish to interact with people of levels different from their own, need to understand these factors and change their disposition accordingly to be accepted otherwise they will miss opportunities and never be equal to the peer group. In today's environment where we are interacting with people from different cultures, this subject has taken on a very important facet.

If you have not taken this factor into consideration for your plans of your advancement or even business operation, then you will 88

face critical hurdles to reach your goals. To be brutally honest, you may miss out totally.

Very few individuals would be ready to accept that it is their own behaviour patterns that are clashing with others and if they are failing to make the grade, it is perhaps their own fault.

The situation begins like this: We are brought up in a particular group and we learn everything from this group with rarely any exposure outside this group. Later as a final product we have learnt only the habits of our own group and are highly knowledgeable and mobile with a certain amount of command within this well known structure of our group.

The big question is how to know and learn about other groups and what is liked and disliked. You have only two possibilities. Either you are born and brought up within the group you aspire to be in or you get into this group as a junior and soon, as fast as you can, learn the patterns of the group. Luck can play a big part if by some quirk of fate you can get within your intended group even at the periphery, the job becomes considerably easier. Watching particular movies can help if you take them as audio-visual education.

Let me give some instances.

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One dead give away to our social status is our language and how we deliver our speech. Properly schooled people are trained very early to enunciate clearly, deliver their speech slowly, speak softly, let others finish their sentences, listen and enjoin in conversation only if necessary and other such fine points. In contrast, we have those who mumble, speak fast, loudly and use a dialect which is particular to their own set and see nothing wrong in cutting people off. This may be unacceptable to many.

You would have certainly noticed how many of us tend to interrupt others; for instance you are talking to your manager and another executive comes and starts speaking to him as if you were not there. And often worse, the manager listens to him. This happens so often in shops and public places that I wonder what happened to the basic etiquette of allowing the other to have his say. A moment’s wait won’t be the end of the world. Now this behaviour maybe normal in the everyday scheme of things, but at the senior level it will offend.

Dressing is another feature which needs to be attended to. One has to understand the difference between leisure wear and official attire, public dress and homely attire etc. The tastes of people and their cultural bends are easily shown by their choice of colours and cuts. Most people would say today that they do not care and they have their lives and will live the way want to. This is fine by me. Only the point here we are making is that it cannot be so when you are entering a group on which your livelihood or networking depends.

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We are only opening doors in what is called tempting providence into mischief.

The solution to this enigma is that you find a sincere teacher who will point out the flaws in your mannerisms and explain to you the fine points of interaction meaningfully directed to you personally, preferably in private. Books and lectures may open your eyes but they rarely help you change your long ingrained habits. This needs persistent hammering and you will need will power and courage to stand up to it.

Even after many years of training and experience many people never learn to control certain habits and/or behaviour responses of theirs. For instance traits like, shyness or brashness, impatience, over-eagerness, arrogance, cleverness, argumentativeness and such; although there are many traits that help like sympathy and empathy, good manners, good elocution etc. This is why most training programs do not take you very far.

They make the person conscious of certain points alright but most are not able to incorporate these factors into their persona. At the actual moment of need, people always behave, act or/and react in a predictable manner which is their basic personality.

Time management 91

Megha Pushpendra - sir, would love to have your views on time management.

There you have pressed the right buttons. Here I go. The first thing that comes to mind is this: Can time be managed?

When you say time management, I would think that you would like to control it like you do a river by either damming it or dredging or cleaning or whatever that we can do to it to make it work for you.

It never occurred to me that this could be done with time. I thought about this for some time and I still don’t get it.

Perhaps what you wish to say is “How can you manage yourself?” considering the time at your disposal. This would seem the more logical approach and the only one I can think of. Now if this is what you mean, then I wondered why ask me; not that I am averse to the idea. It is flattering to know that somebody cares about my thoughts enough to ask me. Millions of words by so called experts are being written and floating around and you still feel I may have something to say that would matter? How refreshing!

So let’s discuss this in all seriousness. Time cannot be managed. All those who complain that they do not have time know fully well that they are showing off their self-importance. This is one way of 92

showing that they have more of this world in their grasp in comparison to all the others who form a very large group on this planet who have nothing to do and are either looking for work and opportunity or are not “clever/able/qualified” enough to merit any attention in this world of ours where “IT” shows if you have it.

Then there are the hapless people who are a little woolly up there. They wake up with lovely intentions but then even a small butterfly can make them forget everything else and can make them first run for their camera and secondly after the butterfly. A few flowers on the way simply dash the entire timetable of the day to the ground and that is that. Now it is left open to your imagination if a butterfly can do this what would let us say would happen if a child needs this person or even an adult came around needing solace?

It would not be difficult to infer from the above that it is all in the mind. It is all relative to what we consider important and would like to spend the available time on. Then there is also the question of habits. We are more creatures of habits than we really wish to acknowledge. We act on impulses that have been inculcated into us by our surroundings and education. We give importance to these impulses and make them our flight-plan. They then decide the ETA. You are a virtual prisoner. If you are unhappy with the way things are working out in your day to day execution of time, then you need to look into all those tiny mental blips that point your way and chart your action plan. If you are not ready to look into that direction, then just forget it. Enjoy your 24 hours 93

and get up next morning for another day of the same. A small example here would make my words clearer.

You are reading a book. You are engrossed in it. It is so interesting that it has you transfixed; once in while you do remember to look at the clock. The hubby will come home, the children will want dinner. Ok. Ok. You are aware of all this. But few pages more – let’ say let’s finish this paragraph… well I could safely stretch it to the end of the chapter and so on so forth till you have royally messed up your time-table. So that is that and there is no way to recover lost ground. All you can do is forget it and go on with your life. Just order a pizza and have a party. The kids will love it. The hubby will just be happy to have a bite of something-anything, instead of trying to keep awake with coffee. The book has more management control, over you than you on it. You were party to it. Where is the problem?

So what do you say? Shall we forget this utterly pointless subject?

* Certain concepts are good only for starting arguments and wars.

These are dangerous thoughts and the general public cannot be allowed to play with such lethal ideologies My outlook on this is that everyone is angry inside. The petty violence of the mother, father, siblings, friends, bosses, coworkers, teachers etc etc is understated and under-recognised 94

rather I would say deliberately not seen; as it is considered by every individual as "justified" reaction or we start with error that we are “human�. The need to correct others, teach them a lesson, put them in their place is very strong in us; it can and does show in 1001 and one ways.

Until we recognise this and accept it for what it is, there will be no spiritual emancipation of the Homo sapiens.

Friendship, Discussions, Quarrels

When we are communicating with each other we have many stages to contend with. These could be classified as Exchange, Acceptance, Approval, Discussions, Arguments and Quarrels. It would be good question to ask in which mode or mood we are most of the time and have made it our general behaviour pattern.

I have a friend of nearly forty years standing who has one of the finest brains, sharp and analytical. He can see through a problem and situation. Along with this he has a generous disposition and the result is that we have never had a single instance of voices 95

being raised or any disagreement being voiced. How did we achieve that? 40 years without ever getting upset, angry or in an intellectual argument – can you believe that?

On the other hand there are people, close to me and we can be assured that a conversation with them will swiftly degenerate into an irritable football match. Now I am using in these examples, myself as the central figure so that we have a common factor. In both the above cases I am the other guy; so the fault cannot be fully in me and if it is not with the other person how does it come about that we end up arguing or/and raising voices?

With my friend it has been a story of acceptance and mutual help always in whatever capacity it can be done. The answer is always “yes” and then we try to find ways and means to achieve our ends. Regard for each other’s intelligence and intention are solidly & unwaveringly set in our minds. When we make promises we never forget them and try to keep our words without fail. Excuses and rationalizations are simply not in our mode of conduct. Is this so difficult to follow by all in everyday life?

I am not immune to losing my temper or getting irritated. It is the frequency with which it gets out of hand with some people and never with others that is the question. So I sat down to ponder over this big question. I find that most of the quarrels are resulting where these elements exist in any one of the individual involved in the discussion: 96

Amour-propre. This is the most common of factors. When we are full of love for ourselves, we need to be appreciated. That and that alone makes our world move.

Then there are those whose Amour-propre is so inflated that whatever they do and say is infected by this element. The only way a relationship is possible with them is to keep them perennially contented by praise and acceptance which suits them fine or rather if you look deep into their hearts, that is what they have been aiming at all the time.

Self-validating. We validate our amour-propre in many ways.

You paint a picture and somebody likes it. You sing and somebody praises it. You cook dish and all relish it. These are ways of selfvalidating. Many like to find faults and prove them-selves superior.

They are tuned to say the opposite of whatever and never allow a fault or error to go un-noticed or un-announced. Witticism is generally at play here. These are the most annoying of all and my way with them is simple: avoid them; do not accept their existence. Give them no value at all. Pray that they will go and pester somebody else.

Poor Listening is another factor. We jump to conclusions and start judging, mostly negatively even before we have heard the other guy out. This is mostly in evidence when you are not interested in listening at all as it might mean change or extra duties to live with it and who wants that? And if perchance you are able to show them the error of their ways, they will fight it out to prove that they were never wrong (that they can ever be wrong is out of the question) and that the basic mistake was in your 97

presentation or use of a wrong word or something. Our preconceived notions kick in to join the fray and a reasonably good fire-laden argument can be envisaged.

Knowingly Belligerent. When we know we are in the wrong what do we do? Try to cover up. And one of the most effective ways is by way of confusing the issue. In a place like the office or home this is possible and often done with great panache and much more often than not. We can even look for scapegoats. In the office we are safe from physical assault and other agencies cannot butt in and then we have witnesses all around. So it is safe and we may get away with apparently although behind our backs we may be disliked. But in issues and locales where mere words will not help, like a scrape in the open where a scooterist slips in front of your car and you end up throwing him off, what do you do because the big question is who is really in the wrong? You know it is not your fault but do you think the scooterist will let you have your way and quietly walk off? He will accuse you of hitting him from behind and you are in the soup! Other agencies in the form of a crowd and police may butt in and you might just end up paying heftily for something you are not at fault for. I hope you would know what to do because to date I have not waited to find out – if possible and if I am sure it was not my fault, I use the technique of shooting off in my vehicle and have often been chased but running away has been always my style and I advise you to do the same in all cases where a regular, sensible and equitable discussion is not possible or will not ever be allowed to be.

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* It re-enforces my own view that at the base we are a nasty & narrow-minded people. More interested in imposing ourselves than anything else. We do not spare our children, women or animals.

We control ourselves only in sheer selfishness when we are afraid & know that the other party can do us harm.

We are a nasty species. Look at the way we are treating Mother Earth. We are in Gross error if we think that Mother earth will just sit there and take our abuse and refuse and is not going to come back to haunt us. Soon we shall be neck-deep in our own garbage.

The population figures are now so high that we will be left with no option but to eliminate in a calculated manner at least half of the humans so that some of us can manage and survive.

In India we have, (or rather we used to have - the cell phone has evaporated it) that once we accept one (contact/friend) into our life, once the barrier of "acquaintance" is crossed then the person becomes brother/sister/uncle/aunt or son/daughter. Once this line is crossed then there are no judgments. Only acceptance.

Karmic Analysis in Self-upgrading

In a general way most understand the theory of Karma from the point of what was “DONE�. A little introspection and quiet 99

contemplation will reveal two things: 1) that the course of our lives is based more on the things that were NOT DONE; the decisions which were not taken; 2) that at every moment we are given a simple choice of saying “yes” or “no” ; this determines the course of our lives.

If our lives are in a mess or things are not going forward as we had hoped, all we need to do is look back and discover the steps we did not take when we should have and the steps that have brought us to this impasse. The course correction is then obvious and the best way to deal with the moment is by taking the path that we should have but did not take and do it as soon as possible with intensity and sincerity as this effort will go a long way to negate some of the effects of the past doings or not-doings.

The truth is that deep in our hearts we all know where we are going wrong and where we have gone earlier. We are well aware of our lacunas but cover it with coats of appearances as if what the others “see” of us is more important than living our lives in joy & contentment. We put all our energies in keeping up the pretence of being on top of the world and look for magical solutions; if not solutions then at least excuses that will allow us to hold our head high and show to the world how well we are holding on in this unkind world.

Mankind is terribly clever. Statements like – “Everything is preordained”; “If it is in our destinies it will happen”; “It is all in 100

the stars”; “God wished it this way” and many others in the same hue serve us well to sit back and lament our condition rather than do something about it. Our minds can place arguments from old sayings and proverbs and other great minds to prove our point as if arguing and convincing our neighbour is the final answer to our woes.

When the time comes for action we run to soothsayers, astrologers, and practioners of occult tricks and look for smartquick fixes. Millions of work hours and good money is spent in “pooja & hawans” and practices to change the flow of our miserable lives. Tell me truly, do you really believe that your pooja down here will change the position of Saturn up there? If not then how do you expect a change to occur? The reality is that you have been given a non-negotiable state. No choice here; the parents, the place of birth, brothers, sisters, later the teachers, friends all these are already fixed. Before you know or understand what is going on decisions have been piled up on you and your personality formed by the dictates of others. After the harm has been done, you are expected to go out and make something out of this bad bargain and be successful in this world.

It is obvious that lamenting or trying to wash the sins off in the Ganges won’t help. Asking help of the stars through appeasement won’t help either because they are the ones who put you where you are in the first place. So comes the big question; what can you do?

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First of all stop talking of past lives and often taking this as the perfect pretext towards our helplessness and as an excuse to the un-changeability of the course of our fate and lives. This is very convenient thinking and an oversimplification which suits mankind very well as it absolves them from the effort to make the necessary change and correction in their lives.

Sit down and analyze your karmic path up to date. Study your own nature and note the actions and reactions that you are prone to.

Work out the steps that you can take with immediate effect to alleviate or bring in the wanted change and go ahead & take the first step. This is psycho-analysis of a kind. You will realize soon enough what is wrong and why. Then the solution will become obvious in a flash and you will be free to start all over again with a new path opening out in front of you. Your effort is an integral part of your destiny. You will realize that you have been given some positive streaks in your nature which are your strengths and also some negative streaks which are your weaknesses. You are required to learn from life’s incidences and overcome the negative turns in your life by using your strong attributes and by suppressing the harmful possibilities that happen from your negative attributes.

* We are so busy being clever that we have no time to be intelligent.

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See what we have done with the Internal Combustion Engine, Electricity, Nuclear Knowledge and Digital Electronics. How much has it improved our lives or marred it?

The mind likes to complicate things (by adding extraneous factors to the subject & exaggerating). This is one way in which it gives itself a sense of superiority & importance to tell the world how able it is in handling and perceiving complex matters - of course in comparison to the ability of the rest of the world which it feels could learn something from him & feels free to criticise, even denigrate at every opportunity.

Humans prefer to live in a restricted comfort zone and would rather complain than do anything about it. When they can achieve their ends by cheating and exploiting the gullibility of others, why should they act differently?

What is my Identity?

Language is seen in its simplified incarnation as a tool for communication but this is a superficial view. Language has a profound influence on our thought and behaviour patterns.

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Firstly the words you use and the control you exercise in phrasing and making sentences gives your inner personality away. It also gives an insight into the machinations of your imagination and conscious thoughts. So it can also be used to mask certain thoughts and put in other's minds exactly the thought process we desire to.

Secondly, the language forms our character. The styles in which our thoughts and feelings are presented through words influence our behaviour. When you are using gentle words and phrases like in Urdu and French, it is not so easy to be blunt and rough. This eventually gets imbibed to such a degree that the person's nature gets shaped permanently.

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Rita wrote: "Pradeep Pk Maheshwari, Thank you for your interesting thoughts. But I am pondering more about in the Indian context. For example, if one uses mainly English, as opposed to an "Indian" language, do we lose our cultural identity? If we do not dress in our traditional way, does it affect our cultural identity? Likewise with music, food and so on."

It all depends from which perspective you are looking at. One is local and the other larger broadminded one. For mentally emancipated people, there are two (or even more) personalities always that they project themselves in. One is private and the other public. These people have multiple tools available to them and they use them all as the situation requires and demands. It is difficult to pin an identity on them. The broader and higher exposure they have in life with more cultures in their activities 104

the more varied is the forms that you will see. But in private life, which others do not always get to see, they are themselves.

The opposite is conversely true: people coming from very low levels of exposure have narrow perspectives, smaller vocabularies, and limited tastes in dress and food and viewpoints; including subjects of interests and habits which immediately place them.

Dress and food are more a matter of geographical necessities but become habits and identity tags.

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Rita Putatunda: Again you leave me with the dilemma - which is the true identity, what is identity? I have difficulty in pinning an identity on myself, and in a larger sense, to India, itself.

There is no such thing as identity. You are first a Homo sapiens.

Then you have a place of birth. Then of course you have a set of parents who are from a particular community. These are labels and more in the realm of statistics. This is followed by your education which is rarely connected or limited to your community/parents only. Of course, there are many labels from professions but these are not “you� just as you are not limited or restricted by your being your father's child and extension and nothing else.

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In today's multicultural world your identity if any is or would be your philosophical thoughts, preferences, prejudices and aims/goals.

If anyone would ask me what is my identity - all I would be able to say is I am PK. It is upto you to work the rest out.

It is another matter that many prefer to restrict themselves in a narrow bandwidth because it is easier that way - it gives them a so called identity to be arrogant about but it is definitely not their real persona.

* Humans even with all the skin and meat on them, have the same appetites. Only the dogmas/prejudices we entertain are different.

But the pride with which we consider ourselves separate & exclusive/superior is the same.

7 billions of us, and we fail to see the similarities! Now that is the special part in us.

Numerology in HR

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Using exotic systems to assess potential capabilities of candidates is nothing out of the normal. Astrology has been used in management of business and kingdoms since planning began.

Today we have many more simple systems like numerology and graphology to fall back upon. From the pragmatic point of view I would say there is nothing wrong in depending on the data provided by these systems if you tend to trust them and even more so if the interpreter of signs is trustable. There is of course a big IF involved and you may lose a good candidate by aspecting too much on just the numbers and others signs without taking into account mitigating factors and the sterling qualities of the candidate.

I will admit that I have used numerology and graphology with some success in my own life.

The basic facts that these systems provide are enough to guide us on to the correct path or at least give indication which way the wind is blowing. But it is best kept personal. There are too many factors at play. One of them is “Effort” and this should also be taken to mean that one should continuously make the effort to learn about one’s profession and connected subjects as much possible to arrive at mature and correct decisions.

But this essay is more to highlight the dependency shown by aspiring candidates themselves in such esoteric sciences to land jobs or plan their next career move. The focus on “kismet” seems to me inordinately high. A young man once phoned to ask me if he 107

would pass in his exam. My response was that if he studied and prepared well for the coming test, he should certainly succeed.

His response is indicative of the attitude of today: he told me if I saw success in his life then he would put in the effort otherwise what was the point of it all?!

I met some people yesterday and thought it would fruitful to put down the experience on paper to share.

A mother along with her daughter paid me a visit to take advantage of my practical knowledge of numerology to know how things would work out with her daughter but she would not let the daughter speak. I stopped her right there and asked her to keep herself in the back ground for awhile so that I could hear the daughter’s version. What had transpired was something like this: The girl was obviously brought up with only one end in view: marriage. She had been through the entire Indian school program, yet she obviously was not conversant with her basics on any subject. I did not think it wise to ask too much about the school.

How these young people manage to get through the exams beats me. And what kind of teaching is going on in our schools would be a good question to pose. The girl spoke only her dialectical version of her mother tongue. She had no English and no practical knowledge of anything at all. To top this combination, life played her a bad trick. The parents in their exalted wisdom married her off at the age of 19. She had a child when 20; a separation at 21 and at the age of 23 a depression.

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She has been trying to look for a job since the last 20 months with no success.

What was I to do? Numerology had no role to play here. The daughter’s Q "When will I find a job?" really had no reply as such in my book. So I thought I would be bluntly honest and told her that getting a job is easy when you are trained for one. Jobs are essentially a barter system at work. You give in term of work and you get paid for it. What exactly had she done in that line? Her answer really put my pragmatism on hold. She told she never got the time. With a mother running her life and not only thinking for her but also providing her with all she could want, she had not even learnt to cook a simple omelette. You want to make an omelette; you have to break the egg. Her culinary prowess was limited to phone in a pizzeria. I wonder if parents realize what harm they do to their children by over-cuddling and at the same time over-patronizing them. There is also this over dependency on the education system to instil all the worldly, social, interpersonal and other knowledge required to navigate thru life. Even if they are being raised for marriage, don’t they see that marriage requires inter-personal and household skills of some level of proficiency?

So I advised her to acquire some basic skills like selling to begin with. She could begin by joining a corporate showroom in the sales dept and acquire experience. Side by side I felt she would do well to learn both Hindi and English properly, more suitable for the world at large. All this with a focus on eventually getting into a 109

more specialized career as needed in call-centres or junior executives in corporate offices.

I now understand the comments being made by management seniors that our young people are not really employable. It is so sad.

* Bad relationships bring out the instinctive persona in us and we can see ourselves as if in a mirror. When we decide to change for the better from within, this activity tends to intensify in life.

Everything and everybody then behave as if they are helping us by tempting us to lose our cool. Vigilance is sorely required and we grow into a better “Being� in spite of ourselves, assisted by the instructions of our Occult teachers who exhort us to finer things.

(Occult teachers – all the events and people that come into our lives)

The human is a collector.

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Some reflections have been heavy on my mind lately. With the information-overload and the speed now available to us, this question has taken a serious importance. Some time ago I was reading some Zen writings and one thing that was made clear is the nature of the human mind as a collector. We love to collect things, data, memories and brick-bats. A student asked me why we should not read all that comes to hand and this is what I responded with: The human mind at its present level of development is a collector. It collects data for data's sake. It also feels very knowledgeable and can spout quotes and passages on every subject and considers itself wise. To himself he is awesome and often wonders why others cannot see it this way. Often the ego over inflates and all further seeking stops. The mind takes the mantle of teacher and guide and wherever possible will “control” all around it. But then all this focus on statistical info, data of all sorts, end in attempt to codify and arrange it all in a reasonable pattern; and this blocks it. So read as much as you can but do not end up focusing more on your collection of books than learning from them.

Then this morning I read this quote by Chuck Palahniuk which took my breath away as it confirmed my own reading of making the most of this life given to us: “ The best way to waste your life……is by taking notes. The easiest way to avoid living is to just watch.

Look for the details. Report. Don’t participate.”

I remember something like The Mother of Pondicherry saying that one should act first and think later. In strict opposition the world 111

advises to think before leaping and serious reflection etc. So here was a contradiction in terms. Why are people spending so much time in planning then? Later it became clear. In plans and projects on the worldly plane planning is necessary for correct implementation. The decision taking part is where this reflection comes in; if we reflect too much, then we may never do it. The same applies in personal lives. If we think, plan and debate too long we may end up not doing anything at all. At the spiritual level where I suppose the advice of The Mother is really valid, we then avoid the experience which will bring us wisdom and enlightenment.

There is an age in our lives when we do want to learn and better ourselves. We read, collect quotes and books which go into the drawer/folders and on shelves and never see the light again. We then get busy with our lives, families and other things. Then age begins to catch up. Our collections grow waiting for the right time and free time to catch up with all this. Rarely if at all the time ever comes. The truth then hits us; either we do it now or forget it – the moment is lost forever. What is not put into practice is dead info.

Coming back to the material plane and our day to day existence, tons of goods are lying in stores in homes and offices. Deemed useful and needed at a particular time but later left to rot in a dusty corner; all but forgotten; and what about the people? Most of them are happy with their own selves. Just go behind the words and see things from a higher perspective and you will see that 112

most of them are putting up a worked-up facade to be seen as knowledgeable and virtuous. I firmly believe that when there is not a "live" question, the answers have no meaning. If you see and compare the result of the work of the amount of pragmatic thoughts, guidance and philosophy that is available and being made available thru media of all kinds, one does tend to wonder for a second if it is changing their thinking and acting patterns?

Are they applying any of it in their actions and lives? I do not believe they do. Wake-up calls are taken only when a crisis develops.

* When the mind is constantly kept a buzz with something or the other, it cannot receive or get out of the vortex it has created for itself. It is unable to quieten itself. If it has nothing better to do, it will simply go around in circles. The mind helped humans to get out of the instinctive patterns but then now stands stuck in its own mire; bloated, arrogant & closed to newer patterns.

I think of the past in “shorts� selectively. The incidents that I feel I should not forget because I would tend to repeat them and that revisions of lessons are necessary. I live in the present better because I am keeping an eye on myself.

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Our behaviour in perspective.

On this Q: Today I scolded the watchman of my building very badly he was not switching on the water pump...Later when I saw his eyes they were full of tears . Have always tried talking politely with him but he has always taken me for granted today I scolded so finally he switched it on...

What is the ideal way? I am not able to judge whatever I did today was the right attitude or not?

My response:

The answer to this predicament is in developing a stable persona which is first true to itself. If you had felt that he was not doing his job, you should have said so in a normal way right at the first instance. If you kept silent, it means you gave tacit approval.

After that if he began to take this as normal and took all of you for granted, why should he not? It never would have occurred to him that he was being given a lot of margin of error in his actions and that you were all being nice to him. He most probably thought everything was just fine and that he was doing a good job because nobody was ever complaining.

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This subject has been on my mind lately because my wife has the tendency to take the same attitude. She will never show her true feelings or thoughts. She will keep silent and let others do whatever they want at home and at work. Then one day (approx after six weeks/months) she will burst out in anger not only complaining, but being abusive as well. I have been trying to drum this into her since ages that she should not allow a wound to fester. Tackle it immediately. Never let an unsavoury situation to get off the ground. A stitch in time saves nine. So much heart break and ill will can be avoided by complaining softly before egos get involved. This can be called being tactful.

Some fault for this situation can be laid on our upbringing and education. We are taught to be "NICE' and polite and kind etc. We are taught that good manners are better than being true and clear.

So of course, there is a gap between what we want to and what we do; with a lot of suppressed irritation or guilt.

We humans, tend to gravitate between extremes, highly influenced by the weather, TV, neighbours and all that we hear and see. Our behaviour tends to be very inconsistent indeed. This is the entire focus of the teachings of The Mother and Sri Aurobindo. First integrate your personality into a cohesive whole and then you will know exactly what to do, precisely the action and attitude to take at any given moment.

Then there are a lot of judgmental people and for them I had written an article sometime ago of which I repeat some passages:

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Have you noticed how some people can speak their part only in outbursts of some kind? They would be otherwise nice, sane people going about their lives in a circular routine that they have built around themselves. Yet, under their calm exterior there is always some undercurrent of judgmental & highly critical thoughts flowing quietly which, keeps them perpetually irritated about something or the other.

I have noticed this in myself when I am driving. The need to focus on whatever others are doing is so strong to avoid collisions because in Delhi one drives by the rule that if there is space one has to go in and fill it up or worse if you have a bigger car, your self-importance gives you the right to go ahead first. This creates a situation where you have to drive with one eye on the rear-view mirror and the other three eyes on the left, front and right. Of course there is also this continuous analysis that is humming inside the brain. And every now and then, the perceived stupidity of the other guy vents itself out in expletives.

So coming back to our original premise, we need to consider the why and why-nots of the situation. The question is why some people speak their part only in anger; and this is not just anger, it is also laced with a heavy dose of indignation. Indignation presupposes that the person has been wronged and has been made to suffer due to the unworthy actions of the other guy. This also presupposes that some sort of judgment has already been passed.

So, I can safely say that the person speaking out in hot flashes is not being pragmatic, he has not bothered to listen to both sides of the story and feels so strongly that he has been wronged that there is no space for discussions in the situation. The situation is exacerbated by the person’s need to not only prove his point but also teach the other malefactor a lesson even if it has to be drilled

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into his head. This I suppose is what they call road rage when it happens on the highway.

* In most management programs that are outlined I notice we give great advice which is actually meaningless in practice. This is because it is easier said than done. Most people are creatures of habit and their behaviour patterns are not that easily transformed by a few words thrown at them.

The words of Francis Bacon that say something like this are important: We think according to fancy, talk according to education but behave by habit.

When we are in error.

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Human beings are a funny species. They have many considerations at any given time floating in their heads, all clamouring for priority attention and this gives rise to errors in judgment and decisions. If the error is not of great importance like picking up the wrong file for a meeting, it can be rectified and the error is soon forgotten and coolly slips into oblivion. But often the error is of such circumstantial importance with many others involved where there is no escaping the hullabaloo created in the form of a “situation” and a serious embarrassment is given rise to. It is in these cases that the human creativity comes into play. I give you here a situation to sort out.

In a criminal case, the accused needed to be somewhere else – a marriage in the family – on the date he was to be in court. His lawyer assured him that she would be able to handle the situation with ease by asking for another date for the appearance on the ground of ill health and that there would be nothing to worry. So the accused merrily went on with his life. Later in the day he found that the judge simply would have nothing to do with the lawyer’s pleas and had issued a non-bailable warrant against him.

Nothing could be worse as this could mean also cancellation of his bail. How would you handle it?

The young lady lawyer in question showed a courage and presence of mind that was commendable. The very next day, she made another plea to the judge in the presence of the accused and pleaded for clemency stating that it was all her fault. She had misinformed the accused erroneously of the date and that he 118

should not be punished for no fault of his. On this the judge being a woman too, took a lenient view and the NBW was cancelled and the accused began breathing again and his respect of the lawyer went up one notch.

When in error few show this courage to come out clean or take it on them-selves to help somebody out. Our personal agendas normally win over the need to go beyond our puny selves. It is such a sad reflection on this superior race that we profess to be.

Humans being what they are would normally opt for first obfuscating the matter in such a way that in the confusion the subject gets carpeted over. If this does not work, they look for plausible excuses however far-fetched they may be and as a last resort for a scapegoat if one is conveniently at hand. This is very easy to understand. A certain amount of narcissism is in all of us.

The element of vanity does not allow us to present ourselves as we are. We want to be seen as bright, capable, successful and master of the situation and will generally go to long lengths to put up a great show. At least that is what we think we are doing.

In the heart of hearts everybody is fully aware of his/her errors and shortcomings. To hide it is our first priority even though quite often we know that lip-service is all we are getting and nobody is fooled. But we all continue with the charade. After all being clever is more important than being accurate, sincere and honest.

In the process we complicate situations and wherever we are in authority we can even harm others. This is so pitiful. Owning up errors would in my opinion only make others see our greatness and 119

our magnamity. We have been brought up on stories of honesty and its eventual huge recompenses yet we are afraid to implement this attitude in our lives. You would have certainly heard of the story of George Washington and Harishchandra. Don’t you believe in them?

So what keeps us back? One, I suppose is the need to be seen in a good light alone. The other is that we want the world to be reasonable and do things our way; therefore it will not do to be remotely seen as an error-prone person. We have created an image of ourselves and we will always go out the whole hog to make sure that others see us that way. It is a prison of our own making. This prison brings us stress and worries which we could well do without. Those who are happy in their skin could never be bothered. Their attitude is always towards accepting their error and swiftly going on to with their lives. If an apology is needed, it is sincerely made and done with. Apologies have a distinct property of diffusing explosive situations and smoothing out any misunderstandings and taking the wind out of the sail of other’s indignation.

How many of us have the courage to own up? Why do we still continue to point fingers? Are we not evoluting or learning from our experiences and education? I wonder.

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* The mind is not our enemy but an undisciplined friend because our gaming persona wants it so. It is the instrument that makes play in the physical world possible.

Is it its fault that we do not train it adequately?

Ah! Training and practice are different things. A lot of people practice only in thought, some in words and some do physical exercises but their minds are elsewhere, always remain the untrained monkeys.

The choice of living with one's own mind is ours. The mind cannot be blamed for anything. WE train it and we live with it.

The habits, the thinking patterns, the judgments, the emotional reactions, the conclusions we arrive at - that are made constantly; all these are the "training". Since the day of birth the "training" and conditioning begins. You have been trained in a particular pattern - your freedom notwithstanding. What kind of pattern have been inculcated, create the mental base on which the persona survives and grows.

I DID tell you!

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The question is not that we can or should be at work without a break but are we all listening? The human persona cannot just go on and on. It is logical to assume that even though the eyes and ears are physically open, most brains behind them are asleep at the core; which of course leads me to assume that we are most often making the right gestures but not registering anything.

As it is, the humans are known to be bad listeners. We are so occupied at saying our piece that our ears are perennially switched off. This is actually intelligent behaviour as listening would presuppose that some demands may have to be acquiesced to. So we have this lovely scenario where everyone is yapping away but there is little or no attempt to ensure that it is all registering at the other end. And this is precisely the point I wish to make.

We have acquired some very self-defeating habits. I will take up two that I feel are the worst. One is the fact that our impatience is so acute that we do not think twice to butt in a conversation and the second is that we do so without ensuring that anyone is listening to us or not. First we disturb the two people at conversation and this shows the downside of our manners and then we expect to be heard first which shows the extent of our selfpreoccupation. Then the worst part is that the person addressed to is unable to resist the call and responds and thereby adding to the mĂŞlĂŠe. So here I am standing in front of the judge, frightened of the consequences while my lawyer is trying to make a point and the judge starts listening to some other lawyer. How would you 122

feel under the circumstances? We are all of us culprits and doing this all the time and as I have seen in India this is so common and acceptable a practice that no one is annoyed. This attitude also shows in our inability to form queues or wait our turn at the counter or even let the other guy finish his sentence.

But more to the point is the catastrophic situations that are being created at all times and the irritants that we are adding to our lives. We can’t sit still for a moment. With our laptop and mobile phone in hand we just have to be up and doing something. The brain and nerves are stretched out in hundreds of directions at the same time at any given time and I wonder if everyone is going a mile a minute then who is sitting still enough to bother to listen to me? Is it surprising that nothing gets done properly and our achievements are all half baked or need immediate correction when done? It is no secret that quite often we discuss and argue a project or subject into such a confusion that all that remains to be done is bury it.

Communications have now become incessant and we are all expected to be at our listening posts at all times so of course the antidote is to shut off the process.

I give an instance from my personal life. Magnify and transpose these small incidents and possibilities into other instances and you will understand the magnitude of the point being made.

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Yesterday, I was sitting watching TV but because my wife started talking to me so when my ears registered that she was talking to me I instantly switched my attention to her. My child was playing nearby and there was nothing to bother about the scene at all.

Just then, it seems, the maid brought me a hot cup of coffee and placed it on the table within the reach of the child while I was looking away. The child all of 20 months old, lovingly and helpfully picked it up and started putting it in my hands – all this while I was not even aware of the coffee. Of course as things would be my waving arm hit the cup and the poor child dropped the coffee in my lap; I shrieked and the child bawled in consternation and now I am nursing a burn; and, god forbid, if the coffee had dropped on the child? Gosh, I am afraid to think of it. I asked the maid why she left the cup within the child’s reach without informing me and she replied that she did tell me! But I was so engrossed at listening to my wife that I did not hear her!! She knew that I had not heard and yet she did not try to ensure that I be made aware of the hot cup at my elbow. When I asked why she had left it within the child’s reach she replied in all honesty that the possibility of a mishap did not enter her mind. So that was that.!!!

The solution? Simple; first attract the person’s attention, then, when certain, then alone speak to him/her directly with eyes meeting. And for good manner’s sake please wait your turn. Also look for signs that the other person is listening – don’t take it for granted.

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* Temptations are always there but most we hide them and control them. Becoming aware of them is the first step. Recognising their power over us is the next step. Becoming free of them, by understanding is the final step.

Living with Control Freaks

The ego is a wonderful thing. It simplifies the procedure that confirms an individual’s assessment of his self-worth in terms of being the only superlative person on this planet. This automatically clears the way to a style of living and management that clearly leaves no doubt in the person’s self-esteem that he is by far the best bet in any situation and what he does not know or can’t do is not worth the trouble even talking about. Deep down they are terrified of their own knowledge of themselves, as they fully know how vulnerable they really are.

Do you know anyone who fits this description? Their opinions are final, their arguments are full of holes and their attitudes is pompous; not that you could dare oppose or even try to put in a word edgewise.

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Once established how supreme they are, they feel justified that the control of every moment of our lives should not only be in their hands but that they get first option into anything. Result is we have Control Freaks. Look at life from any angle; they are everywhere. Give them a position of authority and they immediately take on a monstrous image. As Parents, Superiors and Drivers the worst in them appears easily.

The rage levels in our midst are rising everyday. This mindset of being so obviously superior and better, stuffed with selfimportance is behind this rising phenomenon. New words like flight-rage and shopper’s rage etc are making an entry into our lexicon because these are newly emerging tendencies for which our language was not equipped earlier. This goes to prove that this is new to us and now is very surely all around us.

The other day I went into a shop looking for a new mobile phone; the owner is known to me but the son was at the counter. The moment he saw me coming in he became busy with a drawer of his. Nevertheless I did manage to get to him by asking if he has new phones. He never looked up and simply replied “NO� and continued to rummage in his drawer. I left without seeing his face.

I suppose I am too old, out of date, economy minded and not really his kind of client. A wave of anger did rise but I controlled it. After all this kid that I have seen growing in front of my eyes, now has today everything made. Compared to what he has at his command in terms of wealth, I am a nothing.

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The unfortunate part of this is that it is becoming part of the personae of capable and well meaning people too. They judge themselves on some activities in which they are more than good and of course this means that they are really better than many in a particular field but they take this rather too generously to encompass their personalities entirely. So their self assessment is terribly slanted; they see themselves as superiors standing out from the lesser beings around them. Unfortunately these people become awfully arrogant and intolerant and fly into rages for just about everything and anything. They “Demand” respect as a right.

I saw this advertisement for a car in which the catch phrase is “Demand Respect” – so I must be right; even the publicity managers have caught on to this weakness in us.

These grand guys see others as totally incapable nincompoops and in their anger there is an element of disgust at the incompetent lowly oafs they have to live with. They are as far as I can see always at boiling point and when they interact, this view that they have of others is fully evident in their responses and reactions.

They never correct, explain, advise or ask questions but berate and criticize. Their comments are scathing and designed to hurt like they would crush an insect under their feet for defiling their space. Every expression of theirs indicates their frustrations and saintly forbearance for their loutish brethrens and their own strength in comparison in tolerating it all.

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Well they are what they are and what we need to bother about is how to deal with them. Arguing with them or trying to make them see our point of view will only enrage them more and it is well nigh impossible as if trying to go through a stone wall. They would see this act as insubordination or at least a case of pure and simple arguing back for argument’s sake. We can’t keep totally silent either. So a little manipulating is called for and for this we need to learn a bit of applied psychology. The first thing is to stay calm and not react. This takes out the wind from their sails. The second thing of importance is to go along but with an aim to divert them. This is not so easy but it can be done; it is done by primarily avoiding frontal tactics. For instance a boss I know gives very difficult-to-put into action orders far away from ground realities and he refuses to listen to the field staff. His employees say “Yes Sir” and go out to do it. This is their break of sorts and when they come back they put alternative suggestions logically and well meaningly and this works.

Control freaks are always in a hurry and in their hurry end up destroying quite of lot of things around them that they themselves have built up. The trick is in letting them rant but keep the control of the final action and pacing in one’s own hands. As long as these freaks are not contraried, all is fine. It might even be a good idea to let them apparently interfere. Ask them for something. This will keep their egos quiet. Don’t get intimidated – just go about as if nothing troublesome is happening.

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We have to be kind to them. Control Freaks are well aware of their behaviour – it is a technique learnt early and mastered by practice over the years. They are, as if, saying “Humour me or else” and are evidently getting away with it. There is no other way but if abuse creeps in, there is, and that is separation. Sometimes it is not worth wasting ourselves out on these freaks as they may drain us out which will not do at all. No relationship is worth that!

•

Would the child you once were be inspired by the person you've become?" - Nic Askew ……..

We are in error if we think that as we grow we are actually becoming a more complete person. The general growth is towards more understanding of the intricacy of our lives, laws and loves but as people we lose the awe of learning and surprises. I think we become hardened rogues and narrower in spirit. No wonder children find adults rather a pain. Do we even remember the child we were?

The big difference in my opinion is that the "play" part in us leaves as we grow up and is replaced by "calculation" - and the mess is complete. And if by misfortune we succeed materially, even pretence of kindness evaporates.

Opt for Change

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Another year comes to an end and there will be many words written and repeated on the resolutions we take to bring change into our lives. Here are a few from my pen as well.

In the past few days I have been socializing within my old group of family and friends more than is normal for me. Suddenly it hit me like a bomb. Everyone is talking about the wrongs of this world and they have a lot to say too. But nothing in their conversation indicated or gave any hint that they were doing something about it or looking for solutions. Rather there was a concrete feeling that they were all making small talk and their grievances made for a good subject as any. It had the added advantage to let the world at large know how burdened their lives are and how well they are taking it or/and managing within the tedious circumstances.

Of course there was an underlying pattern of vanity even in this as they were all vying to prove to each other that their troubles were greater than those of the rest of us.

The bomb that hit me was the realization that it was all absolutely superficial and more in the nature of keeping the conversation ball rolling. Of course as we lead rather mediocre and humdrum lives, we have much to complain about. Our own intention to go deep into the matter and look for a solution is never evident; rather I would say totally absent. If at all we are looking forward into the future it is always with this hope that the world will change enough to accommodate us and all our woes will go away one fine 130

morning. The effort is to keep ourselves with inane and avoid real contemplation. Hours are spent in discussions. Each and every aspect is dissected from every angle in great detail. The sentences are pregnant with cares. Along with every issue raised there is an accompanying sentence that rationalizes the happenings so wonderfully that no avenue is left to really put in the effort to do something about it. We look for answers but only those that satisfy our own view or desire will find favour with us. This is hypocrisy in action.

I remember being deeply influenced by this quote when I was younger: “People who want by the yard and work for it by the inch should be kicked by the foot”. I was just coming out of my teens and the insincerity and the gap between what people would say and would do was so great that it brought out all my impatience and I would say so and like any angry young man, I was vehement about it. If only the energy they put in all this drama was put in improving their sort, what colossal changes could be given birth to. Like all young people I was impatient to cure and change and did not kindly to the evasive tactics I met. Now I understand better and am more tolerant but it still amuses me to see how we fool ourselves into believing that this type of cosmetic rationalizing will sweep the “immediate” under the carpet and we will live another day; who knows what miracles are waiting for us the next morrow. Everyone sees through the charade and I must give kudos to the optimist in us. Nobody is taken in by these rationalizations, least of all they themselves but it keeps the appearance up and this is where the crunch it: the social necessities are taken care of and we survive to live another day.

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What I am repeatedly calling “rationalizations” is in reality excuses that we pluck from our fount of knowledge. There is so much ancient text, accepted customs and scientific principles to choose from. Whatever the subject may be, there is always some commonly accepted rule or principle that will satisfy both the pro and con of the issue. This comes in handy to find a good reason to act upon what our heart desires or not, as the case may be. To illustrate my point, I would like to bring forth our use of the words Karma, Fate and Destiny. Excuses like “I am suffering because of my Karmas in my past lives”; “Things will happen only if it is written in my Destiny” are heard every day. Every suicide is preceded by the logic “There is no other way”. Remember the disparaging comments of wise people in the 19thcentury for people who were experimenting with flying machines: “If God had wanted Man to fly, He would have given him wings”.

History and everyday occurrences prove without doubt that the world is moving on because there are people who do not take “NO” for an answer and do not understand the science of making excuses. Yet we refuse to grow up and take the wheel of our lives in our hands in a more determined manner. It is so much easier to find reasons to do what is convenient to us! I used to eat in a restaurant when I was a bachelor. For twenty years a nice man served me there. The 18 hours a day job was taking a huge toll of his health. I was so impressed with him that I asked him to learn driving so that he could be taken in as a cook cum driver in a household with better pay and living conditions. But he never 132

found the time. Then one day the restaurant just folded up. The poor man was out on the street and survival became the priority.

I repeat here two paragraphs from an article written by Carol Allen

Any therapist -- heck, any five year old -- will tell you that change is hard. We get snuggled up in our mediocre comfort zones and that's where we stay until we're so fat, miserable, broke, sick or FILL IN THE BLANK that we do something different.

Positive change requires some critical pre-steps. First: you have to know what you want. Amazingly, studies show that only one person out of one hundred knows what they want. Second: You have to know WHY you want it, and your WHY has to be so compelling and inspiring that every setback and challenge along the way won't stop you.

Would you have the courage to look at yourself? Or would rather maintain the status quo and let things be?

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It IS all role playing. An intelligent take on what will sell and what will not. The real individuals, who have crossed over to the intuitive world, see the mayhem around them and try to hide behind a screen but their individuality will always seep through.

One of the best proofs is their inability to stick to a given pattern that the world at large can understand or codify their sense of humour and the ability to amuse them-selves by letting others laugh at them.

But once you start putting whatever "learning" you have into practice, the truth is bound to dawn on you; you like it or not. A point then comes when you can venture out in the intuitive world.

Majority are not comfortable with change. Others do it and then become disturbed. The mind likes to label things. It is a collector.

It collects so much that it collapses under the weight of its own information.

The mind has a lot of pride about all the stuff it can carry.

Simplicity is seen as becoming "lesser". It gets caught in its own web and makes a mess around its periphery and field of action India's weakness has been and is its SLOTH. On the average I would say it is a lazy country. The people would rather discuss and argue but not get things done. On one end we have the possibility of great spiritual growth and residing side by side is the opposite in the form of all that is negative like: greed, pride, violence, intolerance etc etc. If only we become a little perfectionist in our

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goals; this in simple language meaning that we should always strive to do our best and not look for short cuts.

Talking of short cuts, I ask have you noticed the number of fires, devastating accidents that happen regularly due to “shorts”. Why? Because we are “incurable wishful thinkers” and never follow the technical parameters.

A small drive on any roads is audio-visual proof of personas of a given people. In India a drive in Delhi will show our need to be first, the great sense of self importance, paramount selfishness, total disregard or respect for others and coupled with our cleverness and ability to manoeuvre –to think out of the box.

Living with new challenges

I start this note with this conversation:

Puntipa Metta Life is beautiful but sometimes it's boring esp. when there is no new experience. Perhaps experiences make us concentrate.

Pradeep Pk Maheshwari 135

Never let this situation ever happen. When you feel things are stagnating - take wilful deliberate steps towards something new.

Puntipa Metta Thanks GURU. I’ll try to. Still so confused. I believe that there's nothing free. Also experience is both positive and negative. While there's duty and responsibility in addition. I'm afraid of my own capacity.

Pradeep Pk Maheshwari This is too much rationalisation: a trick by the mind and your subconscient to not shake things up. The physical "body" mind does not like changes - it believes in keeping stuck to the rut of the known world.

We are not here for simply whiling away our time on earth. The Soul is on a mission. It is here with a program to gather experiences.

Therefore whenever we feel that we are getting into a rut and living by habit, a wilful plan should be put into execution to bring in new challenges in life. As new as possible; which means for example: Not just changing the car or the colour of the car but learning to pilot a new machine like, let us say, a helicopter, even a bus?

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The challenge is not only in the skill but also self-discipline and mastery that a new skill requires; specially the interaction with other humans (like your tutor) will require exemplary restrain of our ego and all.

It is of great importance to understand, that those who live with new goals all the time live fuller life and a soul that is happy to continue longer in the same envelop longer. Otherwise when it is stagnating it normally decides to retire.

On helping people with suicide tendencies Why the suicides? A) With the normal human eyes we would see these people as those who have an identity crisis and "desire" crisis. They do not get their ego boost nor their desires - so what is there to live for?

B) In the ethereal world that we in India we call Tantric (occultthat which is not seen) there are beings that feed on the emotional mayhem the humans produce. They love it and keep on poking humans for more; they goad them to be emotional & lose control. The body is already weak with the poisoning we have unleashed on this earth. Now the spirit is also being weakened with mobile phones, TV, Computers and virtual world of Facebook (and similar) addiction.

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On the battle field’s spirits that are suddenly dispossessed of their bodies are looking for support and ride on the backs of the living.

They can be very strong and can create much damage and push people over the brink Most suicides do defer their actions if they have somebody to lean on. All they want is a shoulder to put their baggage on. Often their woes are very real and do need help. If family and friends can provide the props, things remain in control. But in today's social makeup, distances are the norm and individualism (read: selfish behaviour) the accepted format. The speed with which troubles emerge and overcome hapless beings is extraordinary.

Organisations do help. Only the sincerity of those working there, specifically in a bureaucratic setup is doubted; very much doubted - for they end up thinking of it as a job. Soon they become apathetic as others.

The organisation eats up all the funds and we are all back to square one.

Vehemence My friends at Nice (France) and I were discussing the need to "prendre de recul". The discussion was mainly on the point of the lack of breathing space that is not being given by people to themselves. The TV, Computer and Mobile keep the mind engaged and in top gear at all waking moments. This is also creating heavy neurological stress and is showing in the forms of sickness. Mother Nature had put sleep as the "RECUL" in our lives but people have reduced their sleep time. The mind is occupied with many folios at 138

all the time and juggling with many different personas at any given time. A certain amount of disorientation and fatigue then has to be. It is very easy for the mind to snap under all this stress.

I must at the same give kudos to those who are able to carry on at the pace they do. The load on the physical body is great. The nerves are stretched to the limit and I see people going on and on for what, as it seems to me, a life time. But in recent years I have seen too many cases in my personal circle of people cracking under the load and it is not easy to feel comfortable about it at all. And I am not talking of rage and irritable outbursts or even mild heart attacks.

Most of the cases have ended up with paralytic attacks. In two cases, the loss of speech became permanent. One of them was my guardian in the Ashram. He was a stickler for accuracy and a perfectionist; always at it with little room for compromises. The same attributes were in the second case. So I wonder how much of this attitude is good for our health. It was one of the most despondent and sad sight to see such a wonderful man laid low, unable to express himself and in pain due to it. The second case, more recent, was equally poignant.

Often in our focus on our personal goals we travel with single mindedness that makes us miss the scenery. We not only side-step issues that we should have tackled but we often trample on the 139

red carpets being laid out for us both by providence and friends. In our drive we only tend to interfere with our own lives under these conditions and may even block certain "happenings"(happy ones mostly) that are ready to happen from happening.

This has left me with a distinct impression that most people are living with too much vehemence. One of the signs that I see commonly is in the long speeches that get going at the hint of a word from another. Rarely listening to the incoming input. Cutting people off in mid-sentence to say their piece by often reacting to the first words heard; making communication, specially the kind which requires explanations, very difficult; the stress on being heard too high. This is not only sheer waste of physical strength but also makes it stressful for others to communicate thereby creating a very strained situation indeed.

It is as if they are putting all their strength to remain locked up in their box. Anything outside their own field of view and their little ordered lives apparently is unwanted and easily disturbs them.

Who does not wish for smooth sailing in one’s life but to expect this at all times is rather premature and the worst one can do is to vehemently will & push to put life back into order as seen/known/wanted. Keep the view short and sweet seems to be the aim.

Misunderstandings and recriminations then become stone walls.

Personal and professional relationships can easily go sour and the resultant disruptions in our life can bring more tenseness. We 140

really need to learn to take a step back once or twice every day. It is not enough to think of yearly holidays in the guise of relaxation where we go and stress ourselves out more. It is imperative to log out for half an hour or so a day or even for a day or two every now and then. It should be made part of our medication which we take so seriously. And if we can, introspect a little and see that it is our self-centeredness that is in action and hurting only us. To this also maybe added a few thoughts to our pretences, snobbish pursuits and insincerity in our dealings; a delectable witches’ poisonous brew.

Male-Female equation When our Identity of ourselves as the "I" is cantered around the body and we see nothing else, the body takes on a very great importance. Sex and its enjoyment is the highest bliss that we are aware of. In this scenario when a woman gives of her-self, specially along with her body, her giving is complete, total and 100% from her point of view. The male can never match this "giving". This thought is at the source of all discordance. And if the woman is also an earning member, the arrogance levels and discordance can go to great untamed ends.

When pride and arrogance are at play, the arrogance of the male in his physical strength is no less. And his control on its youthful force & power is not always worth speaking about. So when he wants something, he uses it with sad consequences for everybody.

And if by good fortune the male has received a good education and is privy to a good income, he can easily become intolerable 141

The game begins with the woman. She is at her charming best when her hormones are calling her out. Her natural instincts override all mental conditioning. Education only gives it more polish.

She uses all her guile to bewitch the male. Then, when she has her child, the “mother” in her surfaces. The mother is a warrior who will go to any length to take care of her child.

When the males find her in a ”distant” mode, he gets riled, confused and violent because he needs his dose of pleasure and does not know where to go or how to go about getting it. His needs have been aroused and they need outlet. Very few males know of any other method to release their passions.

Violence erupts easily. The woman’s is verbal and the man’s physical.

This is the lacuna in the society which we have created. It is a battle between organization, control and instinct.

WE are not allowing love and instinct to flow its natural path. At one end there is need to curtail unbridled passion and at the other end not to block it up either.

This is the reason why “Madams” have always flourished and are sorely needed. Wherever this activity is made unlawful and looked down upon as sinful, things get complicated and more sinful, horrendous acts result. I blame the stupidity of our law makers, both political and religious, for this.

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Then this concept that females are responsible for all the ills has been promoted by males. Female children have the worst of it yet everyone wants to marry one. It is one confused humanity.

Everyone admonishes to be kind. Let love and compassion shine forth through you and all that. Fine. I am greatly happy to see that we have at least graduated to think of kindness as an attribute to cultivate. When I look back at the psychological state of humans in the Middle Ages, not to speak of many cultures which are still suck there, we have to give credit to humanity for opening this Vibration into our thoughts and lives.

Kindness already exists in us. Just see how people behave when their interests are in play. Show someone that he has much to gain through you and you will be overwhelmed with kindness, attention and solicitous gifts. You will also see these gifts evaporate in a whiff of smoke the moment your tap tends to dry up. The other side of the coin is equally prevalent. Humans will be sarcastic, brutal and sadistically hurtful if they feel their interests are protected by this action and specially so if the other party is in no position to defend. Then, considering the degree of helplessness, the vehemence varies.

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Unfortunately I wonder how just speaking about it will help. We are made of dual possibilities. Most of the triggers are deeply imbedded in our subconscious and directly activated by the Cosmic Forces.

It is absolutely undeniable in my book that the conscious mind cannot really control anything as instinctive as the need to showoff and vindictiveness.

I am quite clear about how to bring about change in human reactions. We have to inculcate this concept in children when they are still absorbing without judging and then the subconscious will act as its own witness and brake. We need to inoculate the children against the thoughts of hurting by repeatedly repeating to the child that hurting others only brings revengeful actions and reactions and that this hurts them back in the long run. This philosophy should be in their waking consciousness at all times.

Unfortunately our examples leave much to be desired. And let us cut out, with immediate effect all the show of violence we are subjecting our children to and encouraging them to play at it as if it is alright. We are doing the opposite of what is so ardently required.

There is much to be said to instil the idea like: Two can play at a game.

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There is no certainty what & how the trigger to a feeling will happen. In our hidden corners are memories and images that make us react in funny ways. So First let us learn to look within, take a little more detachment in our stride; it is easier said than done.

So I repeat my earlier statement: Everything has a place and normally speaking is in its place. It is just the cruelty aspect. Why be unkind, careless or abrasive just to prove a point that you can afford to be so and there is nobody who can touch you in any way. If this is not an exercise in arrogance, what is? The same philosophy goes into everything for example: bringing up the child. Just don’t be cruel because you can be and are in a position to be.

Not a separate species What and why. Why do we think of women and men as different species? We are essentially the same. Just people. My point always has been that sex is over accentuated as the focal point of contact and our separateness. It has been regulated and then stamped with the label of "sin". From this comes the concept of cheating and rape.

The whole thinking is wrong.

Sex is an appetite like many other appetites. Some people can’t control their urge to eat chocolates, drink alcohol, hamburgers, and extra salt or sugar etc etc. This is another hunger. Notice how 145

when we start maturing in Spirit, this hunger subsides. Other focal interests rise and take centre-spot of our attention.

I suppose from the philosophical point of view the answer is living in Compassion for all living Beings. And unfortunately, the Earth’s atmosphere is still far away from this totality though I will admit we know about it and are aware of it and some individuals/small groups have even arrived.

No man (unless under the influence devilish spirits) goes out with the intention of always raping every female they meet. The woman does not realise the havoc she plays by her wily ways. If they are going to jiggle their breasts and hips to all and sundry, something is bound to happen and somewhere a fuse is surely to blow. Once the match is lit, the conflagration cannot be contained.

We need to ask, why this problem does not exist with primal communities for example let’s say in Polynesia or our tribes in central or/and north-eastern India.

Additionally there are abstract questions like why only certain women attract attention.

If you believe in psychology, what is it that attracts the male?

Astrologically, why certain things happen in certain planetary configurations?

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Then finally, aren't women making it difficult for men to contain their libido? Why do they do this yet expecting all males to be saints?

The aggression that anyone gets in life is always in the area which they give importance to and identify their personas with. Misers get attacked where they lose money and in their minds – prestige.

Physical people priding themselves on their body shapes eventually get shaken up by their overall health. Boasters lose the very ground they stand up on to boast. etc etc

Sex has been given undue importance in our way of thinking.

Society has been over regulated on this subject. The sin part has made it into something bigger than life: over-valued. At one end is frustration for being denied and the other end it is one way to hurt pride and self-consciousness. It is like kidnapping or threats of vandalism in its action - emotional vandalism and physical hurt for one and the feeling of being stronger/powerful for the perpetrator.

It is all in the: Being able to take away something from somebody that they think valuable.

They are using it to harm. But visiting one's devilishness on a child - I think they should be hung by the nearest tree and questions asked later.

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For that matter even hurting a woman is a highly malafide intention.

But I also wish to bring out our mental conditioning of what is considered evil and not evil. In different societies these differ. And that is the source of the problem if we see it as a problem.

In India burning the bride & sati has been accepted and still is in practice. Women have been used as pawns in kingdom and business alliances through marriages – which was virtually the giving away the daughter of the house for rape.

If we go deep into the male psyche, women are nothing but a source of pleasure and disposable, a commodity – always have been; whatever they may say otherwise.

Buying and selling girls is the biggest business and using them as sex slaves or prostitutes is the safest business.

God knows what is right and what the truth is. I have met women, high class courtesans who have bluntly said "How does it matter; we remain our masters" and I suppose this gives off a lot of wrong vibes at large. The entire film, job industry is based on "couch" casting - willingly.

Once a manufacturer came to me for export possibilities and brought a young lady with him who was made available to me in the first meeting.

The women have not been protecting themselves much, I would say.

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It is all power play in the final analysis. I hope humanity can rise above this soon. Both men and women and consider each other as the same people of this earth and accord each other respect, regard and affection. I suppose from the philosophical point of view the answer is living in Compassion for all living Beings. And unfortunately, the Earth’s atmosphere is still far away from this totality though I will admit we know about it and are aware of it and some individuals/small groups have even arrived.

YOGIC SECRETS OF MATERIAL SUCCESS Wealth is an acquired thing. It can be in any domain or level of consciousness – be it Material or Spiritual. The secrets to acquire wealth are the same and the same can be said for worldly happiness.

The first secret is in the word “Precision”.

Whatever you desire needs to be precisely pictured in your mind.

Most of us tend to be rather vague in our “wantings”. For our own part we have no clear picture of the path and goal we are going to take. There is a heavy dose of wishful thinking in our plans.

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Then we waver and depend on luck (or call it fate) to provide the possibilities and opportunities.

This will not do.

The second secret is in the word “Picturisation”.

Paint a picture in your mind of what you want. Fill in the details.

When you want a car, decide which model and colour and even plan out where you are going to park it. The picture should be very precise. Then the Universe will know what it has to do to organize to make it happen for you.

The third secret is “Input”.

What exactly are you going to put in from your side? There are principles and morals + fears that we have imbibed. Are they in tune with the objective? Our study is it complete and do we have knowledge for the task on hand? How well do we understand what we are getting into?

The fourth secret is “Communication” Is your language precise enough and are you good at putting your mind picture into words accurately? When you speak is your pronunciation/enunciation and the use of words, are they based on the universally accepted norms; are you sure the other person 150

has clearly heard and understood you? The need for clear and correct interpersonal understanding is normally not valued by people. We assume that we are doing a good job but more often than not we end up misunderstanding more than the other way round and very often we understand not at all but out of politeness do not mention it.

The fifth secret is “Attitude” Do you go looking for solutions? Most of us are experts at rationalizing. We prefer explaining and complaining and that way prove to ourselves that it is all beyond our control. Once we have adopted this attitude, we can blame others squarely and continue to go merrily on our way. This is hardly the way to success.

The sixth secret is “Empathy” Put yourself in the place of the other. You will see the real picture and you will decide correctly. Simply don’t let your purpose be overshadowed by the emotional needs or the manipulative ability of the other but don’t be unkind without good reason. Study people and how psychology plays the human game.

The Hidden Genius The challenge is in uncovering the hidden self of a person by ways and means other than the obvious. One of the newer trends is in Mess Analysis. The human mind is very simple. It zeroes on the 151

obvious. The guy whose drawer is in a mess therefore it concludes should be having a disorganized pattern of thinking too. This is as crude as it can get. The human psychological make-up is rather more complex and a given tendency may not reflect in the same way in its practical and pragmatic visage. Take for instance the people who like cleanliness and order as predicted by astrology for Virgo people. My experience is that they are so concerned with cleanliness and order that they become a pain in the neck for everybody; there is very little left in their lifestyle to accommodate others. Of course their idea is that their spic and span attitude shows them as intelligent, capable and of course better than others; so they really expect appreciation. Even the slightest hint that their decisions and methods may not be the best usually puts them in a defensive mode and they will then argue to justify themselves till they brow-beat you into silence.

Now if this were true, of what use is the orderliness? Perfection for perfection sake is difficult to digest in this imperfect world. I have lived with such people and found them to be intractable and difficult to make friends with. They are very intelligent but use their intelligence to find fault with everything and everybody around them. Order and cleanliness are wonderful things and we should live by the highest standards but they make one so predictable and boring. It is as if an unseen witch is after them with an unseen broom.

On the other side of the spectrum is the unruly creative person who has so many possibilities jostling in his head and has many projects at any given time on the burner. Then it is not always easy or practical to complete every project in one go so it 152

presupposes that he would have incomplete projects lying around that seem a mess to the uninitiated. If the visitor jumps to the conclusion that this man would not amount to anything then he would be totally wrong because he would have failed to see the genius behind it all. I am personally very comfortable with this kind of a person. I have this nephew who is rather a remarkably intelligent person. He is into quality control which means he is always learning new trends, techniques, technologies and processes. That keeps his mind sharp. Add to this his ability to converse well and get his point across. The flip side of all this is that he has many things on his plate at any given time and the chances are that whatever can be made to wait keeps going down on the list of “DOs”.; so by necessity and somewhat by temperament this has made him into a procrastinator. He is kind hearted to a fault and has not learnt to say “NO” so the entire family and large entourage makes demands on him because they know that he would do the job well. Poor fellow has little time as he travels and is out of town quite often; then there are the pressing needs of his own family when he does happen to be home. Obviously he is the last person to call in for odd jobs but still if it came to putting my eggs in any basket, especially in things that matter I would put it in his basket. Although I must admit if I wanted my letter to be posted, I would certainly not trust him. Yet if I was seriously sick, he is the first person I would want around me.

How to live badly

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I first ask pardon to have taken the liberty to even bring up the subject.

Who am I to say what is of consequence and what is not.

Yet many discussions around me prompt me to bare my own thoughts.

The question centres on the wastage of our personal energy in a lot of activities of questionable end-result. To answer this question a lot more wisdom than what I have is needed. Yet some doings of the soul are definitely worth airing.

Holding hurts. When people have nursed their egos all their lives, it is difficult to forget something that hurts their self-esteem, their amour-propre. When we have conditioned ourselves to love appreciation regardless from whom or where it is coming, even if it is flattery, hurts are going to make very deep impacts. A more reasonable and balanced approach is needed if we are to live happier and contented lives. This has to be learnt. As a second step, if only we could learn from our own lives and make it a point to not pass the same vibes to the next generation as well.

Otherwise the cycle repeats itself into more and more people.

A Matter of Pride.

We make many objects, actions and various habits a matter of pride that we feel gives us the separate and exclusive identity we crave in this crowded world. But this is restrictive in the sense that it fences us in and we then fight tooth and nail to remain within the fence rather than enjoy life. This is what snobs are made of. We give ourselves a reputation and then cannot let go.

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We often make our own lives miserable and of those around us. A wise man constantly evaluates the present pragmatically and makes changes to go along with the times. He makes his “changes� a matter of his pride.

Assisted suicides by doctors or free advisers on the internet Bloody morbid; if you ask me. If only they knew how the universe works. We are given lives for a purpose. All the forces of the universe that are troubling you now at least are weakened by the envelope of the body to protect you. Once you are out of the body, the same forces get free rein to attack you. The pain actually increases. I cannot show the truth of this statement but it has been understood by the yogic psychology/philosophy people who have experience of occult forces at work in humans and the world. If we could convince these idiots about this, they would not think of suicides.

The Illusion of Honesty The entire social management on this earth is based on the presumption that human being are upright and honest beings loaded up to the gill with positive attributes. Added to this is the blinkered view that the human animal is always looking forward, progressive, dying to excel, reasonable, committed, clear in his mind, basically sincere in word and action, with rarely any hidden agenda of his own and what not. Let’s be a little sincere for once and look into the subject honestly; we are anything but. The above presumptions although taken as the base for everyday management, are prominent only in their absence. Anyone who proves himself to be really endowed with these qualities is soon dubbed and canonized a saint.

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ANY FURTHER QUESTIONS? Do contact us. Email: gururdeva@yahoo.com Phone: 0091-11-41730043

Some of the BOOKS by Pradeep Maheshwari:

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