Guide to great death care
WHAT IS GREAT DEATH CARE?
We will all, one day, experience the death of someone close to us. When that happens, we will want them to experience the best care possible. But great care shouldn’t end when someone dies.
Great death care is important for family and friends who are grieving, as well as for the person who has died. It is compassionate and respects what matters most to you. We believe great death care can and should be accessible to everyone.
This guide explores what great death care looks like and suggests questions to ask a funeral director to help you get the right care.
A good funeral director will support you to have the funeral that’s right for you, offering ideas and support, leaving you with the space and time you need.
GREAT DEATH CARE FOLLOWS YOUR TIMELINE
A good funeral director should follow your lead, whether you want to act swiftly or take your time. You should never feel rushed.
After someone dies, you have to register their death, but other decisions can wait. Taking time can help you explore what’s right for you.
You can keep someone at home after they have died, or bring them back home before their funeral, to say your goodbyes.
If you want to start making funeral plans before someone dies, that’s fine too. It can be a relief for friends, family, and the person who is dying, to talk about their wishes.
QUESTIONS TO ASK A FUNERAL DIRECTOR
“If I have a specific date in mind for the funeral, or need to organise a funeral quickly, will you be able to accommodate that?”
“If I want to take time in planning the funeral, will you give me the time and space I need, and advise me on deadlines or limitations I might need to bear in mind?”
GREAT DEATH CARE RESPECTS THE PLANET
Funerals can have a heavy environmental impact. But you can make simple, meaningful choices to care for the planet and leave a positive legacy.
You could swap a traditional black hearse for an electric vehicle, replace cut flowers with potted plants, or opt for natural burial in a meadow or woodland. Avoid embalming as it uses chemicals which harm the environment.
A good funeral director should guide you in making sustainable, affordable choices. They should respect the decisions that you make and be able to explain how they are reducing their own carbon footprint.
QUESTIONS TO ASK A FUNERAL DIRECTOR
“What choices do you offer to help create an environmentally-friendly funeral?”
“What are you doing to reduce the environmental impact of your business?”
GREAT DEATH CARE IS GENTLE AND PERSONAL
Death is normal and natural. The most gentle form of care is simply to keep the body safe, cool and clean. Embalming and suturing are invasive procedures which are rarely necessary.
You should always know where and how your person is being cared for and who is looking after them. A good funeral director should enable you to visit them, whether or not they have been embalmed.
It should be your choice how much or little you get involved in their care. This includes taking part in washing or dressing your person before their funeral if you would like to.
QUESTIONS TO ASK A FUNERAL DIRECTOR
“Can I visit my person in your care and help wash or dress them if I would like?”
“Do you encourage people to embalm or do you offer a choice of natural care?”
GREAT DEATH CARE IS LED BY YOU
Funeral directors don’t know best, families and friends do. Saying goodbye to someone is a personal thing and there’s no ‘right way’ to do it.
Every element of the funeral — from vehicles to venues, coffins to ceremonies — can be personalised in line with what matters most to you. A good funeral director should offer you choices, not sell you products or services that you don’t want or need.
Almost anything is possible. No question or idea should ever be considered too much to ask your funeral director. Their experience can help turn your ideas into reality.
QUESTIONS TO ASK A FUNERAL DIRECTOR
“Who will be responsible for helping me arrange the funeral, and will I be able to meet them in advance to discuss ideas?”
“Will I be able to make choices about every aspect of the funeral, or do you offer a set package?”
GREAT DEATH CARE IS CLEAR AND TRANSPARENT
Many of us only organise a funeral once or twice in our lives. The process is unfamiliar and it’s natural to have questions.
A good funeral director should answer your questions honestly, calmly and kindly. Clear and direct language, instead of euphemisms, will help ensure that everyone understands exactly what is happening.
It should be clear from the start how much everything will cost, without any hidden extras, so that you know exactly what you are paying for and why it is necessary. Lack of clarity about costs only adds to the stress of organising a funeral.
QUESTIONS TO ASK A FUNERAL DIRECTOR
“Do you have a written price list or information about costs clearly displayed on your website?”
“When and how do we pay for the funeral?”
NOTES AND QUESTIONS
We hope that this guide has prompted your own thoughts and questions. This space is for you to make notes to help guide your choices.
GET IN TOUCH
Poppy’s is an ethical funeral directors, based in London. We believe in providing great care for both the living and the dead.
You can call or email our team of experts for advice or to ask questions at any time. We receive questions from all over the country on everything related to death care and funeral planning. No question is too small or too unusual. If it matters to you, then we are here to help.
You can call us on 020 3589 4726, anytime between 9am and 5pm Monday to Friday, or email hello@poppysfunerals.co.uk
For more information about great death care and practical tips about planning a funeral, do visit our blog poppysfunerals.co.uk/talking-death