Tale of Thirteen Cats

Written by Yeebing Tse Illustrated by Katarina Ayson The final battle lies upon us. The one that determines the very fate of this universe, and whether we would be allowed to continue living. Claire, the Metallic Artificer, stood in the middle of the frigid, snow covered woods, looking back to notice thirteen cats following behind her. Twelve of them were dressed in fancy clothes that indicated their abilities, while the remaining one was completely naked. Why the Prison Master wanted to include thirteen cats in their campaign of Prisons and Pegasi, including a regular cat that was completely useless, was beyond her. But this was the game they had chosen, and Claire didn’t want to question it. After all, she was on their territory. And by the laws of the land, she had to go along with whatever they had planned. It would be unfair otherwise.

The great creature, Demon Queen Henrietta Kitty Fantastico, Morningstar of Salem, has appeared within our wake. It is still winter inside of the forest, and we are surrounded with nothing but dead trees. Claire examined Demon Queen Henrietta Kitty Fantastico, Morningstar of Salem, who was sitting in the middle of the forest. She was a black cat, wearing a witch hat paired a white blouse and vest, alongside a black cloak and matching boots on her back paws. She’s around the same size as the other cats. Why is this the final boss? Did the Prison Master run out of ideas or something? Claire ran over to punt the cat, but one of the other cats ran in front of her to stop her. “Mother!” the orange tabby cat, Tigger the Rogue, said, “We are not aware of her stats! It would be unfair to attack now.” Claire sighed, staring up at the sky before speaking to it.

“What are the stats of Demon Queen Henrietta Kitty Fantastico, Poets and Writers Coalition Winter 2022

Midwinter Mischief Magazine Morningstar of Salem?”

A rectangle appeared next to the cat, showing off its stats. Claire took a look, only to realize question marks were in place of where numbers normally were.

“Well then!” Tigger said, “I will attempt to pilfer Demon Queen Henrietta Kitty Fantastico, Morningstar of Salem’s inventory! Perhaps she possesses a suit of armor that provides immunity, which we may use to our advantage.”

“Go ahead.”

The words “STEALTH CHECK” flashed in front of them, and a twenty sided dice fell out of the sky. Tigger batted it, and it landed on a 1. Tigger was immediately shot with a laser, turning into ashes. Before Claire could be given time to process whatever the heck happened, the ashes formed into an urn.

“Did he just…”

What in the name of the Prison Master is going on? She’s just a regular cat! Where did that laser even come from?

Claire turned back to the twelve remaining cats, who were all meowing and hissing in horror. The sole exception was Kat, the naked cat, who was busy licking itself. Claire then turned back to Demon Queen Henrietta Kitty Fantastico, Morningstar of Salem, who was now staring directly at her.

We don’t actually know if she’s that strong... we just don’t know what her stats are.

Maybe we should deal with that laser thing first.

Claire examined the sky as Bucket the Paladin cat, Zimo the Fighter cat, and Pudge the Barbarian cat charged at Demon Queen Henrietta Kitty Fantastico, Morningstar of Salem, aggressively batting the die that would fall from the sky as it landed on a 1. She flinched as lasers shot down from the sky, instantly killing all three of them.

Remember... this is not real. None of this is real. You’re playing a game of Prisons and Pegasi with thirteen cats. The only thing that’ll happen if you lose is that... you lose! And losing is for people who are incompetent! You Poets and Writers Coalition Winter 2022

Midwinter Mischief Magazine can’t lose! Especially not against the Prison Master!

“Darn it.”

“Do not fear, Mother!” Marshmallow, the Cleric Cat, said, “I shall cast Resurrection and revive our fallen comrades!”

A die fell next to Marshmallow. She batted it, and it landed on one. Marshmallow attempted to cast the spell regardless, but her staff exploded and turned her into an urn.

“Well, that’s…”

It doesn’t matter. They don’t matter. It’s not like Marshmallow being dead would affect the way this battle ends. No, no! Everything is fine! We can still win this!

“Inconvenient…”

“Mother!” Layla, the Bard Cat, said, “Marshmallow is dead and your only concern is of the inconvenience? Does Marshmallow not mean anything to you?”

“Well…I’m sure we can…resurrect her? You can do that, right?”

“MOTHER! That is completely disrespectful to Marshmallow! But yes, I shall make an attempt at Resurrection! I shall-”

Claire screamed, vaguely seeing a flash, and grabbed Layla as the flash almost hit her. She then looked over at the other magic cats, Snowball the Wizard Cat, Linda the Warlock Cat, and Spot the Sorcerer Cat, who were all casting spells. But before they could release them, Demon Queen Henrietta Kitty Fantastico, Morningstar of Salem, moved out of the way and shot a massive beam of dark magic at them, prompting Linda to become an urn. Olive the Ranger Cat shot an arrow at Demon Queen Henrietta Kitty Fantastico, Morningstar of Salem, only for it to bounce off of her fur and land on the ground.

“No!”

Claire ran towards Olive as Demon Queen Henrietta Kitty Fantastico, Morningstar of Salem, shot a beam at the Ranger Cat, prompting her to become an urn like the other dead cats. Demon Queen Henrietta Kitty Fantastico, Morningstar of Salem, then turned to Snowball and Spot, turning them into ashes as well.

“How is she killing us so quickly?

Claire approached one of the dice, picking it up before it could disapPoets and Writers Coalition Winter 2022

Midwinter Mischief Magazine pear. She examined its sides, noticing that each of the twenty sides only had one number…with all of them being the exact same.

“All of these dice have only 1s!”

Claire placed Layla down and angrily turned to the sky as Ruppert the Druid Cat shapeshifted into a demonic beast and tried to punt Demon Queen Henrietta Kitty Fantastico, Morningstar of Salem, only to shapeshift into an urn.

“What kind of twisted game is this?” she shouted, “Do you think this is funny?”

Layla started playing intense instrumental music as Claire turned to Demon Queen Henrietta Kitty Fantastico, Morningstar of Salem.

“This is the only way to defeat the game, is it?” she said, “Fine! But we’re using an actual d20 dice this time!” A new twenty sided die fell out of the sky. Claire was about to look at it, but Kat, the regular cat, ran in and hit it before she could even touch it. Claire looked at the number, noticing the sky shaking.

Nat 20.

Claire watched as a bubble shield formed around Kat, who proceeded to levitate. Kat slowly began rotating, balls of elemental magic forming around it, before speeding up as the balls of magic threw themselves at Demon Queen Henrietta Kitty Fantastico, Morningstar of Salem. An extremely large number formed above her, and she disappeared into oblivion, leaving behind her hat. Claire picked it up and placed it on Kat’s head.

“I guess you weren’t useless after all, huh?”

Kat meowed, and the atmosphere faded to return them back into a small cabin, surrounded by fourteen cats and zero urns. They were the thirteen cats who were with Claire earlier in battle, plus the cat that played Demon Queen Henrietta Kitty Fantastico, Morningstar of Salem.

Claire turned to face the person on the other side, the person who called themself the Prison Master. They were dressed in a similar fashion to Demon Queen Henrietta Kitty Fantastico, Morningstar of Salem, except with the addition of pants.

“See?” they asked, “Wasn’t that fun?”

“I’d rather we fight normally next time.”

“Seriously? That’s no fun at all! And it’s very violent!” Poets and Writers Coalition Winter 2022

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“Maybe if you stopped wrecking havoc I wouldn’t have to do this!”

Claire looked over at the cats, which were now crawling on the table and licking themselves.

“You should probably return the cats to whichever shelter you kidnapped them from.”

“Oh, they aren’t from a shelter!”

Claire’s eyes widened as Demon Queen Henrietta Kitty Fantastico, Morningstar of Salem knocked one of the player tokens down, then proceeded to take a nap on top of the board. The remaining cats started running around aimlessly and licking themselves, and Claire watched as Olive coughed out a hairball.

“Well, I’m going to go,” she said, getting up, “But I’m choosing what we’re going to do for our next battle.”

“You sure? I have another campaign I wanted to try!”

Eh, why not? It’s not like you have anything better to do today.

“Fine,” Claire said, sitting back down, “But no cheating this time, okay?”