Drawn to You

Written by Mel Urciuoli Illustrated by Kat Taddei

Hadley wasn’t really surprised to be driving the last few hours to her parents’ place alone with the radio. Gianna had started to fade after they’re last food stop, so hadley just kept sipping her massive coffee and forging ahead. They were about an hour and a half out when she noticed a few tentative snowflakes starting to float down outside the car. By the time she pulled onto her old street, it was fully dark out, and the snowfall was heavier and starting to stick.

“Here we are,” Hadley said quietly as she parked. She looked over at her. Gianna was still asleep, her arms curled up against the window to cushion her head. Hadley smiled to herself even as nervousness sat like lead in her stomach.

She’d been telling herself for months that she was definitely going to say something. She couldn’t keep making clumsy romantic gestures with no clear communication to accompany them. But surely bringing Gianna home for the last festive week and a half of the year was a little obvious, right?

Hadley nudged Gianna’s shoulder until she stirred.

“I’m awake,” the freckled girl murmured. Hadley smiled and hopped out to open the backseat, reaching for her backpack but glancing up when she heard a gasp. Gianna was standing by the car, door still open, staring up at the fat snowflakes falling lazily through the air. Hadley remembered again that her friend was from Southern California, and had only ever seen snow in movies until now.

“It’s so peaceful,” Gianna said absently, her eyes full of wonder and a delighted smile spreading across her face. Hadley paused getting their bags out of the car to watch quietly, committing as many details to memory as she could: the little dimple at the corner of Gianna’s lips, the way some flakes settled on the fuzz of her sweater and dark braided hair, the way her cheeks flushed from the cold. She was angelic.

Hadley shook her head, trying to clear her mind. “I still can’t believe this is the first time you’ve seen snow,” she joked.

“And I can’t believe you’re not freezing.” Gianna flashed a cheeky smile and pulled her scarf closer around her neck as she came around to help carry their things into the house. Poets and Writers Coalition Winter 2022

Midwinter Mischief Magazine

“We’re here!” Hadley called as they entered the house.

“Hey sweetie,” Hadley’s mom poked her head out of the kitchen with a warm smile. “And you must be Gianna, it’s lovely to meet you hun. I’m kind of busy at the moment, but we’ll spend more time later. The guest room is set up if you’ll be needing it.” She vanished back into the kitchen and Hadley turned to look up at Gianna.

“Where do you want to be?” she asked, trying not to give away that she was hoping for a certain answer. Gianna hesitated.

“Um…with you?” The taller girl shrugged.

“It’s okay if--”

“With you,” Gianna repeated, more confident. Hadley almost choked on air.

“Okay,” Hadley’s voice cracked slightly as she suppressed a nervous, relieved laugh. “Okay. Um, follow me then.”

Hadley turned down the short hallway and led the taller girl to a door on the right. The room was just as she’d left it: turquoise walls she’d picked the color for in middle school, a double bed in the corner, a lesbian pride flag on the wall surrounded by various art prints and pieces of her own.

“This is it,” she said awkwardly, settling her bags in front of the closet.

“I like it.” Gianna’s tone and smile were genuine as she set her things next to Hadley’s and pulled her into a hug. “Thanks for bringing me.”

“Hm? I mean of course!” Hadley returned the hug and prayed she wasn’t blushing as hard and she felt she was. She held on until Gianna let go first, which was a little longer than she would have expected but she tried not to read into it. “So, um, do you want to see the studio I worked at in high school?” “Heck yeah.” Gianna ruffled her hair before she stepped back, patiently waiting for Hadley to lead her back to the car.

The studio in question was downtown and acted as an after school program for elementary and middle schoolers who were interested in art. Hadley had done there all the time as a kid, and when she’d started high school, the owners, a sweet old couple named Gretchen and Charlie, had offered her a job as an extra mentor to the kids. It was the first place where Hadley had come out and had the space to get truly comfortable in her identity.

Which meant she maybe should have anticipated Gretchen’s interpretation of her bringing in a girl she’d met at college.

How exactly are you supposed to react when someone assumes you and the person you’re trying to woo are already together? Do you let it Poets and Writers Coalition Winter 2022

Midwinter Mischief Magazine slide? What if that makes the other person uncomfortable? But what if they were hoping you would let it slide and then you don’t and make it seem like you’re not interested when you definitely are?

Yeah. That was an awkward thirty seconds before Charlie swooped in and offered to help show Gianna around the space.

From there they went to Hadley’s old favorite cafe up the block, and Gianna insisted on paying for both of them. They say inside, gloves and hats set aside on the table, Gianna with her double shot mocha, listening, and Hadley with her hot chocolate, telling stories about growing up in town, where her favorite places were, places that had closed and what had taken their places.

Finally they landed back at the house, at dinner with Hadley’s parents. It wasn’t nearly as awkward as Hadley had been afraid it might be since she’d never brought anyone home before. Her dad talked to Gianna about physics and did his best to understand her when the topic shifted to gaming.

Eventually everyone shuffled off to their respective rooms, though per tradition, they left a quiet Christmas CD on in the living room. The two students went about their routines quietly, changing into pajamas separately but standing side by side in front of the sink to brush their teeth. Hadley cracked a joke about being consistently shocked at their height difference--she was more than a full head shorter, despite being several months older--and Gianna laughed and threw an arm around her shoulders, giving her a squeeze before taking it back.

Hadley rushed to lean over and spit, hoping Gianna wouldn’t realize how flustered she was.

Once they settled back in her room, Hadley sat hunched over her sketchbook as she sketched out the best replica she could muster of Gianna watching the snow. Gianna sat next to her on the bed, frowning in concentration at a gaming console in her hands. The boss fight music playing from it mixed oddly with the Christmas music drifting in from the living room.

“Finally!” Gianna relaxed as her game went to a victory cutscene. She dropped the console into her lap and her head onto Hadley’s shoulder.

“I’ve been trying to beat that thing for ages—is that me?”

“Yeah,” Hadley blushed. “A bunch of these are, you know that.” She flipped through the book, showing the proof: pages and pages of sketches, some of flowers or hands or animals, but at least half were of Gianna. Laughing, painting her nails, sitting on the floor surrounded by notes and Poets and Writers Coalition Winter 2022

Midwinter Mischief Magazine homework, curled up with her games. Hadley felt Gianna smile against her shoulder.

“You always make me so pretty,” Gianna mumbled.

“I just draw you how I see you.” Hadley felt her face heating up further.

“Gay,” the Physics Major said, her smile growing cheeky.

Hadley gave an exaggerated, joking sigh. “Seriously?”

Gianna started giggling into the girl’s shirt, and soon they were both laughing uncontrollably, rocking back and forth and reaching for each other to stay stable.

Eventually they calmed, Gianna settling with her head back on Hadley’s shoulder.

“I’m tired now,” she murmured.

Hadley glanced at the clock. “It is getting late.” She brought a hand up to rub gentle circles on Gianna’s upper back. After a moment, without speaking, they separated, putting away their things and climbing into bed, Hadley snuggled into Gianna with the shaved side of her head nestled into the crook of the taller girl’s neck.

“Good night.”

Gianna drifted off almost immediately, her breathing across Hadley’s ear becoming slow and even. Hadley, on the other hand, was wide awake with nerves as she traced little circles on the other girl’s shoulder with her fingertips. The plan was, if the trip went well, even just okay, she would make the leap and confess her feelings once they got back to campus. That way, it was out there, but if it wasn’t mutual, they weren’t stuck with each other. Hadley told herself it was a solid plan, that even if her crush wasn’t requited, Gianna was a good friend and wouldn’t be mean. They would stay friends. It might be a little awkward at first, but it would be okay.

Hadley could feel herself starting to sweat, but she refused to move to avoid bothering Gianna. Instead she watched the shadows cast on the wall by the snow falling outside in the moonlight. Gianna shifted slightly, nuzzling Hadley’s close-cropped hair in her sleep. It would be okay, the artist reminded herself, hoping the thought would stick eventually. One way or another, it was all going to turn out okay. ***

Hadley woke up to Gianna’s arms wrapped around her waist and face buried between her shoulder blades. The smaller girl’s heart fluttered a little at the feeling, but she was also hungry. With a sigh, she started to shift in the bed, trying to extricate herself as carefully and inconspicuously as possible. Poets and Writers Coalition Winter 2022

Midwinter Mischief Magazine It wasn’t enough, and Gianna grunted in protest, slightly tightening her hold around Hadley’s tiny midsection.

“Don’t go,” the Californian mumbled. “It’s too cold; I need my space heater.”

Hadley frowned slightly. “Space heater?” Gianna nodded against her back, eyes still closed. “You. Stay.” Hadley laughed, letting her small pale hands settle on the tanned arms around her. She lied there for a little longer, quietly imagining that they were together, nervously allowing herself to bask in the idea that his could mean to Gianna what it meant to her. She felt warm. And then she felt too warm.

“Come on.” Hadley started to wiggle out of bed again, trying to disguise the nerves in her voice. “There should be enough snow for a snowball fight. Wanna see how long it takes your physics brain to beat the kid who grew up here?”

Gianna groaned, but sat up and nodded. “Yeah,” she said, looking at Hadley with what the shorter girl hoped wasn’t concern. “That sounds fun.”

They got dressed separately again and met back up in the bedroom. Hadley inhaled as if to speak, but couldn’t think of anything to say. She looked Gianna up and down, bundled up as she was, and just let out the breath and nodded.

“Um, okay,” was all Hadley could manage to say before leading Gianna out into the yard. As soon as they got outside and far enough from the house to not be overheard, Gianna caught Hadley’s arm.

“Are you okay?” She asked in a low voice. “You seem like something’s been on your mind.” Hadley’s mind raced for a split second. This was too soon. This wasn’t the plan. But if things were off anyway…

“I have feelings for you,” she blurted.

Gianna froze for a moment before letting go of the other girl’s wrist. “Are you saying what I think you are?”

Hadley hesitated. “What do you think I’m saying?” Gianna looked down, examining the snow stuck to her boots. “Are you asking me out?”

“Yeah.” Hadley shuffled her feet. “You can say no, it’s okay. I promise it’s okay if we stay friends—”

“Are you kidding me?” Gianna’s voice was louder now, more confident. “I’ve had a crush on you since Spring Break. I just wasn’t sure you felt the same way. I didn’t think I was good at hiding it, but I wasn’t sure if you were reciprocating, you know?”

Hadley tried to look serious as she listened, but she couldn’t help stiPoets and Writers Coalition Winter 2022

fling a laugh.

“I literally brought you home for Christmas.”

“People bring friends home for holidays,” Gianna insisted.

“We’re sharing a bed! We even cuddled!”

“I don’t know!” Gianna’s cheeks were deep red now, and Hadley could feel her own face flushing too. She tramped through the snow until she was directly in front of Gianna and reached for the taller girl’s hands. Gianna chewed her lip and brown eyes met hazel. “I didn’t want to assume.”

Hadley stifled another laugh. “I draw you constantly.”

“You’re an Art Major.” Gianna looked away and shrugged shyly. “You need practice.”

“But I have other friends and I only draw you,” Hadley blushed.

“And I snuggle you all night and call you my space heater,” Gianna countered. “Maybe we’re just both oblivious.”

“Fair,” Hadley laughed. “So...now what?”

“What do you mean?” Gianna’s eyes were wide as they met hers.

“I mean...are we together now? Is that what you want?”

“I...” Gianna dropped her gaze again. “Yeah? Yes. It’s just,” She sighed heavily before squeezing Hadley’s hands and continuing. “We’re graduating in a few months, and I don’t know what’s going to happen after that. And...” She brought her hands to Hadleys shoulders as a blush crept up her neck. “I like you, a lot, and I want to try, but I’m nervous about what happens after this.”

“I’m nervous too.” Hadley’s hands slid around to Gianna’s back, pulling her close. “How about we go slow and worry about that when it comes? Does that work for you?”

“Yeah,” Gianna murmured, pressing a small kiss to the shorter girl’s forehead. “That works for me.”