Islands' Sounder, April 01, 2015

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FLOUNDER THE ISLANDS’

Serving Orcas, Lopez and San Juan County

WEDNESDAY, April 1, 2015  VOL. 48, NO. 13  75¢  islandssounder.com

Ferries partner with casino Slot machines on deck and immunity from the reservation system to be a reality, come 2016 – but why? by CALLA BABY

Holy smokes

Island nuns to go into the pot business; launch date is April 20

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by COOLEEN SMITHWICK ARMSTRANGE

group of nuns on a tiny island in the San Juans are capitalizing on the legalization of marijuana. Their new growth operation, dubbed Holy Smokes, will be open on April 20 at 4:20 p.m. “It’s not a ‘bad habit’ if you partake in moderation,” said the nuns, who wished to remain anonymous until the first buds are in bloom. “We are always looking for creative ways to supplement our income, and with our agricultural opportunities here, we decided to go into the pot industry.” All proceeds will benefit drug prevention for youths. Word on the street has been positive – except from the Orcas Island Chamber of Commerce. “We wanted to start our own cottage industry for marijuana and call it ‘chamber pot,’” said Executive Director Lancelot Eventide. “But now the nuns have stolen our thunder and run off with the idea.” The marijuana will be sold in the ferry lines via a roaming pot distributor. There will also be drive-up service in Eastsound, the town of Friday Harbor and Lopez Village. “The Pope has given us his blessing,” said the nuns. “We are lighting up a new frontier.”

In an effort to promote and enhance the new reservation system, Washington State Ferries has come up with an incentive for riders. The idea came to WSF Chief Director Daveed Mossely after he attended a conference at Swinomish Casino in Anacortes, Wash. Although not a gambler, Mossely was drawn to the slot machines and the nature of pure chance. “New ideas are what makes this country great,” said Mossely in a recent public address. Thanks to that epiphany, WSF has teamed up with Swinomish Casino to not only install slot machines for riders with reservations on all ferries by 2016, but to include an extra-special prize in those games of chance: the golden ticket. The golden ticket will provide a guaranteed spot on any ferry at any time with no reservation required. If for some reason the ticket holder misses a ferry they will also be given access to any planes and/or helicopters leaving the island. Mossely, who was

a huge fan of “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” wanted to give something back to the residents and tourists who commute in the waters of the Salish Sea. “There has been so much pressure on the ferries system to be everything for everyone,” said Mossely. “We’ve lost that whimsical mystical energy that we had when this whole travel by ‘floating on water’ thing started. The golden ticket will return some of the innocence we’ve lost.”

Moran heir lands stellar job on moon by ILAC YBGAB

Orcas Islander Ricky Moran always wanted to be an astronaut. He dreamed of lunar dust under his feet and of seeing the Earth for what it really is – just a small piece of mass floating in the vastness of space. “To see Earth from that distance changes your perception of everything. It changes the biology of your mind and your soul,” he said. Unfortunately, Moran never had the self-motivation or self-control to make it into space school. While unlucky in scholastics, Moran had a slew of relatives that had made a fortune. In the last few years several of these family members passed away, leaving Moran heir to a great wealth. Thanks to the nature of current space travel, one no longer needs the knowledge as much as they need dollar signs to make their way to the moon. Moran has invested more than $15 billion to his space project to send 12 humans to live on the moon for three months. He recently hired himself as project manager and chief of staff. Moran is currently looking for a storyteller, a pastel artist and a guitar player to join him on his quest. If you have any interest in interplanetary work, email Moran at spaceface@theuniverse.infinity.moondust.cosmic.

On the Facebook page, “Has Daveed Mossely lost his mind,” islanders and mainlanders alike question this sudden change in gears for WSF. “They want us to focus on all this new casino stuff. ... It’s classic misdirection,” said Lynn McLynnluy. “But what I want to know is what are they hiding from us?” Another islander, Cort McCortly wanted to know how

SEE CASINO, PAGE 2

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