jam - pa cked with the most filler and the least truth
Are you extreme enough to handle our extreme issue, Pansy? EK~~",e
Are you environmentally aware, arsehole?
Ph
Save half the normal amount of paper by purchasing one-ply toilet paper for your wiping ~eeds.
Folding single-ply toilet paper into doubled up segments makes for a more comfortable, two-plyesque wipe. Plus, one-ply is less wasteful. Number of full-time out-of-province students' tuition it would take to pay Principal Shapiro's salary: about 60 When the salmon are running, get out of their way. Jesus, how did those things learn to run? Number of threatened lawsuits received by the Plumbers' Faucet in the last two years:
o
Number of times the Faucet has been mentioned in the McGill Reporter (a sure sign of credibility): 0 Total number of hours of 'research' 'conducted' by Faucet 'reporters' for al/ 'articles' printed [this1 year: '0'
Most people wer~robably too caught up in the trivialities of their pathetic lives to notice that this week was Environmental Awareness Week. Budding young engineers are alive with the spirit of conservation, preservation and some other word ... or are they? You might be thinki~g you're quite the environmental warrr~r because yo~r ca~ned tuna has a picture of a dolphin on It; you now pump your hairspray instead of spr.aying it and you ·throw your newspaper In the recycling bin after you've finished reading the comics, but compared to how much you consume otherwise are you really doing anything to help? Canada is the largest per capita producer of garbage in the world and, accordingly, one ofthe top per capita consumers. This week could have been a time for us all to examine our own habits and see if our lofty standard of living can't take a little cut for the betterment of the world. To this end the Plumbers' Faucet provides a rigorous assessment of your "think ~Iobally, act locally'" conscience by asking..... "ARE YOU ENVIRONMENTALLY AWA'RE, ASSHOLE?" Just answer these simple questions and
tally your score at the end. Amount of concern shown by SSMU types about the conspicuous absence of a 'No' committee for the Student Day Care Referendum: 0.01 (In Attablns, the official concern measurement unit) Percentage of Faucet editors concerned about the conspicuous absence of reporters on staff: (Attabins)
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Number of teams who have complained that Scilo Hoc/a sucks after losing to them:
at least 2 Percentage of Francophone Mcgill students who like the Faucet:
50.6 Amount of stupid new brands beer companies have come out with (like, for example, E.O.S.) in the last two years:
19 Number of last Mohicans remaining:
1 (I mean, if you were one of the last few Mohicans, you'd proabably consider killing the other ones so you could be last) Number of immortal killers there can only be: 1 (In Lamberts) Number of guns killed by people over the last 12 months: 4239 (guns) Number of people who mourn for dead guns:
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Hey, next week is poutine week in McConnell Cafeteria. We kid you not.
1. You had a coffee from the cafeteria yesterday. You had one today. You will probably have one tomorrow. What do you do? • Noticing a trend, you bring in ~ mug from home along with your own Bridgehead coffee, unrefined sugar and soy milk. (2 pts.) • Only use a new cup after your
search through the garbage for a fairly clean one is fruitless. ( 1 pt.) • Double up on those foam coffee cups because, hey, that stuffs hot on the hands! (0 pts)
2. You're about to start your lengthy assignment for some crap-ass Stupid Engineering course 306-blah blah blah. What's your take on this little situation? • Using your highly-bleached . . ' nrce, whl~e, recycled-fibre-free, e~rah~a~-welght paper, you start off w~~?a nrce trtle page (to please your TA. ...... ) and pro~ed. to write on ~ne side of each oSheet with Irberal sp~crn~ throughout. Remember, presentatron IS key. (0 pts., you knob) • No cover, but you have to leave a fair bit of space in case you make a mistake. Of course, what are you doing your own work for anyways? (1 pt.) • You use paper from either your CARE pad (post-student, one side clean) ; your stock of not-so-white, highpercentage-recycled-fibre paper or simply e-mail it. (2 pts. If your prof doesn't like it, 0 pts. for them!)
any major newspaper. Intent on not producing something that perpetuates the negative stereotypes of your department, y~u d~cide to put the kai~osh (sp?) on It until you can come up With a new, more palatable format. ( 2 pts.) • Decide to reduce circulation slightly, but just until the stUdents come around and discover the genius of your brainchild. (1 pt.) • To hell with those trees baby! A . . . ' campus publrcatlon that alms. to pres~rve the status quo an~ a":hat IS wrong With our consumer society IS any advertiser~ dream, ~nd more ad~ertising dollars IS okay With you. Besld~s, anyone that read~ you were head edltor,of The Bottom Lick on your resume won ~ know (or probably even care) th~t It w~s hugely ~npop~lar. You deCide to Increase Circulation. (0 pts.)
4. You're heading down to Rue Ste. Catherine to go out for dinner. You decide on: •
. Mr. Steer. One of their thick, juicy,
1 lb. steaks represents: 35 Ibs. of topsoil lost; 16 Ibs. of grain and soy fed to the cow; a 90% waste of protein, a 100%
3. You're the ~ditor-ilJ::~iefQf.M.~I1@Iil~ ment's new publication, the Bottom UCK;
(remember, this is all hypothetical) and notice that about every you copy you publish ends up being thrown in the recycling bin after going untouched on the stands. What's your call? • Realize that your stream of rightwing, bland, mainstream, corporate-asskissin', money-grubbin', consciencevoid drivel might appeal to some management students, but they can read that kind of thing, and of higher quality, in
::s~~Q~~~.r:e~ ~~, ~.~ through livestock; a ratio of 78 calories
offossil fuel expended in producing beef to 1 calorie gained by eating it; approximately 160 Ibs. of potatoes, or other cereal crops, which could have been produced on the same area of land; a fantastic drain on resources with about half of all water used in the U.S. for all purposes going to feed livestock and about half of the world grain harvest going to feed them. (0 pts.)
continued on p.5
Students get screwed .. Part6 ,tI~ e aI/ remember the S;gnals
wand Systems fiasco last year that left a lot of electrical eng;neer;ng students feeUng about as needed as bath;ng su;ts ;n Antarctica. In a move that has come to reflect the attitude of adm;n;straUon towards undergrads, a faculty m;stake was 'corrected' at the expense of the undergraduates. It therefore comes as no surprise to anyone that our old friends in the EE department are at ;t aga;n. Read on to find out the sorcHd details of yet another frustrating incident. I'd rather not mention the specific course or professor because then we'd be making a specific accusation. But then again, that might not be such a bad idea ... Last semester, the U1 Computer Engineering class had a really bad teacher. The teacher did not give them a syllabus, or recommended a specific textbook, and was generally considered less than an ideal prof. But the class generally did well on midterms and quizzes, which were relevant to the material 'taught'. Near the end of the semester, the course evaluations came out. The students filled them out and let the professor have what they thought was coming to him. Some comments were doubt-
lessly more colourful than others, but this is supposed to be the point of course evaluations. Then, in the last week of school, the professor's behaviour changed dramatically. Students claim he began referring to them as "beasts·, "animals· , ana other names. At this point he also began frequently describing his failure quota. More significantly, he refused to see students during his scheduled office hours, even though he was in his office. But finally, a few students went to see him. One student, who was in danger offailing the course, pleaded with him to go through some material with him. His reply (paraphrased): "you gave me a failing grade, why shouldn't I give you a failing grade?" Students in the class alledge that he consequently gave them an irrelevant final that drastically reduced all but a few final grades. THE PROFESSOR GOT HIS COURSE EVALUATIONS BEFORE WRITING AND GRADING THE FINAL EXAM. This year, a group from this class went to professor Rumin (the Dept of EE Chair) to investigate how something like this could have happened. Professor Rumin was said to be genuinely concerned.
Quell rum blings of social revolution with Big Mac's and Freinds.
The course evaluation procedure goes as follows: the students fill out their evaluation. A member of the class puts them in a sealed enveloppe and hands them to the secretary on the sixth floor. The comments are then typed up and handed to the professor, after the final grades are in. So the leak could have occured in one of three places: (1) the student who collected them could have given them to the professor; (2) the secretary could have given them to the professor; (3) the professor could have swiped them from the sixth floor office. None of those scenarios have been proven. While the class is quite convinced that this incident occurred, no one in the department is willing to even acknowledge this. Rather than receiving an explanation they received only the usual categorical denial that anything had happened. With this denial of course comes the added bonus of no assurance that it won't happen again. Instead, the department has now made the ridiculous suggestion that students SIGN their comments. This will surely bring about more accurate and truthful discussions of a professor' s merits. Yeah right. - U2 Computer Engineering Class