The Role of the Ego in Self Transcendence
The Ego: A Necessary Brat
Most of us cherish our independence and our freedom to decide our own values, goals, and other life choices. At the same time we want to feel connected, valued, and that we belong. How do we resolve this conundrum? Perhaps the first step is to understand the ego’s role.
What is the Ego?
The ego is the mechanism by which we manage our lives. It determines how we work and play with others. It makes evaluations and decisions and it weighs choices. It also acts like a lens; what we focus on is how it gets put to use. Basically, it’s a management tool that allows us to engage with each other and the world in a meaningful way. In fact, without the ego, we don’t really exist in this world of action, interaction, and relating.
In terms of our evolutionary development, it’s the ego that allows us to know that we exist as seemingly separate and independent beings. With this comes the knowledge that we will die. The implication is that we are, therefore, also alone. Alone inside our heads and bodies.
The Ego Has Separation Anxiety
In fact, since the ego provides a sense of self as distinct from others it is, by definition, alone. We see ourselves as separate individuals at sea in an ocean of other individuals. Therefore, we often feel lonely.
What’s more, we’re living lives that make this inherent issue worse. Recent findings¹ show that three out five Americans are lonely, with more people reporting feeling they are left out, poorly understood, and lacking companionship. Generally, what is true in America often becomes true elsewhere over time, so we can expect this trend to spread to other countries.
Why the Ego is Never Satisfied
Nevertheless, we feel pressed to satisfy needs and desires in this relative world of projections where the “I” lives and works and desires, as does everyone else. We want to survive, as does all life. But the difference may be that we know it and other creatures just do it.
I need food, clothing, shelter, sleep, and medicine to survive. But I need safety, relationships, and meaning to flourish. This is where the dilemma of self and other gets activated. In other words, the ego learns to manipulate and control to get what it wants and avoid what it doesn’t want.
“The ego is a tool that has given us awareness of our own existence and frailty.
