Pint-sized punk zine issue 7 - The Bris-mas Special

pint-sized punk A 10 YEAR OLD'S GUIDE TO LIFE AND MUSIC

BUMPER DOUBLE ISSUE

Issue 7 December 2020 JOE TALBOT (IDLES) - INKIE - HEAVY LUNGS THE ST PIERRE SNAKE INVASION - SPECTRES LANGKAMER - THE PLEASURE DOME - LICE KATE STAPLEY - BRASHER - MUMBLE TIDE MY OCTOPUS MIND - LONGWELL RECORDS Add a subheading

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Thank you

Well, it's finally the end of 2020. it's been the worst year of my life in so many ways, but it has also been the best.

Thanks you so much to everyone who has supported this zine - the people who have been interviewed or contributed or let me review their songs, the people who have encouraged me online and in real life, and most importantly, those of you who buy it every month.

What started out as a little home-schooling project, has become a thing that has given me so many chances that I never would have got before.

This Bris-mas special, celebrating the music of my hometown, was such fun to make, that it ended up being a double issue. There were so many other bands that I wanted to include, but will continue to shout about Bristol's music all through 2021 too.

I want to wish you a Merry Christmas (Feliz Navidad!!) and I hope that 2021will take a turn for the better.

2020 Joe from Spectres I guess the obvious one is Trump losing the election. That was a bit of a glimmer. It's hard to think that the year was going alright until March, isn't it? The best thing for me is I got a projector! I enjoyed watching football on that and it got me through a lot of days, but it's been it's been a strange year. Liverpool winning the league for Adrian and for me, I think, seeing him that happy has been my highlight of the year.

Heavy Lungs George: Oh, I got some new DMs. That happened quite late in the year.

James: Last week.

Ollie: It is a bad year, but there have been some good things in 2020... *everyone goes silent and struggles to think* Danny: The Mandalorian season two comes on 30th October. Do you like it?

Yes. I love it.

Danny: I'm actually quite excited for season two of the Mandalorian.

George: Eric Andre Show season five.

Danny: That came out yesterday. I think he's overrated, though.

George: Really? He's my idol...

Ollie: There's loads of good albums. Like really good albums. Haim. Fleet Foxes. The Magic Gang.

James: Music's the best thing.

BRASHER Mel: Only this recording, because nothing else has happened! Actually, no, playing Rough Trade back in February was probably one of the best gigs I've ever played in any band in nearly 20 years of being a musician. I mean, all lockdown and COVID and everything that we've missed aside, even doing everything that we had planned, I think that Rough Trade Show would still be up there because it was just one of those gigs where everything comes together. We were really well looked after by the venue and the sound engineer and the promoter, our friends were there, the other bands that played were all really nice guys and it just went so well. It was an absolute dream gig from every angle. I remember waking up the day after and just thinking that was absolutely in my top three gigs I've ever played, it was just so good. For a band that didn't even exist 10 months previously, as well. That's definitely the highlight of 2020 for me.

Max: Yeah, me too. I mean, the start of this year was so promising. Having people like Nicola (Gillam, the promoter who put that gig on to launch her ‘Birds of Paradise’ zine) having our backs as well, it was a dream come true. We'd just released the record as well, which had been received pretty well.

Joe from IDLES The best thing that's happened? Getting number one for sure. Yeah. It just made me realise how amazing our fans are.

A Bristol special wouldn't be complete without Heavy Lungs, who I saw at The Downs festival last year. Even if you haven't heard their music, you might know their lead singer, Danny Nedelko you couldn't escape his name on radio last year, thanks to IDLES. Danny, George (drummer), James (bass) & Ollie (guitar) invited me to their studio, hidden in a secret location, for a Christmas chat.

Are you Christmas people or Grinches?

James: I am, yeah.

George: Both I think - it depends, year from year, I change. I'm either really Christmassy or just deny its existence.

Danny: I'm getting older, so definitely turning into the Grinch by now.

Ollie: It's better now that I have Christmas away from my family.

George: Yeah - everyone wants Christmas away from family?!

Ollie: No, I just mean that if I'm with Lydia's family, it's a right laugh. Her great uncle is just the funniest man ever.

Danny: Let's all spend Christmas with Lydia's parents!

Sprouts. Yes or no?

George: Yeah.

Ollie: Yeah.

James: No. Danny: What is a sprout? They didn't have them in Ukraine. Next question!

Did you really not have sprouts in Ukraine?

Danny: Please don't ask. It's traumatic.

George: What is brussels sprouts in Russian?

Danny: Nyet.

It's just a mini cabbage anyway.

Danny: Cabbages are all the same size under the regime. It's regulations the same portions for everyone.

If your band had to do a nativity, who would play who?

George: Danny would be God. Danny: I didn't want to say it myself, but I'm clearly Jesus.

Ollie: I was going to say you'd be the donkey!

Danny: guided into the path of glory...

George: He's obviously Jesus, and we'd be the three wise men.

Ollie: All of us would be Judas.

James: Yeah, true.

George, Ollie & Danny

by Ian Graham Photography, Rockaway Beach Festival, Butlin's Bognor Regis, January 12th 2020

Do you have anything on your Christmas list this year?

Ollie: Oh, I have a really bad habit of thinking loads of stuff for Christmas lists and then I just buy it all before Christmas and no-one else can think of what to get me. So this year, I'm actually gonna make a list. I really want one of the new Gorillaz t-shirts that they've bought out for their new album.

George: I want an allergy test.

Danny: I just want to feel good about myself and what I'm doing with my life. I'm just gonna put that on the list, maybe this this year it's gonna come.

Wake up and I'll go "Wow! I don't hate myself". So yeah, this Christmas.

I got my first record player during the lockdown - what's the one essential vinyl I should put on my Christmas list?

Danny: The Magic Gang's second album is amazing. It's one of my favourite records - you should definitely get that. It's like the mixture of good Weezer, the Beach Boys and the Beatles, but with a modern twist.

Highly recommended. Also if you can find it, if it's in print, the soundtrack of the first Fast and Furious.

George: Me and my friends actually found a vinyl called 'Sounds of Cornwall', which is loads of places in Cornwall that they just recorded and then we mixed it with drum and bass.

Ollie: I would go for like some sort of classic album or whatever. But I'd say if you've got good speakers, get 'Carmina Burana', a classical piece that's the scariest thing ever. Play it as loud as you physically can and terrify everyone around! If that comes up on shuffle when you're driving...The beauty of a record player is that you're sitting down to put something specific on. If you put something like that on it's hilarious. It's a moment, a special event. Yeah, because you could just put on some soul tunes from the 70s, but put that on...

Danny: And the beauty of it is you can't pause it. People ask if you can pause and you're like "No. We're in this now. You're in this with me for 47 minutes" James: That's just one side. Of four.

Ollie: It's what my dad used to do when I was a kid - it was so loud.

Danny: And here comes the father issues! Next question.

Would you rather have a Christmas dinner of just sprouts or have to listen to 'Wonderful Christmastime' by Paul McCartney all day on loop?

Danny: Paul McCartney all day long - no questions asked.

Ollie: It is a banger.

James: I'll take the tune.

George: I'd eat lots of sprouts. I bet you'd be gagging for sprouts by three hours in.

Danny: You dirty bastard!

Ollie: That tune just comes round and around. Whereas, if you'd said Mariah Carey or something like that, I would have said give me sprouts for a year.

The first mince pies of the year (in October!). L-R James, Ollie, George & Danny

You're doing Christmas karaoke at the Lanes. What song will you pick?

Danny: Yes. Yes, we are! A few songs - 'True' by Spandau Ballet.

James: Are we?!

George: We will be.

Ollie: Do they have to be Christmas songs?

Danny: Oh, yeah. Well, 'True' by Spandau Ballet. 'The Way You Look Tonight' by Frank Sinatra because he's so husky, it might as well be winter.

George: I can't think of any Christmas songs at all.

Ollie: Slade. But that version where it's just screaming.

Danny: McFly 'Do You Wanna? That's technically a McFly Christmas tune.

George: I don't think I've ever seen James sing.

James: Ever seen me sing?

Danny: Oh, are we talking fourth dimension stuff now?

Ollie: There are actually some really good Christmas songs, like old 50s and 40s tunes.

Danny: 'Last Christmas' by Wham!! Definitely didn't get the email from our manager, though. Pending. To be confirmed.

It's time for the Christmas board game. Which game will you play and who is likely to win?

George: Catan, I think. That's the best board game in the world and I'm winning because I'll control the sheep fields and become the Sheep Lord.

Everyone that's how you win that game...it's not, actually. It's really how you lose that game every time.

Ollie: Or we play Risk and it lasts, like, three months.

Danny: There was only one game back in Ukraine. It was called survival and I won. Still winning every year.

James: You're still going. It never ends.

Ollie: There was a point when we met The Oh Sees, and John Dwyer mentioned that they played Dungeons and Dragons on tour. It just keeps going every day. Yeah, I'm into that.

James: Or we could make a Heavy Lungs board game?

George: That’d be good for the merch stand. It could be a trivia like, in '(A Bit of a) Birthday' who did they steal a riff from?

Danny: It's clearly Queens of the Stone Age! Ollie: It's probably more than that though. There must be others.

James: At least three or four, if not the whole album.

Danny: It's called plagiarism, Arlo.

George: That's a great album title. 'Plagiarism' by Heavy Lungs!

Danny: The cover is us in the record shop, just holding all these records.

George: And credit every band we know on the back.

Danny: You heard it first - coming in 2029...

George: It's the joke that never gets old. Heavy Queens of the Stone Lungs.

Ollie: 'Songs for the Gullible' Who's your 2020 music villain?

Ollie: The guy from Spotify. He's a villain for more than 2020.

George: He steals all of our money, like a reverse Robin Hood. He's literally a multi-billionaire off of all of our hard work. Mostly us, as obviously we get the most plays on Spotify. Or Trump How is he a music villain?

George: Oh, music. Oh, I see.

Danny: Have you heard him sing?

REVIEW MY OCTOPUS MIND 'FAULTY AT SOURCE' My Octopus Mind are a Bristol 3-piece, formed in 2017, who released their first album last year. This album deals with big questions: climate denial, capitalism and the UK’s history, so it feels like it could only come from Bristol this year, when we’ve had marches with Greta Thunberg and the BLM march made people take action with the Colston statue after the council ignored people’s anger for so long.

It’s a hard month for me, because this is another album that jumps from genre to genre and feels impossible to review. But that’s a good thing when you’re listening to it. The album is a little bit crazy, to be honest, with some wild songs that surprise you just as you are getting comfortable and in the groove. The songs sometimes jump to a new genre in the middle!

The first song, ‘Rusty Spoons’, starts with someone speaking quietly, then erupts into post-punky horrible guitar noise. It’s pretty cool. The album includes all sorts of sounds: from dirty, funky bass and double bass, interesting crooning vocal melodies, really quiet delicate sounds to massive noise. It has moments that sound a bit like Radiohead or Foals, but then explodes into noise. Mum said it makes her think of Faith No More, but I haven’t heard them yet (so I guess they may always remind me of My Octopus Mind!). ‘Wandering Eye’, the new single features beautiful floating vocals by Rebecca Shelley. It gives a completely new mood to the album. I really like the cover art too.

I was planning to see the band play and interview them, but lockdown stopped all that. Hopefully I'll feature more My Octopus Mind next year.

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Emily Breeze: Confessions of an Ageing Party Girl Emily Breeze is the coolest cat in Bristol. This song is her most recent offering. Her swaggery/snarly vocal really grabbed us. The whole thing’s got a kinda goth disco vibe and she looks incredible in the video. Her Rough Trade show back in January was one of the last gigs we went to pre lockdown and she absolutely slayed it!

Katy J Pearson: Hey You It was hard to pick just one track from Katy J Pearson’s album ‘Return’ but we went with ‘Hey you’ as it was the first one that really grabbed us. Ali Chant’s production is amazing on it, the arrangements are always just right...never too little, never too much. It all sounds warm and cosy. This song is like a nice duvet we would recommend wrapping yourself up in.

We listened to it in the car a lot since it came out and it made us feel like everything is gonna be ok.

Felix M-B: The Giant Put this one in your ears and it’ll come out in your eyes. Felix is such a great storyteller. In this song, Felix is a giant being chased out of his home town after stumbling over…‘The mayor went splat, they found the priest all squished and the postman flat’. It makes Gina cry every time she hears it.

The production is amazing, with cellos, piano and guitar weaving together around Felix’s vocals. Felix crowdfunded a run of vinyl and we’re very excited to receive the album soon!

Michael Clark: Talking to Nobody Michael has such a cool lazy vocal style. We love anything a bit mumbley.

Mike’s a brilliant songwriter and his live shows are just amazing (he’s a really funny guy). This song was produced by our good friend, Alex Pilkington in Bath, who we reckon did a cracking job. It also features members of another great band Penelope Isles.(Alex is also responsible for hooking us up with Arlo, so we definitely owe him a few favours!) Anyway, we’re proud to be on the same label as Mike and look forward to hearing more of his stuff in 2021.

Pet Shimmers: Imber That riff. We could listen to it forever. Well maybe not forever… but for a reeally long time. Pet Shimmers is definitely one to put on loud and escape somewhere else for a while. We love how you can never tell quite what you’re listening to and the mixing on this record is mind-blowing. The lyrics are sometimes a bit tricky to hear but if you listen carefully, they’re bloody great…‘make a move, I’ll make the next. The moment passed, it came and went. It never started, never ends’...

Mumble Tide released one of my favourite EPs this year, 'Love Thing'.

There are still a few bundles left on Bandcamp, and the band are on Instagram.

LICE "are here to

regulate your bodily functions"

Lice's name keeps coming up as one of the best bands in Bristol - I've heard their album and it's no surprise why. Other interviews will tell you all about the concept of the album and special instrument they made and stuff, this one is about biscuits, nits and sprouts.

This issue is a Bristol special, what's the best thing about Bristol?

Alastair: Bristol is the setting, as it has been for many years, of a an incredibly exciting and dynamic and unusual moment in avant-garde music, driven by a really interesting and open and warm community of people that have largely gone overlooked through the machinations of the national music press and the way that the industry is set up, and the lack of monetization in the city. But now, through sheer attrition, the masses are awakening to what an extraordinary clutch of artists are coming out of the city at the moment. It's an amazing place to start a band and be involved in music. It's an amazing place to get involved with, as you are, journalism and broadcasting. So it's a really, really exciting place to be culturally.

Gareth: Very good answer, Alastair!

Silas: I can't top that. I'm trying to think non-culturally. What is Bristol good for? It's good for my calves.. My calves were never bigger than when I was walking up all those hills.

Gareth: Damn right. Muscular.

Apart from yourselves, who are the best bands around Bristol at the moment?

Silas: It's a shame you said apart from ourselves. *makes Alastair burst into hysterics* Alastair: My favourite band in Bristol, although they've not done anything a long time, is The Naturals. It's a real shame that they're kind of a secret. So Giant Swan are the two guitarists in The Naturals, who have been their mother band since all the members were like 12 years old at school. They started playing Bloc Party covers and then, over the course of 15 years, turned into this insane industrial dub band. They're really, really great. I nicked a few ideas from them - that's basically the reason I use a guitar pedal on my vocals, but they just had this one great album and have just not done anything in the last few years.

And Scalping, obviously, who are our besties. Wych Elm are great.

Silas: I'd also throw Spectres in there - that new album is just so, so excellent. I knew they had it in them, but it's genuinely blown me away how much I love it. I keep listening on repeat.

Gareth: I think them in the new studio at The Nave - because they actually recorded their record in the same place we recorded our record - I think that really stepped it up for them. The production was sublime. And Home Counties, I think they're technically in Bristol they're great. Katy J Pearson has just released a really good record.

Silas: Fever 103.

Alastair: Yeah, Fever 103, they're great. Oh, Kinlaw & Franco Franco? So good. So good.

Silas: Oh yeah, absolutely. I've also always thoroughly enjoyed The Iceman Furniss Quintet whenever we've played with them, or I've seen them popping up. They're a freeform jazz band fronted by Harry Furniss, who's also collaborated with a lot of other projects. So he played with Katy J Pearson recently, he played with us a few years ago, he played with Norman. I would highly recommend it if you want to have your brain broken into little jazz bits.

Your new album's quite difficult to describe - I know because I'm trying to write a review of it! If you had to review it, what would you say?

Alastair: It's really, really, really good. *guffaws from the others* 10 stars or 5 stars, depending on what your metric is. Available on the following formats, like LP with unique insert. If I were able to write reviews of our records, which is largely what PR and writing press releases is, then it would just try to shift those units.

Silas: I'd describe it as 4 riffs, loosely connected by a bunch of weird noises.

Gareth: I would say this is what happens when you put four dudes in a room together for too many years and don't release enough music.

Silas: You become quite insular, don't you? You're bouncing around ideas and you're thinking "this makes sense". And then you listen to it half a year later and you're like "that didn't make sense".

Gareth: I hope that helps with your review. Ha ha.

Silas: I should say, very quickly, it's pocketed by the best guitar work you'll ever hear. So you'll want to put that in your review. Thanks Arlo, I appreciate it.

Well, I've got a question about that. Both Spectres and Joe Talbot said you're one of their favourite bands. Adrian from Spectres wants to know how Silas got so good on guitar and how they can stop him?

Silas: That is an excellent question, if I do say so myself. I started playing guitar trying to play Muse riffs. I learned 'Knights of Cydonia', then I learned 'Newborn' and then I learned every Rage Against the Machine riff off their first album. And then, at that point, I decided to start trying to write my own music and I don't think I learned another piece of guitar music then. So that's it. I learned. I tried to emulate Rowland Howard. I played the saxophone when I was a kid, I should say, so I'm technically grade 8 saxophone. So I bought this kind of jazz backing.

And I think those kind of lessons, in terms of playing style, to some extent, translates into my guitar playing. So some motifs or rhythms or melodies came naturally to me, just 'cause I was nicking them from that experience. I think to start with, certainly, that played like a huge part in the kind of songs I wrote and the kind of guitar lines I wrote. And then it all went kind of weird.

If Lice was a biscuit, what biscuit would it be?

Alastair: Okay, right gang. Brain trust.

Silas: Don't fumble this, Alastair, because this has to be the right answer.

Gareth: Right? What about something very utilitarian and industrial.

Alastair: What biscuits are challenging?

Gareth: Oh, here we go. I've got the perfect biscuit. So you get these things in military rations, *laughs all round* which are just like the most basic, utilitarian, hard to eat things, called Biscuit Browns.

Silas: Don't you get two types? You get a pink packet, which is a constipator, and a green packet, which is a laxative. So it's to try and govern your bodily functions while you're in combat, when you don't want the inconvenience. So that's the biscuit we'd be - that combination of biscuits. And we are there to regulate your human bodily functions.

Right.That's going to be the headline. We are here regulate your human bodily functions.

Alastair: Oh, great! Oh no. *loads of laughs*

Put that Lice album on...

I need a poo!

What's your dream venue to play?

Silas: The moon.

Gareth: Yeah, I'm with that. The moon is pretty good. It's like the only step up from what Metallica has done after they played on Antarctica.

Silas: Tesla Inc. Moon Dome *that made Alastair laugh too* Gareth: I think Muse will beat us to that.

Silas: Yeah, maybe. In terms of Earth venues. There's a venue In Belgium called La Rotonde, which is like a greenhouse. That looks excellent. I'd like to play there.

Alastair: I was gonna say Berghain ("a secretive, sex-fueled world of techno" in Berlin - thanks Google!) just because I don't know anything about it. I just think it would be cool to be able to say that in when I'm in my 50s. But by that point, the culture will have moved on and it won't be impressive.

Silas: It's the only way of getting in! But we've already predicted that Tesla Moon Dome will be the zenith of modern culture at that point. So, that's the answer.

Alastair: I'm trying to imagine e-mailing, trying to get that support slot from Muse on the moon.

Silas: "Dear Mr. Bellamy, I'm from a band called Lice." *Alastair erupts in laughter* Gareth: I think supporting Muse on the moon has got to be the one. Or Muse supporting us on the moon!

Silas: Yeah, let's get it right. It's dream gig here, people.

Alastair: We've got to get the bodies in there, so maybe Muse coheadline?

Gareth: This is your dream, the highest of heights, and you're saying we would co-headline?

Alastair: I'm a realist.

Gareth: You're a realist? Okay, so the moon can still stay as an option though?

Silas: By this point, we all hate each other, so we're all shuttled there on our own individual space rockets.

Alastair: Yeah, take in the sights for a while.

Who are your music villains?

Alastair: God, that is a good question. As a group of people we have so much venomous hatred towards such an enormous amount of people.

Silas: We might be the musical villains.

Gareth: Yeah. That makes the most sense, doesn't it?

Silas: I nominate myself. Who do I think has marred the course of development of popular music over the past 40 years? That's how I'm taking this question. This isn't my final answer, but I read something recently about how there was a pop artist who used some like kind of progression where he basically just stuck to the same note, and that everyone copied that and this this idea dominated the 2010s in terms of just simple melody repeats on the specific note. But I can't remember the theory behind it, so that's just a bit of a shit statement by me. I'll take that one back! I nominate myself again for that.

Alastair: I'm a very petty man, Arlo. A lot of hatred seething under the surface of your man here. But who do I regard as having done the most damage to the fabric of popular culture in the history of music? It's much harder than I think it is, this question.

Silas: I think if you introduced some rogue instrumentation to a classic thing. Some people hate saxophone on rock or post punk kind of stuff, don't they? So they might go for The Stooges or someone as a set of musical villains who introduce something that has permeated that culture. But that's not my answer. Still.

I thought your answer was yourself?

Silas: Yeah, I'm circling back to that one a lot.

Alastair: Yeah, we're gonna have to say us because also, another thing I love, is by being continually in each other's company for several years and bombarding each other with noise and just horrible 'why would you want to sound like that?' music, we've completely eroded our tastes and each other's tastes. And now, nothing satisfies unless it's just bordering on the unlistenable.

Gareth: It's so true.

Alastair: So my musical villains are me and the other members of Lice. *agreement all round*

My dad decided not to get tickets for your gig at The Island in the Spring because we had loads of trouble with headlice at school around the time that tickets went on sale, and the name put him off. How did you choose it?

Alastair: I feel like I've underestimated how gross people find lice.

Because I don't think about anymore: we've been called this band forever, and we talk about in just a mix of admin and promotional stuff.

I'd never think about like actual little critters. And, yeah, some people hate lice. I mean that in both senses, but a lot of people just find them really, really, really, really gross and unsettling. It's so weird, because you say a band name over and over again and you kind of forget what it means.

Silas: Yeah. The original reason is, for some reason, we decided that we wanted to pick a band name which made people feel uncomfortable, but wasn't actually grotesque. So there's a whole wealth of band names, which are objectively feral, and we wanted to provide one which wasn't objectively feral, but was not pleasant. And I think we pulled it off. I questioned that motive...five years later. *Alastair chuckles in the background* Gareth: I didn't really take long to choose it, though. We came up with how we wanted to name it, and then the Lice came out and we were sort of like "that's it. We're done. Cool. Move on. Next."

Would you rather have to eat your headlice like a monkey, or have them all individually scream your name when you use shampoo? *complete and utter breakdown into hysterics* Alastair: Oh, no question. No question, screaming my name.

Silas: That sounds genuinely enjoyable. Imagine that!

Alastair: Oh god. Do they have my voice? No - why would they?! That makes no sense.

Silas: That one. Yeah, please.

Gareth: I'm into that. Absolutely. Yeah.

I'd do that - you can just put earplugs in.

Silas: Yeah, I guess if you wake up and think "No, I don't want my personal lice fan base screaming at me", earplugs in, sorted. I can't really hear very well so I'd probably be alright. Or you could have a bath.

Yeah, it would only be when you use shampoo.

Alastair: Well, that's alright. You can have days off if it got too much.

Silas: Or you can shave your hair off, so you don't need a shampoo very often. where do you find these these critters? I'd like to acquire some.

Just get someone with long hair. Oh. You won't be able to do it with distancing, will you? Or just visit a primary school.

Alastair: Nice.

Alastair!

Alastair!

We love you Silas!

Gareth...

Gareeeeethhhh.

Christmas questions now. Do you like Christmas? Or are you a Grinch?Alastair: I love Christmas and can't get enough I like the early adverts. I like this kind of weird period that you have around now where the sky is blue, but it's really cold. I like buying things and receiving things and eating Christmas things. Huge fan; can get enough.

Gareth: I've recently departed from traditional festive celebrations and absolutely love it, so I've shifted from liking Christmas to more of a Grinch. Now my family have pizza, prawns and prosecco on Christmas instead of Christmas dinner and I enjoy it very much. We've given up on gifts as well and it's much less stressful.

Alastair: I really rate that actually. I was expecting to heckle you at the outset, but that actually sounds really nice!

Silas: There's a certain appeal, I guess, once all the kids are grown up.

Yeah, I like Christmas. I like it as an excuse to go back home for a week, or whatever, and just hang out.

I take it as an excuse to eat lots of chocolate.

Silas: I do similarly, but I do that all the time anyway, so...

Alastair: Ha ha. It's the good thing about being an adult; you're completely unregulated.

Silas: Some consider a perk, some consider it a flaw.

Gareth: Freedom is a curse.

Silas: Arlo - remember these words from life. Freedom is a curse!

Alastair: yeah

Sprouts: yes or no?

Alastair & Silas: Yeah.

Gareth: Totally; they're delicious. Like snacking cabbages. You just soak them in loads of butter and cook them just right and it's oourgh *a noise that I can't spell to show that they're really tasty*. Delicious.

Alastair: Gee, you could work in marketing for brussels. That's the most concise and effective praise of brussels sprouts I've heard; that's good content right there.

Gareth: I could equally sell them the other way if you want.

Alastair: Oh don't. I love sprouts; I don't want to be poisoned against them.

Silas: Do you Ali?! Think about it - go through it with me. Christmas dinner. On your plate you've got all your bits there. Are you going straight for the brussels sprouts?

Alastair: I'm not going straight for them, but I'm having them as a bolstering thing. But outside of Christmas as well I enjoy it - because obviously a Christmas there's so much going on culinary-wise - do you ever do that? Just have a big ol' bag of brussels?

Silas: So you know that freedom is a curse because some people use their freedom to do what Alistair is doing with brussels sprouts, and that is a mistake.

Now I go straight for pigs in blankets. I mean sausages wrapped in bacon: that's genius.

Alastair: It is. Imagine being the guy that came up with that.

You'd be rich!

Alastair: Damn right. Damn right, God, yeah.

Gareth: I wish the royalties on music were as good as the royalties on pigs in blankets, if that guy's rich. Ha ha.

Silas: It's a very disturbing concept, if you translate it to people.

Anyway, sorry.

Alastair: So glad that was abandoned...

Do you have anything on your Christmas list this year?

Gareth: Food. I just want nice food. Or (very loudly) A NUMBER ONE LP. Silas: I'd request 'Wasteland: What Ails Our People Is Clear' by Lice - 30 copies. Or I'd like a Vox AC 30. I don't know if Vox follow the zine - if they do, hit me up!

Have you been naughty or nice this year?

Alastair: I have been a delight this year. Well, I'd say this is one of my nicest years. At least in the top several.

Is that because you weren't allowed out?

Alastair: Yes, he's got me there. He's too quick for me. Yes. Silas: I'm enjoying this question. I don't know. I don't know the answer to that. What will be a naughty thing? What kind of naughty thing could I have done? I could have stolen. I've not stolen anything this year.

Actually, that's a lie... I'm pretty sure I stole the core progression for one of our songs from a Wim Mertens song. Wim Mertens! I'm coming clean, my friend. 'Struggle for Pleasure': I stole a chord sequence from that. Fight me. That's a send, by the way Arlo. A send for Wim Mertens I think he's 70. *the other collapse into hysterics* Gareth: I guess I've been nice. I feel like I've only seen about 10 people this year.

Silas: Arlo - he's been naughty.

Gareth: There we go. Fair enough. I haven't been nice to these guys.

Silas: I feel like we wrote a Meatlocker song about something like that...

Gareth: Oh, we did. *more giggles*

The album 'WASTELAND: What Ails Our People Is Clear' is out on January 9th, and is available on Bandcamp or special dinked editions from independent record shops. They're quite an easy band to find no-one else has picked a name like Lice ;-)

REVIEW LICE 'WASTELAND: WHAT AILS OUR PEOPLE IS CLEAR' It’s weird, isn’t it? The album changes genre very quickly; when we listened to it together, my mum and dad kept saying that it has similarities to lots of other bands, from Public Image Ltd to Big Audio Dynamite to Massive Attack to Spectres. You can definitely hear the sound of Bristol influences, but it is like the great post-punk and Bristol sound and avant-garde music have all been put in a blender and Lice are the delicious smoothie that comes out.

It forces you to listen to it and concentrate. When I review, I like to live with an album for a while and put it on in the background and in the car, but it’s impossible to do that with W:WAOPIC (what is it with the long titles at the moment?). It grabs you and forces you to pay attention.

The song titles and lyrics are quite unusual. After a few listens, I’m not really sure what the songs are about, but the vinyl comes with a pamphlet and poster, so I’m looking forward to collecting our pre-order from Friendly Records to see if they help. The band invented their own instrument for this album and I look forward to learning more about that.

I think Lice are a bit of a Marmite band: people we know who have seen them live either think they’re just awful noise or the best band ever. As you know, I Love Marmite and I love Lice. I should also mention that it features the best guitar work that you’ll ever hear, from Silas, and I would definitely give it 5/5 or 10/10. Mum even said she reckons it could be her album of 2021, and it only comes out in the first week!

spectres

You may have seen my review of Spectres' new album 'It's Never Going To Happen And This Is Why' in October's zine. Loads of the people I've spoken to here agree it is one of the albums of the year.

I spoke to singer Joe, who now lives in Berlin, and guitarist Adrian, who runs my happy place (Rough Trade Bristol) Are you Christmas people or Grinches?

Adrian: I love Christmas.

Joe: I'm kind of ambivalent towards it really. I think it usually ends up being just annoying - I usually end up seeing family across the UK, so I spend half my time travelling around like a sort of unwanted Santa Claus. But I enjoy the festive spirit, that's the hard honest truth. Why do you like it so much, Adrian?

Adrian: I get some time off work and don't really do much. It's like the time of the year where we kind of stop for couple of days and not do stuff and I don't go anywhere. So you know, I can officially not leave the house and it's all right.

Sprouts: yes or no?

Adrian *without hesitation*: NO. Joe: Used to be no, now a yes. Because I realised you can do different things with them apart from just boil them. Boiled sprouts: no thanks. But if you put them on a skillet with some chilli oil...ohhh, that's good. That's good stuff.

So, Spectres are doing Christmas karaoke at The Lanes. What song would you pick?

Joe: Adrian, you're good at karaoke?

Adrian: 'Away in a Manger', but we'd do it really differently.

Joe: We actually did a Christmas cover song about five years ago - we were asked by 6music to do a Christmas cover?! It was 'Wonderful Christmastime'

by Paul McCartney. We'd do a live karaoke version of our own cover of that song!

What's the best Christmas gift you've ever given?

Joe: Have I ever given anything good?! I must have done. Probably gave someone a Spectres album at one point. It's been a while...my family started doing Secret Santa with a low budget limit, so nothing's been good for the last few years. You can't really get anything that good.

Adrian: I think I drew my mom and dad's old dog for them once, as a memorial. That went down a treat.

My Mum has been making cross stitches for people recently, of IDLES and Bowie and The Mighty Boosh.

Adrian: Nice. Yeah, I like making things and giving those as gifts because its got a bit more sentiment.

Will you make any new year's resolutions?

Adrian: Yes. I don't know what it is yet. Actually, I really want to see a Golden Eagle and a Fish Eagle. That's my sad new year's resolution.

Joe: A Fish Eagle?

Adrian: Yeah, a white-tailed Fish Eagle. I'll have to go to Scotland, probably, to see them both, but it's a good excuse to go to Scotland for a bit.

Joe: Nice. Um, I think mine will be... I think Spectres should finish another album. And then I want to finish writing a book. I think that's as good as it's gonna get.

My New Year's resolution is - me and my friends always have ideas to make a comic, and we'll do a few pages and never finish it - I want to try and finish a comic.

Joe: Nice. Yeah, it's easy to start stuff, isn't it? But it's very hard to actually get the focus and finish it.

Did you have a present that you really wanted as a kid but didn't get?

Adrian: Yeah, I really wanted 'Jumanji', the film, on video. I didn't get it and I was really sad. But I learned a lesson, because I got a different video, and it's because my mum and dad couldn't afford to get me 'Jumanji' on video that year. But I never got it, which means I really love watching every time I see it. I'll always watch it on TV. There's new ones now with Jack Black and The Rock.

Adrian: Yeah, I saw them at the cinema and I quite enjoyed them.

Unfortunately, not as good as that original classic that came out when I was about 13. It was just the best.

Right. It's time for the traditional Christmas board game. What would you play together and who will win?

Joe: We a Christmas ouija board, wouldn't we? Try and talk to some some famous characters from Christmas.

Adrian: Yeah, that'd be the game - ouija board. And we'd all win.

What's the best thing about Bristol?

Adrian: Definitely that it's so collaborative, creative, that everyone's really supportive and DIY. Joe: It really changed the path for Spectres when we moved to Bristol. We met more and more people who were really like-minded and it just became this really kind of great, great scene. I mean, it still is, I'm sure. It hasn't all just stopped because I moved away!

Adrian: There's so much going on, so many different areas of music, but everyone's pushing in the same direction. They're just making art and music for the sake of creating something as an outlet, rather than making money and band wise Who is your favourite band in Bristol at the moment?

Joe: Definitely Lice.

Adrian: Yeah, I think we're both on the same page with Lice - they're so good. Such a nice bunch and just really forward thinking in everything they do. You know, when they came out, they were doing something that no-one else was doing in Bristol. And they've constantly progressed and their new album is just an absolute tour de force. And Wych Elm as well. I heard their new album yesterday on a sneaky link because Don's recorded it, and it is so good. I really think that both of those bands will have a really good year next year.

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Nap Eyes - Snapshot of a Beginner Josh: My favourite album of the year, and one of my favourites of all time.

All the Nap Eyes albums are amazing but this latest offering is an absolute gamechanger. There’s not a note or a beat or a syllable out of place everything just fits so perfectly into place. I keep finding new things to love about each song, new meanings in every stanza. Lyrically it’s a masterpiece. All the themes are so abstract in the most brilliant way.

There’s songs about evolution, about prison, about The Legend of Zelda.

It’s an album like no others.

Ed: When the first lockdown hit this album was on repeat. I was decorating my flat and it was the perfect soundtrack. Great album.

Willie J Healey - Twin Heavy Ed : Mmhhh yeh, this album has it all. Glam rock bangers, sweet pop bops and heart-wrenching ballads. Love it.

Dan: The production is just perfect as well. I’ve read a lot of it was tracked live and to tape, which gives it that classic 70’s shimmer. It’s so easy for modern rock to feel overproduced but there are hundreds of sublime touches that stop it leaning in that direction.

Oro Swimming Hour - Pteradactyl Tom: Definitely my top pick of the year. Twinkly, little synth melodies and up close and delicate vocals. What’s not to love? There’s a lot going on in these condensed lil pop songs that keeps me coming back; making me feel like a kid going through a toy box. Oh and there’s clarinet, which we’re big fans of.

Bill Callahan - Gold Record Ed: “Hello I'm Johnny Cash” - is that the best opening line of an album ever? The instrumentation on this album is sparse and beautiful and makes his storytelling thoroughly engaging. One of my all-time favourite lyricists.

Josh: Bill Callahan finally reveals that Breakfast is his favourite meal of the day.

Atta Boy - Big Heart Manners Tom: We do love a good, country inspired album. Eden’s vocals ooze with character that really make this album such a treat to listen to. And then it’s wrapped in the is oh-so-slick production that just makes it even sweeter.

Josh: Seriously good album this. She has such a talent for storytelling, writing with absolute sincerity and turning the everyday into the most extraordinary thing. She has this skill where she manages to make things like ‘jalapeno poppers’ sound incredibly sad and profound.

AJ Stark Langkamer are one of Breakfast Records' finest the sound of Pavement lost in Laurel Canyon (thanks Mum!) langkamer.com

BRASHER are an exciting new band on the Bristol scene, and I finally got to see them live in October. I got to speak to Mel (guitar and band bossy boots), Max (dramatic lead singer), Lea (Queen of the drums) and Stu (air fryer salesman & bass about their new EP 'Live at Axe & Trap', available on Bandcamp now.

How would you describe Brasher for people who haven't listened to you yet?

Mel: We're just a punk rock and roll band. I've always said, as someone who's played in quite technical bands, I've always wanted to do a band that sounds technical, but is just easy to play. So all the stuff that we play is just dance music; it's all about putting on a show and... ...messing about. It's a party band, innit? It's fun music for fun people, it's dance music, it's punk rock, it's good.

Max: And it's loud as fuck :-) Can you tell me about your 'Live at the Axe & Trap' EP, which came out this month?

Max: So we wanted to put out an album this year, wrote an album during lockdown, but we've not had the chance to turn them into real songs yet lockdown has not really permitted it. But we got offered a slot doing some live recording at the Axe & Trap, testing new equipment.

Mel: We recorded it live. The only overdubs we did was some extra guitar parts, and I think my backing vocals and that's it. When we started recording, on the day, we didn't know what we were going to do with this music. When we got the mixes back, we decided that it was just too good, so we thought we'd put it out as a single release.Max: Oh, it was. Yeah, they sound great.Mel: It’s a great little studio and the guys that run it have recorded some sick bands like Sergeant Thunderhoof and Hey Colossus.

So they're starting to get a name for themselves as a good little alternative studio.

You have some of the best song titles ever. How do you come up with them?

Max: I'm glad you think so. They started out as working titles; we were just pissing about. Mel has also got an ongoing list of song titles and then we just pick the one from the list that kind of matches. And we no longer have working song titles: if it sticks, it's the name of the song now. Yeah.

Mel: A lot of it's just random rubbish that comes out of our mouth.

Max: "That's a song title! stick it in the band chat!".

Mel: One of my biggest influences for this band, is Fucked Up. And every album that they've ever put out is about this random fictional character called David. So, paying homage to one of the biggest influences for me and this band, I said we've got a call a song, 'Who the Fuck is David?' because no one actually knows who he is. So that's where that comes from.

Stu: But we were in the studio talking about it once and someone walked past and said "Yeah, who the fuck IS David?!"

Mel: Most of them are just drunken rubbish. There's a song that we've written and not recorded yet called 'Scorpion Dick', which was basically Stu bending over like a scorpion at band practice - I don't know what the hell he was doing, but he was bent over all weird and I think I called him a scorpion dick and it just stuck.

Max: I think with 'Omni-directional Filth Machine' we were asked to describe the band in three words, wasn't it? That was my one.

A set-list from their recent gig at The Cobblestones, Bridgwater, 9th October, 2020.

Told you they had great song titles, didn'tI?

You're doing Christmas karaoke at The Lanes. What song do you pick?

Mel: Ah, I can't remember who does it, but the tune were in the last chorus they just scream "it's Christmas" (Slade). I won't sing any other song, I'll just stand there mumbling and then when it gets to that bit I'm just gonna grab the mic and...

Max: My karaoke special is usually 'Freedom 90' by George Michael, but I don't know about a Christmas song.

Stu: I might do that one by The Darkness, but not in the same like high voice, I'd do it at a normal pitch.

Lea: I was going to say that I'd sing something that's really, really high.

Stu: We could do a duet of it. You do the high bits and I'd like try and do low harmony, even though I'm terrible at singing.

Mel: Oh, I want to hear this.

All right, it's time for the Christmas board game. What game would you play and who's likely to win?

Mel: Monopoly and I'm gonna lose hard early on.

Max: I'm too much of a risk taker. I'll invest all of my Monopoly money in all of the good stuff early on. High risk, high reward.

Lea: I remember playing this game with my brother and my cousin. I don't know how you would call this in English, but we would just be in this really small hallway and close all the doors and just throw things at each other. Or Cranium is one of my favourite games.

Stu: I really like playing Settlers of Catan, but my wife hates playing it with me and gets everyone to gang up against me. So any board game we play, she just turns everyone against me.

Next time, before she can turn everyone against you, you all need to gang up on her, yeah?

Stu: Yeah, that's a good plan. But then she might throw a strop. It'd be fine.

I might do some espionage and subterfuge to try and turn everyone against her.

Max: It's a valid tactic.

You have to do it before the zine comes out, because you've just admitted it.

Stu: Oh yeah. Cut that bit!

Are you on the naughty or nice list this year?

Max: Always the naughty list.Mel: Max is on the nice list. In fact, I'd put all three of you on the nice list and I reckon all three of you have put me on the naughty list, because I'm such a bossy asshole! *total silence. No-one disagrees* Stu: I've been really good this year, other than just winding Mel up all year.

Mel: I mean all three of you wind me up all the time. One of us has got a kick the rest of us into shape.

Max: I think being good all the time is overrated. Life would be pretty boring, but as long as you're not an asshole day to day, I think you've probably built up enough karma to balance that out. You know, just make sure the nice is always above the other one.

Okay, all I need is to be 51% nice.

Max: Yeah. 51%. Just get the good points where it matters, you know.

BRASHER are (L-R): Mel (guitar), Max (vocals), Stu (bass) & Lea (drums)

I got my first record player this year. What one vinyl should I put on my Christmas list?

Max: 'For Your Own Special Sweetheart' by Jawbox. You'll like it.

Mel: That's a wild card.

Stu: I'm gonna say 'Marrowbone Lane' by Chewing on Tinfoil.

Mel: Um, it's a favourite of mine and a classic, but you need to get 'Out Come The Wolves' by Rancid. Everyone needs to own a copy of that.

Lea: Royal Blood is definitely on the list.

What's the best Christmas gift you ever given?

Mel: I've received some pretty good stuff: lego, drums, guitar gear. I can't remember any presents I've given anyone right now.

Max: I bought my parents a bang up meal out at the Ritz one year.

Mel: Nice.

Stu: The first Christmas after my wife and I got married, I gave her an air fryer for Christmas, like a really expensive one, and all of my family ripped me so hard for buying my wife a kitchen appliance. They were like "how is she possibly going to like that?" We use it literally every day and have done for a few years. I think that was a pretty good present.

Mel: I bought myself an air fryer earlier this year after talking to Stu about air fryers. I was like "I'ma get one - I need to know what the hype is". And now I do use mine probably every other day. It's the best bit of kitchen gear I've bought.

Max: What is an air fryer?! *cue quite a long discussion about how air fryers work and brands and stuff* I didn't know these things existed.

Mel: Max, whenever you have hash browns at mine for breakfast, it's always in the airfryer.

Max: Ooooh, I need one of them. *another long chat about different meals that the band have cooked for each other - curry, stir fry etc* Stu: This is punk rock.

Mel: Yes. This is what happens when you when you're in a punk band.

Max: There's nothing much else going on this year, really. Just stuff like kitchen appliances suddenly become the centre of my world. I've become really boring in the lockdown.

"I've become so boring, my best friend's my airfryer" Mel: Pretty much! Right there, that's a song title. 'My best friend is an air fryer'.

Stu: Write that down for album 2.

Yeah.

Do you have anything on your Christmas list this year?

Mel: Max and Lea have got an air fryer on their Christmas list.

Max: It's true. I do.Lea: Well, there's wine for me, but that's not a surprise.

Max: Yeah, yeah. Many wines.I'll probably ask for some Lego.

Max: I don't have nearly enough Lego in my life.

Mel: I haven't either. I got rid of mine.

Lea: That's one of the things that I hate, now that I'm and adult I can't get Legos for Christmas anymore.

Max: When you're old.

Pictures by my Mum Rough Trade Bristol, Birds of Paradise zine launch, 21st February 2020

Mel: Look, man. You forgot to ask us the Marmite question.

Oh, yeah, I'm getting obsessed by Christmas! Marmite: yes or no?

Max: On twiglets.

That would be like a mega Marmite if you dipped Twiglets in.

Max: You've got to double down, yeah.

Lea: I don't like Marmite. I'm so French.

Mel: Marmite is literally, if you're British then you either love it or hate it. If you're anywhere else on the planet, you hate it. I don't know anyone else, who's not from Britain, who likes Marmite.

Max: Australians.

Mel: They have Vegemite down there, haven't they?

Stu: There's a bit of an added hazard if you eat Marmite in my house, that one of my cats absolutely loves it. So you'll be trying to eat it and she's like climbing up on you.

This speech comes to you deep from the realms of a TikTok spiral. In a year of turmoil and divided isolation I've found a strange relief of watching videos of kittens on hoovers and marvelling in the revelation that - wooooow you can really dance. It’s like hitting pause when you’re in a vacuum of thoughts.

There’s a Kate Bush music video for a song called “Breathing” where she’s in a giant plastic bubble. It’s been on repeat for me this year as the world seems to escalate into a giant dystopian parody of 1984. It’s a soothing reminder to just keep breathing, even when this year has ripped the tablecloth off of all we take for granted; from the selfless back breaking labour of keyworkers to hugs with our families.

In a year of cancellations and rescheduling I've found myself more attune with the present, starting a garden for the first time ever. After worrying that I shouldn't do it, as I might do it badly my dad said to me on the phone “the seeds don’t know what's on the back of the packet, so just stick them in the soil and see what happens”. This is something I’ve taken with me for my songwriting this year and in some ways more time by myself has allowed me to connect with making music that isn't so tangled in the thoughts of when it’ll be released and whether people will like it. With unprecedented chaos and twists and turns every day it’s been soothing to stick my hands in the dirt and accept that the only thing you can rely on is that the seasons will keep on turning.

In the horticulture world, March to October is known as growing season.

It began with the UK being placed in lockdown, peaked with the largest civil rights movement in history and ended with Trump being voted out of office. Growing season seemed to stick around a little longer this year, and it seems like we needed it too.

Kate is one of the most loved singer-songwriters in Bristol.

Check out her beautiful work on Bandcamp

ALBUMS SPECTRES - IT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN & THIS IS WHY Loved by Silas & Gareth from Lice, Joe from IDLES, me & my mum TWISTED ANKLE - TWISTED ANKLE Loved by Damien from TSPSI & my mum DENZEL CURRY & KENNY BEATS UNLOCKED E.P. Loved by Danny from Heavy Lungs

HAYLEY WILLIAMS - PETALS FOR ARMOR Loved by Adrian from Spectres THE WANTS -CONTAINER Loved by Gareth from Lice

KING KRULE - MAN ALIVE Loved by Bobby from The Pleasure Dome

OF 2020 CRACK CLOUD - PAIN OLYMPICS Loved by Alastair & Gareth from Lice & Danny from Heavy Lungs

RUN THE JEWELS - RTJ4 Loved by James & Ollies from Heavy Lungs

METZ -ATLAS VENDING Loved by Adrian from Spectres SAULT - UNTITLED (BLACK IS) Loved by Gareth & Silas from Lice

WESTSIDE GUNN - PRAY FOR PARIS Loved by Danny from Heavy Lungs

LAURA MARLING - SONG FOR OUR DAUGHTER Loved by Kate Stapley

ALBUMS BILL CALLAHAN: GOLD RECORD Loved by Joe from Spectres & Langkamer

PROTOMARTYR: ULTIMATE SUCCES TODAY Loved by Joe from IDLES & my mum

OSEES: all the albums from 2020!

Loved by Ollie & James from Heavy Lungs BOB VYLAN - WE LIVE HERE Loved by my dad JOSHUA BURNSIDE INTO THE DEPTHS OF HELL Loved by Loz from The Pleasure Dome PET SHIMMERS - TRASH EARTHERS Loved by Damien from The St. Pierre Snake Invasion

OF 2020 ONEOHTRIX POINT NEVER MAGIC ONEOHTRIX POINT NEVER Loved by Silas from Lice

GORILLAZ - SONG MACHINE Loved by Ollie from Heavy Lungs CARL STONE - STOLEN CAN Loved by Silas from Lice

DUA LIPA - FUTURE NOSTALGIA Loved by Adrian from Spectres

DJ KRUST - THE EDGE OF EVERYTHING Loved by Inkie

KLEIN - FROZEN Loved by Joe from Spectres

The lead singer of my favourite band.

Nuff said.

Mr Joe Talbot of IDLES

What are the best and worst things about being in a band?

Well, the best thing is the ability to play music, which sounds obvious, right? But I think creative thinking is a window onto the world, where you feel part of it and it makes you feel comfortable and it makes you feel good about yourself. It gives you power, you know? And that's a really beautiful thing to have - something you can do anywhere that makes you feel good, makes you feel whole.

There's not a lot of negative stuff about being in a band, really., It depends.

For me, it’s that we're popular now and you’ve gotta take criticism in ways that you don't normally. It’s like, obviously you write, don't you?

Yeah.

So the best critics for writing, especially early on, are the people that you know and love because they know you well. And they know when you're not being honest with your writing and when you're imitating other people.

So it's good to listen to the people that love you when they're criticising you, because it's often a fair and experienced opinion of what you do.

But the bigger you get, the more popular you get, or famous... I mean, we're not famous yet. But, you know, we might be one day.

You’re pretty famous, I reckon. I mean you’ve played Glastonbury.

Yeah, but there's a level of fame that's just way beyond where we are. But when you get to a level like where we're at now, a lot of people throw their opinions at you. Which is good, it’s fine. I mean, it's not good or bad. It's just, that's what happens. You make something and you give it to other people or sell it to other people - they are well within their rights to make criticisms on that. And it's really productive a lot of the time. But the more popular you get, or the more well-known you get, it's like more people that don't know you at all make judgements about you as a person, not as a musician. And that's quite a hard thing to understand - when people who don't know you are just telling you who you are, and they're wrong completely.

Is it hard with people trolling you, or bad reviews or bands trying to start fights, because I've had a few buttheads give me grief because I'm doing the zine and they’re not?

Yes. It is hard. It's never going to be easy. I think it is only hard because you let it in. Like if I said “your zine’s rubbish, you've got an arse for a face” you can either go “oh, no, I've gotten an arse for a face and my zine’s rubbish”, or you accept that that's my opinion and that doesn't change anything about you or what you do; it's just how I see the world. And you can never change anyone else's perspective or how they think or how they see anything. It’s hard. But the hard bit isn't that I go home crying, the hard bit is that, with any challenge, you’ve just got to learn how to absorb that information and make it a positive because you're not going to be liked by everyone, ever. And the more simplistic or the more your message is personal to you, the more you’re gonna piss people off. Or you’re gonna confuse people or scare people.

And these are all things that make people react. Reactionary behaviour is normally emotional, instead of “fair play, you've done a good job with your zine. You've made a zine, which is more than I've ever done, but it’s just not to my taste. So I'm not going to read it again, but fair play for making it.”

People don’t act like that when you've made them feel something, they react with emotions and emotional critics are the worst critics. They always will be. So the hard thing is just to learn it as a skill, to just not react to those reactions and just be like “that's your opinion. It’s cool. I'm going to keep doing my thing. You do your thing.”

Deleting social media is a good trick. But not all of it, just the bits that make you feel crap.

Pic by Ian Graham Photography, Phoenix 2019

Is it different being the front man of a band to being one to other members? Do you ever wish you want to focus and you could just blend in more?

That’s a question, Arlo. No, not with IDLES. I like being where I am with IDLES. It depends. There's different kinds of singers, you know.

There are front people who front the band and…

Like Freddie Mercury? He's a proper front man.

Yeah, he's the ultimate front person. He's also incredibly talented. You know, there are certain bands where the person is the best at what they do in the world, so you shouldn't hide it. Freddie Mercury is the best front person, arguably, ever. And he's got a beautiful operatic voice. So, he was made to be at the front and have a band that wrote very big songs to carry his big voice. Whereas with me, it's not like that. I'm part of a team. I'd say I’m the mouthpiece and I'm kind of a front person in that I do most of the talking – though Bowen does more talking now. But as far as writing and everything else goes, we split the money equally five ways, we write together and we do everything together equally. But when it comes to being on stage, I've always just wanted to sing. That's why I started the band. So I'd like to do more music and not be the front person, but not with IDLES. Yeah, so if you were in any other band, you might want to do something different.Well, the thing is, the other boys would be terrible at writing lyrics. They'd be rubbish. And Bowen can sing like an angel, but he’d sound rubbish over our music. Yeah. He's more Freddie Mercury, you know, he's got that big operatic voice.

I went to The Downs Festival, where you put on a stage featuring some of my favourites from Bristol – Milo’s Planes & Heavy Lungs. Who are your other favourite Bristol bands at the moment?

Spectres have just got a new album out at the end of this week.

I did a review of that in this month’s zine - it's amazing.

It is incredible. Yeah. What's your favourite track on it?

‘Idolise Us’ – that first one.

Yeah. What’s the one with the female vocals in it?

‘On Nepotism’?

‘On Nepotism’ is really good. Yeah. They're probably my favourite current Bristol band, although they're not really Bristol anymore, their singer lives in Berlin, so they're kind of a B city band! I mean, they are amazing. Who else?

Ah, Lice – Lice’s new record is incredible. *I’ve listened to Lice’s album since this interview and…WOW! Watch this space for a review* Milo's Planes have always been amazing. Did you ever get to hear a band called Velcro Hooks? They’re not about any more.

Yeah. Adrian gave me a record of them.

Adrian Dutt? Blimey…getting free stuff off Adrian. Wow. We did a kind of trade - some records for some zines.

That's a good currency, my man. Keep it up.

How does it feel to get a number one album after years of being in a band? Does it feel like you've achieved a goal? Or is it just a start?

I tell you what, it's not the start nor the goal - it's somewhere in between, I think. We've been doing it for a long time, obviously, we’ve been a band longer than you've been alive. I think one of the important things when you make stuff that you love, like zines or your music, is to figure out what it is that gives you the magic feeling. For me, it's making it. Making music in the room with the boys and playing live. And all the rest of it - these beautiful moments where you get told that everyone for a minute thinks you're great…not everyone, but enough that you get to play on Jules Holland or play Glastonbury or you get a number one record, and there’s these moments where it's like people just reminding you that they really like your music - it's important not to get wrapped up in that and to be concerned by it too much, but appreciate it when it does happen.

I think to work hard for what you love is always about what you’re making.

And when you get in the flow of that, that's the best part of it. And all of the accolades and the awards and whatnot, it's nice to sit back and celebrate all your hard work, but it's the hard work that's the best bit when you find what you love. It really is. But yeah, it felt good for a bit, but it's not something I ever thought would happen, so it's a bit weird as well, you know. I didn't think it would happen. It's pretty sick, though innit? It's good!

Yeah. It felt good for us fans too. How did you celebrate the album coming out? I celebrated my third or fourth zine by buying a Lego Millennium Falcon.

That's nice. I tell you what, we celebrated by carrying on writing.

Yeah. John and Dev came by Longwell Records on release day…

They did. I tried to come by, but couldn’t.

They said that they were already preparing for the fourth album, even though Ultra Mono came out that day.

Well, this is what we love doing. Honestly, because we can't play live which is the best feeling in the world - the second best feeling in the world is writing music. It’s not as rewarding, immediately, but the process is great, so we love it. I think the most important thing that came from the number one record is something your generation have missed out on. In this day and age, to have so many of our fans make the effort to show that they love us and they love our music by buying an actual record, that's one of the best feelings in the world. To be supported like that.

What’s your favourite gig you've ever played? I was right at the front for Glastonbury, and it looked amazing.

Hmm. I mean, Glastonbury probably. Or the first time we played Primavera at 2:00 in the morning. It was a beautiful surprise. It was the biggest crowd we'd had at that point. It was a good one. I mean, there's been a lot of shows of ours that were incredible for me. I mean, they're all pretty good, but those two stand out because they were very powerful feeling.

Joe onThe Park Stage at Glastonbury Festival, 28th June 2019 Taken by my Mum at my very first IDLES gig

On Glastonbury, I always have explosive diarrhoea and can’t go to school. It's just a coincidence.

Nice! Well, you gotta come up with something new now because, obviously, you just said it. Or you can take this drug called Ipecac and it makes you vomit immediately when you take it. So you just get hold of some of that and take it to school!

Yeah. I'll see if Mum can get me some for Christmas. One year, I really was ill and Mum had to take me home.

Or you’ve been kidnapped! Have you seen a film called ‘Ferris Bueller's Day Off’?

Oh, yes. I love that film.

That's a sick film. It just reminded me, you know, calling in sick.

We had to stand on the barrier, right under the camera, so we wouldn’t get seen on TV, singing along to ‘Mother’.

Ha ha ha ha. Magic! Social services might be coming around to your house later, Arlo, after this.

What's your dream festival line-up to play?

I mean, as a dream, you'd want to headline, right? But I won't I won't headline this one, because it wouldn't happen.

You wouldn't want someone really great, like Queen or Led Zeppelin supporting you because then it would make you look a bit terrible.

Thank you. Yes, it would make us look terrible. I mean, Queen or Led Zeppelin I'm not really fussed about. Man, that’s a really tough one, dude.

Hold on. See, I’d have a weekend at Glastonbury on the pyramid stage, right? Friday night it would be The Strokes, then The Police and then The Pixies. On the Saturday night I’d have Protomartyr, and then Sonic Youth and then Radiohead.

You’re giving such good answers – they’re all great bands.

Yeah, I’ve thought about this before. I used to have several conversations about this dream line-up. And then, on Sunday, we'd go on. And then Girl Band, then Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds AND Grinderman.

But then, me and Bowen have been listening to 'Third' by Portishead every day for the last month. It’s probably the best album of all time, so I’d have Portishead in there. Where would they go? I could have them on the Thursday…nah, they’re too good for that. Portishead will have their own stage.

I'd like to see THIS festival poster next year...

My Mum's got an IDLES tattoo. What is it like that loads people care about the band so much to get it on their body forever?

It's a funny one, really, like, it's amazing. It's hard to understand these things. It's not you, it’s your music. When I have interactions with people one on one and they talk about the music, I feel it and it's amazing to think that we’ve affected people enough for them to get tattoos, but it's hard to understand that. Until you meet them, and then you get it. There's an impact on their life and stuff.

Sometimes I get that, when people don’t really want to talk to me, they just want to know about the zine. My Mum went out with her best friend (hi Auntie Ruth!) at the end of the first lockdown and all she wanted to talk about was the zine.

Wow, how did that feel?

I wasn’t there, but I must’ve been pretty annoying for Mum. I mean how did it feel to know that someone was affected by your zine?

It actually feels really great.

It’s good isn’t it? To know that your work’s affected people and made them feel something.

It's cool. I don't think anyone will ever get a pint-sized tattoo, though.

I’ll get one!

Oh, yes. All right. Me and mum decided we're both going to get a death eater tattoo together when I’m old enough.

I think that's a great idea. Why don't you just get one now? I've got a tattoo gun - we can get on it. You can tattoo me, I’ll tattoo you. OK. Where's your Mum’s tattoo? Can I see it? *Joe gets Mum to show the tattoo…it’s OK, it’s only on her leg* Oh, nice. I was talking about that design today. That's great. Ian Sellers.

He’s a magic artist. Well, thank you very much for that tattoo showing.

You've done lots of unusual things during lockdown that you might not have done if things were normal, like Balley TV, streaming from Abbey Road Studios or doing videos differently. What have you enjoyed most?

Having a Zoom chat with one of my heroes, Stewart Lee. He's a genius. He's my favourite comedian. He's the funniest, most amazing human being and we got to chat to him on a Zoom. I got to work with the film director Michel Gondry – he’s a hero of mine. I studied film at uni, with Sociology, which is the study of culture. But working with Michel Gondry is probably the coolest thing I've done. I wouldn't have had that opportunity otherwise, I would have been busy, but what a dream! It's very cool.

Marmite. Yes or no?

Yeah, why not? I mean, people that say no…you know, it's not just a spread for toast. You can add a tiny bit to your gravy, things like that.

You should try it on toast with cheese melted over the top.

That is really good. I have had that, Arlo.

Geoff Barrow has it with the Marmite on top of the cheese. It takes so long to do, but it’s super-Marmitey.

He's a sick, sick man.

And BEAK> also do Marmite mash and Marmite spaghetti.

Marmite mash and Marmite spaghetti?!

Marmite spaghetti is actually quite good.

Yeah. I mean, I like Marmite, so I believe you. So how would this work? You just chuck it in your spaghetti?

Yeah - chuck it in with loads of butter, then mix it while it’s melting.

There'll be some Italians having convulsions right now at this chat. That is not how you have spaghetti in Italy. I like that. That sounds banging.

portrait of joe talbot by ludwin schouten

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAAASS IS Ian Graham Photography, Bordeaux 2018

JOE

Are you a Christmas person or are you a Grinch?

Oh, yeah, I love Christmas. Yeah, my mum used to make it really magic.

Christmas is a beautiful time. My favourite time of the year is autumn; November time really. It’s my favourite time of the year right now.

Christmas is sick - I like giving presents, like getting presents, I eat like a dustbin. I can eat a lot food. So yeah, I love Christmas. I take it you like Christmas? Have you written a Christmas list yet?

No, not yet. *we spoke back at the end of October. I have done one now, of course* A bit early, innit?

Sprouts. Yes or no?

Yes. All day. Trouble is, British people don't know how to cook brussels sprouts. That's why people don't like them - they don't do ‘em right.

My grandmother lives in Scotland and they do really good sprouts.

Deep fried!

I haven’t tried that…

No, neither have I. It’s just a Scottish thing, innit? Yes. Brussels sprouts. I love it. Yeah man, all day.

You’re doing Christmas karaoke at The Lanes. What song would you choose?

It has to be a Christmas, song? Well, ‘All I want for Christmas Is You’ I sing all year round, so I'm not going to pick that one. ‘Jingle Bell Rock’! *he bursts into song* My Nana and Grampy have this little reindeer and he spins around and sings it – it’s cool the first two times, but after that it’s just like torture.

Do you know what that reminds me of? Kids toys. My daughter has a musical book that plays ‘Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes’, but only the first line over and over again. Over and over and over again. As she presses that button over… and over… and over again. But she's my daughter…so it’s all good. I'm going to punish her later on. I’m gonna embarrass her.

Do it on her first day at secondary school and say, “hey, you forgot your book!” Doo doo doo doo doo doo. Doo doo doo!

Ha, ha. That's a great idea. Or just bring her nappies. Actually, she ate her own poo once. Whoever her sexual partners are, I'm going to tell them the story of how she ate her own shit.

Would you rather have the Christmas dinner of just sprouts or have to listen to Frosty the Snowman all day on loop?

Just brussels sprouts? Yeah, I mean that’s alright for me ‘cause I like sprouts. I mean I’d rather have brussels sprouts than listen to anything all day. And, you know, what Christmas dinner is, you know, a lot of people have it every week. It’s basically a roast dinner, but twice as big.

You know what I really go hard on at Christmas? Chocolate and cheese that's the abnormal amount of food I eat. Christmas dinner is great, but I'm well into going hard on the chocolate.

Yeah, I pretty much eat most of my advent calendar on the first day.

What? that's no magic in that, man!

There's chocolate staring me right in the face. What are you going to do?

Go to the shop. Get a whole Toblerone and try to eat it in one go. That’s what I’d do.

Or buy 24 advent calendars and have one each day?

Yeah- that’s a great shout! Or…wait till January 1st and go and pick up a whole bunch of advent calendars for a penny.

If IDLES had to do a nativity play, who would play who?

Well, Bowen would play Jesus, yeah. Because, of course, he’d play Jesus.

But Jesus in a nativity play is a baby, isn’t he?

You could do Lee as Jesus because in the 'Colossus' video…

Yeah, he does play Jesus. All right. But also… Jesus is a baby, and Dev looks like a baby with a beard, so Dev would be Jesus. Lee is a bit dopey, so he’d be the donkey. I'd be Joseph. And Bowen would be Mary. Yeah. We're both Catholics, we're a good Catholic couple, you know?

What about Jon? Oh, yeah. He’d be the accountant.

I got my first record player this year. What’s the essential vinyl that I should put my Christmas list?

'Astral Weeks' by Van Morrison.

We were listening to him in the car yesterday!

My favourite album of all time is 'Astral Weeks'. Yeah, it's beautiful. It's good on vinyl as well. It was recorded in one go. They had the parts and then they jammed out and just made stuff up as they went along, but it’s a magic album. I love it very, very much. Or…what’s essential?

Most people say something like 'Revolver', something really classic.

Yeah, well, I mean, that's for a reason. You know, The Beatles pretty much started everything sick. It's easy to say because it's the Beatles. But it's true.

That's why it's easy to say. But no, I wouldn't say anything like that because, you know, no-one needs to tell you 'Revolver' 'cause you're going to come across 'Revolver' a lot in your life. It’s more interesting to try and find albums that either you might not come across until someone points to you in that direction, or you weren't expecting from the person you're talking to get an insight into their personality. Yeah. So, yeah, the first album that really changed my life was 'Astral Weeks'. But, I tell you what, Portishead’s ‘Third’.

Do it!

If you could have your own Rule of Six Christmas, which other five people would you invite?

Man alive, this is tough. So, five people? *takes a lot of time to really think about the question* Nick Cave… Stewart Lee… Cormac McCarthy… Thom Yorke… Donald Trump.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want to meet Donald Trump ‘cause I think we'd be mates, but I really want to see what he would be like in real life. Yeah. I just don't get it. I don't understand. Plus, I'd be able to stab him.

Yeah, why not?

Prison time is why not. And the moral dilemma that I would then be a murderer. And it's not social distancing. It's not, unless I had a really long sword. I'm joking - I wouldn't ever stab anyone. But yeah, I would love to get behind his brain and see what's going on in there.

Yeah. Do you have anything on your Christmas list this year?

No. I don't need anything. I've got nothing I need or want. What can I do with, what do I want? There's gotta be something I could think of… I mean, is this like an imaginary list? I'd love a Charles Eames chair. There's a bunch of mid-century modernist chairs I’d have. Yeah, I’d love a Macintosh chair.

Yeah. Like one of those spinny chairs.

I’d spend hours on one of those. Yeah. You want a Charles Eames one, then. They're like the one - that’s the Rolls Royce of spinning chairs. Or a Frank Lloyd Wright chair would be sick. I like chairs.

Who doesn’t?

Exactly.

I want to get a sofa with a built-in toilet, so you don’t have to move. And it has this arm that cranes over your head and has a TV on the end… and a popcorn dispenser.

You want a toilet in your sofa?! Can you imagine? Well, think about it - you'd be stewing above your own poo every time you watch film. There’d be poop in your living room! You’d have shit in your living room, mate. You don't want that, do you? I mean, I get it. You're clearly a lazy person. But, you know, there's a limit. You don't want poop smell in your living room while you watching TV. *We then had a random chat about kids TV and CBeebies. Joe and his daughter, Frida, like Hey Duggee* So, yeah, I mean, pick your battles. Don't have a toilet in your living room – it’s weird. *We had another 5 minutes of chat (honestly!) about how we could work out the dilemma of not wanting to get up when you need the loo – trying to work out the best way of dealing with plumbing, or getting robot legs, and Mum finally said I should just ask for a TV in the toilet like a swanky hotel. Then we talked about the best takeaway food – the pizza at The Louisiana in Bristol, Domino’s, Five Guys, Oowee Burger in Bedminster. He told me the shocking fact that Lee Kiernan doesn’t like cheese. My Dad came in from work at this point and wondered what the heck was going on*

who says you shouldn't meet your heroes?

"Everyone likes their own brew.

My farts don't bother me"

Damien Sayell, of The St. Pierre Snake Explosion and now McLusky, talked to me about Christmas in his house with help from his dog, Murphy. The rest of TSPSI didn't join in because they're not 'safe' to be interviewed or talk to 10 year olds, apparently :-) Are you a Christmas person or a Grinch?

Do you know what? I'm a Grinch until it's Christmas morning, when I have been known (and I'm 36 now) to still text my sister and my brother at three in the morning, saying "he's been!" I'm the oldest of the 3 children, so when I was like 13, or 14, I would wake up really early, and then go and wake my younger brother up and say "he's been!", and then he would run into my mom and dad's bedroom, and try and wake them up so we could go and open presents. So I still do that, and I still wake my wife up.

I always do that to my parents, but they like to sleep in. So annoying.

Yeah, we’d wake up at five o'clock in the morning and we'd be sat in front of the Christmas tree, in front of our presents, just shaking. . And I still even though I get grumpy about hearing Christmas music and having to spend loads of money and all that - whenever it's Christmas Day I'm just like a kid, I'm really excitable. Whereas my wife is the opposite. She gets really excited for Christmas - wants the Christmas tree up, wants to go to the Christmas market, all of that stuff - and then on Christmas Day, she doesn't want to get out of bed, which is rubbish. She's the boss, so...

Sprouts: yes or no?

On Christmas Day. Yeah. Any other time of the year, no. What about you?

It depends. It depends how they're cooked.

Yeah, I like a roasted sprout. Roasted sprouts are okay. But you've got to have it. When we were kids, none of us really liked brussels sprouts (not even my mom and dad) but we would get sprouts just to have them on the plate - even though none of us were going to eat it - because it just doesn't look right, not having brussels sprouts.

What's the best Christmas gift you've ever given?

I don't know if I'm any good at giving presents. *thinks for ages* Actually, do you know Sugar Horse?

Oh, yeah. I was meant to be going to see them at Moles tonight, before lockdown happened...

So Ashley is one of my best friends. And he and I became friends because we love a band called The Fall. His favourite song by the Fall is a song called 'Winter' and it has the lyric "I just looked around and my youth it was sold". And that's his favourite line from from his favourite song, so I had that engraved on a Zippo lighter and I got him that for Christmas one year.

Ah, that's awesome.

Would you rather have sprout farts all year, or turn into snowman for the whole of Christmas Day? I'll go for farts. Everyone likes their own brew, don't they?. My farts don't bother me. I woke up the other morning and my wife was in the spare room and I thought it was because I've been snoring, but actually because I was farting in my sleep and it was too disgusting for her to stay in there. I should be ashamed of that, Arlo, but I'm not! I am 36 years old and farts are still funny. And I think when I'm 96 years old, farts will still be funny.

Will they ever stop being funny, though?

No, I don't think they will. I think maybe when I can't control them, if I'm just farting uncontrollably, then I might be in trouble. But as long as I get , that little gap between when I've let a little parp go, and then waiting for someone to smell it, that'll always be funny. You can have this one. It was brilliant. So the first guitarist in St. Pierre was a guy called Carl and we lived together.

He got in from work, and we were playing FIFA. And I said to him "I cut my hand today" I sort of sat like this. And he looked at my hand and I moved it further away, and he followed it. And I kept moving it and he followed it. He followed it right into the blast radius. I brought him in and he went "eeeeuuuurrrrggghhhhh". So yeah, I basically tricked him into smelling my farts. It was brilliant. That's my best fart ever. You can have that one - try it. They won't know that they're doing.

Amazing. *Mum told us that Biden had won the US election* Has he?! There we are, well, at least whenever, for the rest of my life, I will know exactly what I was doing and who I was talking to when I heard that President Trump was no longer president of the United States. What a wonderful day for decent human beings, say? Yeah. Ah, I'm just glad I don't have to see him any more. I can't watch Trump speak. It makes me feel ill. *we spent a while doing impressions of Trump saying China*

Doug Alexander

What's the one essential vinyl I should put on my Christmas list?

One essential vinyl. Oof. This is a good one. I'm trying to think of one that doesn't have colourful language in it.

We've already got this, so you can't say Caprice Enchante (I show him my new vinyl copy of St Pierre's last album!).

Great album, though. So I would say - the problem is that I don't think you can get this one on vinyl any more - but 'McLusky do Dallas' is one of my favourite albums of all time. But then I would say get yourself 'Around the Fur' by Deftones, because it is one of my favourite albums of all time.

It's quite heavy, but melodic. There's some shouty bits, but it's some really nice bits. Yeah, it's really good. And you can bounce around to it. *Mum butted in to say how one of her first dates with my Dad was at a McLusky gig in 2000 (cringe!), and Damien said that he's had dates at McLusky gigs too*

You're at The Lanes doing Christmas karaoke. What would you sing?

For starters, I would never... actually, I have done karaoke at The Lanes.

Yeah. It was dreadful. What would you do?

I'd definitely do something like 'Jingle Bell Rock'.

That's what I was thinking - Jingle Bell Rock. Ooh, I'd do 'Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree'. The problem I have, though,, is that I can't really sing other people's songs, because I can't really sing.

You could just scream it.

'Walking in the Air' from The Snowman - that'd be funny.

If you could design your own rule of six Christmas, which other five guests would you have?

I'd have my wife because otherwise I'd right in trouble. Actually, I would have another Christmas with my wife because the other people I have would probably make her bored. So I'd have Dev, because he always makes me laugh. I'd have a guy called Christopher Hitchens because he was one of my favourite drunks and be nice to get drunk with him. I'd have Murphy my dog, because he gives the best cuddles. I'd have Falco reluctantly have Falco - so he can tell me about all the stuff he can't eat.

Bruce Lee would be good. I'd like to have a chat with Bruce Lee. And then probably Sir Ranulph Feinnes. He's an adventurer type guy and he's got loads of crazy stories. He used to be in the SAS, so I bet he'd have loads of cool stories to tell.

Murphy joined us for some of the interview!

Have you been naughty or nice this year?

I think I've been nice - believe it or not, Arlo, there's people like those little wretches who've been asking questions on Twitter like that John Newton and Adam Valley and Ash from Sugar Horse and everyone else, will make out that I'm some kind of terrible oaf. I'm actually quite nice and quite polite. So I think I've been really nice this year, actually. In lockdown I learned to cook. I made homemade Subway meatball marinara sauce from scratch with mozzarella and I cycled them around Bristol to my friend's house to deliver them sandwiches. So yeah, I think that's quite nice.

Mark Glenister

That's great. What are your New Year's resolutions?

I'm going to finally pass my driving test, which is shameful because you'll probably pass your test before me. But I'm going to pass my test and I'm thinking of going vegetarian. *we had a chat about vegan burgers and sausages, and how much he'd miss cheese if he were permanently vegan* What about you? What are yours?

I don't know if I'm actually gonna get to do anything this year, in case there's another year like 2020.

Yeah, well, you can do stuff at home. My brother had a kid couple of years ago, so I've got a niece called Ada. So I've been learning some magic tricks at home, so that when she's old enough, I can wow her with magic. So there's loads of stuff you can learn to do from home, like getting better at bass.

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Right here we go. Arlo's asked me to do my top five albums or songs of 2020. Now I'm gonna be greedy and go for a few more than that.

Sleaford Mods & Billy Nomates: Mork & Mindy I'm currently obsessed with the Sleaford Mods & Billy Nomates single 'Mork & Mindy' with Andrew on the back for the b-side. This is an allround amazing package - video's amazing, it's everything I like about Sleaford Mods & Billy Nomates - sexy, music, dancing with an amazing video. Superb (we have a few copies left!).

John Mouse: The Goat John Mouse's album called 'The Goat'. I'd never heard of him before he contacted me on Twitter. As soon as I put this album on, first track 'The Pigeon, it's got me on my knees. This is 1980s synth beats with some... oh my god, the lyrics are just brilliant, everything you want to say to someone but decided you want to put on an album instead - it's just amazing. It comes on cherry cola red limited edition vinyl.

Phoxjaw: Royal Swan Next up, local boys Phoxjaw. They finally got this album on vinyl this year, it's just been released on another gold whatever blah blah blah edition. Such an amazing album. I'm not normally into grunge-metally sort of stuff. But for me, I can put this album on and love every track.

That is a fact. It's amazing.

Boka 45: 2020 Donuts Going back on a bit more of a hip hop tip, Boka 45, '2020 Donuts'. In fact, my favourite's Hummingbird, which was a track he did with Alison Garner from fellow Bristol band, The Fauns. There's so much going on here and, as everyone knows, I like a dance. It’s basically all his singles he's done throughout the year, but put on an album, and I like that - I'm a bit of a comp person and there's one on here which features all the Brian Munich AllStars, a lot people I play football with.

Billy Nomates: Billy Nomates Probably my album of 2020 Billy Nomates, but I've promoted this so much it's always a bit boring! We all love it so much, don't we? Every track is a banger as far as I'm concerned and her debut gig was at Longwell Records. And it features dance, soul... Tor gives it her all on this.

IDLES: Ultra Mono Can't go without saying 'Ultra Mono' by IDLES as well, mind, although I wouldn't say this is my favourite IDLES album, it is a very decent album and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Took me a while to get into it as much as the others, but I did in the end.

So that's probably it - there is loads more I could put on... The Allergies, Working Men's Club. That's me, over and out.

Queen's Speech The Pleasure Dome Bob – OK, Arlo asked us to do an alternative Queen’s speech.

Harri - What do you mean?

Loz – Like, you know when the Queen does a speech? We have to do one.

Harri - I’ve never seen a Queen’s speech.

Bert - I’ll second that.

Bob - Oh! I watch it every year, ha.

Loz - We have it on in the background.

Bert - I haven’t got anything against the royals or anything.

Bob - Don’t diss the queen, she’s on all the money Loz - I think the year has been an absolute shitshow, but there’s been things that have made it less shit.

Bob - Arlo is 10, should we say shit?

Loz - Oh yeah, maybe less shit…

Bob - We should probably say some words on important things. What’s the most important thing that happened this year?

Bert - Captain Tom Moore is probs a biggie.

Harri – Ah, that was so heart-warming, wasn’t it? [ El walks in] El - Are you on zoom to Arlo?

Loz – No, just Bert. It’s past Arlo’s bed time!

Bob - How much did he raise?

Loz - Do you remember? tens of millions? – Googles it - £33 million!

Harri - (whistle) woah, how much were the school meals, 22 mil?

Bob - Marcus Rashford, legend.

Loz - Shit football team, but legend all the same amirite? Scores a mean pen.

Bob & Bert nod Harri - I don’t think I actually like any sport.

Bert - What about the old clap for the nhs? Coming together.

All - Yeah, that was nice.

Loz - There has been a lot of unity.

Bob - The BLM movement, George Floyd?

Loz - Although that did create a lot of unity.

Bob - But it did create a bigger divide. It sucks to see the division.

Bert - Like in football they’re still talking the knee, it’s still important.

Bob – Yeah, for sure, everyone reacted. Then the Colston statue came down and it started so many conversations - but then the world opened back up, that was July all that?

Loz – Erm, yeah it was, because I was in Swansea when the statue came down.

Harri - That was fucking sick when the statue came down. Where were you? I was at work.

Bob - I went; was a mad day.

Bert - My mate was right next to it when it happened.

Bob - Felt like the start of a new era.

Harri - Let’s hope.

Loz – Well, on the subject of unity - music brought people together, bands releasing new music.

Bert - I watched a mega live stream on DIY. Loz – Oh, the Buzzard lads did that.Bert - Yeah it was like over three days!

Loz - I know Arlo interviewed Biffy. Their new album felt so relevant.

Bob – Yeah, there was IDLES lyrics that felt like they made more sense with the lockdown too...

Bert - You need to see this, there’s a guy on Turbo Island tonight playing a gig with a fire, some guy asked if big Jeff was there. “best gig of 2020”.

Harri - haha just passed this video on to a buuunch of friends. Yeah I’ve got other friends.

Bert - He’s singing about COVID. Harri - hands face space Bob - What was your favourite COVID phrase?

Harri - Stay alert, stay alive. No, what is it? Stay home go live.

Bert - Don’t go out, do go out.

Loz - The season to be jolly, but also the season to be jolly careful.

Bob - My favourite one is when people say ‘it is what it is’.

Harri - How many people are saying that at the moment?!

Loz - “I’m dreaming of a socially distanced Christmas” Bob - What about pre-COVID 2020?

Loz – Well, we had that gig with Kid Kapichi - that was 14th March.

Bob - So many people crammed in a room.

Bert - 9 months ago! Tell you what, I can’t wait to see a barber.

Harri - Hair cuts huh? I had one, completely irrelevant Bob - Yeah. I did a classic lockdown skinhead.

Harri - Got rid of the mullet.

Bob - It was time. Customers kept touching it when I was working at the pub.

Bert - Is anyone gonna wrap this up then?

Harri - I like turtles.

Bert chatting with Loz, Harri & Bobby to create their Queen's Speech

Starting out in the 80s with Banksy & 3D, Inkie is one of the OG Bristol graffiti artists - we even studied him at school last year!

He's done lots of cool stuff, like being head of design at SEGA & Xbox, running Europe's biggest street art event 'See No Evil', and is Jade Jagger's in-house designer.

What did you want to be when you were 10?

So when I was 10, I wanted to be an architect because my father was an architect. And I saw that with architecture you got to do sculpture, you got to do technical drawing, and signwriting all in one job. They were all three things that I like doing, so it meant that I could do everything in one job.

But then I found out that it took seven years training, so I gave up on it pretty quickly.

Inkie is a great name. Where did you get it?

So there's two things. Before graffiti, video games came out and I was really good at the arcades and in Pac Man, the blue ghost is called Inky. But also, it's to do with getting ink on your fingers, and further down the line it was more when you got arrested for doing graffiti, you'd get fingerprinted, so you'd have inky fingers. So the more you got in trouble, the more inky your fingers were...although I don't condone getting in trouble!

Yeah, right. Marmite Yes or no?

So definitely, yes. My partner eats Vegemite, and I can't stand it. It's like a fake Marmite, like axl grease for cars but they put a label on it.

How did you get into graffiti?

So initially, I bought a Clash album 'Combat Rock' and they had a graffiti artist called Futura 2000 that did all the sleeve notes. And then at the same time as that, there was a song called 'Duck Rock' by Malcolm McLaren. And in the video for that they had graffiti by very famous New York artist, Michael Dondi. And just seeing that - I was kind of a punk rocker at the time, and it kind of blew my mind and went very well with my anarchist leanings at the time - it was just go out and do graffiti, but it was done with a bit more style than punk graffiti. And it was like something we'd never seen before in the UK, it was that hip hop music, and breakdancing and stuff all came along at the same time, and it was a whole new culture for us. So you kind of got snippets of it through films like 'Wild Style' and another one called 'Style Wars' and then, very early on, 3D from Massive Attack' started painting graffiti in Bristol as well. So during this time, I was a punk and I was into The Dead Kennedys and Crass, Flux of Pink Indians and loads of bands like that, and I used to go to gigs at Trinity Hall in Old Market. During this time, I saw graffiti and I sort of slowly went over but, initially, I was painting graffiti but wearing like bondage trousers and punk rock gear. A mohair jumper usually!

Yeah, you said you used to be a punk rocker What music do you like?

So nowadays, I still listen to some of the old music and The Clash is one of my favourite bands. But I listen to quite a bit of music from soul to hip hop to reggae to rare groove to punk. I like a mixture of stuff. I get bored if I listen to one type of music the whole time, I have to change it up a bit. For example, if I'm working, I might put some house music on because it makes me work faster. But if I'm painting graffiti, I'll probably have 80s hip hop on.

Who's inspired you the most?

I get a lot of inspiration from old artists like Alphonse Mucha and Charles Rennie Macintosh and stuff. But also, modern comic illustrators like Bill Sienkiewicz. There's a guy called Bio and the Tats Cru who came to Bristol, from the Bronx in about 1984/5, and they inspired me when I was 14. I still speak to him now. And in fact, we had him back in Bristol, about five years ago to inspire the next generation of kids as well.

Tats Cru mural in Bristol, with Bio sitting in the middle.

We studied graffiti at school last year and talked about you in our lessons. How's it feel that people love your art so much, and that street art is now being taught in schools?

I feel absolutely honoured that is discussed in schools. And I think it's a really great addition to the classwork because when I was young, we were just given like a bowl of fruit and vegetables and some flowers and how to draw that. And now I think it's much more exciting for younger kids to be shown different types of art. Also something in the city that you grow up in - to see stuff on walls, it gives the younger generation inspiration to paint on a larger scale. And I think one of the most rewarding things for me is to see a group of school kids doing street art tours, that's probably one of the most rewarding things about what we've done in Bristol What's your favourite thing about Bristol?

I'd have to say the people, the cider, and also just the fact that you've got a big city that's got his own independent kind of ways, but is also really close to the countryside. You could be in the middle of a field, and then you can be in a city within about 20 minutes. Whereas in a lot of other big cities, you can't do that, so we're very lucky that respect. And the architecture, as well, is beautiful.

What advice would you give to young people who are interested in getting into street art?

The first thing I'd say is to go on a street art tour with John Nations, who does the Where's the Wall? tours. He's the youth worker that I used to work with when I was a teenager and he has an encyclopaedic knowledge of Bristol street art and graffiti. So I'd do that to learn the basics. Also, there's a book called 'Children of the Can', which is the history of Bristol street art. Also, I look at all the different ways that people make street art: you've got graffiti, you've got stencils, you've got wheatpasting, you've got stickers, you've screen printing. Look at all the different aspects and, while you're at school or in college, use their equipment to make as much stuff as you can, because you don't get those opportunities once you leave school.

Has COVID changed much for you? You've launched your online shop - is that something you were planning to do anyway?

It's made me knuckle down and do more work creatively. The first opportunity I can, I'll be going away travelling and painting because I usually used to do that once a month. But what it's meant is that I've actually got loads of stuff done that I've had on lists to do, and one of them was building my online shop. So it's been beneficial and I don't get distracted so much, because normally I'll go and paint graffiti most days.

Now I'm sat at home, I've gotta work, so it's kind of like being back in school for me!

What's your dream location for a mural? And what would you paint there?

Ooh, that's tricky. My dream location would be to paint in New York and we've already done that. Me and my friends went over there a couple of times recently. But I think at the moment, my dream location would be there's an old Bank of England building when you come over Bristol Bridge, and I would paint a fake sign in an old age style so it looked like you were coming into old Bristol but with a fake graffiti sign from 200 years ago. As you come into Castle Park it's a big building that's derelict at the moment.

Yeah, my dad works opposite there.

It's like the old gateway to Bristol - Bristol Bridge - so in the old days, if you came over that bridge, you were going into the City of Bristol.

Wouldn't this look amazing with an Inkie on it to welcome us to Bristol?

Call the council! ;-)

Do you like Christmas or are you a Grinch?

I love Christmas. The only thing I don't like about Christmas is that the hats you getting crackers never fit because I got a bit of a big head.

Was there ever a gift you really wanted as a kid, but didn't get?

A Sega Megadrive. All my friends had one back when we were about 11 or 12. I did get a Super Nintendo the next year - I think it was only because I was so upset that my dad got me a Super Nintendo to make up for it.

Sprouts: yes or no?

Yes, roasted with chestnuts.

I got my first record player during lockdown: what's the one essentially vinyl I should put my Christmas list?

I would say any album by The Clash: 'London Calling', 'Combat Rock' is a bit more commercial, probably not 'Sandinista' so much...

Yeah, I've got 'Combat Rock' already.

That was my first punk gig I ever went to - the Combat Rock tour by The Clash at The Colston Hall.

Is there anything on your Christmas list this year?

Yeah, pencils. And I always get the latest copy of 'Call of Duty'. I basically get one massive Lego set every year and some comic books and stuff.

Oh, what comics do you like?

There's a comic called 2000AD with Judge Dredd.

I've got a friend who's got a fan group for that called The77. He's got a fanzine he does, and he does interviews with all the original artists of 200AD. I used to I used to collect that and also, when we were younger, you had Sam Slade Robo-Hunter by an artist called Ian Gibson and he did Halo Jones as well. But also in Judge Dredd, you had a guy called Chopper it was where Banksy got a lot of his ideas from, like the way Chopper would paint his name. Definitely Banksy would have grown up reading it as well.

Would you rather have to eat a mince pie every day of the year or have to eat a whole Christmas pudding to yourself in one go?

I really like mince pies, so I'd have the mince pie every day so long as I could have brandy butter with it. Yeah, mince pie every day of the year. No question.

thanks a bunch Thank you to everyone who has been involved this month it has been such fun to put together, even if lockdown got in the way of our plans... (just wait, breakfast with Breakfast Records will happen one day!)

Special thanks for more artwork provided by

LUDWIN SCHOUTEN you know that we love his work!! check out more of his stuff at: Ludwinschouten@gmail.com www.instagram.com/widlun www.facebook.com/widlun.otenschut

IAN GRAHAM provided some cool monochrome pics. find him at: www.iangraham.photography/ www.instagram.com/iangrahamphotography and to mark glenister & doug alexander for some extra gig photos - mum said she's normally trying not to get a boot in the head at TSPSI gigs!

SPROUTS

"In Ukraine, we don't have sprouts.. cabbages are regulation size"