A stealth pregnancy, the father who left and the sudden puzzle of a 50-year-old briefcase full of photos
By
NOEL BLACK page 10
+ IN THIS ISSUE | AMPHITHEATER ADDRESSES NOISE CONCERNS | THE VOICE OF KRCC SIGNS OFF | AIMEE MANN BRINGS ‘FORGOTTEN’ MUSICAL TO UCCS
A
PUBLISHER
Francis J. Zankowski
EDITORIAL
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Ben Trollinger
REPORTERS Noel Black, Karin Zeitvogel, Cannon Taylor and Andrew Rogers
CONTRIBUTORS
Lauren Ciborowski, Kathryn Eastburn, Bob Falcone and Rob Brezsny
COPY EDITOR Willow Welter
SALES
AD DIRECTOR JT Slivka
ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES
Monty Hatch, Josh Graham, Carla Wink and Karen Hazlehurst
AD COORDINATOR
Lanny Adams
ART
SENIOR EDITORIAL DESIGNER
Adam Biddle
OPERATIONS
DIGITAL AND MARKETING MANAGER
Sean Cassady
DISTRIBUTION MANAGER
Kay Williams
“The Forgotten Arm” album cover|Courtesy: Michael Hausman Artist Management Inc.
Jake says the Ford Amphitheater is highly accessible for disabled people.| Credit: Karin Zeitvogel
EDITOR’S NOTE
THE RESOLUTION WILL NOT BE TELEVISED
By BEN TROLLINGER ben.trollinger@ppmc.live
I’m embarrassed to admit I’m a fool for self-help. I would never actually get caught browsing in that section of a bookstore, mind you, but you don’t really have to suffer such an indignity in 2025. Self-improvement advice is everywhere — in the near-universal mandate to “go see a therapist”; in the endless stream of podcasts and YouTube videos on everything from Ayahuasca trips and biohacking to Stoicism and vegan cuisine; and in TV advertisements for weight-loss wonder drugs. Fight inflammation with turmeric pills or a cold plunge. Meditate for 20 minutes a day. Remember to breathe through your nose. Write in a journal every day. Walk mindfully (and barefoot). Lift heavy weights. Do yoga. Touch grass. Stare directly into the sunrise. Sweat out your toxins in a sauna. Embrace sobriety — but also psychedelics. Remember to moisturize and to hydrate.
Avoid screen time at least an hour before bed. Sleep for at least eight hours, but also wake up at 4 a.m. to begin a morning routine that will “supercharge” your day. Eat a Mediterranean diet, or an all-meat diet, or a no-meat diet, or don’t eat at all. But if you do, remember to chew with intention, and maybe pop a Wegovy, too.
Like an Airborne Toxic Event that smells like gut-healthy artisanal sourdough bread, we are surrounded by a miasma of helpful suggestions on how to live longer, look better naked, have more pleasant bathroom visits, and become more productive at work and in life.
"I WRITE THIS AS MILLIONS OF NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS ARE BEING WRITTEN AND QUICKLY ABANDONED. I DID NOT WRITE RESOLUTIONS THIS YEAR. THEY’VE SIMPLY BECOME TOO PAINFUL TO THINK ABOUT."
I write this as millions of New Year’s resolutions are being written and quickly abandoned. I did not write resolutions this year. They’ve simply become too painful to think about. In all honesty, after years of unsuccessful attempts to become a new me, I’ve finally come around to Gil Scott-Heron’s view: “The revolution will not fight germs that may cause bad breath … The revolution will not make you look five pounds thinner ... Because the revolution will not be televised.”
I’m also reminded of what the Russian filmmaker Andrei Tarkovsky once said about the purpose of art: “The aim of art is to prepare a person for death, to plough and harrow his soul, rendering it capable of turning to good.” He was a serious guy.
So, if people won’t stop asking you about your 2025 goals, just tell them you’re harrowing your soul. That ought to shut them up.
LETTERS .
A CRUEL, UNJUST SYSTEM
I just finished reading the editor’s note in the Dec. 26 issue of The Independent, and I would like to share my perspective. I am 27 years old and suffer from a chronic illness. At the beginning of 2024, the insurance that I’d had for two years suddenly decided that they no longer cover the medication I need to live. I take injections every six weeks. There is no generic version of this medication, and without insurance, it costs about $5,000 a dose. I spent 10 months bleeding internally, suffering and in pain because my insurance company decided that my life is less important than their profits. It took 10 months of phone calls and paperwork before I was finally approved for an assistance program through the medication’s manufacturer. Throughout all of this, I continued to pay my insurance company twice a month for services they couldn’t even be bothered to provide me with. I was raised a Christian. I find the notion of forgiveness admirable, particularly in interpersonal relationships. I have forgiven many people in my life who have wronged me personally. But when a person has wronged millions, who even has the authority to forgive him? How many parents have lost children because their insurance wouldn’t cover their child’s cancer treatments? How many have lost spouses, siblings, parents to this cruel, unjust system? This is not a problem that exists on an individual level, and I find the notion of forgiveness in this case to be a cruel dismissal of the very real pain and suffering millions of people experience every day.
Brian Thompson was not the sole person responsible for this suffering, but he certainly profited from it. Would I personally have been able to pull the trigger? Probably not. But his death was a symptom of a larger injustice that is happening right
CORRECTIONS .
now in our country (a country which was founded by people who decided to take justice into their own hands when they felt that the British king wasn’t treating them fairly). Those of us who have suffered under it have spent years writing lawmakers, making phone calls, begging, pleading, all to deaf ears. Every word that could be spoken on the subject has been exhausted, and still, nothing has changed. What else, then, are those who have been wronged expected to do?
In the words of Martin Luther King Jr., “And so in a real sense our nation’s summers of riots are caused by our nation’s winters of delay. And as long as America postpones justice, we stand in the position of having these recurrences of violence and riots over and over again.”
Kyla Bruegel
Colorado Springs •
POLITICAL SHIFT
Thank you for your new format for The Independent. I have one small issue to address concerning a recent article and a few other previous articles in The Independent.
Consistently your paper states that Colorado Springs is a conservative city. While this is accurate in the past, currently it’s more independent or possibly moderate. The latest presidential data from the city reveals that we’re currently between center-right and center. In addition, there are so many more registered independent voters than Republicans and, of course, Democrats. While this may be a subtle technicality, it would be nice if the paper could reflect the current political status of the city.
Once again, thank you for your paper’s contribution.
Gary Marx
Colorado Springs
• In the Dec. 26 article “Colorado Springs one step closer to skyline makeover,” we misstated the proposed height of the ONE VeLA tower. The proposed height is 315 feet. We also misidentified the street for the project, which will be located on Costilla Street.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR must be signed with full name and include daytime phone number, full address or email address. Letters should be no longer than 300 words. We reserve the right to edit all submissions. | EMAIL ADDRESS: letters@ppmc.live
CC URGES FOREIGN STUDENTS TO RETURN TO CAMPUS BEFORE TRUMP’S INAUGURATION
International students who are studying or enrolled in exchange programs at Colorado College have been advised to return to campus before the start of the second semester, which coincides with the day that President-elect Donald Trump will take office again.
“We have been in touch with our international students who are on F-1 and J-1 visas, advising them to return to campus before … Jan. 20, 2025,” the college’s director of external relations and editorial content, Alexa Gromko, told The Independent.
Based on campaign promises, Trump is expected to take executive action as early as his first day in office to beef up immigration enforcement and roll back programs that allow immigrants to legally enter the United States.
An executive order signed by Trump at the start of his first term in 2017 banned people, including refugees, from Iraq, Syria, Iran, Sudan, Libya, Somalia and Yemen from entering the United States. Media reports citing the State Department say more than 40,000 people were denied visas as a result of the 2017 ban, including students and faculty of universities and colleges.
Colorado College is “watching closely for any immigration changes impacting F-1 and J-1 students and will continue to work with our campus partners to support the mental health and well-being of our international students, ensuring they feel a sense of belonging and inclusion here,” Gromko said.
F-1 visas are issued to nonimmigrants who want to study full time in the United States, and J-1 visas are for those who take part in exchange programs, which are designed to promote cultural and intellectual exchange between the United States and other countries.
Colorado College’s 110 international students represent roughly 4.5% of the student body.
College officials “met with our international students this past week one-on-one … to prevent travel issues and to reinforce that they are welcome here, we want them here, and there are people speaking up for them and advocating for them,” Gromko said.
SOUNDING OFF
Mayor hosts listening session on Ford Amphitheater ahead of 2025 concert season
by KARIN ZEITVOGEL karin.zeitvogel@ppmc.live
Louis Hoffmann moved to a quiet residential neighborhood on the north side of Colorado Springs in 2015, in search of the tranquility that was elusive in the San Francisco area.
Nine years later, he joined several hundred other residents as they pleaded with city officials to do something about the noise from Ford Amphitheater on concert nights, which Hoffman and his neighbors say has disrupted their lives and is tanking property values.
“We heard people tonight talking about their kids crying and tormented by this music, people thinking they have to move,” Hoffmann said at a listening session hosted by Mayor Yemi Mobolade and City Council President Randy Helms at the Classical Academy in December.
“They,” he said, referring to city officials and the VENU company, which built and runs the amphitheater, “have the burden of responsibility, not us, on making sure there’s no harm.
“There should be no noise-hardship permit renewal,” Hoffmann concluded.
A noise-hardship permit was granted to VENU for the amphitheater by Mobolade in July 2024, a month before the first concert was held and more than 1½ years after the Colorado Springs Planning Commission approved construction of the outdoor concert arena in November 2022, when John Suthers was mayor. The permit allows sound from concerts to significantly exceed the 50 to 55 decibels allowed in residential areas under a state ordinance.
Since concerts began Aug. 9, Kellie Kuhn, an Air Force Academy assistant professor who lives a few miles from the amphitheater, said she has measured peaks of more than 110 decibels at her home during concerts, using an app on her phone.
Fifty decibels is roughly equivalent to a normal conversation between two people; 110 decibels is like having a chain saw in full operation 3 feet from your ear.
Kuhn’s partner, Dan Detzi, said that at their house, the sound from concerts is like having “someone parked in your cul de sac with their car stereo turned up, and it comes into your house even with the windows closed and the TV on.”
“It’s frustrating. It brings me to a point where we need to sell our house and just move,” said Detzi, who also teaches at the Air Force Academy.
The meeting wasn’t all complaints and
disgruntlement. A smaller percentage of attendees spoke out in favor of VENU and the founder and CEO, JW Roth, who also co-owns Pikes Peak Media Co., the parent company of The Independent.
Jake, who moved to Colorado Springs after suffering a spinal cord injury, called the concert venue “the most inclusive outdoor amphitheater in Colorado, if not the country” for the disabled.
“At every level, starting with the front
Mayor Yemi Mobolade addresses a crowd of about 350 at a listening session at the Classical Academy in northern Colorado Springs, where most members of the public who attended aired complaints about noise from Ford Amphitheater during concert season. | Credit: Karin Zeitvogel
row to the lawn seats at the top, there’s easy access,” he said.
Vicki, who lives and works near the amphitheater, said, “I promise you that [Roth] is working on these things tonight.”
VENU officials “have told you that they’re glad to come to your house, sit in your backyard and take measurements with you, and then take it back to their acoustical engineers and try to figure out why that sound is getting to you,” she said.
Another resident said the amphitheater has put Colorado Springs on the map as a place to go for live entertainment, boosting the local economy.
At the Dec. 17 meeting, city and VENU officials presented a timeline and measures to try to mitigate the noise problems. The first step, City Planning Director Kevin Walker said, would be to build “a couple hundred feet of 28-foot-high walls” around the venue.
That was suggested a couple of years ago by a company commissioned by VENU to conduct a sound study when the amphitheater was seeking City Council approval in 2023. The study found that “without mitigation, the venue may
intermittently exceed the limitations set in the noise code” and suggested, among other measures, “building sound walls and buildings to act as physical barriers.”
It will take six to eight weeks to build the walls, so for them to be in place by the start of next year’s concerts on April 30, they would have to have planning approval in January or February, Walker said.
“We’re on our way with that step,” he said.
Once the walls are in place, several new sound studies will be conducted by VENU, the city and a third-party company, Mobolade told the audience.
His office will also set up a page on the city’s website where residents can monitor steps being taken to fix the noise problem and allow the amphitheater to continue to boost the economy of Colorado Springs. In the third quarter of 2024, the venue generated gross receipts of more than $12.7 million from ticket sales, concessions, parking and more, and attracted visitors from over 5,000 U.S. ZIP codes, or roughly 13% of towns, rural outposts and cities in all 50 states.
THE HOW, WHY, WHEN AND WHERE OF RUNNING FOR COUNCIL
All six district seats will be up for election April 1. Candidate filing packets, color-coded by district, have to be picked up in person at the City Clerk’s office by 5 p.m. Jan. 21. That is also the deadline for gathering 50 signatures from people in a candidates’ district, a requirement to be included on the ballot.
To run, candidates must:
• Live in the district they hope to represent and maintain residency in that district for their entire four-year term, if elected;
• Be a U.S. citizen;
• Be registered to vote in the city of Colorado Springs;
• Have lived in the city of Colorado Springs for at least one year immediately prior to election day, April 1, 2025;
• Be 25 or older on election day.
Residents who live near the amphitheater concur that it’s good for the local economy and insist that they, too, are music lovers.
“But it can’t impinge upon the rights of the people who live in the area,” one of them said.
“It doesn’t matter what the decibel number is. … If we’re in our homes and we can hear music that we didn’t intend or want to hear, then it’s inappropriate,” said the resident, who gave his name as Richard.
The question on many residents’ minds now is: If the sound tests that are conducted after the walls have been built show little or no change to decibel levels, will Mobolade refuse to renew the noise-hardship permit?
The mayor’s office declined to speculate on what the results of the tests will be and what will happen if the walls are shown to be ineffective.
“At this point, we are focused on and hopeful for a positive outcome from the additional sound mitigation strategies proposed by VENU,” said Vanessa Zink, chief communications officer for the city.
A recording of the Jan. 2 candidate training session, which covered topics including how to fund a campaign, rules about posting signs along public roads, and the crucial topic of collecting signatures to appear on the ballot, is available online at ColoradoSprings.gov/ CandidateInformation. The City Clerk recommended collecting more than 50 signatures in the event some are rejected. All six City Council districts were redrawn last year. See current district boundaries and which district an address is located in by visiting ColoradoSprings. gov/CityCouncilDistricts.
Several candidates had created finance committees or registered to run as of Jan. 2. They are, in District 1, the incumbent Dave Donelson, and Lee Lehmkuhl; Tom Bailey in District 2; Kimberly Gold and Chauncy Johnson in District 4; and Nancy Henjum, the District 5 incumbent. Yolanda Avila, who has served two terms in District 4 and cannot run again; Current City Council President Randy Helms, who represents District 2; and Mike O’Malley (District 6) are also not running. Michelle Talarico, who represents District 3, has not responded to a query from The Independent asking if she is running. No one had registered to run in District 6.
The City Clerk’s office is at 30 S. Nevada Ave. For more information, go to coloradosprings.gov/election or call 719385-5901 and press 4.
Kellie Kuhn shows a sound measurement she took from her home during a concert at the Ford Amphitheater, showing peaks of sound significantly above the 50 to 55 decibels allowed in residential areas under state law. | Credit: Karin Zeitvogel
Mic drop After 35 years on the air at KRCC, Jeff Bieri looks back and signs off
By NOEL BLACK noel.black@ppmc.live
While you might not recognize his face, Jeff Bieri has what may be the most famous voice in the Pikes Peak region — a smooth, basso profundo yawp that’s boomed over the local airwaves for the past 35 years. Along with news and talk, he hosted the “Blue Plate Special,” a lunch-hour blues music show that ran for decades and ultimately led to the iconic Blues Under the Bridge music festival. He was also the original driving force behind the MeadowGrass Music Festival that still takes place every Memorial Day weekend at La Foret in Black Forest.
Now 65, Bieri officially retired on Jan. 3. The Independent spoke with him about his unusually long career at KRCC, the future of radio and what he might do with his time now that he’s signed off for good. Full disclosure: Bieri and I worked together at KRCC from 2009 to 2016.
INDEPENDENT: You are the last of a dying breed of people who spent their entire career at one place. And you have probably been one of, if not the most, recognizable voice on the radio in this town for the past 35 years.
JEFF BIERI: It surprises me that throughout my career, whenever I’d go to the Safeway or something and someone would recognize my voice. It was like this kind of wonderful notoriety, but I was also kind of like, “Uh, what? Why me?”
INDEPENDENT: You got the best of both worlds — face anonymous and voice famous. So, you could be moreor-less invisible if you wanted to.
BIERI: With KRCC, there was this incredible sense of community, and I’ll miss that. I’ll miss that connection to people who are like-minded and who were curious and who were creative and who had integrity.
INDEPENDENT: Do you feel like you already do miss that in some sense? I mean, how much do you feel like KRCC changed after Colorado Public Radio (CPR) took over in 2020?
BIERI: It’s been like a whole new era of broadcasting. And I don’t think it’s just because CPR took over. I think broadcasting is just changing. Every time I talk to my co-workers at KRCC, and I mention the digital age, they all roll their eyes. They’re like, “Oh … Jeff’s going on about the digital age again.” But the digital age is transforming humanity. We’re in a cultural revolution that has only been matched by the Industrial Age and the printing press — things that just reshaped humanity. And I think we’re going to experience some incredible, incredible things in the next 10, 15 years with virtual reality and AI.
INDEPENDENT: In terms of broadcasting, don’t you think the biggest changes have already happened with people having smartphones and being able to listen to podcasts made by anyone anywhere at any time?
BIERI: Yeah, I think radio right now is up against it. Radio will probably have to get lean and figure out how to continue doing both digital and broadcast at the same time. But if you talk to anybody about how they listen to audio now, it is entirely different than 10 years ago.
INDEPENDENT: I hardly listen to the radio anymore.
BIERI: Right. I don’t have a radio in my house. I don’t have a terrestrial radio. I’ve got streaming devices. And I think for radio, it’s going to be really challenging to remain relevant and current.
INDEPENDENT: CPR dove into the deep end of podcasting a few years ago and created like 30 different podcasts. And then, all of a sudden, they got out of the pool entirely and shut down the whole unit and laid off dozens of people. That seemed like an incredibly odd, all-or-nothing series of decisions.
BIERI: It wasn’t sustainable. There was no revenue coming from it. The manpower in the time spent producing these incredible podcasts didn’t have a monetary return.
INDEPENDENT: But why not just keep podcasting their news shows and then have a few others that might air on the radio as well. That model has worked for shows like “Radiolab” from WNYC and “This American Life” from WBEZ for a long time. Why did it have to be kind of all-or-nothing?
Jeff Bieri portrait with mic| Credit: Noel Black
BIERI: Getting a good podcast is like finding a needle in a haystack. There’s so many of them.
INDEPENDENT: Public radio and a lot of legacy media had a huge surge in support and subscriptions during the first Trump administration. How have things been since? Has it hit an equilibrium? Or do you think it’s on a long, slow decline?
BIERI: I hope it’s plateaued, but public radio stations across the country are struggling. And it first started two years ago [in February 2023] when NPR announced they were laying off a hundred people. And then you saw major market stations starting to reduce staff and contract. And that’s part of why I’m tagging out. Sometimes I think back — should we have kept a split format [which KRCC began to phase out when CPR took over]? Should we have kept that music element in this market to stay engaged with the community? That was really where the community engagement was.
You know, the biggest problem with the merger with CPR has been that Colorado Springs has this rep of being conservative and being a little slow on the cultural scene. It’s got that rep, and there’s this struggle to be relevant in Denver’s eyes. The cool thing about the partnership, in my opinion, was that, for the first time, Colorado Springs news and events were elevated to a statewide audience. We’re sharing those news stories and that news content with the whole statewide CPR network a lot. And so, to have news that’s happening here in Colorado Springs picked to broadcast around the rest of the state, I think has elevated Colorado Springs to a degree. The rest of the state needs to know about what’s going on here.
INDEPENDENT: What do you think is going to happen with public radio on a national level under the second Trump administration?
BIERI: Well, there’s really serious concern about the Corporation for
Public Broadcasting (CPB).
INDEPENDENT: What percentage of NPR’s funding comes from the CPB? And how much goes to local stations?
BIERI: About 10% of a public radio station’s funding comes from the CPB.
INDEPENDENT: And what about NPR?
BIERI: The same. Some of the smaller mountain stations get a little more because they’re faced with greater financial hurdles. So, 10% — that’s a serious chunk of change. KRCC has a $1.8 million operating costs yearly, and that’s $180,000 a year. So that’s a lot of money, that’s a real concern. But that’s been a concern since Newt Gingrich wanted to kill Big Bird.
INDEPENDENT: One of the big changes when CPR came in was that the direct connection to Colorado College was severed, even though they still hold the license. I know you felt like that was positive for the station for the most part.
BIERI: Yeah, it was a trade-off. Let’s just say there was a lot lost, including ultimately the music aspect of the station. But at the same time, we needed a new building. I mean, we needed a new facility desperately. And CPR offered that, and they built out this incredible new facility for us. And the idea of a partnership with CPR was really kind of exciting, you know, a true partnership where we would have a degree of autonomy in what we were doing and sharing this content between organizations.
INDEPENDENT: Did it end up being a partnership? Or did it end up being more of a takeover?
BIERI: It started as what felt like a real partnership. But … it feels more like a southern bureau at this point, which is probably, you know, financially responsible if you’re running a statewide organization. You can’t have duplicate services between the two markets. I mean, a lot of it is centered in Denver at the corporate offices. And so, we’re taking directive from Denver,
"COLORADO SPRINGS IS GROWING BY LEAPS AND BOUNDS. SO, I THINK IT NEEDS TO BE PAID ATTENTION TO. AND IT’S GROWING IN WAYS THAT ARE ENTIRELY DIFFERENT FROM DENVER, BOULDER, FORT COLLINS. THIS TOWN IS GOING TO GROW BY ANOTHER QUARTER MILLION IN 15 YEARS. IT’S GOING TO BE HUGE, AND IT’S BOOMING."
a half-hour newsmagazine once a week that we could repeat and podcast. And I’ve advocated that we run it in place of this show that they’re producing up there called “Real Talk.” It is so Denver-centric that every time anybody hears it here in Colorado Springs, it’s like, “Uh, that’s not us. That’s Denver doing their Denver thing, but it’s a different animal down here, man.”
INDEPENDENT: And do you feel like they haven’t quite gotten that?
where, in the initial partnership phase of this, we were sort of calling the shots and saying, “All right, we’re doing this, help us with it.” But changes in technology are changing the way radio is having to market itself. The broadcast industry is contracting, right? So hard decisions are having to be made about personnel and things like that.
INDEPENDENT: You took it in stride.
BIERI: Yeah, it’s difficult to give up control when you’ve had it. But I also see the practicality of it, too.
INDEPENDENT: Are there things that you feel like CPR needs to do that it isn’t doing?
BIERI: You know, Colorado Springs is growing by leaps and bounds. So, I think it needs to be paid attention to. And it’s growing in ways that are entirely different from Denver, Boulder, Fort Collins. This town is going to grow by another quarter million in 15 years. It’s going to be huge, and it’s booming. One thing I’ve been arguing for is just
BIERI: I think it’s really about manpower at this point. I mean, when I leave, there will be five KRCC employees. And, you know, you compare that to 160 up in Denver, and [El Paso] is now the biggest [county] in Colorado. So, I have a problem with that. There needs to be a little more equity in resources if we’re going to connect with this community and represent it and engage with it — we need to have more. But I think everybody that I work with up at CPR — I really like them. They’re public broadcast dweebs. You know, we’re all kind of cut from the same cloth.
INDEPENDENT: So what are you going to do on Day 1 of your retirement on Jan. 4?
BIERI: Well, I’ve got my properties that have been neglected. And I need to work on those and fix them up so I can sell them and then move into an old person home and die. [Laughs.] So that’s kind of the plan.
INDEPENDENT: Come on, man, you’ve gotta have something.
BIERI: Well, I love history. Maybe I’ll start volunteering at the Manitou Heritage Center or The Pioneers Museum. And I plan on going down to Mexico, hanging out with my brother at his place on the Sea of Cortez and not having to worry about coming back. Like, you want to go back now? Nah … let’s hang out for a few more. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
By NOEL BLACK noel.black@ppmc.live
Just before Thanksgiving this year, a dirty, old Samsonite briefcase — gray and caked in more than more than half a century of dust — arrived at my front door.
◄█►
I grew up with a story that my mother told me — the kind of story you ask to be told over and over again because it contains the seed of something essential about who you think you might be at the age when you’re first aware that identity is probably just as much fate as it is will. It was an origin story — like Superman the baby coming to Earth from Krypton in a spacecraft made of weird crystals and never having to eat or have his diaper changed, only to land in the field of some common Midwesterners who must hide the truth of his remarkable abilities given to him by the sun.
My story seemed even more improbable: My mother had absolutely no idea she was pregnant with me until the very moment I arrived in this world as suddenly as a child at the end of a ninemonth-long waterslide being delivered into the pool. It was an impossible story — like Superman, except the sun must have taken away my powers because I couldn’t jump very high and wasn’t especially good at anything but spelling.
And then the nurses came and whisked me away.
And then the doctor came and looked at my mother and said, “Who’s the father?”
◄█►
“Have you opened the briefcase yet?” Mark, my step-stepdad texted me just after Thanksgiving.
I call him my step-stepdad because he got married to David, the man who was my dad’s partner and who would’ve been my stepdad had they been able to get married before my dad died of AIDS in 1993.
David — a hydrologist who was otherwise largely stoical, taciturn and sardonic (and probably on the spectrum) — was a closet sentimentalist, and never
EDGE PIECES
EDGE PIECES
A stealth pregnancy, the father who left and the sudden puzzle of a
to see. But his inner life has always been mostly a mystery. The handful of his journals that I have almost all begin with his own creative frustrations and his resolutions to eat healthier, work out more and embark on some ambitious project he’d been putting off for years. Then they go blank after five or six pages.
And now, this ugly Samsonite briefcase, which I’d never seen before.
I want to get back to Mark, so I quickly pop the latches, imagining stacks of hundreds or the mysterious golden glow that emanates from the briefcase in Pulp Fiction when Samuel L. Jackson shows Tim Roth its contents at the diner. But when I lift the top, there’s something else I’ve been fantasizing about: hundreds of pieces of this puzzle I’ve been trying to put together my whole life — photos my dad took during the nine months when neither he nor my mom knew she was pregnant.
◄█► Cryptic pregnancy, aka stealth pregnancy or pregnancy denial, is far more common than you’d think. (If you’ve watched any of the four seasons of the reality show “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” that began in 2009, you can probably skip this section.)
he died. David met Mark years later, and they got legally married in California in 2014. But then David had a heart attack after years of battling cancer and died just a few months later. Mark was left with the house and all of David’s and my dad’s things.
Now, every few years or so, Mark sends me some artifacts of my dad’s that he wants to get rid of or found in some dark corner of the house or garage.
A set of Dansk plates and some beautifully impractical flatware one year; some unstretched swaths of Marimekko fabric another; an old oak map drawer and a chrome, X-shape Marcel Breuer table base the year after that.
My dad, an architect, loved beautiful things. They either reminded him how far away he’d gotten from his childhood in rural Oklahoma, or helped him forget. Receiving these things from Mark,
holidays, is always emotional. On one hand, I’m always so happy to have them because neither my dad nor David left a will, and they’re all things I remember vividly from my childhood. But anything of my dad’s always brings up the loss. He died more than 30 years ago when I was 21, and he left when I wasn’t even a year old. And though I visited him and David a couple of times a year on school breaks growing up, I barely knew him.
Like many children who’ve been abandoned by a parent, I’ve spent much of my life trying to piece together not just an understanding of who he was but of why he left. It’s always felt like one of those masochistic puzzles where all the pieces are the same shape but without even a box or a picture to look at.
Who he was on the outside — these beautiful things Mark has been sending for years — was what he wanted people
“A population study carried out over one year in Berlin reported the incidence of pregnancy denial as 1 in 475 pregnancies at 20 weeks and 1 in nearly 2,500 pregnancies at term … and equivalent to 1,600 surprise births in the USA and 325 in the UK every year,” according to an April 3, 2023, article by Dr. Kirsten Duckitt of the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the University of British Columbia published by Canada’s National Institute of Health.
I was shocked to learn years later that the circumstances of my birth, which I believed to have been 1 in 4.4 billion (the global population when I first heard this story in the late ’70s), was this common. And the causes of cryptic pregnancy have a whole taxonomy.
Some cases involve the failure of birth control. Some involve significant incidence of depression. In rare cases, the shock of the birth may cause a psychotic episode that leads the mother to kill the
The briefcase that landed on the author’s front door | Credit: Noel Black
baby (neonaticide). And, “in many cases,” writes Duckitt, “pregnancy denial is associated with either significant early life trauma or trauma at conception such as rape, assault or incest.”
In my mother’s case, there was a combination of factors, the most significant of which was that she’d been told by her doctors when she was young that she could never get pregnant.
When she met my father in Tucson, Arizona, in the late ’60s, she was a nurse, and he was a 2nd Lieutenant stationed at Davis-Monthan Air Force Base. They lived in the same apartment building and dated. But their relationship was complicated by the fact that he was more interested in men. She knew. He had asked her to testify that she was his girlfriend when the OSI, the Air Force’s equivalent of the CIA, began to investigate him for “homosexual activity.” And when he was assigned to Clark Air Force Base in the Philippines at the end of 1971, she figured it would likely mean the end of their relationship.
For my dad’s part, he may as well have been Br’er Rabbit. Before he died, he showed me a photograph of a dinner table full of at least a dozen men who’d been sent to Clark at the same time.
“They were all gay,” he said with a smirk. And for the next nine months, they went their separate ways, oblivious to the fact that she had, on one of their last nights together, gotten pregnant. And while I’ve heard my mom’s stories about those nine months many times, my dad rarely spoke about his past at all, and never about that time in the Philippines.
◄█►
“Thanks for the briefcase!” I text Mark. “It’s amazing for me to see what he was experiencing day-to-day while mom was pregnant with me!”
And it is. From the nest of photos and negatives in the briefcase, I start compulsively sorting and immediately regret it, as though I’ve somehow shattered this perfectly disordered picture of his mind at the time. But I can’t stop because I’m looking for clues, edge pieces, some bigger picture … maybe just to feel closer to him. And I start putting them in piles.
WORK:
Portraits, mostly, of his colleagues in civil engineering hamming it up behind their gray, metal desks. A Black officer with the charming last name of “Pillow” looking shy; some bearded civilian with
a lit cigarette angling from the corner of his mouth, who looks like the poet John Berryman glued some googly eyes to his swing-arm lamp; the requisite bald guy with a pipe, who might as well have stepped out of central casting for Tomas Alfredson’s adaptation of John le Carré’s “Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy”; Lt. Col. James W. “Get Back To Work!” Wheat looking only half-irritated by the attention from my dad’s camera; Capt. Doofus going crosseyed. Grace Talavera and a variety of other Filipina civilians with whom he’s clearly flirting. In fact, his camera flirts with everyone, and everyone flirts back. Everyone loved my dad. (After he died, I tried to interview many of his close friends, and they all told me some infuriating version of how much they and everyone else loved him.)
And you can see it in their faces. He had an uncanny ability to see people the way they wanted to be seen — like a fun house mirror that only flatters. It drove me crazy as I got old enough to see how that quality allowed him to evade and avoid anything painful or uncomfortable.
When I was 15, he’d been HIV-positive for four years and hadn’t told me. I only found out because I’d seen a letter from him on the table one day that referred to his T cell count and asked my mom what it meant. My mom gave him an ultimatum that he had to tell me, that I deserved to hear it from him directly. But when the time came in an orange, formica booth at the airport coffee shop and magazine stand just before my flight home after one of my semiannual visits, he couldn’t even say it. He’d “had some tests done,” and “the results weren’t good.” So when he finally tried to tell me, I just nodded along to spare him his own discomfort.
I don’t know what I expected from him. He couldn’t charm me into seeing myself in his mirror because all I wanted was to know who he was behind it. I wanted to know what I thought were the simplest things, like how he had figured out he was gay and what that was like growing up in a town of 2,000 people. I wanted to know how I could know if I was gay. He never even taught me how to tie a tie or how to shave.
TOURISM:
Aerial views of Manila’s sprawl; silhouette of Americans partying around an umbrella on the beach while a local rides an ox in the foreground; a huge, hairy pig sticking its head out the back of a tricycle
The quality of the prints, which are from photomats, isn’t spectacular, but he’s got an eye that sees the world he’s moving through as it is, and mostly without sentiment or cliche.
There’s an R&R trip to Japan that clearly inspires him — some pretty shots of traditional Japanese rooflines, a cat peeking out from a Shinji door. And then a tangle of power lines heading in every direction above a traditional Japanese cemetery, and a wonderful photo of the screen of a black-and-white Japanese TV broadcast of a game of Go. The grid of the board, the way the irregularity of the pieces and the player-commentators standing before it, break it up.
HE
HAD AN EYE:
My dad’s mother had known, on some level, that he was different from other kids, different from his dad for sure. He was their first child of three, and their only son.
His dad grew up in northern Texas, dropped out of high school and became a roughneck on the oil and gas rigs — the picture of John Wayne masculinity in every way. Despite his lack of education, he was a shrewd and ruthless businessman, buying land and selling the property but keeping the mineral rights, which he’d then lease to petroleum companies.
Both he and my grandmother had already started families and had children in rural northern Texas when they met. I don’t know the whole story, but they both abandoned those families and moved to Oklahoma City, where my dad was born
right before the end of World War II. My grandmother had wanted out of her provincial life, and she seemed to catch a glimpse of it there in the city. But then something — business opportunities, familiarity, the need to be closer to family? — pulled them back to rural ranch life in eastern Oklahoma, just north of where they’d grown up. She kept up her creative and intellectual aspirations — played piano at church and became a prize-winning palette-knife painter. And my dad was the child of those dreams. She managed to cultivate his aesthetic interests and keep his abusive father’s dark gravity far enough away from him to reach escape velocity. After graduating valedictorian of his high school, he joined the Air Force ROTC and studied architecture and engineering at Oklahoma University.
Just before he died, my dad told me his mom would take him to the public library in town to read art books and check out classical records, which was where he’d had his first sexual encounter with a man.
PORTRAITS
OF WOMEN:
I have the thinnest slice of a memory of my mom or dad telling me that he dated “the general’s daughter” while he was in the Philippines as a matter of keeping up appearances, and to keep the OSI off his back.
Photos of a cute, young, blond woman with apple cheeks and a flirty smile begin to pile up, and I think this might be her. She’s clearly in love with my dad, and, given how many pictures there are of her,
rickshaw.
A photograph of a game of Go on Japanese television, ca. 1972 | Courtesy: Phillip Black
he might be in love with her. They travel to India together, go to markets and spend a lot of time with her Filipina friend. It would help if there were anything written on the backs of any of these photos.
A year or so before he died, my dad confessed to me that he’d developed a crush on one of the female priests at the Episcopalian church he went to, who’d been counseling him through his grief as his health declined. He wondered if he hadn’t been more bisexual than gay, and there was something comforting to me about the fact that he was still wrestling with his identity near the end of his life. But I never felt quite sure if it was something he’d said to please me.
But again, I think my dad was capable of loving almost anyone who loved him back as long as they didn’t get too close.
Perhaps he and the general’s daughter were just friends. I like that I can weave my own speculations through the spaces between these photos, but it’s also depressing that I could never sit down with him and hear the stories that belonged to them.
PORTRAITS
OF MEN:
I make piles of photos of about two dozen men. They’re different from the distant portraits of his colleagues at work. Most of these are closer up, more intimate, relaxed, loving. There’s nothing explicitly sexual about any of them, though it’s clear that many of them were lovers. There’s a care and unguarded looseness about their smiles and glances as they cook food, laugh, drink, lie on the beach, slouch off hangovers in the back of a rickshaw or on a couch. There are Japanese men, Filipino men, Black men. They’re at dinner, at parties, on the streets, asleep with newspapers on top of made beds in sunny afternoon hotel rooms.
Rather than his subjects seeing themselves in the mirror of his charms, he seems to see himself in the faces of these
men who are clearly happy to be seen by him.
I caught the smallest glimpses of this part of my dad when his friends would come over during my visits or parties. He’d park me in his office downstairs with a stack of PC video games on floppy disks, but I liked to spy, and it was easy because he
rarely saw me, even when we were alone. He’d be campy, loose and expressive in ways he’d never be in public, at work, around his family or around me.
There are photos of two men, in particular, with whom he seems to have been in love: a farmboy-ish young man with freckles and almond-shape
eyes unafraid of staring back through my dad’s lens at his longing. His countenance is so open, it’s disarming. Then there’s an older man, in his 30s, perhaps, with thinning hair, dopey eyes and a playful smile, who seems kind, generous and comfortable in his skin in a way I know my dad always wanted to be.
There are many other piles:
Trees, flowers and plants. Unsent postcards.
Photos of his belongings (likely as he was getting ready to ship them home) — his book collection (lots of Hermann Hesse, protoself-help pop psychology, science fiction, cookbooks and architecture); dishes from his travels; and some Japanese prints I remember from his walls.
Photos my mother sent to him of parties at their apartment pool and her sheepdog, Jasper, and the Persian kitten who liked to curl up between his paws.
Photos his mother sent of his younger sisters, who’d already married, and of his father, who looks miserable standing next to his new son-in-law.
And there’s a handful of photos of me after I was born and my dad got transferred to Schriever Air Force Base here in Colorado Springs, including a few of the Burns Theater just before it got demolished in March 1973.
He left my mom and me right after that — with Jasper the sheepdog, Blanche the cat and the baby grand piano he bought with the last of my mom’s savings.
He told me before he died that it had been the most agonizing decision he’d ever made.
I believed him, but never forgave him.
◄█►
I’ve thought often over the years about the photos of my mom and dad’s wedding in an album I pored over as a child. They got married in the hospital just a few
A collection of photographs in one of the many piles created by the author | Credit: Noel Black
An opera singer and pianist, Peggy Shivers founded the African American Historical and Cultural Collection at Pikes Peak Library District with her husband, Clarence, a painter and Tuskegee Airman. The collection was founded in 1993 to build on the library district’s meager offerings of African American literature. Shivers also created the Shivers Fund to support the arts throughout the region. Come enjoy tea, cookies and paintings by Clarence while watching to a live interview with Peggy.
CENTERING THE ARTS
Thursday, Jan. 9, through Friday, Jan. 31, Cottonwood Center for the Arts, 427 E. Colorado Ave. Times vary. cottonwoodcenterforthearts.com
Cottonwood Center for the Arts is starting off the year right with two stunning exhibits. The first is “Impulse” by Skylar Sypher, a Deaf artist who captures emotions in vivid colors, abstract shapes and American Sign Language signs. The second is “Year in Review” by Jeff Matkovich, who works with charcoal and oil paint to collect snapshots from nature and pop culture.
Emulating the folk punk of AJJ is Colorado Springs band Benjamin Morse & The Sensations. Their lyrics take an interest in little things — plastic litter, shoes hanging from power lines and little pet dogs yapping at our feet. The resulting tunes make you feel a sense of tender, fragile appreciation for the whole wide world.
DREAM FOR A REQUIEM
Saturday, Jan. 11, and Sunday, Jan. 12, First United Methodist Church, 420 N. Nevada Ave. Times vary. chamberorchestraofthesprings.org
“Requiem,” the unfinished final masterpiece by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, is shrouded in legend — after all, a commissioned piece about death that became unfinished upon its composer’s death is ripe for mythology. Chamber Orchestra of the Springs’ performance of “Requiem” will be accompanied by a presentation narrated by KCME’s Robert Bruce delving into the legends and truths behind Mozart’s final work.
Dr. Cristi Bundukamara didn’t always consider herself a grief expert, but after losing three of her children and her husband over the course of 20 years, she had some expertise to share with the world. Filmmaker Mari Moxley captures her story in “I’m Right Here, Mama,” an unflinching stare at grief, its effects and the ways we avoid the subject. Visit csindy.com/ cristi-bundukamara to read more.
The time has come to celebrate the Lunar New Year, as 2024’s Year of the Dragon turns to 2025’s Year of the Snake. The snake is the sixth of 12 animals in the Chinese zodiac and is associated with wisdom. According to legend, the 12 animals competed in a race to determine their order in the zodiac. Come to the Pioneers Museum to enjoy performances, crafts and activities created in collaboration with local organizations.
ANYTHING BUT LIGHT
Thursday, Jan. 16, through Saturday, Jan. 25, Galleries of Contemporary Art, 5225 N. Nevada Ave. Times vary. gocadigital.org
Grief is a transformative and often bizarre process. There’s truly no relating to someone going through grief unless you’ve gone through it yourself. “lite work/light work” is a collaboration between two local artists, Lupita Carrasco and Felicia Kelly. Through watercolor and collage, Carrasco and Kelly explore how we can carry one another through grief. 2 6 4 1 5 3 7
You broke something. It’s sitting in a drawer, closet or garage. You’ve insisted for months that you’ll eventually fix it. You’re just in luck, because Repair Café is holding monthly workshops throughout the year. Most anything you can carry in is fair game. (Just don’t dolly in a refrigerator.) Repair Trainers will diagnose your items and suggest remedies, repairing them when possible.
VINYL VILLAGE
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Wednesday, Jan. 15 and Wednesday, Jan. 22, Lulu’s Downtown, 32 S. Tejon St., 9 p.m. lulusmusic.co
Grab your fragile LPs, pack them in bubble wrap and drive slowly to Lulu’s for Wednesday Night Record Club. DJ Jeremy Quentin will give your records a spin, and if your obscure taste in music totally kills the vibe, Quentin will pour you a drink to dull the embarrassment. The record club is preceded by a comedy open mic hosted by Cori Dech, 7-9 p.m.
MOSH MATES
Saturday, Jan. 11, The Black Sheep, 2106 E. Platte Ave., 8 p.m. blacksheeprocks.com
Are you angry about something? Headbanging to a wealth of Colorado hardcore bands at the Black Sheep may be your release. This concert features Harvested, Contorted Self and Gunk. Headlining is Denver’s Lucked Out, whose screams and foot-stomping drums might as well be the sonic equivalent of smashing a disused toilet with a baseball bat at one of those rage rooms popular on TikTok.
Saturday, Jan. 18, COS City Hub, 4304 Austin Bluffs Parkway, 5 p.m. facebook.com/ royaldominionentertainment
If you really can’t wait for the release of the Ana de Armas-led “John Wick” spinoff “Ballerina” in June, get your Wick fix at the premiere of “Seraphim,” a Colorado Springs fan film. Instead of chasing the impossible dream of recasting Keanu Reeves, the film depicts original characters with ties to organizations like the High Table.
Vultures has launched a concert series for Colorado Springs’ up-and-coming musicians.
The best part? Admission is free! This concert features Noah Daniel, a sad cowboy with his heart on his sleeve, and Evan Bingham, a recent graduate of School of Rock making a name for himself with a blend of soft-spoken acoustic tunes and angry rock jams. Read more at csindy.com/vulturesrising-talons.
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PALMER PUB PUZZLES
Wednesday, Jan. 22, CO.A.T.I. Uprise, 514 S. Tejon St., 7 p.m. palmerland.org/event/pub-quiz-for-palmer Palmer Land Conservancy, the Colorado conservation organization known for protecting over 138,000 acres of land for public use, was founded in what year? The correct answer is … 1977! Palmer Land Conservancy is hosting a pub trivia fundraiser with Geeks Who Drink. And don’t worry, the questions won’t be as tricky as the one I just asked.
Some people don’t need an excuse to get wasted while wearing a onesie in public, but for those of us who do, the Onesie Bar Crawl is the perfect opportunity. Check in at CO.A.T.I. before hitting some other local bars. The night ends with a PJ after-party at La Burla Bee.
The 14er is a curated list of the best events you should experience in Colorado Springs over the next two weeks. Listed in order from “You can’t miss this!” (1) to “Check it out if you have a chance” (14).
Photo Credits: (1) Courtesy: Pikes Peak Library District, (3) Courtesy: Mari Moxley, (4) Courtesy: Vultures, (7) Courtesy: Felicia Kelly, (9) Courtesy: Evan Bingham, (10) Courtesy: Lulu’s Downtown, (13) Courtesy: Crawl With US, (14) Courtesy: Royal Dominion Entertainment COMPILED BY CANNON TAYLOR
2025 SEASON
JASON ISBELL AND THE 400 UNIT
Wednesday, April 30
DWIGHT YOAKAM
Friday, May 9
LEON BRIDGES
Thursday, May 22
STYX & KEVIN CRONIN
Sunday, June 29
KING GIZZARD & THE LIZARD WIZARD
Friday, August 8
“WEIRD AL” YANKOVIC
Thursday, September 4
SHOW
MUSIC AND MATRIMONY
Indie rock duo navigates reinvention, relationships
and restaurants
by CANNON TAYLOR • cannon.taylor@ppmc.live
In 2020, Minnesota indie rock duo Bad Bad Hats asked their fans on Patreon for challenging song prompts to keep them busy during the COVID-19 pandemic. They then scurried into the lab and began to work. Four years later, they emerged, blinking in the sunlight, with soot-stained faces, mysterious stains on their white lab coats and daisies tucked behind their ears.
The result, the self-titled album “Bad Bad Hats,” is a Frankenstein’s monster of sorts that’s revived the band with a bolt of lightning.
The Patreon prompts are all here. “TPA” is a new wave ode to Tampa and its endless strip malls. “Bored in the Summer” hides a key change in its punchy, pastel birthday party. Ironically, “The New Stuff” uses one repeating chord progression throughout.
“Meter Run” includes a wordless chorus, which it makes up for with carefree hooks, lyrics like “We could get married for the toaster,” and a rhythm that alternates between skipping along and stomping its feet.
Although the album’s remaining songs are not inspired by the Patreon prompts, they carry that spirit of playfulness. “Let Me In” begs to be listened to as you walk down the street, greeting each neighbor with finger guns and good-humored winks. “Back To My Body” emulates the solo work of Paramore’s Hayley Williams in its bare instrumentation and vulnerable hums.
Seeing as “bad hat” is a British slang term for “troublemaker,” Bad Bad Hats’ mischievous fourth album is especially deserving of the moniker.
That’s not to say Bad Bad Hats haven’t always been experimental. “We’ve always been OK with pursuing whatever the song seems to want,” explained guitarist Chris Hoge.
In the case of Bad Bad Hat’s first single, “It Hurts,” the song must have been begging for a kazoo solo.
“When I studied abroad in college, that’s when I wrote most of the songs that became the first Bad Bad Hats songs on
the ‘It Hurts’ EP. And when I went to Paris, I brought my guitar, and then I was like, ‘Well, what else can I bring with me to record with?’and a kazoo just seemed like an obvious choice,” recalled vocalist Kerry Alexander. “It just seemed right to keep it in the final version.”
The band has been synonymous with the kazoo ever since. While they denied the existence of a “Greatest Hits” kazoo covers album, they did talk about their earliest, unreleased work.
Alexander and Hoge first met as students at Macalester College in Saint Paul, Minnesota. They’d been pursuing music individually but were vaguely aware of each other through mutual friends. When Alexander wanted to record a duet, a friend recommended Hoge as the second vocalist. The resulting song — described by a halfembarrassed Alexander and Hoge as “very 2008” and “very twee” — is locked in the Bad Bad Hats vault forever.
Not long after our mystery song was recorded, Alexander and Hoge formed Bad Bad Hats and began dating. Music has always been a part of their relationship, and seeing that they’re married now, it seems to have worked out for them.
“Lots of our friends are like, ‘I could never be in a band with my partner because we’d kill each other,’” Hoge said. “I don’t think either of us have ever really felt like that. Like, I can’t imagine doing the band thing, all the touring and stuff, without Kerry.”
That’s not to say being in a band and relationship doesn’t come with its fair share of challenges, particularly the endless hours spent driving a van to various venues across the United States. But the destinations — and local cuisine — make the trips totally worth it.
When Bad Bad Hats first came to Colorado Springs in 2022, they added Rasta Pasta to their lengthy spreadsheet of restaurants.
“We couldn’t resist the name,” Hoge explained with a grin.
“A true culinary mystery,” Alexander
chimed in. “I’ve never eaten something that tasted like that before.”
Alternative pop singer Party Nails (Elana Carroll) will be opening for Bad Bad Hats at their Jan. 23 Vultures show. Carroll is also the vocalist for Megasound, a recently formed rock collaboration with Alexander and Hoge. The trio will provide a sneak peek of music from their upcoming debut album at the show.
IF YOU GO
When: Thursday, Jan. 23, 8 p.m.
Where: Vultures, 2100 E. Platte Ave.
Admission: $15
Website: vulturesrocks.com
Beyond Megasound, Alexander and Hoge will celebrate 10 years of their debut album “Psychic Reader” in 2025. And despite the recent release of their fourth album, Bad Bad Hats’ fifth album is already 75% complete. But for now, Alexander and Hoge are excited to tour the country and bring their brand of trouble to the people.
Bad Bad Hats | Credit: Zoe Prinds Flash, courtesy Don Giovanni Records
TO PLACE YOUR ENTRY CALL 719-280-2086
MacKenzie’s Chop House
128 S Tejon St. (Historic Alamo Building) • 719-635-3536
Voted Best Power Lunch, Steakhouse, and Martini! Downtown’s choice for quality meats and mixed drinks. Open Monday-Friday 11:30am3:00pm for lunch and 5pm every day for dinner. MackenziesChopHouse.com
Tony’s Downtown Bar
326 N Tejon St. • 719-228-6566
Winners of 80+ Independent “Best Of” Awards in 25 years. A great Midwestern Tavern with warm beer, lousy food & poor service!!! Pabst, Leinenkugel’s, fried cheese curds, , walleye fish fry, cocktails, burgers, and more. 11am-2am daily. Happy Hour 3-6pm. GO PACK GO! TonysDowntownBar.com
Edelweiss
34 E. Ramona Ave. (South Nevada & Tejon) • 719-633-2220
For 55 years Edelweiss has brought Bavaria to Colorado Springs! Using fresh ingredients, the menu invites you to visit Germany. Voted Gold Best German, Silver Dessert Menu, and Bronze Best Patio by Indy readers! Reservations and the menu can be found online at EdelweissRest.com
José Muldoons
222 N Tejon St. • 719-636-2311
Celebrating 50 years! Authentic Tex-Mex & Mexican fare in a contemporary Santa Fe-styled establishment. Across from Acacia Park Downtown. Award-winning queso, chili rellenos, and mean green chili. JoseMuldoons.com
South Park Brewing
2028 Sheldon Ave. • 719-836-1932
Craft brewing at 6050’! Best Smashburger in Colorado Springs. Brewpub and Distillery Tasting Room. Family-owned, award-winning beer. Butter burgers, chicken tenders, and Nashville hot chicken on the menu. Cocktails and wine. Plenty of on-site parking. SouthParkBrewingColorado.com
‘Arm’ raised Colorado Springs is secondever audience for star-studded Aimee Mann musical
IF YOU GO
When: Thursday, Jan. 23, and Friday, Jan. 24, 7 p.m.
Where: Shockley-Zalabak Theater at Ent Center for the Arts, 5225 N. Nevada Ave.
Admission: $53
Website: entcenterforthearts.org
by CANNON TAYLOR cannon.taylor@ppmc.live
On a spring day at the Virginia State Fair, a woman named Caroline met a boxer named John. The pair fell fast in love over cotton candy. They then traveled throughout the country, before John’s alcoholism and depression came to light, putting a wedge in their relationship that only grew over time.
Singer-songwriter Aimee Mann’s 2005 concept album “The Forgotten Arm” is a uniquely Americana brand of melancholy — not just in its story and characters, but in Mann’s warm, alto vocals, melodic piano and softly strummed guitar. Empathy stabs your heart like a stake with lyrics like “There’s something wrong with me that I can’t see.” The world-building of the “The Forgotten Arm” was recognized when its artwork, depicting Caroline and John in the aesthetic of a vintage magazine, earned the
album the 2006 Grammy Award for Best Recording Package.
Two decades later, “The Forgotten Arm” is coming to life as a musical. But instead of meeting at a state fair, Caroline and John meet in a treatment center.
“It’s a romance that is seen through the lens of their addiction problems,” said director Oskar Eustis. “It looks at the ferocity of a certain kind of love that can kill if it’s not digested. … That destructive potential gets unleashed, and one of these people can rise above that, and the other one can’t.”
Eustis, artistic director of The Public Theater in New York City (known for, among other acclaimed productions, “Hamilton”), fell in love with “The Forgotten Arm” at first listen. A few years after its release, he had the opportunity to connect with Mann, who wanted to adapt the album into a play.
It’s been a long and winding road since
“There are certain kinds of comedians where you can feel that the humor is depending on them not actually feeling deeply,” Eustis said. “And then there are other comedians where you can tell that the humor is not precluding the depth of feeling. The humor is somehow acknowledging the depth of feeling, or embracing the depth of feeling, but nonetheless having perspective on it.”
“The Forgotten Arm” premiered at Joe’s Pub in The Public Theater in September 2023. On Jan. 23-24, the Ent Center for the Arts at UCCS will house the play’s secondever pair of performances.
The opportunity came about thanks to Kevin Landis, director of UCCS’ Theatre & Dance Program, who was Eustis’ pupil at Brown University. A few years ago, Landis founded UCCS’s Cabaret Club — a space for artists to develop their work while in residency at the university before performing in an intimate, nightclublike atmosphere — based on the concept of Joe’s Pub.
“Theater is a descendant of people gathering in caves around the fire and telling stories, and what we’re trying to create in the Cabaret Club is a feeling of that,” Landis said.
As Mann, Eustis, Sherman and their cast and crew visit UCCS for one week, they’ll be rehearsing, guest teaching a few music and theater courses and ironing out kinks in the script.
then. As they tinkered with the concept, they collaborated on a few other productions, including “The Line,” a play based on firsthand interviews with medical first responders during the COVID-19 pandemic.
After all this time, we have playwright Jonathan Marc Sherman to thank for finally bringing “The Forgotten Arm” to life.
“It took somebody who understood 12step programs as deeply as Sherm does, and who understood the kind of romantic relationships that Aimee’s songs sprang from as deeply as Sherm does, to be able to construct a narrative that captures that very, very successfully,” Eustis said. “What seemed intractable for 15 years suddenly just burst open when Sherm started working on it.”
The story is deeply personal for Sherman, Mann and Eustis, but it’s certainly no autobiography. And, despite the allAmerican misery, the play is darkly hilarious.
One focus of development will be mapping out Caroline’s journey to recovery, which has proven to be a challenge.
“It’s easier to chart the course of a wreck than it is to chart what it actually takes to survive,” Eustis explained.
The week culminates in performances of “The Forgotten Arm,” but the development of the play will still be far from over. Rather, the audience’s reactions will serve as feedback for how to bring the play to its next stage of evolution.
“You find out things about how people respond to it. … Sometimes it’s really big and obvious, and sometimes it’s subtler: where their attention drifts, what they actually think is important, what strikes them as serious and what strikes them as funny, what they care about, what they’re willing to forgive and what they’re not wanting to forgive,” Eustis said. “The audience is not some passive consumer of what you’ve done. The audience is the necessary completion of a theatrical event.”
Aimee Mann| Courtesy: Michael Hausman Artist Management Inc.
ARTS&CULTURE .
A CALL FOR CRITICS (ANYONE BUT ME)
By LAUREN CIBOROWSKI
When I rave about a local performance, I mean it. Having been raised well, I’d rather say nothing at all if I can’t say something nice. However, I have left enough performances muttering to my husband that I wish I had the balls to offer up criticism. So finally, he suggested I should write about it. My lack of balls, that is.
Arts critique is, of course, an incredibly dicey subject. I recall seeing bits of it in The Independent in years past, and I also think fondly of many pieces written for The Gazette by legends Warren Epstein, Mark Arnest and Tracy Mobley-Martinez, to name a few. When I ran a gallery, I sought articles from these writers and more, and sometimes upon seeing the result I had to remind myself that there’s no such thing as bad press. Because, of course, you can’t control what someone will write about the show you’ve poured your blood, sweat and tears into. That being said, I was fortunate to receive mostly positive reviews, and I mean it very earnestly: I felt that just being mentioned in print was a boon.
So what’s my problem? In short: I think we could use more arts critique in our local media. I realize I have a platform here where I could offer something in that regard, and I’m too scared to do it. Let’s start with this. Why do we need more arts criticism? I would like to
posit that as an arts community, we have grown complacent. Arts critique, even if we don’t agree with it, can be something that helps us all raise the bar and improve our craft. I’ve been to my fair share of productions, shows or exhibits that had me scratching my head at the choices made, and I probably wasn’t alone, but it seems like everyone is too nice to say anything. And that’s not just because I don’t want to make anyone mad (although, that’s true, for better or for worse.) It’s because it’s incestuous. This is a fairly small arts community — not only do we all often see one another’s shows, we often act/paint/dance/ whatever in one another’s spaces and generally all swim around in the same pond. I personally put myself in this category. It seems like it’s in no one’s best interest to piss anyone off.
But … that’s problematic. Right? I think so. Art for art’s sake, where critique and changes are coming only from within the organization, is masturbatory. How can we get better if we aren’t open to outside input, or at least willing to consider it for a second? I love to lecture my adult piano students about how music wasn’t meant to be enjoyed in a vacuum, which is why I force them to play in a Christmas recital every year that has all of them resent me to the point of nearly firing me. But Beethoven didn’t toil over his compositions to have them just be played for your furniture. Art is meant to be shared. And yes, sharing it comes with the risk of criticism.
I’m here to say that I think that criticism is worth the risk. You never know what you might learn or how you might think about your art of choice a little differently. Just … don’t ask me. I don’t want to hurt your feelings.
You need art. Art needs you.
Lauren Ciborowski writes about the arts and music in every issue. W.I.P. stands for Works in Progress.
THURSDAY, JAN. 9
Gentle Rain | Variety band performing at Rico’s Cafe & Wine Bar. 322 ½ N. Tejon St. 5 p.m.
Jazz Thursdays | Free, live jazz music at the Mining Exchange Hotel. 8 S. Nevada Ave. 5 p.m.
Acoustic Set in the Lodge | Acoustic musicians performing at Buffalo Lodge Bicycle Resort. 2 El Paso Blvd. 6 p.m.
The Matt Bloom Band, The Jake Loggins Band | Rock bands performing at Vultures. 2100 E. Platte Ave. 8 p.m.
Rumours | Fleetwood Mac tribute band performing at Lulu’s Downtown. 32 S. Tejon St. 8 p.m.
Spoiled Mistress | Variety band performing at Buzzed Crow Bistro. 5853 Palmer Park Blvd. 8 p.m.
SATURDAY, JAN.
11
Bill Snyder | Acoustic guitarist performing at Rico’s Cafe & Wine Bar. 322 ½ N. Tejon St. 6 p.m.
Jason Wulf Band | Country band performing at Whiskey Baron Dance Hall & Saloon. 5781 N. Academy Blvd. 6 p.m.
John Spengler and the Frenemies | Folk band performing at Buffalo Lodge Bicycle Resort. 2 El Paso Blvd. 6 p.m.
Cryptic Writings, 10four10, Something Smooth, GenX2Z, Deathride, Darkened Sun | Alternative bands competing in battle of the bands at Sunshine Studios Live. 3970 Clear View Frontage Road. 7 p.m.
The Dustbowls | Roots band performing at Tokki. 182 Cheyenne Mountain Blvd. 7 p.m.
Big Sky | Jam band performing at Armadillo Ranch. 962 Manitou Ave. 8 p.m.
Hot Buttered Rum | Country band performing at Lulu’s Downtown. 32 S. Tejon St. 8 p.m.
Interrobang | Alt-rock band performing at Ohana Kava Bar. 112 E. Boulder St. 8 p.m.
Lucked Out, Harvested, Contorted Self, Gunk! | Hardcore bands performing at the Black Sheep. 2106 E. Platte Ave. 8 p.m.
Tony Horses, May Leitz, The Hivemind | Indie bands performing at Vultures. 2100 E. Platte Ave. 8 p.m.
| Bluegrass musicians performing at Buffalo Lodge Bicycle Resort. 2 El Paso Blvd. 3 p.m.
Mania: The ABBA Tribute | ABBA tribute band performing at Pikes Peak Center. 190 S. Cascade Ave. 7:30 p.m.
Frog Team, Reminiscent Wounds, HRZN
| Alternative bands performing at the Black Sheep. 2106 E. Platte Ave. 8 p.m.
TUESDAY, JAN. 14
MUSIC . SpringsSCENE
Stony Jam | Reggae band performing at Armadillo Ranch. 962 Manitou Ave. 8 p.m.
WEDNESDAY, JAN. 15
Black Rose Acoustic Society Showcase | Acoustic musicians performing at Buffalo Lodge Bicycle Resort. 2 El Paso Blvd. 6 p.m.
Dina Hollingsworth | Flautist performing at Tokki. 182 E. Cheyenne Mountain Blvd. 6:30 p.m.
Catchpenny | Band karaoke at Buzzed Crow Bistro. 5853 Palmer Park Blvd. 7:30 p.m.
RUGBURN, Stereo Ontario, Moth Season | Rock bands performing at Vultures. 2100 E. Platte Ave. 8 p.m.
Wednesday Night Record Club | Vinyl record listening party at Lulu’s Downtown. 32 S. Tejon St. 9 p.m.
THURSDAY, JAN. 16
Jazz Thursdays | Free, live jazz music at the Mining Exchange Hotel. 8 S. Nevada Ave. 5 p.m.
Michael Reese | Rock guitarist performing at Rico’s Cafe & Wine Bar. 322 ½ N. Tejon St. 5 p.m.
Acoustic Set in the Lodge | Acoustic musicians performing at Buffalo Lodge Bicycle Resort. 2 El Paso Blvd. 6 p.m.
Daniel Lawrence Walker Quattro | Blues band performing at Armadillo Ranch. 962 Manitou Ave. 7 p.m.
Starburn | 60s and 70s rock tribute band at Buzzed Crow Bistro. 5853 Palmer Park Blvd. 7 p.m.
FRIDAY, JAN. 17
Jeremy Facknitz | Singer-songwriter performing at Buffalo Lodge Bicycle Resort. 2 El Paso Blvd. 6 p.m.
Revele and Paul | Vocal and piano duo performing at Rico’s Cafe & Wine Bar. 322 ½ N. Tejon St. 6 p.m.
E J R M | Ambient multi-instrumentalist performing at Ohana Kava Bar. 112 E. Boulder St. 7 p.m.
HoneyBunches Of Death, Kyle Chathom and the Road Shots, Deathride, A Ronin’s Test, Lions & Crows | Hardcore bands performing at Sunshine Studios Live. 3970 Clear View Frontage Road. 7 p.m.
Julie Bradley Band | Jazz band performing at Tokki. 182 E. Cheyenne Mountain Blvd. 7 p.m.
Red Rocks Rebellion | Rock cover band performing at Buzzed Crow Bistro. 5853 Palmer Park Blvd. 7 p.m.
Eternal Temples | Reggae band performing at Armadillo Ranch. 962 Manitou Ave. 8 p.m.
Hairball | Rock and roll tribute band performing at Pikes Peak Center. 190 S. Cascade Ave. 8 p.m.
SATURDAY, JAN. 18
Manitou Strings | Folk band performing at Buffalo Lodge Bicycle Resort. 2 El Paso Blvd. 6 p.m.
Mistura Bela | Jazz singer performing at Rico’s Cafe & Wine Bar. 322 ½ N. Tejon St. 6 p.m.
Red Mountain Highway | 90s country night at Phil Long Music Hall. 13071 Bass Pro Drive. 7 p.m.
Wayne Wilkinson Jazz Guitar Trio | Jazz trio performing at Tokki to 182 E. Cheyenne Mountain Blvd. 7 p.m.
Benjamin Morse & The Sensations, Patchwork Jack | Alternative bands performing at Vultures. 2100 E. Platte Ave. 8 p.m.
Saint Dewey’s Good Time Revival | Country band performing at Armadillo Ranch. 962 Manitou Ave. 8 p.m.
Echo Vocation | Synth night at Ohana Kava Bar. 112 E. Boulder St. 8 p.m.
Exit West | Country band performing at Whiskey Baron Dance Hall & Saloon. 5781 N. Academy Blvd. 9 p.m.
SUNDAY, JAN. 19
Colorado Springs Pickers Bluegrass Jam | Bluegrass musicians performing at Buffalo Lodge Bicycle Resort. 2 El Paso Blvd. 3 p.m.
TUESDAY, JAN. 21
Collective Soul | Rock band performing at Pikes Peak Center. 190 S. Cascade Ave. 8 p.m.
WEDNESDAY, JAN. 22
Langemo & Clifton Duo | Guitar duo performing at Tokki. 182 E. Cheyenne Mountain Blvd. 6:30 p.m.
Wednesday Night Record Club | Vinyl record listening party at Lulu’s Downtown. 32 S. Tejon St. 9 p.m.
Collective Soul plays Pikes Peak Center on Jan. 21. | Courtesy: Collective Soul
ARTS&CULTURE . ROAD TRIP
KATHRYN EASTBURN
• Rocky Mountain Reader •
aura Pritchett, on whom we can rely for serious portraits of women — generally in the Rocky Mountain West, facing obstacles of place and heart — dives gleefully and with zest into the territory of middle-age womanhood in her newest novel, “Three Keys.” The coming-of-age story of Ammalie, a suddenly widowed empty-nester in her 50s, “Three Keys” pits Ammalie against cold-blooded nature, the roller coaster path of her own conscience and the limitations of human initiative to make sense of a life. In the end, Ammalie learns, it’s as much about what the world makes of us as what we make of ourselves.
Ammalie’s journey begins on the road in a boat-size car she calls Grey Goose, as she flees her home and job in Chicago to pursue adventures in the wild. Her son has left for college, and her husband — who dropped dead before she could divorce him — haunts her days. She sleeps in the back of her car and hasn’t showered for as long as she’s been on the road, leaving her in a feral condition, aimed for adventure and steeped in vagrancy.
Ammalie’s fat key ring defines the route of her pilgrimage. She has keys to three homes — one in Colorado, one in Arizona and one in New Zealand — relevant to her past; either she has visited these places or her husband did on occasions when she stayed behind at home. She’s hoping they are vacant and will provide shelter and meaning as she figures out where the hell she’s going and what she’ll do next in this life that she feels has escaped her.
Ammalie’s feelings about herself will be familiar to readers who were surprisingly awakened when they realized that, at middle age, they’d become invisible in the eyes of the popular culture. Being invisible, she realizes, is an advantage when your goal is to sneak into other people’s houses to make yourself a temporary home.
Colorado readers will enjoy her road trip through Denver (harrowing,) over Kenosha Pass with a stop at its packed parking lot, then farther south along the Continental Divide to house No. 1, a wellappointed vacation home in the mountains, conveniently unoccupied. Pritchett proves to be a capable travel guide with her descriptions of mountain vistas, road conditions and winding routes. Ammalie’s still pretty timid at this point, even a little paranoid, but she is energized by rescuing a dog, then rescuing a tree — acts that prepare her for a more difficult and deeper excursion into a wild, sometimes hostile environment in rural Arizona. Along the way to her new life, the ultimate destination of “Three Keys,” Ammalie defines her relationship with the natural world and her responsibility within it. Some passages describing the sights Ammalie beholds as she travels — I’m thinking of a brief detour to the Bosque del Apache in winter, when it is filled with hundreds of thousands of snow geese and wintering sandhill cranes — are pure gifts to the reader. How could Ammalie not be changed by these sights, as so many of us have been?
Following the November election, I welcomed the unflinching, borderlinebawdy humor in “Three Keys,” born of a weary knowledge of what it feels like to have lived more than half a life for others and finally understanding that this life of ours is the only one we’ve got and we’d better get moving. Now. Ammalie made me laugh a lot, largely in self-recognition, and for that I was, and remain, grateful.
Kathryn Eastburn is a longtime Colorado journalist. She co-founded the Colorado Springs Independent in the early 1990s and is the published author of two books of nonfiction. She has taught journalism at The Colorado College and creative nonfiction writing at Lighthouse Writers Workshop. This review originally appeared at rockymountainreader.org. This version has been edited for space. n
ARTS&CULTURE .
GIVERS AND ‘TAKERS’
Indie film emulates Guy Ritchie’s gangster comedies without a budget
by CANNON TAYLOR cannon.taylor@ppmc.live
Over 12 years of operation and 65 short films to its name, Whatsabudget Films has covered a lot of ground: action, noir, drama, sci-fi, comedy, documentary, horror (seriously, a ton of horror) and now a Guy Ritchie-inspired gangster movie called “Takers.”
“Takers” follows a wannabe cowboy (Cassandra Crimmins), light of head and stone of heart, as she kills a mob boss named Tallahassee (Allen Sims) and robs him of a gun belt owned by Billy the Kid (Blaise Bowers). She quickly learns, however, that every action has an equal and opposite reaction, as she’s ensnared in the webs of various crime syndicates hoping to exact their revenge.
Like the film’s inspiration, “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels,” “Takers” is told in a nonlinear fashion with intertwining storylines. Every throwaway line of dialogue or extraneous side character is, in
fact, a Chekhov’s gun waiting to be fired at a later point in the film. And there are a lot of guns fired in the film.
Director and writer Rob Bowen said that the film raises the question, “Have we really changed a lot since the Old West, or are we still locked in that never-ending revolving door of gun violence?”
And the film gets creative with its violence. For example, there’s a literal eye-for-an-eye exchange inspired by a sick moment of inspiration while eating with chopsticks at Teriyaki Madness.
That’s not to say you should expect “John Wick”-caliber stunts and effects. “Takers” absolutely lives up to the lack of budget implied in the studio’s name; you can see it in every awkward scene transition and notentirely-convincing gunshot effect.
And yet, there’s undeniable passion and peculiarity to be found in “Takers” that makes it impossible to brush off as just another scrappy indie film. It’s like watching a virtuoso pianist trying to play their
masterpiece on an out-of-tune harpsichord. Despite the seemingly stoic synopsis, “Takers” is 100% a comedy film (it couldn’t be a Ritchie homage if it weren’t).
A criminal grabs his victim by the sniffer to pin her down while saying, “Got your nose.” The protagonists repeatedly call one group of mobsters by a creatively hilarious expletive I don’t want to risk repeating. And the scatterbrained silliness of Crimmins’ cowboy amuses even in the scenes with the highest stakes.
“Gallows humor is my go-to. It saves us, I think. Or, it saves me, anyway,” Bowen confessed. “I make films because I’m depressed. This is my therapy. I don’t want to be medicated for it, so I pour all of my creative time, energy and everything into my films. So, naturally, that dark humor is going to live there in those places because it’s my way of dealing and my way of coping.”
“Takers” is available to watch now at whatsabudget.com.
KING OF TERRORS
Whatsabudget Films also recently produced “E is for Expiation,” a short film based on Stephen King’s short story “Luckey Quarter.” The film was made under King’s Dollar Baby program, founded in 1977, which allows indie filmmakers to purchase permission to adapt one of his short stories for $1.
When the Dollar Baby program ended in December 2023 following the retirement of program manager Margaret Morehouse, Whatsabudget scrambled to crowdfund, shoot and edit the film before their one-year contract expired. They’ve finished the film and printed a DVD to send to King (one of the stipulations of the contract). Rumor has it that King keeps a large library of his Dollar Baby films.
Whatsabudget Films’ “E is for Expiation” is perhaps one of one of the final Dollar Baby films to be released. Colorado Springs filmmaker Ralph Giordano, who assisted in production, was involved in a Dollar Baby film in the early 1980s. At the time, Giordano was an undergraduate in the film and television studies program at New York University. His Dollar Baby film was based on “Night Surf” and shot in New Jersey. Some time after the team sent a Sony Betamax video tape to King, they received a handwritten review from the author reading: “A good adaptation. However, it was definitely filmed on a low budget. Shine on!”
Be on the lookout for screenings of both “Takers” and “E is Expiation” (which cannot be published online or monetized per the Dollar Baby contract) early this year.
Gerrie Walker as Queenie with her goons, Sean Forrest and Mike Pach | Courtesy: Whatsabudget Films
COVER STORY.
... CONTINUED FROM PAGE 13
days after I was born because my mom had a blood clot in her leg, and they were worried she might die.
Before my dad arrived back in Tucson, the doctor on call when I was born had been badgering my mom to give me up for adoption and wouldn’t let her see me until she’d thought it over. But my mom was adamant that I was hers, and she was going to keep me. She never asked my dad to marry her and told him that she understood if he wanted to just walk away. But he wanted to do “the right thing” for his parents, at least, and the possibility that I could be proof that he was straight. At the very least, he wanted me to have his last name.
It was a shotgun wedding, but with a gun that he’d put in his own mouth.
In the photo where they’re cutting the cake, my mom is still in her hospital bed in a baby blue nightgown with a lacy collar, and my dad sits up beside her in a white, polyester button-down with blue polka dots and a fat blue paisley tie. His smile looks forced at best, and you can see the tiniest beads of sweat on his five-o’clock mustache. My mom’s eyes look like they’re about to fall out of her head.
I’ve tried so many times to imagine what was going through his mind at that moment. His dad, I learned later, had told him that he didn’t believe my mom’s story, that she was trying to pin it on him, and that he should ask for a DNA test. Why
else would she have not told him? Who knows how much that played into his decision to leave — his mind undoubtedly pregnant with the idea, which was born into part of the excuse for his escape back to Tucson.
Surely he felt like he couldn’t be married to my mom, which is understandable. And maybe he didn’t feel like he could be gay and be a dad. But plenty of gay men chose otherwise at that time. Alysia Abbott’s memoir “Fairyland” chronicles her relationship with her gay father, who raised her in San Francisco in the 1970s and ’80s as a single parent. Maybe my father didn’t feel like he could be the gay dad of a boy — that would somehow make me gay These questions have always felt like rationalizations I’m making for him.
How much of the answer, if any, could possibly be in this briefcase, even if it is full of the men, women and world full of possibilities so far beyond the fate that had trapped his mother? Did he even know when I was born that his own mother and father had abandoned other families and children before he was born?
The photos in this briefcase won’t answer. Just a few months before he died, he finally asked my mother for a DNA test. “Ask him yourself,” my mom said.
But he never did.
◄█►
Six years ago, when I was getting
divorced, I was on the verge of suicide and decided to take psilocybin mushrooms to see if it could help pull me out of my depression. I did it for my kids as much as for myself. The one thing keeping me alive at that point was the absolute abhorrence of leaving them the way my dad had left me and my mom.
For anyone who’s ever taken psychedelics, even recreationally, you know that it’s never done lightly. This was last ditch for me; I was completely terrified. What if it drove me over the edge into some abyss I couldn’t come back from?
I hired a friend with experience to sit with
me and guide me through whatever might come.
We’d made an appointment for 1 p.m. because I wanted it to be light outside, and just as I was leaving to meet her, I felt compelled to grab a portrait off the wall of me and my dad that he took of us in the hay barn at his parents’ ranch in Oklahoma when I was 8 years old.
In the picture I’m smiling the giddy grin of relief to be with him and holding his attention. Then, right after the shutter snapped, I remember looking down and seeing a long, black rat snake sliding between the bales of hay we were sitting on, and I jumped out of my skin. Whenever
The author’s mother and father cutting the cake at their wedding in the hospital, September 1972. | Credit: unknown
The author and his father, ca. 1980 | Credit: Phillip Black
I look at the photo, I can’t not see the snake.I went to my friend’s, put the photo on a chair, took the mushrooms and sat on the floor.
For an hour or so, I felt a kind of anxious, energetic pressure building up under my skin, and then suddenly my friend’s eyes turned to green, glass orbs filled with candle flame and the room disappeared and I was standing in the grid that lies behind the fabric of space and my dad was there in one of those tan London Fog windbreakers with the tartan liner.
“I need you to let me go,” he said. It had never occurred to me that I could let him go without forgiving him.
So I put him in a red canoe and pushed him through a wormhole in the grid, and then cried for hours and hours, never having felt so happy or so sad in my entire life.
◄█►
There were moments while sorting through these photos that felt dangerously like dragging my dad back out of that hole in the universe. They didn’t finish any puzzles or answer the questions I know I can’t ask. These pictures without their stories don’t want to be known anymore than he did. But it was nice to see him again looking out into the world before me, and I’m glad he arrived in my doorway in this dirty, plastic briefcase as suddenly as I arrived in this world 52 years ago, if not quite so surprised to be seen.
If I had to pick my favorite photo from the whole bunch, which is always my favorite museum game, it would probably be one taken over the shoulder of a man on a bus somewhere in the Philippines, who’s holding a rooster on his lap and a lit cigarette in his right hand. “A Bird in the Hand,” he might’ve called it.
But there’s another one — one of the only photos of him in the whole bunch being seen instead of seeing.
He’s on a deck somewhere, probably on base — drink, wallet and sunglasses on the table, handsome as all hell and giving me the bird.
He looks like someone I’d have a drink with.
I’ll take this photo.
“A Bird in the Hand,” I will call it. Then I’ll sit down with him and tell him about his three grandchildren and the gift he gave me that I never left.
OUTDOORS .
NEW TRAIL, NEW NAMES FOR PINERIES OPEN SPACE
El Paso County’s Pineries Open Space, located in Black Forest, has consisted until recently of a single, roughly 9-mile trail since it was opened in 2020. After acquiring the land, El Paso County developed a master plan for the more than 1,000-acre parcel in 2010. Before work could start, however, the Black Forest Fire in 2013 heavily damaged most of the property.
Finally, in 2020, the Pineries opened to the public for hiking, cycling and horseback riding, the latter of which was made possible by including adequate parking for horse trailers. The original lariat- or lollipop-shape trail surrounds privately owned land. In fact, the trail twice crosses private roads, with signs imploring visitors to not stray from the trail. That’s forced hikers to choose to either go all the way around or to go as far in one direction or the other as was comfortable, and then turn back. That said, other than distance, none of the trail is difficult, with very little elevation gain or loss. Those who do hike all the way around will be more likely to encounter cyclists on the far reaches of the loop, as the length and ease of the trail make it ideal for both beginner and more experienced cyclists. Because the loop goes around private property, there are no shortcuts. After a certain point, you’ll be committed to doing the entire loop.
The actual county-owned parcel also includes a strip of land that extends southwest from the loop toward the intersection of Vollmer and Shoup roads. A trail on that section, which was planned as a second phase of the development of the open space, was recently completed, adding around 2 miles of trails to Pineries. The new trail — named the Farrar Trail, after a family that once ranched there — combines with the existing Grandview Loop Trail, formerly known as the Pineries Loop Trail, to create
a loop of around 3.4 miles.
One end of the Farrar Trail is at the open space parking lot, and the other end meets the Grandview Trail at Frog Pond about 1.3 miles east of the parking lot.
To make the most of this new trail, take it south from the parking lot (counterclockwise) around to where it meets the Grandview Loop. A portion of the trail, south of the parking lot, does run through private property, so remember to respect the property owners and stay on the trail. The trail features several low bridges or boardwalks over drainages, which presumably reduce having to navigate through flooded or muddy areas. When you get to Frog Pond, you’ll then have the option to make a left turn and return to the trailhead/parking lot for a round trip of just under 3.5 miles. Alternately, you can turn right and continue around the majority of the Grandview Loop, or go as far as you want, and then turn back and return to the parking lot.
According to El Paso County Parks Planner Ross Williams, the Pineries Loop Trail was renamed to the Grandview Loop Trail to entice people to check out the Grandview Overlook at the far northeast corner of the open space. Williams said that although the renaming of the loop trail to the Grandview Trail is official, it won’t appear on signs for a few months. The Farrar Trail should also
be added to the Colorado Trails Explorer (COTREX) app and website soon, according to Williams.
The southwest corner of Pineries Open Space is diagonally across the intersection of Vollmer and Shoup roads from the northeast corner of Black Forest Section 16, a popular 4-mile loop. With the addition of the Farrar Trail, which goes near the corner, I asked Williams if there would be a connection between the two open spaces. According to Williams, a roundabout is planned for the intersection, and when it is built, a connection between the Pineries and Section 16 will be added to the project.
“The roundabout at Vollmer and Shoup is not really being designed for pedestrian travel but for road safety. Cars travel much too fast on Vollmer Road, and after a fatal accident at the Vollmer and Shoup intersection a few years ago, it moved up the list of intersections that needed to be addressed from a safety standpoint,” said Williams in an email. “Because there is a trail and open space component at that intersection, EPC Parks was brought aboard to consult with the connection of the two open spaces. There was no way that we were going to send trail traffic (read: children on Striders/bikes, folks on horseback) across Vollmer Road without some kind of controlled intersection, and this roundabout (and tunnel) is the answer.”
THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW
• Pineries Open Space is at 13201 Vollmer Road, Black Forest.
• Park hours are 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. November through March and 5 a.m. to 9 p.m. April through October.
• Motorized vehicles are not permitted.
• Leashed dogs are permitted.
• Equestrian parking is available but is limited.
• Bathroom facilities are located near the trailhead. There is no water available, so bring plenty.
For more information: tinyurl.com/5b8kkeer
The roundabout will be constructed with federal funds, which won’t be available until 2028, so until then, there will be no connection between the Pineries and Section 16. Bob “Hiking Bob” Falcone is a retired career firefighter, USAF veteran, an accomplished photographer and 30-year resident of Colorado Springs. He has served on boards and committees for city, county and state parks in the Pikes Peak region, and spends much of this time hiking 800 or more miles each year, looking for new places and trails to visit, often with his canine sidekick Coal.
By BOB “HIKING BOB” FALCONE
Thursday,
JANUARY 23
PINERY at the HILL
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PUZZLES!
News of the WEIRD
BY THE EDITORS AT ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR
The Lexington (Kentucky) Convention and Visitors Bureau appears to be desperate for tourists, the Associated Press reported. It is using an infrared laser to send messages toward potentially habitable planets in a solar system 40 light years away, luring extraterrestrials with “lush green countryside ... (and) famous bluegrass.” Lexington native Robert Lodder, an expert in astrobiology and SETI (Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence), conceived the idea, and linguistics expert Andrew Byrd consulted: “We included ... the molecular structure for water, bourbon and even dopamine ... because Lexington is fun!” he said. See you in 2064!
LAST TO BE PICKED
Researchers at Western Sydney University have revealed results of a study showing that frequent nose-pickers may have a higher probability of developing Alzheimer’s disease. WION-TV reported on Feb. 7 that the habit introduces germs into the nasal cavity that trigger the brain to produce beta-amyloid as a defense. An abundance of beta-amyloid is believed to be the leading cause of Alzheimer’s. “It is essential to note that the temporary relief obtained from nose-picking is not a substitute for proper nasal hygiene,” the report said — “proper nasal hygiene” being “regular cleaning and maintenance of the nasal passages through gentle methods such as saline nasal rinses or blowing the nose.”
HORSING AROUND
As an Amish couple from Shipshewana, Indiana, shopped at a Walmart in Sturgis, Michigan, in January 2024, Lona Latoski, 31, allegedly climbed inside their buggy and directed their horse away from the parking lot, MLive.com reported. A witness saw the woman drive off and thought it was odd that she wasn’t Amish, but didn’t report the theft. When the couple came out and realized their ride was gone, a truck driver offered them shelter from the cold and alerted police, who tracked down the buggy at an Admiral gas station, where it was parked. Latoski was located in the motel next door, hiding under a pile of clothing in a shower. She admitted taking
the horse and buggy and said she had “instant regret ... but she was cold and needed to get home,” the officer said. “I asked her if she had ever had any training with equestrians,” he said. “She did not know what ‘equestrian’ meant.” (Apparently, nor did the officer.) Latoski was charged with larceny of livestock and general larceny.
THE ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT
When Carole Germain, 46, of Brest, France, adopted a pig in 2020, she didn’t foresee that Couscous would lead her to a new business venture: pig pedicurist. Yahoo News reported that Germain, who runs a bar in Brest, has started traveling all over France to trim the tusks and hooves of porcine pets. In fact, she’s selling the bar to devote herself full time to the practice. “It’s nuts. I thought I was the only person who had one hogging the couch. But there are thousands,” she said. On one trip around the south of France, she treated 43 pigs.
CHEEKY
Rawiya Al-Qasimi, a female reporter, was covering an event in Riyadh on March 4 when a Saudi Arabian robot called Android Muhammad unexpectedly slapped her posterior during a live shot, the Daily Star reported. Al-Qasimi pushed the robot’s hand away and rebuked him. Before the untoward touching, Android Muhammad introduced himself, saying, “I was manufactured and developed here in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia as a national project to demonstrate our achievements in the field of artificial intelligence.” Ironically, had he been a real man, he might have faced jail time for his inappropriate behavior.
TALL TAILS
Deputy chief physician of pediatric neurosurgery Dr. Li at Hangzhou Children’s Hospital in China shared a video on social media on March 11 after a baby boy was born sporting a 4-inch-long tail, WION reported. The doctor suspected a condition called a tethered spinal cord, which means the spinal cord is abnormally connected to surrounding tissues, typically at the base of the spine. Doctors advised against removing the tail, as doing so might result in irreversible damage.
THE PASSING PARADE
South Korean model Ain, also known as Angel Box Girl, is being prosecuted for obscene exposure following incidents from last fall, Oddity Central reported. In Seoul and Gangnam, Ain walked through the streets wearing a large cardboard box with holes for her arms and legs — plus two more, which she invited strangers to put their hands in to grope her
breasts and other body parts. Naturally, she attracted large crowds that police were called to disperse. “It’s freedom of expression,” she said. “I just wanted to market myself. I actually saw many positive reactions, with people telling me they support me and applaud my courage.” If found guilty, Ain could face a $3,800 fine or up to a year in jail.
Horoscopes .
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Aries poet Charles Baudelaire said that if you want to fully activate your personal genius, you will reclaim and restore the intelligence you had as a child. You will empower it anew with all the capacities you have developed as an adult. I believe this is sensational advice for you in 2025. In my understanding of the astrological omens, you will have an extraordinary potential to use your mature faculties to beautifully express the wise innocence and lucid perceptions you were blessed with when you were young.
CANCER (June 21-July 22):
Psychologist Abraham Maslow defined “peak experiences” as “rare, exciting, oceanic, deeply moving, exhilarating, elevating experiences that generate an advanced form of perceiving reality, and are even mystic and magical in their effect upon the experimenter.” The moment of falling in love is one example. Another may happen when an artist makes an inspiring breakthrough. These transcendent interludes may also come from dreamwork, exciting teachings, walks in nature and responsible drug use. (Read more: tinyurl.com/PeakInterludes). I bring these ideas to your attention, Cancerian, because I believe the months ahead will be prime time for you to cultivate and attract peak experiences.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Here’s one of my predictions for you in 2025, Libra: You will reach the outer limits of your domain and then push on to explore beyond those limits. Here’s another prediction: You will realize with a pleasant shock that some old expectations about your destiny are too small, and soon you will be expanding those expectations. Can you handle one further mindopening, soul-stretching prophecy? You will demolish at least one mental block, break at least one taboo, and dismantle an old wall that has interfered with your ability to give and receive love.
BY ROB BREZSNY
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
Astrologers in ancient China had the appalling view that over two-thirds of omens are negative, threatening or scary. I haven’t seen formal research into the biases of modern Western stargazers, but my anecdotal evidence suggests they tend to be equally pessimistic. I regard this as an unjustified travesty. My studies have shown that there is no such thing as an inherently ominous astrological configuration. All portents are revelations about how to successfully wrangle with our problems, perpetrate liberation, ameliorate suffering, find redemption and perform ingenious tweaks that liberate us from our mind-forged manacles. They always have the potential to help us discover the deeper meanings beneath our experiences. Keep all this in mind during 2025.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In many Asian myths, birds and snakes are depicted as adversaries. Their conflict symbolizes humanity’s problems in coordinating the concerns of earth and heaven. Desire may be at odds with morality. Unconscious motivations can be opposed to good intentions. Pride, self-interest and ambition might seem incompatible with spiritual aspirations, highminded ideals, and the quest to transcend suffering. But here’s the good news for you, Taurus: In 2025, I suspect that birds and snakes will cooperate rather harmoniously. You and they will have stirring, provocative adventures together.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Using a fork to eat food was slow to gain acceptance in the Western world. Upper class Europeans began to make it a habit in the 11th century, but most common folk regarded it as a pretentious irrelevancy for hundreds of years. Grabbing grub with the fingers was perfectly acceptable. I suspect this scenario might serve as an apt metaphor for you in 2025. You are primed to be an early adapter who launches trends. You will be the first to try novel approaches and experiment with variations in how things have always been done. Enjoy your special capacity, Gemini. Be bold in generating innovations.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): According to my analysis of the astrological omens, your life in 2025 will be pretty free of grueling karmic necessity. You will be granted exemptions from cosmic compulsion. You won’t be stymied by the oppressive inertia of the past. To state this happy turn of events more positively, you will have clearance to move and groove with daring expansiveness. Obligations and duties won’t disappear, but they’re more likely to be interesting than boring and arduous. Special dispensations and kind favors will flow more abundantly than they have in a long time.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): If you’re not married and would like to be, 2025 might be your best chance in years to find wedded bliss. If an existing intimate bond is less than optimal, the coming months will bring inspiration and breakthroughs to improve it. Let’s think even bigger and stronger, Scorpio, and speculate that you could be on the verge of all kinds of enhanced synergetic connections. I bet business and artistic partnerships will thrive if you decide you want them to. Links to valuable resources will be extra available if you work to refine your skills at collaboration and togetherness.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Over the years, a few people who don’t know me well have accused me of “thinking too much” or “overthinking.” They are wrong. While I aspire to always be open to constructive criticism, I am sure that I don’t think too much. Not all my thoughts are magnificent, original and high-quality, of course; some are generated by fear and habit. However, I meticulously monitor the flow of all my thoughts and am skilled at knowing which ones I should question or not take seriously. The adage “Don’t believe everything you think” is one of my axioms. In 2025, I invite you Aquarians to adopt my approach. Go right ahead and think as much as you want, even as you heighten your awareness of which of your thoughts are excellent and which are not.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): One of my most enjoyable goals in life has been to expunge my “isms.” I’m pleased that I have made dramatic progress in liquidating much of the perverse cultural conditioning that imprinted me as I was growing up. I’ve largely liberated myself from racism, sexism, classism, ableism, heteronormativity, looksism and even egotism. How are you doing with that stuff, Virgo? The coming months will be a favorable time to work on this honorable task. What habits of mind and feeling have you absorbed from the world that are not in sync with your highest ideals?
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): I wonder how you will feel about the fact that I’m declaring 2025 to be the Year of the Muses for you Sagittarians. Will you be happy that I expect you to be flooded with provocative clues from inspiring influences? Or will you regard the influx of teachings and revelations as chaotic, confusing or inconvenient? In the hope you adopt my view, I urge you to expand your understanding of the nature of muses. They may be intriguing people, and might also take the form of voices in your head, ancestral mentors, beloved animals, famous creators or spirit guides.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I’m pleased, bordering on gleeful, that your homecoming is well underway. All the signs suggest that as 2025 unfolds, you will ripen the processes of deepening your roots and building a stronger foundation. As a result, I expect and predict that your levels of domestic bliss will reach unprecedented heights. You may even create a deeply fulfilled sense of loving yourself exactly as you are and feeling like you truly belong to the world you are surrounded by. Dear Pisces, I dare you to cultivate more peace of mind than you have ever managed to arouse. I double-dare you to update traditions whose emotional potency has waned.
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