Brain Stew 16' / '17 - Issue 13

Photoshop Requests by Brain Stew

Submit your requests to nmgtzc@mail.umsl.edu

This week’s Photoshop Request is from Zach Lee, who asked me if I could photoshop Dan’s beard onto a group photo of the Honors College faculty. Since I can’t find where the hell I saved that picture, I settled with photoshopping Dan’s beard on this photo of Meagan, Zach, and myself. Turns out we are still damn fine looking with or without beards. Now everyone please stop sending me photoshop requests that involve Dan’s facial hair. There’s so much more to life than beards.

Before:

After:

So Now You’re an UMSL Goose: Survival Guide Hi, I’m Randy – a goose among geese at the University of Missouri – St. Louis. So, you’re new on campus and you’re wondering what the “goose life” looks like here. Strap in for a crash course in having webbed feet at UMSL. Poop: Welcome to UMSL. This has gotta be the biggest

perk about living here: You can poop – anywhere.

Seriously, test your boundaries! No one is going to do anything about it. Let them gripe! Leave your mark.

Perches: Atop any building is pretty solid. There was a

legendary goose – Carl – he landed on the Chancellor’s head once. It was EPIC. A victory for geese everywhere.

Food: Don’t eat on campus. Sodexo is shit. Stick to raiding commuter lunch bags.

Ponds: Most are good for sitting. Swimming. Cleaning our wings. Rumor has it the lake by Benton has some

pretty freaky science experiments gone wrong dumped into it – so be wary. The fountain’s a pretty fun place to take your goslings to, though.

Crossing the street: Little do student know, there is a $500 fine for hitting a goose – so we’re pretty much

invincible. Really take your time – especially in front of the 9:30 and 12:15 shuttles.

Squak n’ Honk: At pretty much anyone anytime you feel like it. People haven’t taken the time to learn our language so feel free to use speciesist slurs – it doesn’t count if they can’t understand you.

Miscellaneous: Geese are discriminated against hard in the job market, so I know money’s tight. Lifehack: Open classroom window = free education.

South Campus is actually a bit warmer than North. Fly south, my comrades. Fly south.

I know, the humans can be kind of ugly, gross, and you may be intimidated to walk by clusters of them on the sidewalk. Don’t let them scare you: some of them are kinda cute. Just keep a respectful distance and don’t make eye contact.

UMSL’s a Goosetown through and through. Here are a couple photos of our free residential life to get you excited about nesting here. Happy flapping! – Randy.

Our favorite hang-out pond. That’s me – Randy. Hi, me!!

Me and the fam blocking that midmorning shuttle. It is so fun.

Our end-of-semester pond party – it was a rowdy time – UMSL is never a dry campus for the geese! ;)

An Incomplete Guide to St. Louis’ Vegan Underbelly Never make a salad again!

For When Your Friends Need To Eat Meat: Bailey’s Range, Lona’s Lil’ Eats Bailey’s Range has both a Match Meat burger that is so accurate it is almost not good, and a veggie burger. Also, delicious boozy strawberry basil lemonade. One of like, 5 reasons to go downtown.

Lona’s – see below

Thai: Lona’s Lil’ Eats Possibly The Happiest Place On Earth, Lona’s Lil’ Eats was featured in an earlier issue of Brain Stew for its most delicious mushroom dumplings. On top of that, get yourself a giant rice paper wrap with spicy tofu, cold glass noodles, and choice of sauce (I like the peanut). Your meat-eating friends will have an array of choices. Sometimes, the best vegan food is hidden in non-vegan menus.

Indian: Gokul Conveniently located close to the Loop’s Metrolink stop, Gokul is all vegetarian/vegan all the time. If you don’t feel like thinking at all, go on Monday nights for the all-vegan buffet. They have pakoda that tastes so similar to McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets when they use potato. I cry it’s so good.

Ice Cream: Ices Plain and Fancy or Clementine’s Naughty + Nice Creamery Ices’ vegan German chocolate made boozy with kalua is so creamy and good, it beats out Clementine’s in my book.

Classic Hip Vegan Place: Lulu’s Local Eatery Lulu’s menu is pretty good with a few stand-out superstars on it: the Nacho Crunchwrap, volcano tots, and mushroom stroganoff if you’re into that sort of thing. Their buffalo cauliflower bites are OK, but hotforfood’s recipe is way better, IMHO.

Best Breakfast: SweetArt Actually, this might be The Happiest Place On Earth. Breakfast at SweetArt is the absolute best way to start a Saturday. They recently updated their menu for the spring with chik’n and waffles and breakfast tacos that I’ve yet to try, but the go-to’s have gotta be the Bahn Mi and the Edna Breakfast Burrito (with tofu and vegan cheese, of course). Their fudge brownies are also not-to-bemissed.

For When You’re Feeling Healthy: PuraVegan Let me set the scene: There’s a yoga studio attached. OK, now that you know what we’re dealing with: The jackfruit Rueben gets a big thumbs up, and their quinoa black bean soup can brighten up a rainy day. I like their cornbread as well. I’ve heard their mackincheese is really good, but I’ve yet to have it.

For When You’re Feeling Fancy: Treehouse Lulu’s pricier neighbor on South Grand, Treehouse will make you feel like splurgin’ on dessert – try the avocado chocolate mousse. They also have breakfast (and doughnuts!) that I’ve yet to try. Vegan options are so bountiful people, I’m telling you.

For When You’re Feeling Busy: Chipotle or the always delicious Taco Bell Qdoba is OK in a pinch, but they don’t have Sofritas. Taco Bell requires some substitutions and add-ons, but that just means your food is always made hot n’ fresh: Crunchwrap: no cheese or sour cream, sub beans for beef, add pico and potatoes. And/Or: bean burrito: no cheese, add rice and potatoes. (This just in: T-Bell rice maybe has butter now??? Welcome to the vegan struggle – stick to the Crunchwrap for now, I guess.)

….And many moooooooooore. I left some places off this list because I’m not Mrs. Zagat. Do your own research. Report back.

Dude, what’s going on at the Pierre Laclede Honors College?

Submit your art, dummies!

Back by unpopular demand, it’s Emma Daues!!

THE PROG CORNER! --A music column--

Greetings, everyone! Once again it’s good ol’ Emma Daues here, emerging from her Spring Break coma to administer your recommended daily intake of progressive rock!! I can tell that you missed me and my weird music tastes ​very​ much.

Today is a very special day, ladies and gentlemen and starchildren of all ages. On this very day in history (Friday, April 7), my favorite, favorite band, ​Yes​, is getting inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame!! So crazy! So exciting! In honor of this momentous occasion I’d thought we go back to talking about Yes for a bit and cover another one of their super-duper awesome albums!! Here we goooooo…!

Close to the Edge​ -- Yes (1972) Hot off the success of their 1971 album ​Fragile​, Yes took a break from touring to come together and record their next album, ​Close to the Edge​. The lineup had remained the same from ​Fragile​ with our good ol’ boys Jon Anderson (the sing-y bits), Chris Squire (the bass-y bits), Bill Bruford (the drum-y bits), Steve Howe (the guitar-y bits), and Rick Wakeman (the keyboard-y bits). Apparently the writing and recording of the album was long and tortuous, a process of trial-and-error experimentation, with just about every note and rhythm being scrutinized and argued over. Much dissention happened within the group; it seemed that they were very…‘close to the edge’, haha!

But after a long, hard months spent toiling over recordings and re-recordings, the album was finally released, consisting of a whopping...​three​ songs? Only three? Hold on a minute, set your pitchforks down. First of all, even with three songs, the total run time of the album is about 40 minutes. Yes, there may be only 3 tracks, but they are three very long, dense tracks. Secondly, I don’t think you’re aware of just how much craziness is packed into each of these three songs.

Let’s go ahead and take a look at them, shall we?

The first song is the eponymous “Close to the Edge”, divided into 4 parts. The first starts out very gently, with nature-y sounds of birds and animals and scintillating keyboards. However, it’s a false calm before the storm, as guitars and drums woosh in and take us through a complicated string of dramatic melodies (and some surprising ‘AAAAAAH’s) before settling on a steady motif that will be heard throughout the song. Then the lyrics come in, urgent and in-your-face. The words are...definitely the top-tier of whimsical and weird. I mean, the opening lyrics are, “A seasoned witch could call you from the depths of your disgrace / and rearrange your liver to the solid mental grace”. Apparently it’s all metaphor, but you’re on your own if you

the whole thing. I just tend to sit back and accept the nonsense; the rhythm of the lines is so good though, making for a catchy tune even though you don’t know the words. It gets very poetic at parts, such as one of my favorite lines, “A dewdrop can exalt us like the music of the sun”. A short vocal hook gives us the title of the song (“...close to the edge, down by a river...”), and then it’s on to a more groovy-sounding stanza about mornings, skies, and color. Then the hook hits us again before we get our first appearance of ‘I get up, I get do-o-own…’ which is another line that listeners will become familiar with throughout the 18-minute song.

With that, it’s on to the second part of the song, which follows a similar verse structure to Part 1.

Then there’s a small instrumental interlude before Part 3 washes us to calmer seas. In an instant everything becomes hazy and ambient, which gives way to a small organ melody, and a soft verse about a lady in white lace. Then there are more ‘I get up, I get do-o-own’s as the mystical lyrics continue, producing a very pretty counterpoint harmony (like I said before, Yes has some sweet, sweet vocal harmonies). Suddenly in a grandiose gesture, the organ takes over, capturing a sense of magnitude and awe. The large organ riffs alternate with Jon’s echo-y vocals of more ‘I get up, I get do-o-own’s, which culminates in a fierce chord and hurls us into Part 4 of the track. The melodic motifs from parts 1 and 2 come back, only more ​intense ​and emotional​ than ever before. And some fancy keyboard solos! Then the lyrics enter again for a final verse, with imagery and metaphors borderlining apocalyptic. The vocals sound grand and desperate, layered with high harmonies as each band member gives it his all. In a climactic ending, the song concludes with another round of “I get up, I get do-o-own” and dissolves into the sounds of nature from the beginning. Wow! And all of that packed into one song! We still have two more to go!

The next song is another wild ride, titled “And You And I”, clocking in at a little over 10 minutes in length. This is one of my favorite Yes songs! It starts out with some solemn, sentimental notes from an acoustic guitar, then transitions into a cheerful melody accompanied by some slidey synths. Then the vocals enter on a melody as sweet as caramel. While the lyrics are still firmly camped in the realm of whimsy, they seem to have a bit more coherence than those of “Close to the Edge”. A theme of devotion to another person is present, and also being in tune with a spiritual side of oneself.

The melody continues for a second verse before breaking out into a harsher bridge part with, “Coins and crosses never know their fruitless worth”. After that the song pulls back for another sweet little vocal hook, then things ramp up with a slower but more passionate instrumental interlude. The synths take hold of the main melody in a powerful, escalating wail, which is then complemented when Jon’s high vocals come back in, belting out an emotional stanza ending in “All complete in the sights and seeds of life with you”. The interlude returns once more, then fades away as the guitar melody from the beginning makes a comeback. This part of the track feels like ​magic​. The guitar plays on, picking up the pace as it’s joined once more by the synths.

Another verse is sung, followed by a peppier instrumental bit, complete with a few interesting meter choices and a synth solo that goes all over the map. The vocals return for a refrain, and then it’s back to the slow, emotional instrumental bit for the final time. This cascades down into

suspended chord, and the sweet guitar melody comes back in for the last few lines of lyrics, “And you and I climb over valleys of endless seas”. The song ends gracefully as the final chords seem to fade off into a metaphorical setting sun.

Our third and final track, “Siberian Khatru”, makes it clear from the get-go that it’s not like the previous two songs. Instead of a gentle introduction to ease us in, this song grabs us with a funky guitar riff. Everything in this song’s beginning instrumental screams “funky”, from the weird melody played on a string-like synth, to the punchy guitar and bass melodies, to the organ bit that begins about 50 seconds in. The lyrics make an appearance, and we realize we’re back in nonsensical territory…“Sing, bird of prey”? “Gold stainless nail”? I’m not sure how you can explain these away to curious onlookers.

An interesting refrain comes next, which involves Jon singing some flowery lines while the rest of the band chants some interesting catchphrases, such as, “Outbound, river, / bluetail, tailfly”. A small, funky interlude brings us to the next verse, which follows the same suit as the first. Then comes a cute little bit of ‘da-da-da’s and an energetic instrumental featuring some unusual sounds such as steel drums, harpsichord, and slide guitar. A small lyrical bridge is next, with some silky melismas provided by Jon, particularly on “Green leaves reveal the outspoken khatruu-u-uu-u-uu...”. What exactly is a ‘khatru’, you may be wondering? I don’t think anyone knows. Whenever asked about it, Jon gives differing answers to what the word actually means.

My suspicion is that it’s a word he just made up.

The funky riff from the beginning returns with a bit more ‘oomph’ behind it and brings us to the third verse. This transitions into the chanting catchphrases from before -- this time they’re extended, featuring more baffling concepts like, “Luther in time, / suntower asking, / cover, lover, / June cast, moon fast”. The chanting crescendos to the final instrumental portion, which fades out unceremoniously. Possessing a length of around 9 minutes, it’s the shortest song of the album, making it seem to go by relatively quick. It’s a fun song that doesn’t take itself too seriously, which is a bit of a refreshing note to end on after the two previous heavy-hitters.

And there’s ​Close to the Edge​! It’s a prime example of quality-over-quantity, packing lots of excitement, complexity, and emotion into three songs. All the consternation seemed to be worth it for Yes, as it’s considered one of their top albums even today. (It was not without some downers, though -- after the release of ​Close to the Edge​, drummer Bill Bruford felt too frustrated by the whole ordeal that he decided to leave the band. Interestingly enough, he went on to join King Crimson, a band that I talked about in a previous Prog Corner installment! Good for you, Bill!)

That about wraps up this issue’s romp through musical mindbenders. I shall return once more before the end of the year to bring you that good, proggy stuff that you so desire. I hope you look forward to it! In the meantime, have fun listening to this crazy album, and dream sweet, proggy dreams! Buh-bye!!!

Things Your Friends Should Never Expect You to Do

• Go to their improv show.

• Proof-read their 14-page term paper titled: Microwaves and Feminism: The Radioactive Truth. (OK, I know you kinda want to read that.)

• Help them move. A dryer downstairs. And back upstairs. And then downstairs again because it clashes with the dining room décor.

• Co-sign a loan.

• Go on a blind double-date.

• Exercise.

• Actually show up at the agreed upon time and location.

• Smile.

• Call 911 for them.

• Listen to them.

• Make eye contact.

I’m Dan Gerth and I did not necessarily approve this message

Do you have what it takes to be the next Meagan? Do you have an apetite for saving the environment? Do you have the chutspa to go out and save the environment? Do you have hip horn-rimmed glasses?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then we want YOU to apply to be a Brain Stew editor!

Interested in being an editor for brain stew next year? Email dan gerth for more information. Satisfy your independent study requirements! Gain publishing experience! Make money!* Join a group of the most attractive people in the honors college! *not true

Blonde engineering student who likes photoshop and quirky, Queer semi-male who prefers illustrator seek full-time crime fighting partner who will help combat the sea of fake news with more fake news but at a smaller scale, you feel me? Only trivial inquiries please.

“agender” Hello, Stewers, and welcome to another column of inqueeries! I’m very excited this week to include an interview with my dear friend Zoë Scala. I wrote a couple of issues ago about gender, which is that tricky social construct that’s loosely related to sex—or at least the expectations that others have of people based on their physical sex. This time, we‘re talking about agender, an identity like masculine or feminine on the gender spectrum.

I write this article with a certian excitement fueled by the Associated Press’ decision last week to accept the singular usage of “they/them/their” pronouns. For a while, it’s been considered incorrect to use “they” in place or “he or she” because “they” impies that there is more than one person. (See: “To each their own,” instead of, “To each his or her own.”) Not only is “his or her” clunky, but the phrase is not necessarily gender neutral—what about folks who don’t use “he” or “she” pronouns? The decision to include the singular “they” provides an inclusive way not only for people who exist outside of the gender binary, but also removes any possible sexism in assuming a person’s gender when it wasn’t specified.

Anyway, here are a couple of questions I asked Zoë. If you have any questions about agender or about the gender binary, feel free to submit them, and we’ll cover them in a later issue!

Q

Q

Q

ZL: So, what does agender mean? Is that definition the same across the board or does it mean different things to different people?

ZS: Agender is kind of a hard thing to pin down; some people consider it kind of like a dead center part of the gender binary, while other people consider it completely separate. Is it across the board? Hell no, I mean I even define it differently to different people so if one person can't pinpoint it, a bunch can't really either. That being said, it is a “third option” for most people who don't feel comfortable with feminine or masculine labels, similar to genderqueer.

ZL: What kinds of pronouns do agender folks typically use? Is there any standard?

ZS: I would say typically agender folks use they/them for convience. Even though a lot of people won’t even use they/them (because it’s a plural, its not gramatically correct, and other bullshit reasons), a lot of folks would really like a singular gender neutral pronoun. Zi/zim/zir is one of the more common ones agender/genderqueer folks use, but a lot of people just use zi/zim/zir in queer communities. I mean, if people can't use they for “gramatical reasons” then they sure as hell ain’t gonna use zi/zim/zir. And no, there’s really no standard there either. There’s no real standards/check lists when it comes to a lot of queer things.

ZL: Which pronouns do you use for yourself? How did you come across using those pronouns?

ZS: I personally use they/them because of simplicity; I would really, really love to have some kind of gender neutral singular like zi/zim/zir but I also don’t want to use it until it’s “standardized” if you will. It’s pretty ridiculous I know, but even trying to get people to use they/them to refer to me is hard, let alone trying to get them to use some “made up” one. (As if all language isn’t “made up” anyway.) I kinda came into using them because it’s already used in languages and certain situations--and, because I grew up looking androgynous, they was used to refer to me a lot, so it just kind of stuck.

ZL: Why are pronouns important?

ZS: I mean, pronouns are more or less like a name. Have you ever read a story that solely refers to a person by their name? It’s a representation of someone, just like a name is, and to be referred to by someone else’s name stings as bad as being referred to by the wrong pronoun. Q

Catching some rays on the front lawn

Zach Asks a Friend for Skin Care Tips and Shares With You! Hey Stewers! As you may already know, I have pretty shitty skin. (Like, my chin acne is off the chain, and not really in a good way.) So I asked my dear friend ZoĂŤ Scala for some help because they are a diety of delightful skin. I hope you find this as helpful as I did!

The main guidelines of Korean beauty are cleanse, tone, exfoliate, essence (spot treatment), and moisturize. I'll go one by one explaining/recommending.

1. Cleanse: pretty straightforward--a nice, calming product to clean the skin. Do not get anything with those microbubble things: they're awful for the environment and are so damaging to skin. Anything you can get at a drugstore will probably work, but I personally recommend the Say Yes To Cucumber line (specifically, Say Yes To Cucumber gentle milk cleanser) because I have sensitive combination skin, and it does wonders.

PROCEDURE: get a product, warm water, massage into face in small circles, splash water/rub in circles to get off, then dab face dry with (preferably fluffy) towel.

2. Tone: toner is a wonder product. It comes in a variety of forms and one isn't expressly better over the other; that being said, the liquid toners are much easier to use. Lush sells great toner tabs and toner waters, but I don't buy those myself because they're Ridiculously expensive. Instead, I use the Mario Badescu (specifically, facial spray with aloe herbs and rosewater) line of products. They're huge, cheap, and work very well. That said, I'm sure you could find something similar at the drug store.

PROCEDURE: Squirt a small amount of product (2-3 spritzes) onto a cotton round. I'd recommend the nicer ones, bc the crappy little squares end up soaking up more of the product than what goes on your face. Starting at the center of the face, work your way out in gentle full swipes. Get the whole face and, if need be, let sit until dry (if you're waiting more than like a minute, you put too much on ya face).

3. *Exfoliate: this is an asterisk step because it's one you should only be doing once every three days or so. People's interpretations of products/what you should use vary, but what works for me specifically is facemasks. I typically only do this when I remember to buy facemasks, and I use a whole variety of different ones; Lush's Cosmetic Warrior is my favorite splurge, but walmart mud masks (whatever the blue one is) is a very close second. The key there is just finding what works for you. A personal recommendation, is another drug store buy. If you like peeling gunk off your face, Freeman's Facial Peel Off Mask (in cucumber) is good for you. It comes in a huge tube. (They also have a mud mask version I believe).

PROCEDURE: depends on the mask. Follow the instructions on the package ya dang.

4. Essence: an essence is a concentrated formula that works to target red spots/acne/oil/etc. based on the product. I personally use snail mucin as that works the best for me. Sounds gross I know, but let me tell you it works wonders.

Snail mucin helps heal the bumps and cuts a snail would get as it moves around, so similarly, it clears all the bacteria outta ya face bruises and makes them go away (i.e. pimples). I use Snailbee high content essence for this--this one I'd say is a must buy online. What America thinks are "essences" are typically overly expensive and over formulated--I've never heard good reviews about an American essence compared to a Korean one. This unfortunately is also the most expensive product: justifiably so as it is shipped overseas, but used correctly it should last you about 6 months, if not more.

PROCEDURE: take a small amount (not even a full pump) on your finger, and using the other hand gently pat on problem areas. If you have some left over, feel free to pat on ur entire face, a little goes a long way.

5. Moisturizing: take a lotion, slap it on ur face. Seals in all the products you just got and, by extension, gives ur skin a nice barrier from outside forces. I use Cetaphil because it comes in a huge bottle, you can buy at the drug store, and is very soothing. Sizes and prices vary, but always ALWAYS use something with a soothing formula and no add on junk like "acne fighting" or whatever. You just want a nice moisturizer, you already took care of the "acne fighting" with other steps. The different lotions vary but not by much. As long as you're getting one that you can use on the face, I'd say whatever works. (Bonus, if there's some kind of combo, Cetaphil also makes pretty nice cleansers).

PROCEDURE: pump medium amount (i use probably one full pumps worth, sometimes less) and rub in circles into skin.

So as you can tell, a full regiment takes a pretty penny to start out. Prices vary at drug stores vs online so it's important to take that into account. As a whole, you can substitute and find what works in the drug store. The only thing I'd strongly recommend buying online is the essence, but anything else is kind of a "whatever you can find" situation.

This being said, all my products were bought at least 6 months to 1 year ago and I only just had the essence run out.

The face wash, toner, and lotion are still at half full, so I'll probably be able to get another year out of all of them.

So while it is a pretty hefty startup cost, being used responsibly/correctly can last you a very long time.

The Understew

We ask Honors College faculty stupid questions – they answer, stupidly:

Is your glass half full or half empty?

Ann Torrusio

Who cares? You heard me.

Who. Cares. I sure as hell don’t.

I don’t have time to be sitting around thinking about this half full/ half empty philosophical bullshit. I have an Iron Man and a triathlon I need to be ready for next weekend on top of 74 essays and 25 abstracts that need to be graded. And you think I give a shit about what’s in my glass? The glass is what it is.

I’m not concerned about it. And you know what? If it’s empty, you just go fill it up again. It’s not rocket science.

Kim Baldus

Is my glass half full or half empty? You know, it really is hard to tell sometimes. Especially after ou’ve been through three or four glasses alreadt. But as long as the box of wine is nearby, it really doesn’t matter whether the glass is half full or emty, now does it?

Nancy Gleason

Oh, gosh…. You kids know I am indecisive about things like this…… One day the glass is empty, the next day it is full…..

Other days I can’t find where I put the darn thing…. maybe I left it in my car. Can you remind me to look there after we are done talking? Ok thanks. Did I show you this video of Perry?.......Haha, he is just too much, isn’t he?

Thank you for reading the Pierre Laclede Honors College’s finest publication. Now, if it wouldn’t trouble you too terribly much, please consider submitting to our fine publication. *Kisses*

Here’s how!

WHAT IS BRAIN STEW? Brain Stew’s mission is to provide for the Pierre Laclede Honors College student body a forum for uncensored free thought, commentary, and creativity, as well as news and event listings from PLHCSA and other related campus organizations. Brain Stew started in 1991, and this year we are celebrating our 25th anniversary (please don’t do the math). We won Student Life’s award for Best Sustained Program in 2012.

HOW CAN I CONTRIBUTE TO BRAIN STEW? Send your editorials, articles, poems, stories, reviews, plays, drawings, photography, fart jokes, personal ads, or whatever else you can think of to one of the editors: Nicole Gevers: nmgtzc@mail.umsl.edu Meagan Burwell: mcb284@mail.umsl.edu Zach Lee: zjlmr5@mail.umsl.edu Disclaimer: We issue no content guidelines beyond those of state, local, and federal law. All content is the responsibility of the creator. UMSL, PLHCSA, PLHC, and the Brain Stew staff are in no way liable for content. But feel free to complain.