Brain Stew '17 / '18- Issue 1

it’s the start of a brand new stew! welcome to emma, one of our new editors, who treats us to some of her non-prog-rock favs, dean dan gives a hearty handshake to the new folks, sara helps us decide that age is more than a number (it’s also a fun quiz!), nicole gives us a guide for precious doggos and updates us on the new stuff at reslife, amy submitted a GORGEOUS photo that we have to print in black and white bc #budgetreasons (sorry amy!), dana gives us a sweet deal for tickets for the symphony, and zach lays it down about group chats. plus we’ve got memes 4 days and a special pair of super hi-tech Official Brain Stew Eclipse Glasses™. soup’s on, y’all!

What did you do over the summer?

Holly Pope

Nancy Gleason

Ann Torusio

“My summer was great! I spent most of my time setting up my new office in the Honors College and getting used to the environment. Even though Provincial House is very old, I’m impressed with how great a space it is! You can barely even smell the slime mold in the corners, and the cockroaches don’t bother you if you don’t bother them. A goose burst through my window the other day and has taken up residence on my desk, so that’s a bit of a setback. By the way, you wouldn’t happen to have like, goose-repellent or something…?”

“Oh, you know how things are. I spent most of the summer relaxing at home with my dog, Perry. We were ‘Beating the Heat’, as they say, me with a glass of iced tea and Perry with his usual Cabernet Sauvignon. We’d talk about academics and there’d possibly be a few head scratches. Being an honorary professor of the Honors College, Perry thinks he’s too refined to chase squirrels anymore, so they liked to ‘Beat the Heat’ by lounging in the shade of the big oak tree in our front lawn. I sometimes had to knock them off my car with a broom when I wanted to drive somewhere.”

“Every single year, teachers bring out this question as a first-day-back kind of icebreaker. But does anybody actually like answering this question? I sure don’t, so I’m not gonna tell you! You don’t need to know about what I did all summer! Even if I did tell you, you’d probably make something up anyway, like how I jogged all the way to Texarkana or just spent the whole summer in my basement on a treadmill. I didn’t do either of those things, but I did run in several marathons. Oh, shoot! I just said that I wouldn’t tell you what I did over the Summer!”

Dear Students, It is the end of summer and an exciting new semester awaits us here at the Pierre Laclede Honors College. If you are a new student, welcome! We are glad to have you with us! If you are a returning student, shame on you! Why didn’t you submit to your writing portfolio at the end of the semester like Nancy told you to?? And why did you not reply to my emails?? I know you all are getting electro-mail sent to the wizard boxes you carry around with your fidget whirligigs in your pockets! And why is there no coffee in the Common Room coffee pot!? Do I have to do everything around here?? Boo! For those of you who have not yet met me, my name is Dan Gerth, and I am the dean of the Honors College. The University says I am still “interim dean”, but after three years and by common law standards, I am The Dean!™. For those of you who have already had the pleasure of meeting me, why are you still reading this?? You should be in the Common Room filling up that coffee pot with the bathroom sink water and dropping your papers off with Sherry in the main office!

I hope you all had excellent summers – I know I did. As usual, me and my cat Bob made spent our summer on the road trying to fulfill our goal of visiting every Cracker Barrel in the United States. Only 43 more to go! As you can imagine, I am an expert at sitting in rocking chairs, eating dumplings, and the peg game (the key is to clear a diamond at the top of the triangle and work your way down. You might know that if you stopped trying to “Instagram” your country fried steak and actually talked to other humans for once). I also recently crossed off a bucket-list item of mine and became a certified yoga instructor. Once the fall weather hits, I will be leading meditative sunrise yoga sessions on the front lawn of Provincial House on Mondays and Wednesdays. It is too damn hot for yoga right now. Don’t listen to what people tell you about this “hot yoga” nonsense or whatever the hell “trap yoga” is. Boo! It’s all garbage!

There are a lot of exciting things happening at the Honors College, including the hiring of a new faculty member – Holly Pope. We very excited to welcome Holly as our new admissions representative! She will be helping us to trick potential new students into joining the Honors College in exchange for their livelihoods and souls. For those of you wondering where Jen Richardson went, she is currently serving time in jail after it was discovered she was stealing students’ social security numbers is still at UMSL as an academic advisor in the College of Nursing. Be sure to stop by Holly’s office and say hello! She is very friendly! (Although it is rumored that she eats puppies). In addition, we will be erecting a statue of Bob Bliss, former dean of the Honors College, in the center of the main circle in front of Provincial House. The statue will be nearly 15 feet tall, just shy of Bob’s actual height. I would tell you the other neat things that are happening at Honors, but I need to replace the ribbon on my typewriter and the one I ordered from my old-timey catalog has not arrived yet. They just don’t make things like they used to. Bah! I hope you all enjoy your time at the Honors College before the solar eclipse wipes out the entire human race on Monday. While you all stare at the sun and await your certain doom, I will be tucked away in my DIY apocalypse shelter eating corn out of a can and watching reruns of “Bonanza” on an old crank television just like the good old days.

Dan Gerth Interim Dean Pierre Laclede Honors College

Welcome to

le Meme Corner

Cultural Traditions Syllabus

no matter what people tell you the campus shuttle is the best option to get from north to south campus in under 15 min and trying to drive is not a good idea bc parking is hard to find on north campus and s usually far away from classes but the shuttle drops you off in a conveneient location and you can track where the shuttle is at any time on the umsl app and there is even an express shuttle that comes every five minutes and will take you straight from the honors college to the main circle

Cultural Traditions Syllabus

Got a good meme? send it to zjlmr5@mail.umsl.edu and we‛ll put it in the next issue!

Take this quiz and find out if your spirit animal is a freshman, senior, or senior citizen!

1. How do you feel about socialization?

A) TBH, I hide in my dorm room as much as possible in order to avoid human contact.

B) I've improved my small talk skills, but that doesn't mean I necessarily enjoy it.

C) I LOVE chatting with anyone and everyone.

2. How do you catch up on current events?

A) Do the magazine articles on Snapchat count?

B) I typically peruse verified twitter accounts and credible Facebook articles.

C) The newspaper, radio, and TV do a fine job of keeping me in the know.

3. Where do you typically buy food at?

A) ProHo with my meal swipes. I might order delivery to my dorm if I'm feeling up to it.

B) As long as the place has wi-fi and delicious eats, I'll go--but let me check my bank account first.

C) Diner fare or restaurant chains are my go-to.

4. Which is closest to your level of political activism?

A) I vote...on Buzzfeed polls.

B) I'll sign Facebook petitions and participate in marches. I vote in elections when I really like a candidate.

C) I've voted in nearly every election since I've been old enough, local and national.

5. Which of these describes your level of punctuality?

A) I usually slip into the back row of class 15 minutes late. I blame the shuttle.

B) I rush out the door a few minutes later than I should. I show up more or less on time.

C) I am always where I am expected to be at least 10 minutes early.

6. Which of these best describes how you choose a vehicle?

A) Uhh I wait by ProHo/the circle and choose the shuttle that's going the right direction?

B) IDK, can I afford it and does it run?

C) Bring on the safety features and fuel economy!

7. Which of these describes your preference in footwear?

A) They've gotta be brand-name, how else could I possibly impress everyone?

B) Usually whatever shoes that match my vibe and that I can find for a deal.

C) Comfort > everything.

8. When's bedtime?

A) Not too late, I'd say around 2 am.

B) I'm typically asleep by midnight, unless I'm binge-watching a show.

C) 10 pm every evening.

9. When do you wake up?

A) 7 am to get to my 8 am. Why did I take that class again?

B) Usually around 9 am so I have just enough time to get to my 9:30 am. If I don't have class or work, I sleep in.

C) 6 am. The early bird catches the worm!

10. Where do you want to live someday?

A) Somewhere that isn't Oak Hall.

B) In a pleasant city that I can afford.

C) Somewhere warm and sunny.

Did you get: mostly A's? Congratulations, you relate best to a freshman in college! You're new to the scene and still finding your way in life. Your dorm-mates are probs either your BFF's or your worst enemies right now. You've got one lone, colorful UMSL parking sticker on your car. Honestly, you're questioning why you even brought your car because there's nowhere to park. You wonder, how do commuters do it? You've chosen an 8 am class for whatever reason, and you kind of hate yourself for it. You keep up with trendy clothes, memes, and acronyms. Otherwise, you risk lowering your "popularity status" amongst your peers. You're also probably getting sick of eating the same food all the time, you poor thing. Hopefully, you're not making classic mistakes (like missing the first PLHCSA event and having severe FOMO*), but if you do, you're learning from them (by attending the next PLHCSA event and having no FOMO). Don't worry, we were all freshmen once!

Did you get: mostly B's? Congratulations, you relate best to a senior in college! The twinkle you once had in your eye is gone (UMSL Optometry took care of that for you at your free eye exam). You know the tips that freshmen don't.

This includes avoiding 8 am classes and ProHo if possible. You also have gained a plethora of random knowledge, like knowing there are free eye exams and where to park. You're probably clinging on to every second of undergrad that you have left. You have changed during your time in college. Memes are no longer fun to you, they're used as an escape from the stress of exams and papers. You yearn to go back to the days when you didn't have to cringe every time you used your debit card and your car wasn't a mosaic of UMSL parking stickers. You've heard stories from your older peers of what it's like on the other side of graduation, and it's not pretty. Honey, you've got a big storm coming, so hang in there!

Did you get: mostly C's? Congratulations, you relate best to a senior citizen! You've been there, done that. Routine and comfort are your ~style~. You don't branch out too terribly much because you know what you like. You've generally got your life together by this point. Now you're doing things like watching the news, signing up for various recreational classes, and reminiscing on the good old days. Speaking of, you've probably got some awesome stories from your heyday to tell. It's a shame the youths are too glued to their cellular phones to listen. You can't help but judge your younger peers. The news informed you that millenials use things called "bitmojis" to tell each other where they are at all times. To you, the concept doesn't seem safe. Ok, so maybe you are out of touch with the trends (*FOMO means fear of missing out). But you're not convinced you're "missing out" on much. Odds are, you'll end up in Florida or Arizona one day. Keep doing you!

How did you do?

Tweet us a pic of your results @UMSLBrainStew!

We might pick one of you to win a ~prize~!!

Bremen -- Kenshi Yonezu (2015) You may know me as a prog-loving fool, but there’s one non-prog artist that I adore above all other aspects of my life. Kenshi Yonezu is a Japanese singer/songwriter that I have literally been obsessed with since freshman year of high school. I own literally every album and single he has ever released...I mean, there’s only been 3 albums and 7 singles, but taking into account that I get these from Japan...that shows some sort of dedication, yeah? Anyway, he has a beautiful voice, and his music has so m eavy, relying on tinny electric guitars, dissonant sounds, and frantic drum patterns. But he also has a handful of slower, very sweet songs. A theme he likes to touch on in many of his songs is a desire to be loved in the face of intense self-hatred...heavy stuff!

(“Wait, Emma, the songs are in Japanese. How the heck do you know what he’s singing about?”

Uhhhh, Google is your friend!)

Always experimenting, Yonezu made his third album Bremen with the intention of producing a more mainstream sound to his songs. This album as opposed to his other ones has a sort of “floatiness” and ethereal-like quality. His quirkiness still shines through with little flourishes of weirdness here and there, and his music is never without a lot of heart. Also, his music videos are...well, they’re something alright.

Tracks: 14 Album Length: 62 minutes Favorite Track: “Fluorite” Strange Conversation -- Kris Delmhorst (2006) Do you ever go into a used bookstore, just pick a random music CD off the clearance rack that looks interesting, and purchase it without even a second thought? That’s how I ended up with this album in my library. And there’s only one thing I can say about it: HEY POETRY NERDS, THIS ALBUM IS FOR YOU! This folk album is chock-full with songs that have lyrics based around the works of famous poets.

All your favorites are here -- Robert Browning, Lord Byron, E. E. Cummings, Walt Whitman -- plus a few that my uncultured self had never heard of before, like Edna St. Vincent Millay and John Masefield. This leads to very nuanced lyrics, written in a voice that you usually don’t commonly hear in music. And honestly, I think folk is the best genre to integrate this into. While there are a couple of faster, more upbeat songs, the main vibe of the album is slow and relaxing. Delmhorst’s voice is warm and low, giving her songs a sweet, lullaby feel. It’s a great album to listen to while lounging in a hammock in the sun.

Tracks: 12 Album Length: 41 minutes Favorite Track: “Galuppi Baldassare” ÜTOPIYA? -- Oiseaux-Tempȇte (2015) I’m not sure exactly how to describe the music from French band Oiseaux-Tempȇte. The first thing that comes to mind is “slow, hypnotizing beats mixed with screams of the damned”. Many songs on this album start off simple enough: a relaxed drumbeat combined with echo-y, ethereal guitar riffs, and possibly some jazzy clarinet thrown in for good measure. However, as each song progresses, the hazy instrumentation builds until a climactic moment where the guitar is screeching, the drums are pounding, and strange sounds such as static, harsh winds, or machinery make an entrance. Then the song abruptly ends, or possibly fades out again to just gentle drums and guitar, or maybe even ebbs and flows between the two extremes.

But even with the scary loud bits, the music doesn’t feel anxiety-inducing. It’s calming, almost numbing; like I said before, a good word for it is ‘hypnotizing’. The music

is almost purely instrumental save for a bit of sampling of different recorded voices, a soulful poetry reading by G. W. Sok in “Ütopiya”, and a solemn background choir in the track “Requiem for Tony”.

It’s mournful and melancholy, so maybe not an album to bring out at parties (unless you’re hosting some sort of Sad Poetry Party). I like to think of it as a good album to fall asleep to.

Tracks: 11 Album Length: 76 minutes Favorite Track: “Someone Must Shout that We will Build the Mountains” Bird World -- leon (2017) How about something upbeat for a change of pace? Bird World is a soundtrack for a video game that doesn’t exist. The album draws from SNES-era sounds to create jazzy melodies mixed with a bit of electronic pop and clever sampling. The album is structured similar to how a video game soundtrack would be, complete with “main menu” and “boss battle” tracks. Most of the songs, however, center around a location within the imaginary game’s world: a village, a beach, a forest, a valley, a castle. All of the songs are incredibly catchy and cheerful. If you have ever played or listened to the soundtrack of Super Mario Sunshine, this album gives off those same kinds of sunny, summery, mood-boosting vibes. The rhythms are everything from funky, to chill, to hectic, to sweet and soothing. Also bird sounds. Lots and lots of bird sounds. It makes me want live in beautiful Bird World. How do I get there? What MetroLink stop do I get off on?

Tracks: 12 Album Length: 32 minutes Favorite Track: “Noodle Bay” We’re All Gonna Die -- Dawes (2016) When I first discovered the band Dawes, I told everyone I was really into them as a joke. (I’ll give you 10 seconds to figure out why.) I listened to a couple of songs, bought a hoodie that said “DAWES” on it in really big letters, and everyone had a good laugh. Then they came to St. Louis on tour. My dad and I went to the concert solely for ironic purposes, but during the concert we both realized, “Hey...these guys are actually really good!” my ironic love for Dawes turned into unironic love, and I bought their most recent album We’re All Gonna Die, probably the most appropriately-named album of 2016. The album is equal parts poking fun at the state of humanity and poetic observations of everyday phenomena. Dawes’s previous discography is actually mostly folk-based, but with this album they experiment with a more rock/pop sound. The lyrics are freaking amazing, and bits of phrases stick with me hours after I listened to the song. Also the melodies are super catchy, and I loooove the singer’s voice so much.

Apparently the band filmed a little documentary of such about the making of this album, called “Alternative Theories of Physics”. I haven’t gotten around to watching it yet, but I suspect that it’ll be very

silly, since they seem like cute silly boys.

Tracks: 10 Album Length: 46 minutes Favorite Track: “One of Us” (although “When the Tequila Runs Out” is a close, close second) Ithaca -- Bowman (2015) When he’s not taking pictures of himself, making surreal jokes on Twitter, or filming surreal videos for his YouTube channel, Michael Guy Bowman writes funky music! Ithaca is an indie synth-riddled adventure where many of the songs focus on a journey of some sort.

The feel of each song is different; you could be go from a bright and peppy track one moment to a slower, sadder track the next. There’s guaranteed at least one song that will click with you. While there are a couple pure-instrumental tracks, most of the songs feature his beautiful voice!! (Some people *coughcoughNicole* may accuse me of having a thing for high, nasally vocals. All I can say to that is….maybe so.) The lyrics can be cheeky, cynical, poetic, or sentimental, but always include some genuinely good-ass rhymes. Bowman is literally the king of rhyming things. Plus...man, the songs are just fun to sing along to, which as you know with me is a huge plus.

Tracks: 12 Album Length: 46 minutes Favorite Track: “Tacit Blue” Well, there you have it! So much weird musics to kickstart your school year! Hope you give some a listen and find something you like! Seeeee ya next time!

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Holly’s Puppyeating Club rainbow welcome lgbtq+ and allies mix and mingle

Wed., August 30 | 3pm-5pm Fireside Lounge | Millennium Student Center

Meets weekly in the ProHo basement every tues @ midnite

Did you know you can advertise with Brain Stew?

Check out these sweet quarter-page ads above!

Send your ads to any of the editors and we’ll post ‘em!

Hey everyone!

Check out this awesome picture that Amy Hawkins sent us titled “Country Living, AKA Our Outdoor Wonderland.”

We wish we could publish it in color for the print edition, but Dan spent all of BS’s extra money on fried chicken (which he did not share with us (#rude) so be sure to check out Electro Brain Stew on Canvas to see the magnificent contrast and pallet in Amy’s picture!

Do you have a photo you’d like to submit? Send it to any of the editors—our emails are on the back!

Also consider submitting excellent photography like this to Bellerive, the Pierre Laclede Honors College’s literary magazine (there’s an ad in this issue somewhere).

Oh wait, here’s the ad!

If this one’s too small to read, then check out one of the ones plastered to the walls of the honors college, or contract Geri Friedline!

POINT/COUNTER-POINT

Group chats Group chats may be one of the worst things ever. It’s like I’m at a party standing in a circle trying to edge my way into the conversation but someone else always beats me to the punch, right? And there isn’t even any alc at this party. #rude. Any time someone sets up a good pun, the convo takes a new course before I can finish typing. And frankly, I feel like a voyeur reading another groups texts to each other. And I don’t even know some of these people. And do these people sleep? Like, hello, I’m trying to mitigate my breakouts, and one of the best ways to ensure healthy skin is to get plenty of regular sleep. So no, Karen, I do not want to wake up at 3am to see a picture of your doggo, no matter how cute he is. -_-

OMG I LOVE my Group Chat Fam™!!

How else can I decide when’s the best time for brunch?? Plus where else will I remain up to date on all the dank memes coming out these days?

Okay, so Judy seems trapped in 2012 (like, c’mon, Overly Attached Girlfriend? That was //so// five years ago) but I love my little friend group. And OMG Karen’s pupper is a NATIONAL TREASURE here look:

Like, you could take away my regular sleep schedule AND my flawless skin and I would be happy so long as I still got my daily dosage of Fluffy Buddy.

Do you have any thoughts about groupchats or an idea for a future point/counter-point?

Email Zach at zjlmr5@mail.umsl.edu.

WHAT IS BRAIN STEW? Brain Stewâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mission is to provide for the Pierre Laclede Honors College student body a forum for uncensored free thought, commentary, and creativity, as well as news and event listings from PLHCSA and other related campus organizations. Wehave been publishing for over 25 years and won the Student Lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s award for Best Sustained Program in 2012 and 2017.

HOW CAN I CONTRIBUTE TO BRAIN STEW? Send your editorials, articles, poems, stories, reviews, plays, drawings, photography, fart jokes, personal ads, or whatever else you can think of to one of the editors: Nicole Gevers: nmgtzc@mail.umsl.edu Zachary Lee: zjlmr5@mail.umsl.edu Emma Daues: eadnqf@mail.umsl.edu Disclaimer: We issue no content guidelines beyond those of state, local, and federal law. All content is the responsibility of the creator. UMSL, PLHCSA, PLHC, and the Brain Stew staff are in no way liable for content. But feel free to complain.