Please enter your BS username and password to continue: User Asswordname By proceeding further, you release everyone associated with Brain Stew from all liability in perpetuity for offending you and waive your rights to proceed with complaints, protests, legal action, or commenting negatively on Brain Stew in anyway to anyone. You are still allowed to use a sarcastic tone and eye roll when saying “I love Brain Stew,” but that is all. I acknowledge and will abide by these terms and conditions. iluvstew6969 ARE YOU A ROBOT? Congratulations. You are a human or smart robot. You may proceed to the rest of BS. WHOSE BUTTHOLE IS THIS? IF IT DOES NOT BELONG TO ANYONE HERE, LEAVE ALL BOXES BLANK AND MOVE ON.
Just like any academic year, I enjoy watching students’ mind expand and flourish. As young adults enter the beginning of their life it is truly important to nourish your self with knowle….and it really is the fundamental basis of………. Life’s mystery is very uniq….. (interviewer fell asleep) Getting the students to build their community by helping the environment. Just last semester a group of students and I went to a farm as a form of stress relief. I ended up not going with the group Instead, I prepared months before by dressing up in my moo moo costume and sneaking into the farm as one of the cow’s baby. I spent three months of my life there. It was truly an experience I’ll never forget. My journey started by being accepted by the leader of the moo moo’s, with my vegan lifestyle they easily accepted me. I learned about the war going on between the moo moos and oink oinks It was a century long war. I wanted to end it. There had to be a way, and I was Oh, hehehe. Yes, the most exciting thing for me of each year is the annual freshman scavenger hunt. Yes, this is definitely a real thing. The first freshman to find the toe nail hidden in one of Bob’s hairballs, that I hid around the campus, will win a $0.25 Barnes and Noble gift card. destined to find it. I knew that was why I was placed in this farm. One night, finding myself sitting with a piggy, we discussed the issues going on in the farm. He told me how it all started by a misinterpretation between the two parties. The morning after I talked to the head moo moo, and explained the situation. They denied the story to be true. I had to do something, so I changed into my oink oink costume, and became a part of their family. Once I was accepted by them, I tried talking to the head pig. They also denied the story of truth. I felt hopeless. The big day of attack came. Right before anything happened I got between the two parties, trying, just trying, my best to resolve this issue. Of course it had little effect. Then, something amazing happened. A strange goat stepped in. He explained the true story of the origin of the war. In tears, the moo moos and oink oinks finally decided to live in harmony for once and all.
What are you looking forward to this upcoming academic year?
HEY! Are you literate? Are you able to communicate in written thought? SUBMIT TO BELLERIVE! That way you can get your grubby little mitts all over a nice piece of literature with YOUR WORK IN IT!
Reviewing theNight attheMuseumseries
Night at the Museum
This movie, without a doubt, is one of the top cinematic masterpieces to be ever created. It gives Christmas vibes without it having anything to do with Christmas. Not only does this movie teach people about history in a fun way, but it also stars Robin Williams and Ben Stiller. Honestly, I am not a person that knows really anything about history, but this movies legit makes me want to change my major to the humanities.
Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonians
Could've been better but could've been worse. The plot makes almost no sense. How are they shipping all the museum artifacts to a new location and then not say anything about the museum relocating to the original area on its own. Not only is that weird, but I cannot wrap my head around why they made Ben Stiller, the actual live human, fall in love with a manikin of Amelia Earhart. The thing that saves this movie is Amelia Earheart's prominence in the film. She basically was the only one who saved the museum and didn't let some guy control her.
Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb Absolute garbage. This was probably the worst movie to ever be created. There was no plot at all, and Ben Stiller was portrayed to be the only person who had an actual thought process, but even with that he was still infuriating the whole movie. The only person that made the movie even slightly bearable was Laaaaa, yet they only gave him like 5 min in total of screen time.This is my personal beliefs/ the correct beliefs of the Night of the museum movie series. Overall, I do recommend binge watching the whole series.
Dear Loving Staff of BrainStew, I say this with nothing but love and adoration for the work that you do… But seriously. You four are the most unfunny, gangly looking group of mother lovers that I’ve ever seen in my cursed existence. Like, c’mon? 69? 420? Who the HELL raised you? What is it with these unfunny Gen-Z’ers thinking they can come in and edit this magazine as if they know anything about writing, other than rubbing dry cooters across a keyboard and calling it submittable content? I mean, Jesus F’ing Christ, Dan trusted YOU people to run a satire magazine? Forget the fact that almost the entire editing team graduated and there’s a new group that might change the very thing that I’m writing to complain about, because that’s how media production teams work. I, in myhumble and correct millennial opinion, simply believe that the 69 and 420 staples of BrainStewthat have been in place since before Dan’s car was even rescued from the pits of a Natural Bridge chop shop are overused and no longer funny. Naturally, I am a white man in my thirties, therefore I am correct, and I definitely know more about it than these “editors” they have writing for the magazine. I mean, c’mon Dan, three women and an NB? THIS IS COMEDY??? By God, they’re going to somehow ruin poop jokes! And you can NEVER ruin poop jokes. I mean, let’s !BeReal! With each other for a moment: this BrainStew, this magazinehas been on the downhill for a while. You’re constraining yourself into this world of number-driven humor! Not only that, but by employing a majority woman staff, you’ve just turned into a cesspool of rating men; which is DEMEANING, in my humble millennial opinion, thank you very much! Equal rights is equal fights! Which means any woman trying to demean ME can catch my equal rights and equal lefts! Adulting be damned! Putting yourself in this creative box where the only thing you can do to produce content is type the numbers 69 and 420 into a Word doc whilst blackout drunk and calling that content! It’s time to branch out, BrainStew! Who cares if the content is also generated by the consumer (which I am)? No one reads this magazine! (Conveniently ignore the fact that I am both a submitter and a reader for my point). It’s time to use your little woman/NB brains and expand! You are the creator! No more funny numbers. With Nothing but Love and Adoration, An Anonymous Associate of the Honors College Who Definitely Has No Other Ties to the College, Whatsoever
sponsored by PROGRAMSSTUDENTNEW UMSL 1ST WEEK CARE PACKS PACKAGES MIGHT INCLUDE... Granola Bars ¼ gram of Cocaine Soggy ProHo Dining Hall French Fries My mother’s trauma Kidz Bop 18Album CD 2 cans of Soda (opened) Pictures of Thy Neighbor’s Wife 12 inch dildo, various color options Used dirty wet socks- might be crunchy once opened Flash Drives collected from the local county jail MUCH MORE! WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR: Im pa ired D riving V ision Loss Receding Ha irlines have a great first week of classes! FEELING STRESSED? NEED A PICK ME UP? STOP BY THE OAK DESK TODAY!
Oak Hall Move-in Tips! "Make sure to introduce yourself to your hot RA, you never know when you'll need to get on your knees to ask for forgiveness." "Don't make the same mistake I did- always turn off your volume and close PornHub before class starts." "Whatever you do, don't use the community kitchen... unless you want some mystery ingredients in your dinner." "Stay strapped." Happy Move-in Day!
I like making tier lists for no apparent reason, so I decided it would be fun to put that to use in this absolute hell mag. This summer, I listened to so much Fall Out Boy that it gave my thirteen year old self a real run for her money. So why not rate their work? I based my tiers on both the content of the album and the way that I feel the content of the albums aged with me. As is the case with most music, a lot of their stuff I had to age into because you simply don’t have the same understanding and appreciation for the craftiness of music when you’re twelve as you do when you’re twenty. With all that out of the way, it is worth mentioning that I grew up with Fall Out Boy. My very first CD was a mixtape that my brother had burned for me sometime in 2006 with a bunch of their stuff from TTTYG and FUTCT, as well as other stuff he was into at the time. The first song I heard post-hiatus from them was My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark at a baseball game when I was ten years old. They’re easily my favorite artist of all time, and there hasn’t been a year they haven’t dominated my Spotify Wrapped since I made my Spotify account in the sixth grade. With all that out of the way, I present my rankings:
abby’s tierlists #1: fall out boy edition
PAX AM DAYS: Every single member (except for Andy, because he’s straight-edge) was piss ass drunk while recording this album. They recorded it in like a two-day span, and I just love how aggressive it is. It’s my go-to when I’m in the mood to make my waking up in the morning everyone else’s problem. Easy 10/10. FROM UNDER THE CORK TREE: I love the different moods each song casts. Some of the songs I’ve never quite been into, but I still do full album listens. Honestly, a work of art. 9.8/10
LAKE EFFECT KID: We get it, you love Chicago. Sometimes it hits, though, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t. A begrudging 8/10.
AMERICAN BEAUTY/AMERICAN PSYCHO: This is a tricky one for me, because if this was the eighth grade, I would have put this one a lot higher up. This album just got so popular, I think, that some of the songs don’t bang anymore (Centuries and Irresistible). Still bumps so hard, though. 9.4/10 SAVE ROCK AND ROLL: Too many collabs, but this album was their first one back, and the Youngblood Chronicles is such a work of art. Some of my favorite songs ever do come from this album, and I still think it was an insanely well-done comeback album. 9.4/10 MANIA: Originally, I had this one in bangers only, but when I really sat down and thought about it, I had to age into this album. It took about four or five listens before I really fell in love with it the way that I have now. 9.3/10
FOLIE A DEUX: Literally my favorite album of all time, and I have no shame in saying so. This album has captivated me for so many years, and even though I didn’t quite understand why I was drawn to it when I was younger, I still thought it really spoke to me. Now I can tell you why: the whole album details being burnt out and spiraling so far out of control that you really can’t be bothered to even care any longer, so you just kind of do what you want. This album was so badly received and wasn’t really shown any love until YEARS later. Any time I feel like I’m slightly out of control, I just listen to this album until I snap out of it. Wholeheartedly give this album a 100000000/10.
TAKE THIS TO YOUR GRAVE: The grit, the angst, the lyricism, everything. I love this album, and I love how energetic yet mellow it can be. There were times growing up where I didn’t love this album, and times where I really thought it was so profound and applicable to my life. At the end of the day, I find this album so timeless and a complete and total vibe, and not one single song on this album misses. A definite 10/10.
EVENING OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND: This is low because Andy MF Hurley wasn’t a member yet. But Pretty in Punk BANGS, and it walked so that TTTYG could run. 9.2/10 INFINITY ON HIGH: This is unpopular in terms of opinions surrounding this album, considering this is typically everyone’s favorite, but the deluxe edition especially sometimes just doesn’t do it for me. Aside from Thnks Fr Th Mmrs, a lot of the songs I have to be in a specific mood for. And that’s not a bad thing at all! But at the end of the day, there are albums I’ll listen through before this one. 9/10.
Brain Stew Pizza Party Friday, August 26 at 4:00PM in the Common Room. Brain Stew is for you! Stuff you can do for the Stew: editorials, poems, music reviews, movie reviews, food reviews, cartoons, memes, knock knock jokes, drawings of butts, lunatic ravings, and anything else you can think of. Come learn more at the BS cigarette and liquor pizza party. Free smokes pizza.
Honors College faculty promotions!
Congratulations to Kate Votaw who was promoted from Ass Teaching Professor to Ass Teaching Professor. Yes, we’re confused too. But (or is it butt?) that’s how assistant and associate are officially abbreviated under the AP Style Rules. Yes, we’re a real newspaper and know shit like that. Also, congratulations to Rob Wilson. Not sure if this was an official promotion or just formal acknowledgement of his title.
By Micah As I sat there at the brunch table, staring down a half eaten avocado toast I’d later be throwing up in the bathroom to maintain my weight, I couldn’t help but wonder… Why are gay people so awful to be around? Could it be the harsh tones they use to describe female genitalia? The way they post pictures in their underwear on Instagram and call it “activism”? One can’t be for certain, so best to avoid the queers altogether. Speaking of disease ridden sinners, the brunch waiter was coming by with another round of cheap mimosas when I spotted the most horrific thing a person can imagine, wedges. Whoever invented the wedge was a fashion terrorist akin to Osama Bin Laden, and the Givenchy resort wear 1998 collection was our 9 11. I would personally advocate for throwing them in Guantanamo, but with the cuck liberals in power it’s likely they wouldn’t be so much as chained to a car battery. Shame.
Sex & The Pity
After pretending I left my wallet at home and getting my friends to cover for brunch, we wandered to a nearby open air market only open on Sundays. While my friends were busy being sold cheap handmade turquoise jewelry, I made it my mission to score us a bag of coke (fentanyl laced preferred). My mission seemed impossible, much like the plot of so many Tom Cruise movies, till I stumbled upon a young,
tattooed hippie selling nude Hilary Clinton oil paintings out of the back of his van.
Twenty minutes and a considerably amount of throat goating later, I returned with the baggie of white powder that had been the backbone of our friendship since 1993. Either from bad luck or perhaps weak genetics, Charlotte overdosed minutes after we were done snorting lines. Some girls just can’t handle their laced cocaine. Shame. We waited for what felt like an eternity in the hospital waiting room, made worse by the fact that every man that could have been paying attention to me was either a gay nurse or an 85 year old actively having a heart attack. Charlotte died while I was in the middle of online shopping a flash sale at Nordstrom’s, so I knew she would have wanted me to check out before 3pm to get 25% off a new pair of Jimmy Choo’s. We cried, took selfies with her body before it got all gross looking, then made our way to get cosmos at our favorite nightclub. We may have lost a friend, but what we gained was a deeper appreciation for life, laughter, and love in the city we call home.
You are about to read about the super-secret inside scoop of how college turns good American kids (namely, women) into godless Femi-N*zi Liberals. This piece may just make you question if you are one of aforementionedtheSocial Justice Warriors, and might just make you drop out and join the military where you can get shot at the age of 20, shipped back in a box, and mourned for five seconds by the very old white men that are shipping you over in the name of their own interests. Read at your own discretion.
Several years ago, for some unknown reason, the following email was forwarded to me. It seems to be a message from a teacher to his pupil. Sadly, it also appears to be a testament as to what is occurring in America and its Institutions of Higher Learning today.
BEELZEBUB to: Dr. Demoncratis Republicanus cc: subject:xxxxxxxxx@yahoo.comSomewordsofadvice on your recent victory! The current rumor in this filthy realm is that another successful conversion could lead to your being promoted. It appears as though our Holy Father is much impressed with your devious style of work. Yet even with this great victory, I must remind you not to become overconfident considering the reckless, self destructive tendencies of your previous client. I see that you’ve found and attached yourself to another subject; a much younger yet hardier one. Please don’t let the idea of youth and the naivety of such fool you into believing this will be another easy conversion. Though this college bound mortal is committed to academia for the next several years and will attend school in America’s Sodom (New York City), I sense the conservative mind set of this particular client could be very troublesome. As your most decorated mentor, a grand master that has successfully converted thousands of mortals through the ages, I should remind you that it only takes one failure to get you sent back to this dark and unforgiving place.
Dear Demoncratis,Congratulations
Page 1 A DIABOLICAL CORRESPONDENCE
for you, she is about to embark on that lengthy sojourn into academia; one which will surely test her devotion to him. Some of her more self centered and progressive minded educators will force their own foolish ideologies upon her. They will challenge all of what she has learned about the Creator over the past 19 years. These so called intellectuals will use science and logic to debunk His existence and declare your client’s belief in Him as illogical, even foolhardy. They will try their best to convince her that it was Man whom created God and not the other way around. Luckily for us! the damned fools don’t yet realize that science can actually prove His divine existence. And be grateful our Holy Father is fighting hard to keep them in the dark for as long as possible.
Another benefit for you is the current progressive movement. Once based on good intentions (of which the twisted road to Hell is paved) it has been hijacked by the radical wing of the movement. These radicals have aided in removing rational thought and common sense from the equation. The movement was supposed to be all inclusive, embracing cultural diversity and diversity of thought. It was initially intended to bring mortals from all walks of life together, to live and love one another. To our delight however, the identity politics and politically correct culture which has emerged from this ridiculous movement has created multiple realities and greatly divided them. And give thanks to the mainstream media for graciously fanning the flames of division and hate in America. Also, your new client will surely be drawn into the political arena. The political party that dictates what is being taught in many of America’s most prestigious colleges will vigorously try to lure her away from her rural, Midwestern roots. She will be shamed, even scorned for her purity in both body and mind and shown that her reality is not a reality at all. The content of her character, as wonderful and wholesome as it may be, will no longer matter. Under the guise of DEI, her gender, skin color, and sexual preference will take precedence over her good and
Page 2Out of concern for you, my young apprentice, I secretly spent some time within the realm of which you currently occupy and conducted some research into your current client’s past. I also studied the Akashic Records and it is disturbing as to what I’ve found. Your mortal has a never ending thirst for the truth and has displayed a disgustingly loving admiration for the Creator. Unfortunately for you, she truly believes in the existence of God and speaks to Him with regularity and in sincerity. She is convinced that everything good in life is because of Him and everything bad that occurs is merely a test of her faith. The love in her heart for the Creator is so overwhelming that I was nearly blinded by its painfully intense glow when I set foot into that earthlyFortunatelyrealm.
the church of which she is currently a member will be exposed and disgraced for decades of immorality and abuse from its clergy. This horrible revelation will certainly cause your mortal to question her own faith.
In a few earthly years, following college, your mortal will reach physical maturity and her sultry looks and shapely figure will rile lustful desires among many of the mortal males within that earthly domain. I sense that even some of the females will be desirous of her physical beauty. You can only hope that the considerable attention she receives from those around her will open a portal into her soul and conceit and selfishness will find its way inside. Maybe then she will begin to believe that the good things happening in her life are because of her Lilith like appearance. Maybe, just maybe, she’ll succumb to that wonderfully evil trait known as ‘vanity’.
My dearest Demoncratis, I realize I’ve been long winded but the point of this communication and those to follow, are to stress the importance of being particularly careful with this one. Though vanity, college, and the current political climate may eventually help sway your client; be cautious not to crowd her. If she senses your demonic presence in the slightest, she will surely turn back to God and ask for His forgiveness. And He will certainly pour out that disgusting thing called grace down upon her soul. As you may recall, my young tormentor of Christians, I once occupied that Earthly realm for several centuries before I became complacent and lost a very significant soul to the Son. It was that particular loss which led to my being sent back (for possibly an eternity) to this godforsaken place. So please heed my warning. Though it appears as if the odds are stacked against your current mortal, do not become overconfident or complacent and never underestimate the Creator! What I’m ultimately hoping for is that another victory on your part will help our Holy Father recognize my accomplishments as a mentor and allow me another chance to serve in that wonderfully sinful place. You can call me selfish if you want, but I’d rather occupy another herd of swine over there than spend another day over here, in this disgusting hell hole. And with that being said, I will continue to monitor your progress and keep in touch.
Page 4
Page loving3nature.Soon,
If her faith in the Creator survives academia and the abominations of the church; rest assured there are other ways of stealing your new client’s soul from Him.
Diabolically yours, Dr. Beelzebub Baal P.S. I’m sure you’re aware that there will be ‘Hell to Pay’ if the Father discovers I’ve been sneaking over there without His consent. So please delete this correspondence as soon as possible Ok back to your regularly scheduled Brain Stew
YOU. YOU SIR ARE A DOMESTIC TERRORIST.
Rathervelociraptor.thanradio
for help, I decided to make one final attempt to rouse him or at least provide help on
I went into my building and returned with a cardboard box slightly larger than his entire body. I quietly stalked up behind him and slowly eased the box down over him. He did not fight, struggle or squirm. There was no protest. Most would never have allowed this, but it did not ruffle this one’s feathers at all. Now that he was safely enclosed, I gently up righted and closed the box. Quick research showed me the nearest hospital that could help. Kylie, who answered the phone, was not shocked by the circumstance. In fact, this sort of thing happens all the time, she assured me. She asked if I felt comfortable transporting him to the hospital in my car. I had assumed they either had no ambulance or they thought this was not urgent enough to send one. Nevertheless, I agreed to bring him. I had already committed, what with putting him in a box and all.
my own. After all, as a Hospital Corpsman for many years in the world's finest Navy, I have been trained and experienced to handle health emergencies with compassion. Still, I did not want to be within striking distance of a potentially dangerous stranger, especially an unpredictable one. I had an idea. I retrieved a pump sprayer I use to rinse HVAC equipment when I service them. I filled it with cool water from a nearby hose and pumped it to pressure. I returned to him, and keeping a comfortable distance for the both of us, I gently sprayed water over his head. I sprayed his face. I sprayed his back. I sprayed his whole body down to his legs and feet. He neither moved nor made a sound, but barely twitched his head. When I sprayed his face, he opened his mouth to catch some water to drink. The cold water revived him he tried to stand and move around, but he was slow and appeared inebriated. Because he accepted my help without aggression, I felt safe enough to take further action.
Reginald, the Red-tailed Hawk; Or, I’m a Different Kylie By Bob Casey
Until this afternoon, today was no different than most. I replaced ceiling tiles. I upgraded old light bulbs to LEDs. I fixed an air conditioner. I unclogged some drains. This afternoon on my way to the Oak Hall maintenance shop to wrap up my day, I happened upon a stranger sitting on the grass in the shade of a nearby tree, only ten feet from the road. He didn't respond as I passed. He just stared, motionless. He also happened to be completely naked. He wore nothing even a pair of shoes.
I pulled into my usual parking space, a box outlined in orange paint with a sun faded and slightly tilted sign notifying those bothering to read that it is reserved for service vehicles only. From my passenger side mirror I saw he still had not moved. It was an unusual place to be, behind the buildings, far from any unlocked entrances or welcoming foyers. I needed to assess whether or not he needed help. After all, he could have been sick or sustaining a heat injury in these summer temperatures. A friendly approach would be best. I carefully stepped through the grass toward him. At twenty feet away, I called “Hi!” to which he gave no response. At ten feet, I slowed and noticed his head slightly turn in my direction. Our eyes met, and I tried again. "How's it going?" Nothing. He just stared, watching me like a hawk. He seemed… tired? Hot? Sick, maybe? Surely by then, under normal circumstances, he would have responded, even with fight or flight. Instead, he froze. His fearful, yet threatening eyes followed me. His unchecked oral hygiene pointed to his neglected health. Even his long, dirty toenails looked better suited for a
However, I was still at work. My usual hours were over; I was working overtime and could leave whenever I wanted. My wife, Erin, who also works at the university was counting on a ride home. If I were to leave, she would have to accompany me. I secured the box into my service vehicle and called Erin on my way to her office. I explained the situation and although very surprised and a little concerned, she agreed, albeit begrudgingly, to come along. I did not tell her until she got into our car that because I was driving, she would have to make sure our sick friend did not escape the box. We did not want some strange, physically or mentally unwell, potentially dangerous, wet, naked, sure-tobe predator loose in our car with us. Erin was admittedly scared, but she trusts me enough to know I will do my best to keep us safe. She knows I am called to act in these moments, and said she is proud of me for helping instead of ignoring him like others may have done.
Patient 22 400, as I later learned, frequents the area where I found him. Apparently, he is a local resident. Warren Gibson in the Nursing Administration Building, told us he and others had regularly seen our new friend and would often point him out to one another. I hope someday, you get to see him too.
“What do you think his name is?” Erin asked, humanizing our sick friend. There was no wallet or ID where I found him. “I’ll call him Reginald,” she said, rubbing a soothing hand on top of the box. It was a 48-minute drive to get there. Erin heard and felt him moving inside the box a few times. Other than those minimal movements and scratching sounds from what had to be those godforsaken toenails, there were no signs of struggle from inside the box. I texted Kylie when we were five minutes away. She was waiting for us at the gate when we arrived at the secure compound in the middle of the woods. "Are you Kylie?" I asked as I exited my vehicle.
"I'm a different Kylie," she said with a straight face, as if it was a code name I should have recognized. Kylie thrust a clipboard into my hands and demanded I write down exactly where I found him. She emphasized the need for specifics about the location, as if she and the rest of her crew intended to round up Reginald's unsuspecting family members. Erin slowly took her phone out of her pocket and pointed the camera at Kylie and the box still containing Reginald.
Editors’ note: Bob Casey, UMSL Facilities, is a bad ass. Besides trying to recue a hawk from the ProHo lawn, he is single handedly stopping Provincial House from collapsing. Also, he won the Chancellor’s Award for Excellence in 2021. That’s him on the far left.
Kylie said that, for now, Reginald would be assigned the name Patient 22 400. She wrote this down on a hospital business card and told me I can use it to follow up on his status because for the time being, I was the only one who had any kind of connection to him. No one at the hospital was concerned about HIPAA violations. We wanted to stay, to keep him company so he wouldn’t be alone. I wanted to know what they were going to do to him, but Kylie wouldn't let me. She said they are taking precautions, to be safe from the viruses and avian flu going around. We were thankful she let us take some photos so we could tell others about Reginald, who we hope to see again someday.
Is pooping overrated? Dan Gerth VS Elvis Presley No, not at all. My favorite way to keep up with people is to use the poop tracking app. Sometimes I even mix my cigarette buds into my coffee so I can max out the number of poops the app can track. Don’t get me started on the buddy toilets in the basement. Yes.
What the hell did I just read? “Brain Stew's mission is to provide for the Pierre Laclede Honors College student body a forum for uncensored free thought, commentary, and creativity, as well as news and event listings from PLHCSA and other related campus organizations,” yak yak yak! We publish A LOT OF THINGS. Like, things that make Ed regret ever taking a job at the Honors College! We’ve been publishing since 1991 (or 1993). Longer than Dan’s car has been running, somehow. We must be doing a good job though. Despite our best efforts, grown ups keep giving us awards stuff like Best Sustained Program in 2012 and 2017, and Best Cultural Awareness Program in 2018. Even some shady committee called the “National Collegiate Honors Council” gave us awards in 2017, 2018, and Program of the Year in 2020.
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