Brain Stew 18' / 19' - Issue #10

What is the strangest thing you have eaten recently? Answer HONESTLY.

Ann Torussio: Last night, I had to eat three raccoons and fashion their pelts into warmer clothing. I have been stuck outside for so long, I lost track of the days. IT HAS SNOWED THREE TIMES GUYS, JUST LET ME INSIDE!!!

Hurry, before the PLHCSA executive board ruins it all!!!

Kate Votaw: Well, last week, my husband and me went to this new place on the Delmar Loop that serves human brains. OMG, right? It’s a total hole in the wall.

Literally. Anyway, I am submitting a new research proposal to the IRB. My thesis: Eating human brains is the only way to become the best psychologist ever.

MWAHAHAHA.

Nancy Gleason: I haven’t eaten anything since I was 25. That was the year I become immortal, and I no longer have an appetite.

However, I did try a French fry from McDonald’s and vomited everywhere. They don’t make food like they used to. Back in my day, trans fats didn’t exist.

Hey You! The URS Submission deadline is MARCH 1. Talk to your faculty mentor now! Seriously, stop reading and do it. Did you do it yet? No? Why are you still reading then? Do what we tell you, damn it!

AT THE MOVIES

by ZACH WEBER

Mary Poppins Returns-

I am usually not into musicals at all but this movie is the only exception. When I was in elementary school my chorus teacher was addicted to the original movie so we would watch the movie at minimum once a month. So I'm pretty nostalgic about this movie/musical. This movie did not let me down whatsoever. The music was fantastic. The story line was great and they used just enough special effects to give the movie that extra something that some musical type of movies tend to lack. Not to mention the great Lin Manuel Miranda was involved in the making of this movie/musical so that immediately gave it something extra. 8.5/10 nostalgias

Glass- First of all I am just going to say that if

you have not watched the movies Unbreakable and Split then it would be an absolute waste of your time and money to watch this movie. With that being said, both of those movies are great and you should probably watch them. This is a classic M. Night Shyamalan movie that has about 69,420 different twists and turns in the movie that it leaves you kinda dizzy at the end of the movie to try and figure what exactly just happened. In my opinion these are the type of movies are hit or miss if they turn out good. Fortunately for me this movie was a hit.

It brought in so many different elements from the previous movies that keep you on the edge of your seat until the huge plan was finally revealed at the end. But in classic hollywood fashion they ended it in a way were they could make another movie. So if i'm correct they are going to make another one of these movies to dry and suck out all the money possible from this series of movies. Other than that this movie was decent. 6.9/10 Dramamines

(Zach having a hard time riding the Roller Coaster of emotions in Green Book)

Green Book-

If I am going to be completely honest the only reason that I went to see this movie was because I saw that it had been Oscar nominated. This is usually about the time of year that I hear about movies that I had no idea existed but turn out to be some of the best movies. This was one of those cases. I had heard about this movie but unfortunately the theater that I work was unable to get this movie when it originally came out. So I had to become a AMC Stubs member so that I could watch the movie for the cheapest amount possible.

Which is something I would recommend doing because on Tuesday movies are just 5 dollars and you get a free popcorn refill every time.

Unfortunately the first time I tried to watch the power was out so I had to wait another week.

So this made me want to see the movie even more. Just like in previous years this is one of my top five favorite movies of 2018. It was such a roller coaster of emotions. One minute you will be laughing then like .69420 seconds later you will be sad and crying. This should be on your ABSOLUTELY NEED TO WATCH list. 420/69 rain checks. Would watch again

(Zach trying to figure out the plot of Glass)

ITS BRAINSTEW, BITCH

PIERRE LACLEDE HONORS COLLEGE University of Mad Libs - St. Louis

Fall 2019 Courses

Thanks to the two people who submitted entries to last issue’s Mad Libs contest! Check out the results below and be sure to enroll in these exciting new classes. Did you know that all Honors College classes are created from Mad Libs? It’s true! – just ask Ed! Be sure to submit to this week’s Mad Libs contest by sending your answers to Monica at mmh4n2@mail.umsl.edu.

ASININE 1100 -003 #42069 Honors Junior Composition TR 11:00-12:15 Delvaux, K.

THIS WEEK’S MAD LIBS CONTEST: C309

Prerequisites: Consent of the Dean of the Honors College.

Through loopy and informal writing assignments, discussion, instruction, and research, students will improve their critical reading, pillaging and writing skills, as well as their research techniques. The course is choked to help students meet the boujee challenges of academic writing across the disciplines by emphasizing intellectual inquiry, oreo balls, style, correct and concise expression, and formal research and documentation. In addition to twenty-one formal essay assignments, students will terrorize a variety of informal writings.

This turkey is available in these terms: SP2019, FS2019 HONORS 1019 -005 42069 Freshman Symposium: Puffy Traditions II MWF 2:00-2:50 Baldus, K.

Villa 155

Puffy Traditions II: This course will continue the exploration of Western and Non-Western cultures begun in Cultural Traditions I. waffling with texts from the fourth century, it will examine the intellectual traditions of a variety of cultures through their major works of philosophy, basket weaving, art, and science, and seek a better understanding of how people from diverse regions have perceived and explained the world.

Readings will center on fundamental human concerns in a global context; Western and Non-Western perspectives will be honked on topics such as reason and emotion, social and natural environments, euphemism, modernism, and globalization.

This course is available in these terms: SP2019, FS2019

hey kid, want some memes?

1.

NAME:_______________________________

2.

NOUN:_______________________________

3.

VERB:_______________________________

4.

NEGATIVE NUMBER:_________________

5.

ADJECTIVE:_________________________

6.

COUNTRY:___________________________

7.

DIRECTION:___________________________

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NOUN:________________________________

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TWITTER HANDLE:____________________

10. VERB:_________________________________ 11. JOB TITLE:____________________________ 12. NOUN:________________________________ 13. VERB:________________________________ 14. NOUN:________________________________ 15. ADVERB:______________________________ SUBMIT YOUR ANSWERS TO MONICA AT mmh4n2@mail.umsl.edu AND WE WILL PUBLISH THE RESULTS IN OUR NEXT ISSUE!

@UMSLBRAINSTEW

Manic Mike

Why doesn't the bookstore stock enough books, and what’s up with their pricing?

I have been taking classes at UMSL for seven semesters now, and only about half of those have I been able to purchase all or most of my books at the bookstore without having to place a special order. Why is this? It would seem that the professor must have a pretty good estimate of how many students are enrolled in each class before the semester starts, and one would think that information would be transmitted to the bookstore so that they know how many books to stock for each class. For some odd reason, the bookstore does not as a general rule order enough books to cover all of the enrolled students. Now, I know that enrollment for many classes can change drastically the first week of the semester, with drops and adds, etc., but why doesn’t the bookstore start out with the appropriate number?

To make matters worse, the prices at the bookstore are always higher than what I can find online, especially using the evil giant Amazon. There are other sources for books online as well, and most of those are usually significantly cheaper than the price at the UMSL bookstore. Why does the bookstore try to take advantage of the students in this way? If one online seller can afford to stock and sell a book at a reasonable price, then why is the price at the bookstore always significantly higher? The online price usually includes shipping, and still turns out to be cheaper than the bookstore.

I for one, have had enough. From now on, I won’t even enter the bookstore to purchase books, only to print out my book list for the semester. I will only order my textbooks online. Sorry, UMSL bookstore, but your approach takes advantage of poor college students, and I have had enough. I encourage all of you to do the same, and boycott the bookstore. Maybe then they will change their approach to ordering and pricing.

Hi all! Not much has happened in the way of Marvel releases and new information since we are only a month away from the release of Captain Marvel so this will be a little short. Taika Waititi, the director of Thor: Ragnarok has said that he wants to continue to work with Marvel and make another movie. There have been new stills released from the Captain Marvel movie of her and the villain of the film. Also, Captain Marvel has been officially rated PG-13. Marvel Studios will pursue a new actor to portray Wolverine in the MCU. I have conflicted feelings about this because I love Hugh Jackman as Wolverine, but I also know that he wants to pursue new acting experiences. The Deadpool movies will continue to be R-rated. Yay!! It wouldn’t be the same if it wasn’t R-rated. Avengers: Endgame is still at the three hour mark and they are considering putting an intermission into the movie. The test-audience reviews for this movie have been great and I'm really pumped about this movie! Officiallylicensed merch for the movie has been leaked as well, with some new looks at our favorite characters. The synopsis for Avengers: Endgame has been released so go check that out! Finally, there has been talk about making an Antman 3. I think that would be great because I loved the first two movies!

I still didn’t get any questions again so please send them in! I would love to answer them!

Brain Stew Exclusive Interview with Pierre Laclede

Last week, Brain Stew editor Nicole Gevers sat down with the namesake of the Honors College, Pierre Laclede, to talk about his thoughts on the City of St. Louis, the Honors College, and all other kinds of completely irrelevant topics. How did Nicole interview Pierre because he has been dead since 1778, you ask? We can’t tell you that. That’s a secret we only release to cool people who submit to Brain Stew. No, we can not reincarnate your dead cat. Stop asking us about it. Enjoy the interview!

Nicole Gevers: Pierre Laclede, it is such an honor, no pun intended, to have you join us for this exclusive Brain Stew interview!

Pierre Laclede: Ah merci merci! Je suis honoré d'être ici aussi, quand j'ai pris la direction du fait qu'ils ont nommé après moi un collège médiocre dans le Midwest américain, j'étais simplement ...

NG: woah woah woah, hold up. I don’t speak French.

PL: Oh, pardonnez-moi. Uh, I mean excuse my French, no pun intended, le hehehehe.

Although, I am looking over your high school transcript, and it says here you took four years of French. Even AP French your senior year! I am surprised you are unable to comprehend my certainly not-hard-to-understand 17th century French dialect.

NG: Monsieur Laclede, If I’m being honest with you, I only took those classes to boost my GPA at the time. The only things I remember are “Je suis Nicole” and “Où est la foutue salle de bain?!” And why do you even have my high school transcripts in the first place?

PL: Please, please, just call me Pierre. You St. Louis people can’t ever seem to pronounce my last name correctly.

NG: Wait, it’s not pronounced “la-cLEEde?” PL: Mon Dieu, no!! It’s “La-cLED.” It kind of rhymes with Ed. “La-CLED” NG: Psssh, that’s definitely not how it’s pronounced. Did Ed put you up to this as a joke?

PL: Who is this “Ed” you speak of?

NG: Ed Munn Sanchez, the Dean of the Pierre La…..uh, uh, of the Honors College.

PL: What is this “Dean” you speak of? I thought you said his name was Ed? NG: A dean? No, it’s not his name, it’s a job title. It’s like the boss of a college. Since Ed’s the dean, he’s in charge of the Honors College.

PL: Le hahahahaha! A Spaniard in charge?? Preposterous! Surely you must be joking.

NG: I am not joking! He’s doing a pretty good job so far. And don’t call me Shirley! *Long pause as Nicole explains to Pierre, who has been dead since 1778, what an airplane is, what a pilot is, what movies are, how you can watch movies on televisions, what the movie Airplane! was about, and explained why the line “and don’t call me Shirley” is iconically humorous in today’s culture.* PL: I apologize, but I don’t understand le joke. I promise I won’t call you Shirley anymore.

NG: No, I am not upset about you calling me…….nevermind. So, it’s been nearly 250 years since you have last seen the City of St. Louis. What surprised you most about returning after being gone for so long?

PL: Oh, so many things surprised me. First off, what is Provel? Classifying it as le fromage seems awfully liberal, no? And what is that large metal parabola that faces the river? Also who is this “Nelly” everyone speaks of? And this Loop Trolley, le hahaha! What a waste of the

taxpayer’s dollars! It hit my car as I was leaving Blueberry Hill.

NG: You have a car?

PL: Why, of course! Why wouldn’t a successful young fur trader like myself own his own automobile? *long pause as Nicole seriously contemplates how long automobiles have been in existence and and tries to remember how old Pierre Laclede is and wonders how he knows what a trolley is in the first place and tries to remember if the Loop Trolley was paid with tax money or not* NG: Okay, moving on. How do you feel that your wife, Marie Chouteau, has a major street named after her in the city?

PL: First off, her name is Madame Marie-Therese Bourgeois Chouteau, and she is not my wife.

We just hang out sometimes when her husband is out of town. NBD, it’s pretty casual. But don’t mention it if her husband ever talks to you, okay? It’s really not like that. Secondly, what the fuck? “show-tow?” It’s “shoo-toe.” Good lord, for so-called “college-educated” individuals, you all are a disgrace. Why can’t you all give the French language some respect?

NG: I mean, we named the college after you, I think that seems pretty respectful!

PL: Respect? There’s a piece of paper with some woman’s face taped over my portrait in your Grand Hall.

NG: Grand Hall? You mean the Common Room? I mean, it’s newly renovated and all, but it’s not quite “Grand Hall” material. And that woman is Ann Torrusio, one of the professors here. I’m not sure why her picture is taped there, but its been that way for over a year now. I can take it down if it bothers you.

PL: That would be wonderful. Thank you so much.

Also, the coffee pot next to my portrait is empty.

Could somebody fill that back up? *Dan Gerth enters angrily from stage left, despite there being no stage* Dan: What the hell is wrong with you people? If you drank the last of the coffee, then you brew a new pot. It’s not rocket science.

PL: What is a rocket?

Tune in to our next issue as Nicole continues her interview with Pierre Laclede! Have questions for Pierre? Tweet them to us @umslbrainstew !

The Coveted Brain Stew Homecoming Court Endorsement Goes to…

Each year the Brain Stew editors (and Dan) hold a lengthy, in-depth evaluation of all homecoming candidates. The Brain Stew endorsement is so important that there hasn’t been a homecoming court without a BS endorsed candidate since 2010. That’s not a joke, and we are as shocked and depressed as you are. Sammy Jacobs was this year’s homecoming endorsement committee chairperson.

Dan: Ooh, khakis and a polo. I like how he dresses just like me!

Sammy: Uh no, your “polo” shirts do not actually have the logo over the left boob because you buy them at Walmart.

Dan: He is dead to me! No endorsement.

Nicole: She’s a civil engineering major! I’m a civil engineering major! I vote for Sydni!

Sammy: She used to be president of UPB. Nicole: She is dead to me! No endorsement.

Tony: She’s on the volleyball team! I’m on the volleyball team! I vote for Amanda.

Sammy: No you’re not.

Tony: Well, I could be. I just didn’t try out.

Sammy: False.

Tony: Well, she’s a nursing major, and I’m also a nursing major.

Sammy: No you’re not.

Tony: Well, I could be. I just didn’t try – uh, wait, I mean yes I am! I am definitely a nursing major!

Sammy: Prove it.

Tony: Yesterday I poured an entire pot of Common Room coffee into a giant mug while talking shit about all my classes and not making more coffee, then went to the computer lab and printed 42 pages of power point slides (despite the 20 page limit) while talking shit about all my classes, and then went to the parking garage to smoke cigarettes while talking shit about all my classes.

Sammy: Okay, he checks out. Amanda it shall be.

Brain Stew says vote for Amanda Vollmer for homecoming court! Also, she is the only one of these students to mention Honors in her bio! Thanks, Amanda! Also, there is no need for so many exclamation points in this article!

Vote early. Vote often. Vote Honors.

Joey Dordoni, Sydni Jackson, and Amanda Vollmer are all in the Honors College (and awesome). If you vote for someone else, you suck! Print out the page where you’re voting for any of them and bring it to homecoming. They will buy you a drink. Yes, this is collusion.

VOTING WILL OPEN FEBRUARY 18th

MUSIC

Start planning my funeral:

High school freshman Sara had her dreams come true when her ears were blessed by the angelic voice of Brendon Urie when Panic! At The Disco came to St. Louis recently. I still haven’t fully processed the concert and when I do my soul will leave my body so you’re all invited to my funeral. I had high hopes for this concert and Brendon shattered my expectations with his killer high notes. It was definitely a night to remember and let me tell you the post concert depression is real.

Rising artist: 80s pop duo Alan Thomas and Steven Rutherford release catchy tunes under the name “joan.” This duo has been growing in popularity because they keep releasing bop after bop.

Joan is going places and I’m going to stick around for the ride. All of their songs are worth a listen, but if I had to choose I would recommend “stop and stare,” “i loved you first,” and “drive all night” which is their most recent single.

Small artist spotlight: Stay Outside, an indie rock band from Indiana, has captured my attention with their sound and deep lyrics. Vocalist Aaron Becker and guitarist Garrett Johnston are childhood friends who are currently embarking on a tour in cities across the U.S. The first song of theirs that I heard was “Void” and after that I was hooked. Some other songs I would recommend are “All The Way Down” and “Don’t Let Me Go.” I’m so glad that I discovered this band while they’re still small. Feel free to join me and jump on the bandwagon before you lose your chance to be an og fan.

New music you don’t want to miss:

“drive all night” – joan “Are You Bored Yet?” – Wallows feat. Clairo “Hard to Love” – The Mowgli’s “Apologize” – grandson “Talk” – Khalid “Life Must Go On” – Quinn XCII “Dancing on the Moon” – THE SOCIAL “Suburban Girl” – Lostboycrow “100 Bad Days” – AJR “Last Century” – Susto Small artists you should check out:

Hunny- Hunny, a band from California, has a sound that’s entirely theirs. Their music is unique as well as their style which is comprised of 80s hair and dad sweaters which I 100% support.

I was blessed to see them when they came to STL and I even got to meet them which was unforgettable. Some songs you should give a listen are “Rebel Red,” “Vowels (and the Importance of Being Me),” and “July.”

THE WLDLFE- From Indiana, THE WLDLFE creates catchy pop music that’ll be stuck in your head for days. There are no words to describe how much I love this band and you’ll just have to check them out for yourself. All of their songs are amazing but, you should definitely check out “Waterfalls,” “Real Ones,” and “Oversentimental.”

Vinyl Theatre- Vinyl Theatre makes music that’s on the border between 80s pop and rock.

I actually had the chance to see this band when they came to STL back in September and it was an amazing experience. This band puts out great music and puts on even better live shows. Songs I would recommend are “My Fault,” “Summer,” and “Thank You For The Good Times.”

9

IT’S BRAINSTEW B*TCH huge shoutout to our friends at Iron Age for tattooing Jen and Kate on such short notice

WHAT IS BRAIN STEW? Brain Stew’s mission is to provide for the Pierre Laclede Honors College student body a forum for uncensored free thought, commentary, and creativity, as well as news and event listings from PLHCSA and other related campus organizations. We have been publishing for over 25 years and won the Student Life’s award for Best Sustained Program in 2012 and 2017 as well as TWO national titles from the National Collegiate Honors Council in 2017 & 2018.

HOW CAN I CONTRIBUTE TO BRAIN STEW? Send your editorials, articles, poems, stories, reviews, plays, drawings, photography, fart jokes, personal ads, or whatever else you can think of to one of the editors: Nicole Gevers: nmgtzc@mail.umsl.edu Sammy Jacobs: sammyjacobs@mail.umsl.edu Tony Deluvia: agd7xf@mail.umsl.edu Disclaimer: We issue no content guidelines beyond those of state, local, and federal law. All content is the responsibility of the creator. UMSL, PLHCSA, PLHC, and the Brain Stew staff are in no way liable for content. But feel free to complain.

Follow us on Twitter! @umslbrainstew