Brain Stew Issue 3 18'/19'

ISSUE 3 | SEPTEMBER 17TH

Whose dietary restriction is the most bullshit one?

Holly – gluten allergy, Jen – lactose intolerance, or Audri – vegan

Dan Gerth This question is impossible, as all three are serious bullshit. Allergies are essentially just you being a giant pussy.. Teach your body who the boss is, damn it! I will choose Audri as the least bullshit one, as at least she acknowledges that she has a choice in the matter, unlike the other two.

Although in some ways, I guess that makes it more bullshit. Like those parking spots reserved for pregnant women. If you disable yourself, I have no sympathy.

Kate Votaw Does “most bullshit” mean the one that is most difficult?

I can’t decide! I feel terrible for all of them. I mean bread is soooo good. But so is ice cream. Wait, can Jen not eat pizza because of the cheese?

Oh god, that’s really terrible.

But I can’t not pick poor Audri and hurt her feelings! I vote that all three of them have equally difficult situations to adjust to.

Jen Richardson I totally object to this question. I bet that Dan wrote this week’s question, and I am calling Human Resources right now. He’s such an asshole. Yesterday he sat in the doorway of my office and ate an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s, making all sorts of “mmm” noises. I also know for a fact that he is trying to invent a “vegetable casserole” recipe that calls for milk, shellfish, peanuts, and gluten in order to poison people more efficiently. He says that if we pretend there are no food allergies, then pretty soon, there won’t be.

HEY YOU! YEAH, YOU WITH THE SHITTY HAIRCUT DOES YOUR WARDROBE FULL OF SHIRTS FROM HIGH SCHOOL NEED A NEW ADDITION? Email Nicole (nmgtzc@umsl.edu) or Sammy (sjgxn@umsl.edu) to order a shirt!

$10 each sizes S-2XL

me about my life right now

MAN YOUR SHIRT IS UGLY! BUY A NEW ONE BS Shirts | $10 | S-2XL

Email Nicole Gevers or Sammy Jacobs to order

nmgtzc@umsl.edu | sjgxn@umsl.edu

HEY YOU! YEAH, YOU WITH THE SHITTY HAIRCUT DOES YOUR WARDROBE FULL OF SHIRTS FROM HIGH SCHOOL NEED A NEW ADDITION? Email Nicole (nmgtzc@umsl.edu) or Sammy (sjgxn@umsl.edu) to order a shirt!

$10 each sizes S-2XL

me about my life right now

MAN YOUR SHIRT IS UGLY! BUY A NEW ONE BS Shirts | $10 | S-2XL

Email Nicole Gevers or Sammy Jacobs to order

nmgtzc@umsl.edu | sjgxn@umsl.edu

BUY A SHIRT! $10 | S-2XL

“The design is dope!!!!!!!!!!!!”

-Nancy Gleason (probably)

BUY A SHIRT! $10 | S-2XL

“The design is dope!!!!!!!!!!!!”

-Nancy Gleason (probably)

Are You Smarter Than the Professors? PLHCSA’s Trivia Night Happens September 25th And Brain Stew has the inside scoop on the professors’ strategy

On Friday, September 7th, the PLHC professors had their first meeting to discuss trivia strategy. Down by one in the all-time record, this trivia night holds great importance. Also, apparently Ed has not dismantled the Nixonian tape recording system that Dan installed in C111 in 2015. A member of the Honors College faculty, who would like to be known as “The Resistance,”1 provided us with the audio tape. And we do mean tape. It took us all of this week to track down someone with a cassette player.

Ann Torrusio: Thank you all for agreeing to be on the faculty trivia team and for coming to this important strategy session. The students have a one victory historic edge over the professors, and we desperately need to tie the series. I do not want to go into 2019 needing to win two years in a row to tie things up. I propose that we divide up various common trivia categories and each study intensely for the next two weeks.

Ed Munn Sanchez: Ooh, ooh, ooh – I choose Spanish conquistadors!

Nate Daugherty: I’ll take corrupt dictators and illegitimate governments for $1000!

Nancy Gleason: I get cocker spaniels! I get cocker spaniels!

Dan Gerth: God damn it, what is wrong with you people?! Those are not going to be categories, and I have told you that already!

Nancy: We just like them is all.

Dan: Also, it’s trivia. Not Jeopardy.

Ann: Okay, okay, okay, settle down. We’re all on the same team here. Ed, Nate, and Nancy, I love your enthusiasm. Dan, you raise a good point, but there’s no need for profanity. We need to think more about what kids today like and less about what kinds of trivia we find interesting.

Tricia Maniaci: Pfft. Kids today are weird. Unnatural hair colors, tattoos… who the hell can figure them out?

Katelyn Delvaux: That meme category last year was the worst. I mean, what’s a meme and who looks at one?

Kate Votaw: Oh, I think they’re so cute! The kids, not the memes – although some memes are adorable! Cat memes definitely. Dog memes are great too, though. Do we have to compete against the students? Can’t we just all be on one big team? I think that would be neat!

Dan: You’re off the team! Get out right now, she-devil!

Kate: (whimpers) Ann: No, no, no. We need Kate for Harry Potter. Kate, you’re back on the team. Don’t listen to Dan. Okay, here are some possible things that we should think about. Who wants Disney Princesses?

Kate: Ooh, me, me, me, me, me!

Ann: Thanks, Kate. How about kids cartoon TV shows from 2000-2010?

Kate: Ooh, I want that one too. I mean, unless someone else wants it. I just mean that I’ll take it if no one else wants it.

Ann: It’s yours. How about the Marvel universe?

Kate: Um, uh, well, hmm…

Ann: Somebody? Please?

Ed: I’ll do it. I took my daughter to see Wonder Woman this summer. And even though he’s no Adam West, Michael Keaton makes a pretty good Batman.

Kate: Gah! Eek! That’s not Marvel. Uh, I mean, I know why you’d think that and all. It’s really a very good guess. I’m sure most people would get it wrong. Can I take this one too? Please, please, please.

Ann: Uh, sure. Okay, who watches Twitch?

Ed: I do!

Ann: Really?

Ed: Well, no, but doesn’t the Honors College have a Twitcher feed? I think Holly runs it.

Dan: Look, I don’t know what Twitcher is, but I’m sure I don’t like it. This is all just terrible. New plan. First, we push like three tables together and have a much bigger team than is allowed. Second, anyone who gets a paycheck from Honors counts as faculty, so now we can put the student workers on the team. Third, even if we lose, I’ll just send out a college-wide message congratulating faculty on winning and tying up the life-time record.

Kim Baldus: That’s terrible. I can’t believe you would do that.

Dan: I think every action I’ve taken here since 2005 is clear evidence that I would definitely do exactly that.

At this point the tape became unwound and no one had a paper clip, so we stopped listening.

1

It was Kate Votaw.

Are You Smarter Than the Professors? PLHCSA’s Trivia Night Happens September 25th And Brain Stew has the inside scoop on the professors’ strategy

On Friday, September 7th, the PLHC professors had their first meeting to discuss trivia strategy. Down by one in the all-time record, this trivia night holds great importance. Also, apparently Ed has not dismantled the Nixonian tape recording system that Dan installed in C111 in 2015. A member of the Honors College faculty, who would like to be known as “The Resistance,”1 provided us with the audio tape. And we do mean tape. It took us all of this week to track down someone with a cassette player.

Ann Torrusio: Thank you all for agreeing to be on the faculty trivia team and for coming to this important strategy session. The students have a one victory historic edge over the professors, and we desperately need to tie the series. I do not want to go into 2019 needing to win two years in a row to tie things up. I propose that we divide up various common trivia categories and each study intensely for the next two weeks.

Ed Munn Sanchez: Ooh, ooh, ooh – I choose Spanish conquistadors!

Nate Daugherty: I’ll take corrupt dictators and illegitimate governments for $1000!

Nancy Gleason: I get cocker spaniels! I get cocker spaniels!

Dan Gerth: God damn it, what is wrong with you people?! Those are not going to be categories, and I have told you that already!

Nancy: We just like them is all.

Dan: Also, it’s trivia. Not Jeopardy.

Ann: Okay, okay, okay, settle down. We’re all on the same team here. Ed, Nate, and Nancy, I love your enthusiasm. Dan, you raise a good point, but there’s no need for profanity. We need to think more about what kids today like and less about what kinds of trivia we find interesting.

Tricia Maniaci: Pfft. Kids today are weird. Unnatural hair colors, tattoos… who the hell can figure them out?

Katelyn Delvaux: That meme category last year was the worst. I mean, what’s a meme and who looks at one?

Kate Votaw: Oh, I think they’re so cute! The kids, not the memes – although some memes are adorable! Cat memes definitely. Dog memes are great too, though. Do we have to compete against the students? Can’t we just all be on one big team? I think that would be neat!

Dan: You’re off the team! Get out right now, she-devil!

Kate: (whimpers) Ann: No, no, no. We need Kate for Harry Potter. Kate, you’re back on the team. Don’t listen to Dan. Okay, here are some possible things that we should think about. Who wants Disney Princesses?

Kate: Ooh, me, me, me, me, me!

Ann: Thanks, Kate. How about kids cartoon TV shows from 2000-2010?

Kate: Ooh, I want that one too. I mean, unless someone else wants it. I just mean that I’ll take it if no one else wants it.

Ann: It’s yours. How about the Marvel universe?

Kate: Um, uh, well, hmm…

Ann: Somebody? Please?

Ed: I’ll do it. I took my daughter to see Wonder Woman this summer. And even though he’s no Adam West, Michael Keaton makes a pretty good Batman.

Kate: Gah! Eek! That’s not Marvel. Uh, I mean, I know why you’d think that and all. It’s really a very good guess. I’m sure most people would get it wrong. Can I take this one too? Please, please, please.

Ann: Uh, sure. Okay, who watches Twitch?

Ed: I do!

Ann: Really?

Ed: Well, no, but doesn’t the Honors College have a Twitcher feed? I think Holly runs it.

Dan: Look, I don’t know what Twitcher is, but I’m sure I don’t like it. This is all just terrible. New plan. First, we push like three tables together and have a much bigger team than is allowed. Second, anyone who gets a paycheck from Honors counts as faculty, so now we can put the student workers on the team. Third, even if we lose, I’ll just send out a college-wide message congratulating faculty on winning and tying up the life-time record.

Kim Baldus: That’s terrible. I can’t believe you would do that.

Dan: I think every action I’ve taken here since 2005 is clear evidence that I would definitely do exactly that.

At this point the tape became unwound and no one had a paper clip, so we stopped listening.

1

It was Kate Votaw.