MARRIAGE WORKS
by J.John & Killy John
40-Day Devotional to Strengthen Your Relationship
INTRODUCTION
Marriage is one of life’s greatest adventures. It is full of joy and laughter, but it also brings challenges that test our patience, faith and character. Getting married is like planting a garden: it looks beautiful on the wedding day, but it takes a lifetime of tending to make it flourish.
Over the years we have learned that a great marriage doesn’t just happen, it is built intentionally, day by day. That’s why we wrote this devotional: to help couples prepare for, strengthen, or refresh their marriage with God at the centre.
Across these forty days you’ll explore themes that matter: communication, forgiveness, romance, resilience, commitment and more. Each day includes a Bible verse, a reflection to ponder, questions to talk through, a way to go deeper, a prayer to pray together and a personal reflection from Killy because marriage is always a duet, never a solo.
We’ve aimed to make this devotional honest, practical and encouraging. You’ll find wisdom from the Bible, stories from life and even a sprinkle of humour (because every marriage needs laughter).
Our hope is that as you journey through these pages, you’ll discover not just how to survive marriage, but how to make it thrive.
Whether you are preparing for marriage, newly married or many years in, may these forty days help you build or rebuild a relationship that is faithful, joyful and enduring – a marriage that reflects the love of Christ.
With our love and prayers,
J.John and Killy
HOW TO USE THIS DEVOTIONAL
This devotional is designed for couples to journey through together. These forty days will help you pause, reflect and strengthen the foundation of your relationship.
Here are a few simple ways to make the most of it:
• Set aside time. Life is busy, but guard a few minutes each day – perhaps over breakfast or in the evening. Consistency matters more than perfection.
• Read aloud. Take turns reading the Bible verse, the thought and the reflection. Hearing each other’s voices brings the words to life.
• Talk honestly. Use the ‘Talk About It’ questions to share openly. Listen with kindness and without interruption. Marriage grows when hearts are truly heard.
• Go deeper. The ‘Go Deeper’ section is for personal reflection or journaling. You may wish to share what you’ve written with your spouse, or simply let it shape your thoughts and prayers.
How
• Pray together. Even if it feels awkward at first, make a habit of praying aloud for each other. Prayer is the oxygen of marriage.
• Enjoy Killy’s reflections. They bring warmth, honesty and humour because marriage is always a duet, not a solo!
And one last thing: if you miss a day, don’t panic. This isn’t a school exam, it’s marriage. Just pick up where you left off, keep going, and enjoy the journey together.
DAY 1
WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING HERE?
‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’
(Genesis 2:24)
Let’s begin with a question we don’t ask nearly enough: What exactly is marriage?
Most of us start with the celebration, the cake, the confetti, the cousin no one wanted to invite. We spend months planning the wedding and only minutes pondering the marriage. But here’s the thing: if you don’t define what marriage is for yourselves, the culture will define it for you.
Some treat it like a contract: ‘as long as you make me happy’. Others treat it like a phase: ‘we’ll try it and see how it goes’. But biblical marriage is something radically different: it’s covenant, not convenience; it’s glue, not Blu Tack; it’s not ‘until I’m bored’ – it’s ‘till death do us part’.
Genesis 2:24 gives us the blueprint. The man leaves his family, joins with his wife and the two become one.
Not one in hobbies but one in heart, mind, body and soul. That’s God’s design.
And make no mistake, you don’t just fall into a great marriage; you build one, brick by brick, prayer by prayer, choice by choice. It’s daily commitment, daily grace.
We’ve found that marriage stands strongest on four foundational bonds. Think of them as the four legs of a sturdy chair: if one wobbles, the whole thing feels off balance. Let’s unpack them.
1. The Social Bond: One Name, One Team
Marriage creates a new family unit, two people forming a new ‘we’. This is where ‘me’ and ‘mine’ shift to ‘us’ and ‘ours’. We’re now one household, one team, one story. Society recognises this with rings and certificates, but God recognises it in covenant.
It’s not just about sharing a postcode or a playlist. It’s about publicly committing to say, ‘From now on, we’re in this together, for richer, for poorer, for school runs and boiler breakdowns.’
2. The Psychological Bond: The Safe Place
Marriage is meant to be a sanctuary, not a battlefield. A space where we can be fully known and fully loved. Where your spouse sees your worst and doesn’t walk away. The goal isn’t perfection, but protection.
We’ve always believed that if your home isn’t your safe place, your marriage isn’t your strong place. This is the one relationship where you can say the hard things, share the deep things, and still be safe in each other’s love. Marriage means looking at each other and saying, ‘You don’t have to filter. I’m staying.’
3. The Sexual Bond: One Flesh, One Flame
Sex, in the Bible, is never just physical; it’s spiritual. It’s a powerful picture of two people becoming ‘one flesh’. That phrase, by the way, is not about anatomy, it’s about unity. The holding of hands, the look across the room, the intimacy of body and soul, it all matters.
We live in a world that either worships sex or waters it down. But the Bible dignifies it in the right place, at the right time, with the right person.
Sex is not the reward for love, it’s the renewal of it. Done right, it binds; done wrong, it breaks.
So we say this to couples often: don’t underestimate it, don’t idolise it. Sanctify it. And in marriage, keep that flame alive, not just with passion but with patience and playfulness.
4. The Spiritual Bond: The Anchor We Forget
Let’s be honest, most people starting out in marriage don’t think much about the spiritual bond. But this one is the anchor. Without it, the other bonds fray faster.
Remember, we’re not just physical and emotional beings. We’re spiritual beings, made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27). And if we’re made in his image, then a God-centred marriage is not an optional extra, it’s essential.
We made a decision early in our marriage to pray together every day, even when one of us was on the road. Just a few minutes on the phone. It wasn’t polished. It was simply, ‘Let’s check in with God together.’ These days, we pray together morning and night, and it’s still our spiritual glue. You don’t need liturgy, just intention and honesty.
If marriage is the vehicle, intimacy is the fuel and prayer is the satnav.
Talk About It
How would each of you complete this sentence?
‘To me, marriage means . . .’
Listen closely to each other’s answers. Not to correct but to connect.
Go Deeper
Have you ever been burgled? It’s not just what’s stolen, it’s the intrusion that stings. Someone trampling through your space. It feels like your sanctuary’s been invaded and violated.
Marriage is even more sacred than a home. It’s where we share our truest selves. And that means we must protect it with intentional boundaries – emotional, relational, even digital – because what we prioritise, we protect. And what we protect, we preserve.
So we urge you: build the kind of boundaries that let intimacy flourish, not fear. Draw lines that say, ‘This is sacred. This is ours.’
Let’s Pray Together
Lord, thank you for the gift of marriage. Your idea, not ours. Help us to build our life together on your Word and your wisdom. Strengthen our social, emotional, sexual and spiritual bonds. Teach us to serve one another, listen well, forgive quickly and love deeply. May our marriage be a living picture of your grace. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Killy’s Reflection
When we got married in 1983, we weren’t given a marriage manual. But one thing we did do and still do is pray together. Even when J.John was off preaching and I was managing toddlers and toy chaos, we’d take a moment on the phone and pray. These days we’re often on the road together, but those two simple habits, morning and evening prayer, have kept our spiritual bond alive.
Takeaway
Start small, stay steady, keep God central.