“While all of us graduating will go off on distinct paths, we should be cognizant that we always form part of a greater whole and that all of us do have the ability to improve the lives of those with whom we share community, whether that be a place like Andover or the entire world. So, whatever that path may be, we should go about with a sense of purpose—one that doesn’t just serve ourselves individually, but that in some capacity also serves everyone else around us.” SALVADOR GÓMEZ-COLÓN ’21 School Co-President
to the section for suits that would fit me (I was 13 and by then I was already fairly big and tall) and I began to work my way through the options, trying on the jackets, standing in front of the three-way mirror as my mother sat in a chair and my father stood behind her, clearly anxious to get this over with so that he could drop us off at home and still make it in time for his first patients back at his office. When I finally decided on the suit that I wanted, I remember turning around to my mother and asking her what she thought. She paused, took a deep breath (and surely at some point let my father know that it would be best if he did not engage!), and then she said, “It is your decision.” I still remember the look on her face, which I did not think much of at the time. We purchased the suit and a white shirt and a matching tie, and rushed home. Well, as we were unpacking our boxes this fall after we arrived here in Andover, I found that suit among the boxes. And, graduates, it pains me to acknowledge that this is the jacket of that suit…I confess of all the personal matters that I have revealed in speeches and editorials and conversations in my professional life, this suit jacket was by far the most difficult to reveal. So why am I telling you about this suit on such an important, glorious day—your day? Because my hope is that you will not forget this suit—or rather, the ideas connected with it. I know that for many of you, your minds are being flooded with memories of your time here, and my guess is that on a day such as today, you are focusing on the good memories,
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ANDOVER | COMMENCEMENT 2021
and that is natural. I am sure all of you can conjure up scores of great times that took place here—perhaps that moment when the beauty and meaning of a poem clicked in your mind with the guidance of a gifted and committed teacher. Or the time you aced that hard calculus examination after having begun the term firmly believing that you would surely fail the class. Or that soccer game against Exeter when everything and everyone worked together and Andover beat Exeter, again. Or maybe that time in Paresky Commons sitting with a group of close friends, laughing at some inside joke when, for one perfect moment, you realized you were completely happy. Many of us are inclined to forget as much of the unpleasant past as we can and look toward the future. And many of us who are not inclined to forget negative events from the past often ruminate and obsess on them in a destructive, unhelpful way. Of course, there are memories of bad times that are in an entirely different league and to deal with those, you may need help—from a friend or from a therapist or other professional. But the vast majority of negative memories don’t fall into that category; they are just ordinarily bad, and I want to make a special case for remembering and trying to understand those difficult moments, the times you were embarrassed or sad or hurt, but in a constructive way. Remembering the good times is relatively easy; keeping the bad times in a healthy way is harder. I want you to remember and even cherish the not-sogreat things, which for many may require more of an effort. I want you to remember your ugly clothing.
Now, when I chose this suit, I never imagined that I might one day look back and cringe. But there were many moments in my life when I knew without question that something ugly was in play. Some of those difficult times were of my own making— times when I simply made a mistake (this suit!) or underestimated how much studying was needed for that final exam or when I knew with sudden clarity that someone I thought of as a friend was not actually a friend. Sometimes, those distasteful suits, those tough, bad times were not a result of my choice. I began my medical internship at a large, urban academic hospital just as the AIDS epidemic was exploding. Being so close to that epidemic allowed me to see how it brought out the worst and also the very best of ordinary people. That experience had a profound influence on how I grew as a physician and a person. There were many other times when I found myself in a difficult place and wondered, “How the hell did this happen? Why is this happening to me?” The extraordinary experiences that all of us have had as a result of the pandemic and all that it wrought surely falls in this category. I wonder if we will forever think of our lives as being divided into before-COVID and after-COVID. No matter how near or far the death and devastation of the pandemic has been to each of us, surely all of us have had times over the past 18 months when we just wanted to stand and scream: NO MORE!!! And not just from
the pandemic. Think of those minutes watching any of the horrible videos of police violence against people of color or even seeing the videos of one of the sacred symbols of our democracy being overrun by domestic terrorists. Well, I want you to try to preserve and even care for those difficult memories along with the wonderful moments. I want you to bend the corners of those pages in your mind. Because some of your most important times of growth in life are those tough times or those bad decisions or the times when you were made incredibly uncomfortable by something that you read or saw or heard. Those ugly-clothing moments may be among the moments of your greatest insights and transformation. Perhaps even more importantly, those moments in our lives are essential reference points that allow us to look into our own past and find empathy for someone who is before us in the present by reminding us that we, too, had tough moments, some of our making and some not. Remembering our own bad moments is key to nurturing empathy for others in their bad moments. Among the many things that you have learned here, you have learned to think clearly and deeply and decisively with the guidance of this incredible community. When you look back on your difficult moments—perhaps especially the ones that you did not choose—I hope you will think about how they affected you and probe how they can help you think about who
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