Philippine Collegian Tomo 93 Lampoon

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JOLOGRAPHIC

From the Editor

NATIONAL JOLOGRAPHIC MARIE CURIE Editor-in-chief

GREGOR MENDEL Associate Editor

This is a crazy planets.

– PEPSI PALOMA

W

hat a truly exciting time to be alive.

With climate change, an ongoing sixth mass extinction of the earth's species, and a sick political and economic world order, National Jolographic is determined more than ever to explore the last remaining frontiers of the earth, that is, before we all do ourselves in. Together, we continue to map more and bolder adventures—with one eye at the present and another at the future, like a chameleon.

For our cover story in this special issue, we hunted down one of the rising online celebrity groups in the Philippines, an archipelago of around 7,107 islands (minus a few that China has recently occupied). Known as Hasht5, this unusual pack has captured the imagination of one of the world's largest and most active social media communities. In an exclusive interview, the boys reveal why and how, against all genetic odds and despite skewed standards of male beauty, they have become heartthrobs in their own rights.

We also explored the Philippines' premier state university at this crucial time in its history. Facing diminishing government subsidy, the university has been attempting to reinvent itself, like some bird trying to evolve into some freak fowl with a pair of mutant gills. Our team has discovered many subjects of interest in the university's Diliman campus: from fertile landscapes to a mysterious prophecy from hundreds of years ago.

The Philippine national hero Jose Rizal once said, “The youth are the hope of the nation.” In this special issue, we attempt to verify this claim. The following pages will tell you what we have found out.

NIKOLA TESLA

Managing Editor

SENIOR EDITORS Immanuel Kant Alexander Fleming Karen Vousden Amedeo Avogadro

NEWS

Jonas Salk

KULTURA

Andreas Vesalius Michael Faraday Orly Alter Clyde Tombaugh

FEATURES

Daniel Bernoulli Isaac Newton Hans Selye Buzz Aldrin

LAYOUT AND DESIGN PAGE Andre-Marie Ampere John Dalton

PHOTOGRAPHERS Charles Darwin Katrina Johnson Adrian Walker Tony Mcdonnell

ILLUSTRATORS Kenneth Miller Joshua Lederberg Kevin Anderson Patricia Wright

BUSINESS STAFF Amy Maizer Gina Solomon Jonathan Trinidad

CIRCULATION Gary Miller Glenn Seaborg 2 NAT JOLOGS • DECEMBER 2015

Beast Wars

Surviving in the Jungles of UP Diliman

by Buzz Aldrin Photographs by Kenneth Miller

Survival of the fittest: that is the rule of the jungle. To climb to the top of the food chain, one has to outwit predators lurking in the wild. In the deep recesses of the metropolis, UP students find themselves following the same rule as they scavenge for scarce resources and fend off attackers to be the last one standing.

Passing the UPCAT is a matter of natural selection; staying in UP demands adaptation. The king of the jungle welcomes the young and the vigorous, but within days the wild would take its toll: patience will be tested in long pre-enlistment lines, friendships will be suspended until the numbers of units have been completed, and predators will pounce at every chance they get to claim that last slot.

The first vital factor for survival is finding a new habitat within the ecological system of UP and its surrounding woodlands. For those coming from the faraway lands of Visayas and Mindanao, the relatively cheap UP dormitories is the only viable option.

But chances are slim when waiting applicants far outnumber the slots available. It is then that students in need of temporary shelter turn to the Sunken Garden and start cohabiting with insects, reptiles, amphibians, birds and other wildlife.

The day of enrolment presents a different and even more body-numbing challenge. From lines that creep like vines from the ground floor up, to classes filled faster than quicksand can down you, no one is safe from momentary bouts of depression and thoughts of bowing out of the jungle altogether.

Slivers of hope pierce through the forest when teachers miraculously open their classes for manual registration. This puts the confident and talented an inch closer to achieving full units, as they make the performance of their lives for the sake of impressing the professor.

The competition for resources does not end there, as the next step proves to be the most draining of all: tuition payment. As the Socialized Tuition System breathes down its preys’ necks, parents begin to wonder if UP is indeed the premier state university, with tuition rates so unreasonable it can be mistaken for a private university.

Ironically, funds never seem to be enough for the predators.

Delegating the responsibility to bigger prey, students who can pay more are asked to pay more. In this harsh nature and scheme of education, those who cannot pay have to settle in other

universities where conditions are relatively more favorable. In desperation, some would even choose to end their lives.

Clearly, cooperation is impossible when the administration forces competition to be the order of the day.

The outside world may think that academics is the biggest problem the creatures of Diliman must face. In truth, the combination of high tuition fees, lack of dorm slots, classes, facilities, and the treacherous leaders of the pack knock them out more than the toughest exams. These are times that will surely push the Iskolar ng Bayan towards the beastly attitude of getting ahead for one's own advancement.

When the environment pits the living against each other, what must be seen is that this condition is imposed rather than natural. The real enemy lies not in nature but in those who set the rules of the environment: the beasts at the top of the food chain.

History has proven that cooperation, and not competition, is what enables species to thrive and survive. When resources are scarce, the environment is inhabitable, and conditions are harsh, the flock must come together to defeat the odds. Perhaps it is only a matter of time before UP students realize this and band together to shake things up in this jungle they call Diliman. ≠DECEMBER 2015 • NAT JOLOGS

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GEOGRAPHY OF PASSION

PARKS AND PROCREATION Mating grounds in UP

BY KAT RI NA JOHNSON P H OTO GRA PHS BY C HA RLES DA RWI N, TO N Y MC DONNE LL & NI KOL A T ESL A

The Diliman campus of the University of the Philippines is like a huge eco-park: streets canopied by old acacia, vast grassy spaces, and dark secluded pockets of trees and shrubs. No wonder the campus has inspired the more adventurous segment of its student population to seek quick carnal thrills within such a bewildering amount of vegetation and cover.

4 NATJOLOGS • DECEMBER 2015

K

nown for its iconic statue of a naked man with outstretched arms, UP has always prided itself on its liberal approach to education: let the young generation learn everything, even by among themselves. To the hormonal UP student, this academic freedom is also a neon sign for what could perhaps be conservatively called “collaborative learning” experiments.

From the restrooms of the College of Arts and Letters and classrooms of Palma Hall, to the Vargas Museum, UP Theater and Lagoon, raunchy teenagers seem determined to employ the theme of its pep squad's cheerleading theme this year, “Utak at Puso” (Mind and Heart), in scouting for the most discreet locations to celebrate the peak of their sexuality.

No wonder UP is a secular university, for otherwise priests would have to hose the entire university with holy water every week and prayers for divine interventions would be routine.

As in elsewhere around the globe, these acts of passion, often indistinguishable from true love and performed overtly or covertly on campus grounds add flavor and thrill to college life. They learn about the three bases even if without the benefit of Baseball PE classes, and the females are motivated to meticulously study and plot their menstrual cycles to avoid the dreaded two pink lines.

Of course, news about these activities has reached the ears of the administration.

For instance, the five-hectare Sunken Garden, once the most significant mating

grounds on campus, is now patrolled by roving guards every night, flashlights on the ready to detect and apprehend any errant young couple.

Despite attempts to curb the number of lascivious acts on campus, amorous pairs find solace in the fact that many of UP’s mating grounds remain undisturbed, especially by sundown. At the Track Oval, strenuous exercises are not limited to running, though a lot of panting, of course, is definitely involved in other physical activities in this area.

For now, most of UP Diliman's mating grounds remain largely unrestricted. Many poor students might find the expensive tuition and other fees as barriers to college education, but in this particular regard, the campus may still rightly claim that it remains in fact an “open” university, a haven for adventures both cerebral and physical.

POPULAR CULTURE

HASHT5 In Your Wildest Dreams

BY AN D R E AS V ESA LI U S & MI C HA E L FA RA DAY P HOTOGRA PHS BY A DRI A N WA LKE R Hunting down the elusive Hasht5 was not an easy task— even for the highly-trained National Jolographic team. After hours of tracking through state-of-the-art GPS equipment and satellite imaging, we finally sighted the famous boy group in their natural environment. This project was undertaken with the hopes of answering questions that have baffled social media scientists: Who are these young boys, where do they come from, and what do they want from us?

L-R: Vincent, Jhimwel and Erick

ON THE ORIGIN OF SPECIES Situated in the urban jungle of General Trias in Cavite, Sunny Brooke 2 is home to Hasht5, a quintet composed of Vincent Binocas, Jhimwel Macanlalay, Erick Ebreo, Ceejhay Eliero, and Marlou Arizala. Their Facebook page now boasts 198,000 likes, and their schedules are crowded with gigs, mall shows, and appearances in a major television network.

The name “Hasht5” stands for “Have a Successful Honor and Talent.” The group launched themselves as a “boy band” in July this year when the original members were brought together by their passion for singing and dancing. Vincent, Jhimwel, and Marlou met when they joined their local church choir. Vincent and Jhimwel have been close friends since preschool.

Vincent has been acting in school presentations since grade school and has always been passionate for theater. “Mahilig ako sa drama at action,” confessed the leader of the pack.

Their first viral video was something they did for fun. In the video, the five members demonstrated how they defeated acne by chugging a bottle of detergent. Little did they know that this video would catapult them to fame.

SAVAGE PREDATORS As the posts on their Facebook page attracted traffic in social media, Hasht5 fell prey to harsh comments from Internet users. Many ridiculed the existence of the sensational group and 6 NATJOLOGS • DECEMBER 2015

publicly declared their wish for its immediate extinction. Others attacked the Hasht5's physical appearance.

In our interview with three of the Hasht5 members, they said the most hurtful comment was the popular allegation that the Hasht5 members were ex-‘rugby boys’ along Recto Avenue. They denied any past or present involvement with the contact cement substance.

The Hasht5 young men, however, prefer to remain optimistic. “Mas sumisikat kami,” Vincent said. They do their best to keep their cool in the face of harsh criticism and prejudice. “Palabiro lang ang mga sagot namin. Sumasakay na lang kami para 'di nila sabihin na may ‘attitude’ kami.”

Their good manners have not gone unnoticed.

One Facebook commenter reacted: “Bilib ako sa mga batang [ito], grabe na pambabastos sa kanila pero baliwala lang sa kanila at ang magandang kapalit, inuulan sila ng blessings.”

Though the group has not achieved fame as the “talented” boy band they aspired to be, they are by all means “successful,” if only based on the famous people they mingle with these days.

“Nakakasama namin 'yung ibang mga internet stars kagaya ni Sir Mikey Bustos [at] Kuya Lloyd Cadena,” Vincent proudly shared.

The boys have also become good friends with the notorious Pabebe girls. Just like Hasht5, the Pabebe girls have earned their celebrity status via social media. “Mabait sila kasi marunong silang rumespeto.” The boys even teased Erick that he was courting one of the girls. Erick refused to

comment and instead quipped, “Siya ang lumapit.

Kasalanan ko ba 'yun?” The boys laughingly pointed out that Erick is the “chickboy” of the group. “Loyal siya. Loyal sa lima,” they joked.

GAME OF SURVIVAL As they climb their way to the top, the Hasht5 boys are careful to remain grounded and close to their families who have always supported them and from whom they derive their inspiration. Primates, including humans, are famously known in the animal world for strong ties between mother and offspring. Vincent teases Erick, “Noong umiyak 'yung mama mo (during a televised interview), iyak ka rin eh!”

The boys have received scholarships for the next school year, sponsored by Cavite politicians who are seeking posts in the upcoming elections.

Marlou, the oldest of the group at 18, was a college dropout because of financial difficulties. They consider themselves lucky because they were given opportunities, unlike their siblings and other youth their age who cannot go to school.

When asked if tertiary education should be equally accessible to all youth regardless of their socioeconomic background, their answer was a quick and resounding affirmative.

Vincent jokes: “Dapat nga [libre] ng gobyerno ang edukasyon, para matuwa sa kanila 'yung mga bumoboto sa kanila.”

THE TALKING DEAD

by Alexander Fleming Photographs by Charles Darwin

Mysteries of An Ancient Prophecy Revealed

T

he overcast August sky meant rain and mud for a group of construction workers in Quezon City, an hour away from the Philippine capital of Manila. The men have been working on the expansion of a high-end shopping district called the UP Town Center.

Forty-year-old Mark Roxas was in charge of heading the team, and he was just about to ask his men to call it a day, when they suddenly called out to show him something they discovered in the pit they were digging.

They had found a simple wooden chest the size of a dwarf's coffin, locked with a figurehead resembling the carvings on the Manunggul Jar, a burial jar used during the country's early precolonial era. Half-expecting it to contain a mummified corpse and perhaps some valuable treasures, Roxas opened the chest to find a single copperplate, inscribed with strange characters he cannot even understand.

Puzzled by his discovery, he called up his boss, who then requested UP Archaeology Professor Mary Ann Santiago to take a look. Santiago wasted no time and formed a team of experts to unlock the secrets of the copperplate. Roughly the size of four iPad minis placed side by side, the plate was inscribed with the ancient Baybayin script of the Philippines. After a few sleepless days and nights, they began solving parts of the riddle. The opening lines of the inscription at last revealed a message.

“

Hello... It's me I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet...

To go over...

Everything.

They say time's supposed to heal ya

But I aint done much healing

C

Hello... Can you hear me?

arbon-dated to at least a decade before the arrival of Spanish conquistadores, the text foretells the story of a place for “extraordinary young minds.”

“This ancient prophecy refers to no other than UP. The resemblance of the text with present circumstances is so striking. This is not just a landmark archaeological artifact from the past, but a wake-up call for us in the present generation,” said Santiago.

Written perhaps by an extremely gifted babaylan, the text seems to accurately narrate the history of the university, celebrating those years when it played a crucial role in fighting against the archipelago's corrupt leaders. Yet the prophecy also foretells a grim fate that looms over the university.

Santiago explains how the copperplate tells of the gradual sale of UP’s assets, predicting that UP would lease vast hectares of land to the greedy and powerful.

“

In the land atop my resting place shall rise, A nest for individuals with extraordinary minds.

To revolution’s call, its people will answer But from one of its children, the country will suffer.

From its walls will burst problems untold, When leaders forsake their land for silver and gold.

Pride and heritage will be forgotten As greed and power slowly creep in.

The UP-AyalaLand Technohub fits this prediction perfectly, after the university entered a contract with the real estate giant Ayala to lease a parcel of land supposedly for “research and development.” “But when the project was launched during my senior year in 2008, the place had nothing but call centers and expensive restaurants. Not exactly the type of development we were led to believe it will bring,” said a UP alumnus.

The last lines inscribed on the copperplate meanwhile reveal the fate of the university if it does not heed its warning. UP will cease to be a place of learning. In its place, a wasteland where money is king. ≠

“

Let this continue, and spirits old will plague thee: Locusts by the numbers, toads big as pigs The ground sinking to oblivion in a blink.

But change your ways and see the place to bloom,

DECEMBER 2015 • NAT JOLOGS

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When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

INSPIRED BY THE VICTIMS OF GOVERNMENT NEGLECT AND CRIMINAL INCOMPETENCE

THE NEW GENERATION OF RESILIENCE

NEVEREST