Philippine Collegian Special Issue

DECEMBER 2012 P175

VANITY FAIR: NEGA BEAUTY

RULEBOOK 2012!

LIP GLOSS, LIPSTICK, HAIR COLOR, AND MORE!

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WAY S T O AC HI EVE T HE ‘ A’ L OOK !

REBRACKET YOUR FASHION, NO NEED FOR CERTIFICATION

FLOP MELANGE SEE THE LATEST

POP CULTURE TRENDS! MILK TEAS, BOY BANDS, MOVIES PLUS...

PORTABLE STOVE!

EDITOR’S NOTE The Beauty in Derelicte Less is more. Cheap is chic. Poor is posh.

We at NEGA have always believed in the power of the poor. (It doesn’t always show, of course, but we’d like to claim that anyway.)

And though we stand on an ivory tower--a tower so glorified and glamorized by the people who matter--it has always been our noble advocacy to mingle once in a while with those who are too hungry to even care about their own personal beauty.

As the holiday season creeps in, and in keeping with the spirit of gift-giving, we offer this issue which has nothing to do with Christmas--at all.

Yet this issue is special, because it’s for everyone. Not just for the social butterfly who does not want to get caught wearing the same outfit as anyone. Not just for the bored middle-class housewife who fantasizes about the exciting possibilities of having a modelesque physique. Not just the fashion-savvy college student who, instead of questioning the meaning of life, spends her time looking for inspirations for her next post in lookbook.

This issue is for you, for your classmates and roommates, for your mother, and for your father, too--because, you know, you never know.

Our fashion spread offers you the tips and tricks of achieving the NEGA Bracket A look without spending too much. After all, you’re all Bracket A cash cows in the eyes of your school officials,

so might as well embrace your poverty and elevate it to the fabulous heights of beauty and glamor, right?

Our fashion correspondents also explored the dingy and dangerous streets of Quiapo and Ongpin to give you the cheapest beauty products. (Results are guaranteed, but not your safety.)

And for those who are into pop culture, our lifestyle special Flop Melange has everything to keep you updated: from the new milk tea hotspot to the latest high-end gadget everyone should have.

But a little reminder, in case you get carried away. This issue is for everyone--almost everyone.

For as much as you, the poor, are powerful--in numbers and in strength--we shall very much like to keep the way things are.

Remember always that there is a social divide, the divide which separates “you” from “us.”

After reading this issue, you’ll absolutely get a little closer to who we are. But be advised that no fashion trick, no cheap find, can make you cross that sharp line that separates “you” from “us.” We are also terribly concerned about your self-esteem.

Enjoy reading!

Marié Caitlin Elán

The

Team

Editor-in-Chief

Editor-in-Chief Marié Caitlin Elán Associate Editor Marge O’Hara--Toucan Guest Editor Jeux Christophe Allemande Gonçalves News Editor Viktor Gregorovich Lemonov Features Editor Kalvin Marque Gouméiz Graphics Editors Audi Alliposá Crux Martini Imprimatur

Staff Jean Tuliedildo Kimburberry Oprahuig Ronaldo Joshua Baptiste Jirurdano Pradaeux Victoriassie Eckrett Antoinette Antiprada Immanuel Tagorough Julianne Hallucinacion Milkee Aniague Marianeta Cauliseum Azhlinn Bvlgarzia Yza Calinawanski Antoine Chuva Gloinetta Flamencoco Jean Keithley Diphuntorum Lou-iji Alpamuena Jelorax Gallagher Business Officer Amelynda Gá Circulation Manager Paul Jean Calix Business Staff Ginette Bequille Trinidad Gabelle Office Tower 401 Vinzons Castle Univerzidad de Philippin Quezon Kingdom Telefax 981-RICH (7424) Email inquiries@negastyle.ph Website negastyle.ph

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NEWS EX-UP EMPRESS THROWS PARTY TO MARK 6TH ANNIVERSARY OF TUITION HIKE Kate Mariannaux Whatever nasty things people may whisper behind her back, there’s no denying that former UP Empress Everlinda Blair Romanesky surely knows how to party with style.

To commemorate the upcoming sixth anniversary of the 300 percent increase in UP tuition, which Romanesky herself masterminded in 2006, the ex-empress hosted a rave party at her own home in Quezon City on December 8.

Free-flowing booze and dope were served until the wee hours of the morning.

“I need a break from all these negative vibes people have been sending my way throughout all these years. It’s about time I show them that I really don’t give a flying f*ck about those who find P1,500 per unit so expensive,” the it-girl said in a candid interview with Nega.

Meanwhile, Romanesky has denied rumors she is haunted by nightmares in her sleep. “It’s true I don’t get a lot of sleep. But that’s because going to bed messes up my perfectly coiffed hair. I’ve been so used to keeping up appearances that I do it even if I’m just with my husband,” she explained.

Current UP Emperor Freddie Pascal reportedly tried to gatecrash into the event but was “escorted away by burly men in black,” according to a well-placed source.

CHIEF SECURITY DOYENNE LAUNCHES ‘FIERCE’ LOOK FOR CAMPUS PULIS Viktor Gregorovich Lemonov

WILD ONES. The tuition hike masterminds dance the night away (L-R): Everlinda Blair Romanesky, Noel the God, Glory McPagall A-Go-Go, Edgar Allan Athenashow, and Sir Yo Caugh.

“It makes all the difference, you see. I don’t know about some people, but I’m sure I don’t want to eat things called ‘kwek-kwek’ and ‘kikiam,’ like, I mean, you know, gets?”

FINE DINING. UP CMC Dean Rolex Tollentine with a group of students who attended the ribbon-cutting event.

“There are no safe choices – whether in fashion or in campus security.”

This is what UP Diliman (UPD) Chief Security Officer Edganda Faghague told an elite group of fashionistas, as he launched an exclusive clothing line for the men and women of UPD Police during a by-invitation-only soiree at the Quezon Hall on December 2.

Personally designed by Faghague himself, the ensemble was hailed by guests as both “a wondrous marvel” and a “visionary step towards bringing down the incidence of crime on campus.”

Inspired by seemingly disparate themes, such as Lady Gaga costumes and Viking warriors, the new uniforms are especially designed to increase the visibility of police officers and frighten away criminals who plan to prey on UP students.

The new security fashion line also features vintage ostrich feather shoulder pads and zebra leotards.

“I’ve always, always been fascinated by animal prints. And of course the zebra is my favorite animal, like, since forever,” Faghague told Nega in an exclusive interview.

Since the gruesome attack on a fifth year Political Science student in February this year, the whole UP community has called on the UPD administration to hire additional security personnel and to tighten security measures in key locations.

“But, my god, this is much, much better!

It’s out-of-the-box. It’s fashion forward. It’s divine. It’s so humbling to realize now that the administration has been busy working on this exquisitely designed creation all this time,” said Student Regent Cleventine Arguellesque.

UP INAUGURATES NEW HAVEN FOR CANTON FOODIES Jelorax Gallagher Lovers of quick bites, good food, and pancit canton have another reason to celebrate as the UP administration inaugurated a new haven for those who want a high-end dining experience that promises gastronomic delights without the astronomic prices.

A joint project between the UP administration and Ducky Me Foods Corporation (DMC), the Canton House is located on Ylanan Road, near the College of Mass Consumption. The posh food stall offers authentic street food with a touch of haute cuisine. Deep-fried quail eggs dipped in orange dough are strictly referred to on the menu as “egg waffles,” while “kikiam” are known as “ground pork in bean curd wraps.”

“It makes all the difference, you see. I don’t know about some people, but I’m sure I don’t want to eat things called ‘kwek-kwek’ and ‘kikiam,’ like, I mean, you know, gets?” said DMC Public Deceptions Officer Anna Kantonina.

While it promises affordability, Canton House, however, will not offer combo meals offered by other establishments on campus. “No need to get worried, though, because prices will vary depending on your STFAP bracket. Those who can afford to eat should pay more, right? So we can feed those who are so very poor,” Kantonina added.

Meanwhile, Ducky Me endorser Sharotte Coup N’état was not able to attend the event, due to an situation of “great gravity,” the megastar’s publicist told Nega Magazine.

In a tweet on the same day, Coup N’état, however, denied rumors that she didn’t make it to the inauguration because she could not get out of bed. She also denied rumors that the government plans to launch her into space as a new planet by 2020.

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Photos co urtesy

WAYS TO ACHIEVE THE ‘A’ LOOK

of Crux M artini Im prima

tur

Trying so hard to look impoverished in the hopes of getting assigned into the lower brackets of the Socialite Tuition Frightens Away the Poor (STFAP)? Forget it. With the UP administration’s new STFAP scheme, which will be announced in January, you’ll most probably end up in Bracket A anyway.

So embrace poverty and follow these easy fashion tips on how to add style and verve to your everyday school get-up!

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PE SHIRT Worried about not having the latest fashion trend in your closet? How about not having enough money to get your clothes laundered? Worry not because the best solution to your sartorial dilemma is right there in your hamper—your PE shirt.

Its maroon sleeves scream of school spirit and conveniently hide the wet spots in your underarms. The front design also tells the world that you’re from UP and are too busy in school to purchase that latest item from Uniglo.

So the next time you got no clothes to wear, just remember this mantra: every day is PE day!

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RUBBER BANDS

FLIP-FLOPS

PHONE

BAYONG

Going green is definitely in! Next time your mother goes to the palengke to buy vegetables, ask her not to throw away those vibrantly colorful rubber bands which hold those bunches of kangkong and sitaw together. Keep those in your closet drawer until you have enough of them to wear as a multi-string bracelet. You can even wrap them around your fingers as rings!

Save yourself from getting caught dead in the overpass. With this sustainable fashionable accessory, you won’t ever lack of something to tie your hair into a neat pony tail!

A pair of flip-flops is a must-have in the campus, especially for those who don’t have their own wheels. And while brands like Havaiawak claim to be the “in” thing, Nega’s fashion insiders found out that the trendiest slippers for the cash-strapped can still be found in the ever-reliable, one-stop mecca for the best and cheapest footwear: the palengke.

For only P50, palengke slippers can give you the best sole sensation, as they bring your feet closer to the ground (especially after months of use). They are available in various colors and they go well with dirty toenails, too!

Who needs an iPhone if you have a dependable analog phone for calling and texting family, friends, and classmates? Take, for example, Chenes Mobile’s PHP1 phone. For only P999, you’ll have all the basics and—well— almost nothing else.

Yet, with a little flair, confidence, and a hipster air, you can absolutely turn your lowly handheld into a posh fashion accessory. Learn to flaunt your outmoded cellphone as if it weren’t an archeological artifact, and you won’t ever need to text inside a restroom cubicle again.

Remember: functionality is simplicity, and simplicity is elegance.

What used to carry fish, meat, and vegetables you bought from the talipapa can also carry your books! Chances are you won’t be able to afford that Herpes bag even if you starve yourself to death to save money. So why not grab that old bayong hanging by your kitchen door and turn it into your very own fashion statement? It’s got ethnic patterns, and it works just like your typical Luis Button shoulder bag.

Just strut along the AS walk with your bayong, project that NGO feel—as if some indigenous princess from a far-flung province made it by hand just for you—and you’re ready to elicit some really envious stares!

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NEGA DECEMBER 2012

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NEGA PROMOTION

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NEGA PROMOTION

Photos co urtesy

WAYS TO ACHIEVE THE ‘A’ LOOK

of Crux M artini Im prima

tur

Trying so hard to look impoverished in the hopes of getting assigned into the lower brackets of the Socialite Tuition Frightens Away the Poor (STFAP)? Forget it. With the UP administration’s new STFAP scheme, which will be announced in January, you’ll most probably end up in Bracket A anyway.

So embrace poverty and follow these easy fashion tips on how to add style and verve to your everyday school get-up!

1

PE SHIRT Worried about not having the latest fashion trend in your closet? How about not having enough money to get your clothes laundered? Worry not because the best solution to your sartorial dilemma is right there in your hamper—your PE shirt.

Its maroon sleeves scream of school spirit and conveniently hide the wet spots in your underarms. The front design also tells the world that you’re from UP and are too busy in school to purchase that latest item from Uniglo.

So the next time you got no clothes to wear, just remember this mantra: every day is PE day!

2

RUBBER BANDS

FLIP-FLOPS

PHONE

BAYONG

Going green is definitely in! Next time your mother goes to the palengke to buy vegetables, ask her not to throw away those vibrantly colorful rubber bands which hold those bunches of kangkong and sitaw together. Keep those in your closet drawer until you have enough of them to wear as a multi-string bracelet. You can even wrap them around your fingers as rings!

Save yourself from getting caught dead in the overpass. With this sustainable fashionable accessory, you won’t ever lack of something to tie your hair into a neat pony tail!

A pair of flip-flops is a must-have in the campus, especially for those who don’t have their own wheels. And while brands like Havaiawak claim to be the “in” thing, Nega’s fashion insiders found out that the trendiest slippers for the cash-strapped can still be found in the ever-reliable, one-stop mecca for the best and cheapest footwear: the palengke.

For only P50, palengke slippers can give you the best sole sensation, as they bring your feet closer to the ground (especially after months of use). They are available in various colors and they go well with dirty toenails, too!

Who needs an iPhone if you have a dependable analog phone for calling and texting family, friends, and classmates? Take, for example, Chenes Mobile’s PHP1 phone. For only P999, you’ll have all the basics and—well— almost nothing else.

Yet, with a little flair, confidence, and a hipster air, you can absolutely turn your lowly handheld into a posh fashion accessory. Learn to flaunt your outmoded cellphone as if it weren’t an archeological artifact, and you won’t ever need to text inside a restroom cubicle again.

Remember: functionality is simplicity, and simplicity is elegance.

What used to carry fish, meat, and vegetables you bought from the talipapa can also carry your books! Chances are you won’t be able to afford that Herpes bag even if you starve yourself to death to save money. So why not grab that old bayong hanging by your kitchen door and turn it into your very own fashion statement? It’s got ethnic patterns, and it works just like your typical Luis Button shoulder bag.

Just strut along the AS walk with your bayong, project that NGO feel—as if some indigenous princess from a far-flung province made it by hand just for you—and you’re ready to elicit some really envious stares!

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BEAUTY CALAM-ÁNG CHANCY

CHUICY COLOGNE

Jealous of your socialite classmates wearing those tank-tops? Avoid unsightly dark shades in the underarm by squeezing and rubbing Calam-ang Chancy. Constant application of this fruit equipped with natural STuCRAP antioxidants will whiten those dark spots and leave you shameless in a two-piece bikini in Manila Bay.

Feeling tense working all day long at the wet market? Detecting body odors during MRT rides?

Never worry as CK (CharKoal) Unlimited Co. brings you this whole new Chuicy collection, with a fragrant blast of stench.

Aptly created for choosy noses, Chuicy’s scent is amazing all day long.

Price: P27.00

Price: P25.00 per kilo

Pink is the new brown. With many people shamelessly tired of their brown nipples, there’s no more room for brown as this season ends. Refashion your nipples with Asusuwhore Pink Nipple Cream and observe firm pinkish beauty on your tits after 15 days, and never let your bras hide them again.

NEGA BEAUTY RULEBOOK 2012:

VANITY FAIR Poverty is hard to ignore all year round. This season’s hottest picks, from Nega fashion correspondent Jean Tuliedildo and beauty accomplice Gloinetta Flamencoco, sparkle with gold, glitz, and glam from a whole ménage of creamy concoctions made in China to local inflammatory facial antioxidants.

Beauty becomes more accessible to all with the allure of extracts discovered from our neighbourhood sidewalk tinderas. We share this year’s tried and tested money savers from dingy MRTs to dim alleys of the metro. Satisfy your desires and observe changes in your life after a few weeks.

ASUSUWHORE PINK NIPPLE CREAM

Price: P30.00

AGUA EXAHERADA

Want a K-Pop or American blonde look? Try this new hair sensation from Keme Laboratories. Lady Gagagitata once called it “the liquid of her downfall,” while sewer veteran Jocel Albuquerque regarded it as “the best forgery of US identity.” Agua Exeharada surely brings out the foreign bond in you.

Price: P11.00

YOUNGSTOWN HAIR WORKS

Contrary to popular belief, hard hair is the best hair. For young jejes out there traipsing on the windy and smoke-belched bangketas, hair may be messed up after a short stroll. With Youngstown Hair Works, hair follicles are extra firm and dry to the root with results lasting until your next shampoo session.

Price: P4.00

BY:JEAN TULIEDILDO & GLOINETTA FLAMENCOCO

MÉNANA FACIAL CREAM

Blemishes and dark spots are a no-no when sitting beside a cutie classmate in class. A radiant face will do with just a few wipes with Ménana cream after a bath and before bedtime on the face and neck. It will brighten your face, leaving your seatmate blinded.

KIM CHUN SING

Brighten your face and put that Kenshin Himura scars to silence.

Achieve that Kim Chups whiteness by applying this cream all over your face and neck. It protects you from the formation of dark spots and evens out dark skin tones.

Price: P35.00

Price: P37.00

TIBAXIN LIPGLOSS

Chapped lips can be a total bummer when walking under the heat of the sun. Apply the shiny, pale shade of Tibaxin lip gloss to slough off dead skin.

Achieve that Angolina Jelly swollen lips every day, and maybe add an extra shade with Tibaxin’s Hot Pink Lipstick.

Price: P20.00

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CK (CHARKOAL) EYELINER

LAFÁNGE LIPSTICKS

Loose lips sink ships. As the cliché suggests, unsavoury lips are out of fashion.

With more lip skins dying this poverty season from water companies closing water tubes, Lafánge lipsticks can conceal the wrinkled truth.

Wear this and sport a moisturized smile for a long night of smooching and lip biting.

Price: P20.00

Inspired by Kate Endington’s smoldering look, create that smoky, sexy gaze by drawing lines under the eyelids using CK Eyeliner. You can also powder up after CK Eyeliner and apply panda-like shadows on your upper lids and style your way affordably by pairing it up with your luscious lips.

Price: P5.00 per pack

NEGASTYLE.PH

LIFESTYLE OUT OF THIS WORLD Gone Up Uranus Dental Records, Philippines Get ready to be tantalized again by Gone Up Uranus’ blatantly generic and passé sound.

ImpuniTEA “It’s not just tea. It’s culture.”

325 Comfortable Avenue, Instructors’ Tenements, Diliman, Quezon City If you haven’t tried milk tea yet, then you poor darlings are really missing out on a lot. ImpuniTEA is yet another addition to the growing list of milk tea shops around the metro. Nested in the heart of the now infamous Comfortable Avenue in Diliman, ImpuniTEA aims to serve a decadent milk tea experience without the punishment.

Often compared to its successful predecessor PoverTEA due to their eclectic tea concoctions and very affordable prices, ImpuniTEA remains to be a different milk tea experience altogether. With prices ranging from Php 45.00 to Php 85.00, masters and slaves alike can afford to have a sip of their refreshing offerings.

Choose your poison of choice from their out-of-this-world Cavendish banana-infused mango tea with miniature gummi bears, to their alltime favourite staple watermelon durian infused milk tea with sundot kulangot. With its clean, cosy and airconditioned environment, you’re sure to remain safe from muggers, real estate agents and the random beggar while you’re sipping your favourite brew.

After their groundbreaking performance in Pyongyang, North Korea for the Intra-universe Music Expo, P-pop boy band Gone Up Uranus returns to the Philippines with a new album and a new sound in tow. A year after they released their debut album “Life on Uranus,” the seven-man hybrid boy band finally releases their second album entitled “Out of this World.”

Their latest album features 11 new songs, which boasts the different music styles that the band has embraced during their 3-month detention in North Korea. The soon-to-be signature club anthem titled “Boom, I go Nuclear!” heavily influenced by Dear Leader’s lyrical songwriting, features a pseudoprogressive techno beat meshed with heavy Mongolian throat singing. Their new power ballad titled “Mattress of Dandelions” served as an experiment in redneck yacht rock and guitar virtuoso metal, which greatly exhibits the wide range that this P-pop boy band can handle.

The biggest thing to happen to iCook since iCook Portable Cawali Model CSX98086

the button without feeling the heat outside the lightweight metal anytime, anywhere. Portable Cawali model CSX98086 is naturefriendly, made of chemical materials that absorb carbon dioxide and releases oxygen as the Pancitese Cantonilla is being sautéed. It comes with five free iPone5 units. Most importantly, part of the proceeds of Mansanita’s Store from this newest model of Portable Cawali would go to charity.

The latest gadget that would fulfil the need to cook the most sumptuous Filipino dishes such as the Pancitese Cantonilla is now made available anytime, anywhere with the Mansanitas iCook Store’s newest product, the Portable Cawali Model CSX98086. Convenient and light, it also contains 500 terabytes of disk space for instant music downloading by plugging its cable to any Mansanitas brand laptop.

Eager customers could turn on

Out of this World comes out this December 25 under Dental Records.

THE HABBIT OF MUGGLES

FLOP MELANGE

The Habbit: An Expected Adaptation Pekpek Jackson

The latest pop culture trends

With the success of the Lord of Chirirings trilogy, a new Pekpek Jackson adaptation of another beloved Tolkep masterpiece premiered in the Philippines on December 13. The Chirirings prequel entitled The Habbit: An Expected Adaptation revolves around the quest of Dildo Saggins and the thirteen Drunks, led by Thorrent, to reclaim the Drunk Kingdom of Everbored from the exploitation of the dragon stripper OrgaSmaug.

The film brings to the silver screen once again the old, familiar characters we all learned to lust for, including Grandpadalf the Gay, Froyo Saggins, Leg-o-lass, and KamaSatruman.

Jackson’s The Habbit has been one of the most anticipated porn films of the year alongside other book porn adaptations like Legs Miserables, Anal Karenina, and The Great Gatsby Lubricant. With the constant adaptation of porn books to porn films, it appears the muggles’ have developed the “habbit” of ‘reading’ the porn book only when it is finally adapted to a porn movie.

Truly, for those uninitiated to the milk and bubble tea phenomenon, ImpuniTEA’s refreshing concoctions will definitely titillate your parched and guilt-less throats.

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NEGA DECEMBER 2012

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