My Inner Landscape

Copyright 2020, by Philip Clayberg MY INNER LANDSCAPE I tremble to think of all that I've done,

So many battles lost, so few wars won,

I close my eyes as the fear that envelops me As I try to remember all the painfully

Learned lessons that made who I am today I collapse onto the floor, unable to believe That there it's possible for me to retrieve

From the depths of my darkest imagination

Sparks that keep causing each conflagration, Bonfires that keep all of my hopes at bay The rise and fall of my inner emotions, The tumbling waves of the deepest oceans, The nights and days of times gone by,

The abandoned deserts that leave me dry, A way to rescue me from my sadness I struggle to stand on tired legs and feet

That complain and wish they could cheat The reality that reveals all my inner fears That resist my urge to douse them with tears

And instead suppresses them with hopelessness I want to break free of the chains that hold me, But however much I want to break free From the prison of my false mediocrity

And shows me all I am in blazing clarity, I am not who I always thought I was So endless the path from here to over there,

So tempting another way that I will not dare, So silent the world that I journey into,

So strong the relationships that ensue, Leaving me to wonder why so much Of the time all I want is your touch Lead me away from the empty shore,

Lead me back home, where an open door Invites me to a place vast and deep, A place to rest my weary soul,

A place still so far from my goal, But body and mind tire, desiring sleep I realize that I have to capitulate And slide back into a dark haze,

Like a beach releasing each wave So that they can return to the deep, The source from whence they came When the sun rises and morning comes, I welcome the new day, a reward won

By passing the night in subterranean caves Where past dreams slowly become bones And memories, one by one, rest in their graves (written 6-2-2020)