January 4, 2017 - Pittsburgh City Paper by Pittsburgh City Paper

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 01.04/01.11.2017

RESPONSIBILITY

from

M AT T E R S

Happy Holidays

for Drinking Responsibly this Holiday Season!

Thanks...

01.04/01.11.2017 VOLUME 27 + ISSUE 01

[EDITORIAL] Editor CHARLIE DEITCH News Editor REBECCA ADDISON Arts & Entertainment Editor BILL O’DRISCOLL Music Editor MARGARET WELSH Associate Editor AL HOFF Web Producer ALEX GORDON Staff Writers RYAN DETO, CELINE ROBERTS Interns MEGAN FAIR, LUKE THOR TRAVIS

[ART] Director of Operations KEVIN SHEPHERD Production Director JULIE SKIDMORE Art Director LISA CUNNINGHAM Graphic Designers JEFF SCHRECKENGOST, JENNIFER TRIVELLI

[COVER STORY]

[ADVERTISING]

“Enjoy the planet while you can.” PAGE 06

[ARTS]

Their wit resides in how substituting an unlikely material for its real-world counterpart gives the impression that glass, for instance, might decay like wood. PAGE 19

Director of Advertising JESSIE AUMAN-BROCK Senior Account Executives PAUL KLATZKIN, JEREMY WITHERELL Advertising Representative BLAKE LEWIS Classified Manager ANDREA JAMES National Advertising Representative VMG ADVERTISING 1.888.278.9866 OR 1.212.475.2529

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[MUSIC]

“All those instruments can create a harmony of another movement.” PAGE 12

News 06 Weird 11 Music 12 Arts 19 Events 22 Taste 26 Screen 30

Sports 32 Classifieds 34 Crossword 34 Free Will Astrology 36 Savage Love 37 The Last Word 38 NEWS

MUSIC

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*Among Individual Marketplace plans available in Allegheny County for 2017. UPMC Health Plan’s Member Services Department was named a 2016 Silver Stevie Winner in the Contact Center of the Year Category. The Stevie® Awards — the world’s premier business awards — recognize contact centers, customer service, business development and sales professionals worldwide. The UPMC Health Plan Marketplace is a shopping site only for UPMC Health Plan products and is not the federal Health Insurance Marketplace. To access, please log in to www.upmchealthplan.com/coverage. To access the federal Health Insurance Marketplace, please visit www.healthcare.gov. Nondiscrimination Statement UPMC Health Plan complies with applicable federal civil rights laws and does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, national origin, age, disability, or sex. UPMC Health Plan is the marketing name used to refer to the following companies, which are licensed to issue individual and group health insurance products or which provide third party administration services for group health plans: UPMC Health Network Inc., UPMC Health Options Inc., UPMC Health Coverage Inc., UPMC Health Plan Inc., UPMC Health Beneﬁts Inc., UPMC for You Inc., and/or UPMC Beneﬁt Management Services Inc. Translation Services ATENCIÓN: si habla español, tiene a su disposición servicios gratuitos de asistencia lingüística. Llame al 1-855-489-3494 (TTY: 1-800-361-2629). ͩǋ쨰ƧưǷ̹ů୑ɄġǊ뼷ǷĻŗы͘ȦīДҶ྽Վ˖Ө 뼶ɐٍǖ 1-855-489-3494 (TTY) 1-800-361-2629뼶

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“THE FORTUNES OF THE STEELERS ARE AS PROMISING AS A BOUNTIFUL LATE-SEPTEMBER ONION HARVEST.”

www.pghcitypaper.com

Last week, Pittsburgh celebrated Hanukkah with the annual Menorah Parade and Festival. Check out our slideshow online at www.pghcitypaper.com.

Explore the kitchens and cuisine of the Middle Ages with authors Tricia Cohen and Lisa Graves in this week’s Soundbite podcast.

In the latest CP Longform installment, we review the decade-old case of a convicted murderer maintaining his innocence. Read it online at www.pghcitypaper.com.

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INTERACTIVE

Our featured #CPReaderArt photo from last week is a funny post-holiday scene from Lawrenceville by @ohadcadji. Use #CPReaderArt to share your local photos with us for your chance to be featured next!

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 01.04/01.11.2017

Everything you need to know to get through the year ahead

IFE CAN BE FULL of uncertainty in these whirligig times. Will it snow the day I decide to wear new ballet ﬂats? Will the new restaurant that opened last month still be open when I visit this week? Well, we’re here to help. In the pages of Pittsburgh City Paper’s 2017 Almanac, you’ll find everything from how your favorite Pittsburgh sports teams will do this year, to the best crops to plant when preparing for the looming Armageddon sure to be brought on by the high jinks of President-elect Donald Trump. Let our predictions serve as a beacon to guide you through the New Year.*

CITY PAPER ALMANAC:

WEATHER

CITY PAPER ALMANAC:

SPORTS

BY REBECCA ADDISON

and bested the Tigers in the World Series. Ti In 2017, Andrew McCutchen will return to top form and an have a whiz-bang of a year, delivering a World Series title deli and National League MVP honors. Nati It will be b the most emotional Pirates Pira game since Uncle Donnie tried to kill Sid Bream D by throwing a bottle of Iron Ir City through the Magnavox in 1992. Ma The T fortunes of the Pittsburgh Steelers are also Pittsbu as promising as a bountiful prom late-September onion harvest. late-Sep The boys of o the Black and Gold are starting to t hum like a well-oiled cotton gin. Antonio Brown’s name A change to Ronald Ocean has been R a good tool to confuse defensive backs, who fail fa to double cover the Pro Bowler because they don’t know be it’s really him. The Th Steelers should be boarding the Chattanooga Choo-Choo for Houston; Mike ChooTomlin will win his second Super Bowl; and Terry Bradshaw B will look DUM. Things are not as promising for fo the Pittsburgh Penguins hockey as the Cup fails to slide back h k club, l b however, h h Stanley S into Pittsburgh, like a burned stone in curling. The future is bright for young skipper Mike Sullivan, but the two-goalie system will only confuse matters, like the time we found out Uncle Olaf had a second family in Toledo. •

BY CHARLIE DEITCH

The Pittsburgh Pirates’ return to a sub-.500 season and the Chicago Cubs’ ascent to the peak of baseball royalty filled 2016 with the kind of dread experienced when finding that a gopher has set up shop in Nana’s prized d turnip patch. For the first time since breaking their 20-year drought of winning seasons, in 2013, the Pirates of the Allegheny made us pucker up like we just had a shot of Paw-Paw’s homemade apple-pie moonshine. ne. Their 78-83 record was an abomination not seen since June-Bug, third cousin twice removed moved on my pa’s side, took a tumble in n the three-legged race at the church social, revealing ng to the world that she had forgotten her under-britches. es. But fear not, fans of the Buccaneers, ccaneers, conditions are ripe for a Pirates World Series victory over the Detroit h D i Tigers in 2017. The last time the Cubs won the World Series was 1908, over the Detroit Tigers. In the 1908 National League Championship, the Cubs beat the Pirates. The following year, in 1909, the Pirates beat the Cubs in the NL

Some climate scientists are predicting that the earth is entering a global cooling period. So this year, don’t worry: That chill you feel isn’t the burning fires of Hell in the earth’s core freezing over, it’s proof that this global warming fiddle-faddle is a bunch of malarkey. Oh wait; those reports came from Breitbart, so scratch that. According to NASA, 15 of the top 16 warmest years have occurred since 2000 and we predict 2017 will be added to the list. And since many of those selected for the Trump administration have expressed doubt that climate change is caused by human activity, this year could take a toll on our planet. In the area of precipitation this year, we look to Seattle. While the city is often known for its dreariness, Pittsburgh has actually surpassed it in terms of average days of precipitation annually for the past two decades, according to the National Climatic Data Center. CONTINUES ON PG. 08

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In 2017, we predict Pittsburgh continues to edge out Seattle for a spot in the nation’s five rainiest cities, so hold onto your rain nipper. Us Pittsburghers sure do love us some prime placement on any list, but we are worried about the crick overflowing aht back. Temperaturewise, July will remain the month for your best chance of frying an egg on the sidewalk. And make sure you double up on the long johns for February. Now if you happen to be out West on Aug. 21, don’t be frightened. The world isn’t being thrown into nuclear winter. That day just marks a full solar eclipse that will be visible in parts of the country. Enjoy the city and the planet while you can. According to scientists, wildfires are causing more widespread damage; Japan’s Mount Fuji is among the volcanoes most likely to erupt in the next few decades; and Chile could be hit with an earthquake worse than the one off its coast in 2014. Basically, we’re predicting 2017 turns into your favorite disaster moving picture. Let’s hope it’s not Sharknado. •

CITY PAPER ALMANAC:

GARDENING BY ALEX GORDON As an uncertain future looms, we turn to gardening. Horticulture, otherwise known as the “optimist’s bomb shelter,” will become paramount as we face a reality without electricity, refrigeration, pesticides or insecticides. But luckily, nature does just fine without human intervention. In fact, it thrives when we’re out of the picture. So rest easy, it’s not too late to get your doomsday garden in the ground. Here’s what you should focus on planting in 2017 to avoid ending up in a pine overcoat: Perennials are flowers that grow back every year without needing to be replanted. Most are inedible or at least gross-tasting, but it might be nice to have something pretty to look at. Assuming a rival tribe doesn’t destroy them, these beauties will be there long after you’re dead. Asparagus is one of the hardiest crops in the game, but you’ll have to get started soon because it requires one full season without

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 01.04/01.11.2017

ECONOMY BY RYAN DETO

Pittsburgh’s luxury-housing boom will grow tired like a mule after a long day plowing the fields. It might not feel like it, with 1,500 luxury units under construction and slated for construction in 2017, but the apartment and condo boom that has taken over many city neighborhoods is headed for a cooling-off period. In fact, we predict luxury apartments could go out of style faster than whale-blubber torches after that Edison fellow invented the light bulb. John Petrack, of the Realtors Association of Metropolitan Pittsburgh, says that while many new homeowners and renters moving to Pittsburgh are fancy chaps with large salaries, developers “probably over-developed” luxury rental units over the last several years. “In terms of high-end rentals, because of the number of units online, that will become a relatively soft market,” says Petrack. As a result, many of the luxury units will lower their rents or offer incentives to attract residents, according to Petrack. And this potential slowdown is only reinforced by population and job-growth figures. Census figures show that Pittsburgh, the Glass City, actually lost around 100 residents from 2014 to 2015. And, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, from October 2015 to October 2016, the Pittsburgh region added only 800 private-sector jobs, which was among the slowest job-growth figures of any major metropolitan area in the country. However, job growth could get a boost from big companies like Shell and Uber. The Standard Oil competitor from across the pond should start construction on its chemical plant in Beaver County in 2017, which Shell says could create 6,000 jobs in the energy sector. But it’s unclear how many of those new workers will choose to live in the city. Uber employees are more likely to live in Pittsburgh, and the electronic-jitney company plans to add jobs to its driverless-vehicle testing facility, but Uber is cagey about how many positions will be offered. And while the luxury rental market could be slowing, and economic growth is no guarantee, Petrack says that the home-buying market will remain very strong. “If you look beyond the high-rent markets,” he says, “we are the most affordable metro area in the U.S. to purchase an average home. Everything is telling us that home-buying should remain relatively strong.” •

harvesting before it can produce. Bonus: Unripe spears can be used as weapons. Mint spreads like wildfire, so be careful with this one. Walla walla onion is fun to say and easy to plant, producing mild and sweet bulbs that can grow up to two pounds apiece. Fantastic. Life without civilization will be challenging, but life without mustard will be no life at all. The good news is, it’s relatively easy to grow and can produce in as little as 60 days. Start now: Mustard may very well become our form of currency. It’s likely our dental health will take a hit in this future, so you’ll need foods that are easy on the old biters. The “apple” tree produces bulbous fruits that can be mashed, or “smushed,” into this sweet delicacy known as applesauce. Marijuana. Helps with sleep, nausea, appetite, outlook. Seems like a no-brainer. All of these will require sun, rain and dirt, so assuming those haven’t been vanquished, you’ll be all set. Happy harvesting. •

CITY PAPER ALMANAC:

FOOD BY ALEX GORDON

Poring over climate, agriculture and weather data from 2016 has led us to a number of unavoidable conclusions about food in Pittsburgh (and beyond) in 2017. Trust us, it’s not going to be your usual cluck and grunt. Food trucks were big business in the ’10s, but as we move toward a more fuel-conscious future, they’ll become increasingly obsolete. The answer? Food canoes on all three rivers. They will be inconvenient and the food will be damp, but it’ll be kinda cute, no? Pittsburgh will pay tribute to its roots with a sausage casing stuffed with dozens of pierogies, then deep-fried in a delicious pilsner and served on a mountain of onion rings. Many will die. Food pairings began as a way to ensure that the stuff you ate and the stuff you drank tasted good together. But things have changed. In 2017, we will pair food with many other things: fruity seltzers, craft milks, paintings of lemons, ineffable emotions, cities of Australia. This amaretto goes well with Perth, but the Riesling has more of a Brisbane vibe. Pittsburgh’s lengthy roster of new restaurants will grow exponentially. By July, data shows, each resident will have her own. However the much-ballyhooed Superior Motors in Braddock still won’t be open. Algae is gross and everyone hates it, but for some reason many are predicting its impending ascent to super-food status. This is very upsetting, but the lab coats seem pretty sure of it, so what the hell. I pray they are wrong. Carnegie Mellon will develop a robot sommelier and he’ll be a real blatherskite. There will be more resplendent latkes to lavish in applesauce and sour cream. Luscious, flaky, sensuous latkes. And lastly, given President-elect Trump’s disdain for the FDA, the EPA, climate goals and raising the minimum wage, it’s likely food in general will become less regulated, more expensive, scarcer and worse-tasting. Bon appetit! •

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POLITICS BY RYAN DETO

The Pittsburgh mayoral race will be as dull as watching your older brother Jedediah churn butter. While rumors have been floating around that North Side City Councilor Darlene Harris is exploring a run for mayor (if so, we hope her campaign slogan is “Make Pittsburgh Shitty Again”), longtime Democratic strategist Mike Mikus says Mayor Bill Peduto is in a “very strong position for re-election” and a heated race, or any race, is far from likely. Also, don’t expect anything exciting out of the Allegheny County Council races. Most people are as familiar with county council as they are with those newfangled rotary telephones. “I view those races as the generic partisan test,” says Mikus. “Most people don’t know much about [county councilors].” Mikus says to expect Democrats to hold their 9-4 advantage over Republicans, and that even known ranter Ed Kress (R-Shaler), who won his seat in 2013 by just 320 votes, is safe. But remember, ladies and gents: Pittsburgh is overwhelmingly Democratic, so any excitement will most likely occur before the May 16 primary elections. For a hollerin’ good time of a local race, Mikus says, watch the Pittsburgh City Council’s 4th District. Current councilor Natalia Rudiak is not running for re-election in her South Hills district, and four local folks have already thrown their names into the derby. The four candidates are Anthony Coghill, Democratic chair of the district’s 19th Ward; Tony Griffith, who works for the Allegheny County Sheriff’s office; Jim Sheppard, a former staffer of Mayor Luke Ravenstahl; and Ashleigh Demmer, Rudiak’s current chief of staff. We predict that Coghill will come out victorious because he is a skilled roofer, with hands stronger than an ox. •

Interested and qualiﬁed candidates should respond at:

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2017 ALMANAC, CONTINUED FROM PG. 09

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Now it’s time for us to check in with the prediction experts. And we can all rest at ease because psychic coach Saint Novena says we’re going to see “the opposite of what we think is going to happen in the White House.” “I think Obama is probably going to take over, some way somehow,” Novena says. And as for the large number of celebrity deaths this year, Novena says 2017 won’t be filled with as much heartbreak. Internationally, Novena says conflicts in the Middle East will continue. “In the middle of 2017, they will try to make some kind of peace, but unfortunately it’s not going to go on,” she says. Sarah Sachs, a psychic medium who professes not to be a big sports fan, says,

“The Chicago Cubs may come up with another surprise.” Sachs says the recent stock-market surge has brought the year 1929 (the year the stock market crashed) into her mind for 2017, but she doesn’t think the crash will be as devastating. She doesn’t foresee any shakeups on the Supreme Court. But Sachs does foresee trouble in paradise for some of our favorite celebrity couples, particularly for pairings of older men with younger women. According to Gary Tiller, another psychic medium, “Our Mayor Bill Peduto will experience a windfall of some sort.” In Pittsburgh, Tiller foresees “a landslide which will be larger than any in recent history,” “a population explosion of deer” and “a bad multiautomobile accident, which seems most likely to occur in the South Side.” But it’s not all bad; Tiller also predicts “some new and bizarre flavors of ice cream will come out of our area.” RNUTTALL@PGHCITYPAPER.COM

+tax

rs tome u c w - ne al* -

* (Take these predictions with a grain of salt. While we did consult local experts on several topics, you shouldn’t take our Almanac down to the horse track. Seriously. Don’t.)

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JENSORENSEN

News of the Weird

S E N D YO U R W E IRD N E W S TO WE IR DNE WS@E A RTH L IN K. N E T O R W W W. N E W S O FTH E W E IRD. CO M

{BY CHUCK SHEPHERD}

The Hastens workshop in Koping, Sweden, liberally using the phrase “master artisans” recently, unveiled its madeto-order $149,900 mattress. Bloomberg News reported in December on Hastens’ use of superior construction materials such as pure steel springs, “slow-growing” pine, multiple layers of flax, horsehair lining (braided by hand, then unwound to ensure extra spring), and cotton covered by flame-retardant wool batting. With a 25-year guarantee, an eight-hour-a-day sleep habit works out to $2 an hour. (Bonus: The Bloomberg reviewer, after a trial run, gave the “Vividus” a glowing thumbs-up.)

Humans are good at recognizing faces, but exceptionally poor at recognition when the same face’s features are scrambled or upside down. In December, a research team from the Netherlands and Japan published findings that chimpanzees are the same way — when it comes to recognizing other chimps’ butts. That suggests, the scientists concluded, that sophisticated recognition of rear ends is as important for

“just standing there” when shot and killed. The officers said that conducting a thorough search of the premises might have riled the dogs and threatened their safety. (Unaddressed was whether a dog might avoid being shot if it masters the classic trick of “playing dead.”)

chimps (as “socio-sexual signaling,” such as prevention of inbreeding) as faces are to humans.

Humanity has accumulated an estimated 30 trillion tons of “stuff,” according to research by University of Leicester geologists — enough to fit over 100 pounds’ worth on every square meter of the planet’s surface. The scientists, writing in the Anthropocene Review, are even more alarmed that very little of it is ever recycled and that buried layers of technofossils that define our era will clutter and weigh down the planet, hampering future generations. (Don’t just think of “garage sale” stuff, wrote Mother Nature News; think of every single thing we produce.)

Typhoon Lighting is closing its doors in Regent Square and needs to

clear out inventory!

For about 10 years, organized crime rings operated a makeshift U.S. “embassy” in a rundown pink building in Accra, the capital of Ghana, issuing official-looking identification papers, including “visas” that theoretically permitted entry into the United States. The U.S. State Department finally persuaded Ghanian officials to close it down, but it is unknown if any purchasers were ever caught trying to immigrate. The “embassy,” with a U.S. flag outside, had well-spoken “consular officers” who reportedly collected about $6,000 per visa.

A federal appeals court agreed with a jury in December that Battle Creek, Mich., police were justified in shooting (and killing) two hardly misbehaving family dogs during a legal search of a house’s basement. Mark and Cheryl Brown had pointed out that their dogs never attacked; one, an officer admitted, was

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(1) The government in Saxony, Germany, chose as third-place winner of its 2016 prize for innovation and start-up companies the inventor of the ingenious silent vibrator (leading to shaming of economy minister Martin Dulig, now known as “Dildo Dulig”). (2) An unknown armed robber made off with cash at the Lotions and Lace adult store in San Bernardino, Calif., in December — although employees told police they angrily pelted the man with dildos from the shelves as he ran out the door.

WAYNOVISION

(1) Leonard Rinaldi, 53, was arrested in Torrington, Conn., in November following his theft of a rare-coin collection belonging to his father. The coins were valued at about $8,000, but apparently to make his theft less easily discoverable, he ran them through a Coinstar coin-cashing machine — netting himself a cool $60. (2) James Walsh was arrested in Port St. Lucie, Fla., on Dec. 12 at a Wal-Mart after carting out an unpaid-for big-screen TV. Walsh said he had swiped a TV on Dec. 11 with no problem — but failed to notice that, on that day, the store had a “shop with a cop” event at which St. Lucie County deputies were buying toys for kids.

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Citizen Police Review Board

PUBLIC NOTICE PRE-HEARING CONFERENCE:

CPRB Case #72-16 Tuesday, 1/24/17 at 5:30 PM City Council Chambers 414 Grant Street, 5th FL Pittsburgh PA 15219

Zimbabwe’s hyperinflation remains the most storied, but Venezuela is catching up. In mid-December, the government declared its largest-currency bill (the 100-bolivar note) worthless, replacing it with larger-denomination money (after a brief cash-in period that has ended and which some drug dealers were likely shut out of). The 100-bolivar’s value had shrunk to 2 cents on the black market. Stacks of it were required to make even the smallest food purchases, and since wallets could no longer hold the notes, robbers feasted on the “packages” of money people carried around while shopping.

In October, Chicago alderman Howard Brookins Jr. publicly denounced “aggressive” squirrels that were gnawing through trash cans and costing the city an extra $300,000. A month later, Brookins was badly injured in a bicycle collision (broken nose, missing teeth) when a squirrel (in either a mighty coincidence or suicide terrorism) jumped into one of his wheels, sending Brookins over the handlebar.

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Monthly Board Meeting: Tuesday, 1/24/17 at 6:00 PM - SAME LOCATION AS ABOVE -

PUBLIC HEARING:

CPRB Case #70-15 Thursday, 1/26/17 at 6:00 PM - SAME LOCATION AS ABOVE -

Questions may be directed to

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LOCAL {BY HOLLYHOOD}

“WE KEEP FIGHTING BECAUSE CERTAIN THINGS HAVE NOT CHANGED.”

BEAT

FRESH GROWTH Arts Greenhouse — Carnegie Mellon University’s hip-hop-based arts-education program for Pittsburgh-area teens — recently welcomed hip-hop artist Shad Ali as the new head instructor. Taking over for former head instructor Paul Crocker, who left to pursue other ventures, Ali is excited to be a part of this program. It’s a fusion of two things he loves: working with kids as a teaching artist/mentor and making music. He says that being in this position will allow him to “help artists and mold some great people as well.” Arts Greenhouse currently has a handful of students, ranging from 14 to 18 years of age, who attend the Saturdayafternoon sessions. During those sessions, students focus on a specific topic or lesson, which often involves examining music in a historical context, and investigating media and its influences. Students also work on projects involving writing lyrics, music production and engineering. Ali says that they also frequently talk about life in general, which gives him a chance to impart his own knowledge and provide perspective. Sometimes CMU faculty members specializing in areas like poetry or Afro-American history provide the lessons for the day. Recently, Benjy Grinberg, owner of Rostrum Records, spoke to the students about music marketing. Although Ali and the other staff members offer students the freedom to stretch the boundaries of their creativity when it comes to writing music, they do provide guidance when necessary. For example, they enforce a no-swearing policy and encourage a positive approach to self-expression. Moving forward, Ali’s vision for the program includes broadening the community’s awareness of the students’ talents, and collaborating with other hip-hop-based youth programs such as 1Hood and the Lighthouse Project. He also wants to open his own music network to the students with the hope that they can take their music even further. Ali feels that the program provides a safe environment, while helping to keep kids on a positive path. “It’s a cool opportunity to see kids in a position I was once in, but didn’t have the people or spaces where I could receive feedback and constructive criticism,” he says. “This is an opportunity to be what I needed someone to be [for me] at a certain point in time.”

“THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO BE WHAT I NEEDED SOMEONE TO BE FOR ME.”

INFO@PGHCITYPAPER.COM

For more information, visit www.artsgreenhouse.org.

{CP PHOTO BY EM DEMARCO}

Peace Talks (Krystyna Haberman, center)

MUSIC MATTERS {BY MARGARET WELSH}

N THE DAYS immediately following

Donald Trump’s election, some people took to the streets in protest while others looked (mostly unsuccessfully) for a bright side. A few people tossed around that evergreen phrase, “at least punk will be good again.” The idea, of course, is that protest and political unrest breeds great art. But at best it’s a feeble, tongue-in-cheek attempt to ﬁnd a silver lining; at worst, it’s offensively tone-deaf (looking at you, Amanda Palmer). Sure, the Reagan era saw a lot of great punk songs, and the G.W. Bush years spawned their share of good, angry political music. But ultimately, it’s important to remember that it’s not about the songs. It’s about what the songs and the artists who made

PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 01.04/01.11.2017

them stand for and represent. And now more than ever, it matters what sort of action those songs inspire. As Krystyna Haberman, who fronts the Pittsburgh-based punk band Peace Talks, puts it, “I would trade the best punk or hardcore record of a lifetime to keep all my friends safe.” Reagan and Margaret Thatcher might have inspired some great tracks, but, she says, “There’s plenty of stuff to make music about that doesn’t involve people’s real lives being on the chopping block.” Still, Haberman and other personalities from the local music scene say politically minded musicians and artists will have a role in the new year as we approach a president who at best is seen as a loose cannon, and at worst … something

much worse. But, they say, now is not the time to turn and run. If things are going to change, artists will play a big role. Trump is about to be president. And for Haberman, that means it’s time to get serious and refocused about the ﬁght. “I grew up going to protests … where a lot of the people there were punks and were radical, and I think it became a parody of itself. It lost some kind of soul or heart, but then it led a way to a weird apathy period,” she says. “I hope we’re coming to the end of that.” To that end, Haberman would like to see more beneﬁt shows — “Being an insular, self-serving institution is not good for us,” she says — and she wants the punk community to better function as a support system for people

{PHOTO COURTESY OF LEAH JOHN}

Tom Breiding

of color, members of the LGBT community and other marginalized groups. “Keeping people safe is the hugest priority for a lot of us. … We need to be aware of our surroundings and looking out for each other. “As far as our band goes, I just want to continue to be an example of not being afraid to stand for, or say something. One of our songs says, ‘Your backbone is worth its weight in gold,’ ’cause that’s what you’ve got. We all have personal power and that’s what’s going to support you and that’s what’s going to support other people. You can’t look around for someone else to solve it, it’s in front of you. And other people will join you once you take that step.” TOM BREIDING, the mu-

even as Republicans blocked the Miners Protection Act, jeopardizing the health care and pensions of retired mine workers. Many felt they had little to lose by voting for Trump. But Breiding says that the fact that active workers are voting against the interests of retirees goes against the longstanding union principle that “an injury to one is an injury to all, where we all stand together we can get things done.” “I think that goes back to the decline of labor unions themselves,” he says. “Many people just don’t realize that they’re just tying their own rope.” B u t , w h i l e t h e r e ’s plenty to be discouraged about, Breiding plans to continue devoting himself to using his art to strengthen the union. “I am a little bit optimistic, because you almost have to hit rock-bottom before you make a change,” he says. “I think what a lot of my peers and fellow artists have seen is that we’ve hit rock-bottom. I know it’s going to light a ﬁre in a lot of other artists. With me personally, not much has changed. I’m still doing what I set out to do four years ago with the mine workers.”

many where shocked by Trump’s rhetoric, it “was something that I was aware existed. When you’re into activism, you see it,” she says. For 1Hood, “it’s still business as usual. We keep ﬁghting because certain things have not changed.”

Smith says artists need to “find their community,” find their cause and focus on it. But it’s not enough for the rest of us to simply offer fandom, or emotional support: Artists need help in more tangible and, specifically, financial, ways. CONTINUES ON PG. 14

“I WOULD TRADE THE BEST PUNK OR HARDCORE RECORD OF A LIFETIME TO KEEP ALL MY FRIENDS SAFE.”

sician-in-residence for the United Mine Workers of America and a lifetime honorary member of that union, knows how inﬂuential music can be. His songs helped bring attention to the plight of mine workers, helping them to win back pensions and beneﬁts in 2013. Those battles, like so many union struggles throughout history, were won through worker solidarity. But Breiding says that has changed. “The idea of solidarity is an idea that is really disappearing in America and among the work force,” he says. While, historically, union members have voted Democratic, this election season saw coal-country voters backing Trump, NEWS

Celeste Smith

CELESTE SMITH, CEO of hip-hop and activism collective 1Hood, as a similar mindset. “We do vote and encourage people to vote their own interests, but it’s never been about an election,” she says. “It’s always been about the work.” While

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“I think more artists need to band together, unify and believe in themselves. Otherwise, people aren’t going to value what we do. Just like with activism: People don’t mind activists taking to the front lines and risking their necks and going to jail. We cheer! But we won’t support those same artists ﬁnancially.” That’s a philosophy that 1Hood in general, and Smith in particular, has championed for a long time. This coming year, the collective has plans for a new program that will help artist/activists learn how to make their art a sustainable livelihood — a concept that seems like a pipe dream for many artists, and isn’t even on the radar of many who enjoy the artistic output of their neighbors. “The artist community isn’t just performers; it’s presenters, it’s promoters, it’s even people who own buildings,” Smith says. “Artists … don’t make a livable wage, so a lot of them have difﬁculty even paying rent.” Now more than ever, in other words, it is the responsibility of all of us to stand up and take care of those who are speaking loudest against injustice. FOR TIM STEVENS, like other longtime

activists, Trump’s election wasn’t a wake-up call. He’s had his eyes wide open for decades ﬁghting battles for civil

REAL LOVE {BY SHAWN COOKE}

{PHOTO COURTESY OF MIKEY BUISHAS}

Big Thief

{PHOTO COURTESY OF RICCO MARTELLI}

Tim Stevens

and human rights, sometimes, it seems, over and over. Stevens, who has been involved in community affairs for almost ﬁve decades, is CEO and chairman of the Black Political Empowerment Project. He’s also

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For more information and to see if you’re eligible, call the Smoking Research Group at the University of Pittsburgh at

(412) 383-2059 or text NONDAILY to (412) 999-2758 www.smokingresearchgroup.com *Studies for non-daily smokers who DO want to quit and DO NOT want to quit.

a noted vocalist and musician himself. Of particular concern to him is the direction of the U.S. Supreme Court, and the protection of voter rights. “It does feel like you’re fighting battles that we thought we had won,” he says, his authoritative singer’s voice rising slightly in frustration. “Twenty years of my life, black people couldn’t vote in certain parts of this country … I thought we fixed that in 1965! And now we’re talking about going into 2017, and we still worry about what some people will do about voting rights.” But while Stevens doesn’t mince words about his concerns for the coming years, he encourages artists — and everyone else — to approach things with a practical and, when possible, positive attitude. Stevens’ advice to other members of the music community is direct and concrete: Use your talents to support specific organizations. If there’s a cause you back, volunteer to perform at fundraisers and events. The most important thing is to move past emotional reactions and take action. “Some people have a bigger pulpit than others, obviously, but we all have an opportunity to do something, besides complain,” he says. “Those who are musicians and vocalists, we can raise our voices in song, we can raise our voices in other ways as well. “Those who play instruments … all those instruments can create a harmony of another movement: a harmony in support for organizations for which they have respect and admiration.” MWE L SH @PGH C IT YPAPE R . C O M

PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 01.04/01.11.2017

Big Thief is often referred to as a Brooklyn-based band, but its songs are written for someplace far away — the side of a freeway or an empty train yard — where you can pull the car over, crack a bottle and just pause with the person who makes your heart skip. Singer Adrianne Lenker hails from Minnesota, and on Big Thief’s almost-aptly titled debut, Masterpiece, she sets these vivid, boozy stories in a place where things go slow. Slow enough to reflect on whether or not whiskey breath, our ability to love, and the brunt of our parents’ mistakes are all inherited traits. They’re seemingly told through the eyes of multiple narrators, who paddle against the passing of time. On the glimmering “Paul,” Lenker hardly distinguishes between the beginning and end of a relationship, blurring euphoric memories with the realization that “there was no one who could kiss away my shit.” An altruistic self-loathing runs through Masterpiece, with characters who find their worst habits beyond repair, and would let someone they love walk away, rather than speed toward certain heartbreak. And on one of the record’s most quotable couplets, Lenker deduces that true passion must coexist with pain: “Real love makes your lungs black / Real love is a heart attack.” If this all sounds like enough to buckle under (it should), then it’s time to acknowledge how these songs are packaged. Big Thief makes cozy, familiar folk rock that envelops more often than it punches. Lenker’s voice and sharp detail-work stand front and center, but her musical partner Buck Meek’s unfussy guitar lines glide underneath and give these songs an almost spectral backbone. Masterpiece provides some thorny perspective, but with the warmth of a crackling fireplace. What better way to ring in the coldest months of the year? INFO@PGHCITYPAPER.COM

BIG THIEF with SAM EVIAN 8 p.m. Mon., Jan. 9. Club Café, 56 S. 12th St., South Side. $10-12. 412-431-4950 or www.clubcafelive.com

CRITICS’ PICKS

LOW COST

{CP PHOTO BY MIKE SCHWARZ}

VACCINE CLINIC January 22, 2017

T-Tops

[NERD METAL] + FRI., JAN. 06 Rather than spending your evenings quietly weeping into your Star Wars collectables, celebrate Carrie Fisher’s legacy tonight at the Rex Theater. 3 Rivers Comicon and New Dimension Comics join forces to host Galactic Empire, a mathy metal band that recreates John Williams’ finest work in a style that’ll open up the (sarlacc) pit. Speaking of, Pittsburgh’s resident Star Wars-inspired thrash and/or doom metal band Sarlacc will open the gig, along with heavy rockers Unparalleled Height. Megan Fair 8 p.m. 1602 E. Carson St., South Side. $9-15. All ages. 412-381-6811 or www.rextheater.com

[NOISE] + SAT., JAN. 07 The Bronx seems to be churning out all sorts of challenging noise artists these days, and DOG is no exception. Tonight’s Gooski’s gig is for folks who are into shrieking, existentialism and really loud guitars. With drowning melodies and thrashing movements, the aggressive, grating threepiece will make you feel as if you’re being shoved through a wood chipper Anti-Flag made out of technicolor Play-Doh. Joining the lineup is Choir (noise rock married to punk), tanning machine (noisy synthpunk from the void), and Tiger May, a brand-new act from the 412. MF 8 p.m. 3117 Brereton St., Polish Hill. $6. 412-681-1658

[LOUD] + SAT., JAN. 07 Tonight, hit up Overcast Skate Shop and help T-Tops celebrate the release of its brand-new Face of Depression 7-inch. All four tracks of this release are steeped in loud, grungy rock sounds and heavy punk influences. It’s the kind of rock best enjoyed with a dark beer (this gig

NEWS

9:00am - 2:00pm

is BYO) and a salty attitude (but no jerks allowed). Bratty punk-rock band The Lopez and catchy, pop-tinged rock act Reign Check round out this lineup. MF 8:30 p.m. 4116 Main St., Bloomfield. All ages. $5. 412-701-4116 or overcastskateshop.com

Western PA Humane Society 1101 Western Avenue Pittsburgh, PA 15233

[SORTA PSYCH] + SUN., JAN. 08 Mixed-genre shows shine when the bands are connected through an unexpected sonic theme, and tonight, Howlers has this on lock: Each act on this half-local/half-Bostonian bill is tethered together with a subtle psychedelic thread. From Pittsburgh, Moonspeaker performs warmly reverb-drenched, washed-out folk while Blue Clutch reps a darker progressive rock. And from Boston, The Max Tribe exists on the frontier of ominous bluesy rock, and Cherry Mellow has an unpredictable indie vibe that {PHOTO COURTESY OF varies between MEGAN THOMPSON} gentle and harsh. MF 7:30 p.m. 4509 Liberty Ave., Bloomfield. $5. 412-682-0320 or www.howlers pittsburgh.com

x x x

Please bring a copy of your animal’s previous vaccine records.

Learn more at : wpahumane.org/vaccine-clinics

[SKA] + WED., JAN. 11 The early 2000s are alive at Stage AE, and tonight’s show offers an evening of skanking, headbanging, gentle circlepitting and flipping off the government. The goofy ska veterans of Cali-based Reel Big Fish promise immense fun and tomfoolery, while Aberdeen, Md.’s Ballyhoo! complements RBF’s manic energy with reggae-heavy ska. The babies on this tour are Direct Hit!, a Milwaukee band that’s been churning out earnest pop-punk on Fat Wreck Chords. Of course this gig would not be complete without Anti-Flag, a band that, in this town, surely needs no introduction. MF 7 p.m. 400 North Shore Drive, North Side. $2527. All ages. 412-229-5483 or www.stageae.com

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Canine and Feline Vaccines es Microchipping pp g Heartworm Testing g

wpahumane.org animalrescue.org

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TO SUBMIT A LISTING: HTTP://PGHCITYPAPER.COM/HAPPENINGS 412.316.3388 (FAX) + 412.316.3342 X165 (PHONE) {ALL LISTINGS MUST BE SUBMITTED BY 9 A.M. FRIDAY PRIOR TO PUBLICATION}

ROCK/POP THU 05 RIVERS CASINO. Chris Higbee Duo. North Side. 412-231-7777.

FRI 06

retrieve where you are now? Vehicles, metaphors, motives, motion, bodies inside bodies. Bloomfield. 412-682-0591. THE R BAR. Billy The Kid & the Regulators. Dormont. 412-942-0882.

FRI 06

DJS

ANDYS WINE BAR. DJ Malls Spins Vinyl. Downtown. 412-773-8884. BELVEDERE’S. Strangeways: Ziggy Stardust vs. The Thin White Duke. Lawrenceville. 412-687-2555. BRILLOBOX. Pandemic : Global Dancehall, Cumbia, Bhangra, Balkan Bass. Bloomfield. 412-621-4900. THE FLATS ON CARSON. Pete Butta. South Side. 412-586-7644. ONE 10 LOUNGE. DJ Goodnight, DJ Rojo. Downtown. 412-874-4582. THE R BAR. KAR-E-O-KEE. Dormont. 412-942-0882. REGINA ELENA CLUB. DJ Ron Hopkinson. Sharpsburg. 412-781-0229. ROWDY BUCK. Top 40 Dance. South Side. 412-431-2825. RUGGER’S PUB. 80s Night w/ DJ Connor. South Side. 412-381-1330.

THU 05

SAT 07

CLUB CAFE. The Talkers, w/ Pet Clinic, Queen of Jeans, Honey. CLUB CAFE. Big Thief w/ Bad Ones Vinyl Release Show. Sam Evian. South Side. South Side. 412-431-4950. 412-431-4950. FRIDAY FAITH CAFE. John Wyrick Band. Washington. CATTIVO. Machinae 724-222-1563. www. per Supremacy, Urizen, pa JAMES STREET pghcitym Danimal Cannon & .co GASTROPUB & Dethlehem. Lawrenceville. SPEAKEASY. Sweet Earth, 412-687-2157. LAZYBLACKMAN & Paul Keys CLUB CAFE. Ian Sweet, Acid Dad. Trio. North Side. 412-904-3335. South Side. 412-431-4950. MOONDOG’S. My Friday Slacks. Blawnox. 412-828-2040. MR. SMALLS THEATER. The Lone Pines, Morgan Erina, Vit DeBacco, Kevin Finn, Joe Jarski. Millvale. BELVEDERE’S. NeoNoir Dark 412-821-4447. 80s w/ Erica Scary. Lawrenceville. 412-687-2555. MR. SMALLS THEATER. CLUB CAFE. Matt Aquiline & the Centrifuge Thursdays. At the Dead End Streets w/ As Ladders Funhouse. Millvale. 412-821-4447. Good Ship Gibraltar, The Lovely PERLE CHAMPAGNE BAR. Bobby Cur, The Tilt Room. South Side. D Bachata. Downtown. 412-471-2058. 412-431-4950. DOWNEY’S HOUSE. Gone South. Robinson. 412-489-5631. MOONDOG’S. Kleptosonic w/ Joe Jarski & Blind Art. Blawnox. 412-828-2040. OVERCAST SKATE SHOP. T-Tops w/ The Lopez & Reign Check. T-Tops record release. Bloomfield. 412-701-4116. PALANZO’S BUILDING. Vehicle Relocation Program: Forced Into Femininity, Valerie Kuehne, Brian McCorkle, Esther Neff, Kaia Gilje, Fin Park, Adriana Disman, Ali Asgar & Spitline. Ten artists, five per car. Small bundles of supplies & some instruments. What did you forget to bring that you can retrieve where you are now? Vehicles, metaphors, motives, motion, bodies inside bodies. Bloomfield. 412-682-0591. REX THEATER. The Clock Reads w/ Acid Cats. South Side. 412-381-6811. RIVERS CASINO. Tres Lads. North Side. 412-231-7777.

MON 09

FULL LIST ONLINE

SAT 07

TUE 10

BELVEDERE’S. Sean MC & Thermos. 90s night. Lawrenceville. 412-687-2555. CATTIVO. Illusions. w/ Funerals & Arvin Clay. Lawrenceville. 412-687-2157. DIESEL. DJ CK. South Side. 412-431-8800.

MP 3 MONDAY

{PHOTO COURTESY OF CHRISTINA SANTAVICCA}

AQUAROCKET

SUN 08 PALANZO’S BUILDING. Vehicle Relocation Program: Forced Into Femininity, Valerie Kuehne, Brian McCorkle, Esther Neff, Kaia Gilje, Fin Park, Adriana Disman, Ali Asgar & Spitline. Ten artists, five per car. Small bundles of supplies & some instruments. What did you forget to bring that you can

PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 01.04/01.11.2017

Each week we bring you a new song from a local artist. This week’s track comes from post-grunge alt-rockers Aquarocket. Stream or download the band’s new single, “Pearl Moon,” for free at FFW>>, the music blog at www.pghcitypaper.com.

HEAVY ROTATION

ROWDY BUCK. Top 40 Dance. South Side. 412-431-2825. SPIRIT HALL & LODGE. TITLE TOWN Soul & Funk Party. Rare Soul, Funk & wild R&B 45s feat. DJ Gordy G. & J.Malls. Lawrenceville. 412-586-4441.

These are the songs Jay Wiggin, of Concealed Blade and S.L.I.P., can’t stop listening to:

SUN 08 THE FLATS ON CARSON. Pete Butta. South Side. 412-586-7644.

Caethua

TUE 10

“Lament”

THE GOLDMARK. Pete Butta. Reggae & dancehall. Lawrenceville. 412-688-8820.

Townes Van Zandt

WED 11 SMILING MOOSE. Rock Star Karaoke w/ T-MONEY. South Side. 412-431-4668. SPOON. Spoon Fed. East Liberty. 412-362-6001.

“I’ll Be Here in the Morning”

HIP HOP/R&B

Blank Stare

FRI 06

“Cowards”

1LIVE STUDIO. DJ Goodnight: Open Elements. Avalon. 412-424-9254.

SAT 07

Anti-Cimex

1LIVE STUDIO. DJ Goodnight: Open Elements. Avalon. 412-424-9254.

“Only in Dreams”

BLUES FRI 06 BISTRO 9101. Mustic, The Blues Orphans. McCandless. 412-318-4871. RIVERS CASINO. Stevee Wellons Band Trio. North Side. 412-231-7777.

THE MONROEVILLE RACQUET CLUB. Jazz Bean Live. Every Saturday, a different band. Monroeville. 412-728-4155.

Wednesdays. North Side. 412-321-1834. PARK HOUSE. Shelf Life String Band. North Side. 412-224-2273.

SUN 08

REGGAE

ROCKS LANDING BAR & GRILLE. Tony Campbell & the Jazz Surgery. McKees Rocks. 412-857-5809.

SAT 07 EXCUSES BAR & GRILL. Bill Toms & Hard Rain. South Side. 412-431-4090.

MON 09

JAZZ THU 05 JAMES STREET GASTROPUB & SPEAKEASY. The Mark Antonich Band. Speakeasy. Roger Humphries Jam Session. Ballroom. North Side. 412-904-3335. VALLOZZI’S PITTSBURGH. Eric Johnson. Downtown. 412-394-3400.

FRI 06 ANDORA RESTAURANT - FOX CHAPEL. Pianist Harry Cardillo & vocalist Charlie Sanders. Fox Chapel. 412-967-1900. GRILLE ON SEVENTH. Tony Campbell & Howie Alexander. Downtown. 412-391-1004. JAMES STREET GASTROPUB & SPEAKEASY. Dwayne Dolphin Power Trio. North Side. 412-904-3335.

SAT 07 HARD ROCK CAFE. The Full Circle Band. Station Square. 412-567-2804. JAMES STREET GASTROPUB & SPEAKEASY. Tony Campbell Saturday Afternoon Jazz Session. North Side. 412-904-3335.

NEWS

THU 05 PIRATA. The Flow Band. Downtown. 412-323-3000.

HAMBONE’S. Ian Kane, Ronnie Weiss & Tom Boyce. Jazz Standards, showtunes & blues. Lawrenceville. 412-681-4318.

FRI 06

WED 11

COUNTRY

JAMES STREET GASTROPUB & SPEAKEASY. Don Aliquo. North Side. 412-904-3335. RIVERS CASINO. Jessica Lee & Friends. North Side. 412-231-7777.

ACOUSTIC

CAPRI PIZZA AND BAR. Bombo Claat w/ VYBZ Machine Intl Sound System. East Liberty. 412-362-1250.

THU 05 CLUB CAFE. Raelyn Nelson Band w/ Aris Paul, Alyssa Hankey. South Side. 412-431-4950.

OTHER MUSIC

THU 05 DOWNEY’S HOUSE. Scott & Roseanna. Robinson. 412-489-5631. ELWOOD’S PUB. West Deer Bluegrass Review. Rural Ridge. 724-265-1181.

FRI 06

THU 05 LINDEN GROVE. Karaoke. Castle Shannon. 412-882-8687.

FRI 06 LINDEN GROVE. Nightlife. Castle Shannon. 412-882-8687.

THE SOUTH SIDE BBQ RESTAURANT. Tony Germaine, singer/guitarist. South Side. 412-381-4566.

SAT 07

SUN 08

EASY LISTENING/

HAMBONE’S. Ukulele Jam. Lawrenceville. 412-681-4318.

OLDIES

WED 11

FRI 06

ALLEGHENY ELKS LODGE #339. Pittsburgh Banjo Club.

RIVERS CASINO. Totally 80s. North Side. 412-231-7777.

MUSIC

RIVERS CASINO. Terrance Vaughn Duo. North Side. 412-231-7777.

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4 - 10

WEDNESDAY 4

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

Film Screening: Hedy ANDY WARHOL MUSEUM North Side. For schedules and more info call 412-437-8300 or visit warhol.org. Through Jan. 22.

THURSDAY 5

Raelyn Nelson Band CLUB CAFE South Side. 412-431-4950. With special guests Aris Paul & Alyssa Hankey. Over 21 show. Tickets: ticketweb.com/ opusone. 8p.m.

FRIDAY 65

IN PITTSBURGH Erina, Vit DeBacco, Kevin Finn, & Joe Jarski. All ages show. Tickets: ticketweb.com/ opusone. 7:30p.m.

Big Thief

The Talkers (Bad Ones Vinyl Release Show) CLUB CAFE South Side. 412-431-4950. With special guests Pet Clinic, Queen of Jeans, & Honey. Over 21 show. Tickets: ticketweb.com/ opusone. 9p.m.

Galactic Empire

Delusions of Granduer CATTIVO Lawrenceville. 412-687-2157. With special guests Old Man Rob, The Harvest Color, & Stinkfist. Over 21 show. Tickets: ticketfly.com or 1-877-4-FLY-TIX. 8p.m.

SATURDAY 7 The Clock Reads

PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 01.04/01.11.2017

CLUB CAFE South Side. 412-431-4950. With special guest Sam Evian. Over 21 show. Tickets: ticketweb.com/ opusone. 8p.m.

TUESDAY 10

Forced Entertainment: Tomorrowâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Parties NEW HAZLETT THEATER North Side. For tickets & info visit warhol.org. 8p.m.

REX THEATER South Side. 412-381-6811. With special guests Sarlacc & Unparalleled Height. All ages show. Tickets: ticketfly.com or 1-877-4-FLY-TIX. 8p.m.

The Lone Pines

MR. SMALLS THEATRE Millvale. 412-821-4447. With special guests Morgan

MONDAY 9

THE CURIOUS INCIDENT OF THE DOG IN THE NIGHT-TIME HEINZ HALL JANUARY 3-8

PHOTO: JOAN MARCUS

HEINZ HALL Downtown. 412-456-6666. Tickets: trustarts.org. Through Jan. 8.

PAID ADVERTORIAL SPONSORED BY

Ian Sweet & Acid Dad REX THEATER South Side. 412-381-6811. With special guests Acid Cats. Over 21 show. Free show. 9p.m.

Matt Aquiline & The Dead End Streets CLUB CAFE South Side. 412-431-4950. With special guest As Ladders. Over 21 show. Tickets: ticketweb.com/ opusone. 7p.m.

Good Ship Gibraltar CLUB CAFE South Side. 412-431-4950. With special guests The Lovely Cur & The Tilt Room. Over 21 show. Tickets: ticketweb.com/ opusone. 10:15p.m.

SUNDAY 8 Old Wounds

SMILING MOOSE South Side.

412-431-4668. With special guests Exalt, Safe to Say, Iron Jungle, & Pregnant Nun. All ages show. Tickets: ticketweb.com or 1-877-4-FLY-TIX. 6p.m.

Pete the Cat BYHAM THEATER Downtown. 412-456-6666. Tickets: trustarts.org. 2p.m.

CLUB CAFE South Side. 412-431-4950. Over 21 show. Tickets: ticketweb.com/ opusone. 8p.m.

Machine Supremacy CATTIVO Lawrenceville. 412-687-2157. With special guests Urizen, Danimal Cannon, Knight of the Round, & Dethlehem. Over 21 event. Tickets: ticketfly.com or 1-877-4-FLY-TIX. 6:30p.m.

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{BY BILL O’DRISCOLL} These days, there are as many literary works set in Pittsburgh as there are movies shot here. But try to find pre-1930s fiction by a canonical writer depicting this tahn, and the list gets short after Willa Cather. Though famed for her novels of the Great Plains, Cather actually lived in Pittsburgh during her professionally formative years. “Pittsburgh was the birthplace of my writing,” she wrote, as quoted in Peter Oresick’s introduction to The Pittsburgh Stories of Willa Cather (Carnegie Mellon University Press). This first-ever compilation of these six stories was edited by the late Oresick, a poet, educator and Ford City native dedicated documenting and compiling fiction about Pittsburgh. Cather moved to Pittsburgh in 1896, at age 22, and spent 10 years here as a magazine editor, journalist, critic and public-school teacher; for nine years more, she kept rooms here before moving full time to New York City. (Oresick notes that 1913’s O Pioneers! was written in Squirrel Hill!) Unsurprisingly, given Cather’s jobs, these accomplished stories heavily involve education and the arts. In the poignant “The Professor’s Commencement,” a high school teacher prepares to retire. “A Gold Slipper” is an entertaining, dialogueheavy 1917 story about a middle-aged businessman’s unexpected crush on a concert singer. Music also figures in “Double Birthday,” a moving portrait of two members of a formerly affluent family now in modest rooms on the South Side Slopes. In “Namesake” an aging sculptor in Paris, France, recalls returning to his family home in the increasingly industrial Mon Valley of the late 1800s. And fully a quarter of the book is dedicated to “Uncle Valentine,” a complex family story revolving around a cosmopolitan songwriter on an estate near Edgeworth. Pittsburgh in these stories, by the way, is about what you’d expect; while Cather clearly liked it here, she couldn’t ignore what in “Valentine” are described as “the narrow streets of the grim, raw, dark gray old city, cold with its river damp, and severer by reason of the brooding frown of huge stone churches that loomed up even in the most congested part of the shopping district.” This collection’s highlight is surely the story you’re most likely to already know. The widely anthologized “Paul’s Case” remains an enthralling study of a theaterbesotted teenage misfit in grubby, circa-1900 Pittsburgh. It’s a classic, its modernist style the perfect vehicle for the tragic inevitability of its protagonist’s fate.

{PHOTO COURTESY OF SETH CLARK}

At left, Seth Clark’s “Barn III”; at right, Clark and Jason Forck’s “Glass Rooftop”

[ART REVIEW]

GLASS ACTS {BY BILL O’DRISCOLL}

RCHITECTURE SHOULD be both useful and aesthetic. In Dissolution, an exhibit at Pittsburgh Glass Center, Seth Clark and Jason Forck explore what becomes of the aesthetics when architecture’s utility is lost to decay. Forck is a glass artist, and most Pittsburgh gallery-goers are familiar with collage artist Clark’s distinctive works depicting collapsing structures, which have been widely exhibited here in recent years. The two teamed up for a year-long Glass Center residency inspired by the “Americana landscape and the concept of abstraction through decay,” according to press materials. The ﬁrst thing you’ll see in the gallery is a false wall with a hunk of plaster clawed away to expose glass “lathe” (two layers of it). It’s a clever opening move that gets you thinking about what it means when one material imitates another in

form, if not function. The basic sculptural shape-unit of Dissolution, however, is what Clark and Forck call a “rooftop,” or what I’d term a cupola — the small, often domelike structure that crowns a building’s main roof. We typically associate cupolas with older architecture, like barns and Victorian houses; many of Clark and Forck’s rooftops incorporate spires, like you’d ﬁnd topping a church.

DISSOLUTION continues through Jan. 16. Pittsburgh Glass Center, 5472 Penn Ave., Friendship. 412-365-2145 or www.pittsburghglasscenter.org

About one-third of the show’s 27 works employ the cupola at various scales, from tabletop to life-size (think 8 feet tall or more), on pedestals of varying heights. Most of the

cupolas are tipped on their sides, exposing the interior bracing. But with the majority of them, the most notable element is that instead of wooden slats or shingles, these cupolas are clad in kiln-formed or furnaceworked glass. Variations include, in place of glass shingles, a single layer of glass almost lacily porous. Another piece, “Gambrel Rooftop,” is a miniature that wittily reverses the formula, with trusses of networked glass supporting wooden rooﬁng. Most of the rooftops are credited to Clark. He and Forck collaborated on “Canopy,” a wall-hung steel-framed structure with tiny glass shingles (dusted with cinders) and big patches “rotted out,” as if by water damage. Forck gets solo credit for several works exploring similar motifs. These include “Collapse,” a series of three tabletop-scaled, barely translucent glass sheds — one whole, one crumbling, the third collapsed, its roof colored to suggest

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corroded tin. Forck also contributes the amusing “Perilous,” in which a tiny glass barn perches atop an 18-inch-tall stack of little glass slats balanced precariously, Jengalike. (You won’t want to sneeze nearby.) The show also features three of Clark’s “barn” collages depicting structures in varying states of collapse. From three steps away, these large-scale works look like paintings, but really they are cunning mixed-media assemblages of paper and other fibers, variously marked, textured and colored with charcoal, pastel, acrylic and graphite. Each shingle on each decaying barn is handcut, echoing the shingles on many of this exhibit’s pieces done in glass and wood; Clark’s collages memorialize leaning walls and caved-in roofs while palpably evoking sun-silvered wood and bleached-out siding. While all these works are pleasing and finely crafted, the notion of “abstraction” here is rather subtle: Most pieces in Dissolution are basically representational. Their wit resides in how substituting an unlikely material for its real-world counterpart gives the impression that glass, for instance, might decay like wood — or in how delicate sticks of wood, once splintered, suggest the fragility of glass. There’s a bit more standard abstraction in “Silo,” a 4-foot-tall mock grain silo made of wire fencing and filled with shards of clear glass, all tucked beneath a roof of delicate glass tiles; it suggests the “Americana” motif in a slightly jarring way (replacing foodstuffs with sharp, crunchy leaves of glass). But the show’s strain of abstraction, as well as its collaborative aspect, is best exemplified, aptly enough, by the four co-credited works titled “Dissolution.” All four pieces incorporate hand-blown glass along with glass that’s slumped, or formed in a kiln over a mold at high temperatures. The gallery’s rear wall is dominated by one such work, a large-scale installation of 30 sizable shingles in three rows, the lower 10 with ragged bottom edges; within each rectangle are embedded paper-thin shards, ranging in color from white to coladark, the darkness migrating toward the work’s upper right corner, a powerful statement. When viewing two other “Dissolution” works, side-by-side panels, look close to see the fascinating fissures, scratches and bubbles, artifacts (one supposes) of the glass’s very formation. In “Dissolution, Triptych,” I got a different buzz: Gazing into these three densely layered panels, I felt a sense of arrested chaos, as though observing a freeze-frame of the moment when the bomb takes out the storefront window: scattered debris suspended thickly in the air. I doubt it’s what the artists intended, but it was certainly memorable. D RI S C OL L @ P G HC I T Y PA P E R. C OM

PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 01.04/01.11.2017

[BOOK REVIEW]

LIFE LINES {BY FRED SHAW} Memory has loomed as an important component of poetry dating to Horace, who’s considered the first autobiographical writer. Without it, verse loses its sense of personal connection, the ties that bind life events to something beyond wordy abstraction. Writing about the self both preserves and enriches what’s important. In her debut full-length collection, Ordinary Tasks (MadBooks), local writer Marilyn Marsh Noll embraces an ethos of rich imagery coupled with straightforward language to explore a life well-lived. A member of the Madwomen in the Attic Workshops at Carlow University, Noll earned a master’s degree from American University at 61 and worked as a Congressional staffer for 20 years. But it’s her memories as a wife, daughter, mother and friend that define the book’s very readable 73 pages. The world Ordinary Tasks inhabits is a physical place. In “Ella’s Cakes,” Noll writes, “I’m on my lunch break / at my 1950 summer job. / Round and sunny Ella sings / in the bakery down the hall / swirling globs of frosting / in blues and pinks and yellows /… We waitresses hunch / around the battered table / in our crowded upstairs lunchroom / eating the cheapest dinners / on the menu.” The imagery coalesces into the reality of service that hasn’t changed in a type of work many know too well. Noll continues in this descriptive vein in “No One at Home: March 1986,” writing of the father phoning “from the hospital to say your last goodbye.” She fills the remaining lines with memories of “that old musket over the mantel / … your heavy glass ashtray; the cigar smoke reeking through / the house and yellowing the curtains … / I can almost hear your voice the way it sounded on tape.” The work here points not only to the impermanence of life but to the impermeability of remembrance, reading like a litany for what the dead leave behind for those who cared to notice. While more than one poem focuses unnecessarily on dreams, it’s the real that plays as most effective, as in “Chicken Killers”: “My father was a gentle man. / During World War II / in the era of Victory Gardens / he killed his first chicken … / my father’s ashen face / when he returned with bloody hands.” The grounded writing here, and in poems like “Tended Blue,” and “Returning Home,” will leave readers appreciating what it means to take notice of all life has to offer.

Lynn Johnson’s 2005 photo of a victim of avian flu in Vietnam

[ART] Nat Geo. Her ﬁrst assignment found her on Chicago’s 1,500-foot John Hancock Center: “I can still remember being on top of the antenna,” she says by phone from the road.

SETTING SIGHTS {BY BILL O’DRISCOLL} MIDDLE OF the night. Back of a motorcycle. Out in the bush in the Democratic Republic of Congo. Such are the lengths to which photographers like Lynn Johnson have gone to get a story for National Geographic. Pittsburgh-based Johnson was assigned to accompany a scientist researching monkey pox, a disease transmitted by eating tainted bush meat. She learned of a boy in a remote village with an active case. That motorcycle ride, on dirt trails, took ﬁve hours, she says. The heartrending photo of the young boy covered in sores was published; the boy himself died shortly after.

Photography has long been a maledominated ﬁeld, and Johnson struggled to break in. “For me it was a catalyst: ‘What do you mean I can’t do that. Of course I can do that!’” But she says opportunities continue opening up. And Women of Vision, curated by Nat Geo’s then-senior photo editor Elizabeth Krist, is a great way to celebrate exceptional talents. Other exhibit highlights include images from: Jodi Cobb’s story on 21st-century slavery; Stephanie Sinclair’s decade-long project on child marriage; Erika Larsen’s immersive exploration of Scandanavia’s Sami reindeer herders; and Beverly Joubert’s studies of African wildlife. Other photographers featured include Lynsey Addario, Kitra Cahana, Diane Cook, Carolyn Drake, Maggie Steber and Amy Toensing. Johnson’s contributions also include work from India, Mexico and Vietnam. She says she’s enjoyed visiting the exhibit and seeing people overcome their hesitation to look at unﬂinching images like hers from the DRC. “Are they going to say, ‘I can’t read this,’ and walk away?” she wonders. “Can you get people to cross that divide of their own fear?” D RI S C OL L @ P G H C I T Y PA P E R. C OM

WOMEN OF VISION continues through Sun., Jan. 8. Carnegie Museum of Natural History, 4400 Forbes Ave., Oakland. 412-621-3131 or www.cmnh.org

The photo is one of nearly 100 in Women of Vision: National Geographic Photographers on Assignment, a stunning, nationally touring exhibit whose eighth and ﬁnal stop is the Carnegie Museum of Natural History. Johnson, one of 11 photographers in the exhibit, grew up partly in Pittsburgh and started shooting for the old Pittsburgh Press in 1975. In 1982, she left to pursue freelance work and longer-form stories, leading her to Life, Sports Illustrated and, in 1992, to

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01.05-01.12.17 Full events listed online at www.pghcitypaper.com The puckishly named Forced Entertainment is renowned in England, a performance troupe known for shows like Complete Works: Tabletop Shakespeare, in which all the Bard’s plays are cast with condiment containers. “We’re interested in confusion as well as laughter,” explains the group’s website; Ben Harrison of The Andy Warhol Museum calls Forced Entertainment “the Wooster Group of the U.K.” In its first show here since 2003, Forced Entertainment kicks off a provocative new Carnegie Museums of Pittsburgh events series called Strange Times.

Forced Entertainment’s Tomorrow’s Parties

As a project of the Carnegie’s Nexus initiative, the interdisciplinary series blends the institution’s science side (the Museum of Natural History and the Science Center) with its art side (Museum of Art, The Warhol). Strange Times explores the idea, increasingly popular in scientific circles, that humans have so altered the earth that we’ve actually entered a new geologic era, the Anthropocene. Organized by museum staffers and Nexus senior program manager Edith Doron, the 10-part, fourmonth Strange Times includes everything from scientific talks (“What counts as human?”) to musical performances, film screenings and an evening with novelist Annie Proulx. The idea is to inform audiences about the relevant science and get them to both imagine the implications of our actions, and to exercise empathy for those our actions affect. “We will only make good decisions as a political community if we are working in all those different areas,” says Carnegie Museums CEO and president Jo Ellen Parker. On Jan. 10, at the New Hazlett Theater, Forced Entertainment performs Tomorrow’s Parties, in which two performers stand side by side and “imagine a multitude of hypothetical futures,” both utopian and dystopian. And on Jan. 11 — in a show booked prior to Strange Times’ inception — the troupe performs Real Magic, a brand-new, largely comedic work about “optimism, individual agency and the desire for change”; it also incorporates chicken costumes.

{PHOTO COURTESY OF THEATREWORKS USA}

^ Sun., Jan. 8: Pete the Cat

thursday 01.05 COMEDY “My son, he skipped the second grade,” said Dan Cummins on Conan. “When he was 8 years old, he was tested and we found out he was reading at a 12th-grade level. And I was happy for him, but — I was a little sad for me. I think every good parent wants their kids to eventually accomplish things they weren’t able to, but I’ll tell you this: Not when they’re 8.” Cummins has taped two Comedy Central specials and hosts the weekly podcast Timesuck. His fifth album is called Don’t Wake the Bear!, and he visits Pittsburgh Improv for six shows starting tonight. Bill O’Driscoll 8 p.m. Continues through Sun., Jan. 8. 166 E. Bridge St., The Waterfront, West Homestead. $17-20. 412-462-5233 or www.pittsburgh.improv.com

friday 01.06

BY BILL O’DRISCOLL

Tomorrow’s Parties: 8 p.m. Tue., Jan. 10. Real Magic: 8 p.m. Wed., Jan. 11. 6 Allegheny Square East, North Side. $12-15 ($20 for both). 412-237-8300 or www.warhol.org

PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 01.04/01.11.2017

SCREEN Michelangelo Antonioni was a 20thcentury cinematic master. Starting tonight, Rowhouse Cinema revives one of his landmark films: La Notte, the follow-up to his classic L’avventura. With striking, black-and-white cinematography, the 1961 film chronicles a single night in the troubled relationship of a Milan novelist and his wife, from emotionally fraught past-dark escapades to the stark light

of dawn. The distinguished cast is led by Marcello Mastroianni and Jeanne Moreau, and features Antonioni’s muse, Monica Vitti. La Notte screens as part of Rowhouse’s Italian-cinema series. BO 5 p.m. Continues through Jan. 12. 4115 Butler St., Lawrenceville. $5.50-9. www.rowhousecinema.com

SCREEN For years, Brooklyn’s Williamsburg neighborhood was a national epicenter for art and music, and one of its keystones was Death By Audio, an old warehouse that served as living and working space for creative types. But in 2014, the classic DIY joint was shut down after (ironically) VICE Media took over the building. In his new documentary Goodnight Brooklyn — The Story of Death by Audio, Death by Audio co-founder Matthew Conboy tells the story of the space and its epic 11 straight weeks of farewell programming. The Hollywood Theater has Goodnight Brooklyn’s Pittsburgh premiere tonight, with director Conboy visiting for a post-screening Q&A. BO 7 p.m. (with Conboy). Also 9:30 p.m. Sat., Jan. 7, and 7 p.m. Tue., Jan. 10. $6-8. 1449 Potomac , Dormont. 412-563-0368 or www.thehollywooddormont.org ^ Sun., Jan. 8: Patricia Polacco

Cozy Up WITH CITY PAPER FOR A WINTER GUIDE SOCIAL MEDIA SCAVENGER HUNT!

^ Fri. Jan 6: Dos Santos Anti-Beat Orchestra

7 Starting 1/16/1

MUSIC You know what you need right now? A night of live psychedelic cumbia and tropical music, that’s what. And who better to supply it than Dos Santos Anti-Beat Orchestra, the seriously grooving Chicago-based band that blends traditional Latin American styles with psychedelia. The group starred at SXSW and has performed on NPR’s Alt Latino; in mid-2016, Dos os Santos played to a full house at Bayardstown Social Club. Tonight, the band returns for or a live set at Brillobox, x courtesy of Pandemic. Pandemic Pete and crew open. BO 9 p.m. 4101 Penn Ave., Bloomfield. $10. 0. www.pandemicpgh.com

saturday 01.07 07 STAGE A week into 2017, 17, and already we have a candidate forr the year’s most ambitious stage showcase. e. The Pittsburgh Unites! 15 Hour Perform-a-Thon, m-a-Thon, at James Street Gastropub ub & Speakeasy, y brings together more than 120 performers to benefit the ACLU of Pennsylvania. Singers, musicians, ans, actors, contortionists, storytellers, male le and female impersonators, DJs, bellydancers, comedians, poets, ets, burlesque artists, bands and more — you ou name it, they’ll be in James Street’s generously donated ballroom from this morning ing through last call. (Pictured is bellydancer Anela.) The programming is family-friendly until 4 p.m., with local bands from 8 p.m.-midnight. dnight. Producers Viva Valezz and DJ Tanner have booked acts including Alistair McQueen, en, Andrew the Impaled, Boom Boom Bridgette, ridgette, The Junior Chamber of Commerce Players, Pitt Hip-Hop Dance Crew and Pussies es Grab Back. The bands include Ishtar, Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing and Pop op Thief. BO 11 a.m.-2 a.m. 422 Foreland St., t., North Side. $10-20 (free for children en 12 and under). www.facebook.com k.com (“Pittsburgh Unites Performathon”) athon”)

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< Sat., Jan. 7: 15 Hour Perform-a-Thon

Joe Witzel paints nts his landscapes plein air, working ng with pastels in locales including g Moraine State Park. David Arbrusterr uses powdered graphite, pencill and erasers to create his mostly ly figurative work. And Yang g Cal’s own figurative work k employs sumi ink on rice e paper.

Coming January 18

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[DAILY RUNDOWN]

^ Tue., Jan 10: Encore … Back Inside the Artists’ Studios

Interpretations, a group show with new work by all three artists, opens tonight with a reception at Panza Gallery. BO 6-9 p.m. Exhibit continues through Jan. 28. 115 Sedgwick St., Millvale. 412-821-0959 or www.panzagallery.com

sunday 01.08 STAGE

A newsletter you’ll actually want to read.

Boy meets cat in Pete the Cat, the family-friendly musical based on Kimberly and James Dean’s popular book series. The cool feline moves in with a new family and makes an unlikely pal in Jimmy Biddle, a kid who sticks to a routine. But their adventures take them far afield. This touring g Theatreworks USA show, recommended Cultural Trust and Citizens for ages 3 to 9, comes to town courtesy of the Pittsburgh Cultu and tomorrow, at the Bank Children’s Theater Series. Matinee performances today a Byham Theater, are re already sold out, but bu on Tue., Jan. 10, Pete the Cat begins a series bu middle and high schools. of matinees and evening shows at area m Details at www.trustarts.org. BO Continues through Sun., O Co Jan. 15. $10.50-12 (free for kids under 2). 412-471-6930 or un www.trustarts.org

WORDS “All stories are true,” says Patrici Patricia Polacco. “The truth is the journey you take from it — d did it make you laugh, Then it’s true.” The awardcry, or seek and want justice? The children’s illustrator has nearly winning chil h dren’s author and illu include The Keeping Quilt, 100 books to her credit. Titles inc of the Dancing Goats and Thank You, Mr. Falker, r The Trees o Brother. Pittsburgh Arts & My Rotten Redheaded Older Broth Lecturess hosts Polacco today at the Carnegie Library Lecture series. BO 2:30 p.m. Hall as part of its Words & Pictures se 412-622-8866 or 4400 Forbes Ave., Oakland. $11. 412www.pittsburghlectures.org

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The oboe gets an afternoon the spotlight courtesy of in th Music in a Great Space and Pittsburgh Symphony oboist Pittsbu Bell. Bell is joined at Scott Be Shadyside Presbyterian Church by harpsichordist Larry Allen, pianist harpsichor Tortorello, flutist Rhian Francesca To Michael DeBruyn, and Kenny, cellist M vocalists Charlene Canty (soprano) and (baritone). The program includes Brian Vu (bariton < Sun., Jan 8: Music in a Great Space

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In Oakland NOW OPEN!

HAPPY HOUR DAILY SPECIALS

$2 Well Drinks $1 Bottles of Domestic $3 Fireball Shots All day everyday $6 Pitchers (select)

^ Sun., Jan 8: Prairie Improvement Day

arias from cantatas by J.S. Bach and works by contemporary composers Herbert Howells and Ilja Hurnik. BO 3 p.m. 5121 Westminster Place, Shadyside. $10-15 (free for students). 412-682-4300 or www.shadysidepres.org

KARAOKE Tuesdays • 9pm-12am

OUTDOORS

$1 Tacos/ $2 tequila shots/ $4 Margaritas

In all of Pennsylvania, there’s just one public and protected prairie ecosystem, and it’s located about an hour north of town, near Slippery Rock. The 20-acre prairie at Jennings Environmental Education Center is home to, among other things, the endangered massasauga rattlesnake and the rare prairie flower known as the blazing star. On Jan. 21, volunteers at the 17th annual Prairie Improvement Day will spend the morning outdoors at tasks like cutting back shrubs that intrude on the prairie. The session ends with a lunch of soup donated by local restaurants. Today’s the last day to register to volunteer. BO Register by today at 724-794-6011 or events.dcnr.pa.gov.

—Also AvailabLe—

PLAYOFF Football & Hockey specials

328 Atwood wood ood od Str Street r t • Oa Oak Oakland

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S CIAL

tuesday 01.10 ART Gallerie Chiz owner Ellen Chisdes Neuberg is reprising a unique project. For six weeks starting today, she’ll move her studio to her gallery and paint live. And each Saturday through Feb. 18, a different local artist will stop by to demonstrate and {ART BY ART BY JOE WITZEL} discuss his or her own ^ Sat., Jan. 7: Interpretations techniques. The first guest of Encore … Back Inside the Artists’ Studios is Barbara Broff Goldman (Jan. 14), who creates hand-made books and boxes. Other guests include sculptor Ron Nigro (Jan. 21); jewelry-maker Memphis George (Jan. 28); painter Joyce Werwie Perry (Feb. 4); glass mosaicist Mitzi Fry Hall (Feb. 11); and painter Manuela Holban (Feb. 18). Weekly demo times are TBD. BO 11 a.m.-5:30 p.m. Continues through Feb. 24. 5831 Ellsworth Ave., Shadyside. www.galleriechiz.com

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RICE AND BEANS, IGNORED ON MOST MEXICAN RESTAURANT PLATES, WERE TERRIFIC HERE

NEIGHBORHOOD SPOT {BY MARGARET WELSH} The name Everyday Café suggests a certain amount of coziness and familiarity. And this new coffee and sandwich shop, which opened in November, offers both. As part of the Oasis Project — the community- and economic-development division of the Bible Center Church, also in Homewood — profits from Everyday Café go back into neighborhood-based causes and organizations. It’s also Pittsburgh’s first completely cashless café, so make sure you bring along some plastic. Just a stone’s throw from the Homewood busway station, the space is roomy and modern, with lots of seating, making it a great place for a lunch date or early meeting. The café is open daily from 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. Food options are relatively nononsense: Egg sandwiches dominate the breakfast menu; for lunch, chose from a range of made-to-order sandwiches either cold (chicken salad, veggie, ham, etc.) or hot (three kinds of grilled cheese!). Soup and salads are also available. The impressive beverage selection has something for everyone: In addition to smoothies, frappes and options like the “Spicy Cucumber Lime Refresher,” there is an extensive range of coffee selections. Choose from drip or double Chemex pour-overs to fancy flavored lattes or the “waffleshot,” a shot of espresso served in a chocolate waffle cup. The fair-trade, organic beans come from Dillanos Coffee Roasters; my lunch companion, who judges all coffee shops on the quality of their decaf, heartily approved.

{CP PHOTO BY VANESSA SONG}

Tacos: grilled chicken with candied pancetta, lime-marinated shrimp and chorizo

TACOS AND MORE {BY ANGELIQUE BAMBERG + JASON ROTH}

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532 N. Homewood Ave., Homewood. 412-727-2169 or www.everydaycafepgh.com

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Winter shouldn’t keep p you y from patronizing your favorite vorite food trucks, and it’s even easier when they’re all parked ed indoors. Sat., Jan. 7,, from 1-7 p.m., come to the Monroeville Convention Center for Food Truck-a-Palooza: Winterr Edition. Live music, crafts, kids’ activities, beer and a selection of BBQ, burgers, tacos, hot dogs, sandwiches and more. Tickets are $10 and benefit the Monroeville Volunteer Fire Department. www.goodtastepittsburgh.com

OCAL IS AN important concept in

dining today, but it can be at odds with diners’ appetites for authentic international fare. Fortunately, in Pittsburgh, we have a shorthand for making any restaurant concept or cuisine sound like it belongs right here: Just add “steel” to its name. Thus, Steel Cactus can be immediately understood to be a local restaurant serving Mexican — well, Southwestern — food. In its upstairs location on Walnut Street in Shadyside, it’s a successor to Cozumel, one of the ﬁrst restaurants to interpret Mexican cuisine for a local audience. A couple decades ago, restaurants could serve ground-beef tacos, cheese-smothered enchiladas and canned refried beans to a clientele that had not yet been exposed to the delights of authentic Mexican street

PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 01.04/01.11.2017

food, let alone more formal cooked entrees such as chicken pipian. A lot has changed, including the upstairs dining room, which has traded sombrero-festooned plaster walls for lots of warm wood, the low light of Moravian star lanterns hanging from a pressed-tin ceiling

STEEL CACTUS 5555 Walnut St., Shadyside. 412-709-6444 HOURS: Daily 10 a.m.-2 a.m. PRICES: Appetizers, soups, salads and tacos $6-14; entrees $10-21 LIQUOR: Full bar

and darkly festive Day of the Dead motifs. The menu focuses on familiar preparations such as tacos, burritos and fajitas, but with enough original ﬂourishes such as candied pancetta, red-onion conﬁt and tempura

jalapeños to pique our interest. And speaking of jalapeños, we noticed that the kitchen did not shy away from heat. We started off simple with the dip trio: queso, guacamole and our choice of salsa. Cactus offers five: roja, grilled pineapple, sweet and spicy chipotle, gringo and inferno, the last two being mild and spicy versions of a typical tomato salsa. We tried the roja, a smooth, nearly watery salsa made with fireroasted tomatoes that offered a hint of smokiness, but the flavor was fleeting; perhaps the tomatoes needed more time to drain before blending. The guac was fresh and an appealing blend of creamy and chunky, but there just wasn’t much flavor there; Jason thought he detected some chili, but it may have just been seasoning on the pretty good housemade chips. The queso was the best of the bunch, made with amber beer for depth

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VIRILE CHICKPEAS {BY TRICIA COHEN AND LISA GRAVES}

NNING SAND W WI S! HE IC

of flavor and sprinkled with a bit of pico de gallo for brightness and texture. Tortilla soup was appealingly presented, with slices of avocado on one side, thin strips of fried flour tortilla on the other, a garnish of pico and a drizzle of sour cream. However, we were thrown off by the bisque-like viscosity of the soup itself. Like any chicken soup, tortilla soup is usually prepared with a clear broth, but this put us more in mind of Chinese hot-and-sour soup, and the chicken was a bit scant. Tacos were served in triplicate, with a choice of flour, corn or hard-shell tortillas. The impressively broad protein choices included chorizo, tofu and vegan beef, and the sauce options were also many, none of them duplicating the dip salsas. Those overwhelmed by the choices can fall back on gringo style (lettuce and tomato), Mexican style (cilantro and onion) or Cactus style (spicy slaw and roasted corn salad). All come with queso fresco. On paper, at least, it’s more variety than one typically finds outside a good taqueria. In practice, though, these tacos were unmistakably north of the border. The corn tortillas were authentically doubled up, but tasted pretty bland on their own, and they weren’t griddled, a key step to building both flavor and suppleness. These cold tortillas were then egregiously underfilled. In a “triple sampler” offering ground beef, grilled chicken and carnitas, the ground beef was OK (but no better than what you might make at home) and the carnitas a little mushy. Only the chicken was excellent, juicy and tender despite ample smoky char on the exterior. Chicken enchiladas presented the same pairing of tasty chicken and tasteless tortilla under a weak salsa verde. However, the sides of rice and beans, justifiably ignored on most Mexican restaurant plates, were terrific here: Both components were firm but not dry, and were simply, suitably spiked with garlic and just a bit of broth. A specialty taco of chipotle brisket mostly lived up to the tantalizing promise of smoked brisket with prickly-pear chipotle barbecue sauce, pomegranate seeds and tempura jalapeños. The filling was vividly flavorful, the textures exciting, and the sweet and heat well balanced. But the flawed tortilla situation recurred, and it was rather odd that the brisket resembled bacon bits more than shreds or thick slices of luscious meat. Steel Cactus is neither authentic nor haute Mexican cuisine. It is unabashedly Mexican-American, a respectable genre in its own right, and informal in atmosphere without sacrificing innovation and ambition in its recipes. It’s an appealing formula with as-yet inconsistent results.

NorthSide Sandwich ars Running! n i W ner 4 Ye

In the medieval period, people sought out magical cures and outlandish remedies for everything from colicky babies to protection against witches. Young women would eat strange foods to induce dreams of future husbands, and love spells were very profitable for midwives and healers. Doctors prescribed specific foods for certain ailments like boiled gall bladders from cattle to soothe sciatica pain, and live snails to heal burns. Some of the remedies that we found most interesting were foods used to increase libido and virility. Doctors advised that those looking to improve their sex lives should consume a combination of foods that were “warm and moist,” nourishing and that, well, increased flatulence. One food that met all three requirements was chickpeas. However, goat meat, sparrow brains and wine were also thought to have the same effect. Just like love spells, aphrodisiacs were big business. Although we have no proof, one could guess that Henry VIII had a frequentbuyer card. But sparrow brains? Let’s just stick with chickpeas and wine, thanks.

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INGREDIENTS • 2 tbsp. olive oil • 2 cloves garlic, minced • 1 tbsp. fresh rosemary, minced • 1 tbsp. lemon zest and juice of one lemon (¼ cup) • 2 15 oz. cans chickpeas, drained and rinsed • 2 cups baby spinach, chopped • 1 cup chicken stock • 1 tsp. of pepper • ½ tsp. salt • ½ cup shredded cheddar • ¼ cup fresh parsley, finely chopped INSTRUCTIONS Heat the olive oil in a sauté pan over medium heat. Add the garlic and rosemary to the hot pan until fragrant, and then add the lemon zest (it smells sooo good). Stir, then add the chickpeas to the mixture. Cook for 3-5 minutes. Stir in the lemon juice, spinach, chicken stock, salt and pepper. Cook until the liquid is gone. Remove from heat, dish onto a serving plate, and finish with the parsley and cheddar. INFO@PGHCITYPAPER.COM

Tricia Cohen and Lisa Graves, authors of A Thyme and Place: Medieval Feasts and Recipes for the Modern Table. Their new cookbook, due out in the spring 2017, will focus on colonial-era European-American cuisine. www.thymemachinecuisine.com WE WANT YOUR PERSONAL RECIPES AND THE STORIES BEHIND THEM. EMAIL THEM TO CELINE@PGHCITYPAPER.COM.

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CHAMPAGNE CAMPAIGN In regard to bubbles, fermentation matters {BY CELINE ROBERTS} OUR CULTURE relegates sparkling wine to

special celebrations. It’s bubbly, delicious and people like it because the joyful little lift goes straight to the head. It is seen as fancy but not snobby, and a little more accessible than wine. However, when you’re asked to pick one out, it’s hard to know what to look for. I asked Rob McCaughey, a wineand-spirits educator at Palate Partners and Dreadnought Wines, for a primer to prepare me for the next occasion that calls for a cork-pop. McCaughey’s ﬁrst criterion involves the fermentation method: traditional or “tank.” Sparkling wines require two fermentations: one for the base wine and a second to create the carbonation. In the traditional method, this second fermentation takes place in the bottle, while tank-method sparkling wine employs a tank, whereafter it is bottled. Traditional method is more labor-intensive, usually resulting in a higher price. It’s used for wines like champagne and cava, both of which must be aged a minimum of 15 months and 9 months, respectively. Traditional-method wines tend to be drier, with bready and biscuit ﬂavors, and are easily drunk with or without food. With a traditional-method sparkler, note whether the bottle is a vintage or nonvintage wine. Vintage wines must be made from the grape harvest of a single year. Non-vintage wines usually blend in reserve wines from previous years. Vintages for sparkling wines are declared only when a year is deemed good enough to merit one,

making them rarer and more expensive. Tank method, faster and more efficient, is used for wines like Asti and Prosecco, as it produces more fruit-forward flavors and larger bubbles, with the option to make lower-alcohol wines. Tank-method wines are best when drunk young, while their fruity notes are still bold. Now for tasting. Take a sip and hold it in front of the teeth. This will give a good indication of texture. A finer mousse (the size of the bubbles) means that more of the carbon dioxide was absorbed into the wine, giving it a creamier texture. McCaughey also suggests skipping champagne flutes and using white-wine glasses instead. The shape allows more space for the aroma of the wine to gather and reach your nose. Since most of what is tasted comes from smell, the wine will be more flavorful this way. Lastly, McCaughey doesn’t think that special occasions are the only time for some bubbles. “I think it should be drunk year round to be honest.” A few suggestions from McCaughey: From the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board, try La Spinetta Bricco Quaglia Moscato d’Asti ($19.99), Raventos I Blanc de Nit Cava ($26.99) or Ruinart Blanc de Blancs Non Vintage Champagne ($59.99). From Dreadnought Wines, try Monmouseau Brut Etoile Cremant de Loire ($15.18), Alessandro Rivetto iPola Moscato d’Asti ($15.93) or Pares Balta Blanca Cusiné Gran Reserva Cava ($36.69).

“I THINK IT SHOULD BE DRUNK YEAR ROUND, TO BE HONEST.”

C E L I N E @ P G HC I T Y PA P E R. C OM

PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 01.04/01.11.2017

BOOZE BATTLES

Thank you City Paper readers for voting us one of the Best Chinese Restaurants in Pittsburgh

{BY CELINE ROBERTS}

Each week, we order the same cocktail at two different bars for a friendly head-to-head battle. Go to the bars, taste them both and tell us what you like about each by tagging @pghcitypaper on Twitter or Instagram and use #CPBoozeBattles. If you want to be a part of Booze Battles, send an email to food-and-beverage writer Celine Roberts, at celine@pghcitypaper.com.

China Palace Shadyside

THE DRINK: FRENCH 75

Featuring cuisine in the style of

Peking, Hunan, Szechuan and Mandarin

100 VEGETARIAN

VS.

DISHES!

Delivery Hours

11:30 - 2 pm and 5-10pm

5440 Walnut Street, Shadyside 412-687-RICE chinapalace-shadyside.com

Casbah Mediterranean Kitchen & Wine Bar

Paris 66 Bistro 6018 Centre Ave., East Liberty DRINK: French 75 INGREDIENTS: Champagne, gin, lemon juice, simple syrup, lemon-peel garnish OUR TAKE: Simple, straightforward and classic, this deliciously tart and refreshing cocktail is a good zing for the palate. The carbonation creates texture, and this seemingly light drink packs an alcoholic punch.

229 S. Highland Ave., Shadyside DRINK: Spanish 75 INGREDIENTS: Mahon gin, Meyer lemon, Cava brut rosé OUR TAKE: This twist on the classic recipe adds some depth and dryness to an already crisp cocktail. The tiny bubbles of the rosé are lightly effervescent, and the rosé adds some rounder flavors than the classic choice of champagne. Citrus notes linger on the finish.

This week on Sound Bite: Explore the kitchens and cuisine of the Middle Ages with authors Tricia Cohen and Lisa Graves. www.pghcitypaper.com @heplayzgolf

One Bordeaux, One Scotch, One Beer

@ohadcadji

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photos with us!

Holly Jolly Christmas Ale, Fat Head’s Brewery & Saloon

Tag your photos of Pittsburgh with #CPReaderArt, and we’ll regram our favorites!

Price $11.77/six-pack “It’s like Christmas in a glass. I think it’s perfect for the holidays. It’s got cinnamon and nutmeg, but the flavor isn’t overwhelming. It’s not overly high in alcohol either, so you can have more than one.” RECOMMENDED BY JENNY HOFF, BARTENDER AT FAT HEAD’S BREWERY & SALOON, SOUTH SIDE

pghcitypaper @downtownburgher

This beer is available on draft at Fat Head’s and at local beer distributors.

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SAD VISIT {BY AL HOFF}

IT’S A FEEL-GOOD TALE OF SCIENCE, DETERMINATION AND OVERCOMING OBSTACLES

And so 2016 ends with four films about people processing grief. We’ve had Manchester by the Sea, Collateral Beauty, Jackie and now A Monster Calls, from Spanish director J.A. Bayona (The Orphanage). In this hybrid of fantastical fairy tale and coming-of-age drama, we meet young Conor (Lewis MacDougall), who lives in a rainy English village. A solemn voice-over tells us: “It begins with a boy too old to be a kid and too young to be a man … and a nightmare.”

The tree and me: Lewis MacDougall

The obvious nightmare is the one Conor has about a giant fearsome tree attacking him in his sleep. Then, in real life, there are the kids bullying him at school, where he’s persecuted for being a moody, artistic type. But the worst thing happening is that his beloved mum (Felicity Jones) is terminally ill. In a curious form of being helpful, the tree monster (voiced by Liam Neeson) snatches Conor periodically from his bedroom and makes him listen to instructional fairy tales. These stories are rendered in watercolor-y animation, and it takes Conor nearly the whole film to grasp their import. The tree also demands a story from Conor, though ultimately what then happens is more of a revelation of truth than a fairy tale. And speaking of storytelling, perhaps this well-meaning film’s biggest problem is that its disparate elements don’t gel properly. (Another problem is the woefully miscast Sigourney Weaver as Conor’s uptight grandmother.) The how and why of the monster is unclear; it’s real, but then also a not-real manifestation of something subconscious. The tales are charming, but they bump up weirdly against the underdeveloped bullying scenes. MacDougall is quite good in a tough role, but then some of the CGI is clunky enough to yank viewers right out of any emotional state. Given its subject matter, this is going to be a hanky-required film, though how moved one is might depend on one’s tolerance for manipulation. It’s nominally a family movie, albeit gloomy and sad throughout. Probably not really a film most kids would want to sit through, unless they are pre-goth and like a good cry.

Janelle Monae, Taraji P. Henson and Octavia Spencer take a break from calculating.

SPACE AND RACE {BY AL HOFF}

HEODORE MELFI’S bio-pic Hidden

Figures shines a spotlight on three African-American women who helped put men into space in the 1960s. Based on Margot Lee Shetterly’s eponymous book, it’s a feel-good tale of science, determination and overcoming obstacles in the Jim Crow South. The three women work at NASA, in Hampton, Va. It’s 1961, and the Americans want to put a man in orbit. The ladies are conﬁned to the segregated “colored computers” building, where the math whizzes check calculations with pencils, slide rules and chalkboards. But new frontiers come with new opportunities — and new hurdles: Mary Jackson (Janelle Monae) wants to study to be an engineer and ﬁghts for admission to an all-white night school; Dorothy Vaughn (Octavia Spencer) does the work of a supervisor, without the title or compensation; undaunted, she trains herself on the new IBM mainframe. An expert in analytical geometry, Katherine Goble (Taraji P. Henson) is assigned to the Space Task Group, which will calculate trajectories for

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 01.04/01.11.2017

John Glenn’s Friendship 7 capsule; it is a big room of white men, dismissive of her race and gender. Beyond work, there are church picnics and family dinners, and Goble gets a romance with a handsome Army colonel (Mahershala Ali). In the wider world, there is the anxiety and excitement around

HIDDEN FIGURES DIRECTED BY: Theodore Melfi STARRING: Taraji P. Henson, Janelle Monae, Octavia Spencer, Kevin Costner Starts Fri., Jan. 6

CP APPROVED the space race, as well as the increasing drumbeat of the civil-rights movement. Nobody is truly awful to the women, but neither does anybody notice or care that the women’s opportunities are hampered by institutional racism. Except Al Harrison (Kevin Costner), Goble’s boss, who gets lightly woke and bucks a few rules, because he’s the kind of pragmatic square-jaw who

simply wants the best person for the job. And while this specific history may be unfamiliar, no viewer will be surprised by how the film plays out. Hidden Figures follows the formula of inspirational bio-pics — a pastiche of homey scenes, on-the-nose dialogue and/or speeches and genuinely interesting moments. It’s the quiet fierceness the actresses bring to these roles that make the work compelling. And though it’s a generic inspirational underdog film, it’s worth seeing. It’s a good time to take note of unsung pioneers, and to process the realities of how hard it is to succeed when the system is rigged. And yet, these women make it, using determination, perseverance and polite pushback (realistically, their only available tools). Be sure to stick around for the credits that offer snapshots of the actual women and give an update on their careers; Katherine Goble (now Johnson) received the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2015. And take the older kids, who will learn that once computers were people, and that it’s worth fighting for a place in history. A H OF F @ P G HC I T Y PA P E R. C OM

FILM CAPSULES CP

= CITY PAPER APPROVED

NEW EVOLUTION. In Lucile Hadzihalilovic’s offbeat film, a young boy lives with his mother — and similar young boys and mothers — on an island by the sea. The lad begins to question his odd existence, including the lack of men. In French, with subtitles. Through Thu., Jan. 5. Harris GOODNIGHT BROOKLYN. Matt Conboy’s new documentary is a celebration of and elegy for the Williamsburg, Brooklyn, DIY art-and-music venue known as Death by Audio. After losing its lease, the space hosted 75 straight days of art and music, and Conboy captured much of this on film. Another saga of creative spaces in gentrifying urban areas. Director Conboy will attend the Jan. 6 screening. 7 p.m. Fri., Jan. 6; 9:30 p.m. Sat., Jan. 7; and 7 p.m. Tue., Jan. 10. Hollywood RAILROAD TIGERS. Ding Sheng directs this new action comedy film about a railroad worker (Jackie Chan) in 1941 China who leads an insurgent group against the Japanese in order to get food for the poor. In Mandarin, with subtitles. Starts Sat., Jan. 7. Hollywood SILENCE. In the 17th century, two Catholic missionaries (Andrew Garfield and Adam Driver) travel to Japan to search for their lost mentor (Liam Neeson). Martin Scorsese directs this drama. Starts Fri., Jan. 6

Railroad Tigers THE KARATE KID. A new kid (Ralph Macchio) being bullied learns self-defense — and so much more — from an elderly Japanese gardener (Pat Morita). “Wax on, wax off.” John G. Avildsen directs this 1984 teen fave. 9:45 p.m. Thu., Jan. 5. Row House Cinema BREAD AND TULIPS. In Silvio Soldini’s 2000 comedy, a housewife, left behind on a bus tour, decides to start a new life for herself in Venice. In Italian, with subtitles. Jan. 6-8, Jan. 10 and Jan. 12. Row House Cinema LA NOTTE. An unfaithful married couple (Marcello Mastroiani and Jeanne Moreau) experience another night of their deteriorating relationship, in Michelangelo Antonioni’s 1961 drama. In Italian, with subtitles. Jan. 6-9 and Jan. 11-12. Row House Cinema AMARCORD. In Federico Fellini’s 1973 eulogy for his boyhood, the sex scenes, adolescent pranks and other earthy antics merely assure that our picture of little coastal Rimini in the 1930s is as raucous as it is lyrical. In Italian, with subtitles. In Italian, with subtitles. Jan. 6-10 and Jan. 12. Row House Cinema THE GREAT BEAUTY. In this arty, stylized 2013 Italian drama, Paolo Sorrentino spotlights a 65-year-old Roman society fixture who is growing contemplative about the meaning of his life. In Italian, with subtitles. Jan. 6-7 and Jan. 9-11. Row House Cinema

Film Kitchen

REPERTORY THE BATTLE OF ALGIERS. Gillo Pontecorvo’s influential 1965 docudrama recounts the armed dispute in 1954 between Algerians looking to reclaim their country and the French colonial forces intent on keeping it. In Arabic and French, with subtitles. 4:45 p.m. Wed., Jan. 4. Row House Cinema BABE. A sweet pig dreams of herding sheep in this 1995 talking-animals classic directed by Chris Noonan. 7:15 p.m. Wed., Jan. 4, and 5 p.m. Thu., Jan. 5. Row House Cinema CHARADE. Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant star in Stanley Donen’s 1963 thriller about a widow and a stash of stolen cash. Also, European locales and a jazzy score by Henry Mancini. 9:15 p.m. Wed., Jan. 4. Row House Cinema NORTH BY NORTHWEST. Cary Grant stars as a man wrongly accused in Alfred Hitchcock’s 1959 thriller, which features two iconic scenes: Grant running from a crop-duster, and the gravitydefying climax on the face of Mount Rushmore. 6:55 p.m. Thu., Jan. 5. Row House Cinema

NEWS

What have you always wanted to know about Pittsburgh?

“WHY DOES PITTSBURGH HAVE AN H IN IT?” “IS A PARKING-SPOT CHAIR LEGALLY BINDING?” “WHAT IS SLIPPY?”

ELVIS: THAT’S THE WAY IT IS. Celebrate what would have been Elvis Presley’s 81st birthday. The 1970 film, directed by Denis Sanders, captures the King, in the prime of his white-jumpsuit years, at several Las Vegas shows,. He rocks, he rolls, he begs “Love Me Tender.” There will also be peanut-butter-and-banana sandwiches, birthday cake and photo ops with a live “Elvis.” 7:30 p.m. Sun., Jan. 8. Hollywood

Mike Wysocki has the answers.

FILM KITCHEN. An unusual, semi-cinematic performance highlights this edition of the monthly series for local and independent artists. Artist Cole Hoyer-Winfield and collaborators present his Midnight in Molina, in which actors narrate a “small-town sci-fi story” told via images hand-drawn on a scroll that’s viewed by overhead projection and advanced by hand-crank. In the story, says Hoyer-Winfield, “the earth unravels and dreams come to life.” The hour-long show, which premiered last year at the New Hazlett Theater’s CSA performance series, also features live musical accompaniment. Also screening is “Crankies,” Michael Pisano’s short video about Midnight in Molina (“crankies” is Hoyer-Winfield’s term for the manually advanced projections), and “CRAWLER / Schroomlapses,” Pisano’s eerie, sensual, close-up time-lapse images of oyster mushrooms growing in his basement, set to an electronic soundtrack by DJ Thermos. The Jan. 10 Film Kitchen program, curated by Matthew R. Day, also includes “The Eliminadora,” P.J. Gaynard’s 20-minute comedy about a young girl whose parents refuse to let her train to become a luchadora, or masked pro wrestler. 8 p.m. Tue., Jan. 10 (7 p.m. reception). Melwood. $5 (Bill O’Driscoll)

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TOUGH GAME

“TO SEE ALL THESE PANTHERS FANS IN NEW YORK CITY, THIS IS AWESOME.”

{BY CHARLIE DEITCH} As of this writing, I have no idea whether the Penn State Nittany Lions won their Jan. 2 Rose Bowl matchup against the Trojans of USC. To be honest, I don’t care. Even though the Jerry Sandusky scandal broke more than five years ago and he’s been in prison since 2012, it’s still hard for me to watch this team and its fans enjoy a football game. It seems like the world of Penn State football continues to roll on as if nothing ever happened. It’s just football, and today, none of the players or coaches attached to the program had anything to do with the horrific child-molestation scandal that resulted in the firing of longtime coach Joe Paterno. But if you look beyond football, the Sandusky affair is still kicking up dust, and it will continue to affect the lives of those involved for many years to come. And it’s clear now that the Sandusky situation went unchecked as long as it did because its discovery would not have been good for the football program.

{PHOTO COURTESY OF UNIVERSITY OF PITTSBURGH ATHLETICS MEDIA RELATIONS}

Pitt’s mascot runs through the endzone at Yankee Stadium Dec. 28 in front of a sea of Pitt fans who travelled to support their team.

Earlier this year, for example, Penn State assistant coach Mike McQueary won $12 million in a whistleblower lawsuit he brought against the university. McQueary, you’ll remember, reported to Paterno that he caught Sandusky in the locker-room shower with a young boy. University officials decided not to call authorities and never brought the matter up to McQueary again. When the scandal broke, however, McQueary was fired and made a scapegoat for Penn State not reporting the assaults. After the whistle-blower trial, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette’s Stephen Nesbitt reported McQueary’s account of how the former coach lost his wife, became estranged from his daughter and was unable to get even the lowest level of employment. “For me to not be able to go to work … as a coach[,] or work a cash register, man, it’s humiliating,” he told the P-G. Stories like McQueary’s are among the reasons I’ll find it hard to watch the Rose Bowl. Some things are more important than football. Sandusky’s victims know it. Mike McQueary knew it and he paid for it. Five years later, there just aren’t enough roses to cover the smell of what happened at Penn State in 2011. Maybe there never will be.

PANTHER PARTY {BY PAUL GUGGENHEIMER}

S HUNG-OVER college-football fans

recover from the orgy of annual holiday bowl games, many might be wondering why there are so many of these under-attended, over-hyped gridiron exhibitions. After all, isn’t any game outside of the four-team playoff essentially meaningless? Well, don’t put that question to any of the Pitt fans who made their way to the Bronx for the seventh annual Pinstripe Bowl at Yankee Stadium. Pitt’s opponent was Northwestern University, and while Wildcats fans made themselves at home in the upscale conﬁnes of the stadium’s “MVP Club,” about 2,000 Panthers faithful partied across the street in a Yankee tavern known as Billy’s Sports Bar. “Today, this is a Pitt bar,” said Chris Owens of Pittsburgh. “To see all these Panthers fans in New York City, this is awesome.” It’s the second year in a row that Pitt fans have ﬂocked to a bowl destination, albeit one within driving distance of the

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Steel City; it belies their reputation for be- western. After admitting that it was “not ing a fan base that doesn’t travel well. So, the way you want your season to go out,” Narduzzi had nothing but praise for the what’s changed? “It’s pretty clear it’s [second-year Pitt way Panthers fans supported the team in head coach] Pat Narduzzi,” said Owens. New York. “It was a great turnout by our fans,” “We’re excited about the brighter future said Narduzzi. “Our fans showed that he brings. He’s inspired the fan base.” In fact, the University of Pittsburgh they’ll travel. I’m just disappointed we needed a second allotment of Pinstripe didn’t win the game for them.” “We heard them from the time we Bowl tickets and ended up selling 8,000, were warming up,” said Pitt senior according to Pitt Associate Athletic wide receiver Dontez Ford. “It was Director E.J. Borghetti. Read a n great. I wasn’t surprised.” Alex and Caroline Plocki ersio longer v e Despite the loss, the Pinmet at Pitt 10 years ago, fell in onlin stripe Bowl appearance and love, got married and moved to at www. er ap pghcityp the overall New York experiNew Orleans. They were in New .com ence was a nice way for the Pitt York for the holidays, and when football team to end its season. they heard Pitt would be playing But there will come a time when these at Yankee Stadium, they decided to second-tier bowl appearances will no get tickets. “Coming here is important to us,” longer be enough to satisfy Pitt’s growsaid Caroline. “We’ve been fans since the ing fan base. The question is whether the beginning and we knew this would be a Panthers can replace talented, departing players like James Conner and take the good time.” Pitt wound up losing 31-24 to North- next step toward elite status. I N F O@ P G H C I T Y PA P E R. C OM

[THE CHEAP SEATS]

CRYSTAL BASEBALLS {BY MIKE WYSOCKI}

Paul Spadafora gets arrested again. I feel like the limb’s pretty secure on this one. Spaddy will lose a re-match against the 65-year-old woman he ALLEGEDLY beat up last year. The lady has been training for the fight while Spadafora has been bogged down in court for ALLEGEDLY stabbing his brother last month.

The Penguins win the Stanley Cup again. History repeats itself, and the Pens go back to the Stanley Cup finals. They did it in 1991 and 1992, and again in 2008 and 2009. They will beat Boston, Washington and Columbus along the way. The parade even draws Capitals, Sabres and Blue Jackets fans who make the drive just to see what the Cup looks like.

The Flyers vs. Penguins Heinz Field game devolves into a huge fight in the stands. It will have nothing to do with hockey. It will just be fans of both teams arguing over pop vs. soda; French fries vs. potato chips on a sandwich; Sheetz vs. Wawa; Christina Aguilera vs. Pink; buggy vs. cart; and how to pronounce the word “water.”

Jameson Taillon emerges as the pitcher everyone hoped he would be. Taillon starts the year 15-7, and the Pirates immediately start listening to trade offers for him.

{CP PHOTO BY LUKE THOR TRAVIS}

The Pirate Pierogies: Rocked by scandals in 2017?

Antonio Brown announces another Jaromir Jagr goes top-shelf on Marc-André Fleury to become just the name change. This time he wants to second player in NHL history to amass be called Jim Brown just to tick off people in Cleveland. 2,000 career points. Boos reign down, not just on Jagr, but on Fleury as well. The Pittsburgh Thunderbirds defeat their rivals, the Madison The Pirate Pierogies are rocked by Radicals, in Ultimate Disc action. scandals. After six straight wins, Potato Pete admits to using performance-enhancing olive oil. Oliver Onion has his own scandal involving an affair with the Bratwurst from the Milwaukee Brewers’ racing mascots.

Pirates announcer Greg Brown misses a game in the booth after doctors diagnose him with exhaustion. Brown faints after the excitement of back-to-back trip-trip-triples by John Jaso and Chris Stewart.

The win goes unnoticed by social media because another celebrity nobody cared about died. RIP, guy that was on Herman’s Head.

Finally, in a shocking turn of events, Steelers wide receiver Martavis Bryant passes a drug test! However, he runs out of steam by week 12 because he’s never played a full season before. INFO@PGHCITYPAPER.COM

The Cleveland Browns get the first pick in the NFL draft and he immediately sucks. The No. 1 overall pick

CP PHOTO BY LUKE THOR TRAVIS

PREDICTIONS ARE like podcasts; it seems like everybody has one. But I’m no ordinary predictor/podcaster. In August, I predicted that the Steelers would go 12-4 and that Maurkice Pouncey would not get injured. As long as the Browns didn’t somehow trip them up this past Sunday, the Steelers will ﬁnish 11-5, and Pouncey is still upright heading into the playoffs, so there’s a little credibility. With that in mind, here are thoughts on 2017. Some of these predictions are easy and obvious, while others are admittedly a stretch. Since everybody hated 2016 so much, here are some prognostications that hint that 2017 will be much better.

gets injured at training camp, quits football and becomes roommates with Johnny Manziel.

Chicago Cubs fans become even more obnoxious as they flood into Pittsburgh for a weekend series. Everybody can get lucky once in 108 years, but Cubs fans will be bragging about last year until 2124.

After another 8-4 regular season, Pitt disappoints in a bowl game. This time it’s a 30-28 loss to Kentucky in the Taxslayer Bowl. It will be worse than 2016 because Pitt fans who traveled to this year’s bowl game at least got to experience the culture of New York City. They find a lot less of it in Jacksonville.

Former Woodland Hills star Jason Taylor is inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

Pitt basketball’s Jamel Artis is drafted in the second round of the NBA draft by the New Orleans Pelicans. Pitt hoops fans celebrate, but a

Fans are upset as Hines Ward falls short, but he’ll make it in 2018. For the 53rd time in 54 years, no Cincinnati Bengals make the cut.

survey later reveals that before the draft, 68 percent of the fans had no idea the New Orleans Pelicans were a real team.

PPG Paints Arena sells its naming rights to Giant Eagle.

The Cincinnati Bengals pass on Pitt running back James Conner.

Pens fans rush to Twitter to be the first person to call the newly named arena “The Iggleloo.”

In the fourth round of the draft, they find Conner’s lack of a criminal record would make him an outcast on the team.

HERE WE GO! CHECK OUT PHOTOS FROM THE STEELERS’ 27-24 WIN AGAINST THE CLEVELAND BROWNS ON NEW YEARS DAY, AT OUR BLOGH AT WWW.PGHCITYPAPER.COM + Stay tuned for our ongoing coverage from the playoffs

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ACROSS 1. Reb’s outfit: Abbr. 4. Looking over 9. Acronym in education emphasizing the hard subjects 13. Falcons, on scoreboards 14. Bullring man 16. Room connector 17. Regals from Wisconsin’s biggest city? 20. Race in the year 802,701 21. The Lone Ranger’s buddy 22. Alcoholic beverages on some sci-fi shows? 27. Cardboard ___ 30. “Is it soup ___?” 31. Marsupial mistaken for a bear 32. Sign over 33. Of utmost importance 34. Painter’s tool 36. Put imperfections on expensive rocks? 39. [Crosses fingers] 40. Bat crap 41. Communion service 42. Inch along laterally 43. “Tamerlane” poet 46. “I pity the fool” speaker 47. Regret one

has about not doing glute exercises? 50. Cuban dance 52. Just for men 53. All of Thelma’s friend’s belongings got thrown skyward? 59. At some point 60. Censure severely 61. “You’ve caught me ___ bad time” 62. Potstickers pots 63. Bit of linen 64. Carried the day

DOWN 1. Stumbled upon 2. “___ Nacht” (German Christmas carol) 3. Ranging, full-on 4. Three after delta 5. BEQ fan, presumably 6. Bother deeply 7. Banns word 8. ___ Green (onetime Scottish place for elopers) 9. “This isn’t good” 10. “Live Más” chain 11. Antelope 12. Seattle Sounders’ org. 15. Wind in a pit 18. Switch granddaddy 19. “Young” folks, for short 23. Shirts’ opponents in a pickup game

24. Too ___ handle 25. Baby’s cry 26. Dishonest and unprincipled 28. Some verses 29. One who grew up with an Atari 2600, briefly 32. Nile queen, casually 33. Tries for a title 34. King’s space 35. Craigslist seller, at times 36. Horselaugh 37. Brown delivery van 38. Aikido alternative 39. “Let me think... “ 42. Equilibria

43. Lumberjack’s tool 44. Moving without thinking 45. Omelet maker 47. #2s 48. Host Lauren of the NPR show “The Big Listen” 49. Pres. who fought 1-Across 51. Illegal highway maneuvers 53. Simmering, say 54. Peace activist Yoko 55. “Speaking frankly,” in texts 56. Peach or lime 57. Organist Stubblefield 58. Total after taxes {LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS}

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FOR THE WEEK OF

Free Will Astrology

01.04-01.11

{BY ROB BREZSNY}

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I thought of you when I read a tweet by a person who calls himself Vexing Voidsquid. “I feel imbued with a mysterious positive energy,” he wrote, “as if thousands of supplicants are worshipping golden statues of me somewhere.” Given the astrological omens, I think it’s quite possible you will have similar feelings on regular occasions in 2017. I’m not necessarily saying there will literally be golden statues of you in town squares and religious shrines, nor am I guaranteeing that thousands of supplicants will telepathically bathe you in adoration. But who cares how you’re imbued with mysterious positive energy as long as you are?

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): When it’s summer in the Northern Hemisphere, the birds known as arctic terns hang out in Greenland and Iceland. Before the chill sets in, they embark on an epic migration to Antarctica, arriving in time for another summer. But when the weather begins to turn too cold there, they head to the far north again. This is their yearly routine. In the course of a lifetime, a single bird may travel as far as 1.25 million miles — the equivalent of three roundtrips to the moon. I propose that you make this creature your spirit animal in 2017, Aquarius. May the arctic tern inspire you to journey as far as necessary to fulfill your personal equivalent of a quest for endless summer.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): In June 1962, three prisoners sneaked out of the Alcatraz Federal Penitentiary, located on an island in San Francisco Bay. Did they succeed in escaping? Did they swim to safety through the frigid water and start new lives abroad? No one

knows. Law-enforcement officials never found them. Even today, the U.S. Marshals Service keeps the case open, and still investigates new evidence when it comes in. Are there comparable enigmas in your own life, Pisces? Events in your past that raised questions you’ve never been able to solve? In 2017, I bet you will finally get to the bottom of them.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Light, electricity and magnetism are different expressions of a single phenomenon. Scottish scientist and mathematician James Clerk Maxwell (1831-1879) was the first to formulate a theory to explain that startling fact. One of the cornerstones of his work was a set of 20 equations with 20 unknowns. But a younger scientist named Oliver Heaviside decided this was much too complicated. He recast Maxwell’s cumbersome theory in the form of four equations with four unknowns. That became the new standard. In 2017, I believe you Aries will have a knack akin to Heaviside’s. You’ll see the concise essentials

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obscured by needless complexity. You’ll extract the shining truths trapped inside messy confusions.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “The thornbush is the old obstacle in the road,” wrote Franz Kafka. “It must catch fire if you want to go further.” Let’s analyze this thought, Taurus. If it’s to be of maximum use for you in 2017, we will have to develop it further. So here are my questions. Did Kafka mean that you’re supposed to wait around passively, hoping the thornbush will somehow catch fire, either through a lucky lightning strike or an act of random vandalism? Or should you, instead, take matters into your own hands — douse the thornbush with gasoline and throw a match into it? Here’s another pertinent query: Is the thornbush really so broad and hardy that it blocks the whole road? If not, maybe you could just go around it.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The fictional character Scott Pilgrim is the hero of Bryan Lee O’Malley’s series of graphic novels. He becomes infatuated with a “ninja delivery girl” named Ramona Flowers, but there’s a complication. Before he can win her heart, he must defeat all seven of her evil ex-lovers. I’m sure your romantic history has compelled you to deal with equally challenging dilemmas, Gemini. But I suspect you’ll get a reprieve from that kind of dark melodrama in 2017. The coming months should be a bright and expansive chapter in your Book of Love.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): The creature known as the short-eared elephant shrew is typically four inches long and weighs a little more than one ounce. And yet it’s more genetically similar to elephants than to true shrews. In its home habitat of southern Africa, it’s known as the sengi. I propose we regard it as one of your spirit animals in 2017. Its playful place in your life will symbolize the fact that you, too, will have secret connections to big, strong influences; you, too, will have natural links with powerhouses that outwardly don’t resemble you.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “When I look back, I see my former selves, numerous as the trees,” writes Leo poet Chase Twichell. I’m sure that’s an experience you’ve had yourself. Do you find it comforting? Does it feel like being surrounded by old friends who cushion you with nurturing familiarity? Or is it oppressive and claustrophobic? Does it muffle your spontaneity and keep you tethered to the past? I think these are important questions for you to meditate on in 2017. It’s time to be very conscious and creative about shaping your relationships with all the people you used to be.

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VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “‘Life experience’ does not amount to very much and could be learned from novels alone … without any help from life.” So said Nobel Prize-winning author Elias Canetti, who was born in Bulgaria, had British citizenship and wrote in German. Although his idea contradicts conventional wisdom, I am presenting it for your consideration in 2017. You’re ready for a massive upgrade in your understanding about the nature of reality — and firsthand “life experience” alone won’t be enough to ensure that.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): I am rooting for you to be flagrantly unique in 2017. I vehemently want you to be uninhibited about expressing your deepest, rawest, hottest inclinations. In this spirit, I offer the following four rallying cries: 1. “Don’t be addicted to looking cool, baby!” — my friend Luther. 2. Creative power arises when you conquer your tendency to stay detached. — paraphrased from poet Marianne Moore. 3. If you want to be original, have the courage to be an amateur. — paraphrased from poet Wallace Stevens. 4. “In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, in the expert’s mind there are few.” — Zen teacher Shunryu Suzuki.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “There is a desperation for unknown things,” wrote poet Charles Wright, “a thirst for endlessness that snakes through our bones.” Every one of us has that desperation and thirst from time to time, but no one feels the pull toward perplexing enchantments and eternal riddles more often and more intensely than you Scorpios. And according to my astrological meditations on your life in 2017, you will experience this pull even more often and with greater intensity than ever before. Is that a problem? I don’t see why it should be. In fact, it could make you sexier and smarter than ever — especially if you regard it as a golden opportunity to become sexier and smarter than ever.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): I hope you will seek out a wide range of intoxicating experiences in 2017. The omens predict it. Fate sanctifies it. I hope you will gracefully barrel your way through the daily whirl with a constant expectation of sly epiphanies, amusing ecstasies, and practical miracles. There has rarely been a time in your life when you’ve had so much potential to heal old wounds through immersions in uncanny bliss. But please note: The best of these highs will NOT be induced by drugs or alcohol, but rather by natural means like sex, art, dancing, meditation, dreamwork, singing, yoga, lucid perceptions and vivid conversations. Send me a list of your top five New Year’s resolutions. Go to RealAstrology.com and click on “Email Rob.”

GO TO REALASTROLOGY.COM TO CHECK OUT ROB BREZSNY’S EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO HOROSCOPES AND DAILY TEXT-MESSAGE HOROSCOPES. THE AUDIO HOROSCOPES ARE ALSO AVAILABLE BY PHONE AT 1-877-873-4888 OR 1-900-950-7700

Savage Love {BY DAN SAVAGE}

My brother is a virgin and turning 30 in a few weeks. He said he wants to hire an escort just for drinks and conversation for his birthday, but he doesn’t really know how to tell what’s a reliable service or what criteria he should be looking for to tell whether an agency is legit, reliable, etc. I’m very happy he came to me with this because I can tell it’s not something he wants to share with many people — but I don’t have any advice or knowledge to pass on regarding this and I want to respect his privacy by not discussing it with everyone in our social circles. Do you have any advice in regards to what he should be looking for? MY YOUNGER BROTHER’S ROMANTIC ORDER

“Look to social media,” said Mistress Matisse, a writer, sex worker and sex-workers’-rights activist. “Now that so many review boards have been taken down, social media is the best way to find a good independent escort.” About those review boards: Law-enforcement agencies, always on the lookout for ways to “save” sex workers by making their jobs more dangerous, have gone after online sites, a.k.a. review boards, where clients rated and ranked escorts and — more importantly — escorts communicated with each other about safety, clients to avoid (flaky, rude, unhygienic), and clients they absolutely shouldn’t see (erratic, threatening, violent). Elizabeth Nolan Brown wrote a great piece for Reason about the issue last fall (“The Truth About the Biggest U.S. Sex Trafficking Story of the Year,” Sept. 9, 2016), and everyone should go read it at Reason.com. Anyway, MYBRO, back to your brother and Matisse’s advice. “I’m not saying ‘no social media’ equals ‘bad escort,’” said Matisse. “There are lots of good escorts who don’t have much of a social-media presence. But if you want to get to know a little about who someone is before you meet them, that’s just how you do it now.” Another rarely discussed, perfectly legal alternative to figuring out if an escort is for real: Pay them to meet up for drinks and conversation, which just so happens to be all your brother wants (or all he’s willing to tell you he wants). “Obviously, this is not a good option for the budget-conscious,” said Matisse. “But if you want to test your chemistry and create some trust on both sides before booking a private date, it’s a solid way to go. Note the keyword, though: PAY her for her time. (Most ladies have a public social-meeting fee that’s lower than private-time rates.) And remember the basic rules when you do decide to set a private-time date: Don’t ask about sex, and don’t talk about money other than to briefly acknowledge that you have seen her rates and agree to pay for her time. Expect to use condoms and to abide by the rules of whoever you’re seeing.” You can follow Mistress Matisse on Twitter @mistressmatisse.

something she likes to keep to herself, and for good reason, obviously. People, however, are obsessed with what other people do for a living. So what’s the best answer for when I’m asked what she does? She’s as unsure of what to say as I am. I’m bringing her to a company event (I work in finance), and both of us are sure everyone is going to ask what she does (cocktail-party small talk is the worst!). What are your thoughts on this subject and other things in a relationship like this? MAN BEHIND THE CAM GIRL

Say this: “She’s an independent contractor with a video production company — she makes her own hours and works from home. It’s a great gig. Oh hey, how about them Bears/Colts/Cubs/Broncos/ Braves/WhateverTheFucks.” I’m a tall, slender, attractive, fit, artistic, female 65-year-old, taking testosterone, and now without a partner. I’m not sure how to go about engaging in noncommittal quick sex dates. I don’t know of any escort services for the ladies, but I would be interested. I’m also interested in exploring the bisexual side of life. Where would you advise I go? CURIOUS AND WONDERING

I’m going to echo Mistress Matisse and suggest diving into Sex Work Twitter. Most male sex workers target their ads/online presence to other males, since men are likelier to buy sex, but many male escorts are bisexual or straight but gay-forpay. They’ll happily see female clients, as will many female sex workers. You just gotta ask — politely and, again, without talking about sex explicitly. Remember: You’re paying for the escort’s time. Anything else that happens is just consenting adults doing consenting adult things.

“LOOK TO SOCIAL MEDIA.”

I’ve been reading your column for years, and it has definitely helped me develop a sex-positive view of dating, relationships, sex and otherwise. I’ve been seeing a girl recently who revealed to me she’s a cam girl. I’m totally OK with it. She makes a great living, it’s important to her, and it turns her on — all great things! But it’s

I have a suggestion for GAYMAN, the guy who just got out of an abusive relationship and wanted to know how to reconnect with his sexuality and other gay men. I came out three years ago, and I must say that joining the organization Frontrunners changed my life. It’s an LGBTQ-friendly running group, and I found so much support there as a man coming out late in life. I’ve met so many LGBTQ people, from all backgrounds, with extremely varied interests, and it really opened me up socially. I’m happy to say I’ve made some great friends in the year that I have participated. RUNNING WHILE QUEER

Thanks for sharing! READERS: Psychotherapist, author and friend Esther Perel (Mating in Captivity) is seeking couples to be featured on her upcoming original audio series. Couples can be married or in a longterm committed relationship, and from all sexual orientations and cultural, racial and religious backgrounds. Gay male couples are particularly encouraged to apply. For more info, go to tinyurl. com/perelaudio. On the Lovecast, Dan talks with Adam Conover from Adam Ruins Everything: savagelove cast.com.

SEND YOUR QUESTIONS TO MAIL@SAVAGELOVE.NET AND FIND THE SAVAGE LOVECAST (DAN’S WEEKLY PODCAST) AT SAVAGELOVECAST.COM

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THIS JUST IN {BY FRANCIS RUPP}

A look at local news online and on the tube

GET A JOB!

WPXI reporter Jennifer Tomazic drives all the way to Connellsville, Fayette County, to do a piece apparently meant to scare the hell out of senior citizens in the entire WPXI viewing area, while keeping them prisoners in their own homes. “New video of an 81-year-old woman who was robbed right in front of a church!” announces anchor Damany Lewis. Lewis leads you to believe there is actually a video of the robbery, but they are just location shots from Connellsville. Tomazic recounts, “Well, she says she doesn’t feel safe walking around town anymore, after she says that a man came up to her and snatched her wallet right from her hands. … And [she] had just split seconds to fight for her wallet.” The elderly woman says, “I don’t feel safe out walking, because I just have to stay around the house as much as possible, you know.” She then offers this message for the robber: “Get yourself a job. And if you’d have asked me if you was hungry or something, I would’da went ahead and gave you the $20.” The problem with these stories — spot-news pieces — is that they do more harm than good. Instead of fear-mongering, WPXI could have alerted the community in a way that doesn’t have every person with an AARP card locking themselves in their homes. But giving advice to seniors about how to be vigilant, and asking neighbors to look out for the elderly, would make too much sense.

GEESE OF MIND

WTAE morning anchor Janelle Hall reveals, “It’s not every day that you see these in the South Hills [video shows inflatable sharks]. What you would normally find in the ocean, sitting pretty in a pool in the wintertime. We’re talkin’ about sharks, keeping geese out of this park in Scott Township. On land, coyotes doing the same [video of a coyote decoy made of fur and a sawhorse]; these ballfields guarded, keeping the ‘fowl’ from invading.” A man being interviewed in his car (maybe he’s afraid of the geese or of blow-up sharks?) says, “The geese look nice but oh, those droppings are everywhere, and it’s coating the parking lot and the sidewalks and the grassy areas — it’s a real mess.” “While our camera was rolling, we actually caught multiple geese going in and then out of the park. The decoys, apparently doing their jobs; predators in plastic giving neighbors peace of mind,” reports Hall. That is some good detective work. If only former Allegheny County Executive Dan “The Goose Killer” Onorato had thought of this back in 2007 when he came under fire for his shoot-first, deal-with-flack-from-animal-rights’-activists-later policy.

TRIALS AND TRIB-ULATIONS

Now that the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review is exclusively online, let’s check in with it, shall we? In response to “The Fresh Market” coming to Fox Chapel, a letter-to-theeditor writer expresses her dismay and desire for something a little simpler: “What we don’t have is a friendly store where you can just get a can of beans,

{SCREENCAP FROM WWW.WTAE.COM}

bag of flour or a dozen plain-old, non-free-range eggs.” Who says the Trib has no room for the populist opinion? Meanwhile, reporter John Conti writes an architecture essay that tackles the trope of post-industrial Pittsburgh. “Pittsburgh needs a new reason for being,” he muses. He laments, “Our city was built when river transportation was key to the economic development of an inland city. It later thrived because abundant natural resources made us the center of the second industrial revolution. Things like mining coal, producing oil and natural gas, and making iron, steel and glass gave us size and wealth.” If you didn’t fall asleep after that lead, you would be able to read his novel idea: “We have to stand out as a special and visually attractive city in order to continue growing and being.” If only all reporters could learn to skip the part (or at least make it a lot shorter) about our industrial past, we’d save about 200 words. Although without the restrictions of a printed page holding them back, these nostalgic leads might go on long enough for Donald Trump to bring steel back to Pittsburgh.

GERMY GYMS

KDKA’s David Highfield introduces a Consumer Reports special about all of those nasty bugs you can pick up at the gym. He reads, “Well, if your New Year’s resolution includes hitting the gym, here’s an important warning before working out — gyms can be breeding grounds for some nasty bacteria, fungus and viruses.” But there’s good news! Teresa Carr, of Consumer Reports, says you can prevent most of these threats by taking simple steps, like covering a cut with a bandage. Carr adds, “And you know, some germs can live for days on those mats, as well as other surfaces in the gym.” Meaning those germs will probably outlast your New Year’s resolution to get fit. Here’s to a germy new year, everyone! I N F O@ P G HC I T Y PA P E R. C OM

PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 01.04/01.11.2017

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