Navigating the Winter Holidays After the Loss of a Beloved Pet
Copyright Nancy Curotto, Psy.D LLC/PLP
The holiday season can intensify grief for anyone mourning the loss of a cherished pet. Rituals, decorations, and traditions can be emotional triggers. Quiet moments of reflection often highlight the empty space where our companion once was. Whether you celebrate Bodhi Day, Chanukah, Winter Solstice, Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Year’s Day, or Epiphany/Dia de los Reyes, meaningful traditions may feel different or emotionally overwhelming after such a loss. Your grief is valid, and your pain is real.
Below are gentle, research-informed ways to care for yourself through this season.
1. Acknowledge That This Season May Feel Different
Grief doesn’t follow a holiday schedule. You may feel sadness, longing, irritability, or even numbness during rituals that once brought comfort.
Give yourself permission to:
• celebrate differently
• participate partially
• skip traditions altogether
• take things moment by moment
Your emotional capacity may shift from day to day and that’s normal.
2. Choose a Meaningful Remembrance Ritual Aligned with Your Holiday
You can choose one of these holidays, adapt ideas across them, or create your own unique ritual. Rituals give grief shape, meaning, and a sense of ongoing connection.
Bodhi Day (December 8)
A day of awakening and compassion.
• Light a candle or incense for your pet.
• Meditate on the love and wisdom they brought into your life.
Chanukah
• Light an additional candle in remembrance.
• Dedicate a night to gratitude for the joy your pet gave you.
Winter Solstice
A celebration of returning light.
• Place a lantern or small light in honor of your pet’s memory.
• Spend a moment outdoors, grounding in nature.
Christmas
• Hang a memorial ornament.
Kwanzaa
• Add a symbol of your pet to the Mkeka (mat).
• Light a candle with intention:
o Ujima (collective responsibility) to honor the care you shared
o Imani (faith) to acknowledge the ongoing connection
New Year’s Day
• Write a reflection letter on what your pet taught you.
• Set a healing intention for the year ahead.
Epiphany/ Día de los Reyes
• Place a small offering (a treat, a flower, a photo) as a symbol of gratitude.
• Place a photo or a collar near the tree, stockings, or nativity scene.
• Include your pet in a holiday blessing or prayer.
• Say their name aloud in remembrance
3. Identify “Holiday Triggers” and Create a Coping PlanName what hurts, plan what helps.
The holidays contain many emotional cues. Some people feel the sting of grief when:
• pulling out holiday decorations
• noticing the absence of their pet in family photos
• hearing holiday music
• observing others with their pets
If decorations or music feel too painful this year, nothing is wrong with you.
Create a gentle coping plan:
• If overwhelmed → Step outside or into a quiet room.
• If sadness rises → Place a hand on your heart and breathe slowly
• If guilt or regret shows up → Use compassionate statements:
o “I made the best decisions I could with the knowledge I had.”
o “Grief is love in another form.”
4. Allow Joy and Grief to Coexist
Moments of joy do not mean you are “moving on.” Moments of sadness do not mean you are “not healing.”
Both can exist at the same time. Both speak to the depth of your love.
Let yourself experience whatever arises without judgment. Notice the feelings, and remind yourself there is no ‘right’ way to grieve.
5. Honor the Bond in a Meaningful Way
Connection does not end with physical presence. Choose simple ways to honor your pet:
• Light a candle daily or for specific holidays
• Prepare one of their favorite treats as a symbolic gesture
• Donate a toy, blanket, or can of food to a local shelter
• Print a small photo to carry or place in your home
• Start a gratitude ritual: “Today I’m grateful for…”
These acts can invite comfort while maintaining connection.
6. Set Healthy Boundaries for Your Emotional Well-Being
You are not required to:
• attend every celebration
• feel cheerful
• explain your grief to everyone
• pretend to be okay
A simple, kind boundary might be: “Thank you for understanding—I’m doing the holidays differently this year.”
7. Support and Self-Compassion- When to seek extra support
Grief often creates a push-pull experience: wanting comfort but also wanting space. Your nervous system is working hard during grief. This is why you may feel tired, foggy, or emotionally on edge
Reach out to:
• Someone who understands your bond
• a support group or online community
• a therapist or grief counselor
Treat yourself the way your pet would want you to be treated gently and lovingly.
Try these statements:
• “I’m grieving because my love was deep.”
• “I’m allowed to feel what I feel.”
• “I’m doing the best I can.”
Self-compassion supports emotional regulation and reduces guilt or shame.
8. Create Space for Rest and Quiet
Holiday expectations often clash with the fatigue of grief Rest is not avoidance it’s healing, and it gives your body and heart a chance to catch up
Let yourself:
• nap
• stay home
• journal
• sit with a warm drink
• choose quiet over overstimulation
