Peninsula Daily News for Sunday, May 1, 2011
Commentary
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Parents’ latest purchase a hurdle MY MOTHER CALLED me a few days ago to proudly announce that she and my father now have voice mail, which they don’t. What they have is an W. Bruce answering Cameron machine my mother found at a garage sale, which is where I think she also found my birthday presents: four T-shirts that all say “Call Me Pinky” on the front. When I dutifully wear the T-shirts to the gym, people come up to me and say, “Hey, Pinky.” I don’t like that. My mother likes garage sales because they are a less expensive place to buy things she doesn’t need. She brings her purchases home and puts them, naturally, in her garage. Maybe someday she’ll have the inventory for a garage sale of her own. Before this newest technological addition to their household, my parents’ answering machine
was my father. My father sits by the telephone and basically hasn’t moved since 1981. He would take messages like, “Oh, your doctor called.” “When?” my mom would ask. “I don’t know. Awhile ago.” “What did he say?” “I don’t know. Does it matter? You’ve already outlived your life expectancy.” For my father, the fact that he beat his life expectancy in overtime means the only thing left to focus on is drinking champagne in the locker room. My mother, though, wants to take another lap, so she goes to the doctor pretty much every day. The way things are going, they’ll both outlive me. When I call my parents now, here’s what happens. First, the phone rings four times. (When my father was the answering machine, it usually rang until the ballgame was over.) Then a woman’s mechanical voice comes on. Mechanical Voice: The party you are trying to reach is not available to take your call . . . At this point, you hear my father.
Speaking Out
Dad: What? There’s a woman talking. Mechanical Voice: At the tone . . . Mom: What do you mean, a voice? Dad: I’m telling you, there’s some woman on the phone. Mechanical Voice: At the end of your message . . . Mom: Well, maybe someone is calling. Give it to me. Hello? Hello? Dad: No, we’re supposed to be recording our message. Give it to me. Hello? Where’s the thing we wrote down? Mom: I just had it. Dad: Well, where is it? Mom: Here. Dad: That’s not it. That’s the letter I wrote to the home association. Mom: You wrote the home association again? Do you know how humiliating that is? Dad: Just find the script. Mom: I have to see those people every day. Dad: Here it is. We’re not home right now. Please . . . Mom: Say who it is. Dad: What?
Mom: Don’t just say we’re not home, say it is the Cameron residence. (At this point, if you have met my parents, you already know it is the Cameron residence.) Dad: You have reached the Camerons. We’re not home . . . Mom: Don’t say we’re not home. What if it’s burglars? Say we can’t come to the phone. Dad: We’re home, but we can’t come to the phone. Mom: Well, that just sounds rude. Dad: Do you want to do it? Mechanical Voice: Thank you. (Beep) Me: Hi, Mom and Dad, it’s me, your son, leaving a message on your high-tech voice mail. (There’s a sudden crashing noise, the sound of my father’s breathing, and in the background, a ballgame.) Dad: Hello? Me: Hi! (The sound of an extension being picked up.) Mom: Don’t hang up! Dad: Who’s that? Mom: It’s me, who do you think? Dad: Where are you?
Mom: I’m upstairs! Dad: Why are you shouting? Me: She’s not shouting. It just sounds louder because she’s on the extension. Mom: Who’s that? Dad: It’s me. Me: Hi, Mom. Mom: Bruce? Why do you sound so far away? Me: It’s because Dad’s on the extension. Mom: What’s he doing on the extension? Dad: I answered the phone! Mom: I thought I answered the phone. Mechanical Voice: Sorry, you’ve reached the maximum length of time for your message. Thank you for calling. Goodbye. (Click.) (There’s complete silence from the phone as my parents process this event.) Me: This voice mail thing is working out pretty well. Mom: Bruce? Who was that woman?
________ W. Bruce Cameron is a nationally syndicated humor columnist. His column appears on this page every Sunday. Email Cameron at www. tinyurl.com/3p56epk.
What do you think of Donald Trump possibly running for president?
Tim Merrick
Judith Deacon
James Fritz
Terri Randall
Carl Turner
Alicia Workman
Kelly Coughlin
Laura Miller
Retired engineer Port Angeles
Retired Port Townsend
Retired engineer Port Townsend
UPS truck driver Port Angeles
State employee Sequim
Waitress Forks
Excavator Port Angeles
“I don’t think we need a clown for president. He’s an idiot to even try. I’m from New York originally and know a lot of people like Donald Trump. Egomaniac. A bad candidate.”
“A lot of what he says makes sense. I like the way he defends our country. The country needs someone like him who can accomplish things and negotiate with world leaders.”
“He’s all about creating an image for himself. All Republican candidates are unacceptable, but the ideal pairing would be with Sarah Palin. That would guarantee the Democrats would win again.”
“I’m a little concerned because I don’t know what political experience he’s had. I’m kind of on the fence. He looks good on TV, but I’m not sure.”
“I think if he ran, it’d turn out to be a joke. He’s good at what he does as a businessman but not a world leader. We don’t need a man like that. We have enough problems.”
“Atrocious. We don’t need another Republican in office. He’s more concerned about his money and not the country’s morals and what’s right for the country.”
“Don’t like the idea. The rich will just get richer. He’s not a good candidate. He doesn’t know us normal people. If he was elected, he’d probably say to us, ‘You’re fired.’”
Homemaker-medical receptionist Port Angeles
Interviews
Peninsula Voices Change cleanup It’s my experience that Olympic National Park bends over backward to discourage nondesignated trails from inland roads to remote coastal areas yet conveniently uses these trails to facilitate cleanup of these beaches around Earth Day. Unfortunately, in recent years, wooded areas near and behind campsites away from the beach in these remote places have become eyesores of debris dump piles. Importantly, there is a way to reduce and eventually eliminate this growing situation and accommodate all users of these beaches. How? By moving beach cleanup day to early or mid-summer. This would give late winter and spring beachcombers the full opportunity of salvaging things that are of value to them and should lighten the
burden of those cleaning up the beaches later in the year. Additionally, if the program is properly managed, more people could contribute to the process. Last year, as a beachcomber, I packed out more than 400 pounds of collectable debris before beach cleanup day April 17. Some of this debris would have ended up in these growing piles back in the woods. Other debris would have been left on the beach because of weight and/or bulk consideration. We need a smarter winwin approach to keeping our beaches relatively clean while managing them for all public users. Stan Fouts, Forks
overwhelming to county officials that often problems never get fixed — at least not without a “study” by someone first, thereby squandering many dollars that could have been used for part of the project. But I was reminded by the letter April 27 about the Deer Park underpass [“Deadly curve”] and wrong thinking once again prevailing over good judgement. Life on the North Olympic Peninsula lends well toward a maze-like and circular sense, where we go into town, do our thing and go back home, always on the same road — U.S. Highway 101. When “the big one” hits next week or year or decade, and Morse Creek bridge falls down (and other bridges?), people of Bridge issues Port Angeles are stranded. Another idea would be As a rule, I dislike whinto take those dollars and ing about local problems. build another bridge across Rectification seems so elusive or otherwise Morse Creek at perhaps
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Wall Street or Terry Mills Road off Deer Park Road. Hookup with Old Road across the creek and reconnect to U.S. Highway 101 headed wherever. Theater patrons or residents may then take that route to Port Angeles as well and also have another possible escape route from west of Morse Creek. Clallam County planners had best tell Olympia that we’ll need help getting in and out of town and not merely off Deer Park Road, so appropriate those funds as such. Greg Houghton, Port Angeles
Easter egg hunt I had a good time at the Carrie Blake Park Easter egg hunt. I appreciate the people for helping me at Carrie Blake Park. It was really nice of all of you. I sure appreciate it so much. It was wonderful.
News Department Main office: 305 W. First St., P.O. Box 1330, Port Angeles, WA 98362 ■ Leah Leach, managing editor/news, 360-417-3531 ■ Brad LaBrie, sports editor; 360-417-3525 ■ Diane Urbani de la Paz, features editor; 360-417-3550 ■ General information: 360-417-3527 or 800-826-7714, Ext. 527 News fax: 360-417-3521 Email: news@peninsuladailynews.com Sequim office: 150 S. Fifth Ave., Suite 2 (98382) ■ Jeff Chew, Sequim/Dungeness Valley editor, 360-681-2391; jeff.chew@peninsuladailynews.com Port Townsend office: 1939 E. Sims Way (98368) ■ Charlie Bermant, Jefferson County reporter, 360-385-2335; charlie.bermant@peninsuladailynews.com
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“I heard a quote that ‘anyone capable of getting into the presidency is not a good fit.’ We need a humble public servant, not Donald.”
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And I appreciate the Hazel Sheet group home and all of you who took care of my brother Glen when he was living there. I am getting good care here at Sequim Health Center. Arlayne Cogburn, Sequim
learning to trust adults and respect the liberties they’re afforded on their way to adulthood, they learn instead that adults lie to get what they want. When I see the effect that antiquated propaganda has on families, I feel sorry for the parents who allow their children to Pot gives cancer? wander helplessly like deer in the headlights. “Marijuana smoke Marijuana ruins a causes cancer” is what the healthy child’s social, menteacher told my daughter tal and physical well-being. during class. We all know that. She came home conInstead of lying to our cerned that maybe her kids about why they should teacher knew something I abstain from its use, we didn’t. might consider newer ways We talked, and I to establish drug-free partassured her that the active nerships between children elements in marijuana may and parents that become keep the smoke from the foundation of respect becoming carcinogenic. that our children should It’s too bad that so have for their own wellmany people still believe being before they begin that the best way to get a making decisions on their kid to do the right thing is own. to scare them beyond their Kiah Roberts, own understanding. Port Angeles It’s too bad, because Turn to Voices/A11 when children should be
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