Pink Times - Trinity 2016 - Issue 5 by Pembroke College, Oxford

TT 16 Wk 4 ed. 5

E T O N A M O R S F R O T I D E E TH Dearest PMB-ers,

We write this with tears streaming down our cheeks, our lives as Pink Times editors have come to an end. We’ve had so much fun coming up with the concept and seeing it come to life. A big thank you to everyone who has contributed and told us how much you’ve enjoyed reading it. But we are just about ready to pass our baby on, so we hope that next years Publications Rep will have as much fun with the job as we did. On that note… enjoy this year’s last issue! It’s a manifestation of all that’s great (and a little bit crap, *cough* exams) about Trinity. You might already be a dab hand at balls, punting and croquet, but just in case it was Oxford that introduced you to all this (which, let’s face it, we hope it was) we’ve done a Trinity ‘How To’ page. And a shout out to our international cover stars for modelling their self-styled PMB croquet uniforms. (We’re sure it’ll catch on soon…) There’s also the usual sports update, year abroad feature, and to help those with imminent exams, a page of amusing distractions to aid procrastination. Enjoy! With lots of Pink-Times-nostalgia-Chillie-love xoxo Millie McLuskie & Charlotte Lanning

CONTENTS: Pimm's Party 'How To' Trinity Auf Wiedersehen, Pembroke Pembroke Sports Colours A Beginner's Guide To Croquet Jewels in the Pembroke Crown Procrastination... Quiz: Which library are you?

cover image: Millie McLuskie, Ben Lavelle

p3 p4-5 p6 p7 p8 p9 p10 p12

PIMM'S PARTY

Trinity term combines the best and worst aspects of Oxford life so we thought we'd give you some tips about how to make the most of it. Illustrations: Bea Egid

D A U

d gra e w o all the h

f ss o

HOW TO:

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BA LLS

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TRINITY TERM

PUNTING

EXAMS

There are two aspects of hacking punting -

If you’re leaving it up to us to give you advice on this matter, god help you (and how did you get in?!). But saying that, there’s nothing that a San Pellegrino and some new highlighters from Paperchase can’t

the technical side, and the fun bit.

First things first, you don’t row it. There is a

paddle, but it acts as a rudder - not for

propulsion. (It can also be used as a duck

swatter for added entertainment). The big pole

solve. Use this time to explore some new libraries (see quiz on p12)

is actually the most important thing. You stick

and for those of you who are stunned by the flowers that someone

it in, hit the bottom, and push off. Easier said

just put in your pidge, no this isn’t a romantic gesture, they’re hopefully from some caring college parents. White for the first exam, pink for all in the middle, and red for that final one.

than done. Take someone who knows how to do it with you, and is a dab hand with the

weights.

And now for….

But more importantly, sustenance for this

exertion is essential. This should take the form

TRASHING

of strawberries (alas, not provided by the JCR budget), Prosecco / Pimms, Pringles, and

The celebratory covering of students after their final exam in anything fizzy, aerated or glittery. Party hats are also essential. Whether your exams are finished or not, it is your responsibility to Shopping list: (after the sad of demise Poundland, Amazon’s probably your best bet for non-food items) Champagne (cheap for spraying, half decent for drinking)

Squirty cream

Silly string

Tomato soup

Shower gel

Flour

Eggs

Party poppers

Tiaras

Water pistols

Ben Lavelle’s meth

Industrial sized tub of glitter

Tea / JCR Meetings / endless JCR events

that provide food to drag you along.

SUMMER VIIs

make sure your friends get a good trashing.

anything else you can steal from Welfare

If you’re a rower, this advice isn’t for you. We only really know how to hack it as s spectator.

Torpids and Pimms Party were your introduction to a day akin to putting Pimms into your blood stream through an intravenous drip. Pace yourself, but be a sucker for the 3 for £10 deal (that 50p saving definitely justifies it).

(*disclaimer - save all non-white food items for ChCh meadow, and cleansing jump in river after)

Beware of Pembroke’s reputation for having the loudest and longest boathouse party - don’t let yourself fall asleep before if kicks off in Emporium. Following the throwing of certain coxes into the Isis, please think about the repercussions of jumping in voluntarily, it is still England after all. 5

AUF WIEDERSEHEN PEMBROKE

3rd year Law and German Law student Vicky McGowan tells us about her year in the land of beer where selfie taking students and passive aggressive flat mates have been a consistent feature (not much different to England then).

It’s probably safe to say that my expectations of going to study abroad have turned out to be quite far from the mark. I expected to be fluent, a master of German Law and a great debater of German political issues. I’m in my last few months now and being surrounded by German reminds me how not fluent I am, I only have an in-depth understanding of how confusing German Law is and am

further dialectic varieties mean I’ll be able to come home saying I can speak a bit of Bairisch, Schwäbisch, Schweizerdeutsch and maybe even a little bit of Hochdeutsch. Weihnachten

still baffled by the voting system. Nonetheless, my experience has been

It doesn’t seem right to leave out German Christmas, which is even

overwhelmingly positive and instead I have had a unique insight into a new and

more magical than I imagined. It begins, completely unapologetically,

wonderful place.

The University I’m here to study German Law and so university has obviously played a large role in the year so far. Warned by numerous students that ‘not

th on about November 4 , complete with a Christmas tree in every shop and a huge variety of Christmas chocolate. My favourite part was the biggest collection of advent calendars imaginable. A3 sized Lindt chocolate advent calendars in all

even Germans understand legal German’, it was fair to say I was

different chocolate flavours? Check. Advent

apprehensive. The conditions were certainly against us, with German

calendars with 24 different cosmetic

lectures starting at 8:15am and lasting an hour and a half, two tutes a

products? Check. Advent calendars filled

week doesn’t seem so bad now. The confusing behaviour of other

with cat food for your beloved pet? Check.

German students provided an initial distraction (is it really acceptable

And that’s without mentioning the chocolate

to take selfies for an entire lecture?) but the novelty soon wore off

Santas which range from the average

and it now takes two strong coffees to keep me awake for the

stocking filler size to ones that rival a small

duration. Luckily a combination of steady improvement, helpful German students, and writing ‘Erasmus’ in capitals on our exam papers has created a sufficient balance between knowledge and sympathy to allow us English students to pass our exams so far. Most German students live in WGs, or shared flats and the majority move into whichever flat has a spare room, providing a sort of ‘flatmate lucky dip’. Normally this works out but there are obviously exceptions. I discovered this myself, moving into a WG with three delightful flatmates, and one who was a little less so. My saving grace was that, as ‘the English girl’, she assumed I didn’t speak a word of German and so dealt with me by completely ignoring me. While my other flatmates were less lucky, their arguments did give me the opportunity to learn a creative range of German insults, more useful than the plethora of legal jargon from lectures. From what I can gather, tensions initially arose over someone ignoring the Putzplan (cleaning plan), another key feature of the WG (so serious that a friend’s flatmate had to bail on a night out as it was her turn to clean). On the whole, WGs are great, not only for providing live-in sources of knowledge on the university for the bemused international student, but also for getting to know people. Without the college system it’s easy to spend your whole time with people doing your subject in your year, but WGs mean you get to know students studying weird and wonderful combinations of subjects across the university. The Language (or rather, languages) The language is of course why I am here. Without having attained the mythical standard of ‘fluent’, I have definitely improved, thanks to patient help from German students and frantic google translating in lectures. My new vocabulary is a bit bizarre; studying German Law meant that initially I could talk about a German contract in more detail than anyone normal would care to hear about, but I didn’t know how to say ‘nice to meet you’. I’ve also had a great introduction into the confusing world of German dialects, having naively assumed that my ability to speak German would help me understand and communicate in my new home. How wrong I was. Konstanz is situated right on the Swiss border meaning that, ten minutes down the road, I am completely lost among a strange new dialect known as Schweizerdeutsch. It’s comforting to know that the Germans on the whole find it just as difficult to understand as I do though which does mean that you’re not instantly identifiable as the ‘English person’ when you try and speak German here, but could easily be mistaken for ‘German-person-from-a-long-way-away-probably-the-North’. And

child. By mid-November Christmas markets, and the accompanying Glühwein, are in full flow. Safe to say all of my Christmas presents came from the Christmas markets last year, along with the obligatory anecdote of where they had come from and ‘I’m on my year abroad in Germany, did you know?’. Beer Of course, German beer deserves a mention. While initially caught off guard by servings in half litres and litres, I’m now a full convert to a Stein of beer, and don’t relish the thought of returning to pint-sized servings in July. Beer is the cause and consequence of countless southern German celebrations. Most famous would have to be Oktoberfest which, although bemoaned, probably justifiably, by locals as being too touristy, is an impressive spectacle. It’s best explained as a giant fairground devoted almost exclusively to beer. The beer is brewed extra strongly for the Wiesen, and served in the famous litre glass mugs, carried 10 at a time by impressively strong waiters and waitresses. The People As is normally the way, the highlight of the year so far has been the wonderful people I’ve met. Alongside patiently helping me to navigate the bizarre and complicated German recycling system (at least five different bins per flat), my flatmates have generously cooked me dinner on Sundays when I have forgotten to go shopping, delighted in teaching me complicated German words and cooked me wonderful, unpronounceable Swabian dishes, all contributing to making this city on the border of three foreign countries feel like home. Thanks to my German friends I’ve experienced unique aspects of university life, including a Come Dine with Me-esque competition played between the different WGs and a German hen party. Konstanz also takes about 300 new international students every year, each with their own bizarre story of how they have managed to end up here from various corners of the world. They’ve been wonderful travel companions, fellow beer festival-goers and have been endlessly entertaining and inspiring. May is feeling a little too close for comfort to the end of my time here. It’s not always been plain sailing and I wouldn’t say the last eight months have always flown by, but they’ve certainly slipped by pretty relentlessly. I guess the saying is true: all good things come to an end, or, in German ‘alles hat ein Ende, nur die Wurst hat zwei’ (everything has an end, only a sausage has two).

JEWELS OF THE PEMBROKE CROWN Manal Cheema

AT THE PLODGE Roger Stuart Charles (three first names!!)

Stuart Perrett

Where are you from? Eppingdon Oxford

Where are you from? Cheltenham

What is your favourite part of working in the

plodge? The students. If you ask anyone here, it makes it all worthwhile, and it just isn’t the same when conferences are happening and the students are gone.

plodge? Friendly students. The least favourite part? Getting interviewed out of nowhere, haha no just kidding. What did Roger say? [The shifts.] Um, fussy conference guests?

The least favourite part? The shifts. The light shifts are quite hard because I work them every 2

week

and I don’t get to see my boys as they are already asleep.

Where did you work before this? Café Tarifa as a barman. What is your pet peeve? What’s the next question? [This is the last one.] Oh, I’m not easily annoyed.

Where did you work before this? Royal Mail. What is your most memorable experience here? It was in my first week where I saw David Soul, a 70s actor, hanging off the fellows staircase because they were filming here. In the same week I also saw Sir Roger Bannister, so I thought this is quite nice. What is your pet peeve? Getting my picture taken...

IN FARTHINGS Alba Casal

Marcin Gierczyk

Isabella Hoffman

Where are you from? Spain

Where are you from? Poland

What is your favourite

What is your favourite farthings

farthings order? I like all of them, all of them are good.

order? Full English breakfast! [Isabella: That’s because you never

What is the best thing about

make it.]

working in farthings? Having

What is the best thing about

contact with the students, joking around with the other staff. The worst thing? I don’t have any. Where did you work before farthings? A retirement home in Oxford. Most annoying order to make? Maybe eggs, not difficult to make, easy for everyone, more

working in farthings? When I work at the till. The worst thing? Paninis, I hate them. Where did you work before farthings? I work at Oriel as a Hall Supervisor.

order? Cappucino What is the best thing about working in farthings? I don’t know…everything? The worst thing? Am I allowed to answer this question? Um… snowdays? Where did you work before farthings? Costa Most annoying order to make? Any breakfast item.

Most annoying order to make? Coffee

or less the same. 7

PEMBROKE SPORTS COLOURS Mixed Lacrosse Colours: Jamie White Mia Millman

Frisbee

Rugby

Harriet Loney Tom Christie

Colours: Theo Wye Ben Nabarro Jonathan Bentham Sam Dennis

Netball:

Women's Football Colours: Catherine Jones Heather Wilson Anna Carberry

Colours: Imo Watson Flavia Creswell-Turner Laura Turner Immie Hobby Special mention: Kristina Bergman

Pool

Men's Football Colours: Tim Wheeler Cian Wade Ollie Radway Joe Fowles

Special mention: Hugo Kent-Egan Sam Dennis

Men's Rowing Colours: Charlie Buchanan Eddie Rolls Max Jost

Special mention: Jennifer Ehr

Special mention: Jonathan Bentham

Colours: Laurence Wroe Tom Gibbs Women's Rowing Colours: Megan Gee Grace Waterhouse Megan Hamer Claire Smark

A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO CROQUET By Hugo Kent-Egan Croquet is an essential part of trinity term life, from a quick game at lunch to playing after dark it is a sport of unparalleled skill but simultaneously a wonderful social occasion. Six hoops, four balls, one stump but oh so much more than that. Here are a few tips from my four years of addiction. Learn from the Best Freshers! Get involved! Unless your Daddy is Bill Gates it’s unlikely you’ll have played croquet before coming to Oxford and you may not know your roquets from your four ball breaks. Don’t be shy to ask someone to teach you how to play, unless they are locked in a serious cuppers duel with an enemy college no one will mind you asking for a few tips to get started! Always Play Away Cuppers is a myriad of organisation, from assembling your trusted team to communicating obtusely with other team captains over the joy of nexus, it requires on the ball planning and a keen tactical mind. If you are ever given the choice, I advise you to always play away. Despite being unrivalled in its beauty, Chapel Quad does not boast the most even, reliable or verdant surface for croquet balls to glide elegantly across. Ravaged by biennial balls, this scorched earth is littered with divots aplenty that make roqueting, stumping and hooping a tricky task. So if you’re asked if you want to play at Worcester or Trinity I implore you to take it. Don’t Swing Around Any Old Mallet Year upon year Pembroke JCR purchases new state of the art equipment to give us the edge over other colleges in the croquet department (far more important than the Norrington) Choose your weapon wisely, you might like the look of trustyrusty but I personally look no further than the dark destroyer, a mallet forged in the furnaces of mount doom, this behemoth will ensure your balls travel true and offers unrivalled comfort to whoever wields it. Be confident With more clauses than a santa fun run the croquet rule book is a tome few people know inside out. If you’re playing a fixture against people who you judge to be rookies, stick to your guns, you know the rules and said with confidence “No roqueting before the first hoop!” is hard to argue with.

PROCRASTINATION... Despite the (intermittent) glorious sunshine and the promise that Trinity would be fun 'because it's summer' - most people have Prelims or Finals, and even those lazy second year humanities students have at least the average Oxford amount of work. The solution: some serious bouts of procrastination. And in case you haven't already got the knack of this - here's a few things to distract you from work!

HUSTS DRINKING GAME

Every time a 4th make year s an u n wante comm d ent (a ll of t hem) d o o sf

Husts often inspire a lot of generic 'woo' to Pembroke responses. They can also go on for a while... To make the wait for Dominos a little more fun, we've come up with a drinking game to keep you going. So pick y o u r d r i n k o f c h o i c e, b e i t C o k e, Desperadoes or Strongbow, and listen out for these JCR soundbites.

g at n i e ve b " "I lo oke r b Pem

nt Me

io n

Son g an d/o are r giv en a joke s hu Every time Jenny from st floo r types something

"I'm appr o

acha Pemb ble" m roke ink I' h t P r o i t de - any "I like cont und o r a ext e visibl "I want others ge" colle to have as tally n e d i Acc fantastic time xual e s s e Every time Pascal mak as I have" o d en knocks over a innu tinnie - and cleans it up with OxStu Guess Who??

Every time Nathan Wragg interrupts with a "wheeyyy"

Bo for nus p o wh any h ints o u to mana stee the get a ges l se in l o f hu thei st! r

PEMBROKE WORDSEARCH

The Name Game ANSWERS REVEALED ON PEMBROKE POINTLESS IN 5th WEEK

What’s your favourite film? A. The Pink Panther B. Star Wars C. Amelie D Notting Hill

What’s your favourite lunch spot in Oxford? A. Farthings, obviously B. Packed lunch C. Taylor’s D. Vaults and Garden

What’s your favourite book? A. Pink Times - it’s the 12 page, matte laminated magazine for me B. Brave New World, Aldous Huxley C. Divine Comedy, Dante D. Sense and Sensibility, Jane Austen

MOSTLY A'S, you are PEMBROKE LIBRARY

Who can be bothered to leave the safety of college? You even get free earplugs and can always slope off to the JCR if you need a quick nap. It's the dream working fortress. 12

MOSTLY B'S, you are THE GLADSTONE LINK

If you have braved this futuristic minefield, we salute you. If you have to go here because it's the only place you can get your reading, our hearts go out to you, keep powering through young Jedi.

QUIZ: WHICH LIBRARY ARE YOU?

What are your library garms of choice? A. Pyjamas . B. Space suit C. Oh, something I picked up at a vintage place in Paris D. Whatever’s in the window of Topshop

MOSTLY C's, you are THE TAYLOR INSTITUTE

MOSTLY D'S, you are THE RAD CAM

The cultural centre of Oxford, you'll hear many a Bonjour! Hola! Guten Morgen! Fancy a quick break and you can pop into the Ashmolean, what's more sophisticated porcrastination than that?

Otherwise known as the Rad Glam, this is the social hotspot in Trinity and people make a sustained effort to look stylish af in case they bump into a BNOC. A recent study has shown it is impossible to work here without posting on instagram or snapchat.