In The Middle

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M I D D L E A DEVOTIONAL BY BECOMING MAGAZINE

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M I D D L E We all have those seasons where we doubt the goodness of God. For some of us, it's more brief moments than seasons. However, despite our age, our financial status, our ethnicity or our gender, we have those times where we doubt that God is really good. We doubt that He cares. We doubt that He's involved in the intricacies of our lives. Maybe for you, it's the loss of a loved one. For others, it might be the ending of a relationship. Yet still for some of us, it might be an illness. We find ourselves praying and fasting and surrendering and crying and trusting, but yet, here we arein the middle of it all. We are stuck in the thick of our pain -caught between what once was and an unknown future. This is one of our common grounds as human beings- one of the things that join us all at the hip, pain. This devotional is not about doubting the goodness of God though, it's about that awkward land of middle. It's about those seasons in our lives where we are not where we used to be- but we are certainly not where we want to be. It's about those seasons where what we see in our mind or desire in our hearts does not mirror our current circumstances.

What do we do in the middle? Why are we in the middle? Is God here with us? In the middle? It is my prayer that every page of this devotional is like fresh water to your soul. I pray that it is in the pages of this devotional that you find peace, comfort and hope in what God is currently doing in your life-in your pain and in your middle. I believe that as you navigate (a word that is truly becoming one of my favorites) this season, that this journal serves as a reminder to you that (1) you are not alone in the middle and (2) there is more ahead of you. I love you so, so much. I am praying for you always!

- Shanté Stubbs Founder, Pearls Empowerment Founder & Editor in Chief, Becoming Magazine Founder & Editor in Chief, Becoming Teen

DAY 1 WAKING UP IN THE LAND OF MIDDLE Hear my prayer, Lord; let my cry for help come to You. Do not hide Your face from me when I am in distress.

Turn Your ear to me; when I call, answer me quickly. For my days vanish like smoke; my bones burn like glowing embers. My heart is blighted and withered like grass; I forget to eat my food. In my distress I groan aloud and am reduced to skin and bones. I am like a desert owl like an owl among the ruins I lie awake; I have become like a bird alone on a roof. - Psalm 102: 1-7 (New International Version)

One day I woke up and I was in the middle. Living a life I no longer recognized. Who is this person so acquainted with loss? So familiar with failure? So intimate with pain and suffering? It's almost as if the sun grew dim of its shine, the green of the grass lacked its luster. The song the birds sang was muted. I felt nothing but pain and despair. Empty and hallow. God where are you in my shame? God where are you in my sorrow? God where are you in my pain? I am no longer where I was and I am not where I desire to be. I am stuck in the middle- with the "dis-ease", with the discomfort and with the obscurity.

Have you ever found yourself there? Living a life that you no longer recognize? Not sure which wrong turn you took that led you to this place? Not sure if it was something that happened while you were asleep or if your eyes were wide open the entire time? Have you ever endured any season that just felt like the rug was pulled from underneath you? I know I have.

Today, I want to encourage you that you are not alone in it. That what you are experiencing is not unique to you. There are so many people "in the thick of it", there are so many people entering it, there are so many people on the other side of it. Today, I challenge you to keep going. It sounds silly, but I also challenge you to embrace it. Embrace where you are. Be brave enough to face the pain head on. There is something on the other side of this that is beyond anything you can ever imagine. Brave this desert. Feel its hot sand beneath your feet. Feel the dry wind on your face.

Look out into its vast emptiness. Look beyond the horizon of it, there is something on the other side of this desert. There is something grand on the other side of the land of middle. Keep walking.

DAY 2 DISCOMFORT MIGHT BE YOUR BEST FRIEND Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing. - James 1:2-4 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)

We've all probably heard the quote, "Nothing worth having comes from your comfort zone", or at least something similar. Anyone with a big dream or big purpose requires BIG pruning. You can't get to where you need to be by being comfortable. There is something powerful and beautiful about what happens when we are stretched in life- when we are challenged. It certainly does not feel good at the time, but after we've taken the journey we can look back, see how far we've come and how much we've grown.

That thing you are facing now, that awkward middle you might be enduring is not to destroy you. Yes, you might be in the middle of the pain, in the middle of the shame, in the middle of the rejection, but it is not the end. As you cross the sands of pain in this desert of middle, remember that you are being developed in the thick of it. When we are comfortable, we hardly ever grow.

When we are comfortable, we hardly ever recognize our depravity and our need for God. As you walk in the desert, draw closer to God. Lean into to Him. Ask yourself "How am I being challenged in this situation?" "How am I bring pruned?" "How am I being developed?" "What beauty is coming out of this?". Remember that God wastes nothing. No pain is wasted. What makes a legend, a legend if not the deserts they've charted? If not the pain they overcame? If not the battles they fought? If not the people they've proved wrong? Think about a person who has made a huge contribution to the world or even think of the person who inspire you most? That person was once in the middle and because they did not give up in the middle, they came out on the other side. They came out wiser, stronger, better and more powerful. We all want the glory , but no one wants the pain. We all want to be diamonds, but no one wants the pressure. We all want the wine, but no one wants the pressing. We all want the olive oil, but no one wants the crushing. Behind every great man or woman there is a story of pain, a story of obscurity- a middle.

Embrace your middle. It's a crucial part of your story- not the most easy part, but a pivotal part.

The part that God will use to bring great glory.

DAY 3 THIS MIDDLE SUCKS How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for He has been good to me. - Psalm 13 (New International Version)

Let's face it, the middle sucks! While I reminded you that there is something on the other side of this , the middle is not fun. There is nothing fun about those nights where the pain feels more real than the promises of God. There is nothing fun about those days when you feel like there is nothing worth the pain you feel in side. There is nothing fun about those days when it feels like you're swimming in a sea of sorrow. There is nothing glamourous about the middle. It sucks, it's unappealing- it hurts like hell. In those moments, reflect on the glory of God. Sounds silly right?

But breathe in deeply and just set your heart and mind on Him for a moment. The God that gives you life. The God that gives you mercy and grace each day. The God that allows His sun to warm your body. The God that provides for you day in and day out. The God that gave His son so that you might live. If this situation brings glory to Him, would you then deem your pain worth it? The middle might still suck (and if it is anything like my middle it might suck more days than one). But when I think about the God I serve and His goodness and His mercy I think "Lord if all of this brings you glory then it is so worth it".

Let God use you. Let God use your middle. Let God use this dry and painful place to create something more beautiful than you can ever imagine. You might be asking how. Simply surrender. That does not mean that the pain goes away or that you start liking where you are or your situation. It simply means that you open your situation up to God. You make room for Him in it. You pray to see it from His perspective and not through your limited lens of pain. It's holding tightly onto hope that better days are ahead and that everything - every grain of sand in your desert has a purpose. It's seeing the light at the end of the tunnel even if the light seems so, so dim.

It's looking up and realizing that there is greater purpose. Your tears are not just tears. Your shame is not just shame. Your discomfort is not just discomfort. They are all tools that are being used to shape you. Who do you want to be in life? Someone who succumbed to pain or someone who braved the desert and came out on the other side wiser, stronger and more powerful? The middle sucks, but let's face it...the middle is necessary.

DAY 4 GOD IS WITH YOU IN THE DESERT You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. - Psalm 139: 1-12 (New International Version)

Where is God in our pain? Most times we can't feel Him. Most times we can't hear Him. Most times our pain drowns out everything else. We are hardly able to process anything else besides the ache that we feel deep within us- the numbness, the emptiness-the doubt-the confusion-the loneliness is all so overpowering, that we can't hear or feel God. If we are to be honest in those moments where the weight of our situations weigh heavy on our shoulders, we don't want God. We don't want to hear from Him. And yet there are also moments where in our sadness. the only thing that we want is God. The only place we find comfort is in His presence. There were many nights that my sadness led me to His arms. Many nights that my sadness led me to a worship song that I would play on repeat or a sermon that I would listen to on repeat.

God is with us in the middle. God is with us in the desert. God's presence isn't based upon how we feel or what we see, but based upon His truth. Just because we don't feel or see Him doesn't mean that He's not there. I urge you today to push past the pain and lean in. Let today be one of those days where your pain pushes you to God and not away from Him. He is there and He is ready to hear from you-ready to embrace you. You might not have physical words, but I believe that God hears our tears. He hears the groans that we are able to muster up in our pain- He hears our broken heart. He cradles us in our despair. Lean in today. Your leaning into God might look different than the next person, but He is God and that is just okay. He doesn't turn us away. He doesn't scorn our situations. He doesn't despise our pain. He takes all of us in. He carries all of it.

He is not intimidated by our mess. He is not ashamed of our pain. He is with us in the desert. He is with us always.

DAY 5 REJOICING IN THE DESERT ...weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.- Psalm 30: 5 (New International Version)

Rejoicing in the desert sounds silly-no stupid. Point blank. How contradictory is that? It's hot, it's dry, it's uncomfortable, it hurts- there's literally nothing to rejoice about...Or is there? When our bodies or our hearts ache with pain, what is there to rejoice about? When life doesn't look the way we expect it to, what is there to rejoice about ? When our world seems like it's upside down, what's there to rejoice about? When it seems like a rug has been pulled out from under you, what is there to rejoice about? On the surface, it might seem like nothing, but as long as there is breath in you there is hope. There is hope for a brighter day. There is hope that things will get better. There is hope that things don't stay the same. That is one thing that we are promised in this life- seasons change. Winter can't always stay. No matter how cold and dry the air is, no matter how frozen the rivers are, no matter how bare the trees are, eventually winter has to pack up her bags and leave.

Then spring must come. Spring must come to melt the ice, she must come to welcome the buds and new leaves and to warm the air. She must settle in-erasing any memory of winter with her tender embrace. No matter how deep the pain is, it won't last. Eventually it will leave and something else will take it's place. That's just the way the world works-it's a principle. So even in the middle, I urge you to rejoice. Rejoice over the truth that weeping might stay for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Rejoice over the truth that God literally has a track record for making the broken beautiful . Rejoice over the fact there is a lush, fruitful land on the other side of your desert. Rejoice that there is promise for those who endure a tortuous middle. Remember that nothing worth having in life comes from ease or comfort.

Rejoice that you are given the opportunity to endure. Rejoice that your story of triumph will one day be able to help so many others. They will boast about how you braved your desert. They will hear about your middle and be inspired to endure theirs too. This is not the end. I believe for you even if you don't even believe it for yourself. There are much, much better days ahead. Keep going.