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February 24, 2014 · Volume 146, Issue 7






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To the fine folks who populate SFU: do you have a five-year plan? If so, congratulations on your ability to be good at stuff. You can probably stop reading here, and get back to doing bicep curls while you write your thesis, or whatever it is that you do to entertain yourself. If, like me, your current fiveyear plan consists of merely trying to stay alive, read on! When people ask me what I’m doing after I graduate, I genuinely have no idea what to say. Last week I realized I’m only ten courses away from finishing my degree, which resulted in a short episode of internal screaming that I quickly drowned out with three or seven cocktails. But then, I got serious. Goals are important. They give us structure when Canvas schedules no longer can. After much introspection, no research, and a fun makeover montage, I have come up with a plan that I like to call the “Do Cool New Shit Pretty Often” plan.

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The basic tenants of the DCNSPO lifestyle are as follows: 1. Try new things. 2. Don’t compare yourself to other people. 3. Expect to fail miserably sometimes. This plan works great for millennials such as myself who typically need structure to function and often suffer from an immobilizing fear of failure. I’m not saying that everyone is like me but if you have ever found yourself reading the “Top 25 People Under 25” lists and wondering why you spent so many years collecting Beanie Babies instead of practicing your networking skills, you might want to put a copy of the DCNSPO plan up on your fridge.

Trying something new can mean anything — for me, that could mean eating a new, interesting fruit, or maybe trying heroin. Just kidding. Seriously though, it means doing whatever you want, as long as it challenges your personal status quo. This way, in case your life flashes before your eyes, you won’t die out of boredom before you die from whatever else is about to hit you.

Making sure you don’t compare yourself to other people too often allows you to focus on your strengths. Just because you showed up at job interview with a chocolate chip melted onto your shirt doesn’t mean you don’t have important skills to bring to the company. So what if everyone else showed up in a suit? Pretend they don’t exist and you’ll be way more confident. Accepting failure as part of life is by far the most important part of the plan. Fear of failure stops us from experimenting and traps us in our comfort zones. Stepping outside of yours might bruise your ego a little bit, but bruises build character. Maybe you’ll need a tetanus shot afterwards but you’ll have some great stories. Getting used to failure is liberating. And, at the end of the day, we’re all human; accept that you will probably royally fuck up a number of things in your life, and just believe that you’ll get through them. Don’t let your fear stop you from trying things. You can’t make five-year plans for the unknown and that’s what makes not having one a bit frightening. But the “Do Cool New Shit Pretty Often” plan has really put my mind at ease, so if you need the structure right now, feel free to plagiarize it. TL;DR — I suggest you throw caution to the wind, and write something for The Peak this week.




Starting Monday, Feb. 24, all buses leaving Burnaby Mountain will return to their usual routes.This means that buses will go down the mountain via University Drive West and the bus stop by residences will once again be in service. This alteration is due to recent feedback from the SFU community and will address the concerns of access to the residence bus stop as well as the increase in volume of traffic on University Drive East. The detour up the mountain is to remain the same for the duration of the project, but this change in route will only be in effect until phase two of construction, which is scheduled to begin near the start of the summer semester.

By Melissa Roach

February 24, 2014

The Board of Governors is asking SFU students for their feedback regarding a proposal for a new recreational facility at SFU Burnaby. A private company has offered to build the 50,000 square foot facility free of charge, the value of which is estimated at between $20 and $25 million. In return, SFU would give the company a 65-year lease of land adjacent to Discovery Park, on which they would build BC’s first school of chiropractic. The recreation building would be built west of Terry Fox Field and would include a pool, a gym, and a racquetball court, among other services. As stated by the consultation flyers, it would aim to “revitalise recreation programming, improve

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women’s and men’s change rooms, house team locker rooms, and support space for field sports activities.” SFU does not have the capital required to construct such a facility, nor is it able to borrow to fund this project. Therefore, SFU would lease out 3.46 acres of land – valued at approximately $5.5 million – to be returned along with the chiropractic school building to the university upon the lease’s expiration. “Our ministry won’t pay for recreation and athletic facilities,” explained Larry Waddell, SFU chief facilities officer. “[The proposal] began as a means of us saying ,‘If left to our own devices, what options do we have to come up with some capital?’ [. . . ] We came up with this idea of trying to leverage some value out of our land to see if that could translate into some capital.” Last week, the university held three town hall style meetings on Burnaby campus, where students could ask questions and voice their opinions on the issue. Pat Hibbitts, VP finance and administration, said, “We’re truly seeking the feedback of the community on this.” Initial concerns were raised regarding the ever-present issue of deferred maintenance, a problem which has repeatedly made the news over the last year. Student Connor Smith asked, “When SFU was built, it was built without a budget put aside to do that maintenance. So, in building this, if it

Leah Bjornson associate news editor / 778.782.4560

is getting built for free, is there also going to be a fund set up to maintain it?” Hibbitts replied, “We need to go into it with our eyes wide open that a certain amount of maintenance will be required on that building. We will be responsible for that [fund].” Further worries were raised by student Jeffrey Truman, who questioned the appeal of having a chiropractic school on the mountain. He said, “I think that having something like a school of chiropractic, which is not really well-backed by science, would be an embarrassment to have near SFU or associated with SFU in any way.”

The university assured those in attendance that there would be no formal association between the school of chiropractic and SFU. Student Alexander Betsos inquired about the potential environmental impact of constructing a chiropractic school. Waddell replied, “We did a very detailed environmental study looking at the creeks, looking at the trees, looking at the animal life down there, and ended up

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identifying those areas where you could build that would have the least impact on those types of things.” He continued, “Any work that takes place there will have to comply with all the environmental guidelines.” Not all comments were negative or inquisitive, however; two SFU varsity athletes were present to voice their support for the proposal. Austin Trapp, a member of the track and field team, said, “I think it will help our varsity athletics program because a lot of times when athletes are looking at universities to attend, they’re looking at the facilities they will ultimately train in.” At the conclusion of the meeting, Betsos was yet to be convinced of the proposal’s worth. “I’m still opposed towards this trade, although not nearly as opposed as I was when I walked into this room. I’m not a huge fan of publicprivate partnerships as a general rule, and I think that there are a lot of things at SFU that need fixing that if we were to sell off a portion of land, that would be where I’d want the money to go,” he said. Student feedback will be presented on March 27 to the Board of Governors, who will then decide whether or not to pursue the project.


SFU will welcome Joy Johnson as its new VP, research this fall. Current VP, research, Mario Pinto will finish his second five-year term this August, whereafter Johnson will step into the role. Currently, Johnson is the scientific director for the Institute of Gender and Health at the Canadian Institutes of Health and Research; she is also a professor in the School of Nursing at UBC. Her tenure as SFU’s fifth VP, research begins Sept. 1, 2014. In a media release, President Andrew Petter said, “We are incredibly fortunate to have Dr. Johnson joining SFU as our next vice-president, research.” In that same release, Pinto added that he was “delighted” to have Johnson succeed him and that her extensive and varied experience “bodes well for the future of research at SFU.” Johnson will be moving away from working primarily in the field of health to what she called a, “broader mandate.”

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She said, “Taking on the position of vice-president, research I’m going to be concerned about developing research capacity in all areas of research.” She expressed her excitement about the change and explained the allure of a position at SFU. One factor she mentioned was the vision of SFU as an engaged university, and she looks forward to the opportunity to engage with the community across three campuses.

For Johnson, the prospect of a younger university also appeals to her: “[With] younger, comprehensive universities like Simon Fraser, there’s a lot of creativity that can take place, a spirit of adventure.” Though excited to begin her new position, Johnson acknowledges that it will come with its own challenges. She stated, “I think it’s always a bit of a mistake to come in with too many plans

when you’re taking up a role like this.” She made it clear that her first priority is to become thoroughly familiar with the university and what its research capacities are. She continued, “I really want to get to know the researchers at Simon Fraser, get to know what the challenges are for researchers, and then start to look at ways we can strengthen research capacity at SFU. Before I can move forward on any of that, I really need to stop and learn about the institution in more detail.” The next obstacle she alluded to is one that she said affects researchers all over Canada. “Many researchers are concerned that there’s not enough funding for research,” she said. “It’s going to be a challenge to try and find ways to help the excellent researchers at SFU make sure that they have the resources that they need to keep their research going, and to help grow the research at SFU.” In anticipation of next fall when she will officially take up her position, Johnson says she will be setting up various meetings over the next month with the current VP, research, as well as President Petter, in order to prepare herself for this exciting new challenge.

Colin Sharp / The Peak



February 24, 2014

Business representative Brandon Chapman confirmed to the board last Monday that April 4 has been selected as the official date for the spring concert. The events committee is pursuing liquor license approval for the event, which Chapman is confident will be obtained. President Humza Khan also informed the board that they had selected headliners for the concert; at press time, the names were yet to be released.

The board approved the Student Union Building (SUB) Space Program presented by Marc Fontaine, Build SFU general manager. The space program is expected to be approximately 90 per cent correct at this stage, with minor revisions possible in the future. The plans include allotted space for eight student organizations, programs or unions, a coffee shop, and two games lounges which would include gaming pods and billiards tables. Board members brought up concerns about the plans for a club workspace, as many previously thought that an industrial hackspace for large projects was in the works. However, the plans specify that there will be no industrial tools or equipment in the space. “There have been lots and lots of suggestions, some of which I think are crazy and not realistic, and some that are realistic,” Fontaine said. “I’m satisfied that by making some kind of messy room or workshop that has an industrial floor, enough electricity, probably ventilation, and some sort of tables or workbenches, there will be time in the future to figure out how to operate it.”

SYDNEY (CUP) — Sugar daddies and students seem to be coming together, according to a survey and press release from The site offers users the opportunity to meet a sugar baby or daddy, stating they provide a resourceful new way for young college students to pay back their student loans — by getting someone else to do it. The Seeking Arrangements release says that from 1990 to the year 2017, tuition prices will have tripled with inflation, leaving students with around $38,000 in debt. Critics are concerned that tuition has risen so high that students would rather enter into this type of relationship than face a huge debt from schooling.

“Why hope for financial aid when you can guarantee it with a Sugar Daddy?” Brandon Wade, founder and CEO of the website, said in the release. “Student loans lead to endless debt, which amounts to more than a new graduate can handle. Sugar Scholarships provide real solutions to the problem of student debts.” The site was started by Wade to pair wealthy sugar daddies with young attractive women who need money. When faced with criticism after the UK site launch, he told press that the sugar babies were all “intelligent and goal-oriented ladies, while sugar daddies were respectful gentlemen.” Wade markets Seeking Arrangements as a dating site. He told the Wall Street Journal, “I started the website mainly out of frustrations with online dating. I had graduated from MIT and was making six figures, but it was very poor pickings for me. I would write emails [to prospective dates] and get a one to two per cent response rate.” Seeking Arrangements claims to be the world’s largest sugar daddy site, with over 2.7 million

users signed up. Of those, 42 per cent, or about one million individuals, are seeking help with tuition. The average “allowance” of a sugar baby is around $3,000 a month, but this is not the limit. Seeking Arrangements’ commercial states the site is open to attractive women, aged 18 or older, and if they sign up with their university email account they get a free premium membership. The site requires they provide photos, detailed profiles and “clear expectations” – that is to say, the intentions of both parties are clarified at the beginning so there is not a misunderstanding of the relationship. The site then sets up the arrangements, which they define as, “a ‘mutually beneficial arrangement’ or a ‘mutually beneficial relationship.’” Seeking Arrangements does not require a minimum GPA, but it does require the sugar baby be attractive and pass a background check. Despite this, there are still online warnings against sugar daddies that get their side of the bargain and run off before paying their sugar babies.


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the original US-based hosting platform, Kaltura, the Canvas app will be separated so that it complies with BC legislation.

This week sees the official launch of SFU’s version of the mobile app for Canvas, an open source learning management system (LMS) which delivers course content to students. At the beginning of January, there was soft launch of the app after Canvas completely replaced the previous system, WebCT, late last year. The app will allow students to easily access course material, such as lecture slides and assignment details. Originally, there were doubts about the implementation of the app because BC’s strict privacy legislation does not allow institutions such as SFU to post personal information on Cloud-based servers outside of Canada. However, by opting to host the app on SFU’s servers instead of using

“We couldn’t just take on the mobile app that everyone else was using. It had to be adapted for our own circumstances,” explained Mark Bachmann, communications officer at the Teaching and Learning Centre. “People could [still] access [Canvas] on their phones, but it was always through a browser. Sometimes it’s slow, sometimes it doesn’t look as good on a mobile device, so I think there’s always been a demand for the mobile app.”

There are parts of the site that will not be accessible on the mobile app. These include uploading capabilities, access to large PDFs, and the “what if?” component, which allows students to calculate their current course grades and estimate their final marks. “What you’ll see if you use the mobile app isn’t identical to what you’ll see with the browser,” Bachmann said. “Some things that work well with the browser don’t work well with the mobile app and vice versa. Part of it’s a matter of figuring out what you can do best with [each].” Bachmann concluded, “The ultimate goal is to have identical versions of Canvas in the browser and the mobile app.” Christine Tulloch, the student representative on the Canvas Executive Steering Committee, related her own frustrations with WebCT, which she feels will be mitigated by the Canvas system. “I’ve always had trouble with WebCT in the past where an assignment was due, and of course you need to put it online or get it off of WebCT, and

it crashes,” said Tulloch. “[The SFU Canvas team has] gone to great lengths to make sure that that won’t happen.” Tulloch feels that students will mainly use the app to check their notifications, discussions, assignment due dates, and lecture slides: “From what I’ve heard, people are more so looking at it as a sort of quick use; they’re not wanting to go on it for a long period of time.” An advantage of the app is that it doesn’t require wifi; although it does access wifi by default, students can also use data to access Canvas. Additionally, the app does not require student log in through the browser, which means quicker access. “We’re working on [SFU’s wifi issues],” Tulloch said, laughing. “One of the things that I’ve really learned from being on this committee was that our faculty really care about us as students. They really care about the way we’re using technology, that SFU is at the forefront [. . .] they’re really doing everything in their power to make sure our learning is as effective as possible.”


ast week, President Humza Khan pointed out to SFSS executives that there were only 70 days left in the term of their current positions. This announcement was met with surprised laughter and the interjection of “that’s too long!” Khan said, “It’s going to be over in no time. It’ll be us sitting down like this, and it’ll be [like] ‘Oh, the year’s over. Good times.’” He encouraged members to focus and work with one another over the next 70 days saying, “In the last few months we have, we could really leave a big impact on how the student society is going to work.”

By Melissa Roach



When I think of 3D printing, my mind flashes back to Mission Impossible 3, in which 3D printers are used to quickly create silicone face-masks with which the agents can disguise themselves. I remember thinking that this incredible technology, with all its complexity, speed and precision, couldn’t be too far from being developed. In fact, as I found out later, that kind of technology had already been in the works; 3D printing has since evolved enough to become a burgeoning development in our consumer market. I must say, I find the concept of 3D printing amazing in terms of its convenience and flexibility for product manufacture. 3D printing will sport endless benefits for companies, as well as their consumers. With a 3D printer, shopping for products online would be incredibly fast and convenient. Imagine you’re shopping online for a pair of shoes: you’ve purchased the pair you’re interested in, you download a specific file containing instructions for the printer, and once the

printer has been loaded with the right materials, the shoes can be printed right from your home. The possibilities for customized products would be near infinite! I, myself, am “flat-footed”; I’ve been wearing specialized, custom-fit soles in my shoes since I was very young. The notion that I could print out my own in-soles from home, rather than spending more time at the physiotherapist’s office, astonishes and relieves me. This level of customization

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could be applied to endless different products. 3D printing also allows for increased instant gratification. While this theory is widely frowned upon (especially at SFU), think about the possibility if the production of goods could avoid factories entirely. Stores, such as auto-shops, could manufacture new parts without having to wait for them to be shipped. The Harvard Business Review had it right, saying

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that higher per-unit production would be “offset by the elimination of shipping and of buffer inventories.” At least one company has seen the cost for production of goods reduced by 70%, according to Indian Springs Manufacturing Company’s president Shawn Ferguson. So, do I have your attention yet? Many companies have now begun to use 3D printing in their manufacturing processes. Recently, Hasbro Inc., makers of

Monopoly and Play-Doh, signed a contract with the company 3D Systems to create a 3D printer for children to print off their toys. Adidas and Nike have been using 3D technology to create the cleat for their footwear. But consider this: 3D printing could also be used to print food. Last year, NASA granted significant funding to mechanical engineer Anjan Contractor in order to develop a 3D printer for astronauts to use while on lengthy space-missions. With the correct dehydrated powders, astronauts would be able to print out their food through a printer that heats and mixes these powders together. This has already been achieved with chocolate, and now, believe it or not, Contractor claims that he can print pizza! In a heightened post-Ford era where niche marketing and instant gratification are very important, 3D printing will undoubtedly broaden and evolve the ways we view the production and consumption of goods. In other words, when I have kids, I’ll be printing out their face-masks when Halloween rolls around. Say adios to Value Village!


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From British Columbia to New Brunswick, electronic cigarettes have stirred up political debate and controversy. While these might look like a blessing for those trying to quit smoking, they may also be the start of a dangerous trend amongst Canadian youth. The product remains unregulated and available to all ages, leaving myself, as well as healthcare officials across the nation, wondering when and if the government will intervene. Despite the novelty of e-cigarettes, disturbing stories are emerging of how this product may affect children. This winter, an 11-year old South Delta boy purchased an e-cigarette at a local store. His parents were horrified to find the boy as he tried to blow smoke rings with it at home. After the boy’s father attempted to return the product, he was denied

a refund on the grounds that the store owner did not violate any provincial regulations. A bit shocking, no? Since there are currently no restrictions on this product, vendors have been offering the inherently adult product to children. These vapour-producing cigarettes appeal to youth as they come in a variety of kid-friendly flavours (such as grape and cherry), and they can be purchased at any local drugstore.

Since e-cigarettes legally cannot contain nicotine, they were deemed harmless when they first hit the shelves. However, this is a premature conception of the potential dangers associated with the trend. After years of anti-smoking campaigns, the world began to see a decrease in its smoking


population. This happened because kids were educated about smoking; from an early age, adults started warning of the dangers of nicotine and smoke. Now, after all this progress, we risk seeing a reversal in the way kids view cigarettes. With every innovation comes a trial period where you learn how society adapts to the product. Ecigarettes present a slippery slope that may lead from fun flavours to tobacco. They look like real cigarettes, and are held like cigarettes — what’s to stop young people from experimenting with tobacco after doing so with e-cigs? By making this product available to youth, we may actually desensitize the next generation and open the door to a revived smoking culture. Seeing these products used outside of their intended purpose — to help people quit smoking — makes me wonder whether they will lead to a generational movement towards a world where “lighting up” is a social norm. Although e-cigarettes have the potential to help smokers quit, the government should hastily intervene and restrict them as 19+ products.


The budget may not be the most exciting thing in our country, but it is one of the most important. While we were all off enjoying our reading break, the federal government announced its budget for the coming fiscal year. If all goes according to plan, the 2014-2015 fiscal year will be the last deficit budget for a long time. While part of that plan involves the Conservative government being given another four-year mandate to govern, a balanced budget will play a big part in convincing many voters how to vote. If the Conservatives can manage a re-election, they will have pulled off an economic coup. With Canada already leading the G-7 nations both in job creation and

net debt-to-GDP ratio, the government is hoping to continue our economic stability by having a surplus budget as nations around the world continue to struggle to climb out of the recession. Though many in the country may not be happy about the cuts to some programs, the Conservatives are looking out for the long-term, for a future with more people taking advantage of our many social programs than people funding them. Finance Minister Jim Flaherty has also continued to champion the cause of those with developmental challenges, following up on previous measures like the Disability Tax Credit and the Registered Disability Savings Plan. He proposed that the budget allocate funds towards the Ready, Willing, Able initiative, which helps Canadians with intellectual disabilities contribute to the workforce, and vocational training programs for Canadians with autism. The biggest criticism of the budget so far has been that it is boring. Flaherty takes this as a compliment, saying it avoids “flashy

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spending,” keeping the country “on the right track.” Little by little, he has been eating away at the deficit incurred at the height of the recession, and there is the expectation that if the Conservatives maintain the leadership of the government, Canada will see a $30 billion surplus over the next five years, barring any unexpected events.

And since the government builds a $3 billion cushion into its budget, it is likely that the budget could end up being balanced this year if all the numbers line up properly. Unless you happen to be a smoker, you will also be a fan of the increase on tobacco, which is estimated to bring in over $3 billion over the next five years. Furthermore, the government

is looking to close the price gap between goods sold in the United States and Canada, which is exciting news for an avid reader like me who hates paying that extra $3 for a book in our country. For those of us who have been following the Senate scandal, this budget also looks to close the loophole that is currently allowing the three disgraced senators to collect pensionable years despite being suspended, with a private member’s bill calling for the stripping of pensions of any senator or MP convicted of a crime currently being debated in the House of Commons. While the budget may be boring, now is not the time to start taking chances with the Canadian economy. We have travelled a long road to get out of the recession, and we have done so with one of the strongest economies in the western world, in no small part due to the efforts of Flaherty and the Conservative party. You can follow Dustin Simmonds

2nd Annual Jim Green Memorial Lecture: A Night of Stor y telling with Bob Williams Thursday, February 27, 7 pm, Free RSVP at Djavad Mowafaghian Cinema Reception to follow in the World Art Centre Bob Williams has degrees in Economics and City and Regional Planning from UBC, and is a member of the Vancity Board of Directors. He was instrumental in the development of the Vancity Community Foundation, a $40 million endowment in 1989 (with David Driscoll) that provides grants to charitable organizations, with a focus on affordable housing and homelessness. Bob is also credited with saving Blackcomb Mountain from logging and in protecting millions of acres of wilderness parks in the province, including the Spatsizi Plateau Wilderness Park (regarded as BC’s Serengeti), which as a result has been protected since 1975.



The world of fashion is changing. From Dove’s Real Beauty campaigns to untouched photo campaigns by companies like Victoria’s Secret and Aerie, some important steps are being taken towards embracing women’s real shapes as the shape of fashion. Lately, even bigger changes have been happening in a fashion niche few people ever consider. When you first think of fashion, do you think of powerful, accomplished women in wheelchairs? Odds are you don’t. Even though so many minorities have gained equality and human rights this past decade, acceptance of people with disabilities is rarely questioned. The dictionary defines a disability as “the lack of adequate power, strength, or ability,” and too often, society simply acts to reiterate this definition. When it comes to personal style, anyone who happens to be sitting down instead of running around is stereotyped as frumpy, pitiful, and certainly not sexy.

Diesel recently launched the #dieselreboot ad campaign featuring 26-year old New York editorial director and fashion blogger, Jillian Mercado. The Spring 2014 ads are set to be featured in Vogue and Interview magazines, with Mercado’s denim dress, bright red lips, and power wheelchair all front and center.


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Rather than try to hide or overcompensate for her obvious physical difference, the campaign fully embraces exactly who she is. As someone with muscular dystrophy, the wheelchair is an integral part of her life; rather than make excuses, Diesel chose to feature it and her simply as the stunning model she is. Mercado stated in an interview, “My chair doesn’t give me permission to slack off [in the fashion industry]. My passion is equal to yours — I just come with a chair that moves.” Bi-annually, in February and September, New York transforms for Fashion Week. This year, the Carrie Hammer show was one of the most talked about, after the designer chose to cast “role models instead of runway models.” Among these was clinical psychologist Dr. Danielle Sheypuk. Having spinal muscular atrophy all her life, Sheypuk became the first ever model in a wheelchair to participate in a fashion show at New York Fashion Week. Somehow, in 2014, when human rights for so many are front and center in public campaigns, she is the first. “People with disabilities are an untapped consumer market in terms of fashion,” says Sheypuk. “We read the magazines, shop in stores, but nothing is ever pitched to us.” Today, when diversity is an ever-expanding market, people with disabilities still have inadequate representation. Unlike young plus size girls, or girls with freckles, little girls in wheelchairs have had no one to look up to “just like them” on a public platform of any kind. Until 2014, you couldn’t find representation in a high end fashion magazine, on an endless stream of online news sources, or as part of a runway show so integral to New York’s fashion and consumer culture. But, this is starting to change. It may not be widely accepted yet, and we still have a long way to go, but it all has to start somewhere. Perhaps these two ladies can be the catalysts of change that the fashion industry needs.

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COMMUNITY PHOTOS February 24, 2014

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Explore your career options. All in one place. Discover a wide variety of full-time, part-time and apprenticeship programs that will help you advance your career. Wednesday, March 5 5–8 pm Burnaby Campus 3700 Willingdon Avenue Get a head start. Explore online now. It’s your career. Get it right.


February 24, 2014


For Donald Sales, a great dance performance all boils down to honesty. “I think what draws an audience in is not your physical ability to execute dance moves, that’s nice to see, but what really draws one in is when you’re absolutely honest and vulnerable on stage and not trying to be someone else,” Sales said. He compares it to an old couple dancing by themselves: “It’s not technical, but it’s beautiful. Honesty is the key.” This is something he strives to achieve with his new dance company, Project20. On top of his exciting dance career, Sales is also a successful music producer. He has worked with Akon, Kardinal Offishall, and K-os. You may not think that hip hop and contemporary dance are related, but Sales explained that they come together in unexpected ways. “I’ll be sitting at home working on a song, listening to a ton of music and think ‘that would be great to choreograph to.’” Another example of his two worlds colliding happened during a performance at Ballet BC. “I was performing Carmen — the pas de deux at the end — and in the middle of the song I thought it would be great to sample in a hip hop song.” Who knew Carmen and hip hop music had anything in common? His idea for the future is to have Diplo or Major Lazer compose for his company. Having access to the music industry can be very useful for a choreographer, but working in these two different art worlds can be exhausting. At Ballet BC, Sales said he would rehearse with the company all day and then head to the music studio at night. “Whenever it gets really heavy I try to separate the two,” he said. “I’ve disciplined myself to do that over the years.”

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February 24, 2014

Project20 will have its debut at the Chutzpah Festival with Sales’ new work, gr33n. He began work on gr33n last year, and has had time to think about manipulating the space in the Norman and Annette Rothstein Theatre. “It’s been nice to take our time,” he said. To create this piece, Sales began with the title and a rough idea of what it could be like, working with the dancers to develop it. “I knew I wanted to call it gr33n — it’s my favourite colour and there are all these things it represents.” There are four dancers in the show, and they represent four different aspects of the colour: envy, greed, illness, and greenhorn. The dancers put a lot of themselves in the show. Sales said that during his career dancers never had the opportunity to express themselves, they just had to do what they were told — he wants to let his dancers have some input. “With my dancers I like to sit down in the space and we talk; I ask questions. They draw pictures of their life story, and then we have to dance it,” he says. Sales values their collaboration very highly: “I couldn’t have choreographed it physically myself if I wanted to.” Having the dancers put their own ideas and emotions into the work also adds the element of honesty that Sales finds so essential. “I say just be human, be yourself. I give them clear pictures to think about — it’s very vivid and literal and helps them break away from formalities. They’ve been training for so long. They know how to point their feet, but they forget how to be themselves.” After Chutzpah, Sales hopes to take gr33n on the road. “I don’t plan to create another work for a few years,” he said, “this deserves a life on the road.”

Last September, 70,000 people gathered in downtown Vancouver on a rainy Sunday in an effort to build new relationships among Aboriginal peoples and all Canadians. The four-kilometre walk began at Queen Elizabeth Plaza and a steady stream of umbrellatoting individuals took over the Georgia and Dunsmuir viaducts, gathering together as one. The Walk for Reconciliation on September 22, 2013 was part of a week-long culmination of events in Vancouver to engage in a dialogue about the painful legacy of residential schools in Canada. “I’m still moved by the results of Reconciliation Week, in particular that big walk,” says Chief Robert Joseph, Hereditary Chief of the Gwawaenuk First Nation. “We were trying to create that image, that vision, to convince others that there are those who care,” he says. These comments were part of a video created by SFU’s Centre for Dialogue, which presented Chief Joseph with the 2014 Jack P. Blaney Award for Dialogue to honour his life’s work. The Walk for Reconciliation was just one piece in the ongoing process of reconciliation. The Blaney award was presented on Jan. 15 and several events were also organized for the local community to participate with the ideas and topics at hand. “We don’t want to just give this award and then walk away,” explains Mark Winston, the director of the Centre for Dialogue, speaking about the series of events in conjunction with the Blaney award. A key figure in the ongoing process of reconciliation, Chief Joseph is the current Ambassador for Reconciliation Canada, an organization dedicated to using dialogue to revitalize relationships and build resilience. “The real profound shift [from healing to reconciliation] for me was being part of a national dialogue […] as we moved across the country, the tone of these discussions and the attitudes of people between each other started to shift. People were actually

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starting to talk to each other instead of screaming and pounding tables. We began to listen to one another and we began to think, well, maybe there are some ways to resolve this terrible legacy.” Chief Joseph is also a special advisor to both Canada’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission and Indian Residential School Resolutions Canada; he is also involved in several other societies and organizations for Aboriginal First Nations and Residential School survivors. “I know that there are enough of us — including Simon Fraser and other institutions — who care, and other like-minded people are thinking about how we can continue to do this,” says Chief Joseph. “We have to stay the course and we have to promote this idea that we are one: Namwayut.” A workshop for the SFU community in early February addressed how SFU could be more welcoming to Aboriginal peoples and perspectives. The dialogue included administrators, faculty, community leaders, and students, and Winston says a full report will soon be released.


Next week, a third event will take place called Reconciliation through Poetry. “We wanted something artsrelated,” explains Winston, and the connection to Lunch Poems at Harbour Centre made poetry a fitting medium. On Thursday, Feb. 27, five poets will read from newly commissioned poems exploring the concept of reconciliation. A selection committee approached poets Jordan Abel, Joanne Arnott, Juliane Okot Bitek, Jordan Scott and Daniel Zomparelli after careful deliberation. “We wanted a diverse selection of poets — both Aboriginal and nonAboriginal, gender identity, cultural background. All five poets have different styles and approaches to reconciliation,” Winston said. The event is free and open to the public. It will take place at the Vancouver Public Library, Central Branch, in the Alice McKay Room from 7 to 9 p.m. The evening is not dialogue-based; it is intended to be a community gathering to explore the theme of reconciliation through the medium of poetry.


Music from the New Wilderness, performed at The Cultch from February 11 to 15, was presented by Western Front New Music, winner of the Rio Tinto Alcan Performing Arts Award in 2014 — a $60,000 prize. New Wilderness was the first project to come to fruition as a result of that money. Curated by DB Boyko, six artists set out to get intimate with the landscape of wildly diverse British Colombia, creating compositions that marry history, field recordings, and information about each location with the artists’ own subjective experiences. The process hearkens back to 19th century romantics who sought immersion in nature as a reflex and refuge against the growing thrum of urbanity. The balcony section of The Cultch was closed to

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accommodate the array of specialty sound equipment which made for an absolutely incredible and immersive experience. I spoke with Jenni Schine and Adam Basanta, two of the six artists involved with the project. Their component offers a vision of the Broughton Archipelago — the largest marine park in BC with, according to Schine, “a wonderful collection of dozens of undeveloped islands and inlets.” Schine first volunteered at Broughton after hearing about the Salmon Coast Field Station from Scott Rogers (station manager at the time) who introduced her to Billy Proctor, an incredible story-teller whose perspective on how to be was infectious. He approached new-comers with the utmost welcome, always ready to demonstrate how to live with permanence in this unique off-the-grid location. Schine quickly discovered a deep fascination for the place and assumed the role of ethnographer, beginning a process of recording her surroundings and the people therein. Schine and Adam Basanta had met in a class on acoustic communication. The two

wanted to work together from the start and one day Basanta got a green light call from Schine; he made his first trip to the Broughton Archipelago with


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high quality sound equipment on his back. In the composition, we hear Schine say, “You can’t run away, you can’t busy yourself, you kind of have to just go there,” a feeling Basanta identified with on his first trip. Schine was thrilled with the technology; it meant unprecedented volume for the subtle sounds of their environment, and the eventual delivery of those sounds to an urban audience who might, as she described, “listen to [them] deeply and make connections to the places they call home and experience as sacred.” Basanta recently finished a MFA at Concordia University in the individualized program for students with specific research goals for a multi-disciplinary project. A composer at heart, the program facilitated his fascination with connecting visual and aural elements. Music from the New Wilderness was lacking in visuals save the glow of the lidless piano on stage, some sheet music on a stand, and some very soft lighting effects. Going in, I wondered if I would crave something to look at, but in fact I wished the room had been darker so as to focus on my sense of sound. Basanta composed the piece in three vignettes, creating a narrative. “One will be mine, one will be yours, one will be Billy’s,” we hear him say in a measured tone as the calculated

and elegant chaos of the composition envelops his words. In the first part, we hear the Broughton Archipelago as experienced by Basanta, the firsttimer who wouldn’t call himself an outdoorsy type. In the second, Schine who comes and goes, moves through the brush, the sound of crisp branches crackling beneath her feet. In a voice for long distances, we hear her calling for Billy. The third and last movement hones in on Billy, a somewhat mythical man who we hear speak in a filtered, old radio tone: “Well, you just gotta find a way to stay here — everyone who comes here loves it.” Music from the New Wilderness is experimental, elegant, disparately but deeply historical, and attuned to a sense of foreboding that seems to be waiting just around the bend. “It’s about place-finding, trying to find home and where you belong,” Schine said. “What became clear to me when I was there is that there are fewer people living in wilderness and what that means is that there are fewer people who are witnessing what is happening to our natural world. What happens to our resources? Are the salmon coming back year after year? Are the trees being logged and if so, what areas are being affected? So my big question is: what happens when there are no more people living in the wilderness?”


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Both reading break and Valentine’s Day are considered the right time to make those previously unthought-of chance encounters. Maybe it’s the winter doldrums that push us to step into the unexpected — an opportune excuse to shake things up. Perhaps it is just time to try something new. That being said, there is an exhibition at the Satellite Gallery which started on Feb. 14 with a similar concept in mind: Cindy Sherman meets Dzunuk’wa is a collective exhibit culled from the private collection of Satellite Gallery founder Michael O’Brian, and his wife Inna Vlassev O’Brian. As the title of the show implies, more than 40 works were selected without regard to possible

historical, cultural or thematic assemblages, in order to place the individual pieces in close proximity to their proposed aesthetic soulmates — without rejecting the odd lovers’ quarrel, either. The juxtaposition of the two title pieces are a case in point. On the one hand, Cindy Sherman looks out from her “Untitled” cprint self-portrait from 2002/4 wearing a leopard print shirt that covers a distinctive, soon-to-be

motherly figure. Her painted nails and made-up face are another clue that she isn’t quite meant to be the girl-next-door. The piece is characteristic of the artist’s exploration of female gender roles as well as her particular style: halfway between garish and graceful. On the adjacent wall is hung her ill-fated twin, “Dzunuk’wa, the Wild Woman of the Woods,” a large red-cedar mask sculpted

by Kwakwaka’wakw artist Beau Dick in 2012. Here, the horse hair mane and puckered red lips remind us of the giant’s hunger for human children and her selfconscious attempt at seduction. Not such a far cry from what Sherman is alluding to, but with quite a different sense for the otherworldly. Chosen by a curatorial quartet that includes Cate Rimmer (Charles H. Scott Gallery), Keith

Demantèlement, also stars as Sarah Lepage in Sarah préfère la course. The title translates to “Sarah prefers to run,” and it couldn’t be more true.

It’s hard to believe that the RendezVous French Film Festival has just celebrated its 20th year. This little known festival, presented by Visions Ouest Productions, features 10 days of French film from all over the world, including many impressive Quebecois films. Since its launch, the RendezVous French Film Festival has presented over 1,000 French films and given Vancouver’s francophones and francophiles alike the chance to see them. Out of the almost 50 short and feature-length films presented at various venues during the festival, I was able to enjoy seven diverse films that gave me

a taste of the world of francophone cinema today. The festival’s offerings included fiction, documentaries, and animated shorts. Post-festival, the programming continues with a special event to mark Black History Month at a French immersion high school in Surrey, a screening in Tofino, and the Salon du Cinema at Studio 16. Featured on the cover of the festival program, Le Demantèlement is a melancholic drama about sheep farmer Gaby Gagnon (Gabriel Arcand) whose way of life is lost when he decides to sell his farm in order help his daughter financially. Awash in the golden glow of the rolling hills of the Gagnon farm, this film is beautiful and bittersweet. Gaby’s two brothers want nothing to do with the farm their father left behind, his two daughters move to Montreal, and his wife leaves him — all he has left is his dog and his farm. It is heart wrenching to watch as Gaby decides to dismantle the farm and auction off his life’s work. Sophie Desmarais, who plays Gaby Gagnon’s daughter in Le

married in order to take advantage of government bursaries for young married students. As it turns out, Antoine is actually in love with Sarah, but unfortunately for him she just prefers to run. With little plot and a mixture of fiction and documentary elements, Gare du Nord is a film from France about Ismaël (Reda Kateb), a PhD student doing his field work at Paris’ main train station, Gare du Nord. His thesis is that the station is a global village square and he surveys travellers as they pass through. He studies the station’s activities, vendors, culture, and while he’s at it, ends up falling in love with Mathilde (Nicole Garcia), an academic who believes in his work. The closing night film, Triptyque by Robert Lepage and Pedro Pires, is described as a “contemporary urban saga.” It’s the story of Michelle (Lise Castonguay), a schizophrenic bookseller, her sister Marie (Frédérike Bédard), and Thomas (Hans Piesbergen), her German neurosurgeon. Marie and Thomas end up falling in love,

When she is invited to join the track and field team at McGill University, she tells her mother, who is unsupportive of her plan, that she will be moving to Montreal without her help. Antoine Breton (Jean-Sébastien Courchesne), a friend of Sarah’s, says he also wants to move to Montreal and will help her with expenses if they become roommates. On the drive to Montreal, Antoine proposes that they get


Wallace (Morris and Helen Belkin Gallery, UBC), Karen Duffek (Museum of Anthropology, UBC) and Helga Pakasaar (Presentation House Gallery), the intent was to mimic the process of building a private collection through fortuitous relationships. While most artistic comparisons are meant to be in close proximity within the various zones of the gallery, some concordances span the entire showroom area, as a long-distance couple would time and space. These were my favourite pieces in the show. The first is a square assemblage by Brian Jungen found on the wall near the gallery entrance. Titled “Blanket No.9”, the artist combines two professional sport jerseys to create an abstract weave motif of geometric design. At the opposite end of the gallery can be found another textile work that draws you in with its finesse: the Jacquard tapestry “SelfPortrait” by Chuck Close. The artist’s impressive gaze is matched only by the viewer’s pleasure at unraveling the multiplicity of threads that meander from one piece to the next.

and Michelle returns to work in the bookstore after being released from a mental institution. Split into three sections, the film focuses on each of the main characters as they go through a major event in their lives. As the cinematic adaptation of the play Lipsynch (also directed by Robert Lepage), Triptyque retains the themes of speech, communication, and the human voice as indicators of identity and emotion. Through poetry and emotionally poetic scenes, these three characters figure out how to express themselves. The Rendez-Vous French Film Festival has so much to offer with a wide variety of films in many genres, and it deserves more exposure in the future so that more people can experience this valuable cultural event.


On Feb. 13, Changemakers Vancouver collaborated with Late Nite Art to create a night of empowerment through art, discussion, and good food. Hosted at the InterUrban Art Gallery on Hastings, the event buzzed with creativity. Mohamed Ehab and Ajay Puri are the co-founders of Changemakers Vancouver, which all started when Ehab moved to Canada to work as a pharmacist. In his spare time, he started a film group to meet new friends and likeminded people. It started out small with events such as potlucks and movie screenings, which were held in his living room. “The number of members I had in my group quickly grew to over 800. Of course my living room wasn’t big enough,” said Ehab. While he was connecting with Vancouverites who wanted to have a positive impact in their community, Ajay Puri was expanding his own network. Puri has co-founded and continues to co-lead many movementbased organizations; some know him as the “social media guru” of Vancouver. When Ehab and Puri met, they realized that they each had their own networks of people, both of which were passionate about social change and making

February 24, 2014

the world a better place. Brainstorming different ways to connect their networks, Changemakers Vancouver was born. “The focus of Changemakers is to not only be a social networking event,” said Ehab, “We want to create an action oriented social group that brings like-minded people together to connect, share ideas, and most importantly, to act.” Changemakers has held four events so far, each with a different topic. For “Art you Ready,” Volume IV of Changemakers Vancouver, the theme focused on the insights we gain when we engage our creative side. While music played in the background, tables covered in paper and a wide variety of art supplies and magazines were placed in the centre of the room. The first prompt was to find some sort of image from a magazine that you thought described change and cut it out. More thought-provoking prompts were given by Late Nite Art facilitator Julien Thomas, who encouraged participants to use the materials provided to create a community art piece. After every prompt, participants were to move (usually one seat over), spreading their individual works all over the table, allowing everyone to check out each other’s creations. My personal favourite prompt was, “With your eyes closed, share a secret you’ve never told anyone using your body to draw.” Using more than my hands and arms to draw, the prompt forced me to really think of something that required my whole body to create

an image that would describe my secret. Thomas occasionally debriefed the prompts, and for that particular one, he asked, “Is there a difference between a dark secret and an exciting secret?” Food was sourced from Nelson the Seagull and Terra Breads, and put together by Yashar Nijati, chief chef at YummusOrganicHummus and director of The Chinatown Experiment. Served on sharable plates, new conversations spawned and the room filled with talk and laughter. After dinner, in-house photographer Zack Embree spoke about his work, which revolves around social change, and was a perfect fit for the event. He went through some photographs, explaining why his work is so important to him, and how he finds new ways to portray social change through different varieties of art. “It’s not just about the people standing in the streets. It’s also about the people that understand and hold that conversation,” said Embree. At the end of the event, Late Nite Art put together an activity with blank postcards. We were given the opportunity to send a postcard to someone we had been thinking about, someone we hadn’t been in touch with in a while. An invitation to use the art utensils provided to create something meaningful for someone who matters was the perfect end to a wonderful night.

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February 24, 2014

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The SFU softball team was looking to rebound from a disappointing opening to the 2014 season in Montana, where they lost five straight against non-conference teams. But in four games in Florida last week, the Clan came up empty-handed, dropping all four as their record fell to 0–9 in exhibition play. The Clan’s best chance at a victory came in their first game of the weekend, a 6–5 loss to the Eckerd College Tritons, the first of a doubleheader against the Floridabased school. “We had our chances in the first game,” said head coach Mike Renney. “We really showed some spark and showed a lot of fight. I think that loss took the wind out of our sails a bit in the second game.” In that second game, the Clan allowed double digit runs

The Clan lacrosse team continued its season with a road trip down to Boise, ID, going 1-1 over the weekend in a double header against #4 Brigham Young University and conference opponent Boise State University, The preparation for Saturday’s game versus BYU was almost military-like; no one but the coaches spoke, as the team steeled itself for a game it had been working toward all semester. But after fighting tooth and nail until the final buzzer, the Clan fell short 8–7 to the BYU Cougars. The Cougars came out firing, outscoring the Clan 6–2 in the first half. After settling their nerves the Clan came out hot in the second half, scoring four straight and keeping the Cougars scoreless for almost 25 minutes. In the end, the Cougars

tallied two goals off unsettled plays in the dying minutes to jump ahead 8-6. SFU refused to back down, though, as Tyler Kirkby found Travis Hayes in the middle to bring the game to within one, late. Unfortunately, that would be as close as the Clan would get as the Cougars maintained possession of the ball for the final two minutes, barely staving off the SFU rally.

Tyler Kirkby lead the game offensively for SFU, potting two goals and two assists, while Sam Clare also netted a pair. Senior goaltender Darren Zwack had a strong game, making 13 saves on 21 shots, walking away with an admirable .619 save percentage. The Clan’s penalty kill also stood strong, shutting down all seven of the man-up

opportunities BYU had over the course of the game. The team, disappointed with the tough loss, still proved that it is a top contender in the Men’s Collegiate Lacrosse Association (MCLA), and that a spot in the national tournament final is well within reach. In their second game of the weekend, against Pacific Northwest Collegiate Lacrosse League (PNCLL) rival Boise State Broncos, the Clan came out firing on all cylinders and didn’t let up for the full 60 minutes. Thirteen different Clan players recorded points in the 27–5 trouncing over the Broncos. Sam Clare had six goals on the game while eight SFU players had multiple-point performances. Tyler Kirkby’s five goals gives him 12 on the year, and his 15 points put him first in the PNCLL and seventh in the MCLA in scoring. Goalies Darren Zwack (10 saves on 12 shots) and freshman Jeremy Lasher (five saves on eight shots) split the game in net. The Clan’s next home game is against long time PNCLL rival, University of Oregon Ducks on March 1 at Terry Fox Field.


for the third time this season in an 11–4 drubbing. “Ultimately we need to have more kids perform,” added Renney. “We’re suffering through some youthful mistakes and unfortunately they’re happening in bunches. “The youngsters are getting opportunities to play and it will ultimately pay off in time but it may take some trying times to get to that level of experience we need to get to.” Thatt level is still a long way off. In the final doubleheader of their Sunshine State journey, the Clan’s offence vanished in 8–0 and 5–1 losses to the University of Tampa. It’s tough to lay blame on just the offence, though: in nine games this season, while scoring just over three runs per game, SFU has also given up almost nine against per game. It’s hardly a formula for success, but there’s little time to mope; the Clan need to turn things around before conference play begins on March 7. “We’ll return home now,” said Renney after the final game. “[We’ll] lick some wounds and look forward to the opportunity to get outside and get a few more opportunities at some preseason exhibition games.”


It was Senior’s Day for the Clan women’s basketball team and the final home game for seniors Chelsea Reist, Kia van Laare, Rebecca Langmead, and MarieLine Petit, as well as senior team manager Alex Mackenzie. In a proper send-off, the Clan won their fourth straight game, 70–59, against the St. Martin’s Saints, despite a sloppy second half. The game got off to a slow start after a 35 minute ceremony delay, with no scoring in the first minute. Head coach Bruce Langford, unhappy with the pace of play, called a timeout early while the game remained scoreless. The timeout was quite effective as Reist, one of the seniors playing her last home

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game, opened the scoring on a three-point play, turning the momentum in SFU’s favour. For the rest of the first period, the Clan were on top as the Saints didn’t score until the Clan had already scored eight points — including an Erin Chambers three-pointer. The Saints

had numerous defensive woes, highlighted by two straight fastbreak baskets by van Laare. Though not as tight as the previous game against the Wolves, the Clan still played a great defensive game allowing just 18 points in the first half for a score of 39–18 at the break.

Mirroring the game against the Wolves, however, was the Clan’s weaker second half during which they allowed SMU to close the gap. Though the Clan took quite a few fouls in the first, the Saints only started to punish them for it in the second, scoring on 13 of 17 free throw

attempts, as compared to their 50 per cent average from the stripe in the first. As the second frame went on, SMU kept scoring, while SFU struggled to hit baskets. The Saints gave a formidable pushback, winning the period 41–31. However, it was not enough and the Clan won 70–59. “It was a little rough at times,” said Reist after her team’s final home game of the season. “There were a few turnovers, and things we could have cleaned up a little bit, but we had some strong points in the game and I think we’ll focus on those going ahead.” But for many, the focus was on Reist and her fellow seniors, who left West Gym triumphant one last time. “It’s a bit of roller coaster,” she said. “I’m super happy that I’ve been able to play [here]. Obviously it’s really sad, and I’m going to miss it a lot, but it was fun.” But with the playoffs looming, the ride’s not over just yet.


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Across 1. Proofreader’s shorthand for “disregard� 5. Tokyo Story director Yasujiro 8. A bank account with tax advantages 9. The study of life and living organisms (abbr.) 11. Walk the Line actress Witherspoon 13. Old-fashioned term for a “witch� or “hag� 15. With mater, the school where one is an alumnus 16. The Roman goddess to whom soldiers sacrificed weapons 17. Involving more than one country (abbr.) 18. Mercurial American poet Sylvia 20. The place something or someone should fill 21. In Buddhism, the LAST WEEK’S SOLUTION

state of enlightenment or direct insight 23. A single cycle in a weight lifting regimen (abbr.) 26. India’s first prime minister Jawaharlal 28. Couches in Great Britain 31. Little Birds author Anaïs 32. By All Means Necessary rapper ___-One 33. A coward, in elementary school terminology 34. What Team Canada’s Jamie Benn did in the Men’s Hockey semifinal 36. A building material made from sand, clay and water 37. Harry Potter’s sidekick Weasley 38. Midnight in Paris actor Wilson 39. To Kill a Mocking-

bird writer Harper 40. Long stretches of time Down 2. Diacritic mark of two dots above a letter 3. A German term for an inferior substitute 4. The Waste Land author’s initials 5. Daniel Plainview’s favourite natural resource 6. Nickname for nevercaught North Californian serial killer 7. On a film set: “That’s a ____!� 9. Famous foursome celebrating fifty years this decade 10. Ambulance riders 12. Jazz songstress Fitzgerald 13. Transit vehicle 14. Also

19. Shakespearean synonym for “listenâ€? 22. Edgar Allen Poe’s female protagonist 24. A solid composed of very fine particles 25. A metrical foot with a stressed second syllable 26. True Detective creator Pizzolatto 27. The Norse goddess of fate 29. The Idler Wheel‌ singer-songwriter Apple 30. Expel large quantities of liquid quickly and forcibly 31. Nosy spy agency in USA 35. Historic court decision ___ v. Wade 36. Shock and ___

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February 24, 2014

humour editor email / phone

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February 24, 2014

“He started yelling and screaming incredulously when we put the box down in front of him,” Truman recalled. “We thought, wow, if he’s that excited by a chocolate version of a cereal he’s going to be in for a lot of surprises.” Weirdly, however, that moment is still the pinnacle of Smith’s excitement about the modern world.

VANCOUVER — After spending the past 30 years of his life in a coma, a local man has gotten the opportunity to witness the future, but the only development that has impressed him thus far is a chocolate version of his favorite cereal. According to doctors at Mount Saint Joseph Hospital, Timothy Smith had been comatose since 1984 after suffering a stroke when he was just 12 years old, and was only awoken last week. “We didn’t think that there was any chance he would actually survive,” explained Saint Joseph’s head practitioner, Dr. Bill Truman. “He’s been given an amazing opportunity to literally jump into the future but he’s not reacting like we thought he would.” According to Truman, the now 42-year old Smith’s first request upon waking up was to eat breakfast and he almost went into shock due to the cereal that was brought to him.

“We brought in iPhones, laptops, the Star Wars prequels . . . all of our greatest technological achievements, but nothing seemed to phase him,” Truman said, shaking his head. “He just shrugged them off and went back to staring at his cereal in amazement.” “At one point I did catch him marvelling at an iPad but it turned out that was only because he had figured out how to get to the Chocolate Lucky Charms website.” While doctors and researchers alike have been unable to explain Smith’s bizarre attitude, Smith thinks it’s quite simple.

“They used to just have regular Lucky Charms from what I can remember,” Smith stated casually. “There were chocolate cereals, sure, but Lucky Charms were

always just toasted oat pieces and marshmallows so naturally this development is incredible to me.” “Everyone wants me to be blown away by this Internet thing

but come on, it’s just a global system of interconnected computer networks that serves several billion users worldwide . . . I can’t even eat that!”


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minutes too long


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February 24, 2014

Between the Sheets  

SFU remembers its first time