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That’s a Good Boy!

Dog Days in Atlanta Screen Savor: (Un)Planned Parenthood

Get Fit With Your Furry Friend NGIT: The Stages of Courtship



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From the Editor My Golden Retriever, Dina, has many names that are each on their own an affectionate term conjured up in cuteness overload of my cuddliest, most loyal, and loving four-legged friend and companion in the world. As you may have noticed, this issue is dedicated to our pets that hold a special place in our hearts as our fur babies. So, we guide to just how pet-friendly Atlanta has become, Darren Floro-Bryant gives you some ideas as to how you can combine exercise with quality time with your pet, and because more and more places all over Atlanta are becoming dog-welcoming, we list a few items that are both practical and stylish when out and about. Add to that new columns from our esteemed panel of columnists with everything from music, movies, and stages of dating, and we cannot get our paws down. Woof!

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Darren Floro-Bryant Scott King Jamie Kirk Branden Lee Gregg Shapiro


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•Allene Harrison, NP-C •Rachna Gadhok, MD •Katherine Liang, FNP

Shaky Beats Festival Following the Shaky Knees Festival, this upcoming weekend is all about EDM (Electronic Dance Music) at the Shaky Beats Festival. In fact, the EDM extravaganza is the biggest dance music festival in Georgia – and this weekend it presents an even bigger and better lineup of leading EDM performers and acts. The 2018 Shaky Beats Festival is moving from Centennial Olympic Park to Central Park, where three main stages will keep festival-goers on their toes for three straight days (and two late nights) of electronic, techno, and urban beats. The lineup of over fifty acts includes Kygo, Zedd, Marshmello, and Ludacris to name a fraction of the many stellar acts that will blast the beats this weekend. Shaky Beats also utilizes advanced wristband technology, so entry and exit of the festival grounds are easier than ever; and once inside you can even go cashless and just use your wristband as payment. The festival grounds will feature plenty of bar and food stands, so you literally won’t miss a beat once you’re in. There’s also the option to upgrade your experience to VIP or even Platinum, which gives you access to dedicated VIP bar spaces, high-end restroom facilities, and lounge privileges to name a few features of the heightened festival experience. Shaky Beats is an unbeatable experience!

The What, When and Where! What: Shaky Beats Festival 2018 When: Shaky Beats Festival 2018 Where: Central Park

Linden Avenue/Central Park Place/ Pine Street

Tickets and information at Tickets start at $95 (1-day pass) – VIP access starts at $200 (1-day pass) – Platinum access starts $650 (1-day pass) 8 | 05.09.18


NEW GAY IN TOWN: The Stages of Courtship By Branden Lee Branden Lee is a writer and actor now living in Atlanta. Follow Branden on Twitter and Instagram @Brandeness and watch him on his YouTube channel SexxxPerTease.

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The phrase “talking to someone” seems to be popular in Atlanta, and it’s a phrase that confuses me very much. It’s natural to ask someone’s relationship status before pursuing them. It’s necessary to see if the person you’re interested in is already taken or available. When a guy says “I’m talking to someone” I don’t know how to interpret that since guys seem to use that phrase to mean anything from casual fling to full-on relationship.

I had a huge crush on this guy I met at work. We’d like each other’s posts on social media. Text here and there, but he’d leave me on read sometimes, which should’ve been a clear sign he wasn’t interested. But I refused to give up. I’d ask him to hang out, and didn’t get a response, which devastated me. I couldn’t tell if maybe he wasn’t gay, but then I saw him on Jack’d so that confirmed my suspicions. I saw him two months after we met, and confronted him. He said the reasoning was that he’s “talking to someone,” and doesn’t like to multidate. I’m the total opposite. Until I’m officially locked down, and we are exclusive boyfriends, I’m otherwise single and free to date. To me if a guy says “talking to someone” that means fair game to me, especially since my crush still flirted with me hardcore. The conversation was super sexual, so I presumed that meant we were going to hook up. Then he tells me to text him, and he’ll be in touch.

Two days later I hit him up, and he shuts me down saying he’s “talking to someone” and “committed.” WTF. I was livid. I felt so deceived, lead on, and like I had my time wasted. To me committed and talking to someone are completely different things. First stage of courtship to me is “talking to.” This is when we first met, start texting and flirting, maybe just started messaging each other on an app. Even if we went on one or two dates, that’s still the “talking to” stages to me. It confuses and annoys me when people say “talking to” means something serious. Second stage of courtship to me is “seeing someone”. In this stage, you’ve been on at least three dates. This person is someone you like enough to see consistently, but things aren’t official yet.

boyfriend. If we aren’t committed, then I’ll just say I’m “seeing” them. To me, dating is to be in a relationship. We’re committed and exclusive, and officially boyfriends. Some people throw in an extra stage where they’re exclusively seeing someone, but they aren’t officially a couple yet. What is the point of being exclusive and notboyfriends? If you want me and only me, then it’s time to make things official. I do think a lot of men are scared of the “boyfriend” label, and many men have commitment issues. That’s why so many gay men find themselves in ‘situationships’ instead of actual relationships. And don’t tell me you’re just “talking to someone” when you’re already someone’s boyfriend.

Lastly is “dating.” Dating seems to be a controversial term since some people use “dating” to describe going on dates but it’s not committed. I’m not ever going to say “I’m dating someone” unless they’re my actual | 11

Community and Camaraderie a Corporation that Cares By Mik Hyldebrandt Comcast Cares Day is Comcast’s annual company-wide day of service in which tens of thousands of Comcast employees, their families and friends, and community partners volunteer in their local communities. Peach caught up with Chris Griswold, who is a member of the OUT Comcast Employee Resource Group to talk about this year’s project that support LGBTQ homeless youth. Tell us a little about Comcast Cares Day 2018? Each year, Comcast works with local nonprofit organizations to positively impact each community we serve while using our resources to bring visibility to important local issues. This year, we celebrated our 17th Comcast Cares Day. We are committed to improving the quality of life in local communities where our customers and employees live and work. What is your role in the ‘local’ Atlanta Comcast Cares Day? I am a member of the OUT Comcast Employee Resource Group and attended the 2018 planning session where we selected the Lost-n-Found Youth (LNFY) as this year’s Comcast Cares Day project. I spearheaded the planning and coordination of onsite logistics for the event which was held on April 21, 2018. Tell us about this year’s Comcast Cares Day project? I couldn’t be happier to have worked with such a passionate and enthusiastic Comcast team as well as the folks at Lost-n-Found Youth to make this event a huge success. At the LNFY Drop-in Center, we repainted the major interior walls and cubbies, planted a container veggie garden, and cleaned the interior for the kids. It looked like a brand new center when we were finished! The passion and enthusiasm of the team was truly inspiring!

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What do you think a volunteer initiative like Comcast Cares Day adds to a major corporation like Comcast? It is an incredible thing that Comcast offers to its employees each year. Our specific OUT Employee Resource Group’s event brought an awareness to many Comcast employees about the homeless LGBTQ youth crisis happening in the Atlanta metropolitan area. This event and all of our Comcast Cares Day events held throughout our region brought a sense of community responsibility and camaraderie to our teams. If a company wants to start a volunteer group, what would your advice be? My advice would be to gather your most passionate employees, bring in your community partners, and identify what community issues are most important to your company, your employees, and their families. Both employees and community partners are very important in planning volunteer opportunities. What’s next? I hope to discover more community outreach volunteer opportunities for the OUT Employee Resource Group and our allies throughout the year that continue the excitement and traction started by this event. My co-workers and friends are already looking forward to next year’s Comcast Cares Day project! Anything you’d like to add? I’d like to offer a sincere THANK YOU to everyone involved with Comcast Cares Day and specifically with the OUT-ERG team and the Lost and Found Youth organization for making this such a fantastic and successful event!

Dog Days in Atlanta Atlanta dog residents are having some of the best conditions to enjoy the best summer ever in the city. Some of the best parks, hikes, patios, treats, vets, and grooming lies at the paws of our four-legged friends. Atlanta is not just dog-friendly, but dog-welcoming!

With all the advantages of getting a pet, there are still a lot of things you need to consider before getting a four-legged friend. So ask yourself: • Can you afford it? Getting a dog means extra and sometimes unexpected costs. • Do you have the time? It takes time to train and raise a puppy. • Can you commit? Your dog needs three walks a day, and meals on a schedule. • Does your pet fit your lifestyle? You have to match your pets temperament and activity level. • Is your home pet-friendly? The unlikeliest things can be toxic to dogs or cats.

Daycares & Boarding Sometimes the need for daycare or boarding arises even though you’d rather spend as much time as possible with your pet. Luckily, Atlanta offers some great places that will take great care of your four-legged family member.

Doguroo Doguroo offers daycare and boarding, and you can keep track of everything via the live cam feed. On a practical note, Pet Well veterinary services are just next door, and you can shop food and toys at their convenient pet store.

Barking Hound Village At Barking Hound Village they assess age and activity level of your dog, so when you can’t be there, they will be grouped with a compatible bunch of friends for optimal fun. It’s a locally owned daycare and boarding facility that also offers outstanding grooming services.

Piedmont Bark Piedmont Bark is located centrally at Piedmont Park. Spacious indoor and outdoor play areas combined with private eating and sleeping areas makes this facility a favorite for pets and people alike.

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Pet Grooming

Pups and Tubs

Keeping your pet fresh and trimmed is part of taking good care of your friend. Atlanta has some great options when it comes to having your pet smelling and looking fresh and clean.

The goal of Pups and Tubs is to give each pet the best possible haircut, and the best customer service for the owner in a calming and safe environment.

The Pet Set

Bark and Board

With two locations in Atlanta, it is no hassle to drop off your canine or feline and pick it up later all primped and proper. They only use only organic and soap-free products.

The facility also offers great boarding, but their grooming services are great too – in fact, they refer to them as ‘beauty treatments’ that span from regular baths to spa treatments.

Pet Treats Spoil your pet rotten with special places and treats.

Shake Shack Two words for you: dog menu! Yes, special treats, peanut butter sauce, and vanilla custard.

Taj Ma-Hound Bakery Everyday treats or a special birthday cake, this bakery has got you covered.

Paolo’s Gelato Italian & Desserts

Pet Play

The authentic Italian gelateria offers a dog gelato that has the neighborhood dogs flocking.

Your dog needs recreation too! Fortunately, Atlanta is crawling with spaces and events that will give your companion the time of his/her life!

Pet Patios

Splish Splash Doggie Bash

Take your dog out to socialize with friends on one of the dog-friendly patios in the city.

Once a year, after the official pool season is over, the Piedmont Park Pool opens its doors for two days to welcome dogs in the water.


Piedmont Park Dog Park The most central and biggest dog park is located in the heart of Piedmont Park. Two dedicated spaces for large and small dogs makes this a haven for dogs and owners alike.

Right off the BeltLine, you will find this dog-friendly pit stop between Ponce City Market and Krog Street Market.

Henry’s Henry’s, right in the middle of the ‘gayborhood’, has a big and very dog-friendly patio where pooches get the most attention.

The Beltline

Dancing Goats Coffee Bar

The Beltline is perfect for a long walk full of experiences with your dog – and there are plenty of cozy pit stops along the way.

The Old Fourth Ward location offers a cool patio for a nice dog-friendly coffee break. | 15

Get Fit With Your Furry Friend By Darren Floro-Bryant

Downward dog, dog paddling, or anything else to get you and Rover, dog gone tired! It’s time to get you and your 4-legged best friend some exercise – together! The summer is practically here, and our pups love this weather just as much as we do, so let’s take a break from our routine and look for ways on how we can incorporate our furry friends into our fitness regimen. Our dogs love spending time with us and these activities will not only keep you both active but strengthen your connection.

Walk, Run, and Fetch!

Let’s start with something simple that we sometimes take for granted; let’s go for a walk! If you typically only have time to let your pup out into the yard before you leave for work, take them out for a walk in your neighborhood to get little extra cardio in. If you already walk your dog every day, try a different route or find an area of the city you’ve never been to before and explore. The BeltLine (or any of the other trails around town) is a great way to discover new neighborhoods. 16 | 05.09.18

Plus, the BeltLine has the added bonus of agility training while you dodge and weave around the other people with pets following this great advice. The same thing goes if you’re a runner. Look for a local 5k or 10k pet-friendly race and train with your dog; you may even find one that benefits animal groups. Just keep in mind your dog’s breed as some weather Georgia’s heat and humidity better than others. Whether walking or running, your dog will be a loyal workout partner and help you stay on your routine. They will be waiting by your sneakers with a leash ready. For a change in terrain, take your dog on a hike by the river or up in the mountains. Your dog will love to get out in nature as much as you do. In addition, the new sights and smells for your pup will keep them motivated and added exercise will tucker them out. Just be mindful of any possible wildlife you may come across or rough,

uneven trails. For something a little different, grab a tennis ball and play fetch. You can even increase the intensity by adding in squats, lunges, planks, or push-ups while your dog retrieves the ball. Or, join in the fun and race your dog to get to the ball first, adding sprints into your workouts. When your dog decides the fun is over and doesn’t bring the ball back, you get the fun of running to get the ball yourself!!

The best part about doing any of these activities with your little fur ball is the recovery time! Taking a break and resting together or cuddling will be a rewarding, bonding experience for the two of you. Whatever activity you choose, whether it be from the examples listed above or something else you will enjoy doing together, don’t forget to bring enough water to keep you both hydrated and snacks to keep you both fueled up.

When the weather gets too hot, go for a swim with your pup! You can even play fetch in the water. It will be fun, refreshing and add a little intensity. If you’re looking for a little resistance training, grab a rope and play a friendly game of tug-o-war. You will not only get a great arm workout, but your pup will get a great full body work out making them stronger and also tiring them out in the process. Just make sure to stay in charge and end the play when you’ve had enough to keep it fun and avoid your dog getting too aggressive. In addition to the above exercises, other options include rollerblading, cycling, stair climbing, or even dog yoga.

The Benefits

We all know the benefits of exercise for ourselves but regular exercise and attention is essential to helping to keep your pet mentally and physically healthy. All of this extra activity will help burn off some of that extra energy, cure any boredom, and decrease behavioral issues for your pup, and it will also help you burn a few extra calories yourself.

Photo: Darren’s own dog, Guiness, ready for action.

Darren Floro-Bryant has worked as a certified Group Fitness Instructor, Fitness Coach, and Personal Trainer for more than 25 Years. He also owns DFB Fitness and Foundation Fitness, operating out of Gravity Fitness. / | 17

Pets On the Go By Mikkel Hyldebrandt

The weather is warming up, so it’s time for you and your pet to enjoy the great outdoors. With these items, it’ll be no hassle to take your pet on the go whether you are going on a hike or just hanging out on a patio.

Of course, your pet should be leashed at all times and a harness is a great way to keep them safe. Puppia Soft Harness, $17

Don’t let feeding times prevent you from staying out with your pet – simply bring the kibble on the go!

Make sure your pet stays hydrated on hot summer days and bring this collapsible bowl that gives your pet optimal access to water. Prima Collapsible Silicone Pet Bowl, $11

Kurgo Kibble Carrier Travel Dog Food Container, $15

Smaller dogs will enjoy this soft canvas carrier that will also give them a feeling of security when out and about. Pet Life Canvas Pet carrier, $45

Your pet can get a little stressed out in a new environment with lots of new sounds and noises. A little white noise will calm your furry companion down. Pet Acoustics Pet Tunes Calming Music Cat Speaker, $60

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Not only is this backpack ideal for curious pets (cats especially!), but they will also look super cute peeping out of their little space bubble. Petamor Pet Space Backpack, $65

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Nostalgic Reflections

By:Gregg Shapiro

Musical pairings of perfectly (and sometimes imperfectly) matched artists is not a new concept. Sorry, Bebe Rexha and Florida Georgia Line. One of the greatest twosomes of all time, Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong recorded three exceptional albums together between 1956 and 1959 – Ella and Louis,  Ella and Louis Again  and  Porgy and Bess. Those three albums, as well as eight Decca singles, three live tracks and almost 20 extras from recording sessions have been collected on the magnificent four-disc set Cheek to Cheek: The Complete Duet Recordings  (Verve/ UMe). The Gershwins, Cole Porter, Irving Berlin, Johnny Mercer, Hoagy Carmichael, Benny Goodman, Harold Arlen and Dorothy Fields are among the songwriters on whom Fitzgerald and Armstrong left their magical musical mark. This is a must-have for music lovers from all walks of life. By the late 1950s, Armstrong (who was inducted into the Rhythm & Blues Hall of Fame in 2017), had already been making a name for himself as a vocalist, trumpeter and bandleader in jazz for 30 years or so. The four-disc set Pops Is Tops: The Verve Studio Albums (Verve/ UMe) compiles the original mono versions of Armstrong’s three 1957 albums  I’ve Got the World on a String,  Louis Under the Stars  and  Louis Armstrong Meets Oscar Peterson, as well as a fourth disc of alternate and master takes and more, under one cover. Each of the albums is augmented 20 | 05.09.18

by a considerable number of bonus tracks. The aforementioned Grammy-winning Canadian jazz pianist Oscar Peterson  is celebrated with the expansive five-CD anthology Oscar Peterson Plays (Verve). Each disc contains two of Peterson’s popular album series on which he performed a selection of songs by renowned composers including Cole Porter, George Gershwin, Irving Berlin, Duke Ellington, Richard Rodgers and Jerome Kern to mention a few. Some jazz fans, perhaps even those who listen to Ella, Louis and Oscar, might be loath to admit that there are elements of the cherished genre to be found in yacht rock; the soft rock sound, popularized in the late 1970s and early 1980s. You remember it, don’t you? You can hear it in albums by The Doobie Brothers (see Livin’ on the Fault Line and, especially  Minute By Minute), Kenny Loggins (see  Celebrate Me Home  and  Nightwatch) and the dreaded Christopher Cross, among others. With his beard, floppy hair and pleasant vocals,  Robbie Dupree  could be a musical descendant of Loggins or the Doobies’ Michael McDonald on his 1980 eponymous debut album newly reissued in an expanded CD edition by Blixa Sounds. In fact, Dupree’s hit single “Steal Away” (which earned him a spot on VH1’s Greatest One Hit Wonders of the 1980s) could easily pass for a Loggins or Doobies tune. Of course, the ultimate irony occurred when Dupree lost his Best New Artist Grammy to, you guessed it, Christopher Cross. Regardless, as music of this ilk goes, Dupree does a decent job from start to finish and it’s to know that those familiar with his music (and those new to it) will get a chance to enjoy it again.

Dupree’s style was a bit derivative, but no one else sounded like Barry White. From his immediately recognizable bass baritone to his specific R&B sound and seductive approach, there was only one Barry White. The triple-disc box set  The Complete 20th  Century Singles (19731979)  (20thCentury Records/Mercury/UMe) assembles 46 tracks, including the original hit singles, as well as long, short, instrumental and even “disco” versions. Familiar White tunes, including “I’m Gonna Love You Just A Little More Baby”, “Never, Never Gonna Give You Up”, “Can’t Get Enough of Your Love”, “You’re The First, The Last, My Everything”, “It’s Ecstasy When You Lay Down Next To Me” and “Your Sweetness Is My Weakness” are wonderful reminders of his unique talent, one that ended too soon when he passed at 58 in 2003. In honor of the 10th  anniversary of its original release Marnie Stern’s 2008 album This Is It & I Am It & You Are It & So Is That & He Is It & She Is It & It Is It & That Is That (Kill Rock Stars), is being reissued on clear vinyl with an “electric yellow swirl”. The album’s lengthy title, which is associated with writer/ philosopher Alan Watts and, in turn, queer filmmaker James Broughton, might give you a clue as to the jagged expedition you are about to undertake. Between the rapid-fire drumming (courtesy of Zach Hill) and the metallic guitar noodling, there are times when Stern’s second album verges on math rock. You can also hear the fearless influence of Sleater-Kinney throughout. Nevertheless, where reissues are concerned, they don’t get too much more exciting than this one.

part, U2 has also found a way to strike a balance between its music and its message, particularly on albums including War,  The Unforgettable Fire  and  The Joshua Tree. Beginning with 1991’s Achtung Baby, U2 moved in a more electro-centric direction, something that worked well on that album, as well as its follow-up Zooropa. However, by the time they released Pop (Island/UMC) -- newly reissued and remastered as a gatefold, double LP set pressed on 180-gram vinyl -- hit shelves in 1997, four years had passed. Not a bad album, really,  Pop  sounds like Bono and company’s attempt to merge the new (“Mofo”, “Miami”) with the old (“If God Will Send His Angels”, “Staring at The Sun”) U2. One of the “A”s in ABBA, Anni-Frida Lyngstad, better known as Frida, had already released a couple of solo albums before she finally hit the jackpot with 1982’s  Something’s Going On (Polar/UMe), newly reissued on 180-gram vinyl. Although it seems mild by today’s standards, the album, produced by Phil Collins, was kind groundbreaking at the time because the singer dared to veer sharply away from sugary Swedepop with which she had long been associated. The Stephen Bishop-penned opener “Tell Me It’s Over” seriously rocks (especially for Bishop). Russ Ballard’s “I Know There’s Something Going On” provided the album with its hit single. Frida also covers Bryan Ferry (“The Way You Do”), Rod Argent (“Baby Don’t You Cry No More”) and producer Collins (a gorgeous reading of “You Know What I Mean”). There’s even some Giorgio Moroder (“To Turn The Stone”) but you can’t dance to it.

Anyone who has ever danced to “I Will Follow” by U2, at a club, a party or a concert, knows that the Irish college rock cum arena rock band has been making danceable music since its beginnings at the dawn of the 1980s. For the most | 21


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24 | 05.09.18

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Lance is a graphic designer for AT&T which is perfect because he loves anything (!) design-related. He’s a sucker for good photography and loves taking photos himself. Friends refer to him as Seamstress Supreme because of his strong fashion sense and ability to put together an outfit – including several leather and rubber pieces in his closet. He wears his nerd badge with pride and if his adorable pup Helmut is his first child, his Nintendo Switch is his second. Lance met his fiancÊ Chuhan three years ago who is also the man he admires the most.

Lance Horsford

(Un)Planned Parenthood By Gregg Shapiro

There are some movies that, if possible, need to be seen within the first week of opening. Often, they are movies with unexpected twists andsurprises that are difficult to keep secret. “The Crying Game,” from 1992, was one of the best examples of that. “Tully” (Focus), which reunites “Juno”’s director Jason Reitman and Oscar-winning screenwriter Diablo Cody with their “Young Adult” star Charlize Theron, is another such movie. Pregnant Marlo (Theron) is nearing the end of her rope. Days away from her due date, she looks like her belly could burst at any moment. A mother of two school-aged children, daughter Sarah (Lia Frankland) and “quirky” son Jonah (Asher Miles Fallica), Marlo has a history of instability during stressful periods. When Marlo’s financially flourishing brother Craig (Mark Duplass) offers her and husband Drew (Ron Livingston) the unusual new baby gift of a night nanny, at first, they balk. Drew just thinks it’s a way for Craig, the kind of person who drives a Mercedes G-Class and has installed a new tiki bar in his house, to lord his wealth and success over them. Marlo isn’t sure that she wants a stranger in her house, bonding with her newborn. Things change after Marlo gives birth to baby Mia. She’s even more exhausted than ever. Her sleep schedule, which includes recurring dreams about mermaids, is totally thrown out of whack. Additionally, she has to deal with the fact that Jonah, who is somewhere on the autism spectrum and regularly has meltdowns, is about to be “dismissed” from the private school he attends. Marlo calls Tully (Mackenzie Davis), the night nanny. Tully, who is older than she looks, and is

in great physical condition, immediately bonds with Mia. Marlo finally gets a good night’s sleep. Marlo and Drew are surprised the next morning to find that Tully, who says she “has an energy surplus…like Saudi Arabia”, has also cleaned and straightened the house. Tully has a renewing effect on Marlo, who opens up about her personal life (including an earlier relationship with a woman named Violet). Marlo also begins to feel better about herself, taking time to care about her appearance (which she refers to as a “relief map from a war-torn country”) again. She appears happier than she’s been in a long time, singing karaoke with Sarah at her niece’s birthday party. Tully can also be a negative influence. The waitress uniform scene, for instance. Or the night out on the town in Bushwick, complete with a “She’s So Unusual” soundtrack, which ends with Marlo’s car crashing over a bridge and plunging into the water. That is, however, all that can be said without giving away too much information. Theron is amazing here, giving one of her most authentic and powerful performances, effortlessly personifying a person in the midst of a series of manic episodes. And Davis, who has a young Jennifer Garner quality, is a charmer.

Don’t dilly dally, see “Tully” before everyone else does.

peach rating: 3.5/5 Peaches: Ripe peach *The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinion or position of Peach.

30 | 05.09.18

Who Run the World? Skirrels! Or How to Avoid Adultery in the Age of Marriage Equality

By Scottx King

I have morals. Five of them. I forget what the other four are, but numero morales uno is (drumroll please): NO MARRIED MEN, of any gender or orientation. None of y’all are allowed to get up in this piece. It’s bad karma. It’s also wrong. I was walking in the park with a friend. I know I make reference to my “friends” in this column a lot, but it really was a friend. It’s not a euphemism or a placeholder term for an alluring stranger, in this case. Anyway, this friend, he invited me for an afternoon walk on my writing day. I figured what better source of inspiration am I going to find on this lovely sunny spring day. It’s snowing in Vermont right now. Let’s do this. We walked and talked a little bit; then we sat down on a bench. It was very Annie Hall meets Barefoot in the Park. I was wearing cute sneakers. He was talking about his life. He said something along the lines of, “Blah blah blah blah blah MY HUSBAND blah blah blah. Blah.” “You’re married?” “Yes,” he said. “He lives in Chicago.” “What are you doing here with me in the park, then?” I was miffed. “I get lonely,” he said. What kind of Janet Jackson Velvet Rope solipsistic bullshit is this??? I thought. I took a breath. “Let’s walk,” I said. I thought it might help distract us from a life of crime. “Oh look, skirrels!” he said. What? “Skirrels! Look at all the skirrels!” It took me a minute. There was a language barrier between me and my married friend. Tres endearing. After a couple of repetitions and rounds of sounding it out, I realized he was talking about the furry, horny, nervous crackheads otherwise known as squirrels. They don’t run the world, but they definitely fill up a lot of space running across the park, frantically and without purpose. 34 | 05.09.18

Kind of like men. Kind of like married men walking skipping and jumping through life in search of recreational cock. It’s like the bonus room in a bougie suburban house that is already stuffed with a plethora of unnecessary rooms. No, I will not be your man-cave, bruh. I was kind of pissed. He’s a really sweet guy, but how dare he just assume that I would be his side piece? Just then, a duck walked up to us. Quack quack quack. All that quacking. It reminded me of a more subtle episode of The View. One of the early ones where Barbara was out with a concussion and Meredith Vieira took us all to a higher plane. Then the duck turned around. Since we weren’t giving it any bread or attention, it just stuck its ass in our face and said fuck you, bitches, I’m in charge here. Don’t you wish your girlfriend was Scott like me? You might. But you can’t. Because you’re married. Like a duck to water. Or a squirrel to nuts. Nuts make squirrels crazy. So does coitus. That’s why they’re always running around frantically. They are either looking for nuts or something to hump on the side of a tree. In plain view of all the nervous pedestrians. I ran over a squirrel on the way to work once. I was like; I guess that squirrel’s not getting any nuts today. RIP, squirrel. Squirrels really are the perfect metaphor for men. Married men, especially. Not all of them of course. Just the ones who are always thirsty, no matter how many nuts they have in storage. Please don’t get in my way, squirrels. I’m already late for work. Scott King’s milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. He could teach you, but he’d have to repeal and replace. Scott King is, like, a really smart person.

The Right to Change My Mind

By Jamie Kirk

For the life of me, I don’t understand why anyone would want to voluntarily sign up for getting a pet. When you think about all the responsibilities “adulting” already brings, the last thing any of us needs is yet another to-do on our laundry list of to-dos.

ditional fish that will eat the algae off the side of the glass.

For instance. Feeding, you have to buy food. You have to adjust your schedule to feed them. You have to make sure they don’t have allergies to certain foods. You have to continually go to the same place to get said food because you can’t really switch it up on them. Feeding is a nightmare especially if they have stomach issues or even worse, can’t eat food from the local Target or Kroger.

It’s not like you come home after a crappy day and get the warmest hug from a dog you could imagine. It’s not like a cat will not sit on your feet in the dead of winter and make them warm. It’s not like a fish will look at your from the other side of the glass with eyes that seem to say “I understand.” It’s not like any pet gives you something to call your very own. It’s not like a pet will show you appreciation by protecting you and standing beside you when energy that is no good is close by. It’s not like a pet will assist in the grieving process. And it certainly has not been proven that folks who have a pet sometimes live up to 36% longer.

Another example of the nightmare of having a pet. Disposal of waste. Regardless if it is a cat, dog, cow, bird, etc. They have to do #2, just like humans. Some of them are a little better at it than others. But nevertheless, you have to prepare an area for them; you have to have something to get it up with. You have to endure the sight, the smell and the impact of having another living thing take a dump and expect YOU to just clean it up. No pay, no thanks, not an ounce of gratitude. They often just stare at you like YOU are the one with the problem. It’s darn expensive. For instance, if you have a snake, you have to make trips to the pet shop and buy the hamsters, birds and sometimes rabbits. If you have a dog, you have to buy chew toys and leashes. If you have a cat, you have to buy those strings with balls on them. And those scratching post. And if you have fish, you have to change the water often, buy filters, and sometimes buy ad-

36 | 05.09.18

Given all the reasons above, I just don’t see why a person would jump through those hoops and obstacles for a pet. I mean it’s not like there is any reward from any of them. So why even bother.

It looks like I started the article with one position, but after stepping back and looking at all of the benefits those little critters bring to our lives; how could you not have a pet? Pet owners rock because they can take all the challenges that come along with owning a pet and focus more on the love they bring every day.

Jamie Kirk works for a software company and is a certified spinning instructor. He also enjoys yoga, swimming, bicycling and running. He aspires to start a blog about what we put in our bodies not only fuels our body but our mind and spirit as well. Follow Jamie on IG @tysonsdad

May 9 - May 16

ASO on the BeltLine

Thriving Children Annual Gala

Hop on the Atlanta BeltLine and head over to Historic Fourth Ward Park for an evening with the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra and experience an all-Italian musical program. Stop by on your way to the Beltline or set up a picnic. The event is free and open to the public.

The annual gala benefiting children and teens that are homeless is a night of fashion, food, cocktails, silent auction, and orchestra music, hosted by Steve Hightower. This year’s gala features the illustrious Coco Peru and benefits Lost-n-Found Youth.

Thursday, May 10

Friday, May 11, 6:30 pm

Historic Fourth Ward Park Conservatory

Atlanta History Center


IML Sendoff and A** Out 80s Night Guest DJ Diablo will be spinning 80s music for you to dance your ass off – and it is encouraged you have it out on this night where proceeds from jell-O shots, buzz and razor cuts, and donations will go to send off the 2017 Mr. Atlanta Eagle to IML.

Saturday, May 12, 10 pm Atlanta Eagle

ICON: A Celebration of Beyonce + Destiny’s Child

Sunday Service 8 years w/ Chelsea Starr/ Brian Rojas/Vicki Powell

ICON returns to Atlanta with a new home and a new night! Join an ICON celebration of all Beyoncé and Destiny’s Child music, video, and special performances by Brigitte Bidet and many more.

Join the fellowship on the patio for the 8-year anniversary of Sunday Service! On this Mother’s Day, the DJ lineup will be playing disco tracks to make you dance and make your mama proud.

Saturday, May 12, 10 pm

Sunday, May 13, 7-11:45 pm

Deep End

Sister Louisa’s Church of the Living Room and Ping Pong Emporium

38 | 05.09.18


40 | 05.09.18

As a part of our mission to help friends keep friends, we are opening our doors in 2018 to anyone needing to get their pet vaccinated and heartworm tested. Not only is this a great deal for you, it is also a fundraiser for PALS Atlanta!!

Vaccine Clinic Pricing Full veterinary exam - FREE Dog or Cat Rabies Shot - $15 Dog or Cat Combo Shot - $15 Bordatella vaccination (dogs only) - $15 Heartworm testing (dogs only) - $25 Full year supply of heartworm medication AND a full year of flea/tick preventative - $100 (requires current negative heartworm test) | 41




44 | 05.09.18

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1544 piedmont ave ne, attnta, ga 30324 behind publix | 45

SmartCare Welcomes Dr. John Destito as Our New Medical Director. 46 | 05.09.18

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May 25 - 28 Dances, Parties, Celebrations!

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clubs 28 Heretic 29 Jungle

2069 Cheshire Bridge Rd 2115 Faulkner Rd NE

Fitness 30 Gravitee Fitness

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Spa / bath 31 Manifest 4 U 42 The Den

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Dining 37 Cowtippers 38 Eclectic Bistro

Retail 26 Barking Leather 27 Southern Nights




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AMSTERDAM 502 Amsterdam Ave. NE



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466 Edgewood Ave SE



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G’S BJ ROOSTERS 219 10th St NE


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52 | 05.09.18 1049 Juniper St NE



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You take care of something

You invest in (a) life

You get a companion Protection

You get exposed to new things

You get a routine You get outside more

You are less stressed

You get more exercise

You make new friends 54 | 05.09.18

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11pm Thursdays | 55

Text your Peach Pits to 256-60-PEACH, or e-mail Illustrations by: Jerel Ely

The wilder the ride, the wider the smile. Who else freaks out the minute someone sneezes or coughs next to you?

Me: I’m one of the most stylish thinkers in the world! Him: You’re certainly one of the most delusional

Asking for a friend: Is it sexy tank time yet?

Summer is almost here so it’s time to double up the butt workouts and start an ab routine... and clean up my diet I guess, but I’m not getting my hopes up for sticking to that one.

Infinity War could easily be a movie about fisting and jewelry

I think bad dates exist to make you aware of what you really want, by showing you what you don’t want.

A party without cake is more like a casual meeting! You may say you are hungry, but I’m seeing more of you being thirsty!

56 | 05.09.18

ARIES (MAR. 21 - APR. 19)

LIBRA (SEP. 23 - OCT. 22)

You’ve got big dreams—everyone knows that. Now, though, you may find that they start to grow out of proportion to reality. There’s nothing wrong with that, and you may bump up your ambition a bit.

Try to pay attention to the smallest details of your life this week—they are the ones that can offer you the best guidance. Even your wisest friend doesn’t know what the mess in your living room knows.

TAURUS (APR. 20 - MAY 20)

SCORPIO (OCT. 23 - NOV. 21)

You are definitely thinking about the future right now, and you might find that you’ve got better ideas than usual. It’s a great time for you to see if you can get your friends to brainstorm with you.

Pay closer attention to your dreams right now—they are sure to point you in the right direction. If you can’t remember them, let your mind drift and see where it ends up, as that should provide clues.

GEMINI (MAY 21 - JUN. 20)


Try to focus your energy on creative pursuits this week, even if you don’t have any ideas just yet. It’s one of those weeks that can generate more plans than you can follow through with, but there’s nothing wrong with that.

You have more patience for rambling and reminiscing lately—in fact, you may want to join in. It’s a really good time to connect your present situation to that of your ancestors or old friends.

CANCER (JUN. 21 - JUL. 22)


Your intuitive powers are heightened, which is saying quite a lot. You can act on hunches that others would keep subdued and expect good results. Late in the week, you need to warn a friend about something big.

You’ve got a deep well of compassion to draw on, and right now you need to do just that—people are in serious need! You may find one case that needs your attention, or you may start to think big.

LEO (JUL. 23 - AUG. 22)

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 - FEB. 18)

Your friends and family are hyper-emotional right now—and you might be too, even if it doesn’t feel that way to you. Remember to let folks blow off steam, as long as they don’t burn you.

Your head may be in the clouds lately, but that’s just where it needs to be. You can expect to come back with some big ideas that may seem impractical at the moment, but should prove successful.

VIRGO (AUG. 23 - SEP. 22)

PISCES (FEB. 19 - MAR. 20)

You’re usually the master of facts and figures, but right now they just seem to zip around before your eyes like fireflies. If you can walk away to clear your head, you should take the opportunity.

Try to focus on other people this week—too much energy turned inward can be wasteful at the moment. You ought to be able to get at least one important person to see that you can be valuable to them.

58 | 05.09.18

WHAT happened was . . .

What Happened Was... Trouble in the love department? With sex? Or just people in general? Send us your queries, questions, and problems, and we’ll give you the answers served straight up and with a little ice. My boyfriend and I have very defined roles regarding sex: I’m a bottom, and he’s a top. 100%. Problem is that he does not like any kind of ‘mess’ back there, and has several times given me grief for not being ready. He comments on what I eat and says I should be more aware of eating ‘bottom-right’ foods. I want to do my part, but I can’t be ready all the time, right? Sincerely Derriere Do’s and Don’ts Dear Derriere Do’s and Don’ts Right! It is physically impossible to be ready for a bottoming session all the time. You eat and drink to survive, so naturally(!) you won’t be completely vacated back there at all times. Sure, you can do a lot like eating a fibrous diet, drinking plenty of liquids, and douching (but not too much!), but it sounds like you are already doing all of that. The fact that your boyfriend still thinks it isn’t enough says more about him than about you. Because you are a good bottom, he also needs to learn how to be a good top and nurture an environment where you are not shamed or made uncomfortable for simply having basic physical functions! Maybe you need to explain just how much you go through to satisfy his needs, and that the least he can do is show some respect and appreciation for it.

I just met a really great guy, and we are quickly moving towards a relationship. But he made it clear that he absolutely does not want children, because of his own bad upbringing. There is potential for a great relationship here, but I don’t know if I should invest in this, because what if we don’t have a future together. What should I do? Sincerely Future Father 60 | 05.09.18

Dear Future Father You’re asking whether you should potentially give up on love to fulfill your wish of becoming a father, or go after love and possibly forego ever having children? Like with so many things in life – especially when it comes to the big questions – there is no finite answer. Who knows, maybe you will convince your him that fatherhood is an option. Maybe you will learn to appreciate a life without children and in a fulfilling relationship? Question is: are you going to take a chance to find out where life takes you? One thing you can do at the risk of really falling for him is to get to know him better. Maybe there are other factors that speak against moving forward with him – or maybe he is the one?

I keep telling myself I want a quiet weekend but come Monday, and I’m exhausted from drinking, dancing, and doing party drugs all weekend! I think I have a problem – not with drugs or alcohol, but with saying no to going out. I hate that my partying is impeding on my work week; but come Thursday, and I’ll probably be out and about the whole weekend again. Sincerely When Is the Party Over? Dear When Is the Party Over? You have a big need for social interaction, but you don’t need to go out partying every weekend. Often, the people we surround ourselves define what we do socially, so take a look at your friends circle: does everything happen over a drink and rarely something low-key? Either you make a conscious choice to do other things or explain to your friends that the current pace is getting to be a little much for you. The option of denying yourself a little downtime with friends is not working so think alternatives that will fulfill your need for social interaction just as well. NEED ANSWERS? REACH OUT TO US, AND YOU WILL GET THEM! SEND YOUR BURNING QUESTIONS VIA OUR EDITOR AT MIKKEL@PEACHATL.COM.

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Peach v2 i19

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