Caregiver Guide 2025

Caregiver Guide to Nurturing Children and Teens’ Healthy Sexual Development

Copyright © 2024 by Prevent Child Abuse Vermont: www.pcavt.org

Table of Contents Overview ................................................................ Page 2 Healthy Sexual Development and Exploration ...... Page 3 Unexpected or Concerning Behaviors ........................... Page 4

Developmental Milestones .................................... Page 5 Stage: Birth to 2 years old ............................... Page 6 Stage: 2 to 4 years old ..................................... Page 8

Stage: 4 to 6 years old............................. Page 10 Stage: 6 to 9 years old............................. Page 12 Stage: 9 to 13 years old ................................. Page 14 Stage 13 to 18 years old ................................ Page 17

Resources ............................................................. Page 20 Suggested Books……………………………………………….Page 23

Overview The old saying, “Children do not come with instructions.” is so true when it comes to the ways to nurture children’s healthy sexual development. Even our own parents may have felt uncomfortable or even confused about how to do this important task. This booklet will make it easy to help your child grow up knowing how to have healthy relationships.

You will know about: 

your child’s development from birth to age 18

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ways to talk with your child about bodies boundaries, and feelings

 

when to check in about a behavior other supports for you

Healthy Sexual Development & Exploration Sexual development is part of being human. For parents and caregivers, the first step is learning what is expected for all children.

In general, children involved in healthy sexual exploration are: 

Of similar age and size

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Of similar developmental stage

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Know each other well and play together often

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Doing the behaviors voluntarily and with agreement from all

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More exploratory than actually sexual

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Not hostile, aggressive, or hurtful to self or others

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Spontaneous rather than planned and not always part of the way they play

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Easy to interrupt when caregivers tell children to stop and/or when privacy rules are explained

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Balanced in their curiosity about many different topics rather than laser-focused on sexual play

Unexpected or Concerning Behaviors Knowing what is healthy helps us to notice when something is unusual. These are some kinds of sexual behaviors in children that may be a cause for concern:           

Overly interested in sexual play and loss of interest in other play Sexual play with much older or younger children Knowledge of sex that is older than their stage of development Sexual behaviors that are very different than their playmates who are of similar age Sexual play leading to complaints from other kids or their caregivers Sexual play that leads to upset feelings (like fear, shame, or guilt) Use of bribery or threats to get others into sexual play situations Sexual play with the intent to hurt others Sexual behavior aimed at adults or older teens Treating others as sexual objects Crossing others’ boundaries in person or online

Important Note: Children and teens who do unhealthy sexual behaviors can be helped by professional therapy and support. If you have concerns about a child or a teen, or are simply not sure, there are organizations and support programs listed at the end of this book that can help

Developmental Milestones As parents and caring adults we may know some about child development, but we may not know that much about child sexual development. Child sexual development begins at birth and continues throughout childhood. It can include understanding my own body, knowing how to develop healthy friendships, knowing how to communicate my needs and boundaries, and understanding how to respect another’s needs and boundaries. Having a good idea of what can be expected at each developmental stage can make it easy to provide guidance and support.

Can learn about healthy relationships from the adults who care for them. The messages we provide are so important and can make a difference to help children learn how to get along with others. Research indicates that messages throughout childhood about healthy relationships lead to well adjusted adults who thrive in their families and communities. Also, children see our actions. It is important that adults model healthy boundaries in their relationships with children and other adults.

Note: You will see that there is some overlap between the developmental stages. This is because children develop at their own pace (for example, even children in the same family will differ in when they learn certain relationship skills.