Table of Contents Page Number: Module: 3 Initial Writer’s Reflection 4 BioPoem With Reflections 5 Where I’m From Poem 14 Rhetorical Analysis Draft 1 16 1st Letter to Self 17 Rhetorical Analysis Draft 2 19 2nd Letter to Self 20 Rhetorical Analysis Draft 3 23 Rhetorical Precis Fahrenheit 451 24 Response to Text Fahrenheit 451 25 Argument to Mrs. Quinn 28 Education Narrative 32 Semester 1 Writer’s Reflection 2
InitialWriter’sReflection
Whatarequalitiesofagoodwriter?
A good writer understands the different ways that readersmayinterprettheirworksandareable to adapt their writing to fit the needs of understanding from their audience. Also, good writers have good organizational skills, making the piece easier to understand, withorganizationcomes goodflow.Lastly,goodwritersareclearlyabletoexpresstheirideas. Howdoyoufeelwhenwritingtextthatposesdifficulty?
Oftentimes when I am writing a text that poses some level of difficulty, the difficulty comes to me as organization problems and expression of my ideas. I can get stressed out and even frustrated because I know exactly what I want to say, but sometimes struggle to articulate itthe waythatIamthinkingaboutit.
When you are writing and you have trouble with something, what doyoudo?Doyouever doanythingelse?
When I am writing and I am having trouble with something, the best thing for me to do is shut my computer, walk away from it, then come back around to it later. If I try to keep going, it doesn’t work well for me. I need some new ideas on how to dealwiththatstressandfrustration ofbeingstuck.
Whichstrategies wouldyousuggesttoothersindifficulty?
The one strategy that I would suggest to others is to justwalkawayandtryagainlater,that’sall thatI’vegot.
Howmightyou describeyourselfasawriterbothpositivelyandnegatively?
As a writer, I like to share what I’m writing about with otherbecauseI’mverypassionateabout it. I have no problem writing a lot in a small amount of time, which is a blessing and a curse.
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Some weaknesses of mine are getting started, organization, and writing too much. It’s often tricky for me to get started and figure out how to set the tone of the paper, which is a bother because it stresses me out from the get go, but once I get past that, it’s no problem. My ideas, too, are often spread about even when I think I have it all together; some parts could fit in one spot, but fit better in others, for example. Lastly, I write too much, which is just “fluff”andcan take away from my writing in the sense of confusing the reader or conflicting with guidelines suchaswords.Overall,IthinkthatIamaprettygoodwriter,butamexcitedtoimprove!
BioPoemwithReflections
DRAFT: Patrick Diligent,compassionate,outgoing,resilient
SonofChristineandBrian,brotherofBradyandMolly,friendofmany
Wholovessports,family,andfriends,nearorfar
Who has felt sadness through great loss, strength through unitywithothers,andanobligationto dogoodintheworld
Whofearslettingothersdown,andwastingtimeandopportunities
WhohasaGPAover4,succeededwithsports,andhasbuildmanyfantasticfriendships
Whowantstoseeabrightfutureandexperiencealifetimefullofhappiness
BornandraisedinGranby
Liss
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FINAL: Patrick
Assiduous,compassionate,outgoing,resilient
SonofBrianandChris,brotherofBradyandMolly,friendofmany
Wholovessports,family,andfriends,nearorfar
Who has felt sadness through great loss, strength through unitywithothers,andanobligationto dogoodintheworldjustbecauseit’stherightthingtodo
Whofearslettingothersdown,andwastingtimeandopportunities
WhohasaGPAhe’sproudof,succeededwithsports,andhasbuildmanyfantasticfriendships
Whowantstoseeabrightfutureandexperiencealifetimefullofhappiness
BornandraisedinGranby,wherehecontinuestothrive
Liss
REFLECTION:
Whatweresomedecisions/revisionsyoumade?Why?
-The first revision that I chose tomakewastochangemyfirstdescribingadjectivefromdiligent to assiduous, even though they hold the same meaning. The only reason I did that was because assiduous sounds cooler than diligent. The second revision that I added was on “where he continues to thrive,” because I felt that the ending of my poem couldn’t be that boring-even though it’s very cliche, it gives the ending some pizazz. Another change I made was the line about my GPA. In the draft, Iwrotethatitwasabove4,whichisonehundredpercenttrue,butit sounds a little cocky, which isn’t me, so I switched it up for that reason. The last change that I
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made was adding “just because it’s therightthingtodo,”andIdidthatbecauseit’sthetruthand that’sallthatthereistosay.
Whatcanyoutellaboutyourselfasawriter&yourrevisionpracticesfromthisassignment?
- From my revisions, as I write I acknowledge that I often add “fluff” or extra stuff to my writing. For example, the “where he continues to thrive” doesn’t add lots ofmeaning,butcould be considered fluff. As a writer, I alsotendtojustaddmorewhenImakerevisions,whichwasa little bit of a struggle for me last year in AP Capstone Seminar, as I needed to cut out a substantial amount of words to fit the criteria.Inotherwords,oneareathatIneedtoimproveon is being able to get my point acrosswithenoughdetailandcontextinaprofessionalmanner,but tomakesurenottoaddtoomuchextra“fluff,”thatdoesn’tcontributetomywriting.
Whatisoneobservationyouhadafterreadingsomeofyourpeers’work?
-One observation and takeaway I had after reading some of my peers’workwasthatsometimes lessismore.Unlikemyown,therewereafewminimalistpoemswithouttheextraflufflikemine has. In doing so, the point is clear,andit’snottoomuchtothinkaboutortakein.Simplicitycan be key. With the simplistic aspect, comes adifferenttoneormoodthatisexpressed.Onestudent who’s poem I read was very minute, but the way it was composed seems to have added gravity andsinceritytoit,whichissuperawesome.
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WhereI’mFromPoemwithReflections
1stDraft:
Iamfromwiffleballintheyard, fromSuaveKids3in1shampoo,conditioner,andbodywashand band-aids.
Iamfromthesmall,quiettownofGranby
IamfromthelimbsofthestickylimbsofEasternHemlocks
Iamfrom Twas the Night Before Christmas atBB’shouseonChristmasEve andhand-me-downsfromthebigsandsugars, frommydadoffivesiblings andmybrown-eyedmomand TheLissnameandreputation.
Iamfromthefamilyofbeinglatetoeverything andsitdowndinnersontherareoccasionthateveryoneishome.
From“becauseIsaidso”
and“nodessertifyoudon’tfinishyourfood.”
IamfromtheCatholicChurchwhereIholdmyfirstmemoryofsong
I'mfromSaintFrancisHospital,andtherollingfieldsofIrelandandtastefulnationofItaly, KraftMacandCheese,andTacoTuesday
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FromthecrosswordpuzzleswithNom-Nom), themassagesandhomemadewafflesatBB’sforasleepover, andtheageinappropriatejokesfromUncleJo-Jothatwentovermyhead.
Iamfromthepreciousmomentsspentwithfamily
Thatnomoneyorthingcouldeverbuyorreplace.
2ndandFinalDraft:
Iamfromceiling-highlegotowers, fromSuaveKids3in1shampoo,conditioner,andbodywash,and Q-tips.LotsandlotsofQ-tips.
Iamfromtheclose-knittownandcommunityofGranby
IamfromthestickylimbsofEasternHemlocksthatsurroundmyhouse
I am from Twas the Night Before Christmas readbyNannersatBB’shouseonChristmasEveby thefire, andhand-me-downsfromthebigsandsugars, frommydadoffouroldersiblings andmybrown-eyedmommaand TheLissnameandreputation.
Iamfromthefamilyofbeinglatetoeverything andsit-downdinnersontherareoccasionthateveryoneishome.
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From“becauseIsaidso,”
And“buildeachotherup,don’tknockeachotherdown,”
and“loveyoutothemoonandbackandaswideasthelotion”
IamfromtheCatholicChurchwhereIholdmyfirstmemoryofsong
I'mfromSaintFrancisHospital,therollingfieldsofIrelandandtastefulnationofItaly, IamfromKraftMacandCheese,andTacoTuesday.
Fromtheword-searchpuzzleswithNom-Nom, themassagesandhomemadewafflesatBB’sforasleepover, andtheageinappropriatejokesfromUncleJo-Jothatwentovermyhead.
Iamfromthepreciousmomentsspentwithfamily
Thatnomoneyorthingcouldeverbuyorreplace.
REFLECTION:
- A few of the devices that I made revisions to define my early life were trying to paint vivid pictures in the reader's head. Using descriptive words better images the readers, making them almost experience what they are reading. Additionallythroughdescription, I tried to portray smells through the 3 in 1soap,andappealstoemotionasItalkedabout mygrandparents.
- A lot of the changes I made were due to thinking more and more about my childhood, trying to remember certain things ortraditions,andtakingthetimetoaskmyfamilyhow
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accurately they thought this poem reflected me. In doing so, the first change thatImade was switching an important and defining product in my life from Band-aids to Q-tips. After reading this poem and talking to my mom about it, she felt that Q-tips are much more important and relevant in our lives than band-aids. It sounded funny, but she was right, we are a Q-tip family. Another change that I made was the first line of my poem. Changing “wiffleball in the yard” to “ceiling-high lego towers,” better fit in this poem because it expresses my creative side. While we played a lot of wiffleball growing up, I had tons and tons of legos that were all mixed into oneenormousbinthatIbuiltrandom things with, huge towers, specifically. Lastly, I choose toaddathirdquote/familysaying to my poem for a few reasons. One, the secondsayingthatIincludedwasnottruetoour family, it was really just a placeholder, but I included it because of one experienceIhad when I was younger where I didn’t finish my food, and because of that, was given no dessert. Two, family is suchanimportantpartofmylife,Iloveandappreciatemyfamily so much. Three, I was again asking my family about the poem andmymompointedout the little wooden sign that was next to my bedwhichwrote;“Iloveyoutothemoonand back,” and I used toalwayssay“andaswideasthelotion,”whenreallythesayingended with “and aswideastheocean.”Thishithomeformeandsummedupmyfamilyandthe relationshipsthatIholdwithmyfamily.
- Overall, myrevisionsimprovedmypiecebecausetheymadeit“moreme.”Atfirst,Iwas struggling with some ideas, but as time went on I continued to revise it, making it more descriptiveofwhoIam.
- I enjoyed this process and thought that this assignment was fun. One thing that I found challenging was remembering details that best suitedtheoutlinefromthetemplate.Even
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though I came up with a lot of things in my notes duringbrainstorming,talkingwithmy familyandlookingbackatoldpictureshelpedmetoovercomethatstruggle.
- OnethingthatIalreadyknewaboutmyselfasawriterbutwasremindedabout,wasthatI like to write with all of the “fluff” and descriptive words. Thisissuper,supernaturalfor me,whichisgoodforthiskindofwriting,butnotgreatforothers.
- One thing that was helpful to me during this writing assignment was peer conversations and family feedback. When talking with my peers, a lot of our childhoods (beyond the personalthings)wererelativelysimilar.Thisallowedmetogainnewideasandremember some cool things about myself and where I’m from. Feedback from my family, though, was the most helpful because they know how I grew up and what our important family valuesandtraditionsare,makingthemasupervaluableasset.
- One growth in my writing that can be found here is that I struggletogetstarted.Formy first draft I think that I actually started at the bottom and left the top line blank untilthe bulk of the poem was finished. This often holds true for other types of writing, specifically rhetorical analysis. I have trouble getting my ideas together andstarting,but onceI’mabletogetstarted,Itendtowritefreelywithminimalproblems.
- Again, one thing that I would like to improve on is my ability to get my ideas together faster and start writing faster. I am not sure what the best way to approach this problem is, but I know that in the long run it will be very useful.
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The image above is a rough draft of ideas related to important memories/places/foods/moments that helped shape my life. The picture was from my writer’snotebookandservesastheoriginaldraftforthismodule.
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1stRhetoricalAnalysisDraft:EleanorRoosevelt
Former First Lady, Eleanor Roosevelt, inspired many Among those was Claudia “Lady Bird” Johnson. On April 9th, 1964, First Lady Johnson delivered a speech promoting a foundation in her name, Eleanor Roosevelt, emphasizing alltheincrediblecontributionsthatshe has made to the world. In this speech, Claudia “Lady Bird” Johnson’s use of tone, sentence structure, and alliteration is used to convey the message of Roosevelt’s importance, ultimately movingtheaudiencememberstoputtheirbestfootforwardanddoasEleanoroncedid.
Claudia Johnson highlights her relationship with Eleanor Roosevelt in apositivemanner through her use of tone. From the first two lines of her speech, Johnson writesthatbeingatthis occasion and participating in it is “a great privilege,” and “admired her,” the first time that she met her. Thus far, JohnsonexpressesgreatrespectandadmirationtowardstheformerFirstLady. As the speech progresses,JohnsonharpsonthegreatthingsthatRooseveltdid,backingtheroots of why Johnson admires her. For example, how she organized a benefit luncheon to buy a wheelchair for a crippled boy, being the only one there, or how she saw an unemployed father and helped him, the list goes on and on.Theseexamplesprovidedshowthegoodthingsthatshe has done, and the way that they are expressed through this prolonged list, imply the speaker's admiration and affection for Roosevelt. The speaker continues to listaccomplishmentsachieved by Roosevelt and harps on the positivedifferencesthattheymadeintheworldandhowJohnson respectedandgavepraisetoherwork.
Tone was not the only rhetorical device that Johnson used to powerfully convey her message of praise about Eleanor Roosevelt. Johnson used different sentence structures to help
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make and emphasize certain points. Generally speaking, sentences often lookthesame,interms of length. Johnson chooses to have short sentences next tolongones,makingreadersgobackto look at the section again. One time that this was done was when Johnson was describing the lunch that Roosevelt was holding for the crippled boy; she describes the situation then makes a new paragraph, consisting only of two short sentences, oneline.Thesesentencessay,“Onlyone person was involved. Where else do you start, but with one person?”Theshortparagraphinthe middle of two longer ones draws our attention to this section. These two sentences serve as a good measure of Roosevelt’s motto, you only need one person to make a difference, which is continually stressed during the speech. Another point wheretheuseofshortsentencesactsasan important rhetorical component was when Johnson was talking about Roosevelt’s age. Johnson describes the last place that she saw and was with Roosevelt. The following sentence is, “She was 78.” A short sentence here sets up an explanation in the following sentence(s) to show the importance of the short one. Johnson satisfies this by talking about how she made every one of thoseyearscount.
Lastly, Johnson’s use of alliteration throughout the speech adds importance to all of the great things that Roosevelt accomplishedinherlifetimeandthekindofpersonthatshewas.The first example of alliteration in the speech isatthebeginningofit.AsJohnsondescribeshowshe was young and timid, Roosevelt, “extended her handandhospitality”toJohnson.Johnsoncould have justsaid,“Shewasnicetomeandtookmein,”butusedalliterationtostresstheimportance of those two actions that were executed. Another prime example of Johnson’suseofalliteration is when she is defining another one of Roosevelt’s main principles. She says, “Her conscience was her counselor, and she followed its commands with unfaltering courage.” As readers, we have to notice that there are four crucial words that all start with“c”emphasizingeachofthem.
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The most important of the four is “courage,” which also happens to be builtupinthatsentence, asitisthelastword.
Claudia Johnson successfully delivers a heartfelt speechabouttheimportanceofEleanor Roosevelt and alloftheincrediblethingsthatsheaccomplishedinherlifetime.Johnson’sspeech was strengthened by all of the rhetorical devices that she used, but the usage of tone, sentence structure,andalliterationdroveherspeechhome,allowinghertoconveyherpowerfulmessages.
FirstLettertoSelf:
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2ndRhetoricalAnalysisDraft:AbigailAdams
Three-hundred years ago, and continually in modern day,motherscarefortheirchildren. A mother is not only the person who gave birth to you, but a person who teaches you how to function in day-to-day life and obtain specific qualities, such as respect. This holds truetoJohn Quincy Adam’s relationship with his mother Abigail. While she detests the fact that her son is growing up, Abigail Adams urges him to goonaventuretoFrancewithhisfather,JohnAdams, making the decision for him, even though he has reluctant feelings about the matter. However, Abigail expresses her ambivalence towards this situation, as she is sorrowful to him, but encouraging at the same time. In the letter that she penned to her son, she uses allusions to famousfiguresandplaces,aswellasappealstoemotionthroughrhetoricaldevicessuchastone. Although she never received a formal education, Abigail Adams was literate and rather enlightened for a woman of this time period. She uses allusion to importantworldlyfiguresand people in her life, in order to convey her message to John Quincy. Abigail sets up one of her important points by writing, “Would Cicero have shone so distinguished an orator if he had not been roused, kindled, and inflamed by the Tyranny of Catiline, Verres, and Mark Anthony,” which support and refer to later discussed idea, simply, that “you have to take risks,” and they will help (you) to growandgetstronger Usingafamousfigure,likeCicero,giventhestatusthat he once upheld, rationalizes her claim that this trip was not a bad thing. As the letter advances, Abigails continues to make mentions towards speaking out and fighting against the spirits of evil, like “War, tyranny, and desolation.” John Quincy Adams’ father, John Adams, exemplifies works of what he should strive to do, in his mother’s eyes of fighting for their liberties. She alludes to her husband by adding, “You have a parent who has taken so largeandactiveashare in this contest, and discharged the trust reposed in him with so much satisfaction to be honored
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withtheimportantembassywhichatpresentcallshimabroad,”rationalizinganexamplethatcan be followed by him, especially one that is relevant and important in hislife.Makinganallusion to his father was particularly clever and successful by Abigail because it sets up a groundwork for John Quincy Adams, implying, “Your father did and is doing this, so why can’t you?” Making an allusion to his father was particularly successful by Abigail because it evokes the notion of “Your father did and is doing this, so why can’t you?” exemplifying a paragon,uniquelyonethatisrelevantinhislife.
Abigail does not simply use diverse allusions to help bear her intent to her son, instead, she uses appeals to emotion, through devices like tone and diction to help better demonstrate how she is feeling, as if it were a face-to-face conversation. In the firstlineoftheletter,readers can feel the mother-like worryinginstinct,throughthetext.Initshestates,“Ihopeyouhavehad no occasion, either from enemies or the dangers of the sea, to repent your second voyage to France.” Since she describes the dangers of thetripasthefirstthingintheletter,thatrevealsher mainconcern,hissafety,asanymotherwould.Additionally,Abigailmanifestshersorrowtohim by saying, “If I had thought your reluctance arose from proper deliberation, or that you were capable of judging…I should not have urged you…you appeared so averse to the voyage,” implying that she is sorry for forcing him to go onthistrip.Wordslike“Ishouldnothaveurged you” show that this was genuinely something that caused her trouble and made her feel bad, as well as the inclusion of “you appeared so averse,” implies areluctanttonebecauseJohnQuincy wasnotinterested.
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2ndLettertoSelf: 19
3rdRhetoricalAnalysis:CivilRights
The Civil Rights Movement throughthemid1950’sand1960’spavedthewayforjustice and equality in the future. One act in particular that helped to launch this movement was Rosa Parks’ reluctance as a black woman to give up herseatonthebus.Atthispointinhistory,black peoplewereforcedtosurrendertheirrightsandwhatlittlefreedomthattheyhadtowhitepeople. This held true on the bus. A black person was forced to move seats to make room for a white person. Former President, Barack Obama, chooses to highlight the courageous acts of Rosa Parks, acts that went both noticed, and unseen. Obama used a chronological organization of story-telling, and strong diction tomaketheaudienceawareofParks’significancebackthenand inmodernday
“Rose Parks held no elected office. She possessed no fortune; lived her life far from the formal seats of power” (1-3). Obama wastes no time, beginning his speech with this reflection, setting a serious tone, describing the influence that may have helped Rosa achieve her success. With no power and no fortune, she did not have much going for her. However, she was strong and courageous, empowering her to see light at the end of the tunnel. Obama tells her story, making us, as the audience, feel like we were there watching it all unfold. He speaks about an interaction with one of Rosa’s friends saying, “Nobody ever bossed Rosa around and got away with it,” (8-10), setting up one of her principles of fighting for what she believed was right. On December 1st, 1955, Mrs. Parks had come into contact with abusdriverwhopushedheroffthe bus twelve years earlier because she entered through the back door, rather than the front.
Rightfully disturbed from this cruel interaction, Rosa chose not to ride the bus again for quite some time. The description of this scene allows us to paint a vivid image of what this looked like, and what it felt like, as if we were in her shoes. “A few days later,” (24) Parks challenged
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her arrest, andamannamedMartinLutherKingJr.stoodbyherside.Beginningthenextsection with “A few days later,” allows us to understand the way that time is moving and how quickly each part of these events are occurring. “They began a boycott,” (28) continues Obama.Obama uses repetition of time phrases such as “day after day, week after week, month after month,” (30-31) to continue moving time along, adding importance to the boycott movement that had been created by MLK Jr. and Parks. “Three hundred and eighty-five days after Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat, the boycott ended” (37-38). As listenerstothisspeech,orreadersof its text, it’s important to recognize that each section, thus far, has started with some measure of time and its movement. This choice by Obama was intentional and successful for a number of reasons. One, it keeps the audience engaged and allows them to clearly follow the plot. Two, worked into each paragraph that starts with time, are different emotions, which allow the audience to empathize with Rosa, literally making them feel as if they were in her shoes. And three, it allows the audience to take in the importance of each section, and how thechoicesthat Parks made, coupled with the actions of MLK Jr., sparked a change of heart and motivation throughthepassageoftime,attributingmajorsupporttowhyaRosaParksstatueisindisputable. Obama’s use of story-telling through chronology allows certain points to be further emphasized by word choice that permeates the text. One prime example of his strong use of diction is how Obama describes what continued to motivate themtobewalkingandfightingfor freedom, stating, “driven by a solemn determination to affirm their God-given dignity,” (35-36) stressing the seriousness and rationale that allowed them to persevere. Instead of this Obama could have plainly stated, “they wanted to keep going because God gave them the rightto,”but that would have been harmful to his speech because it undermines a paramount point that he is trying to make. Another illustration of his strong use of diction comes when he declares, “with
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that victory, the entire edifice of segregation…began to slowly come tumbling down” (41-44), rationalizing how this act of refutation and the subsequent boycotts began the upward trend towards triumph. Strong words and phrases such as these draw our attention, making us think continually about their meaning and value. The ultimate example of strong diction comes as Obama views that we do not stand up and fight for what we believe in because we are often selfish (63-64). “We so often spend our lives as if in a fog, accepting injustice, rationalizing inequity, and tolerating the intolerable” (65-67). Now, each of the three endmost phrases mean the same thing and were included with the same attention. However, the repetition of this meaning through different word choice allows the audience to understand its application in a broader sense, perceiving multiple viewpoints and perspectives. Thus, Obama’s intentional use of strong diction and word choice highlights the fantastic efforts andappallingactionsthatwere forceduponRosaParksthroughthattumultuousperiod.
Rosa Parks was not only a woman who wentthroughonediscriminatoryactanddecided to make a change from it, but also a courageous woman who fought for what she believed in, especially in times where the majority of people disagreed with her viewpoints and considered her just plain wrong. Nevertheless, she persevered through the hardships and changed the outcome for numerous black people, giving them a vision of hope and happiness. Obama used rhetorical devicestogethispointacrossastowhyastatuehonoringRosaParksiswelldeserved, inawaythatwasappealingtotheaudience,aswellassuccessful.
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RhetoricalPrecisFahrenheit451:
“Fahrenheit 451” is a dystopian novel by Ray Bradbury that presents a future American society where books are banned and critical thinking is discouraged. The protagonist, Guy Montag, is a fireman whosejobistoburnbooks,butheeventuallycomestoquestionhisactions and joins a rebel group fighting against the oppressive government. The novel reflects Bradbury'sfearsofthegovernment'scensorshipandthethreatofconformistsocietytoindividual freedom of thought. Through Guy's journey, Bradbury warns the readers of the dangers of limiting access to information and the need for society to value intellectual and emotional growth,promotingtheaudiencetotakeadvantageoftheknowledgethat’savailabletothem.
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ResponsetoTextFahrenheit451:
“Thebooksaretoreminduswhatassesandfoolsweare.”(Bradbury82)
From this quote, my takeaway is that reading thethoughtfulinformationpresentedinthe books helps to compare/contrast their lives to the books and realize that what they are doing is wrong in reality and that they have to change their ways. Books open their eyes to the foolish worldthattheyarelivingin.
This text has backed the idea that technologyisablessingandacurseinmodernsociety. I firsthand see far too often, the loss ofindividualityandignorancethatcomesfromspendingso much time on our phones and computers. I was very impressed with the futuristic accuracy of this text. Often in dystopian works,thefutureisskewedmuchfurtherthanreality,butinF451,it is really not far off at all, almost creepily close. For example, when Bradbury talks about Mildred’s seashells that she puts in her ears, they are exactly like modern-dayearbuds,whichis shockingtome.
Bradbury's writing style" is characterized by vivid imagery and metaphors, as well as a fluid, lyrical prose that often employs repetition and alliteration for emphasis. He also uses a range of literary devices, such as symbolism and allegory, to convey his ideas and themes. In short, his writingisevocativeandthought-provoking,andhisideasaboutcensorship,intellectual freedom, and the power of books are as relevant today as they were when the novel was first published.
When assessing the reading process and pacing, I thinkthatitwasalittlebitfast.Ontop of all of our other work,Ioftenfoundmyselfrushingthroughsomeassignmentsandnotreading as thoroughly as I would’ve liked to. One change I would propose is just givinganextradayor two,orevengivingalittlebitmoretimeinclassdevotedtoreading.
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OpinionPiece:LettertoMrs.QuinntoSkipClass
OriginalDraft:
DearestMrs.Quinn, My son, Patrick Liss, comes home each and every day telling me about the joy that your class brings. However, he has developed a new,unheardofconditioncalled“LangTongue,”wherehe only speaks to us with rhetoric, always trying to convince us to do something that he normally wouldn’t have tried to do or ask for. It is absolutely killing me. So, I willneedtopullhimfrom class today to have him psychoanalyzed by Dr.Brown, so he will stop using metaphors every othersentencewithanoverlyabundantamountofmumblingandwhispers.
Hopefullywecanworkthisout.Thanks,
BrianLiss
FinalDraft:
DearestMrs.Quinn, My son, Patrick Liss, comes home each and everyday telling me and my wife about the excitements of your class. However, he likes your class a littletoomuch;unfortunately,thishas led to a new and unheard of condition called “Lang Tongue.” Having “Lang Tongue” entails rhetorical analysis of every presentable situation and the explanation of ethos,logos,andpathos of every TV commercial, just to name a few problems. Thus, I need to pull him out of class
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today to have him psychoanalyzed by Dr. Brown of Yale University, hopefully to rid hismouth metaphorseveryothersentenceandtheabundanceofmumblingandwhispers. Highlightedtextindicatesintentionalchanges. Hopefullywecanworkthisout.Thanks,
BrianLiss
Reflectiononeditorialchoices:
1. The first thingthatIdidtoturnthefirstdraftintoafinaldraft,wastoclean-upandpolish the writing. In the draft,thesentenceswerechoppyandboring.Sinceitwasadraft,there was no proof-reading or diversity in sentence structure; so, I made sure to read the sentences aloud to hear the flow (and lack of), and made sure to incorporate sentence varietytocontributetoaneasy-flowingparagraph.
2. Another changethatImadewastoaddsomesourceofcredibilitytothefakedoctorthatI will be getting checked out by because credibility can change the tone of the piece. If I had left it as, “seeing Dr Brown,” that is like saying, he’s justanotherdoctor,whocares and what is so special? But, by adding credibility from a prestigious healthcare university, such as Yale,itletsthereaderknow“hey,thisisn’tjustaregularcheckup,this is a serious thing,” adding to the severity of the piece with a serious tone. Already, the piecehadaseriousandconcerningtone,buttheinclusionofcredibilityupstheante.
3. One of the last main editing choices that I made was to use stronger verbs/words to further a point. For example, changing “so” to “thus,” and using other transition words
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like “however” and “unfortunately” help move the piece along, while also being easy to readandtofollow.
As seen here, this is the original draft from my notebook. In the margins, evidence of devicesandreferencestotonearenoted.
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NarrativePiece:Education
OriginalDraft:
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FinalDraft: School is a crucial part of every student's life, but it's important to acknowledge thatthe traditional school systemoftenfailstopreparestudentsfortherealworld.Theschoolcurriculum and teaching methods may be outdated, lacking in relevance, and notalignedwiththeskillsand knowledgerequiredintoday'srapidlychangingsociety.Inthisessay,wewillexplorehowschool doesnotsetstudentsupfortherealworldbyexaminingthefollowingkeyareas:
First, one of the main issues with the school system is the lack of hands-on and real-world experiences. Students spend the majority of their time in a classroom listening to lectures and taking notes, with limited opportunities to apply their knowledge and skills in practical, real-world situations. As a result, students may have a limited understanding of how the subjects they learn in school relate to the world outside the classroom. This can make it difficult for them to see the relevance and importance of what they are learning, leading to boredom and a lack of motivation. Moreover, students miss out on the chance to gain valuable experiences and skills, such as teamwork, communication, leadership, and time management, thatareessentialforsuccessintherealworld.
Second, the school curriculum is often narrowly defined and focuses on rote learning, memorization, and regurgitation of information, rather than fostering critical thinking and problem solving skills. This creates a one-size-fits-all approach to education,wherestudentsare taught the same material in the same way, regardless of their individual strengths, weaknesses,
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and interests. This can result in students feeling disengaged and bored, leading to a lack of motivation andpooracademicperformance.Moreover,thisapproachfailstopreparestudentsfor thecomplex,interdisciplinary,andrapidlychangingworldtheywillfaceaftergraduation.
Third, the use of inflexible and standardized testing is another issue thatsetsstudentsup for failure in the real world. These tests are designed to assess a narrow range of skills and knowledge, andoftenrewardrotelearning,memorization,andspeed,ratherthancriticalthinking and problem solving. This focus on standardized testing also creates ahigh-stakesenvironment, where students and teachers are under intense pressure to perform. As a result, students are taught to memorize information for the sake of passing a test, rather than learning how to think critically and creatively This narrow focus on standardized testing also fails to account for individual differences in learning styles and abilities, leading to a one-size-fits-all approachthat doesnotpreparestudentsforthediversityandcomplexityoftherealworld.
Fourth, the school system often fails to emphasize critical thinking and problem solving skills, which are essential for success in the real world. Critical thinking involves the ability to analyze information, evaluate arguments, and make informed decisions. Problem solving requires the ability to identify and solve complex problems, using a range of strategies and techniques. However, the traditional school curriculum often focuses on rote learning and memorization, neglecting the development of these important skills. As a result, students may struggle to adapt to new and complex challenges in the real world, where they are required to thinkcriticallyandcreativelyinordertosucceed.
Finally, the school system often fails to expose students to diverse perspectives and cultures, limiting their understanding and appreciation of the world around them. Schools are often culturally homogenous, with little exposure to the diverse perspectives, beliefs, and
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lifestyles of people from different cultures and backgrounds. This can lead to a narrow and limited perspective on the world, and a lack of cultural understanding beyond the setting of school.
Overall, there are numerous life-skills and understandings that our current educationhas left gaps in, as well as functional mistakes in believing that school is a one-size-fits-all for all groupsofstudents.
Reflection:
As clearly visible, I made a lot of changes. The first draft was touched on and had been talked about at multiple points throughout the year, all with the same general points and line of reasoning. For the final draft, I chose to select afewofmymainpoints,elaboratingoneachone of them, and tying them together. My goal with this part of the assignment was to make sure I backed up my rationale with multiple sources of irrefutable evidence. I choosetowritethefinal draft in the form of alist,ratherthanonegeneralbloboftext.Indoingso,Iwasabletofocuson what thingatatime,stayingontopic,andwithoutgoingonatangentandincludinganyfluffthat diminishes my work. From the standpoint of the reader, I also believe that it is much easier to follow in an easy-to-read list, rather than a confusing essay I made sure to use an elevated diction to assert a strict and serious tone, as this is a topic that I ampassionateaboutandwould liketoseeachangein.
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