GROWING WITHOUT SCHOOLING 65 In his book Mindstorms; Children, Computers and Potuerji ldeas,
to Seymour Papert writes, "One of the main lessons learned by most people in math class is a sense of having rigid limitations.' Papert would like us instead to have a sense of possibilities, both about mathematics and B about ourselves. He would like us not to fear math, not to see it as alien, I not to see ourselves as incompetent with respect to it or any other area of human activity. One of the striking things - and there are many - about both Mindstorms and the discussion with Seymour Papert in this issue of GWS is that the mathematics Papert loves and invites us to love seems to have nothing to do with the mathematics school teaches us to fear. It's as if Papert - like Aaron Falbel in GWS #63 - is talking about a different animal entirely. We need to ask why this is so. Why is the mathematics that mathematicians do so different from the mathematics that math teachers teach? Why does the history of real historians seem to have nothing to do with the history of school history courses? John Holt wondered, in similar manner, in GWS #64. How come the things we're tattghtseem to bear so litfle relation to what people are actually doing? The answer lies in the framing of that very question, in the divorce of teaching from doing. We think that teaching and doing are different, as we think that learning and doing are different. We think that there are mathematicians and then math teachers, historians and then history teachers. Listening to Se5rmour Papert or John Holt or anyone else who talks about what people are actually doing, one can't help wondering why this information never seems to make it into the schools. Why don't fifth grade math teachers know that mathematicians aren't sitting around reciting multiplication tables? Or if they know, why don't they tell those fifth graders? Perhaps these questions are rhetorical, but they shouldn't be. In the discussion in this issue Papert says that we shouldn't ask how do we cure mathophobia - his word for fear of math and, by extension, fear of learning - but how do we avoid catching it in the first place. One way would be to get to see, early on, in manyways and from many people, what math - or an5rthing else - really is for the people who love it and choose to do it. Papert also says, in these pages, that schooftng is a way of thinking that can be present just as easily in living rooms as in classrooms. Thus, if parents at home believe that you learn only by being taught, a basic premise of contemporary schools, they may be said to be involved in schoolrg just as much as people in school buildings are. The appeal of this distinction seems to be reflected in the choice many parents have made to call themselves home educators rather than homeschoolers sa1nng, through this choice, that they are doing something very different from schooling. Seeing schooling as a way of thinking is useful and important, and helps us say such things as, "I had to unschool myself before I could really trust my child.' But I think that we can also say that certain structures support this way of thinking more than others. That is, school is a better environment for schooling than the home is. The language gets tricky here - what I mean to say is that certain aspects of school, as a structure, a set-up, an institution, are more condusive to schooling as a way of thinking than the home or the community is. The need to manage large numbers of children, for example, lnore easily gives rise to fill-inthe-blank workbooks than does working with a few children at home. Which brings us once again to the idea that home education is ideal for experimenting, for testing new assumptions, for coming, up with ways of thinking that are not schooling. Many people can help us do this, and Seymour Papert is most certainly one of them. Susannah Sheffer
a
Seymour Papert, who talks about computers and changing our attitude toward learning in this issue's Focus.
INSIDE THIS ISSUE: NEWS & REPORTS Asbestos
p.2-4
in home schools,
North Dakota and Pennsvlvania court rulings CFIALLENGES & CONCERNS p. 4-6 Overcoming isolation, large family, allergies, testing conditions
THINKING ABOIJT INDEPENDENCE p.7 WATCHING CHILDREN LEARN
p.8-I2
Early speech, a reason to write, spelling, learning French, pathways into mathematics
and the learning Societv p. 29-30
THE MEANING OF COMMUNITY
p.3r-32 CHILDREN IN THE WORKPI,ACE
p.33-34 THE TOYWEAPON AUESTION p. 34 WORKING IN SCHOOTS p. 35-36
OLDERHOMESCHOOLERS p. 36 SPECIALIST OUESTIONS LD MODEL
p.37 RESOLIRCES & RECOMMENDA-
TIONS p.37 ADDITIONS TO DIRECTORY, PEN-PAIS p.38-39
-
2
OFFICE NEWS & ANNOUNCEMENTS OUR NEW OFFICE We're getting settled here in our new office in Cambridge. Thanks to the wonderful help of many volunteers, who helped us pack up the old office and unpack here, we were able to get back to regular business within a few days of the move. Special thanks go to wendy Baruch for building us new bookshelves. We owe you, our readers and customers, a big thanks as well for your patience during this time, especially during the first couple of days when our new phones were not working. We share this renovated house with four other ollices. Our space has two levels, which gives our youngest colleagues several hundred opportunitles to clirnb the stairs each day. We're enjoying being more accessible to visitors and volunteers, and more welcoming to children, and we look forward to a long life here.
NEW STAFF We say goodbye to Pat Gould, who gave us ayear ofhard work as shipper/receiver, and welcome Ann Barr. who has taken over that job, and Mary Maher, who has
joined our regular staff to help Day Farenga with the new computerized inventory system and other Projects. Ann has for some time done volunteer work for us at home, and readers will recognize Mary Maher as a board member and long-time homeschooling Parent. Between them, Ann and Mary bring us three new young helpers and friends Michelle (13) and Marie (l l) Barr, and Mandy Maher (13). The girls have been a big help to us already, answering phones and doing other jobs with great willingness and competence, including helping out with the younger children, Iauren and Norna. We're delighted to see our ollice becoming more and more of a multi-age working cornmunity.
OUR MAILING LIST POLICY A couple ofreaders have recently complained about receiving unwanted mailings as a result of being listed in our Directory. We want to clear uP any confusion that may exist about which r.railings are from groups to which we have specilically rented our list and which are not. To date, we have rented our mailing list - in some cases, only portions of it - to the following groups: Oak Meadow School, Citizens High School, karning At Home, Revels, Inc, Holistic Institute, and Creative
Iraming Association. Any majlings that you have received from groups other than these were not done in connection with us. As weVe said. we have three kinds of lists available for rental: Our 1988 Directory, John Holt's Book and Music Store customers who have given us oermission to rent their names, and people who have requested information from us during the past year. We do not
make our entire subscriber list available. Before we rent a list to a group, we ask to see the piece of literature that they plan to mail. We have ngt had any reason to refuse a group thus far, butwe would have no qualms about doing so. We have no control, however, over groups or individuals who use the names in our Directory without renting ttrem from us. We certainly didn't establish the GWS Directory so that people could do mailings to homeschoolers; we want it, as you know, to be a way for homeschoolers to find one another. But one of the unavoidable consequences of making your narne and address public - in our Directory, in the telephone book, or anywhere else - is that you may get unwanted mail. We trust that
you will understand this, and simply discard any literature you may receive
that doesn't interest you.
Ifyou
have any questions in the
future about whether or not something you've received is the result ofone ofour rnailing list rentals, please don't hesitate to call or write us and ask.
MAKING US ED BOOKS AVAILABLE For some Lime we've offered used copies of James Herndon's TheWay It Spozed to Be, and we'd like to keep offering it. We need you to help us by looking for used copies and sending them to us. We will pay you $2 in credit per copy, and resell the books for $3. We would like to make two of John
Holt's out-of-print books available in the same way:lVhat Do I Do Mondag, for which we will pay $4, and The Under' achieuing School for which we will pay $2.
NEWS & REPORTS ASBESTOS IN HOME SCHOOLS
Parents teaching children at home
are not required to perform the (often
costly) check on asbestos levels in their homes that schools must perform on their buildings, according to Dan Helsgott of the Office of Compliance Monitoring of the United States Environmental Protection Agency. A few local newsletters have expressed some concern about whether or not homeschoolers were subject to this requirement, so spread the word. The EPA s address is 4Ol M Street SW, Washlngton D.C. 204ffii phone 2O2-382-7425.
COMMON SENSE VS. SCHOOL LEARNING
Ftomthe 6/ 19/88 "Where We Stand
column that ALfurt Shanker, Presidert oJ the Amerban Fed.eration oJ Teachers,
urote JorThe New York Times: Most current school reform is driven by our countrlr's economic concerns. The assumption that almost everyone in our country makes is that, if we're to be economically "competitive," education is a key ingredient... The central idea is that students who succeed in school take their knowledge and skills to their workplaces and effectively apply them. Those who don't learn in school either don't get jobs or botch those they manage to get. But some new research findings raise serious questions about these widely-held assumptions. The basic analysis is presented in'Irarning In School and Out"
by l-auren Resnick of the karning Research and Development Center of the University of Pittsburgh (the article appeared in the December, 1987 issue of the MtrcationoJ. Researcher). ...Resnick argues that school knowledge is very different from what is used on the job. People who used to say that "practi-
aaoooaaoooaoaooooaaoooaaoooaaaoaaooaaaaaoo'o W'E DON'T UIANT TO MISS any local newsletters or mailings. Please make sure to change our address inyour files.
cal smarts" counted more than "school smarts' may not be wrong. Though aII the
evidence isn't in, it's possible, Resnick says, that'common sense outweighs school learning for getung along in the world - that there exists a practical
intelligence, different from school intelligence, that matters more in real life. " According to Resnick, there are four major differences between mental activity in and out of school. First, school Iearning is mostly done on your owrr, whereas most other learning is shared. While there are some group activities in school, "students ultimately are judged on what they can do themselves. Furthermore, a major part of the core activity of schooling is designed as individual work - homework, in-class exercises, and the like. For the most part, a student succeeds or fails at a task independently of what other students do (except for the effects ofgrading on a curvet) In contrast, much activity outside school is socially shared. Work, personal life, and recreation take place within social systems, and each person's ability to function successfully depends on what others do and how several individuals' mental and physical performances mesh." On the job, in the farnily and at play we are expected to ask those close to us to show us, to explain, to help... In school,
asking others for help is called 'cheating.' The second major difference, according to Resnick, is that school learning consists mainly of "pure thought' activities - what individuals can do without the external support ofbooks and notes, calculators, or other complex instruments." But on most jobs and in other situations outside of school, thinking is done with the use of such 'tools.' Many more people get the job done with tools than without. The problem is that schools continue to downgrade the very skills and approaches to learning that are most valuable on the work site. The third difference, Resnick points out, is that school knowledge consists of manipulating abstract symbols, but thinking outside of school is always in a
GROWING WITHOUT SCHOOLING #65
speciffc context. We all know of people who didn't do well at math in school but succeed in the world of banking or investment, or are whizzes in batting averages or in figuring out the complicated match-ups in basketball and football championship playoffs. Finally, school learning is generalized, but the knowledge needed outside is specific to given situations. Resnick points to specific dillerences between school knowledge and the skills leamed on the iob in a number of fields. For example, sh6 cites a study that "demonstrated that expert radiologists interpret X-rays using mental processes dillerent from those taught in medical courses, textbooks, and even hospital teaching rounds." There's mounting evidence, she concludes, that "points to the possibilit5r that very little can be transported directly from school to out-of-school use." [SS:l One of t]re main reasons we reprint this sort of report is so that readers will be able to use it to explain and support their homeschooling choices or approach, to a school official or anyone else. We'd be interested to hear about the response you get ifyou do put this to such a use.
of what their colleagues are doing and
Susan Richman of PENNSYLVANIA
need to report inappropriate discipline,
HOMESCHOOLERS. The HOME SCHOOL LEGAL DEFENSE ASSOCTATION had initated the suit after the families involved had been denied
said Anita 'Ijarks, principal of Century Elementary School in Aurora. 'I hope most teachers we work with wouldn't *They're consider it 'ratting,'" she said. doing it because they care."...
RULINGS IN NORTH DAKOTA Several court cases have been pending
in North Dakota, a state which currently
requircs homeschooling parents to be certified teachers. Here is a summar5r of the North Dakota Supreme Court's four recent decisions, according to the Summer 1988 issue of the HOME SCHOOL LEGAL
DEFENSE ASSOCIATION newsletter: The Court ruled rrJauor of the Lund and Reimche families on June 22, on the basis of a technicality - that the State had failed to prove that the families lived in the school district in question. Often when a court can rule on this kind of technicality it does so rather than discussing the
larger constitutional issues raised. HSLDA writes, 'Although the Lunds and the Reimches are therefore absolved of their tnrancy conrrictions, the decision sets no important constitutional prece-
dent for other homeschooling flamilics in
PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE Marilgn Bolven (IA) sert us this 8/8/88 Rock5r Mountain
afiicle Jrom the
Ncws:
Teachers who rule their classrooms through fear and intimidation commit the kind of psychological abuse of children that one day will be punished by the courts, a child abuse expertwarned educators last week. Existing laws on psychological child abuse are vague but will be sharpened, and cducators will be required to report cases ofpsychological abusejust as they now must report evidence ofphysical abuse and neglect, predicted Maqr Krugman, a consultant who works with the Kempe National Center for Prevention and Treatment of Child Abuse and other organiza-
tions. ...Krugman defines'psychological maltreatment" as acts of rejecting, tcrrorizing, isolating and exploiting children. Such mistreatment can lead to sleeping and eating disorders, anti-social behavior, hypochondria, depression, underachievement. slowed emotional and intellectual development and even suicide, experts say.
Bccause teachers are in such close contact with children, they can spot symptoms that may result from stress at home. But some teachers may actually be causing such problems because they mete
out inappropriate discipline in their
classrooms, Krugman said. She cited one instance - reported in Colorado - in which a third-grade teacher with a reputation for angry outbursts gathercd his class around a boy who had wet his pants and had them watch while thc boy wiped up the urine. ...Experts have a name for problems brought on by a frightening teacher: Educator-Induced -Post-Traumatic -StressDisorder. Teachers need to be more aware GROWING WITHOUT SCHOOLING #65
the state.' The Court ruled agaurst the Anderson family on June 28, saying that the teacher certification requirement did not infringe upon the family's First Amendmcnt rights, and was a "constitutionally sound means of regulating the adequacy of education.' HSLDA sees the one dissenting opinion, written by Justice Meschke, as 'the one positive dcvelopment." Justice Meschke wrote in his opinion that the state had not proved that the certification requirement was the least restrictive means for achieving its interest in education.
On July 19 the Court upheld the Dagley family's truancy conviction for the sarne reasons presented in the Anderson decision. Finally, on July 2l the Court sent the Melin family case back to the lower court for a re-trial because of the following dispute: HSLDA, defending the family, argued that the lower court judge
had found the family not guilty, so that "under the principal of double jeopardy, the State could not appeal their acquittals and reprosecute them for the same offenses. The State argued, however, that the charges against the Melins had simply been dismissed, and that no ruling on any lactual matters had occurred." The Court ruled in favor of the State, so the State can now bring charges against the Melin
family
again.
HSLDA plans to bring appeals of the Anderson Dogby, and Melin cases to tJle
U.S. Supreme Court.
COURT VICTORY IN PENNSYLVANIA District Court Judge Kosik ruled in favor of the homeschooling families in Jofut Jeffreg, et. aI. us. Tl:r.mas O'DorutelL
eL al. and will recommend that the present home instruction law in Pcnnsylvania
be dcclared unconstitutional, according to
permission to homeschool when they disagreed with their superintendents ovcr such issues as testing and teacher qualifications. In his decision, Judge Kosik wrote, "The ultimate conclusion one must reach conceming tutorial educalion in Pennsylvania is that, absent definition in the statute itself and failing support from regulations promulgated by the Dcpartment of Education, the law providing for such education is unconstitutionally vague... A person of ordinary intelligencc cannot reasonably steer between the lawful and the unlawful to avoid criminzrl orosecution... There exist no standerds for determining who is a qualiffed tutor or what is a satislactory curriculum in zrny
district."
Homeschoolers have complajncd for a long time that the present iaw allows for great inconsistency in district policy - one district may be cooperative and anothcr unwelcoming, The recent ruling addresses this issue, saying, "Superintendents of school districts, while exercising a
legitimate and constitutional function of
managing their districts according to thc unique character of cach district, ncvcrtheless make their dccisions on an ad hoc basis, which can result in the dangers of arbitrary and discriminatory application. " Judge Kosik will dcclare the prescnt law unconstitutional by Deccmber 3lst. Homeschoolers are hoping that this will give the legislature incentive to pass new
legislation this session.
OTHER LOCAL NEWS For addresses oJ state and Leal organizatiors, see GWS #6O or our Homeschoolfrq Resource List" auailable Jor $2. Colorado: The Colorado Department of Education will no longer mcet with the Colorado Homeschooling Advisory Commiteee, according to the Tighe Yovanoff in the JuneJuly issue of the COLORADO HOME EDUCATORS' ASSOCI-ATION newsletter. The two groups
had been in communication for thrcc years, but Outgoing Assistant Commissioner of Education Roy Brubacher s:rid that bccause the new law [sce GWS #63) defines home education as non-public school, the Department of Education nlay no longer be involved in regulating it. Tighe Yovanoff continues: 'Eileen
Waldow, chair of CHSAC, said CDE's withdrawal would be quite acceptable if CDE were truly out of thc home educartion GROWING WITFIOUT SCIIOoLING #65, Vol. t i No. 5. ISSN #0745-5305. Published bi-monthly by llolt Associates, 2269 Massachusetts Ave, Cambridge MA 02l40. $2O/yr. Date of Issue, Octobcr I , 1 988. Second-class postage paid at Boston MA. POSTMASTER: Send address chmges to GWS, 2269 Massachusetts Ave,
Cmbridge MA 02l4O. ADVERTISERS: Dcadlines are the lSth of oddnumbered months. Contact Patrick Ftrcn(a for rates.
4 picture. 'But they are lrrvolved,' she sald. They choose the test we have to use, they step in if the score falls below a certain point, and there ls the whole issue of entr5r [of previously home educated studentsl
into the publlc system." K+ngas: TWenty-six homeschoolers met on July 23 to discuss plans for the
coming leg[slatlve sesslon, according to the August newsletter of KANSANS FOR ALTERNATIVE EDUCATION. The group agreed to prepare a rough draft ofa bill, modeled after Missouri's law, which will probably have been made linal by the time this issue of GWS is in readers'hands, The group also agreed to walt before deciding whether or not to tnitiate this legislation, as the state legfslature may change
considerably after the November elecfion. New Yort: In GWS #64 we described the Board ofRegents' new regllations for homeschoolers, under which standardized testing was required wery other year after fourth grade, and each year in grades nine and ten. Seth Rockmuller of the HOME SCHOOLERS' EXCHANGE now writes that since the Regents adopted the regulations in June, a small group of homeschoolers have been worhdng to lnclude an alternative to tesung. On July 28, the homeschoolers met with the Elementary, Secondary and Continuing Education Committee of the Board ofRegents and convinced a maJority of the members to add the new provision, 'Nothlng tn this subdivision [of the regulationsl shall preclude the use of other annual assessment altemadves agreed upon by the parents and superintendent." Seth writes, "Only after a lively discussion between members of the commitee and Departrnent of Education stalf was it agreed to submit the new language for public comment and action in September, rather than to adopt it immediately. A majority of the committee members clearly favored the new language and the flexibility it would provide... The encouraging thing is that it does appear that homeschoolers can allect the [Regents'decisionmakingl process if they put their minds to it. The homeschoolers who kept the testing issue alive deserve a lot of credit and our appreciation."
SUPPORT GROUP IDEAS From Vicki Scott oJ Georgia: I was a support gtroup leader when we lived in Texas. Some ldeas from our group: Every other month we had new homeschoolers come to a very casual 'coffee' at someone's home. We'd each sav whatever we liked about our lidds or schools or home education and then the newcomers could ask their questlons, Our group itself was too large to have reeplar meetings but we saw a real desire to meet regularly for the newpeople, who seemed to have the same questions. These coffees kept rne offthe phone and able to help people more
efficiently. In the month when we weren't having colfees, we d have a workshop on math or
writing or science or educational philoso-
phies. Everyone was welcome to bring ideas and materials. We hoped that people would leave rvith a fresh outlook in these areas.
CHALLENGES & CONCERNS OVERCOMING ISOLATION F\om Katlieen Loscrcco oJ New Mexico: We are a vegetarian, pacifist, nonchurchgoing, homeschooling family in a
rural ranching communit5r. Amazingly,
we are overcoming isoladon. My first ally was a teacher. Even though everyone knows we homeschool, we are known by members of the school stalf to be serious about education, because we made it a point to meet and tdk with teachers and administrators whenever the chance arose.
The teachers now almost consider us colleagues, not criminals or crazies. We attend about three evening programs a year at the school (art shows, Christmas programs, book fairs, etc.) as a show of token integration. As a result of our efforts, the school librarian's grandson, who used to harrass mv oldest son
unmercifully, is now his friend and says he wishes he could homeschool. So our efforts with teachers and other adults in the communit5r have filtered down to people's kids, breaking down many barriers. It also helps if the family as a whole is involved in communitv alfairs (Neigfrborhood Watch, Chambei of Commerce, any senrices for the disabled or poor, etc.) to dispel myths of being anUsocial or derriant. Be supportive of kids and parents who are public-schooling. I've taught my kids to be proud of their differences (there are manyl) but not arrogant or judgmental. Not everyone supports them or us, but they have digntgr and self-esteem to fall back on. We feel it is best not to hide our homeschooling, even from disapproving people, because it teaches us shame about who we are. Nor do we shout it from the
same day, so their relationship has been a special one for all ofus. The biggest
difference between them now is that my son has never becn to school and hers is walking around with one of those awful LD labels - "attentlon deficit disorder." Ever since he was diagnosed two years ago I have struggled with my feetngs of wanting to help. I have wanted to give her books and information but I have stopped myself, somehow knowing that her reaction would be similar to Maggi's friends'. I have let her know that I have read things that olfer a dillerent view of learning disabilities, but that is it. I guess I have felt that for her to see it for herself would be the only way for her to have any real trust in those ideas. I do think she would come to me if she got to the point where she could no longer buy into the school's way of thinking, but until then, even though my heart aches for this child who I think would benefit so much if he were just removed from the institutional
environment, I can do nothing more. I am reminded of sometJring John Holt wrote that impressed me so much I wrote it down in one of my journals. It goes something like this: "One of the saddest things I've learned in my life... is that people in chains don't want to get them off, they want to get them on everyone else. 'Where â‚Źrre your chains?' they want to know. 'How come you're not wearing chains? Do you think you're too good to wear them? What makes you think you're so special?''
LONELY IN SCHOOL I4nne Knotules (CA) wriles:
I also have told the kids that from my experlence, one's longest-term friends in life are more often family than schoolrnates, so they shouldn't overlook the cultivation of some important sibling relationships in their own backyard. Erin (lO) has picked up a few mainstream ideas from his playmates, but it is inevitable. I made the mistake of trying to wait for the Perfect Playmate, who existed only in my head. Having kids around who are into guns, candy, etc. has given him a chance to define himself and his values, which are quite strong after ten years as a homeschooler. And I leamed to love and respect his playmates even if they weren't my tdeal - and Erin ls happier for it. The onslaught against our family's values is still minimal compared to the onslaught that school would provide.
What Susannah said about those who are the most resistant to the idea of homeschooling often being those who had bad school experiences ["When Friends Disagree,' GWS #641 certainly is true of some of my family. My sister was always very argumentative with me about homeschooling, pointing out the need for socialization and asking the children, 'Wouldn't you like to be in school?" (And this when the oldest was only 6 or 7l) She herself had a rough time in school. She didn't Iinish high school. She complained a great deal about it, and her high school was a dangerous place to be as well, with stabbings going on, etc. She did make friends in school, though. In my case, I also hated school as I was always being teased by the other children because I was a chubby child. I made few friends, and high school was pure torhrre for me socially. I always knew I would ty homeschooling, long before I had children. That may have been sparked
FRIEND DISAGREES
by my ttrtoring of urban Indian children ln college. I just felt they didn't belong in the school environment. They fell through
rooftop, however.
Patti Blystone oJ Washington writes:
In response to Maggi Elliot ["When Friends Disagree," GWS #641: I have had a similar experience with a friend. Her 8year-old son and mlne were bom on the
the cracks; they needed to be learning about their own cultures. They obviously needed an alternative learning environment as they didn't Iit the mold you arc supposed to lit into in school. These were
children from economically poor, relocated Indian families and some spoke GROWINC WTTHOUT SCHOOLING #65
little English.
Most people promote school as a necessaq/ social experience, but many children fe,el left out there, as I did, for one reason or another. Many children in school have few good friends and are lonely in the midst of all those children, eaUng lunch alone on the bench; to me a much sadder situation than bein( an isolated homeschooler.
eating habits after we witnessed how wild Joshua's behavior was after eating or
drinking something with sugar in it.
We decided to homeschool because of Josh. We had spent hundreds ofhours trying to see his good side, to eliminate his poor behavior, without crushing his spirit. We knew no schooltcacher could ever take the time to know him beneath his difficult exterior.
Trudi, I do want to encourage you. It
gets better. We have begun to see
UNSUCCESSFUL GROUP A reader wrttes: I was very interested in Jo Hinsdale's lctter on the homeschoolers' co-op in GWS #62. LastJanuary our local support group begzrn a homeschool enrichment prograrn held every Friday morning from 9:3O to I I in local churches. Children could meet informally for arts and crafts, cooking, and playtime in a grm, with parents rotating as teachers. This seemed to work well, though there were problems with finding a regular meeting place and
thatJosh
is an exceptional child. He is growing into a loving, responsible young man, full of curiosity and interests. He really took off in his schooling this past year and I'm glad we're homeschooling him (although,
is what we homeschoolers want to get
to be honest, there have been times I've considered putting him in school to provide me with a break). He is gencrally patient with his brother (Caleb, 7) and sister (Naomi, 3) and generous with all. Caleb is much more cauUous than his brother so they tend to balance each other out in adventures they undertake. Two things have really helped me through these years. First, the belief that Josh was truly a gift thzrt God gave to us, and second, my husband's support. Wc havc proved a modcrating influence on cach other. Usually, one is calm while the othcr is going cra4z with frustration. There is a down side to all this. and that is that it makes it easy to shortchange our times with the other children, especially Caleb. We are striwing for a bcttcr balance as Caleb is a unioue individual in his own risht and we'd like to know him better.
away from. However, several parents rcsponded to this by saying that children need to experience learning in a schooltype situation. If so, why are they home-
THE EFFECTS OF ALLERGIES
keeping costs down. Then, in a short period of time, the meetings changed from informal gettogethers to specific 'school" times with the children divided into groups by their ages, being taught subjects of the adults' choosing, and even rym time became a formal group game time and not just friendly play in which the children could ioin. This bothered me because I feel that
ihis artllicial grouping and time-planning
schooling? After only a few weeks, my son and I lcft the group, along with another family. The group still exists, so it must bc meeting some people's needs. We all want what is best for our children, but are going about it in different ways. I am considering beginning our own co-op aftcr reading about the success ofJo's group.
VALUING A ''DIFFICULT CHILD''
Katlleen Neetz NW writes in respotTse to Trudi Hopkrrs's "DifJicult child," GWS #63: We too have a'diflicult" child. Each day is an adventure with Joshua (almost l0) but each yeâ‚Źrr we can look back and see
improvements
in our relationship with
him. Joshua's birth was the start. It was a long labor followed by a Cesarean. After two subsequent homebirths and much birth counseling to others, I can testiS that the birth experience can color one's early attitude toward a child. Then, we all went through eighteen months of 'the
terrible twos." I've honestly tried to think of them as "terrific" but even the fading memory of that time shouts that they were tough. We persevered in getting to know Joshua. He seems to need fairly strong absolutes that he can function between or he feels insecure. WeVe also chan[cd our
GROWINC WTTHOUT SCHOOLING #65
Betsg Brucker-Skelton writes: I read the story about the difficult child. and the intcrvicw with Gerald Coles about leaming disabiliUes in GWS #63. From where I'm coming from, these problems are related and often go hand in hand with some sort of allergy, cither to food, chemicals or the cnvironment. Not all allcrgies are manifcsted in the nose, skin and lungs. Many rescarchers are finding that cerebral allergies are just as dcvastating. Doris Rapp, M.D. has wdtten two cxccllent books, ?he lmpossible Child and Allergies and The tlgperactit:e Child, which go into detail about how to dctect and treat this physical problcm. Dr. Rapp has documented bcfore and after handwriting of children, and made videos of their behavior aftcr conducting an allerry test. One child, for example, was given an extract of his school's air. FIe withdrew, began throwing toys, got a headache, red ears, and an earache. FIis handwriting changed dramatically. I fully intend on homeschooling my three year old for all the reasons you state plus the fact that many schools have pesticides, perfumes, coal heat and ot-her toxic chemicals that could create an environmental allergr with cerebral
manifestations. I know two families that this has happened to, who were forccd to homeschool. One child who startcd kindergarten suddenly got seizures, which several neurologists could not expl:rin and
which did not respond to drugs. TVro years later, a clinical ecologist found three times the normal amount of chloradene (school pesticide) in the girl's blood. When she was removed from the school, her seizures gradually subsided I
HOW LARGE FAMILY MANAGES
Trudi Hopkhs (AZ turi.tes in response
Claussen who asked rn GWS #63 lwtu others u-tith Large Jantilies manage the demands on their tilne: to Luonn
I have four children - the oldest is aimost lO. I don't go places very often either, but once a week, we rent a kids' video and my husband and I go out, aftcr dinner, to a coffee shop down the street, to talk undisturbed. Philip, the oldest, is in charge and gets paid for it. It's only for a short time, but it's been a godsend for Ben and me. I'm discovering my husband againt For the past several years I've devoted my life almost completely to the kids, but now I've felt very strongly thc need to develop other interests. Ifyou haven't had the opportunity yet, it would be well worth your effort to find a way. I'm very disciplined about Lime. I gct up around 5 AM so that I have two hours to myself (this means I have to try to get to bed by 9:3O). In the past year I've laken
piano lessons, and Ive found that I can take an hour or an hour and a half to Dractice without too much harm to the Lousehold order. I'm fortunate in that the instructor comes to our house. TWo aftcrnoons a weck, I enlist the
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kids to help me with housework. On Thursday afternoons, if it's not too hol we go to the park, or visit a friend. There aren't too marry neighborhood playmates, so on weekends Philip has a friend the night, or he goes to his house. He really needs that contact. Occasionally my kids play well together, and it makes me Gel so good, but more often than not they're
fighting. Mondays my husband is off from work, and we try to do somethlng as a family. Sunday is devoted to church
activities. I lind that shopping uses a great deal of time. I allow myself one outing to the grocery store a week, so I plan carefully. I use mail-order catalogs a lot. I never take four kids to a store together. It's a treat for them to go with us one at a time. My husband enjoys shopping, so I gladly let him do it, and he likes to take one or two of the children. I have some deflntte, unresolved problems. I don't feel like I spend enough time with each child individually. I can get involved in my own projects to the exclusion of the kids. We haven't been involved in a lot of outside acdvities - we often don't have the monev for classes, camps or shows.
TESTING CONDITIONS
condidons include hours when the teachers know students are most alert and yet most able to remain composed and quiet, when the classroom is cool and comfortable, when testing time blocks and breaks can be flexibly arranged, when any
potentially dismptive students can be removed from the reâ‚Źtrrlar classroom, and when no outside intern-rptions will occur. In many elementary schools, teacher's aides, oflice workers, or parent volunteers are on hand in each classroom to provide assistancewith pencils and test papers, questions, unexpected disruptions, opening a window, offering whispered reassurances to nervous or weary students, and so on. Special-needs students
are given their tests in individual or small-group situations away from regular classrooms, and by farniliar adults. Any child who takes an achievement test, including a homeschooled child, has a right to such considerations in a testtaking situation. And so does any teacherl One key reason the test conditions are so important to public school personnel is that they want the test results to rellect well on t]le teachers and administrators. Discussions well beforehand with the principal or person in charge of scheduling achievement tests could result in better testing situations for homeschooled kids. Even sending a representative parent to the test site for an inspection is wise
Borg Hendrbkson oJ ldalo writes: Sandy Masden's "Bad Testing Condi-
tions" (GWS #&l) makes me realize that homeschoolers could benelit from inside knowledge of public schools and how they work. As a former public school teacher and teacher trainer, now turned homeschool advocate, perhaps I can help. Sandy said she understood that public school children take at least one week to
complete achievement tests with one subtest given each morning and each afternoon. This is generally true, although primary grade classes might complete all subtests in the morning - perhaps two subtests per day for three days. Tlpically, a public school achievement testing period covers two weeks, with the second week reserved for makeup tests. Teachers are free to schedule their individual class subtests as they see lit and are encouragd to schedule them ulpn testw conditions are opttmal Jor gd shtdent perJormance. Almost universally those
and also telling the principal the best time of day for the homeschooled children. Requesting the same optimal test conditions that t}le teachers in the local public school maintain is certainlv reasonable.
KEEPING THINGS FAIR Phyllis Graudszus oJ Callfornia urrites.'
For a long time I put up with daily squabbling between my two boys, aged 6 and 8, over such things as who got to sit in the favored seat at the table, who got to sit in my lap for stories, who got to choose the first story, who got the bigger of the two apples, etc. We tried having them take turns, but it was often dilficult to remember who had done what the last time. So we did a lot of coin ftpping, but that often resulted in tears, since for some reason my younger son hardly ever wins at coin flipping. I even tried teaching them the value of unsellishness and that thev
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should let the other be lirst or have the best once in a while, but that only worked occasionally. Then one day I finally had an idea that was so simple I wondered why I hadn't thought of it a long time ago. It has worked beautifully and has completely ended all of the squabbling. One of the boys gets to be what we call "child of the day" or "special chlld.' He gets to do all of the first, best or favored things that day. The next day the other one gets to. They simply take turns being "child of the day." To make it as fair as possible with
things that only come up occasionally, like sitting next to the window in the truck (we only go to town about once a week, and it just might happen to fall on the same child's special day for weeks in a row), we divide the fun up. 'Special child" gets to sit there for half the trip (whichever half he chooses), and the other child for the other
half.
OK TO PRAISE An Arkansas reader pntes.' Regarding Wanda Rezac's comments
in cWS #56 ['The Ellect of Rewards"]: It
seems that she came to the conclusion that
not 'doing anything to motivate' her
child's interest in drawing one way or the other is the reason her child "draws until it's coming out of her ears." She says she praised her older children's drawings and hung them up, but that they then lost their interest in or skill at drawing. We praise our 7-year-old daughter's drawings, display them, save them and run olf copies of them, and she also draws until it's coming out of her ears. We praise her endless ideas and attention to detail more than her artistic ability (she draws just like most any other 7 year old). Because ofher numerous ideas and the detail in her drawing, I feel she could some day develop a special skill in drawing. Our three older children (ages 14, 12 and lO) still do some drawing occasionally, but there is no strong interest there. We likewise have shown appreciation for their efforts. Mavbe Wanda s older children's interests just happened to change. I don't believe they lost interest in drawing just because she praised and displayed their work. I think her 7 year old would probably still draw continually even if Wanda praised the work occasionally or displayed a drawing now and then. I'm not one to go overboard with praise, but a smile and/or a hug with a
if or 'That's great'gives encouragement to her. It hasn't turned her off drawing yet. 'Thank you' and "I like
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I spoke with a teacher-acquaintance last year about my homeschooling intentions. During the course of our conversation, she pointed out that ifa
child fails at homeschooling, it's the parent's fault. I countered with the notion that therefore it would be the teacher's fault if the child fails at school. No, she said in all seriousness. thatwould be the child's faultl
GROWING WITHOUT SCHOOLING #65
THINKING ABOUT INDEPENDENCE LET KIDS CHOOS E Ktn Kopel (MO) writes: I thought a good deal about Jill Bastian's letter, "Do We Step In?" in GWS #63. She said, 'Unlike many other homeschoolers, Heather is interested in clothes, make-up, hairdos, romance books, rock music, and boys: typical pre-teen girl." Why would being a homeschooler make anyone not like those things, or like them? I've never been to school in my life and I like clothes and hairdos, although
I'm not much into make-up. I like good books (which doesn't mean they have or don't have romance in them), I like good rock music, anC I like boys (generally I like all people who are decent and nice, but as you get older, you begin thinking about guys differently. I'm not dying to rush off and get a boyfriend or date, but I do think about it sometimes, as something to look forward to when I feel I'm ready to become involved in that type of relationship.) It seems to me that Jill is somewhat upset because Heather doesn't fit into the
piop.. homeschooler
stereotSzpe. She seems to feel that her daughter ought to be
doing more academic things - things that she, not her daughter, thinks are important. I don't think I'd be happy doing nothing but thinking, reading, etc. about those things Jill calls 'typical pre-teen girl' interests. But I guess my pride was somewhat injurcd by Jill's letter. She made it out that the things her daughter was interested in were worthless and wasteful. I will admit, there are bad books, bad songs, bad clothes, make-up and hairdos, and lots ofbad boysl But I should hope that a person is capable ofdiscerning the good from the bad, and choosing
appropriately. I certainly can, and do. I guess that parents sometimes don't know what to believe. They don't really listen to the music their kids play, so how can they tell if it's OK? They just hear that rock is disgusting music. Some is, some isn't, which is the case with most things. But there comes a point where you can't make choices for your kids anymorc. You havc to let them make the choices. Flowever, this doesn't mean you take back your support, advice, and thoughtsl Up to a certain point, kids need the support of their parents, and their input, but the frecdom to decide for themselves. I guess parents want to protect their kids from harm, but if you always have someone to think for you, you don't learn to use your brain. And if you don't make mistakes and learn from them when you're young, you'll make bigger and more painful ones later on.
BRANCHING OUT KatLerine McAlpine (?A? untes: This summer Nathanicl (lO) has spent almost every spare moment at the high school athletic field. which when school isn't in session is a popular gathering spot for joggers, golfers, tennis and volleyball players, frisbee throwers, and kite fliers. GROWING WITHOUT SCHOOLING #65
The field is very much a neighborhood hangout and only a block from our house, so I don't worq' (too much) when Nathaniel disappears for hours at a time. Of course we've discussed in some detail what
isn't appropriate adult behavior and what he should do ifhe should ever encounter
that. More and more I'm aware that home is no longer enough, my interpretation of the world is no longer enough for him. He needs to move out into the wider world, meet people who aren't me or connected to me, have his own experiences, and draw his own conclusions. Yet he still wants to know that I'm here for him to check in with. As eagerly as he bikes off toward the Iield wery day, he bursts back through the door just as eagerly, usually hungry, beaming, and talking a mile a minute. Then I have to drop everything and hear all about his newest adventures, the people he's met, and word-for-word replays of every single conversation. He's noticcd that adults have two invariable questions: how old are you, and where do you go to school (in fairness, this seems to be a response to the fact that he's so confident
and articulate for someone his size). He's also noticed that some adults think it's fun to tease kids by putdng them on - i.e. seeing if they'll believe some improbable story - and though thc whys of this continue to puzzle him, he's become much sanvier about recognizing tall tales. He says his favorite people tend to be those in their late teens and earlv twenties because they treat him like an eqrr"l and don't talk down to him the way older grownups often
This has been a growth period for me because Nathaniel is redelining our relationship. IVe had to reassess my parental role and let go of some of the old protective impulses. It hasn't always been easy for either of us. For all my delight in his increasing independence, there's still this Iierce, almost primal urge to stand between him and the world and shield him from every possible danger or disappointment. He, too, seems pulled by contradictory forces these days, sometimes rebelling against all restriction, at other times wanting the reassurance of limits. There are days when he seems to question cvery utterance I make; if I'm not careful, I can get drawn into a half-hour debate on whether or not it looks like rain. So we're at a rattrer delicate balance right now. It helps to remind myself that challcnging me is a natural, normal, healthy thing for him to do, part of his process of detcrmining who he is and what he believes. In the meantime I look for wavs he can spend mcaningful time with the young adults he enjoys so much. This is a challcnge, in that our income limits us to activities that are eitleer cheao or free. But this surruncr we found a wondcrful serics o[ naturc programs sponsored by our local state park. Wildlife is one of Nathaniel's passions. The instructors are all young and enthusiastic, and I made a point of dropping him off and picking him up, though this was often more inconvenient for me. We both sensed that it was imDor-
do.
tant for him to cstablish his own relitionships without good old Mom hovering in the background. Now he's hoping to sign on as a nature volunteer.
Recently he went into the used golf ball business, and it was interesting to watch the vcry serious and businesslike way he went about it. At first it was fun
FROM ''HIGH-NEED'' TO INDEPENDENT
just to collect stray balls, but
he soon
acquired more than he could possibly usc. Then (since money is never far from his mind) he began wondering if he could sell them. I had no idca what sort of market might exist for used golf balls, so he spcnt the next week conducting a survey of golfers, asking how much they'd be willing to pay, and rccording their answers in a little notebook. Thc most popular answer, as well as the average, was 5Oo. Nathaniel spent the next two days working out different sales pitches and practicing them on me. It was hard somctimes to kceo a strajght face, but I didn't want to spoil things icr him by showing amusemcnt. His first day in business hc made $2.5O, added three balls to his inventory, and was ecstatic. Othcr days wcren't so good, and he began planning his sales outing more carefully. Once he faced a tough business decision whcn a man said his price was too high but offered him 25c instead. Nathanicl didn't know about the art of h'ggling and was taken aback. I-le told me later that he'd acceptcd the man's offer but decidcd he wouldn't do that aeain becausc it wouldn't be fair to thc people who'd paid 5Oc. Now he's considering
branching out, having noticed that while only a fcw of the pcople at thc field play Bolf, everybody gets hot and sweaty. So we may soon see Nathaniel's Uscd Golf Ilall and Sugar-Free l,cmonade Conglomerate.
Karen Mende-Fhdkis (NJ) writes: Kate was a high-need baby. I czrrricd her a lot and she nursed frequently. Today, at 2 | /2, she still doesn't slccp through the night, and likes to nurse to fall asleep and for comfort. She was always at our side and has just this past month begun to venture forth in indcpcndent acti's'ities. What a change it's beenl She knows how to operate the stereo and turns on Peter ond the Wo(f whenever she wants (usually three to four times a day). She now plays with other childrcn without mc, and initiates conversations with adults (strangers and friends alike).
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