Don't Mess with T.E.K.S.A.S.

DON'T MESS WITH T.E.K.S.A.S.

Written by Pat Turman

© 2012, all rights reserved

The screen is white. It may take us a few seconds but we finally notice a blinking cursor in the middle of the screen.

MR. C (VOICE OVER white screen)

Call me Mr. C. My students do. Ever since I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a teacher. After what happened the other day, though, I might have to rethink it.

We hear the sounds of a COMPUTER KEYBOARD as the following words are being typed onto the white screen:

THE OTHER DAY

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY

Mr. C, staring straight up into camera, is lying in a hospital bed. Hooked up to a jumble of medical gadgets, tubes, and cables; only his black and blue face is exposed in his cast that otherwise encapsulates his whole body.

Soft at first, he hears a RUMBLE in the distance. Slowly getting louder, he hears FOOTSTEPS and VOICES SHOUTING.

As the STORM approaches, he wonders what the noise could be but he can’t turn his head to look as the camera stays on Mr. C. Finally, the NOISE enters his room.

FEMALE REPORTER

(O.S.)

Here he is! Mr. Collins, Jan Moreno, WKOR News. Can you tell us how long you’ve been a teacher at Rolling Hills Elementary?

INSERT...

...of Mr. C’s hand resting on the hospital bed next to his leg. He gropes around for his button for more drugs. He finally finds it. He pushes it. Several times.

MALE REPORTER

(O.S.)

Have the police told you what you’ve been charged with?

CUT BACK TO:

Mr. C. He closes his eyes.

MALE REPORTER #2 (O.S.)

Can you tell us who did this to you?

FEMALE REPORTER #2 (O.S.)

What’s Principal Reeves’ role in all this?

MALE REPORTER #3 (O.S.)

Did you know the school board is meeting right now to discuss your possible termination?

FADE TO BLACK...

...as Mr. C floats back down into unconsciousness.

FADE IN:

INT. MR. C’S HOSPITAL ROOMDAY

Two men in their 30’s--sporting buzz cuts and smartly dressed with sunglasses, conservative jackets, and ties--are hovering over Mr. C’s bed looking down at him.

They are DETECTIVES JOHN MCCALIBER and ARMANDO FUEGO.

Even dressed in a suit, it’s obvious they’re in excellent shape. It’s also obvious they’ve seen too many Clint Eastwood movies.

A doctor, middle-aged and pudgy, comes into the room.

DOCTOR

I’m sorry, gentlemen. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.

Detective McCaliber shows the doctor a badge.

DOCTOR

I’m sorry, gentlemen. I’m going to have to insist.

The two detectives exchange glances.

DETECTIVE MCCALIBER

I’m sorry, doctor, but we’re gonna have to insist.

This is a police investigation, and you’re not gumming up the works.

(condescending) Is that clear? Doctor?

DETECTIVE FUEGO

(equally condescending)

Maybe the good doctor would like to take a ride with us downtown.......

answer some questions.

DOCTOR

What is this, a joke? Look, as long as he’s a patient in this hospital than what I say goes! Now please leave or I’m calling your superiors.

Look, Doc, all we wanna do is ask him a question or two.

DOCTOR

Officers, he couldn’t talk if he wanted to. He’s heavily sedated.

FUEGO

Two minutes. That’s all we’re asking. The doctor purses his lips.

DOCTOR

Two minutes.

McCaliber leans over the bed above Mr. C.

MCCALIBER

Mr. Collins, can you hear me?

Mr. C doesn’t reply.

MCCALIBER (louder)

Mr. Collins, can you hear me? We’d like to ask you a few questions.

Mr. C MOANS.

MCCALIBER

Mr. Collins, I’m Detective McCaliber.

This is Detective Fuego. Nod yes if you understand me.

Mr. C doesn’t nod. Instead he MOANS again.

DOCTOR

You see? I’m afraid you’ll have to wait.

MCCALIBER (harsh) We’ll be back.

He indicates to Fuego and they both abruptly leave the room. The doctor watches them leave, shaking his head.

MR. C (V.O.) Actually, I can talk. But we don’t need them do we? I mean, c’mon. They’re two walking movie cliches.

Okay, where was I?

Oh yeah, ever since I can remember, I always wanted to be a teacher.

CHEESY, BLURRY, CLICHED DISSOLVE TO:

MR. C (V.O.) Wait. Hold on.

The DISSOLVE stops.

MR. C (V.O.)

Before we continue, lemme tell you a little bit about where I teach. I moved to Texas five years ago when I accepted my one and only teaching position right out of college.

STOCK FOOTAGE. . .

...of cowboys driving a herd.

MR. C (V.O.)

Here’s probably what you already know about Texas. There’s lots of cowboys. No. Not this kind. Not anymore. CUT TO:

STOCK FOOTAGE. . .

...of the DALLAS COWBOYS

MR. C (V.O.) This kind.

INT. MCDONALD’S - DAY

A handful of people are in line waiting to be served. The tables are about half full of customers.

MR. C (V.O.) And this kind.

A DAD who looks like he walked right out of DUCK DYNASTY comes into the restaurant.

He’s holding the hand of a little boy, 8 or 9, who is a little carbon copy of Ted Nugent.

The patrons around them stand paralyzed in fear. Several terrified people leave.

One lady in the back SCREAMS...

Because DUCK DYNASTY DAD has an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle slung across his back.

DUCK DYNASTY DAD

It’s okay, folks. Just exercisin’ my 2nd Amendment rights under the Constitution.

Nobody’s gonna get hurt.

Still holding his little boy’s hand, he walks up to the counter and looks up at the menu. The cashier, a lanky teenage boy with acne, visibly trembles.

DUCK DYNASTY DAD

I’ll have a number one with a diet coke. Supersize the fry.

He looks down at the little boy.

DUCK

DYNASTY

What do you want, Son?

DAD

LITTLE TED NUGENT

I want a Bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit but with no egg.

MR. C (V.O.) And this kind.

CUT TO:

EXT. BUSY COMMERCIAL INTERSECTION - DAY

Vehicles are backed up waiting for the light to turn green.

A McDonald’s sits on one corner, an Applebee’s on the other. We may or may not notice Duck Dynasty Dad and Little Ted Nugent coming out of McDonald’s carrying their food.

The vehicles waiting for the light to change all have DON’T MESS WITH TEXAS bumper stickers. Most of the drivers are wearing cowboy hats.

Two out of three of the vehicles are Super Duty, quarter ton, extended cab, allwheel-drive Ford/Chevy/Dodge pickups with mammoth V-8 engines.

MR. C (V.O.)

They do love their trucks.

The light turns green and it sounds like the INDY 500 as the trucks pull away from the light and through the intersection.

MR. C (V.O.)

(yelling over the trucks)

They’ve got these things called Flowmasters. They put them on their mufflers so they can be heard a mile away. Don’t ask me why.

CUT TO:

GOOGLE MAP...

Showing route from Perryton, TX (top of the panhandle) to Brownsville, TX (southernmost tip)

MR. C (V.O.)

Let’s see, what else do you know about Texas. You know it’s big. But until you live here, it’s hard to fathom just how big. It’s almost as far from the top of Texas to the bottom...

CUT TO:

GOOGLE MAP...

Showing route from Perryton to Canadian border.

MR. C (V.O.)

...as it is from the Texas Panhandle to the Canadian border. CUT TO:

EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - NIGHT

A Super-Duty, quarter ton, extended cab, all-wheel-drive pickup with a mammoth V-8 engine is parked on the street in front of a house.

MR. C (V.O.)

You also know that Texas is very conservative politically.

A YOUNG COWBOY emerges from the passenger’s side. He sneaks up to a sign planted in the front yard.

The sign says: HILLARY 2016

He pulls it up out of the ground and rushes back to the truck. He tosses it in the bed of the truck on top of a dozen other similar signs. On the back bumper are two bumper stickers. One says: NOBAMA

The other says: SECEDE!

The young cowboy jumps back into the cab, slamming the door. The pickup takes off, ROARING down the street--LOUD AS HELL because of its Flowmaster Exhaust.

YOUNG COWBOY YEE-HAH!!!

He takes off his hat and swats the truck out the window as if it were a horse. A porch light comes on.

CUT TO:

STOCK FOOTAGE . . .

...of PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH working his ranch in Crawford.

MR. C (V.O.)

You know this guy. He doesn’t know it but he plays a big part in our story.

All the wonderful things he did for our country?

Don’t forget: Before he was president, he was governor of the Lone Star State. You’ve probably heard of NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND.

CUT TO:

INT. MR. C’S CLASSROOM - DAY FLASHBACK

Mr. C is standing in front giving a lecture to a classroom of 4th graders.

MR. C (V.O.)

We see Mr. C for the first time without his bandages. He is 30-ish with sandy blonde hair and has an eternal boyishness that makes him look like a 12-year old. No one would mistake him for being the Sexiest Man Alive but he’s not hard on the eyes either.

As Mr. C lectures, the students are enraptured--hanging on every syllable that comes out of his mouth. Some are feverishly taking notes.

This is their hero. They worship the ground he walks on.

As I was saying, ever since I can remember I always wanted to be a teacher. A music teacher.

MR. C

Turn to page 689 of your GROUT.

On each student’s desk is a huge, thick tome easily over 1000 pages. As they turn to the correct page, we spy the cover which says:

A HISTORY OF WESTERN MUSIC

BY DONALD GROUT

MR. C (reading)

Other Italian secular vocal forms include lighter varieties of partsong which were cultivated in Italy in the 16th Century. The most important--

A little 4th grade girl with blonde hair named KILEE raises her hand.

KILEE (interrupting)

Excuse me, Mr. C?

MR. C Yes, Kilee?

KILEE

I was confused as to the role chromaticism played in the 1500’s. The text was somewhat vague on that point.

CAMERON No it wasn’t! It clearly states that half-step motions were spurred by experiments seeking to revive Greek chromaticism. I mean, helloooo!!!

CAMERON is a chubby kid with dark, straight hair.

KILEE

I’m talking about notational chromaticism, not aural! Duh!

CAMERON

But the notational is just a representation of the aural. Isn’t that right, Mr. C?

Various students in the class CHIME IN.

STUDENTS (chiming in) Yeah!

Which is it, Mr. C? I’m confused. Tell us! MR. C I’m afraid there is a distinction, Cameron.

A MURMER ripples through the class.

MR. C

Class, what page is the discussion of chromaticism on?

2ND MALE STUDENT 521

MR. C

Thank you, Malachi.

The class eagerly turns to page 521. Mr. C, pacing back and forth at the head of the class, begins reading.

MR. C (reading)

Chromaticism of this kind, apart from experimentations in greek modality, began to take root.

Kilee gives Cameron an “I told you so” look. Cameron rolls his eyes.

Engrossed in his reading, Mr. C paces back and forth in front of his students.

MR. C (reading)

Notational chromaticism came into fashion around the middle of the 16th Century. And which was nothing but the--

Not watching where he’s going, he suddenly bumps into--

The two detectives.

MR. C (startled)

Guys, what’re you doing here? You’re interrupting my class, and my flashback!

DETECTIVE MCCALIBER

C’mon! You expect people to believe this?

MR. C What?

DETECTIVE FUEGO

This is a fantasy, man. Kids aren’t like this.

MCCALIBER Complete bullshit.

MR. C Watch your language, okay?

Mr. C looks at his students.

MR. C Do we have to do this here?

FUEGO

What difference does it make?

The students look at them, completely transfixed.

MR. C Not for me, for their sake. Okay?

MCCALIBER

Fine. We’ll go back to the hospital.

The kids MOAN their disapproval.

MCCALIBER

You kids stay in school. And say no to drugs!!

CHEESY, BLURRY, CLICHED DISSOLVE TO:

INT. MR. C’S HOSPITAL ROOMDAY

Mr. C is once again in bed wearing a body cast.

He’s alone with McCaliber and Fuego, both hovering over his bed.

MR. C Thank you.

MCCALIBER

Where were we? Oh yeah. That scene with your students? Complete bullshit.

FUEGO Complete bullshit. CUT TO:

INT. MR. C’S CLASSROOM - DAY

FUEGO (V.O.)

You sure it’s not more like this?

Same classroom. Same students. Every student has either a tambourine, a pair of claves, or a maraca in their hands.

Mr. C stands in front of the class with a tambourine as a NURSERY RYME plays on the stereo.

MR. C

On-the-beat. 1-23-4.

Mr. C is modeling for them how to play on the beat but hardly anyone is paying attention to him.

Half the class is in conversation with their neighbor. One kid is tying his shoelaces together.

Another kid is picking his nose. The kid right in front of Mr. C is licking his tambourine.

MR. C

Malachi! Don’t lick that!

Cameron reaches over and hits Kilee in the head with his maraca. She bursts out BAWLING.

MR. C

Okay, that’s it Cameron! You’re going to the office this time!

INT. MR. C’S HOSPITAL ROOMCONTINUED

MR. C

I think you’re exaggerating a little.

MCCALIBER

And you weren’t?

MR. C So what do you want, Detectives?

MCCALIBER

We wanna know what happened.

Who put you here. Tell us everything. Spare no detail.

FUEGO Start at the beginning.

MCCALIBER

Tell us about your boss, Principal Reeves.

MR. C

Yeah, okay.

Mr. C closes his eyes and thinks back.

MR. C I think it started after Christmas Break, when I’d committed the ultimate teacher’s sin.

MCCALIBER

You’d what?

INT. MR. C’S CLASSROOM - DAY FLASHBACK

Mr. C is alone at his desk working on lesson plans.

MR. C (V.O.) I’d committed the ultimate teacher’s sin: I had angered a parent.

MALE VOICE

(over intercom)

Mr. C, could I see you in my office please? Asap.

INT. SCHOOL OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER

Mr. C opens the office door and comes inside. The secretary, MRS. THOMPSON, a plump grandmother of four but still pretty, is typing away at her computer.

MRS. THOMPSON

(to Mr. C) Go on in, he’s expecting you.

Mr. C walks over and timidly KNOCKS on his principal’s door.

PRINCIPAL REEVES (through door) Come in!

Mr. C opens the door to find Reeves sitting at his desk.

An overweight, middle-aged woman wearing blue sweats sits in a chair next to him.

Plastered on the front of her blue sweat top is a huge American flag. She has a dark complexion with long brown hair.

Her name is OLIVIA RALSTON.

PRINCIPAL REEVES

(to Mr. C) Have a seat.

Mr. C has a seat in front of Reeves’ desk.

PRINCIPAL REEVES is a small, diminutive man in his 50’s. He’s clean shaven, bald on top, and wears glasses that don’t flatter his face. His personality, like his appearance, is bland and inconspicuous.

REEVES

Mr. Collins, you did hear me say over the intercom asap, did you not?

MR. C Sorry. I was talking to a parent.

That shut him up. I’d learned some time ago that saying you were talking to a parent was a surefire excuse for getting out of just about anything.

REEVES

Oh....just make sure you document it in the Parent Communication Log. Mr. Collins, you know Mrs. Ralston, Freedom Ralston’s mother. Mrs.

Ralston tells me Freedom came home after school yesterday in tears.

Because

of what happened in your class.

While he’s talking, Reeves pulls out a pen and a small notebook from his shirt pocket. He readies himself to start writing, waiting for Mr. C’s response.

Mr. C looks over at Mrs. Ralston. She sits there with as much wounded dignity as she can muster, determined not to make eye contact with Mr. C.

MR. C (V.O.)

I just sat there staring at them. My mouth was probably open.

Mr. C stares at them. His mouth is open.

INT. MR. C’S HOSPITAL ROOMCONTINUED

Fuego is leaning against a wall with his hands in his pockets. McCaliber is pacing, deep in thought.

MR. C

I literally had no idea what he’d thought I’d done to Freedom.

FUEGO

That’s his name? Freedom?

MR. C Her name. I know. You wouldn’t believe the names parents give kids these days.

MCCALIBER (still pacing) Keep talkin, Collins.

INT. PRINCIPAL REEVES’ OFFICECONTINUED

Mr. C is still staring at them with his mouth open.

MR. C (V.O.)

I didn’t know what they thought I’d done to Freedom. And it kinda pissed me off. I told them so in no uncertain terms.

MR. C (timid)

I’m sorry? Could you repeat that?

REEVES

Freedom says you yelled at her.

MR. C

I didn’t yell at her. I don’t yell at students.

Mr. C looks at Mrs. Ralston who still won’t look at him.

MRS. RALSTON

My Freedom doesn’t lie.

REEVES

Freedom says you yelled at her in front of the whole class just because she didn’t like an activity you were doing.

MR. C

(remembering)

That’s what this is all about? Is that all?

INT. MR. C’S CLASSROOMFLASHBACK

Mr. C is standing in front of a class of 5th graders.

MR. C

Okay, class. We’re going to play Music Supermarket. FREEDOM

FREEDOM is literally the spitting image of her mother. She too is overweight and wearing blue sweats.

MR. C

Freedom, is there a problem?

INT. PRINCIPAL REEVES’ OFFICECONTINUED

MR. C That’s it. That’s all I said to her. And yes, I was in front of the whole class when I said it.

As Mr. C talks, Reeves writes in his notebook.

MRS. RALSTON (vindicated) See? What did I tell you.

Reeves finishes writing and looks at Mr. C.

REEVES

Will you excuse us a moment? Close the door behind you.

INT. MR. C’S HOSPITAL ROOMCONTINUED

The detectives continue listening.

MR. C

When something a student said or did was unacceptable, I’d gotten into the habit of saying to them: ‘Is there a problem?’ I now saw I needed to come up with something less confrontational to avoid being accused of yelling at students.

INT. OUTSIDE REEVES’ OFFICECONTINUED

Mr. C waits outside Reeves’ closed door. He hears Reeves’ and Mrs. Ralston’s MUFFLED AND UNINTELLIGIBLE VOICES inside.

Principle Reeves opens the door.

REEVES

You may come back in now.

Mr. C follows Reeves back inside and closes the door.

INT. REEVES’ OFFICECONTINUOUS

They both have a seat. Mrs. Ralston still refuses to make eye contact.

REEVES

The first thing I would like you to do is apologize to Mrs. Ralston, here.

Mr. C looks over at Mrs. Ralston. Her look says she’s finally getting a little justice back for all the times she’s been mistreated in a cruel, unfair world.

MR. C

I’m sorry for any embarrassment I might have caused you or your daughter.

REEVES

Good. Secondly, we would like you to apologize to Freedom in front of her class.

Reeves doesn’t wait for Mr. C’s response.

REEVES

(to Mrs. Ralston)

Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

Feel free to let me know if there are any more problems in the future, Mrs. Ralston.

MRS. RALSTON

Thank you. I can assure you I will.

She gets up and leaves. She quickly walks by Mr. C, seemingly convinced he’s going to physically attack her. She opens the door and leaves, leaving the door open.

REEVES (yelling)

MRS. THOMPSON!!

Mr. C practically jumps out of his skin as a result of Reeves YELLING for the secretary in the outer office.

(yelling)

Could you please get Jimmy Ortiz’ mother on the phone!?

(to Mr. C) That’s all, Mr. Collins.

Mr. C gets up to leave.

INT. MR. C’S HOSPITAL ROOMCONTINUED MR. C

(to Fuego and McCaliber)

I always had a feeling Reeves never liked me. After what happened next, I was sure of it.

FUEGO

He never fired you though, right?

MR. C He couldn’t unless I really screwed up. But he could sure make me wanna quit.

MCCALIBER

How?

MR. C

By giving me as many extra duties as he wanted.

MCCALIBER

So did you apologize to Freedom?

MR. C Yes. The very next day.

INT. MR. C’S CLASSROOMFLASHBACK

Mr. C is standing in front of Freedom’s 5th grade class.

MR. C (to Freedom)

I apologize if I upset you, Freedom, by asking you if there was a problem.

FREEDOM

My dad says you’re a loser.

MR. C How nice of your father to destroy any credibility I might have in your eyes. That’s conducive to me providing you a quality education, now isn’t it?

FREEDOM

I’m gonna tell him you said that. You destroyed... and conducted...

BRYTTANNIE

Just say he yelled at you again.

BRYTTANNIE is a pretty girl with long brown hair sitting next to Freedom. And yes, that's how she spells her name.

FREEDOM

(to Mr. C)

I’ve got something for you.

She gets up and pulls up her sweats. She waddles up to Mr. C, taking something out of the pocket of her sweats.

As she does, Hershey’s Kisses fall to the floor. She bends down and picks them up, putting them back in her pocket.

She holds a folded piece of paper up to Mr. C.

FREEDOM

It’s a note my dad wants you to sign.

Just as Mr. C is about to take the note out of her hand, she drops it. On purpose.

FREEDOM (anything but) Sorry.

Exasperated, Mr. C bends down and picks up the note. Mr. C MUMBLES something but we can’t hear what he says.

FREEDOM

(browbeating him)

WHAT DID YOU SAY!!??

MR. C

Nothing. I didn’t say anything.

FREEDOM

I heard you say something.

MR. C

It was nothing, Freedom, honest.

What’s the note say?

Mr. C unfolds the note.

MR. C (conciliatory)

Anybody ever tell you you have a very unusual name?

FREEZE THE FRAME on Mr. C

MR. C (V.O.)

As soon as I said it, I knew it was a mistake. The thing is, Freedom and I had a history.

CUT TO:

INT. MR. C’S CLASSROOM - DAY

We hear the KEYBOARD again as the following words are TYPED onto the screen:

TWO YEARS EARLIER

Mr. C is leading a class of 3rd graders as they sing the state anthem: TEXAS, OUR TEXAS.

CLASS (singing)

Texas, Our Texas! All hail the mighty state

I’d been having trouble with her for a couple of years now.

Texas, Our Texas! So wonderful so great! Boldest and grandest; withstanding ev’ry test

O Empire wide and glorious! You stand supremely blessed!

A small boy named PEANUT gets out of his seat and walks up to Mr. C with his hand held high right in Mr. C’s face.

His face is dirty and his hair looks like it hasn’t been washed in a month. His clothes look like they haven’t been washed in a year.

PEANUT

Mr. C! I gotta tell you something!

It’s obvious that he won’t relent until he has stopped the activity entirely so he can say what he has to say.

Mr. C stops the song.

MR. C

Yes, Butter. What is it?

PEANUT

I’m Peanut!

Mr. C looks across the room at a carbon copy of Peanut. It’s Peanut’s identical twin.

PEANUT'S IDENTICAL TWIN I'm Butter!

MR. C

Sorry. What is it, Peanut?

PEANUT

Freedom has candy!

Mr. C looks over at Freedom. He sees her put something in her mouth.

MR. C

Freedom, what have I told you about candy? Go spit it out, please.

FREEDOM (her mouth full)

I don’t have any candy!!

MR. C (V.O.)

We kind’ve came to an unspoken agreement. She wouldn’t misbehave if I let her sneak candy. Unfortunately, the agreement didn’t last too long. I started having problems with her again the following year in 4th grade.

INT. MR. C'S CLASSROOM - DAY

The blinking cursor TYPES the following words:

ONE YEAR LATER

Mr. C is teaching a class of 4th graders how to play the recorder. He is standing in front of Freedom but with his back to her, helping another student.

Bryttannie is seated next to Freedom. They exchange mischievous glances.

In one hand Freedom has a box of SKITTLES. In her other hand is her recorder.

She BLOWS into her recorder as hard as she can, right behind Mr. C. who nearly jumps out of his skin.

MR. C

Okay! That’s it! You’re going to the office!

FREEDOM

It wasn’t me! It was Matthew!

Mr. C looks over at Matthew, seated 20 feet away on the other side of the room.

Mr. C quickly takes the recorder from her.

MR. C

And gimme that candy!!

He grabs the box of SKITTLES out of her other hand but she won’t let go. He tries to wrest them away from her but she has a death grip.

She finally lets go, causing SKITTLES to go bouncing and scurrying all across the floor.

MR. C (at the end of his rope)

You heard me! Go to the office!

She doesn’t budge. Mr. C walks over and pushes the emergency intercom button.

MR. C

You’re going to the office one way or another.

FREEDOM (indifferent)

Big deal. They’ll just make me miss my recess again.

The secretary, Mrs. Thompson, comes over the intercom.

MRS. THOMPSON

Yes?

MR. C

Could you please send somebody down here? I’ve got a student refusing to go to the office.

INT. MR. C’S HOSPITAL ROOMCONTINUED

MCCALIBER

Why didn’t you just pick her up and drag her to the office?

MR. C

No. Male teachers must never touch a student. Especially a female student. If it’s a child’s word against a teacher’s, who are people gonna believe?

Never be alone with a student. Never touch a student.

CUT BACK TO:

INT. MR. C’S CLASSROOM - DAY

Principal Reeves comes in the room. He looks down at the SKITTLES on the floor.

REEVES

Let’s go, Freedom.

FREEDOM

Yes, sir.

Freedom’s demeanor changes instantly to that of a sweet, demure little angel.

She stands up, pulls up her sweats, and waddles out of the classroom.

REEVES

(to Mr. C) Please have an office referral describing what happened on my desk before you leave today.

Reeves gives him a look of disapproval before leaving.

INT. MR. C’S HOSPITAL ROOMCONTINUED MR. C

So I knew it had been a mistake to comment on her name.

INT. MR. C’S CLASSROOMFLASHBACK CONTINUED

The FRAME IS FROZEN once again on Mr. C holding Freedom’s note she gave him.

Very rapidly, the scene starts RUNNING BACKWARDS:

Mr. C folds the note back up. He reaches down and sets it on the floor. The note floats back up into Freedom’s hand.

Freedom waddles backwards back towards her desk. She sets Hershey’s Kisses on the floor. She continues walking backwards as the Kisses then fly up into her pocket.

FREEZE FRAME on Freedom as she’s walking backwards.

The action starts FORWARD again.

She waddles up to Mr. C, taking something out of the pocket of her sweats.

As she does, Hershey’s Kisses fall to the floor. She bends down and picks them up, putting them back in her pocket.

She holds a folded piece of paper up to Mr. C.

FREEDOM

It’s a note my dad wants you to sign.

Just as Mr. C is about to take the note out of her hand, she drops it. On purpose.

FREEDOM (anything but) Sorry.

Exasperated, Mr. C bends down and picks up the note. Mr. C once again MUMBLES to himself. But this time we hear it:

MR. C (mumbling to himself)

Thirty years for ringing her neck. Might be worth it.

FREEDOM (browbeating him)

WHAT DID YOU SAY!!??

MR. C

Nothing. I didn’t say anything.

FREEDOM I heard you say something.

MR. C It was nothing, Freedom, honest.

What’s the note say?

Mr. C unfolds the note.

MR. C (conciliatory)

Anybody ever tell you you have a very unusual name?

QUICK CUT TO:

INT. PRINCIPAL REEVES’ OFFICEDAY

MRS. RALSTON

HE MADE FUN OF HER NAME!!

Mrs. Ralston goes off on a verbal rant as Reeves writes furiously and Mr. C sits there taking it.

MR. C (V.O.)

(while Mrs. Ralston continues her rant) Looking back on it, what I said next is when it all started going downhill.

MRS. RALSTON ...and you can bet before this is over, I’ll have his job!!

Mrs. Ralston glares at Reeves, demanding justice.

MR. C

How is that making fun of her name?

I didn’t make fun of her name but you can bet other people will.

CLOSE UP ON...

...Mrs. Ralston.

Finally. She looks at him.

Her mouth open, the expression on her face is a mixture of shock and...

QUICK

CUT

TO: A FLASH OF LIGHTENING followed instantly by a DEAFENING CLAP OF THUNDER.

EXT. ROLLING HILLS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - MORNING

It’s raining cats and dogs.

Mr. C, looking into the camera, stands forlornly in front of the school wearing a crossing guard uniform that doesn’t fit. In one hand is a stop sign. No umbrella. He’s drenched.

ABIGAIL, a very prim and proper little girl holding a pink umbrella, is standing on the other side of the street.

Mr. C holds up the STOP SIGN to stop traffic. He crosses to her side of the street.

ABIGAIL

Hi, Mr. C. Whatcha doin’?

MR. C

I’m the new crossing guard, Abigail.

ABIGAIL

Where’s Miss Sally?

MR. C

I’m taking her place.

Holding up the STOP SIGN, he walks her across the street.

ABIGAIL

You really should get an umbrella, Mr. C.

MR. C

I know, Abigail. I plan to right after school today.

Why are you the new crossing guard, Mr. C?

MR. C

Because my boss is trying to get me to quit my job.

ABIGAIL (laughing)

You’re funny, Mr. C!

They’ve made it safely across.

MR. C Thank you, Abigail.

ABIGAIL

Here! Take mine!

Before Mr. C can stop her, she hands him her umbrella.

MR. C

Thank you, Abigail. That’s very sweet of you.

ABIGAIL

Are you okay, Mr. C?

He squats down in front of her, holding the umbrella over them both.

MR. C

I’m fine, Abigail.

Lemme walk you to the door.

Mr. C, holding the umbrella over both of them, walks Abigail to the front door of the school building.

MR. C

I’ll get your umbrella back to you later.

ABIGAIL

I’ve got another one. You keep it!

Abigail goes inside the school. Mr. C, still holding Abigail’s umbrella, walks back to the crosswalk in the rain.

INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY - DAY

The entire teaching staff is seated. There’s a low HUM in the room as most are talking to their neighbors as they wait for the faculty meeting to get started.

Principal Reeves is in front. He and Mr. C are the only two males in the room.

Mr. C is seated next to MISS WATKINS. She’s tall with straight, medium length blonde hair. She’s the pretty teacher all the boys in your class had a crush on.

Mr. C and Miss Watkins watch

Reeves write on a whiteboard:

THE TEST

MISS WATKINS (to Mr. C)

Is it as bad as they say?

MR. C Worse.

Reeves finishes writing on the whiteboard and turns around to face the teachers.

REEVES

Okay, everybody. Quiet, please!

Most get quiet but a few are still talking.

REEVES

The sooner we start, the sooner we can go home. Reeves finally has everyone’s attention. He points to the whiteboard.

REEVES

The Texas Essential Knowledge and Skills Assessment. Known simply as:

He turns around and points to where THE TEST is written on the whiteboard. He TAPS it with his marker for emphasis.

REEVES THE TEST

He turns back around and looks at his teachers. RREEVES

This is why we’re here, ladies.

He looks at Mr. C. REEVES

And gentleman. First year teachers, raise your hands please. A handful of teachers raise their hands. Miss Watkins is one of them.

REEVES

Now this is probably information you already know but Texas law requires me to tell you anyway.

He makes quotation marks with his fingers.

REEVES

...”THE TEST” is the standardized test that all students in grades 3 through 12 have to take at the end of the year. Every student in each grade throughout the state of Texas has to take the EXACT SAME TEST. And what happens if they fail it?

RANDOM TEACHER

They take it again in the summer.

REEVES

And if they fail the second time?

ANOTHER RANDOM TEACHER

They repeat the grade.

REEVES

That’s right.

Reeves walks over to a chart projected onto a screen.

REEVES

Now, let’s look at our friendly little chart, here.

With an electronic pointer, he points to a bar chart.

REEVES

Four years ago, Rolling Hills’ rating on THE TEST was “Acceptable.” That means 85% of all our students passed it. Three years ago, our rating improved from “Acceptable” to “Good.”

Several teachers clap. A WOOHOO is heard.

REEVES

Two years ago, “Good” again. And last year, our rating on the THE TEST was...

Everybody’s on the edge of their seat with bated breath. Reeves clicks his pointer, revealing a new chart.

REEVES

EXCELLENT!!

The room EXPLODES in cheers. Half the teachers stand up for a standing ovation.

REEVES

A 96% PASSING RATE!!

Reeves waits for them to sit back down and get quiet. All eyes are on him.

They’ve drunk the kool-aid and he knows it.

REEVES

(soft, muted)

Everyday heroes...

TEACHER IN BACK

Everyday heroes!!

Several teachers repeat the term. Within seconds, almost everyone in the room is CHANTING.

TEACHERS

(over and over)

Everyday heroes!

Everyday heroes!

Mr. C looks at Miss Watkins. They’ve all lost their minds. Reeves holds up his hand and it’s instantly quiet.

REEVES

Gloria Zimmerman!!

Raucous cheers break out, eventually morphing into everyone chanting: “GLO-RI-A! GLO-RI-A!” over and over.

GLORIA ZIMMERMAN--A small, petite, mousey woman with graying hair is pushed up out of her seat. She makes her way up to the front, weeping unashamedly.

Reeves hands her a large trophy. Everybody gets quiet.

REEVES

Mrs. Zimmerman, congratulations on being the recipient of this semester’s ‘Everyday Heroes’ Award. Your base indicators for the 2nd six weeks of your analysis groups showed THE MOST IMPROVEMENT OF ANY TEACHER ON CAMPUS!!

THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE. Every indication suggests that this is probably the greatest moment in Mrs. Zimmerman’s life.

REEVES

Now of course, as you know, that’s just aggregated raw data at this point but I’m sure it will pass submission and be accepted under the NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND provisions.

MRS. ZIMMERMAN

I DON’T CARE! I’M NOT GIVING IT BACK!

Everybody LAUGHS as she clutches the trophy to her bosom.

REEVES

I want you to know, Mrs. Zimmerman, Miss Thrasher did not want to give up the trophy.

Miss Thrasher is also in tears. We can’t tell if she’s sad about the trophy or happy for Mrs. Zimmerman.

MRS. ZIMMERMAN

Then she can try to win it back next semester!!

Everybody LAUGHS.

TEACHER IN BACK SPEECH! SPEECH!

Everybody quiets down.

MRS. ZIMMERMAN (emotional) It’s heavier than I thought.

So many people to thank. Let’s see, I have to thank my husband and my two children. I couldn’t have done it without their support. I know I’m forgetting somebody. I also want to thank two very special ladies.

She looks lovingly at two teachers sitting at her table. They both also have tears in their eyes.

MRS. ZIMMERMAN

Mrs. Dorman. Mrs. Salinas. You’re the two best math teachers I know and you’ve helped me to be a better math teacher.

Everybody CLAPS and CHEERS.

MR. C (to Miss Watkins)

Mrs. Dorman got teacher of the year in the whole district about five years ago cause she helped two foster kids pass THE TEST.

MISS WATKINS

That’s great. That’s something they’ll never forget. And all thanks to her.

MR. C Last year they both got arrested for stealing a car.

MRS. ZIMMERMAN (emotional)

It was these two ladies who, when I came to them last summer asking how I could raise my analysis indicators to equivalency levels, took me under their wing and became my mentors. Thank you both. And thank you all!

Everybody CLAPS as Mrs. Zimmerman takes her trophy back to her seat. The teachers at her table eye it enviously as Reeves continues the meeting.

REEVES

Next on the agenda: S.P.I. Performance results...

MRS. SALINAS

(to Mrs. Zimmerman)

May I?

Before she can object, MRS. SALINAS takes the trophy out of Mrs. Zimmerman’s hands.

Mrs. Salinas looks at it and strokes the golden idol. Mrs. Dorman reaches across the table and touches it.

MRS. ZIMMERMAN

Yeah. You know what? I don’t want anything to...so I better just...thanks.

Mrs. Zimmerman pulls it to her, Mrs. Salinas reluctantly relinquishing it.

Having secured it, she gives Mrs. Salinas a polite smile which Mrs. Salinas politely returns.

INT. MR. C’S CLASSROOM - DAY

Mr. C is standing in front of a class of 3rd graders.

MR. C (to class)

So you will bring items from home that were to be thrown away.

Mr. C grabs a stack of papers off his desk and starts handing them out to the students.

MR. C

This list tells you what items you can bring. You bring them and then separate them in the canisters I showed you. Yes, Ally?

ALLY, a pretty blonde girl, has her hand up.

ALLY

What’s this got to do with music, Mr. C?

make homemade instruments. Because that’s also what we’re going to do.

Mr. C walks back to the front of the room.

MR. C I’ll tell you, Ally. On one side of your paper are common items to be brought in to recycle. On the other side, you’ll see things that also get thrown away, but that could be used to

MR. C

But your instrument has to be made from something that was going to be thrown away. Something just lying around the house doesn’t count. Any questions?

ZAINABU, a Somalian girl tall for her age, raises her hand.

MR. C Yes, Zainabu?

ZAINABU

Will this be on THE TEST, Mr. C?

MR. C No, I’m afraid it won’t. There's no music on THE TEST, Zainabu. It only covers what you've been learning in your classroom.

Mr. C notices a deadly SILENCE descending onto the shoulders of the students.

MR. C

What? C’mon, guys. You’ll do fine. Just do your best. Besides, the first one doesn’t count. It’s just a practice.

CONNOR

What if we fail?

CONNOR is a pudgy kid with thick glasses and curly hair.

ZAINABU

(to Connor)

We don’t go to fourth grade.

That’s what happened to Teddy.

MR. C

Where is Teddy?

CONNOR

Mrs. Dorman sent him to the nurse for scratching his arms.

MR. C

Did you know I’ll be there when you take THE TEST?

The mood in the room instantly brightens. ALLY

You will? I love you, Mr. C!

MR. C

I love you too, Ally. I’ll be proctoring. ALLY

What’s that?

MR. C Means I’ll be with you all day watching you take your test.

ALLY

The stimulation too?

MR. C Simulation.

CONNOR What’s that?

MR. C The practice test. So I’ll be proctoring for the simulation and also for the real test in April.

ZAINABU

Why will you be Pr..pro...Why will you be watching us, Mr. C?

MR. C

To make sure everybody takes THE TEST the right way.

ZAINABU

How come there’s no music on THE TEST?

MR. C I don’t know. But I’m glad there isn’t. Aren’t you?

CONNOR YEAH!!

MR. C

Okay, let’s get back on task.

So the purpose of making your instrument is not only music, but also to be learning about the environment. Because the challenges your generation will face when you grow up will include global warming and a shortage of natural resources. Did you know almost half the people on this planet don’t have enough clean water to drink or bathe with?

A red haired, freckle-faced boy named WYATT raises his hand.

My dad says global warming is a crock. Is it, Mr.

MR.

C?

C

Well, it’s true, Wyatt, there has been some debate on the subject. But the truth is, according to the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, there is a worldwide consensus among scientists that global warming is real and that it’s man-made.

In fact, the only major scientific organization to think otherwise is the American Association of Petroleum Geologists. And even they, in a statement released in 2010, admitted they had no real scientific credibility in the field of climate change. So I’m not sure calling it a ‘crock’ is all that accurate. In my opinion, of course. Does that answer your question, Wyatt?

Wyatt shrugs. WYATT

What’s a crock?

INT. PRINCIPAL REEVES’ OFFICEDAY

Reeves is sitting behind his desk, Mr. C in the chair in front of the desk. This time they’re not alone. There’s a handful of adults in the room with them.

Mrs. Ralston, Freedom’s mother, is seated next to Reeves. She is uncharacteristically silent during the meeting.

WYATT’S FATHER (thick southern accent)

Why’s he teachin’ my boy that Lamestream Media crap? Global warming’s a crock!

WYATT’S FATHER also has red hair. He’s overweight, wears a WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION wife beater t-shirt, and a backwards baseball cap and goatee.

On one bicep is a tatoo of the FOX NEWS LOGO.

MR. C

I’m sorry you feel that way but the vast majority of scientists say that climate change is fact. But don’t take my word for it. Look it up yourself.

WYATT’S FATHER (to Reeves)

Why’s he usin’ those libtard words?

Some of the other parents in the room include a SEXY MOM wearing a tight-fitting halter top and hot pants and a BIKER DAD with a pony tail, tatoos, and a Harley Davison T-shirt.

An OVERWEIGHT DAD sporting a buzz cut is also in the room.

Sculpted into the hair on the side of his head is the Dallas Cowboys’ logo.

REEVES

Actually Mr. Collins, climate change is not a fact.

MR. C

What do you mean?

REEVES

I mean, according to the S.B.O.E.BIKER DAD

What’s that?

REEVES

State Board of Education. That’s who decides what can and can’t be taught in Texas public schools.

(incredulous) McCarthyism didn’t happen? REEVES

Oh, it happened. But now we have to teach students that he was an American hero who was unfairly persecuted.

(to Mr. C)

According to the SBOE, climate change is not a fact and therefore cannot be taught as such to students. The same with the Theory of Evolution and McCarthyism.

MR. C

SEXY MOM

Can I say something? REEVES

Please do.

SEXY MOM

He scared my daughter half to death! He told her she weren’t gonna have no water when she growed up!

MR. C

Mrs. Sims, what I said was 40% of the world’s population is suffering from a water shortage. That’s according to the World Bank.

And unless we do something, it’s only going to get worse. You’re not concerned for your daughter’s future?

SEXY MOM

She don’t even like water! She drinks Diet Dr. Pepper!

OVERWEIGHT DAD

Why’s he got my kid diggin’ through the trash?

INT. MISS WATKINS’ CLASSROOMDAY

Miss Watkins is sitting in one of her students’ desks. There’s a strange SCRAPING sound coming from below her. She looks down at a pair of brown loafers sticking out from under a nearby desk.

MISS WATKINS

You’ve got skinny calves. I guess you knew that.

MR. C (O.S.) Get under here and help me.

Mr. C continues SCRAPING the bottom of the desk.

MISS WATKINS

He can’t do this. He’s already got you being a crossing guard. And now cleaning desks? That’s a custodian’s job.

MR. C I don’t mind. It’s only the desks in 5th grade so, it’s not too bad.

MISS WATKINS

You should call the union.

MR. C I don’t want to make waves.

MISS WATKINS

Why did he hire you if he hates you so much?

MR. C

He didn’t hire me. The principal before him did.

He crawls out from under the desk, sweat on his forehead.

MR. C

Five down, 65 to go.

He crawls under the next desk down the row.

EXT. ROLLING HILLS ELEMENTARYMORNING

Mr. C is doing his crosswalk duty. He is tying the shoe of a kindergartner. He stands up and pats the boy affectionately on the head.

MR. C There you go.

The boy runs off, too young to know to say ‘thank you.’

JAY, a little boy in the back seat of a car passing by, waves enthusiastically out his window.

JAY

Hi, Mr. C!

MR. C Hi Jay!

A MUFFLER can be heard a couple of blocks away. It gradually GETS LOUDER as it approaches the school.

Miss Watkins walks up to Mr. C, her satchel in one hand, a large coffee in the other.

The MUFFLER with the flowmaster is now quite loud.

MISS WATKINS (yelling over the muffler)

Good morning!

MR. C (also yelling)

G’morning!

A huge Hummer with a camouflage paint job turns the corner, it’s muffler EVEN LOUDER as it parks in front of the school. To the relief of everyone within 200 yards, the driver of the Hummer kills the engine.

The front passenger door opens and a little carbon copy of Ted Nugent jumps out and runs towards the building.

The driver’s side door opens and out steps the Duck Dynasty Dad we saw at the beginning with the AR-15 at McDonald’s.

Like his Duck Dynasty heroes, he has long hair and a scraggly beard. A red, white, and blue bandana is wrapped around his head. He’s 6’5” and about 250 pounds.

He looks in Mr. C’s direction.

EXT. SCHOOL CROSSWALKCONTINUED

Mr. C is standing on the corner, Miss Watkins next to him.

MISS WATKINS

Did you finish cleaning all your desks?

MR. C

Yeah. Finally... hold on.

He crosses the street to a batch of kids waiting to cross. One of them, a 3rd grade boy named PATRICK, begins jumping up and down as Mr. C approaches.

PATRICK

Mr. C! Mr. C! I got a hundred on my spelling test!

MR. C

Excellent, Patrick! See, I told ya you could do it! High five!!

Mr. C and Patrick high five each other.

SHAIQUON, the cutest little six-year old girl you ever saw, looks up at Mr. C.

SHAIQUON

Mr. C! Look! You like my new shoes?

She holds up a pink shoe for Mr. C to inspect. The weight of her backpack almost causes her to topple over. Mr. C catches her just in time.

MR. C

Careful! Those are real nice, Shaiquon. I like the style too.

C’mon guys. Don’t want you being late.

As Mr. C guides them safely across, they’re hanging all over him, bombarding him with questions and comments.

Mr. C loves it.

They make it across and Mr. C and Miss Watkins watch them head for the building.

MR. C

Reeves thinks he’s punishing me, making me the crosswalk guard. But actually, I love it.

MISS WATKINS

You’re gonna have to stand up to him, you know.

MR. C Who?

MISS WATKINS

Who...Mr. Reeves.

MR. C You think I’m a coward?

MISS WATKINS

I didn’t say that.

MR. C

I’m not a coward.

I asked you for a date, didn’t I?

MISS WATKINS

Excuse me? When did you ask me out on a date?

MR. C

I’m asking you right now.

Somebody taps Mr. C on the shoulder. He turns around and it’s Duck Dynasty Dad. At 5’11”, Mr. C isn’t tiny. But Duck Dynasty Dad towers over him.

DUCK DYNASTY DAD

Stop teachin’ that commie crap to my kid! Understand?

Or there’s gonna be a lot more where this come from!

POW!!

He delivers a solid punch right to Mr. C’s face.

FADE TO WHITE

The cursor blinks but this time it doesn't type anything.

FADE IN:

INT. MEXICAN RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Just your nice, average restaurant. Not a corporate chain but locally owned. It’s about a third full.

Mr. C and Miss Watkins are sitting in a booth. Mr. C has a doozy of a black eye that sticks out like a sore thumb. They are both a little nervous.

MR. C

(taking a bite)

How is it?

MISS WATKINS

Good. Yours?

MR. C

Good. You know, they make their own tortillas here.

MISS WATKINS I know.

Miss Watkins takes a drink from her margarita.

MISS WATKINS So why do they call you Mr. C instead of Mr. Collins?

MR. C

Cause my first year teaching, all my students called me Chris. A parent complained so I told them to call me Mr. C instead. That’s what I’ve been called ever since.

They eat in SILENCE for a moment.

MR. C So what made you want to be a teacher?

MISS WATKINS I guess you could say I was born into it. In the little town I grew up--

MR. C Borger, right?

MISS WATKINS

Yeah. My dad was the principal and my mom taught 2nd grade.

MR. C That must’ve been rough. You coudn’t get away with anything.

MISS WATKINS

Definitely not.

Mr. C takes a drink from his margarita.

MR. C

So are you proctoring tomorrow?

MISS WATKINS

No. It’s just the simulation, right?

MR. C

Yeah, it’s just a practice test. They try to make it exactly like the real test so the kids will see what it’ll be like on Test day.

MISS WATKINS

Are you proctoring tomorrow?

MR. C

Yeah. For Teddy’s class, believe it or not.

MISS WATKINS

Surely he won’t be there.

MR. C

Why wouldn’t he?

MISS WATKINS

‘Cause his dad’s in jail for assaulting a teacher?

MR. C

Actually, he’s not in jail. I didn’t press charges.

MISS WATKINS

(incredulous)

Are you serious? Why not?

MR. C

Because

MISS WATKINS

Yeah, but Chris--

MR.

MISS WATKINS

MR. C

Look, I know what I’m doing.

of Teddy. It’s not his fault his dad’s a Neanderthal.

C Even a bad father is worse than no father.

It’s great that you want to help him but--you can't let his dad get away with that!

MISS WATKINS

Yeah, it’s worked out real well for you so far, hasn't it?

The WAITRESS walks up to their table.

WAITRESS

How’s everything tasting?

INT. MRS. DORMAN’S CLASSMORNING

Her class is quietly taking their practice test. Mrs. Dorman, who we saw at the faculty meeting, is a veteran teacher in her 40s. She is sitting up front at her desk.

Mr. C is sitting in the back reading a book.

It might be noticed that about half the class has stuffed animals that they’re clinging to while they take their test.

MID CLOSE-UP OF...

...Teddy (the little Ted Nugent look-alike). He is taking his practice test. He’s holding onto a stuffed green ninja turtle for dear life in one hand and vigorously scratching his neck with the other.

MRS. DORMAN (O.S.)

Teddy, stop scratching yourself!

Teddy stops scratching and concentrates on his test. But before long he’s scratching again, harder than ever. This time he’s scratching his arm. His neck and arm are very red and in fact, there’s even a little blood. Teddy stops scratching and looks at his hand.

INSERT...

...of Teddy’s fingers. There’s a little blood on the tips. Suddenly Teddy stands up. Alarmed, all the students look at him in amazement.

LITTLE GIRL (frightened whisper)

You’re supposed to stay seated!

Teddy rushes for the door.

TEDDY I gotta puke!

MRS. DORMAN GO!!

Teddy rushes out into the hall. Mrs. Dorman gives Mr. C a desperate look.

MRS. DORMAN (to Mr. C)

Can you go with him?

Mr. C walks quickly towards the door.

MR. C Be right back.

INT. SCHOOL HALL - CONTINUOUS

Mr. C comes out of Mrs. Dorman’s class and closes the door. He looks down at the other end of the hall just in time to see Teddy run into the Boys’ restroom.

INT. BOYS’ RESTROOMCONTINUOUS

Mr. C comes in. There’s nobody else in the restroom but there is one stall door closed. Mr. C walks up to it.

MR. C Teddy? You okay?

Teddy comes out of the stall.

Yeah. I threw up.

MR. C I know. C’mon, I’ll take you to the nurse.

TEDDY

Mr. C, what happened to your eye?

MR. C It’s nothing. I fell down some stairs at home.

TEDDY

How come the cops came and talked to my dad?

MR. C

Don’t worry about it. C’mon, let’s get you to the nurse.

Teddy follows Mr. C out into the hallway.

INT. NURSE’S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER

Mr. C comes into the room with Teddy. There are two hospital style beds in the room. Lying on one of the beds is a little boy with a tummy ache. NURSE COCO gets up from her computer when she sees Mr. C and Teddy come in.

NURSE COCO is a woman of Hawaiian descent who wears clean, white scrubs to work everyday.

MR. C

Hi, Nurse Coco. Teddy threw up. Plus he’s got a rash on his arms that he’s scratching. NURSE COCO

Where’s your lotion, Teddy?

Come on, hop up here on the bed.

(to Mr. C)

We’ll take care of him.

MR. C

Thanks. See ya, Teddy.

Mr. C leaves to go back to Mrs. Dorman’s room.

INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA - LATER

Mrs. Dorman’s class is in line for lunch. Mrs. Dorman and Mr. C are both at the end of the line.

MR. C

(to Mrs. Dorman)

I’m gonna go check on Teddy. Be right back.

Mr. C leaves.

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAYCONTINUOUS

Mr. C walks up to the Nurse's Office. He stops outside the door, listening to the conversation going on inside.

TEDDY (O.S.)

(through door)

I w-w-want t-t-to g-go home.

REEVES (O.S.)

(through door)

You have to finish your test.

NURSE (O.S.)

Teddy, stop scratching your arms!

REEVES (O.S.)

Forget his arms, Nurse Coco! Teddy, do you want to be a 3rd grader again next year?

TEDDY (O.S.) (whimpering)

I want t-t-to g-go h-h-home.

REEVES (O.S.)

You've got two choices: You can either finish your test and you get the skateboard, or you sit in here until 3:00. And you get no lunch while you're in here. Understand, Nurse Coco? He's not ruining my test scores again!

Mr. C hears a RETCHING sound. He opens the door and goes inside the nurse’s office.

INT. NURSE’S OFFICECONTINUOUS

Reeves is standing to one side of Teddy, who is sitting on the edge of the hospital bed. He’s leaning over into a trash can, having just thrown up again.

Mr. C walks in just as Nurse Coco expertly whisks away the trash can in front of Teddy.

REEVES

What are you doing here?

Mr. C looks at Teddy’s arms. There’s even more blood on them than before. Mr. C looks accusingly at the adults in the room.

MR. C

He's not ruining your test scores?

This is a practice test.

REEVES

You were eavesdropping.

MR. C I think it's a good thing I was.

REEVES

He pulled this same stunt during the simulation last year too!

Counting today, this will be three tests that he's failed in a row!

You wanna help him? Then get him to finish his test.

MR. C (to Nurse Coco)

Can you clean his arms off?

Nurse Coco takes a kleenex out of a box nearby and dabs the blood off of Teddy's arms.

Mr. C kneels down in front of Teddy.

MR. C

Teddy, I want you to do something for me, okay? Can you do me a favor?

TEDDY

Okay.

MR. C

I want you to go back to your room and finish your test, okay? Can you do that? For me?

Everybody literally holds their breath waiting for Teddy’s answer. This just might work.

TEDDY (almost unintelligible) I guess so.

Mr. C smiles at him. Teddy just has a dead, vacant stare.

MR. C

C’mon, Teddy. Your class is eating lunch now.

Teddy jumps off the bed and Mr. C puts his hand on Teddy’s shoulder, leading him back out into the hallway.

REEVES

Chris, hold on a second.

Mr. C stops but doesn’t look up.

REEVES

I won’t forget this. Thank you.

Mr. C finally looks at him. If looks could kill, Reeves would be dead.

MR. C Save it. I don’t want your favors.

Teddy and Mr. C walk away.

MR. C And have some of his lotion on his desk when we get back from lunch.

CLOSE UP ON REEVES REEVES

No more crossing guard duty, Chris.

INT. MRS. DORMAN’S CLASSLATER

Teddy, as well as the rest of the class, is taking his test. You could hear a PIN DROP.

Mr. C is sitting at the back of the class, Mrs. Dorman is at her desk in front.

MR. C (V.O.) At first I felt bad about talking Teddy into finishing his test. Because, really, he should've gone home after being sick and with his arms bleeding. But that feeling didn't last because it ended up being a memorable day for both of us. That was the day Teddy got over his test anxiety.

EXT. ROLLING HILLS ELEMENTARYLATER

It’s the end of the day. Amongst the kids spewing out of the building is Mr. C with his satchel and his lunch pail. He exits the building and walks into the parking lot.

MR. C (V.O.)

And as for me, that was the day I remembered why I had become a teacher.

Mr. C walks through the parking lot. At about this time, we hear a truck’s MUFFLER, soft at first.

MR. C (V.O.)

And it was also that day that I decided, I was going to do what was best for these kids.

Mr. C gets in his Honda CRV and starts it. He puts on his seatbelt and backs out of his parking spot. The MUFFLER is getting LOUDER.

MR. C (V.O.)

Something that would actually benefit them and help them to make the world a better place.

As he exits the parking lot, he waves to Miss Sally, who has once again resumed her duties as the crossing guard. She waves back.

The MUFFLER is almost DEAFENING LOUD now, causing Mr. C to yell his voice over.

MR. C (V.O.) (yelling)

Miss Watkins was right. I couldn’t just stand on the sidelines anymore. I had to get in the fight.

As he pulls out into the street, we now see the source of the LOUD MUFFLER. It is Duck Dynasty Dad’s camouflaged Hummer. Teddy is in the passenger’s seat.

Duck Dynasty Dad is going the opposite way, approaching Mr. C in his Honda. When Teddy sees Mr. C, he stands up so that he’s sticking partly out the window. He waves excitedly.

At least that’s what we think he says. We can’t really hear what he says because of the LOUD MUFFLER.

Mr. C. looks over at Duck Dynasty Dad. Dad, with his sunglasses hiding his eyes, looks at Mr. C. He gives Mr. C a menacing smile, not taking his eyes off of Mr. C as he drives past.

FADE TO WHITE

The blinking cursor types: TWO DAYS LATER

FADE IN INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA - DAY

The entire student body is seated for an assembly. We perhaps notice that every student has a red ribbon tied around their wrist.

POLICE OFFICER WADE, pushing 60 and with his blue uniformed gut hanging over his belt, stands on the stage.

REX, a German shepherd police dog is on stage next to him.

OFFICER WADE (to students)

Did ya enjoy meetin’ Rex?

The kids erupt in APPLAUSE.

Rex, oblivious to the affection being showered on him, sits with his eyes fixed on Officer Wade.

OFFICER WADE

Say thank you to the boys and girls, Rex.

REX WOOF!!!

Officer Wade pulls a treat out of his pocket and feeds it to Rex. A lady officer much easier on the eyes comes and leads Rex off the stage.

OFFICER WADE

Now, boys and girls, remember what them red ribbons is for. We want y’all to all grow up to be drug-free. Rex and I have really enjoyed comin’ to y’all’s school to help celebrate Red Ribbon Week.

Before we wrap things up, we got a little time for some questions.

Fifty little hands shoot up into the air.

Miss Watkins, seated towards the front, spies Mr. C through a window. He’s alone out in the hall.

OFFICER WADE

Yessir. You there in the black shirt.

Officer Wade points to a 4th grader named TRAVIS.

TRAVIS

Have you ever arrested anybody with your handcuffs?

OFFICER WADE

Well, I’ll tell ya a story that happened once...

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

Miss Watkins walks up to Mr. C who is putting up a bulletin board. She watches him a second.

MISS WATKINS

What’s he got you doing now?

MR. C

Designing bulletin boards. But this is a duty I volunteered for.

MISS WATKINS

Hey, Nurse Coco told me what happened with Teddy. Sorry about all that.

MR. C

Thanks. The good part is, he passed his simulation with flying colors.

Mr. C picks up the letter T off the floor and staples it to the bulletin board. We still can’t see what it says.

MISS WATKINS

Really. So why did you talk him into taking it? I thought you didn’t like THE TEST.

MR. C

I don’t. It puts way too much pressure on these kids. Especially for kids who fail it.

INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIACONTINUED OFFICER WADE

(in mid-story)

...so to answer your question, when we caught that ol’ boy, yeah, I did put the cuffs on ‘im. And it wuz then that we found the nickel bag. We sure hit the jackpot that day. Little girl in the first row.

But it’s what we’re stuck with and I wanted him to get over his test anxiety.

He points to KATIE, a 3rd grader in the front with pony tails coming out the sides of her head.

KATIE

What’s a nickel bag?

OFFICER WADE

It’s a bag with marijuana in it. Reefer. Mary

Jane. Dope. It’s baaad news, boys and girls. We lost in Nam cuz a dope. Don’t be one a them teenagers that talks back to his mama and daddy cause you’re out gettin’ high on a Saturday Night. Just say ‘Nope to Dope.’

Boy right thar in the yeller shirt.

BOY IN YELLOW SHIRT

How come your hair sticks out in the back?

It should be mentioned that Officer Wade is the spitting image of Fat Elvis.

OFFICER WADE

That’s what’s called a ducktail. It was made famous by my heroes: a feller named James Dean and the king a rock and roll: Elvis Presley.

Y’all probly don’t know who James Dean is. I’ve got a red jacket at home he wears.

Raise your hand if you know who Elvis is.

About half of the students’ hands go up.

OFFICER WADE

Elvis was a good ol’ boy. He luuuved his mama and had respect for his elders. And he was a veteran who luuuuved his country. Little girl in the pink shirt.

He points to SKYE, a smart 5th grader wearing a pink shirt.

SKYE

My dad said Elvis died from doing drugs. How come nobody gave him a red ribbon?

Officer Wade stands there, at a complete loss how to answer. The thought never occurred to him.

The SILENT TENSION builds until finally, Principal Reeves runs on stage.

REEVES

(singing loudly)

If you’re drug free and you know it, clap your hands!!!

(yelling)

EVERYBODY SING!!

If you’re drug free and you know it, clap your hands!

The whole school starts singing and clapping.

WHOLE SCHOOL CLAP!! CLAP!!

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - CONTINUED

Mr. C picks up the letter E and staples it onto the bulletin board. Miss Watkins watches him.

IF YOU’RE DRUG FREE is heard in the background.

MR. C

That’s it. All finished.

He steps back next to Miss Watkins. We still can’t see what it says.

MR. C

What do you think?

MISS WATKINS

I think you won’t be designing bulletin boards very long.

EXT. ROLLING HILLS ELEMENTARYMORNING

The sidewalk and street are teeming with cars, parents, and kids--all coming to school in the morning.

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - MORNING

The hall clock says 7:55.

The hall is full of students going to class to start the day. Several are standing in front of Mr. C’s bulletin board. Several others stop and stare as they’re walking past it.

We still can’t see what it says. As the students stand there staring at it, Principal Reeves storms into frame. REEVES Get to class boys and girls!!

The children scatter as Reeves stares at the bulletin board.

REVERSE ANGLE as we finally see what it says:

That’s all I’d do, all day long, is be the Catcher in the Rye Reeves starts tearing the letters off. Miss Watkins, walking by, stops and watches him for a second.

MISS WATKINS

You gonna give him some more desks to clean, Mr. Reeves? Reeves stops what he's doing and turns around and looks at her.

REEVES

You too, Miss Watkins?

INT. MR. C’S CLASSROOM - DAY

Mr. C is standing in front of Freedom’s 5th grade class leading them in a SONG.

PUFF THE MAGIC DRAGON to be exact.

Freedom, munching on a bag of red hot cheetos, doesn’t even have her book open. Seemingly oblivious to what’s going on around her, she’s talking to Bryttannie.

Mr. C stops the song.

MR. C

Excuse me, Freedom? I need you to sing and not talk, please. And put those cheetos up.

She rolls her eyes.

FREEDOM (to Bryttannie)

Are you on Facebook yet?

Bryttannie shakes her head no.

FREEDOM

Come over after school and we’ll make you a facebook page.

BRYTTANNIE

My Mom said no.

FREEDOM She won’t find out.

Freedom pops a cheeto in her mouth.

MR. C

Okay. Have it your way.

Mr. C makes eye contact with several students as Freedom keeps talking.

MR. C (to students) Ready?

FREEDOM

(to Bryttannie) I had a Kindle but I got mad and threw it. I’m making my mom buy me a new one.

One by one, the students nod yes. The look in their eyes says this is going to be fun.

FREEDOM

Do you know what kinda car you’re gonna get when you turn 16?

MR. C On the count of three: One... two...THREE!

Like a well-honed military maneuver, the handful of students spring into motion. A girl gets up and grabs a pencil and paper off of Mr. C’s desk. A boy goes and opens the door. Another girl snatches the music book off of Freedom’s desk.

Two boys, big for their age, pick up Freedom’s desk with her still in it. They carry her towards the door.

FREEDOM

(surprised)

What are you doing!? Put me down!!

She begins to try and climb out of the desk in mid-air.

MR. C

Unless you want them to accidentally drop you, I’d stop struggling if I were you.

She stops struggling but she’s livid.

FREEDOM

WAIT’LL I TELL MY MOM!! BRYTTANNIE!!

YOU’RE A WITNESS!!

They almost have her to the door. The student with the paper and pencil hands them to Mr. C.

They take her out into the hall and set the desk down. The students all go back to their seats.

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAYCONTINUOUS

MR. C (to Freedom)

Your assignment, as of now, is to write an essay in which you try to persuade me that you’re sincerely sorry for disrupting my class and that from now on you’ll be well-behaved and give your best effort. Even if the activity is boring. When you have completed your essay to my satisfaction, you’ll receive an A on it and be allowed back in my classroom.

And you’ll be graded on spelling and grammar.

He sets the paper and pencil on Freedom’s desk.

MR. C Get busy.

Mr. C goes back in the classroom and closes the door.

MR. C’S CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS

He pauses for a second to enjoy the moment. That felt good.

He is surprised when suddenly the class starts CLAPPING.

He watches them CLAP, some even standing, when all of a sudden, as if on some hidden signal, they STOP and GET QUIET. Not knowing what’s going on, Mr. C looks at them. They all have a look of fear in their eyes.

MR. C What?

All of a sudden a CRUNCHING noise is heard.

Mr. C looks down and there’s Freedom, standing next to him eating from her bag of cheetos. She walks over and puts the bag on Mr. C’s desk.

FREEDOM I’m thirsty.

She pulls up her sweats, leaving red powder on them. She waddles out the door, leaving red powder on the handle.

STUDENT

Lock the door, Mr. C!

ANOTHER STUDENT Hurry!

Mr. C rushes over and locks the door.

He breathes a huge sigh of relief. The monster has been banished.

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

Freedom finishes getting a drink from the water fountain, leaving red powder all over it. She slowly starts ambling back.

MR. C’S CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS

The class is singing the SONG they were singing earlier.

Puff the Magic Dragon Lived by the sea...

SCHOOL HALLWAY

She sees a piece of paper on the floor and picks it up.

She starts reading it. PUFF

THE MAGIC DRAGON is faintly heard.

MR. C’S CLASSROOM

Together they would travel On a boat with billowed sail

SCHOOL HALLWAY

Freedom is finally in front of the music room. She still has the piece of paper in her hand that she picked up earlier. She crumples it up and throws it on the ground.

She pulls a fun-sized BABY RUTH out of her pocket, tears it open, and pops it in her mouth.

She tries to open the door to the music room but of course, it’s locked.

MR. C’S CLASSROOM

The class is SINGING when all of a sudden a BANGING is heard. The class stops singing. Freedom, visible through the window in the door, is POUNDING on it and SHAKING the door handle as hard as she can.

FREEDOM

LET ME IN!! YOU HEAR ME!?

She POUNDS on the door with both hands.

MR. C

Get busy on your essay!

FREEDOM

Bryttannie!! LET ME IN!!

MR. C

Byrttannie, you get out of your seat and you’ll be writing essays too.

Bryttannie looks at Freedom through the door and shrugs. She stays seated.

FREEDOM You little bitch!!

MR. C Watch your language, Freedom.

FREEDOM MY MOM IS GONNA HAVE YOUR JOB!! YOU JUST WAIT!!

She grabs the handle with both hands and tries with all her might to rip the door from its hinges.

MR. C

Careful, Freedom. That’s school property. FREEDOM LET ME IN!!

MR. C

Write your essay! That’s the only way you’re getting back in here!

Freedom is at last silent.

INSERT...

...of her chubby little red fists. She squeezes them together as they shake with rage.

CUT TO:

INT. KINDERGARTEN CLASS - DAY

The teacher is sitting on a stool. Her students are seated on the floor in front of her.

TEACHER (reading)

Oh, Mr. Turtle, please help me across the duck pond-

She stops because suddenly a high-pitched SCREAM is heard.

CUT TO:

INT. ROLLING HILLS’ GYM - DAY

A class of 4th graders is playing basketball. The same SCREAM is heard.

All activity stops as they listen, wondering what it is.

CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL OFFICE - DAY

The SCREAM is gratingly loud. Reeves bolts out of his office and looks at the secretary.

REEVES

What’s that?

MRS. THOMPSON (flustered)

I don’t know.

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAYCONTINUOUS

Reeves comes out of the office and follows the direction of the SCREAM. Several teachers come out of their room and give Reeves a puzzled look.

REEVES

I’ll take care of it, ladies. Go back to your students.

He follows the SCREAM. He turns a corner and sees Freedom standing in front of Mr. C’s door SCREAMING her head off.

MISS THRASHER, the teacher in the room next to Mr. C’s, is standing next to Freedom.

MISS THRASHER I can’t get her to stop!

REEVES (approaching them)

FREEDOM!! THAT’S ENOUGH!!

Freedom looks at him and stops screaming. There’s a moment of blessed silence before she BURSTS into tears.

FREEDOM (crying)

He won’t let me in!

Reeves checks the doorknob and sure enough, it’s locked.

He looks through the door window and sees Mr. C’s class singing, seemingly oblivious to the drama going on outside his class.

A dragon lives forever But not so little boys

Reeves looks down, puzzled. Why is his hand red?

INT. PRINCIPAL REEVES’ OFFICEDAY

Reeves and Mr. C are seated in their usual places. Next to Reeves is Freedom’s mother, Mrs. Ralston. She sits quietly through the whole meeting, only unlike before, this time her eyes stay glued on Mr. C.

REEVES

You’re letting her back in your class.

MR. C I’m not letting her back in my class.

REEVES

Did you know Mrs. Ralston went and complained about you at last night’s school board meeting?

MR. C

Let her. I’ve got documentation and a class full of witnesses ready to testify to Freedom’s behavior.

REEVES

That’s what you think.

There won’t be any kids giving testimony on a witness stand. Trust me.

MR. C

Then they can provide written affidavits describing what happened.

REEVES

Only if I let them. You’re letting her back in your room.

MR. C

I’ll let her back in when she completes the assignment I gave her.

REEVES

You’re letting her back in because if you don’t--

MR. C

A teacher has the right to keep out any student that said teacher feels is a disruption to his or her class. That’s Texas law. You know it and I know it. Anything else?

REEVES

You’re letting her back in your class. Because if you don’t-Reeves looks at Mrs. Ralston.

REEVES

Do you want to tell him or should I tell him?

A grinch-like grin slowly comes across her face.

MRS. RALSTON

You tell him.

Reeves picks up a piece of paper setting on his desk in front of him. He puts it down in front of Mr. C.

REEVES

Sign the bottom, please.

MR. C

What’s it say?

REEVES

It says that you removed a child with physical force from your classroom.

And that as a result of her being excluded from participating with her classmates, she suffered permanent emotional damage. Are you letting her back in your classroom or not?

Mr. C takes out his pen and signs it.

MR. C

Not. How many days do I have to submit my rebuttal?

REEVES

Five school days.

MR. C

That’s going in my file too.

REEVES

If you so wish.

MR. C I so wish.

Anything else?

REEVES

Yes. Now sign this one.

Reeves pushes another piece of paper in front of Mr. C.

MR. C

What’s this one say?

REEVES

Mr. Collins, you give me no choice but to inform you at last night’s school board meeting, it was decided to give you one more chance to comply.

It was also decided that should you choose to be insubordinate by not letting Freedom back into your class, then disciplinary measures would be called for.

MR. C What disciplinary measures?

REEVES

Starting immediately, you are hereby put on administrative leave.

MR. C

You didn’t tell me that!

REEVES

Please...let me finish.

An investigation into your teaching practices will be conducted. At the end of which, you will either be reinstated or face additional disciplinary measures, including possible termination. Chris, just take her back. And this all goes away.

Mr. C considers his choices.

MR. C

Gimme the paper, you spineless little--

REEVES

Don’t say anything you’ll regret, Mr. Collins.

MRS. RALSTON

Let him say it.

(to Mr. C)

You spineless little what, Mr. Collins?

Reeves takes out his little notebook and writes down what Mr. C said to him. Mr. C signs the paper.

MR. C

Why don’t you support your teachers instead of groveling to parents?

REEVES

Mr. Collins, you have until 5:00 to get your things out of your room. You will then be escorted off the school grounds.

The board’s decision regarding your future employment will be made public at its next meeting.

MR. C (to Mrs. Ralston)

And you, if you spent half as much time helping Freedom with her homework as you did trying to get me fired, we’d all be better off. Especially your precious daughter.

MRS. RALSTON

Principle Reeves, I changed my mind.

I would like to represent the parent contingent of the committee in charge of Mr. Collins’ investigation.

She grins at Mr. C. Check mate.

Reeves gives her a puzzled look.

REEVES

I thought you already were on the committee.

MRS. RALSTON

I know that and you know that! But he doesn’t know that, you spineless little twerp!

REEVES

My apologies, Mrs. Ralston. I...I wasn’t thinking.

INT. MR. C’S FORMER CLASSROOMDAY

Mr. C sits alone at the piano. He’s playing SAD, PENSIVE CHORDS to fit his mood.

As he plays, a young woman comes in the room. Mr. C doesn’t see her at first, but when he does he stops playing.

YOUNG WOMAN

Hi. Are you Mr. Collins?

MR. C Yes?

YOUNG WOMAN

I’m Mrs. Delgado. I’m the long term sub taking your place while you take your sick leave.

MR. C

Is that what they told you? I was sick?

MRS. DELGADO

They didn’t tell me much.

Mr C stands up. He takes a piece of paper out of his pocket and sets it on the piano.

MR. C

This is my phone number.

I want you to call me if there’s anything you need, anything I can do, any way I can help you. Okay?

MRS. DELGADO

Thanks.

MR. C

Oh, I almost forgot. Ty? In Miss Urias’ class? He has a bladder control problem. So when he raises his hand to go... take it seriously.

She smiles at him.

MRS. DELGADO

That’s good to know.

MR. C

And Kimberly in Mrs. Riefsteck’s class? Her cat died last week so if you’re doing anything dealing with animals and especially cats, make sure she’s sitting close to her friends. If’s she’s by herself, she’ll start crying.

MRS. DELGADO

I’ll do that.

MR. C

And tissue. One thing elementary school teachers must never run out of is tissue.

MRS. DELGADO

Bought three boxes over the weekend.

MR. C Good.

Mr. C walks over to his desk and picks up his briefcase satchel. He stops and looks down at his desk.

INSERT...

...of the pink umbrella with teddy bears on it that Abigail gave him when he had crossing guard duty.

He picks it up and looks at it with a bittersweet smile.

He takes it and walks towards the door.

MR. C

Well, good luck. And like I said, please call me if there’s anything I can do.

MRS. DELGADO I will. See you when you get back.

MR. C Yeah.

Mr. C takes one last look at his classroom before he walks out the door.

INT. TEACHERS’ UNION OFFICEDAY

Mr. C is seated across the desk of a union representative. The representative is wearing a badge that says:

TEXAS STATE TEACHERS’

SCOTT

UNION

He’s 40-ish and weighs over 200 pounds. Yellow crumbs are visible in his full, unkempt beard and on his blue terry cloth tie.

An opened package of cheese and peanut butter crackers are on his desk--which is the cheapest piece of corrugated crap available for purchase at Walmart.

SCOTT takes a cracker out and pops it in his mouth.

SCOTT (eating his cracker)

I know that technically Texas law states that a teacher can refuse to let a student into his or her classroom?

But that law has no teeth.

MR. C Why is that? SCOTT

Because all the principal has to do is show that there is nowhere else for that student to be placed, and then the teacher has to take the student. Now is there a possibility you signed any papers before being told you were being put on administrative leave?

MR. C No. I signed after they told me.

Scott pops another cracker into his mouth.

SCOTT

Well, I don’t know what we can do then.

MR. C

Okay, so...what should I do?

SCOTT

You’ve basically got two choices: Let the student back into your classroom or...

MR. C Or what?

SCOTT

You can be fired for insubordination.

Scott looks at his watch. He wipes some crumbs off of his shirt and looks at Mr. C.

EXT. MR. C’S BACK YARD - DAY

Mr. C, sits out on his patio. Miss Watkins, sitting next to him, is reading a book called HOW TO KEEP YOUR TRUE NORTH.

MISS WATKINS

Listen to this: (reading)

“True North can be thought of as a metaphor, for our life’s work and mission. It was our True North that led us to a profession in which we help to shape the lives of young people.”

The doorbell rings. Mr C stands up. He waits for Miss Watkins to stop reading.

MISS WATKINS (reading)

MR. C So you think I should quit?

MISS WATKINS

I didn’t say that.

MR. C

That’s basically what I’m deciding if I don’t let Freedom back in my class.

“Yet sometimes, we can find ourselves in difficult circumstances. These are the times when it’s paramount to hold tight to our True North.”

MISS WATKINS

Is that what you’re going to do?

MR. C I don’t know.

The doorbell rings again.

MR. C The next school board meeting is Thursday night. Guess I better know by then, right?

Mr. C slides open the screen door and goes into his house.

INT. MR. C’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Mr. C opens his front door. He’s surprised to see a handful of his students on his porch. KIDS

Mr. C!

Hi, Mr. C!

Mr. C! It’s us!

Mr. C comes outside onto his porch.

MR. C

Guys, what’re you doing here?

CONNOR

It’s Saturday, Mr. C!

MR. C

Yes, I know. How do you know where I live?

ALLY

You only live two streets down from the school. Everybody knows where you live!

WYATT

We just came to say goodbye, Mr. C.

How long will you be gone?

MR. C I don’t know. Not long, I hope.

WYATT

What happened, Mr. C? How come you won’t be our teacher anymore?

ZAINABU (to Wyatt)

It’s cause of Freedom Ralston. Her mom’s trying to get him fired.

MR. C

Teddy, stop scratching!

ZAINABU

He’s nervous.

Mrs. Dorman yells at him too.

MR. C

I’m not yelling at him, Zainabu.

(to Teddy)

You want me to get you some lotion?

I’ve got some.

TEDDY

No.

Teddy pulls out a small container of lotion from his pocket.

MR. C

Well, rub it on instead of scratching.

Teddy takes some out and rubs it on his arm.

ZAINABU

He’s nervous about THE TEST.

CONNOR

We all are, Mr. C.

You’re not gonna be there to pro... pro...

MR. C Proctor. I’m afraid not.

Mr. C kneels down in front of Teddy.

MR. C

Listen, you’re gonna do fine. You have nothing to worry about. You did great on your practice test, right?

Teddy doesn’t look convinced.

MR. C Just do your best, okay?

Mr. C looks at all of them.

MR. C

All of you. That’s all anybody can ask.

They all look sullenly at him.

Mr. C stands up.

MR. C

Look, just do your best, and you’ll do just fine. I promise.

They want so much to believe him.

MR. C (trying to lighten the mood) Group hug!

The students rush around Mr. C.

MR. C

That's what I’m talkin’ about!

They give him and themselves a big hug with Mr C. in the middle of it.

ZAINABU

We gotta go, everybody.

We’re supposed to be at Saturday School.

MR. C

Yeah, you better get going before you get into trouble.

They all step back and off of the porch.

ZAINABU

Let’s go.

They all start walking back to school.

KIDS

Bye Mr C!

(to Mr. C)

We’ll come back next Saturday! Bye!

MR. C Bye, guys.

Remember what I said! You’re gonna do great! Be careful going back!

Mr. C stands there a second, watching them walk away.

MR. C (sad, to himself)

You’re gonna do great.

FADE TO WHITE

The blinking cursor TYPES:

The Texas Essential Knowledge and Skills ASsessment

FADE IN INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY - DAY

The entire staff is seated. We may or may not notice that Mr. C is not in the room. The HUM of voices is constant as they wait for the meeting to start. Reeves appears at the front.

REEVES

Okay, ladies! Listen up!

Most quiet down.

REEVES

I need everybody’s attention please!

He finally has everyone’s attention.

REEVES

Did everyone sign in?

Everyone nods yes.

REEVES

Great. Now, this without a doubt will be the longest faculty meeting of the year but it’s Texas law so we have to have it. It’s very important that you listen carefully to what Mrs. Thompson has to say regarding the rules for THE TEST next Tuesday. As I’m sure you know, your very livelihood depends on it.

Not trying to scare you, but that’s just the way it is.

Ready Mrs. Thompson?

Mrs. Thompson, the school secretary, walks to the front of the room holding a booklet.

MRS. THOMPSON

Please open your manuals to page one.

Everybody turns to page one.

MRS. THOMPSON (reading)

These are the rules and procedures governing the Texas Essential Knowledge and Skills Assessment as passed into law by the Texas State Legislature.

INT. FOURTH GRADE CLASSROOMDAY

A teacher, alone in her room, is sharpening pencils. They all have written on them in big bold letters:

SMART PENCIL

The other side of the pencil says:

BEAT THE TEST

MRS. THOMPSON (V.O.) (reading)

Failure to observe any and all provisions herein stated could result in disciplinary action, including termination. Prior to the assessment, be sure to read this manual.

INT. DIFFERENT CLASSROOM - DAY

A teacher is covering the bulletin boards in her classroom with construction paper.

MRS. THOMPSON (V.O.) (reading)

On the day prior to the assessment, all bulletin boards are to be covered. All computers at the student stations are to be turned off. Failure to do so could result in disciplinary action, including termination.

INT. DIFFERENT CLASSROOM

A third teacher is placing fortune cookies on her students’ desks. She cracks one open and it says: YOU CAN DO IT! BEAT THE TEST!

She pops the cookie in her mouth.

MRS. THOMPSON (V.O.)

(reading)

At no time and under any circumstance is the teacher administering the test (henceforth referred to as the ADMINISTRATOR) and/ or the certified teacher witness (henceforth referred to as the PROCTOR) to assist students during the assessment.

INT. MRS. DORMAN’S CLASSROOM

MRS. DORMAN is covering up a bulletin board.

MRS. THOMPSON (V.O.) (reading)

During the assessment, said ADMINISTRATOR and PROCTOR will alternate circulating around the room to assure all students, without use of unauthorized aids, are on task.

Her students are seated behind her and TALKING rather loudly. She stops what she’s doing and turns around to look at them.

MRS. DORMAN (angry)

You know, if I had an important test coming up I think I’d be using my time a little more wisely!

They just stare blankly at her.

MRS. DORMAN (even angrier)

GET YOUR BOOKS OUT AND STUDY!!!

That they understand. Like flipping a switch, students are instantly in motion: taking out language arts books from under their desks and math books from their backpacks, etc.

INT. NEXT CLASSROOM

The TEACHER is standing in front of her class. They are marching in place, military style.

TEACHER

I don’t know but I’ve been told... CLASS

I don’t know but I’ve been told..

TEACHER

TEKS testers are mighty bold...

CLASS

TEKS testers are mighty bold...

INT. NEXT CLASSROOM

Like a football coach giving a pep talk to the team down 21 points at halftime, TEACHER is pacing in front of her class.

TEACHER

Do you wanna be 5th graders again next year!?

CLASS No!!

TEACHER

Then go to bed early tonight and get a good night’s sleep!

Do you wanna be 5th graders again next year!?

CLASS No!! TEACHER

Then eat a good breakfast in the morning! Do you wanna be 5th graders again next year!?

CLASS No!! TEACHER

Then come to school tomorrow ready to BEAT THE TEST!! ARE YOU READY TO BEAT THE TEST!!??

CLASS YEAH!!!

TEACHER

BEAT THE TEST!! BEAT THE TEST!!

The students join in the CHANT.

INT. NEXT CLASSROOM

TEACHER is sitting in a chair. Her and her students’ eyes are closed.

SOUNDS OF THE OCEAN are emanating from her computer.

TEACHER

(quiet, soothing) Empty your minds...that’s it...just relax... now, think happy thoughts..

(in a baby voice)

Hello, Mr. Test, can you help me pick the right answers tomorrow?

Mr. Test is our friend...

INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA - MORNING

The clock says 7:45.

The cafeteria is full of students eating breakfast.

MRS. THOMPSON (V.O.)

(reading)

On the morning of the assessment, be sure all personal electronic devices are turned off before you arrive on campus. Failure to do so could result in disciplinary action, including termination.

The cafeteria is a SEA OF RED because almost everybody is wearing a red T-shirt with white letters that says:

BEAT THE TEST

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - LATER

Mrs. Dorman and Mrs. Delgado

(Mr. C’s substitute teacher) are walking down the hall. They’re both wearing red BEAT THE TEST t-shirts.

They’re both carrying a stack of papers.

As they’re walking...

MRS. DORMAN (nervous)

It’s up to them now...

MRS. THOMPSON (V.O.)

On the morning of the assessment, the ADMINISTRATOR and the PROCTOR will come to the office to pick up the testing materials.

INT. SCHOOL OFFICE - DAY

There are about ten teachers standing in line in pairs. Reeves’ door opens and two teachers--both carrying an equally tall stack of tests-exit his office.

Reeves appears by the door.

REEVES

Come on in, ladies.

Miss Thrasher and Miss Watkins, the next two teachers in line, go in Reeves’ office. Reeves closes his door.

INT. REEVES’ OFFICECONTINUOUS REEVES

Miss Watkins, you’re the proctor?

MISS WATKINS

Yes.

The top of Reeves’ desk is completely covered with neatly ordered stacks of tests. Each stack is over a foot high. Reeves takes a clipboard off the top of his filing cabinet and hands it to Miss Thrasher.

REEVES

Sign here, please.

As Miss Thrasher signs, Reeves combs through the tests until he finds the stack he’s looking for. He picks the stack up and sets them on the floor in front of Miss Thrasher.

REEVES

Count them, Miss Thrasher.

INT. SCHOOL OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER

The door to Reeve’s office opens. Miss Thrasher and Miss Watkins exit, both carrying foot-high stacks of tests. Reeves motions for the next two teachers in line to come into his office

REEVES

Ladies?

INT. REEVES’ OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER

Reeves is in his office with the next two teachers. He’s checking the names on all the stacks of tests on his desk.

REEVES

I know they’re here somewhere, Mrs. Zimmerman.

Mrs. Zimmerman SNEEZES.

REEVES

Bless you.

Suddenly Reeves stands up straight, listening carefully. MUSIC is faintly heard.

INT. SCHOOL OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

The MUSIC is much louder. It’s a RINGTONE:

YOU’RE GONNA HEAR ME

ROAR-UH-UH-UH-UH-O

A group of teachers are waiting outside Reeves’ door to pick up their testing materials. Terror in their eyes, they all scramble to pull out their phones to make sure they’re turned off. Reeves shoots out of his office. He looks around for the offender.

MRS. GANDY (panicked)

I’m sorry! I forgot it was on!

MRS. GANDY--a short, stocky teacher not far from retirement--shakes visibly as she somehow manages to turn off her phone.

REEVES

Mrs. Gandy, you are aware of your manual which states no electronic gadgets are to be turned on during the day of the assessment, are you not?

MRS. GANDY

My granddaughter is sick! I called my daughter this morning to see how she was. I must’ve forgotten to turn it off!

REEVES

Come into my office, Mrs. Gandy. We’re going to have to call Dallas.

Mrs. Gandy slowly goes into Reeve’s office. Reeves gently puts his arm on her shoulder to assist her.

MRS. GANDY (mumbling)

My granddaughter, my granddaughter.

As Mrs. Gandy disappears inside Reeves’ office, Reeves stops and looks at the secretary.

REEVES

(to Mrs. Thompson)

Call the Main Building. Tell them we’ve had a testing violation. Then call the sub office and tell them we’re short one certified teacher.

Reeves goes in his office, closing the door behind him.

The teachers outside his office exchange furtive glances. Like a Russian Bolshevik being sent to Siberia, they all wonder if poor Mrs. Gandy will ever be heard from again.

INT. MRS. DORMAN’S CLASSROOMLATER

Mrs. Dorman is handing out the tests to the students. All bulletin boards are covered. The blinds on the windows let in no light. It’s about as cheery as a medieval dungeon.

Mrs. Delgado is sitting in a back corner.

Mrs. Dorman finishes distributing the tests and picks up her TEST manual.

MRS. DORMAN (reading)

Today you will be taking the Texas Essential Knowledge and Skills Assessment. I have given each of you a test booklet. Make sure you get the booklet with your name on it.

While Mrs. Dorman reads, about two-thirds of the class have their stuffed animals that they brought from home.

One girl is hunched over her desk in a semi-fetal position, her CLIFFORD THE DOG held tightly to her stomach.

A little boy is rocking back and forth while hugging a batman doll.

Another little boy is still as a mouse, staring numbly into space.

Everybody slowly becomes aware of a WHIMPERING SOUND.

MRS. DORMAN

(reading)

Please open your test booklet to page(suddenly irritated)

Who is that?

Who’s making that noise!?

Everybody looks around, finally locating the source.

It’s Teddy.

MRS. DORMAN

Teddy, what is it!?

Zainabu, the tall Somalian girl, is seated next to him.

ZAINABU

He forgot his furry friend.

TEDDY

I didn’t forget him. I LOST him.

Mrs. Dorman is getting more irritated by the minute.

MRS. DORMAN

Would somebody be willing to give Teddy their furry friend to hold?

The students collectively pull their stuffed animals to their stomach. Nobody volunteers.

MRS. DORMAN

I’m sorry, Teddy. You’ll have to do without. And stop scratching your arms!!

Please open your test booklet to page one. You will answer the questions by yourself-

Teddy suddenly stands up.

TEDDY

I gotta puke!

MRS. DORMAN Again? GO!!

Teddy rushes out into the hall.

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAYCONTINUOUS

Teddy comes out of Mrs. Dorman’s room and starts running down the hall. Mrs. Delgado comes out of Mrs. Dorman’s room just in time to see Teddy, at the other end of the hall, go past the restroom.

He turns the corner at full speed and disappears down the next hall.

Mrs. Delgado starts running after him.

INT. SCHOOL OFFICE - CONTINUOUS Reeves is hunched over Mrs. Thompson’s shoulder, going over something on her computer with her. They are completely oblivious as Teddy, running full speed, flies by the window of the office.

They're still looking down when Mrs. Delgado comes barging in.

MRS. DELGADO

TEDDY’S GONE!!

REEVES

What do you mean, gone?

MRS. DELGADO

He left!! He ran out the front door!!

EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT-MOMENTS LATER

Reeves, Mrs. Thompson, and Mrs. Delgado all come out of the building. They look everywhere, in all directions but Teddy is nowhere to be seen.

Mrs. Thompson starts running across the parking lot.

MRS. THOMPSON TEDDY!!! REEVES

Mrs. Thompson!! It’s too late.

Mrs. Thompson stops and looks at him.

REEVES

He’s off of school property. This is a job for the police now.

Reeves takes out the pen and little notebook from his shirt pocket and opens it. He looks at his watch and then begins to write.

EXT. MR. C’S FRONT PORCHMOMENTS LATER

Teddy is standing there, out of breath. He rings the doorbell....he rings it again. Mr. C finally comes to the door.

MR. C

Teddy! What're you doing here?

TEDDY

(trying to catch his breath)

I couldn’t do it, Mr. C! I’m sorry!

Teddy starts crying. Mr. C kneels down in front of him.

MR. C

It’s okay. I understand.

TEDDY

It’s NOT okay!!

MR. C

Teddy, c’mon! You got this.

TEDDY Please, Mr. C. Don’t make me go back there! Please!

Teddy starts crying harder than ever.

(begging, whimpering)

Please, Mr. C...

please...please MR. C

Okay, I won’t.

INT. SCHOOL OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER

Reeves is standing next to Mrs. Thompson who is seated at her desk. Reeves in on the phone.

REEVES

(into phone)

Yes, Officer. He has long, brown hair and an earring in his right--

MRS. THOMPSON Left!

REEVES

--an earring in his left ear.

The phone lights up from another line and Mrs. Thompson answers it.

MRS. THOMPSON (into phone)

Rolling Hills Elementary...

She suddenly comes alive and is desperate to get Reeves’ attention.

REEVES (into phone)

And he has a tattoo...hold on...Mrs. Thompson, what is Teddy’s tattoo of?

MRS. THOMPSON (to Reeves)

It’s Mr. C! He has Teddy!!

REEVES

Officer Wade, can I put you on hold for a second? I think we just found out where Teddy is...thanks.

Reeves pushes a button on the phone.

MRS. THOMPSON Line two.

Reeves pushes another button on the phone.

REEVES

Chris, what’re you doing?

MR. C (O.S.) (through phone)

I’m taking Teddy home.

REEVES

You need to bring him back to school, ASAP.

He needs to finish his test.

MR. C (O.S.)

Sorry, Mr. Reeves. I’m taking him home. I just called to let you know he's okay.

REEVES

Chris, I'm on the other line with...

Reeves gets an idea and smiles.

MR. C (O.S.) (finally)

Are you there? Other line with who?

REEVES

Nobody. Never mind. Yes, why don't you go ahead and take him home.

I think that would be the best course of action at this point...okay, Chris, call us if there are any problems.

Reeves pushes two buttons on the school phone.

REEVES Officer Wade?... yes, I think I know where you can find Teddy...

INT. MR. C'S LIVING ROOMCONTINUOUS

Mr. C. hangs up his landline phone. He's standing next to Teddy who is seated on the couch in the room.

Mr. C picks the phone back up.

MR. C (to Teddy)

Okay, what's your dad's number?

TEDDY

I don't know. I got it on my phone.

MR. C

Okay, we'll call him.

TEDDY

I can't.

MR. C

Why not?

TEDDY

'Cause my phone's in my backpack at school.

Mr. C hangs up his phone, thinks for a second.

MR. C

Okay, you sure he's home, Teddy?

Yeah, he's home every day.

MR. C Okay, well let's just go.

INT. MR. C’S HONDA CRVMOMENTS LATER

Mr. C is driving with Teddy in the front seat.

MR. C Seat belt on?

TEDDY

Yeah. Mr. C, can we stop at McDonald’s?

MR. C Teddy, I’ve got to get you home.

TEDDY

Please, Mr. C? I didn’t eat my breakfast. I was too nervous.

MR. C

Okay, but we’re gonna go through the drive-thru.

INT. MCDONALD’S - DAY

Mr. C and Teddy are sitting at a booth. Teddy is eating a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit without the egg. Mr. C is looking down at his smartphone.

MR. C

I found your dad's number. Here.

Push the green phone.

TEDDY

How do you know his number?

MR. C

I found it in the school directory. Here.

Mr. C hands his phone to Teddy and Teddy pushes the green phone. He waits a second as it rings.

TEDDY (into phone)

Dad?...yeah....I'm at McDonald's....

Mr. C's phone...

MR. C

Tell him we’re gonna leave here in a few minutes and then I’ll bring you home.

TEDDY (into phone)

We’re gonna leave here in a few minutes and then he’ll bring me home...Mr. C....

MR. C Does he wanna talk to me?

TEDDY

Do you wanna talk to him?...okay, bye Dad.

Teddy hangs up the phone and hands it back to Mr C.

MR. C

He didn't wanna talk to me?

TEDDY

He said he’ll be waiting for you at home.

MR. C

Oh boy.

Teddy takes a bite out of his bacon and cheese biscuit.

I/E. MR. C’S HONDA CRV - DAY

Mr. C is driving, Teddy in the front passenger’s seat.

They’re in a lower-class neighborhood. Rusted out cars, stray dogs, and fridges with no doors liter the front lawns.

Several SIRENS are heard in the distance.

Mr. C makes a left. As they turn onto the new street, in the front of one of the houses are several police cars.

MR. C Ted Nugent was part of the 70s heavy metal scene, which was influenced by hard rock bands from Britain. And they themselves sprang from the British blues rock scene of the late 1960’s.

Milling around on the front lawn and the street are a handful of cops and about a dozen curious bystanders.

MR. C So groups like Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin were a direct descendant of groups like Cream and the Rolling Stones. Is this it? TEDDY Yeah.

Mr. C pulls into the driveway behind a police car. The melee rushes towards his car.

As they approach, several cops pull their guns.

Duck Dynasty Dad approaches the car but a big burly cop gently grabs his arm and restrains him.

Mr. C puts the car in park, a handful of guns pointed at him through the windshield.

MR. C

And those groups were directly influenced by African-American blues. People like Muddy Waters and Robert Johnson. See how music is all connected?

Mr. C seems oblivious to what’s going on. As he talks, Teddy looks around, not knowing what to make of it all.

EXT. TEDDY’S FRONT YARDCONTINUOUS

Two more police cars drive up, their wheels SCREECHING to a halt. Several cops jump out of the cars, pulling their guns.

COP WITH BULLHORN

Turn off the engine and open the door! Keep your hands in the air! Slowly!

INT. MR. C’S CAR - CONTINUOUS

Mr. C sighs.

MR. C (to himself)

All I wanted was to be a teacher. Is that so much to ask?

TEDDY

Mr. C, can I ask you a question?

MR. C You just did.

TEDDY

Can I ask you another question?

MR. C

You just did.

Teddy thinks about how to get out of this verbal trap Mr. C has put him in.

TEDDY

Can I ask you two more questions?

MR. C

Okay.

TEDDY

What do all these people want?

MR. C

They’re here to make sure you’re okay. What’s the other question?

TEDDY

There isn’t one. You knew there wasn’t!

They smile affectionately at each other.

COP WITH BULLHORN

This is your last chance! Turn off the engine and step out of the vehicle with your hands held high. Do it now!

CUT TO:

SNIPER’S P.O.V.

Mr. C is perfectly positioned in the cross hairs of a rifle scope.

COP (over radio) Got him? SNIPER I got him.

INT. MR. C’S CAR - CONTINUOUS

Mr. C turns off the engine and holds up his hands.

MR. C

Maybe you better get out now, Teddy.

Teddy looks anxiously at the frenzied mob outside the car.

MR. C

It’s okay. They won’t hurt you. Just open the door and get out.

Teddy does what he’s told.

Before he’s halfway out the door, a COP grabs his arm and flings him out of the car and onto the ground.

MR. C Easy!

Instantaneously, the cop has taken Teddy’s place in the passenger seat, his gun pointed inches from Mr. C’s head.

COP

Okay, asshole. If you wanna live, keep those hands where I can see them.

MR. C

Yes, sir.

COP WITH BULLHORN

Open the door. SLOWLY!!

Mr. C slowly opens the door.

COP WITH BULLHORN

Slowly step out of the vehicle. Keep your hands held high.

EXT. TEDDY’S FRONT YARDCONTINUOUS

Mr. C gets out of the car and stands there, hands held high.

COP WITH BULLHORN

Now step away from the vehicle.

As he takes a few steps forward, two cops grab him and fling him onto the ground. In seconds, they have him handcuffed.

Duck Dynasty Dad holds Teddy tight, his huge arms and hands draped around Teddy’s shoulders. They watch the police pick Mr. C up onto his feet and escort him to a police car.

MR. C

You’re welcome, Teddy.

(to Duck Dynasty Dad)

Hope McDonald’s was okay.

COP

Watch your head.

CLOSE UP ON...

...Duck Dynasty Dad, his gaze cold and steely. He watches the cop car drive off.

INT. POLICE HOLDING CELL - DAY

Mr. C is sitting alone inside when a UNIFORMED COP walks up outside the cell. He unlocks the cell door.

COP

Okay, Collins.

You’re free to go.

Mr. C stands up and walks to the cell door.

MR. C What? Just like that?

COP

Dad’s not pressing charges.

MR. C

He’s not?

COP Nope. He’s out front waiting for you so let’s go.

MR. C

Dad’s out front?

COP Yes.

MR. C He’s out front right now, waiting for me? COP (impatient) Yes! Get going!!

Mr. C closes the cell door with him still inside.

COP Collins, what are you doing?

The cop unlocks the door and opens it again.

COP Get the hell outta here!

EXT. POLICE STATION - MOMENTS LATER

Nervous, Mr. C comes out of the police station only to see the camouflaged Hummer parked right in front of him.

Duck Dynasty Dad is leaning on the hood. His arms are folded as he stares coldly at Mr. C.

Mr. C stands there as D.D. Dad slowly walks towards him.

Mr. C looks up at him but is unable to read his expression behind his dark sunglasses.

Mr. C flinches as D.D. Dad suddenly extends his hand.

DUCK DYNASTY DAD

Now we’re even.

MR. C What?

DUCK DYNASTY DAD

Never got to thank you for not pressing charges after I slugged you that morning. Glad I could return the favor.

Dad is still extending his hand.

DUCK DYNASTY DAD

Now we’re even.

Mr. C extends his own hand. It disappears inside Dad’s hand as they shake on it.

MR. C

You’re not mad about me kidnapping Teddy?

DUCK DYNASTY DAD

Teddy told me what happened. You’re lookin’ at a 10th grade dropout. That fuckin’ TEST oughtta be outlawed.

Dad pulls out his wallet.

DUCK DYNASTY DAD Here. Wanna pay you for Teddy’s breakfast earlier.

MR. C

Oh, that’s okay--

DUCK DYNASTY DAD

(cold) Take it...I insist.

Mr. C makes a wise decision and takes the ten dollar bill held out in front of him.

DUCK DYNASTY DAD

You can owe me the change.

Dad walks towards his Hummer as he puts his wallet back.

DUCK DYNASTY DAD

I guess some a you liberals ain’t so bad. Even if you are just a bunch a godless fags who worship a secret Muslim terrorist born in Kenya.

MR. C

You do know that climate change is real, right?

Dad opens the door of his Hummer.

DUCK DYNASTY DAD

Don’t push it, Comrade. I’d say you got off pretty easy.

MR. C (smiling)

Say hi to Teddy for me.

DUCK DYNASTY DAD

He’ll be glad to know you’re outta jail. Take care a yourself.

He gets in his Hummer and starts it.

Mr. C resists the urge to cover his ears over the sound of the MUFFLER. He watches the Hummer drive off.

INT. MR. C’S HOSPITAL ROOMDAY

Detectives McCaliber and Fuego are seated watching Mr. C who is once again lying in his hospital bed.

MR. C So there you go. That’s what happened.

MCCALIBER (to Fuego)

Can you believe that Reeves? What an asshole! FUEGO

Sure liked that Watkins dame though.

You got good taste, Collins.

MCCALIBER (suggestively) Yeah, count me in.

MR. C

It wasn’t like that. It’s her first year. I was just showing her the ropes.

FUEGO

And did she enjoy it when you, uh, showed her your rope?

They both SNICKER, turning back into 13 year olds sneaking a peek at Dad’s Playboy.

MCCALIBER

Good one!

(to Mr. C)

Ask her if she wants me to show her my rope.

They SNICKER some more.

MR. C

Yeah. Very funny. Listen, guys. If you don't mind, I'm kinda tired.

I'd like to get some sleep.

MCCALIBER

Sorry, Collins. No can do.

MR. C

Why not? I told you everything.

FUEGO

Not quite. You still haven't told us who put you in the hospital.

MCCALIBER

If Teddy's dad didn't put you here, than who did?

MR. C

What difference does it make?

Fuego and McCaliber look at each other. They get up and slowly but menacingly start walking towards Mr. C's bed.

MR. C

(nervous)

I...I got mugged on the way home from jail...after I talked to Teddy's dad.

Fuego and McCaliber are now standing over Mr. C's bed, each on one side of him.

FUEGO

That's day old bread, and we ain't buyin' it.

MCCALIBER

Come clean, Collins! Or we'll slap the cuffs on you so fast...

Mr. C's eyes, seen through his head cast, dart nervously back and forth at them.

MR. C

Okay! Okay!

Just...go sit back down! You're making me nervous!

Fuego and McCaliber give each other a look and go sit back down.

FUEGO

Okay, let's have it. Who put you in the hospital?

MR. C Nobody.

Mr. C pushes the button that makes the head of the bed rise up perpendicular. He's now sitting up in bed.

Using his one free hand, Mr. C starts banging his right arm, still inside its cast, against the rolling table next to his bed. Finally the cast breaks into several pieces and his right arm is free.

He flexes his fingers and bends his elbow. It's now obvious that his arm isn't broken.

Dumbfoundeded, McCaliber and Fuego watch.

Mr. C then starts to pull his skull cap off. He struggles but he manages to wiggle it and, like a tight football helmet, pull it up and off his head.

MCCALIBER

You're not even injured. There's nothing wrong with you.

Mr. C looks at them for a second and then starts peeling the bandages off his face.

MCCALIBER

Oh my God.

The detectives look on, horrified but unable to look away.

FUEGO

What in the...who are you?

MR. C I’m not Mr. C.

Mr. C finally gets his bandages off and he’s right. He’s not Mr. C.

This guy is middle-aged, has a chubby face, and is bald on top with hair on the sides.

MCCALIBER (flustered)

You better tell us what you did with Mr. C or...or else.

MR. C

I am Mr. C. I'm the real Mr. C.

INT. POLICE INTERROGATING ROOM - LATER

Mr. C's imposter is sitting in a wooden chair, his arms handcuffed to the back of it.

He looks around. Just like in the movies: Bare walls, a table with a lamp, a large mirror by the door (two-way, without a doubt).

Detectives McCaliber and Fuego come into the room.

FUEGO

Your story checks out, Collins. So you are Mr. C.

THE REAL MR. C Yes.

MCCALIBER

Why'd you do it?

Why'd you lie to us?

THE REAL MR. C

That was the Mr. C I wanted to be. That guy was a hero. Remember when you were showing me my class?

INT. MR. C’S CLASSROOM - DAY

It’s the scene we saw towards the beginning of Mr. C trying to teach his class. Only this time, THE REAL MR. C is teaching the class.

THE REAL MR.

On-the-beat. 1-23-4.

C

The Real Mr. C is modeling for them how to play on the beat but hardly anyone is paying attention to him.

Half the class is in conversation with their neighbor. One kid is tying his shoelaces together.

Another kid is picking his nose. The kid right in front of The Real Mr. C is licking his tambourine.

THE REAL MR. C Malachi! Don’t lick that!

CUT BACK TO:

INT. POLICE INTERROGATING ROOM - CONTINUED

THE REAL MR. C (still tied up) That’s what my class is like most of the time. The truth is I’m a terrible teacher. MCCALIBER So there is no school board meeting to decide if you can keep your job?

THE REAL MR. C No.

FUEGO

Mr. Reeves? Mrs. Ralston? They're not trying to get rid of you?

THE REAL MR. C

Principal Reeves hardly knows I even work there. And that's the way I like it.

FUEGO

What about all that with THE TEST? Was that all bullshit too?

THE REAL MR. C Okay, the part about THE TEST was true.

MCCALIBER

So what are you gonna do about it?

THE REAL MR. C

What do you mean?

FUEGO

What he means is: The other Mr. C would do something about it.

MCCALIBER

He would try to help the kids.

THE REAL MR. C

What can I do? The system's broke.

MCCALIBER

So you're just gonna give up?

FUEGO

The other Mr. C wouldn't give up.

THE REAL MR. C

Guys, I made him up! He's a hero! And I'm not!

If I did 1/10th of what that phony Mr. C did...

MCCALIBER (full of hurt and disappointment)

You're not even gonna try to do what's best for these kids?

THE REAL MR. C I would like to but I can't! I'm as afraid of losing my job as anybody else, okay? I'm sorry!

Now are you gonna arrest me or what?

FUEGO

No, Collins. We're not gonna arrest you, we're here to help you.

THE REAL MR. C

Help me do what?

McCaliber and Fuego start circling around him.

FUEGO

Help you with your story! You know, make it more believable.

MCCALIBER

See, the way we figure it, you got a plot hole the size of Texas.

FUEGO

Somebody's gotta put you in the hospital. And guess what, we're volunteering.

Suddenly and for no apparent reason, McCaliber punches the Real Mr. C in the stomach.

MCCALIBER

You gonna help those kids or not?

McCaliber delivers a solid punch to The Real Mr. C’s face.

LIGHTS OUT

The blinking cursor TYPES:

TWO MONTHS LATER

INT. THE REAL MR. C’S BEDROOM

The Real Mr. C is trying to put on a tie. He’s got a black eye, a bruised up face, and his arm’s in a sling. He’s wearing nice clothes and is standing in front of the mirror that’s attached to the top of his dresser.

He’s trying to put the tie on with one hand but he’s having a hard time with it.

Miss Watkins comes in the room, also dressed nice. Only this isn't the Miss Watkins we've already seen. This is THE REAL MISS WATKINS. And just like the Real Mr. C, she looks somewhat like her previous self only older, less fit, and not as attractive.

She stands in front of him and helps him with his tie.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

The Real Mr. C.--wearing the tie we just saw him putting on, and still black and blue with one hand in a sling--sits alone at a desk with a microphone attached to it.

He's visibly nervous as he holds a paper in his hand that he's mumbling the words to.

He sets the paper down and, with his free hand, pours himself a glass of water from a plastic pitcher. We hear a GAVEL being hammered.

SCHOOL BOARD CHAIRMAN (O.S.)

Mr......Collins, are you ready to address the school board members?

THE REAL MR. C Yes sir.

He picks up the paper in his hand. It visibly shakes.

THE REAL MR. C (reading)

Thank you Chairman Ross, thank you esteemed School Board Members.

My name is Chris Collins, I'm the music teacher at Rolling Hills Elementary School. I've been a teacher for five years, and I can no longer not say anything. I can no longer not say anything about a system and a culture that rewards conformity and doesn’t support teacher autonomy or individuality. And nothing is more indicative of that than THE TEST that we put these kids through every year.

And what I think is underneath it is fear. A lack of faith. In ourselves and each other. Because the truth is, the vast majority of people who became a teacher, or became a doctor, or became a firefighter, did so because they wanted to help people. They wanted to make a difference. How many in this audience are public servants? Raise your hand if you chose a career because you wanted to help people.

Mr. C stops reading and looks up. Only now does the camera pull back to reveal the hundred or so empty seats in the conference room. The only people in the room besides the Real Mr. C and the 12-member school board sitting in front of him, are Detectives McCaliber and Fuego. The Real Miss Watkins is also seated behind them and a little to the right.

SCHOOL BOARD CHAIRMAN

I'm sorry, what school did you say you taught at Mister....

He looks down at his agenda. SCHOOL BOARD CHAIRMAN

...Collins?

FADE TO WHITE

The blinking cursor TYPES:

PULL BACK TO REVEAL

The camera pulls back to reveal:

INT. THE REAL MR. C’S HOME OFFICE - NIGHT

The Real Mr. C, completely healed from his injuries, is sitting alone in front of his computer. PULL BACK TO REVEAL is still seen on his computer screen.

He grabs the mouse and clicks the Save icon. He leans back in his chair, turns, and looks directly into the camera.

THE REAL MR. C

Well, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. And even though, like I said earlier, that other Mr. C was made up? You’d be surprised how much of my story was real.

In his office we can see a bookshelf full of books, a clock on the wall, and a window out to his backyard.

THE REAL MR. C

And just to try and wrap everything up, my little speech didn't have much of an effect, one way or the other.

The Real Mr. C gets up and follows the camera into the hall.

THE REAL MR. C I'm still the music teacher at Rolling Hills. And Rolling HilLs is still obsessed with THE TEST.

INT. THE REAL MR. C’S HALLWAYCONTINUOUS

The Real Mr. C walks out into the hallway. He walks by various family portraits hanging on the wall. The largest and most conspicuous of which is a wedding picture of him and The Real Miss Watkins.

THE REAL MR. C (into camera)

So why did I stay in teaching?

INT. THE REAL MR. C’S LIVING ROOM

The Real Mr. C walks out into the most typical, conventional, suburban living room imaginable.

THE REAL MR. C Believe it or not, because of the other Mr. C. (to The Real Miss Watkins) I thought we were gonna watch that together.

THE REAL MISS WATKINS I went ahead and started it.

The Real Miss Watkins is sitting watching HOARDERS on a 56-inch, high-def flat screen TV. And it should be noted that she is very pregnant.

THE REAL MR. C

Just gimme five minutes. (into camera)

I’m almost done.

THE REAL MISS WATKINS

That’s what you said an hour ago. Just watch it later.

THE REAL MR. C Five minutes!!

You can’t wait five minutes!!??

THE REAL MISS WATKINS

Okay, fine! Hurry up!

Irritated, The Real Miss Watkins picks up the remote and points it at the TV. She changes the channel.

THE REAL MR. C (sarcastic)

Thank you!

The Real Mr. C walks into the kitchen.

THE REAL MR. C’S KITCHEN

THE REAL MR. C (into camera) So why did I stay in teaching?

Okay, yeah. I’ve got a new family to support. So there’s that.

He takes a glass out of a cupboard.

THE REAL MR. C And that got me thinking: Maybe I could find something that would help me get through the day without wanting to kill myself.

He opens another cupboard and pulls out a bottle of whiskey.

THE REAL MR. C

I guess what I’m talking about is rediscovering my idealism. And I have to give the other Mr. C credit for that.

He pours the glass about a third full of whiskey.

THE REAL MR. C You see, when I first started teaching, I had the passion but I didn’t know what I was doing.

THE REAL MISS WATKINS (O.S. from living room) Leave it out!

The Real Mr. C looks at the bottle of whiskey and then looks into the camera.

THE REAL MR. C (to The Real Miss Watkins)

Honey, I don’t think--

THE REAL MISS WATKINS (O.S.)

I’m just KIDDING!!!

THE REAL MR. C Very funny!!

He puts the whiskey back in the cupboard.

THE REAL MR. C (into camera)

It’s when I didn’t know what I was doing that I lost it. My idealism, that is. And my passion. And so I became cynical.

Whiskey in hand, The Real Mr. C follows the camera back into the living room.

THE REAL MR. C

But now, after spending some time with him, that other Mr. C has inspired me to want to be a better teacher.

THE REAL MR. C’S LIVING ROOM

THE REAL MR. C

And now, because I’ve been teaching so long, I understand how the game is played. I know where the bodies are buried. And so maybe, just maybe, I can make a difference in some of these kids’ lives.

THE REAL MISS WATKINS Hurry up!

THE REAL MR. C

I told you! Five minutes!!

THE REAL MISS WATKINS

You said that two minutes ago!!

He follows the camera back into the hall.

THE REAL MR. C'S HALL

THE REAL MR. C (into camera)

And as far as teaching in Texas, they’re really very nice peopleeven if they do have their head up their ass thanks to Fox News.

He takes a big drink of whiskey. He follows the camera back into his office and has a seat back at his desk.

THE REAL MR. C

So that’s what I’m gonna try to do: be the best teacher I can be. I won’t win all the battles, not even most, but hopefully one or two. Which will be enough to make it worth it, right?

He takes another drink of whiskey and sets the glass down on his desk.

THE REAL MR. C

So that’s the plan. At least until I sell my screenplay.

He leans back, closes his eyes, and is deep in thought.

THE REAL MR. C (to himself)

If only I had some explosions or a car chase...

A big grin slowly creeps onto his face. He sits up and begins typing furiously.

THE REAL MISS WATKINS (O.S. from the living room) ARE YOU COMING!!??

THE REAL MR. C (still typing)

Not now!!

I/E. UNDERCOVER COP CAR - DAY

The younger, better looking version of Mr. C is back. He's in the back seat as McCaliber drives and Fuego is in the front passenger’s seat.

They’re in the middle of a high speed chase.

Fuego rolls down the window and attaches the siren to the roof. He turns it on and it BLARES.

MR. C

WATCH OUT!!

McCaliber swerves, his tires SQUEALING. He barely misses a lady pushing a baby carriage.

FUEGO

You’re gonna need these.

Fuego hands Mr. C a pair of sun glasses to match the ones he and McCaliber are wearing. Mr. C puts them on.

MR. C

This is way more fun than teaching!

McCaliber turns into the other lane to pass a Honda Civic. He swerves just in time to avoid hitting a UPS truck head-on, its BLASTING HORN receding into the distance.

MR. C

So who we chasing?

CUT TO:

I/E. FORD WINDSTAR SUV - DAY

Mrs. Ralston is driving, Freedom in the back seat.

She takes a corner, going up on two wheels.

FREEDOM

Mom, when’re we gonna stop!!??

MRS. RALSTON

Freedom, don’t start with me!!

FREEDOM

I’m hungry!!

Mrs. Ralston looks in her rearview mirror and sees the detectives hot on her tail.

MRS. RALSTON

Not now!!

Freedom puts her fingers in her ears and starts SCREAMING at the top of her lungs.

Mrs. Ralston makes a gun with her fingers. Looking right into the camera, she shoots herself in the head with it.

CUT TO WHITE...

...as the rap song POETIC JUSTICE by Kendrick Lamar starts.

That sounds like poetic justice, Poetic justice, that's what you want Poetic justice, put it in a song.

We see the blinking cursor and hear the KEYBOARD one last time as it TYPES:

FADE OUT

CREDITS ROLL