The Christmas Handbook
For families living with Autistic Spectrum disorders, ADD/ADHD, sensory, or other special needs, the Holidays can be a real headache and not the fun, happy time that you may be wishing for. Just the weeks building up to Christmas can be huge challenge with celebrations and changes taking place in Schools and homes. Knowing your child's triggers, abilities, limitations, and preferences and adapting things to allow them to feel physically and emotionally safe with everything that is going on can make this time of year into a celebration that is fun for everyone, even if it doesn’t quite follow what it looks like in the movies!!
Always look at what it going on and think about the following: - What can we change - What can we make go away - What do we need a strategy in place to enable them to get through that particular 15/30mins What is their safety net/back up plan if they really cannot cope with that particular situation.
g n i t i Vis If family and friends are coming to your home, make sure your child/adult knows when (day and time, always putting in a clause that they may be late but that that is ok...and use a countdown timer as well if that helps) and that he/she can go off by themselves (with mindful supervision) whenever they wish.  Insisting that they greet people at the door or that they sit with everyone to "catch-up" could be a meltdown or escape moment waiting to happen. They need to be reassured that you are not going to punish them for needing to get out of the way.
If you’re heading to the homes of others, do everything possible to ensure a short visit (brief is better, always try to leave on a positive note), that there are as few “new” faces as possible and that a quiet place is shown and available to your child upon arrival. Let them take their computers or hand held devices and headphones to use if it will help them deal with the situation. And, if your family or friends are unaware of your child’s diagnosis, sharing this information may be the greatest gift you can give...to yourself, your child, and to them. It may make the difference of you being able to join in the social parts of Christmas that may be important to you, whilst giving your child/adult with anxiety issues strategies for them to manage for a period of time surrounded by people, that won’t make sweeping judgements about them if they understand.
s r e e P Seeing the cousins in a group or having the neighbours visiting in one evening may create major social issues, even if your child/adult may otherwise have a positive experience when it's 1:1 or a small group. Give them every opportunity for social success by limiting who comes when, making sure your child knows the plan, and changing things if it appears as though the timing might not be right.
Food Glorious Food Be aware of what’s being served. If your child is on a gluten-free or other restrictive diet, bring the foods that you child can eat and in the typical dishes or bowls, and a way that they are used to is really important. Now is not the time to introduce new foods and fancy ways to serve them e.g. even cutting carrots in a different way may mean they suddenly won’t eat them, as to them they aren’t carrots. If they decide the will only eat fish fingers on that occasion then it’s not the end of the world if it means they will sit and eat lunch with everyone else. Think about what your priority is, and whether them eating the same food as everyone else really is that important given how many other things are going on that will confuse them and make them anxious.
s e h t o l C That brand new dress or shirt or those fancy socks could cause sensory issues that ruin a holiday moment before it begins.  Allow your child/adult to dress as they prefer or introduce Christmas/party clothes well before they need to wear them.
Music That brand new dress or shirt or those fancy socks could cause sensory issues that ruin a holiday moment before it begins.  Allow your child/adult to dress as they prefer or introduce Christmas/party clothes well before they need to wear them.
Decorations Keep in mind that the blinking lights and singing ornaments on the Christmas tree (after all, bringing a tree indoors is all a bit strange) it can create problems and may trigger sensory overload. Get them involved in the process giving them a visual schedule of what is happening and if they like making things it can be a good way to keep them busy as well. If they want to make Lego ornaments or have Christmas cards in straight lines then try and welcome the individuality of it all rather than change things too much.
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The holidays mean changes which can result in havoc for children and teens alike. This is also a time where services are on breaks, creating even more need for structure and predictability, to enable them to feel as emotionally safe as possible. Prepare a visual schedule – with their assistance if possible – to show the plans for the days and nights. And try to continue with some aspects of their routines if possible at home Preparation is key. Exercise and getting some fresh air isn’t to be underestimated. Getting everyone out in the fresh air for a walk and run about can be a life saver and change everyone’s mood, so see if you can fit it in somewhere.
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The whole element of ‘surprise’ can be a real problem so if necessary let them know what presents they are going to receive – one way is to get them to write a list and tick off the things you have bought for them so they know they are going to be there on Christmas morning.
Also write on the top of the list that they may not be getting everything they have asked for. And if their ’thing’ is a new box full of stones or elastic bands then get it for them, they genuinely won’t feel they are missing out. If relatives are unsure of what to buy then don’t be afraid to ask for money and either buy things you know they will like or spread it out over the whole year with the amount collected. If the expectations on Christmas morning are too big for them then miss it out and find a different way for them to do it. Some find the pressure of opening gifts and then having to appear overjoyed more than they can handle. It is a skill to teach them (they wont know how to respond unless you show them what to do) but some will always prefer to open their gifts alone. If that’s the case then see if that can be arranged so you can spend time with your other children, but if not create a social script for them with strategies for them to know how to manage it all, again with a back up plan for them if it all gets too much. Christmas Eve or Christmas evening after dinner can work just fine too, or opening presents throughout the day so that everything isn’t all ‘over’ in one full sweep. And ask family and friends what's in those nicely-wrapped packages (and think about this yourselves as well) as gifts with sounds or requiring two hours of assembly can be meltdown material
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