Generations - August 2020

ISSUE 137

August 2020

Growing up

Brookside

Resorter family carrying tradition to third generation Blending work and play at Two Inlets Lake's Brookside Resort are the Wallenberg family – from left, Josh, Lucy, Clyne, Joanna and Marley – and the Kellers – Albert, Ellie, Izzi, Jamie and Bennie. While the three parents run the resort, their kids enjoy the "unbelievable childhood" of being resort kids. (Robin Fish/Enterprise)

“But then, as we had our own family, our view of things would change a little bit. … Then, we started connecting with our guests ave and Mary Jane Keller were on a different level.” the new kids on the block The couple came from in the when, fresh out of college, they southwestern Minnesota town of bought the Brookside Resort on the Pipestone. “I was a farm girl. David east side of Two Inlets Lake in 1978. lived in town,” said Mary Jane. “For Now retired a little way up the me, growing up on a farm, you at shore, the couple has passed the least learn how to work, and you resorting bug to some of their own learn how to work long hours. So, kids. Plus, a third generation of maybe that was the training.” potential resorters in the family is While studying at the University enjoying the unique experience of of Minnesota Morris, the Kellers growing up year-round in other spent summers working at Fair people’s vacation getaway.

Hills Resort in Detroit Lakes.

Mary Jane said she meant to ‘Blind-love decision’ become a librarian, and Dave was At the time, the Kellers’ youthful planning to be an optometrist. “But start in the resorting business was Joanna and Jamie's parents, Dave and God had other plans for us.” considered very odd.

Mary Jane Keller, bought the Brookside The opportunity arose when Dave’s “Other resorters just kind of Resort in 1978 and brought up three sister and brother-in-law, Lynn and shook their heads, because we were kids there. (Submitted photo) Dick Pettit, bought Brookside from so young,” said Dave. “We were 23 its original owners, Bill and Peggy Bedford. and 25, and the resort is a large resort, so there’s “They wanted us to run it for them and then buy a lot to it. So, we were kind of giggled at once in a them out,” said Dave. “We talked it over with them. I while, I think.” spent most of a night talking Mary Jane into it.”

When they started, he said, “we were young “I always say it was the only blind-love decision I enough that most of the guests were, like, our par- ever made in my life,” said Mary Jane. ents’ age. So, they were very patient with us, let us grow up there.

BROOKSIDE: Page 2

By Robin Fish rfish@parkrapidsenterprise.com

Inside this issue...

4 Growing Together: Perennial beauty 6 The Lost Italian: Sweet-and-sour punch 7 Minding Our Elders: Husband in memory care now has girlfriend 7 Savvy Senior:

Financial help for retirees affected by COVID-19 8 The Family Circle: What is a family meeting?

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A u gu s t 2 02 0

SUBMITTED PHOTO

Sometime in the 1980s, Jamie learns to waterski in the "1960s neighborhood" atmosphere of the resort.

ROBIN FISH/ENTERPRISE

Dave and Mary Jane Keller live close to the resort they ran for many years, on the shore of Two Inlets Lake.

BROOKSIDE From Page 1

Besides 28 cabins, it had a lodge, a swimming pool, a nine-hole golf course, horseback riding, and 1,300 feet of lakeshore.

“There was a lot to it already,” said Mary Jane. “It had been run by the Bedfords for 25 years. It had a great reputation. It had great clientele. They’d really, truly built up a wonderful place. And all of a sudden, it kind of fell into our laps.”

Making their mark

Brookside’s new owners didn’t leave things exactly as they found them. They discontinued the horseback riding and replaced some trailers with stick-built cabins. But mainly, what the Kellers brought to the resort was an atmosphere – less like individual vacation spots, and more like a neighborhood.

“We brought a big main deck, which brought all the people together,” said Mary Jane. “We added a snack bar, where they could get ice cream, and then we’d get a chance to visit with them. … We added group activities – bingo a couple nights a week, softball and volleyball with staff vs. guests, anything we could think of that would create more interaction.”

Meanwhile, she said, “We opened up the lodge to make it kind of a gathering place. We had a rec room … We had activities for all different ages. People could meet each other. The parents could get their kids down into the rec room, and then they’d have a little peace and quiet. We did a lot to develop that sense of community and foster friendships.”

Some of the friendships guests made lasted beyond their summer break. Mary Jane recalled young people who met a Brookside exchanging letters at first, then emails, and more recently texts and Facebook messages.

The couple encouraged repeat business by making improvements, from buying a new ski boat to replacing the curtains and couches in the cabins.

“It was important to show people that we were investing in their vacation home. People responded to that well,” said Dave.

But they had to be careful not to change too much.

“Brookside has a spirit all its own,” said Mary Jane.

“It has a heart. … It almost lives and breathes.”

Calling it “a piece of thread in people’s lives,” she said, “you have to be very careful with their memories.”

Some families have been coming to Brookside for 40 or 50 years – longer than the Kellers have been there, Mary Jane said. “You can improve it. But not to the point that you’ve changed the heart of it.”

“That’s part of the really nice thing about the family continuing the ownership, because they grew up in that,” said Dave. “They understand that.”

Growing up resorter

“Our kids grew up with the resort families,” Mary Jane said. “They have that unique perspective of being kids that grew up there, that loved it as a child, and then as teenagers they became workers – because, of course, everyone works at a family business. And now, here they are with their own families,

viding mental health services at Century Elementary School. After having children, she gradually pared her hours back to one day a week. During the summer, SUBMITTED PHOTO it’s “all resort, all the time,” she said.

The young family in earlier days learns as they grow.

Noting that this job provides “a really nice balTheir three children, from left, are Joanna, Andrea ance” between work and family, Joanna added, “That and Jamie. all just fell right into place.”

“I’m the only one that goes into town, that leaves on with their children running around.” a semi-regular basis during the summer,” said Josh.

The Kellers raised three children on the resort – “I do two days a week at the hospital in the summer, daughters Andrea and Joanna, and son Jamie. and then all the other time is here. I pick up a little Andrea Hauck, now married with children of her more in the school year, when we’re closed down.” own, is a teacher and lives in Brooklyn Park.

Jamie pretty much never leaves Brookside. “I’m Jamie, however, started expressing interest in just thinking how long it’s been since I left the propworking on the resort during his teen years, accord- erty,” he said. “We do shorts and T-shirt all summer long. Nobody makes me wear shoes except to scoop ing to Mary Jane.

“We finally said, ‘Jamie, you can’t do it until you ice cream.”

The three partners continue Dave and Mary Jane’s move away from here. This is all you know. This is not normal living. You have to know what normal efforts to balance old and new. They bought a 29th cabin and a little more lakeshore from a neighbor. living is.’”

Accordingly, Jamie lived four years in Portland, They made sure all the cabins had air conditioning.

Ore., while his wife – now Dr. Jennifer Keller with They updated the pool area and the main deck.

“We just take a cabin a year that needs it the most the Park Rapids-Walker Eye Clinic – was studying to and … try to update things,” said Josh. be an optometrist.

“Reinvest as much as you can,” added Jamie.

Joanna, meanwhile, married Josh Wallenberg, and While continuing to make changes of their own, the couple went to graduate school in Florida. She earned a degree in social work, and he took a doctor- there are aspects of their parents’ way of running the resort that they continue – like encouraging a sense ate in physical therapy.

“All of a sudden, they started talking about where of community among guests.

“We totally share their vision in that,” said Joann. they wanted to raise their family. They kept being “We grew up with that, so that was just natural to us. drawn back to Park Rapids,” said Dave.

Around that time, the community was investing in So, it truly operates like a little neighborhood. People improvements, such as building Century School, redo- want to make sure they come the same week, because ing Main Avenue, widening State Highway 34. Newer, the cabin neighbors’ kids played (together).”

“We say it’s like a 60s neighborhood,” said Jamie. bigger stores opened. A new clinic came to town.

“A lot of our effort is to keep that going,” said Josh.

“There were people investing in the community.

They could see that it wasn’t just going to stay a little sleepy town and waste away,” said Dave. “That Unto the third generation Jamie said that when he and his sisters were growhelped them want to come back.” ing up, the resort was like a fourth sibling. “Now it’s like a kid that the three of us share,” he said. “It’s Making the hand-off As the younger generation of the Brookside family definitely got its own heartbeat.” takes up the story, it was about 2007. Jamie knew that Jenny wanted her own career and would not be BROOKSIDE: Page 3 joining him in the restoring venture.

Joanna recalled, “He was having this summer of saying, ‘I want to do this, but it’s going to look different than I expected … How am I going to do this?’

“So, these two cooked it up” – indicating Josh and Jamie. “Someone said to someone else, ‘What if we all did it together?’ So, it was Josh’s idea. He said to me, ‘I think we should do this.’ And I was like, ‘What? You do? Are you sure?’”

“He convinced me,” said Joanna. “I always loved the resort, but I did not envision myself as a small-town WEDNESDAY (Cannot be used with girl for my whole life. … That was not in my plan.” any other coupons or LADIES DAY Luckily, both Josh and Joanna got their dream jobs specials) in Park Rapids.

Josh called his physical therapist career at CHI St. Joseph’s Health “the kind of job that I would have wanted anyway, at a place that I would have worked whether we were moving up here for the resort or not.”

Joanna works for Stellher Human Services, pro-

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August 2020

PHOTOS BY ROBIN FISH/ENTERPRISE

The lakeshore at Brookside Resort includes a dock and a boat with every cabin, plus a common swimming beach, water skiing dock and pontoon boat.

A waterskiing bear, carved from wood, shows Brookside beach users the proper form.

Since the Keller (and now Wallenberg) family took over the resort in the 1970s, they have made regular improvements. Some additions, including a deck at the main lodge, open for outdoor dining and poolside lounging, were designed to bring guests together and foster a sense of community.

BROOKSIDE From Page 2

Now their seven kids have a lakeside getaway in their backyard all summer long.

“We are growing our own staff,” Joanna quipped.

“It’s a strategy. In a couple years, we won’t have to hire anyone.”

Jamie and Jennifer’s four kids are Ellie, 8; Izzi, 6; Albert, 5; and Bennie, going on 1. Joanna and Josh have twins Marley and Clyne, 7, and daughter Lucy, 5.

“We didn’t grow up with cousins here, so that has

Astkhe

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been so cool for them,” Joanna said. “They’re like cousin-siblings.”

Asked if the young parents have a succession plan, she said, “We do. It’s funny. We talk about it a lot. We certainly don’t want to pressure them. … Would we be happy if one day, a variety of our children wanted to buy Brookside? Yes, we’d be very happy.”

Jamie said, “It would be great, but you never know. Many of Brookside's 29 cabins are of an A-frame You’ve got to let them do what they want to do.” design, built by original owners Bill and Peggy Bedford.

“We know, as adults, how unbelievable our childhood was here,” said Joanna. “There is nothing better than being a resort kid. It is an indescribable experience. …

To watch our kids having that experience is so cool.”

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A u gu s t 2 02 0

DAVID SAMSON / THE FORUM

Trumpet lilies are tall, bold and fragrant.

Perennial beauty How’s your flower knowledge? Do you know the difference between a lily and a daylily, and can you recognize which is which in a flower garden?

It might sound like splitting lily hairs, but it’s actually quite important.

If you want eye-popping color in the midsummer perennial garden, plant lilies and daylilies. If you want nearly all the colors of the rainbow in assorted flower shapes, sizes and plant heights, plant lilies and daylilies. If you want reliability, plant lilies and daylilies.

Now, to the original question: What’s the difference? Blossoms on both tend to be trumpet-shaped, which is why at casual glance they sometimes all get called “lilies.” That’s where the similarity ends, as their botanical structure is miles apart, as is their care.

Lilies grow from actual underground bulbs, while daylilies grow from thickened, fibrous, fanned-out roots. You can easily tell lilies and daylilies apart just by looking, because daylily plants have long straplike leaves that arch outward from a central crown at ground level, while lily leaves are spaced individually along a central tall stalk, and the blossoms form at the top of these stalks. Picture an Easter lily.

Daylilies belong to the genus Hemerocallis, and lilies to the genus Lilium, which makes the latter the “true” lilies of this perennial pair. True lilies grow from bulbs, while daylilies don’t.

To create the most satisfying perennial garden, com-

For high impact, plant lilies and daylilies

bine many different types so there’s something blooming and ever-changing from spring through fall. Daylilies and lilies fill the bill for high summer, with their peak flowering about mid-July through mid-August.

No garden is complete without several varieties of each.

Here are some tips for best success with lilies and daylilies.

Growing Together

BY DON KINZLER Columnist

LILIES: Page 5

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August 2020

PHOTOS BY DAVID SAMSON / THE FORUM

New cultivars of daylilies have large flowers, interesting shapes and rich colors, such as the Spider Man variety.

► Lilies prefer full, all-day sunshine, although a little afternoon shade will prolong their flowers. Daylilies offer a little flexibility, flowering in full sun or part sun. ► Lilies grow best in well-drained soil that doesn’t stay soggy during wet periods, and they thrive in soil rich in organic material like peat moss or compost. Daylilies are very soil-tolerant and will grow well in areas of the flowerbed that stay moist. ► Both have cultivars in a myriad of colors, flower shapes and plant height, offering great flexibility in design.

► For the greatest visual impact with both, instead of planting scattered individuals, plant three or five of the same cultivar in a closely spaced grouping for a larger splash of color. If budgets don’t allow purchasing multiples all at once, let the plants grow a season, then divide. ► Plant lilies in spring or fall from dormant bulbs, or all summer from actively growing potted plants sold at garden centers. Daylilies, likewise, are available seasonally as dormant roots, or as potted plants. ► The best time to dig, divide and reset established lily bulbs is September, which should be done every three to five years, if the clump becomes crowded and flowering diminishes. Daylilies can remain in place longer without requiring division, but if they become too crowded, divide the clumps in August or September. ► Among the many types of true lilies, the most common are called Asiatic lilies, with their upward-facing flowers. They’re the most winter-hardy and easiest to grow, but don’t limit yourself. Trumpet lilies are even more spectacular with their huge, fragrant, outward-facing, trumpet-shaped blooms on plants that can reach 5 or 6 feet in height, and they grow remarkably well in our region. Explore these and other types of true lilies. ► If your vision of daylilies is the old-fashioned, small-flowered type, think again. Today’s named cultivars have huge flowers measuring up to 7 inches across in rich, vibrant colors with fun shapes ranging from ruffled to spider-form. Each individual blossom might only last a day, but the huge clusters of buds keep the show going. ► For generous blossoms, fertilize lilies and daylilies in early May and early June with a well-balanced 10-10-10 fertilizer. ► Both benefit from a mulch of shredded wood products or compost. ► For end-of-season cleanup, cut back daylily foliage to several inches above ground level after a hard freeze, because the plants become quite limp afterwards. Stems of true lilies are best left intact during winter and cut down in early spring before new growth begins.

Don Kinzler, a lifelong gardener, is the horticulturist with North Dakota State University Extension for Cass County. Readers can reach him at kinzlerd@casscountynd.gov or call 701-241-5707.

Asiatic lilies are among the easiest to grow.

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A u gu s t 2 02 0 Tony’s Sweet Potato Salad with Brown Sugar Dijon Dressing Salad: 5 medium sweet potatoes (about 2 ½ pounds), peeled, washed and cut into slices ¼- to ½-inch thick 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil 1 teaspoon kosher salt ½ teaspoon black pepper 4 strips bacon, cooked until just slightly crispy but still chewy, chopped into 1/2-inch pieces 2 scallions, finely chopped (optional) ¼ cup pepitas Brown Sugar Dijon Dressing: ¼ cup extra-virgin olive oil 2 tablespoons cider vinegar 1 tablespoon brown sugar 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard ¼ teaspoon ground cumin ½ teaspoon kosher salt ¼ teaspoon black pepper Preheat oven to 425 degrees and line a large baking sheet with parchment paper or aluminum foil.

Cut the peeled and washed sweet potatoes into round slices between ¼- to ½-inch thick. Place on the lined baking sheet. Drizzle the olive oil over the sweet potatoes and then sprinkle with salt and pepper. Toss with tongs or your hands until evenly coated.

Bake in the lower third of the oven until the potatoes begin to sizzle and appear lightly caramelized around the edges, about 30 to 35 minutes. Oven temperatures may vary, so check the potatoes after 25 minutes.

Meanwhile, prepare the dressing by whisking together all the ingredients until fully emulsified, about 1 minute. Taste and adjust seasoning as desired; let dressing sit at room temperature until ready to toss with salad. Dressing may be prepared up to 1 week in advance and refrigerated until ready to use.

When the sweet potatoes are ready, remove from oven and let cool to room temperature, then refrigerate for at least 30 minutes to allow them to firm up before assembling the salad.

To assemble the salad, in a large bowl, add the roasted and chilled sweet potatoes, chopped bacon, scallions and pepitas. Drizzle Brown Sugar Dijon Dressing over the ingredients and gently toss until combined. Taste and add more seasoning as desired.

For best results, refrigerate for at least 2 hours before serving to allow flavors to meld, or even overnight. Leftovers will keep in the fridge for several days. Serves 4 to 6 (can be doubled for large batches).

“Home with the Lost Italian” is a weekly column written by Sarah Nasello featuring recipes by her husband, Tony Nasello. The couple owned Sarello’s in Moorhead and lives in Fargo with their son, Giovanni.

Readers can reach them at sarahnasello@gmail.com.

SARAH NASELLO / THE FORUM

Tony's Sweet Potato Salad is a healthy and delicious alternative to traditional potato salad, and just as much a crowd-pleaser.

Sweet-and-sour punch Secret ingredient elevates this alternative, healthier potato salad We love a good summer potato salad, but after consuming an unseemly amount of starch during the first two months of the pandemic, we are trying to curb our carb intake for a while.

Tony set about creating a recipe for an alternative potato salad, using sweet potatoes as a nutritional twist. To everyone’s delight, Tony’s Sweet Potato Salad with Brown Sugar Dijon Dressing was the surprise hit of the meal and the dish that had everyone begging for seconds.

Sweet potatoes are available year-round and are a staple vegetable in our home. Often labeled as yams at our local grocery stores, this colorful orange root vegetable is an excellent source of fiber, vitamins, minerals and antioxidants.

Even better, sweet potatoes are delicious, especially when roasted. Roasting the sweet potatoes enhances their natural sugars, making them wonderfully lush and sweet.

Tony’s recipe calls for five medium sweet potatoes, which we cut into round slices between ¼- to 1/2inch thick. The sliced sweet potatoes are tossed in extra-virgin olive oil and seasoning before roasting in a hot oven for about 30 minutes. Once roasted, the sweet potatoes are chilled in the refrigerator for at least 30 minutes, or even overnight, so that they can firm up before assembling the salad.

With his focus on the sweet potatoes, Tony chose only a handful of other flavors to complement their caramelized sweetness, including bacon, scallions and pepitas. Bacon brings a great smokiness to the

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salad (and who doesn’t love bacon?), and the scallions add a touch of summer spice and color. I listed the scallions as an optional ingredient because we have had the salad with and without them and enjoyed it either way.

Pepitas are a kind of pumpkin seed that comes from specific varieties of hull-less pumpkins. They are green in color, filled with nutrients and typically found in the bulk nuts and grains section of most grocery stores. The pepitas bring a lovely crunch to the salad, as well as a contrast in color, and if you cannot find pepitas, you could use sunflower seeds or chopped pistachios instead.

The secret agent that takes this salad to the next level is the Brown Sugar Dijon Dressing. Equal parts brown sugar and Dijon mustard are whisked together with extra-virgin olive oil, cider vinegar and ground cumin to create a dressing that is exactly the right blend of sweet-and-sour for this salad.

Tony’s Sweet Potato Salad is easy to make, keeps well in the refrigerator for several days and can be easily doubled for large batches, making it perfect for summer gatherings.

We hope it is as big a hit on your table as it was on ours.

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Husband in memory care now has girlfriend Financial help for retirees Minding affected by COVID-19 Our Elders CAROL BRADLEY BURSACK Columnist Dear Carol: My husband, who has dementia, has lived in an assisted living facility for less than a year. The move was painful for me, but I could no longer keep him safe on my own. I visited in person daily until the COVID-19 lockdown and we’ve had daily virtual visits since then. Recently, I was able to see him outdoors and he seemed good. He didn’t know me, but that had happened long before the lockdown.

What hurts is that as I watched him walk back into the building, a female resident joined him, and they walked in holding hands. When I asked a nurse about this, she said that this woman is his new “girlfriend.” She assured me that this sort of thing is common because people in later-stage Alzheimer’s no longer remember or understand being married. She said that it’s the disease and has nothing to do with me. I get it, but oh, it hurts! How do I adjust? ~ DW Dear DW: I’m so sorry! This is one more painful adjustment for you among so many others.

Some perspective may help you feel better. Sandra Day O’Connor who, in 2006, stepped down from her position as the first female Supreme Court Justice in order to care for her husband, John, who had developed Alzheimer’s.

In late 2007, news broke about the fact that John, who’d moved to an assisted living facility nearly two years before, had recently found a “girlfriend” whose company made him happy. O’Connor’s son, who became the family spokesperson, said in numerous interviews that O’Connor was glad to see her formerly despondent husband happy again.

That was enough for her.

Did her heart hurt? I’m sure it did. Yet, she understood that this romance had nothing to do with the 55 years of love that she and her husband had shared.

I’m relating this story because to the best of my knowledge, prior to this announcement these situations had been kept under wraps, likely because they were considered shameful. However, as often happens when someone well-known goes public with a previously hidden problem, a healthy national dialogue finally occurred. This open dialogue helped other spouses understand in their hearts that such romances were innocent and simply part of a disease process that is devastating in so many ways.

A similar issue that is likely as widespread if not more so is when a spouse who is living with dementia calls their current spouse by the name of a person from a past relationship. I’ve heard from several people who have had to come to terms with this type of emotional pain.

As you stated, DW, knowing what is behind your husband’s behavior doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt you, but understanding can help you cope. I’d suggest that if you don’t already attend a dementia caregiver’s support group, you join one. The support of others facing similar issues will help you as you work through this and other painful changes that you will continue to face.

Carol Bradley Bursack is a veteran caregiver and an established columnist. She is also a blogger, and the author of “Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories.” Bradley Bursack hosts a website supporting caregivers and elders at www.mindingourelders.com. She can be reached through the contact form on her website.

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To identify benefits, you’ll first need to fill out an online questionnaire that asks a series of questions like your date of birth, ZIP code, expenses, income, assets, veteran status, the medications you take and a few other factors. It takes about 15 minutes.

Once completed, you’ll get a report detailing all the programs and services you may qualify for, along with detailed information on how to apply.

Some programs can be applied for online; some have downloadable application forms that you can print and mail in; and some require that you contact the program’s administrative office directly (they provide the necessary contact information).

If you don’t have Internet access, you can also get help in-person at any of the 84 Benefit Enrollment Centers located throughout the U.S. Call 888-2686706 or visit NCOA.org/centerforbenefits/becs to locate a center in your area. Some centers also offer assistance over the phone.

Types of benefits

The Savvy Senior

BY JIM MILLER Columnist help pay for groceries. The average SNAP benefit for 60-and-older households is around $125 per month.

Other programs that may be available include the Emergency Food Assistance Program, Commodity Supplemental Food Program, and the Senior Farmers Market Nutrition Program.

Healthcare: Medicaid and Medicare Savings Programs can help or completely pay for out-of-pocket health care costs. And, there are special Medicaid waiver programs that provide in-home care and assistance, too.

Prescription drugs: There are hundreds of programs offered through pharmaceutical companies, government agencies and charitable organizations that help lower or eliminate prescription drug costs, including the federal Low-Income Subsidy known as “Extra Help” that pays premiums, deductibles and prescription copayments for Medicare Part D beneficiaries.

Utility assistance: There’s the Low-Income Home Energy Assistance Program (LIHEAP), as well as local utility companies and charitable organizations that provide assistance in lowering home heating and cooling costs.

Supplemental Security Income (SSI): Administered by the Social Security Administration, SSI provides monthly payments to very low-income seniors, age 65 and older, as well as to those who are blind and disabled. In 2020, SSI pays up to $783 per month for a single person and up to $1,175 for couples.

In addition to these programs, there are numerous other benefits they can help you locate such as HUD housing, home weatherization assistance, tax relief, veteran’s benefits, senior transportation, respite care, free legal assistance, job training and employment and debt counseling.

Depending on your income level and where you live, here are some benefits you may be eligible for: Send your senior questions to Savvy Senior, P.O. Box 5443, Norman, Food assistance: Programs like the Supple- OK 73070 or visit SavvySenior.org. Jim Miller is a contributor to mental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) can the NBC Today show and author of “The Savvy Senior” book.

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What is a family meeting?

These past few months I have mentioned family meetings, so, what exactly are they?

The first thing I would recommend is to have an outside person facilitate your family meeting. This can be a trusted neighbor, clergy, a geriatric care manager or county social worker if your loved one is connected to county services.

A family meeting is often recommended when there has been a change in your loved one’s health or need to relocate to an assisted living or memory care facility.

The purpose of having a facilitator is to help the family stay on track of what the meeting is about.

Generally, there is an agenda that is sent out ahead of time to help everyone be aware of what will be discussed. It is important to use this time to discuss your loved one and what the needs are and not get caught up in “family issues.”

So, once the day, time and agenda have been set up there may be family members who are unable to attend but can take part via a conference call, which works just fine.

When the day arrives, if there is a facilitator in place, they will open with introductions and the agenda that brings them all together. Often it is to decide how to safely honor the loved one’s wish to stay at home and how to go about doing this in as

The Family Circle

When a family shares the care, you have a family meeting, list the areas in which your loved one needs help, and then have the discussion.

LAUREL HED Columnist safe a manner as possible.

I read a book once titled “Share the Care: by Cappy Capossela and Sheila Warnock, which has been my best resource.

One person doesn’t need to carry the entire caregiving role. When a family shares the care, you have a family meeting, list the areas in which your loved one needs help, and then have the discussion.

In our family, I enjoy grocery shopping, cleaning and I take clients to appointments for a living so it made sense that those were the areas that I would help our mom in. My oldest brother lives in the same town, so he was already getting the many phone call requests and took on the financial role when it became too difficult for Mom. When there are more people this model works even better in dispersing the caregiving roles. No one

person must get burned out and with more people involved the loved one ends up having many more visits throughout the month which is really a winwin for everyone.

And new changes come up, then a second family meeting may be beneficial to discuss the next steps in your loved one’s journey.

Open communication is key with family and your loved one.

With all meetings, be sure someone agrees to be the scribe. These notes are then typed up and shared with everyone, so all are on the same page. It is all about communication!

Laurel Hed is a licensed social worker and geriatric care manager for the elder law attorneys of Thomason Swanson and Zahn Law Firm.

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