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SUPPORTING PARENTS THROUGH THE EARLY YEARS

APRIL 2014 – MAY 2014

259

focus on what's important

Get cheap politics off the table

risk TAKING

An essential part of childhood

beating eating

the odds Tackling male infertility

fluoride What's all the fuss about?

on a embark design adventure Create a designer nursery

toddlers, tantrums

& turmoil Keeping your inner peace

ALSO INSIDE:

The magazine of Parents Centres New Zealand Inc

Parenting tips • Childbirth • Family finances • Breastfeeding • Lifestyle • Family health


nano™

facebook.com/lifewithoutlimit instagram.com/mountain_buggy mountainbuggy.com

available from selected retailers


The journey to revolutionising

BUGGY safety Here at phil&teds ‘innovative thinking’ is our mantra. We’re not content with following the herd and doing things just because that’s how they’ve always been done. Who said that a double buggy has to carry children ‘sideby-side’?! we invented the inline and we’ve continued to innovate it for over 15 years, making thousands of parents’ lives easier along the way. After seeing heartbreaking stories and videos of runaway buggies, it got us thinking about what we could do so this doesn’t happen with any of our buggies. Our clever designers put their heads together to find a solution that would revolutionise how we think about buggy safety. “Our premise was to create a simple, mechanical brake that automatically activates whenever you let go of the handle,“ says phil&teds Head Designer Phil Brace (we know what you’re thinking but no he isn’t the ‘phil’ in phil&teds).

The result was Auto Stop™, a unique lock feature that automatically activates. Hands on to go, hands off to stop – it’s that simple. A concept buggy featuring the auto stop was then given to a group of parents to try it out – we’re true believers in getting product into the hands of parents for some honest feedback. The ‘test parents’ took the concept buggy out and about and they applauded our idea. We also discovered that the auto stop function was not only a safety feature but also offers parents a new element of convenience. It comes in handy when needing to wipe your sunglasses or answer a phone call, or when your toddler decides to suddenly run off. Here’s a snippet of what they told us. “Walking on hills I felt confident that the brake would hold if I took my hand off the handle bar.” “I used the automatic brake when in shops so toddler couldn’t wander off with buggy.” “Was great to use in small places where applying a normal brake is difficult.”

“Won’t scuff your shoes on the brake!” And the piece of feedback that sums exactly why we created the Auto Stop™ – “it could save the day”. The next step was applying this safety feature to one of our buggies. The navigator was the obvious choice as our all terrain inline buggy. It’s one of our best sellers and there’s always room to revolutionise a great product. We were set to make the worlds safest inline buggy. “As parents we are busy, tending to our children, running our lives, getting out of the nursery confines with comfort and safety was a priority for the navigator 2013. Whether from a gust of wind or a moment's inattention the auto stop function is there to make your child safe.” says Phil. The new navigator with Auto Stop™ made its debut at the Kind + Jugend tradeshow in Cologne Germany, and was nominated as a finalist for an innovation award. Although it didn’t win, we’re proud as punch to be a finalist for such a prestigious award! �

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Photo Credit: Jo Frances Photography

Gabe Bennett

Features

Special Features

Buggy Safety

Beating the odds – Tackling male infertility

Letters to the Editor............................................................. 4–5­­

......................................................................................................... 8–11

Talking to someone about infertility Kirstie Thorpe............................................................................... 12–13

‘Smackingly’ good

......................................................................................................... 1

Product page............................................................................ 6 Bedtime tips

Johnson’s baby............................................................................. 14

Two terrible twos

Eleanor Cater................................................................................ 16–19

Stephanie Makutu....................................................................... 22

The lady’s not for turning

The first three months of pregnancy......................... 24–25

Viv Gurrey...................................................................................... 20–21

Learning to take risks Tim Gill........................................................................................... 26–28

Embark on a design adventure Jane Allerton................................................................................. 32–35

Don’t puke on your dad

Breastfeeding, a global issue

Lisa Manning................................................................................ 29–30

Building self-esteem

ASG................................................................................................. 36

Do I need to make a will?

Cath O’Brien.................................................................................. 38

Toby Morris................................................................................... 46–47

Parents Centre Pages.............................................................. 39–45

Fluoride – what’s the fuss about?

Financial child’s play

Dr Rosy Fenwicke and Mary Byrne........................................ 50–55

Joanna Redfern............................................................................ 56–57

Music for love and laughter

Easing the itch

Anika Moa..................................................................................... 60–61

A Mother’s Day I’ll never forget

Judy Coldicott................................................................................ 58–59

Winners from our last issue............................................ 73

Kurstie Griffin................................................................................ 62–64

Find a Centre........................................................................... 74

When it all falls apart

Directory page......................................................................... 75

Lauren Porter................................................................................ 66–68

Planning the perfect party Melanie Holt................................................................................. 70–72

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Shopping cart........................................................................... 76–79 Giveaways.................................................................................. 80


SUPPORTING PARENTS THROUGH THE EARLY YEARS

APRIL 2014 – MAY 2014

Focus on what’s important Few things are as hotly debated in some quarters as the repeal of Section 59 of the Crimes Act 1961 or, as it has been erroneously labelled, ‘the antismacking bill’. It’s looking set to be an election issue for some who continue to see it as their birthright to physically punish their children. Eleanor Cater and Viv Gurrey argue against tampering with the current legislation which protects our children’s health and wellbeing.

Fluoride – what’s all the fuss about?

Going digital Something exciting is in the air for Kiwiparent. The feedback from readers, members and volunteers has been crystal clear – you’ve told us that you want to see the magazine digitalised. Recent readership surveys strongly indicated the need for both an online version and hard copy which you can browse at your leisure. So we're doing both! As of this issue, we are pleased to announce we are launching the magazine into the digital environment with a new website and interactive pdf.

Water fluoridation is one of the most controversial public health issues in New Zealand. Proponents and opponents frequently make diametrically opposed claims and counterclaims and, at times, both camps will claim opposing conclusions from the same study. Two leading figures in the debate explain their stance. Mary Byrne, the national co-ordinator for the Fluoride Action Network, believes our water should not be fluoridated, whilst Wellington doctor Rosy Fenwicke is a firm supporter of fluoridating municipal water supplies.

So, what does this mean for you? Going digital does not mean we will stop printing Kiwiparent – you will still receive your coffee table copy of the magazine – but you will also be able to access all the benefits of a digital version as well. Print and digital work well in tandem, as one is a fantastic resource for the other. The amazing range of technological opportunities that can be used to support and interact with print are definitely a bonus, and means that our current readership of 328,600 will be extended even further.

Fertility matters

We know that many readers spend a LOT of time using social media. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, etc are fantastic tools for sharing information and ideas about parenting. So, with this in mind, we have a direct feed to our Facebook page from the website. We also have a Pinterest site "Parents Centres New Zealand Inc" (link is on main PCNZ website home page). Another great way to connect with other mums and dads.

As you celebrate the news of a positive pregnancy test, then the arrival of your child or children, remember that, for some, these times of joy and celebration can bring about intense heartache. Infertility problems are increasing as couples start having families later in life. We look at the issue of male infertility and look at ways of supporting friends through infertility.

Kiwiparent – Since 1954 the magazine of Parents Centres New Zealand Inc Editor

Leigh Bredenkamp Ph (04) 472 1193 Fax (04) 938 6242 Mobile (0274) 572 821 leighb@e–borne.co.nz PO Box 28 115, Kelburn, 6150

Editorial Enquiries Ph (04) 233 2022 or (04) 472 1193 info@e–borne.co.nz

Advertising Sales

Taslim Parsons Ph (04) 233 2022 x8804 Mo 021 1860 323 t.parsons@parentscentre.org.nz

Design

Rainbow Creative

Printer

PMP (NZ) Limited

Publisher

Viv Gurrey, Chief Executive Officer, Parents Centres New Zealand Inc Phone (04) 233 2022 Opinions expressed in the magazine do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the publisher. Advertising in this magazine does not imply endorsement by Parents Centres. Generally material in this publication may be reproduced provided it is used for non–commercial purposes and the source is acknowledged. However, written permission must be sought from the editor. Kiwiparent is proud to support the WHO/UNICEF International Code of Marketing of Breastmilk Substitutes adopted by the World Health Assembly in 1981.

ISSN 1173–7638 www.kiwiparent.co.nz

259

We have plenty of things planned over the next few issues for our online readers. Editorially, there will be a place for readers to contribute articles and ideas of things they would like to read in Kiwiparent. Fancy yourself as a book reviewer? We will have books to send out for review, simply let us know what type of books you are interested in and we will send them on to you as they are released. And what about those latest apps or games for children? Either read reviews or contribute your own thoughts – after all, parents are the best resource to share information. There will also be an exclusive section that will cater to members of Parents Centres. Your Parents Centre membership number will become your login to access additional content, more competitions and different giveaways. Our advertisers are also excited by the opportunity to deliver more discounts, giveaways and information about their products. Keep watching as they will introduce new material outside the normal bi-monthly Kiwiparent cycle. We warmly invite you to become part of our online community of parents from those who are planning a pregnancy right through to those who are preparing their child for school. At this pivotal time in the development of Kiwiparent, we would love to hear from you about the new website and your suggestions for making it a great digital offering. subscribe online at www.kiwiparent.co.nz –

kiwiparent

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letters to the editor Congratulations to the top letter writer Maggie Meeks. You’ll receive the Chuggington Wood Over & Under Set from Holdson. Write a letter and receive a gift pack containing Johnson’s Extra Rich Body Lotion 400ml and Body Wash 750ml plus the NEW Johnson’s Daily Essentials Gel Wash.

Top letter winner

The Chuggington Wood Over & Under Set from Holdson combines the classic charm of wooden train play with the exciting world of Chuggington. This 22-piece set features a 2-in-1 Clock Tower which stacks to create two levels, or unstacks to create two separate tunnels. RRP$125.00 Available from all leading toy retailers. View the full range at www.holdson.com

Top letter

Banking on the future A human milk bank has been opened at a Christchurch hospital in what is a New Zealand first. After years of planning, Christchurch's Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) has now set up a bank of pasteurised mothers' excess milk for the benefit of other babies that meet specific criteria in the NICU. The babies to be considered currently must be either: < 35 weeks and < 72 hours old and have no need for intravenous access or have significant risk factors for NEC (eg severe IUGR / poor dopplers). This will be a consultant decision in consultation with the Milk Bank Executive. The long term savings and health gains of this innovation to support feeding with breast milk are wide ranging. Breast milk is the milk all babies should have wherever possible but it is particularly important for babies who are unwell and the preterm babies in the NICU.

Preterm babies are unable to breast feed immediately after birth because of their lack of a mature coordinated suck and swallowing abilities. Our preterm babies have a need for optimal nutrition immediately after birth to promote brain growth equivalent to that which should have occurred in-utero, and because of this we sometimes have to supplement with formula. This is understandably frustrating for many mothers and it is hoped that as the human milk bank recruits donors, parents will take the opportunity to supplement with pasteurised donor milk rather than formula where possible. Visit www.cdhb.health.nz for more information.

Maggie Meeks, NICU pediatrician, Canterbury District Health Board

Visit www.rdl.co.nz for your nearest retailer

0800 600 998


Feedback from facebook Recruiting new readers!

Don’t shy away from the hard stuff

I posted this pic of my nearly 10mo daughter on my Facebook page today, and a friend suggested I send it to you guys! She is reading your magazine :) Hope you like it!

I don't know what other people think but I have to say that I think that the February/March issue of Kiwiparent was one of the best issues I've read in my nearly four years with Parents Centres. I thought the articles around violence, sexual abuse and addressing the Roast Busters issue were fabulous. It's so good to see some information on the 'hard stuff' and not shying away from those things that we will all have to address with our children at some stage.

Rachel Bryenton

Emma Currie

Taking the guilt out of disposables I can hardly believe that it is over seven years since I first had an idea about how New Zealand could lead the world by developing the first commercial composting plant for nappies. After meeting with representatives from Huggies nappies to talk about making the dream a reality, finally in 2009 I opened my first Envirocomp plant in Canterbury and followed this up a few years later with a plant in the Wellington region. This means Envirocomp now offers its nappy composting service to around a quarter of New Zealanders. We plan to open a third plant in Auckland and to extend our existing coverage within New Zealand. Envirocomp has also taken its technology overseas with its first plant in the UK.

In New Zealand we have now composted the equivalent of over 16 million nappies. Customers often tell me that Envirocomp makes them feel better about using disposable nappies for their health and convenience benefits because it removes the guilt which many parents feel about the waste they generate. All types of disposable nappies can be composted through Envirocomp giving parents real choice about what type of nappy they use for their baby. If you want to know more about Envirocomp’s services and future plans, check out our website on: www.envirocomp.co.nz Yours sincerely,

Karen Upston, Wellington

The littlest Kiwi It's arrived! Weighing in at just 173.5 grams, the smallest kiwi chick to hatch at Rotorua’s Rainbow Springs Kiwi Encounter emerged from its egg on 5 February 2014. Kiwi Encounter staff say this latest arrival is the smallest the team has ever nurtured, and is also believed to be the smallest of its species in New Zealand. The little chick hatched all on its own in front of a team of very excited staff. The tiny egg weighed just 217.6 grams on its arrival from the Southern Whirinaki Forest and is a single anomaly from this clutch which has produced one other normal sized egg that also hatched. By comparison, the sibling egg weighed in at 442.1 grams, more than double the weight of 'mini', and weighed 369 grams at hatch.

Toni Thompson, Rotorua

Nappy Disposal System

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Commercial size also available For your nearest stockist visit

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product information page Night-Night Balm

Mumomega

A formula specifically designed with children in mind, featuring chamomile and lavender – essential oils traditionally used to calm and relax.

Smart fats for you and your baby.

� Great for pre-sleep massage – the scent surrounds and relaxes, helping the child to unwind naturally after a busy day of learning and growing.

� The aroma of mandarin and spearmint essential oils promote feelings of cheerfulness and wellbeing.

From high chair to 'my chair' The phil&teds poppy has the baby high chair essentials covered. It’s stylish, comfy, safe and easy to clean. The waterproof, seamless aerocore seat eliminates any risk of food hiding in cracks and easily wipes clean. It can even be put in the dishwasher! The easily removable, generously sized food tray has loads of space and has been ergonomically designed to fit baby perfectly from 6 months. The soft and spongy seat provides maximum comfort and is insulating, hypo-allergenic, UV resistant and non-toxic. The poppy offers great value beyond baby’s high chair, converting to ‘my chair’ for toddlers & pre-schoolers. The poppy is available in three vibrant colours - bubblegum blue, cranberry and lime. RRP: $149

Absolutely NO chemicals, synthetics, “fragrances,” parabens, GMOs, or any other bad stuff. We’ve chosen gentle essential oils that promote calm and peacefulness in children, and are safe for sensitive skin. It smells great and works for Mums and Dads, too. Available from your Pharmacy in two sizes 21g and 56g from $10.99 or contact Pharmabroker sales 0508 66 44 55

� optimal infant cognitive development.

� optimal infant visual acuity. � optimal gestation length and birth weight.

� postnatal mood balance. Mumomega is made using only the highest – grade natural – form Omega-3 marine fish oil. Sourced from DHA – rich tuna, the most bioavailable form of fatty acid harvested from the unpolluted southern oceans. Give your child the very best start in life; you can also help to keep yourself in the best of health too. Available from pharmacies RRP $34.99 or contact Pharmabroker sales 0508 66 44 55

www.philandted.com Look out for a giveaway of the Phil&Teds poppy on the Kiwiparent facebook page.

Toddler Mealtime range The new Philips AVENT Toddler Mealtime range makes feeding fun, for you and your little one. We've worked closely with a leading child psychologist and nutrition expert to create a new range of Philips AVENT bowls, cutlery and matching cups. The range features fun, story-telling designs to keep your child engaged as they take that important step from milk to solids. Available from Babycity and other leading retailers. www.philips.co.nz/AVENT

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Before, during and after pregnancy smart fats, in particular the longchain polyunsaturated fatty acids omega-3 DHA and omega-6 AA, are critical components for healthy brain and eye development. Studies show that maternal diets rich in DHA can have numerous positive outcomes for mother and baby. Mumomega supports:

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Aaron and Jacinta Gascoigne were desperate to have a second child – a brother or sister for their son Jack. But, after five harrowing years of failed pregnancies, they were ready to give up. Prior to Aaron and Jacinta’s final IVF attempt, Aaron decided that it wouldn’t be right if he didn’t go into it as fit and prepared as he could possibly be. “As everyone knows, it takes two to conceive,” says Aaron. “So I think that the man should take equal responsibility and be proactive about his own health.”

beating the

odds

He spent months reading medical journals and researching male fertility around the globe. Aaron gathered as much information as possible about what’s required to support optimal sperm health as well as learning about a range of other factors that have an adverse effect on male fertility. Armed with this knowledge and the support of some of the greatest international fertility medical professionals, Aaron created Vitamenz – a unique blend of vitamins and anti-oxidants specifically designed to support optimal sperm health. The results exceeded everyone’s expectations, not only those of Aaron and Jacinta, but to their friends, family and the medical community as well. So, after many heartbreaking pregnancy losses and three failed rounds of IVF, Aaron took his special concoction of Vitamenz for 100 days, before their final round of IVF. The embryo quality they produced was far higher than they had achieved in the past. Finally after all those gruelling years, Ava Gascoigne was born in May 2011. Aaron offers this advice to other men who find that they are having trouble conceiving: “Get off your backsides and take some responsibility – there

Photography: Anna Allport

www.annaallport.com


Aaron, Jacinta, Jack and Ava Gascoigne

are two of you in the relationship and it shouldn’t always be assumed that infertility is the woman’s issue. Basically, it is school biology 101 – to get pregnant you need one healthy egg and one healthy sperm to make one healthy baby!” All the feedback Aaron receives from other couples struggling to conceive leads him to believe that male infertility is worse these days. “Although there are multiple factors at play,” Aaron says, “I think the decision to delay pregnancy has had a big impact. The older you get, the more the quality of your sperm decreases. Men will often delay fatherhood until they have established a career, bought the house, travelled. Men often just don’t realise their sperm deteriorates as they age.” Aaron says the best thing about starting this business is all the emails and phone calls he gets from couples who have found taking Vitamenz has helped them to conceive. One Dad wrote: “We had been thinking it was time to start trying to have kids when we left London in 2009, so my wife went off the pill and although we weren't specifically trying (making sure dates were right etc) we thought ‘if it happens – great’. “We got married at the beginning of

What are the facts about male infertility? There has been a much greater interest in male infertility and sperm abnormalities since the early 1990s encouraged partly by the introduction of a revolutionary treatment, intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI), and also by an increasing understanding of male reproductive health and concerns expressed about a reduction in sperm counts from some countries. Infertility is not an uncommon problem. As many as one in six couples will experience difficulties

2011 and were actively trying then. We did a bit of research and couldn't believe how hard it was to actually get pregnant. We spoke to Fertility Associates to see if they could help. We both assumed it would be something wrong with my wife, but after a couple of tests, I found I had very low sperm motility. We were told we had about a 3% chance of conceiving naturally and that IVF was our best option. We did a cycle straight away and had about 10 embryos but only one survived that still did not result in a pregnancy. We went for another cycle, had about 10 embryos and only one survived again. This one thankfully resulted in our young boy, who is now a year old. “We had envisaged trying for another child through IVF. When Vitamenz came out a friend mentioned it and I saw the news story. Pretty emotional stuff and knowing the emotions we went through with one failed cycle, couldn't even imagine what it was like for you guys.

in trying to conceive and a male factor will be present in 30–50% of couples, either as the single major cause of their fertility problem or as part of multi-factorial problem with both male and female factors being present. The number of myths surrounding male potency and fertility are reducing as we develop an increased understanding of some of the causes. It is important to note there is no good evidence of a world-wide decline in fertility rates, although there have been some reports from individual countries suggesting a decline in sperm quantity, possibly due to environmental causes.

“Anyway, I thought I might as well get the swimmers in to shape before we tried IVF again, so started taking Vitamenz. We were trying for another baby naturally, and even though we knew it was unlikely we also thought it’s a hell of a lot cheaper than paying for IVF again, as we didn't qualify for public funding. To our surprise and delight, after two and a half months on Vitamenz, my wife became pregnant and now we have been graced with a beautiful little girl.” www.vitamenz.co.nz

What causes male infertility? For at least half of sperm problems, the cause remains unknown (idiopathic) although there is an increasing understanding that genetic factors may play an important role. Ten percent of men with absent sperm production or an extremely low count (azoospermia and severe oligospermia) will have small pieces missing from their Y chromosome (micro-deletions) as the cause for the abnormal sperm production. There are tests for Y micro-deletions.

Continued overleaf...

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Male obesity with reduced circulating testosterone levels can influence sperm quality as can heavy alcohol intake, cigarette and marijuana smoking and certain medications.

of conception. This means that the results of the semen analysis therefore for each couple must be interpreted in the light of each couple’s individual circumstances.

hyperstimulation. Nevertheless, success rates of only 5–10% per cycle are reported in most studies when IUI is performed for male fertility.

Oxidative stress-related damage to sperm caused by free radicals has also been shown to be an increasingly important issue. Free radicals are toxic metabolites that can impair the ability of sperm to fertilise and can damage the DNA contained in the head of the sperm. Blocking the free radical damage by the use of anti-oxidant preparations can be a useful management option if increased DNA damage is thought to be a contributing factor

What treatment options are there?

ICSI (micro-injection) involves the direct injection of the sperm into an egg as part of IVF treatment. It is primarily used when a major sperm defect has been identified or where there has been poor fertilisation with ordinary IVF. �

Regret following a vasectomy is an increasing problem and it is estimated that 10% of men will seek either reversal of vasectomy or surgical retrieval of sperm for use with micro-injection. Although a semen analysis is essential for diagnosing male infertility, a detailed history should also be taken, including a sexual history, and also possible exposure to any environmental toxins. If there is any abnormality on the initial semen analysis, a further analysis should be undertaken at a tertiary fertility laboratory looking carefully at sperm motility and morphology (shape) and testing for anti-sperm antibodies. Hormone assays may be useful and should include an FSH level and a prolactin level. Karyotyping, to check the chromosomes, may be useful to exclude certain genetic conditions. There are also newer tests that measure oxidation damage to sperm. Unless there is absent sperm production or an extremely low count (less than 5 million/ml) it is the circumstances of the couple’s infertility such as the duration of infertility, previous pregnancy history and also female partner’s age that are the most important factors in predicting future chances

Occasionally a hormonal imbalance will be discovered on testing which can be treated with replacement gonadatrophin injections to improve the sperm count. Unfortunately, cases where medication will improve the sperm count are relatively rare. Lifestyle changes such as losing weight, reducing alcohol and cigarette intake, and wearing boxers rather than tight underwear, can improve quality of sperm but may not help if there is significant abnormality. Treatment with donor sperm in an otherwise healthy woman should result in pregnancy rates of 15-20% per cycle. Intrauterine insemination – IUI (artificial insemination using partner’s sperm) is used occasionally for the treatment of male infertility but again is unlikely to be useful if a significant sperm abnormality is present. Randomised controlled trials show that intrauterine insemination is better than timed intercourse for the treatment of male infertility, particularly when used with ovarian

Material sourced from Fertility New Zealand www.fertilitynz.org.nz

Fertility Week: Be Fertility Fit 7-13 April 2014

Join the campaign to raise awareness of the impact of five key factors on fertility: � age � timing of sex � weight

� alcohol � smoking.

Each weekday during Fertility Week, a Fertility Fit Factor will be featured, including practical information and tips; as well as a webinar by a fertility specialist. We will also feature our members’ stories – if you have a story to share about the impact of one of the factors on your fertility, which would help educate others, please let us know! www.fertilityweek.org.nz


talking to someone with

infertility As you celebrate the news of a positive pregnancy test, then the arrival of your child or children, it is easy to forget that, for some, these times of joy and celebration can bring about intense heartache. Infertility problems are increasing as couples start having families later in life. The chances are you know someone who has been diagnosed as infertile. There are two types of infertility: primary and secondary. Primary infertility is the well-known; it is when a couple faces challenges conceiving or maintaining their first pregnancy. The term is also used when a woman has never had a successful birth or when a man has never successfully impregnated a woman. Secondary infertility is the term used to describe a situation where there has been at least one successful pregnancy but the couple is struggling to conceive and carry another child. Both types of infertility are incredibly distressing to those who suffer from them.

child when they are dealing with infertility. Of course everyone is different, so use your judgement and knowledge of the other person to decide which of these tips are relevant for you.

1

Consider educating yourself. If you know nothing about infertility, get online or go to the library and find out what it’s all about. It shows you really care if you’ve taken the time to learn more about their situation.

2

Some people tell those struggling to conceive to ‘relax’. Infertility often has a medical basis, such as a hormone imbalance, blocked fallopian tubes, or issues with sperm. ‘Relaxing’ does not fix these problems! Most couples having regular unprotected intercourse conceive within 12 months. If someone hasn’t conceived after a year, infertility is considered an issue, and it’s likely to be something that may need medical intervention.

So if you know a friend or family member is struggling with infertility, how can you help them? How do you share your good news in a way that doesn’t cause them undue distress?

3

As someone who has secondary infertility, I know that people mean well but they often don’t know what to say or do and there can be lots of hurt feelings as a result. So below are some suggestions for what you can do when talking to someone about your pregnancy/

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12 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Acknowledge what the infertile person is feeling. Don’t tell them that other people have it worse. Not being able to have a baby when everyone around them seems to conceive so easily is extremely upsetting. It’s okay to tell someone who is infertile that you are pregnant. When you want to tell them your good news though, it’s


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Let them know you care. Let them cry on your shoulder if they need to. Let them vent. Don’t try to fix things by suggesting adoption, surrogates or other options – infertility doesn’t often have a quick fix anyway. Just be there for them. Say to them “I’m sorry you’re going through this.” Show empathy rather than pity.

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Infertility is a private and, for some, an embarrassing medical condition. Men can be particularly sensitive if the medical issues lie with them. Please respect the privacy of the infertile person and keep what they have shared with you to yourself.

9

If they are going through fertility treatment, the couple will let you know if they are pregnant – there’s no need to constantly ask them!

10

Whatever the couple decides to do in regards to treatment/adoption/fostering, or if they decide to discontinue treatment, please respect their choice. It took courage for them to decide to proceed – or to stop.

probably best to do it sensitively – maybe in private, over the phone, or via text or email. Figure out which way would be best for the particular person. If applicable, I suggest you keep the fact that it was an accident, or that you conceived the first month of trying, to yourself.

5

For those suffering from secondary infertility, telling them ‘You’re lucky you already have a child’ can be hurtful; often they feel their family is incomplete and they have every right to feel that way. It is not a case of them not appreciating what they already have. If anything, they are even more grateful for the child/children they are lucky enough to have because they are struggling to have more.

6

If you wish to complain about your pregnancy, choose who you wish to ‘off-load’ on carefully. You might be sick of feeling sore, uncomfortable or like a beached whale, but for someone who desperately wants to be pregnant but can’t be, they would do anything to feel that same discomfort. Consider having those conversations with people you know for a fact are not dealing with infertility. Keep this in mind too when you are writing your latest status update.

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Finally, don’t be surprised if after you share your good news, the infertile person goes ‘missing’ for a while. It is a form of selfpreservation. Being around people who are pregnant or have a new baby just reminds them of what they cannot have. They are dealing with some very difficult emotions – such as anger, frustration, and jealousy - and they are grieving for their lost dreams. Give them the space they need, but let them know that you are there for them when they are ready to reconnect.

There are plenty of resources online if you would like to know more about infertility and how to support someone through infertility: www.resolve.org is a good place to start. �

Kirstie Thorpe Kirstie is a volunteer with Auckland East Parents Centre. A former primary school teacher, she now runs a literacy tutoring service. Kirstie and her husband are scheduled for their second IVF round later this year in the hope of conceiving a sibling for their three-yearold daughter.

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13


tips

bedtime from Johnson’s baby

� Start baby bedtime routine with a warm bath; try Johnson’s baby bedtime wash with NATURALCALM™ essences. � Follow with a gentle massage with Johnson’s baby bedtime lotion. � Next, always ensure some quiet time before bed, perhaps read a story (the same quiet story every night – repetition is good!) � Put your child down in their bed when tired, but make sure you put them down drowsy but not awake. � Leave the bedroom when baby is drowsy and about to sleep, but before they fall sleep if you can, so that your baby gets used to falling asleep without your presence.

14 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Settling baby � Take advantage of your parental leave. Don’t assume that you will be ready for work a few days after the birth! � Routine for your baby is most important. Routines can be established by two months, but don’t expect baby to comply immediately. I would not start to be too directive until after six months, but individuals, both Mums and babies, are all different, even within the same family. � Take every opportunity to nap! The cleaning, dusting, vacuuming, washing up can wait (it won’t go away!), sleep for you (and your baby), should be your priority.

From Dr Alex Bartle, independent sleep expert doctor NZ


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smackingly

‘good’’ It’s looking set to be an election issue for some who continue to see it as their birthright to physically punish their children. Here’s the thing that these political parties and lobby groups fail to grasp: the repeal of Section 59 of the Crimes Act, is not, and never was, simply about smacking. It’s about protecting basic human rights and removing what could be used as an unjust defence in court. The Section 59 of old made it possible for children to be physically abused yet be unprotected by law. The law acted as a justification, excuse or defence for parents and guardians to use their choice of force against their children for the purposes of correction. Many forms of physical force were allowed under the guise of ‘parental discipline’ – often the same physical force that it would take to have someone held for assault if it were forced upon an adult. Since the law was amended in 2007 children now have the same protection as everyone else so far as the use of force is concerned. The use of force on a child may constitute an assault – and why wouldn’t it? Why should our smallest and most vulnerable have fewer rights and less protection than the rest of us? So these political lobby groups want us to now start rehashing the law, arguing that so-called ‘good parents’ are being unjustifiably punished. Well, aside from the lack of education here (at Parents Centres we would suggest that educated parenting and quality relationships do not include hitting anyone), they even want to debate that a ‘smack’ is not violence and

16 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Few things are as hotly debated in some quarters as the repeal of Section 59 of the Crimes Act 1961 or, as some like to label it, ‘the anti-smacking bill’.

the semantics around the different forms of physical punishment and what is and is not acceptable. It’s dangerous territory. Just where do you draw the line and who determines it? We know that physical punishment can lead to abusive, out of control parenting. This can become intergenerational as, like it or not, we all have tendencies to parent on autopilot and parent the way that we were parented, the good with the bad. At Parents Centres we see countless participants in our prison programmes who simply have never been aware that there is any other way to correct behaviour than with a smack/hit/punch. The political lobbyists who say it’s their right to smack their kids were no doubt smacked as children (and watch them tell us ‘look, we turned out ok’!) Wouldn’t it be simply wonderful if they would open their minds to the possibility that there might be another, better, way? To the Conservatives, ACT, Family First, I’d say this: there is another way. Smacking is lazy, uneducated parenting. It is damaging. To pour your energies and resources into something so negative in election year is shameful when we have such shocking child abuse statistics in this country and so many real and pressing issues that face families and children. How about reducing poverty and increasing access to parent education and support? Here’s some news for you: there are many positive ways to parent without resorting to hurting your kids. They come under a wonderful, thoughtful banner called


Toys that don’t break their promises

‘conscious parenting’. Conscious parenting challenges the autopilot settings of ‘punishment for bad behaviour’ often embedded in our being. It means pausing and considering ways to encourage desirable behaviour. It means to be mindful that our children are watching and learning from us, always. Like it or not, the example we set has an enormous influence on who our children become, which is why parenting in a conscious, not a reactive, way is so important. So this is an open invitation to the leaders of any political party or lobby group who want to ‘bring back smacking’ – come along to a complimentary conscious parenting programme at Parents Centre and we will walk you through a whole new world of conscious, thinking parenting.

Ernie Fire Engine

It might just change your family’s life for generations to come. I’ll leave you with this quote which really sums up why we need to stop, think and consciously act when it comes to children:

“However we treat the child, the child will treat the world.’’ – Pam Leo

Police Chase Charlie

Eleanor Cater Eleanor Cater is Brand Manager at Parents Centres New Zealand, a freelance writer and mother of three. Continued overleaf...

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Stop-think-act! � Be respectful – listen to your child, get down to their level and make eye contact � Be assertive – speak calmly, slowly and firmly. Say what you mean and mean what you say. � Be positive – watch putdowns, criticism and verbal abuse. � Be reasonable in your expectations – be aware of your child’s age and capabilities. � Be consistent – discipline is only effective if it is consistent. Aim for consistency from day to day and between caregivers.

Some top ideas from Parents Centres’ Conscious Parenting Programmes* Challenging behaviour in children is often a sign that their needs are not being met.

acknowledged, praise, uniqueness recognised, attention, a secure environment, family harmony.

Children’s needs include

� Intellectual – honest, open, respectful communication, their questions answered, exploration, new experiences.

� Physical – healthy food, daily exercise, good hygiene, enough sleep, safe environment, play and exploration, health concerns checked out, routines, structure order, rules, limits. � Social – communication (talking and listening), time with parents, healthy and positive role models, opportunities to socialise to learn how to relate successfully to others. � Emotional – to feel loved, respected, understood and appreciated, accepted for who they are, able to express feelings, feelings

Smacking, and physical punishment, do not meet children’s needs. This form of ‘punishment by control’ can escalate bad behaviour.

Punishment is about control � Causes resentment which causes more ‘challenging’ behaviour � Weakens the child-parent relationship � Teaches children about abuse, shame and humiliation

18 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

� Makes children feel unloved

Discipline is about self-control � Encourages communication � Strengthens the parent/child relationship � Teaches children to be responsible, cooperative, self disciplined, assertive, independent and non-violent.

Ideas for positive discipline Empower children by giving them some control over their lives. Teach children to be responsible, assertive, cooperative, non-violent, good communicators, pro-active and positive. Consequences and guided problem solving can be used to deal with most parenting challenges.


Other useful techniques include � Distraction � Time out (for child)

� Empathetic – your upset child needs to know they are listened to, heard and understood

� Time out (for parents)

� Creative – make it fun and bring them with you naturally

� Counting to 10/keeping calm/ walking away

� Lighthearted – use of positivity and humour

� Stopping and connecting child to their senses (has a calming effect – “What can you smell, see, hear, taste, feel?”)

� Aware of their children’s unique needs – know their triggers

� Responsive rather than reactive – stopping before reacting in a way that may inflame situations

* Parents Centres Conscious Parenting Programmes are based on SKIP principles and philosophies and the research undertaken by the Office of the Children’s Commission, University of Otago and the Children’s Issues Centre. �

� Sticker charts � Chilling out (otherwise known as pick your battles wisely!) � Focusing on the positive � Hugging � Choices

It also helps immensely if parents are � Real – explaining if you are short on time/energy, apologising when you get it wrong.

Conscious parenting – want to know more? Check out upcoming programmes at your local Parents Centre: www.parentscentre.org.nz

Join ‘Conscious Parenting’ pages and groups on facebook Research online and read, read, read!

Browse through the resources here: www.skip.org.nz

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19


‘the lady’s not for turning’

– she’s not, Parents Centres is not, and neither should our government be! Parents Centres New Zealand Chief Executive Officer Viv Gurrey's comments on why we need to take Section 59 of the Crimes Act off the political agenda and to do so now. In 2007 our current Prime Minister John Key and his party took a bold, courageous and progressive move forward by offering their support to the repeal of Section 59 of the Crimes act. They understood what was right and were prepared to stand up and make the necessary changes to an outdated archaic law. Along with courageous politicians from across all parties, they resisted emotive and at times vicious lobbying influencing them not to do so. To see this now being ‘dredged up’ by the likes of Bob McCroskie (Family First), Colin Craig (Conservative Party) and Jamie Whyte (ACT) as a potential bargaining tool in an election year has the appearance of ‘cheap politics’ and is reprehensible.

As we see this play out in the media it diverts attention from what is important and paints a picture of draconian, old fashioned and controlling agendas. Not to mention they are wasting voters time – I sense a campaign manager somewhere has picked what they consider might be something to garner a few votes here and there, using a badly worded referendum as questionable evidence base. I’m not sure the voting public will appreciate this, it‘s old, it‘s ‘done’ and it’s now a little tedious – ‘smacks’ of a need to control if you will excuse the pun. So it appears that now is the time for courage again and for no consideration to be given to a ‘U-turn’ in law. We believe any attempt to tamper with what has been achieved would be a giant leap backwards.

Seven years ago, Parents Centres supported the repeal of Section 59 because we want to look toward a future that considers progressive forms of parenting that work and that tolerate no violence toward children. Previous legislation served to provide a legal defense for violence against children by parents. It did not help or support anyone become a better parent – it tolerated and supported bad practice. That's why we worked hard to have the old legislation repealed and why we would stand firm to oppose any moves that over turn this change. Simply put there is a better way and it’s just lazy not to try! Parents Centres believe all parents should have access to quality education and support within their community which teaches and reinforces positive parenting strategies. We strongly endorse the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child which recognises the inherent dignity of the child, and the need for an environment that supports parents to raise healthy and well-adjusted children.


Our message to any incoming government is this � You stood strong on protecting the rights of children in the past and we challenge you to continue to do so – make this law ‘not negotiable’, both now and in the future. Not only does the current law protect a basic human right, but there are much bigger issues in New Zealand which families face and will make a difference to the welfare of children’s lives. � Stay strong and don’t pander to the whims of those who simply can’t fight an election on a better agenda but have to dredge up old issues to do so.

We believe the current law is working. Changing the law is not on this Government’s current agenda Social Development Minister Paula Bennett believes most New Zealanders have moved on from the smacking debate. “People are using modern parenting practices with fewer Kiwis using physical discipline against their children. “Police have prosecuted just eight parents for hitting their children in the seven years since the law came in. Seven of those parents had hit their child in the head or face. “We believe the current law is working. Changing the law is not on this Government’s current agenda,” says Mrs Bennett.

� Don’t tamper with our children’s health and well -being and that of society and drag us back to the past. � Let’s get this off the agenda – now. We don’t have time for this nonsense as we consider what our children and parents need and work towards a progressive and brighter future for our kids!

Our challenge to Colin, Jamie and Bob – you are wasting an opportunity. If you can’t find something better to do with your political airspace, move aside … or call us, we can find plenty for you to do that will make a real difference to the lives of Kiwi families! � Parents Centre has encouraged Colin Craig and Jamie Whyte to make contact with us on a number of occasions. We welcome discussion with any individual or organisation that genuinely wants to work to improve things for parents in New Zealand. At the time of going to press this hasn’t been forth coming. Does this show a blatant disregard to a large representative constituency of parents that a number of their party claim to represent?

Viv Gurrey, Chief Executive Officer, Parents Centres New Zealand

Research: Physical discipline Ministry of Social Development commissioned research 2004–2005 Findings There is a built-in risk of escalation with the use of physical punishment which means that it tends to get more severe with continued use and this increases the dangers for children. Parental corporal punishment is associated with the following undesirable behaviours and experiences: Decreased: Moral internalisation, quality of relationship between

parent and child, child mental health, adult mental health Increased: Child aggression, child delinquent and anti-social behaviour, risk of being a victim of physical abuse, adult aggression, adult criminal and anti-social behaviour, risk of abusing own child and spouse. (Children’s Issues Centre, University of Otago, 2004)

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21


two Twos Terrible

When my son became a Terrible Two, it was a slow and gradual thing, like growing fingernails, hardly noticeable at all until he turned three and by then he was already oozing his way out of it again. Not so with my little girl. She hit the TT's with not so much as a hiss and a roar as a scream with fists pounding against the floor. Overnight my sweet, placid, marshmallowsoft baby girl transformed into an expletive-spitting demon. Asking if she wanted toast for breakfast – a request that usually would have been answered with a melodic singsong “Alwite Mummy,“ – was instead met with a furrowed brow, an outthrust lower lip and a petulant (yet ear-shattering) “Nnnnnnnnnnnnno!“ followed up with a defiant “Go 'way!“ and a crash as the toast hit the floor in a pile of both broken crockery and rose-tinted lenses. I was not so much outraged as confused. Had I accidentally served her a steaming dog poo? No, a quick check confirmed that yes, it was indeed a buttery piece of additivefree bread, toasted to perfection and slathered with her favourite homemade jam. Then what the – ? It was while I was hunched over, inspecting bread, jam, broken plate and shattered dreams that she kicked me in the face. Granted, her foot is soft and pudgy and has hardly even been used, but it still managed to deliver a surprising amount of

force. “Go 'way!“ she shouted. Quickly I backed out of the room as she began singing 'One, Two, Buckle My Shoe', only it sounded rather too much like the Freddie Krueger version for my liking. And it may have been a trick of the light but I swear her head spun around – just a little. “She's a changeling!“ I whispered in horror to the Universe At Large. “And she's only two!“ And then in a blaze of revelatory light it hit me. Two. Of course! The Terrible Two's! Which means that – heave sigh of relief it's just a phase. Just a phase! ‘Just a Phase’ is a lovely expression. It implies that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, that one day the phase will eventually be phased out. The Terrible Two’s, so the Parenting Blogs tell me, are a fun-filled time of temper tantrums, mood swings and overuse of the word “No!“ (hmmm, so, a lot like PMT then). It's a time when children want to be more independent but can't let go of Mummy's leg. They want to do more physically but they can't because their legs and arms don't work properly. And they know what they want – but they can't tell you because they only speak toddler.

22 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

The Terrible Two’s must be a hellish time for kids. More hellish for them than it is for parents because we at least understand what's going on in their complex little brains and they are just in it, living it, letting the craziness wash over them (perhaps rather like dementia or acid). Anyway, I resolved then and there to be super kind to my two-year-old and try and do whatever I can to help her through this trying time. She can't help being a nut-bar. It's just a phase after all and should be over in.... I counted off on my fingers and suddenly realised a hideous truth. She's not actually two for another three months!! �

Stephanie Matuku Popular blogger, Stephanie Matuku, is an accidental stay-at-homeMum to two busy pre-schoolers. In a previous life she was a radio creative writer, voiceover artist and occasional actor. She is an award-winning playwright, sporadic exerciser and aspiring novelist. She regrets once being a childless person who liked to dispense parenting advice. Sorry.


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“I’ve known about Bio-Oil for a while now, and I’ve used it on and off for scars, and for this and for that. So when I fell pregnant I used it a lot. I really didn’t want to get stretch marks, so I was quite diligent. At one stage I had three bottles, my mother-inlaw gave me one, I bought one and I think somebody else must have given me one. And I was lucky – I got no stretch marks, not one!” Pam with Kain

Bio-Oil® helps reduce the possibility of pregnancy stretch marks forming by increasing the skin’s elasticity. It should be applied twice daily from the start of the second trimester. For comprehensive product information, and details of clinical trials, please visit bio-oil.com. Bio-Oil is available at pharmacies and selected retailers at the recommended selling price of $20.45 (60ml). Individual results will vary.


are you pregnant? Helping you out from weeks 1 to 13

1

Am I pregnant?

2 3

First take folate

4

Auditioning your LMC (Lead Maternity Carer)

5

The beginning of a beautiful friendship

If you think there’s a chance you may be, confirm it with a pregnancy test asap. You can buy a home pregnancy test or visit your GP, medical centre or self-employed midwife for a free test.

Take folic acid tablets during early pregnancy and if you can even before you conceive – it cares for your baby’s brain and spinal cord development.

The drugs don't work Avoid recreational drugs as they can affect your developing baby, causing miscarriage or abnormalities. Check with your Doctor about any prescribed drugs you may be taking.

Start looking early – this is a special and important relationship during your pregnancy. Your LMC could be a midwife, a GP or specialist obstetrician. Call freephone 0800 MUM 2 BE for LMC’s in your area or check out www.midwife.org.nz.

Meet your LMC for the first time once your pregnancy is confirmed. Remember to ask any questions you may have, your LMC will be asking lots of you – it’s very helpful to remember the date of your last period and take a pen and paper to make some notes!


6 7 8

Breast (ouch) tenderness Watch out for breast tenderness, your nipples especially may become super-sensitive – even before your period is missed.

Toilet tripping Feel like you are constantly taking trips to the bathroom? You may have interrupted sleep as a result of night-time visits to the toilet.

That sicky feeling Get more rest to help with morning sickness. Eat very small portions every 2 to 3 hours. Try ginger, homeopathic remedies or acupuncture. Remember, it generally gets better after weeks 11 to 15.

9

Let's talk about sex You may feel changes in your desire for sex or notice differences in the experience itself. Some lucky women enjoy it more, others not as much.

10

ZZZzzzzzzzzzzz..... Rest. Put your feet up. Go to bed early. Listen to your body and relax!

Visit The New Zealand Pregnancy Book online at www.nzpregnancybook.co.nz The website includes a searchable preview of the book, fantastic photos and feedback from the NZPB community, links to friends and Facebook and much more! �

The New Zealand Pregnancy Book by Sue Pullon and Cheryl Benn, 2008, Bridget Williams Books, $54.99, is great source of information, covering every kind of topic for pregnant women, along with personal stories. Order online from www.parentscentre.org.nz Find out more at www.nzpregnancybook.co.nz

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learning to

take risks

Where was your favourite place to play as a child? The chances are, it was out of doors, and out of sight of adults. A place where you felt a sense of freedom and possibility. Where you could follow your impulses and your imagination, even if that led you into situations that were scary, challenging, perhaps even downright dangerous.


It is not mere nostalgia to revive these memories. Of course, we should not fall for the myth that there was a ‘golden age’ for growing up. But if we all agree that a taste of freedom and adventure are vital ingredients of a good childhood, then surely we should see to it that children today are able to enjoy similar experiences Sadly, these experiences are under threat. When people say that children grow up faster today, they are confusing appearance with reality. Children may be avid consumers of adult culture. They may adopt adult mannerisms and styles. They certainly get to grips with new technology far more easily than we grown-ups. But when it comes to everyday freedoms – like walking to school alone, or meeting friends in the park – a very different picture emerges.

“Learning from mistakes, is part and parcel of a good childhood.

to autonomy. At the heart of this journey is a transfer of responsibility from adult to child. So we have to give children some opportunity for freedom and exploration. Not least because children themselves want to get to grips with the world on their own terms.

Exploring risk and responsibility One of ways we do this is by creating environments for outdoor play. Play spaces are a fascinating arena for exploring ideas about risk and responsibility. On the one hand, they need to engage and stimulate children: to give them challenges, and the chance to test themselves through their play. On the other, they should not be places where children are regularly coming to serious harm. What is needed is a balanced approach. The idea of balance has come to the fore here in the UK. But it was not always so. Ten years ago, schools and municipalities were becoming preoccupied with safety. Many believed they had to eliminate risk. Some of the resulting playgrounds were very dull indeed.

Continued overleaf... The fact is that for the last thirty or forty years or longer, across the developed world, the horizons of childhood have been shrinking, and adult control and oversight is becoming the norm. For instance, in the UK, in 1971 almost 90 per cent of eight-year-olds went to school without their parents. By 1990 it was just 11 per cent. Why has this happened? As I argue in my book No Fear, the causes are many and varied, and cannot simply be blamed on parents. Neighbourhoods are more dominated by cars, and families more dependent on them. Changing family working patterns mean fewer parents are around to watch over children, and more children are in formal childcare. In many areas, people don’t know their neighbours, and there is greater fear of crime. All these factors, and others, reinforce the logic of containment. However, some parents are actively resisting the pressures to overprotect. In the USA, journalist and mum Lenore Skenazy was inspired to write her book and blog Free Range Kids after finding herself at the centre of a media storm for letting her nine-year-old son travel alone on the New York subway. What motivates Skenazy, and me in my own work, is the conviction that ‘battery-rearing’ children does not help to prepare them for the ups and downs of everyday life. Childhood is a journey from dependence

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"A "policy of fear" has reshaped play to the extent that children are losing out on vital learning. You are taking away their ability to learn through primary, firsthand experience, which is how children actually learn. They need to fall over, they need to cut themselves, have bumps and bruises. If you over-protect, they don't learn resilience." Founder, Outdoor Play and Learning (Opal), Michael Follett

Those of us involved in play safety at the national level felt we had to take action. We went back to first principles, and had a long hard look at what playgrounds were for in the first place. We argued for a more balanced approach to risk. What is more, we got support the UK Government’s own Health and Safety Executive. This work has been the catalyst for a sea change in professional attitudes about play safety. The climate around play safety is continuing to improve. In 2008 the UK Government published Managing Risk in Play Provision: Implementation Guide. And it is ripping up all the old rules. Instead of conducting risk assessments, providers are encouraged to carry out risk-benefit assessments. This simple yet far-reaching shift means that for the first time, providers will be able to take into account the benefits of giving children challenging, risky experiences. In the wake of this work, some of the latest playgrounds are genuinely exciting, engaging places to play. For instance, sand pits have been included in several new play areas in the London Borough of Islington, even though the municipality was initially worried about the risk of contamination from broken glass or animal faeces. Using risk-benefit assessment helped to think through the pros and cons leading to revised maintenance regimes and reduced costs. The idea of balancing risks and benefits is spreading beyond the public playground into educational settings, and has reached the highest echelons of power. None of this means that we simply abandon children to their fate, or complacently shrug our shoulders when

28 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

they come to harm. History teaches us that children have suffered all too often because of the failings of adults. But history – in the form of our recollections of our own childhood memories – also teaches us an invaluable lesson: that giving children the chance to learn from their experiences, and learn from their mistakes, is part and parcel of a good childhood.

This article is an edited, updated version of one published by Children in Europe magazine in 2010. �

Tim Gill Tim is one of the UK’s leading thinkers on childhood, and an effective advocate for positive change in children’s everyday lives. For over 15 years his writing, research, consultancy projects and other work has focused on the changing nature of childhood, children’s play and free time, and their evolving relationships with the people and places around them. Tim’s book No Fear: Growing up in a risk averse society was published in 2007. Tim appears regularly on radio and television. He has given talks and run workshops and seminars with audiences in Europe, North America, Australasia and Japan. He has been widely published in the mainstream, academic and trade media.


a global issue My husband and I spend quite a bit of time talking about breastfeeding. Our days of snuggling up in bed with Maia at my breast may be over but rarely does a day go by when we aren’t reading a new study or report and asking ourselves why governments around the world do not put breastfeeding high on the agenda. Why, given all the evidence of the importance of breastfeeding to the health of both mother and child, have global breastfeeding rates failed to rise significantly in the last 20 years? Then last week an article appeared on one of The Guardian’s online sites which caught my eye. Entitled ‘Is $17.5bn incentive enough for more mothers to breastfeed?’it asked that very question. In December last year the International Baby Food Action Network (Ibfan) released a global report calling for a $US17bn annual investment to preserve and raise the bar on breastfeeding practice. A colossal amount you might think. But with research suggesting more than 800,000 infants die annually from insufficient breastfeeding, isn’t it a small price to pay? The intention is that such investment would reduce the potential health problems faced by babies who are not breastfed (e.g. gastrointestinal illnesses, obesity and diabetes) and draw attention to potential health risks to women who don’t breastfeed such as breast and ovarian cancers.

“Despite all the evidence for the benefits of breastfeeding, of the 135 million babies born each year, 83 million are not breastfed as much as the World Health Organisation recommends. Global rates of optimal infant and young child feeding practices continue to stagnate and have not shown improvement over the past two decades,” writes Dr Kailash Chand OBE who is deputy chair of the British Medical Council. Dr Chand explains the many reasons for this including a broad lack of awareness of the importance of breastfeeding, that breastfeeding can be difficult particularly if the culture of the mother’s community is opposed to it and if bottle-feeding is a societal norm and it is considered equal to breastfeeding, it may become difficult for the mother to stick to breastfeeding and have confidence in her milk supply. I was particularly pleased to read: “Mothers may need encouragement and personal support to start and continue breastfeeding, and this is something that wider society can support them to do.”

Continued overleaf...

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But it was this next section that I thought really deserved public debate: “The underlying fact is that when it comes to infants, there has been no sustained outcry at the millions who die due to inappropriate feeding. If the issue is so relevant to public health, why is it missing from the policy agenda? Is it that the comforting messages of the baby food industry have deafened us to hearing the facts, and softened the urge to act?” Dr Chand goes on in the article to make recommendations to governments and policy analysts as well as international organisations calling on them to: � ”Plan and budget to implement the World Health Organisation’s Global Strategy for Infant and Young Child Feeding. � Based on the policy gaps found, develop national and sub-national action plans for one to five years with clear budgets to bridge them. � Promote the benefits of breastfeeding to citizens, in terms of disease reduction and long-term health, as well as cost savings.” And he concludes: “Appropriate nutrition in the first 1,000 days is vital for a child's development. As the global health burden from child malnutrition shows no signs of waning, neither should our commitment to action.” It’s significant food for thought, if you’ll pardon the pun.

The same week another news item caught my eye because one nation it seems has put breastfeeding very much at the top of its political agenda. The powers that be in the United Arab Emirates (UAE) have mandated breastfeeding until the age of two – by law! Ridiculous, yes. But it does pose some interesting questions doesn’t it? If you know something to be good for your baby and indeed society in general, should it be compulsory? You may want to shout it from the roof tops, to encourage others to give it a go. But should you force them? The new law, enacted by the UAE’s Federal National Council (FNC) and dubbed the Child Rights Law, is “the country’s first comprehensive child protection and rights legislation,” according to news reports. FNC members argued that breastfeeding was a “duty” and every infant should be entitled to be nursed as it was important for health and

built a strong bond between mother and child. Indeed. But quite how you legislate something so personal and complicated I do not know. New mums struggling with breastfeeding need support – not threats. As one blogger remarked: “There is clearly a difference between advocating for the importance of parent-baby bonding and nutrition and taking away a woman's choice in the matter”. There’s no denying that breastfeeding often sparks controversy. It gets people going more than most topics.

Read the original article by Kalish Chand at: http://www. theguardian.com/globaldevelopment-professionalsnetwork/2014/jan/27/ breastfeeding-investmentibfan-child-nutrition#startof-comments

I’d love to hear your views on the global picture. You can email me at media@lalecheleague.org.nz And if it’s the societal issues that interest you try Gabriel Palmer’s book The Politics of Breastfeeding. It’s thought-provoking to say the least.

Lisa Manning Lisa Manning is a former TV journalist and presenter. She is married to the British actor John Rhys-Davies with whom she has a seven-year-old daughter Maia. Lisa is an at-home mum and La Leche League Leader in Pukekohe.-

30 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years


on a embark design adventure Decorating a nursery can seem daunting at first but it’s a chance to let your imagination run wild with all the fun and magic of childhood. With bold colour combinations and playful patterns, your nursery can become your own design adventure!

Colour combinations Picking a colour scheme is a great place to start and there are so many options these days rather than the old traditional pink or blue. Think black and white for a modern boy’s nursery or peach, mint and gold for a vintage girly room. Or you may choose to stick with a neutral colour palette and focus on a theme or pattern. Start with a base of white and add touches of sandy beige, grey or silver or even a vintage turquoise. It’s easy to add elements that are more gender specific in colour later down the track, like a rug, curtains and wall art.

Furniture flair While there are endless possibilities for furniture in a nursery, investing in a few key pieces will ensure your room looks smart and stands the test of time. The only necessities are a cot, change table, comfy chair and storage. For the budget savvy, most baby shops will have package deals on classic designs that will include a cot, change table and tallboy. If you are after a more modern look you can expect to pay over $2000 for a piece that is cutting edge design. Of course when purchasing a cot, ensure it is up to AUS/NZ standards and never place it next to a window with cords or blinds. And while you probably can’t even imagine your precious newborn turning two, ‘decorating ahead’ can save you a lot of time and money in the future. A cot that can convert into a toddler bed is a great investment.

Create a theme When I decorated my son Maxy’s room I took inspiration from the ocean, keeping it pale blue, grey and white. I introduced a few splashes of yellow and red to break it up and painted a feature wall to give it a truly nautical feel. My first purchase was a gorgeous quilt by Alphabet Monkey which set the tone for the rest of the room, and I made the cot valance from a free tutorial on the internet. Chevron (zig-zag) is a great, modern pattern and looks striking in yellow. There are endless themes to use for nurseries, but if you are thinking of going for something very baby specific (such as a cartoon character or baby farmyard animals) in your baby’s room it might pay to use only small,


replaceable items such as wall art or cushions, things that can be replaced when you update to a pre-school room.

Styling and decorating Wall art is a quick and affordable way to add personalised character to a room. A birth stat print is a great place to start (ours is from www.lovearhino.com) and there are great prints on sites such as www.etsy.com or www.society6.com. A great way to make your own art is by covering a canvas with fabric. I found this great nautical map piece in my stash and borrowed my husband’s staple gun. It took about ten minutes to do and is a work of art that he can spend hours looking at, plotting his future adventures! The two prints either side are free printables you can download from www.homestyle.co.nz. Over time you will be given toys and memorabilia from family and friends. Don’t think of toys as something to be cleaned up. Display them in vignettes around the room as reminders of the day she was born, Grandparents, or in our case, Buzzy Bees from New Zealand! Little hands love discovering treasures on the shelves and it is a constantly evolving display of loved trinkets.

a huge trend for them right now, with the favourites being gold dots and geometric shapes. You can place them anywhere, in any pattern and simply peel them off when you leave.

Continued overleaf...

Where to buy No matter where you live, the world of nursery design is at your fingertips with some great online stores in New Zealand. Try www.teapea.co.nz for quirky and fun designs and www.gorgi.co.nz for elegant linen and furniture by Incy Interiors. But you don’t have to stick to baby and children’s retailers. Replica Eames RAR chairs are great for rocking snoozy babies to sleep, and always keep your eyes peeled when out shopping. I picked up the MAX letters and cloud money box for just $2 each.

Feature walls After seeing some great feature walls in rooms featured on My Little Lovebird I was inspired to pick up a paint brush and masking tape and try it for myself. The result is a classic nautical look that won’t need updating as he grows into a pre-schooler or teen. I used Dulux Antique White USA and Dieskau, but you can use any colour to get the same candy stripe effect.

Eco Friendly Kids Toys Visit a store or purchase online

If the thought of painting is daunting, or you are renting then consider using removable wall stickers. There is

www.babyfactory.co.nz


Soft furnishings As a secret linen hoarder, I just love sheets and blankets. It took weeks to decide on a quilt for Maxy’s room but I settled on a beauty from www.alphabetmonkey.com.au. Babies don’t need pillows or cushions in their cots, but they can be used on chairs or stacked in the corner for snuggling with a book. Or, if you are craft minded, make your own heirloom quilt.

Jane Allerton Mother of two, Jane is behind the nursery and kids design blog, www. mylittlelovebird.com - this is her place to share ideas for nurseries and kids rooms, the latest decorating trends and loads of inspiration for a creative and beautiful childhood.

Above all, have fun decorating your nursery. There are lots of places to get inspiration such as Pinterest and www.projectnursery.com and remember, you will spend lots of time together in there so make it a special place that you and your little person will love.

Suppliers of Maxy’s Room Mobile – made by myself Rug – www.ladedahkids.com.au Shelves – Ikea, Bunnings or Freedom Wall art – www.etsy.com/shop/giraffesnstuff and www.lovearhino.bigcartel.com MAX letters and cloud money box – www.shop.cottonon.com/shop/typo/

Get the look

with a nautical room Mobile – www.etsy.com/ Rug – www.armadillo-co.com Chair – www.jsinteriors.co.nz Art print – www.teapea.co.nz Bedside – www.gorgi.co.nz Quilt – www.alphabetmonky.com.au


Working with paint Ever felt dizzy from paint fumes? The effect is magnified when painting indoors and is even worse if it is a child that is exposed.

Clear the air Indoor air quality is important, especially if you are planning to paint your childâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s room. Not only do you want to minimise the fumes while painting, but you also want the paint odour to disappear quickly so you can put the area back into service without putting any family members at risk. Keep an eye out for low odour and solvent free products to help you and your family breathe easier. The lack of solvent fumes means they are more pleasant to use than standard products and the area can be quickly put back into service. Improving indoor air quality can also help prevent headaches, asthma, nausea, dizziness, respiratory complaints, allergic reactions and improve general wellbeing.

Make sure any areas you paint are well ventilated with good air flow and if inside, open windows wherever possible. This will help the air to circulate and the paint to cure. Even low odour paints need this air circulation to ensure they cure properly and that any emissions from the paint can dissipate quickly.

Look out for lead Lead is a health hazard. You can get lead poisoning if you do not take care when you remove lead-based paint from a building. As lead tastes sweet, children are particularly at risk from lead poisoning because they may swallow bits of paint that contain lead or soil that has been contaminated. Children chewing on cots or toys are also at risk if lead-based paint has been used. Until 1965, many paints had high lead levels. Even if a building has been recently painted, it may have been painted with lead-based paints or have layers of old paint covered by modern paint. Today only special-purpose

Let your kids loose with Resene

2012

paints contain lead and these are clearly labelled. It is not possible to tell lead-based paints by their appearance, but there is a simple test that can detect whether the paint is a health risk. Resene ColorShops will test your paint flakes for lead-based paint for free. Simply take a large flake of any paint you suspect may contain lead into your local ColorShop. If a building was built before the 1980s it is best to presume it has been painted with lead-based paint. Contact your local Health Protection Officer if you are unsure.

Safe storage Always keep paint and paint preparation and cleaning products securely closed and out of your childâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s reach. As children learn to climb and open cupboards and drawers from an early age, a locked garage or shed is the most secure place to store these dangerous goods.

Paint tips from Resene www.resene.co.nz

Expand your childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s playing area onto your walls with Resene Magnetic Magic.

Transform walls into blackboards with Resene Blackboard Paint, fun for kids of all ages.

Includes favourite child friendly colours, metallics and effects finishes from soft neutrals perfect for a newborn to bright reds and yellows for the toddlers and beyond. Available exclusively from Resene ColorShops and Resellers or order your copy free from the Resene website.

0800 RESENE (737 363) www.resene.co.nz


build self-esteem Ways to help children

Self-esteem is an important quality we need to build in our children. How we see ourselves and how we feel about our abilities can be influenced by many factors and the more positive our self-esteem, the more positive our thinking and behaviour is likely to be. A child with high self-esteem and positive feelings of self-worth is more likely to feel confident about themselves and their abilities. So, what are some ways you can develop a child’s self-esteem?

The ASG Education Programs New Zealand has some tips: � Trust your child. Let them know you believe in them implicitly. � Teach your child how to go about making decisions. Help them to clarify the problem, think about alternatives, brainstorm solutions, consider consequences and assess the eventual outcome. � Offer choices so that your child can practise making decisions. � Listen often. Where possible, try to be available when your child wants to talk (or agree on a

special time later when you can give them your full attention). � Validate their feelings and acknowledge that what they have to say is important, especially to you. � Establish limits and be clear and consistent with discipline. A child who knows their limits and boundaries is more likely to feel secure if they understand what's expected of them. � Listen and negotiate if a child objects to limits and boundaries. The final answer may still be no, but showing respect for their right to voice an opinion can be empowering. � Introduce your child to adult time and activities so that they have opportunities to feel grown up and part of your world. � Avoid ridicule and shame. If your child needs to be disciplined over an issue or action, criticising the behaviour, not the child, helps prevent self-esteem from taking a dive. � Help your child to set goals and stick to them. Encourage them to follow through and complete the things they started.

36 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

� Celebrate their successes and the things learned along the way. � Accept your child for who they are and give unconditional love and support. � Teach them that sometimes they need to take a risk, and step outside their comfort zone to experience success. Help them to assess what are healthy and appropriate risks. � Allow your child to learn from their mistakes. Overprotecting a child or always racing to their defence, denies them the opportunity to sort things for themselves and learn from experience. � Encourage hobbies and interests so opportunities arise for your child to act independently and enjoy themselves without your intervention. For more parenting resources check out: www.asg.co.nz/resourcesparents/


FREE

DOWNLOAD ‘Planning counts’ e-guide

Helping your child reach their full potential. No one can predict the future but you can be sure of one thing, our children will have hopes and dreams and it’s up to us to help them achieve them. There are many big events in our lives that require planning like weddings, a first home or even a holiday. So when it comes to something as important as your child’s future, early planning for their education is also essential. For the past 40 years, ASG has helped Australian and New Zealand families offset the cost of education. Now, we’re also about collaborating with you for the entire education journey. That’s why we are creating an ever-expanding suite of online tools, resources and guides to help your child reach their full potential and live their dreams. So who is ASG? ASG Education Programs New Zealand is a member-driven, not-for-profit organisation and specialist education benefits provider that returns all profits to its members. To date more than 509,000 children have been supported to reach their full potential. Now it’s your child’s turn. For more information visit asg.co.nz/clever or call 0800 994 274.

Special offer

Download your exclusive member e-guide, ‘Planning counts’ from asg.co.nz/plan or scan the QR code.


do I need to make a will? A will is the most important legal document you will ever sign. It is a written document which sets out your wishes for what happens to all of your ‘stuff’ (in legal terms called an ‘estate’) after you die. Your will can also set out your wishes for your funeral arrangements, care of your children, and even who will look after the family dog. It must be signed and witnessed in a specific way in order to be legally valid. You can make a will if you are over 18 and of sound mind (that is, you are mentally capable of understanding what is happening).

So, how do I make a will? There are several options for making a will, but it is best to make one with the help of a legal professional. This will ensure there are no holes accidently left open in your will which could cause distress and confusion for your family members.

To begin with, you should make a list of everything you want to include in your will. Once you have decided what you want to include it is time to either see a lawyer or visit an online legal services site. From here, an experienced legal professional can take your list of things and draft a will which will express your wishes without holes or confusion. Once the will has been drafted you need to sign it and have it witnessed. You must have two witnesses: both need to be over 18, of sound mind, and neither can be beneficiaries of your will. They both need to be present to witness you signing your will in order for it to be valid. When this is completed, you have a legally valid will. You then need to keep it in a safe place (your lawyer will probably store it for you) and someone must know where the will is kept – if the will cannot be found, your estate cannot be distributed as you wanted. �


Parents Centre

In this section

Educating and supporting parents through the early years.

Xero bringing many benefits to Central Auckland

Antenatal – pregnancy and childbirth education. It’s certainly not all we do but we do it so well! Parents Centres New Zealand was founded in 1952 largely through the critical need to improve antenatal education and birthing practices in this country.

Spotlight on Antenatal Classes

Our achievements over the years are many and include: „„ Successfully advocating for fathers to be allowed to be present during labour and birth „„ Babies “rooming in” with their mothers and not banished to a nursery „„ Promoting breastfeeding as being normal and the best form of feeding for babies (and supporting the WHO – World Health Organisation – code for this) „„ Unlimited hospital visits for parents of sick children „„ Establishing the only diploma level course specialising in antenatal education in the country. We have a team of 120 expert Childbirth Educators (CBE’s), all trained to diploma level and passionate about the importance of quality childbirth education. We’ve been educating parents for over 60 years, and believe that, with the right information, birthing choices sit firmly with you, the parents. Knowledge is empowerment, enabling you to have control over what is the start of the most incredible journey of your life – becoming a parent.

Q&A with Claire Reeve, President of Otorohanga Parents Centre Centre news

Education diploma level course with Aoraki Polytechnic is completed through distance learning, so can be undertaken anywhere in the country. The opportunities for volunteers at Centre level are immense (you can read about two of our wonderful volunteers in the pages following: Claire Reeve making the most of opportunities in Otorohanga and Debbie Booth making the most of her accountancy skills and keeping those skills current in Central Auckland). Enquire now through your local Centre, or through our website, about these fulfilling and thoroughly worthwhile careers.

www.parentscentre.org.nz

Might you be interested in becoming a Childbirth Educator or a Centre volunteer? The Childbirth

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––––

Reaping the benefits

of

XERO

in Central Auckland

A year ago Central Auckland Parents Centre was running MYOB as their financial management programme. Treasurer Debbie Booth says it mostly worked well, largely because she was familiar with it.

Debbie Booth with her Family

“We had used MYOB since moving from spreadsheets to an accounting package in 2005, when I took on the role of Treasurer. I had used MYOB previously and found it easy to navigate so was happy with it. Central Auckland Parents Centre had always maintained the support contract with MYOB and received all upgrades so we were always using the latest version.” But the Centre struck some problems. “When I implemented the first version of Accountright there were some issues particularly around uploading payment files with our bank. MYOB support kept saying it was the banks issue and the bank kept saying they had implemented all the fixes sent by MYOB. Many phone calls to the support desk got me nowhere.” Debbie thinks that, while MYOB has always been simple to use, the newer versions were becoming more complex than is perhaps needed for not-for-profit accounting. “So when I attended the Parents Centres New Zealand Forum in Wellington and heard that Xero was available to Centres I signed us up straight away!” Implementation, she says, was easy. “It was really simple from our end. I filled out some forms and sent them and our MYOB backup file to Avril Hillind at Xero. It was all so easy and now, up and running, I find Xero so simple to use – although initially I made it more complicated for myself by trying to do things the MYOB way but Avril soon sorted that out!’ “The main setting up I had to do was close some of the account codes that Central Auckland Parents Centre was never going to use and set up some bank rules.” Now that it is set up Debbie says there are many benefits for her in her role as Treasurer, and for the Centre. “Xero is so simple to use and SO time saving! Bank statements are automatically fed into Xero, it’s

40 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

really easy. As Treasurer I am spending much less time inputting receipts as they are downloaded from the bank in real time and just require a tick to reconcile. And sending payments to the bank in a batch is easy, there is no more double keying transactions into the package and then at the bank.” Xero is also web-based so users can access from anywhere and anyone else set up as a user can view or access the data. The costs are just $43 per month (including gst) which, says Debbie, “includes constant updates and all the support we could ever need." The Centre uses a Lotteries grant to cover the cost. So, would this Treasurer, committee member and busy mum recommend that other Centres implement the Xero as their accounting package? Without hesitation Debbie says, “Absolutely! It has made my role so much easier.”


––––

Each edition of Kiwiparent profiles one of Parents Centres renowned parent education programmes.

This month: spotlight on

antenatal classes Many incredible changes occur to a woman’s body when she becomes pregnant. The wonderful thing is that it all happens without conscious thought. For example, the baby’s fingernails begin forming without mum looking up developmental stages and thinking ‘this week it’s nails!’ How incredible is that? So, why attend antenatal (pregnancy and childbirth) classes if a growing baby happens without a textbook or instructions? Surely birthing and breastfeeding will be the same? The answer is ‘yes, it is’. Giving birth is a natural physiological event, as is breastfeeding. In this modern world, however, we are no longer surrounded by birth and breastfeeding in the course of our lives. For many women the first experience they have of birthing is when they give birth themselves. This is not helped by the media’s widespread portrayal of birth which is often far from reality. Sadly this leaves some lacking in confidence and the mother lacking in the knowledge required to trust her own body. This is where antenatal – or childbirth education – classes can be a lifeline for couples who want well researched, up-to-date information on the basics of childbearing. Parents Centres antenatal classes cater for all situations, including when labour doesn’t go to plan and trouble-shooting for times when breastfeeding can be challenging. Information is power and, in an often medically-oriented birthing situation, this knowledge is empowering for both parents. Many parents also find it extremely rewarding to have the opportunity to take time out of their busy lives to dedicate a couple of hours a week to planning for the birth of their baby. The ‘coffee groups’ that follow on from the class series become a lifeline for some. To network with other parents at the same stage of life, experiencing similar challenges and joys, is confidence boosting and very rewarding.

These classes are run by qualified professional Childbirth Educators who are skilled in knowledge and in facilitation, to ensure that your experience of antenatal classes is fun, interactive, valuable and informative. Go to www.parentscentre.org.nz to find out about antenatal classes running in your area.

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Q&A with Claire Reeve,

Current President of Otorohanga Parents Centre When did you join Parents Centre and what positions have you held on the committee?

I joined Otorohanga Parents Centre in early 2011 when my first daughter Lauren was about six months old. I had met a great network of friends who were all part of Parents Centre and they had helped me through a difficult time with my new baby. I went on to join the committee in early 2013 with the role of antenatal class co-ordinator (which I still do and thoroughly enjoy). By this time I had two little girls and was just starting to look outside the realms of nappies and baby food, for something I could put my skills and energies into. I became President in 2013 as our current President was retiring after five years (she had done an amazing

job and needed a well-earned break) and when AGM time came around I just happened to be bursting with fresh ideas for our Centre! Although I arrived half an hour late to the meeting (as I got the times wrong) somehow I still ended up leaving as the new President! These new ideas came from my fairly recent role as antenatal class co-ordinator, I felt strongly that antenatal classes were a really good opportunity to grow our membership and raise our community profile. Why have you chosen Parents Centre as the focus of your time and energies?

I became very passionate towards my role as antenatal class co-ordinator very early in the piece. I could see

42 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

opportunities aplenty for the growth of our Centre and many vital roles we could play in the community, supporting new mothers, parents and families. We are a rural community and sometimes we have to think outside the square to provide a service as access to such support is not as readily available. Sometimes (although a little unorthodox) we need to use the top two inches and apply a bit of good old kiwi know how! By thinking outside the square and not doing things the same as they have always been done, we can come up with some great results. A good philosophy of mine is... If you always do what you’ve always done – you’ll always get what you’ve always got!


So what has been happening at your Centre?

Our Centre has seen some subtle changes over the past six months. We are lucky enough to have our own building and this has seen some upgrades, nothing drastic, but paint and new furnishings which have definitely brightened the place up!! We are planning to promote the availability of our building as a hall for hire which will financially assist the running of our Centre. In the future I’d like to see our Centre offering more in the way of parenting courses, support groups and raise our community profile by working alongside other likeminded organisations to support our community. For example, by working in partnership with local midwives, Plunket, Toy Libraries, Community

support groups, Playcentre etc. we will enable our support services to reach many more families in need. What are your Centre’s plans for the future?

As a committee member I am no stranger to the challenges of running a volunteer organisation. My aim during my time as President is to establish a committee framework which is more sustainable and most of all enjoyable for our team to be a part of. All organisations go through highs and lows from time to time but with careful planning, continuity can be maintained throughout these changes without too much stress! So our plans for the future include: � Maintain our building so as to make it suitable for hire. This will significantly reduce our need for

fundraising and allow our centre to offer more to our members and community. � Structure our committee in a more sustainable way, sharing the workload between us and supporting each other as required. This will allow our centre to run more efficiently. � Introduce more parenting courses and a monthly coffee group with a guest speaker covering a different topic each session. � Grow our membership. � Raise our public profile by having more presence in the community and networking with other likeminded organisations. � Enjoy it and have fun, meet new friends and learn new life skills!

Claire Reeve (in black and white top) with Otrohonga Parents comittee families

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PARENTS CENTRES NEWS n The six Wellington Centres were recently treated to a morning tea and awarded their monetary share of Parents Centres Wellington-wide street day appeal. Wellington North Parents Centre also received a special award for providing the most volunteer support on the day. Thank you to all Centres for your support for this major localised promotional event!

Joan Hay, Centre Operations Manager (left), and Jenny Jacobs, former National President (during the 1980’s), at the Wellington awards morning tea.

n Tauranga Parents Centre are holding their Walk The Lakes fundraiser event on Saturday 22nd March – in the Lakes Development in Tauriko, Tauranga. On the day registrations start at 9am and there are two walks – check out their Facebook page for more details www. facebook.com/WalkTheLakes Karen Bennett from Wellington North Parents Centre receives their cheque and award.

Layla and Kiaran Parsons excited about the treats on offer at the thank you morning tea.

44 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

n Rotorua Parents Centre is turning 40 years young! They are planning a number of celebrations during Parents Centre week so watch this space in upcoming editions of Kiwiparent. Congratulations President Jo McQueen-Watton and team on reaching this impressive milestone! n Taupo Parents Centre has developed a postnatal breastfeeding workshop, working alongside local midwives, to help new mums establish breastfeeding correctly and confidently. Committee member, Michelle Davies, says “We do a call back of all mums who attended our Childbirth education courses, to see how they are going with breastfeeding/feeding, and give them the opportunity to come along and ask anything and everything they want to know. We also encourage them to bring along husbands, partners, mums, dads, grandparents, aunties, sisters or any support people that they think may benefit as well.” Experts who are there to help include a childbirth educator, a lactation consultant and a representative from La Leche League. “The responses so far, to the two workshops that we have held, have been awesome, with the mums attending really benefitting and enjoying the workshops.” Great work Taupo!


PARENTS CENTRES COFFEE GROUP

babes of the month!

Send us your pictures of your beautiful coffee group babies – the more colourful/creative the better! We will select one for each edition of Kiwiparent – email your pictures to leigh.bredenkamp.kpeditor@gmail.com

Summer babies all from Mana Parents Centre’s antenatal class, October 2013.

Celebrating our volunteers Every month, in conjunction with Huggies products, Parents Centres acknowledge the extraordinary contribution volunteers make to their communities through their local Parents Centre. To find out more about volunteering with Parents Centre visit www.parentscentre.org.nz/volunteers

Volunteer of the Month: Maree Howcroft, Central Auckland Parents Centre. Maree has been a member of the Centre for some three years but was also a committee member about six years ago so this is her second “stint” as a volunteer thank you for your ongoing valuable contribution to your Centre Maree!

Maree with sons William, Tom and George.

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don’t

puke on your Dad Kiwi artist Toby Morris has just published a graphic novel which is a fly-on-the-wall exploration of his first year of fatherhood to baby Max. Toby’s black and white illustrations invite the reader into the familiar world of upset stomachs, family outings, fatigue, feeding, joy – and projectile vomiting. Toby is an illustrator, designer, art director and comic artist who recently returned to New Zealand after nine years overseas. While fulfilling the pivotal role of Dad, Toby also works as an advertising art director by day and an illustrator at night – drawing everything from comics, t-shirts, editorial work and concert posters.

you look at what type of parent you want to be, and think about the type of home you want to bring your kid up into it really brings into focus what really matters to you. I hope the book is full of insights – that is the stuff I was trying to capture, all the little changes and the little and big things that I thought about along the way.

Toby talks to us about how his world shifted when he became a father for the first time.

Perhaps the biggest insight that I gained from doing the book, which I found surprising and I love, is how universal the experience of parenting is. It's such a personal and intense thing to go through, but on the other hand, we all go through pretty much the exact same things. I've had so many people really relating to the book – saying 'that's me, that's us, that's exactly how we felt', and that makes me feel closer to other parents. It's cool to be able to share those experiences with other people. I like it when other parents see themselves in the book because I get to say 'yeah, it's CRAZY right?'

Looking back over the past year or so, what are your views on how your world changed once you became a Dad? It's probably a bit of a cliché, but it really is a life-changing experience. Literally of course, my whole lifestyle changed, but also mentally too – the biggest change for me was seeing the world as something bigger than myself I guess. You don't even realise how wrapped up in your own little world you are until your kid comes along and suddenly there is something more important than you in your life. It's humbling I think, in a good way. Suddenly all these things I thought were really important to me seem really trivial. Brings you down to earth a bit! What insights have you gained over the past twelve months. Oh there is so many, all along the way I have learnt so many lessons through parenthood. You learn so much about what kind of person you are. When

46 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

What motivated you to firstly create cartoons of your experiences, and secondly formalise them into the book? It was a very natural thing for me. I'm always drawing, and I had also just recently finished another book called Alledaags which was about capturing my day to day experiences of living in Amsterdam, so I was kind of in a good groove of recording my life this way.


Don’t Puke On Your Dad by Toby Morris Published by Beatnik Publishing in paperback RRP $29.99

So it was very instinctive – I didn't think of it as a book at first, it was more just a way for me to record all this exciting stuff that I was seeing and thinking and feeling. Like those first days I remember looking at Max's tiny wrinkled up old man hands, or Sonya breastfeeding for the first time and thinking wow, I have to draw that – that is so cool. And before I knew it I was building up a lot of drawings and it evolved into being a book very naturally too.

What plans do you have for the future? Further books, shows, travel, an uninterrupted nights sleep!... whatever springs to mind. As I said, we're

Do you have any tips or hints for first time dads? Is there anything you know now that you wish you had known back before Max was born? Hmmm...

I will start something new soon though, and after all the bedtime stories I've been reading Max, I'm feeling like I'd like to try doing kids books. Will see how I go with that but I think that could fun. �

we've actually just had our second child, another boy called Iggy, and I am amazed how different it has been the second time. We're much more relaxed. I didn't realise it with Max but I see now that I was very nervous all the time, which is totally normal I guess, but maybe my tip now would be – don't forget to enjoy it! And also I guess that as guys we sometimes don't talk to other guys about things we're worried about or unsure about in the way mums often do with other mums. I know I can be a stereotypical staunch bloke like that. As I said, doing the book made me realise that other parents are going through exactly the same dramas, so I try to remember I can ask other dads about how they've handled stuff.

back into it with the second boy, so that has been full on but amazing. Yeah, an uninterrupted nights sleep would be gold right now! And no, I haven't had the time to do another book about number two, it's been a bit crazy!


“Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever.” – Unknown Wishing all the awesome Kiwi mums

a wonderful Mother’s Day S U N D A Y

1 1

M A Y ,

2 0 1 4

From the Kiwiparent team


endless fun for little hands We’ve got 44 years of experience with children’s play patterns, so we know what children of any age are going to do to their toys – even before they do. All our designs are required to pass rigorous bite tests, pull tests, pressure tests and step tests – all things children will do to their favourite toys. The first few years of a baby’s life are precious for parents. There’s nothing quite like watching children take their first uncertain steps or hearing that magical first word. Children explore the world and express themselves mainly through play – in fact, playing is the very first ‘language’ we all learn. And watching your child play is your way of listening. From the time your child is 18 months, you can start stacking DUPLO bricks together or look at different colour combinations. It

probably won’t be too long before your child has acquired the fine motor skills to do some basic stacking without your help. You can also practice animal names and sounds together with Rabbit, Giraffe and the other DUPLO animals. At two, with the onset of imagination comes the urge to go shopping, have tea parties or drive great, big busses. Pretend busses, of course. Copying adult activities is your child’s way of getting to understand more about the world at this age. Your child will also start to stack DUPLO bricks to make a tower, and probably knock it over straight away to start over again. That’s just your child’s way of saying “Practice makes perfect”. All this practice will be followed by more creative building and will ultimately lead to an improved understanding of shapes and colours. �


fluoride

whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all the

fuss about?

Water fluoridation is one of the most controversial public health issues in New Zealand. Proponents and opponents frequently make diametrically opposed claims and counterclaims about the science, claimed safety, and effectiveness surrounding fluoridation. At times, both camps will claim opposing conclusions from the same study and it can be mighty confusing to make sense of it all.

50 kiwiparent â&#x20AC;&#x201C; supporting kiwi parents through the early years

We asked two leading figures in the debate to write for Kiwiparent explaining their stance. Mary Byrne, the national co-ordinator for the Fluoride Action Network, believes our water should not be fluoridated, whilst Wellington doctor Rosy Fenwicke is a firm supporter of fluoridating municipal water supplies.


Fluoride added to municipal water supplies reduces dental decay particularly in children that’s a good thing isn’t it?

Fluoride added to drinking water comes in two forms, sodium silicofluoride and hydrofluorosilicic acid

Two of the greatest advances in health care occurred in the 19th century when firstly, unsafe drinking water was recognised as a source of disease and secondly, ways of delivering safe drinking water to people’s homes were developed.

contagious diseases, but there just doesn’t seem to be the same fuss about this element.

Typhoid killed many early settlers in New Zealand, before councils took steps to ensure the water we get from our taps is safe to drink. Most councils will ‘treat’ water sourced from rivers, lakes and streams with very small quantities of aluminium and lime. And then chlorine is added specifically to kill disease-causing bacteria and viruses, thus preventing epidemics which have the potential to decimate the population.

Fluoride has been singled out as the baddie. The opponents of fluoridated drinking water raise the ghostly spectres of cancer, brittle bones and other conditions as reasons not to protect the teeth of our children. And when these claims are refuted, opponents then hoist the flag that adding fluoride in minute amounts to drinking water will be the “the end of free will, free choice and democracy” as we know it.

Many naturally occurring elements, including fluoride, occur in water in varying amounts. So fluoride is naturally already in our water in varying amounts. In New Zealand, the fluoride content is quite low and not enough to naturally protect the teeth of our children.

So why has the World Health Organisation and other health agencies around the world repeatedly hailed the introduction of fluoride in minute quantities into municipal water supplies as one of the most important advances in public health care in the 20th century?

Science has confirmed in repeated studies, drinking water containing 1 part per million of fluoride reduces dental decay, particularly in children when teeth are being formed. Science also confirms adding chlorine to our drinking water prevents

As I mentioned above fluoride occurs naturally in water. Levels can be high as well as low, and high levels are toxic so in some countries drinking water is treated to bring levels down. It’s the same with arsenic, another

natural element found commonly in wells in the Indian sub-continent, for example. Each country has different issues to deal with when treating water to make it safe for drinking. Fluoride is just like every other naturally occurring element, it is toxic or poisonous but only when taken to excess – oxygen in excess is also toxic and causes death. The scare-tactics of disease are usually based on these excess doses of fluoride rather than the recommended amount added to most of New Zealand’s municipal water supplies. YES – fluoride taken in excess will cause white spotty teeth and very brittle bones. But fluoride does not cause cancer. The IARC (International Agency for Research on Cancer) has shown in repeated studies since 1987, there is no evidence fluoride causes cancer – any cancer. It is misleading and in my opinion irresponsible to say that fluoride causes cancer when there is no evidence to back this up. And problems with fluorosis (white spots on teeth) and brittle bones will not occur if the dose of fluoride is kept at the right level. No one in their right mind wants to add excess amounts of fluoride or for that matter chlorine, lime, or aluminium to our water supplies.

Photo of mild dental fluorosis

Fluoride advocates, such as me and the majority of doctors and dentists in New Zealand and around the world, and New Zealand councils, are happy to stick to the WHO recommended dose of 1 part fluoride per million parts of water.

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At this dose, dental decay is reduced in the population and particularly so in children. Opponents of fluoride in the water claim you can get enough fluoride from swallowing toothpaste when you brush your teeth, or in your diet as fluoride is present in the majority of food groups. The fluoride in your food is the same fluoride that ends up being absorbed from drinking water. Fluoride added to drinking water does come in two forms and their names (sodium silicofluoride and hydrofluorosilicic acid) sound like something Dr Evil would use as part of his plot to rule the world. But it’s not as exciting as that – they are both safe forms of fluoride – tried, tested and true. The names do sound awfully complicated but blame the chemists. Tooth decay is reduced in children when fluoride is added to water supplies, over and above getting fluoride from diet and toothpaste. Thus fluoride has been proved to improve the public health in the form of reducing tooth decay – thus improving the health of all of us – together. Fluoride naysayers also argue against the addition of what they say is a ‘drug’ into the water supply, as if the addition is a denial of free will which will go on to undermine the very basis of democracy. But they say nothing about the addition of chlorine to make water safe from infectious diseases.

Some opponents argue about why they should be made to drink fluoridated water to prevent decay “in someone else or in someone else’s child?” Why, they say should they be put at risk of ‘terrible diseases’ just so ‘someone else’s child’ won’t end up with rotten teeth? I have three answers to these objections: 1. You will not be put at risk of terrible diseases if you drink fluoridated water. Sorry, but it’s true. There is no conspiracy, just responsible boring old public health based on evidence. The World Health Organisation has no interest in causing you disease by spreading misinformation and half – truths. No one is hiding anything from you. There are no nasty capitalist companies at work trying to make you sick. The world has other diseases to find cures for now. 2. And if you are prepared to drink public water to which fluoride has not been added- why then would you drink water treated with chlorine to prevent typhoid in someone else’s child? Surely chlorine added to water is also a ‘mass drug’ which undermines free will and chlorine in large enough doses is toxic. 3. Buy your own untreated water, that is if you can find any without naturally occurring fluoride in it. Based on the arguments of the fluoride naysayers, civilised educated society need not use scientific evidence to prevent ANY disease in

52 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

ANY populations. Let us all return to a time when you were free to suffer from or die from whatever disease took you off. Personally, I trust New Zealanders to have more common sense, to understand the evidence and to not fall prey to publicity from those unwilling to accept logic. I trust New Zealanders to be part of a caring society where we do accept there is a responsibility in society to care for the health of everyone and to do what we can to achieve this. Fluoridated water is safe, it does reduce tooth decay and suffering in children particularly and it is cost effective. I don’t understand what the fuss about fluoride is all about.

Dr Rosy Fenwicke Dr Rosy Fenwicke has worked in general practice, Women's Health and occupational medicine for nearly 30 years. Most of her work has been in and around Wellington (which does have a fluoridated water supply) but she also spent six years in practice in Hawke's Bay. She believes a new Children's Hospital is needed in Wellington, as facilities no longer cope with the demands of the local population and our children deserve better. She has three grown children.


Big relief for tiny noses

Help your baby breathe easier, naturally If your congested baby isn’t sleeping, then you’re not sleeping. For the first few months, babies breathe through their nose, so a blocked nose can disrupt breathing, feeding and sleeping. FESS Little Noses® is New Zealand’s #1 selling baby saline solution*. The effective, natural solution loosens and thins mucus and the easy-to-use aspirator helps to clear your baby’s blocked nose. FESS Little Noses® is non-medicated and preservative free, so you can use it from the day your baby is born.

Make a Sensitive Choice

®

The FESS® range of products is approved by the Sensitive Choice® program of the National Asthma Council Australia and the Asthma Foundation New Zealand. Care Pharmaceuticals is an approved partner of the Sensitive Choice® program.

Available from pharmacies nationally. Call 0800 226 598 or visit www.fesslittlenoses.co.nz Always read the label. Use only as directed. If symptoms persist, see your healthcare professional. *IMS Proprietary Data, New Zealand Data MAT Dec 2013. ® Registered trademark of Care Pharmaceuticals Pty Ltd. ABN 30 009 200 604.


What every family needs to know about fluoride Fluoride – something most people never really think about. It’s added to our water, so, there can’t be any doubts about its safety can there? That’s what I used to think. After all, adding a chemical to a public water supply would only be undertaken after the most serious consideration and not something we can afford to get wrong. In 1982 when a headline in the Evening Post declared the Ministry of Health had found fluoridation to be safe, I was relieved. I didn’t want our Ministry to be wrong about something that important. Sadly, I later came across more information and found there was huge doubt over the safety of fluoridation. Since that time, in 1999, the doubts surrounding fluoridation have continued to grow. The latest piece of information is a study1 just published in the prestigious medical journal, the Lancet, by Harvard and Icahn School of Medicine researchers, that have added fluoride and five other chemicals to an existing list these researchers believe can affect brain

development. Researchers say that the huge increase in neurological disorders, such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia other cognitive impairments over the past 50 years, are due in part to more thorough diagnosis, but more importantly, to the amount of brain altering chemicals now in our environment. They say it is becoming clearer that fetal exposure to even tiny amounts of some chemicals can have grave consequences. In 2012 Harvard researchers2 reviewed 27 published studies from China, India, Iran and Mexico that looked at fluoride and children's IQ. 26 of these showed fluoride reduced IQ. Even though these studies all had weaknesses, the authors said the results were “remarkably consistent”. What does this mean for New Zealand? The level of fluoride in our water is lower than that used in overseas studies, but what we don't know is what fluoride dose begins to impact brain development. This has become very worrying, given modern research is finding, for all sorts of things, that not only is dose

important, but it's timing as well, e.g. when administered prenatally, or as a baby, compared to an adult. Lowering of IQ and other neurological impairments are only some of the questions surrounding the safety of fluoridation. Fluoride is also known to lower thyroid function even at very low doses. The US National Research Council found the dose likely to affect the human thyroid is between 0.05–0.13 mg/kg/day when iodine intake is adequate and 0.01–0.03 mg/kg/day when inadequate. Using averages given by Plunket NZ we can calculate that bottle-fed babies in NZ will often exceed this dose.3 At the other end of the life cycle, we are faced with the consequences of low dose chronic exposure to fluoride. Around 50% of all fluoride ingested is accumulated in the bones, although children and people with impaired kidney function will accumulate more. In India and China where fluoride levels in the water are high, people become crippled by a disease called Skeletal Fluorosis. The first signs of this disease are bone and joint pain which are

Lowering of IQ and other neurological impairments are only some of the questions surrounding the safety of fluoridation. Fluoride is also known to lower thyroid function even at very low doses.

54 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years


indistinguishable from the symptoms of arthritis. How many people in New Zealand are actually suffering from first stage Skeletal Fluorosis but are being diagnosed as having arthritis? We've only been fluoridating water for the past 50 years in most fluoridated areas. So today’s 70 year olds were not exposed prenatally, as babies and children, or during their teenage years. Fluoride is also known to cause eczema, stomach upsets, lower immunity and trigger migraines. A group of doctors in the Netherlands carried out double blind studies and found between 1% and 3% of the population are likely to be particularly sensitive to fluoride. The Netherlands later outlawed fluoridation. In fact 97% of Western Europe isn't fluoridated and their teeth are as good as ours, if not better. Unfortunately, fluoridating authorities world-wide, including the New Zealand Ministry of Health, have not undertaken any studies investigating the potential adverse health effects of fluoridation. They only want to study teeth. Contrary to Ministry of Health claims, data collected by school dental clinics comprising around 45,000 five year old's and 45,000 Year 8 children, shows the difference between fluoridated and non-fluoridated areas is minuscule. In some instances the non-fluoridated areas are better than those which fluoridate. This is most likely explained by socioeconomic factors, with the fluoridated urban areas tending to have better access to dental care and be of higher socioeconomic status than small provincial towns. Recent New Zealand studies4 also show fluoridation has very little effect, if any, on reducing dental decay. The Ministry of Health’s recent claim that fluoridation reduces dental decay by 40% is a figure taken from the 2009 Oral Health Survey. This Survey was published in the Ministry of Health’s 2010 Our Oral Health,

which stated clearly that the information should not be used as a fluoridation study, as it was a snapshot in time and did not account for where children had been living their whole lives. This was important because the sample size for each age was approximately 60 children, as opposed to the 90,000 children represented in the School Dental Clinic data. In Hamilton, the MOH’s National Fluoridation Service consultant stated, “this is largely occurring by a topical benefit”. That means fluoride needs to be applied to the teeth, not swallowed. This is a huge change in the understanding of how fluoride works to affect tooth decay. It is not by incorporation into tooth enamel, as was thought when fluoridation commenced.

The Netherlands later outlawed fluoridation. In fact 97% of Western Europe isn't fluoridated...

Considering the potential for harm, the fact that fluoridated water contains around 200 times more fluoride than breast milk and fluoride can't be boiled away, I believe it's imperative that parents use nonfluoridated water to prepare infant formula. I strongly encourage people to source a non-fluoridated supply.

Mary Byrne Mary is the National Coordinator and media contact for Fluoride Action Network NZ, an alliance of national health-focused organisations launched in 2009 to take national action to end water fluoridation.

www.fannz.org.nz �

1. http://www.thelancet.com/journals/laneur/article/PIIS1474-4422%2813%2970278-3/abstract 2. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3491930/ 3. http://www.fannz.org.nz/warning_infant_formula.php 4. http://www.fannz.org.nz/dentalhealth.php

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financial child’s play It’s amazing how early in life kids become interested in money these days. Our four and six-year-old daughters are constantly playing ‘shop’ and either buying a toy apple for $17 or selling a bottle of milk for $100! They even had their dress up shoes all lined up for sale the other day – I could buy the whole lot (six pairs) for just $100 – a real bargain I thought! Whatever age your kiddies are, introducing some very basic money management skills early on can help them avoid learning expensive lessons down the line. We teach children manners, respect, acceptance and many other important life lessons so why not teach them one of life’s most important skills – how to manage their money. After all, adults, particularly parents, are children’s strongest role models and a little bit of knowledge can go a long way!

When to start There’s no set age you should start teaching your children about money. Like most child-related things, it’s different for each child – it may be when they learn to count, when they start getting pocket money or when they begin maths at school. The ideal time to open a bank account for your child will also vary from family to family. Again, there are no set rules but in many instances the earlier the better. The most important thing is that children learn the value of saving and spending wisely.

Where to start There’s loads of ways you can begin to teach your children about the importance of money. For younger children it may be teaching them about coins and notes and how they differ in value. You can use supermarket shopping as an opportunity to explain that different items cost different amounts and some items are on ‘sale’. When

56 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

you’re using an ATM you can explain that the money you’re withdrawing has been saved in the family's bank account, and you’re now accessing it to buy things. For older children the difference between needs and wants is important, as is making them aware that needs and wants are also different for each family. It may be looking at value for money purchases at the supermarket with branded and no-name items and comparing the cost and value. Teach your children the value of shopping around by getting them involved when you purchase a big ticket item by getting prices from a range of different stores and then comparing the value.

Budgeting and the ‘three piggy bank’ rule Budgeting is all about financial discipline and learning to live within your means. To develop good money habits that will serve children well in later life, it helps to teach them to budget, save and monitor


their spending from an early age. Start them off with a simple budget so that they become familiar with the concept. One approach is the “three piggy bank” rule, as follows: � One piggy bank is for savings and 45 percent of their money can go in there. � Another piggy bank is for

spending and 45 percent of their money can go in there. � The final piggy bank is for sharing or charity and 10 percent of their money can go in there. You might like to label each piggy bank to make this system clear to your children. We use this approach with our daughters and in a matter of months they’re getting the gist of it.

It all adds up Teaching kids good money management habits is one of the most important life lessons you can give them. � Source: Davidson Institute, an education initiative of Westpac Banking Corporation www.davidsoninstitute.edu.au

Joanna Redfern Westpac New Zealand’s free Managing Your Money workshops and online tutorial are here to help you and to help you help your children. Visit www.westpac.co.nz and click on the ‘Your Money and Tailored Packs’ tab for helpful tools including saving and budgeting calculators and online tutorials. You can also check out if there is a workshop coming up near you. There’s even an online ‘Kids’ space’ seminar that includes some cool online games to get kids thinking about money and how to save. This information is a guide only and doesn’t take into account your WE S 1 4 4 4 personal K i w i _financial p a r esituation n t A . or p goals. df Pa ge

1

2 9 / 0 6 / 1 2 ,

Getting back to work? We can help it work for you. Now you can balance your career with your family and help them both grow. We’ve got a variety of exciting career opportunities available, including roles with flexible hours to suit your busy lifestyle. With positions available on a casual, part time or full time basis, there’s sure to be something to suit you. If you have the drive and passion to deliver a great customer experience, and want to join a team of people that are passionate about helping Kiwi’s get ahead, then we want to hear from you.

Interested? Check out westpac.co.nz/careers for all your options.

Westpac New Zealand Limited

1 1 : 4 4

Jo Redfern is mum to two ‘busy’ girls aged 4 and 6 years. As Marketing Communications Manager for Westpac New Zealand Limited, she is responsible for the communication of the bank’s sustainability programme, which includes financial education. Jo has worked in public relations both in New AM Zealand and the United Kingdom.


Homeopathic remedies

easing

the itch

First comes the fever, maybe a slight cough and a runny nose and before long your child is starting to wriggle, scratch and feel miserable.

A trip to your local doctor may confirm measles or chickenpox and the most commonly prescribed recipe is to settle down at home for a few days with your child and a bottle of calamine lotion, some Panadol and plenty of books, puzzles and DVD’s. It is an anxious time for any parent – managing the exasperating, itching stage of these eruptive diseases. As the eruption creeps over the skin, your child becomes increasingly restless and grizzly and most of us feel powerless to help. A homeopathic approach to childhood illnesses is not only empowering for you, the parent, but utilises chemical-free preparations to help ease the emotional stress your child is under, lessen the severity of the symptoms and shorten the duration of the disease. There are some good websites that give photos of the skin eruptions and details of the disease, contagious periods and typical symptoms can be helpful to track your child’s progress.

Although this information is helpful in terms of knowing what to expect, you still have an itchy, dissatisfied child, or worse still, children, to care for. As I have mentioned in previous issues, if you can start building a supply of homeopathic remedies up at home, you will be armed with a tool that lessens the suffering of your child and enables you to get your sleep during an outbreak. Most remedies can be used for a multitude of ailments, so the kit you build up will be useful in many situations. You will recognise some of the suggested remedies from previous articles. These remedies are equally useful for either measles or chickenpox. Select the remedy that most closely matches your child’s symptoms and use as directed until you see an improvement, then stop.

Belladonna can be used to treat these symptoms „„ Sudden rise in temperature with red congested face and pounding pulse, often with a throbbing headache „„ Restlessness and delirium with bright staring eyes. Patient is thirst-less or thirsty for lemon drinks „„ Rapid, violent onset with hot, red, swollen glands which are sensitive to touch

58 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Be prepared – get yourself a small range of remedies so that you can act quickly if needed and ease the angst for your whole family.

„„ Burning pain in throat with shooting pains to the ears, pain worse from drinking

Gelsemium can be used to treat these symptoms „„ The onset of fever and chilliness is more gradual, patient feels heavy and tired – child lies motionless „„ Thirst-less, watery, acrid discharge and headache above the nape of the neck, the face has a dusky pink flush „„ Harsh, croupy, dry cough „„ Eyes are droopy – patient often has difficulty keeping eyes open they feel so heavy

Rhus Tox can be used to treat these symptoms „„ Intense itching with great restlessness, worse at night and while at rest. Scratching aggravates – a great remedy during the 'itchy' phases, especially with chicken pox „„ Difficulty going to and staying asleep due to the itching, thrashing about and/or aching „„ Vesicles are large and itchy with clear or pus-filled fluid


„„ Patient may desire cold drinks, especially milk „„ Patient feels better for warmth – applications, showers, hotties etc

Ant Crud can be used to treat these symptoms „„ Physical and emotional irritability – they cry if washed, touched or even looked at „„ Shooting pains occur when pressure is placed on the eruptions „„ Eruptions are scaly, pustular, burning and itching is worse at night

Bryonia can be used to treat these symptoms „„ When rash appears late and the chest is especially affected

„„ The child is very sensitive to temperature changes and feels worse at night „„ Perspiration and drooling during sleep, swollen lymph nodes, and offensive breath are strong indications for Mercurius

Sulphur can be used to treat these symptoms „„ If itching is so severe that the person finds it impossible to keep from scratching – or if eruptions have a nagging, burning pain – this remedy may bring relief „„ The symptoms (and the person) become worse from warmth and aggravated after bathing „„ Both heat and chills are felt during fever – the person may feel drowsy in the afternoon and restless and hot at night

there are lingering complaints after acute illness. „„ Most useful in later stages of an illness, especially where there is a 'failure to resolve' situation and symptoms linger on „„ Nasal discharges are thick and yellow; profuse tears from eyes „„ Child is restless and peevish or weepy and whiny - seeks comfort, clings to the parent, hates to be alone „„ Doesn't have much energy or inclination to play, especially independently „„ Desires cool air, worse from heat, thirst-less, appetite changeable or diminished „„ Often earaches accompany and eye problems may linger „„ D ry mouth and thickly-coated tongue; symptoms worse at night and lying down, may have a tickly cough.

„„ Dry, painful cough, chest discomfort, patient usually irritable

Pulsatilla can be used to treat these symptoms

„„ Soreness of body and limbs causes patient to lie still

This is one of the most useful children's remedies, especially when

� Pale face, red eyes, frontal headaches, dry mouth and thirst for cold drinks

 Judy Coldicott RC Hom

„„ Symptoms worse with motion and warmth and better with cold things and being still

Mercurius Sol can be used to treat these symptoms „„ May be indicated if eruptions are large and become infected

Judy practices as both a homeopath and reflexologist from Pleasant Point in South Island’s rural heartland. She is a senior staff member for the College of Natural Health and Homeopathy, primarily involved in curriculum matters and student support. Judy’s passion is to make homeopathy user-friendly and accessible to the general public and she loves to inspire people of all ages to feel confident in its use.


Anika's boys: Barry (left) and Taane (right).

music for love and laughter Musicians often draw on life experiences to drive their creativity and nothing could be more true for Kiwi musician and mum, Anika Moa. She has just released her fifth album, Songs for Bubbas – music inspired by her adored two-year-old twin boys. What began as spontaneous lullabies sung to her boys at bedtime has become a 10-track album of beautiful, sing-along songs that will entertain and inspire babies, children – and their parents of course. Anika’s talent for song writing, coupled with her infectious sense of humour and passion for conserving Te Reo amongst young Kiwis have come together to create this childhood musical treasure. And Anika reveals a recently discovered talent for making animal noises as well! This album is a labour of love and was the thing Anika needed to help her deal with the pressures of raising her boys and managing a public career. “The past year hasn't been too kind and the realities of being a mother/father and all the stresses that go with it struck home,” explains Anika. “Not many people talk about how difficult it is to have children, let alone twins, and I just had to learn the hard way. I discovered that I so need my family for support. I also had to find out for myself that it

is OK to ask for help – women are often not very good at this and it was hard at first to put my hand up and ask for assistance.” Anika discovered new strength and resilience – and unexpected talents. “I realised I’m not afraid to make animal noises from time to time,” Anika says. “I have the love of my amazing sons and I can make people laugh. And I hardly even swear now, I’m kind of not allowed to ­– which is hilarious!” Anika’s special qualities, a warm and beautiful voice and a flair for storytelling, have produced captivating music presented simply and with ease – playing this album you feel as though a treasured friend is sharing a song in your home. “Because I am also a mum, I made sure the album was party, party at first but then sleepy and chillaxed at the end so other mums could skip straight to the go-to-sleep track when their children were screaming in the back of the car,” Anika laughs. “It works a treat, just ask Taane!” Songs for Bubbas was recorded and co-produced with Anika’s long-term co-producer Andre Upston. It includes eight original tracks as well as two much-loved childhood classics, Oma Rapeti and You Are My Sunshine. Kids will love The Adventures of Barry and Taane!, co-written with Azaria Universe specially for their two boys. There are three acoustic lullabies,

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Little Bird, Go to Sleep and Sweet Dreams, designed to coax baby to sleep while the old favourites Tahi, Rua, Toru, Wha and Colours are Beautiful make learning colours and numbers fun. Anika has learned one thing from being a mum. “My sons come first. If things are difficult you step up and keep going because your children come before anything else. Music is love and love is my sons. I absolutely cherish and adore them!” �

Hot Potato is OUT, kids. Oma Rapeti is IN. Songs for Bubbas is available from selected retailers across Aotearoa and online on iTunes - https:// itunes.apple.com/nz/album/ songs-for-bubbas/id738920307.


“Making music for little people has been deeply liberating. It’s very satisfying focusing your energy on creating music to entertain and delight, for love and laughter.” Anika Moa


Readers birth story

Promoting and celebrating positive birth experiences! Kiwiparent welcomes stories from readers about their births. We recognise every birth is unique and special, and we encourage informed decision making which empowers parents to make choices that are right for them and their families. Liz Hibberd, Childbirth Education Manager, Parents Centres New Zealand Inc

Contact the editor with your submission: leighb@e-borne.co.nz

a Mother’s Day I’ll never forget I was 41 weeks pregnant, and had been having painful Braxton Hicks contractions for several weeks, but having shown no other signs of labour, thought I’d be looking at another 42week pregnancy. I also had symphysis pubis dysfunction; this made it very painful and uncomfortable for me to move around so I was looking forward to our baby’s arrival.

By Kurstie Griffin

We had planned a homebirth this time around, so I was looking forward to a straightforward birth with no interventions and without the need to go to hospital. Our first child, Alex, who is now two years, was a long labour of 30 hours and I ended up needing an epidural, even though I had wanted a drug-free water birth – but in spite of everything he was still a normal vaginal birth. I carried Alex for 42 weeks, before going into spontaneous labour as I am against induction.


Second time around I learnt about hypnobirthing and planned to have a water birth. I was still expecting to be in labour for about 12–15 hours. I hoped that my husband Conan would be home from work or at least make it back in time once the labour started, as we live just north of Christchurch, which is about three hours away from where Conan works on shift at Stockton. But I got that wrong. Conan had to return to work at Stockton after his days off at about 5pm on Saturday 8th May. Alex and I waved bye to him from our driveway and returned inside. I gave Alex his dinner and got him ready for bed. I remember giving my tummy a little pat and asking baby to please stay in there until Friday, as Daddy would be coming home on Thursday night but Xavier had other ideas. Conan phoned at about 8.30pm to say that he had made it back to Westport, at the same time I was noticing some Braxton Hicks contractions (or at least what I thought were Braxton Hicks). I took a shower, and then surfed the internet for about an hour or so, while ignoring these contractions. At 10.30pm I decided to turn in for the night as the contractions were still happening and I thought lying down would stop them especially if they were Braxton Hicks. Once in bed, I tried to get comfortable, but the contractions where still coming. I decided to listen to the ‘Rainbow Relaxation’ which is a relaxation exercise used in hypnobirthing. I could

What is symphysis pubis dysfunction? The symphysis pubis is a stiff joint that connects the two halves of your pelvis. This joint is strengthened by a dense network of tough, flexible ligaments. During pregnancy, your body produces a hormone called relaxin, which softens your ligaments in order to help your baby pass through your pelvis at birth. Your pelvic joints move more during and just after pregnancy. This can cause inflammation and pain, and may lead to the condition known as symphysis pubis dysfunction (SPD).

still feel the contractions and had started feeling them in my back also. At this stage, I started to wonder if this might be the real thing so I turned on my light and started to time the contractions. They were coming every five minutes and lasting about 40 seconds, I got up to go to the toilet and noticed a show. I then realised that this was possibly the real thing. The time was now midnight, I came out and rang Conan and told him that I thought I might be in labour and that he should get ready to come back home. I said that I would ring our midwife Ganka and call him back. I rang Ganka and told her that I had been getting regular contractions and that I’d had a show. She said that it was great news and we agreed that Conan should head back and that she would call me back in half an hour to see how things were going. I was advised to rest until then. I rang Conan back and told him to come home now and went back to bed and tried to rest, although not very successfully as I was excited to be in labour and the contractions were getting stronger. Ganka phoned me back and I told her that things were picking up; she said she would come straight away. I decided that I needed to bring the birthing pool, birth mat and the other needed supplies into the lounge as this was where Conan and I had decided it would be best to birth our baby as the room had plenty of space and a heat pump which would mean the room would be quite warm. I decided to leave the pool and have Ganka help me set it up as the contractions were getting more and more intense and I doubted that I would have been focused enough to set it up myself. By now the contractions were getting quite strong and were forcing me to stop and breathe through them. I decided to stop and time them again; they were about three to four minutes apart and lasting for over a minute. I wasn’t getting too excited as I thought my labour would be lasting for quite sometime yet.

Continued overleaf...

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still wearing a t-shirt and tried to cover him with it to keep him warm, while holding him close to me. I reached over and grabbed the hand towel and wrapped it around him, hoping Ganka wouldn’t be to far away.

The green lollipop… The contractions then started to come right on top of each other and I was feeling a bit nauseous and shaky, so I decided to grab a lollipop (a green one) to give me a sugar boost. I moved into the lounge and leaned over the couch. The next contraction came and I felt intense pressure in my bottom and felt the need to go to toilet. Once the contraction was over I made my way to the toilet and unlocked the door on the way as I knew Ganka would be arriving anytime and wanted her to be able to come in if I was still on the toilet when she arrived. Once on the toilet, I felt intense pressure in my bottom and realised that the baby was coming right now. I got on the floor crawling into the bathroom, at this stage my body was pushing involuntarily and I could feel the baby crowning, I placed my hand down there to support the head as it came out, next push the head was out and then the rest of body followed in the next contraction. My waters broke as I birthed the baby and as much as I tried to catch him, he was so slippery that he fell through my hands onto the floor; the baby was born at 1.15am. I looked down at the baby in awe. I saw that it was another boy and quickly picked him up, I remember thinking how small he was and I knew he was much smaller than his brother Alex. Later we learnt he weighed 9lb 4oz (Alex had weighed 9lb 15oz). I was

I remained calm and never panicked, I was surfing a wave of adrenalin. Ganka arrived about five minutes after he was born, I didn’t hear her knock or come through the door, but heard her once she was inside. I called out to her and said that I had had the baby. She came over to the doorway, and later in her own words described how I was sitting in a pool of blood holding my baby, while eating the green lollipop. I had lost about a litre of blood and she was really concerned about the loss of blood. She grabbed some towels and had a quick look at him to make sure he was okay. She then brought my birth mat out to the dining room and helped us out onto to it. By then Xavier was ready to feed so she helped him onto my breast, then grabbed a duvet to keep us both warm. She told me ‘Happy Mother’s Day’. She also said that while she had been talking to me on the phone I hadn’t sounded like I was so far along in my labour, I just sounded too calm and that I must have a high pain threshold. Shortly afterwards Sabina (backup midwife) and Kylie (student midwife) arrived, both very surprised to find that I had already had the baby and that I had birthed him myself. Soon after I birthed the placenta (physiological method) and placed it into a container, leaving Xavier attached until Conan arrived home at 3.15am so he could cut the cord. Shortly afterwards I got up to go have a shower while Conan had his first hold, afterwards we all went to bed. To be able to go to sleep in my own bed with my husband and our new baby was amazing; unlike if I’d been in hospital as Conan would not have been able to stay with us. In the morning big brother Alex came in and met Xavier for the first time, what a priceless moment. This is truly a mother’s day I’ll never forget. �

Breastfeeding help - by mothers for mothers La Leche League is about helping you understand and respond to the unique needs of your baby, and meeting and being supported by a wonderful network of women. It is about learning to a be a mother and cherishing the mother-baby bond. It is the human touch that no book or clinic can offer.

CONTACT US: E-mail: help@lalecheleague.org.nz www.facebook.com/LLLNZ www.lalecheleague.org.nz


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when it all falls apart:

toddlers, tantrums turmoil

&

The pasta for dinner isn’t right. Or the puzzle piece won’t fit into its outline. Big sister won’t share her new pen. Or you need to make an important phone call. Suddenly, your calm little child begins to spin out of control. Call it what you will – tantrum, outburst, melt down, or fit – it is a scene familiar to almost every parent. You may feel embarrassed, angry, frustrated or confused, but no matter what you’re feeling, you’re not alone. Tantrums are a common occurrence for children between 18 months and four years old. They are noted among the most common behavioural problems reported by parents. In fact, recent research indicates that 90% of parents say that their three-yearold has had a tantrum in the last month! Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness. – James Thurber, writer

that can help parents understand when they occur, why they happen and how to intervene once they do.

Tantrums tend to occur when a child is hungry, tired or already upset. They often coincide with moments where parents are distracted, stressed or trying to accomplish something that interferes with child-centered connection, such as getting the grocery shopping done. The majority of tantrums last between 1.5 and 5 minutes, though they can be as short as 30 seconds or as painfully long as two hours.

When analysed, tantrums unfold in stages and appear to have an early turning point, before which they can be forestalled by appropriate intervention but after which they must be waited out. Tantrums involve the expression of strong emotions and typically begin with loud physical expressions of anger and then progress to intense demonstrations of sadness, withdrawal and often comfortseeking.

When researchers study children and tantrums, they find that tantrums have common features and flows

Little children have big feelings but almost no experience in managing

66 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

those feelings. They typically don’t have the words to name their emotions much less the ability to understand them or the capacity to control them. As children reach toddlerhood, they are increasingly able to move autonomously and explore their world. While this affords them great opportunities, it also leaves them wide open for frustration, confusion and overload. In the bid for independence, a young child continually encounters an adult world that often stifles natural inclination. Often the things a two-year-old wants to pursue are the very things that are either not allowed or are beyond their abilities. Without the capability to calm their minds and bodies in the face of such disappointment and perplexity, they tend to spin out of control. Instead of holding the feelings in, their anger and sadness become all-consuming and are unable to be contained. With empathic assistance, the feelings can be transformed from something overwhelming into something understandable.

The angry people are those people who are most afraid. – Dr. Robert Anthony, writer


The core of a child’s emotional and social development involves learning how to make sense of and handle feelings. When a child throws a tantrum it is a strong yet simple message that their ability has been exceeded and they are in need of help. A child in the throes of such emotional turmoil is not having any fun. It is scary to lose control, to be trounced by one’s own mounting distress. If we can shift our perspective and see the tantrum through the eyes of our child, we open ourselves up to understanding, avoiding and intervening in helpful ways. As the data indicates, tantrums have a preliminary build-up where children give both subtle and overt signs that things are heading toward melt down. Reading and responding to those early cues – and getting to know what they are for your particular child – is essential in preventing a tantrum. If you can learn the early warning signs that your child is becoming overloaded, it may often be possible to provide the rest, change of scene, snack, focused

attention, or distraction that your child needs before reaching the point of no return.

In any moment, we can choose to set aside the armour that has protected us, and ally ourselves with our children, giving them the gift of a more open, compassionate, and understanding parent. – Jon Kabat-Zinn If the window of opportunity closes and your child has a tantrum, remember two key things: stay calm and stay present. Children tend to act their worst when they need us most. The sheer intensity of a tantrum is a window into the level of distress a child is experiencing. This can be a learning opportunity if handled right. If handled insensitively, it furthers a sense of isolation and shame. Most parental interventions during tantrums have been found to actually be responses to a child’s behavior, not actual interventions. In other words, most of what we do as parents is react. Instead of staying focused on our child’s feelings and

what we need to do, we tend to reflexively respond in typical ways. Hence, if our child is showering us with an ear-piercing yell, we walk away. If the behaviour is hitting, we put them in a room and shut the door. Unfortunately, the more a parent is reactive, the more the tantrum tends to escalate and the longer it persists. Punishment is not helpful; neither is isolation. What calms a child – and teaches a valuable skill – is empathy and validation. Mainstream advice can often challenge this wisdom and sets well-intentioned parents on a path toward escalation instead of settling. Recommendations that call for punitive responses and admonishments to parents to stay ‘in control’ contradict empathic reactions and develop an expectation that a child is simply prone to tantrums, high strung, difficult or naughty. Not only is this untrue but it undermines the very strategies that promote healing and change.

Continued overleaf...


So keep your internal peace and stay by your child’s side. Adopt a soothing, even tone of voice. It may take a while for your child to allow you a cuddle, but be patient and available. Don’t expect a child to ‘use words’ when in the middle of a tantrum. If the event overwhelms you, remove yourself for as long as it takes to regain your own calm, and then return to your child. It may be helpful to you to use the time when your child is in the grip of a tantrum to focus on centering and calming yourself. Notice your own feelings, take some deep breaths, and observe what your child’s intense feelings are triggering in you. By looking after yourself and restoring your own equilibrium you will be healthier and better able to reconnect with your child in a compassionate way. Time out is not appropriate for children struggling with overwhelming emotions but it is occasionally necessary for adults when we need to settle our own bodies or minds.

I've come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy. – Anthony Robbins, American advisor Once your child has regained equilibrium, spend time with him to talk about his feelings. Even a preverbal child benefits from hearing a parent identify the emotions and explain what has just happened. Keep your language simple and age-

appropriate, e.g. “You were so mad with me,” or “You really wanted that toy so much.” This is not the same as giving in. A tantrum occurring because a child couldn’t have ice cream for dinner doesn’t mean that ice cream should become part of the standard menu. Nonetheless, validating the frustration, showing understanding, and offering a kind explanation for why it can’t happen (and perhaps a plan for how to accommodate the wish in another way) can go a long way toward instilling a sense of wellbeing, trust and emotional stability. Research into attachment and development tells us that children and parents will always have rocky times in their relationships – times when both child and parent feel angry and disconnected from each other. This is a normal part of healthy relationships. In order to keep the relationship strong, what matters

most is the ability to set things right again. Parents who are able to weather their children’s emotional storms, manage their own reactions to their child’s big feelings, stay calm and available to their child, and help their child to reunite with them are providing an excellent basis for life. In these experiences, a child learns that relationships can survive tough times, that emotions are safe and manageable, and that who they are and what they feel is okay. When a child expresses intense feelings and then recovers with their most important relationships still intact, the brain wiring for relating to others and for regulating emotional states is developed and strengthened, building capacities in the child that will contribute to psychological wellbeing for life.

The purpose of the journey is compassion. – Joseph Campbell, scholar Using tantrums, and the frustrations from which they are born, to propel our children toward a deeper understanding of their emotions and a greater sense of trust in our love as parents allows us to demystify the episodes and lay the foundation for future stability. We all feel a greater sense of wellness and connection when someone provides support, kindness and guidance during our most trying moments. Extending this intelligent compassion to our children allows us to loosen their ties to tantrums and upset and, instead, to strengthen their bonds to happiness and their relationships with us. �

Lauren Porter A mother of two, Lauren obtained her Masters Degree in Social Work from New York University, USA in 1995 and has since been dedicated to working with families in the field of mental health counselling and training. Lauren has worked in a wide range of settings and communities, including Germany and the US, as well as New Zealand. Her experience has focused on families struggling with issues pertaining to conflict and trauma, including child sexual abuse. Her current professional focus is the merging of attachment theory with neuroscientific data, with an eye toward the practical applications of everyday life. She is a PhD candidate at the University of Canterbury and a member of the Infant Mental Health Association Aotearoa New Zealand.

68 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years


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planning a perfect party Ensure that the smallest details are never overlooked, as they are essential to the intricate design concepts that seem effortlessly chic. - Melanie Holt


Melanie Holt had so much fun organising her own wedding that she decided to give up her career as an award-winning visual designer and follow her passion for styling exceptional events. She founded All The Frills Boutique Event Styling ad Design so she can live out her passion for event design. Melanie started her business when she was on maternity leave and her daughter was five months old. She is known for handcrafting accessories for all her events. “I often struggle to find clean and contemporary props,” Melanie explains: “So I end up making them myself. This means I can customise my events and make them personal and special.”

Step 2 – Design Use elements from the invitation throughout the party to tie the look and feel throughout. For example, I could use the floral design from the invitation on backdrop of the cake table and also incorporate it into the on the place setting.

Melanie shares her six step process to designing a memorable and magical event.

Step 1 – Invitation Find the perfect way to invite your guests, this will set the look and feel. I try different ideas for each event I organize.

Continued overleaf...

Continued overleaf...


Step 3 – Colour

Step 5 – Personalise

Select a colour theme and use it in a range of different ways. Pull through the colours you have used on the invitation and use extensively for decorations, foods and games

Everything should focus on the person of the day, little touches like the photos, welcome signs, the chalkboards with: ‘Name of Child loves’ all the little details that make it a special party.

Step 4 – Balance It’s all about balance... know when to stop! My love for black has proved to be a bit of a hassle at times! For a little girl’s party, it was hard finding the right balance as I still wanted it to be pretty and feminine. I think we got there in the end by balancing it out with a white tabletop and plenty of pretty flowers.

Step 6 – Fun factor Oh, there has to be fun at any event, what girl wouldn’t like cardboard houses, pink flamingos and old school party games. �

72 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Melanie Holt Building on a successful career as an award-winning visual merchandiser for a leading Australasian furniture and homeware company, Melanie decided to follow her passion for styling beautiful events. As founder and lead stylist of All The Frills, she is committed to creating cleverly designed events that are both aesthetically beautiful and personally significant. www.allthefrills.co.nz


winners

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Find a Centre near you Parents Centres span the entire country with 50 locations around New Zealand. Contact your local Centre for details of programmes and support available in your area or go to www.parentscentre.org.nz Auckland Region 1 Whangarei Waitemata Bays North Harbour Hibiscus Coast Onewa Auckland Region 2 Auckland East Papakura Manukau Franklin Auckland Region 3 West Auckland Central Auckland East & Bays Waikato Hamilton Cambridge Putaruru Otorohanga Morrinsville Thamesâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;Hauraki Bay of Plenty Tauranga Whakatane Rotorua Taupo Taranaki New Plymouth Stratford South Taranaki East Coast North Island Napier Central Hawkes Bay Central Districts Palmerston North Wairarapa Wellington Kapiti Lower Hutt Mana Upper Hutt Wellington North Wellington South

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Nappies Direct Nappies Direct delivers nappies and more, direct to your door. We sell everything but the baby from pharmacy goods to toys - all the brands you know and trust. Join our Baby Club for only $10 you will have over $70 worth of newborn baby goods delivered to your door. Join today! www.babyclub.net.nz www.nappies.co.nz

Tommee Tippee Our products have been used by Kiwi parents for over 35 years and we are a market leader in New Zealand. Designed in consultation with experts, the range delivers solutions for each unique stage from newborn to toddler. Phone: 0800 877 876 www.tommeetippee.co.nz

College of Natural Health and Homeopathy We are the leading provider of Homeopathic education, attending and distance, in Australasia. We provide: � A friendly, supportive, integrated learning environment � Flexible learning options (attending or distance) � Highly qualified, professional & experienced tutors � Government approved access to student loans & allowances Our commitment: to providing the highest standard of training in homeopathy. 

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ASG ASG is one of the largest specialist education benefit providers across Australia and New Zealand and their sole focus is on supporting children’s education and as a not-for-profit friendly society. It is uniquely different to any bank or any other provider of education savings plan.

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PORSE PORSE believes that living and learning begins at home and that the best foundation for early learning is the provision of a stable and secure environment where children are able to build secure attachment relationships with their individual carers. Phone: 0800 023 456 www.porse.co.nz

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Say Goodbye to Baby Woes!

Up to 70% of babies suffer the distress of gas and gastric discomfort. Colic Calm is an all natural allergen free homoeopathic formula that provides rapid and effective relief. Proven to work even in the toughest cases! For more information and a stockist near you, visit

www.coliccalm.co.nz

Always read the label and use as directed. If symptoms persist see your healthcare professional.

*Now available Nation-Wide from selected pharmacies TAPS: PP2256

78 kiwiparent â&#x20AC;&#x201C; supporting kiwi parents through the early years


Kathy Fray’s

MOTHERWISE 3 Keys to Parenting Sanity

Buy y the ever p popular p book:

o oh baby… Bi Birth, Babies & Motherhood M U Uncensored

5 imprint now 5th iin book stores

www.KathyFray.com www.K Buy the

BabyOK™ Babe-Sleeper

The original and best ever attached sleep-bag for 3-30 month olds www.babyokproducts.com

Buy the new sequel book:

oh grow up… TToddlers od to PreTeens Decoded In book stores now

www.KathyFray.com ww

Make our dream a reality We are a loving, happy and financially secure couple. We enjoy our life with family and good friends but due to problems with fertility we are unable to have a child without the help of an egg donor. We are looking for a special and compassionate woman to help make our dream of having a child a reality. If you are less than 38 years of age, are in good health and would like to find out more about helping us fulfil our dream, please contact Tanya at Fertility Associates on (09) 925 5962 or email fadonurse@fertilityassociates.co.nz. Reference Jellybeans

subscribe online at www.kiwiparent.co.nz –

kiwiparent

79


win great giveaways

Enter online at kiwiparent.co.nz and follow the instructions. Entries must be received by 5pm 24 April 2014. Winners will be published in issue 260.

3 strollers to be won from the Baby Factory

Win an Evolution car seat from phil&teds … protection from newborn to 6 years

The Edinburgh Promenade Stroller is the next generation in umbrella strollers. With European styling the Promenade Stroller provides a stylish, practical and comfortable ride for any child. Suitable from birth – 17kgs, the 5 point safety harness will give you peace of mind your child is safe while the umbrella fold design, storage basket, front swivel wheels and link brakes takes all the hard work out of strollers for Mum and Dad. Available in Blue, Pink and Black. Exclusive to the Baby Factory RRP. $199.95

phil&teds has over 15 years of safety experience in designing and engineering products for parents and children. The evolution is the ultimate in style with safety and ease of use. Safety assured with SideArmour, molded EPS foam high side protection and five-point harness, the evolution takes your child from birth to 6 years old. Rear face from 0-13kg. Forward face from 13-25kgs, with the option of removing the harness and using the seatbelt for older children from 18-25kgs. Five level recline provides the ultimate in comfort for your child and car seat angler allows for the perfect fit every time. RRP $349

www.babyfactory.co.nz

www.philandteds.com

Win one of 8 auto-shades from Outlook Auto-shade covers the whole window to cut out 90% of UV and glare. Easy to fit, it can even be used with the window open so your little passengers can view the world or enjoy a snooze in comfort and safety. RRP $59.95

www.auto-shade.com

Win one of 10 Natural Instinct prize packs Our gentle botanical Baby Bath Wash, Baby Shampoo and Baby Conditioner combine organic extracts, all gently scented with pure essential oils, to leave your child’s skin and fine hair feeling replenished and refreshed. Each pack contains: 1 x Natural Instinct Baby Bath Wash 1 Natural Instinct Baby Shampoo 1 x Natural Instinct Baby Conditioner Value: $37.50 Available from Babycity and leading Pharmacies and Health Stores nationwide. www.naturalinstinct.co.nz

80 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Get decorating with Resene 3 prizes to be won!

Resene Write-on Wall Paint can be applied over your existing walls to create a whiteboard style finish. Then, once dry and cured you can write all over the wall using whiteboard markers and wipe clean with a cloth or whiteboard eraser. Perfect for the kitchen, office or kid’s play areas! Best of all, because it is clear, it will fit with your existing décor because your wall colour will show through. RRP $122.50. Prize includes 1L of Resene Write-on Wall Paint and 2 whiteboard markers. www.resene.co.nz


Hold on to these moments.

Baby’s skin is perfect. Help keep it that way with Curash. Have you ever seen or felt anything more amazing than baby’s skin? It’s so soft and perfect. That’s why the makers of Curash developed an expert range of products to help cleanse, soothe, heal and protect baby’s delicate skin from head to toe including: • Moisturising Soap Free Bath, a gentle formula enriched with Vitamin E and Aloe Vera to keep baby’s skin clean and fresh and make bath time fun.

facebook.com/curash

• 2 in 1 Shampoo & Conditioner, a no tears formula with natural Chamomile Extracts and special Silk Proteins for soft, shiny hair and a healthy scalp. So to help keep your little one’s skin perfect, care for it every day with Curash.

Curash. For the love of baby’s skin.

Freecall 0800 380 218. Available from supermarkets, pharmacies and selected stores nationally. Curash ® is a registered trademark of Church & Dwight Australia Pty Ltd. CDC0050/WDNZ


y Napp g ostin p m o c ilable * a v a now ng ton i l l e in W

Together, we’ ve got a good thing growing

EN

That’s good news for Wellington mums and dads and even better news for the planet. Now, thousands more nappies which were headed for landfill can be safely composted.

IR

V

Over the last three years, the support from HUGGIES® Nappies has helped Envirocomp to establish and grow their first nappy composting plant in the Hurunui District, Canterbury and now, Wellington.

D.

HUGGIES® Nappies are always looking at new ways to reduce waste and protect our environment. So, we are delighted to announce that you can now compost your nappies in the Greater Wellington region* through Envirocomp.

T OCOMP L

To discover how easy it is to compost your nappies, visit huggies.co.nz or envirocomp.co.nz

*See envirocomp.co.nz for more details.

ULTRA DRY NAPPIES

456800

12/10/11 CMK

3

ART_Huggies_Ultra Dry Nappies_Logo_CMYK_OL

colours

carpe diem design what do you want your brand to say?™

IMPORTANT CHECKING OR APPROVAL INFORMATION

Production facilities and reproduction suppliers Instructions given to us by clients, or suppliers, can be subjective, incomplete or ambiguous. As such it is important that clients and suppliers check this “Production” layout to ensure that all instructions are being incorporated correctly. This Production layout will be used to produce Artwork and artwork files. Any errors or omissions in the Production layout may cause Artwork and artwork files to be wrong and/or to be redone at additional expense.

DO NOT PROCEED:

No reproduction of Production or Artwork files can be done unless the client and supplier agrees to the following: 1. Prior to any reproduction or print production, these files and colour instructions must be read, understood, checked and measured by the client, production facility, printer, film or plate supplier to ensure that they meet all technical print and knifeline specifications, and all other requirements specific to this project; 2. Prior to any print production of artwork, a good quality Chromaline proof or similar must have been produced from artwork files and that proof must have been checked and approved by the client; and 3. Carpe Diem Design may resupply amended artwork if any of this artwork is not consistent with your requirements, but having asked all parties to check this artwork carefully, Carpe Diem Design will not be liable for any errors or costs beyond supplying artwork files.

L3/21 Solent Circuit Norwest Quay Baulkham Hills NSW | p +61 2 9299 4588 | fax +61 2 9299 2655 | PO Box 8192 Baulkham Hills BC, NSW 2153 Australia | www.carpediem.com.au

artwork

® Registered Trademark Kimberly-Clark Worldwide, Inc. © 2012 KCWW OG_KC1075_OB

82 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years


Kiwiparent Issue #259 - April- May 2014