Kiwiparent Issue #269 - December 2015 - January 2015

RRP $7.50 (incl GST)

SUPPORTING PARENTS THROUGH THE EARLY YEARS

DECEMBER 2015 – JANUARY 2016

269

An exciting new world Technology and learning for littlies

Do they know it’s Christmas?

Give love and hope this year

Whining

What to do when the whining starts

Winners!

2015 Photo Competition results

Toys

Stimulating children to learn and grow

ALSO INSIDE:

The magazine of Parents Centres New Zealand Inc

Parenting tips • Childbirth • Dad's Blog • Breastfeeding • Lifestyle • Family health

YOUR LAST LINE OF DEFENCE FINE PARTICLES

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ESSENTIAL FOR CLEANER AIR IN YOUR CAR We all know that the air outside our car can be a health hazard, especially in traffic. But did you know that the air inside the cabin of your car could be potentially more contaminated. Research shows that without an effective cabin air filter installed, the air inside your car can contain over 10 times more pollutants than the air outside – pollutants that can cause headaches, nausea and fatigue, and trigger more significant health problems for people with asthma or respiratory issues.* Don’t put your family’s health at risk. Trust Ryco to ensure that the air in your vehicle is safe to breathe and protect to your family from allergies caused by pollen, dirt and soot. Next time you have your car serviced ask you mechanic about upgrading to a Ryco Cabin Air Filter. *Environmental Health Perspectives, Volume 109, Number 9, September 2001.

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the ultimate in cabin air filter technology RYCO’s Micro Shield Sets a New Benchmark For Interior Air Filtration When referring to elements such as dirt and dust, pollen and fungus spores, smog, exhaust gases and harmful airborne pollutants, you’d be forgiven for thinking that one was describing the harsh outdoor environment; an environment that can trigger nausea, hay fever and other more serious respiratory issues such as asthma.

But In fact we are referring to the interior environment of a poorly filtrated vehicle.

An industry leader in cabin air filter technology, RYCO understands that clean cabin air in any vehicle is paramount to the health of any vehicle’s passengers, which is why they’ve developed the RYCO Micro Shield: an unparalleled product that implements the foremost in filter technology.

Lab tested to filter out harmful particles of 2.5 micron or less, the Micro Shield is the only cabin filter available in Australia that can protect against mould, mites and influenza.

“We understand that the majority of families aren’t aware of the risks involved with poor cabin air filtration,” says Melissa. “That’s why we’re imploring them to ask their vehicle service technician to upgrade their cabin air filter to the RYCO Micro Shield – to protect their families.” 

To put into perspective how effective the micro shield is, the width of a human hair is approximately 90 micron, so at 40 times smaller than this, the micro shield is filtering out the tiniest, most harmful bacteria.

“As drivers or passengers, we jump in our vehicles and think that we’re protected from the outdoors; we think we’re breathing clean air,” explains RYCO Marketing Communications Manager, Melissa Simpson. “In fact this couldn’t be further from the truth.

“Recent research shows that the interior of your vehicle can contain over 10 times more pollutants than the air outside – with this in mind, we set out to design a product that was anti bacterial, anti odour, anti viral and anti allergen,” added Melissa.

To achieve this, RYCO used a unique media technology that incorporates layers of scientifically tested materials that when combined, trap 94-98% of airborne contaminants causing headaches, nausea and fatigue, asthma and other more serious respiratory issues.

To learn more about the RYCO Micro Shield and how you can install one in your family’s vehicle, visit breatheeasier.com.au

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The home birth of Coco Milou with Natalia and Thomas Baechtold.

Photo Credit: Jane McCrae www.janemccraephotography.com

Special Features

Features

Technology and learning for littlies

Breathe easier next time you get behind the wheel................................................. 1

Matt Richards............................................................................... 8–11

When the whining starts

Letters to the Editor............................................................. 4–5

Hand in Hand Parenting............................................................ 12–16

Product page............................................................................ 6–7

Frock shock

Big sis, role model – myths about au pairs............. 22–23

Ben Tafau....................................................................................... 18–20

Top tips for the third trimester...................................... 24–25

Toys - stimulating children to learn and grow

All tied up

Natural Child Project................................................................... 26–29

Lisa Manning................................................................................ 30–32

First foods for babies – Health Promotion Agency..................................................... 36–38

Winners of the 2015 Photo Competition................ 46–49

A hit with the kiddies – My Foodbag kitchen............................................................... 34–35

Parents Centre Pages........................................................... 39–45 The TRUE story of Christmas....................................... 50–51

Do they know it’s Christmas?

Emotional first aid

Leigh Bredenkamp...................................................................... 52–53

Judy Coldicott................................................................................ 58–59

Three very different births

Great gardening ideas......................................................... 66–67

Nicola Reid.................................................................................... 54–57

You never seem to know what you want – an extract from The Trouble with Women............. 72

Keep asking, reach out Cherie McKinnon......................................................................... 60–61

Safe sleeping – we can all help Chris Ottley................................................................................... 62–65

The skin revisited Nicola Power, Jenny Warren and Jacqui Chirnside............. 68–71

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Winners from the last issue............................................. 73 Find a centre............................................................................ 74 Directory page......................................................................... 75 Shopping Cart......................................................................... 76–79 Giveaways.................................................................................. 80

SUPPORTING PARENTS THROUGH THE EARLY YEARS

DECEMBER 2015 – JANUARY 2016

269

Start your own traditions There is something about sitting on the cusp of change – one year finishing another about to begin – that makes me feel reflective. A lot happens in the course of year and this has been a particularly busy year.

Technology and learning for littlies Littlies today have the collective knowledge of humankind at their fingertips – or mouth if you are a one-year-old chewing mummy’s smartphone. What does this mean for learning now and in the near future? What can we do as parents to prepare our kids for this brave and exciting new world?

When the whining starts If we wanted to make a list of things that irritate parents, we’d find children whining right near the top! It’s a behaviour that every child tries sooner or later. But some children fall into whining and can’t seem to climb back out and by the time parents decides to search for advice about handling whining, they are usually fed up.

Toys – stimulating children to learn and grow At this time of year, adults view the vast range of toys available and wonder what items they should invest in that will stimulate and entertain their children. This article is a handy reference guide and starting point for understanding and distinguishing children's basic abilities and preferences as they grow. These abilities and preferences play an important role in attracting and motivating children to interact with toys.

Kiwiparent – Since 1954 the magazine of Parents Centres New Zealand Inc Editor

Leigh Bredenkamp Ph (04) 472 1193 Fax (04) 938 6242 Mobile (0274) 572 821 leighb@e–borne.co.nz PO Box 28 115, Kelburn, 6150

Editorial Enquiries Ph (04) 233 2022 or (04) 472 1193 info@e–borne.co.nz

Advertising Sales

Taslim Parsons Ph (04) 233 2022 x8804 Mo 021 1860 323 t.parsons@parentscentre.org.nz

Design

Baseline Group

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Image Centre Group

Publisher

Viv Gurrey, Chief Executive Officer, Parents Centres New Zealand Inc Phone (04) 233 2022 Opinions expressed in the magazine do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the publisher. Advertising in this magazine does not imply endorsement by Parents Centres. Generally material in this publication may be reproduced provided it is used for non–commercial purposes and the source is acknowledged.

However, written permission must be sought from the editor.

Kiwiparent is proud to support the WHO/UNICEF International Code of Marketing of Breastmilk Substitutes adopted by the World Health Assembly in 1981.

As the festive season kicks off, our family goes overboard with tradition. If I try to vary the smallest detail of Christmas, someone is sure to wail: “But you can’t change that, it’s traditional!”.

But one of the many great things about this time of year is that we are able to create our own traditions.

The small rituals we introduce as parents will become the cherished traditions for our children. So, if you detest Snoopy’s Christmas, don’t play it! Pick something you love to listen to and introduce it as your family’s favourite. Don’t like turkey? Cook salmon or tofu for Christmas dinner.

One of our traditions is that each year we put up a thankful tree at home as well as our traditional and much loved Christmas tree. It starts out completely bare but I leave a box of blank cut out stars and a packet of felt tips underneath it. Each day I write something down that I am thankful for on one of the shapes and then hang it on the tree. Everyone else is welcome to do the same, family or visitors. If children are too young to write, they can squiggle a picture.

Over the years, it is interesting to read what people have been thankful for, it could be something small – a new book or a good joke – or something big like someone you love recovering from an illness.

This has been a dreadful year for so many at home and overseas. Turmoil and violence is the daily fare in far too many places and climate change drives shortages of water and food. So-called developed nations face their own austerity measures… consequently they donate less to under-developed countries and the need for assistance deepens. And who can forget the harrowing images of 2015? A toddler drowned on a sandy beach when his family made the desperate trip to escape the conflict in Syria.

It’s not all rosy at home either. Life is pretty bleak for many Kiwis as they try to balance their children’s Christmas expectations against the reality of life on a budget… there is simply not enough money to go around.

Teaching children about being thankful and sharing with those who are not as lucky as them can start when they’re young — and can begin very simply.

Drop in a few cans at your local food bank, donate a toy, give clothes to a shelter.

ISSN 1173–7638

The lessons learned and impressions that result can grow over the years, making life that much sweeter – for everyone.

www.kiwiparent.co.nz

Leigh Bredenkamp

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letters to the editor Top letter

Congratulations to the top letter winner Katie Hawkey of Auckland who receives a Bio-Oil pack.

Top letter winner

This prize pack contains a range of Bio-Oil products including: 200ml bottle Bio-Oil, a tranquillity lavender candle, a cosmetic bag

We are the midwives I am a newly graduated midwife (seven months out) and I would like to correct a few things that are so often misrepresented in the media.

Since 2012, all NZ new graduate midwives have completed a four year bachelors degree in either midwifery or health science (midwifery). We all sit a national registration exam, and hold an annual practising certificate.

We have strict supervision guidelines and are all mentored by an experienced and trained midwife for our entire first year of practice. In this year we do hours and hours of annual updates including the management of emergencies and meet regularly with our mentor midwives.

100% of women are cared for by a midwife at some stage in their childbirth experience. We have access to help and support at all times and we actually use it, all the time. We rigidly follow the section 88 referral guidelines because, you know, we want well mothers and babies.

New graduate midwives care for women with complex social, medical and psychological backgrounds simply because there are high numbers of women with these needs. With smaller caseloads, new graduates often cater to them when they eventually agree to seek antenatal care, by which time, more experienced midwives may be fully booked ... Should we just say no?

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Most of us, at some point, work in less than ideal conditions. We look after women in hugely complex situations and we do it well. We have a drastically low perinatal mortality rate, in relation to care received, in comparison to other OECD countries.

Do you ever hear about the woman whose life (and her baby's) that the midwife saved because she is trained to recognise the abnormal and refer her to the right professional?

Or about the woman who we drove two hours to visit, repeatedly, because she didn't attend her appointments, just to ensure her and her baby were safe?

Or about the midnight visit the midwife made to a woman's house based on her skill and gut feeling that something wasn't right, (even though the woman insists she fine) followed by a lights and sirens ambulance ride to the hospital because her blood pressure was through the roof and she was about to fit?

We are the midwives that look after you, your mothers, sisters, daughters and friends. We are the midwives who celebrate with families when they have amazing, uncomplicated births. We are also the midwives who pick up when there are complications.

And we are the midwives that may have already or may one day save a life. The midwife will ALWAYS do her best to try and save a life (x2...or 3).

Katie Hawkey, new graduate midwife

0800 600 998

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Coco Milou’s birth story Coco is the mum who is pictured birthing on our front cover, together with her partner Thomas. This is an extract from her story.

It didn’t take long and the birth space was all set up and looking just how I’d envisaged. Candles lit and music on, a warm and soft space with my cultural pieces laid out and blessing beads hanging from the window for strength and focus. I was feeling ready, all I needed now was a sign that it was all going to move into the next stage. I was waiting for that overwhelming sensation to run to the bathroom like I did with Estelle. I knew once I felt that urge I was well on my way to having my baby.

One must remember that no two births are the same, that sensation never came. I was feeling tired so I took myself back to bed to lay down and wait out what was to come.

Thomas came in with his cup of tea and sat by my side, he was thrilled to be home for the birth, unlike Estelle’s birth where he Skyped in from Tonga. His energy was high and he was voicing his concerns about having everything ready and right. I said to him this might take hours, everything is in place now, we should both rest up just in-case nothing happens tonight.

We lay together, snuggled up in the dark, as I shared my need for him to be my stronghold. No words can help me through this, only a strong supportive presence would allow me to stay focused and free to move through whatever comes my way. I shared with him an experience that had shaped my understanding of myself; at the end of a dive I found myself alone in the deep blue waters off Ngemelis Island.

Perfectly warm I can hardly tell the difference between it and my own skin. I floated effortlessly in its serene blue body. Delicately held for just a moment in time, these waters had the potential to change into a destructive force of nature without notice. I needed him to let me be the ocean; one minute calm and still but at anytime I could turn into a strong current that could splash up into a powerful wave of purpose. I needed to be left to explore my full potential no matter where I might venture, without judgement or panic that might instill fear and turn the tides. I had full faith in my natural ability to birth my baby. I needed him to let me be in the moment, in all my raw beauty.

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Our divine baby girl now a part of our lives forever. A seriously joyous day in our lives.

Pregnancy and Kids website launched The Ministry of Health has launched the Pregnancy and Kids section of the Your Health website.

The new section of Your Health has been informed by interviews with real New Zealand parents and whanau. Areas of focus are pregnancy and parenting, breastfeeding, oral health, safe sleep, Well Child Tamariki Ora services and maternal and child health services.

Pregnancy and Kids features real whanau sharing their stories alongside interviews with health professionals including Well Child Tamariki Ora Nurses, Midwives and Dental Therapists. All content has been developed in partnership with clinical, cultural and health literacy advisors to help parents raise strong and healthy kids.

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Kiwis increasingly using the web to access information on pregnancy, birth and raising children. This new online resource ensures that new and expectant parents can quickly and easily access trusted information and advice.

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Don't buy a Breast Pump until you've seen the "Brand New Deluxe" Freemie System. www.freemie.co.nz

What are you having for dinner tonight?

There are five different Food Bags to choose from, designed to delight pretty much everyone, from fussy preschoolers to finicky foodies.

Every week we dream up wonderful new dinner recipes in our test kitchen.

We get up early and hit the markets to find you the freshest local New Zealand produce, meat and fish. Our menus use only fresh seasonal produce and we choose free-range and sustainably farmed products whenever possible (it just tastes better).

Your Food Bag arrives fresh at your door.

You cook and enjoy - where the fun starts. Our recipes are easy to follow and come with a free folder so you can keep track of your favourites. My Food Bag makes dinnertime something to look forward to. You’ll wonder how you ever got by without it. www.myfoodbag.co.nz

LED lights for home and garden Larala Lights is a new, global, and NZ-based company that supplies safe and eco-friendly LED lighting solutions for the home and garden.

Larala Lights come in adapted shapes and sizes, and can change to any colour or mood at the press of a remote. They are Shockproof, Waterproof, Re-chargeable, UV protected, Wireless, and don’t let off any heat - they make a perfect night light in a child’s bedroom! www.laralalights.co.nz

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Tiny Turtles has New Zealand’s largest online stocks of the BONDS baby products Tiny Turtles stock a wide range of practical, fun and stylish everyday wear

by Bonds for 0-3 years, including a selection of the iconic Wondersuit with a safe/protective two-way zip, making dressing simple, with fold over mittens for hands and feet to keep little fingers and toes warm. Tiny Turtles also stocks a small maternity range and other baby-related products.

Nappy Disposal System

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Mamas & Papas Armadillo Flip XT We know that becoming a parent is complicated enough, without worrying about changing their stroller when they outgrow it. So the revolutionary Armadillo Flip XT is the only stroller you'll ever need, with lots of little luxuries too. The unbelievably compact Armadillo Flip XT is travel system-ready, with loads of wriggle room for the years to come. The chunky wheels make sure baby gets a nice smooth ride and other extras like telescopic handles give you a more pleasurable experience too. But best of all the innovative patented design lets you fold it down with one hand-whichever way it's facing-in seconds, into the most compact fold out there.

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technology and learning

for littlies

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Littlies today have the collective knowledge of humankind at their fingertips (or mouth if you are a one-year-old chewing mummy’s smartphone).

What does this mean for learning now and in the near future? What can we do as parents to help prepare our kids for this brave and exciting new world?

I may have more questions than answers I am the father of three kids (six, three and one year) and I am constantly astounded by and sometimes concerned about - my kids’ engagement with technology. My six-year-old daughter would probably watch YouTube videos on her $8 android phablet all day if we let her. She has discovered the capacity to search for content with her voice. Her current favourites are cooking videos. Watching these videos enabled her to make the cupcakes for her sixth birthday party recently.

Being able to pick up a mirrored book-like thing, say the words “nerdy nummies” and then be instantly provided with an instructional video for rainbow cupcakes is kind of amazing! Well amazing for people born pre-internet.

For kids today it’s par for the course Our magic technologies do not come without risks. We all know there is some wild and wacky stuff online.

Giving little kids free and unfiltered access to YouTube and the internet is risky.

My kids access videos using the YouTube Kids app. It’s an app made for children five and under. It provides a filtered and safe version of YouTube. YouTube Kids is currently not officially available in New Zealand, but you can manually download and install it now. Google “Download YouTube kids app”.

On laptops and computers you can turn on safesearch filters in your browser. Most consumer modems and routers have parental controls now and www.commonsensemedia.org is a great site for recommendations on content for kids.

Kids learn through play. This has been confirmed by numerous studies. Some countries like Finland and Estonia don’t start formal education till kids are seven.

Interestingly, these countries rank highly in a global comparison of maths, science and reading achievement.

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How much directed learning should we be providing our preschoolers? Using technology to target early learning is well established. Platforms like Reading Eggs and Mathletics do a great job of introducing kids to literacy and numeracy in a games-based environment. Using apps like these mean sanctioning screen-time however, and as they say “everything in moderation”.

Techie toys encourage creativity Exciting developments in technology recently are bringing play and learning back into the physical.

Wonder Workshop make two cute little spherical robots called Dot and Dash. What I love about these techie toys is that they encourage creative play. The kids can dress the robots up and also program them using an iPad. They see an immediate output for their learning.

Best of all, the learning is collaborative. Children excitedly communicate and cheer each other on when their robot successfully plays their unique song on the xylophone.

Keyboards and mice (mouses?) can be a block for preschool kids engaging with technology.

Most have grown up in the touch screen world of iPads and smartphones. The first instinct of little kids is usually to touch the screen to engage with content. Gesturebased computer control is also now available. The Leap Motion is a relatively new technology that enables computer controls by waving your hands around in

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

the air. Computers are now being developed with this functionality built in. Playing Fruit Ninja or Cut the Rope by swishing your hands through the air is a fun and physical way for kids to engage with content and learn.

Any technology that encourages exploration, creativity and collaboration is a win in my book.

Osmo is a great example of play-based learning with technology. The kit provides a mirror that you attach to your iPad and a stand to hold your tablet. The app then observes the area immediately in front of the device and responds to interaction.

I think Tangram is one of the best Osmo games. Kids arrange colorful wooden tangram pieces into rabbit shapes and other configurations with the iPad cheering them on or suggesting a retry.

The wonders of augmented reality Augmented reality (AR) is another exciting area of recent development. At The Mind Lab by Unitec we use AR to bring kids’ art to life and record littlies telling their parents what superpowers their created superheroes possess. By holding a tablet or smartphone over a target image a 3D picture or video leaps to life.

Aurasma is an excellent free app for AR. Microsoft is taking this technology to the next level with their soon to be released and much anticipated Hololens glasses. Wearing these magical goggles you see the

real world with a fantasy world overlayed on it. With Hololens, kids can bring their Minecraft creations into the living room in three dimensions.

Kids are now self-directing their learning more than ever before. The barriers between kids and information are becoming ever lower and easier to navigate. The challenge for Generation Wifi is not how to get information but what to do with it.

What are our kids passionate about?

How do we encourage them to be creators and not just consumers?

Matt Richards Matt is the Director of The Mind Lab in Wellington. He leads a team of innovative educators providing high-tech learning experiences for students and teachers.

Matt has worked in education for the last 10 years. He is a keynote speaker at international technology & education events.

Matt is a Google Certified Innovator, Google Educator Group Leader & Microsoft Innovative Educator Expert.

The age old truth of kids copy what they see still holds true. What do we as parents model for our kids. How often do we sit with glowing faces looking at our phones?

Last week I made a stop animation movie with my kids. I found a free Google Chrome app called Stop Motion Animator. Using my laptop, dolls and duplo we made a movie. It turned out to be quite an abstract arthouse piece. We shared the Oscarworthy creation with the grandparents over social networks. Best of all it was hilarious fun! 

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starts

When the whining

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

If we wanted to make a list of things that irritate parents, we’d find children whining right near the top! It’s a behaviour that every child tries sooner or later. Some children fall into whining and can’t seem to climb back out. By the time parents decides to search for advice about handling whining, they are usually fed up.

When a child is whining, giving in to their request probably won’t change their emotional climate for long. When children whine, the inner weather is cloudy, with a storm on the horizon. Filling the request might gain a parent a few moments of peace, but the child’s overall mood-sinks back into a tone of “I am unhappy” again.

Sending a child off to their room or punishing them for whining won’t improve the situation either. They might come back from punishment or time out a quieter person, but they won’t feel good inside. They will probably find ways to balk, to stir up difficulties with others, or to zone out. This persistent unhappiness is hard on parents. When we invest the time and energy to try to solve a problem, we are inclined to feel insulted when it doesn’t stay solved!

Whining is a way of communicating We’d like to offer you a fresh way to understand why your child whines, and give you some interesting solutions to try. We start with the observation that, like every other behaviour children have, whining is important communication. We may wish the message would come in some other form – any other form! But whining is news from your child, hot off the press. The headline is: “I feel alone! I feel powerless!”

Usually, whining happens shortly after a child’s sense of connection to their parent or caregiver has broken.

The ordinary things parents must do, like feeding little brother, cooking dinner, or talking to a friend on the phone, can eat away at a child’s sense that he’s connected and cared about. For small children in a big world, feeling disconnected gnaws at their spirits. They flash a signal for help: “I wannaaaa lollllyyyyyy!”

It comes with a miserable expression and a body that can barely move.

Once children feel disconnected, any small task can bring up jumbo-size feelings of powerlessness. Having to get dressed when they want to stay in their pyjamas, having to brush their teeth when they’d rather play with the cat, and having to say goodbye and go to school or daycare can bring on a massive bout of whining.

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Whining children have real needs Even though a whining child probably won’t be satisfied by the attempt you make to help, they do have a real need. They need you. Not just the things you do. They need to feel connected to you. Only a renewed sense of connection can mend that awful out-of-sorts feeling that’s bothering them.

Children are built to feel close to the people they’re with close to their parents, their caregivers, their grandparents and cousins and friends. When they can feel close and cherished, they behave with confidence.

When they don’t feel close to anyone, their behaviour goes haywire immediately.

Your child’s feelings won’t be rational Comings and goings, moving from one activity to another, seeing you busy or preoccupied with other things, or having several siblings who compete for your attention all eat away at child’s sense that all is sweet between you and them. Sometimes, even when parents are available, full of warm attention at the moment, children can feel disconnected; they can’t feel their love or caring because the feeling, “I’m alone,” has already taken over. Human feelings often paint an emotional picture that’s far from the reality of the situation.

world. They’ll stop needing what they were crying for, because they have you.

Try to picture your whiny child saying, “I wannnaaa lollllyyyyyy,” but meaning, “Please say ‘No.’ I need a good cry with your arms around me!”

Help your child connect again Whining indicates that your child needs an emotional outlet before they’ll be able to regain the sense that you are on their side. Laughter, crying, and tantrums are typical ways children release bad feelings.

A good laugh (but don’t force laughter by tickling), a good cry (without upset or punishment from you), or a good old fashioned tantrum (without hurrying the child to finish) will cure that gnawing sense of helplessness or loneliness that causes whining.

Once your child regains a sense of connection with you or any other member of the family, they’ll be able to take charge again. They will be in a better place to ask for what they want, without the “poor me” tone. And they will be a lot easier to live with. Your energy will be well spent if you focus on rebuilding a connection with your child.

Try filling your child’s request once A whining child does indeed need your attention for at least a moment or two.

You may notice whining often happens toward the end of a sweet, close playtime during At first, you won’t really know which you’ve done the things your whether getting the thing they ask child loves to do. You’ve done your When a child is whining, they aren’t for will help them feel connected utmost to make things good, but out to get you. They don’t really and capable again, or not. The suddenly, you have a dissatisfied want you to give in to irrational request may seem reasonable to child, who moans, “You never do you - a drink of water, help with requests.

They are simply trying anything I want!” It’s enough to his shoes, one more story. If giving to signal that they need your help. make a parent feel: “I’m never them the thing they want makes taking you to the park again if this sense to you, go ahead and try it is the way you behave!” once. But if more whining follows, you can be sure that the real problem is his emotional “weather.” Beware … a This happens because, at the prospect of the end of storm is coming. the good time, feelings of helplessness or loneliness stored up from earlier experience crop up and take over.

The feelings may come from yesterday or from as far afield as infancy – they lurk in the child’s mind, and are brought into play by simple, everyday moments.

It’s not about manipulation When a child is whining, they aren’t out to get you.

They don’t really want you to give in to irrational requests. They are simply trying to signal that they need your help.

Chances are your child has chosen something irrational to want, so that you will say a gentle, firm “No.” Then they can open up bad feelings. While they are crying, children will actually shed these feelings. If you listen, they will eventually notice your presence, notice your love, and feel much better about themselves and their

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Set clear limits The cold tone that most of us use when we say, “no,” serves to make a child feel even more alone and adrift in an uncaring world. It deepens the rut your child is whining in.

If you can say, “No, no more biscuits! Maybe tomorrow!” with a big grin and a kiss on the cheek, your child receives contact from you in place of biscuits. If the whining carries on, you can come back and say, “Nah, nah, nah, nah!” and nuzzle into his neck, ending with a little kiss. If the whining persists, bring them still more affection, “I’m your chocolate chip biscuit! I’m all yours!” with a big grin and scoop them up. At some point, the affection you’re offering will tip them toward either laughter or a tantrum.

Both results, as odd as it may seem, are great!

Laughter, tears, and tantrums help dissolve that shell of separateness that can enclose a child, as long as you listen and care. After a good cry (you listen, and keep sweetly saying, “No, no more biscuits,” until the crying finishes), or a good tantrum (“Yes, you really want one, I know,”), or a good laugh (“I’m coming to give you big kisses!”), your child will feel your love again.

If you can’t be playful, be attentive Playful moments don’t come easily to us when our children whine. If you can’t find a way to respond with humour to whiny requests, try to come close and keep saying, with as little irritation as you can manage, “No,” “You need to wait,” “I can’t let you do that,” or “You’ll get a turn, but not yet.”

Being very clear about the limit, and offering eye contact, a hand on their shoulder or knee, and whatever warmth you can muster, will help your child work themselves into the cry or tantrum or laughter they need. Children know how to release feelings of upset.

To get started, they just need us to pay attention to them long enough to communicate that we’ll stay with them through this rough patch.

This is how it can work: I was playing with a mother and her nearly four-year-old boy, Joey, in the sandpit. A good friend of his, Sam, was also playing there. Joey had played with a plastic construction helmet, and had put it down. He was busy with a tractor when Sam picked up the helmet and put it on.

Joey whined, “I want the hat! He took my hat!” He sat and looked at his mum, miserable. She got worried and said, “Do you want to go and talk to Sam about the hat?” and he whined, “I want you to go and talk to him.

You do it.” I invited the mother to slow down the action, and indicated that she didn’t need to fix the situation.

He was clearly unhappy, and angry, too. A helmet wasn’t going to fix the feelings he was carrying.

She said, “OK, Joey, we can go and talk to him in a few minutes, but not now.” He was able to begin to cry. She didn’t try to pick him up or comfort him - he clearly wasn’t going to let her get that close. But she stayed close by. She looked at him, and listened as he showed his feelings. He cried, kept saying he wanted the helmet, and then proceeded to dig his feet into the sand again and again, not kicking sand, but pushing piles of it away from him and toward his mum. She listened.

He cried and pushed at the sand for several more moments, and then he was finished.

His face relaxed. He asked her to help him with some other project in the sand. He felt satisfied, and together, they continued playing. He didn’t need the helmet any longer.

And his requests from then on were direct and confident.

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Allow for laughter, tantrums, or tears for as long as you have time and patience Children whine when lots of feelings have backed up inside them. When they finally break into a good wail or thrash, they may be working through more than the frustration of the moment. They may be draining the tension from issues like having a younger brother or sister, having to say goodbye to you every morning, or having just gotten over an illness. In any case, children need to shed bad feelings until they don’t feel bad any longer.

If the pile of feelings is high, this can take some time.

Parents don’t always have the time a child needs to finish the emotional task at hand. You may manage to listen to fifteen or twenty minutes of crying, and then feel the need to stop your child. If your child’s mood doesn’t improve, they weren’t finished. It’s as hard for a child to have an unfinished cry as it is to be woken in the middle of a nap. They’ll simply try to find a way to cry again soon. Something inside them knows that it will be good to finish the job. So listen again when you can. Your child will eventually finish his emotional episode, and grow in confidence – something both of you can enjoy.

When the whining starts Listening can help keep perspective when whining begins.

The hard part about trying the experiments above is that whining triggers all kinds of irrational feelings inside of us. Whining kicks up feelings of resentment, exhaustion, and anger in parents.

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We feel manipulated and helpless When our feelings surge, we don’t think logically either.

We react, usually behaving the way our parents reacted to our whining. The reactions we have to whining have been passed down through the generations in our families, each generation usually doing a milder version than the generation before it.

So it takes some mental preparation to decide to move toward a whining child and offer connection, rather than placate him or punish.

Every parent deserves someone to listen to how hard it can be to care for a child or children. So finding ways to be heard by another adult who won’t get worried or try to “fix” us is an important part of being a parent.

Even ten minutes of “venting” with a friend, out of earshot of your child, will give you a better chance of moving toward your whining child and connecting.  Article submitted by the team at Hand in Hand Parenting

Our vision is a world that supports the difficult work of parenting and fosters meaningful personal connections to move us toward a sustainable and peaceful world. facebook.com/handinhandparenting

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frock

shock

When I entered One Player Dad mode, along with the division of property that comes with the end of a relationship also came the division of my daughter’s things, including her clothes.

Prior to One Player Dad mode, I largely left the selection of Esme’s clothes to her mum (with a few random choices made by me, such as the odd t-shirt, pair of pyjamas or undergarments). My experience in this arena was pretty much zero, so I figured it was best to let the experts handle this one. However, once I was rolling solo I needed to fill out the rest of my daughter’s wardrobe, which meant I needed to step into that unknown arena – shopping for girls’ clothes on my own.

My first expedition shopping for clothes for Esme by myself was a traumatic experience. I drove to a mall where there were a number of children’s clothing stores, figuring that this would be the best approach to see what’s in this foreign land of girls' clothing. As soon as I walked into the first store, I realised I was way out of my comfort zone. This was no man’s land, literally – I saw no guys in these shops, just women working and shopping.

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My first mistake was I didn’t know exactly what I was shopping for – I knew that I had about half of Esme’s clothes, I just didn’t know what those clothes were, so what was I buying to fill those gaps?

I wandered the clothing racks aimlessly with a look of bewilderment and despair, which was clearly picked up by the shop assistants in the first store. “Can I help you with anything?” Yes, you can download ‘how to shop for girls' clothes’ directly into my brain like The Matrix please, and don’t tell anyone about it.

Ah Neo, if only it were that easy…

“No thanks, I’m just having a look” was my slightly-lessthan-honest reply. No, really – clearly I know what I’m doing here, just leave me be and I’ll be making my wellinformed selections to be with you shortly to purchase said items… …or I’ll just walk out empty-handed and move on to the next store, where the same process is repeated: the shop assistants ask this clearly hapless father if he needs any help, and I walk out again, empty-handed.

I left that first shopping expedition with a couple of t-shirts and a feeling of defeat, like I just got downed in straight perfect rounds by someone at Tekken (not that I know what it feels like, but my friends tell me it sucks).

When I first moved back to Wellington, one of my friends generously offered to take me shopping for clothes for Esme, and bought her a huge haul of clothing to set her up for winter. As we went to the different stores, my friend would ask me if I liked certain items, but I just stared blankly and threw up my hands in deference to her opinion.

Friends also gave me clothes that didn’t fit their kids anymore, so that helped start me off with a new wardrobe for Esme. But, as children tend to do, my daughter kept growing which meant it wasn’t long before I needed to go shopping once again.

Over time, I slowly worked out the whole buying-clothesfor-girls thing, discovering what stores I gravitated towards, and what kind of style I tended to dress her in.

Today, I’m much better at this clothes shopping business, but I’m no natural – it’s still a challenge!

One thing which makes shopping for my daughter’s clothes more challenging is the fact that I’m about as fussy with her clothes as I am with my own.

Anyone who’s ever gone clothes shopping with me knows that it can be an excruciating experience as I try things on, check all angles, and sometimes throw out a few breaking moves to test the practicality of the item of clothing. Being a (semi-retired) bboy doesn’t help either, where the freshness of your outfit says as much about you as the moves you throw down on the dance floor. A lot of this ‘selectivity’ carries over to clothes shopping for my daughter.

So here’s my (slightly ridiculous) method for clothes shopping. Most of this will probably be unnecessary to most people (who aren’t as picky as me), but you might find one or two tips that could be useful to you.

The prep/recon phase Make a list of what clothes you need – Duh. Don’t do what I did when I went shopping for the first time!

Online recon I’m not confident enough yet to shop online without seeing the clothes physically first, but I’ve started doing some scouting through the websites of the stores I usually shop at to save myself some time and eliminate the stores who don’t have what I’m after. It’s also useful to check out the outfits that the stores put together as suggestions, so you can see what works – and if you like what you see, just buy the combinations they suggest!

Take a photo of the clothes you have – I don’t do this all the time, but if you’re shopping for a few things and don’t want to double up on similar looking items, or you’re wanting to see if your potential purchase will go

with the clothes you currently have, take a quick photo of the clothes you want to compare at home before you hit the shops.

The actual shopping phase This is a solo mission – well, it is for me anyway. With my daughter being so young, the last thing I need is for her to have to put up with my sloth-like, indecisive shopping process. Yes, there’s a downside of not being able to try things on for size, but I don’t think that would be happening at this age anyway. One of the few times I took her along with me for clothes shopping, she wasn’t in a particularly jovial mood. When I saw this cool kimono-like dress and wanted to try it on her for size, she was all like “I don’t want it!” Well, if I listened to her, I wouldn’t have had a samurai daughter for our ‘Lone Wolf and Cub’ cosplay.

Ask the shop assistants I have this thing with a lot of shops, but clothes shops in particular, where I don’t like being approached by the salespeople. I’m not sure what it is exactly, but it’s hard to ask for something I’m not exactly sure about…plus I don’t like the feeling of being ‘sold’ to. However, they’re the professionals in this scenario – they know what you might be looking for, or what items go well together, so don’t be afraid to ask for suggestions. You’re not obliged to buy anything, so even if they try to guide you towards the checkout and you’re not ready or not sure, just say that you’re shopping around or checking out some other places before deciding.

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For more info: www.1PlayerDad.com www.Facebook.com/1PlayerDad For other single parents looking for support, check out Solo Parents NZ, a registered charity that aims to support, educate and connect solo parents in New Zealand www.soloparents.org.nz and www.facebook.com/ soloparentsnz

When in doubt, always buy bigger – because generally speaking, kids don’t shrink. My daughter is apparently tall for her age, and the Plunket nurse says that she could end up as tall as me (182cm, or 5’11…so close to 6ft dammit!) when she’s an adult. So I’m usually buying clothes sized one year higher than her current age. Even if the clothes are a bit bigger (as the size of clothing of the same year varies a bit between stores), she’ll grow into them eventually, whereas a snug fit will be too small by dinner time.

trips those feelings of befuddlement come back again. The skill of shopping for girls’ clothes is similar to training a muscle, in that it needs to be worked regularly or you become ‘unfit’.

The actual (time-consuming) shopping process – when it comes to actually heading to the shops, I usually head to a mall about 30 minutes' drive away where most of the children’s clothing stores are that I want to check out. I do a round of the six stores I usually frequent– unless I’ve eliminated any from my list through the online recon process above.

It’s a time-consuming, challenging process made worse by my pickiness, but I’ve come a long way from my first feeble attempt. If you’ve got any tips or suggestions, let me know below! 

I note any potential items for purchase in those stores, sometimes by taking a photo on my phone. Then I make my final decision, make the purchase, and the process is complete. Visiting all of those stores, and revisiting the final store(s) to complete my purchases is time-consuming and probably unnecessary. However, it’s the only way to satisfy my fussy clothes selection habits, and reduce buyer’s remorse if I see something I would have preferred at another store.

Funnily enough, I still feel out-of-place in these stores sometimes, and if I leave it too long between shopping

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As my daughter gets older she’ll probably want a say in what she wears, so this process will undoubtedly change (and hopefully get easier!), but for now this is how I navigate the previously unfamiliar terrain of shopping for girls clothes.

Ben Tafau Ben is the author of The 1 Player Dad Strategy Guide and 1PlayerDad.com. He’s a single dad with shared care of an amazing 3year-old daughter, and writes about his journey playing the parenting game in ‘1 Player Mode’ in Wellington.

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Big sis. Role model.

Superstar …dispelling the myths around au pairs

Many industries are full of myths. And unfortunately there are a number of New Zealand employers who pay homage to many of them. In particular, the au pair industry in New Zealand is enshrined in its fair share of folklore. And like all myths, they are mythical in the true sense of the word.

Casey Muraahi from New Zealand’s own Au Pair Link says the most common myth she hears is that only the rich and famous can afford live-in child care. “Not so,” Casey says. “Au pairs provide a flexible form of child care on a very cost-effective model. Host families can have live in home-based early childhood care for as little as $190 plus tax per week for up to four children.

Parents with children at day care centres pay per child which can work out to be a lot more expensive.”

Another myth that arises is that au pairs are glorified housecleaners who know nothing about New Zealand’s early childhood education curriculum. “All our au pairs complete a comprehensive orientation course when they first arrive covering such things as the early childhood curriculum, first aid training, positive child guidance and much more,” explains Casey. “Au pairs do have varying levels of childcare experience but it’s important to ensure all who are on Ministry of Education programmes have a minimum of 200 hours experience working with children.

Responsible agencies ensure any cleaning the au pairs do is related to the children in their care.

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Likewise, not just anyone can become an au pair.

Screening processes should include character and childcare reference checks, a personal interview to assess suitability and personality, as well as police and medical checks. There are also au pairs available that have an early childhood qualification from their home country or high levels of experience with children. She says Au Pair Link is the only au pair agency in New Zealand to provide a programme tailored to the skills of professional or highly qualified au pair candidates.

Many of the questions Casey gets from prospective customers are related to working hours and support from the agency. Au pairs are generally employed on a working week basis but they do understand that flexibility and working full time is a requirement of the programme. Forty-five hours a week can easily be customised to fit a host family’s schedule and more often than not au pairs are happy to provide occasional babysitting or care in the weekends at an agreed rate.

With responsible au pair agencies, host families and au pairs alike can expect a personal and ongoing support service including regular visits by a qualified early childhood teacher to the family home each month, Casey says: “We also provide weekly playgroups and outings that au pairs can bring children along to as well as professional development and mediation services.

People considering an au pair should also look for a rematch guarantee. That means if an initial placement

doesn’t work out, the agency works with the family to find an au pair that better matches their childcare needs.”

Further myths include au pairs being available only in major cities and that many are not suitable to look after babies. “Both those certainly don’t apply,” Casey explains. “In our experience many au pairs delight in experiencing rural life in New Zealand. Au Pair Link is licensed throughout New Zealand and our service has proven to be very popular with rural families in the Waikato, Bay of Plenty, Taranaki and Canterbury. While au pairs all have varied experience, many have good relevant experience working with babies. There are varying programmes, such as Au Pair Link’s Au Pair Whiz, available should they want a qualified or more experienced au pair to take care of their babies.”

Anyone considering employing an au pair should ensure it is licensed as a home based Early Childhood Education (ECE) provider by the New Zealand Ministry of Education.

More information is available on the Au Pair Link website at www.aupairlink.co.nz.

One of the major benefits of having an au pair from overseas is the cultural exchange. Au pairs are able to share their culture with the children who in many instances gain exposure to a second language. Research suggests children who learn a second language early in life can grow up to enjoy learning advantages later on due to the early brain development as a result of their learning experience.

www.aupairlink.co.nz

Having an au pair can be a wonderfully fulfilling experience for the entire family. They become part of the family; he or she adapts to family routines ensuring children feel secure and confident. An au pair also helps free up parental time providing the opportunity to enjoy quality time with their children. 

Casey Muraahi from Au Pair Link.

THE HEART OF YOUR FAMILY JUST GOT BIGGER. If you’re looking for quality, affordable, in-home early childhood care and education across New Zealand, we’d love to hear from you. With hundreds of au pairs to browse through and speak with using our online matching system, it’s never been faster, or easier, to find the perfect au pair for your most precious little person!

Join the Au Pair Link family and make sure your little ones get the love and attention they deserve, including full support from our team of qualified early childhood teachers, who visit your home each month, organise weekly playgroups, monthly activities and events, and provide around-the-clock support when you need it!

Join our family.

Visit

www.aupairlink.co.nz

or call us

0800 AU PAIR (287 247)

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TOP TIPS for the last 3 months Helping you out from weeks 28 to 40+

by The New Zealand Pregnancy Book

1. School of pregnancy

2. Can’t get no sleep...

Held once or twice a week, pregnancy and parenting classes are great for women and their partners or support person to learn more about expectations, meet other parents-to-be and begin those exercises and breathing techniques. Check out www.parentscentre. org.nz for more or ask your LMC for information about local classes that are District Health Board funded.

Trouble sleeping? You’re pretty much limited to sleeping on your side, sometimes a soft pillow under your tummy helps or use it to support your top leg. Avoid sleeping on your back. Even if you have to get up and visit the toilet in the night, return to bed and get valuable rest – you’ll often drift off again. Once you settle, baby will too!

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3. Toilet tripping again

8. Skinny genes

As your uterus grows, your bladder gets squashed meaning you’ll spend time running to the toilet again.

Pressure on your bowel can mean constipation strikes – eat plenty of vegetables, lots of fibre and drink enough water.

As the skin of your tummy stretches, it can become itchy and red stretch marks can appear. Some women find massaging their skin beneficial, and the lines do fade after birth! Try almond oil to relieve itchiness, but test it on a small area of skin first.

4. Baby’s position

9. Double the fun

He or she is on the move! Your LMC will determine baby’s position by pushing quite firmly just above your pelvis with their hands. Top tip! Relax your tummy muscles and visit the bathroom beforehand – it’ll feel much more comfortable.

850 sets of twins and 10 sets of triplets are born every year in New Zealand. With multiple pregnancies, be prepared for more antenatal visits, more tests and a closely monitored labour to give you all optimal care.

5. Kick start Feel like baby will be a footballer, ballerina or karate black-belt? You’ll begin to detect a daily pattern of baby’s movements, so take note of when your baby moves – it should be at least 10 times in 2–4 hours.

Talk to your LMC if you are worried about your baby’s movements.

6. Breast changes Those milk-producing hormones have now taken control of your breasts! Small amounts of milk – colostrum – start being produced, and you may notice a few drops at your nipples.

10.

Birth plan

Keep this flexible! And remember to include preferences on any pain relief and active intervention, should they be needed. Chat with your LMC about this and you’ll feel much more prepared. 

Visit The New Zealand Pregnancy Book online at www.nzpregnancybook.co.nz The website includes a searchable preview of the book, fantastic photos and feedback from the NZPB community, links to friends and Facebook and much more!

7. And squeeze After week 20, make sure you do daily pelvic floor exercises to prevent incontinence (both before and after birth). Keep these up – if you can control these muscles, it’ll help during birth.

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Toys stimulating children to learn and grow This article is a handy reference guide for understanding and distinguishing children's basic abilities and preferences as they grow which play an important role in attracting and motivating children to interact with toys.

Developing physically, for example, changes the ways in which children are able to coordinate their gross-motor skills. Increased mobility opens up new ways to use toys. A higher level of fine-motor skill permits greater manipulation of objects. Ultimately, such knowledge helps to identify and distinguish the characteristics of toys that are appealing to children at a given age.

their faces, but this increases over time and they may be able to see objects several feet away by the end of this period. Play objects should fit within their visual field at these distances. They are attracted to bright and vibrant colours, especially yellows and reds, and to objects with high-contrast patterns like black and white spirals. These children prefer the human face to all other patterns, and will watch faces intently. They will turn their heads in the direction of a sound, and are more attracted to objects that emit a gentle, soothing sound and that move slowly than to those that remain still or are too loud, too sudden, or otherwise extreme.

Birth to three months

Much of these infants' play involves watching and exploring their own body. They have a reflexive grasp, which only allows them to explore objects briefly, and at three months they begin to swipe or reach towards a dangling object to grasp it. Any object grasped is likely to be mouthed and to be handled with jerky, unpredictable motions. Therefore, soft, lightweight, washable, easy-to-grip objects with rounded corners are best. They start to learn and enjoy toys for which simple actions produce a clear, direct effect; for example, toys that light up, move, or create sound as a result of simple kicking or shaking.

Object play is limited during this period since learning occurs mostly through the reflexive actions of the child, such as spontaneous kicking or arm movements.

Initially, they explore with their eyes and ears only.

Newborns can focus best at about eight inches from

Brightly coloured and patterned toys that make gentle sounds are both appealing and appropriate for these children. Mobiles or images with bright, highly contrasting colours and patterns are appealing, as are mirrors.

Although information of this sort is noted throughout the guidelines in relation to a specific subcategory of toys, this section summarises typical play behaviours regardless of the toy used, and identifies appropriate and appealing toy characteristics that are generally consistent among all subcategories of toys. With this information, the reader will be better able to make an age determination for a given toy, even if that toy is not specifically addressed within the guidelines.

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Four to seven months Children now actively engage with their environments in systematic ways. Distance vision is more mature, and these children can track moving objects with smooth, efficient eye movements.

Bright colours, high contrasts, and complex patterns continue to be appealing. These children learn to differentiate among objects, as evidenced by their ability to group visual stimuli into categories. By five months of age, children can roll onto their backs and push up onto their hands and knees, so mobiles and suspended gyms are no longer appropriate at this age.

They have mastered the ability to grasp and manipulate a dangling object by six months, and begin to engage in more active play by reaching, grasping, tugging, pushing, patting, shaking, and squeezing objects. At six to seven months, children are sitting independently, which provides them with greater visual capacities for grasping objects or bringing objects to midline for exploration. They can manipulate objects more readily, though their fine-motor coordination is still rudimentary.

Objects are grasped using a claw-like grip or raking motion rather than a pincer grasp (using the thumb and index finger). They can transfer an object from hand to hand, and begin to use both hands independently; for example, one hand may hold an object while the other hand manipulates it. These children continue to mouth objects, so suitable toys are washable.

Near the end of this period, babies develop the ability to recognise often repeated words, and some are beginning to crawl and stand with support. At this time, they are also beginning to understand object permanence – that an object that is hidden or partially hidden did not actually disappear, but still exists somewhere. Soft, lightweight, rounded, and textured toys that make gentle sounds are appropriate. Handheld objects, like simple musical toys, should be sized so these children can easily grasp and manipulate them.

Books and images with bright pictures and high-contrast images are appealing, as are mirrors.

Eight to 11 months Much of the play during this period focuses on developing gross-motor skills as these children exhibit more outwardly oriented movements and become increasingly mobile. They can crawl forward and backward, pull themselves into a standing position, walk with support (for example, along furniture), stand momentarily without support, and complete a couple of unassisted steps.

They also begin to climb. These children explore objects in many different ways such as through grasping, shaking, squeezing, throwing, dropping, passing from hand to hand, and banging.

Although they can hold two objects and bang them together, they cannot coordinate the movements of both to use them together. They begin to develop a pincer grasp, which is used to pick up small objects

between the thumb and fingers. Patterns of exploratory play begin that suggest older infants can make inferences about novel objects – they may deduce what functions may operate beneath the surface of an object.

They explore things from every angle, and this often involves using their mouths. With this in mind, the most suitable toys are washable.

Many of these babies begin to use items in typical relational patterns; for example, dumping items out of a container, putting them back in, and then repeating the process. They repeat pleasurable actions often, and start to show an interest in marking on paper. Basic memory skills are developing and object permanence becomes more entrenched. When a toy is hidden or not within view, these children know the toy still exists and did not simply disappear. Babies of this age can understand simple words related to their immediate context, and need repetition and reinforcement of the words they hear. At the end of this period, these children begin to imitate gestures and the use of products. Sensory toys are highly appealing because these children are beginning to understand simple cause-and-effect relationships. Bright colours, especially yellows and reds, continue their appeal for this age group, as do high contrasts and complex patterns.

Pictures that represent familiar objects are also highly appealing. Suitable toys are soft, sturdy, have rounded edges, and are easily grasped or manipulated by the child.

12 to 18 months At this age, most children can walk without support. They are still unsteady on their feet and their walking resembles toddling more than mature heel-to-toe walking.

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Now they want to explore everything; though their curiosity far outweighs their judgement for predicting outcomes or foreseeing dangers. They are trying out a variety of basic gross- and fine-motor skills, and are gaining confidence as climbers. They can sing to themselves and will move their bodies to music.

is still in its infancy and may seem nonrepresentational to adults. Most of their artistic forays take the form of gestures, or a series of dots may represent, for example, a rabbit hopping. They can use simple phrases, a few active verbs, and directional words, such as "up," "down," and "in." Social play also emerges because children of this age can now communicate with and play alongside each other.

Since they are more mobile, they can self-select toys that were once outside their reach. They find basic grasping easier, and can manipulate toys that require Rudimentary pretend and role-play emerge; these simple twisting, turning, sliding, and cranking. Through toddlers can pretend to be asleep and can role-play trial and error, they continue to explore cause-anda variety of commonly observed actions. As they effect relationships like dumping and filling activities, approach 2 years of age, they may make dolls or and now they enjoy a variety of actions with objects, stuffed animals assume roles, expecting them to eat such as pressing, pushing, pulling, rolling, pounding, pretend food. Though they still use trial and error, beating, clanging, fitting (for example, fitting a round these toddlers can mentally consider solutions to peg into a round hole), stacking, problems before taking any marking, scribbling, carrying, action. This means they can and poking their fingers into remember and work with objects. They delight in the mental representations of Babies, toddlers and young children many effects their actions familiar objects, pictures, letters, learn through play. You are your cause, and enjoy toys that take and numbers as they ponder child’s first and most important advantage of this by the use appropriate actions. They are teacher and you help your child's of, for example, various sounds, more goal-oriented and object brain grow through play and early blinking lights, and spinning permanence is more advanced. learning. wheels.

These children can help dress or undress themselves.

Children of this age can recognise the names of familiar people, objects, Toys with low to moderate cause-and-effect features– pictures, and body parts. Long-term memory and the such as those with push buttons or pull cords that cause development of simple vocabulary using one-word actions or sounds–are appealing to these children. utterances now provide the foundation for makeSimple remote controls are also usable. believe or pretend play, however these children do not make clear symbolic connections until about 18 months of age. These children often imitate common actions Now that pretend play is established, two-year-olds can they see – such as talking on the phone, "drinking" from perform social roles like mummy, daddy or baby. Role– a cup, or putting on a hat – but only in brief, sporadic taking becomes a bigger part of social pretend play, and episodes. They can defer imitating something for up to their pretend play becomes more elaborate as they use a week, and can also do so across a change in context a variety of objects to carry out longer episodes. These (for example, away from home). children need the object to resemble the real item to Simple toys that encourage pretend play, such as dresssome degree, so they might use a cloth rather than up materials, dolls, stuffed animals, and small vehicle a shoe to represent a pillow. Two-year-olds can now toys, are appropriate. engage in true construction play.

Play – more than just fun

Two years

19 to 23 months These children are more confident and stable at walking, and are exploring other skills such as balancing, jumping, and running. They can pull a toy behind them while walking, climb on and off furniture without assistance, walk up and down stairs with assistance, and – by the end of this period – may be able to kick a ball.

They can now pick up and manipulate much smaller objects due to their more developed pincer grasp.

They like to sort objects, often grouping them into two categories, and can now fit together simple objects.

These children can match angles, which allows them to fit a square peg into a square hole. They can also start to use very simple coupling mechanisms like magnets, large hooks, and hook-and-loop or touch fasteners.

Representational and symbolic thinking emerges during this time, and children understand that some toys represent other objects. Representational art, however,

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

They understand that pictures can depict pretend objects, and scribbles gradually become more representational pictures during this period, though they are still more interested in the process than the product.

They become increasingly interested in colour variations and using simple art materials. Children at this age begin to show an interest in television and television characters.

They are drawn to familiar cartoon characters from shows that they can incorporate into their play themes.

They often want to know "why," and can start to use simple learning or educational toys. They understand the purpose of numbers in counting objects.

Toddlers have increasing control over basic grossand fine-motor skills. Interest in gross-motor activity increases with newly found physical strength and basic coordination, and they especially enjoy balancing, climbing, running, jumping, throwing, catching, playing

with sand, or pushing and pulling wheeled objects.

They learn these skills separately during this period, and with each passing year they gradually combine them with other skills as coordinated movement. They can perform somersaults, and like to dance, twirl, and gallop to music. Although their control is still uncertain, they can kick and throw a ball. They can manage simple screwing actions, and can use simple one- or two-turn wind-up mechanisms provided they are of low tension.

Smaller buttons or snaps may be difficult for these children to manipulate, but they can use large hooks, buttons, and buckles.

They prefer more realistic toys, so colours other than bright primary colours (for example, pastels) become attractive. However, these toys do not need to be elaborately detailed.

Three years These children are entering the time of peak pretend play, and like to use replica objects as the actors in themes they sequence. A doll, for example, might be prepared to attend a birthday party with her doll friends, and they will drive in a car, eat food, and play chase or dance at the party.

Realistic props, like a realistic toy telephone, enhance pretend play at this age, but these children also start to use objects that are unlike the real item, so they might use a shoe to represent a pillow. They show greater interest in structured games.

These children progress considerably in their grossmotor skills. They can tiptoe and balance on one foot, hop, climb and slide on play structures with ease, kick or catch a large ball thrown from a short distance, and throw and aim at short distances. For example, they can now put a ball in a basket or target from 4 to 5 feet away. They now have the fine-motor skills to take on the challenge of more complex construction play, piecing together smaller puzzle pieces, cutting, pasting, and other art activities. Children at this age are still interested in different ways of manipulating a given art medium and learning about its properties, rather than creating a finished product. They start using lines to represent boundaries; this fosters the ability to draw people.

As their cognitive and fine–motor skills improve, they begin to desire objects with more realistic detail, yet they still are not very concerned about mirroring reality.

These children further master gross and fine-motor skills. They enjoy frequent trips outside to run, climb, hop, skip, and chase. They are learning to ride small bicycles, first with and then without training wheels.

They are much more able to cut with scissors, paste, trace, draw, colour, and string beads than three-yearolds. They also have enough dexterity and coordination to start using a computer keyboard. ď Ž

Article supplied by the Natural Child Project

Four to five years Drama and pretend play are at their peak. These children like to invent complex and dramatic makebelieve scenarios. They can build upon each other's play themes, create and coordinate several roles in an elaborate scenario, and better understand story lines.

Many of these children still have difficulty understanding the differences between fantasy and reality - children of this age may believe that monsters are real. They enjoy stepping into roles of power, like a parent, doctor, policeman, lion, or superhero, which helps them to better understand these roles, to make them less scary, or to fulfil wishes and express a broad range of emotions.

Our vision is a world in which all children are treated with dignity, respect, understanding, and compassion. In such a world, every child can grow into adulthood with a generous capacity for love and trust.

www.naturalchild.org

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All tied

up!

At my breastfeeding group in Pukekohe I meet mums every week who come together for a cuppa and a chat. Not surprisingly the conversation is mostly about breastfeeding with our regulars offering support to new mums who might be feeling a bit overwhelmed.

floor of the mouth. Various types of tongue tie have been identified depending on where on the tongue the frenulum is attached – from the tip (Type 1, anterior tongue tie) to behind the mucous membrane on the floor of the mouth (Type 4, posterior tongue tie). A short, tight, posterior tongue tie can be particularly hard to spot.

Because it is a ‘drop in’ coffee group at the local maternity unit, we often encounter women who need help with their latch, or want information about things like making more milk. Many simply want reassurance or a listening ear.

Tongue tie affects tongue movement to varying degrees and the shorter and tighter it is the more likely it is to affect breastfeeding. For a good latch a baby needs to extend its/his/her tongue over the lower gum. Some babies learn to breastfeed just fine even with a tongue tie. Others may be unable to latch very deeply or at all, have difficulty staying on the breast, feed continuously, lose suction, make clicking noises and have poor weight gain. A mother may consequently have damaged and misshapen nipples, engorgement, blocked ducts and/or low milk production.

But over the last few years I’ve noticed an increase in the number of mums asking about the condition ‘tongue tie’.

Tongue tie is caused by a tight or short lingual frenulum, which is the membrane that anchors the tongue to the

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

N EW

BECAUSE EVERY DROP OF BREAST MILK COUNTS

Debbie Graham, a colleague of mine who’s a very experienced midwife and lactation consultant (LC), believes between 5 and 10 percent of Kiwi babies have some degree of tongue tie. I wondered why there seems to have been an increase. She said it’s because in the past health professionals like her simply weren’t looking for it.

The result of course was that many mums gave up breastfeeding because it was too hard or too painful. Difficulties labelled as sucking problems we now know are caused by tongue ties and sometimes lip ties, Debbie told me.

“In the old days we never looked under the tongue. We looked

for things like cleft palates but not tongue ties. For many years we’ve been looking at women who are having difficulty breastfeeding, examining at the positioning etc without looking at why the problems are occurring.

The emergence of the lactation consultant profession means problems are looked at; things like tongue tie further back and lip ties too. This has changed the focus of our work,” she explained.

Introducing making life simple for mums who express Our Express and Go range makes everything easier. By using a single pouch to EXPRESS, STORE, WARM and FEED, there’s no need to transfer breastmilk between bottles so you’ll never lose a precious drop!

The good thing about the diagnosis of tongue tie means the LCs are seeing far fewer women with cracked nipples. Not all District Health Boards have LCs readily available to mums so some

Continued overleaf...

kiwiparent 31 closertonaturebaby.com.au

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women are forced to travel to other districts in order to see a specialist and this can be costly. Also if a midwife doesn’t detect a tongue tie within the first six weeks, in some areas the parents will almost certainly have to pay for a referred service.

It was the arrival of one mum at our group that got me thinking how we need to raise awareness about tongue tie and give mothers information to support them in what can very often be a rocky road.

This mum arrived with her 10-week-old daughter who had just been diagnosed with a posterior tongue tie– this is the sort that is further back and harder to detect.

She had experienced discomfort and sore nipples from the get go. With support she was able to continue breastfeeding while her baby waited for the surgery. In the meantime, she used a breastfeeding supplementer to give her baby breastmilk from a tiny tube inserted into the baby’s mouth while actually at the breast. The tongue tie was corrected a week later and, with help and patience, the breastfeeding relationship was fully established and both mum and baby were happy.

Getting support for positioning and attachment may help maintain breastfeeding but this mum’s experience shows that treating the tongue tie by frenotomy (dividing the tongue tie with a quick and simple procedure) can be very effective in resolving difficulties.

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

If you suspect your baby may have a tongue tie, support from your local La Leche League group can be invaluable. Our leaflet 'Tongue tie & breastfeeding' gives more detail about treatment, information about how to keep breastfeeding going and what to do if you are experiencing sore nipples. Check out our website www.lalecheleague.org.nz 

If you’d like to get in touch with Lisa in response to this article with ideas, suggestions or feedback about La Leche League, she can be reached at media@lalecheleague.org.nz

Lisa Manning Lisa is a former TV journalist and presenter. She is married to the British actor John Rhys-Davies with whom she has an eight-year-old daughter Maia.

Lisa is an at-home mum and La Leche League Leader in Pukekohe.

Happy baby, happy mum.

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For more information, visit www.philips.co.nz/AVENT or phone toll free 0800 104 401 or join us at www.facebook.com/Philips.Avent.NewZealand Available at Babycity and other leading retailers.

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by EBOS Group Ltd kiwiparent 33 Ph: 0800 104 401

a hit with the

kiddies!

Kids love anything crumbed and fried, so every now and again we love doing crumbed fish or chicken that’s a hit with the kiddies, though instead of deep frying (where a lot of oil is used), we prefer to just lightly fry it in a pan, so you use far less oil.

have to mean tomato, lettuce and cucumber – you can use cooked/roast vegetables in salads too! I love this combination of roast kumara, brocolli, spinach and orange.

If you’re crumbing chicken breast, it helps to cut the chicken breast in half horizontally, creating thinner chicken steaks that will cook much quicker in the pan.

The technique of crumbing is called “pane” – to avoid a sticky mess, keep one hand for dipping and coating in the dry ingredients (the flour and bread crumbs), and the other hand for the wet mixture (the egg).

Jazz up your crumbing mix by adding chopped fresh or dried herbs, or spices like smoked paprika.

If you’re having something crumbed for dinner, pair it with a healthy salad to balance it out. And salad doesn’t

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

To lighten up the tomato mayo, I like to use a mix of natural yoghurt and mayonaisse. Natural yoghurt makes a great low fat, healthier creamy dressing.

- My Food Bag Test Kitchen

Kumara, Orange and Broccoli Salad 800g red kumara, scrubbed (leave skin on), diced 2–3cm 1 teaspoon runny honey or maple syrup 1 head broccoli, cut into small florets 3 handfuls baby spinach leaves 1 orange, peeled and thinly sliced or cut into segments ¼ red onion, finely sliced Juice of ½ a lemon

Crumbed Chicken 600g skinless chicken breasts 1/3 cup flour seasoned with 1 teaspoon salt 1 egg 2 tablespoons milk 1 ½ cups panko breadcrumbs 1 tablespoon rosemary chicken spice mix* (see below)

Creamy Tomato Mayo 2 tablespoons tomato sauce 2 tablespoons mayonnaise 2 tablespoons natural unsweetened yoghurt TO SERVE, divide salad and crumbed chicken between plates. Serve with a dollop of creamy tomato mayo. *Rosemary chicken spice mix: mix together 1 ½ teaspoons dried rosemary, ¾ teaspoon ground chilli powder, ¾ teaspoon garlic powder.

Method PREHEAT oven to 220°C. Line an oven tray with baking paper.

Bring a full kettle to the boil.

1

Toss kumara with a drizzle of olive oil and honey/ maple syrup on prepared tray. Season with salt and pepper and roast for 20–25 minutes, until tender and golden. Turn once during cooking. Remove from oven and allow to cool slightly.

2

While kumara cooks, prepare chicken. Pat breasts dry with paper towels and cut horizontally into thinner steaks – to do this, place one hand flat on top of one chicken breast and use a knife in your other hand to slice through horizontally, trying to keep equal thickness on either side, to make 2 thin steaks.

3

Place seasoned flour in a bowl; whisk egg with milk in a second bowl; mix breadcrumbs with rosemary chicken spice mix in a third bowl. Coat each piece of chicken first in flour, then egg mixture, then breadcrumb mixture, shaking off excess as you go.

4

Heat a drizzle of oil in a large fry-pan (preferably non-stick) on medium to high heat. Cook chicken, in batches, for about 3 minutes each side, or until golden and just cooked through. Add a little extra oil as needed.

5

Place broccoli in a large, heat-proof, bowl and pour over boiling water. Cover with a plate and leave for about 6 minutes to cook until just tender, drain well and return to bowl. Add roasted kumara, spinach, orange, onion, lemon juice and a drizzle of extra-virgin olive oil. Toss gently to combine and season with salt and pepper. Mix all creamy tomato mayo ingredients together in a small bowl. 

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35

first foods for babies At about six months of age, your baby will be ready to try solid foods. This is an exciting milestone in your baby’s development. The best foods to introduce at this age are soft and smooth so it’s easy for your baby to swallow.

Let your baby guide you

Offer milk before solids

When starting your baby on solid foods, look for these signs that show your baby is full and has had enough to eat:

Babies up until eight to nine months of age should receive breast milk before being offered solids as a ‘top up’. From eight to nine months of age, foods can be offered before the milk feed. Start by offering a small amount. Try a half to two teaspoons first and gradually increase the amount until your baby is having about three to four teaspoons at a meal.

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Did you know that babies are born with a natural ability of knowing how much food they need to eat?

Letting babies decide when they are full helps them to maintain a healthy weight when they grow up to become adults.

 Turning their head away from the food  Refusing food by pushing it or your hand away  Closing their mouth or spitting out food.

Some babies will eat more than others – every baby is different.

Continued overleaf...

For free tips, ideas and recipes visit www.infantfeeding.nz

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37

Make your own baby foods It’s easy and low cost to make baby foods at home. You don’t need fancy equipment – a fork or masher will do. To make purees you can use a blender if you have one, or simply use a wooden spoon to push soft foods through a sieve. First solid foods should be diluted with expressed breast milk to give a soft and smooth purée. Homemade baby food can be frozen in ice cube trays and used over the next three to four weeks.

Here are some ideas:  Cooked and puréed meats, fish or chicken  Vegetarian options such as puréed legume  P uréed fruit without skins, pips or seeds. Some examples include cooked apples, pears or tinned fruit such as peaches, apricots

Chicken and carrot puree 200 grams boneless chicken meat (breast or thigh) 1 tablespoon oil 2 medium sized kumara 1 carrot ½ teaspoon mixed herbs 1 cup chicken stock liquid (can be made from stock powder, low salt).

Method Remove any skin from the chicken and cut into one centimetre cubes.

 C ooked and puréed vegetables without skins such as kumara, pumpkin, potato, cassava, carrots, taro - aor puh

Peel the vegetables and chop into one centimetre cubes.

 Puréed plain cooked rice or congee

Heat the oil in a saucepan. Add the chicken and cook until it starts to colour.

 M eat and vegetables can be cooked and puréed together to make baby food.

This information is provided by the Health Promotion Agency, a Government agency that helps inspire all New Zealanders to lead healthier lives.

For everything you need to know about when and how to start your baby on solid foods there is an independent website that contains free advice, ideas and tips: www.infantfeeding.nz

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Add the vegetables and cook, stirring for one minute.

Add the chicken stock and herbs and cook until the chicken is tender, and the vegetables are soft, about 15 minutes.

Cool for 10 minutes and purée with a food processor or blender until smooth.

Freeze leftover cooled purée in ice cube trays.

Parents Centre Supporting parents through the early years because great parents grow great children Parents Centres are passionate about the importance of quality parenting and how this affects children’s futures.

Each stage of child development is so very different so we offer programmes for all stages – from your pregnancy and those memorable first newborn months right through to the developing years and onto school age.

We know what it takes to be an effective parent. While it can be hugely rewarding it can also be very challenging and we focus on giving parents the knowledge and tools they require to raise capable, confident and contributing children – and giving them the best start in life.

We are well known for our expertly facilitated Childbirth Education classes, using qualified educators, but that’s not all we do! Our renowned parent education programmes focus on children up to 6 years of age and include:

In this section Mum-to-mum breastfeeding support in the Wairarapa Q&A with Danielle Bale, Hibiscus Coast Parents Centre Spotlight on conscious parenting Programmes Centre News

Our 50 Centres also run numerous other specialised courses, primarily driven by local needs. To locate a Centre near you and to find out more about programmes running in your area visit:

www.parentscentre.org.nz

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Baby and You – advice and tips on surviving and enjoying those first months with your newborn.

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Mum-to-Mum breastfeeding support A new weekly breast feeding drop-in centre has begun in the Wairarapa.

A new community initiative in the Wairarapa is aimed at

the Wairarapa District Health Board. Running in a collective

providing support for breastfeeding mums. The new service

impact model, Regional Public Health provide the backbone

has been set up by Breastfeeding Wairarapa based on the

support for the network.

Peer Counselling programme run by La Leche League.

Together the organisations work towards supporting

The service is called ‘Breast Friends’ and is a weekly

mums through mutually reinforcing activities, continuous

drop-in centre in one of three different Wairarapa towns.

communication and shared measurement.

By rotating the location, Breastfeeding Wairarapa aims to reach the wider community who may need support in their breastfeeding journey.

After receiving funding, Breastfeeding Wairarapa had two Peer Counsellor Programme Administrators (PCPAs) trained in Auckland with La Leche League. Heather Cotter trained

Breastfeeding Wairarapa is a network made up of

Julia Oldroyd, a Parents Centre Childbirth Educator and Kim

representatives from Parents Centres, Regional Public Health,

Toloa, a Tamariki Ora Nurse from Whaiora, along with three

Plunket, Whaiora, Maternity Services at Masterton Hospital

other women from around the country. In a train-the-trainer

and local Lead Maternity Carers. Breast Friends is also

model, Heather teaches people all over the country in how

supported by the lactation consultant who is employed by

to train peer counsellors to provide breastfeeding support.

Graduates from the first Peer Counsellor Training Programme, including two Parents Centres committee members.

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Both Julia and Kim returned from their course enthused

Essentially, there was no informal assistance available for

and skilled-up for the next step in the community support

mothers to go to for everyday help and information. Drawing

journey.

on experiences in other towns, Breastfeeding Wairarapa

In June, July and August this year, Julia ran the first peer

planned Breast Friends to fulfill the need.

counsellor training programme. As PCPA, Julia ran the

Julia is really excited about the new service. “We hope we

six-to-nine week courses training peer counsellors to be

can provide a service not previously available to Wairarapa

able to provide breastfeeding advice and help. Issues can

mums,” Julia explains. “Breastfeeding is a lifelong gift that

range from latching and positioning problems, to sore and cracked nipples, to milk supply issues, among others.

we can give to our babies and toddlers, but it can take perseverance to get it right. It can take up to six weeks, if

Once trained, peer counsellors will staff the drop-in centre

not longer, until it becomes a natural thing to do. Women

on a rotational basis with Julia. It is hoped that any mums

who get help and support from within their family and their

struggling with breastfeeding, who have a question about

community are more likely to succeed with breastfeeding.

breastfeeding, or who want to meet other breastfeeding

“We want to provide the help and support that some of us need to ensure that their breastfeeding journey is successful and rewarding.” - Julia Oldroyd, Parents Centre Childbirth Educator mums, will come along to get the help and information that they need. The first group graduated from their peer counselling course in August with a celebration to mark this achievement.

“Many new mums will tell you that establishing breastfeeding was harder than having their baby. With these thoughts in mind, we want to provide the help and support that some of us need to ensure that their breastfeeding journey is successful and rewarding for them.”

Breastfeeding Wairarapa Coordinator Clare McLennan-Kissel is equally as enthusiastic about the new drop-in centre. “We would love to see anyone within the community who has any breastfeeding questions come along and seek support and help. They don’t have to have a problem to attend –

The idea for the centre was borne from the recognition

sometimes it’s just lovely to speak to some like-minded

that the Wairarapa has very few places that mothers can

mothers. We would love to have mums who are happy

go for breastfeeding help and information. This is especially

coming along to learn before baby is born as well!”

the case once their baby has reached six weeks of age and they have been signed off by their LMC. There is one

Information about breastfeeding and any updates

lactation consultant, Yvonne Stuart, available at Masterton

on the drop-in centre can be found by visiting the

hospital but, as with all lactation consultants, their role is

Breastfeeding Wairarapa facebook page

to see mothers who have complex breastfeeding issues.

www.facebook.com/BreastfeedingWairarapa

If you live in the Wairarapa and have any questions regarding Breast Friends or if you need breastfeeding support, email breastfeedingwairarapa@gmail. com, or text or call 027 390 2841.

A local peer counsellor will be available to provide you with information.

br

eas

d t frien

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s

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41

Full steam ahead

in Hibiscus Coast

Hibiscus Coast Parents Centre has just reached a massive milestone – they have recently moved into their new home with more space and rooms lovingly decorated by an energetic committee with support from their community. Vice President Danielle Bale talks about the new chapter in the development of Hibiscus Coast Parents Centre.

We got the agent to sort out an agreement. In the mean– time we had to write up and provide evidence to the rest of the committee showing them how we were going to make things work. We had to sell it to the rest of the team. Luckily the next week we had a committee meeting at which we showed them all the reason to make the move, all the ways we were going to try and get funding and all the ideas we had for the future of HBCPC. For those of the committee that couldn't be present for the meeting I wrote up the minutes

What led Hibiscus Coast to decide to move to new rooms?

and attached all the documents it so they could read everything. They were sold on the idea.

Then it was full steam ahead!

We had been using the Local Auckland Council library meeting room for a long time and whilst it was free, convenient, spacey, warm and friendly it was limiting.

We wanted to start offering more to our community and unfortunately we weren't able to do so in the library. Not only were we beginning to use more than our fair share of the meeting rooms but in doing so we were being unfair to other community groups wanting to use the room.

What was involved in making the move (funding, finding suitable premises, decorating, sponsors, etc)?

We received a copy of the tenancy agreement and read it over. We were happy with it but wanted to be sure there

So we decided it was time. Myself and Jo Hayes, the Hibiscus

was nothing funny, so we sent it off to the National Support

Coast Parents Centre president, had a look online. After a day

Centre for a check over. They came back happy too.

or two of hunting and contemplating we bit the bullet and went to view a room we liked the look of. The room was a bit dingy looking, smelt musky and a bit cold. But with a little of imagination we could see the future of the Hibiscus Coast Parents Centre.

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

We signed the agreement. A few days later we had the keys!

We had a decent reserve in our account so we paid the

What has been the most difficult challenge facing your Centre?

deposit of two months rent. We plan to apply for grants to

So far the most difficult part has been preparing the rooms

cover as much of the rent as possible. Next we had to figure

for opening. Getting what we really need and with spending

out what we wanted to do with the space and what we

as little as possible. Making sure we are sufficiently equipped

needed to get.

with what our members need and want.

One of our committee members contacted Bunnings Warehouse to try and get them to donate paint or the use of a carpet cleaning machine. Instead of donating just materials they donated manpower, material and time. A team from

What is the best thing to come out of the move?

Bunnings turned up and painted our room in the colours we

The best thing to come out of this move is the unlimited

had chosen. All walls a soft yellow/white colour and one

freedom we now have. We can run sessions whenever we

wall a lovely sky blue colour. We began asking around for

need to, whenever we want. We finally have the chance

donations such as furnishings, white goods even smaller bits

to really expand our wings and offer more and more to our

like cutlery, bathroom bits and toys.

local community.

We started sorting our grants out, not only applying for signage, printer, projector, shelving and large bits.

Anything else you would like to share?

Our signage grant came quickly which was really exciting as

Some of our committee members painted a beautiful mural

it gave our new home a face. Donations started rolling in

on one of the centre walls. The painting is Kiwi–inspired so

quite quickly which was awesome, such great support from

features a Pohutukawa tree, tuatara, a cow and lots of kiwis.

our local community.

The idea for the painting is to create a fun play atmosphere

the ones we need each year but extra ones to cover lease,

for younger children with a hint of education at the same

What do your members think?

Our members love our new centre. They are very excited for us that we have our own home. They love the painting we have created for play sessions.

time. We are very excited to use this mural.

I would really like to thank our committee for all their hard work, time and dedication at this momentous occasion in our centres history and we look forward to a bright and exciting future for the Hibiscus Coast Parents Centre.

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43

Each edition of Kiwiparent profiles one of Parents Centre’s renowned parent education programmes.

This month: Spotlight on

conscious parenting programmes How we approach parenting may very well determine how our children ‘turn out’.

Magic Moments A three–week programme focusing on:

We all consider at times how we would like our children to be as adults. It takes a bit of thinking and action on our part.

As parents we must give some conscious thought to how we react in certain scenarios, how our behaviour impacts on our little ones, and how we can effectively communicate with our children in a way which doesn’t result in negative behaviour.

Parents Centre runs two Conscious Parenting Programmes – Parenting With Purpose and Magic Moments. These parent education programmes are designed to give Kiwi parents techniques and insights on how to parent in a conscious way.

Parenting With Purpose A 12-hour programme designed to give parents an understanding of some of the following:

 Understanding the causes of stress in adults and children and identifying useful strategies for reducing these

 Strategies to engage children’s participation  The differences between positive discipline and punishment

 Encouraging self esteem.

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

 Communication with children  Engaging and co-operation with children  Disciplinary techniques  Routine and structure  Understanding children’s expressions of feelings.

“Parenting with Purpose has been invaluable as it makes us think about how and why we parent. There are many new things to learn and new ways to approach different situations.” – Christchurch parent.

“Group discussions and sharing is such a valuable part of this course.” – Auckland parent.

Might you want to become a facilitator of Parents Centre’s Conscious Parenting Programmes? Visit our website to find out more about facilitation training and opportunities through Parents Centre. 

Around the Centres Nigel Latta visits Taupo Parents Centre Taupo Parents Centre was delighted to bring Nigel Latta to Taupo on Tuesday 8th September. Nigel Latta entertained more than 250 people from around the Lakes district with his parenting talk on raising boys and girls. Thank you to Reef Resort, Taupo Hobbies, Taupo Violence Intervention Network, Ebbett Taupo and Quality Print for your support enabling us to make this happen. There was loads of laughter from the crowd who were entertained for two hours. We had loads of great feedback from those who came, saying they enjoyed themselves and took away some great practical parenting advice. This was both a fundraiser and profile–raiser for us and was a huge success.

Dunedin Parents Centre Spring Fair On a beautiful spring day in September, Dunedin Parents Centre opened our doors to welcome the community to our Spring Fair. There was a bake sale, sausage sizzle, bouncy castle, raffles, pre-loved clothing, tombola and kids games and entertainment on offer. We had a really great turn out and a very successful fair raising $1719.30. We would like to say a massive THANK YOU to all the businesses that donated a prize or services for the fair. Our wonderful major raffles were donated by Huggies, Philips Avent, Baby on the Move, Kai Carriers and Perfect Princess Hairstyles. We also had support from Love Loops, Dunedin Casino, Cadburys, K Mart, Entertainment Books, Moana Pool, Lush, PORSE, Everedi rentals, Couplands, Otago Daily Times, LJ Hooker, Resene and Dunedin Collaboration Against Family Violence. We really appreciate all the business and community support and welcome you all back to the centre anytime.

Historic Dunedin 2016 Calendar Dunedin Parents Centre has created a Historic Dunedin 2016 Calendar which features photos of Dunedin from around the 1900's sourced from Toitu Otago Settlers Museum.

We'd like to thank all the businesses that advertised in our calendar!

Order yours today for $15 from dunedin@parentscentre.org.nz, we can mail NZ wide for $3 postage if you live outside Dunedin.

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photo 2015 competition

winners uteness Page C r e v o C ry 1: Catego llington ago, We J a c s e Franc

and Birth Category 3: Pregnancy Tareen Ellis, Invercargill

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Category 2: First St eps Video Emma Currie, Whitb y

Me! 4: Feed y r o g e t aikanae Ca kard, W c u h c S lotte 1. Char

Category 4: Feed Me!

2. Katharina Schiebold, Porirua

! eed Me ry 4: F o g e t a C elson ckson, N a J y c u 4. L

Category 4: Feed Me! 6. Shelley Nelson

Category 4: Feed Me! 3. Chloe Bodger, Auckland

e!

Category 4: Feed M zie, Wanganui 5. Alexandra McKen

Category 5: Kids in the Kitchen 1. Guillaume Corgn et, Auckland

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Kitchen s in the id K : 5 ry Catego unedin bald, D ib S r e 2. Esth

Category 7: Playing with Paint

1. Michelle Wilson, DannevirkeÂ

with Paint Category 7: Playing lson 3. Lucy Jackson, Ne

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Category 6: Travel Time Shannon Vowless, Upper Hutt

Paint ying with la P : 7 y Categor , Porirua Schiebold a in r a h t 2. Ka

Category 8: Mini Me Guillaume Corgnet, Au

ckland

a few words

from our judges A huge thank you to all the Kiwiparent readers who submitted photos to the 2015 Photo Competition, and congratulations to the winners! It was difficult choosing winners from such an amazing selection.

There were some great entries and it has been a pleasure to judge the competition this year. There is so much creativity is out there and fantastic to see the range of photos submitted for each category.

Why not take advantage of the summer weather and keep taking photos over the holiday season, here are some tips to help you take a winning photo.

Happy child = better shots! Make sure your child feels safe and relaxed. We take our time, keep our studio calm and warm and give children the space they need to be fed and settled before starting our portrait sessions. When children and their parents feel calm, they relax into the shoot and enjoy themselves. This is especially important because if being photographed becomes an ordeal for your child, you risk them running away whenever anyone pulls the camera out!

Engage with your child – you are the expert at getting your child animated. Do what you do best and be patient – sometimes it takes a wee while to coax a smile, laugh or even your favourite intense stare or frown! We are not afraid to be silly in our studio, as it is often what is unexpected that makes kids crack-up! Once your child is in the right space – work fast!

Realistically, babies may only have a window as small as 20 minutes for the entire photo-shoot. In our experience that is long enough to get those magic shots – but you need to be ready!

We recommend that you know the limitations of your equipment. Although digital cameras are getting better and better – images on your smart phone will not blow-up to beautiful sharp wall prints. Of concern to us is the growing number of clients coming to us who have lost photos of their families because they have not backed up their computer systems or saved more than one copy. Always back up those precious photos.

Your little one's childhood is priceless and quality photos are a reminder of the lovely stages of their lives. Our clients have said to us that professional photos were a priority for them in the early years because they were conscious of how quickly their children change.

But taking great photos is only worthwhile if you enjoy the shots. At JFP, we encourage you to invest in having the images that most pull at your heart-strings printed and presented ready to hang on the wall. Walking past your favourite images on the wall will make you smile on a daily basis. Don't just purchase a disk of files from a session and leave it to collect dust in a drawer! 

TM

JEWELLERY NZ

The award winning team at Jo Frances Photography www.jofrancesphotography.co.nz

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49

the TRUE

story of christmas

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Keep doing what ’Tis the M you with a onth Belove for

’Tis the Month Before The TRUE Story of Santa

e

Tula Baby Carrier

The TRU E Story

of Santa

Written by Patricia Chapman Illustrated by Richard Hoit

Written

by Patric ia Chapm Il lustrate an d by R ic hard Hoi t

onth ’Tis the Mristmas Before Ch Nick Writes a Letter

7

DECEMBER

k ide this boo s, and ins k Christma his life too nth before boy, see how ’Tis the mo become him et a young saw year had passed since Grandfather Klaus had gone up into that A you’ll me ion ng! ect you dir st the to skythe to become a shining star, and Nick missed him. He the strange elf bringing joy old loved Hulda and they were hoping to have children of their a famous ad ahehe openbut own wished his Grandfather was still there. n'tsoon, ly. Do tead. k in too ear Sometimes, he would pretend and talk to him while he did vanish ins ght mi Don't pee s ma rist his chores.

Hego! got funny!)looks from the reindeer, but he gic of Ch here we on; me or the ma aglow a day. Co didn’t mind. nose was ose One story (wh f Rudol Then, one evening, while they were sitting by the fire after Santa and We’ll meet dinner,we Hulda said,re‘Why don’t you write to your grandfather?’ l sha wil the one ‘Butng how he).get my letter?’ so fair of Nick is andwould The story (so stro awry, HuldaRu smiled. show you.’ met Hulda dolph ‘I’ll . some paper and carefully wrote a of how he ries left skyand Nicktoo gotk out a pen to the -tasting ber So and gh telling But strange letter, his grandfather what was happening on the farm the slei up ked pac e everything in order — and that and they and how Huldaywas keeping om bec ckl uld qui wo k he missed him.

Nic s ryone. who wa evefolded ed he The man Then up then. sheet and slipped it into an envelope. elf who lov dness unsee s. a jolly old his kin ‘Now what?’ he asked his wife. re true, up dream deeds we jured he con took the letter, gave it a kiss and tossed it into the His good rkshopHulda in his wo fire. The paper lay on the burning logs for a moment and then es elv th Wi true, and flames d elf into gooburst curled ta, a up, you, and rose in a shower of golden , meet San me and to and out sparks Come now legenduptothe chimney flight, of sight. s became HuldaCh mas Eve ristNick’s took hand ht! and” they ran out into the snow. The whose gift , on his d nig pot goo call outletter a flew from the chimney and rose high into the night all him r to and hea all, and s tosky ma rist until it was no more than a puff of smoke curling away “Happy Ch into the heavens.

‘There,’ she said. ‘Now Grandfather can read your thoughts in the stars.’

After that, Nick wrote to his grandfather on every midwinter’s eve.

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If you are tired of the advent calendars that open each day during December to disgorge a chocolate to already over stimulated children, Tis the month before Christmas will be a real hit!

Based on the concept of a traditional advent calendar, this newly released book by Auckland author Patricia Chapman will keep children excited about bedtime reading for a whole month before Christmas.

There are thirty separate stories to be enjoyed – beginning on November 25 with one for each day of the month leading up to the Big Day. The stories begin with a young boy called Nicholas growing up with his grandfather in the frozen forests of Lapland. Nicholas is a dreamer, a boy defined by his vivid imagination.

The book travels alongside Nicholas as he grows up, meets the love of his life, Hulda, and changes from a lonely young boy to the world’s most beloved character.

Patricia Chapman has written numerous non-fiction books, including the popular Dunmore Book of New Zealand Records,

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and Strange Facts and True About New Zealand, as well as several novels.

She has been involved in book publishing since the mid-1970s, and has also worked in the education sector, both as a primary and secondary teacher. Together with her husband Kevin, she founded Upstart Press Ltd in 2013. Upstart Press publishes a wide variety of New Zealand books, including commercial fiction, non-fiction, and children’s books.‘ Tis the month before Christmas is vibrantly illustrated by New Zealand artist Richard Hoit. Richard works fulltime on children’s books and his illustrations are enjoyed by children throughout the world.

This book will make a perfect gift for young – and not so young – children and will become a treasured part of your family festive traditions. 

'Tis the Month Before Christmas, the TRUE Story of Santa Written by Patricia Chapman Illustrated by Richard Hoit Published by Upstart Press

RRP: $24.99

From 7kg to 20kg with infant insert from 3.5kg Front and back carry Ergonomically designed Available in a range of gorgeous prints

nestling.co.nz info@nestling.co.nz Free delivery on orders over $100

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51

Do they know it's

christmas

Encourage your little ones to give love and hope to others this Christmas.

One of the songs our family associate most with Christmas – apart from the usual carols – is ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas,’ written in 1984 by Bob Geldof and Midge Ure to raise money for the famine in Ethiopia.

When that song was first released our children were two and two months of age and I remember watching in tears as images of skeletal children a pitiful queues for meagre picking filled our TV screens. Christmas is not quite so sweet for millions of people living in the developing world.

Although Christmas is still very much a marketer's dream, many people choose to reject the rampant consumerism that has infiltrated so many aspects of our culture, and instead see Christmas as an opportunity to give back to others, both at home and abroad. In New Zealand, our culture of giving is well established.

According to the World Giving Index which was assembled by the British-based Charities Aid Foundation we rate fifth in the world for philanthropic work – donations and volunteering.

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

The Department of Internal Affairs releases quarterly statistics on volunteering and donating in New Zealand.

During the September 2014 quarter (the most recent figures available), nearly 35% of all respondents volunteered at least one hour of their time. This is the highest volunteering rate of the five years measured.

Of those who volunteered, 59% were female and 41% were male and that people between the ages of 30 and 39 volunteered the most.

This time of year provides the perfect opportunity to explain to the little ones that Christmas is about giving love and hope to others – not just about receiving the latest gadget or shiny new toy.

There are plenty of ways to encourage children to see Christmas as a time of giving love and hope to others, either at home in your own community or further afield in countries ravaged by conflict or natural disasters.

Here are some ideas you may like to try.  Decorate shoe boxes and fill them with small treats like a deck of cards, small games, pencil crayons and puzzle books for kids who have to spend Christmas in hospital.

 Clear your wardrobes of clothing that your children have outgrown and take to your community charity shop.  Make up a special meal for someone who is housebound – you will not only deliver food but also companionship. Check with local churches if you don’t know anyone. It is wise to also check what sort of diet the recipient is on so as to make sure they are able to eat the meal.  Consider sponsoring a child – there are plenty of sponsorship programmes to choose from.  When they are old enough, encourage children to do something that requires a little more commitment, such as volunteering at the local City Mission on Christmas Day. Or encourage them to think of others all year round by suggesting they save some of their pocket money in a money box. At the end of the year their savings can be donated to a charity of their choice.  Make sure you are good role models. Through your own actions, you will demonstrate to your children how to make giving to others part of your family traditions at Christmas time.

Whatever you decide to do, it is important to involve your children and explain to them the value of their actions. This way we can ensure our children grow up in a culture where altruism is valued and encouraged, and the joy of giving to others is celebrated. 

Leigh Bredenkamp

 Sort through the toy box for some preloved treasures to give to your charity shop – make sure they are in good condition.  Buy a new toy and ask around for organisations who are collecting for those who are facing a lean Christmas – City Missions, shopping malls and churches all have places you can leave gifts for other families.  If you have finished having babies, give all your nursery gear to an organisation like Pregnancy Help.  Donate some tins to your local food bank. All towns and cities will have food drives to collect enough to see families in need through the festive period.  Several charities now offer the option of buying a gift that keeps on giving. Chose a special gift card, inside the recipient can read details of how the gift associated with that card will help children and families in need. For instance $9 donated to Child Fund New Zealand will buy a fruit tree for a family in a developing country, or $10 donated to World Vision will buy a live chicken. Several charities offer this service and this makes a great gift for people who may not want another pot plant or box of chocolates.

Merry Christmas from the Kiwiparent Team

Buon Natale

Joyeux Noël

Feliz Navidad

Koa Kirihimete

Froehliche Weihnachten

Gledelig Jul

Kala Christouyenna Mutlu Noeller

Shèngdàn jié kuàilè

Manuia le Kerisimasi

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53

three very different births

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

I am blessed, in many ways, to have experienced very different births. Our first, a post-dates induction, was the most amazing day. Our second, a planned homebirth, was the most beautiful morning of my life. Our third has been the most profound of my births.

Three things have carried across the births: the strength I draw from the connection with my husband; the strong conviction that I become superwoman during birth, albeit briefly, and my heart exploding the moment I birth – the capacity to love blows me away.

When I knew our baby’s birth was imminent I locked eyes with my husband, concentrated on deep, meaningful breaths and channelled my energy to our baby. We heard him before we saw him, and instantly knew it was another boy. We were complete. It was wonderful.

What more could anyone hope for but for us to be happy with our experience? I wish it were enough.

I long for a birthing community that can appreciate individual experiences without injecting their own thoughts and judgements. Our last baby was born in theatre. His birth was a planned, non-labouring caesarean section. I am not sad about this. I did not fail.

I am not a statistic. I am, indeed, enormously proud. I have so much to be proud of.

And yet I am surrounded by a society that views caesareans as second-rate births. I read posts, articles and comments about our concerning caesarean rates and in doing this, all caesareans are lumped together like a shameful reminder about things going wrong in our maternity system.

I studied childbirth education, which waxed lyrical about using careful and deliberate language when it comes to birth. It emphasised the importance of empowering individuals and offering tools that would enable women to experience a birth as Mother Nature intended. I agree with these sentiments – you would surely be mad to think the ‘easy’ option was surgery!

That being said, as a woman who has now experienced caesarean birth, I really struggle with the realities and ramifications of such doctrine. If the language around birth is really so carefully chosen and deliberate, then I am offended at what you are suggesting about our recent birth. It was NOT second rate; I am not second rate. Having a caesarean did not take away my right to voice my preferences or have them respected. Indeed they were met ONLY with respect. I was empowered and did use tools to achieve the birth I wanted.

His birth was very healing and it felt intimate. And yes, it was a caesarean. These things are not mutually exclusive.

So, how did we get to a point where caesarean was the best way to birth this baby? After the birth of our second baby, it was discovered that I had sustained a couple of pretty horrific injuries, both with devastating

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Photos: Andrea Howard photography www.andreahowardphotography.co.nz and far-reaching consequences. Though my body eventually returned to a new equilibrium, issues arose again during this last pregnancy, making life quite difficult.

As always, Cheryl Benn, our LMC, was our biggest advocate and we felt confident that if we lost our way, she would ensure our wishes were respected. Having her there was really important – it was another way I could influence my experience so that it felt like I was really part of it, rather than being a body on the table from which a baby would emerge.

For my long-term health, caesarean was the safest way for me to birth my last baby. In addition to this, my head was not in a good place. I challenge anyone to have 14 weeks’ bed rest, two young children and feel chipper, but I knew what I was experiencing Having a caesarean did not was more than just feeling a bit off. take away my right to voice my I had developed PTSD, caused by a preferences or have them respected. traumatic trip to theatre following Indeed they were met ONLY the birth of our second baby – and with respect. I was empowered those devastating consequences and did use tools to achieve the that haunted me afterwards. My birth I wanted. imminent caesarean was bringing a lot of feelings to the surface and I was SCARED! I worked very hard to get my head in the right space to birth this baby. I thought long and hard about my birth preferences, and communicated clearly to the birth team about these. Our team was amazing and these birth preferences were all achieved. I could have achieved even more, probably, but they had allowed a photographer in with me so that I could create a resource with the photos and I didn’t want to push things too far. I felt respected, cared for and really safe.

Battling PTSD, these factors were vital.

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

After several long chats to Cheryl, we began to shape our birth preferences. Requesting her to be present at our baby’s birth was paramount.

This was our third pregnancy with her and we had formed a really great relationship based on trust, open communication, and her incredible care when things got rough.

Given the outcomes of a previous surgery, I felt it prudent that a consultant, not a registrar, perform the caesarean. For the birth itself, delayed cord clamping was the first on the list, especially as I felt that 39 + 2 was still quite early for my babies. Skin to skin was next on the list, and I wanted this to feel as close to my other experiences as possible. This meant a discussion with the anaesthetist so that the ECG monitors could be placed elsewhere than on my chest, where I wanted our baby.

The next was the paediatric check – I didn’t want our new baby to spend any length of time away from me, or being handled by others. I consented to only a rudimentary check, maintaining that other checks could be done while the baby was on me, and some at a later time. I wanted my husband and I to discover our baby’s gender – I felt I had definitely earned this!

Finally, I did not want our baby’s journey to the breast to be forced or attached to time constraints – I was happy to be patient and present, and looked forward to watching our baby crawl to its happy spot. These preferences were the ones I was prepared to really fight for. There were others on my list I was happy to let go, in light of the team’s allowance of a birth photographer in theatre so I could make a resource for my childbirth education classes. This was uncharted territory for everyone and I remain certain that this resource can really help people facing caesarean birth.

Caesarean births do not take away your choices… It is still your body, your baby and your birth. And it can be beautiful experience.

The only resistance I was met with was having the photographer. I jumped through several hoops for this to be approved and I am so pleased I persevered. I did, however, need to be prepared to voice these preferences over and over, as personnel changed. I also discovered later that our LMC had reminded the obstetricians of our preference to delayed cord clamping. They had gone to cut it immediately – not out of disrespect, just because it came naturally to them to cut.

Once Hugo was here, I found myself lost in him, and enjoyed a blissful week of skin to skin. We were really selective about visitors, concentrating on bonding, breastfeeding and allowing our other boys to adjust.

We protected our family, reflected not only on his birth but the 14 weeks that led to it, and really enjoyed our beautiful, settled boy.

For others facing a caesarean birth, I say this: caesarean births do not take away your choices. Be prepared to either voice these yourself or have someone who can do this on your behalf. It is still your body, your baby and your birth. And it can be beautiful experience. 

Birth story by Nicola Reid

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Homeopathic remedies

emotional first aid Life is hectic and there are probably not many days or weeks that go by without some member of your family needing some help to keep their emotions balanced.

Homeopathic prescribing is great for this, as the unique and characteristic behaviours and traits displayed when someone is under pressure are fantastic indicators for a particular remedy. Prescribing an accurate remedy may help them feel better about what they are experiencing.

Homeopathic literature may describe the situation being experienced in slightly different language. An example of this is a five–year–old being left at school for the first time. Homeopaths would describe this as ‘a sense of abandonment’ or ‘forsaken’ as this is how the child might perceive the experience. Similarly, the loss of a loved one would be ‘ailments from grief’ and nerves before an exam or performance would be ‘anticipatory anxiety’. These are all what we call causative factors and if we can identify the situation that may have contributed to the individual’s ‘stress’ we can more likely find a suitable remedy.

Commonly, we tend to refer to all emotional imbalance as ‘stress’ so it is important to break this down further and isolate just exactly what is at the core of that stress.

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Some examples of particular remedies, their causative factors and the unique behaviours that characterise them are described in this article. You may find it helpful to obtain some of the remedies that fit a familiar picture for someone in your family. Arm yourself with the remedy to help them get through a similar situation more smoothly when it is next needed.

Aconite This is a remedy that is needed in situations of great fear and fright. This can be triggered from a past shock or may be what is seen as an ‘irrational fear’ such as flying or going to the dentist. The person will have wide eyes, trembling, crying and truly look terrorised if they need this remedy. They may even speak about dying.

“If I get on that plane we will crash and I will die!” “ I can’t go to the dentist – the pain will be too great and I am scared I might die”.

Usually the person who needs Aconite is thirsty, pale and anxious and says they can feel their heart pounding.

The terror they feel is very real to them. Prescribing this remedy some days before the event as well as immediately before may help them achieve success.

Argentum Nit Key aspects of this remedy are also around major anxieties, sometimes flying but often around lifts, tall buildings, the shelves in supermarkets or wide open spaces (aspects of agrophobia). They feel chilly but as if they are smothered when wrapped up and may lose their appetite, craving only sweets. They feel they are not in control of themselves and might have impulses to do strange things, e.g. not going past a certain place, or feel they will be in danger if they put themselves in some situations. They become very restless and are ‘on their guard’, finding it very difficult to relax. Triggers for them might be exams or other performances where they lose their memory easily and can even have irrational thoughts.

Gelsemium One of the most useful remedies for anticipatory anxiety, Gelsemium is extremely helpful for an upcoming test, performance or long anticipated event. It is indicated when the person has the common ‘butterflies’ in the tummy which may even be accompanied by frequent trips to the toilet as they become more anxious. They will generally feel exhausted during their anxiety, want to lie down and may even be more drowsy than usual.

Sometimes they will develop tremors, twitches or neuralgias as part of this picture. They can also go into this state after hearing bad news or from a fright.

Dizziness, drowsiness and dullness, e.g. headaches can come along with stage fright. They tend to look hot and flushed and in a state of confusion or disinterest.

Ignatia This remedy is primarily used for grief – from loss, death, disappointment, rejection, humiliation, shame and criticism. Those needing Ignatia will feel sick with a lump sensation in the throat. They may not cry, or conversely can cry excessively, will lose their appetite and find it very difficult to get on with their lives after the grief they have suffered. It is not uncommon to see the Ignatia person sighing frequently or hiccupping.

They desire to be alone, and are worse for consolation.

Their perfectionism and idealism prevent them from being realistic about expressing their grief – they expect

to be in control of every situation. Ignatia can assist the person to relax, express their emotions and feel a sense of balance.

Coffea Exciting events upcoming can be as much a source of an overstimulated nervous system as sad events. A common symptom when Coffea may be needed, is sleeplessness from excessive joy. Examples might be the birth of a baby, awaiting a visit from distant family or friends, or announcing some good news. The person cannot switch off their mind to relax or rest and may experience the heart racing and slight shaking (much as you would from too much coffee). They become hyperactive and may even feel a little faint, or have suddenly fluctuating emotions. Hearing can also be oversensitive and headaches, as if a nail is driven into the head, might accompany other nervous system activity. Coffea can help in calming the individual who fits this profile.

Physical complaints can be debilitating but emotional turmoils, often unseen by others, can be even more distressing and limiting. These are just a few of the remedies that assist in the smooth transition of emotionally challenging situations. If one of them suits one of your loved ones, have it on hand to use for the next situation that arises. If you need more advice about different remedies or situations, seek the help of a professional homeopath. 

Judy Coldicott RC Hom Judy practices as both a homeopath and reflexologist from Pleasant Point in South Island’s rural heartland.

She is a senior staff member for the College of Natural Health and Homeopathy, primarily involved in curriculum matters and student support. Judy’s passion is to make homeopathy user-friendly and accessible to the general public and she loves to inspire people of all ages to feel confident in its use.

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59

keep asking,

reach out As I sit with pen in hand and lined paper on my lap, I contemplate what to write.

With the amount of screwed up paper lying on the floor, (to the cat’s delight,) I am wondering why am I so afraid to write about my personal experience with having antenatal anxiety and postnatal depression?

Is it shame? Guilt? Or is it the feeling of failure of letting down my husband, my Wee Man… Most of all, myself.

I moved to Dunedin from Christchurch to be with my husband (Hubby.) We had just got married! Two months after moving, I found out to my shock that I was pregnant! I had a funny feeling that I was. I didn’t go down to the local chemist to buy the pregnancy test. There would have been a lot of talk through the grapevine. I did not know how far along I was, and, my Hubby and I were given a week to say “yes” or “no” to keep the unborn child.

As I was under the care of the Mental Health Team at the time, I made the team aware that I was at high risk of getting postnatal depression (PND) as my birth mum had PND with Psychoses and I had a history of having depression. In the early stages of my pregnancy, I found out that I was being monitored by the Child Protection Unit connected to Mental Health. I freaked out! Hubby and I were not properly told as to why they needed to be involved.

As Junior grew inside me, my anxiety of becoming a mother grew. At the start of every trimester, my mood would swing and I got depressed. I went through stages of wanting and loving Junior to not wanting the baby and hating the idea that I was going to be a mother. A friend suggested we attend an antenatal class – it didn’t pan out well as Hubby wasn’t involved much and a lot of questions were left unanswered.

At seven months pregnant, Hubby and I moved from a flat to a house on the outskirts of Dunedin. Due to packing up things, then moving, followed by unpacking and putting up curtains, I had a pregnancy scare – I started to bleed. I notified my midwife, and went to the hospital to see if everything was ok. I ended up staying for the weekend – to prevent baby from coming too early, I was injected cortisone.

A month before Junior was born, Hubby took ill and was admitted to hospital. Just before this, I was heading towards an emotional meltdown. And boy, did it hit me hard! For two weeks, every time the phone or someone came around, I would just cry. Once Hubby was discharged, life sorted its self out and I became more stable.

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When Junior was born in July 2007 my labour was long and uncomfortable. When contractions got closer, we went by ambulance to the hospital. While travelling, I discovered that “laughing gas” was a wondrous thing to have!

To help me relax or to sleep, I was injected with Pethidine, even though the front of my maternity folder said, “NO PETHIDINE” in bold letters. This medication did give me side effects. I came to a stage where I was experiencing excruciating pain. As I drifted in and out of consciousness, I remember feeling an I.V needle going into the back of my hand. I heard myself say: “I want to push!” And was told, “You can’t, you are only six centimeters dilated.” Then I remember hearing, “Why is there so much blood? Is this normal?” Hubby was asking the midwife this question.

The next thing I remember was seeing a monitor showing numbers going up and down. At the time, I didn’t realise that Junior was in distress and that it was his heart rate going up and down! Then I heard, “Theatre now!” I felt an oxygen mask being placed on my face which made me claustrophobic. I wanted the laughing gas back. I wondered where Hubby was.

I was quickly rushed to theatre. As I have a history of being indecently assaulted and had never been in a theatre before, I had never felt so alone, scared and vulnerable. As everyone was busy, I had to move painfully from the bed I was on, to the operating theatre bed unaided. What if I had fallen between the two beds?

As I was lying there, the hospital gown was ripped off me. I was exposed. I wanted to be covered up.

I heard Hubby say that everything was going to be OK. I yelled beck that it wasn’t. I was lucid enough to tell the anaesthetist what medications I was on. The only control I had, was holding the mask giving me the medicine to go to sleep. I was glad that the anaesthetist allowed me to do this.

When I woke up I wondered where I was. Then the pain hit. I was given control of the morphine pump and I pushed the red button lots! A very proud Hubby was sitting in a chair next to me showing me a photo of our wee Junior half an hour old! He had to go to NICU to

be observed. After I was given the OK to move from recovery, I was wheeled to a single room and slept off and on for the rest of the night.

The next day, it felt surreal to hold my Wee Man in my arms. Did I really give birth to this delightful bundle of joy?

Five days later, I got the whole story as to what happened the day my Wee Man was born from the midwife. I had a partial Placental Abruption. Both my Wee Man and I were at risk. I remember saying before the Wee Man was born, for the theatre staff to save him. I was quite happy to sacrifice my life for his.

We are both lucky to be alive thanks to the medical intervention.

Being home with a new born was a shock to the system. Still recovering from a C-Section, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from the birth, post-op infections, and having the “baby blues” that lapsed into PND, I was thinking at the time, how can I be a good mum to my baby? As I was finding it very hard to do my best, I was reassured by other mums that it does get easier.

If I could reach out now, I would give all the Mums out there a hug and say you are doing OK. I would reassure you saying, “I’ve learnt to have good support networks in place, supportive family (plus extended) and friends”.

Through the first months, Hubby and I were coming to terms (in our own way) with how close we came to losing Junior. I was finding it very hard as other things had been “triggered” associated with the birth.

Though I was giving top notch care to our Wee Man, my life was coming to pieces around me. As being stubborn is part of who I am, I believed that everything would be OK. But with each day, I was struggling more and eventually I was admitted to hospital. For the next few months, I did not see Hubby and Junior much, although I did keep contact by phone. With me being away, this gave Hubby the practice and confidence to be a great dad.

For the next few years I struggled with my mental health issues and it took a long time before I could be a good mum to our lovely son.

To anyone who feels anxious, helpless, angry or as if they are not coping when they are pregnant – or after the birth, I would urge you to find someone who can listen to you and won’t be judgemental or make you feel ashamed for feeling the way you feel.

If I could reach out now, I would give all the mums out there a hug and say you are doing OK. I would reassure you saying, “I’ve learnt to have good support networks in place, supportive family (plus extended) and friends”.

A good, supportive GP can be a great asset too.

I’ve learnt that it is OK to leave dishes in the sink, leave the bed unmade and that it is OK to be in your PJ’s for a day. My Wee Man has taught me that for one day, “It’s

The wee man grown up PJ Day!” I also learnt that mums are human and we do make mistakes. We don’t need the PC brigade telling us what is best all of the time. Each individual needs to make their own choice.

My dream is to build a mums and Babies Unit in Dunedin, for all of Otago. I need to win lotto to make this happen. Too many Mums are falling through the cracks and meeting the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff before anything happens. I would like to see mums getting the help without feeling pressured, judged and be overlooked if they have a pre-existing diagnoses. I have found getting help harder because of a Personality Disorder.

But most of all, don’t be ever afraid to ask for help. 

Cherie McKinnon Cherie lives in Dunedin and is proud mum to her beautiful eight–year–old son. She dreams of the day when every mum that needs help can get exactly what she needs without feeling pressured or judged.

Find out more: www.pmhnz.org.nz www.mothersmatter.co.nz www.plunket.org.nz www.fatherandchild.org.nz www.linkage.co.nz Google PND NZ to find local support groups.

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safe sleeping we can all help How things change.

I am somewhat horrified to admit that as a parent in the 1980s my first two children slept on sheepskin rugs on their stomachs. I thought that I was making a reasonable decision at the time – it appeared to be the accepted practice of the day and lots of other parents around me were doing exactly the same thing (I can reflect now that in an era before widespread access to the internet to be able to access and assess information it was a poorly informed decision).

By the time that my youngest was born in the late 1980s I had become educated by the National Cot Death Prevention Campaign of the time and he was put down to sleep on his back. Thankfully my family weren’t affected by Sudden Unexpected Death of an Infant (SUDI) – or cot death as it was more commonly known then. But in my work for Pregnancy Help providing information about safe sleeping to parents, I often reflect on how very, very lucky we were because the risk factors were significant.

When we become parents (often well before we become parents) we make a huge number of decisions that will impact on the lives of our babies – how we look after ourselves during pregnancy, how we will parent, what our overall parenting philosophies will be.

We talk to family, friends, and other parents to get their advice. We listen to the professionals around us – the midwives, the Well-Child providers and the other

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professionals that we have contact with. We search for our own information in books, social media and on the internet.

Our babies are taonga and we strive to make the best and right decisions for them.

In 1980, the cot death rate was 4 per 1000 live births and it appeared to be unexplainable why apparently healthy babies were dying.

From 1987 to 1990 a significant cot death study was carried out and whilst a specific cause of cot death wasn’t identified, four factors were shown to protect babies:  sleeping baby on their back  breastfeeding  being smokefree during pregnancy  sleeping baby in their own separate baby bed.

Currently approximately 60 babies die each year from SUDI, and whist that number is of course much lower than the rates of babies dying in the 1980s, it is still 60 very precious babies too many.

Sixty beautiful young lives lost and 60 families torn apart by loss and grief.

We still can’t identify the specific cause or causes of SUDI, but the risk factors are known and there are some very practical things which can reduce the risk. If you’re a grandparent you can support your wha-nau to make good choices for your mokopuna. If you’re a friend or family member you can also support – parenting is at times very hard work.

There are lot of things that you can’t change for a parent – the feeling of tiredness and being totally overwhelmed by being up (what seems to be) all night feeding a baby, but you can tell them that "it’s hard isn’t it?" In those bleak moments parents need to hear that someone else understands what they are going through. Follow up with an offer to make some meals, do some washing, clean the bathroom or do something else practical for them.

Sometimes decisions get made – or more likely things just happen – because parents get overwhelmed with trying to do the best that they can to deal with the reality of their situation – the unsettled baby who is put to sleep on their stomach because they appear to (finally) settle that way, the over–tired parent who falls asleep with baby on the couch.

There can also be unintended consequences if parents do something out of their usual routine – like making do with sleeping baby in a potentially unsafe environment because they are away on holiday or staying with someone else. It’s often said that it takes a village to raise a child, we think that it takes a community to support parents.

If you’re having someone to stay with a baby, are you able to help to arrange a bassinet or a cot? Pregnancy Help can loan a bassinet – a safe bed to sleep baby in for up to four months after baby is born.

Parents can talk to their doctor, midwife or Well-Child provider about how they might best reduce the risk factors for their baby.

Continued overleaf...

Giving up smoking isn’t an easy thing at all to do so Quitline can offer smoking cessation support (0800 778 778).

A range of breastfeeding supports are offered from the La Leche League (http:// www.lalecheleague.org.nz/ ) and other providers.

Antenatal breastfeeding classes are offered in Christchurch and Dunedin.

Your local Pregnancy Help Branch will be able to tell you about the supports in your area.

(Our Branch in Taranaki even hosts free breastfeeding support clinics) Join a local Parents Centre to take advantage of parenting classes and peer support coffee groups and play groups. www.parentscentre.org.nz

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Safe Sleep for P.E.P.E.  P LACE baby in his or her own baby bed, face clear of bedding  ELIMINATE smoking in pregnancy, and protect baby with a smoke-free whanau, whare and waka  P OSITION baby flat on his or her back to sleep, face up towards the heavens  ENCOURAGE and support mum, so baby is breastfed.

64 Photo: kiwiparent Whakawhetu- – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Safe Sleep Day Safe Sleep Day is a national campaign run by Whakawhetu-, promoting safe sleep practices for all babies. This year Safe Sleep Day will take place on 4th December, with events running nationwide. Promoting the importance of safe sleep is one way we can all make a difference.

Whakawhetu- is a government funded national SUDI prevention programme for Ma-ori. It facilitates the annual Safe Sleep Day in December of every year, works with communities to develop local solutions, works with District Health Boards to support their work to reduce SUDI, provides policy advice, and disseminates evidence-based information, resources, training and education to the health sector and Ma-ori communities.

Promoting safer sleeping devices such as wahakura (flax woven basket) that enable safe bed-sharing has been a primary focus for Whakawhetu-. The wahakura is the country’s first Ma-ori safe-sleeping device developed by the Nukutere Weavers’ Collective in Gisborne in 2006.

Kathrine Clarke, Whakawhetu- National Manager, says, “The wahakura has a traditional forbear in the po-rakaraka, a similar pre-European structure slung from the rafters. It provides a beautiful and safe way for babies to sleep in their own bed. It can be placed in the

parents’ bed and gives parents security in knowing baby can sleep safely and close.”

Chris Ottley

SUDI is a major health concern within New Zealand.

Unfortunately Ma-ori children are disproportionately represented: more than 60% of New Zealand SUDI is Ma-ori.

Chris is a parent and grandparent and has been involved in Pregnancy Help for 12 years. She cares passionately about the work Pregnancy Help does and the impact that it makes. She also feels strongly that people are the taonga of the organisation – the people that are helped and the people who contribute so that help can be provided.

“For Ma-ori the combined factors of high rates of smoking amongst our mums and bed-sharing mean that our pe-pi are especially vulnerable,” says Kathrine.

The child mortality rates are also highly associated with socioeconomic deprivation. “SUDI rates in Counties Manukau, Waikato and Northland are higher than the New Zealand average, and it is in communities such as these that Whakawhetu- is focusing its efforts,” explains Kathrine. “These efforts include encouraging wha-nau to use the safer sleeping device: a wahakura, and supporting Mum to quit smoking. Improving health and education services is also central to addressing Ma-ori SUDI.” By positioning baby on their back to sleep in their own baby bed every time they sleep, families can have more confidence that their baby will sleep safely through the night. Safe Sleep Day focuses on promoting safe sleeping practices as one of the most important strategies to prevent SUDI. 

Other resources Change for our children www.changeforourchildren.co.nz

Whakawhetu- National SUDI Prevention for Ma-ori www.whakawhetu.co.nz

Ministry of Health www.health.govt.nz/your-health/pregnancy-and-kids/ first-year/helpful-advice-during-first-year/safe-sleep

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65

great gardening ideas

for early summer

Grow microgreens

Choose your colours

Small in size and big on flavour, microgreens are basically tiny salad leaves. Appearances are definitely deceiving when it comes to the humble microgreens, as they pack a real nutritional punch despite their dwarfed size. They’re simple to grow on a sunny windowsill, and you can be harvesting within a matter of days. Just snip off what you need to spice up your salads and sides. We recommend the Fothergills Sprouter and Sprout Seeds.

Carefully select which colours you want to see spring up in your garden this season. Did you know that looking at red and violet colours can be stimulating, while orange and yellow have been found to make us feel happier?

Blue and green traditionally evoke a feeling of calmness.

White is a bit more complex – it can make spaces feel bigger and more open, but also seem a little cold and sterile at the same time. Think about what feelings you want your garden to evoke, and plant a colour palette that creates that feeling.

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Grow your own fruit bowl One of the absolute best things about spring and summer is the variety of fruit that comes into season – from strawberries, to stone fruit, and delicious watermelon. Nothing beats picking ripened fruit fresh from your own backyard and it’s easier than you think.

Start small with one type of fruit and watch your homegrown fruit bowl grow!

Smell the roses For centuries great beauties have been compared to the delicate rose. Because really, what’s prettier than a rose?

No garden should be without one and the varieties bred these days are much hardier and disease resistant than they used to be, meaning they are a lot easier to care for. Our favourite is the Iceberg rose in bush or standard, which grow perfectly in pots too!

Raise it up There are so many reasons why raised garden beds are such a great idea. Firstly, they’re great for growing plots of veges, fruit, and flowers while keeping away the weeds, pesky slugs and snails from your soil. The wooden sides will also keep your valuable garden soil from eroding during heavy rainfalls. Best of all, a raised bed works perfectly on a deck or patio, meaning you can simply snip what you need just a few steps away from your kitchen!

Bring your garden indoors Indoor spaces come alive with a touch of greenery and plant colour, and we love the creative ways people are

displaying them, especially terrariums. A terrarium is like your own mini garden in a glass. They’re super easy to make, using any kind of vessel, and incredibly low maintenance. They also make the perfect living gift, so whether you make your own or choose from our beautiful selection in store, we know you’ll love them.

Gardening is child’s play You don’t have to do the gardening all by yourself; get the kids involved and have some fun! There’s no better way for children to learn where food comes from than by growing your own – it’s a science lesson and life lesson all in one! Start with something that they’ll enjoy eating like strawberries, snow peas, cherry tomatoes, or maybe try something else fun, like giant sunflowers.

Give them their own patch, encourage them all the way, and set them up for success.

Go organic While pest and disease control can be frustrating in the garden, harsh chemicals often have side effects and are not kind to bees and wildlife. There are so many natural and organic alternatives available for common garden challenges; ask one of our team to guide you to the next best natural alternative to your usual chemical spray.

We HEART spuds Now is the time to plant seed potatoes if you want fresh new potatoes for your picnic right through summer. Potatoes grow easily in a bag or pot and are one of the most versatile veges out there so give them a go! 

Enter the draw to win a $100 gift card from Palmers Enter online at kiwiparent.co.nz and follow the instructions.

Entries must be received by 5pm December 31.

Winners will be published in issue 271.

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67

therethinking skin revisited myths

and misconceptions

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

There is so much to know about many aspects of the care of a newborn including the complex nature of their skin. Notwithstanding the genetic predispositions that many of us are born with, the skin is constantly exposed to a barrage of environmental and chemical elements that may disrupt the delicate balance of this major organ.

First line of defence The skin is the largest organ in the body and provides the first line of defence against microbes such as bacteria and fungus. As long as the skin stays intact and remains at a healthy mild acidic balance there are limited ways in which microbes can enter the body of your baby. As such parents need to give some consideration to the care of the newborn skin.

Our skin is made up of several layers, some more active than others, but overlying all these layers is the protective acid mantle that bathes the skin of all people, young and old. This protective acid mantle is an important barrier designed to limit the impact of environmental and chemical factors that our skin may be exposed to on a regular basis. If this important barrier is broken down it leaves the skin susceptible to invasion of microbes.

Everything we put on a baby’s skin from birth should be designed to enhance the skin barrier rather than damage it.

A healthy skin barrier should keep allergens and irritants out and water in.

In September three childbirth educators from Parents Centre were invited to Sydney to attend the Australian College of Neonatal Nursing Conference which featured, amongst other topics, a focus on skin care of the newborn.

Of particular interest was the research of Professor Michael Cork. Professor Cork is Head of Academic Dermatology at the University of Sheffield, School of Medicine and Biomedical Sciences. He is also an Honorary Consultant Dermatologist to Sheffield Children’s Hospital and Sheffield Teaching Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust. His research focuses on how topically applied products interact with the acid mantle, identifying the factors that lead to the disruption of this natural protective barrier and the potential therefore to encourage the development of atopic dermatitis.

Limit exposure to irritants and allergens If maintaining the skin barrier is key to healthy skin, this is of specific importance for infants who have an immature barrier leaving them more susceptible to skin disorders via the exposure to irritants and allergens.

Continued overleaf...

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When caring for your child’s skin AVOID:  Products containing alcohol  Washing baby in plain ‘hard water’ A queous cream on infants with a predisposition to atopic dermatitis or eczema.

CONSIDER:  Using a product to ‘soften’ water  Choosing products that are pH balanced to the skin U nderstanding the type of moisturising agent (emollient) used on baby skin.

Disorders such as atopic dermatitis are caused by skin barrier disruption, as a result of a complex interplay between genetic and environmental factors. Cases of Atopic Dermatitis have increased greatly over the last 50 years. This is mainly due to environmental factors, including the use of hard water, soap and harsh detergents – all which elevate the skin's natural pH and thus contribute to barrier breakdown. The skins’ barrier may be restored by avoiding negative environmental influences, and protected though skincare regimes that use products to repair and respect the skin barrier.

Repair the defence barrier

Such regimes include washing with mild cleansers and washing with water that is not ‘hard’.

However not all emollient formulations are the same and some contain harsh detergents or oils that can exacerbate rather than improve atopic dermatitis.

Emollients which are not correctly formulated such as aqueous cream can actually damage the skin barrier rather than repair it. This is because aqueous cream contains 1% sodium lauryl sulphate which can cause significant damage to the skin barrier.

Avoid hard water Hard water can irritate baby skin, cause dryness and increase the risk of atopic dermatitis. Most tap water contains calcium carbonate and chlorine both which may act as an irritant to the newborn skin. Using a product such as Johnson and Johnson ‘Top to Toe’ from birth can help to reduce the pH level of the water, making it less harsh for the baby’s skin.

Pictured at the Neonatal Nursing Conference Australian College

Repair of the skin barrier is the first step in both the treatment and prevention of atopic dermatitis. This involves removing all negative environmental factors and replacing them with positive interventions. Creams called emollients help to restore the pH barrier by improving hydration and replenishing depleted levels of natural moisturiser. Emollients of the correct formulation can have a very positive effect of the skin barrier leading to its repair for a prolonged period of time.

When choosing an emollient it is essential to know exactly what is in it and the effect of the formulation on the skin barrier in infants, children and adults. In an audit of infants and children with atopic dermatitis, Professor Cork’s research showed that aqueous cream caused irritation in 55% of the participants (Cork et al, 2003).

As a result of this research and other peer reviewed studies, guidelines and regulators have recommended that aqueous cream should never be used on infants and children with atopic dermatitis (NICE, 2007).

The skin is the largest organ in the body and provides the first line of defence against microbes Standing: Jenny Warren, Nicola Power, Midwife Joanne McManus Kuller and Jacqui Chirnside.

Seated: Professor Michael Cork, Vicki Wright

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such as bacteria and fungus.

An opportunity to prevent atopic dermatitis There is a small window of opportunity in the first few months after birth to change the environment and prevent development of atopic dermatitis.

This means it is very important that parents consider carefully which products to use on their infant. Be wary of the myths that have permeated care of the newborns skin such as, ‘preservative free is good’, and ‘it’s always best to bath in plain water’ or ‘all wash products are bad’.

Rather, give careful consideration to gaining a better understanding as to how this vital organ helps support the health of your growing baby. 

Article by Nicola Power, Jenny Warren and Jacqui Chirnside, Parents Centre Childbirth Educators

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71

You never seem to know

what you want An extract from The Trouble With Women, The Story of Parents Centre New Zealand, By Mary Dobbie. Published by Cape Catley Limited.

“The trouble with you women is you never seem to know what you want. First it’s complete pain relief, then suddenly it’s this so called natural childbirth with your husband there to hold your hand!” The obstetrician stood to indicate that his patient’s time was up.

Then he composed himself and smiled paternally.

“You must leave everything to me. My business is to bring your baby safely into the world, and I don’t want a fainting husband on my hands. As for this new fad of trying to have a baby like a peasant woman does in a rice paddy – why make a martyr of yourself just because somebody tells you it’s ‘natural’? I’ve been many years in obstetrics and I’ve yet to see the woman who didn’t welcome all the pain relief we can give her.”

“But I would so much like to try it,” the young woman appealed. “I’m very fit, I take long walks every day, and we’ve both read the book on natural childbirth by Dr Grantly Dick-Read..." Too late she remembered her friend’s warning: “Whatever you do, don’t mention Grantly Dick-Read!” The smile froze.

“That man’s a menace to obstetrics! Why you women fall for such half-baked ideas is beyond my understanding. If you want to have your baby out in the paddock that’s your affair, but you are very unlikely to find any doctor in sympathy with such ideas.”

The young woman escaped through the crowded waiting room into the Wellington street and burst into tears when she met her friend. “He wouldn’t even listen – he made me feel silly and irresponsible!”

The other woman was briskly comforting. “Look, whose having this baby, anyway? You or the doctor? Come on, we’ll find you someone else. I’ll ask Helen Brew – she knows someone who actually encourages women to try the Grantly Dick-Read way.”

They would not be the first women to look to Helen Brew for support in just that kind of situation. Her quick, warm sympathy was one of her most endearing qualities. Armed against intimidation herself by a cheerful irreverence for what she called ‘the big guns’ in the medical field, she rarely acknowledged defeat.

A temporary setback, which was the way she viewed it, was simply a challenge to find another point of attack.

She was naturally a fighter, a campaigner, and in this year, 1951, she had launched on a course which was sure to bring her into collision with orthodox obstetrics.

The case she would present was simply that women be allowed to choose the manner in which they brought their babies into the world, to chose to be conscious at the moment of birth if they wished, to take their babies in their arms, unwashed, if they wished, to have them by their bedside and feed them on demand.

And, if they wanted to, husbands should be allowed to give comfort and support to their wives in labour.  [Editor’s note: Helen Brew was one of the early founders of Parents Centres New Zealand]

Look for a short extract from this iconic book in each issue of Kiwiparent which details the struggle women and men had to persuade hearts and minds to adopt a less medicalised approach to childbirth and child rearing in the 1950s.

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winners

Congratulations to the lucky winners From issue 268

Lobster highchair from Phil&Teds Lynda Steed Henderson Charlotte Bennett Auckland

Loveloops voucher Annamarie Dobson Ohope

Maternity Tops from Mrs Smith Maternity Cliff Woodward Porirua Angela Beaumont

Kaiapoi

E1050 Balance Bike from Roundabout Christiane Klauss Whangarei

Popcorn Seats from Mocka Waldtraut Katte Auckland Nathan Seumanutafa Auckland Michele Jackson Auckland Sarah Lau Lower Hutt

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73

Find a Centre near you Parents Centres span the entire country with 50 locations around New Zealand.

Contact your local Centre for details of programmes and support available in your area or go to

www.parentscentre.org.nz

North Island Auckland Region 1

Bay of Plenty

Whangarei

Tauranga

Waitemata

Whakatane

Bays North Harbour

Rotorua

Hibiscus Coast

Taupo

Onewa

Taranaki

Auckland Region 2

New Plymouth

Auckland East

Stratford

Papakura

South Taranaki

Manukau

East Coast North Island

Franklin

Central Hawkes Bay

Auckland Region 3

Hawkes Bay

West Auckland

Central Districts

Central Auckland

Palmerston North

East & Bays

Wairarapa

Waikato

Wellington

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home and family

baby and child

directory supporting Kiwi parents Huggies online pregnancy and parenting The HUGGIES® website is about pregnancy and parenting. Check out features such as special offers, info on sleeping and settling plus hundreds of recipes and kids activity ideas! And it’s all free to HUGGIES® Baby Club members.

Phone: 0800 733 703 www.huggies.co.nz

Philips Avent Choosing Philips AVENT means you have the assurance of superior quality products, designed with you and baby’s needs in mind. Interchangeable design features mean products can be adapted to meet baby’s developing needs.

Phone: 0800 104 401 www.philips.co.nz/AVENT

Baby On The Move Specialists in quality, affordable baby products which you can hire or purchase new. Our qualified team can help you select the correct restraint. Plus if you hire or buy from us we will install your car seat for FREE! Stores nationwide.

Phone: 0800 222 966 www.babyonthemove.co.nz

My Food Bag Every week Nadia and her team of Test Chefs dream up exciting and nutritious dinner recipes just for you. We like to keep things simple, so every week (or fortnight) we deliver the ingredients and recipes right to your door. You just open your food bag and discover what tasty meals you get to cook and enjoy. Simple.

Healthy. Delicious. www.myfoodbag.co.nz

Kai Carrier Reusable food pouches that can be filled with homemade food so you know exactly what you and your children are eating whilst minimising the mess. They allow you to make nutritious food free of additives, preservatives and excess sugar and serve it in a convenient way, anywhere, anytime. www.kaicarrier.co.nz

PORSE Our babies are born with the need to connect. PORSE in-home educators, nannies and au pairs provide a calm and stable home environment to nurture close connected relationships, setting the foundation for lifelong learning.

Bio-Oil® specialist skincare This specialist skincare product helps improve the appearance of scars, stretch marks and uneven skin tone. It contains PurCellin Oil™, and is it highly effective for other skin concerns, including aging skin and dehydrated skin.

Phone: 0800 023 456 www.porse.co.nz

Phone: 0800 804 711 www.bio-oil.com

College of Natural Health and Homeopathy We are the leading provider of Homeopathic education, attending and distance, in Australasia.

We provide: � A friendly, supportive, integrated learning environment � Flexible learning options (attending or distance) � Highly qualified, professional & experienced tutors � Government approved access to student loans & allowances Our commitment: to providing the highest standard of training in homeopathy.

www.cnhh.ac.nz

home and family

SUPPORTING HEALTHY BABY DEVELOPMENT

Johnson & Johnson For over 100 years, JOHNSON'S® baby has been dedicated to designing gentle and mild products, especially for baby. We continuously apply our knowledge and research to create innovative products with safety at their core. That's why mums and healthcare professionals around the world have trusted JOHNSON'S® baby to nurture the little ones in their care.

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Shopping cart Become a Childbirth Educator - increasing the awareness and knowledge of expectant parents Become a Childbirth Educator increasing the awareness and knowledge of expectant parents

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

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win great giveaways

Enter online at kiwiparent.co.nz and follow the instructions.

Entries must be received by 5pm December 31 2015.

Winners will be published in issue 271.

Enter the draw to win a Meadow Cot from Touchwood Touchwood is dedicated to making premium quality furniture with the accent on style and versatility. One lucky reader will win a Touchwood Safety Meadow Panelled Cot Satin White. A mainstay of the Touchwood stable of cots, the Meadow has rounded capping on the cot ends for a softer look.

RRP $849. www.touchwoodfurniture.co.nz

Win a Unimom Allegro Electric Breast Pump worth $189.00

Win one of 4 EverEarth Ramp Racers from The Baby Factory

Our entire pump cover and accessories are made of BPA, phthalates and Lead free materials, making Unimom unique from other brands.

The award-winning EverEarth Ramp Racer keeps your child’s attention; helps build concentration, hand-eye coordination and understanding of how parts link together. Sized perfectly for a younger racer, the Jr. Ramp Racer includes four cars that are reversible – so no matter how little hands place the car on top of the ramp, it is sure to zoom to the finish! Each Ramp Racer is worth $39.95

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Win a Natures Sway Carry Wrap

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The Unimom Allegro Breast Pump is versatile and portable. With an inbuilt rechargeable battery, seven level digital settings, a hygienic back flow protection system and the ability to upgrade to a double pump. This breast pump kit will accommodate you well for convenient “on the go” expressing. Unimom is fast becoming a popular choice of breast feeding products because of high quality standards, affordability, eco friendliness and excellent customer reviews.

The NZ–made Natures Sway Carry Wrap is an extremely comfortable and simple baby carrier especially suited to helping you bond with your newborn. Made from soft stretchy organic cotton, the central panel provides support for baby’s back and doubles as a handy pocket – and they come in a range of colour and pattern options to suit all tastes. RRP $120 www.naturessway.co.nz

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Neat and petite, ready to eat!

Pod is the lightest and most compact clip-on high chair on the market. It is a hygienic solution when eating out and is ultra portable. Functional and elegant in style, pod clips neatly to most table-tops without taking up excess room. The neat and robust aluminium clamp secures to a picnic bench for lunch outdoors, Nana’s dining table, or is suitable as a permanent highchair solution at home.

RRP $69.00 Mountainbuggy.com

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TAPsPP5881

The product most recommended by doctors for pregnancy stretch marks.

Colmar Brunton, 2014

“When you look at how much your stomach is going to grow in pregnancy, you’re convinced that all that stretching has to leave its mark! But pretty much everyone I spoke to used Bio-Oil, so I began using it from about my second month, twice a day. I liked the fact that it absorbed well and left my skin looking phenomenal.

Now that I know that there’s a great product for stretch marks out there I can’t keep quiet about it – I would absolutely recommend it!”

Nicolette with Amy

Bio-Oil® helps reduce the possibility of pregnancy stretch marks forming by increasing the skin’s elasticity. It should be applied twice daily from the start of the second trimester. For comprehensive product information, and details of clinical trials, please visit bio-oil.com.

Bio-Oil is available at pharmacies and selected retailers at the recommended selling price of $20.45 (60ml). Individual results will vary.

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years