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when did you last climb a tree? Learn to find sanctuary in nature

post, tag, share... Parenting in a technological age

moving and grooving Learning through musical activities

are you coping? Supporting families with anxiety and depression

an emotional rollercoaster Pregnancy after baby loss

and baby makes four… Getting ready to welcome a new baby home


The magazine of Parents Centres New Zealand Inc

Parenting tips • Childbirth • Family finances • Breastfeeding • Lifestyle • Family health




WIN YOUR SHARE OF $20,000 Purchase any Ryco Cabin Air Filter between the 1st Sept 2015 and 28th Feb 2016 for your chance to win one of 20 x $1000 VISA Debit cards

ESSENTIAL FOR CLEANER AIR IN YOUR CAR We all know that the air outside our car can be a health hazard, especially in traffic. But did you know that the air inside the cabin of your car could be potentially more contaminated. Research shows that without an effective cabin air filter installed, the air inside your car can contain over 10 times more pollutants than the air outside – pollutants that can cause headaches, nausea and fatigue, and trigger more significant health problems for people with asthma or respiratory issues.* Don’t put your family’s health at risk. Trust Ryco to ensure that the air in your vehicle is safe to breathe and protect to your family from allergies caused by pollen, dirt and soot. Next time you have your car serviced ask you mechanic about upgrading to a Ryco Cabin Air Filter. *Environmental Health Perspectives, Volume 109, Number 9, September 2001.

Terms & Conditions Apply. For full Terms & Conditions go to Promotional Period is 01/09/2015 – 28/02/2016



breathe easier

next time you get

behind the wheel

Whether it’s a quick trip down to the shops or the start of driving holiday, every time you pack up the family and jump behind the wheel your goal is to keep them as safe and as healthy as possible. Generally we think that the biggest risks on the roads are outside your car, but research published in the respected Environmental Health Perspectives Journal has shown that the air inside your car can contain over 10 times more pollutants than the air outside, without an effective cabin air filter installed. These pollutants can cause headaches, nausea and fatigue, and trigger more significant health problems for people with asthma or respiratory issues. To find out more we spoke with Melissa Simpson, marketing communications manager at RYCO, who has long been considered the leader in Cabin Air filtration. “Cabin air filters are designed to filter out contaminants, absorb noxious odours and harmful gases like exhaust and ozone,” explained Melissa. “While replacing Cabin Air Filters for most vehicles is a quick and easy job for both professional mechanics and home DIYers, unfortunately it’s a job that is often overlooked. “But when you consider the important part they play in keeping your precious cargo happy and healthy, there is no doubt that asking your mechanic to replace the cabin filter in your vehicle the next time you have your vehicle serviced is a wise investment in your families health and wellbeing,” Melissa added.

launched the ultimate in vehicle air filtration, the MircoShield Cabin Air Filter. Ryco MicroShield Cabin Air Filters incorporate Ryco MicroShield media technology that is designed and labtested to filter out fine particles of 2.5 microns or less. This media incorporates an anti-bacterial agent made from natural plant extracts that is entirely safe and extremely effective at eliminating bacteria and reducing viruses that can cause influenza. “Our MicroShield Cabin Air Filter is the ultimate assurance of healthier breathing inside your vehicle,” Melissa said. “The Ryco MicroShield is the only cabin air filter available in New Zealand that can protect against mould, mites and the H1N1 strain of the flu virus.” 

Of course we all know that ‘Mum’s Taxi’ is always on the move and a recent study into driving habits confirmed that parents with children ages 6 -15 drive approximately 10% more than those without kids. “Obviously the more time you spend in a vehicle where the Cabin Air Filter needs replacing, the more you are placing your families' health at risk,” said Melissa. “Considering families spend more time in the car than the average person on the street, it makes replacing your cabin air filter every 12 months or 15,000km more critical.” For those of us who are looking for increased protection against dust, dirt and pollen RYCO have recently

To find out more about how replacing your Cabin Air Filter regularly can help improve your family’s health, visit

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Photo Credit: Jo Frances Photography |

Toby (2) and Joshua (10 days)

Special Features


When did you last climb a tree? Wayne Linklater .......................................................................... 8–11

Breathe easier next time you get behind the wheel................................................. 1

Post, tag, share

Letters to the Editor............................................................. 4–5

Carolyn Jabs.................................................................................. 12–14

Is technology getting in the way of parenting?............................................................................. 16–17

Product page............................................................................ 6–7 Top tips for the second trimester................................. 24–25

Moving and grooving

Let’s make it work

Janet Channon ............................................................................ 18–20

Julie Stufkens................................................................................ 31–32

Ipu Whenua – a Wairarapa treasure ......................... 22–23

A Middle Eastern feast – My Foodbag kitchen....................................................... 34–35

Are you coping? – Identifying and managing anxiety and depression............................... 26–30 Wheezy kids – asthma and children.......................... 36–38 How much is enough – alcohol during pregnancy ............................................... 46–49 A scouts guide to emergency nappy changing Daniel Mapletoft.......................................................................... 50–51

Parents Centre Pages........................................................... 39–45 And baby makes four – welcoming a new baby home................................................................... 56–57 Parenting consciously and creatively Judy Coldicott................................................................................ 58–59

Counting the cost of child rearing

Learn to swim this summer............................................ 52–54

Kate Van Praagh.......................................................................... 60–61

An emotional rollercoaster; pregnancy after baby loss

Winners from the last two issues................................. 73

Sharyn Crawford ........................................................................ 62–65

Find a centre............................................................................ 74

Pony tales

Directory page......................................................................... 75

Sadie Beckman ........................................................................... 66–68

Bach to basics – Renting the perfect holiday home ......................................................... 70–72


kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Shopping Cart......................................................................... 76–79 Giveaways.................................................................................. 80




When my second child was born in 1984, I was over the moon. We had only been in New Zealand a few months, so we were full of the wonder of a new country to live in. Having a new baby and a preschooler helped me to quickly integrate into my community and make new friends. Life was sweet!

When did you last climb a tree? Wayne Linklater rediscovers the thrill of climbing a gnarly old Macrocarpa tree. He wants his daughters to climb trees and learn to find sanctuary in nature. People who spend time with nature and natural places live happier, better lives. Children build determination in the face of fear – learning that fear can be found and known, and surmounted too.

Parenting in a technical age Entertainment and communication technology such as the Internet, tablets and smart phones have advanced so rapidly, that we are only now beginning to understand the impact this has on family structure and lifestyles. As parents embrace social media we look at protocols around photo sharing online, and ask if technology is actually getting in the way of parenting.

Are you coping? One in eight kiwi women suffer from depression symptoms while pregnant. Although less recognised than postnatal depression, antenatal depression can affect the health of both mother and her unborn child. Symptoms are often misinterpreted as a normal part of pregnancy, which makes it more difficult to recognise. We focus on perinatal distress in the build up to PND Awareness week.

Kiwiparent – Since 1954 the magazine of Parents Centres New Zealand Inc Editor

Leigh Bredenkamp Ph (04) 472 1193 Fax (04) 938 6242 Mobile (0274) 572 821 leighb@e– PO Box 28 115, Kelburn, 6150

Editorial Enquiries Ph (04) 233 2022 or (04) 472 1193 info@e–

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Taslim Parsons Ph (04) 233 2022 x8804 Mo 021 1860 323


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Viv Gurrey, Chief Executive Officer, Parents Centres New Zealand Inc Phone (04) 233 2022 Opinions expressed in the magazine do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the publisher. Advertising in this magazine does not imply endorsement by Parents Centres. Generally material in this publication may be reproduced provided it is used for non–commercial purposes and the source is acknowledged. However, written permission must be sought from the editor. Kiwiparent is proud to support the WHO/UNICEF International Code of Marketing of Breastmilk Substitutes adopted by the World Health Assembly in 1981.

ISSN 1173–7638

But I had one friend who just didn’t seem to fit in with the rest of the coffee group mums. She was always beautifully turned out as was her baby. She was the one who always brought dainty home baking when the rest of us would more often than not grab a packet of biscuits from the dairy to share at morning tea. When we met at her house everything was immaculate and in its place. She never chattered like the rest of us, sharing ups and downs of babies and toddlers. She kept herself aloof from the group, holding herself in check more than taking part in any cathartic venting. This clever woman was a bit older than most of my other friends and had left a career as a teacher to have her first baby when she was in her 30’s. She had a beautiful house, smart car and successful husband. She seemed to have the perfect life and be in total control. Until one day she arrived unexpectedly at my house. While I made a cup of tea she sat on the couch holding her baby. When I returned, I was shocked to see she was crying, clutching onto her baby and rocking backwards and forward. I had no idea what to do. Stupidly, I asked if everything was alright – clearly it wasn’t but I didn’t have the first idea how to approach the situation. She didn’t answer. I tried to cope as best I could with this distraught woman. Eventually, she blurted out that she couldn’t do this anymore, that she didn’t want this life. I was stunned as this was the last thing that I expected. Eventually I managed to coax her into letting me take her baby who was becoming increasingly distressed at being so tightly clutched by her mum. I rang our Plunket nurse who came around (bless her). She took one look and persuaded my friend to go with her to see the GP. I rang her husband to tell him what had happened. He didn’t seem surprised to get the call – he said he had been expecting something like this for several weeks. In fact he was glad that she had finally broken down as she had been getting increasingly tense over the past few days and he was worried about leaving her alone with the baby. And so that family embarked on their own postnatal distress journey. I wish I had been smarter and interpreted the signs. Looking back, my friend had needed help and I didn’t spot it. I wish I had asked her if she was coping, rather than assuming she was and nursing envious thoughts about her lucky life. I wish that every mum or dad who needs help can find the right people to give them the support they need. I wish I had been a better friend. If you, or someone you know is showing signs of anxiety, distress or depression, I hope you can be a better friend that I was. “Postnatal depression is an illness and not a reflection of you as a mother or a woman.” - anon Leigh Bredenkamp

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letters to the editor Top letter

Congratulations to the top letter winner Shabana Stuart of Auckland who receives a nursing and teething necklace from Nestling.

Fuelling little people at preschool I loved reading the article on the Heart Foundation’s Healthy Heart Award for Early Childhood Centres. I’m a working parent and it’s so important to know that my child is well cared for at his daycare - this includes what he eats and drinks. He spends a lot of time at daycare so his experiences there are a big part of his development; it’s important for me to know that he is being ‘fuelled’ up with good nutritious food that will keep him healthy and as he says ‘have strong arms for the monkey bars!”. The food at my daycare was already good but I knew it could be better and I felt the chef deserved recognition for seeing nutrition as important; I told Lollipops Glen Eden about the Healthy Heart Award and encouraged them to sign up. Luckily my daycare sees healthy eating as a priority too so it was a no brainer (and they've just been awarded the Gold HHA). Shabana Stuart, Auckland (mum to Jenson 11, Ethan eight, and Lewis four)


Top letter winner

Love the colours of the rainbow? Well you will love this gorgeous Kangaroo Care Nursing and Teething Necklace from Nestling made from natural products. This necklace is safe for little hands and mouths to play with and looks stunning on. RRP $36.95

Will you wear a white ribbon in November? The White Ribbon Campaign in November this year focuses on respectful relationships which are building blocks healthy for non-violent relationships. We want to build a meaningful and sustainable relationship with those men who are respectful in order to build a strong community of men who will show leadership and commitment to promoting safe, respectful and healthy relationships. Too often these men do not see themselves in the majority and are silent. We need to change that. We are going to give voice to how these men treat women respectfully:  Understand what a respectful relationship is and that consent is an important factor  Acknowledge that they do believe in respectful relationships  Take the pledge and join the community of men who promise to give respect, and stop violence towards women.

kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

The campaign this year will focus on the 80% of men who currently have respectful relationships with the women in their lives – be they intimate partner, family, social networks or colleagues. They are from all age ranges and from all socio-economic and ethnic backgrounds. They think and act respectfully with women in private, but do not always give voice to that in public, especially when around other males. However the campaign should also have an impact on those men who are NOT respectful in public or private, and we need to get this message to the women in the men’s lives who can act as influencers and reward/reinforce good behaviours and dis-incentivise bad behaviours – such as partners, daughters, family, friends and work colleagues. I encourage you all to do what you can to wear White Ribbons in November as we work together to stop violence towards women.

Rob McCann, White Ribbon day campaign manager

0800 600 998

o ur ow Y Circle r G

Busting the baby brain myth Scientists say that far from making women more absent-minded, pregnancy may actually make them brainier.

the calculations, the mothers-to-be actually did better than their childless counterpart on tests of working memory.

A recent study in Canada found expectant mothers do just as well on memory tests as other women - and in many cases, they actually do better. The researchers say that, far from turning the brain into mush, pregnancy may super-charge the grey matter, to help prepare women for the challenges of motherhood.

Researcher Elizabeth Hampson said pregnancy hormones may tweak the brain's chemistry to improve memory. She said this would fit in with the idea that the brain rewires itself during pregnancy to prepare for the mental juggling that lies ahead as a new mother.

The team from the University of Western Ontario put 54 women through a battery of mental tests. The volunteers were all of a similar age and background but half were pregnant and half were childless. They found that both groups of women performed equally well on the tests. And when the pregnant women who showed signs of depression were removed from

Another study released this year in the US also concluded that baby brain doesn't exist. Pregnant women did just as well as childless ones in a range of tests however, they thought they'd done worse. The Brigham Young University researchers said the expectation of problems may be so strong that a pregnant woman is simply extra-alert to any memory lapses. - Adapted from an article in the Daily Mail

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product information page Ryco MicroShield Cabin Air Filters Research shows that the air inside your car can contain over 10 times more pollutants than the air outside, without an effective cabin air filter installed. These pollutants can cause headaches, nausea and fatigue, and trigger more significant health problems for people with asthma or respiratory issues. For those of us who are looking for increased protection against dust, dirt and pollen RYCO have recently launched the ultimate in vehicle air filtration, the MircoShield Cabin Air Filter. These filters incorporate Ryco MicroShield media technology that is designed and lab-tested to filter out fine particles of 2.5 microns or less, it incorporates an anti-bacterial agent made from natural plant extracts that is entirely safe and extremely effective at eliminating bacteria and reducing viruses that can cause influenza. To find out more about how replacing your Cabin Air Filter regularly can help improve your family’s health, visit

Exquisite jewellery… with love from LoveLoops Celebrate the people you Love and hold them close with exquisite customised jewellery by LoveLoops. Wear LoveLoops to represent your children, your grandchildren, your marriage, a loved one lost, or a special event. The symbolism of the Loop really is perfect for representing the love and the bond between mother and child. It carries forth from the connection we have in the womb; the way mother and child are linked in the womb is represented by the way the LoveLoop encircles and links directly over the chain. The Loop also represents the circle of life, the bringing into the world of a new generation. The Loop has no beginning and no end, but goes on forever like the love we feel for our child whose name is inscribed on the Loop. The symbolism of the Loop is deeply meaningful, which makes LoveLoops feel, as well as look, brilliant to wear. To view the full range, visit

BLIS K12 Probiotic Powder for Toddlers BLIS K12™ is the world’s first advanced probiotic for the mouth, ear, nose and throat as well as immune support. Our mouths are lined with various health-promoting bacteria, some of which are integral to health and disease. One very common bacteria found in the mouth of healthy humans is Streptococcus salivarius. Among the most numerous beneficial bacteria in your mouth, S. salivarius is typically the first one we acquire naturally as infants. Some speculate we get it through our mother’s first kiss. University of Otago’s research shows that children with recurring throat infections had less healthy bacteria in their throats. This is something that occurs naturally. You either have it, or you don’t. If you don’t, and you take BLIS K12™, it improves the healthy bacterial population and makes you less susceptible to sore throats. And of course, sore throats are often at the heart of middle ear infections. In fact, Italian clinical trials of BLIS K12™ showed over 90% reduction in doctor visits, days off school and, of course, days off work for parents looking after sick children.


kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Meet the dash™ inline buggy from phil&teds phil&teds have released dash™ – the modern and uber light inline, that’s the perfect all rounder buggy for fun and adventure! dash™ goes wherever adventure takes you, be it climbing trees, skimming stones, dancing in the rain or feeding the ducks.

Nappy Disposal System

Now you can have the lightest inline™ in town, with an impressive one piece compact stand fold (with seats on) that has to be seen to be believed as it packs into your car boot space. dash™ has refined styling complete with gorgeous marl fabrics for a fresh, modern look. The clever large main seat and double kit (second seat) place weight in all the right places for easy push and pop up over kerbs. The double kit™ clips straight onto the buggy frame for face to face bonding time. dash™ is packed with many other clever features you’ll love. You get a hand - operated brake at your fingertips, a huge 10kg parcel tray with easy access from the front and a large sun hood with a flip out visor extension (both UPF50+) for safe sun protection. The hood has a zip pocket to safely tuck away your essentials and there’s even a headphone slot – perfect for sunny day walks while baby sleeps.

Making mess is part of growing up Messy mats let your kids have fun without you worrying about cleaning up! If your baby is starting solids or your toddler is a messy eater, use a messy mat under the highchair to catch food and drink splatter. Pop one under the table or easel when the kids are painting, doing art and craft, or play doh. Waterproof front and back, your Messy Mat is a handy picnic rug, and is the perfect weight for a tablecloth. When you’re done, simply shake it out or wipe down. Keep one at home and give one to the grandparents. Take one when you go out – no more leaving embarrassing stains behind! Let the kids go to town making a mess – it’s all part of learning and developing. But now you don’t have to worry about cleaning up!

Proven protection from germs & odours ^

100 times more effective at odour prevention than nappy sacks Unique twist and lock system wraps each nappy in a fresh portion of film Multi-layer film provides an exceptional barrier to lock away odour Anti-bacterial protection is present in the film and not the other components of this product.

Commercial size also available For your nearest stockist visit

0800 726 436

when did you last

climb a tree?


kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

A cordon of dark, gnarly macrocarpa trees stood along the falling-down-fence boundaries behind my childhood home. I can’t recall ever crossing the boundaries they defined. The fields beyond were someone else’s. They lived on different roads that I seldom travelled. The trees, like sentinels, looked outward over my no-man’s land. And, like guardians, they looked inward over my play. Like a friend, one became my frontier and then sanctuary. My father felled those magnificent trees for firewood, one by one over many years, to warm our home. Beginning with those closest to the house, each tree supplied more than a year of firewood but not two. There was a lot of waste. One man working with a chainsaw and axe takes only the easiest firewood – its hard work. The rest, too branched or stumps too big, was heaped for the bonfire. Magnificent trees make magnificent bonfires. I remember ash clouds from house-tall piles of branches heaped over still rooted stumps, raining on distant neighbours’ homes. One Guy Fawkes Day neighbours and friends joined us after dark to encircle a massive fire with nervous glee. Community forms around fire. Big fires fuel boys’ imaginations and the sear memories for old men. Eventually my sentinels and guardians became black stumps and grey ash.

I don't know how tall my friend was... probably not higher than 30 metres Just two tall, branched, specimens at the very extent of our lot survived to my childhood’s end. They were mine to climb. One became my frontier. I mastered its lowest branches and found new, easier ways around and up its trunk. I found fear. I slipped sometimes but learned to trust my instinctual primate – to reach-andgrab into mid-air. The tree scratched and stabbed at me too. I returned to the ground sometimes wounded and always with sap stained hands. Soon I could climb to its crown and a comfortable, three-branch seat. Then, it became my sanctuary and my friend. I sought myself there, away from my family, and my small town. Once or twice I sought refuge there in frustration and anger. At other times it provided peace – a place to be contentedly above everything. A few other friends shared my sanctuary – but not many. The Canterbury Plains was not very treed and, aside from a handful of old eucalyptus around the nearby rugby ground, my tree was amongst the tallest in town.

From my sanctuary, I could see across the entire town to my school, and my daily route to it through the single street of stores that was the town’s centre. Further still, Banks Peninsula’s hills dry and green-less to the northeast, the Southern Alps snow-capped and blue to the west, and in between the flat alluvial agriculture of Canterbury. I don’t know how tall my friend was – adults’ childhood memories are exaggerations of their impressions as little people – but probably not higher than 30m (100ft). My parents planted other trees, of course, but they were young and small, like me – unable to support or inspire me, alive or burning. Those last two magnificent macrocarpa survived to my leaving home and then to my parents selling that childhood home, but they are not there today. They, and the tree I planted over my childhood dog and other friend, are gone to new houses with small ornamental trees that look good, to some, but cannot be frontiers or friends.

Continued overleaf...

When did you last climb a tree? I climbed a tree again today. I pulled myself up, twisted my middle-aged body, and scrambled to the top. I was scratched and stabbed and my hands are still sapstained. I was reacquainted with fear. I was close again with my youth and a tree. It felt good – very good.

Do children climb trees anymore? Fewer people live on properties with big-big trees. I hear of teachers scolding children for climbing in the school yard – young primates being disciplined for their biology. I see the City prune low branches – ‘hazards’ or ‘ugliness’ – in ways that make public trees unclimbable by small people. I want my daughters to climb trees – grow strength with nature. If allowed, climbing trees grows powerful, dexterous bodies. And trees grow powerful psychologies too. Children build determination in the face of fear – learning that fear can be found and known, and surmounted too. I want my daughters to climb trees – learn to find sanctuary in nature. People who spend time with nature and natural places live happier, better lives. When stressed and unwell, people recover faster when they can take refuge in nature. I want my daughters to climb trees – have a relationship with a living thing bigger and longer-lived than themselves. Children who love trees gift them to the future, their children, and their children's children. I want my daughters to climb trees. But where will they climb? To heck with pretty trees and safe trees. I want trees for children – climbing trees. 

The science of children climbing trees Climbing trees challenges a child’s cognition, coordination and strength and has benefits for them in adolescence and adulthood.

adults, be less fearful of wilderness,7 have a greater knowledge of animals, plants and the environment as adults8, 9 and want to protect it.3, 10

Climbing is known to build and develop strong young bodies, especially grip strength and muscular endurance of upper body in children.1

A relationship with plants formed by planting and caring for them as children means adults are more likely to find trees and gardens of plants calming and places of personal significance.11

Cognition – the mental processes involved in reasoning, memory, attention and language that lead to knowledge – is particularly well developed by unstructured, spontaneous play in nature, like climbing trees, because it fosters creativity.2, 3 More natural environments foster childrens’ play4 and improves their cognition,5 and might be especially important for girls.6 Children that play in nature are more likely to use or work in out-of-door environments as adolescents and

kiwiparent 10 – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

With all this evidence of the benefits to children and people it should not be surprising that others have also found that children have a affinity for nature,12, 13, 14, 15 which some call Biophilia – an evolved need to engage and have a relationship with nature. Indeed, children have an innate appreciation of trees as places of refuge and safety.16

References 1 Changes in upper body strength and body composition after 8 weeks indoor climbing in youth. Balas J et al. Isokinetics and Exercise Science. 2 Experiencing Nature: Affective, Cognitive, and Evaluative Development in Children. Kellert S. In Kahn P & Kellert S (eds). Children and Nature: Psychological, Sociocultural and Evolutionary Investigations. 3 Nature and the Life Course: Pathways from Childhood Nature Experiences to Adult Environmentalism. Wells N & Lekies K. Children, Youth and Environments. 4 Growing Up in the Inner City: Green Spaces as Places to Grow. Faber Taylor A et al. 1998. Environment and Behavior. 5 At Home with Nature: The Effects of Nearby Nature on Children’s Cognitive Functioning. Wells, N.M. 2000. Environment and Behavior. 6 Views of Nature and Self-Discipline: Evidence from InnerCity Children. Faber Taylor A et al. 2002. Journal of Environmental Psychology. 7 Environmental Socialization: Quantitative Tests of the Childhood Play Hypothesis. Bixler et al. Environment and Behavior. 8 Childhood Foraging as a Means of Acquiring Competent Human Cognition about Biodiversity. Chipeniuk R. Environment and Behavior 27. 9 Early-Life Outdoor Experiences and an Individual’s Environmental Attitudes. Ewert A et al. Leisure Science. 10 Emotional Affinity toward Nature as a Motivational Basis to Protect Nature. Kals E et al. Environment and Behavior.

Dr Wayne Linklater Wayne is father to two girls, living in Karori, Wellington, and a biologist researching and teaching about wildlife and our relationship with the nature. He is Associate Professor of Conservation Science at Victoria University and Director of its Centre for Biodiversity & Restoration Ecology. ADDLES BY SW

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11 Children’s Active and Passive Interactions with Plants Influence Their Attitudes and Actions toward Trees and Gardening as Adults. Lohr V & Pearson-Mims P Hort Technology. 12 Significant life experiences revisited: A review of research on sources of environmental sensitivity. Chawla L. The Journal of Environmental Education.

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13 Children’s Environments. Korpela K. In Bechtel R & Churchman A (eds) Handbook of Environmental Psychology. New York: John Wile. 14 Children’s Special Places: Exploring the Role of Forts, Dens and Bush Houses in Middle Childhood. Sobel, D. Tucson, AZ: Zephyr. 15 From Barnyards to Backyards: An Exploration through Adult Memories and Children’s Narratives in Search of an Ideal playscape. Sebba, R. Children’s Environments. 16 Precocious knowledge of trees as antipredator refuge in preschool children: An examination of aesthetics, attributive judgments, and relic sexual dinichism. Coss R & Moore M. Ecological Psychology.

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Post, tag, share what photos do you share online? Social media has become the new back fence, a place where parents can tell stories, swap tips and even brag a bit. A recent survey from the Pew Research Centre found that mums, in particular, give and get lots of encouragement as well as useful parenting information from networks like Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram as well as from websites. Almost all of these efforts involve photos which would be great if those photos would stay put in one place. Unfortunately, they don’t. Photos of cute kids — especially babies — have been misappropriated by people who use them for their own, sometimes dubious, purposes. Have you heard of baby role playing, for example? This involves young women who use random photos of children to fantasise about

motherhood. By posting pics and inventing details about babies they don’t know, they attract attention on social media. In these so-called digital kidnappings, the child may not be in physical danger. Still, most parents find it disconcerting to see their child’s face in someone else’s fantasy. In other cases, parents have stumbled across familiar photos that have been used in advertising or to create memes, those Internet placards that sometimes take on a viral life of their own. Obviously, people vary a great deal in what they feel comfortable saying on social media, and parenthood doesn’t necessarily change that. Some new parents find that they are very protective about a baby’s online presence; others morph into mummy bloggers who build a loyal following by chronicling intimate details about their domestic life.

Continued overleaf...

12 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Golden rules for using Facebook securely Only Friend people you know

Use secure browsing whenever possible

Create a good password and use it only for Facebook

Only download Apps from sites you trust

Don’t share your password Change your password on a regular basis Share your personal information only with people and companies that need it Log into Facebook only ONCE each session. If it looks like Facebook is asking you to log in a second time, skip the links and directly type into your browser address bar Use a one-time password when using someone else’s computer Log out of Facebook after using someone else’s computer

Keep your anti-virus software updated Keep your browser and other applications up to date Don’t paste script (code) in your browser address bar Use browser add-ons like Web of Trust and Firefox’s NoScript to keep your account from being hijacked Beware of “goofy” posts from anyone – even Friends. If it looks like something your Friend wouldn’t post, don’t click on it Scammers might hack your Friends’ accounts and send links from their accounts. Beware of enticing links coming from your Friends.

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All adults should think seriously about what impact a post that seems cute today may have on a child in the future. That adorable photo of your two-year-old in the bath with the colouring in soap pens might not be so appealing when that toddler turns into a self-conscious adolescent. Just as couples need to negotiate what they are willing to share on social media, parents must also try to imagine how a child will feel when he or she is an eye-rolling ten-year-old, an easily embarrassed teen or a young adult looking for a job. How can parents balance the many benefits of social networking with its risks? Here are a few tips.

Use an alternative album

Use privacy settings

Be selective

The report from Pew found that parents typically had 150 friends on Facebook, and of those, one-third were “actual” friends. Consider sharing photos of kids only with those friends. Most social media sites make it easy to establish different groups within your Facebook community. (Details about privacy settings for the main social media venues are available at Go through your network and think about whether your relationship is close enough to share details about your child. Grandparents, other family members, close friends? Absolutely! Colleagues, associates and friends of friends. Probably not.

Share your reshare policy Even if you are careful about privacy, photos can escape your network if they are reshared. To discourage resharing, remind friends and family that photos are “for your eyes only.” Talk to other parents, too. Explain your concerns about over-sharing and ask that they not post photos of playdates and other outings without your permission. Extend the same courtesy to them.

Use a nickname Instead of using your child’s real name, use a pseudonym. This makes it harder to connect an escaped photo with your family. It will also spare your child the embarrassment of having baby pics show up when someone Googles them in the future.

Make copying difficult A few techniques will make it harder for people to use your photos for other purposes. Try saving photos with the lowest possible resolution. Not only will the file transmit more quickly, but it will also be blurry if someone tries to enlarge it. Parents can also borrow a trick from professional photographers by putting a signature or watermark on photos. is one of several free services that make it easy to brand digital pics.

No naked pictures Ever. No matter how cute or innocent they may seem, naked pictures should not be posted online. Even if you don’t attract the attention of a predator or run afoul of the obscenity standards on your social network, you run the risk of distributing a picture that will be used to harass your child in the future.

14 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Some parents use social media as a kind of baby album, keeping track of firsts as they happen. Really important photos deserve better protection. Try making albums on password protected sites like Flickr or Photobucket. Share passwords only with family members and other trusted friends who really want to see all your great photos. Back up photo files in the cloud and on a separate hard or flash drive. For photos that really matter, consider making prints or photo books which are likely to last longer than any digital format.

Taking digital pictures is sooooo easy. Be ruthless about culling your photos. Review and delete at least once a week. And only share photos that are special in some way. Close-ups with only a few props tend to be more interesting, and they also make it harder for strangers to identify your child or locate your home. Post holiday pictures after you return home so people won’t know when your house is unoccupied. Now that every cellphone includes a camera, parents also need to think about when photos are an intrusion. Yes, childhood is fleeting and a photo can help you remember. But photos can also turn you into an observer instead of a participant, especially if you are thinking ahead to the number of “likes” a photo will get on social media. Instead of reflexively reaching for the camera, get in the habit of asking whether a photo will deepen — or interrupt — a special moment with your child. 

Carolyn Jabs Carolyn raised three computersavvy kids including one with special needs. She has been writing Growing Up Online for ten years and is working on a book about constructive responses to conflict. Visit to read other columns.

NetSafe is an independent non-profit organisation that promotes confident, safe, and responsible use of online technologies. NetSafe promotes cybersafety and champions digital citizenship by educating and supporting individuals, organisations and industry on a range of issues.

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is technology getting in the

way of parenting?

Reminiscing about the good old days when we were growing up is a memory trip well worth taking when trying to understand the issues facing the children of today. Go back to just 20 years ago and young children would play with their wooden toys outside on the grass.

Many children now rely on technology for much of their play. Health professionals warn that, if used too much, this can limit challenges to their creativity and imaginations, as well as restricting necessary challenges to their bodies to achieve optimal sensory and motor development.

Liz Pearce, Childbirth Education Manger for Parents Centres New Zealand explains: “All types of sensory Today's families are different. A recent study in Australia stimulation – sound, sight, smell, touch – are important found that 61% of parents surveyed use technology for babies' development. Babies who do not receive to capture their child’s ‘firsts’, adequate amounts of a range and more than half use the of sensory experiences can “I find it difficult to juggle the two technology to entertain or fail to thrive. In the worst-case children and I often give my two-yeardistract their child. It is likely that scenarios, a lack of healthy, New Zealand studies would come old an iPad with his favourite videos interactive interaction can result in up with similar results. on it to keep him distracted so that developmental delays.” I have time to change or breastfeed The same study revealed 63% Liz encourages parents to the new baby.” consider the simple, everyday of the surveyed parents agree ways in which they can interact that mobile devices often distract with their baby. “Bath time, nappy them from paying attention to their child. change, bedtime, feeding and floor time all offer ample Entertainment technology such as TV, the Internet, video opportunities to connect with your child. By all means games, tablets and smart phones have advanced so check the phone for messages when you sit down to rapidly, that we are only now beginning to realise the feed your baby, but don’t get caught up in facebook – impact this has had on family structure and lifestyles. make the most of the time with your child.

16 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Think about how touch can be used to communicate with your baby. Neurologists have identified nerves in the skin which communicate and encourage emotional feelings: so gentle touch is literally the language of love and can enhance the parent-baby bond.” In June, more than 300 New Zealand children were surveyed about their parents' behaviour on mobile devices, in research conducted by online security company AVG Technologies. The study found that parents are paying more attention to their mobile phones than their kids. Over half of the kids felt their parents checked their mobile devices too often. Their biggest grievance, from a list of bad device habits, was that their parents became distracted during conversations. This, understandably, made them feel unimportant. Thirtytwo per cent of the children even claimed their parents spend equal or less time with them than on their devices. Clinical Psychologist Nigel Latta, an ambassador the Hyundai Power Off/Family On campaign, says parents need to reduce their own and their children’s screen time to form closer family relationships.

Exquisite Jewellery ...with Love

“The single most important thing we give our kids is our time. That’s where we teach them all the skills they’ll need to navigate life, and where we build our relationship with them. The pressures of the modern world are bad enough at eating into your time with your kids, but screens are a whole other layer of stuff trying to steal time from us. “Sitting in a room with the kids while everyone is watching different screens isn’t spending time together, and it isn’t building a relationship, it’s just taking up space on the couch. You need to make sure you all have time unplugged and engaged in each other’s lives. That’s where the important conversations happen. “You can do far more good in your children’s lives during a walk, than you can returning emails on your phone while they shoot zombies on the iPad. There is just no better way to build your kids up than the simple act of spending time together in the actual world doing actual things.” In a highly technology-driven world, there are increasing calls for time off the grid. Rahel Macy Stafford, author of "Hands Free Mama” has made the decision to step back from technology. She writes: “I want to make memories, not to-do lists, I want to feel the pressure of my child’s arms, not the pressure of over-commitment. I want to get lost in conversation with people I love, not consumed by a sea of unimportant emails. I want the noise of my life to be a mixture of laughter and gratitude, not the intrusive buzz of cell phones and text messages.” 

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moving and grooving

kids and music

The benefits of involving children in musical activities are immense, from developing a love of music to promoting brain growth. Most importantly, music is fun. If a child is having fun their brain is open to learning. If a child is stressed, worried or unhappy, the brain closes down to learning and new stimulation. Activities that are fun open up the brain to learning.

18 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

A child's brain grows to 90% of its adult size in the first three years of life. It is hungry for stimulation and can develop pathways across the hemispheres at a phenomenal rate, depending on the stimulation given. Coupled with the fact that children's hearing develops at its most rapid rate between four and six years of age, it makes sense that early childhood is the most precious time for establishing foundations of music, such as singing in tune and moving in time.

As well as developing musical abilities, a child's involvement in musical activities opens doors of other learning. Music can help children develop: listening and concentration control and coordination of large and small muscles seriation and memory skills an understanding of three-dimensional space an awareness and ability to control the movement of their body in that space group social skills of appreciating the ideas of others taking turns working in a circle with the subsequent self confidence that comes with this involvement oral language understanding spoken words or instructions and language concepts such as directionality a knowledge of other cultures and times, through their music. Music is multi-sensory. By inputting information into the brain through multiple senses simultaneously the learning is reinforced and multiplied. If we hear some words, sing them, then play the rhythms on our bodies, stamping the beat throughout, the learning involves the whole body, with many senses interacting along the way. The learning is therefore immensely stronger than if only one sense is involved.

A powerful tool for learning The power of music as a learning tool is well understood by the advertising industry. If an idea has a song or rhythm attached, children (and adults) find that information easier to remember. How do we first learn the alphabet? What is the phone number for Pizza Hut? Music is also one of the few activities that uses both sides of the brain, both the logical and creative, at the same time. By utilising both sides simultaneously the brain establishes connections across the hemispheres. The more connections we have, the faster we are able to think. You don't even have to be particularly musical yourself. Some people say they can't sing. That doesn't really matter. Just as you don't need to be a mathematician to teach your kids to count, you don't need to be a musical maestro to enjoy music with your kids. Children take much more notice of your enthusiasm and the smile on your face than your level of musicality. An involvement in musical activities from a young age is active entertainment, compared with a lot of entertainment these days which involves passive entertainment, just sitting on the couch. Musical activities involve the whole body, often igniting a lifetime love of music. All children deserve the enrichment musical experiences provide. So open up your lungs, fire up your feet and have fun with your children.

Musical activities teach more than just music. Activities that require children to use their whole bodies and interact with others, while also developing musical abilities, have positive effects on a variety of learning.

Continued overleaf...

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All this, from enjoying a simple song Music is important to be taught for music's sake, as an art form and a form of expression. Music is the statement of the culture of a country or of a generation, it is a means of expressing joy, excitement, praise, love or sorrow. To truly understand what it means to be human, every child needs the opportunity to be involved in musical activities. Beyond this, music is a medium for a whole host of other learning. When a child is very young musical activities involve him in group activities where he learns to take turns, share, offer creative suggestions for actions or rhythms, and accept the ideas of others. Children learn to coordinate their hands, feet and bodies in actions that are not normally part of everyday life but develop extensive connections across the brain. When a child walks around the room, in time with the music and playing a drum he is engaged in a wide variety of activities: He listens to the music and coordinates his walking in time with the music; he plays his drum with his hands while coordinating his feet; he develops his spatial awareness by walking in free space through other people in the group who are also moving; he sings, using his ears to aid him in tuning his voice to match the song; he develops his memory by learning the sequence of events in the song (for example the drum plays verse one, then the shaker plays verse two); he develops his linguistic capabilities by learning the words, with the aid of the rhyme and rhythm; he develops social skills by moving with the group and sharing the space where no specific person has "right of way" and all must move without colliding with another. All this, from enjoying a simple song. ď Ž

20 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Kids Music Company Kids Music Company was begun in 1989 by teachers and mothers Wendy Jensen and Janet Channon. Classes run in Takapuna, Melbourne and Singapore. Janet and Wendy have produced hundreds of original songs and won 10 prizes in the UK for quality educational materials. As well as classes, resources are available for families to enjoy with their children at home. To find out more email

Janet Channon Janet is a music education specialist who believes that children should be inspired to learn through stimulating, holistic, fun music activities. She runs workshops for teachers and parents in New Zealand, Australia, Hong Kong, Singapore and the UK.


The product most recommended by doctors for pregnancy stretch marks. Colmar Brunton, 2014

“I got a lot of feedback from mums who used Bio-Oil, so I started using it as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I’d use it in the evening after my shower and then when I woke up I’d put it on again just to be extra sure. I’d put it wherever I thought I would possibly get stretch marks. And I actually got no stretch marks at all. Bio-Oil really did its thing.” Donnaleen with Ami

Bio-Oil® helps reduce the possibility of pregnancy stretch marks forming by increasing the skin’s elasticity. It should be applied twice daily from the start of the second trimester. For comprehensive product information, and details of clinical trials, please visit Bio-Oil is available at pharmacies and selected retailers at the recommended selling price of $20.45 (60ml). Individual results will vary.

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ipu whenua a Wairarapa treasure Back in 2010, Wairarapa midwife, Carole Wheeler, designed special containers to give to new mothers who wish to take their placenta home for burial. The locally handmade, bio-degradable Ipu Whenua are designed to hold the whenua (placenta) after the birth and when it is returned to the land. There are approximately 500 births each year at Wairarapa Hospital, and about half of the women take their placenta home following a birth. Since 2011, over 725 Ipu Whenua for placentas have been given free of charge to the women and families of the Wairarapa, as well as over 300 Ipu Taonga for babies that have been lost through miscarriage or early stillbirth. “Within traditional Maori culture the whenua was buried in a special place

within tribal land of the whanau,” explains Carole. “Many women still follow this practice and often plant a tree or create a significant landmark to indicate the place of burial. When I realised that women taking their placenta home were being given a non-bio degradable plastic container for the task, I thought it would be nice if their midwife could offer them a special gift. The cocoons I have designed are made from flax kete and decorated with paua and harakeke flowers. They contain a corn starch bag, a material that looks like plastic but breaks down completely in the soil. They look attractive and they convey something special - an item parents can feel proud to own.” Carole says Wairarapa midwives have been very supportive of the project to encourage the earth-friendly burial of placentas (whenua), and contributed towards the cost of the first 35 Ipu Whenua.

22 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

“These are now being given away free, as a gift to the birthing women of Wairarapa who intend taking their whenua home for burial." In addition to the Ipu Whenua Carole also makes special baskets - Ipu Taonga, (a vessel for a treasure) - for tiny babies who are miscarried in early pregnancy. If a baby is stillborn before the 20th week of pregnancy and weighs less than 400 grams, parents are not legally required to bury the baby in a cemetery or have the baby cremated, although they can choose to do so if they wish. The fetus can be taken home or to a special place for the family to bury in an Ipu Taonga. Carole has also made bigger cocoons for very premature babies who don’t survive. If a baby is born alive or after the 20th week of pregnancy, or weighed 400 grams or more when he/she was born, then the baby must be buried or cremated in a

Keep doing what you love with a

Tula Baby Carrier

registered place such as a cemetery, - or a crematorium. The little an urupa lined flax cribs come in different sizes and there is no charge for them at all. “I wanted parents to have something special to place their tiny baby in and when I realised a casket from the funeral director costs $300$400, I thought I could design and make something cheaper, culturally sensitive and more appropriate. These late miscarried or early stillborn babies can be placed in the specially prepared crib after birth and rest there until they are either buried or cremated.”

Midwives also take ipu for homebirths and Carole has sent samples or DIY kits to several hospitals in the North and South Islands hoping that midwives and women will copy the idea and spread the bio degradable, earthfriendly message throughout New Zealand. Carole is also keen to get the message out to Kiwi families about how easy it is for them to make their own ipu. Carole is so committed to this that she has made a youtube video showing exactly how to do so. com/watch?v=lMqmSF9xXSM

Because there is no birth certificate for babies born before 20 weeks gestation, mothers can be given a “Certificate of Life”. These are produced by SANDS, they record details of their baby to recognise his or her existence. There are also locally made and donated memory boxes available for the parents of stillborn babes in which they can keep a lock of hair, a cot card, foot and handprints, name bands and a photo of the special baby. Sometimes these are the only tangible memories parents have.”

“I made the video to try and explain how easy and inexpensive it can be, especially if you use biodegradable materials you collect yourself. I continue to post Ipu Whenua to women who don't wish to, or can't, make their own for $20 including postage. If there is any small profit over, it goes towards creating Ipu Taonga which I send completely free of charge to women who contact me after miscarriage.” 

We have a donated camera and printer so the midwife on duty can, if the parents wish, photograph and print out photos of the tiny baby straight away. The Wairarapa Kaumatua Council has blessed the project and the Maori Directorate at Wairarapa DHB is committed to supporting the initiative financially.

Carole is keen to empower all families to make their own Ipu Whenua which they can personally decorate to take with them to the hospital ready to transport their placenta home. The very first Ipu Whenua made this way was used by a Wairarapa midwife for the burial of her baby's placenta in Wairarapa before she returned to Canada.

Carole can be contact through: Biodegradable-Ipu-Whenua

Giveaway Be in the draw to win one of two Ipu Whenua Enter online at and follow the instructions Entries must be received by 5 pm, 29 October 2015. Winners will be published in issue 269.

Perfect from birth to 20kg Front and back carry Available in a baby or toddler carrier Breastfeed discreetly on the go Handmade with love Available at selected retailers Distributed by Nestling Group Limited subscribe online at – kiwiparent 23

TOP TIPS for the second trimester Helping you out from weeks 14 to 27 by The New Zealand Pregnancy Book

24 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

1. Go on a babymoon

7. Nutrition

2. Get those

8. Back care

Take the opportunity to enjoy a well-earned holiday – it's the most comfortable time for extended travel, by car, train or plane. Discuss international travel plans with your LMC before you book.

swimming togs out!

Now that the nausea has begun to improve, it's a good time to think about the good nutritional value of your food. Check out our top tips on eating well for advice on a balanced diet.

Walking, jogging, swimming, yoga, aqua aerobics – all help prevent loss of fitness for mum, and make you smile! Mild and moderate exercise is best, but discuss any concerns with your LMC. Check out our Exercise Room for more ideas.

Aches? Pains? Pressures? As the ligaments of your lower back and pelvis stretch to make room for baby, it's important you look after your back and posture well. Don't lift heavy objects, get daily rest, take exercise and when standing and sitting, avoid high heels and maintain the normal curve of your spine – try not to stick out that bum or tum!

3. Home DIY

9. Butterfly tummy

Many New Zealanders get that nesting feeling and so think now is the right time to make some home improvements, decorate the nursery or move house. Do this now! Don't leave it until baby is due

4. Maternity wardrobe Are your jeans becoming too tight around the waist? Feeling frumpy in your baggy t-shirts? There are some great NZ maternity stores out there and if you're on a budget, check out TradeMe for some nearly-new options. At some point during weeks 14 - 24 you'll find some of your old wardrobe just doesn't have room for you and baby anymore!

5. Boy, girl or surprise? At about 20 weeks, your ultrasound anatomy scan can show baby's gender, so decide if you'd like to know the sex before you go in. Your baby's anatomy and spinal health is checked here and it can be a very emotional time seeing baby on screen, so take along a partner or support person.

If it's your first baby, you may feel the baby move somewhere between 18 and 22 weeks – or as early as 16 if it is your second or third. Some women describe it as butterflies or a fluttering sensation – be sure to share the news as it is an exciting stage of pregnancy!

10. J.O.B. Most women find that they can work at their usual job until at least week 28 and often continue happily until week 36. It depends on your job however – heavy physical work, stressful situations or environmental hazards are all things to consider. Discuss parental leave with your employer or check out the official guidelines (  Visit The New Zealand Pregnancy Book online at The website includes a searchable preview of the book, fantastic photos and feedback from the NZPB community, links to friends and Facebook and much more!

6. Heartburn As your growing uterus pushes on your tum, heartburn and indigestion are very common at this stage in pregnancy. Take note of the foods that induce heartburn and try to avoid them. Help by eating small meals and eating earlier in the day – and avoid going to bed after a big dinner.

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26 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

are you coping? identifying and managing anxiety and depression

Kelly's story I remember it clearly. I was five and my teacher asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I thought long and hard. “A hairdresser or a busker but my mum says I’m a worrier.” “A warrior! Wow!” obviously thinking that my mother being the intelligent woman that she is had decided to call me warrior as an alternative to princess. “No.” I corrected her. “A worrier cos I worry about all the things.” I guess anxiety has always been in my life in one way or another. Displayed as crippling shyness as a toddler and then a stutter as I entered school. It disappeared for a few years when I could hide behind my best friend Jo with her bubbly sweet nature; she was all the friends I needed. I hid it at high school by strictly controlling my diet and becoming loud and opinionated. As I got older and began to realise everyone just thought I was an arse-hat I calmed down, made beautiful friends and treasured my oldest ones. I became fun, mostly relaxed, outgoing and entertaining. But anxiety always bubbling away-threatening like a dormant volcano that would spit and hiss from time to time. And then I had my baby. I sat in the birthing room in the dark when everyone had left holding my screaming baby to my chest-crying crying crying. The midwife on duty had to peel my daughter from my body as I sobbed into her arms that I was a terrible mother. My baby was only three hours old at this point. Over the following days and weeks things got worse. It felt like

my daughter never stopped crying, my partner withdrew from me in confusion. I became too afraid to leave the house, anxious that my daughter would be hit by a car, stolen or bitten by a dog. I was terrified that my partner would die and that I would be alone with this baby that was still screaming. I felt the stares of people everywhere I went. People making comments “I’m glad my baby doesn’t cry like that”, “what the hell is wrong with your baby”, “that baby is hungry/tired/cold/thirsty/hot…” Nothing I did ever felt enough and the tension and anxiety was too much to bear. My midwife told me I was fine. Baby blues she called it. I would “get over it soon”. Breastfeeding was a battle. I knew I was doing it wrong, but then I was doing everything wrong, right?! The pain felt justified. I stopped sleeping pretty much at all, the anxiety got worse. My mother told me to calm down or I would lose my baby. Desperate not to lose her, I drew deeper into myself. I tried to force myself to embrace elements of my old life; playing netball, having a coffee with a friend, even supermarket shopping. But it was all too much. Netball made me feel weak, the stadium packed with girls warming up or playing games their outlines blurred into one sickening rainbow of colour, I would end up spending most of my time in the bathroom trying to breath. Trying to get my throat that had closed up to open up and breathe and be normal. JUST BE NORMAL. I would say something insulting to someone and then leave.

Continued overleaf...

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The supermarket was a joke. Paranoia would overwhelm me. I became convinced my partner and daughter would leave the supermarket without me if I lost sight of them. The shelves felt like high-rise buildings about to topple on us at any moment. One day I lost my daughter and partner in the supermarket. I went to get coffee. I remember holding the coffee and panic washing over me. I couldn’t breath, a strangled scream of his name desperately trying to escape my lips. Running down the aisles, trying to find him like a mad woman. I didn’t go back after that.

Mums and dads do not necessarily fall in love and bond with their baby immediately-parenting is not always instinctive and it can take time to adjust to the new reality when a new baby is introduced into the family. Add into the mix sleepless nights-crying baby-tirednessadded responsibility-breastfeeding -other siblings… It is no wonder that life can feel overwhelming at times. Sometimes a mother can get unwell and become sick with PND, anxiety, bipolar disorder or psychosis. This is not uncommon and many mums and dads need extra help and support. It is absolutely ok to ask for this help and many parents need “time out” from their baby so they can recharge and adjust to their new life.

Some friends withdrew, I saw them once and not again. Perhaps they were afraid of this anxious strange creature I had become. The confident outgoing, sunny, funny, entertaining girl was nowhere to be found. The true beautiful friends never stopped coming. Occasionally they dragged me out of the house. But mostly they vacuumed, folded my washing, made me cups of tea, held “One of the awful things about postnatal my baby while I showered and held depression is that women can think that this is what motherhood is like,” me while I cried. They never judged - Dr Sarah Weeks, Psychiatrist specialising in me, they didn’t offer much advice, birth and hormone related mood disorders. and they just loved me. Without them and their love I don’t know if I’d be here. Still I needed help, help for my sanity, and help to get better. Then I met an amazing Plunket nurse named Anne. She knew something was wrong. She hugged me and told me about post natal depression. She told me to go walking, to keep connecting with people. She also told me how to get help. I then made the phone call to PND Wellington. The calm voice on the other end of the phone assured me it would be ok. That no one would take my baby. That she was there for me. She introduced me to a group of mums on facebook that have shared the journey with me. The doctor was next, I had to shop around for the right one but I found her in the end. The side-effects of the anxiety meds were too bad so I couldn’t keep taking them. So therapy was the next step.

Dads can also get PND and the risk factors and symptoms are pretty much the same. Plus if one partner is depressed this will increase the load on the other and the chances of them being depressed are much higher.

What causes postnatal distress? Many things that can cause postnatal distress or depression, especially when a number of these things are combined as is usually the case. Hormonal changes that follow childbirth Expecting too much of yourself Lack of sleep Change in lifestyle, life routine due to the birth of your child Isolation and/or lack of support.

I was referred to maternal mental health and they were incredible. Never forcing anything, just meeting with me weekly to get down to the bottom of things. Understanding the reason for the anxiety to help me manage it better. To live a full life free of fear as a mother and as a human

Common symptoms of anxiety and PND

It will be a long journey, I still have days when I find myself sitting on the footpath crying, but that’s when you ask for help. You reach out and if the first person says no you ask again and again until you get the help you not only need but deserve.

Being unable to sleep or feeling exhausted even when you have had sleep

One in eight women will experience PND, that’s a lot and each and every one of us deserve to live the lives we want to, that we dreamed of. Day by day I am returning to myself and making my way to being less of a worrier and more of a Warrior! The warrior woman that is inside. By Kelly.

Tearfulness, weeping frequently Panic attacks and anxiety

No sense of enjoyment Flashbacks to your labour and birth Feeling grumpy, irritable or angry Constant worry over your own health or that of your child/children Not feeling any emotional connection to your baby

The myth of the perfect parent Having a baby can bring huge joy and happiness for mothers, fathers and their families but there will be many highs and lows along the way.

28 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Thoughts that you may harm your child or a member of your family either accidentally or deliberately Feelings of being overwhelmed Feeling like you are in a deep pit or suffocating

pnd awareness


31 Oct - 8 November 2015

Are you coping?

Feeling numb and lack of emotion Putting on a brave face, or “mask”, to hide how you feel Feeling like a failure and a “bad mother” Wanting to escape and that your family would be better off without you Self-harm Suicidal thoughts.

Baby blues Three or four days after giving birth many women experience ‘baby blues’. Mums may feel tearful often for no apparent reason. This is usually due to the fall in hormones after giving birth and normally resolves itself very quickly. High levels of progesterone and oestrogen are important for a healthy pregnancy. The hormone oxytocin plays a key role in labour and is associated with feelings of bonding and motherhood. As contractions become more intense, natural pain relief hormones are released known as beta-endorphins they can also induce feelings elation and happiness.

Just before birth, the mother’s body releases large amounts of adrenaline and noradrenaline – also know as ‘fight or flight’ hormones. A sudden rush of these hormones just before birth causes a surge of energy which help to deliver the baby. But there are massive changes in mums’ hormone levels in the days after the delivery. Oestrogen and progesterone drop precipitously after birth. The baby blues will likely fade over the next couple of weeks as you adjust to your new life. After just a few weeks on the job, you're likely to feel much more comfortable with the mummy role. In the meantime, lower your expectations for yourself and for your baby. Then lower them some more. There's no such thing as a perfect parent — or a perfect baby. Expecting too much means you'll be letting yourself down. Instead, just do the best you can. The good news is that many mums outgrow the baby blues within a week or two — but if feelings of depression persist, speak to your midwife, doctor or Plunket nurse and don’t be shy to ask for help.

You are not alone. Many families are affected by a degree of anxiety, stress, postnatal distress or even psychosis. Raising awareness of perinatal mental health issues helps parents to better understand the challenges they are working through which can be supported with many services available. Things you can do: • Hold a Buggy Walk or Picnic • Organise an information evening about PND • Talk to your friends about PND • Share your PND story with others “Practical and emotional support are both important and some friends may be better at one than the other. You may also find online support sites or forums helpful. It is so much better to get things checked out early than to wait and suffer.” Dr Sara Weeks, Mothers Cry Too - Recognising and coping with postnatal depression The Perinatal Mental Health NZ Trust works to improve outcomes for families and whanau affected by mental illness (like PND), related to pregnancy, childbirth and early parenthood.

Continued overleaf...

If feelings of depression persist, speak to your midwife, doctor or Plunket

An evening with Allyson Gofton and Sonia Gray sharing their experiences with perinatal depression. Hosted by Jude Dobson.

6-8pm November 4, 2015

nurse and don’t be shy to ask for help.

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What the research says One in eight Kiwi women suffer from depression symptoms while pregnant and the risk is three times higher for women who were diagnosed with anxiety before and during pregnancy according to new research from Growing Up in New Zealand. Although less recognised than postnatal depression, antenatal depression can have significant effects on the health of both the mother and her unborn child. Mums who suffer from depression during pregnancy can struggle to take care of their own health and wellbeing, which in turn can flow onto her baby and slow the foetus’s growth. This increases the risk of a premature birth and can even delay the child’s motor and emotional development. Stress was also found to be an important contributor to anxiety. The more stressed women feel during pregnancy the more likely they are to experience depression symptoms. “Women affected by antenatal depression are more likely to smoke and eat poorly, resulting in too much or not enough weight gain which can affect the baby’s development,” explains Associate Professor Karen Waldie from the University of Auckland who is an advisor to the Growing Up in New Zealand study. “These women are also less likely to make use of maternity services or breast-feed, and have a higher risk of experiencing depression after their child is born.” Antenatal depression can be difficult to diagnose and New Zealand currently has no nationwide screening programme to identify women who might be affected. “Symptoms such as sleep disruption, low energy or a change in appetite are often misinterpreted as a normal aspect of pregnancy, which makes it more difficult to recognise a mother with antenatal depression,” explains Dr Waldie. “Our research aims to identify maternal characteristics associated with the condition to increase the capacity for healthcare providers to identify and treat pregnant women with depression during pregnancy.”

The researchers interviewed 5664 pregnant women during the last months of pregnancy. The group represents a wide ethnic and socio-demographic diversity. To measure antenatal depression symptoms, the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale (EPDS) screening tool was used. The researchers found that 11.9% of the women had EPDS scores that indicated antenatal depression. Women diagnosed with anxiety before and during pregnancy are three times more likely to develop PND. The more stressed a woman felt during pregnancy, the more at risk she was of developing significant depression symptoms. Antenatal depression was more common in women who were in a relationship but not living with their partner. This may indicate that being pregnant and having the prospect of raising a baby without the support of a partner has a negative impact on maternal mental health. Women who had an unplanned pregnancy, those who lived in an unstable family setup and those who felt less integrated into their community were also more like to have symptoms of depression. Chair of the Perinatal Mental Health Trust, Rosie Smith welcomes the findings of the study as well as the call for further research. “We know from our own contacts and experience that anxiety and depression during pregnancy is widespread and that support and services for women and their families are not always readily available. We would love to see more counselling services and metal health support available particularly for people in rural areas, and for those who are most at risk. We will continue to provide training for health and social service workers about early recognition of anxiety and depression in pregnancy.” 

Find out more Google PND NZ to find local support groups.

30 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

let's make it work! making it easy to breastfeed at work

Many women who return to work after having a baby find it difficult to continue breastfeeding. This year the theme of Breastfeeding Week held in August was Breastfeeding and Work: Let’s Make it Work which emphasised the importance of protecting, promoting and supporting breastfeeding in the workplace. The New Zealand Breastfeeding Authority (NZBA) is one of the voices calling for stronger workplace policies for nursing mothers. “Whether a woman is working in a formal, non-formal or home setting, it is necessary that she is wellsupported in claiming her and her baby’s right to breastfeed,” NZBA executive officer Julie Stufkens says. The NZBA is urging all politicians to support Labour MP Sue Moroney’s private member’s bill to extend paid parental leave to 26 weeks. This is the second time in just over three years the Parental Leave and Employment Protection Amendment Bill has been drawn. “The government’s addition of another two weeks' paid parental leave is a good start, but we cannot ignore the benefits to our society of babies being exclusively breastfed up to six months,” Julie explains. “Our paid parental leave scheme

is simply not on par with other developed countries.” The additional two weeks of paid parental leave took effect on 1 April 2015 increasing the allocation from 14 to 16 weeks. It will then increase to 18 weeks by 1 April 2016. “Treasury has reported that the cost of extending paid parental leave from 14 weeks to 26 weeks would amount to $270 million over three years. However the government has already committed $141 million over the next four years to increase the leave to 18 weeks, so the cost differential is $121 million. The savings in childhood healthcare alone would make this a sound investment,” says Julie. According to the World Health Organization (WHO) there is significant evidence internationally that breastfeeding contributes positively to infant and maternal health. “Breast milk plays a critical role in improving a baby’s immunity and promoting a lifetime of good health. Breastfed babies are less likely to be overweight or obese as adults and are less likely to develop cancer, diabetes and cardiovascular disease,” says Julie. Recently WHO publicly acknowledged New Zealand as a world leader for its successful initiatives designed to support breastfeeding mothers in hospitals.

" I want my baby to have breast milk for the first six months" mums told us. Our simply intuitive™ electric and manual pumps ensure maximum efficiency and comfort. Their soft touch feel mimics the natural action of your baby breastfeeding to encourage fast let down and efficient expressing. Both pump packs come with everything you need to sterilise, express, store and feed.

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Continued overleaf...

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In line with the Baby-friendly Hospital Initiative, launched in 1991, all of New Zealand’s maternal facilities need to achieve and maintain baby-friendly accreditation – currently 96% do. Unfortunately, Julie explains, once mothers leave hospital, the nation’s breastfeeding rates decline dramatically. “Our numbers fall sharply from 82% of mothers’ exclusively breastfeeding while they are in hospital, to 49% six weeks after birth and then a low 16.7% at six months.” “We want to see breastfeeding become the cultural norm here for mothers who can breastfeed. We are focused on improving rates among Maori and Pacifica women who often have a lower breastfeeding rate than the overall population. We are also working with District Health Boards and other health professionals to support women to continue breastfeeding once they go back to work.” Auckland has the highest overall breastfeeding rates with more than 72.8% of women continuing to breastfeed (exclusive, full or partial) at six months. The Capital and Coast (70.2%), Wairarapa (69.6%) and Waitemata (69.1%) all maintained strong breastfeeding rates at six months, according to the Well Child Plunket data comparing New Zealand breastfeeding rates by district. Counties Manukau has often had the lowest breastfeeding rates in the country, but rates have improved significantly. The West Coast now has the lowest rates for any breastfeeding (exclusive, full or partial) at six months after dropping from 62% in 2008 to a national low of 53.6% in 2013/14. However health professionals are working with local providers to improve these figures. The Hutt Valley, MidCentral and Southland all have low breastfeeding rates at six weeks, three and six months but each district is showing signs of improvement. Julie says the decision to breastfeed is strongly influenced by social norms and the beliefs and values of women and the important people in their lives – partners, family and friends. WHO recommends exclusive breastfeeding for six months as “the optimal way of feeding infants”. Thereafter infants should receive complementary foods (solids) with continued breastfeeding up to two years of age or beyond. Julie believes New Zealand’s next challenge is to help mothers continue breastfeeding after they return to work. “A big part of the post-hospital breastfeeding decline is a direct result of women feeling alienated about breastfeeding in the workplace and in public places. As a society we need to ensure women have access to ongoing support, that communities are consulted to establish the right facilities and services, and that health workers are educated to understand cultural issues.” 

32 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Wellington artist Deborah Barton (who was born and raised in Blenheim), and her husband Andrew Ross support any initiatives that make it easier for women to continue breastfeeding in the workplace. Deborah, who has two boys, Rowland aged three and Sidney aged five months, says her decision to return to the workforce full-time would be influenced by breastfeeding facilities in the workplace. “If my baby was being breastfed and I had to return to work and there were no appropriate places for me to breastfeed, I would find it a hard call to work full-time,” she says. “Many mothers who return to work abandon breastfeeding partially or completely because they do not have sufficient time, or a place to breastfeed, express and store their milk. Creating conditions at work such as paid maternity leave, part-time work arrangements and improved onsite facilities can help”.



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Rosie, Chris and Spencer (5 months)

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a middle eastern


Flavouring rice is an excellent way to make it more interesting and delicious – some ideas are to first fry onions and some spices (e.g. turmeric or a bit of curry powder), then add your rice and liquid and cook it as normal. Or you can add a few slices of ginger or garlic, or even add some fragrance with a few torn kaffir lime leaves or bruised lemongrass. You can change the liquid the rice is cooked in too – rice cooked in chicken stock is very tasty, as is rice cooked in a mixture of half coconut milk and half water. Baking meatballs, instead of frying them in oil, cuts down on the amount of fat you use, making them much healthier. Wet your hands to roll the meatballs – this avoids them being too sticky to roll! Use a vegetable peeler to peel long thin ribbons of cucumber, or other vegetables like carrot or courgette for a lovely fresh crunchy salad – it’s a nice change to having grated vegetables! Turn the vegetable a bit after every 3 - 4 peels, so you end up peeling the whole vegetable evenly all the way around.

Yoghurt makes a great sauce for meat dishes (especially Middle Eastern inspired ones) and dressing for salads, and is much healthier than other creamy dressings. Mix with lemon juice and lots of fresh herbs like mint, coriander or parsley. - My Food Bag Test Kitchen

34 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Lamb Koftas with Pilaf and Sumac Yoghurt Dressing PILAF 1 tablespoon olive oil ½ brown onion, finely diced 1 tablespoon butter 1 ½ cups long grain rice 3 cups chicken stock 1 teaspoon sumac* (optional) 1 punnet cherry tomatoes LAMB KOFTAS 600g lamb mince 1 teaspoon salt ½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper ½ red onion, grated or very finely diced 2 cloves garlic, minced 1 tablespoon lamb kofta mix (see note) 1 tablespoon plain flour 1 free-range egg SALAD ½ telegraph cucumber, peeled and sliced into thin strips

¼ red onion, finely sliced ½ bunch radishes, thinly sliced ¼ cup chopped mint leaves 3-4 tablespoons chopped parsley Juice of 1 lemon Extra - virgin olive oil

SUMAC YOGHURT DRESSING 1 cup natural unsweetened yoghurt 1-2 tablespoons lemon juice ¼ cup chopped mint and/ or coriander 1 teaspoon sumac* (optional)

Serves: 4-5 Ready in: 50 min Prep time: 20 min Cook time: 35 min Freezes well – lamb before cooking Gluten free – using GF flour

* Sumac is a dried and ground up Middle Eastern berry that has a tart, citrusy taste, much like lemon. It is readily available these days, but if you can’t get it, use a little finely grated lemon zest instead.

Method Preheat oven to 200°C. Line an oven tray with baking paper.


Heat olive oil in a large fry - pan on medium heat. Cook onion until soft, 3–4 minutes. Add butter and rice and fry until coated in butter and just starting to colour, 2–3 minutes. Add stock and sumac (if using) and bring to the boil. As soon as it boils, cover with a tight-fitting lid, and reduce to low heat to cook for 15 minutes.

Turn off the heat and leave to steam, still covered, for a further 10 minutes. Do not lift the lid at any time during cooking.


Use your clean hands to mix all lamb kofta ingredients together until well combined. Wet your hands a little and shape kofta into roughly golf-ball-sized balls and coat with a little olive oil. Place on prepared tray and bake for 20–25 minutes, until browned and cooked through.


Place cucumber, onion and radishes in a bowl. Combine with mint, parsley, lemon juice and a drizzle of extra-virgin olive oil. Season to taste with salt and freshly ground pepper.


Mix yoghurt, lemon juice and herbs together and sprinkle over sumac (if using).

TO SERVE: Toss cherry tomatoes through rice and spoon some onto each plate. Top with 4 - 5 lamb koftas and drizzle with yoghurt dressing. Serve with salad on the side. 

KOFTA SPICE MIX To make one tablespoon lamb kofta spice mix together: 1/3 tablespoon ground cumin 1/3 tablespoon ground coriander 1/3 tablespoon paprika Pinch cinnamon Pinch cayenne pepper

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wheezy kids

asthma and children

As many as one in four children in New Zealand have symptoms of asthma at some time. While most grow out of asthma by adulthood, it is distressing for the child and terrifying for their families as they struggle to breathe during an attack. Asthma is a condition that affects the airways. These are the tubes that carry air in and out of the lungs. In people with asthma these tubes are extra-sensitive and they react to some things called triggers (see box for more information about triggers) by becoming narrower. Narrower tubes mean that less air can get through and breathing is more difficult. The narrowing is caused by: swelling of the sensitive linings of the tubes tightening of the muscles around the tubes extra mucus inside the tubes which may block small airways.

Asthma and your family Asthma often runs in families and may be inherited. If someone in your family has asthma, hay fever or eczema then your child is more likely to develop asthma but not everyone in a family will have it. Many children with asthma will stop having any symptoms by the time they are adults. Some children will find that symptoms return occasionally in the future or they will develop another allergic condition such as hay fever. A few children will continue to have asthma symptoms throughout their lives. The most common symptoms of asthma in children are: coughing, especially at night or after exercise (exercise means the normal running around and active play that children do) breathlessness, often with wheeze tight feeling in the chest. If you think your child might have asthma, it is helpful to keep a daily record of their symptoms for a few weeks. Your doctor can give you a symptom diary that will tell you which signs and symptoms to look for and how to record them.

Continued overleaf...

What are triggers? Triggers are things that irritate the airways and cause the symptoms of asthma to appear. Common triggers in children are: infection – usually viral colds cigarette smoke allergy to things like house dust mites, pollen, furry animals such as cats emotional upset or excitement exercise including running around and active play temperature changes – cold air or a sudden drop in temperature. Most people with asthma have more than one trigger.

36 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Nutritional support for a healthy pregnancy and growing baby

Naturally, when you’re looking to become a mum, or on your way to becoming one, you may be looking for a pregnancy supplement that’s formulated with essential nutrients to meet the recommended daily dose of folic acid¹ and iodine ². Plus an organic form of iron that’s gentle on your stomach. That’s FABFOL, a once a day tablet* providing nutritional support for a healthy pregnancy and growing baby. FABFOL, available at all good pharmacies.

Always read the label. Use only as directed. Vitamin supplements should not replace a balanced diet. *Each FABFOL tablet contains folic acid 500 mcg and iodine 150 mcg. ¹Australian Medicines Handbook 2014: folic acid recommended dosage is 500 mcg once daily before and during the first 3 months of pregnancy. ²NHMRC Public Statement: Iodine Supplementation for Pregnant and Breastfeeding Women, 2010. ® Registered trademark of Care Pharmaceuticals Pty Ltd. ABN 30 009 200 604 subscribe online at –




Asthma and under three-year-olds It can be difficult to diagnose asthma in children under about three years old. As many as one in three children will wheeze in their first year of life. The wheeze may be because of an infection, usually a viral chest infection or because their airways are small. Some babies are born with small airways and grow out of it but it can cause wheezing when they get a cold. Asthma is also a possible cause of wheeze but four out of five babies who wheeze don’t go on to develop asthma. If your child is wheezing or finding it difficult to breathe, it is very important that you take the child to a doctor to find out the cause. Only a doctor can check the child’s breathing and tell you what the problem is.

How will asthma affect my child? While there is no cure for asthma, it can be treated with safe and effective medicines. Most children with asthma are well and can take part in all school activities and sports. A few children may find that asthma makes it hard for them to play sport and some may also have periods where their asthma is bad and they need time off school. Find out as much as you can about your child’s asthma so that it has the least possible impact on their and the rest of your family’s lives. Your local pharmacist is a good person to ask for general information on asthma.

Helping children with asthma If you know the things that trigger your child’s asthma, then avoiding them as much as possible will help your child. Things to do include: Being smoke-free in your home and car. Reducing contact with dust mites: - have fewer carpets, soft toys and other soft furnishings where dust mites like to live. - cover mattresses and pillows with dust mite-proof covers. - put soft toys in the freezer for 24 hours every three weeks to kill dust mites living in them. - keep dust down in bedrooms by dusting with a damp cloth and vacuuming at least once each week. - use vacuum cleaners with a micro filter, “s-class” filter or a High Efficiency Particulate Air (HEPA) filter system. Sleeping children with asthma on the top bunk if you have bunk beds. Keeping cats and other animals with fur out of your home or at least out of your child’s bedroom and don’t let children with asthma sleep in the same room as pets. Although exercise can trigger asthma it shouldn’t be avoided. Keeping fit helps asthma. Some children may need to use a reliever medicine before exercise.

38 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

It is almost impossible to stop children catching viral colds. However, if your child does get a cold or the flu, watch carefully for signs of worsening asthma. You may need to increase your child’s asthma medicines while they have the infection. Your doctor can advise you about this. Even if you work hard to reduce asthma triggers in your home, your child may still need to use medicines to keep their asthma under control.

There are two main types of medicine used to treat asthma – relievers and preventers Relievers Relievers work quickly to reduce the symptoms of asthma. They relax the tight muscles around the airways and therefore open up the tubes to let more air through. They don’t stop the swelling of the linings nor the mucus. If a child is getting symptoms frequently, it is important to prevent the airways from getting narrow and swollen so preventer medicines may need to be used.

Preventers Preventers reduce the swelling and mucus build-up in the breathing tubes and prevent the muscles tightening around them. They soothe the tubes making them less sensitive and reactive and therefore provide protection from asthma. Preventer medicines do not work immediately – it may take 2 weeks or more to build up protection. To stay protected, children may need to use them every day, even when they are well and have no symptoms of asthma. The aim of all asthma treatment is to help a child stay well so that asthma does not stop them from participating in the same range of activities as do children without asthma.  Find out more

Parents Centre Diverse Centres meeting the needs of local communities nationwide. Established in 1952, today Parents Centre has the largest network of parent-based education in the country. Our 50 Centres nationwide are as widespread in their geographical location as they are diverse in their approaches to meeting the needs of their local communities. We focus on achieving at a local level. Our Centres, from Whangarei to Invercargill, New Plymouth to Napier, Greymouth to Christchurch and every Centre in between, understand the unique needs of their local communities and strive to deliver to meet these needs. Over the page we profile a Centre which has become a vital part of their community. Read how, under the leadership of Charlotte Harris-Miller, Upper Hutt Centre has mobilised a hard-working team of volunteers who have now moved into their own premises which features a 24-person capacity classroom and adjacent lounge, with a baby-related book library. This is a Centre that is going from strength to strength. ,

In this section Upper Hutt Parents Centre – relevant and welcoming Spotlight on Antenatal Programmes Parents Centres support the Big Latch On Parents Centre Week in Taupo and Dunedin




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Relevant and welcoming Upper Hutt Parents Centre goes from strength to strength

Upper Hutt Parents Centre President, Charlotte Harris-Miller talks to Kiwiparent about the stellar success of her Centre and shares some of the challenges and triumphs along the way.

How did you recruit new members to the committee?

Charlotte is married to Greg. They have a daughter who is

honest about the tasks and jobs we were struggling with

almost 14 and lives with her adoptive parents and have a son Walter who is ten months. Charlotte is a Senior Advisor to the Chief Social Worker of Child, Youth and Family (doing limited hours at present). Charlotte has a Bachelor of Social Work (Hons) from Massey and a Master of Public Policy from Victoria. She is passionate about community development, as well as issues of social justice and human rights.

What made you decide to take on the role of President? Because Parents Centres National Support Centre and committee members Kelly and Bridget asked me too! I think for me, I can really see where our Centre can go and how it can provide a child and family centred space, a safe place for parents to explore their worries, ask questions, get practical and emotional support. Ensuring people get non-judgemental unbiased support that leaves them feeling better, not worse about who they are and how they are making it through parenting is so important. To be given the chance to help create that experience for people was appealing. I felt really privileged that people put their faith in

So far it has been through a lot of personal relationships, looking around our friends and antenatal groups, seeing the skills that people have and openly asking for help. Being and trying hard to make what is asked of each person manageable and reasonable – so no one feels overwhelmed. Each committee member has a different life going on, has different strengths and different time and space to commit. So we try and work with that as much as possible. Every little bit adds up. We are still really keen to get a few more people on board!

The new building is a huge coup, but also a huge commitment! How is it working out for your Centre? As you can imagine it is a bit of a double edge. It's lovely to have our own space, a space we can make homely, where we can keep resources, where we can showcase membership deals, give thanks to donors. In the future we envision the building becoming a community resource. It is situated in a playgroup, so hire for birthday parties and the like is on the cards. We would love to see other small community groups getting use out of the building as well.

me to provide some leadership and thought well, why not?

On the other hand the financial and legal obligations

That and I’m a bit of a control freak.

are sometimes daunting. Ensuring we work within the

40 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

requirements of council, maintain funds for upkeep, even

everyone’s favour – the parents, ours and the other agencies.

task like remembering to buy toilet paper! These are all

There is plenty more networking to do, but we are reaping

things that go on top of the usual management of a Parents

benefits already with increased exposure, wider promotion

Centre and bring a whole new level of work. It is a massive

and events that have additional “flavour” that comes from

commitment and certainly not something to enter into

combining ideas and resources.

lightly or without a solid and clear plan for making it work.

What activities have you had that have worked well?

Getting our local newspaper on board is really helping us, as is our newly designed Facebook page. It gets our “faces” out there and our messages. We also held a raffle in our local mall and this was a great chance to promote our Centre and let people know we exist - and it also raised over $500.

We have just hosted our annual Baby and Child sale

I think seeing stories and events in print and online where

in conjunction with Plunket and it was fantastic. Both

others can view it makes our work feel real to us at times.

organisations raised great funds on the day and worked

Having the events that are going well also helps morale

really well together in the preparation and management.

among the committee.

There is no way we could have had such a successful day if we had gone it alone, especially with the committee just finding its feet. We also recently hosted a Big Latch On alongside a breast-feeding support group – Wharekai pepe. This was also a really positive day.

As a committee, we decided that if by Christmas we didn’t see people interested in what we had to offer and attending our events and classes then we would re-think our role in the community. We have had nothing but positive feedback and support over the last few months and this has really encouraged us all.

What activities do you have in the pipeline? With regard to social events and fundraising we are hoping to join back up with Plunket again and host a Children’s Christmas party, we have a Mums and Bubs movie with Wharekai pepe on the calendar as well. In terms of classes, we have just reviewed all our parents’ education and are excited to be looking at expanding what we offer. We organised a CPR class and it booked out solid within a week – we needed to add another one to our schedule. We are also in discussions about adding Water Babies back into the calendar, as well as aspects of Baby and You and prenatal lactation classes. We want to revive our playgroup (we have a bouncy castle!) and our coffee Working alongside and with other agencies is a large part of

mornings, though add in some facilitated discussions at

our plan going forward. We believe that strong cooperative

these. We are also playing with the idea of some “mums

and respectful relationships with other agencies works in

and bubs craftanoons”.

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Basically we have more ideas we are excited about than time! That is one of the things that need managing – every idea takes some boring legwork and it is easy to forget how much time that can cost us. We have to remember to pace ourselves.

What are your tips for managing your role as mum, president and interior decorator (sounds like you had to do a lot of work to get the new premises ready!) I wasn’t part of the team that cleaned up the inside – though I have been lucky to be able to start making it “pretty”. So the mum, president, parent education coordinator are my roles alongside my actual paid work. Tips? Pick an awesome husband? In honesty, I think if you are excited about what you are doing (home, work, volunteer) you will find the motivation and time. In which case put your hand up and do those things. If you find something drags up down, you don’t look forward to it and it feels like it takes forever to get through – don’t do it. It’s not how much you have on, it’s if you are happy with doing those things. There may be a magic recipe you can get from someone else, but not from me! I just do things because I want to do them, I enjoy them, and I like the process of learning and working alongside people to try and create change or build something up.

42 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Any other advice for volunteers? Be honest about what you can and can’t take on and work together to make sure the load is shared. It is really easy for just a few people to end up taking the Lion's share and then getting overwhelmed. Think hard about volunteering before you do it, because it is work! Once you commit others begin to rely on you to move your part of the machine. Be assured though the benefits are there; meeting new people, getting support, developing new skills, challenging yourself to do something different and grow. 

Upper Hutt Parents Centre committee members Charlotte Harris-Miller, Bridget Moen, Kelly Irving, Stella Mackey, Kate McNabb, Vivienne Denby, Rachel Olliver, Charlie Barraclough, Tania Watson, Alex Marshall-McNabb. Most have joined the committee this year.

2015 Regional Community Awards Upper Hutt Finalist

Each edition of Kiwiparent profiles one of Parents Centre’s renowned parent education programmes.

This month: Spotlight on

antenatal programmes Many incredible changes occur to a woman’s body when she becomes pregnant. The wonderful thing is that it all happens without conscious thought. For example, the baby’s fingernails begin forming without mum looking up developmental stages and thinking ‘this week it’s nails!’ How incredible is that? So, why attend antenatal (pregnancy and childbirth) programmes or classes if a growing baby happens without a textbook or instructions; surely birthing and breastfeeding will be the same? The answer is ‘yes it is’. Giving birth is a natural physiological event, as is breastfeeding.

Many parents also find it extremely rewarding to have the opportunity to take time out of their busy lives to dedicate a couple of hours a week to planning for the birth of their baby. The ‘coffee groups’ that follow on from the class series become a lifeline for some. To network with other parents at the same stage of life, experiencing similar challenges and joys, is confidence boosting and very rewarding. The programmes are run by qualified professional Childbirth Educators who are skilled in knowledge and in facilitation, to ensure that your experience of antenatal classes is fun, interactive, valuable and informative. Visit to find out about antenatal classes running in your area. 

In this modern world, however, we are no longer surrounded by birth and breastfeeding in the course of our lives. For many women the first experience they have of birthing is when they give birth themselves. This is not helped by the media’s widespread portrayal of birth, which is often far from reality. Sadly this leaves some lacking in confidence and the mother lacking in the knowledge required to trust her own body. This is where antenatal – or childbirth education – programmes can be a lifeline for couples who want well researched, upto-date information on the basics of childbearing. Parents Centres antenatal programmes cater for all situations, including when labour doesn’t go to plan and trouble-shooting for times when breastfeeding can be challenging. Information is power and, in an often medically-oriented birthing situation, this knowledge is empowering for both parents.

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2015 Aotearoa Big Latch On

Congratulations to all the awesome mums who took part 1,646 women and babies participated at venues from one end of the country to the other. PLUS 140 selfies and counting! Thank you so much to all our hosts, participants and supporters! We have beaten last year’s totals!

We held the Big Latch On at Balclutha Parents Centre on August 1st and had 19 children latched on ranging in age from four weeks to 19 months. Our morning tea was sponsored by a local couple Mark and Louise Thompson. Goodie bags and spot prizes were given out to attendees. Our centre has a small membership so it was really wonderful to have so many new faces at the Big Latch On. In fact we have gained a few new memberships since this event. Our committee has all had babies in the last year as well so this event was near and dear to us. We look forward to hosting again next year. Rebecca Craig, Treasurer and Big Latch On organiser, Balclutha Parents Centre

La Leche League hosted the Big Latch On at Taupo Parents Centre rooms. We had 24 latches and awesome spot prizes from The Native Tree Nursery, Life Pharmacy, Zala Hatfull, Trani Dufty, Alannah Goldsmith and Taupo Parents Centre. Our local photographer Melissa Harris was there showing how work and breastfeeding can go hand in hand. Leah White, President, Taupo Parents Centre

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Nga mihi, I am proud to share photos from our Big Latch On in Greymouth on the West Coast. In our low population area, numbers can be tricky for events like this. But we had a great turnout of 11 mums come along to the Greymouth Aquatic Centre, who offered a free swim afterwards for all participating mums and bubs. The age range of children participating was seven weeks to three and a half years! Erin Turley, Breastfeeding Advocate, West Coast Primary Health

This year the Big Latch on was hosted by Papakura Parents Centre who partnered up with Manukau Parents Centre, La Leche League Papakura and Women’s Health Action. It was held at The Coffee Club Takanini and was well attended – we had an impressive 19 children latched for the official count. Lily Chan, President, Papakura Parents Centre

Parents Centres week June 2015 From the North Island to the South, Centres celebrate Parents Centres Week in their communities. Taupo celebrated Parents Centre week with free music and movement for everyone and held our AGM that week. We awarded Kristina Maconaghie a life membership after 10 years of helping on our committee and being volunteer week we thought this very fitting. Our AGM theme was Natural Woman with Libby Faith from World Organic Skincare and Julie Thompson Naturopath from Health2000 as our speakers. Leah White, President, Taupo Parents Centre

had a movie night for the older kids on the Friday night. There was fun to be had everyday with yummy morning and afternoon teas. It was great to see so many new faces at all the playgroups – we hope to see you again soon! Lynn Redpath, President, Dunedin Parents Centre

This year for Parents Centre Week we had lots of awesome activities at our usual playgroups to celebrate everything Parents Centre. The Tiddlywinks playgroup braved the snow and had Headstart come in who set up an obstacle course for the children. All loved singing songs, and exploring the different obstacles and textures. On Tuesday, we had a visit from the Police, mask making and a superhero themed morning. Wednesday saw the mums of the under ones pampered by Nutrimetics, and Friday music saw the Otago Dancers come in, where they let the littlies play with their pom poms and performed some of their cheers. We also

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How much

ismuch? too

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Alcohol during pregnancy In March this year, the issue of alcohol consumption during pregnancy became headline news when an obviously pregnant woman was refused a drink to celebrate her anniversary in an Auckland restaurant. The mother was quoted as saying she had researched the issue and found contradictory scientific views on alcohol consumption during pregnancy, with some authorities saying don’t drink at all, and others claiming that drinking in moderation is fine. Anecdotally she claimed pregnant friends were drinking a glass of wine or beer or stout believing it would improve iron levels. The article sparked a great deal of online comment, with readers appearing divided – is it up to an individual woman to make an informed decision? Or do others have the right to intervene to protect the unborn baby from the potential harmful effects of alcohol? The debate threw a spotlight on our attitudes towards freedom of choice for the mum to do what she believed to be right, or others to intervene if they felt there was a risk to the inborn baby. A recent study found that alcohol use during pregnancy is both prevalent and socially pervasive in New Zealand, Australia, United Kingdom and Ireland. The study, published in the online journal ‘BMJ Open’ in July, analysed data collected from almost 18,000 women, including 2,000 Aucklanders. It found that women across all socio-demographic groups were likely to drink, but rates were highest among women who were younger, those who smoked and those of European descent. The researchers said it was especially concerning that so many woman were consuming alcohol even at low levels, as the dangers to the unborn foetus were not yet known. Researchers found that drinking during pregnancy was commonplace in all four countries, ranging from 40% upwards in the UK, Australia and New Zealand. The amounts that women drank dropped substantially from the second trimester of pregnancy onwards.

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"Parenting doesn't start at birth, it starts at conception ... this is not about blaming women, it's about our drinking culture that we can drink copious amounts and not do any harm." Dr Mark Huthwaite, senior lecturer and perinatal psychiatrist at the University of Otago

The difference between what women do and recommended guidelines The research found there was a discrepancy between the amount women actually drank and national guidelines which recommend complete abstinence from alcohol during pregnancy in Ireland, Australia and New Zealand. British authorities recommend no more than one to two units of alcohol once or twice a week. Local data showed only 23% of the women questioned were alcohol-free when they became pregnant. Half of the women reported drinking in the first trimester, but 86% of them had stopped by six weeks, this was usually around the time their pregnancy was confirmed. But 12% were still drinking at 20 weeks of pregnancy, although most of these were only having one or two units of alcohol weekly at this time. While the rates may appear low they were still worrying as science had yet to reveal the full toll alcohol takes on the unborn baby. The College of Midwives advice is clear. As there is no known safe level of alcohol use in pregnancy the best advice is not to drink if you are planning a pregnancy or if you are pregnant.

"The reason why [this research] is disturbing is because the message isn't getting through. It's very well known now that alcohol causes brain damage right from conception through to 80-year-olds, right throughout the whole of the life span and does have an impact on dementia and old age and has an impact on the developing brain in fetuses. So it's a neurotoxin, it causes brain damage." Professor Doug Sellman, director of the National Addiction Centre at Otago University

There is no safe time to drink alcohol during pregnancy According to the Ministry of Health, drinking alcohol during pregnancy can harm your baby. It doesn’t matter whether it’s beer, cider, wine, spirits or ready-to-drinks (RTDs) – they all contain alcohol. Drinking alcohol during pregnancy has been linked to miscarriage, stillbirth, premature birth, or lifelong physical and mental disabilities for your child. This range of effects is known as Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, or FASD for short. Even a small amount of alcohol at any time during pregnancy can affect your baby’s development. The baby is not protected from alcohol by the placenta – it passes freely through the placenta and can reach levels in the baby’s blood that are as high as those in the mother. This means there is really no safe time to drink alcohol during pregnancy. A baby’s brain and central nervous system grow and develop throughout the nine months

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of pregnancy so can be affected by alcohol at all stages, including in the early weeks before a woman even knows she is pregnant.

What can you do if you have been drinking while pregnant? If you are pregnant and have been drinking alcohol, it’s never too late to stop. Stopping your drinking at any time during pregnancy is best for your baby. The best thing to do is to stop drinking alcohol if you are pregnant or trying to get pregnant. Most women make lots of changes to their lives when they find they are pregnant – they eat healthily, stop smoking, rest more and exercise carefully because they want to do the best they can for their baby. Not drinking alcohol is one more way to ensure baby gets the best start to life. 

If you have any concerns about your drinking or your pregnancy, talk to your midwife, doctor, another health professional, or contact the Alcohol Drug Helpline (call 0800 787 797, visit their website, or free txt adh to 234) for free and confidential advice.

What is Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder? Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) is an umbrella term used to describe a range of adverse effects on development when alcohol is consumed during pregnancy. This includes Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) and Alcohol-Related Neurodevelopmental Disorders (ARND). FASD is linked to primary disabilities, those that are the direct toxic effect on the developing brain and other organs, such as birth defects, cognitive impairment and memory problems and secondary disabilities such as mental health disorders, educational and social failure when learning and functional needs are not adequately addressed. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is recognised as the leading preventable cause of mental retardation in the developed world, but IQ measurements vary with most being in the borderline to average IQ range. However adaptive functioning is found to be much lower than measured IQ would indicate. FASD is described as a hidden or invisible disability. Full FAS, with its physical signs is easier to diagnose than ARND which can be associated with other behaviour disorders such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Accurate diagnosis requires a specialised, multidisciplinary assessment.

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a scout's guide

to emergency nappy changing I used to be a boy scout. It was a lot of fun. I remember one occasion in Cubs where the local Brownie group came and visited and OMG; there was miss K, a girl in my class who was my friend and semi-secret crush. Yes! We did some activities and at one point the boys had to go on one knee to form a chair, while the girls sat on it. Miss K came and sat on my knee and I was in eight-year-old heaven! I felt like I… Ahem, yes well, anyway. My point is, it was fun.

But it was also instructive. It taught us to be creative, solve problems and not to give up. A key tenet of the scouting movement is to “be prepared”. As such, I'm always prepared for anything. Except when I'm not. What does this have to do with anything?

Let me explain... A while ago we went to Wellington for a volunteer symposium. My wife attended while I had a little holiday with mr Ryan (seven) and miss Poppy (two). It was our last day and we’d spent the morning at Zealandia before riding the cable car up to the Carter Observatory to watch a show. While we waited for it to start we checked out the exhibition and Ryan was loving it. All of a sudden I smelled that certain smell emanating from Poppy; it was time to change her. Except, I was not prepared. Me, not wanting to take the buggy on the cable car, also neglected to think to take the nappy bag attached to it. My unconscious mind decided to troll me. You see, I'd changed her just before we left Zealandia, about 15 minutes ago and I didn't even think of it. Bugger. What to do, what to do… I lifted her high and saw that it was worse than I thought. She was leaking, my shirt had a little wet patch and there was a decent stain on her pants. Oh crap, literally. I told Ryan I was going to change Poppy (even though I had no idea what I was going to do) and asked him to tag along. Even though he was having so much fun, he was cool with that, and I started running through my options. Thus, I present to you:

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The Unprepared ex-Scout’s Tactical Guide to Improvised Nappy Techniques in the Field Plan A) Mooch a nappy off another parent. Nope, I couldn’t find anyone with young enough kids. Dismissed.

Plan B) Leave her in it? No, it really smelled and would hurt her little bum. Dismissed.

Plan C) Clean the nappy out as best as possible and line it with toilet paper. Hmm that might work. I proceeded into the family room and pulled Poppy’s pants off. The little bit of poo that dropped onto my shoe was my first clue I was still underestimating the problem. I undid the nappy and Plan C went up in smoke. I suspect she had been saving this up all weekend because it was everywhere, right up to the waist band. This nappy was not salvageable. Dismissed. Now what?

Plan D) Go commando? No, I believe they call that jumping from the frying pan into the fire. I would be even worse off if she needed to go again. Dismissed.

Plan E)

Daniel Mapletoft Daniel lives in West Auckland with his wife Nicola and children Zac, Ryan and Poppy.

Really? Plan E? This is getting desperate. Then, after thinking for a bit, it hit me. I was going to make a toilet paper nappy. After I cleaned Poppy up I ripped about 10 metres of paper off and started folding it in half over and over and over. When it was the right size, I put it front to back between her legs. Then I ripped off another 10 metres and wrapped it round and round her waist to hold the first bit on. She now looked like the smallest and cutest sumo wrestler in the world! Success! Kind of.

I did the singlet domes back up to hold everything together and then I noticed my flaw. There were fairly sizeable gaps around the legs. I started scrunching up more paper and stuffing it in the gaps. I felt a little like I was stuffing a bra, but it worked. She was locked down and secure. I cleaned and dried Poppy’s pants off as best I could and we walked back out to Ryan. The smell was gone, Poppy was happy and Ryan enjoyed the planetarium show. Poppy was still dry on the outside when we got back to the car an hour later. She had gone “number 1s” but the nappy had held together magnificently. Perhaps I was more prepared than I thought I was! 

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learn this to swim summer If you are planning a family holiday near the water, it's a good idea to get your little one water-ready first even if it's just splashing a little water over them in the bath. Get ready for a fun time at the pool with these top baby swimming tips:

Before you begin to teach your baby to swim: Help your baby become water confident in the bath first. Always put a swim nappy on your little one before going into to the pool. Save time and hassle by putting your swimsuit on at home. Pack a couple of towels, warm clothes and a hat to keep baby cosy after a swim, and pop a Huggies® Little Swimmers® hygiene mat in your bag for the changing room. Swimming is hungry work! Pack snacks for baby and you, like bananas and yoghurts. If your baby isn't on solid food, find a quiet place for a feed post-swim. Babies don't like to be cold so check the pool temperature first. Don't forget your locker money!

In the pool: If you're new to baby swimming go during off-peak times or earlier in the morning if you're on holiday – it makes the entire experience less stressful and enjoyable. One of the best ways to get into the pool is to lay your baby safely on a towel by the poolside, enter the water and then lift her in. You may want to have your partner or a friend with you when you first start swimming, just while you get used to handling a wet baby. Maintain eye contact with your little one, smile, relax and drop down to the same level – your baby will love seeing you splashing too! To help baby relax, keep your baby's face close to your own and reassure her with a familiar bath toy or by humming a favourite tune. Babies naturally open their eyes in the water and don't need goggles. Swim regularly to help your baby get used to it. Have fun and be positive; your baby will follow your lead.

Continued overleaf...

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® Registered Trademark Kimberly-Clark Worldwide, Inc. © KCWW. © Disney. †Terms and conditions apply.

HUGGIES® Nappy-Pants now come with new MOTIONFLEX® - improved soft, stretchy side panels and flexible leg elastics that move with your wriggly baby, maintaining a snug, comfy fi t day and night. Together with wipes, they’re endorsed by Plunket, so you know they work best together for a happy, comfy groover. And they’ll love the fun, new Mickey and Minnie designs.

Join the HUGGIES® Baby club and go into the draw to WIN a 6 month supply online at – kiwiparent † of HUGGIES® productssubscribe at


If only I could talk… Things your little one would like you to know before you get in the water.

Before we start, I need you to know: When you are relaxed, I relax too Show me how and I will follow you

Let’s get comfortable in the water together: Tell me what’s going to happen before we do it so I am ready Help me to splash the water gently so I feel it moving around me Listen to my body when we are in the water

When I see you having fun, I have fun

Sometimes I don’t want to do things you want me to do

When I am in the water with you I need to see your happy face

When you sprinkle water on me please start with my body before my head

Look for my happy face and we’ll be ok

Before you sprinkle water over my head, use the same prompt (like “ready 1, 2, 3”) to warn me it is going to happen

When we begin to play in the water together hold me close so I get used to the feeling of the water and learn to like it I need to trust you when we try new things.

When you shower water over my head, move the sprinkler away from me quickly because I will take a breath When I am little don’t ask me to blow bubbles because I don’t know how. I only know how to suck. When I get used to water over my head and face, let’s splash together with more energy I will get in when I am ready, please don’t rush me.

Remember: Avoid swimming if you or your little one has had a tummy upset in the past 48 hours Always keep you eyes on your children in and around the water. Always! Never pull your child under Keep hold of your child at all times Don’t ever force your child under the water.

Give away

Be in the draw to win one of 8 packs of Huggies Little Swimmers Designed with soft elastic side guards to contain unwanted surprises and easy-open sides for easy removal when wet to make change time simpler. HUGGIES LITTLE SWIMMERS® Swimpants help to make sure swim time is fun and the water is clean Choose from 3 sizes with cute Nemo and Winnie the Pooh designs. Available from your local supermarket. RRP $13.99 Enter online at and follow the instructions. Entries must be received by 5 pm, 29 October 2015. Winners will be published in issue 269.

54 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

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and baby makes


When parents are expecting to welcome a new

After the baby is born

baby to the family, a big consideration is how your older child (or children) will view the new arrival.

Think about putting the baby in a cot, not your arms when your other children first visit. Your arms can be open then for a reassuring cuddle.

No matter how easy-going and loving your

Introduce them – “look, here’s your big brother.”

child is, the arrival of a new sibling will cause considerable disruption to the home dynamics so some preparation can help to lay the groundwork for a smooth transition.

Getting ready for a new baby Start talking about the baby and the birth several months in advance, once your pregnancy is staring to show. Answer questions honestly in an age appropriate way. Involve your older children in the preparation. Ask them for their ideas on names and things you need to buy. Make major changes before the baby comes. For example moving your older child out of their cot or bedroom.

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Let them hold the baby and take photos. Answer any questions they might have. Ask them for help when you go home, but don’t force it. They might like washing their doll while you wash the new baby, or change their doll’s nappy when you change the baby. Make sure you spend some time each day with your other children. This could just be sitting and talking or reading a book together. Ask them what they think the baby should wear. If they do get angry and want to hurt the baby, put the baby somewhere safe then talk about it. Ask them how they feel and tell them it’s ok to feel jealous, but it’s not ok to hurt the baby. Reassure them they are still loved. Tell stories about what happened when they were born and when they were little. Look at photos together, start an album of photos of the new baby with your older child.

Fighting All brothers and sisters fight. Some more than others.

Sort out some toys that are special to each child that they don’t have to share.

Fights are more likely to happen when children are tired, hungry or bored. They might want attention or be angry that someone wants their possessions.

Be creative. For example, if they’re fighting over crayons, suggest they choose three each.

Young children don’t always have the skills to solve problems and might lash out. They need help to learn how to work things out with other people.

Some ideas It is not always necessary to intervene. If your children are fighting, leave and go to another room to give them space to sort it out. If things settle down, tell them they did well. Think about whether they are bored, tired or hungry. Give them something else to do. Try giving your children some individual attention so they don’t feel they have to compete. Be even with praise.

Don’t try and find out who started it. Ask them how they think the problem can be solved. Separate without punishment. For example suggest one child plays in one room and the other helps you do something else. Don’t compare your children. Try to make each one feel special and unique. Instead of asking them to share, say whose turn it is.

Need a bit of help? We all need a hand now and then. If you’re losing it, put the baby or child somewhere safe and walk away. Breathe slowly until you feel calmer. If you would like to talk to someone you could ring:

Plunketline: 0800 933 922 Are you OK?: 0800 456 450

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Homeopathic remedies

parenting consciously and creatively The pleasures of watching your precious baby emerge into a self-determined toddler are not without agonies along the way. The trick is to make the best of this busy time and to organise the household, to maximise on calm times and also to enjoy the active parts of the day, rather than fighting them. Part of that is knowing where to turn to gain support for the various interesting stages your child will go through and, as the (in control) parent, how to implement plans that will keep your toddler as calm and as well balanced as possible.

Rest and Sleep While your child looks active and full of energy, there is such a thing as an overactive toddler. Prolonged periods of activity with no down time inevitably lead to total meltdown so creating ‘calm rest’ times during the day are as important for your young child as for yourself. This might be a brief sleep or maybe a story time in the early afternoon. It is important to teach your young child how to switch off for short periods of the day.

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This is a skill that they will need later in life and it is not something that just happens – it has to be modelled. Create an atmosphere of expectation – lowered lights, gentle music, relaxing smells of lavender or incense, soft voices and relaxing pastimes – reading, quiet story telling, visualising, imagining, resting. You will benefit from these times as much as your child does and it can create a space for closeness and nurturing. Similarly at night, it is important to have a routine of some sort; dinner, a bath and leading your child into a wind-down period of quiet stories, songs and dimmed lights. You cannot expect a fully wired and stimulated toddler to suddenly shut down and relax for a full night’s sleep. If there has been a day of overstimulation, use lavender oil on the big toes to calm your child as you put them off to bed. Aromatherapy oils in the bath or on the feet can be a great tool to calm the senses.

Nutrition The importance of good nutrition cannot be underestimated but neither can the fierce determination of a toddler focused on not eating healthy food (or not eating at all)! We are the caregivers of these young souls so it is our sole duty to coerce and game play our way into engaging the toddler into healthy eating. Whatever it takes to get good food into the young child

is paramount. Try smoothies, snacks cut and shaped in appealing arrays, mash, snack boxes and picnic outings on the lawn, in a hut or at the playground. If your child is agitated or dealing with relapsing health issues, cut out as much processed food as you can. Replace carbonated and sweetened drinks with naturally fermented drinks such as kombucha and kefir or homemade honey and cider vinegar drinks. Avoid sugars and too much dairy. Cut out wheat, which acidifies in your child’s gut. It can cause mood changes, exhaustion and physical symptoms such as stomach pains, wet pants, eczema and inability to relax. Involve your child in food preparation right from sowing the seeds in the garden through to harvest and making the meal – they will take ownership of good food if they have had some input into the cycle of creating meals for the family to enjoy, even at a young age.

Creativity Make time in the day when your child can lead play and choose some creative games where they exercise their passions. This will vary hugely depending on the individual child – it may be active outside play, music, drawing or painting, running or climbing, building or integrating play with textures such as dough, sand or mud. Letting children choose what they need to do to express themselves in a given day is important. Often children cannot express themselves adequately with words so non-verbal expression is important and gives a pathway for language development. It is also a time when the child is in charge of the activity and can be a leader in their chosen area, explaining to others or directing them in the part they wish them to play. This is essential for a child to develop their sense of self, a developmental stage necessary for full personality growth.

Illness At the toddler stage, children will often manifest illnesses, sometimes falling into a phase of illness for several days. We shouldn’t be afraid of fever, illness and down time as, often, once a child has worked through a time of being unwell, they emerge gaining new developmental milestones. Where possible (always see your doctor if symptoms persist), it is helpful to

nurture a child through their phase of illness using natural remedies such as homeopathy. These remedies support the body to move through phases of illness completely rather than suppressing symptoms, in this way strengthening the vitality and natural immunity of the child. (See previous Kiwiparent articles on childhood illnesses). It is also an opportunity for one of the parents to spend time with the child to reassure them, nurse them and prepare them to muster force for the growth spurt ahead once they are well. The job of a good parent is fraught with challenges… but also with sweet rewards. If you can organise the balance in your life so that you can be truly present with your toddler for some of the time, you will build a lifelong relationship of trust and understanding – a bond that will carry you through the difficult teen years and into the stages of early adulthood. There will be an underlying knowing here from your child and a realisation that you have given them the support they need to be the best they can be and opportunities to understand who they truly are. Visualise some of the things that you hold dear from your own childhood, along with some of the things you think you could have benefited from. Then create space to make these things happen in the present. Your toddler grows quickly and you will always cherish the memories of spending quality time with them at a period in their lives that is so crucial to their fundamental character formation. 

Judy Coldicott RC Hom Judy practices as both a homeopath and reflexologist from Pleasant Point in South Island’s rural heartland. She is a senior staff member for the College of Natural Health and Homeopathy, primarily involved in curriculum matters and student support. Judy’s passion is to make homeopathy user-friendly and accessible to the general public and she loves to inspire people of all ages to feel confident in its use.

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counting the cost of child rearing Pregnancy yoga, doing the baby’s room and dealing with water retention – just some of the many and varied things you have to think about when having a baby. Without a doubt, having a baby is a life changing event but it doesn’t have to become a financial crisis. With a bit of consideration and planning, you could save a bundle on your bundle of joy. Here are some ideas:

Get your financial house in order Once you learn that you’re pregnant, you should think about tying down the financial loose ends in your life. It may be that you have credit card debt to get on top of or your mortgage may be up for refinancing. If possible, try to build a financial cushion – one smart way to do this is to arrange for an amount to be automatically transferred into your savings account on a regular basis; even a small amount, as it all adds up.

The ‘b’ word Now’s the ideal time to work through a realistic budget, or to fine-tune the one you’ve got. Consider those allimportant baby costs like nappies, potential changes to your income, and any financial assistance you may be entitled to. With the numbers in front of you, you may be able to see where you can make adjustments to bring your income and expenses into balance. Assuming you’re in paid work and you qualify, don’t forget about parental leave – it might not be much but it all helps. Your employer may offer additional support so make sure you check this out. Also, if you live with your partner and you’re thinking about having some time off work with your baby, it’s a

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good idea to give a single income a trial run and try to live on just one salary for a few months while you’re still pregnant. No doubt some lifestyle adjustments will have to be made but it’s helpful to get an idea of how you’re going financially.

Spend wisely We’ve all seen the articles about how much money it takes to raise a child from newborn to a young adult – and it’s scary! However, the reality is we don’t need the Rolls Royce version of every baby product on the market. It’s important to keep safety at the top of your mind when purchasing items like car seats, prams and bedding – and perhaps compromise on other, less essential items that look good but outlive their usefulness almost as soon as you’ve taken the tags off. One idea is to take an experienced parent with you on your shopping trips to help you separate what’s necessary from what’s nonsensical. You can also keep costs down by looking out for deals, doing your research, and borrowing items from friends and family.

Consider the costs Some of the major expenses to think about when financially planning for a baby are: Cost of the birth – are you going through the public system or privately? Essentials like cot, pram, car seat, bedding, clothing and nappies – it’s worthwhile making a list and doing your research. Items like car seats can be hired, and Trade Me may be worth checking out. Key questions to ask sellers include whether they own pets and whether they smoke. Also, consider going unisex on big ticket items if you’re planning on having more children.

Childcare – there are different childcare options available if you intend to return to work after having your baby depending on the amount you wish to spend, for example childcare centres, in-home childcare and nannies. Again, research is key. There are also a number of payments and services available to support parents with the costs of babies and children. Have a look into what financial assistance is available and if any are relevant to your situation. A couple of helpful websites to help with your planning are: family-and-whanau/finances-for-families/

The pitter patter of next steps Early preparation and budgeting will help you adjust to your new lifestyle and focus on the new little person in your life. As so many people say, life is never the same with a baby – so make a budget, research your options, take stock financially on a regular basis, and spend more time enjoying your wee one than worrying about bills. There’s no doubt that children are a big investment; but the returns are immeasurable. 

Visit and click on the ‘Managing Your Money’ tab for helpful tools including saving and budgeting calculators, videos and online tutorials. You can also check out if there is a financial education workshop coming up near you. There are even tools for kids including some cool online games to get kids thinking about money and how to save – click on ‘Your Life Stage’ to find out more.

Kate van Praagh Kate is a part-time working mum to a busy two-year-old daughter. As Senior Sustainability Manager at Westpac, Kate is responsible for programmes relating to financial education, social and affordable housing and diversity.

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Getting back to work? We can help it work for you. Now you can balance your career with your family and help them both grow. We’ve got a variety of exciting career opportunities available, including roles with flexible hours to suit your busy lifestyle. With positions available on a casual, part time or full time basis, there’s sure to be something to suit you. If you have the drive and passion to deliver a great customer experience, and want to join a team of people that are passionate about helping Kiwi’s get ahead, then we want to hear from you.

Interested? Check out for all your options.

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an emotional rollercoaster

pregnancy after baby loss

62 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

A huge reality of life is that not all pregnancies end with a live baby and baby loss is experienced by many families. Whether it be through miscarriage, childbirth, neonatal death, SIDS, the heart-wrenching decision to end a pregnancy due to issues discovered through screening(diagnostic testing), or any other reason — it is without doubt a most painful and traumatic experience to endure. The impact is often shocking as many people are ignorant to the possibility of such loss happening. How people experience the depth, range and diversity of feelings that such loss engenders varies from person to person and is different for everyone. As a society nowadays we are more open about baby loss and there is greater awareness of the significant impact such an experience may have on people’s lives, not only at the time, but much later on as well. It is however often a lonely and isolating experience. Baby loss can be an inherently confusing and contradictory experience, as it is so far removed from expectations and the experiences of others. For many it is an overwhelming challenge to face, of making sense of what has happened to them. It takes courage to try again when your previous pregnancy ended in loss. For many there is a lot to consider before entering into a subsequent pregnancy such as physical and emotional readiness, partner support, whether it is too soon or not long enough. Being able to plan for another baby, and feeling ready to try again, can sometimes be a turning point in the recovery process, even if it does seem another hurdle to overcome. There's no "right" way to time your subsequent pregnancy, it is a totally personal choice and very individual. Supportive medical advice is important when considering physical readiness, however emotionally often the knowing that the time is right comes from the yearning for a baby outweighing the worry and fear of last time’s experience happening again. It is said that only a person’s heart will truly know. Pregnancy after baby loss is a completely different experience and innocence that once may have been held about pregnancy is often gone. The experience of their baby loss has a huge influence on a subsequent pregnancy and people can find themselves consumed with a whirlwind of emotions – anxious, worried, excited, hopeful, fearful and paranoid. There is no doubt that there will be emotional highs and lows. Rather than focusing on all the things that could go wrong, trying to remain positive about the chances of giving birth to a healthy baby this time around is a good approach. Baby loss it is not something that you “get over” but something you come to accept that has happened to you, you experienced it, it had an impact on your life and gradually it has become less painful. A successful subsequent pregnancy is often part of that process

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however for some they are never fortunate enough to experience this. Support can be an invaluable positive experience and bring reassurance. Fortunately there are a variety of options available such as face to face support groups, online support or one on one counselling. Whatever option is right for the person there is no doubt that being connected with others who are bereaved of the same loss, brings a type of empathy like nothing else can and is a simple but massive gift and very healing. Pregnancy Help works collaboratively with other organisations such as Sands NZ and Miscarriage Support Auckland, to enhance each other’s work. Whatever the circumstances are around pregnancy – currently – recently – or after baby loss, as a mother, partner, family member, friend or workmate – your call is welcomed, to hear a friendly, supportive voice with the offer of information and the comfort of a listening ear. Pregnancy Help is also able to offer practical assistance for babies such as a bassinette, clothing and other items. We can arrange to provide this at a time most suitable to the individuals needs which is sometimes after the baby is born. To those of you reading this article who have experienced baby loss we extend our heartfelt sympathies to you. 

This was a life that had hardly begun, No time to find your place in the sun, No time to do all you could have done, But we love you enough for a lifetime. No time to enjoy the world and its wealth, No time to take life down off the shelf, No time to sing the song of yourself, But we love you enough for a lifetime. Those who live long enough endure sadness and tears, But you never suffered the sorrowing years, No betrayal, no anger, no hatred, no fear, Just love, only love, for all time. This poem was shared by Vicki Culling – Sands NZ (author unknown)

64 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Baby Loss Awareness Week Baby Loss Awareness Week takes place from 9th to 15th October every year, ending with International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day on October 15th. It provides an opportunity for parents, families and whanau around New Zealand to come together and remember the lives of their babies who have died. Every year in New Zealand, around 700 babies die between 20 weeks gestation, and 12 months of age. In excess of 10,000 die as a result of an early loss prior to 20 weeks gestation. NZ is the only country in the world that is seeing an active reduction in numbers of babies’ loss. Baby Loss Awareness Week is a chance to acknowledge those babies and support each other as we love and miss them. Sands groups acknowledge Baby Loss Awareness Week every year with activities and events in our communities. Find out more at email

Sands New Zealand

Need a bit of help?

Sands is a network of parent-run, non-profit groups supporting families who have experienced the death of a baby. They have 23 groups/contact people around the country. Everyone involved in Sands gives their time and energy voluntarily. Most of their members/supporters are also bereaved parents.

We all need a hand now and then. If you’re losing it, put the baby or child somewhere safe and walk away. Breathe slowly until you feel calmer. If you would like to talk to someone you could ring:

Sands groups offer support in different ways – on the phone, by email or text, on social media sites such as facebook, and in support groups in the community. Many parents tell them how helpful it has been to meet up with other parents who have travelled a similar journey and understand the immense grief that often accompanies the loss of a much loved baby, whether in pregnancy, around birth or as an infant. Sometimes that loss has come about because of an unexpected diagnosis in pregnancy and parents are asked to make a decision about their baby’s life. They are a non-judgemental organisation and offer support to all parents who have experienced the loss of a baby, no matter the reason and no matter the gestation or age. They also support parents who are pregnant with a subsequent baby (often referred to as a rainbow baby because after every storm there is a rainbow). They understand the fear that accompanies a subsequent pregnancy.

Plunketline 0800 933 922 Are you OK? 0800 456 450

Sharyn Crawford Sharyn has work and volunteered for Pregnancy Help for nearly 20 years where she is now the National Coordinator. She has a strong desire to see people well supported through their life’s journey and is proud to have been part of an organisation that has been supporting people for nearly 40 years. She and her husband are parents of two teenage children. They experienced baby loss three times.

Twinlossnz This a New Zealand-wide group for those who have lost one or more or all of their twins, triplets or more in a multiple birth from early pregnancy to childhood and beyond including the loss of a twin sibling in adulthood.

Trauma And Birth Stress (TABS) TABS is a charitable trust that serves as an information based website. Stressful and traumatic pregnancies or births can affect people’s lives negatively for months or years afterwards. TABS was formed because of the need to make PostTraumatic Stress Disorder known as a form of mental illness that can happen following childbirth, but quite distinct from the Baby Blues, Post Natal Depression (Post Partum Depression) and Post Natal Psychosis.

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Children’s birthday parties can be a bit of a parental minefield these days. Do you fork out to hire a local venue and lug everything you need down there, or do you allow your own house to be trashed by a troop of miniature terrorists hyped on sugar and adrenalin? What food should you serve, and won’t most of it end up squashed into the carpet anyway? What on earth will you do to entertain them for two hours, and what if the Joneses down the road did everything so much better than you, because you didn’t have a spare fortnight to spend sitting up into the small hours hand embroidering bunting and glitter-icing personalised organic home-baked cupcakes for each guest?

66 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Luckily, I found a way to avoid all of these dilemmas when a recent birthday came around for my eight-yearold daughter, thanks to Jackie Gilmore, owner of Pony Tales, a Kapiti Coast equestrian centre, or in my case, parental birthday-dilemma-and-subsequent-guilt rescue organisation. Pony Tales is a riding school that also hosts ponythemed birthday parties, where children get to ride ponies, play outdoor games and enjoy home cooking that you didn’t have to cook. Just the last part already had me sold on this one. With a large covered arena, beautiful country surroundings and lots of friendly pony faces looking at you over the fences, it’s pretty idyllic and also obvious that a lot of time and energy has been put into establishing the place by Jackie and husband Todd. Parents of small children themselves, Jackie says the idea of hosting children’s birthday parties came about when she was looking for party options for her own kids, and couldn’t find anything down to earth, with decent food, where the children got to run around in the fresh air and play.

“I think kids should have new experiences, the outdoors gives them energy, they should enjoy decent food that is about taste and texture, and basically, being hands on is great for them,” – Jackie Gilmore

Holding her own children’s birthday parties at her place seemed an obvious way for Jackie to achieve all this, but, masochistically, was definitely shooting herself in the foot somewhat in looking for an option where she didn’t have to do all the preparation. However, it did lead to the realisation that other people might like to come and hold their children’s birthday parties at Pony Tales too, and that this could be a great tangent to the centre’s main business of coaching and teaching riding.

Attention to detail With a background in hospitality, as well as coaching, and a Nanna who was an avid baker and taught her granddaughter all she knew, Jackie has the perfect mix of skills to create and run birthday parties where healthy values are important. Cooking and baking all the food herself, she pays attention to the detail and structure of a party, as well as offering plenty of freedom to the excited guests. (I’m not excepting myself with this description.) Kiddies spend the first hour riding, which at my daughter’s party, involved a ride out around the

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fields, kids taking turns to lead each other on ponies, and bareback riding, which caused much hilarity as they slithered around on the patient horses’ backs while trotting. It was all less formal (although closely supervised) than I expected, which was great, Then, Jackie unveiled a table covered by the requisite country chequered cloth, with hay bales around as seats, and the kids tucked into a spread that had the watching adults more than slightly envious, which is not often the case at commercial children’s parties, where everything is usually deep fried. Popcorn horns, homemade chicken nuggets made from real chicken, (pay attention please McDonald’s - it can be done), home-baked cupcakes and individually decorated shortbreads in the shape of ponies were just some of the offerings that made me wonder if Jackie had either been up all night cooking, or keeps a Superwoman cape stashed at the back of her wardrobe. Without a fizzy drink in sight, which incidentally, none of the kids even noticed, I was impressed by the effort that had obviously gone into the catering. The adults were even offered a basket of specially made scones with jam and cream, and espresso coffee. Importantly, we were allowed to bring our own wine too.

Games as they used to be played After lunch, Jackie led party games which included activities such as throwing real horse shoes into buckets, and making and racing a hobby horse. Prizes were replicas of the real rosettes awarded at horse shows, and the children were just as eager to win and proudly wear these, as they would have been to get any other party favours, the novelty of it making it more appealing probably. I particularly enjoyed not being in charge, which is often the exhausting part of hosting a child’s birthday party. Jackie says the philosophy behind her parties is simple. “I think kids should have new experiences, the outdoors gives them energy, they should enjoy decent food that is about taste and texture, and basically, being hands on is great for them,” she says, summing it up. “Many of them have never ridden before and get the chance to do that in a party setting, which they love. We encourage any parents or family to stay and watch if they want to, siblings can run around and play, and nobody has to leave in a hurry at the end of the party time, they can stay as long as they like, go for a walk, or play in the arena. The adults can chat and socialise, it’s all fine with us.” Experiencing this type of birthday party was a breath of fresh air, both literally and figuratively, and with the attention to detail, fun and effective leadership style with the kids, the pony riding, games and the great cooking, it was totally worth doing. Gathering up the leftovers and merely walking away from the mess was the icing on the cake. 

68 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Sadie Beckman Sadie is a freelance journalist and writer based on the Kapiti Coast. Her articles and features have appeared online and in a variety of national publications including Stuff, FishHead magazine, The Sunday Star Times, and the Dominion Post. When she's not convincing her husband and kids to undertake another madcap activity for her to write about, she can be found ignoring the washing and enjoying a glass of red and a good book, if she can possibly get away with it.

nip eye allergies

in the bud

Whilst springtime promises warmer weather, it also may mean itchy eyes, sneezing or wheezing for more than one in four Kiwis who suffer from allergies or hayfever. Increased pollen in the air and temperature changes make spring a time to be on high alert for asthma and allergy symptoms. “We see hundreds of Kiwis with symptoms of itchy, dry or red eyes.” Says Hirdesh Nair, OPSM National Eyecare Manager. He advises people with eye allergies to take extra care during spring, If your eyes are sore and scratchy, it’s important to get advice from your health care professional as allergies can make your life miserable. Hirdesh has some advice on ways to help reduce allergy triggers both at home and outside.

DO Wash away the problem: Pollen and other allergens can attach to the body and clothes, which can then aggravate allergies. When the pollen count is high,

remember to keep skin clean and regularly wash clothing in order to eliminate germs and allergens. See the experts: While over-the-counter medications are available to treat irritated eyes, it is also important to visit an optometrist, pharmacist or your GP who can help define and diagnose the cause of an eye allergy. Slide on a pair of sunglasses: Wearing a pair of sunglasses not only protects eyes from UV light; it is also a great way to shie ld your eyes from airborne allergens.

DON’T Rub your eyes: Whilst it may be fast relieving, eye rubbing can further aggravate already irritated eyes. Instead, gently apply a clean, wet facecloth to the eyes to help reduce the itch and urge to rub. Ignore the symptoms: Itchy and red eyes, swollen eyelids or conjunctivitis should not be ignored. Seek advice from an optometrist or GP who can prescribe the right medication and relief. 

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bach to basics

70 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Is there anything more special than your first holiday as a family? The memories that are made on such a trip are sure to last a lifetime. So how do you ensure a hassle-free holiday when travelling with a newborn or infant? The key is space, privacy, and many of the comforts that you have at home. There is nothing more quintessentially Kiwi than a holiday at the bach, and this can be a relaxing and manageable start to a lifetime of family holidays. Modern holiday homes and classic Kiwi baches offer enough space for your family, plus the grandparents if desired, as well as the ability to self-cater. Perhaps of most benefit to young families, however, is the ability to holiday in privacy, enjoying precious moments to remember forever. Kiwi company Bachcare has the largest range of preserviced holiday home available for rent nationwide, and have helped families into holiday homes all over the country. They share some useful tips to planning the perfect bach escape!

The great Kiwi bach In New Zealand, bach means ‘holiday house'. Located by the sea, river, lake or forest, baches are all about kicking back. Short for ‘bachelor pad’, the word bach is deeply embedded in the Kiwi psyche – unless you’re from the south of the South Island, where they use the word ‘crib’ for a holiday house. After World War II, as better roads made remote places more accessible, Kiwis began building haphazard holiday houses in gorgeous places up and down the country. In those days, a bach was "something you built yourself, on land you don't own, out of materials you borrowed or stole." Some of these original baches, steadfastly refusing to fall down, can still be seen in beach towns. The most authentic will still boast a ‘long drop’ toilet out the back. Over the years, the majority of New Zealand’s baches have evolved into comfortable holiday houses. At the basic end of the scale, baches are furnished with hand-me-downs from the family home - full of odd furniture, kitsch art works and hilarious knick-knacks from previous decades. Others have become interior decorating projects, complete with top-to-toe colour coordination and designer accessories. There is a bach for every family, from swanky posh to organic humble!

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10 tips to renting the perfect holiday home

1 2 3 4 5

Book online. The internet has been a massive asset to holiday home hunters! While most websites offer online booking facilities, many rental websites often feature inaccurate availability making holiday home hunting a time-consuming and frustrating process, Bachcare offers real-time availability and instant online booking for an efficient booking process. Consider holiday homes with extensive photos and description. Many properties will feature only a small handful of images, making it virtually impossible to tell what you are renting. It is important when travelling with a young family to avoid any nasty surprises, and this can be achieved by only renting holiday homes with comprehensive images on their listing. Book through a trusted provider. Bachcare checks all our holiday homes prior to guest arrival to ensure that they are clean, tidy, and all amenities are functioning as they should be. Should any issues arise during your stay, such as a burst water pipe, or malfunctioning appliance, Bachcare’s local Holiday Managers are available to help remedy the issue as quickly as possible. Exit cleans and linen. This can vary considerably from one back to another. Bachcare offers guests the option to self-clean and bring your own linen, or alternatively you can book an exit clean and order linen. By booking an exit clean, you will maximise your holiday time, and ensure a stress-free departure. Pet-friendly. Pets are part of the family, and many holiday homes allow pets, either outdoors only or indoors as well. Make sure you check this out when booking your holiday.

72 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

6 7

Book early! Booking early will give you the largest choice, and the best chance of finding your perfect escape. Many people book holiday homes for the Christmas period as far as 12 months in advance, but for other travel times consider booking at least a month or two in advance give you plenty of options. Rent an appropriate sized holiday home. The four-bedroom beachfront holiday home may be in a beautiful location, but if you are just a family of three you will be paying for bedrooms you aren’t using. Whether beachfront or not, booking early will enable you to choose from 1 bedroom units to 6 bedroom executive holiday homes and everything in between, ensuring that you can choose a holiday home that you can fully utilise.


Choose a holiday home with great self-catering options. A fully functional kitchen plus BBQ makes meal preparation a breeze for young and old! Check the property specifics for features such as fridge, freezer, and microwave.


Ask questions. It is better to find out thing out before your holiday, rather than find you are missing something important when you arrive. Organisations like Bachcare have seven-day per week customer support available to answer any additional questions you may have. Will the property be suitable for children and infants? Is the property fully fenced? Can a high chair or cot be provided? Just give us a call!


Location location location. Whether you are looking for pure peace and quiet, or would prefer to be a bit closer to the action, make sure you book a holiday home in a location that suits your needs. 

winners Nestling Giraffes Danae Johnston Whangarei Chris Connell Ashhurtst

Congratulations to the lucky winners From issue 267

Brolly Sheets Sarah Davies Auckland Kay Edwards Rotorua

Priscilla Allen Auckland J Gilkison Dunedin Michelle Garrett Invercargill

Roundabout Fire Station Natalie Atkinson Wellington Jaime White Palmerston North

Slumber Buddies Cole Johnston Auckland B Walsh Wellington Esme Preston, Auckland

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Melissa Taylor Christchurch

Ashleigh Gardiner Feilding

Louisa Sinclair Dunedin

Tina Hsieh Auckland

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Find a Centre near you Parents Centres span the entire country with 50 locations around New Zealand. Contact your local Centre for details of programmes and support available in your area or go to

North Island Auckland Region 1

Bay of Plenty





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New Plymouth

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home and family

baby and child

directory supporting Kiwi parents Huggies online pregnancy and parenting The HUGGIES® website is about pregnancy and parenting. Check out features such as special offers, info on sleeping and settling plus hundreds of recipes and kids activity ideas! And it’s all free to HUGGIES® Baby Club members. Phone: 0800 733 703

Philips Avent Choosing Philips AVENT means you have the assurance of superior quality products, designed with you and baby’s needs in mind. Interchangeable design features mean products can be adapted to meet baby’s developing needs. Phone: 0800 104 401

Baby On The Move Specialists in quality, affordable baby products which you can hire or purchase new. Our qualified team can help you select the correct restraint. Plus if you hire or buy from us we will install your car seat for FREE! Stores nationwide. Phone: 0800 222 966

My Food Bag Every week Nadia and her team of Test Chefs dream up exciting and nutritious dinner recipes just for you. We like to keep things simple, so every week (or fortnight) we deliver the ingredients and recipes right to your door. You just open your food bag and discover what tasty meals you get to cook and enjoy. Simple. Healthy. Delicious.

Kai Carrier Reusable food pouches that can be filled with homemade food so you know exactly what you and your children are eating whilst minimising the mess. They allow you to make nutritious food free of additives, preservatives and excess sugar and serve it in a convenient way, anywhere, anytime.

PORSE Our babies are born with the need to connect. PORSE in-home educators, nannies and au pairs provide a calm and stable home environment to nurture close connected relationships, setting the foundation for lifelong learning.

Bio-Oil® specialist skincare This specialist skincare product helps improve the appearance of scars, stretch marks and uneven skin tone. It contains PurCellin Oil™, and is it highly effective for other skin concerns, including aging skin and dehydrated skin.

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College of Natural Health and Homeopathy We are the leading provider of Homeopathic education, attending and distance, in Australasia. We provide: � A friendly, supportive, integrated learning environment � Flexible learning options (attending or distance) � Highly qualified, professional & experienced tutors � Government approved access to student loans & allowances Our commitment: to providing the highest standard of training in homeopathy.

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Shopping cart Become a Childbirth Educator increasing the awareness and knowledge of expectant parents


hildbirth educators are essential to increasing the awareness and knowledge of expectant parents through many choices and challenges related to childbirth education and the ongoing care of babies. Aoraki Polytechnic offers the Diploma in Childbirth Education (CBE). Offered on a part-time basis, through distance learning the programme also includes two workshops and constant tutor guidance and support through a variety of technology. The Diploma is a 2 year programme and trains you to become a childbirth educator competent to teach pre-natal classes to expectant parents in a wide variety of settings.

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Conscious parenting – want to know more?

kiwiparent_1third_feb13.indd 1

25/02/2013 5:06:50 p.m.

Check out upcoming programmes at your local Parents Centre: Browse through the resources here: Join ‘Conscious Parenting’ pages and groups on Facebook Research online and read, read, read!

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76 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

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2 compact baby food freezing trays with lids. 1.2L capacity for maximum storage recipe e-guide with 27 recipes


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NEW ZEALAND’S LEADING SILVER KEEPSAKE COMPANY Unique hand crafted jewellery created to capture special moments and milestones in your children’s lives. Created from pure silver, each piece is individually made and imprinted with your child’s fingerprint, foot and handprints name or special artwork.

For more information visit or call 09 360 9999

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Pregnancy & breastfeeding clothing with your sense of style Shop online with FREE standard NZ delivery

NPM_Ad_60x60_2015.indd 1

78 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

26/08/2015 13:21

Kathy Fray’s

MOTHERWISE 3 Keys to Parenting Sanity

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Let your ideas loose all over your walls with Resene Write-on Wall Paint.



Simply apply over your existing light coloured wall paint. Then once dry and cured you can use whiteboard markers to write all over the wall without damaging the surface. And when it’s time to delete an idea just grab a soft cloth or whiteboard eraser, rub out the marker and start again. With Resene Write-on Wall Paint there’s no limit to your ideas.

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win great giveaways

Enter online at and follow the instructions. Entries must be received by 5pm 29 October 2015. Winners will be published in issue 269.

Win one of 2 lobster high chairs from Phil&Teds lobster is an ultra portable high chair that flat packs into its own compact carry bag & includes a washable tray. Clip lobster on to almost any table or benchtop round the house or use for travels away from home. Keep your baby clean, safe and part of the family sitting right up at the table with lobster!

Enter the draw to win a $150 LoveLoops Voucher

Win two stylish tops from Mrs Smith Maternity

LoveLoops make exquisite finest quality necklaces and pendants as well as charms, bracelets and cufflinks. And of course they come with the names of your babies on them so they come with Love!

Mrs Smith offers fashionable and affordable clothing for Kiwi mums and mums-to-be. Designed with the Kiwi mum in mind, Mrs Smith Maternity offers free NZ delivery and fuss free returns.

LoveLoops … Exquisite jewellery …with Love

Be in the draw to win a pair of elegant maternity and breastfeeding tops worth $75 each. Total prize valued at $150.

Win an E1050 Balance Wonder from Roundabout Give your child the confidence they need to ride a bike by practicing their balance and skip the training wheels. The Balance Wonder seat can be adjusted to a child's height giving it a comfortable edge. Once they feel comfortable walking with the bike and balancing, encourage them to coast and steer on their own. Age: 3+ years.

Enter now to win one of two Balance Wonders: RRP $120 each

80 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

4 fantastic Popcorn Seat from Mocka to be won Mocka’s Popcorn Seat will add a fun element to your home with its vibrant design. Pop open the padded seat to reveal a hidden storage compartment underneath for all of your child’s favourite toys. RRP: $49.95 each

Available in: Red, Blue, Green, Yellow.


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Our family’s always there for yours. If you’re searching for quality, affordable, inhome early childhood care and education, we’d love to hear from you. With hundreds of au pairs to browse through and speak with using our online matching system, it’s never been faster (or easier) to find the perfect au pair or live-in nanny for your little

treasures! With Au Pair Link, you’ll receive a monthly visit from your own qualified early childhood teacher, as well as access to our local weekly playgroups, child activities and events, childcare training, free educational resources, 20 Hours ECE, WINZ subsidies, and of course... fresh flavours at the table!

Because we’re all about making life easier for new Mums and Dads, we offer 25% off our placement fee to all Parent Centre members. Simply apply at using the promo code PARENTC!

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Au Pair Link family. Find your perfect match at or call us on 0800 AU PAIR (287 247) 82 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

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