ParentGuide Magazine - Winter 2019-2020

Winter 2019-2020

PARENTGUIDE

Alex's story

FALL 2019 / ISSUE 05 / VOLUME 02

THE GIFT OF LIFE THE ULTIMATE SACRAFICE

HOW THE FLU SAVED HER LIFE

8

LESSONS LEARNED

Parent

Resources

FROM LIVING THROUGH THE UNTHINKABLE

LIVING APART TOGETHER

giving back

and being mindful

WELCOME Welcome to the Winter Edition!

I am so happy to see you here...thank you for spending a few minutes with us!

Within the pages of this magazine you will find: unique parenting perspectives a community of love and support articles that answer your toughest questions and resources that you can count on Each of the contributors in this magazine will provide you with their best advice and remind you that you are not alone!

We aren’t here to preach and tell you what to do - we are here to love and encourage you on your journey - your unique journey.

Please consider reaching out to other parents in our Facebook Group. You don’t know who might need to hear from you, as well as what ideas may resonate with you and make your life as a parent just a bit easier.

See you inside.

Jennifer XOXO Jennifer, Mom and Founder of Parent Guide.

P.S. If you are a parent of a teen you will want to check out our new TEEN issue. Click here to access it now!

50 Happy Parenting! 69

PARENTGUIDE 519-645-7342 | info@parentguide.ca www.parentguide.ca

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟1

THANK YOU!

Contributors

I don't even know where to start when I think about how grateful I am to be here, with you, doing what I love, day in and day out!

I mean, just take a look to the right and you will see this super impressive line-up of incredibly talented and accomplished women that helped make this magazine happen! I just hope they each know how much I value their contribution!

Christine Noble Living Apart Together

And, you...here, taking time out of your crazy, busy day to spend time with us! Grateful doesn't even begin to express how I feel!

And, I really want to get to know you all better. So, here are a few ways that we can stay connected, work together, and if I am lucky, maybe we can even become friends!

Jennifer McCallum Founder of Parent Guide

Alex's Story Live Kidney Donor

Let's Connect Sign up for FREE Daily Encouragement "YOU GOT THIS" Emails Just a little love to remind you how fabulous you are! https://bit.ly/2yX6Ajf Got a business? Become a Parent Guide Member Receive a bundle of ways to grow your business each month while we share you with our parent community. http://parentguide.ontrapages.com/tellmeaboutyourself Want to write for us?

We are always looking for new ideas, new perspectives, and expert advice for our parent community. We talk about real issues for modern parents.

No fluff - just good, solid advice, examples, stories, and ideas to help make parenting just a bit easier. Contact me at: info@parentguide.ca

PARENTGUIDE 519-645-7342 | info@parentguide.ca www.parentguide.ca

2⎟ WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

Vanessa Krzyworaczka How the Flu Saved her Life

Dr. Sithembile Mahlatini Be Unstoppable

WHAT'S INSIDE 04 Look Through My Eyes 07 How the Flu Saved Her Life 12 Living Apart Together 8 Lessons Learned 20 from Living Through the Unthinkable

30 Parent Coaching

20

30

46

34 Giving Back 36 Mindfulness 38 The Gift of Life 46 Turkey Recipes 50 Is it a Fever?

52 Parent Resources 56 Marketplace

38

12

4

7

PARENTGUIDE 519-645-7342 | info@parentguide.ca www.parentguide.ca

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA âŽ&#x;3

MAMA, PLEASE LOOK THROUGH MY EYES TODAY Dear mama, Please look at yourself through my eyes today.

You are enough.

I know it is hard right now. You don’t see how you will get through this. You are tired, frustrated, and lost.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Someday soon you won’t feel like this anymore.You will feel loved, valued, appreciated, treasured, and fully and completely enough. And I hope that someday comes soon for you because I know what it is like to feel the pain you are feeling right now.

You may have a new baby, a growing child, a teen, or an adult child – we are all together right now no matter what the age of our children.You are surrounded with love and support, and a world of other women lifting you up on the days that you cannot lift yourself. Even if you don’t see us, we are here cheering you on and lifting you higher.

Fear not for your future because it is bright and full of contentment that is alien to you right now.

Your child will make mistakes, and so will you…and so will every other human on this earth. Mistakes, angst, and struggle create resilient people full of empathy for others that are struggling.

These people may need you someday.But for today, you are enough.You don’t need to prove anything right now to anyone, except that you are human. Embrace your imperfections, laugh as often as you can, and have faith that tomorrow is a brand new day. A day that you have complete control over.

YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU ARE APPRECIATED. You are seen as more than you see yourself right now.

Please look through my eyes and be kind to yourself…for sometimes, our own eyes lie to us. Our thoughts lie to us. And sometimes others lie to us.

We tell ourselves we can do better, be better, do more, be more.

But trust me…You are enough.

You are perfectly imperfect and fabulously unique and special.

Your ability to find peace is more powerful than you can even imagine right now.

Embrace your power, ignore the lies, and begin loving yourself.

Please look through my eyes today and remember that no matter what, you are not alone, you are loved, you are seen and…if you take a moment and look through my eyes today...

r e f i n n e J oxo x

YOU MIGHT JUST LOVE WHAT YOU SEE!

HOW THE FLU SAVED HER LIFE PARENTGUIDE.CA | 7

This is a beautiful story of how one family persevered through a very difficult time in their lives, and are now closer than ever.

Every year, our family, among others, attends the Wallacetown fair.

In 2014 I didn’t make it. Instead I was admitted to the hospital in St. Thomas. Earlier that week the stomach flu had gone through our house starting with my youngest Nicole who was three at the time.

Devin was 8 and Emily 11, thankfully they didn’t get sick. But when it hit me I started having intense stomach pain.

Thinking it was probably just a minor infection I went to the St. Thomas ER. After a few tests I was admitted with a large infected abdominal cyst.

Two days of IV antibiotics and then sent home on meds and rest.

Thankfully my doctor wanted to find out where this cyst was from and ordered more testing which found a large tumor in my abdominal lymph nodes, likely from lymphoma. I like to think that by bringing home that stomach bug Nicole saved my life.

Who knows how long I would have gone on without knowing.

8 | PARENTGUIDE.CA

THE DIAGNOSIS Within three months we had a diagnosis of stage 2 follicular lymphoma. We received the news from our family doctor and me being one to never cry in public held it together, right until I hit the parking lot. Then Mark just wrapped his arms around me and let me cry.

When we got home we told the kids, yes it was cancer but I would get better. Chemotherapy was to start in January. My husband Mark was by my side for every test and every doctor’s appointment.

CHEMO Chemo was a horrible experience for me, extreme nausea, vomiting and fatigue. For the first three days after the treatment I would only sleep, sometimes in bed, sometimes on the couch. Mark never left my side and the kids would help out however they could. Keep their rooms clean, set the table, whatever they could do.

Sometimes when I was half asleep I would feel Nicole come up and gently touch my head.

WHERE THEY ARE NOW Now whenever there is a fundraiser for anything cancer related my kids participate in my honor. This sacre has brought us closer together as a family. It was a tough year but my family’s love gave me the strength to keep pushing through. One of the biggest lessons was that it taught me to slow down. Life gets really busy, kids, activities, work, appointments, the lists never end. Before I got sick I was just caught up in the cycle of stress and too much to do. Now I remember to stop and take it in, enjoy as much as I can. Every birthday means another year I have spent with my family! One day I’ll be a grandma!

Thank you to Vanessa Krzyworaczka for sharing her story with us.

IT WAS A TOUGH YEAR BUT MY FAMILY’S LOVE GAVE ME THE STRENGTH TO KEEP PUSHING THROUGH. VANESSA KRZYWORACZKA

10 | PARENTGUIDE.CA

Living Apart Together LAT: Couples living apart together that have an intimate relationship but live at separate addresses.

12âŽ&#x; WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

Since 2006 I have been living apart from my husband. It's a choice we both made and it's just not a work issue. Truth is he could work anywhere and so could I. We have both grown and developed in ways that would have not been possible when we lived a more traditional married life. My husband and I are in a committed long term relationship yet we have separate homes. Over the years questions, judgements and unsolicited opinions have been tossed at us from all different directions and I would make excuses about work or let everyone know that we both go back and forth and that we have 2 homes.

My husband and I are in a committed long term relationship yet we have separate homes.

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA | 13

We do have 2 homes and yes they do belong to both of us yet its clear one is mainly his and one is mainly mine.

This works for us and I no longer explain or defend how we define our relationship.

Because we got married and had kids young (kids left the nest while we were in our 40ities) living LAT is an option. If we had small kids or teenagers I don't think it would work for me. I am only speaking for myself and although this lifestyle is becoming more common I wouldn't have considered living LAT with little ones.

This lifestyle isn't for everyone, I am not promoting it I am only sharing my story.

Years ago there were times I thought living LAT couldn't work (I didn't even know it had a name back then), it was hard, at times I was lonely, after too long apart I felt like I had a stranger in my bed, I worried about him, sometimes I was jealous of all the new things he was doing.

Living LAT in the beginning was an emotional chaos crap storm until we created some boundaries and not only made it work we made it into something wonderful.

I could feel us growing apart, then realized we are Changing!

Change is good in my books.

Strange as it might seem I shifted my thinking while researching the terms and conditions for the mortgage renewal. Interest rates, amortization, payment options and insurance are just a few of the decisions we make when we renew. What about treating a relationship the same way? What if we renew terms and conditions to make it work better? What if we agree on time limits, holidays, social events, travel, savings and strategies in times of need? If a relationship feels uncomfortable perhaps it's time for an early renewal. That means ending the existing contract and re creating terms and conditions that work for everyone. And so it is! End the marriage that isn't working and create something that works better.

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA | 15

Yes there are challenges and I may write about that at another time but at this moment I want to talk about all the great things that I get to experience in this lifestyle.

We always have something to talk about. Although this is from my perspective I can say clearly we have learned a lot of new skills that previously wasn't part of our regular responsibilities.

At least twice a year we meet up in an airport and go somewhere fun. I have developed new interests.

When I go out to see him I get spoiled and pampered and I love to plan the same for when he comes here.

Priorities...ahh the uncomfortable priority conversation - new strategies have been created with time limits and the bonding feeling with each other and extended family members is stronger than ever.

16 | WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

Meals are super simple and easy shopping is a breeze when living alone. I'm an extroverted introvert so alone time is plentiful and I function higher and am able to work more, create more and be present with my loved ones.

I appreciate him in ways I never did before. Yes we have a lot to talk about when we are together but deeper than that we have some pretty amazing conversations.

Even though distance is a drawback I know he has my back and can be here in a day if need be. I never ever feel I can't do something because it wouldn't jive well with my husband. I travel alone and love it.

Be who it is your really are, live your life the way it works for you and stop giving into judgements and opinions of others.

You do YOU so much better than anyone else ever could.

Shared with Love: Christine Noble St.Thomas Hypnotherapy and More and KikkyBoo Books

Be who it is your really are, live your life the way it works for you and stop giving into judgements and opinions of others.

YOU DO YOU SO MUCH BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE EVER COULD.

Christine Noble

18 | WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

GET THE FREE E-BOOK CLICK HERE

5 Ways to Keep Employees

(Healthy and Productive)

at Work

Create a Healthy and Safe Workplace Create a Culture of Trust, Autonomy and Accountability Ensure that employees have a good job fit

Ensure that employees have the tools and resources to do the job well When an employee struggles (and they will), provide workplace supports

Questions? Contact our team: 1-888-752-9954 or gowanhealth@gowanhealth.com

gowanhealth.com

LESSONS LEARNED FROM LIVING THROUGH THE UNTHINKABLE

AND HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL AGAINST ALL ODDS Imagine that you wake up to discover that your husband has brought another woman to live with your family in your own home.

She sleeps in the next room.

From where you are, you can see them going into the bedroom, hear them make love, laugh, and carry on, while you cry yourself to sleep every night.

Imagine the sleepless nights, the heavy heart, the pain, the heart-to-heart talks and prayers with God that begin to seem meaningless as you live out this BEYOND THE TEARS 6 unending nightmare … for years.

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟21

Worse, the woman gets pregnant several times in your home, and you are forced to care for her and her children.

Your once-beautiful marriage crumbles under your feet…. It’s over; he doesn’t love you anymore.

He doesn’t respect you anymore, so he brings another woman into your home.

You have seven children to raise; you contemplate leaving, but what about the children?

How would they feel; how would they live?

Would they be taken care of?

Would they understand why you had to leave?

These were the questions my mother had to ask herself when she found herself faced with my father’s decision to become a polygamist.

This is what my mother, a woman of God, a beloved daughter, endured when my father, unbeknownst to her, decided to marry a second wife, later a third one and brought the women into my mother’s home to stay.

That is my life story, experiencing the effects of polygamy on mother crippled me and inspired the writing of my memoir, “Thriving Beyond The Tears: Bruised But Never Broken”.

Unfortunately, many of us have experienced painful upbringings that have bruised and broken us down. My mother went through an experience that I can safely call “personal hell” on earth and my six siblings and I were right in the midst of it all, but no one cared or knew the children were watching.

The problem with being a child is, in most cases parents fail to know about or focus on those situations that will have long term effects in their child or children’s life.

The following are lessons I learned from the secondary pain and suffering I endured seeing my mother remain in a domestic violence situation which destroyed her soul and spirit while she fought to stay for the sake of raising us, her seven children Continued on page 26

In this article I wanted to encourage you, to uplift you and hopefully empower you if you are one whose past still creeps around and prevents you from thriving.

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟23

balance & clarity What if I told you that work/life balance is impossible to reach? What if I told you that your life will always be this chaotic? Would you stop reading, throw your arms up in the air, and give up trying?

Well, good news. you can have balance by the time you finish reading this article - but you need to be ready to change your mindset! Here is the exact step-by-step path I took to find balance and clarity in my life - and I want to share it with you!

I believe that balance is a mindset and not a destination we arrive at everyday. I believe that there are seasons of our lives that we can either embrace or complain about - some are like the lazy days of summer, some are like hurricane season, and some are like the mundane, boring months of winter when nothing much is happening.

What season are you in right now? If you have kids, your days may look more like hurricane season....but what if we looked at this season with new eyes?

What if we were able to calm our storms and deal with them one moment at a time? What if we could embrace the chaos around us and find joy in it?

steps to finding balance & clarity in your life Quiet your

Figure out what is

Build a support

Take pride in the

Be present in

thoughts -

important to you

team and

life that you have

each moment

I use

and what you

surround

created even if it

and accept that

meditation

want your life to

yourself with

looks different than

you are doing

to do this

look like

positive people

someone else's life

your best

Balance is more of a mindset and not a destination we arrive at everyday!

Jennifer McCallum

24âŽ&#x; WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

without clarity we wander aimlessly or end up feeling off-balance, overwhelmed, and exhausted at the end of the day

If you wish you had more balance and clarity in your life right now - whether it be at home or at work, I can help.

I have been through the storms. I have spent many sleepless nights worrying.

I have fallen down exhausted at the end of the day feeling like I didn't accomplish a single thing. And, I have discovered the path that has created calm and balance in my life today.

If you are interested in hearing how you can do this too, contact me today. We will walk through the steps to help you create the balance you crave in your life.

Click below for more information:

Yes, I want more balance!

Jennifer XOXO

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟25

Continued from page 23

8 LESSONS LEARNED Lesson 1: I learned that our environment shapes who we become, but we can change at any moment when our past experience and values no longer benefit us.

Lesson 2: I learned that parents are human too; they, too, make mistakes or rescind on their word as my father did when he married two more wives while still married to my mother.

Lesson 3: I learned to separate my mother’s jealousies, rejection and pain so that I could move on and start my own family.

Lesson 4: I learned that whatever I faced, and whatever circumstances weigh us down, we can always choose the way we respond to them. It’s not what happens to you or who said what to you that matters, it is the way you respond that matters.

Lesson 5: I learned that it’s all up to you, well in this instance all up to me. How you live your life is totally up to you. It is totally dependent on your belief in yourself, in the possibilities that are also available to you and your choices

Lesson 6: I learned that in seeking a better life, our outer circumstances might change while our inner conversation might stay the same— especially if we are holding on to ancient, angry, or painful memories. Learn to forgive and let go.

Lesson 7: I learned that We all face challenges; the key is in how we handle the challenges we will face. I have been a motivational speaker at many conferences around the world, and each time I am reminded of how difficult it is for many people to adjust to life in a different environment, situation, home, school, work, or country. I also continue to notice how a lot of people continue to struggle to find the true meaning of their life, their passion and who they really are. Being open to the idea of change, showing a willingness to start afresh despite your

past, background or origin is key. It is work that is selffulfilling and rewarding.

Coming from Zimbabwe to the USA meant, I had to take whatever work was available. I lived in the church basement for a while, I became homeless for awhile. I accepted handme-downs and food from the generous people from the church who helped us; whatever it took. I never lost sight of where I was going, and that helps. I never lost hope, and I kept dreaming and seeking opportunities here in America, this land of opportunity. I believed God had bigger plans for me and today I know it was all worth it, he does. This way of looking at life may work for you as well.

Lesson 8: We all have twenty-four hours in the day; how you choose to use your twenty-four hours is what matters. What are you doing with your 24 hours?

Beyond your tears is joy, peace, happiness and yes success. You owe it to yourself to live the life you were created to have. Wishing you a blessed and Happy Life.

To receive your FREE E-BOOK COPY of Thriving Beyond The Tears, and TWO FREE 60 minute consulting sessions, get the full Confidence Building Program, and learn how you too can boost your confidence to pursue the life you were created to have.

Be Encouraged & Encouraging Dr. Sithembile Mahlatini, EdD, LCSW (DrStem) Licensed Psychotherapist, LifeCareer Coach Office Global Counseling & Coaching Services Call: (781) 254-1602 www.globalcounselingcoaching.com www.drstemspeaks.com What I do: Licensed Psychotherapist, Life-Career Coach, Parents, Teenagers, Couples, Elderly, Adults, EAP WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA âŽ&#x;29

WHAT IS A PARENT COACH?

A parent coach is a person who helps parents with challenges they may have while they are raising their kids. Parent Coaches work with specific behaviours by offering unique perspectives around family situations.

Parent Coaches help uncover the root of the issue and offer strategies to shift behaviour and relationships within the family. Parent Coaches help families achieve their goals either in person, or online through group or individual sessions.

FIND A COACH AT WWW.PARENTTEENS.CLUB WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA âŽ&#x;31

WHEN YOU NEED HELP

FIND A PARENT COACH Gone are the days of shame when you mention 'your therapist'. If you are having a difficult time dealing with all the stresses of the world, seek help from one of the many qualified parent coaches and counsellors in your area.

WHERE TO LOOK www.ParentTeens.Club Search by professional, location, pricing, and topic Support offered in person and online.

Access the top parenting experts IN THE WORLD right now

Subscribe to our NEW YouTube Channel here!

Expert advice when you need it!

Giving Back ARTICLE

BYÂ JENNIFER

From a very young age, my daughter, Rayna, would save up her money throughout the year for a specific charity.

She would set up a lemonade stand at the end of our laneway in the summer, and she would sew and sell her designs (she actually created her own company with the purpose of ending homelessness with the profits).

She donated to the Children's Hospital, CAS, local shelters, etc. She volunteered to cook at the Ronald McDonald House and at a street mission close by. And now, as an 18 year-old, she enjoys time at a seniors centre - and she tells me she gets way more out of it than the seniors do!

Throughout the years, each of my kids have followed her lead - Cal has organized full day community charity events and on a recent trip, the younger boys planned to take all their allowance to give to the homeless.

Thinking about their generosity got me thinking about what giving does for me.

When I am giving to someone else, it leaves me no time to think about what isn't going right in my life. I don't have time to think about the dishes, the laundry, the bills, or the long to-do list on my desk! I can focus on something or someone else without distractions - and it FEELS GREAT! 34âŽ&#x; WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

MCCALLUM

(AND

KIDS)

When I am giving to someone else, it leaves me no time to think about what isn't going right in my life. I don't have time to think about the dishes, the laundry, the bills, or the long to-do list on my desk!

I can focus on something or someone else without distractions - and it FEELS GREAT!

Giving back is high on our priority list, because we feel good when we do it, we know we can make a difference to someone else, and we can focus on being grateful for what we have instead of worrying about what we don't have.

My takeaway from having such caring and giving kids, is that we can't afford not to give. There is so much need in the world, in our country, and in our community.

The thing is, you don't need money to give, you don't need huge connections or a lot of time.

You just need to find a cause that you are passionate about and get started.

You are probably giving so much already and not even thinking about it. I made a list of 'Ways to Give' to help spark conversations with your kids, or just to remind you how much you are doing already to spread love, kindness, and good vibes right now in your backyard!

Ways to Give: spend time with others

sponsor a child

cook for others

donate to a charity of your choice

babysit for a friend

join forces with someone already collecting

collect and donate canned food

for others

grow extra veggies in your garden for the

play with cats and dogs at an animal shelter

food bank

make cards for kids in the hospital

smile at strangers

give blood

hug your family

feed the birds

bake for first responders

use your skills and become a mentor

save your allowance and shop for a family in

volunteer at your chid's school

need (you can contact your local food bank,

be kind and give compliments

Children's Aid Society, or street missions for

sew, knit, or crochet hats and scarves

ideas on what to buy)

How to Give: Brainstorm ideas and choose one

Contact the charity or organization to see what is needed

Let others know so they can get involved too!

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA âŽ&#x;35

MINDFULNESS TIPS FOR THE FESTIVE SEASON In today’s world many of us, especially our children, lead schedule-focused lives. Rushing has replaced spontaneity. After school activities have replaced unstructured playtime.

Screen time has replaced time for us to connect with each other. It’s easy for children to become distracted, over-stimulated and stressed. While we can’t hide our children from the anxieties that life will inevitably present, we can bolster their social and emotional health so that they develop tools that will help them to reduce stress, have confidence and understand their emotions.

36⎟ WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

HERE ARE THREE OF OUR FAVORITE TIPS THAT WILL HELP YOU AND YOUR LITTLE ONES TO CULTIVATE CALM! Help Your Child Reduce Anxiety with Mindfulness Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to what is going on inside and outside of the body right now. Children who have an ongoing mindfulness practice have been found to have increased happiness, reduced stress and a greater ability to control their emotions and behavior. When children throw a tantrum or behave in an out of control way, it does not feel good.

Conversely, it feels scary to experience emotions that seem large and overwhelming.

Establishing a mindfulness practice arms children with tools to calm themselves down when they feel upset. Our Calm Mind Kit introduces mindfulness to children in a playful way through activities like “the noodle,” which teaches progressive muscle relaxation and “color breathing,” which teaches visualization.

To see the full benefit, it’s important to establish a consistent mindfulness practice with your child so that they have known tools they can turn to for comfort and relaxation in moments of stress.

Just Breathe

Let Your Child Experience the Feels

Empowering children to understand that they can have an effect on their own feelings and emotions is powerful. One of the most effective ways to help a child reduce butterflies when faced with a long day, stressful moment or new environment or routine is to encourage them to breathe.

While learning to regulate emotions is an important skill, it is equally important to allow children to experience and process what they are feeling in an authentic way. Instead of disciplining your child for uncharacteristically negative behavior, identify the “why” behind the behavior, and offer extra empathy and support.

Believe it or not, deep belly breathing is a skill that needs to be taught, as we often breathe in a shallow way when nervous, which reinforces anxious feelings.

When children (or adults for that matter!) take a deep breath from their stomach, they are telling their central nervous system that their body is safe, which turns off the “flight or fight response.”

For example, in a tough moment try offering your child a hug, hand, or lap and encourage them to retreat to a cozy, quiet space with a favorite story or activity.

Thank you to Rose & Rex creators of the Calm Mind Kit for Children

One of our favorite breathing exercises is called ‘Waves Breath’. To introduce wave breathing we ask children to place an object, like our linen bean bag, on their stomach.

We then encourage them to watch the beanbag rise and fall like waves as they breathe deeply in and out.

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA ⎟37

ALEX'S

STORY

THE GIFT OF LIFE LIVING AND

A

LIFE

DOING

OF

GRATITUDE

FOR

OTHERS

18

In 1986 I met this incredible human for the first time. We became instant friends and now 33 years later, we are closer than ever, even though we live hundreds of kilometers apart.

Due to confidentiality reasons, I can’t tell you my friends name, so we will call my friend Alex.

This is Alex’s story - a story of courage, selflessness, caring, and impact.

I think you will agree, once you have read this story, there are no other gifts greater than the one that Alex gave. But the point is not to outshine any other gifts (Alex would hate that). The point is that, no matter where you are in life, no matter who you know, where you live, how much you make, or what impact you have made in the past, any small gesture of giving can go a long way. This story is about a much larger gesture of kindness, but no matter the medium, it is the message that Alex wants to encourage.

Be kind and do what you can to make someone else’s life better.

I will let Alex tell you all about it...

Here's my story.

I donated a kidney as an NDAD, short for non-designated Anonymous donor.

This all started when I read an intriguing Facebook post. I am sure you have seen these posts from someone you don’t know, asking for something they need. My first inclination is to question whether they are even a real person. But something about this post made me stop scrolling. It was a young person self advocating for themselves.

She needed a kidney or she wouldn’t have long to live. I creeped her on Facebook (like any normal person would do:) and saw her profile and realized she was into everything I was, except that she had been living with kidney disease for a really long time

18

(Insert message from editor) “This is where most people would just keep scrolling, but not Alex. For as long as I have known Alex, the question was never, what can I do for myself, it was always, what can I do for someone else?

I signed my donor card when I was 16 years old. My spouse and I have both given plasma and I'm in the 400 mark for donations. The plasma clinic in our city closed and I wondered what I could do next.

I decided to donate bone marrow. I put my name on their donor list right after the plasma clinic closed but didn’t hear back. I still check regularly though.

As I was coming up on a milestone birthday, perhaps this milestone made me question my purpose and impact more than most other birthdays had, or perhaps I just knew I had more to give.

I wondered how I could leave a legacy. As I was thinking about what I wanted my milestone birthday to look like, I saw the post from this young lady asking for a kidney.

I contacted her and we began the numerous tests to see if we were blood type compatible. Our blood type matched but our antibodies in our blood did not match. It was a devastating blow to both of us.

This is usually where donors give up, but with her encouragement, I decided to keep trying but this time I wouldn’t know who was getting my kidney.

She said, “Just because you and I are not a match, doesn’t mean you need to stop trying. You may be a perfect match for somebody else out there.”

I took a break of about six months to consider her words and really make sure it was the right decision for me and my family. I still hadn’t had that birthday yet. When I was ready, I got back in contact with the same hospital that I was originally in contact with and told them I was still interested.

We started the process again but because of the time in between, I had to re-do a lot of the tests. This involved travelling to another city numerous times to meet with the doctors, nurses, social workers and everyone else involved in the process.

18

(Insert message from editor) I asked Alex a few questions so I could get a better idea of what was involved in becoming a live kidney donor.

What is the process to become a live kidney donor?

The process of becoming a living donor (don't quote me on this, but I would assume it would be the same if you were to directly donate to a family member) is to meet with a team of professionals at the hospital. My donation was completely anonymous. This is generally how donations are received for many reasons, some beyond anyone’s control.

A nurse went over all the pros and the cons and consequences and lifelong commitments that you need to make as a donor. I also worked closely with a social work team. This social work team also met with my spouse and my family.

All of the tests included a: CT scan, ECG, EKG, MRI and lots of blood and urine work. I've lost track of how many vials of blood have been taken. In one day there were 26 vials. I can truly see how people get frustrated at the system and give up or decide maybe this isn't for them because it is a lot of work for the donor and I can’t imagine the tests needed to be done to the recipient.

And this is all BEFORE the surgery and recuperation.

So what are some of the thoughts that went through your mind during all this?

Of course with the entire process being anonymous, and being a very private person, it started with who do I tell first, who can I talk to about this, who’s going to understand me and believe in me and my crazy plan. lol.

This was a major decision to donate a kidney. Making the decision to donate a kidney did not come lightly. It had to fit into my life, in my family’s lives, and my work. I had to be healthy. I had to have time, energy, and finances to be able to travel to and from our home town to another city. I had to take multiple tests to figure out if I was healthy enough to donate. Even after donating my kidney I was nervous to tell some people in my life for fear of being judged or questioned about my decision.

18

If you could leave us with one take-away to think about, what would it be?

My message is not that I feel like everyone should donate a major organ but it could be in the little things we do that make all the difference, whether that be donating to a local food bank, buying a backpack for a child in need, putting new shoes on the feet of children that have never had good runners before, or even as simple as smiling kindly to strangers in the street.

These things matter and make a difference in the lives of others. I think we all have a legacy inside of us just waiting to be exposed.

Mine took a bit of work and time, but with a healthy body and a great support system all around, I was able to achieve my goals and give a true gift of life.

Knowing you, I know this isn't the last good deed in your life. What's next for you Alex?

Certainly nothing as major as that again but I will continue with my small charity group work and instill good, pay it forward messages to my children. I feel like we have been so fortunate in our lives. I do hope to find a way to give shoes to kids that have never had good runners. That may be my next goal, but first I need to recuperate.

(From the editor) As you can see, Alex is pretty amazing. Lucky me that I get to have a friend like Alex.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN FINDING OUT MORE ABOUT BECOMING A LIVE DONOR, HERE IS HOW: Living Kidney Donation at LHSC (video) https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=5XI7uYdwyQE

Multi-Organ Transplant Program, LHSC www.lhsc.on.ca/transplantTrillium

Gift of Life Network www.giftoflife.on.ca

PRELOD Program www.giftoflife.on.ca/resources/pdf/PRELOD FAQ.pdf

Kidney Foundation of Canada, Ontario branch www.kidney.on.ca

Kidney Foundation of Canada, National branch www.kidney.caKidney

Paired Donation Program (Canadian Blood Services) https://blood.ca/en/organs-tissues/becoming-live-kidney-donor

Canadian Cancer Society Guidelines www.cancer.ca/screening

Read the latest news at:

Tongue Ties and Feeding Your Baby

By: Tara Boyes- Shantz MN, NP, IBCLC www.latchedon.ca

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH AND WE ARE HERE TO HELP It is possible to restore the relationship with your teen again. It is possible that you can find peace at home and joy in your heart. Come join us and walk the same path we did to find the answers to all of our worries. Wouldn't it feel good to feel good again?

For more details, visit our website at www.parentteens.club. For inquiries, contact us at (519) 645-7342 or at info@parentguide.ca

Turkey Recipes for the

HOLIDAYS TURKEY ADOBO Servings: 8 Ingredients 2 turkey breasts, bone-In, skin removed ¼ cup annatto seeds OR 2 tbsp. paprika combined with 1 tsp. lemon zest ½ tsp. coriander seeds 1 clove ½ cup orange juice 1 tsp. cumin 1 tsp. rubbed oregano 1 tsp. each, salt and pepper 3 garlic cloves, minced 1 lime, juiced Cilantro Lime Dressing leaves from 4 sprigs of cilantro 1 lime, zested and juiced 1 cup plain Greek yogurt For serving 16 tortillas Directions 1. Pour the mixture over the turkey breast, cover and refrigerate overnight, or up to 24 hours.

2. Remove the breast from the marinade and set the marinade aside.

3. In a spice mill, grind the annatto seeds (or paprika mixture), coriander seeds, and clove to a fine powder; combine in a small bowl with the orange juice, cumin, oregano, salt, pepper, garlic and lime juice.

4. Heat a barbeque up to 250 F, place the turkey breasts on the grill, bone down 5. Cook for approximately 1 hour, or until an instant-read meat thermometer inserted into the thickest part of the turkey breasts registers 165 F. Remove the turkey from the barbeque and set aside.

6. Meanwhile, finely chop the cilantro leaves and mix with Greek yogurt and lime zest and juice.

46 | WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

PINEAPPLE TURKEY KABOBS Ingredients Kabobs 8 skewers 1 dried ancho chili 1 tsp. black peppercorns 1 tsp. cumin seeds ½ tsp. coriander seeds ½ tsp. paprika ¼ tsp. dried oregano 1 lb. turkey breast 1 pineapple, peeled and cored 1 red onion 1 red pepper 1 yellow pepper Sauce 1 c sour cream 1 tsp. finely chopped chives 1 tbsp. finely chopped cilantro ½ Lemon, zested and juiced For Serving 4 pitas, cut in half 1 tbsp. olive oil Directions 1. Soak the skewers in water and set aside for at least 30 minutes.

2. Preheat the grill to medium high.

3. Combine the ancho chili, black peppercorns, cumin seeds, coriander seeds, paprika and dried oregano in a spice mill and grind until it’s a fine powder.

4. Cut the turkey, pineapple, red onion and red and yellow peppers into bite sized pieces. Add pieces to the skewer alternating between turkey, pineapple, red onion and pepper. Dust all the skewers with the spice mix until well coated.

5. Grill the kabobs for 3-4 minutes per side. While the kabobs are cooking, brush the pita with the olive oil and grill at the same time. Remove from grill.

6. Whisk all the sauce ingredients together in a bowl and serve with the kabobs and grilled pita.

Per serving (2 kabobs with pita and sauce): 540 calories, 15 g fat, 6 g saturated fat, 85 mg cholesterol, 410 mg sodium, 66 g carbohydrates, 6 g fibre, 18 g sugars, 37 g protein.

Excellent source of vitamin C, thiamin, riboflavin, niacin, vitamin B6, vitamin B12, folate, pantothenate, manganese and selenium. Good source of vitamin A, choline, magnesium, zinc, calcium, iron.

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA | 47

PINEAPPLE TURKEY KABOBS Ingredients Kabobs 8 skewers 1 dried ancho chili 1 tsp. black peppercorns 1 tsp. cumin seeds ½ tsp. coriander seeds ½ tsp. paprika ¼ tsp. dried oregano 1 lb. turkey breast 1 pineapple, peeled and cored 1 red onion 1 red pepper 1 yellow pepper Sauce 1 c sour cream 1 tsp. finely chopped chives 1 tbsp. finely chopped cilantro ½ Lemon, zested and juiced For Serving 4 pitas, cut in half 1 tbsp. olive oil Directions 1. Soak the skewers in water and set aside for at least 30 minutes.

2. Preheat the grill to medium high.

3. Combine the ancho chili, black peppercorns, cumin seeds, coriander seeds, paprika and dried oregano in a spice mill and grind until it’s a fine powder.

4. Cut the turkey, pineapple, red onion and red and yellow peppers into bite sized pieces. Add pieces to the skewer alternating between turkey, pineapple, red onion and pepper. Dust all the skewers with the spice mix until well coated.

5. Grill the kabobs for 3-4 minutes per side. While the kabobs are cooking, brush the pita with the olive oil and grill at the same time.

Remove from grill.

6. Whisk all the sauce ingredients together in a bowl and serve with the kabobs and grilled pita.

48

|

PARENTGUIDE.CA

Per serving (2 kabobs with pita and sauce): 540 calories, 15 g fat, 6 g saturated fat, 85 mg cholesterol, 410 mg sodium, 66 g carbohydrates, 6 g fibre, 18 g sugars, 37 g protein.

Excellent source of vitamin C, thiamin, riboflavin, niacin, vitamin B6, vitamin B12, folate, pantothenate, manganese and selenium. Good source of vitamin A, choline, magnesium, zinc, calcium, iron.

SWEET & SPICY STUFFED MEATBALLS Serves: 4 to 5

Ingredients Meatballs 1 lb. minced turkey 1 egg, beaten 1 shallot finely chopped 1 tsp. paprika ½ tsp. cayenne 1 garlic clove minced ½ tsp. each salt and pepper 2 tbsp. parsley chopped 2 oz. mozzarella cheese, cubed Drizzle 1 tbsp. honey 1 tbsp. sriracha For Serving 3 cups fresh zucchini noodles

1 tbsp. olive oil 2 tbsp. soya sauce Directions 1. Preheat the oven to 375 F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

2. Combine all the meatball ingredients except the cheese in a large bowl until well mixed.

3. Form into 10 small patties about 2 inches in diameter.

4. Make a small dent in the middle of each patty and place a cube of cheese inside, then form into a ball.

5. Place on the prepared baking sheet and bake for 20 minute, then switch to broil and cook until nicely browned and an instant-read meat thermometer inserted into the thickest part of the turkey breasts registers 165 F. It should take about 2-3 minutes; watch closely as they can burn easily.

6. Meanwhile, sauté the zucchini in olive oil over medium heat, after the zucchini has softened, add the soya sauce and continue to cook until there is no more liquid in the pan.

7. Mix the sriracha and honey together to create the drizzle.

8. To serve, make a small nest of zucchini noodles and place the meatball into the nest then drizzle with the honey mixture.

Per serving (2 meatball 'nests'): 250 calories, 13 g fat, 4.5 g saturated fat, 135 mg cholesterol, 750 mg sodium, 9 g carbohydrates, 1 g fibre, 6 g sugars, 24 g

protein.

Excellent source niacin and vitamin B12. Good source of riboflavin, vitamin B6.

PARENTGUIDE.CA|

49

Is it Aaquick Fever? fever guide...

PRIN this T page

IS IT A FEVER? When your child is sick they may have a fever. If you

Method

Normal Temperature

think your child has a fever,

Rectum

38°C (100.4°F)

use a thermometer. Your

Mouth

37.5°C (99.5°F)

child has a fever if their

Armpit

37.3°C (99.1°F)

temperature is above the

Ear

38°C (100.4°F)

number listed here:

50⎟ WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

How to take a temperature: Use one thermometer for rectal and one for taking oral temperatures Do not use glass or mercury thermometers, use digital or

Resources:

plastic thermometers instead

Is it an Emergency?

Forehead thermometers are not as accurate as other

Call 9-1-1 or go to your local

methods for taking temperatures

hospital

For more information on how to correctly take a temperature, visit www.caringforkids.cps.ca

Who to contact if your child has a fever: Babies younger than six months old should see a doctor

Need a Family Doctor?

Call Health Care Connect 1-800-445-1822 www.ontario.ca/page/find-

when they have a fever Call your health care provider if your baby is older than six months and the fever does not go away after 72 hours

family-doctor-or-nursepractitioner

(three days), or your baby has a fever combined with a rash or any other signs of illness that worry you Talk to a Registered Nurse, at Telehealth Ontario 1-866797-0000 (TTY: 1-866-797-0007); available 24 hours a day, seven days a week

In an emergency situation, call 9-1-1

What to do if your child has a fever:

Want to speak with a Registered Nurse?

Call Telehealth Ontario 1-866-797-0000 (TTY: 1-866-797-0007)

Babies younger than six months old should see a doctor when they have a fever If your child is older than six months, then give more to drink (such as breast milk or water) Take off extra clothing and blankets, leave enough to avoid shivering check your child's temperature often

What NOT to do if your child has a fever: Do not give medication unless recommended by your health care provider Do not give Aspirin or Acetylsalicylic Acid (ASA) to a child or teenager with a fever Do not use alcohol rubs or baths and sponging with water to lower a child's fever

Other signs your child may be sick: Acting differently (tired, weak, sleepy, loss of appetite, fussy, or a lot of crying) A runny nose Coughing Vomiting Rash Difficulty breathing Diarrhea Change in skin colour (pale or looks yellow)

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA âŽ&#x;51

Parent Resources Navigating the internet to find the right resources can be a daunting task. We want to make life easier for you!!! Below is a simplified list of where you can start to find the resources across Ontario, Canada.

If you are not in Ontario, and you are searching for a resource in your area, contact us at info@parentguide.ca.

You are NEVER alone…please reach out, connect with others, find out what your options are, and equip yourself with this list!

EMERGENCY 9-1-1 In an emergency, please call 9-1-1 ADDICTION, MENTAL HEALTH, AND PROBLEM GAMBLING SERVICES BounceBack Ontario TOLL-FREE: 1-866-345-0224 www.bouncebackontario.ca BounceBack®: Reclaim your health is a free skill-building program designed to help adults and youth 15+ manage symptoms of depression and anxiety.

ConnexOntario 1-866-531-2600 www.connexontario.ca Free and confidential health services information for people experiencing problems with alcohol and drugs, mental illness or gambling. Information and referral service is 24/7, confidential and free.

PRINT THESE PAGES

ASSAULT AND VIOLENCE Assaulted Women’s Helpline TOLL-FREE 1.866.863.0511 TOLL-FREE TTY 1.866.863.7868 #SAFE (#7233) on your Bell, Rogers, Fido or Telus mobile phone www.awhl.org To provide free, 24/7 crisis counselling, emotional support, information and referrals via telephone to women in up to 200 languages - completely anonymous and confidential.

CHILD CARE AND SCHOOLING Ontario Ministry of Education www.ontario.ca/page/ministry-education The Ministry is responsible for early years, child care and publicly funded education from kindergarten to Grade 12.

OneList https://onehsn.com/home/childcare Available in most areas across Ontario

52 | WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

COMMUNITY INFORMATION

HEALTH

Call 2-1-1 211ontario.ca 211 is a helpline and website that provides information on and referrals to Ontario’s community, social, health-related and government services.

Health Care Options www.ontario.ca/locations/health Find a family doctor, health unit, mental health supports, walk-in clinics, immunization clinics, hospitals and more.

DISTRESS Distress and Crisis Ontario www.dcontario.org Distress Centres offer support and a variety of services. At a Distress Centre you can find a listening ear for lonely, depressed, and/or suicidal people, usually 24/7.

Many centres also have Suicide Survivor programs, support services for youth, telephone call out programs for seniors and vulnerable people, mental health Crisis Lines services and much more.

Telehealth Ontario Toll-free: 1-866-797-0000 Toll-free TTY: 1-866-797-0007 Telehealth Ontario is only offered over the phone. Email advice is not available. Free, confidential service - call to get health advice or information. A Registered Nurse will take your call 24/7.

HELP FOR KIDS Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868 Text CONNECT to 686868 www.kidshelpphone.ca Kids Help Phone is Canada's only national 24-hour, bilingual and anonymous phone counselling, web counselling and referral service for children and youth. Search their extensive resource list, Phone, live chat, App. HELP FOR POST-SECONDARY STUDENTS Good2Talk 1-866-925-5454, or call 2-1-1 Free, confidential helpline providing professional counselling and information and referrals for mental health, addictions and well-being to post-secondary students in Ontario, 24/7/365.

WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA | 53

INFANT FEEDING & NUTRITION LGBTQ+ La Leche League Canada 1-800-665-4324 www.lllc.ca To encourage, promote and provide motherto-mother breastfeeding support and educational opportunities as an important contribution to the health of children, families and society.

Public Health www.ontario.ca/locations/health Find a family doctor, health unit, mental health supports, walk-in clinics, immunization clinics, hospitals and more.

Telehealth Ontario 1-866-797-0000 TTY: 1-866-797-0007

LGBT YouthLine 1.800.268.9688 www.youthline.ca Youth Line offers confidential and nonjudgemental peer support through our telephone, text and chat services. Get in touch with a peer support volunteer from Sunday to Friday, 4:00PM to 9:30 PM. Check out their amazing list of resources: www.youthline.ca/get-support/linksresources POISON Ontario Poison Centre 1-800-268-9017 www.ontariopoisoncentre.ca Assists if you think that you or someone you love has been exposed to a dangerous substance.

SUICIDE If you are in crisis, and you are feeling suicidal, or think someone else is: • Contact your/their doctor • Go to the nearest hospital • Find a local crisis line • Find a mobile crisis team • Call a Distress Centre • Call 911 or Telehealth Ontario at 1-866-797-0000 • 211 • Canadian Mental Health Association • Kids Help Phone

54 | WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

TEENS

IF YOU HAVE TWEENS OR

PLEASE JOIN US

WWW.PARENTTEENS.CLUB If you are a parent of a teen, we help you find answers, even when you have tried everything. We do this by giving you immediate access to the top parenting coaches IN THE WORLD! Join us today!

Marketplace Want to know who supports us? These companies make it possible for us to continue to provide content and resources to local parents. Check them out, because without them, we couldn't do what we do!

56 | WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA

Access the top parenting experts IN THE WORLD right now

Subscribe to our NEW YouTube Channel here!

Expert advice when you need it!

58âŽ&#x; WWW.PARENTGUIDE.CA