ISSUE 14 | PARAGONROAD.COM
Must Read
New Book: Your Meaning Legacy
+ HOW DO YOU PASS ON THE BEST PARTS OF YOURSELF? LAURA ROSER'S NEW BOOK TEACHES YOU HOW TO CULTIVATE & PASS ON YOUR WISDOM, BELIEFS AND VALUES TO BENEFIT YOUR FAMILY & CHANGE THE WORLD.
Changing Course + TIME TO REINVENT YOURSELF? ADVISOR AND REINVENTION COACH DOLLY GARLO EXPLAINS HOW EACH PERSON’S LIFE TOUCHES THE WORLD IN A WAY ONLY THAT PERSON CAN.
Nature and Connection + LOOKING TO GET AWAY? RETREAT LEADER PETER W. JOHNSON JR. EXPLAINS HOW NATURE GROUNDS, CONNECTS, AND TRANSFORMS US.
Contents
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Note from the Editor The Purposeful Life
14
Why You Should Write Your Story
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The Essential Nature of the Creative Arts
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Author Richard Campbell Encourages Readers to Write Their Memoir
Nature and the Attributes of Connection
Peter W. Johnson Jr. Recounts the Benefits of Spending Time in Nature
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Long Life-Love of Words
Poet Gloria Bares Shares How Her Father Influenced Her Love of Words
William Cordova Encourages and Inspires Through Words and His Work
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The Best Parts of Yourself
A Meaning Legacy Is the Heart of a Legacy Plan
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Passing on Faith?
J. Robert Moon Helps Set Realistic Expectations for Passing Faith to Succeeding Generations
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Reinvention, Personal Best, and the Path to Legacy
Dolly Garlo Explains How Each Person’s Life Touches Others in a Unique Way
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The Fight Against Stigma Dr. Ann Petru Creates Opportunities for the Ostracized
An Uncomplicated Life
Dad Paul Daugherty Inspires with Lessons He Learned Raising a Child with Special Needs
Timeless Wisdom: Fault Finders in Paradise Henry David Thoreau on Living Deliberately
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Issue 14 | April 2018
Paragon Road PUBLISHER Laura A. Roser EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Marko Nedeljkovic DESIGN
Dr. Ann Petru, Director of the Pediatric HIV/AIDS Program at UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospital Oakland William Cordova, Interdisciplinary Cultural Practitioner Born in Lima, Peru, and Living and Working in Lima, Miami, and New York City
William Jenkins CONTENT DIRECTOR
Gloria Bares Richard Campbell Paul Daugherty Dolly Garlo
Charity Navigator Paragon Road Your Meaning Legacy by Laura A. Roser Rady School of Management University of California, San Diego
William Jenkins Peter W. Johnson Jr. J. Robert Moon Laura A. Roser Christopher Zacher
Share your product or service with thousands of financial professionals around the world through our digital magazine and main website. Email: advertising@paragonroad.com
Have a good idea for an article, feedback or suggestions for our magazine? Email the editor directly: william@paragonroad.com
What is Legacy Arts Magazine?
Legacy Arts is dedicated to the journey of developing a great legacy and passing on non-financial assets (such as beliefs, values & wisdom). It is produced by Paragon Road, the leader in meaning legacy planning. 6 LEGACY ARTS Issue 14 www.paragonroad.com
Note from the Editor The Purposeful Life
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horeau wrote, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” We all know what he’s talking about. It’s that stifling feeling of being stuck in a life we want to escape from, but don’t know how. Turns out, according to Thoreau, it’s easier to escape that feeling than most people imagine. Check out the last article for his advice about how to make the most of the life you’ve got. Speaking of making the most of the life you’ve got, as usual, we have some excellent articles from amazing people doing amazing things. Peter Johnson writes about how a connection with nature grounds us. Reinvention expert Dolly Garlo explains how a mid-life career change can be one of the most-satisfying decisions you make. The article about Dr. Ann Petru shows how she is doing her part to help one group of special children who are pretty much forgotten in the United States. And Paul Daugherty describes the challenges and joys of raising a special needs daughter. You’ll also want to read the article from Robert Moon about passing on your faith. He takes a nonjudgmental, realistic approach to thinking about approach to developing and capturing your legacy, religion and how it evolves from one generation to this book is it. the next. William Cordova talks about his journey As always, we appreciate our readers, writers, as an artist. creative team, and the superb people we feature Thinking about writing your life story? Even if in each issue. you aren’t, you should. See what author of Writing Thank you for making a difference in your corner Your Legacy Richard Campbell has to say about capturing your stories. For some inspiration, read of the world. Gloria Bares’s poem about her grandfather. All the best, Finally, I’m excited to announce my new book, Your Meaning Legacy: How to Cultivate & Pass Laura A. Roser On Non-Financial Assets. In this issue, we feature Editor-in-Chief of Legacy Arts an excerpt. If you’ve ever wanted a step-by-step and CEO of Paragon Road
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NATURE AND THE
Attributes of Connection “Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.” —Khalil Gibran
By Peter W. Johnson Jr.
I
magine getting up at dawn and, after a delicious breakfast buffet that includes tropical fruits exotic enough to tantalize even the most jaded palate, climbing to an aerial walkway suspended above the rainforest canopy. From there, you and your family watch as the morning mist dissipates, revealing a sparkling emerald world of toucans, monkeys, and vines descending 125 feet to the ground below. When people ask me why we lead family retreats in nature, I recall what my friend and colleague Jon Young said at the first workshop I attended with him several years ago: “Nature is always communicating with us, and it’s always ready to heal.” It’s a remarkable statement. Yet there’s plenty of accumulating scientific data confirming the benefits of spending time in nature, as many are beginning to note.
First, being in nature can remove us from distractions — including the increasingly ubiquitous electronic ones — that keep interrupting us and hijacking our attention. As a result, the nature experience allows us to become more attuned and present to our own feelings, thoughts, and energetic patterns. Second, natural settings continually provide fresh, unexpected experiences. Even if visiting the familiar family cabin in the woods, nature itself is constantly in flux. Seasons, weather, animal activity, and vegetation are always changing. This helps wake up and enliven us, making it less likely that we will slip into habitual patterns of thinking and reacting. Third, nature invites us to step out of our heads and into the symphony of sensory experiences, which are our birthright and such a great source of joy. Additionally, nature is relaxing, and relaxation brings myriad benefits — including reinvigoration, healing, and an enhanced ability to learn.
Simply put, nature is without peer as a powerful, supportive environment for human transformation, bonding, and growth. For Family Nature Retreats™, nature is our secret ingredient, which multiplies the power of the conversations and processes that we bring to our professional legacy work with families. When we deepen our connection to nature, we deepen our connection with ourselves and begin to relate to others on a more fully human basis. This virtuous circle of discovery, inspiration, and connection extends far beyond intellectual thought processes. It touches and taps deeply into our emotional world and inner wisdom. Nature helps us get out of our heads and into our hearts.
Of course, simply being in nature, while highly recommended, is not sufficient in and of itself to foster the strong ties of connection between family members that we’re seeking to nurture in our work. Rather, it’s the combination of nature and nature-based mentoring that leads to truly exceptional results. It’s important here to note that we draw a clear distinction between mentoring and teaching. Rather than being explanatory or didactic, mentoring points to a process of encouraging an individual to find answers and discover problem-solving skills within themselves, while nurturing a sense of agency and encouraging awareness of connections. It’s an interactive, empathic, and highly personalized relationship.
“We need the tonic of wildness … At the same time that we are earnest to explore and learn all things, we require that all things be mysterious and unexplorable, that land and sea be indefinitely wild, unsurveyed, and unfathomed by us because unfathomable. We can never have enough of nature.” —Henry David Thoreau
It’s difficult to overstate the value of skilled mentoring. When I started my senior year in high school, I enrolled in a fencing class to satisfy my physical education requirement. But a few of us went a step further: we signed up for extra-curricular coaching with an internationally renowned fencing champion. The results were remarkable. After just
On a simple, pragmatic level, we can readily identify a number of advantages that a natural setting can provide.
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three outside sessions, and in less than one semester, I placed third in the Southern California championships. Even though he spoke no English, my mentor’s embodiment of wisdom was sufficient to convey key aspects of the sport that greatly accelerated my progress and mastery. My first introduction into what we call deep nature connection and mentoring came in 2008, when I attended Tom Brown, Jr.’s weeklong Tracker School Standard Class. Designed as an introduction to a wide variety of primitive living skills handed down from indigenous peoples, it went far beyond the interesting but shallow man-vs-nature shows that have become popular reality TV fodder. It was like a direct connection to the heart of creation. I developed an enormous visceral respect and reverence for life and nature — and my ability to relate to it — that has held me in awestruck thrall ever since. Then, a few years after attending Tracker School, I was fortunate to meet Jon Young, whom Tom Brown had mentored for eight years during Jon’s boyhood in the same way that Tom’s elder, Stalking Wolf, had mentored Tom during his boyhood. Jon’s life work is based on his mentoring experience with Tom, other remarkable mentors, and his own extensive research and testing of mentoring models. Jon has focused on combining nature’s neurobiological benefits with indigenous connection practices to serve society as a whole, in work he calls “culture repair.” When I glimpsed Jon’s overarching vision, I could see that it directly paralleled the pioneering work I had been involved with for several years with professional estate and legacy groups. Jon’s fieldwork over the last 30+ years had clearly demonstrated that there were proven, complementary approaches we could employ to reawaken and cultivate our natural capacity to connect with ourselves, others, and nature. “Nature’s beauty is a gift that cultivates appreciation and gratitude.”—Louie Schwartzberg Much of Jon’s work is based on the premise that when people’s neurobiological needs are met — e.g. via nature mentoring — they naturally thrive and exhibit attributes that are healthy for themselves and for the communities and world they reside in. These attributes include vitality, creativity, empathy, natural helpfulness, child-like curiosity, and a quiet mind.
Peter works with families to unlock potential and create sustainable legacies. Where appropriate, his work incorporates interdisciplinary teamwork, as well as nature connection, to provide the deepest and most meaningful family experiences possible. He is a pioneer in Collaborative Practice Trusts & Estates, and is a member of The Purposeful Planning Institute (PPI). Peter has run a successful wealth advisory business for over 25 years. Learn more at www.pwjohnson.com and www.FamilyNatureRetreats.com. Peter can be reached at peter.johnson@pwjohnson.com. Imagine the conversations and interactions that ensue when family members embody these characteristics of confidence, curiosity, and genuine empathy. Imagine further the durability and adaptability of individuals and family systems to changing demands, circumstances, and opportunities over time. They aren’t just resilient, they’re durable and regenerative. “When someone dies in an unhealthy society, it leads to isolation and mistrust. When someone dies in a healthy culture, it brings people closer together.”—Jon Young The role of nature in our work provides the ideal setting for vivid, life-affirming experiences and transformation — a return to our natural, competent and cooperative state. When imbued with a shared story, trust, and open channels of communication, families have the foundation they need to establish renewable, authentic pathways to lasting legacy: shared joy, connection, and contentment for generations. However, even small amounts of nature exposure can be beneficial no matter where you start. By the way, that suspended walkway above the rainforest? You can find that at Sacha Lodge, in Ecuador. Highly recommended! n
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ce ie’s voi p p o P r he randfat , g y m s ud wa elings. e f s i aybe it ad stories alo , h aling e e as he r g words to lif dowed, reve a sparkin lined and sh e c his fa th, ry. brea the sto f eld my d, o h s I d r n wo to the pellbou gether. o t ” a h s sappearing in at di ’s “Hiaw w o l l e f ng read Lour voices ’d e w n o Or whe e rhythm of r drum, h e T n my in ulse. d her e p p a t yp d toget m a e d r e I n d an quicke Poppie s. n, r a e y rd ng dow i the o w w n o e l 2 e s 7 b have gem, ess—2 e, then It could ttysburg Addr g up the pac ike a precious n l The Ge slowly, picki ed, polished ’s language. d He rea ord pronounc vor of Lincolnhest, r w each g the firm fe eality in my c n i reveal elt a sting of r ffering, If r of su ic poem shuddef sorrow. s s a a l c y l o nth a blear e a mo m g n i ssign been a ite, e v a , h ictures . p It could orize and rec rees.” d n i m re to memce Kilmer ’s “ T s awoke news weighed mo d like Joy e poet’s wor heir meaning Th . loud, t mine. o t n oken a nation stirred i p y s l ect king dir y imagi o o M l s e hy? ’s ey Poppie he’d query. W n i d e leam like, Pride g ords did you ughts. o What wned to my th He liste ter tions la oetry, a r e n e Two g recite my p words. when I live in me, g life-love of udly. n a I hear, dfather ’s lon s smiling pro n e a r my g y Poppie’s ey I feel m
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I am Gloria Bares. My poem, Long LifeLove of Words, is a memoir of times with my maternal grandfather. He was an attorney who believed in the power and energy of words. He believed in schooling — providing college educations for both his daughters, my mother and aunt — which was unusual at that time. He encouraged me to finish classes to become a teacher. I taught school for 29 years. Since I retired, writing has become my passion. In my own voice, I have recorded 13 of my poems on a disk titled, Gloria Bares — A Bionic Woman. I have new memoir poems for a book I wish to self-publish as a legacy for my family. I can be reached at globares@icloud.com.
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WHY YOU SHOULD Write Your Life Story
Overcoming the Questions that Hold You Back By Richard Campbell
L
ots of people say they want to write a memoir. Very few ever start. Why is that the case? People commonly let their doubts and fears keep them from starting. In fact, we find there are 7 tough questions that often need to be answered before a person can begin this writing journey. 1) I don’t understand the point. Why should I write my story? 2) I’m not a professional writer! I haven’t written anything in ages. Why start now? 3) My family history is dysfunctional. Should I stay quiet about our problems? 4) Whenever my family is together, there is a proverbial elephant in the room. How could I ever get around our family secrets? 5) I don’t know what stories to tell. Are there legal ramifications to naming people? 6) It sounds like a huge undertaking. What if I can’t finish it? 7) I think I am too old for this. Is it too late? These are indeed seven hard questions. The writing process is tough enough as it is. Throwing fears into the mix makes it even more challenging. So let’s look at these seven
areas of concern, find some answers, and then focus on an unstated question that is often the real problem. 1. I don’t understand the point. Why should I write my story? This is easy to answer. I’ll let my students do the talking. l (Linda) Sharing your life story is one of the greatest gifts you can give to family members. l (Tom) It’s a great way to find out how your life has unfolded – in other words, has it been working for you? l (Jenna) It’s a way of transitioning from one life stage to another, such as retirement. l (Donna) It offers a sense of belonging to something beyond yourself, most often your family. l (David) Writing can be an act of healing. 2. I’m not a professional writer! I haven’t written anything in ages. Why start now? Here’s the great news. You don’t need to be a professional writer. At the very beginning of my first orientation class, I ask my students: “Have you ever written a high school essay? Or have you ever written an email?” Everyone nods. Yes, of course, every time. Then I tell them how they need only write short 2-3 page stories, each based on a particular life theme. That means their writing project gets chunked into bite-sized bits. That’s the simple beauty of Legacy Writing — you can choose from dozens of themes — and ultimately they come together in one cohesive life story. 3. My family history is dysfunctional. Should I stay quiet about our problems? We all live dysfunctional lives. That, I believe, is why we are here in the first place, to sort out our own messes and move past them. It comes down to one point. You have a right to your own life perspective. In other words, you have the right to tell your story. If it involves other people, you are not telling their story, but you do have the right to share how their actions affected you. Do remember this quote by P.G. Wodehouse: “I am not always good and noble. I am the hero of this story, but I have my off moments.” That’s okay too. 4. Whenever my family is together, there is a proverbial elephant in the room. How could I ever get around our family secrets?
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This is always a delicate issue. Some secrets are best kept that way. At the same time, many of those secrets are not really secrets at all. Telling your truth can add clarity to a muddied situation. One of my students wanted to write about her life growing up with a brother who ended up in prison – most significantly, how his actions impacted her. He was now a respected citizen. She wrote a draft and showed him. He gave his approval, hoping that it might help others along the way. Sometimes it works out just like this situation. It’s always worth a try. 5. I don’t know what stories to tell. Are there legal ramifications to naming people? You don’t want to write something that hurts another’s reputation and is not true. However, you must write what is your own truth taken from your own memories. Just realize that memory can be a slippery slope. What we think we remember is often not the case. Always get legal advice before putting any contentious issue into the public domain. Point to remember: Don’t write with revenge in mind. You will come across as unsympathetic. 6. It sounds like a huge undertaking. What if I can’t finish it? All projects take some investment in time and energy. In the end, that’s what makes them worthwhile. Look at it from two perspectives. (1) Remind yourself that you have started and completed projects in the past – likely far more than you realize. (2) You don’t need to write all the time! Pick a few moments each day where you can quietly concentrate for just a short timeframe – if 15 minutes is all you can set aside, that’s fine. 7. I think I am too old for this. Is it too late? How could it ever be too late? Tell that to the vast majority of memoir writers who are either baby boomers or belong to the great generation before that. Your time is now. Those coming after you need to hear your stories before it is too late. Take heart with these words by C.S. Lewis: “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” These are the seven most common concerns about writing your memoir. If you can navigate these primary hurdles, you are almost ready to write your story. But wait! These seven questions all revolve around an often-unstated worry: I’ve lived an ordinary life. I’m not famous. What possibly could I say that would interest anyone? There is no such thing as an ordinary life. We are all survivors of something or other. We have all overcome challenges. That’s why we are alive. That’s where our greatest stories are – the ones that have taught us our greatest lessons – lessons that need to be passed on. Okay, so you aren’t famous. The only difference between a celebrity and us is this. Celebrities live out their challenges in the public eye. We don’t. Some of us want to be like them, but the irony is – we are like them, and they are
Richard Campbell has his M.Ed. in Adult Education and is coauthor (with Cheryl Svensson of Los Angeles) of Writing Your Legacy – The Step-by-Step Guide to Crafting Your Life Story, released worldwide by Writer’s Digest Books (Available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble locations throughout the country). Over 850 copies are now carried in over 250 U.S. libraries, most Canadian ones, as well as others in Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, and Singapore. Harvard and Princeton also carry the title in their library systems. Richard is a professional writer who has done freelance work for Canadian newspapers and CBC Radio. He has also appeared on several Top 50 CBS affiliate radio stations across the United States. He has sailed on several Windstar transatlantic crossings where he has offered his Writing Your Life Story enrichment opportunity. Another is scheduled for April 2018. Richard’s work has appeared in two annual issues of Writer’s Workbook as well as Writer’s Digest Magazine. A chapter from Writing Your Legacy is featured in the book Writing Voice, published in 2017 by Writer’s Digest Books. Richard runs his own business, Guided Life Stories, near Toronto, Canada. Contact him at www.guidedlifestories.com. like us. Aside from surface gloss, our stories are amazingly similar. I’m convinced. I want to get that story done. How do I start? The hardest part is the beginning. It’s tempting to start on the day you were born and move chronologically forward. This can be done, but experience shows that one thing happens and another doesn’t. What happens: You get your story down, but it lacks context. It’s flat. What doesn’t happen: people reading your story. It becomes boring too quickly. Try this. Write your life story in themes, short 2-3 page segments that cover all aspects of a life well-lived. The very first theme focuses on an early life incident, a turning point, a fork in the road. It could be something as simple as your first day at school when you realized you had a deep hunger for knowledge. It was your opening to a different world. The next theme may be family, the third, your passions, and so on. Everything follows the first. With the end in sight, you will have a new understanding of your own life, and the power to share it with loved ones, your community, and the world. Perhaps the words of Søren Kierkegaard explains it best: “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” n
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The Essential Nature of the Creative Arts
An Interview with William Cordova By William Jenkins, Content Editor of Legacy Arts WJ: What influenced you in your career path? WC: A combination of factors was essential in my development as a cultural practitioner. My practice is interdisciplinary and fluid. Constantly evolving. I started out with terrible grades in high school, only to worsen at MiamiDade Community College (MDCC). I majored in Psychology and didn’t know how to study properly. I didn’t have the discipline to take college-level courses and was unable to focus properly in class. It took me 3 years to realize that I was pursuing a career that I didn’t have a passion for. I was afraid of pursuing my true passion, visual arts and writing, because most people lack examples of any kind of artist: dancers, musicians, visual artists, cinema, poets, etc. Society often shuns away from supporting these mediums for their loved ones, but we all benefit from these realities. My problem was that I bought into the misconception of what it means to be an artist. I was young and naive about many things but stayed in school. Eventually it was the fear of failing and becoming nothing that motivated me. I changed my major after 3 years and spent the next 2 1/2 years studying visual art at MDCC. I transferred to The School of the Art Institute of Chicago and graduated with a BFA. I don’t regret the 6 years in community college. I think going through that process transformed me into a focused individual whose confidence evolved through personal accomplishments at the time. So I owned those good and bad experiences and see them as lessons learned. WJ: What immediate reaction do you hear from people who view your art?
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WC: I actually don’t expose myself much to situations where I would hear immediate reactions from people or the public. Like a writer or scientist, most of my practice requires a great deal of research and concentration — much alone time in order to focus and be productive. The results are unending — a great deal of revisions that constantly take place. Often, when I do an exhibit, there is a familiar context that I create in order for the public to have multiple entry points to my project. I also speak about my work in seminars to the general public, students, and children. I speak and focus on different themes within the same work because audiences are different. WJ: How would you like your art to influence others? Students in particular? The general public? What legacy do you want to leave for your family and community? WC: Art is a tool. Children use art to problem-solve all the time. They cannot articulate themselves very well, so they rely on art to convey their ideas and feelings. The problem is that we teach ourselves that art is only for children and not productive for adults. But that is also a misconception. Actually, art allows one to be and maintain a creative mind. Art allows one to problem solve by being creative in any situation. People who are often at the forefront of technology, medicine, and law are usually the most creative ones in those fields. It isn’t a coincidence. Mathematicians are constantly stimulating theories in their heads through geometric principals. Everyone has the potential to play a role in the direction of a collective, our society. Those who influence others most are often those who utilize their creativity the most. I speak a great deal to students from children to adults. I enjoy sharing ideas of overcoming odds because we all can relate to that at one time or another. I try and share information about sustainability and managing one’s life better with many young people who may not have access to this information. I am interested in preserving and building these things through interdisciplinary strategies that are inclusive for all and not limited to an art scene. WJ: You mention art as a tool that children use all the time. What do you think we should do differently or more intentionally to let children not only express themselves through art but teach them that art is a problem solving tool they can use for a lifetime? How might we intentionally integrate art into education more for all ages? WC: In order to make a constructive and long-lasting impact on society, our education system would have to be reevaluated — meaning our local, state, and national
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representative lawmakers would need to reassess their understanding of the arts, our cultural wealth, and it’s short- and long-term impact on society. Pointing to educational models that work around the world to achieve this restructuring would mean looking towards Uruguay, Qatar, Japan, Switzerland, Finland, New Zealand, and Barbados. The reason why the US cannot commit to such models is that it uses class and economic profit as a yardstick to distribute funding for public schools. Our society is conditioned to assume creativity and the arts as a hobby that has no economic asset. This status exists despite the fact that we live in a visual culture, urging us to constantly purchase more. Someone is making those creative decisions, and someone is also producing those artistic visuals. There is a contradiction and disconnect in how and why we produce and consume culture, but the fundamentals of capitalism as a system are never analyzed from within. I am very optimistic. We have to be much better equipped when reaching out to your youth. Utilizing the creative arts has to be a way of life. Looking at examples of cultural wealth rather than material wealth, defining those differences, and how one is achieved internally rather than externally will prompt young people to reconsider how they problem
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solve, define themselves, and use that creativity in all aspects of their lives. WJ: How can we as a culture encourage children to follow their true passions more as you did? WC: All change takes time. We have to not only see but also understand the benefits. Understanding those benefits is also a heavy task for any parent or family. Our society is conditioned to gage culture in terms of economic prosperity, and that can be very limiting. We need to see more examples of creative practitioners who transcend beyond the limits of economic, class, and race stereotypes. We have to cultivate culture and stimulate children from birth and not try focus so much on materiality or economic benefits, because then it becomes opportunistic and narrow-minded. There is no one plan to reach this goal, only strategies and examples from different sources to examine, which is the healthiest way. Finding inspiration from different people in different places, countries, and cultures makes one understand and be part of a larger world. It takes courage, creativity, and perspective to evolve and be happy. n
William Cordova is an interdisciplinary cultural practitioner born in Lima, Peru. William lives and works in Lima, Miami, and New York City. Cordova’s work addresses the metaphysics of space and time and how objects and perception changes when we move around in space. He received a BFA from The School of the Art Institute of Chicago in 1996 and an MFA from Yale University in 2004. William Cordova has been an artist in residence at The Studio Museum in Harlem; American Academy in Berlin, Germany; Museum of Fine Art in Houston’s CORE program; Headlands Center for the Arts; Artpace; Skowhegan School of Painting & Sculpture; and LMCC among others. He has exhibited in the US, Latin America, Europe, and Asia. His work is in the public collection at the Whitney Museum of American Art, Guggenheim Museum, New York, NY; Walker Art Center, Minneapolis, MN; Harvard University, Cambridge, MA; Yale University, New Haven, CT; Museo de Arte de Lima, Lima, Peru; Ellipse Foundation, Cascais; PAM Museum, Miami, FL; and La Casa de las Americas, Havana, Cuba. In 2017, Cordova was awarded the Michael Richards Artist Award by LMCC, NY and the Florida Prize by the Orlando Museum, Orlando, FL. Forthcoming solo exhibitions include Kuntur: Transmissions & Portals, Illinois State University, IL and his first career survey exhibition, Now’s the Time: Narratives of Southern Alchemy, Perez Art Museum, Miami, FL. Group shows include Pacha, Llaqta, Wasichay, Whitney Museum of American Art, and the 13th Havana Biennial, Havana, Cuba (2018). The images included with this interview are from a 2017 project at Galeria Livia Benavides 80M2, Barranco, Peru, focusing on the concept of constellations and how all cultures around the world intersect by these shared observations of similar celestial bodies with different names and mythological meanings.
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ENDURING There are families of enduring greatness. They have achieved excellence in times past, yet continue to pursue what made them great. They have stories to tell. They embody high character, are celebrated throughout history and loved by all who know them.
What’s your legacy?
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The Best Parts OF YOURSELF What Matters to You?
By Laura A. Roser, excerpted from Laura’s new book, Your Meaning Legacy: How to Cultivate & Pass On Non-Financial Assets — Available on April 23, 2018.
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state planning traditionally focuses on your financial assets. But there’s more to you than your physical wealth. What about your wisdom, beliefs, values, important family traditions, and stories? What about passing on crucial knowledge about your business, money management, or other skills? Oftentimes, people don’t think about the intangibles they should pass on to their heirs. Because estate planning is so wrapped up in transferring financial assets, figuring out how to pass on your real estate, investments, and collectables becomes the goal. Once your financial team hands you your estate plan, you think you’ve got all your bases covered: You’ve got life insurance, a trust to avoid probate, an appointed executor, and so on.
initially hooked me with the sentence, “We have a process to help you pass on wisdom and principles to your kids.” He then placed a sheet of paper in front of me that instructed me to list my values. “Is there more?” I asked, holding up the paper. “I thought you said you had a process to pass on wisdom.”
Instead of delving deeper into what I’d hoped would be a discussion about passing on meaningful knowledge to my loved ones, he began to pitch a whole life insurance policy that could be set up to align Financial structuring, however, is only a piece of the with my values. This is puzzle. Your legacy extends far beyond the material not what I wanted to possessions you have managed to accumulate. hear.
Is There More?
I first started thinking about my legacy several years ago after a meeting with a financial advisor who
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My experience isn’t unique. The financial planning industry realized decades ago that they could
sell more products and services by appealing to people’s desire to leave a legacy. While the products are useful and important, the sales pitch is fundamentally a bait and switch. The more you develop your relationship with your legacy team, the time spent talking about non-financial assets will continue to diminish until it doesn’t exist, except as a conduit to sell financial products. There are exceptions, of course, but not many.
My Journey
Although I didn’t act immediately, this experience planted a seed. At the time, I was running a marketing company and a real estate investment firm and hadn’t prioritized my legacy. But things evolved. I experienced the highs and lows of the real estate market, the ups and downs of marriage, financial successes, and colossal personal and financial disaster. By the time I reached the age of 31, I had gone from nothing to making millions, been in intense legal battles, lost all my financial assets, and discovered some significant blind spots in my marriage. I was left with debt, a group of wonderfully supportive friends and family, and a bed with a 600-thread-count duvet cover from my previous life. Everything else was gone: no more big house on the hill, no more sleek BMW, no more 5-star vacations, no more Amex card, no more husband.
Laura A. Roser is the founder and CEO of Paragon Road, the #1 authority in meaning legacy planning. For more information about meaning legacy planning services, visit www.paragonroad.com.
At this point, I began thinking deeply about what my life represented, along with the thought of writing a memoir. I’d experienced extreme success and extreme failure. But what was all my striving for? This existential crisis prompted me to delve into a comprehensive examination of legacy. After years of focusing on building up financial assets that had all disappeared in a period of two years—along with my marriage and the dreams my husband and I had shared—I began to consider what was truly important to me. Then, a stifling realization hit me: If my plans hadn’t been derailed, I very well may have spent my whole life focusing on acquiring more stuff, living to please others, using work as an excuse to avoid introspection—all with little fulfillment for myself. Thankfully, life had other plans. I rediscovered what I intrinsically knew all those years ago when I sat in front of that whole life insurance salesman. Focusing only on financial assets and pretending that a simple sheet of swell values somehow gives life meaning is silly. That’s not a legacy I’d be proud to pass on. Even though I knew I was missing something, I wasn’t sure how to articulate what I wanted to pass on or how to do it. So I set out to determine what makes a meaningful legacy.
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My Quest
In the spirit of Napoleon Hill—the man who studied over 500 self-made millionaires to learn the secrets of their success—I went on a quest to interview the best and brightest in legacy development. Since then, I’ve talked with many estate planning attorneys, financial planners, personal historians, anthropologists, religious leaders, family counselors, and life coaches. I’ve studied everything I could get my hands on about character development, legacy planning, storytelling, spirituality, philosophy, happiness, effectively giving through charitable contributions, and successful family systems. My team and I have interviewed some of the most accomplished people in the world—business executives, millionaires, celebrities, best-selling authors, philanthropic leaders, artists, and scientists— and we discovered that accomplishing great things doesn’t mean you’ll have a great legacy. Without the proper system and focus, your legacy will be accidental. Throughout this process, I concluded that no company had exactly what I was after all those years ago. There were bits and pieces of advice, ideas about writing ethical wills, fun tips about collecting family
memories, and trust structures to ensure an heir’s compliance, but no fully realized system of creating the kind of personal legacy I wanted to leave behind.
Creating A Meaningful Legacy
Before my focus on legacy, I spent over a decade running an integrated marketing services firm that packaged up companies to attract investment capital, launch an IPO, or introduce new concepts to potential customers. I learned that managing your legacy is a similar process. Businesses don’t attract interest based on fundamentals alone; there must be a story, an educational process, and an emotional hook that reveals the vision and connects with a universal desire for a better future. Your legacy is made great for the same reason: It emotionally and competently connects with the people you care about to inspire them. There are several motivations behind creating a meaningful legacy. Some of the most-mentioned benefits are: 1. More fulfillment and purpose in your life. 2. Closer family who enjoys improved communicationand joint goals. 3.Children exhibiting higher levels of self-esteem, loyalty to the family, independence, and a solid foundation of morals and principles to live by. 4. No regrets—you will not reach the end of your life and wonder why you didn’t express your love before it was too late. 5. Greater peace of mind knowing that your children and loved ones have an “instruction manual” from you outlining lessons you’ve learned, what you believe in, and how you have done practical things (such as manage money or grow your business). 6. Building a legacy to be remembered for, providing hope, a sense of pride, and inspiration for future generations. 7. Creating a tangible record of your life that will be treasured and not fade over time, as memories tend to do. 8. Leveraging your impact on the community in supporting a cause you care about. Financial legacy planning covers a variety of topics, from financial structuring to business succession planning to tax implications. There are many great books to read and experts to follow in these areas. At my company, we work with these experts according to our clients’ needs.
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Your Meaning Legacy™
But this book isn’t about giving you the best ways to set up your family foundation or avoid probate; it’s about the “soul” of legacy planning. It’s what branding is to business. It is the heart of your legacy plan—the often-overlooked but most important aspect of truly capturing your essence as a person and furthering your vision for the future. This type of focus is what we call a Meaning Legacy™. A Meaning Legacy typically affects two types of audiences: Your community or the public. Your family and loved ones. You’ll need to treat these audiences differently because the kind of information you share with each is significantly different. Your children, for example, will have a different concept of you than will the people who’ve just read an article about you in the Wall Street Journal highlighting your new charity. The public side of your legacy has much more of a corporate feel—branding you as if you were running for political office. It’s all about marketing you as a great man or woman with a mission for good. I’ve heard pushback on this concept—the idea that it’s narcissistic or egotistical—and some of those elements may manifest at times, but truly, you are here to make a difference.
You want to give your heirs the greatest advantages, and your wisdom, love, and family heritage is a significant component. If you have not shared the most important parts of you—your dreams, your journey, your struggles, your successes, your beliefs—with your loved ones, you have not fulfilled your potential. This book shows you how to define, construct, and implement a meaningful legacy. It covers a comprehensive step-by-step process. I have synthesized my team’s research and our years of experience in a variety of disciplines, from family dynamics to systems design to video production to publishing.
This book is broken into three parts: Part 1: Legacy Foundation Principles Part 2: Components of a Meaning Legacy Part 3: Case Studies
Meant to be an introduction to planning your Meaning Legacy, this book is best read from beginning to end. You may skip the parts that don’t apply to you— if you don’t have children, for instance, you may not be interested in creating a family mission statement. There are a variety of topics I include simply because I want to give you a holistic view of the entire scope of In his 2011 book Start Something that Matters, Blake a Meaning Legacy plan. Individual components could Mycoskie, founder of Tom’s Shoes—the corporation each be a book of their own. that gives away a pair of shoes to someone in need with each purchase—writes about the power of his The study of legacy has become my obsession, story. It finally hit him how important he was to the not only to improve my own life but also to provide equation when he ran into a woman wearing his shoes. a resource for others. This book is for everyone, Not knowing who he was, she told his story to him, regardless of monetary wealth, who wishes to live a along with the many amazing things he was doing with meaningful life. As Eleanor Roosevelt wrote, “If people the company. It was only after she’d gushed about how come up the financial ladder but still maintain a low incredible he was that he revealed his identity. She’d educational standard, with its lack of appreciation of had no idea; she’d just thought he was some stranger many of the things of artistic and spiritual value, the asking about her shoes. This story has about ten times nation will not be able to grow to its real stature.” more impact than if Mycoskie had simply written, “We Thus, the audience for this book is not defined by provide people with shoes.” its economic standing but instead by its ideology. Developing a great legacy is within the grasp of anyone with a clear vision. Connection with Loved Ones The private side of your legacy is about connection I believe you have something important to contribute with loved ones. Traditionally, this is your family. When to the world. Whether it’s as meaningful as creating a the term “family” is used throughout this book, it close, resilient family or as big as pledging to eradicate could mean your friends, business partners, nieces world hunger, each one of us is meant to do something and nephews, or employees. You don’t need to have great and pass it on. This book will show you how. n children to pass on a legacy; all you need is people you care about. To download Chapter 1 for free visit www.yourmeaninglegacy.com.
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“If you care about your impact on the world and your family, read Your Meaning Legacy. It will teach you how to pass on what’s most important.” —Kevin Cashman, Global Head of CEO & Executive Development, Korn Ferry and Bestselling Author of Leadership from the Inside Out Download FREE Chapter
You Are Worth More Than Your Stuff Leave a Legacy That Matters Estate planning traditionally focuses on your financial assets—your stuff. But what about your other assets? Such as your wisdom, values, beliefs, and experiences. These are essential to pass on as well. In Your Meaning Legacy, legacy planning expert Laura Roser reveals a step-by-step approach to cultivating, capturing and passing on what matters most.
Passing on Faith?
Realistic Expectations for Our Spiritual Legacy By J. Robert Moon
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stare out the window from my seat on the Delta flight from Atlanta to St. Louis, realizing I am still in shock. Four hours ago, I received the unexpected call that my dad died while he and my mother were visiting relatives in Branson, Missouri. My profession as a pastor is kicking in as I plan his funeral in my mind. These thoughts compete with my role as the elder son, anticipating my mother’s grief pouring out, immersed in loss.
A Thanksgiving Treat
My mind drifts back to the Thanksgiving weekend seven months earlier. Even in my shock, I am feeling grateful for the lengthy conversation that took place over several days. It was in that one-on-one time with Dad that I wanted him to fill in the gaps of all the stories I had heard about life in the Moon family before me. He was always quick to keep our dinner guests rolling with laughter at his tales of living in the wild west of Arizona just a few years after its statehood, when men with ten-gallon hats wore Colt 45s hanging from their belts and road horseback through the desert at midnight for entertainment. And I had also heard dozens of personal stories from his preaching that included tales of extraordinary spiritual experiences. I was curious about how these events took place. More importantly, I needed to understand much of the why behind the decisions that Dad and Mom made, which impacted my siblings and me and still do. For several hours, in segments between meals, Dad re-told some of the familiar stories and filled in with new tales I had never heard. He explained some of the factors that drove the Moon family to wander from southwest Missouri in the 1930s to Mesa, Arizona, back to Missouri, to Chattanooga, Tennessee, and then to middle Georgia in the 1950s, where we were midwestern strangers in a Steel Magnolia confederacy. On this Delta flight 30 years ago, I realize I am most fortunate to have recorded that conversation in writing.
Reflections on Ministry Across the Generations
For the past 30 years, I have been going over those stories in my head as well as the biographical notes my widowed mother constructed in the 20 years after Dad’s funeral. What I have been looking for is the connection as well as the disconnection between my father’s style of ministry and my own. We loved each other dearly, but we were so very different on so many issues regarding ministry and social issues. He was an anomaly for his day, with a social ministry to care for the most disenfranchised members of society, but
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a theological footing that held very restrictive applications of religion and life. I, on the other hand, took on an aggressive role in social issues way beyond his comfort level and embraced a theological perspective he would consider progressive, liberal, and perhaps downright heretical. I think the answer I have been seeking resides in his spiritual legacy and mine. Did we have realistic expectations then, and do I have realistic expectations now?
A Spiritual Legacy
In my combined 32 years in pastoral care and as a financial advisor, I have participated in a wide range of discussions in hundreds of cases where one generation’s spiritual journey is not repeated in successive generations. That failure to carry on the family faith often becomes a grand disappointment to the elder generation. It is said of wealth legacy that inherited wealth will typically not survive more than two generations. This serious loss of family wealth can be mitigated with a high probability of success if certain steps are taken by the generation that founded the wealth and the successor generations. This is the business of effective family estate planning. It concentrates primarily on the transfer of wealth that encompasses financial assets as well as family traditions and purpose. Spiritual legacy is often included in a holistic approach. A personal or family spirituality is one of the driving forces behind the wealth legacy passed on to heirs. The remainder of this article acknowledges that spiritual legacy can be an important, if not the most important, gift to pass on to our heirs. But we would be best served in this specific legacy if we have realistic expectations. There are two venues from which to address expectations in spiritual legacy. Let’s begin with the benefactor, the one who wants heirs to carry on a certain element of the family faith. A motivation for this legacy is to help our heirs avoid the painful mistakes, knocks, and bruises we might have suffered in our youth, our rebellion, our naiveté, and lack of relationships, including spiritual ones. “If only my kids (or grandkids) would take what I experienced and possess that as their own, they would avoid so much trouble and pain.” This expectation is unrealistic! Rather it is realistic to convey how our spiritual journey, the knocks and bruises, the curses and the blessings, played its role in who we became, the decisions we made, and the result of what others see now. What we should not expect is for them to understand all of that. The best we can hope for is that we give them some information from our experience, that may or may not be applicable to them. My own case with my father and me is a prime example. Why did we develop along such different tracks in ministry? I continue to search for the core of his soul decisions that drove him with a disregard for his health and the consequences for his family. I don’t possess that kind of drive. What I am coming to realize is that, unlike my father, I did not have decades living with an incurable disease that was diagnosed to kill me 30 years ago, as he did. Nor did I own and operate
Robert Moon is a financial planner and former pastor with an undergraduate degree in sociology, masters in both divinity and business administration, and a doctorate in ministry. He has combined these disciplines to provide consultation for pastoral care in the context of wealth. Robert’s passion is promoting generosity with realistic expectations. He is the author of several publications, including My Pastor, My Money, and Why We’re Not Talking. His latest publication, Two Sons and Forty Years—A Novel, presents a modern-day review of the famous prodigal son parable with speculation on what happens between the two sons after the loving parents pass away. These are available on Amazon. He can be contacted via email Robert@JRobertMoon.com or phone 703-754-1233. Visit http://jrobertmoon.com a tavern from which one of my customers would drive away to commit vehicular slaughter on a dark highway in Mesa, Arizona. I would hear of and have compassion for my Dad as he told of standing on a bridge ready to jump and escape it all only to have an epiphany and walk back home — convinced life would have greater purpose yet to be revealed. I have not stood on such a bridge in my life, in spite of periods of great failure. But what my father escaped, which I did not, was a 22-year marriage ending in a painful divorce, several years of unemployment that depleted my life savings, and watching a second wife succumb to breast cancer. Hearing firsthand, that Thanksgiving weekend long ago, his story about the illness and its accompanying personal epiphany, the tavern and his overwhelming guilt, and his standing on the steel girders of that bridge filled me with courage that whatever I might experience, and whatever form my faith might take, it would be sufficient to carry me to the next day.
Receiving a Spiritual Legacy
Each generation lives with new challenges, threats, temptations, and perhaps ever more complicated issues. What heirs can expect is to learn why their benefactors did certain things. Much of the passing on of heritage is devoted to telling the following generations how success was achieved, sometimes in spite of overwhelming obstacles. In spiritual legacy, the important question to be asking is not “how?” but “why?” Why did you make that decision that turned out to be a failure or success? What were you feeling during that crisis? What are your feelings now? It is the “why” that transfers from one generation to the next — the bridge that will give us wisdom from ages past to consider applying to the challenges of our day. So, for the heirs, the boldest thing we can do to inherit what might become the most valuable legacy is to ask “why?” and wait for the answer, without judgement. n
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Reinvention, Personal Best, and the Path to Legacy By Dolly Garlo
“W
e come into the world alone – and we leave the same way ... the time we spend in-between ... time spent alive, sharing, learning ... together ... is all that makes life worth living.”—Jean Grey, Marvel’s X-Men I was 45 when thoughts of legacy first came into focus. Many things had come together, but others had started to unravel. Many people travel a similar path – now possibly at even younger ages. It often includes both financial and estate planning. A broader, conscious approach can produce a personal legacy derived from a happy and welllived life that also eliminates the angst, doubt, questions and worry about making the right decisions along the way. As a critical care nurse, I had the profound experience of saving lives (or helping hospice dignified deaths), and then pursued a career in law to have more of an impact, and improve my financial situation. Building my own health care law firm pretty much by the seat of my pants was a success that necessitated putting my professional practice before just about every other part of life. I married, but also experienced the pains of divorce. As a daughter, I participated in my parents’ estate and endof-life treatment decision planning. That had its own set of challenges. As a business owner, I started to tire of a problem-solving career based in conflict, and had to figure out how best to move in a new direction. I found
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the emerging arena of business and life coaching, and recombined things once again. If change is the one constant in life, reinvention is the process. These experiences made me realize just how much easier it could have been with the right objective guidance to make the significant decisions involved. It just didn’t exist, especially to address the influence and impact I truly wanted to have – the stuff of legacy.
Your Life and How You Live It Is The Key That Unlocks Your Legacy
This is your one life. It is defined by your choices in that dash between the dates of birth and departure from this physical plane – two events over which we have the least control. Aside from the outside forces of competition and comparison, this is about personal best and figuring out how to live this one life as fully as possible. Ultimately, it transcends our other relationships, except perhaps the one with our maker. Each person’s life touches the world in a way only that person can. This is your unique brilliance – the light that shines from the life energy of your exclusive DNA. That is far more important to legacy creation than “who gets my stuff when I die?” It is a question of “who gets the benefit of my life energy while I am alive?” And how. And whether you enhance or deplete that ultimate gift. Because what lasts flows from that.
In the course of my legal career, I had the unique opportunity to provide pro bono representation of unknown heirs in intestate succession cases – where someone had died with so little they never wrote a will. I found that even they had a significant legacy: not their stuff, they were remembered for the profound impact they made on others. That need not be based on wealth or tangible assets. Life is short. The fastest way to discover your purpose for being here is to identify the people, places and things you love and that truly move you the most. From there you can live as fully as possible using your preferred interests and skills, and whatever resources you have to contribute, with greater certainty that just being who you are indeed has meaning as part of the grand design. That may be the best way to create the legacy you will ultimately leave for the benefit of future generations. Because everyone has a legacy, whether they think they do or not. Each of us has that superpower. The key is to recognize and exercise it, avoiding our own versions of kryptonite that can cripple the process. That is where professional assistance can be crucial – financial, legal, and especially for making underlying personal choices. Sometimes professional therapy is needed, but more often it calls for what I call life, leadership, and legacy planning.
Honor The Privilege of Life and Legacy Through Joy and Gratitude
Many issues of personal life, family, defining success, financial security and independence, work and lifestyle, wealth, inheritance, meaning, purpose, and legacy begin to arise at midlife or mid-career. From my own and clients’ experiences, my work evolved into helping individuals systematically and consciously address them all at pivotal points of life change and craft a plan to instill confidence that nothing important is missed. I call this planning approach whole life wellness, a method to help people truly have it all and make a positive impact – which is possible. It’s not really about having it all (everything – where would you put it?) and not necessarily all at once. It is what feels abundant for you: having your all. Most people don’t want everything anyway, and “more, more, more” is not a strategy; it is an endless, expensive, and unsatisfying quest. Acquiring personal and real property, and having significant personal experiences, unfolds as life evolves. At mid-career and beyond, people often start to wonder how to preserve what they’ve built, change direction to experience greater fulfillment, simplify, and divest. And make a bigger difference. Pursuing deeply held personal aspirations – with work, people, and community involvements most important to
Dolly Garlo became known as The Whole Life Wellness and Reinvention Mentor after her own journey from critical care nurse, to attorney and business owner, to board certified business, leadership and legacy coach, author, environmental advocate, philanthropist, and champion of women’s leadership. She is blissfully happy in marriage, the proud guardian of a standard poodle, and spends time in mountain and ocean environments by design. From her own experience changing course, and working with clients to do the same, she cracked the code on how to create greater fulfillment in life and career quickly and easily, along with the greatest influence and impact. She is the creator of the MASTERFUL LIFE Redesign and Creating Legacy programs delivered in both individual and group formats and collaborates with other advisors interested in adding that value to their clients. More information and resources at www.DollyGarlo.com. Enjoy your own reinvention exploration. Click here to get your “Masterful Life Redesign Roadmap.” you – provides the foundation for happiness and satisfaction and results in your highest and best contributions. Too often these deep personal aspirations are held in check, kept as secrets, bound by taboos, or limited by doubts about being able to have what we truly want in life – which, after a point, is not about more stuff. Openly admitting and satisfying these desires results in a true appreciation of one’s unique life – a genuine sense of joy and gratitude. It allows for a continual running toward experience instead of the slower trial and error approach of experimenting with unknowns and fleeing from what we don’t really want. It also makes it easier to meaningfully share it, both in life and how we benefit those we touch later at the family, local, national, or even international level. While people utilize financial and estate planning to make and preserve wealth, they too rarely explore a lifeplanning process that informs those efforts. With it, legacy can unfold in myriad unexpected ways beyond mere asset transfer. That can include conveying personal values, experiences, places, learning, histories – intellectual, social, and environmental capital, not just financial capital – though a number of means. Actively pursuing that – rather than just striving, dreaming, or thinking about it – is what allows you to both live it and leave the world a better place for having done so. That is the change work of reinvention, toward your personal best, that leads to legacy level contribution you truly enjoy. n
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The Fight Against Stigma Dr. Ann Petru Helps to Create Opportunities for the Ostracized By Christopher Zacher
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or Dr. Ann Petru, life is about taking care of the people who need it most. As the Director of the Pediatric HIV/AIDS Program at UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospital Oakland, she has spent the majority of her professional career providing treatment to children who suffer from autoimmune diseases. When she treated her first HIV-positive patient in the early 1980’s, the disease did not yet have a name. However, she quickly discovered that researching and treating the disease as well as advocating for children who suffer from it would be something worth dedicating her life to. “It kind of fell in my lap,” Ann says, speaking of how she came to be a leading researcher of the disease, “It’s been fascinating and rewarding. I’ve had the privilege of taking care of some pretty incredible people.”
Re-Educating the Community
Ann sees herself as an educator just as much as a medical professional. She’s spent much of her career fighting against the social stereotypes that are imposed on children born with HIV.
“There’s still a lot of misinformation,” she says. “There are still people who think you can get HIV by drinking from the same cup.” She tells the story of one 13-year-old patient she treats who was told by a teacher that HIV can be transmitted by sharing food. “This is a kid who knows about his disease and has been educated on real facts, and yet this teacher is giving horrendously erroneous information to classmates,” she explains. “Much of what we do in clinics is helping kids cope with ignorance on the outside and to give them enough confidence to trust themselves and know where to turn for useful information that’s accurate.”
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A Life of Advocacy and Mentorship
As a result of the stigma around HIV and AIDS, Ann and her team spend much of their time instilling a sense of self-worth into patients who might otherwise lack it. “They’ve been told that you can’t let anyone get exposed to your blood, you can’t live in a community with other people because people will be afraid of you,” she says. A number of her patients from China, for example, were isolated from their communities and placed into special orphanages for children who were born with the disease. One orphanage was forced to pack up and move overnight when word got out that all of the kids who lived there had HIV. “It takes a long time for us to convince them that they’re good people, that they have good potential, that they can go to school and learn,” she says. The success stories that come from Ann’s work are abundant. She talks about one patient who immigrated to America after losing her mother and brother in Ethiopia. “She graduated from high school, college, and went to graduate school for a degree in social work,” Ann says proudly. “Now she’s taking care of homeless youth in Southern California. This kid lost so much in her home country and here she is giving to the world.”
Giving Back to the World
As the child of a Holocaust survivor, Ann understood from an early age that life can be quite cruel to people. Upon finishing medical school, she came to the realization that while she had spent her 20s studying medicine, her mother had been locked in a concentration camp when she was that age. “The day I graduated from medical school, I learned that if my mother had not been in a concentration camp, she would have become a doctor,” Ann says. “In a way, I’ve lived out her legacy.” Ann’s own legacy is a generous one. Both of her adult children have inherited her sense of public service and
Ann Petru, MD has a long history of treating children with infectious diseases at Children’s Hospital Oakland. She is also a longtime clinical scientist at Children’s Hospital Oakland Research Institute, Children’s research arm. Dr. Petru can discuss many topics related to pediatric infectious diseases including antibiotics, “Staph” and “Strep” infections, bacterial meningitis, Epstein-Barr virus (EBV), Entero virus, Ebola virus, and other viral diseases. However, her primary focus is treatment of children with HIV/AIDS and preventing transmission of HIV from mothers to their babies.Dr. Petru provided care for the first pediatric HIV/AIDS case in the Bay Area in 1983. In 1986, she started the Pediatric HIV/AIDS Program, which has treated more than 800 HIV-infectedand HIV-exposed infants, children and adolescents. Many of her patients were among the first to participate in AZT treatment and other clinical trials. These groundbreaking studies allowed her and her staff to evaluate many drug combinations for HIV management, new immunizations for children with HIV, and the long-term effects on children receiving drugs for HIV disease. Because drug therapies have been so successful, children are living much longer. Improved maternal drug therapies reducing transmission of HIV from mothers to their children, means there are now fewer infants born to HIV-infected mothers. Individuals wishing to support Ann’s work can do so here (https://give.ucsfbenioffchildrens.org/landing/ways-togive). Click “give now” and select “other” in the “I want my funds to support” section. A field will pop up where you can enter “Dr. Ann Petru.”
desire to help people. Her daughter works as a family medicine doctor at community clinics and her son is the athletic director for a high school. “They’re both just wonderful people,” she says. “They got it.” She tells one story of her son speaking out against the expulsion of student from the soccer team due to misbehavior. “My son advocated for him because this is a boy who has no support at home,” she explains. “What keeps this kid going to school is that he loves soccer, so my son is his support.” The hospitality of her family reflects Ann’s own philosophy on life. “It’s not about making money. It’s not about traveling and seeing the world,” she says. “People need to look at what’s happening around them and find something that’s important. Take care of someone who no one else wants to care of. We really need to look after one another.” n
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An Uncomplicated Life Lessons I Learned from Raising a Child With Special Needs By Paul Daugherty
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t took Jillian Daugherty half an hour to learn to spell store. Jillian studied at the kitchen table, face scrunched in devout concentration, with an index card bearing the word’s definition: “A retail establishment selling items to the public.’’ Dad, across the kitchen table, was learning something else more valuable. “S-O,’’ Jillian began. She was in 3rd grade, and this was her homework. Eight spelling words a night, twice a week. Some she got quickly. Some took a little longer. And some were words like STORE. “No, sweetie,’’ I said. “Remember your blends.’’ I made a sssstuh sound. “S-T,’’ Jillian said. “Right.’’ “S-T-A …’’ “Not quite,’’ I said. “Aw. Aw. What does that sound like?’’ Jillian replied that it sounded like A and H. “What else?’’ I said. “O’’ she said. “Yes.’’ Some nights, homework was a breeze. Others it was a frustration hurricane. When you are a typical child, spelling store might take 30 seconds. When you are a child born with Down syndrome, it could take longer than that. “S-T-O,’’ Jillian said. I said, “That’s good.” “S-T-O-E …’’ “Almost.’’
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We’d start homework after dinner, 7:30 or so. Often, we’d finish close to 10. Jillian liked homework. My wife and I alternated nights, the other parent being responsible for dinner. We honored Jillian’s effort with our patience. She deserved as much. When Jillian came up with “S-T-O-R-E,’’ we highfived and I did a little dance around the room. “S-TO-R-E, store-store-store!’’ I yelled, like a junior high cheerleader. Jillian learned to spell another word. I added to the store room of gifts my daughter has given me. It’s not patience I’m talking about, though patience surely was required. It’s the life-enhancing and too-often-ignored virtue of slowing down. You’ve heard this: Kids born with Down syndrome can do almost everything anyone else can do. It just takes them a little longer. Most of us don’t know how to slow down. Some of us wouldn’t enjoy it if we did. I’m here to tell you, slowing down is the best thing that ever happened to our family, and Jillian is the reason it did. “Life is what happens when we’re busy making other plans,’’ John Lennon said, unwittingly defining the
American suburban bargain. We seek what’s next, we push our kids to hyper-achieve, and we live vicariously through their successes. We do everything but let them be kids. We don’t linger. Jillian taught us to linger. I cannot tell you what Jillian’s brother Kelly, three years older, wore to his first formal dance. I can tell you what Jillian wore: teal dress, white heels, and the reddest lipstick ever. I can’t recall teaching Kelly how to ride a bike. I’m supposing it was an hour or two and “have fun!’’ Tenyear-old Jillian needed three weeks. I remember every hour we spent on the long, common drive we shared with three other houses. “Do you have me, Dad?’’ she’d ask. Her bike was so tiny, it looked like something a circus clown would ride, in between the elephants. I started with 10 fingers clutching the back of her seat as she pedaled down the lane. Every session, I’d release one more finger. That last session – a blue-perfect day in midspring, tulips aflame in the garden – I let my index finger slide from the seat. “You have me, Dad?’’ Jillian asked. She pedaled down the lane and away from me. “I’ll always have you, Jillian,’’ I said. Have you ever read Blue Highways, the book by William Least Heat Moon? It’s about his travels around America. Moon got off the interstates and on to the “blue highways,’’ the blue-colored squiggles on the road maps, when we used to have road maps. He lingered. That’s how he discovered America. That’s how we discovered Jillian. Her life is a blue highway. She taught us it’s the only way to travel. “Stop and smell the roses’’ isn’t just a cliché. We learned with Jillian that moments are what really count — minor moments — snapshots like the instant she rode a bike on her own. Riding a bike was something she wasn’t supposed to be able to do. She and I now ride 20 miles on a local trail. Dating was another in the “Can’t Do Catalog” for people born with Down syndrome. Jillian’s date that night is her husband of three years today. If you’re going to work as hard as Kerry, Jillian, and I worked, you better be ready to celebrate the happy outcomes. The books tell you not to sweat the small stuff. We disagree. The best stuff in life is the small stuff, and the only way you taste it fully is to respect it with your time. Seize the small stuff. Then linger. I’ve applied this to everything I do. I don’t waste a sunset, I don’t overlook a cardinal on the feeder outside my office window. I’m never so preoccupied that I can’t listen to my wife, kids, family, or friends. They are who I am.
Paul Daugherty is the author of four books and is an award-winning sports columnist at the Cincinnati Enquirer. In 2013 the Associated Press named him the nation’s best newspaper sports columnist. A story he wrote that year about former Cincinnati Bengals linebacker Reggie Williams also was judged the best sports feature in the nation. He has been named Ohio’s best sports columnist eight times. His books include a biography of former NFL All Pro receiver Chad Johnson, a self-help book with Hall of Fame catcher Johnny Bench, a collection of his newspaper sports columns, and An Uncomplicated Life. Daugherty and his wife Kerry are emptynesters residing in suburban Cincinnati. They have two children – son Kelly, 31, and daughter Jillian, 28 – and a 1-year-old tabby cat named Dylan. Paul Daugherty’s memoir of raising his daughter Jillian, An Uncomplicated Life, was published by Harper Collins in 2015. It is available at Amazon.com, on all platforms. Paul and Jillian also have spoken extensively all over the country, to groups as diverse as local, state and national Down Syndrome Associations, and company CEOs interested in hiring people with intellectual disabilities.You can reach Paul Daugherty via his website, pdaugherty.com. Also on Facebook: Paul Daugherty or pauldaughertywriter. Twitter: @enquirerdoc.
I’m not special, unless you count the luck I’ve had with Jillian in my life. She lives a life free of envy, guile, and agendas. She’s empathetic, she has compassion, and she’s loyal. What matters most to Jillian is who she loves and who loves her. She takes her time moving through the world. Jillian Daugherty Mavriplis is 28 now. She graduated high school, attended four years of college at Northern Kentucky University, earning 30 credit hours and walking the graduation line with her then-boyfriend and nowhusband, Ryan. Jillian works two jobs, as a teacher’s assistant in the local public elementary school and in the athletic office of her alma mater. To get to work at NKU, Jillian takes four metro buses a day. She and Ryan live independently in a two-bedroom townhouse for which they pay all the rent. (“Yay!” Dad says.) They shop, they cook, they clean, they walk their dog. Sound like others you know? They see the world without jaundiced eyes. They take the time to have a good time. They are who the rest of us should be, but aren’t. They own innately what I’ve had to earn: The ability to live a measured life. Nothing has ever mattered more to me.n
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Timeless Wisdom: Fault Finders in Paradise
Henry David Thoreau on Living Deliberately By Laura A. Roser
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n his seminal work, Walden (first published in 1854), Thoreau wrote:
see but a quiet mind may live as contentedly there, and have as cheering thoughts, as in a palace.
However mean your life is, meet it and live it; do not shun it and call it hard names. It is not so bad as you are. It looks poorest when you are richest. The fault-finder will find faults even in paradise. Love your life, poor as it is. You may perhaps have some pleasant, thrilling, glorious hours, even in a poorhouse. The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the almshouse as brightly as from the rich man’s abode; the snow melts before its door as early in the spring. I do not
Anyone can find fault – the richest and the poorest, the most beautiful and the ugliest, the hungry and the well-fed. Once our minds focus on negative attributes, there’s no end to the material we can come up with. It’s easy to get in the habit of this. Get in the car (the steering wheel’s too hot!), pull into traffic (why do people put stupid stickers on their bumpers?), watch a guy ride by on his bike (he should not wear white spandex), switch the radio station (commercials are the worst), order coffee from the drive-thru (the barista’s
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too peppy), and so it goes. A life that is made up of moments of complaints. The good news is we can use this same ability to amplify positive thoughts. Walk in the house (oh, what a wonderful smell), kiss your spouse (how good it is to have someone to greet me each night), wash the dishes (what a perfect time to reflect on good things that happened today), and so on. According to Thoreau, living in a hovel with cheering thoughts is better than living in a palace with negative thoughts. It is in our thoughts that true living happens. He advises: Do not trouble yourself much to get new things, whether clothes or friends. Turn the old; return to them. Things do not change; we change. Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts … Superfluous wealth can buy superfluities only. Money is not required to buy one necessary of the soul. Although finding fault can be helpful – after all, how would you ever determine your preferences? – if one wishes to live happily, he or she must learn how to turn off the insidious fault-finding relating to circumstances that cannot be changed. Your life is a paradise, but it’s all in your head. n
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Issue 14
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