Judy

JUDY MINI MEMOIRS — 22 NOVEMBER 2020

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MEMOIR Because we are fortunate to still find ourselves Inside each other’s stories, turning up on each other’s pages Because we can pick the book up again, after it slipped behind a sofa, And not worry about what page we’d got to when we put it down, Knowing this has always been a joyful story to be in Because it seems like yesterday when we first knew each other When Dawn broke in a Morris Thousand Traveller Because we would be friends even if we didn’t love your husbands Or your children Because we knew you first in plants or was it maternity wear When you didn’t know how early those drafts of yourself were, How you would be rewriting them ever since When none of us knew how long we would all be working On new drafts of ourselves Because we are all walking onto the pages of each other’s memoirs Announced and unannounced, year in, year out Because we’re all of us asking most days if we could have done that better 2

Or given ourselves better lines, or could we say that again Because we can read each other, but only edit ourselves Because sometimes the words just write themselves And other times the day is a blank page Telling us we’ve reached the end of ourselves Because you are a good reader as well as a good writer And your friends trust you to read their lives And you trust them to read yours Because we live life as a collection of short stories Most unfinished. (But then . . . how would we know?)

Because it doesn’t matter whether our story has commercial interest As long as it has local appeal, as long as it is true As long as it is love and joy and patience and forgiveness As long as it is comedy alongside our tragedy Because we will all end up in each other’s anthologies Because you are in ours Because we are in yours Martin Wroe 3

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JACQUI ALEXANDER CHRISTIAN When I conjure up an image of Judy, I see in my mind’s eye a beautiful, warm, open smiling face with bright eyes. I think of a person who is optimistic, generous in spirit, hugely capable, ready for a laugh, yet able to navigate the messiness and pain of life.

reinvent yourself or try something new and unlike many people you are not afraid to laugh at yourself. All of these are admirable qualities which make you you. As I write, I’m recalling fondly that time at Sopwell House when inspired by Rosie we found ourselves trying to do late night handstands in the corridor. You might be Australian, but flinging yourself upside down is not for you!

Wherever you set up home, even in a field, you (and your family) have a wonderful ability to create a warm and welcoming environment which you share generously with others. So, my memories of you Judy, are a web of joyful times: roast chicken Sunday lunches when kids were in our future; family meals at Middle Lane where you were always willing to set another place at the table; parties in Cambridge celebrating milestones; fun times at Chimneys with lots of children in tow and mellow moments in Suffolk.

You are not just a fair-weather good time friend. Not only do you feature in some of my most fun moments, but you are also in my memories of tougher times.

Thank you Judy, for those times when you have been there for me and my family with your listening ear and your thoughtful and kind gestures.

Your planning is infamous: regarded by many with a mix of bemusement and admiration. So, none of us were surprised that you were planning celebrations for this special birthday more than a year out. Lockdown might have put a stop to your plans, but if we know you Judy, 22 November 2020 will not pass without a lot of love and laughter. And even though we won’t be able to be with you, your infectious zest will reach us in North London and we will raise a glass or two to you and wish you a very happy 60th birthday and thank you for the joy and energy you bring to our lives!

You feature extensively in my life’s most memorable snap shots: Greenbelt moments from across the decades too numerous to single out. We’ve had a lot of fun dancing too: jiving to the Woebegone Brothers at St Luke’s, belly dancing at Sopwell House, disco dancing in clubs and then kitchens and rocking around the world at U2 concerts – the most surreal of course being in Madrid with the supermodels!

(Still can’t get over the length of their arms) You are always up for having a go, not afraid to 5

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NICK BATTLE JUDE, A MEMOIR

Well there is so much I could write about Jude, the, ‘Come to bed eyes’, this gorgeous creature married to one of my oldest friends, who then goes onto marry the second time around, one of my best friends, without so much as a backward glance. There’s always a little bit of Judy carried in my heart along with the rest of her family. Smart, sassy, sexy, adaptable, willing to grow and change, kind, loyal and generous, not a stranger to sadness which is why she is empathetic. A good listener and a great friend. She used to like planting lipstick on me when I occasionally drove her to work in the morning back in the 1980’s.

If I had a desert island she would be on it. She has inspired songs, the occasional tear but most of all laughter. Judy is a joy-bringer. The world is a better place because of her.

On this your sixtieth birthday Judy, I wish you a Very Happy Birthday. Most of all I wish you a long , happy and healthy life with those you love, Adrian, Phoebe, Tilly and Rosie.

You are a remarkable woman. You have done much, but there is still a lot left to accomplish. My hope for you, is that you will continue to enjoy it all.

The bumps in the road, the twist and turns, with a smile on your face, and with your man by your side.

Oh yes did I tell you she is naughty?

Happy Birthday my friend.

I like talking with her, as we can go to great depths of conversation very quickly. She is a seeker after truth and along with her husband Adrian has created three beautiful and unique daughters, well they would wouldn’t they, just look at the gene pool!

Love always, Ollie xxxx

She is disciplined too, in the last few years taking up running, shedding pounds and getting fit, at a time when a lot of us are looking like a decoy for a whaling fleet.

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DEBS AND MICHAEL BECKETT We first met Judy with her husband Adrian when they were thinking of moving to Cambridge. It struck us then that together they were making a lifestyle choice for the sake of their family and their conviction about community.

Our experience of Judy is that she is such a social creature, with a big heart who embraces, loves and cares for so many that are in her orbit, very especially her three daughters. In our community here she has thrown herself into things. She is hugely hospitable and shares her lovely home here in Cambridge generously and extravagantly. We have also been hugely grateful to have so many happy memories of time spent at Chimneys and now The Snug.

We respect and admire Judy’s front footedness and positivity.

Judy “always looks on the bright side of life”. We also admire her courage and energy in embarking on her MA at this point in her life, certainly no kicking back for her.

We know how hard you will find it, Jude, that your big 60 will happen during the second lockdown and we wish that we could celebrate it with you as you would have wished. Thank you for the life you bring us.

With all our love Debs & Michael xxxx

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LENJA BELL

LIVING NEXT DOOR TO JUDY As well as being a friendly, helpful, reliable and lovely neighbour Judy did some really special things when she lived next door to us at 15 St Barnabas Road. Here are just a few . . .

• With true delight and amusement, Judy told me how on a shared school run, when trying to strike up a conversation with my six year old son, he said dryly “Oh, so you’re one of those chatty mums.”

• When we moved in, Judy arranged a drinks party for our St Barnabas Road neighbours so we could meet people from the street.

• Judy always made me feel that it was okay to take ‘me’ time as a mum, that it was important for my well-being. She was a great help with this as we enjoyed numerous lunches, coffees and drinks with other mums over the years. Thanks to Judy’s encouragement, we worked hard to look after ourselves!

• The yearly chore to trim our shared lavender was made much more pleasurable by Judy turning it into a social event. Secateurs and glasses of wine were brought out so we could trim, chat, sip, and enjoy our gardening chore.

• When drumming became a musical pursuit for one of the lovely Reith girls, we had to politely say it was too much noise for us. Then Judy suggested that we think about when our house was at its noisiest (definitely bath time with two rowdy boys), and she scheduled drumming practice to take place at the same time. I could relax as the boys raced around and squabbled to a neighbourly drum beat. It was a mad half hour on both sides of the shared wall.

Fortunately for me, Judy didn’t move far and stayed not only a neighbour but a very good friend. She’s someone with whom I can laugh, speak openly, reflect and share. I love her honesty, thoughtfulness, and sense of humour. Thank you Judy!

Lenja

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MARCUS BERKMANN I went out with Judy twice, for ten months in 1979, and for three months in 1989. (The second time we were old friends, both recovering from unfortunate experiences, and en route to better things elsewhere.) In 1979 she lived in a smallish flat above her workplace, a flower shop in the centre of Golders Green. Although I was ridiculously anxious, sexually inexperienced and hopelessly immature, we had rather a jolly summer, lying in her bed with the window open, listening to the saxophonist in the next flat practise the same bit of the same song every night for months. Now I would commit murder. Then it didn’t seem to matter.

give me a lift to Judy’s. She would then come back and shut my bedroom door (which was never otherwise closed) and pretend to my brother the following morning that I had had trouble sleeping and needed the lie-in. Both were true, but not for the reasons he thought. My brother never worked it out, I’m glad to say.

That flat was magical. Once we had a party to celebrate something or other and we had maybe ten people there, in her spacious front room which overlooked the curve of Golders Green High Street. I remember the evening, which was hot and sultry, being suffused with happiness. Judy has a gift for happiness, which I have found to be a very rare thing. Some affairs end and you never see the other person again, but Judy and I became good, firm friends who, admittedly, see each other only infrequently. But when we do get together, it’s as though we last spoke yesterday, not ten years ago.

I can’t quite believe she’s 60, but then I can’t quite believe I’m 60 either. How did this happen? Sheer carelessness seems the only possible explanation.

I lived in Hampstead, a mile or two away, and my problem was an unusual one. My mother knew of my relationship with Judy, and approved strongly, but my younger brother, then aged 15 but sexually precocious, was not in the loop. My mother wasn’t bothered by the fact that J and I were only 19.

Her main priority was that my brother shouldn’t find out. She said that if he knew I was sleeping with my girlfriend most nights, he would want to do the same, and that would never do. So when I was going to stay over at hers, we would have to wait until my brother had gone to bed, and then my mum and I would sneak out and she would 13

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CAROLINE BONE Dear Judy - my favourite memories of you all involve your generous hospitality. From the first Sunday supper when we were not yet in Cambridge to a fire-basket-mid-pandemicgin via weekends in Suffolk, shared cups of tea, a Nicaraguan evening, a royal wedding and er . . . lots more gin. Not forgetting a moving day picnic which you left with us after you’d cleaned our bathroom!

But the thing you did which has shaped our life in Cambridge more than anything else is coming up with the idea of “Spud” with John Wroe – 10 years ago, not long before your 50th! New to St Paul’s we needed a way in to get to know more people and this provided just the opportunity. After a while quite a lot of the Sunday St Paul’s people drifted away and we felt a bit bereft. But we kept on, realising that our ability to hold a random conversation at will many times over the course of an evening was our best asset! It’s rare we have left without feeling well fed, cheered and a bit more in touch with our community. Many a friendship has been made and deepened over a tea towel.

So thank you for your energy and enthusiasm to get things going.

It’s always more fun when you are around. Keep on!

With lots of love Caroline x x x

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PETE BONE In what now feels like another lifetime, you were sitting next to me in Dulcedo’s cafe, croissant in hand, enthusing about the treat you’d given yourself. Jo Wroe’s writing Summer School. It turned out to be the start of a very long journey. And one that I was very happy to accompany you on, at least for the first couple of chapters.

With freshly sharpened pencils and bright clean exercise books we arrived, eager students. Postcards, photos and objects inspired our writing as we conjured characters from thin air. We had a blast.

So much so that a one week course turned into three more terms of Jo’s writing class. We wrote comedy, memoir and even science fiction. And that still wasn’t enough for you. You’d found your thing. And you’re still going. More power to your pencil, Judy Reith!

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SARAH & MICK BRUNDLE MY FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH JUDY

I first encountered Judy at an antenatal class, conducted by the community midwives to a rather quiet group of Islington soon-to-be mums. Quiet until Judy arrived – she used to pop into the odd one as this was her second pregnancy. Judy was a great contributor to the class and the first time she attended I caught her looking at me – well not me exactly but my feet! A lot. At the end of the class she approached me and said she felt she had met a kindred spirit in that she loved my socks – which were mustard yellow with a black leopard print. Subsequently, I learnt that Judy was partial to the odd bit of animal print! She was warm, charming and very friendly and I missed her at the classes she didn’t attend as she added wisdom.

had befriended Judy & Adrian and has inserted this memory: I first befriended Judy and Adrian walking our Cairn terrier; a Glaswegian terrorist called Tosh. I can’t remember how or why . . . all I can remember is that we started a conversation, probably beginning on the subject of my canine companion. This chance meeting developed into a regular occurrence and it transpired Judy was about to deliver Tilly. Coincidentally Sarah, who was about to deliver our daughter Phoebe had also befriended Judy at a local antenatal session.

Both babies are now exceptional young women and Judy and Adrian are living in a large German built sustainable wunderhaus in the middle of Cambridge.

So where did the time go . . . ?

I bumped into Judy again at an antenatal clinic. She recognised me and we got chatting. She asked me if I knew if I was having a girl or a boy to which I replied a girl. She told me her firstborn was a girl, called Phoebe which was a coincidence as Mick and I had already named our baby-in-the-womb Phoebe. Judy was a second-time mum I could relate to: positive, encouraging and calm. And the sort you could pose any pre-birth questions to, to quell any doubts or nerves.

Everything about Judy during those first encounters is true of the Judy I got to know and befriend over the following 26 years – yes, Judy, 26 years! You are kind, warm and generous. And, if there is anything I can contribute to you turning 60, as a seasoned 60 something year old, it is that your decade has arrived.

Your sixties are great, largely because you don’t give a shit anymore and largely because any self-doubts that haunted you growing up, turn into wisdom which makes you rock!

In the meantime, completely unbeknown to me, Mick 19

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JUSTIN BUTCHER A kaleidoscope of Judy moments, images, chats, smiles, laughs, hugs and walks rotates through thirty-six years of memory, and the truth which pulses through them all is - that you have been there for me. For us. There on the train to Zennor with us for that tragic funeral. There as a bridesmaid with Liz and Marie, helping Nancy to walk up the aisle. There helping us through those long, strange hours of labour when Benedict was being born. There in Dublin with us, when old Postlethwaite gave birth to Scaramouche Jones. There at a hundred radical inspiring seminars, gigs and workshops at dozens of Greenbelts. There through the trials and errors of learning (and failing, and sometimes succeeding) to become parents. There in joys and sorrows, all weathers. Curious, interested, kind, attentive, watchful, mindful, generous - at celebrations, parties, festivals, plays, concerts, funerals, weddings, at the births of babies and all through the months and years of our children’s flowering you have been there, pouring the generous energy of your care into the crucible of our lives. Deepening, enriching, warming and guiding, your presence, your interest, your attention, your delight, your love - all have helped to build the solid ground on which we stand. I lost a brother, but found a sister. What makes a great writer? Well, isn’t it all these things? Curiosity, delight, attention, interest - you can’t make a good story without these.

Thank you, Judy, for being a co-author of our lives.

Years of love - Justin x 21

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NANCY BUTCHER JUDY AT 60

“What about a story?” said Christopher Robin . . .

I’m a lumberjack and I’m OK I sleep all night and I work all day I cut down trees, I wear high heels Suspendies and a bra I wish I’d been a girlie, just like my dear Papa.

When we were kids, you were in the local dramatic society and with two productions each year, one in the local wood the other in our school hall, you brought much life and theatrical fun into our household.

You, being older and wiser, decided to take me (aged about eight) along to the rehearsals one day, something I would never have contemplated doing myself. Somehow, I got a small part in the summer production of Winnie the Pooh, and you got the prize: the lead role of Christopher Robin.

I remember you in those wellies and long shorts, stalking confidently about the woodland stage.

I was cast as a frenzied rabbit that came on occasionally, running around and I had maybe one word to say. The stage lights gradually took over from the sunset, the smell of the woods at night and the pancake makeup all mingled together. It was magical, exciting if not a little scary.

And in 1970-something you won a huge Christmas hamper for completing the next line of a christmas carol over the phone, live! on Capital Radio, one morning before school – “Star of Wonder Star of Light”.

Another time you were preparing for a school show and I can still hear you loudly singing the Python song all round the home for weeks . . . hilarious.

In short, I wanted to be like you!

I was so excited you knew it and had the courage to ring in and sing it over the radio. And then arrived the most amazing, huge box of goodies including a bottle of red wine vinegar – something which we had never seen before. I was just so impressed at all the things you could do Jude – going out and putting yourself in front of the world and winning stuff.

Looking back now it was really just the taste of 23

things to come. You showed me things, took me places, pointed me in directions, that I wouldn’t have seen or ventured out to.

And because you led the way, it always felt good, fun and safe.

Like the best of adventures.

Your sense of fun and desire to enjoy life has been a great inspiration to me all my life and is matched by your capacity to work hard, think deeply and help me and others to understand and feel clearer about themselves and the direction they are heading.

Christopher Robin is described as cheerful, compassionate, adventurous, fun-loving, imaginative and helpful. I’d say the same of you, lovely sister, and that the casting director was bang on all those years ago.

Said Christopher Robin to Winnie-the-Pooh: “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

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ALASDAIR CANT & HELEN ROBBINS Happy 60th Birthday dearest Judy!

I (Helen) first met Judy at the Wroe’s house in 2001. Alongside our, then 2-year-old daughters, our own friendship started to grow. What a 20 -year journey it has been! There are so many memories and moments with Judy that are shot through with kindness, thoughtfulness, generosity, laughter, listening, simply enjoying time together and revelling with other good friends.

Time with Judy is always time well spent. Scrolling through hundreds of old text messages and emails, this message sums up her warmth, care, and openness during a time of need: Candle lit and we are here for you at all times and in all places For me, my relationship with Judy is not just the high days and holidays (there have been many), but the joy of friendship in the yearly pattern of ordinary life. I appreciate that our conversations can range from ‘nice new shoes!’ to profound care for a personal situation within 5 minutes – always with a good double entendre thrown into the mix.

Alasdair and I have so appreciated Judy’s energyand thoughtfulness; bringing people together and making good things happen. We love, respect, and admire you so much, Judy Reith.

Happy Birthday dearest friend – and here’s to many, many more.

Lots of love, Helen & Alasdair xxx 27

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DAVID & MARY DAVIES Judy is a woman who seizes life, like her men, with both hands. She was sucking the juice out of a raisin way before it was part of an introduction to mindfulness, though had worked out the best thing to do with grapes was turn them into a decent bottle of burgundy a long time ago. She was living “in the now” before most people had ever realised in the end, it’s all we have, and her ability to experience joy is the stuff of legends. Those of you who know her well will already be aware of all this, but in case there’s any doubt here’s a short story.

need of an urgent out of hours phone consultation – instead it was that Adrian’s work partner couldn’t join them for an all-expenses paid weekend trip to Paris – was there any way we could help out – and step in at the last minute . . . “Judy would be so grateful . . . it will mean the world to Adrian”. I guess that’s what true friends are for – of course we agreed. It was midnight.

Seven hours later we were drinking Champagne on First Class Eurostar – even the knowledge that one passport was out of date couldn’t dull our collective excitement. We arrived, with documents unchecked, free to explore the city of lovers in the spring. We saw art, drank coffee, laughed, ate snails, shared hopes and shopped.

Late 1990s – pre the internet or mobile phone. Mary and I went to Screen on the Green in Islington for a late night movie. Breaking Waves, a harrowing Danish movie about repressed religious island folk.

We left the cinema speechless, and walked home in silence. Opening the door, the familiar sight of a neon green flashing light told us the ansaphone had been activated. Five new messages. Four were from Judy and Adrian – a collection of increasingly urgent perhaps even desperate messages. “We need to speak . . . please call . . . it doesn’t matter how late . . . it has to be this evening.” With the sense of foreboding that only unfolding news can bring, we rang.

Judy’s favourite shop was Agnès B. – we were still at the stage of life where we thought that was probably a french version of TKMaxx. We were wrong. The clothes were exquisite, Judy looked amazing. Even Adrian cut a dash.

There’s a photo of the four of us, on the bench outside the shop. Happy beyond our wildest dreams, drinking in true friendship and retail therapy.

Twenty five years on, it sits by on her bedside table.

The raisin has long since gone. The juice of life and friendship endures.

To our relief, no-one had died – no-one was even in 29

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SALLY DAVIS Dearest Judy – Wishing you a Happy 60th Birthday.

Here are a few notes cobbled together this morning, from our days together on the same street. . .

met for many years and only stopped for the first lockdown during this summer! We’ve had so much fun on the back of that course and you are absolutely my ‘go to’ person for all things parenting!

Growing older is the next episode – how did we manage that leap?!

You are someone whose company I love, who puts people at their ease and has a very lovely relatable style which is so invigorating. I feel that when I am with you your energy is vibrant and I feel alive and understood. This is something that you take with you everywhere. You are full of new ideas and refreshingly honest and never afraid to reveal your own failures. It is always a pleasure to know and have you, as a friend and neighbour.

May the next decade be enriching and successful for you in every way.

Sending lots of love Sally

One of the first things I recall about you was when we joined a local parent network course that you were running. In one of the first meetings I remember towards the end you asked each of us to identify our own activity to do at home to treat ourselves, a sort of ‘because I’m worth it’. We each had our own suggestion (having a bath with candles I think was mine) and when we asked you what yours might be you said you thought you would wash your dressing gown! I have never forgotten the lovely humility in that.

The course was brilliant and with your help we managed to set up a parent support group which 31

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MALCOLM & MERYL DONEY THE DONEYS AND JUDY

Judy Orr bounced into our lives in about 1982 or 1983. Bounced is definitely the word. She had a lot of blonde hair and a ra-ra skirt. She was accompanied by one, Peter C. Williams who we had only recently met. We immediately knew that she was going to bring fun and positivity into our lives. Almost 40 years later (can that really be true?), it’s still the case.

Here are some of our fondest Judy memories • Turning up suddenly at Cholmeley Boys Camp in the New Forest • Arriving at our campsite in Brittany • Making an appearance with Willie as Charles and Di at the Union Church fete • ‘Marrying’ Steve and Linda McEwan in St Luke’s • Leading Holy Communion for Crouch End United in Womersley Road • Telling Meryl that she needed more teaspoons – and bringing her some • Calling round when someone in our community needed a quick prayer • Finding out that she was going out with Adrian (who we’d known for 10 years longer than she had) and then marrying him • French and Spanish and Italian villa holidays • Southwold beach hut sausage sizzle • Lending us Marmar’s flat after we sold Wom Road • Remembering everyone’s birthdays • For treating our kids like they were extended family • Being a brilliant cook and a great host • Always being in our corner • Being a woman who says ‘yes’ • Being the easiest company in the world

Jude, throughout the years that we’ve known her, has turned up, often out of the blue, with a plan and a possibility. But although she’s always had an idea for a party, or a meal, or an expedition, that’s not to label her exclusively as a good-time girl. She also had bottom (in a good way).

We observed that she was intelligent, organised, creative. She was an extremely good communicator, and great with people. More importantly, she cared. But the thing was, so many of her talents were buried because nobody had given her the permission to explore them.

What’s been a delight for us is to watch this former florist blossom. She’s a kind of hardy perennial, blooming again and again, in different guises: as a wife (twice), entrepreneur, mother, stylist, coach, counsellor, events organiser, broadcaster, mathematician, speaker, writer, friend. Jude, you’re a marvel.

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EVANS FAMILY Martin and I met you over 40 years ago. I don’t know if you remember the occasion but it was one cold New Year’s Eve in Suffolk. It was a James Holloway ‘thing’ in Laxfield, but as I remember we were not quite sure what was happening. James had disappeared and we were outside in some sort of tent in the cold and damp air chatting. You were very young and I remember thinking what a lively vivacious confident young woman you were and though older, how I felt in awe of you. I think at the time you were doing flower displays for a big corporation, (did you ever do that?), but not sure about that. From then on, for quite a number of years, I seemed to know you at a distance through the Greenbelt Community.

I particularly admire in you is your capacity to initiate, invent and create things for yourself and for others, with commitment and delight. Also your gift in reaching out to people and including them in your friendship circle, in bringing people together. Which brings me to my final memory, which was either your 40th or 50th birthday, I can’t remember how long, you brought together a host of girlfriends for a weekend away including belly dancing and you affirmed us all as stars. How glad I was to be included in that constellation.

And now reaching 60 you are stepping out into a new endeavour and despite the overwhelming feelings you might have about the challenge ahead I am sure you are relishing every moment of it.

Martin and I wish you so much joy and satisfaction as you enter a new decade.

It wasn’t until you, Adrian and family decided to move to Cambridge that we began to know you better. Again, we have a clear memory when you came round for lunch to talk about living in Cambridge and your plans to post letters through the doors of the houses in St. Barnabas Road asking if anyone was thinking of moving! It was at that point when I think we became friends.

And finally, not sure where this fits in so by way of a footnote, you have a lovely open smile that reaches your eyes and lights up your face.

With much love, Julia and Martin

It’s true that one often admires in others those very things that they are lacking in and two things 35

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CHARLIE HAWKINS & LINDA FARROW

I first met Judy when she gate-crashed my 21st birthday . . . no, she was a friend of a friend and arrived by motor bike I think, so cool.

The head girl, Hampstead gardener naturally became part of the collective of oddballs who met at a mock Tudor chapel in Golders Green and we’ve been friends ever since.

There have been a few moments over the years . . . a few haircuts . . . and I’m so grateful you talked us out of climbing the Sydney Harbour Bridge that time.

From huge plants to rock star pants . . . mother, counsellor and paperback writer . . . and yet you were still there for your friends.

Happy special birthday XX love Linda and Charlie.

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GIN GROUP BOOK GROUP. WHEN GOD WAS A RABBIT. THE GREAT GATSBY. CALL THE MIDWIFE. SIPSMITH. DEATH COMES TO PEMBERLEY. WUTHERING HEIGHTS. THE SENSE OF AN ENDING. CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE? A MILLION MILES IN A THOUSAND YEARS. HALF-BLOOD BLUES. THE BEGINNER’S GOODBYE. GORDONS. THE CASUAL VACANCY. MRS PALFREY AT THE CLAREMONT. HOW TO BE A WOMAN. REBECCA. HOLY ISLAND. ANNABEL. GILEAD. THE GUERNSEY LITERARY AND POTATO PEEL SOCIETY. CHASE. THE UNLIKELY PILGRIMAGE OF HAROLD FRY. SKIOS. THE BIRTHDAY BOYS. COPPERHOUSE. TRAVELLING WITH POMEGRANATES. THE BELL JAR. PRECIOUS BANE. THE ELEPHANT KEEPERS’ CHILDREN. BRIDGET JONES: MAD ABOUT THE BOY. OUT OF THE SILENT PLANET. THE PURSUIT OF LOVE. LIFE AFTER LIFE. SEEDLIP. EYRIE. WE ARE ALL COMPLETELY BESIDE OURSELVES. LET IT SNOW. A SWEET OBSCURITY. A TRAVELLER IN TIME. STATION ELEVEN. ALL THE LIGHT WE CANNOT SEE. GO SET A WATCHMAN. HENDRICK’S. A YEAR OF MARVELLOUS WAYS. THE MOONSTONE. JONATHAN UNLEASHED. THE ART OF RACING IN THE RAIN. THIS MUST BE THE PLACE. THE READERS OF BROKEN WHEEL RECOMMEND. BOMBAY SAPPHIRE. JASPER JONES. HOW TO BE BOTH. BEL CANTO. WHAT I TALK ABOUT WHEN I TALK ABOUT RUNNING. PLAINSONG. CALLING MAJOR TOM. A GENTLEMAN IN MOSCOW. RED JOAN. HOTEL CHOCOLAT. THE KEEPER OF LOST THINGS. AMERICAN WIFE. THE SECRET HISTORY. THE LIBRARIAN. BLACK WATER LILLIES. MISS BOSTON AND MISS HARGREAVES. CONVENIENCE STORE WOMAN. UNDERLAND. TANQUERAY. BELOVED. OPHIR. REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL. INVISIBLE WOMEN. AROUND THE WORLD IN 8O TRAINS. ENCHANTED APRIL. WHERE THE CRAWDADS SING. MA’AM DARLING. GIN GROUP. 39

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JUDI GUNN

My memories of our youth in North London are of a whirl of friendship, fun and rites of passage one of which was Judy and Adrian’s wedding. That must have been more than 30 years ago now, as I was early pregnant. It was a quintessential gathering of a great gang, and through those years we spent together in North London, there were evenings, picnics and parties and then deep conversations over the heads of babies and toddlers. We have gone our separate ways since, but we are still here! Have a great lockdown sixtieth! Happy birthday Judy!

Love Judith & Simon

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SIMON GUNN After a long day in my office in Covent Garden I always enjoyed dropping by on my way home to ‘Bumpsadaisy’ for a cup of tea with Judy. Warm and generous, stylish and a great cook, she was a significant presence on the Crouch End scene.

I’m reminded of Judy and Adrian’s wedding at the church hall in Holloway. For those who haven’t seen the photos Judy was, as ever, resplendent in, I’m going to say cream embroidery, and there was a dark something involved. Beautifully conceived of course. Adrian was wearing a pork-pie hat and was faintly reminiscent of Gene Hackman in ‘French Connection’. Film not shop.

The hat and taxi disappeared into the distance, and a short time later a telephone call was received. “The Eagle Has Landed” was the cryptic and delicate message which passed around the remaining wedding party. Judy had claimed Adrian’s virginity.

Glorious day!

Happy birthday Judy, and in the words of the shouting lady, “THE BEST IS YET TO COME!”

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SIBS & ANDY HARRISON Dearest Judy,

that has happened to us. You must tell Adrian!

We wish you a merry birthday And a happy new year!

We have a colourful catalogue of wonderful memories of you. One that sticks out in both our minds is the morning of our wedding when you nearly broke your ankle.

With you as a constant companion in our lives we have a mentor, friend, confidant, counsellor and coconspirator to help us with all the vagaries of life; or, now that you are a literary boffin, should that be ‘slings and arrows of outrageous fortune’? We know you have experienced your share of these and your ability to parry and laugh at them and open a bottle of Sauvignon in the face of adversity and long odds is something which is a source of hope and inspiration to us.

Your considerable distress was a powerful distraction that helped us put our biggest day into perspective and thereby helped us to overcome the terror, excitement, exhaustion, exhilaration and trepidation of being bound together for life in holy matrimony.

You are a safety net to our precarious lives - a very present help in the trouble of facing cancer, bereavement, unemployment, relationship meltdown, political calamity, environmental devastation, boring churches, Donald Trump and irritating neighbours.

You were, and remain, a constant source of succour, comfort, encouragement, wisdom, laughter and generosity, kindness, hospitality and empathy.

You naturally, unselfconsciously and instinctively dispense the reassurance in an uncertain world that we and others look for from a friend, a mother, an aunt, a sister and a partner.

We’re so sorry not to be with you but we will raise a glass or three to toast an exceptional woman, a dear friend and an intrepid and inspirational adventurer in the journey of Life.

You always welcome us and make room for us in your heart and in your home - in sickness and in health, for better for worse, for poorer and for even poorer.

Freely have you given. Freely may you receive.

Happy Birthday Judy! With our love.

In fact, being married to you is one of the best things

Sibs & Andy xxx 45

TIM & JANE HAWKES So – Judy is turning 60.

two have become one) and of four consecutive primes, (Phoebe, Tilly, Rosie, and a big, woolly dog called Ted – who has a relationship thing going with my left leg). A chaotic family that tumbles love, creativity, energy and generosity.

About bloody time!

When the rest of us turn 60, we’re looking for the cool comfort of a bed-pan and wrestling with a Voltaren addiction. Judy? What’s she been doing? Donning “active-wear”. Chasing dogs across Parker’s Piece. And beavering away at a Masters.

Now, pay attention: A solid with 60 vertices is a rhombicosidodecahedron. (Put that on a triple word score!) And, at 60, Judy is one with just as many facets. Totally at home with the begowned, peddling class that is Cambridge, and with antipodean larrikins taking deep dives into Barossa reds, Judy has an incredible number of facets.

Talking of which, the Masters is on “Creative Nonfiction”. So Judy. For us, “non-fiction” would’ve been good enough. But not for Judy. It has to be “creative” non-fiction. Sums her up, really.

Creative. Add that to an incredible sense of fun, a great heart and a searching intellect, and you’ve got the “Energy-bunny” we know as “Judy”.

With rellies scattered about two hemispheres, Judy was not unaccustomed to: “This is the last boarding call for flight . . . ” OK, let me explain flying. It was something we could do in preCOVID times. You would pay money. Wait.

Get screened. Wait. Walk down the inside of a probiscis sucking a plane. Sit. Drink. Sleep. Then reverse the procedure having been transported to parts foreign and exotic. They did this a few times and ended up in Sydney.

Evidently, 60 is a “unitary perfect number”, and that’s about right in Judy’s case. She’s a pretty perfect blend of the mischievous and the godly, between the fun and the serious, between the academic and no-nonsense, common sense.

Staying with the 60 thing – 60 is the sum of two primes (29 and 31) and the sum of four consecutive primes (11+13+17+19). Totally Judy. She’s the sum of two great primes, Judy and Adrian (where the 46

OK, Jane and I have a harbourside unit to stay in that will totally blow their be-socked little toes off. Stay with us!

Hmmm . . . thanks, but “no”. We’re staying at a swanky hotel in the Sydney CBD (with Harbour Views,) with a mega-rock star, whose concert we’re going to in the evening.

Never under-estimate Judy.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Lovely One. Your friendship is precious to us.

With our love, Tim & Jane Hawkes

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STEVE & CAROL HOLLIDAY Dear Judy, Welcome to your sixties! A decade of wisdom, and a great many perks. You are the most fabulous hostess and we have many happy memories of good food and good conversation at your table. You are always caringly interested in others. We look forward to many more occasions together in Act 3.

In the meantime, these are just some of the perks you can enjoy: • Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

• In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

• No one expects you to run anywhere.

• Things you buy now will not wear out.

• You can live without sex but not without your glasses.

• Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

Lots of love to you from Carol and Steve xxx

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STEPH HOSKIN Running. I think we ran together for about 6 years. I

Just a few lines about my friend Judy as she turns 60.

Us. I love your delight in bringing people together,

remember you saying when we started that I would have to allow for you being slower. It turned out not to be true, much of the time it was you cheering me on, and adjusting your pace for me! I will be forever proud of our 10k run and grateful we trained and ran it together. I hope to return as soon as I can

where “us” could be you and Adrian, your family, book group, friends, community. If there’s a party, you’re there, and in fact you probably initiated it!

You’ve introduced me to some great people in your network over the years and my life is richer for it.

Encouragement and enthusiasm. You are a steady,

Darling

daughters. Although we are in very different stages of parenthood I have always loved being able to discuss (even before Ana came along) children with you and how we raise them.

You are thoughtful, insightful and care deeply about so many parents and families, and about me even before I began the parenting journey. D is also for Davina (but only in winter!), Dogs (Ollie & Teddy) and Downton Abbey.

kind and generous friend who has helped me through many a low patch with your sunny side up perspective and zest for life. Our Christmas run one year followed by a ride on the Big Wheel on Parker’s Piece is a very happy memory and represents something of both these qualities in you.

Interesting

and interested. I love that you have always just read something or just heard something on the radio and you are keen to discuss it, and to recommend how to find out more. It expands my horizons, and helps me appreciate more of the world.

Youth. You are youthful yourself :-) and you are

always on the side of young people, championing them and delighting in their successes - around the world through SCU, but also close to home amongst friends and family.

Travel. The furthest we’ve been together is Rio, and

what an experience! I also love talking all things Australia and getting excited with you about our trips there, and Tim and Jane’s visits to Cambridge.

Home. Your home (all 3 I have known you in here, 50

and also Chimneys and The Snug), is always such a welcoming, relaxing and positive place to be.

So many dinners enjoyed after an early evening run, coffees, and summer gins outside. I was lucky enough to enjoy Christmas at Chimneys with you all one year and I am so grateful for it. I love being in your house because it is warm, friendly and full of life.

Thank you for making it so.

Many many happy returns on your 60th Judy and thank you for all of the above and so much more.

Keep on being you!

Much love, Steph xxx & Ana xxx

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NATASHA HULLS

JUDY DARLING: 60 YEARS OF FABULOUSNESS[1] RECIPE FOR DINNER AT JUDY’S*

LIMERICK There was a young lady called Judy, You could say she was a bit of a foodie, Her parties were divine, Fabulous food and good wine, And nobody ever went home moody.

To start: top oatcakes (gluten free) with smoked salmon.

Place snacks, olives, crisps, nuts and cheese in artisan serving bowls.

Take unmeasured amounts of gin, add a splash of tonic, fresh rosemary and sliced lemon (homegrown when in season).

Cook delicious chicken and vegetable-based dishes that can be served with rice – roasts and curries are ideal.

Add old friends, new friends, house guests, neighbours and strangers and mix very well.

Serve generously with good conversation and lots of giggles.

wine,

great

*Recipe adapted from the Ottolenghi book of your choice.

[1]

Happy 60th Birthday Judy. A memoir inspired by our latest Book Group Book ‘Ma’am Darling’. Loads of love Natasha xxxxxxx

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A POTTED HISTORY

DESCRIPTIVES

Jackie’s baby shower. Total awe. House from a magazine. I was intimidated but you were warm, friendly and generous. Gorgeous and angelic daughters. St Luke’s. Nancy and Dawn. Mutual friends. Bono on the fridge. Greenbelt. Weddings.

Chimneys. Such a special place, books, birds, jugs, treehouse and family china. A move to Cambridge.

We followed. Then borrowed your architect and your builder. You welcomed us. Invited us to parties and dinners. How to be a good mum. Fabulous food. 50. You declare a decade of naughtiness.

Book Group. I almost said no, you were a published author. Develops into Gin Group. And general support group for all day-to-day highs and lows of life. So glad I joined. Suffolk. Southwold. The Snug.

Ollie and Teddy. More friends and curries. More children. Empathetic ear, sound advice. Grand Designs. A total inspiration. GCSE Maths and now a Masters degree. New projects and adventures. Act 3. Wonderful, generous friend.

Beautiful. Generous. Wonderful. Talented.

Fabulous. Inspiring. Awesome. Glamorous.

Successful. Gifted. Intelligent. Daring. Gorgeous.

Blessed. Stylish. Caring. Cheeky. Wise. Radiant.

Brilliant. Role Model. Young. Energetic. Funny.

Optimistic. Encouraging. Slightly Naughty. Mother.

Daughter. Sister. Friend. Adored.

KNOCK KNOCK JOKE Knock knock Who’s there?

Judy Judy who?

Judy scribe yourself as fabulous, like the rest of us do?

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NICK IBERY

So, what could I say about Judy? I could say that she is kind, thoughtful, fun, considerate, generous, loving and loves her birthday!!! Yes, Judy really loves her birthday - I never forget her birthday in Suffolk, how much she anticipated the day and how much fun it was . . . Even the very simple things, simple pleasures of life: the morning run, morning coffee at her favourite coffee shop, going for beautiful walks in Southwold, delicious lunch, aperitif at the Swan and dinner with family and loved ones . . . A perfect day!

Happy memories with the family . . . I’m looking forward to creating more memories like that with her!

So, what can I say about Judy? The best mother I could wish for my beloved Phoebe.

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CRAIG KEELER-MILNE 500 words Five hundred words I would write five hundred words, and I would write five hundred more Just to see a thousand words and fall down at your door[1][2][3] Just checking, only four hundred and seventy to go Helps if I write numbers in word style The Mississippi Bus[4] The Myth of Sisyphus The concept of rock and roll Was it not Judy who pushed the rock up the hill and discovered music be the food of love, play on[5][6] There’s an old piano and they play it hot behind the green door (green door). Different kind of shake.

Should I include textboxes, footnotes and endnotes in the word count? Judy loves a good endnote (or is that Adrian?) Is it word count or wordcount? Do I need to be exactly five hundred words?

Orr else Orr something else If Judy was Judy Orr-Reith then it would be hilarious, are you Judy orr are you Reith? Might be better than waking up at the crack of Adrian.

However, it would really help in the word count, or would it? Are hyphenated words counted as one word or two? Bloody Keeler-Milne Maybe I should insert a table of contents as that would help with the word count wordcount What is Australian? And is Judy really a New Zealander?[7] Is it time for a motherhood statement?[8] Judy has

[1] What is havering anyway? Da da da (da da da) Da da da (da da da) Da da da dun diddle un diddle un diddle uh da [2] Google describes havering as vacillating or indecisive behavior, none of which relates to you Judy [3] Apologies to Charles S Reid and Craig M Reid [4] Judy stands for social justice [5] Shakespeare had to put his bib in somewhere [6] I never knew Shakin’ Stevens was Welsh [7] There are many great reasons to be a New Zealander, a creative culture, where truth, justice and the Jacinda way appear to be heck of a lot nicer than over this side of the Tasman Sea. Primary reason would be they have an awesome rugby team. .

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sent the cause of mothering many decades into the future. Unfortunate result is that Adrian is a motherfucker, or should that be a mother fucker?

Life in reverse. At university will it be that the lecturers are learning from Judy?

Prepare yourself for the next one hundred and five words, many of which might be neatly transcribed from Act 3.

Get Back to Your Roots[9] But the authors go further “.. those special one or two friends in your tree root.”[10] Stating the bloody obvious Where would we be without friands?[11] Standing around with a bloody big cake and blowing out a lot of candles (three score)[12] Whoops, I have gone over and not all my words will make it into the five hundred. Did not get a chance to say – HAPPY BIRTHDAY Judy I love you, you are a

brilliant, shining star – an amazing person to have in my life and I am truly blessed to be in your orbit.

Sure Adrian is a motherfucker but in the nicest possible way. love Craig

[8] Reith J. (2010), Be a Great Mum, London, John Murray Press [9] A true Australian would never use that word in this context [10] Reith, J. and Reith, A., (2020), Act 3, London, Unbound, p159 [11] ibid.

[12] Apologies to Abraham Lincoln, come back in twenty-seven years. By the way Abe, see footnote 4 above

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JENNIFER KEELER-MILNE A WORD POEM FOR JUDY

Judy

too

wife

my

Orr

fun

Adrian

love

Williams

loving

mother

to

Reith

first

Phoebe

you

treasured

met

Tilly

across

loyal

wearing

Rosie

the

friend

red

loves

seas

40

spotty

people

as

years

frock

community

you

born

then

Christian

celebrate

Western

leopard

values

60

Australia

print

heartfelt

years

1960

browns

creative

here

Aussie

&

writer

Happy

larrikin

greens

reader

Birthday.

can

stylish

runner

do

stylist

fabulous

posh

coach

woman

British

caring

I

girl

committed

send 59

Sydney, November 22 2020

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MACCA & SUSAN MACTAVISH I think it was probably the first time Susan and I had met Jude properly.

The occasion was an awards dinner at The Royal Lancaster Hotel sometime in the late 80’s.

Commercial Breaks were up for a few awards and had invited a couple of clients to show them how clever we were.

Sitting opposite Jude on our table was the MD of a Saatchi and Saatchi satellite agency, a big client, who Jude must have taken exception to because suddenly she was out of her seat and hurtling around our large table of guests grabbing the poor chap Vinnie Jones-style while ripping open his expensive evening dress shirt revealing a rather hairy chest.

Thankfully the man had drunk enough wine and brandy and thought it was hilarious. I think Jude’s beauty might have helped too.

Happy 60th Jude.

Macca and Susan xx

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HILARY & SIMON MAYO Judy, you’ve been our dear friend for more than 35 years. We’ve been through so much together, good times and bad. There’s been lots of laughter, and some tears . . . too many memories for my Act 3 brain to recall so here’s a list of those that come to mind, not necessarily in the right order..

Phoebe is born, 4 months later, Ben is born . . . they fight over Isobel like siblings and go to nursery school together . . . they become friends for life.

Natasha is born, 4 months later, Tilly is born . . .

When Tasha and Tilly are toddlers we join The Lab and put the girls in their nursery while we do aquaaerobics and enjoy the jacuzzi; they are not best pleased. I embarrass myself by whizzing off the end of the treadmill while turning to talk to Victoria Wood . . . they go to nursery school and St Mary’s together, and travelling in their gap year . . . a life long friendship is formed.

Meeting at GB ’85 (I think), you with red hair . . . Crouch with farty Pooch . . . the Rattle and Hum premiere, with you and Pete . . . party at the Natural History Museum . . . spent the evening chatting to an old dear about lovely son David . . . it’s Edge’s mum! . . . Drylands Road . . . St Luke’s with pews and about 10 in the congregation . . . girls night out at Cranks giggling and discussing the merits of potential boyfriend . . . Porsche driving, ad exec with pony tail . . . wonderfully happy wedding day, with hats . . . ‘the eagle has landed’ phone call . . .

Weekends at fabulous hotels . . . Babbington . . . those were the days . . . smoking cigars rings a bell? . . . our 10th wedding anniversary in Paris, a romantic meal for two . . . we see you and Adrian across the room with David and Mary . . . two become six.

Dublin, New Year 1989 . . . holiday in the Algarve . . . Adrian’s guitar . . . Simon’s World Cup wall chart . . . Mateus Rosé and Steak Cliff Richard . . . Greenbelt 1990 . . . plan to have children at the same time, with Meg & Martin, so they’ll be friends and we can hang out together as they grow up . . . it takes a village . . . both pregnant at Farnie’s 40th . . .

U2 gigs . . . more fabulous hotels . . . you rearranging the huge lobby flower arrangements . . . can’t remember where . . . George Cinq Hotel?

Princess Diana’s funeral . . . U2 gig in Paris the same day, we all sobbed . . . Simon arrived in funeral attire direct from the BBC broadcast.

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Our pact to stick at two children . . . you ringing to tell me you’re pregnant with Rosie . . . Rosie is born, 4 months later Joe is born . . . sharing Genevieve . . . you buy Chimney’s . . . we buy Durdans . . . the Suffolk swaps . . . Ben and Phoebe, Tasha and Tilly . . . meeting halfway at Tesco’s cafe . . . the Pier . . . the tree house . . . water slides . . . sausage sizzles . . . jumping off the chairs at New Year.

Camping at Greenbelt . . . the ambient tent . . . Tasha and Tilly in a pen together like sheep . . . breakfasts in the gazebo . . .

Your friendship means the world. You are caring, thoughtful, giving, fabulous company, and you always make me laugh!

Here’s to making many more memories together . . . and to fish and chips with Adnams White Burgundy of course . . .

Lots of love always Hilary and Simon xxxx

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KATE & ROB McCORQUODALE TO JUDY

To be sung along to My Favourite Things from The Sound of Music (preferably with a large gin and tonic)

Arthritis, knee braces, new dental fittings, No noisy restaurants just early bird sittings; Patchy, grey roots and mottled, dry skin, These are the joys that 60 might bring . . .

homeless; Watching, with love, as her daughters unfurl their wings, These are the joys that 60 can bring.

BUT NOT FOR JUDY

When her joints ache, If her hips break, If her eyes grow dim; She should simply remember the joy to all she brings And then she won’t feel so bad.

Her Treehouse is perfect for empty nesters, Nothing can stop her from doing her Masters; Running so fast, sipping gin while she swims, These are the joys that 60 can bring.

When the bones ache, When the hands shake, When the knees look sad; She need only remember how she makes our hearts sing And then she won’t feel so bad.

Judy, you are one of our Favourite Friends Love Kate and Rob McCorquodale

So many people whose life she enriches, Ready for games even if Adrian glitches, In her Act 3 she does wonderful things, These are the joys that 60 can bring.

Oz to North London then Bono’s wardrobe mistress, Supporting parents, Street Children and feeding the

With many thanks to Carolina Gonzalez Carvajal

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JENNY McGIRR JUDY: A REFLECTION

Living with Judy, Adrian, Phoebe and Tilly (no Rosie at this stage) at 57 Middle Lane has been one of the most formative experiences of my life. Judy invited me to be the upstairs lodger with some babysitting duties. Judy knew what it was like to be away from home and she held a special place in her heart for Australians. I was in need of much more than a bed and kitchen. I was in need of a home.

Luke’s and in Crouch End. Phoebe was one of the first students. This experience enabled me to work my way from being a classical ballet teacher into a creative dance teaching and find my way into dance therapy. Judy and Adrian then journeyed with me as I decided how to develop my training in dance therapy. I will never forget the day I returned from my interview at the Laban Centre for a place on the MA Dance Therapy course, Judy met me in the hallway of Middle Lane with a card and gift and, from memory a bunch of flowers. She was so excited for me. That was not the course I ended up taking and when I finally decided to study in Australia, Judy and Adrian supported me to take this next step too.

Judy has a gift for creating a heart space, a delicious space, a laughter space, a reverent space and irreverent space. All of these were knitted into the fabric of the coming and goings at Middle Lane. Cups of tea by the Aga on a cold winter’s day, conversations that were never rushed, ideas about faith, family and men talked about over the washing up.

I returned to Australia when the girls were still young and before Rosie was born. The experience of living with the Reiths and watching Judy embrace motherhood is a gift I am deeply grateful to have received. It wasn’t that Judy made motherhood look easy. She made it very real. There were meals to cook, a house to run, sheets that needed to be washed but in all this she was a laughter maker, a story teller, a rule breaker (if need be!) and she was the glue that held it all together. Always encouraging someone and creating a home

Judy has the gift to make people and things sparkle.

She can get anything organized and turn it into a wonderful adventure. Judy encouraged me to start teaching dance classes at St Luke’s back in the mid 90’s. She helped me put together advertisements around the local area, she took calls from parents even when it meant they called on her time, on her landline. With Judy’s support and encouragement (Adrian too!) a little dance school was started at St 66

in which others were welcome and lives were celebrated. There were some fabulous birthday cakes! I do remember a very voluptuous birthday cake created for Adrian one year.

How lucky am I to have had these experiences and to be able to call Judy my friend. Happy birthday dearest Judy. I hope to get to see you and your amazing family again sometime in my Act 3.

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COLE MORETON

SEVEN SECRETS OF BEING JUDY OR THE ART OF GROWING A WRITER 1.

2.

3.

4.

Live a bit. Laugh a lot.

Earn wisdom and share it, generously.

Care for people. Have a heart.

Really, really care. Put yourself on the line for others, trust and be trusted.

5. Take no prisoners, welcome fun.

6. Be a realist with a sense of magic, a high flyer with feet still on the ground.

7. Don’t stop just because the numbers say you’re supposed to.

8. Know enough to know what you don’t know. Go out and find the answers.

9. Discover your history.

10. Tell fantastic stories.

11. Keep going, dare to do.

12. You will, of course. You’ve got this far, you’re well and truly Judy.

13. Thanks for all the advice, the care, the company and the laughs over the years, you’ve achieved so much.

14. And there’s so much more to come.

15. We love and admire you very much.

16. Even if we don’t quite know 17. How to 18. End 19. This 20. List 69

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LARRY MULLEN & ANN ACHESON

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THE NASH FAMILY We had some really wonderful summer holidays together when the children were very young - one trip to La Tranche in France and two trips to Aberporth in Wales. Each holiday was filled with fun, sunshine, sand and sea. I think Judy and Adrian weren’t too sure about the campsite at La Tranche when they first arrived but soon realised the extraordinary benefits of the kids’ club which gave them two carefree hours each morning to read their books in peace - something every parent of young children finds truly amazing!

I will never forget Judy’s determined enthusiasm to have fun and enjoy every minute. Her zest for life and positivity is infectious and it is beautifully combined with her down to earth sense of humour and reality check. Biggest memory of these holidays? . . . Judy running along the beach in her red swimming costume, splashing gracefully through the waves.

She then ran up to Adrian and gasped “Do I look like the lady in the Special K advert?” No, Judy, you didn’t. You looked a million times better and still do to this day!

Wishing you a most wonderful birthday and knowing that you will always make every day special for everyone you meet.

All our love Jo, Jeremy, Henry, George and Teddy Xxxxxxxxx

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KATE PERRY & TOM BUDGETT

We have come very late to the party that is Judy’s life!

Nevertheless, we are very grateful to have found a new friend and, for Kate, a professional colleague, with a deep fund of experience and fascinating life stories. We look forward to getting to know her better during Act 3.

We wish Judy a wonderful milestone birthday celebration and look forward to raising a glass with her in due course.

We hope you are all ok in lockdown 2 and we hope to see you before too long. Let’s hope the vaccine really is on its way . . .

Much love, Kate

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VIKKI POOLE

JUDY’S 60TH BIRTHDAY I moved to London when I was 21, back in 1987.

A fairly fresh-faced girl from Wigan who had just landed a job as an assistant fashion designer on Brick Lane.

It was great being pregnant at the same time as Judy with Rosie and Sadie being a few weeks apart.

I enjoyed sharing Genevieve and many ‘something to six’ glasses of wine!

I lived in Catford for a while but to be honest was quite lonely not knowing many people in London.

Judy has remained constant, reliable and always a bit cheeky. Even though I don’t see that much of her, Judy is one of the people I know I could always call on. She has helped me navigate a difficult time.

I tried going to All Souls church and made a few acquaintances but never really felt like I connected or that London was my home. It was only when I was put in contact with the Arts Centre Group and Greenbelt that things started to change.

A real diamond - I’m happy to have her as a friend.

Judy was the first person I met from Greenbelt and St. Luke’s. She made me feel immediately welcome and valued. At last I felt like I’d found a network of like minded people. It was such a joy being part of such a vibrant group of people that was the Greenbelt Fashion Show team in those early days. Judy headed it up and I threw my heart and soul into it.

Around the same time I moved to Crouch End. I remember Judy and Adrian getting married. Their flat in Hartham Road and Judy being the first ‘pro’ mum. It was very exciting when “Feebie” (my embarrassed dyslexic translation) was born.

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PHOEBE REITH IBERY Your 40th birthday party was Australia-themed.

Research tells me that your actual birthday was a Wednesday but the party must have been on a Saturday as it was all re-lived the next day at church.

2000s on all over the skirt. I have a vivid memory of standing on the swimming pool coloured lino in the little corridor where the downstairs loo was, looking back out to the kitchen onto the party which was in full flow by that point but for once wasn’t one you had organised, and you walked past, slowly, taking it all in. You looked slightly nervous but also overwhelmed with excitement. It is a look I have come to know more as I have come to know you as an adult. It sort of says ‘I’m doing it!

I’m here. These are my friends, people I love and the things I care about.’

There was lots to do. You had been sent away, out of the house. Giant Australian flags were erected.

The most exciting part of the prep was when Dad and I went to fetch the Jukebox. Nancy and Jacqui came over for the day to make the food and we listened to David Bowie. I had just discovered Bowie because Genevieve had introduced us to Labyrinth and I thought he was just amazing, although I didn’t think China Girl was as fun as Dance Magic Dance. Antipodean food made an appearance including lamingtons which Jiff took with him because they reminded him of home so much. I was allowed to stay up late and I was excited to teach our guests the ‘mirror trick’ on the glass doors at the back. Because it was the year 2000 I wore my millennium dress (another occasion where I had even been allowed to stay up ALL NIGHT) which was a strange 80s strapless taffeta black cocktail dress, found in a charity shop that you and I had upgraded with tinsel around the bust and stapled sparkly plastic table confetti with

Thank you, Mum, for always being the person to take those around you closer, not only to the things that matter, but the fun and the happiness too xxx

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80

ADRIAN REITH The Date.

Suffolk. But I suspect she was planning it long before then. Judy likes a party.

In the 1980s, no self-respecting mover and shaker would be seen dead without a personal organiser — and that meant the Filofax. Loose-leaf pages were snapped into a smart leather binder the size of a blockbuster paperback, holding everything from a diary and address book to tube maps and even a plastic ruler and a natty flap to hold your pencil.

The final evolved Birthday Plan was to have been fish and chips with Adnams White Burgundy (AKA Southwold Lemonade) for everyone in the café on her beloved Southwold Pier, with vanilla ice cream to follow. It would have been fabulous – chilly, salty and rough outside – warm, sweet and tender love for Judy on the inside. For she is the woman that everyone loves.

Everyone had one then. But Judy had a beautiful leather hand-made one that was gold-embossed on the cover – swag from her time on the 1987 U2 Joshua Tree Tour. Thirty-three years later she still uses the same Filofax on a daily basis. Far better than an online diary she says.

However the old plan might have omitted asking absent friends to write their mini-memoirs of Judy which, as the compiler, has been an extraordinary, truthful and moving read.

When Judy and I got to know each other in 1987 my first strong memory of her priorities was of her seizing MY mostly empty Filofax diary and inscribing in big letters on Sunday November 22nd – JUDY’S BIRTHDAY!

So, Judy – after lockdown, shall we have a party?

I have the date.

A friend recently marvelled that Judy had been planning her 60th birthday a whole year ahead. But that were true. I know for cert she’s been planning this more than two and a half years in advance, certainly since we stayed at Bruisyard Hall in 81

ANGELA REITH IMAGES OF JUDY

When I think of Judy, one of the images that immediately springs to mind is of arriving at a festive and tastefully decorated home with a cosy fire burning, and the wafting aroma of something delicious cooking. And more importantly, Judy opening the door and welcoming me in. She’s a fantastically generous, loving and talented home-maker and host, and I’ve enjoyed her warm hospitality countless times.

I also picture Judy holding the space eloquently and expertly at important events such as at the burial of Dad’s ashes, inviting memories from the assembled gathering of family and friends.

Judy has a way with words and is skilled at inviting people into a wider conversation: she’s sensitive to other people’s feelings and situations and doesn’t try to win arguments or be competitive in her interaction with people.

And then of course there’s fun-loving and naughty Judy. On holiday in the south of France in 2005, here’s how she enjoyed herself:

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So Judy - here’s to more fun, welcomes, baking and of course, words as you fulfil your student dream!

Lots of love from Ange xxx 83

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MATILDA REITH Your voice. Mum.

you later mum. Treasures of black velvet; leopard; red lipstick. Can I borrow that mum? Clinking bike baskets and curfews. I’m home mum. Me; inflated, stubborn. You; reaching across the aisle. Not now mum. Walking to get me talking, your ears always open. Thanks for listening mum.

Low light above a round table, you at the AGA. Look at me mum. Sat in a perspex bubble, watching the rain pearl above my head. Where are we going mum?

Big brown eyes, the moles on your arms, battling me into my car seat. No mum! Showing me how to spell my name. Is this right mum? Lipstick kiss on the back of my hand; a trail of Jean Paul Gaultier and Elnett. Goodnight mum. Brushing my hair into my Cheerios, still dark outside. Why mum? Looking for your highlights in a crowd of brown bobs. Where’s mum? Silent 3am toilet trips. Thanks mum.

Map on a kitchen wall, cities ranked by newspapers, open days booked. Your spontaneous suggestion; let’s skip Newcastle, let’s go to Sheffield. Mum knows best. Perfectly timed postal care packages.

Thanks mum. Proofreading essays. What do you think mum? Gracious welcoming of boys for weekend visits. What do you really think mum? A folded towel, lamps glowing; always a bed. Can I come home mum? Tickets bought, whooping in curtain calls, cheering at graduations; toasts and excitement for a future just coming into view. Thank you mum.

Scooping chocolate foam from your cappuccino; wriggling in your lap. Hug-and-Pat mum. Singing loudly in the car. Mamma Mia. Sapphire ring on my favourite fingers. I’ll have that one mum. 3pm chats, walking home from school; raisins, yogurt. Always answers for my questions and my primary aged problems. What shall I do, mum? Paper, stories, handwriting, spelling, pens and books. Can you read this mum? Routines in cutlery and candles; 5,000 dinners and discussions. Thanks for dinner mum.

An inspiring imagination for your future, a refusal to fade. Running. Maths. Singing. Writing. What will you do next mum? My heart and my head and my history; in each moment you are there, a hand on my back. All you give me. Protection and listening and fun and kindness. Happy Birthday Mum.

Notes slipped under closed doors. Sorry mum.

Wednesday night drama club drop-offs and pick-ups. A new obsession taken seriously. See 85

ROSIE REITH

LESSONS FROM MY MOTHER • Hosting: Watching you open the door to everyone - wide open arms, huge smile, exuberant greeting, “Can I take your coat?

What do you fancy? Apart from [insert partners’ name if applicable] on a good day with the wind behind you? Have what you like! [Granny Blackburn accent]” and I shall never forget; “ . . . It’s rude to the host!”

Thanks for listening.

• “I don’t make promises.” This is proving more and more sage with age.

• “Don’t let the sun go down on an argument.”

Such a simple rule and reminds me of a few teary hugs we had before bed when I was little, or a pre-teen. Thanks for always apologising and making up before “Bollytime”.

• Fashion: You taught me to wear black, to wear good shapes and stylish cuts, that comfort and practicality are key. Although I prefer to spend my days in trackies, I share your love of red lipstick, and I am saving your style tips for when my job doesn’t require warming up and being sweaty. I often think of “Diana, Diana, your chest, your chest!”, and decide that a scarf is a good idea.

• “Does it help or does it hurt?” Applies to everything. Clarifies quickly.

• Exercise - “All you need is a pair of shoes.

Just go and you’ll always feel better once you come back.”

• Reading. You gave me my love of words and literature, and I can’t thank you enough.

Meticulous attention to detail, dedication to study, I’ve seen you throw yourself into academia (GCSE Maths was just the start) at an unlikely age and I couldn’t be prouder.

You inspire me to keep looking.

• When Mum asks, “Rosie, would you like to be my waitress?” Always add the little garnish usually coriander - before taking the plates to the table, I have found this hard to remember, but Mum never forgets.

• Listening. Thousands of hours of listening you have done. I have felt heard by you all of my life, and I can talk on and on and on.

• Motherhood: Where to begin? “I’m not talking about Tess, I’m talking about you.” You’re right!

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• “Talk yourself up, girl!” Mum you have always reminded me that I am worth it. Countless times you have told me that I don’t need to apologise for existing. Thanks to you I am beginning to learn that I am allowed to be in the room, taken seriously, and I needn’t feel guilt and shame. Thanks for being my champion when I have felt incapable to see through my own stuff.

• “Make ‘em laugh!” Before I realised this was from Singin’ in the Rain, I heard Dad call this after you one evening as you were leaving the house at No.15 before delivering a parenting talk. I remember thinking, as a young child, that this was such a kind and strange thing to say. One of my favourite gifts shared by you and Dad is humour. Thank you for all the laughs! You have both taught me how important it is to laugh my way through life as well as to be able to function at Level 5.

Being able to make you giggle is one of my favourite things I can do as a daughter.

Keep laughing your way through your 60’s, Mum, you are deeply adored, and I miss you and your delight everyday. Roro x 87

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RHI ROBERTS

Judy used to wear a particular skirt, it must have been in the 90s.

It was very short, soft suede and mainly composed of fringing.

It showed off her amazing legs. Judy has proper ‘pins’ as I think they used to say in tap dancing circles. Judy would swish about in this skirt looking so damn sexy, I was always jealous. She’s the sort of woman who could, and should, always wear this skirt 60, 70, 80 . . . bring it on!

I have no idea if Jif shares this memory . . .

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SARAH ROSE

Writing our TLWT workbook with a very necessary working weekend at Chimneys! Sharing a bed with you in Durban SCWC2010 style! Many giggles over glasses of fizz and catching a black cab with the words “Downing Street please!!� to the cab driver. Gorgeous woman, friend and colleague. Cheers Judy, lots of love Sarah

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BEV SAGE its time to share that magic formula.

HEY JUDE HOW ON EARTH DID THIS HAPPEN?

So Jude, here’s some memories, thoughts and tips on entering your swinging 60’s . . .

(Tempus Fugit : November 1960 - November 2020)

ROCK & ROLL

It’s time to celebrate 60 glorious years of the one and only outrageously delightful, beautifully wild, deliciously divine, blissfully kind and compassionate . . . Judy Reith.

ROCK: Back in the day, we ROCKED mad hairdos, outrageous outfits, wigs, masks, fashion shoots and the joy of bright, red lipstick. You became a brilliant wardrobe mistress styling Everything But The Girl and rock stars, appearing on a downtown LA rooftop in the iconic video: “Where The Streets Have No Name” with U2 and running the Bumpsadaisy chain of stores for the original yummy mummy’s

IT ALL BEGAN WHEN . . .

Willie discovered you one Sunday night sparkling at the back of a church in North London, he couldn’t wait to introduce us. It was the early ‘80s when Fairnie and I, and most of the New Romantics, lived just off Portobello Road at Camp Creative HQ, Suite E.

TIP ROCK: Do something outrageous everyday, take time out to giggle, twinkle, be mischievous and share your wicked sense of humour.

As Miss International Dutch Plant Company you came into our rock n’ roll world with your joyful twinkling spirit, a smart logo’d van and an abundance of green floral miracles. Shiny leaved plants from Holland were potted in a magic formula that made them look forever young, green and healthy. Now at 60, its you that’s looking forever young, fabulous, evergreen and healthy - maybe

ROLL: And now you’re ROLLING out the red carpet and encouraging us all to be fabulous in Act 3.

TIP ROLL: Whatever happens, wherever you’re sharing kindness when the stage and red carpet appears - remember the power of red lipstick, outrageous outfits, wild wigs and even masks, so 2020 . . .

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POP & SOUL

FROCK & STROLL

POP – nickname for Adrian your wonderful coauthor, husband, best friend and father to your three stunning daughters, Phoebe, Tilly and Rosie.

TIP POP: Keep dancing to POP POP POP POP music, dressing up, caring, diving deep, listening and inspiring others.

FROCK: As a woman of style Jude, treasure the little black dress and that wonderful Justine Picardie writing workshop which opened a treasure trove of family histories told through her mother’s black wedding dress and frocks in the closet. Remember too, the faces of all your beautiful friends belly dancing in their exotic gorgeousness at your 50th.

SOUL: Places of the heart – from Elder Avenue to the Treehouse, Greenbelt, St Luke’s, Cambridge - wherever you are becoming home for family, friends, Jakes’ trousers (and for anyone else who needs a pair.)

TIP FROCK: Wearing LBD’s we’ve cried tears of laughter, joy and loss nodding a wink at that classic fridge magnet well behaved women rarely make history. Cherish these pictures in the memory bank of life’s precious moments . . .

May the invisible embrace always hold and shower you with an eternal abundance of heavenly hugs and blessings.

STROLL: For strolls sharing words of wisdom, dancing to Nile Rogers, Chic and for prayers at our wedding Errol and I treasure you. For fun, frolics and for being there during the tough, painful bits too . . . Thank you!!

TIP SOUL: In the spirit of John O’ Donohue and Marie de Hennezel, during the difficult, awkward times: carry something beautiful in your heart; The Warmth of Your Heart Prevents your Body from Rusting.

In the words of Fairnie; What a marvellous human being you’ve turned out to be, luvvie . . .

Wonderful . . . counsellor . . . gorgeous woman, amazing mother and wife, and a truly fabulous level-five, number seven precious friend.

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TIP STROLL: Here’s to flying into the wild during the next few decades, cheering and strolling alongside . . . smudging our lipstick and throwing our wigs to the wind!!

Lady Reith My dear friend Jude Happy Birthday Welcome to the Wonderful Swinging Sixties We Love You Bev, Errol & The Fairnie Clan xxxxxx

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VERA SCHUSTER BEESLEY

JUDY: ONCE A GAMECHANGER, ALWAYS A GAMECHANGER It was a game changer. That one auspicious phone call.

after all . . . indeed did I now need the world?

I was not scared. Life is sacred. It’s just a matter of learning to rearrange the letter tiles.

“Come with us.” “Yes, with the children and don’t worry we’ll help you pitch a tent” laughed Judy, “We’ll look after you”. And they did!

Amazing Grace. I had been accepted in to a noisy stillness. Loneliness dissipated – I took solace in their smiles and encouragement in their genuine open hospitality.

Lying down in the long grass, under a star-studded sky – but a dark sky nevertheless the womb of the tent was restorative. I felt sheltered. Cared for. Safe.

A light rain had fallen that night and, in the morning, everything was made from a freshness as crisp as the delightful waft of sizzling bacon.

Kindness came in bouts – laughter and chatter, singing and dancing kindled the fire and the embers which still glow long into the decades that have followed.

It was uncomfortable receiving rather than offering help. I felt awkward, astounded, yet unusually happy. I let slip the mask I often wore – concealing myself from others whom I had imagined were superior whilst I was merely the stranger – the intruder.

Albeit mellowed by time, this same warming balm has returned almost annually at the end of many an August bank holiday weekend. I often walk alone, listen alone. Then this delicious solitude allows me to observe, learn and share – and re-find my sense of belonging.

Yet here with this family and their friends I felt truly welcomed. Enjoyable and funny things happened that weekend. My children, themselves encircled by other newly found friends, left me alone enough to enjoy myself. Gave me that precious commodity of Time to Reflect. Perhaps the world did need me

Over the years, I have given of my time, love, & care.

I’ve shared with Judy and Adrian some of my own understanding of the basics of life, the bringing-up of children, the need to protect, love and cherish those both within our village and those far further afield.

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A mĂŠlange of friendship, shared ideas, respect and joy has wound itself around the intergenerational roots of our two families. A game changer indeed.

Shared experiences of faith, frivolities, ballet, opera, theatre, poetry, film, reading and indeed creative writing - Art - in all its forms, along with an extraordinary wedding celebration, food, wine, laugher, tears, a shared love of humanity and huge basic trust in and love for each other . . . that is what binds us and has enriched our lives so deeply.

Characters come and go in anyone’s life but this one - Judy Reith - has stayed. A truly fabulous, faithful friend whom I am deeply glad to have in my life.

With Love and Thanks, Vera

Astounding, amicable, audacious, astute, 98

VERA SCHUSTER BEESLEY AN A– Z OF JUDY AT 60 !

ambitious.

Precious, perplexed, panicky, poised, perfect.

Bold, brilliant, brave, beautiful, brainy.

Questioning, quiet, quirky, queenly, quick-witted.

Courageous, cool, caring, capable, charming, cheerful, creative.

Reliable, radiant, refreshing, reassuring, robust, razor-sharp, ravishing, refined, remarkable.

Daring, disciplined, determined, dizzy, delightful, droll, dutiful.

Superstar, successful, stately, scintillating, sassy, savvy.

Enthusiastic, encouraging, energetic, exuberant, exhilarating, excitable.

Truthful, terrific, therapeutic, trustworthy, thoughtful.

Friendly, fun, funny, fresh, frantic, fabulous, faithful.

Upbeat, unusual, unifying, unique, uplifting, unselfish, unwavering.

Gregarious, generous, graceful, gorgeous, girlish.

Valiant, verbal, vital, visionary , vivacious, vibrant, valued.

Hilarious, home-loving, happy, hurt, huggable.

Wonderful, wild, witty, warm, welcoming, wise.

Ingenuous, idealistic, intriguing, intuitive, intimate.

Xtraordinary, Xenophilic.

Joyous, jolly, judicious, jubilant, jaunty – just Judy.

Youthful, yummy, young-at-heart. yee-haw.

Kind, knowledgeable, keen, kinaesthetic, kissable.

Zealous, zestful, zingy, zippy, zany.

Loving, loyal, loud, lively, likeable, lithe, liberal.

Merry, modest, meaningful, magnificent.

Noble, numerate, nifty, nimble, nurturing.

Optimistic, outrageous, obliging, objective, open, organised, outstanding.

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LIZ SCOTT

JUDY SAVES THE DAY! Judy holds some much loved and memorable moments in our history as sisters.

The holiday was much improved after that!

Best wishes and congratulations on your 6 decade milestone.

One of the funniest being when we went on a family holiday to the South of France.

Much love your big sister Liz sending xxx and hugs across the miles.

đ&#x;˜€

As was his frugal habit, Dad had rented an ancient sod hut with a dirt floor and primitive facilities, his logic being that we could all absorb the Provence culture first hand.

Unsurprisingly Mum was disgusted and frankly so were we.

Judy, as a child and to this day, did not favour frugal living or discomfort of any kind.

Worse still the temperature was climbing daily and we had to listen to the frolics and laughter from the family next door splashing in their fancy swimming pool.

Judy got “fed to the teeth with it� and decided to take action! She climbed precariously up on the fence and said loudly. “Oh this climate is too hot for me!!�

She saved the day, charming the neighbours into inviting us over for a swim!

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JENNY SHORT

Too bad about Judy’s 60th. Just another grudge against that beastly virus.

My main memory of Judy when young is rather of Lizzie and Robert shouting at each other and Judy observing, and no doubt learning what not to do.

I have found this lovely photo of Judy with Tim, taken shortly after they came back from Australia. You may well have it. I do like it! I will send it in a separate email, because I don’t know how to get it onto this one. My kind neighbour scanned it for me.

I’m sure Judy will enjoy her memoir.

Best wishes, Jenny.

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KITTY TAYLOR

WHERE WE CAME TOGETHER Now this wouldn’t in all likelihood strike anyone as the symbol of a lifelong friendship, but that is what it is.

This green GPO junction box was witness to excitement before boy-kissing dates (no WHT), bleary-eyed preparation for the paper round, parent related crisis meetings, reunions after holiday breaks. It was here we hastily applied forbidden makeup, here we parted ways after toiling up Temple Fortune Hill on the return from the Royal Oak (and the removal of ‘hastily applied make-up’). Consulate were smoked, traffic waved to, plans made, tears shed, and so much laughter. SO much laughter.

I can remember how warm the metal got in summer, the feel of the rust under the eaves of the sloping top, and how uncomfortable it was to sit on, but we kept trying.

Its where we came together.

My first memory of you is watching enviously, legs crossed on sticky parquet, as you played Mary in the infants school Nativity play, and then as the trusted ‘good girl’ who collected the registers, but I didn’t hold it against you, and somehow (and I really don’t recall how) we grew to be inseparable through those crucial transition years, and there is no doubt you will always be in my life and in my heart.

You have nurtured our friendship and are woven through all the good that I have.

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If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.

For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?

Seek him always with hours to live.

For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.

And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

Friendship IXX by Khalil Gibran And a youth said, “Speak to us of Friendship.”

Your friend is your needs answered.

He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.

And he is your board and your fireside.

For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the “nay” in your own mind, nor do you withhold the “ay.”

And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart; For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not; For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.

For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.

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KATY TYNDALL Judy and I first met, as is often the way, as a result of our having youngest daughters of the same age in common, but we really got to know each other because of having several hundred children in common: Street Child World Cup.

her! – suggested we took the girls into Covent Garden for a change of scene. The unbridled joy!

We got dressed up, we wore lipstick, we got on a train – we went shopping! We had a brief window in which to change and ‘refresh’ ourselves before we met up with the others at the club. Judy and I have a long-held belief in the refreshing power of an M&S gin and tonic in a tin and a packet of nuts. To be on the safe side we purchased plenty.

We didn’t have long to affect our transformation but we didn’t need it! Witness four very happy girls tripping off to the club, refreshed, transformed, ready to hit the floor.

At an early stage (for me) of being a trustee of the charity we were hosting the children from Brazil and their social workers at the National Scout Headquarters in London (not the glamorous part) for a week of activities and awareness raising. It was action-packed and none of that was glamorous either . . . I was quite nervous. I had not met any of the children before and wondered how it would be – indeed, how I would be.

It is not entirely clear why our dance moves were deemed too much and the whole party was asked to move along - but no matter! We had a wonderful time.

Judy and I were put in charge of breakfast. We had with us our aforementioned girls – both about 13. They were also ‘in charge’ of breakfast but, unsurprisingly, their attendance was slipping.

In fairness Judy and I were often the only ones there . . .

And that’s the thing about Judy. She just knows what you need, when you need it, even if you didn’t realise yourself. It’s a great gift to have and a great joy to have her as a friend.

By about Day 5 we were stoical but inwardly stir crazy. The children from Brazil were all being whisked into London for a hectic day culminating, somewhat incongruously, in a meal in a Brazilian club that evening; more of that later. Judy – bless

Katy PS the children from Brazil were fantastic and it was a gift to be able to spend the week with them.

But it was also a treat to be giddy and glamorous 109

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MERIEL VINCENT

Judy – has style artistic sensibility turns the ordinary into a CELEBRATION OF LIFE! Many happy returns of The Day Judy, with much love from Meriel

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RICHARD VINCENT

Last year, our chilli-salmon lunch with Judy and Adrian at their Snug provided yet another sample of her culinary conquests, her care, her cheerfulness, her congenial conversation, and her comprehensive creativity.

Mix that with her energetic enthusiasm and expertise in enhancing the well-being of everyone – from the young to those found even beyond Act 3 – and you will agree what a special person she is: Industrious, inventive, inclusive, insightful, inquisitive and imaginative – definitely someone to keep our eyes on. She will undoubtedly continue in the write way to reach many with great rewards for all.

Richard

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DENISE WARD

I would like to pay testament to you, Judy, as an amazing and inspiring coach for busy working mums trying to make sense of the storms and perpetual juggle of family, home, relationships and work. Your book on Raising Girls, your Raising Teenagers Masterclass, and the one to one support you offer all have the same threads within them. You encourage us all to find our inner answers and to have the courage to make changes, and you set things out in such an accessible and clear way, with a great sense of humour and down to earth understanding of real life challenges. Thanks on behalf of all of the parents you have reached through your coaching over many years; you may never know the positive difference that you have made to so many families. Sending you much love for your birthday, Denise xxxx

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WILLIE WILLIAMS Sunday 22nd November, 1981 Milton Park

Thursday 22nd November, 1984 U2, Unforgettable Fire tour.

Travel day, Dortmund – London. Crouch End

Judy had her “relatives” 21st birthday do at her parents place this morning. It was all terribly civilised with a huge spread and lots of small talk.

It wasn’t too awkward as there were a few Chapel people there (our wavelength ones), plus Judy’s friends. Really enjoyed the event.

As ever, our group was late leaving the hotel & had the usual airport siege. On the flight, by coincidence, I was sitting between Bob Loney & Jude who both have birthdays today (Judy 24, Bob 36, he said). It was celebrations all the way, champagne, of course, birthday hats made out of sick bags & plenty of laughs.

At 4 I went to Peter Sims’ to get the labels printed for Punty, then on to Judy’s flat which is really nice (it’s hers too!). From there to Chapel where we were hot & bored for an hour. It wasn’t all awful, there were some nice comments about Peace, but afterwards Judy & I sat just despairing of ourselves & the church & the gap between. What can we do?

I filled in their immigration cards as a birthday treat & observed that Bob Loney is actually 35, not 36.

He was amazed & thrilled to bits – I couldn’t believe somebody could genuinely lose track of their age.

We got into Heathrow, did the baggage nightmare & said our goodbyes to the crew. Jude & I got the tube with Bob Morbeck & left him at Holborn.

The YPF was very interesting though. Judy, Derek & I sat together like naughty schoolchildren, but Johnston amazed us by coming out with a speech about the state of the fellowship & the need for real leaders. Peter’s too busy, I’m far too irresponsible, no-one is strong & wise enough to take it on.

We got home and had a serious conversation about going out to buy a budgie for Judy’s birthday, but decided to leave it for another day. Evening with the Orrs, first a meal at the New Happy Swan and then cake & prezzies back at Erskine Hill.

The three of us went to The Shepherds after and we had some laughs. I enjoyed the weekend very much.

It’s good to be home. Judy’s going to have a lie in tomorrow.

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a pleasantly unhinged show and the band was delighted.

Friday 22nd November 2019 U2 Joshua Tree Tour. Show day, Sydney 1 Rm. 221, The Langham, Sydney

We did a runner to the Langham for a low-key aftershow. It was just the touring party in the lobby bar, where I found Judy happily settling in.

She was ready for a drink as they’d had a bit of an unfortunate lunch today, at a place that was too fussy and expensive, with its view of the Opera House (Judy’s single goal for her birthday lunch) being completely obliterated by a cruise ship the size of Grenfell Tower.

The weather seems to have gone to hell. Got a 1pm van to the gig and got myself organised presoundcheck. Bono didn’t come for soundcheck, hiding from the smog, so it was easy enough. He came in at 5 for the set list meeting, confirming that Stuck in a Moment is going in, with the Michael Hutchence tribute, and that Bad is returning.

It held off until about 6pm and then it rained; it really came down, so the production disappeared under a mountain of plastic, which is never a good look. The audience did the same, many bailing for somewhere dry. In the end, the show was pushed back half an hour to give Noel Gallagher a chance to play to some people, and this turned out to be a wise move. The Murphys & Keeler-Milnes arrived en masse but it proved easy to get to the mix so I was much relieved.

We talked and chatted and stayed there til late.

It’s so lovely to have Judy around; it’s really been relaxed & great fun. That night at The Black Cat / A&E in Melbourne was just off-the-charts nuts, you really couldn’t make it up. This whole time in Australia has been quite wonderful. I’ve felt so at home, to the point of it becoming a little disorientating as it’s easy to forget I have a whole other life elsewhere. It feels so completely natural, if a little dream-like, to be floating through Australia with Judy, partying like it’s 1986.

The show was really great. It was likely to do with the rain having loosened up the crowd (it’s impossible to be cool when you’re damp and covered in plastic). The band and audience alike were really up for it, regardless. It was actually 117

BRITA WOLF Dearest Judy,

And then you learnt to love Holland! Ed has memories of you, Ed and Derek going to the Netherlands plant buying, and renting a sailing boat on your last day. Unfortunately the wind blew in the wrong direction and you all had to abandon ship and race to the airport in a taxi to catch the plane just in time!

Has it really been forty two years?

When you and your parents insisted that you took your A levels, and then possibly might learn floristry - I don’t remember them being over pleased! But in spite of that hiccup- didn’t you turn out well!!

Your love of Holland continued – honeymoon with Pete in Amsterdam, visiting later with Adrian, and now Rosie in Groningen completes the picture! For now . . .

Your first experience of living away from home was a room in the flats above the flower shop – a milestone that we were privileged to be part of.

You joined our team, fitted in and learned well – we had fun. I seem to remember that after your father retired he occasionally helped out with flower delivering!

Judy, you are a woman of many parts and talents.

You have recognised and used your opportunities well and your achievements have done you proud – Floristry, working with U2, raising three beautiful delightful and successful daughters, mentoring families, writing books about parenting and now your brilliantly and well acclaimed series of books Acts 1, 2 and 3 – on which you and Adrian have lectured widely.

As time passed our families seemed to be melded together even more – you then went on to join Ed at Indoor Garden Design, and Nancy took over your place at Galton Flowers.

There’s more: holidays with Nik – meeting Justin when he collected Nancy from work, and he and Tink much later at drama school together, and me helping with desserts for your wedding to Pete.

And not content with that – back to studying!

Plus – it looks to us all – a happy and contented marriage! Could there be any more?!!

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Dearest Judy, we are so proud of you, and happy to have this connection with you almost the whole of your life! You are blessed with a loving and caring family, a beautiful home and very dear friends – we wish you many more years of happiness and fulfilment, and are sad that we can’t celebrate this landmark together now – but possibly make up for it at a later date.

Thank you for being part of our lives, our history, and sharing good and not always good times.

That is Friendship, long to be continued.

With our love, Ed and Brita. Xxxxxxxxxx

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JO WROE A FAIRY TALE

Just shy of her 60th birthday, a woman once decided to do something brave. Unless she rose to this challenge, she would always wonder, what if? . . . Decision made, she applied, she was accepted!

Yikes!

that year shaped her for the ones that followed and gifted her with friends for life. Impressed by what she risked and accomplished, her three daughters all noted their mother living life to the full and following her dreams. They would remember this when they were longer in tooth and wondering what experiences still awaited them.

Home wasn’t where she’d imagined studying for her MA in Creative non-fiction, but she knew better than to let the evil curse cast over the land deprive her of this golden opportunity. Industrious and determined, she read many books and stuck many post-it notes on many pages. Laughter had always been her medicine of choice, and she used it well to quell the nerves that sometimes assailed her when others around her used elevated language to quell theirs. Always positive and inquisitive, this woman learned much and discovered what it was she wanted to write and how she wanted to write it. Realising that she deserved to be there as much as anyone, and that the more talented her peers were, the more she could learn, her early reservations did not hold her back and she had an enchanted time. Yes she did!

Happy 60th Birthday – Brave One! JBW, November 2020

Retrospectively, she would always be grateful for this year and glad she undertook the adventure.

Even though it was over in the twinkling of an eye, 121

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JOHN WROE

Congratulations on becoming 60. You are the epitome of a Healthy Enneagram 7. Our community is so much the richer for having your boundless enthusiasm in it. As a fellow 7, I really appreciate that you will nearly always say yes to, embrace and commit to the latest new adventure and mad idea, Simple Monday Supper, Street Child World Cup, Sunday Night Enneagram Group, Early Service and the million spontaneous things along the way. You are best host for the hastily suggested after party on every occasion and we love you for that and much more. You Are Somebody. John

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MEG WROE I was feeling awkward and out of place at a hip 1980s party at the ACG, with the giant Pink Floyd hand inflatable blocking the stairway and lots of luvvy actors, TV and media types flouncing around. Bev and Steve Fairnie were performing and there was a buzz of excitement. Except that I didn’t know anyone and felt out of place . . . until this friendly bubbly girl - slight Aussie accent, came along - chatted like we were old friends and completely put me at ease. We discovered neither of us were actors/TV personalities - she was doing something with plants (the details escape me) I was training to be an OT. That was my introduction to Judy, my lifelong friend and soulmate.

You swept me up and I slept on your sofa until he came back.

Sometime around then you and Willie were both on tour with the band too and I was in awe of your ease in doing wardrobe for a rock band! 1987 and your appearance on the rooftop video of ‘Streets’ was so exciting I felt like I was up there with you!

Then in Hartham Road - we lived a couple of doors down from you - ours a basement flat, you and Adrian a 2nd floor with a balcony and hole in the wall from the kitchen. One evening we were having supper with you, and Martin went to jump up on the balcony wall to play air-guitar to the latest album - I just managed to catch hold of him and pull him back, but we all fell about laughing with nervous relief - I never trusted him out there again.

So here’s the thing, as you know I’m a painter, not a writer . . . I leave the writing to Martin, so my offering to you my dear friend is more of a set of happy memories, rather than a memoir. And as my memory is not great, it will be short and sweet.

Rattle and Hum - not the album, the mums and toddler group we started together with Hil, Steph, and Judy Gunn at St Francis Church Centre.

I’m pretty sure the name was your idea - better than Sheila Pigram’s suggestion of ‘Thrust’ for a Thursday evening meeting! Baby Phoebe, Wes, Ben and Georgia started their lifelong friendship there too. I’m so fortunate to have had such a close group of likeminded women, all bringing up kids

I remember living in the Vicarage in the early 80’s when Martin was away on tour with U2, again being rescued by you and Willie - you just dropped by one evening to check I was OK in that big old house on my own . . . And I really wasn’t, the house was freaking me out with all its creaks and groans.

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together and working out our life and faith at the same time.

It was your wise words my dear that jolted me into applying for Art College when Evan first went to school, instead of when he left for Uni . . . why wait you asked me? Thank you thank you!

Fast forward over family holidays together in Iona, Chimneys, Suffolk, France, your beautiful girls becoming soul mates to our kids; to last year November 2019 before the world changed. You and I went on the trip of a lifetime together to New Zealand.

24 hours on a plane together - talking through the night, sharing our experiences, life, love, family, hopes and dreams. It was a magical trip, in Auckland then Sydney - I’m so glad I shared it with you.

And here we are now, in such different times . . . I’m so glad I’m on this journey into Act 3 together - Judy you are such a beautiful woman, so positive, joyful, hopeful, kind, generous, fun to be with and my dear dear friend. Thanks for all the years together and here’s to the next chapter.

So much love and a huge hug, Meg xxx 125