What’s Your sign? WEEK OF July 11 - July 17, 2014
By lEONA MOON
ARIES (March 21 - April 19) Did you fall into a ring of fire, Aries? It may feel like that in your love life! Jupiter gets cozy and flirty with Leo, fellow fire sign, on July 16. What does this mean for you and yours? Homemade dinners that don’t originate from the frozen aisle, folded laundry, an empty dishwasher and a 13-month stay as the reigning romantic couple. TAURUS (April 20 - May 20) Pack your bags and head to Mom and Dad’s on July 15, Taurus. Your domestic fourth house wants you to find all the goodies your parents hung onto all these years. Remember that third grade science project that didn’t win? Yeah, well so do Mom and Dad, and it’s taking up space in the garage. Take a stroll down memory lane and spend some quality time with the family. GEMINI (May 21 - June 20) You are putting Chatty Cathy to shame this week, Gemini. Your third house of communications is reaching out into the ether and screaming for attention on July 12. You’ve got a lot of ideas and a need to share them ASAP. Consider buying a voice recorder-there’s only 24 hours in a day, and your significant other can only feign interest for so many hours. CANCER (June 21 - July 22) Did you stock up on Rogaine this week, Cancer? Alright, if it’s not your hair that’s growing it’s sure to be your bank account come July 16. Jupiter pairs up with Leo for your chance to manifest money and results. It may feel like slow and steady never wins the race as of late, but pack your bags and clear your throat-traveling with a side of motivational speaking is nigh. LEO (July 23 - Aug. 22) The world doesn’t revolve around you, Leo. But the sun does, and now, so does Jupiter! Think of your upcoming celestial alignment as a clown car of the zodiac-you’ve got almost every planet as your passenger. Take a deep breath of fresh air and write out your heart’s truest desires. Now’s the time to make changes! VIRGO (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) Did you just apply for the Peace Corps, Virgo? We get it; you’re yearning for real world experience. You’ve been flying high as the Bruce Wayne of any and every social gathering. But now, it’s time to summon that Batmobile and ride solo. You’ve got a lot of introspection to take care of and come July 13, you’ve got the time. LIBRA (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22) Your life looks a lot like Her, Libra. Technology and teamwork are being served for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Use technology and your vivacious spirit for a higher order on July 11. Networking with big wigs is always great, but what do you really want to get out of the convo other than a business card and a free glass of pinot noir? Think big and make moves! SCORPIO (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21) Ditch the hamster wheel, Scorpio! You’re going out on your own and you’ve never been more ready (and prepared!) for a new path. All work and no play makes work, well, awful. Your career path has an inordinate amount of energy on July 17. Take your stab at updating your resume and rewriting those cover letters. You’ll be happy you gave it a shot. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21) You’re going to need some new sunglasses, Sagittarius! The spotlight is on you! Make your way to center stage on July 15. If you’ve been trying to get published in the Times, have your pilot picked up or earn a spot on Fox’s latest reality TV flop—you’re in luck! The stars have aligned to give you a little taste of stardom. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19) That yoga retreat is looking pretty good right about now, Capricorn. You could use a little extra calm in your life. Take the time to give a little extra love to your mind, body and soul connection. Grounding yourself and opening up the vulnerabilities of the world is critical on July 11. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) It takes two to fall in love, Aquarius. And luckily for you, you’re about to meet your soul mate! You might notice a little extra eye contact on July 16. Your seventh house of committed partnerships gives you the green light, so forget your airy nature at home, pass go and collect $200. PISCES (Feb. 19 - March 20) Did last night’s SoulCycle class wear you out, Pisces? It may come as a surprise, but despite the fatigue, you’re ready to hit the gym first thing in the morning all over again. Fitness and health take priority on July 17 as you burpee your way to tip-top shape. Remember you need to fuel your body, so stock up on kombucha.
››Advice goddess®
by
Q:
A my
A l ko n
I’m a 54-year-old single man. I’ve discovered a troubling and apparently rampant trend among people around my age doing online dating—women not being honest about their age. I think the women doing this include the woman I started seeing, whom I otherwise like a lot. She listed her age as 55 but recently got flustered recalling the year she graduated from high school. I got suspicious and looked her up on people finder sites, which list her age as 57. Should I tell her, “Hey, I’ve been doing a little detective work, and your numbers don’t add up”?—Just Trying To Find An Honest Woman
A:
After a certain point—the French tactfully call it “un certain age”—a woman’s birthday tends to come but once every two or three years. Sure, there are women who aren’t willing to compromise their ethics just to shave off a few years: my glamorous grandma, for example, who was 31 until the day she died—at 90. I’m always a little surprised when anybody’s surprised that somebody they met on the Internet lied about something. In fact, as I advise in my new book, Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck, everyone on the Internet should be assumed to be lying about everything until proven otherwise. In other words, consider yourself lucky that she’s female. And a mammal. I write often about our evolutionary imperatives, like how men evolved to lust after healthy, fertile women—all the better to help them pass on their genes. The features men consider beautiful—like youth, unwrinkled skin, and an hourglass figure—are actually indicators of a woman’s fertility. And the older and further away a woman gets from peak fertility the more these features fade and the less desirable she becomes to men. Sure, a woman may grow wiser with age, and she may be a perfectly wonderful and kind person, but as I note in my book, “The penis is not a philanthropic organization and will not get hard because a woman bought a homeless guy a sandwich.” You could tell this woman you’ve caught her in a lie—if your goal is embarrassing her into liking you more. But it isn’t like she said she was 30 and turned out to be bumping up against 60. By the way, it isn’t just women who engage in attractivenessimproving fibbery. In the male camp, the lies include flashy cars beyond one’s means, liberal interpretations of 6’1”, Rogaine and the poor man’s Rogaine, spray-on “hair.” And the reality is, whenever you think you could get serious with a person, you need to look at her character over time—comparing what she says with what she does—to figure out whether she’s trustworthy. As you’re doing that with this woman, consider taking a counterintuitive approach—calling up a little compassion for where she’s coming from. Chances are, she only lied because she figured out where all the honest women are: home alone being 57 instead of having a man like you spirit them off for a romantic weekend at Club Med Guantanamo to waterboard them about their real birthdate.
Q:
I have a friend I see about once a week, and all she ever does is vent about her various dating problems. The 10 percent of the time we actually discuss my life or anything else, she seems bored. I want to tell her I feel like she’s monopolizing our friendship with her love life, but I’m not sure how.—Ignored
A:
You couldn’t be a better friend to her, unless, of course, you could have yourself reincarnated as a giant ear. This isn’t friendship; it’s therapy without the co-pay. The question is, has she always been this way? Even a true friend can go through periods of being needy, moody, selfish or otherwise hard to be around. That friend probably just needs a heads-up, like, “I know you’ve been on edge about your whole dating situation, but I’ve been feeling kind of bad that you never seem interested in what’s going on with me.” “I’m feeling bad” appeals to their sympathy, which, economist Adam Smith noted, motivates us to try to ease others’ discomfort or suffering. Tagging the problem to the “dating situation” suggests that they’re a little wrapped up in their problem rather than that they, personally, are the problem. If, however, a person is narcissistic—truly self-absorbed—and if that’s always been their orientation, there’s probably no transforming them from a talker into a listener (not without duct-taping them to a chair and gagging them with a pair of old tube socks). Y
©Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or e-mail AdviceAmy@ aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com). Amy Alkon’s Advice Goddess Radio—listen live every Sunday—http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ amyalkon/—7-8pm, or listen or download at the link at iTunes or on Stitcher. And watch for her new book: “Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck.”
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