You get what you pay for Psst, fellas! First date may be your last, if you split that check... by Nik k i Silve r stein
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by Howard Rachelson
1. Each California county prints voter registration forms based on local demographics. Voter registration forms in Marin County are printed in what four languages besides English? 2. William Shakespeare was born in Stratford, which lies along what river? 3. How many U.S. senators and representa4a tives does Washington, D.C. have? 4. Pictured, right: It’s great, it’s really great! Identify these photos which have something to do with the word “great.” 4a. Name the 1974 movie and star 4b. Give the proper title for this 2013 movie 4c. Largest lake entirely within Canada 5. If you travel directly south from London, England, what’s the next country you’ll hit? 6. What is the primary grain in bourbon? 4b 7. Around 122 AD, a Roman emperor organized the construction of a 120-kilometer-long wall built of stone and mortar, to help protect one of the northernmost extremes of the Roman empire. Which emperor was it, and where was it built? 8. All about the octopus: 8a. It has how many arms? 8b. How many eyes? 8c. How many hearts? 9. Name the instrument played by each of 4c the following musicians: 9a. Yehudi Menuhin 9b. Miles Davis 9c. Yo Yo Ma 9d. Django Reinhardt 10. If five workers can fill five barrels of water in five minutes, then 20 workers could fill how many barrels in 20 minutes? BONUS QUESTION: What part of the human body was named after the hero of Homer’s Iliad? Howard Rachelson welcomes you to live team trivia contests on Wednesdays at 7:30pm at the Broken Drum in San Rafael. If you have an intriguing question, send it along (including the answer, and your name and hometown) to howard1@triviacafe.com.
VVinnie, a Jack Russell terrier, was dognapped last week from Green Point Nursery in Novato. The next Vinnie sighting was at Home Depot in San Rafael. Roey Berman, a San Rafael resident, noticed the 12-year-old pooch tied up outside and sensed something was wrong. She tried to find his person. Having no luck, Roey brought him to Shay at Madera Pet Hospital. Vinnie was checked out, fed and walked. Vinnie’s mom reported her missing dog to the Marin Humane Society in the morning and Shay called MHS in the late afternoon. Though Vinnie had no tags and his microchip was unregistered, Jessica at MHS made the connection. It took a village to reunite Vinnie with Lisa, his grateful mom. Three woofs to Roey, Shay and Jessica.
Answers on page 27
WIs there no limit to how low people will go for a few bucks? Some imbecile(s) cut open the metal self-service pay stations at three state parks in Marin and stole the money inside. With budget cuts, rangers aren’t always available to take fees and the self-pay boxes were designed for the convenience of park visitors. Olompali Park, as well as Bootjack and Pantoll on Mt. Tam, were hit on the same night earlier this month. Bandit(s) made off with an indeterminate amount of money and destroyed the boxes. Ironically, the self-service pay stations rely on the honor system. We’re fortunate to have beautiful parks in Marin. Dishonorable zero(s), get a real job. Rangers and citizens are keeping a closer watch over our county’s jewels. —Nikki Silverstein
ZERO
y friend Jennifer endears herself like I ordered lobster. In that moment, I to everyone. With her infecknew he definitely would never see me tious laugh, sense of humor and naked. Moving on... effervescent personality, what’s not to like? She gets bonus points for To pay or not to pay? That should her chosen career as a first-grade never be a question when a man is teacher. Kids hug her and sob at taking a woman out for their first date. the end of the school year, beUnfortunately, some impolite guys don’t cause they’ll miss Miss D. during know the correct answer, so we’ll just the summer. If anyone (besettle this matter once and for all. sides me) deserves unadulAccording to me, the man should terated adulation, it’s Jen. always pay for the first date. I can’t Why does this woman, think of an exception. loved by all, have to go online Usually, I’ll make a gesture to find a date? I have no idea. to pay. “Oh, let me split that In her case, my description with you,” I say as I take out my of her great personality is wallet. Of course, I’m not being not code for unattractive. sincere. It’s a test. A gentleman Jennifer is physically beaualways declines the offer. tiful. In fact, her hair is so Jen and I took a poll to confirm thick and shiny that Clairol that we are right and Dutch Dave should be clamoring to put is a loser. Surprisingly, not everyin her in a shampoo comone agreed with us. mercial. Rick, my on-again/off-again Last Friday night, I pulled boyfriend, confirmed that he’s a up to Jen’s Mill Valley house mensch. “It’s part of the gender to drop off her dog and she rules,” he said. “I expect to pay.” opened the door looking Theo, a friend of Jen’s, said absolutely fab. “I have a that the issue of paying for the date,” she announced. “I’m first date sets the tone for the nervous.” whole relationship. True that. Dave, an attorney, found Jen If he demands that the woman on OK Cupid. Though they had shares the bill, it’s over before it spent three months e-mailing begins. Or, she thinks he’s cheap, doesn’t each other, they had never sporespect him and will dump him for the This is what Marin ken. Red flags all over the field. women think of when first real man that comes along. 1) OK Cupid is free and My friend Nick doesn’t want to inyou suggest ‘going Dutch,’ guys... you get what you pay for. sult a feminist. “She’ll want to split the 2) Are his fingers broken? tab, because she doesn’t want to owe He should have called long me anything. If she offers, I’ll accept.” ago. He’s wrong. It’s a meaningless overture. 3) Married or unmannered? Either way, Besides, there aren’t any militant feminists it’s not looking good. around anymore. I kept mum, gave her a quick hug, and Tom, my hiking buddy, said Sex and told her to relax and enjoy. My dog and I the City ruined everything. “Until that head home to our dark, lonely condo. show, men and women were equal. Now, Within hours, I received the following all these girly girls want to be treated like e-mail from Jen: princesses.” Tom, Tom, Tom. We were My date. We met at Bar Bocce in Saunever equal. Men still get paid far more salito. Great conversation with no effort. I than women doing the same job. For that really liked him. Then the dinner bill came reason alone, women should be put on a and he left it in the middle of the table. pedestal. If you understood, you might Later, he pushed it toward me and said, have a girlfriend. “Ugh, math.” Jennifer summed up the debate perfectThe tab was $45. Michael threw down ly. “I’m happy I can vote and I don’t live in $20 and leafed through his wallet. He added a country where they can cut my clitoris another $10 and looked at me. I couldn’t off. Still I want a guy to open my door and do the math; I was so stunned. I put a 20 pay for the first date.” on top of his money. “You need another five Amen, Sister Jen. < there and that should do it,” he said. Is Nikki wrong guys? Email letters@pacificsun.com. Or, make Dutch on a first date? Come on. It’s not Nikki pay at nikki_silverstein@yahoo.com
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Got a Hero or a Zero? Please send submissions to e-mail nikki_silverstein@yahoo.com. Toss roses, hurl stones with more Heroes and Zeros at ›› pacificsun.com MAY 31 - JUNE 6, 2013 PACIFIC SUN 9