MARGARIN - issue 1

Øystein

RUNDE

ISSUE 1

-11 -

Margarin is created by Kristopher Schau & Øystein Runde. First published in Norway as Margarin.

Translation by Kate Pendry. All rights to this work belong to Kristopher Schau & Øystein Runde.

Kristopher’s bands, The Dogs and The Cumshots, can be found online. His tv series, Dag, is on Netflix.

You can find Øystein on instagram: @rundeshow and on oysteinrunde@gmail.com

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Try rattlin.

E likes that innit.

‘E does that.

Come on.

Rattle.

Rattle th’ slipper.

‘E thinks it’s funny that.

‘E likes that. Rattle. More.

More. More. More. Rattle more. Rattle th’ slipper more. Go on Charlotte.

Rattle more ...

Hallo kiddies!

Shut yer trap, Kim.

Is our tea ready?

Dah!

What we havin’ today?

Ale‘n pigeon.

Da’s been at the work.

He been workin’ ...

D’you know that?

That Da works. He does too.

He’s workin’ ev’ry day. Da goes to work ev’ry day ...

Kim, pipe down. Karen, lay table.

-33 -

It’s ready in kitchen.

It’s nice t’ have food. Food’s nice.

Not all food. But nearly all food.

Nearly all food’s nice. But not all the food. All the food’s all food, an that’s not nice.

Youse turn’d Bert?

Arnold stop yer brother.

It’s Arnie’s turn.

Hmf. Bleddy is not.

I emptied dog. So it’s you as should turn Bert.

Bleddy IS.

-4 4-

You NIVVER emptied dog!

Look at it, Da! It’s nivver been emptied has it!

Dog’s to be emptied Arnold.

Karen, turn Bert.

But me no buts.

T’morra ye’ll swap.

-55 -

But Da-a!

Aaw!

Where’s Firsty?

Will it not eat it’s tea wi’ rest of us?

A’ think it’s up in it’s room.

In it’s room?

FIRSTY?

What’d it say?

FIRSTY! Will you not come to table fer tea wi’us?

Bleddy ale’s warm now...

It said summat about bread. It were about bread.

Arnie, issnt’ it what Firsty said?

Firsty’s in love again.

Da, Da, is Firsty in love?

Is it Da? Is it in love? Eh? Is it not that Da? It’s not hungering. No. In love. Da?

-6 6-

Charlotte! Sew up dog, and get rid of that muck.

Oh for the love - I don’t believe it.

But it were Arnie that

... It went aright?

He nearly fell but it went.

BELT UP! Can we not have peace at table!

Done?

Shall we have a look-see?

Then you can clear table.

-77 -

An now …

Ma an Da wants a little peace.

There’s fine.

Youse can leave table.

-8 8-

Da! Where’s Firsty’s skin?

I want to put on Firsty’s skin Da. It’s skin. I want it on. Skin. Da. Is it not true that it’s my turn to wear it’s skin?

Arnie said that Firsty’s skin was in the cellar.

Yebbut th’ skin Da. Firsty’s skin.

I want to wear it. I want to wear Firsty’s skin.

KIM! It’s thy fault as Firsty’s got no skin so SHUT YER TRAP. Yebbut!

Shut thee trap now!

Well you know as Firsty’s got no skin.

Poor Firsty. Has to lie there like a jellyfish breathin through is feedin pipe all cus of you.

Get away now!

Pipe down, Kim. You know how busy your Da is.

That’s the what what Arnie said.

That if I went in cellar...

Shhh!

-99 -

We’ll have no yebbut!

Why can I not pet Bert? Da? Why can I not?

Pet-pet?

- 10 10 -

-11 11 -

We’re all hungerin’ Kim. It’s not just you as hasn’t been fed.

Yebbut I’ve got to eat, everyone’s to. Those as don’t eat can’t never eat cos them’ dead and thems that’s dead can’t eat.

It is true that Karen that eatins the same same as ...

None of us has had Kim. NONE so shut up.

She’s not ate yet. Understand? Fuckin idiot!

Yesbut I’ve to eat food.

Everyone’s to eat food else ...

Nobody’s idiots just if others says they are.

- 12 12 -

If you that then you stupid an stupid int the same as idiot.

Idiot’s bit different from stupid. Stupid int idiot and idiot int ...

SHUT UP!

Are you done yet?

I’ll give em a knock.

Go to bed Arnold.

I’m right up in your Ma.

It was Kim askin. It weren’t me Honest it weren’t me

But we’re hungry!

AR NOLD!

-13 13 -

No, I was just hungry, me.

Karen its true I said as I was hungry it is its true.

Arnold You’re grounded for one week.

And the same’ll do for you Karen, if you don’t shut Kim UP.

That’s what I said. Me name’s Kim an I said I was hungry.

Isn’t it it weren’t me as ...

About bloody time!

- 14 14 -

Kids...

-15 15 -

Firsty’s sucklin’ the dog again!

- 16 16 -

An Bert’s begun to ooze!

Daa! Daa! Bert’s oozin!!

Karen, did you not say you’ve turned Bert?

Is it not possible to get some peace round here.

You’ve got to do it proper, girl.

Hells balls now it’s a bloody saga.

Yeahh, but...

Stephen Arnold!

I said you’re grounded.

Get up in yer Ma.

-17 17 -

No buts! You’re grounded.

Stephen Arnold!

Now get yourself up in yer Ma!

But Dad...

Bert’soozin’!

Bert’soozin’!

Ma?

- 18 18 -

Easy now, I’m on me way.

If it’s allright by you I’ll have meself a smoke?

You’ve not got a spare fag goin?

What was it this time?

Eh just the usual. Kim was naggin’ I got blame.

You’ve not exactly grown any.

Nope. five an’ a half year to go.

It’s the fucking humidity.

Prunes me

An you?

Da still showin no mercy

That’s Ma she’s allergic to smoke

skin

Soon done Ma! Soon done!

-19 19 -

You didn’t bring any books or anythin?

Nivver got the chance, sorry.

Hmpf

Best stump em.

Sorry Mam! We’re puttin em out now!

So long’s she don’t tell Da...

Stein Arne!

What are you doing to your mother?

Stephen Arnold!

What are ye doin to yer Mitther?

- 20 20 -

Hand over them ciggs, Arnold.

That’s to days additional.

It’s true as Bert’s kind Da? Isn’t it that?

Have youse checked on Bert?

We isn’t angry just cos it’s oozy.

It’s true as, in’t it Da?

We’re out of ice, an four of the hoovers is stopped up.

You two, go down in cellar an get that which is on me bench.

Dah...

-21 21 -

Kim ... isn’t it isn’t it true as we’re not?

One day, when yer grown enough, and strong enough, it’ll fall to you to mek sure yer brother don’t turn out like (you?)

Do you understand?

Okay, girls, let’s get to work!

Here it is, Dah!

Burt?

Daddy’s here.

- 22 22 -

Don’t be afraid.

Everything will be all right.

-23 23 -

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