Overachiever Magazine: The 2020 Issue

With writing on...

Reflecting on 2020

Boldness of racism on social media

Finding your purpose

Featuring interviews with...

Jacky Lai

YDE

Hitha

Editor’s Note

Dear OM readers, Well, we did it. We clawed our way to the end of this horrific, traumatic year. Many of us have lost loved ones. Many more have lost their livelihoods. Lives have been upended, families have been torn apart. But we made it. I have nothing more to say, except that I hope that each and every one of you is being kind to yourself and taking time to rest. In 2021, we have to pick up the fight again. I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else.

Yours, Rehana Paul Editor-In-Chief and Founder, Overachiever Magazine

INTERVIEW WITH YDE Written by Kate Anderson-Song

Modern culture demands a modern rockstar. YDE (EE-dee) breaks every mold. Based in Los Angeles, the 17-year-old Australia-born and half-Filipino singer, songwriter, multi-instr umentalist, and actress rips apart convention with a razor sharp perspective, fearless honesty, and earth-quaking vocals.

Her path may have twisted and turned, but it ended up in just the right place. Initially, her performance instinct translated to the screen. In between starring roles on NETFLIX and Nickelodeon series, where she received a nomination at the Kids’ Choice Awards for “Favorite Female TV Star,” she attracted a social audience of over 3 million fans and counting. At the same time, she feverishly wrote music and honed her craft in sessions.

One seemingly casual session changed everything in 2019. Upon meeting powerhouse songwriter Justin Tranter [Justin Bieber, Halsey, Imagine Dragons, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato], she not only found the perfect collaborator, but also a mentor. Tranter signed her to their label Facet Records in partnership with Warner Records. Now, she introduces her incendiary and irresistible style with her brand new singles “Stopped Buying Diamonds” and “BlindLife.”

Hello, I’m YDE :)

Introduce yourself!

You are someone who wears many hats —“singer, songwriter, multi-instrumentalist, and actress.” How do you balance these? Do they feed into each other?

As much as these hats are different, I feel they all completely feed into each other. They all play a crucial role in the story. Without one, each of the other ones fall apart in my eyes.

Your newest single, “BlindLife,” is out December 4. Can you give us a sense of what it’s about? What inspired it?

“BlindLife” is my end of the world anthem. This song was inspired by the fires that devastated California last year and over the last few years. Last year around this time, I sat in a session racking my brain trying to write a song while also anxiously checking my phone hoping not to find out that my family home had been swallowed by flames. Thankfully, it never was. But it came terrifyingly close. I found that whole experience so bizarre. I sat there writing a song while the world around me was literally engulfed in flames. I so deeply wanted to do something about the fires, yet I continued to just write a song. So I decided to write a song about just that.

Both “BlindLife” and your debut single “Stopped Buying Diamonds” were co-written with collaborators Justin Tranter and duo Mattman and Robin. What is the creative process like as a group?

It’s definitely a different creative process than I’ve found with other people, but it’s addictive. Ideas are being thrown around at all times, lots of Swedish conversations that Justin and I will not even begin to attempt to comprehend, and somehow we end up with an insane song by the end of the day.

Your debut single, “Stopped Buying Diamonds,” seemed to speak to older generations about their misunderstanding of Gen Z. What issues do you feel are the biggest that Gen Z faces?

I think Gen Z has inherited more than a handful of issues that are in dire need of attention. Just a few of them include learning how to deal with social media and technological advancements in terms of their impact on our mental health, and eradicating the remaining racial, gender, and class inequality. This is all while we’re facing a terribly polarized society, making it so difficult to create change, all while the health of our planet is declining rapidly.

What does self care mean to you? How do you take care of yourself?

Self care to me is making the conscious decision to spend time with yourself, for yourself. I prioritize exercise and meditation every day as a daily self care ritual. It’s so refreshing to wake up and solely spend time with the person who I live with 24/7 rather than push her to the side for everyone else.

Some rapid fire questions: One word to describe “BlindLife”?

Greasy.

Your go-to coffee shop order?

Water.

Right or left-handed?

Both.

A whole lotta Radiohead and Have a Nice Life.

Music that you’re listening to right now?

Strange or special talents/tricks (i.e. wiggle your ears? Hoola-hoop? Speak in Piglatin?)

I’ve been told that wearing my socks inside out on a daily basis is a talent. Does that count?

What has been the highlight of your day today?

Being told that wearing my socks inside out is a talent.

More music :)

Social profiles: Instagram: @notYDE Twitter: @notYDE Facebook: notYDE YouTube: notYDE TikTok: @notYDE

What is next for you?

“Online Social Justice Warrior”

by Elena George-Jones

I’m a uni student stuck at home in these harsh times Christmas is coming, but I’ve still got assignments I’ll be working all break, and working after it too My 21st will be in lockdown, and so... will valentines day And I’ll be back in uni before the rest of February Social justice warrior only online People forget that mixed can mean Asian and white They forget all the time, tired from having to remind Other countries exist, outside, Of China and Japan and Korea I should know, half my family has their Roots in Sri Lanka It’s a teardrop country off the edge of India And I’ve researched its history for class I’ve been disconnected with the culture for so long Now I’ve an opportunity I’m not going to pass Been learning how to make chicken biryani And rice with the saffron Been learning how to make proper roti Been trying to fight for feminism, lgbt and racial rights in my own every day life Hope educating every age, is the step in the right way, to a better life

“Crisis Calls for Solidarity”

Artist: Ravy Puth

“Do Not Let Hate Fool You”

I Have Felt Racism, Have You?”

Grl

Written by Disha Satwani Disha Satwani is easily the girl who reads and shout. She is currently studying commerce in high school. The 16 year old strongly believes in the equality of all genders in the world and has strong opinions for the same in politics. Since her early days, the girl has been fascinated and obsessed with literature and writing and today writes various articles presenting her views on social topics and ideologies of women and gender in the world. A strong woman in making who hopes to make this world a better and equal place for the future generations. instagram: @dishasatwani She sat still, gazing at the fresh green grass with a frown-covering smile from the window near her school ground. She could see a handful of girls kicking the football around with smiles of joy and amusement. A few girls cheered in glee as another kicked the ball through the goal post. She just sat still. She was invited too, you know, but didn’t join them...it was ‘that time of the month’.

From using the first ever made pad in 1919 by Woolworths, Chicago to the 21st century of menstrual cups and tampons, women have come a long way through PMS, cravings, chocolates, painkillers, overnight pad belt, homemade pads of cloth...covering this all up so that no one can see this - the beauty she projects, the beauty her blood projects, all under the period shame.

The girl who burned like fire, spreading it and burning up all those who try to stop her, burning up all the clowns and liars and lightening up the world. 13 years old now, a quiet girl who obeys everyone and everything, driven under the darkness by her mother of orthodox thinking who said to her: “Shh! Don’t speak of your period out loud.” But the father of the other 13 year old said, “Here take some extra pads, in case the flow is too much”.

The girl stood there crying, clutching a large jacket to her chest. The woman in front of her said: “You shouldn’t dress like this. This dress is too inviting.” Was it too much for her to dress in a red blouse and a jeans set?, the girl questioned herself.

Dr. Rani Bang, in Putting Women First: Women And Health In Rural Community, notes that women in rural communities have very little knowledge about menstrual health. She says, “Cultural perceptions such as colour of the menstrual blood govern their perception of what is normal and abnormal.

They resist using sanitary napkins because it is difficult to dispose of them. They fear it might fall into the hands of someone who can use Jadu tona (black magic) against them.”

These cultural norms and sayings have affected the minds and thinking of people greatly. The effects on the biological side of the human mind has led people to have psychological and neurological damages. The brain is attacked immensely by various hormones, giving rise to various anxiety disorders – people thinking they are not worthy or impure, low self confidence level, panic attacks.

This is one of the most grave side effects of all. Menstruation is a biological period of cleansing of the body. Despite this society often creates rules and regulations opposing it, one such being the Kerala High Court restriction of 1991 which denied women above the age of 10 and below the age of 50 (ages of menstruation) entry into the Sabarimala Temple. This restriction was lifted on September 28, 2018 by the Supreme Court of India, saying that the discrimination against women on any grounds, even religious, is unconstitutional.

The population of adolescent girls reaches approximately 80 million - many fear society, many fear the blood, many want to speak up but are suppressed under the shame of periods and dress. Today we may have risen to the greatness of human glory but women are still suppressed under the dark realms of shame and embarrassment just because we chose to reveal our “erotic” world.

The current attitudes as viewed by us towards menstruation, childbirth, pregnancy and fertility reflect a porn education gaze that suppresses disgust by indulging in the illusion of a purely erotic world. Female fertility is shocking precisely because it turns women from sexual to maternal and from erotic to maturing. The child is the ultimate rupture to the porn world. Menstruation and female fertility is socially suppressed and largely silenced. The pornographic education that turned these parts of sex into unnatural interruptions of sexuality, ruined the vision of genital organs as solely erotic arousing organs.

You might say that this world is a man’s world, but it’s factual too that each and every birth is vaginal.

Written and Illustrated by Natalie Obedos Natalie is a Filipino American artist and student currently living in Boston. She is one of Overachiever’s original team members and is currently the creator of their Miss Demure comic. When she is not working or in class, Natalie likes to bake, walk around the city, or just take a long nap.

INSTAGRAM: @guyabanos

“What I Won’t Forget” by mamiamu

Myself. X My scars, my bumps, my shortcomings All perceived and all very real The look they give when I’ve crossed some Arbitrary line Some reason to hate me by way of hating themselves Oh you’ll never know The pain The guilt And the burden it is to know what I won’t forget You’ll never be able to disown me any more Than I have myself And you will forget me But I will never forget myself To write.

A form of breathing What I won’t want to forget — I’ll forget — and I will forget To say I love you To close things To flush And I wish I could never forget Your embrace And eager love You are central to the plot, my love Yet I do not have the words No language to test To practice Loving you Or myself So I’ll paint you in my mind And ignore the untruths Fill you in the corners of my food My page My lyric All that goes unsaid Cannot be said plainly You inspire poetry Geeky, flowery poetry I’ll never forget You Our love The fullness of it I’ll remember to Allow you to know me Share my dreams Adapt to change And fill you in Right here in the corner of my pages In the corners of my mind I could never forget “What I Won’t Forget” is part of a series called “To My Mother: & 9 Other Unpublished Works”.

Artist: Uma Patel // IG: @umaypatel

Artist: Uma Patel // IG: @umaypatel (photos and above and on following pages)

“And then I was free—”

by Diana Lin

I dreamt I’m walking down a dark street.

the place I was born, where my parents, my parents’ parents were born. There are plants everywhere.

sky. the stones scaer the gray clouds and shoong stars streak the sky, their white powder arcings a mirror of to gray rocks and running clouds

Walking,

huge draping vines and flowers,

~

walking,

white and pink hanging down;

then speeding up.

everything vibrant and aglow.

walk-running,

Bursng forth out of impossibly small pots,

In my dream, you were driving and I was helping you unwrap your sandwich but I was so hungry,

running

RUNNING

trying to look like I’m walking. a voice without a body follows me I don’t want him to catch up.

thimbles of dirt.

I’d eaten half of it

Everywhere I look

before I remembered that it was for you.

the green. ~

he thinks he knows me,

I dreamt a lion’s mane halo glowing silver around the moon.

I’m trying to keep my distance,

~

trying to get away

Three mes this year I dreamt of basements

Why does he keep following ~

and before I knew it,

dark mysteries opening into discovery

I dreamt that I lost my lower right caverns full of promise, play, back molar.

Secret knowledge, beckoning. it was hollow and came out in my insides of my cheeks, hand,

~ I dreamt that I finally said to you all the things that I’d kept quiet kept quiet so that in our waking days you wouldn’t say, What’s the big deal? Why would that bother you?

In dream life, I could do it then and I was resolute, undeterred despite your making it small not maering

huge

and it hurt.

despite your anger,

as big as my palm.

~ I dreamt of a young man standing on a rock, throwing stones at the

And I woke up

~ I dreamt of Taiwan

free

Ikigai to Discover Your Purpose in Life Written by Sabaitide

Alyssa is a painter and plant lover from Santa Barbara, CA. She is a first generation Thai American who is reflecting on her eastern roots in Zen Buddhism and Yoga in comparison to western perspectives like Christianity to try and better understand what God’s purpose is for her.

A lot of this reflection was done quietly in meditation and prayer, but she is beginning to express her beliefs through her writing and painting which can be found on her blog sabaitide.com. Race and religion aside, Alyssa reflects on her own journey of art and faith to help her move forward with her struggles with mental health, and she is sharing her story because it may help someone else heal in their own coming of age.

Website: www.sabaitide.com

If you already know what your purpose in life is, that’s great. If you have a purpose to be, a mission to achieve, a reason to get out of bed in the morning—and if that motivation comes from the heart rather than an obligation—then I want to tell you how blessed you are. On the other hand, if you don’t quite know what your purpose is or want to steer yourself towards something you want to be more passionate about, that’s okay too, and I would like to nudge you in the right direction to figure that out. I also don’t quite know what my purpose is either, like I haven’t pinpointed it just yet, but I feel like I am finally getting a little warmer, and I want to tell you about Ikigai.

Ikigai is a Japanese approach to understanding your purpose in life by visually mapping out who you are and your reasons for being. Maybe you already know what your purpose is, or perhaps you didn’t quite know what it was until you saw it visually mapped out like this. Ikigai is designed as a Venn quadrigram (or if that’s not a real word, then it’s a Venn diagram but with four circles) that brings together what you love, what you are good at, what you can be paid for, and connecting those pieces of yourself to what the world really needs. You might already know what you love and what you’re good at, but I would like to encourage you to think about how to use your gifts for the world and to connect that to your new purpose in life.

As these four circles overlap, we also see new areas that combine these different pieces of ourselves to discover new ideas that we might not have seen like this before. When we cross what we love with what we’re good at, we can affirm or discover our passions in life. When we cross what we’re good at to what we can be paid for, we find possible new professions if we’re not already doing what we need to be doing. When we cross what we can be paid for with what the world needs, we explore possible vocations or callings we might have. Finally, when we cross what the world needs back to what we love, we will discover a new mission for our reason of being.

This is the intelligent design of Ikigai—all of this passion and knowledge and beauty already exists within you—but maybe you didn’t see it like this before, and when you explore your Ikigai, you will discover something new about yourself every single time. So grab your journal and something to write with, and please give this a try. If you are circularly challenged, and it’s actually a little difficult to draw those circles, that’s okay. Dedicate four pages to this exercise and draw a line in half on each page, making eight spaces in total that you can fill with bullet points and ideas.

In the first space, explore what you love. Have a brainblast on this one and list them all out. This can range from what you like to what your reasons to live are. (Example: breakfast, my dog, sunrise/sunset, the beach, coffee, etc., etc.). There’s so much to love in life and admire and be inspired by. What are yours?

In the second, explore your passions. What do you enjoy doing, and what do you feel strongly about?

(Example: art, dance, film, music, environment, social justice, surfing, or whatever passions you may have). Many of us have several passions or art forms or athletic hobbies, or calls for activism. Where do you want to put your time and energy toward?

In the third, explore what you’re good at. Sometimes I also have a hard time thinking that I’m actually good at things, but please think about it. What are your gifts and talents? These can be anything from hidden abilities to big small achievements.

(Example: making the best of things, creative problem solving, making coffee). You’re probably a very bright and talented person, even if you didn’t see yourself that way before.

In the fourth, explore your profession or a possible profession if you aren’t quite there yet. A profession is an occupation or field that would require some knowledge or experience on your behalf. What field do you want to work in or learn more about professionally? (Example: fine art, filmmaking, engineering, sustainability, technology, writing). Your answer may or may not be what you’re already doing, but it would help you to be honest with yourself.

In the fifth space, explore what you’ve actually paid for. What’s your day job again? It’s okay if you’re still on your way to accomplishing your goals, but think about what job skills you’ve developed, even if it’s not what you had in mind. (Example: from being a waitress, I developed excellent communication, customer service, and problem-solving abilities). What skills do you have that you can be paid for?

In the sixth, explore your vocation or a particular calling you might have. Maybe it’s learning a new skill, or taking a new class, or starting a passion project. What do you want to do that would require a little more learning or practice? (Example: blogging, karate, learning piano, starting a business, things like that).

In the seventh, explore what the world needs from your unique understanding and perspective.

Some people might think that our world needs more love or environmental and social justice, and those are all good points. What do you feel the world needs right now? There’s a lot that we can do together.

By now, you have probably poured your heart and mind onto your pages. How do you feel about your Ikigai? In the last space, please take all of this beautiful information and try your best to create a mission for yourself. Now knowing all of this about yourself, a mission is a statement of purpose that will direct you to do what you want to do and what you are about to do. This is the piece that changes every single time I map out my Ikigai. There are so many ways you can direct your flow of thought to compose your mission statement, but do your best to bring yourself together to put yourself out there again.

I hope that this exercise may have helped you discover your purpose or helped you find new reasons to be inspired through your Ikigai. I want to remind you that you are so unique, and our world needs you to be the very best version of yourself who is passionate and motivated and so very capable of accomplishing good things

You Won’t Steal My Spirit

Written by Katrina Romero Tran

Katrina Romero Tran is an educator, writer, and aficionado of ridiculous memes. When she’s not surrounded by stacks of middle-school English essays to grade, she enjoys reading, binge-watching YouTube, and eating her way through Asia. She strives to empower and foster a greater sense of understanding, empathy, and clarity in herself and those around her.

This year has been one of brokenness, a time to inwardly retreat as we outwardly forge forward in this calamity of a year. 2020 has reeled me into some of the darkest recesses of my mind, revisiting dark, melancholy possibilities I hadn’t entertained in years. When I recall some of our major incidents, it sounds like the plot of a sci-fi movie that my middle schoolers might drum up: rumors of World War III, a global pandemic, murder hornets, racial and cultural injustice, not to mention election allegation outcries. Combining this with some very personal family struggles--emergency surgeries, chemos, mental fatigue, financial instability, and general seclusion--this has surely been the hardest year of life yet.

There were countless moments where the bad overwhelmingly outweighed the good. While this is the time of year when people generally craft New Year’s resolutions, I think it’s necessary to acknowledge that I don’t know what’s coming next, and that at this point I need to just pause to acknowledge what I still have during a year of so many have-nots. Reflectively, it’s the seemingly menial, everyday things have stepped in to show their might and get me through these last few months: -The family and friends who stick through it all. This year forced me to pry open my introverted shell to reach out to those who truly matter, whether through socially distanced visits, Zoom, Facetime or text. It’s made me realize who truly cares about me and who I truly care about, and also who I wish to keep more at surface-level.

-The concept of saving, be it mental energy, money, or time. I’m realizing it’s not about spending just because I can or getting the most work done because I have to, but also to heed my inner voice, to do what’s necessary without being excessive in terms of work, play, or even exercise. I’m slowly learning that just because my to-do list grows daily, I cannot help others unless I also help myself.

My time, my life, and my resources are limited, and so I need to make sure I prioritize.

-Using my voice to speak up for others as well as myself. Months of being stuck at home has broken me away from a years-long routine that often left me exhausted and resentful: work, gym, grade.

Work, gym, grade. Work. Gym. Grade. The pandemic has forced me to think about my reality as well as to dream what direction I would like to take from this present moment forward. There’s more to this life than what I realized pre-2020, and sometimes it takes a maelstrom to shake things up and force us to find a different way, a road less traveled. For me, it means finding different ways to help those around me, new ways that I hadn’t even allowed myself to consider before.

2020, you’ve been full of pain and strife. You’ve taken away so many wonderful people from us be it COVID or other disease, social injustice, or age. You have brought so many of us to our knees in these long, dark hours. But please know that you have not taken away our spirit, that we will emerge victorious and that whatever challenges you have thrown at us to make us fall apart will only make us stronger, banded together. So thank you, 2020--you ruthless son of a gun--for your level 10 of Jumanji, your fear-mongering and your empty threats. Please know that we know the best is yet to come.

Female Gaze Each issue we feature some of our readers to highlight the diversity and stories of Asian women around the world, Here are those issue’s ladies!

“ Hi! I’ m Svetha, f ounder and ar tist at Indian Curr yspondence where I create punny Indian f ood-related greeting cards and ar t celebrating women of color. I work as an urban planner by day, a pro f ession I trul y love because I get to lif t up the voices of vulnerable and under ser ved communities and advocate f or saf er, healthier, and more complete neighborhoods .

My work inspires me to lean into my culture as well. Be ing born in India but brought up in the U.S., I’ ve al ways f elt like an outsider - never trul y belonging in either culture and not k nowing how to identif y. I f elt shut out and ignored. More recentl y, I’ ve grown to love my diff erenc es and to embrace my own unique culture of being an Indian-American.

I star ted Indian Curr yspondence in the middle of the pandemic to help connect people through stationar y but I also like to use my ar t platf orm to advo cate against colorism, casteism, racism, and other issues prevalent in Indian culture . All the proceeds f rom my ar t are donated to Black Li ves Matter and other nonprof it organizations suppor ting BIPOC.”

M a h im a C h o w d h u r y “ Feminist ; aspiring journalist , human rights acti vist and catmom.”

As a poet and f reelance writer, Aysha has been published in various publications including: Brown Girl Magazine , the Huff ington Post , The Muslim Obser ver, Ever yday Feminism, The Teal Mango, The Tempest , the New York Post ’ s Decider, and elsewhere . Common themes in her work include advocating f or immigration ref orm, gender parit y, f eminism, xeno phobia and cultural competency.”

“ Aysha is a writer, poet , and advocate based in the tri-state area.

Bef ore joining the Dail y Kos as a staff writer, she worked as a legal program coordinator and culturall y specif ic sexual assault advocate f or the South Asian communit y. Aysha is a member of the South Asian American Journalism Association and ser ves on the board of t wo non-profits . She has ex tensi ve experience work ing with state off icials and grassroots organizations on addressing issues of violence against women, language access , and Islamophobia. Aysha’ s work in state language access has allowed her to pilot and implement programs dedicated to South Asian cultural competency within the judiciar y system nationwide .

When a Tiger Mom Meets a Penguin Written by X.H. Collins

X.H. Collins was born in Hechuan, China, and grew up in Kangding, on the East Tibet Plateau. She has a Ph.D. in nutrition and is a biology professor at an Illinois community college. She is the author of Flowing Water, Falling Flowers, a historical novel. She lives in Iowa with her husband, son, and dog. To learn more about the author and her work, visit her website at https://xhcollins.com/, and follow her on Twitter @xixuan_c, Facebook @xhcollins, and Instagram xixuan_c.

Instagram: xixuan_c Twitter: @xixuan_c Isn’t it perfectly natural, even expected, for an overachieving professional Chinese woman to become a Tiger Mom as she enters motherhood?

Or maybe it’s just me?

I’m your poster child of an overachiever. Being the oldest of three in the family and with parents who lacked the opportunity to fulfill their dreams and potentials, I am the one who needs to make it. And I do, if you measure “it” with the years spent in the ivory tower and the degrees up in my sleeves.

All these overachieving hustles did not present a quiet moment for me to listen to my tickling biological clock until one day, when all things fell into place, specifically after I was tenured, I heard the clock striking loud and clear. It was time for a baby, and given my age, my only baby!

I plunged into it with gusto like anything else I did. Before I conceived, I visited my doctor for prescribed prenatal vitamins and DHA/EPA capsules. During the nine months when that little zygote metamorphosed to an embryo and then a fetus inside me, I maintained a textbook-perfect picture of health with excellent blood glucose levels, blood pressure numbers, and weight gain pounds. I was proud. I’d been good with this pregnancy thing. I felt helpless towards the end of the third trimester when I couldn’t get up from bed unless I turned sideways and pushed myself up with both hands, but that was temporary. I felt good and in control. On New Year’s Eve, I glided through the dance floor, albeit a bit heavy, in my pregnancy glow. Little did I know that would be the last New Year’s Eve Dance for a long time!

When I nested like a spring mama bird, read and sang and played Mozart to the baby in utero, and felt the little kicks and saw the moving hands undulating under my belly, I thought about how to raise him. I will have a balanced approach to his education, equal parts of Chinese and American. He will know that school is more important than being popular or sports (assuming no athletic genes from us) or dating. But he doesn’t need to get all As. I care that he tries his best and follows his passion. Hey, if he wants to be a poet, I’m not going to stop him! The two parts are going to be united smoothly by the essentials every child needs to learn: kindness, compassion, the value of hardwork, and a love of books.

I don’t recall when exactly we realized that our baby boy was not “typical.”

Was it the sleep training? We started that when he was nine months old, urged by everyone. I regret to say that sleep training took a long time. A very, very long time.

Or was it the time when he was scolded and punished daily at the pricey prep school because he couldn’t sit still, or follow directions, or wait for his turn to run in gym classes? He just learned “yes” as a great affirmation, but his enthusiastic “yes” to the teacher, when asked if he did something wrong, was labeled as having an attitude. Sending my three-year-old to a private school that did not have any intention to work with children who could not conform to its rules was my first mistake as an aspiring Tiger Mom. I had fallen for the promises of perfect SAT and ACT scores and a 100% college admission rate, of which a high proportion was for Ivy Leagues.

By the time teachers from three different daycare and preschools shared their concerns, we had been taking him to the University Children’s Hospital for evaluation. How could he have language and communication problems? He had hit all his milestones, remembered entire books, loved to talk, and used those big words! But we learned something called scripted speech. Our smart little guy had taken all those words that’d been spoken to him and read to him, and returned them to us as an unopened wholesale package, without rummaging through it and making items his own.

Neither do I recall one single moment when I felt the world came crashing down on me, not even on the day when I held that thin piece of paper weighed down by the formal diagnosis. Rather, it was small fragments of time here and there when I realized…that I may not be able to share with him my favorite books and movies. I may not be able to co-write a book with him. It’s when I envy friends who complain about running out of books for their kids because their advanced readers have read the entire library. It’s when I see some of his babyhood friends have grown distant, yet he continues to long for friendship that seems so out of reach. It’s when I must retreat into my own cave after dealing poorly with a meltdown and question if I can do it. Forget about Tiger Mom. I just want to be good enough.

Yes, being “good enough,” my revelation of how to be a mom, which means always asking, does this matter to him or to me? And now when I watch the fifth-grader in wondrous awe as he chooses work before play, happily donates his books and toys, sings Broadway tunes on top of his lungs (Wicked is the current favorite), plays piano with deft fingers I can only dream of, builds magnificent castles in Minecraft, knows every single model of John Deere tractors, and proudly calls himself an “American and Chinese boy,” I think I may be doing good enough.

A penguin may never fly, but its spirit soars as high as an eagle. Call me what you want. I’m here to march with my penguin, one step at a time, while he teaches me empathy, patience, and the sheer joy of life, every single day. And together, we keep our spirits soaring.

INTERVIEW WITH HITHA Written by Kate Anderson-Song

Introduce yourself!

I am a 15 year old musical artist. I love to sing, perform and inspire people! I started singing when I was 4 years old and have been learning and growing my music style and writing since then. My grandmother influenced me and made me realize my love for music.

Music is the best way to reach people directly and share thoughts and emotions. I want to bring awareness to many issues embedded in society. A lot of my music is about the everyday issues of youth. I want them to feel inspired by music and keep going.

You have a single, “Lost,” coming out soon. What is “Lost” about?

Lost is about finding our place in the world. It is about understanding who we are and who we are meant to be and what our passions are. It is also about allowing ourselves to be surrounded by people who support us and will be there for us. Searching for those who will encourage us to follow our dreams.

Our world today is chaotic and divided. I hope ‘Lost’ helps everyone realize that there’s so much more, and we can be so much stronger if we stand together and support each other, rather than push each other away. We can help each other; we can build each other up instead of break each other down.

Where do you find inspiration for your songs? What is your songwriting process like?

I find inspiration for my songs everywhere. There is so much to talk about, especially now. Honestly, the hardest part for me is figuring out what to write from all the options I have. This world could use a lot of inspiration and improvement. My songwriting process consists of me sitting in my backyard, staring at something until a melody or a line comes into my head. After the first step is complete, the rest is a breeze. With more practice, it becomes easier and easier to start the creative flow.

Your latest song, “We Will Last,” seems to be directly in response to the hard times we are going through in 2020. How have you been in this pandemic? How has it affected your artistry?

We are experiencing challenges that have never been faced before, and sometimes all we need is someone telling us that it will be okay, that WE WILL LAST. Being in this pandemic, things are happening completely different than they would before, but some things are the same. For instance, my song writing process is the same, but the topics of my songs are more targeted to what is going on today. Also, the production process has changed the most…we can’t just go whenever and wherever we want anymore.

As a young woman artist of color and activist, what do you feel are the biggest issues we face? What do you hope for change in the future?

The biggest issue we face is the lack of acceptance in our society. Being able to accept people for who they are would solve many of the problems in our world. Instead of characterizing everyone into specific boxes, we need to accept the uniqueness of everyone and grow. This would bring represen tation in all communities and decrease the discrimination many face as people of color, women, or for being in the lgbtq+ community.

What does self care mean to you? How do you take care of yo urself?

Self-care for me comes in many forms. Sometimes, it is about reading a good book while eating ice cream, and sometimes, it is singing to myself in my room. I define self care as doing what makes me happy. It is different for everyone.

Iced vanilla latte with sweet cream foam and extra ice.

Some rapid fire questions: Your go-to coffee shop order?

Right or left-handed?

Right-handed.

Indie/Pop.

Music you’re listening to right now?

Dream travel location?

Maldives or Italy (again).

I started a new book that I really like.

What has been the highlight of your day today?

Everything, but for now, my tour in India and a couple new releases.

What is next for you?

Search: asian, amateur Written by Nina Anggala

Nina is a fourth-year undergraduate at the University of Toronto, pursuing a Bsc (Hon) in Cell and Molecular Biology, with a double minor in Immunology and Physiology. Currently, she’s trying to decide between a career in medicine or disappearing into the Himalayas. More than anything, she loves to read and can’t travel anywhere without books, so that might make disappearing into the Himalayas a little difficult.

Instagram: @ninaanggala I asked my boyfriend what kind of porn he watches and his response is, exclusively, what you see in the title. I laughed it off. Someone close to you says something that makes you that uncomfortable and you think, they must be joking.

“Asian” is a loose and arbitrary term. People (maybe not all people, maybe not you, but people) think: the Big Three (Chinese, Korean, Japanese) or Filipino or Thai or maybe a loose, clustering conceptualization of slender girls with slanted eyes - just the right amount of ethnic ambiguity to intoxicate and intrigue. It’s a large continent, but these are the ripe pickings that float upwards in popular imagination.

I’m sitting there in the dark of my room, voice light and whispery-suggestive, trying to imagine what he looks for when he’s browsing Pornhub.

I wonder if it should be a relief that he likes Asian girls so much, whether it would be a relief if he likes Asian girls who specifically look like me.

I wonder, with an anxiety that unfurls its tentacles around my ribs and into the cavities between my lungs, and a shame that burns deep in my stomach, if I am Asian enough for him.

When he insists that it’s not yellow fever, that he likes that they look like me, something akin to excitement, or glee, or shame, or disgust, or something darker—something that melds all of the above together, a shadow in the corner of my reflection—climbs up the back of my throat. It tastes like bile, but it lingers longer. It feels like the worst kind of nostalgia.

I have flashbacks to life in the Philippines. My nannies engineered an alter ego with which to torment me when I was being a brat, a version of myself that was, among other things: full Chinese rather than half, lighter skinned, purer, a princess. She, anti-me, was their favourite charge. I was the deformed twin.

I am quick to blink these memories away. What do they have to do with me, now, a world away and a decade since?

Obviously —is it obvious, or just obvious to me, who has been sitting with this private shame for years? - he’s not the first guy I’ve dated who has a “preference” for Asian women. It’s not like there’s anything wrong with having preferences, right?

Like the Filipino girls who call themselves Night Riders and emulate Black culture, from their gelled down baby hairs to their practiced, clumsy imitation of Ebonics. Or the White guys who see a darkskinned Black girl and think, Nubian Queen, holding her up like a sign at a protest. Or the Brown guys who see a White girl and mentally stamp their ticket up and out of discrimination with her lip gloss print. Anyone at all who laughs and groans in exaggerated disgust at the prospect of dating someone of their own race.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that every guy I’ve been with has had a thing for Asian girls - the whole lot of us, who look only vaguely alike, but who share enough of the same features to awaken something primal, shaped and bent by fantasy. One time, a regular at my cafe pulled up to the drive-thru and told me that I looked like, “a Chinese singer, but I don’t know how to pronounce her name.... um.... Jen... Jenny.....”

“Jhene Aiko?” I offered.

“Yes!” She was so excited. “It’s your eyes, they look just like hers.”

Jhene Aiko, by the way, is Black and Japanese. Not that it would have been any less offensive if she guessed correctly.

“I wonder if it should be a relief that he likes Asian girls so much, whether it would be a relief if he likes Asian girls who specifically look like me.”

It’s not that I think they look at me and leer at the resemblance to their favourite Asian porn star. (If they have one; I don’t think they discriminate when it comes to the porn they like, to be honest. Is it telling, at all, that my exes like Amateur porn? A real girl, who they could really fuck.) The objectification isn’t that grotesquely obvious.

Maybe if it was, I could differentiate between the closeted perverts and the outright racists. It begs the question - if someone is nice and decent and good in everyday life, so lacking in self-awareness that their decency doesn’t even have a whiff of pretentiousness, so kind that it’s undeniably a facet of themselves and not a facade; if someone can be all of this, but still harbour secret perversions that culminate in you, their girlfriend, their partner, how do you draw the line?

Where do you end, where does their fucked-up fantasy begin?

You ask them what they want from you and they insist they don’t see you as an Asian woman. You ask them why they think you’re attractive, and they say, “Your eyes are so pretty. Like, they have the Asian shape, but they’re not... small, you know?”

More often than not, these guys I date, they also are anime enthusiasts, Shogun fanatics who denounce Western society in favour of their idyllic Japanese dreamscape, they cry over K-dramas - in and of themselves, these aren’t red flags in the slightest.

(Let’s not forget that with the upswing of Korean culture’s popularity, East Asian men are becoming more and more fetishized as well.)

I imagine that what they want is to collect us Pearls of the Orient. I imagine them drowning in all their hunger. Pearls rammed up their assholes, filling the crevices of their ears, their nostrils, surging down the ringed muscle of their esophagus.

-This article is misleading in a lot of ways. If you tease apart the contradictions, I think you’ll get a glimpse of who I am, though if you figure that out I’d appreciate it if you told me, too. I am, still, in the dark. For all the vitriol that you’ve read, the truth is that it’s hard for me to maintain this; people describe me as “chill”, but I think I’m just a selective amnesiac.

Laying aside the ascetic labels of victim and perpetrator, just for my own sake, the fetishization I’ve encountered almost always comes down to consumption. Probably, I should be more horrified by my boyfriend’s taste in porn; sometimes, I am. More often than not, it is a drive-by thought, horrific and painful - that’s why he likes me - but I survive, intact, barely.

The way it feels, when people comment on my eyes, or my hair, or try to guess what I am, or when I date non-Asians who have a troubling history of only dating Asian people - the way it feels is this: like I am complicit in my consumption. Complicit in the sense of, like, a feminist surfing Pornhub (hint, hint, that’s me too!)

They can take and take, but so can I. They consume me. I lean into it. Because, the way it feels is also like this: the sweet sigh of validation. Second gen immigrants have an old adage: I never felt like I truly belonged anywhere. It’s infuriating when cliches turn out to be true.

In the Philippines, I am considered a half-breed. In North America, since Asian is apparently a monolith, that’s all I am. Somehow, on both sides of the Pacific, my identity has been continually reduced to the parts of me that matter the least: the way I look; how well, or not, I conform to a standard.

Conversations about colourism and the immigrant experience aside, I offer you a vignette: Me, five years old, standing in front of a mirror. My eyes: too small, the lids uneven. My nose: too flat.

My skin: too dark. My hair: too curly. Pantene commercials of light skin Filipinas, skin-whitening billboards, flashing past. Twenty years of doing this, and now, when I look at my reflection, my eyes graze over her and I forget. Who this person is. Where she belongs. The ways in which her body fits together.

Tell me who I am. Tell me I am good enough. Tell me I am the right kind of Asian. Tell me anything.

The offerings spill like sand through my fingertips, but maybe if you bury me in them, I won’t forget.

Avoiding False Information on Social Media Written by Surina Venkat

Surina Venkat is a writer from Florida who has work published or forthcoming in Ayaskala Literary Magazine and various anthologies. If she’s not on a run with her dog or at her local library, you can probably find her on Twitter.

Twitter: @surinavenkat Since the death of George Floyd in May and the subsequent wave of Black Lives Matter protests across the world, our society has been experiencing a long-overdue racial reckoning, where we’ve begun grappling with our legacy of oppression. Social media has been integral in disseminating information about racism and issuing calls to action. Using platforms like Twitter, Facebook, TikTok, and even Instagram, we’ve been able to share everything from links to articles discussing essential antiracist titles to petitions to sign to signal boosting bail bonds/grassroots organizations to donate to.

But while social media is a great tool, we have to remember that not everything on the Internet is true. Facebook and Twitter have made headlines in recent years for spreading misinformation, especially concerning the 2016 election. This problem has persisted to this day, along with the spread of disinformation. Disinformation is the intentional spread of false information, while misinformation is the erroneous spread. Both can be equally damaging to the legitimacy of a cause, and can result in loss of support and momentum.

There isn’t a way to avoid all false facts. Despite our best abilities, we’ll likely consume false facts as we peruse our social sites. But we can take steps to minimize our exposure to false information and our role in spreading it. If you choose to be politically active on social media platforms, make sure you get your information from reputable accounts, such as that of journalists or news publications.

They’re more likely than citizen journalists to double-check (and triple-check) the information they put out for accuracy. And when you repost, retweet, or share links to posts/articles, make sure you read through them yourself and do some research of your own to confirm that what they’re saying makes sense. Social media can be a powerful tool for change – we just have to use it correctly.

“The Storm Within”

by Elena George-Jones

I accept the storms within myself, they are my armour of strength.

I accept the mountains on my back, it’s the love I’ve chosen to carry.

I embrace the rainbows within my heart, they’re my songs of hope for when the storm passes.

Artist: Lily Fasano

Pieces (Left to Right to Bottom Left): “Lake Champlain 19,’” “Alone at last”,” nyc tough, summer 2020”

The “Shy Racists” on Social Media and the Emboldening of Those with Following Written by Toslima Khatun

Toslima Khatun is a PhD student at researcher at SOAS in London specializing in near and Middle Eastern studies and History as well as South Asian politics and history. Her hobbies include travelling through Europe and as much of the Middle East as she is able to do, eating good food and reading whenever time allows her to.

INSTAGRAM: @talesoftoslima

With the proliferation of social media, I am sure everyone and their second and third cousin are aware of the accusations that mental health and every other issue in the modern world is the fault of so much connectivity and everyone constantly being on their phone. But what about the issues of the half-millennium of racialisation that was supposed to have been miraculously gone with the breakdown of the de facto European Empires? The second generation of those who survived colonialism and the vacuums of power that were left behind are still in their 20s and 30s in some cases. It then goes by the same logic that those who remember being in that power dynamic of outright racist superiority being upheld by state powers will also have offspring or even those who are not biologically related to them in similar demographics. The systems that propped them up overtly, however, are gone—institutional racism being held as a form of ‘subtle’ racism, even if there is not much that is subtle about it, is still alive and well as we are all painfully aware of.

A large part of this is the curriculum and the education system that is still mandated by governments, meaning that they inherently display certain political messages, whether this is the denial of the treatment of Native Americans and the indigenous peoples of Canada in the school curriculum or the lack of education on colonialism and its legacies that is still a gaping hole in the pre-18 curriculum of the UK today. One such subtle enforcement of ideas of European hegemony and power is the usage of maps through the proliferation of the Mercator projection without the contextualisation of making it clear that the scales involved meant that Europe is minuscule in relation to Africa and Asia, and thus minimises just how exploitative colonialism was in comparison. Whilst the science itself is obviously not *racial*, the lack of explanation is, as is the fact that this is the map that a lot of us see and think of when trying to conjure up an image of the world map.

Maps are already a large part of the field of postcolonialism, and artists such as Haifa Zangana have made incredible depictions of this. However! This is one field where it is very easy to claim that people are ‘making things racist’ instead of it being racist because ‘it’s just science,’ which is actually

very easy for people who are apologists for colonialism to claim that anything offensive is preposterous. This is not everyone, as some people will be genuinely unaware of the implications of what is being discussed, but there will be others who are looking to gaslight, and social media has made this easier as they can now be nameless or faceless. Which a lot of trolls are. Not all, but a lot. That is one way of identifying that they are people who know what they are writing is problematic.

There are other signs, too, such as those who refuse to engage with the nuance of the argument in order to get a reaction or cling to the idea of science being the only thing to matter without context, history, or even sociology. The following will be excerpts from this TikTok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ ZSGTJfo7/ as this seems to be the most popular social media platform for young people presently.

Everyone included willingly wrote on a non-private public platform.

Interestingly, the first is a self-proclaimed sophomore in what can be gleaned as the North American education system. They spent hours refusing to even contemplate the idea of racism being attached to maps; in this particular thread, every single person who had a problem was a non-POC, and only two had public profiles with their pictures and names up. One notable example had over 43 thousand followers, which is unnerving, to say the least. The following comments are in no particular order as it was three days of comments of some very proud self-proclaimed scientists, and making it all linear would ruin the context given the layout of the platforms comment section.

Another example of this being:

(Or somehow studying maths even though again this was not mentioned):

Others will accidentally slip and make it clear that they do not agree with you because of who it comes from; being a POC was mentioned all of a grand total of once . But this is the response it got from dear Sam; no explanation is given of why POC women cannot be taken seriously or how they are wrong. They just are:

This next particular account holder called Josh (surname not included) with the alias kinggeorgeiii3 out and out decided to comment on the third day without any context that none of the messages were misogynistic: It did not, however, take much time to realise from minimal digging on his public account that he was problematic, to say the least, with these comments with minimal prompting: When the fact that the legacies of colonialism are now coming to the forefront in Europe and the usage of maps as a byproduct of this entered into the conversation, this illuminating argument was offered. Just so everyone knows that I apparently do not teach this, no one told me. Universities of London have been paying me for a non-existent class, it seems:

w Another helpfully suggested that anyone who said this about a map ‘went back to school’ with a semingly anonymous profile except that all of their videos were public such as the one below. So it is just the facade of anonymity that they need?: The last two, however, were a little bizarre and yet interesting.

Both were public profiles. The first is a small business/personal TikTok with this bio:

Who made both the accusation that anyone who called out problematic behaviour had to be American, for reasons only known to them, and this explanation which did not at al l recognise any nuance except for the same repetition:

And lastly, after over 72 hours of this, keeping in mind that multiple arguments and explanations had already been supplied by this point, and it was a 3-day old post: But with this following on their account:

It is important to note that in all of these examples, which sample all 50+ comments, none of these people, not one, would even engage with the notion of racism and how it could not be racist. They just repeated the same basic projection without even addressing the implications of racism – this was not even properly mentioned. In fact, a lot of the comments had no context. They were attacks on intellect, race, gender, and nationality. All reinforcing the original point that not all legacies have yet been dealt with. But nothing to properly engage with. This a tactic that a lot of manipulators use; you will never get through to them. It is best to let them carry on until they give their actual intent away, which they always do, as the above comments show.

It is important to note that in all of these examples, which sample all 50+ comments, none of these people, not one, would even engage with the notion of racism and how it could not be racist. They just repeated the same basic projection without even addressing the implications of racism – this was not even properly mentioned. In fact, a lot of the comments had no context. They were attacks on intellect, race, gender, and nationality. All reinforcing the original point that not all legacies have yet been dealt with. But nothing to properly engage with. This a tactic that a lot of manipulators use; you will never get through to them. It is best to let them carry on until they give their actual intent away, which they always do, as the above comments show.

“L O V E�

by lee therese // IG: @nat_lee__therese Honey jar child, you are loved Loved more than the gold rumored to be at the end of rainbows You are something sweet, You came to this earth and heralded Spring Sun colored kid, dance on your new feet Tree bark child, you are loved Loved more than the money made from trees You are something like home, You came from the forest and gave this world immeasurable beauty Earth colored kid, plant yourself and bloom You are loved, if by no one else than me

Artist: Namrata Shukla

“She grew up believing her main source of survival was the experience of approval” by Chelsea Galos She so easily shared her war wounds with the undeserved She trimmed, suppressed, reworked her frame to present the manufactured version that was groomed to be ‘acceptable’ A diminished pamphlet of herself for some cheap acceptance in return For years she wore a veil for people who would only love and accept her as long as she was disguised Until she didn’t recognize herself anymore Unlearning the toxicity of the value system she was raised to so blindly believe in She starts to remove the disguise, layer by layer (To see who stays) Reviving her existence and finding treasure in the shadows she pushed away once before (To see who stays) Reminding herself, these are the people I want to create with (For those who stay) These are the people I want to expand with limitlessly.

What I’ve Learned This Year Written by Nimisha Sharma

Nimisha is a blogger/writer with a particular focus on topics that aim to spread awareness and break down stigma, one word at a time. Her blogs offer a candid, refreshing perspective of life through the eyes of a British Asian woman. Most recently, she is campaigning for dementia awareness which included a visit to 10 Downing Street, highlighting the challenges faced by families across the UK. Instagram: @nimisha_writer

2020. Well, it’s been a slight shitstorm to be frank… I think it’s safe to say that for all of us, this year has been unprecedented. We’ve been plunged head-first into a world of lockdowns, masks and social distancing. ‘Normal’ life as we knew it seems to have changed for the foreseeable future.

For me personally, life in lockdown has been an incredibly daunting and yet humbling experience.

Amidst the backdrop of global catastrophe, I lost two precious lives within a week of one another.

You literally can’t make these things up. Each time, life serves us a reminder - showing its full glory, its capacity for tremendous beauty and sadness.

Over time and this year especially, I’ve come to realise that our lives are made up of moments, small and large. There are moments of breath-taking beauty and moments of heart-breaking sadness.

Each moment comes together, creating a plethora of memories, memories which shape and define our very existence. But there are also those moments which change the very course of life itself.

My Dad passing away is one of those moments. I’m very aware that I’m teetering on the edge of remaking life as I knew it. There’s two parts to life, before and after grief.

It really doesn’t help trying to deal with grief in the middle of a pandemic. Grief is messy at the best of times but navigating your way through a tsunami of emotions during a lockdown just makes it more complex. At a time when you can’t go and physically meet friends and family just to pour your heart out; or the freedom to go somewhere just so you can see someplace different other than the four walls of lockdown, it really puts things into perspective.

Let me share what I’ve learnt during lockdown…

Acceptance.

I’ve always liked a plan and knowing which direction my life was moving in. It gives me a sense of control in the otherwise chaotic nature of life. This year has come down in a crash, reminding me that life may have other plans in store, that in itself has been humbling.

I couldn’t have predicted that we would be caught up in the middle of a global pandemic, just how I couldn’t control Dad’s illness or the life that had been growing inside of me. Initially, I wondered why my Dad was ill in the first place, why Alzheimer’s chose my family. But over time, I began to change the way I thought and that maybe there was a wider meaning to this such as raising awareness about dementia as it’s an illness shrouded in stigma. It took me a while to accept these things but as soon as I did, I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, pushing me forward so I could get on with re-making my life.

Gratitude.

I am so grateful this year, grateful for love. Having spent lockdown at home with my husband, we have helped navigate each other through every tragedy and predicament. We’ve laughed, cried and survived together. I’m grateful for the love and support around me, my incredible mother, sister and father in spirit. This love is magnified against the smaller, more isolating moments of lockdown.

Even when Dad was ill with his Alzheimer’s, for as long as he could, he continued to protect us. I felt safe and loved in his presence, even when the illness eventually stole his speech as well as the ability to do the things he once loved. But there was one thing that Alzheimer’s couldn’t ever steal from us and that was the power of love. I’ll be forever grateful for this comforting thought, it really is the small things.

Resilience.

The beauty of life comes from the power of human resilience. We adapt, even in the most difficult of times. Where I once couldn’t imagine a life without my Dad, here I am, slowly picking up the pieces and learning to live again. I’ve found victories in the smallest of moments and this empowers me, allowing me to celebrate my own triumphs.

Lockdown or no lockdown, I have come to realise that I need to keep showing up for myself. By that, I mean realising I have what it takes inside of me to push myself forward, so that even if we are plunged into yet another unknown, it may faze me but only for a moment. The other moments I’ll spend processing, feeling my feelings and understanding what I need to do next. I know that it’s OK to cry, to grieve and to reminisce but that it’s also OK to laugh, to look ahead and to move on knowing this year hasn’t got the better of me.

And so, life goes on. And we move forward, with the hope of tomorrow in our eyes and the love of yesterday in our hearts.

And with that in mind, thank you for the lessons, 2020.

“winter melon”

by Anna Archibald // IG: @annaarchibald

at my auntie’s house, I pick up a VHS that she can’t recall surfaces made of polished wood and step-stools, shrines and ashes and a graveyard of takeout utensils postmaster of her own living room, packages piled with nowhere to go on my fathers dresser, lined up are nail clippers three in a row evidence of my first vandalism, Sanrio sticker on his radio clock in this house we say less Our love language is touch with one single flavor of salad dressing and but I am untouchable a special communication for feeding the fish the fact that we touched at home are carbon copies of my lease renewal that we held hands while we watched the firefly shoved above the refrigerator top secret but elsewhere hidden from family and friends a car I could park with my eyes closed, the fact that we watched the weather and the the crunch of air-dried bath towels, and clouds loading the dishwasher with things that are clean on the hill I don’t want to be I think maybe once we’re best friends i’ll stop touched illegitimately writing about my mother, but I want you to touch me her my hair my neck bowls of softened winter melon post-it note vision board that breaks my heart I want them to watch us twogether

“touch”

by Alithea Mounika

I don’t want the fact that we ate together.. secret I want everyone to know that we are together that when we switch the lights off We are one that there is no barrier between your body and mine

“Hopeful”

by Kristina Robertson

IG: @kristina_robertson18 In our new normal, weekdays feel like weekends, days turn to months, and the nights never seem to end.

The darkness casts no shadow, but a light illuminates around the bend.

Eclipsed by an uncertain tomorrow, hope is all I will ever comprehend.

“Morphic Resonance”

by Camryn Chew

Drunk on bicycles Was the prognosis.

There’s a war but we’re still making movies.

I’m an inside person I’m inside when I unravel I’m alive when I’m punctured.

Do you ever look inside yourself and try to cheat the timeline, to mold yourself into My perfect day is a day when I don’t remember.

Artist: Keila Sachi Gaballo IG: @mahealani.and.back Piece: “Nurtured in Nature”

INTERVIEW WITH JACKY LAI Written by Charlotte Drummond Jacky Lai is a stunning beauty whose contagious smile and warm personality on and off-screen have landed her countless opportunities. Jacky took a leap of faith in 2014 to uproot her life in Toronto and move to Vancouver to pursue her dreams of acting. Jacky always knew her true calling was for the arts and her body of work in Film and Television since is a testament to her belief being more than just a hunch.

Jacky is a Toronto native who had everything she needed on the east coast, supportive friends and family and a stable and growing career in developing small businesses. But she knew that her passion for acting was too great to set aside as a hobby. In the summer of 2014, Jacky made a quick and swift decision to move across the country to Vancouver, leaving everything and everyone she knew behind. Since relocating, Jacky has appeared in The CW’s “The Flash”, and CBS ’“Ransom”and had recurring roles on Freeform’s“Beyond”, “Shadowhunters” and ABC’s “Once Upon a Time”. Jacky has also appeared in the feature film SILENT HILL: REVELATION. Recently Jacky co-starred longside Ian Somerhalder of The CW’s “Vampire Diaries” fame and Adrian Holmes of Bravo’s “19-2” in Netflix’s horror, scifi series “V-Wars” and appeared in indie feature FALL BACK DOWN. On December 13th Jacky will co-star in Lifetime’s first holiday movie centered on a Asian- American family, A SUGAR & SPICE HOLIDAY. Instagram: @hijackylai Photo credit: Noah Asanias

Introduce yourself!

Hi, my name is Jacky Lai. I am an actress living in Vancouver BC. Originally from Toronto, but I moved here to pursue an acting career almost 8 years ago.

How did your role in A Sugar & Spice Holiday come to be?

I got the audition and sent in my tape. I did the callback through Zoom with Jennifer Liao (director) and Nancy Bennett (exec producer). It was one of the most extensive callbacks I’ve ever done but so worth it because I got the offer for the role shortly after.

Your character, Suzy Yung, loves to bake, especially with her grandmother. Do you do any baking yourself or have a hobby you enjoy in your free time besides acting?

I do not do any baking which is probably a good thing, I don’t think I’ve baked anything edible. I love being active outdoors when it’s nice out, volleyball, biking, going for walks, and hiking. Other than that I’m usually home a lot. I love watching interviews and ‘best of’ or emotional auditions from competition shows. I don’t know why, but I love watching people emote.

Do you have ways of describing people you meet, like how your character describes people as desserts (i.e., Suzy’s niece being described as a croissant or Marshall being described as a sugar-free lemon bar)?

I’ve definitely used food to describe people, but also nature and music. I’m a visual person so I often describe feelings through images, but I draw from everything, beyond desserts.

To follow up, what pastry would you describe yourself as?

I’m gonna say salted caramel ice cream because salted caramel is one of my favourite flavours. Ice cream can be cold at first because I think I’m quite shy and introverted and some people read that wrong. But when it melts in your mouth it’s soothing and delicious which could resemble how much I love and care for people.

Your character is a bit of an Overachiever, wanting to win the baking competition and also get a promotion at her job. What makes you an Overachiever, and how are you and Suzy similar and different?

I’m definitely my biggest critic. I always feel like I can do better and so I put a lot of pressure on myself, and it’s really unnecessary. I tend to want to get things so right or so perfect that it’s unattainable and becomes uninteresting. But I can’t help it, which makes me an Overachiever sometimes.

We’re similar in that way. I think she’s a workhorse but also loves what she does, she’s very passionate and so we share those qualities. I’m also really close with my family and I love them to death, and Suzy definitely has that bond with her family.

I think Suzy is a lot more structured, methodical, and has a plan for everything whereas I’m very present, spontaneous, and I really practice going with the flow. You just can’t really control how things work out and I’ve come to fall in love with that.

A Sugar & Spice Holiday is a special and heartwarming movie for many reasons, but it is most notably the first Lifetime movie featuring an Asian lead actress with an Asian American family at its center. Why is this film such a great representation for Asian women, and how does it go against the model minority myth?

In the media, we’ve been portrayed as nerds, ninjas, or have been sexualized, but Suzy goes against all that and proves that an Asian woman does not have to fit a stereotype in order to be part of a western narrative.

It has characters like Billy Martin and Pete Yung (Suzy’s father) to expose the myth of being a model minority by telling Suzy that she doesn’t have to live up to these expectations of being the best, smartest, or fastest.

A fun question that I was wondering as I was watching: Did you get to eat any of the food on set? (I actually ordered dumplings after watching because it looked so good).

Hahaha that’s amazing. No, unfortunately we didn’t get to eat as much as we’d like because we were filming during COVID. However, Tony got to eat a lot of stinky tofu the day we filmed the lunch scene!

Any advice for young Asian girls who want to pursue a career in the entertainment industry?

I’m really big on visualization. It’s this trick I learned at a low point in my career and it’s helped me get to where I am. It’s about imitating the feeling that you would have in the moment your dreams are coming true. You’ve got to conjure up those feelings to match the vibration of that moment.

When you’re driving, imagine you’re driving to the set of your dream job. On walks, imagine you just got the call for the role. At the very least, it’ll make you feel nice. And at its best, your dreams will come true! Also, don’t forget to trust the timing of your life ;)

What’s next for you? Any exciting projects?

Yes! I’m very excited about these next two projects. Can’t say much right now, but they’re both very very different from Suzy Yung.

Film/TV Corner: Lifetime’s A Sugar and Spice Holiday Written by Kate Anderson-Song

Kate Anderson-Song is on the editorial team at Overachiever Magazine. She is a NYC-based writer, artist, and performer, with a background in Cinema Studies & Drama from New York University.

You can find Kate on Instagram @k8andersonsong and @thek8pages where she posts her art, and you can find more of her work (and tons of other great stuff) here at Overachiever Magazine!

Welcome back to the review corner—long time no see! I’m Kate Anderson-Song, head interviewer and outreach team member here at Overachiever Magazine, bringing you some of my thoughts and recommendations on what to watch!

December is upon us and that means it is time for one of my favorite traditions: a steady stream of holiday romance TV movies! Now, for most of the year, I can easily take or leave these cheesy flicks.

But there is something about the holiday season that makes these films hit the spot - even if most feel like they are made from exactly the same cookie cutter. Enter: A Sugar & Spice Holiday, Lifetime’s first Christmas romance centered around a Chinese-American family.

Lead by an Asian-female creative team (directed by Jennifer Liao, written by Eirene Donohue & casted by Judy Lee), this film centers on Suzie, an architect in LA with perfectionist tendencies (played with warmth and poise by Jacky Lai), who returns home to her family in Maine for the holidays after the passing of her beloved grandmother.

Suzie’s friend from high school, Billy (played with a great balance of goof and charm by Tony Giroux), quickly ropes her into entering the local gingerbread baking competition (of which her grandmother happened to be the reigning champion), in hopes of winning money to save their community center.

With a huge work deadline looming, the baking competition, spending time with her family, and rekindling her relationship with Billy - Suzie faces a whirlwind holiday season at home. While the film gets a little busy, and pulls you in all these many directions with Suzie, it never loses its cheerful and cozy holiday mood.

However, what really made A Sugar & Spice Holiday stand out is the constant presence of Suzie’s supportive family, who spend the film reminding Suzie that they are proud of her and just want her to be happy (a nice departure from the many depictions of stereotypically strict and cold Asian parents) - all while casually and authentically weaving in the traditions and cultural differences that come with being a Chinese-American family home for the holidays.

From the cozy opening baking scene and heartfelt imagined conversations that keep the grandmother’s presence alive throughout, to Suzie’s brother and his wife and children wreaking just enough mischief and concern to be a constant reminder of home-for-the-holiday craziness, to every blunt but loving one-liner and delicious-looking meal made by her mother (played by Lillian Lim, who steals every moment she’s in), to a final supportive heart-to-heart with her father (played by Tzi Ma of The Farewell and Mulan) - this family is unmistakably close, Chinese, and not once does this feel forced or thrown in for show. It is woven in at every turn as the heart and truth of the story.

As an Asian-Amerian woman (who also knows this genre like the back of her hand), it was really exciting to see the family’s Asian identity represented yet fully meshed with the classic cheesy Christmas romance movie. It never feels like it is a story about Suzie’s Chinese-American identity, yet her Chinese-American identity is undeniable and authentically seen throughout - essentially the goal of good representation! For the production of the film, along with the Asian-led creative team and cast, Lifetime announced they were working with CAPE (the Coalition of Asian Pacifics in Entertainment) to accurately share the Chinese-American traditions, food, & culture in this story. Like another of their 2020 telefilms, The Christmas Setup, which centers on an LGBTQ+ romance and was worked on in collaboration with GLAD, A Sugar & Spice Holiday represents Lifetime’s new goal to diversify their slate of holiday movies in front of and behind the camera .

If you aren’t into the classic Hallmark/Lifetime/Netflix holiday cheesiness, skip this - but if any part of you wants that sort of winter-time sweetness, with the twist of a warm and truthful Chinese-American family (and a story where romance isn’t a woman’s only problem), definitely catch A Sugar & Spice Holiday - and maybe decorate some gingerbread houses while watching!

OM.