November 2022 OutreachNC by OutreachNC

NOVEMBER 2022 - 1

N O V E M B E R 2 0 2 2

Feature Intro: Tips for Touring a Senior Care Community - Part 2 Deciding when to move to a senior care community can be difficult. Families and individuals face many choices, from the building location and amenities to the social atmosphere of a community and more. We consider environment, services, accessibility and cost. Navigating this decision takes time, preparation and consideration. Families must make decisions along the way, take in a lot of information and process what it all means to come to a final choice. Aging Outreach Services has helped many clients make this decision, supporting them through the process and helping guide considerations regarding important choices. Last month, ONC published the first part of our interview with Fox Hollow Senior Living Sales and Marketing Director Robin Hutchings. Hutchings helped us understand what to consider before touring a senior care community and which questions to ask while on a tour. This month, we finish with Hutchings’ thoughts on what to consider after touring a community. Hutchings also offers insight into some of the myths surrounding moving to a senior care community as well as her top tips for making this important decision. In additional to Hutchings’ interview, ONC is thrilled to include our own care managers’ insight, suggestions and tips for touring a senior care facility. Offering multiple perspectives, AOS care managers fill readers in on what they’ve learned through decades of experience making this exact decision. We are grateful to Robin Hutchings and all AOS care managers for taking the time to offer their insight, experience and professional expertise to help ONC readers consider such an important and timely topic! This interview is edited for length and continued from Part I (October 2022).

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CONTENTS

ASK THE EXPERT: LONG-TERM CARE POLICIES FEATURE: TIPS FOR TOURING A SENIOR CARE COMMUNITY - PART 2 RECIPE: PUMPKIN SPICE SMOOTHIE CREATIVE MEMOIR: VIDEO IN STORYTELLING

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Amy Phariss, Editor-in-Chief, OutreachNC | editor@outreachnc.com

Don’t worry. wasinterview decaf. with Fox Hollow Senior Living Community Sales and Marketing First, we offer up Part 2 ofItour Director Robin Hutchings. Hutchings offers insight into touring a senior care/living community. October is a gentle month. There are constant reminders of change. We turn inward, toward warmth an Additionally, we hear from AOS Care Management’s team of care managers who provide tips and we are lucky, toward each other. We have lingering conversations over tea. We burn fires and sit in silen suggestions for touring communities. With decades of personal and professional experience, AOS care the flames flicker. Smoke dances around us in a circle. We zip our jackets and consider hats. managers know what to look for and how to look for it. In this month’s feature, we’re starting an important conversation: how do we choose the proper se Second, ONC is thrilled to offer interview Lyn Jackson Every Story Media aboutSales the use video care community foran ourselves orwith a loved one? FoxofHollow Senior Living’s andofMarketing Dire in storytelling. For those who don’t wish to sit down, pen in hand, writing a personal memoir, video can Robin Hutchings offers inside perspective for making this decision. be a multi-sensory experience in storytelling. Jackson helps readers understand the how, why and what of the Expert, Amypersonal Natt answers a reader’s question regarding what to do when a loved one passes videographyInasAsk a means of sharing histories and connecting generations. away without any estate planning. Without a will or access to important accounts, what does a family d In this month’s Ask the Expert, Amy Natt revisits a common and important reader question regarding Physical therapist Dr. Sara Morrison of Total Body Therapy and Wellness helps readers understand when and how to use a long-term care (LTC) policy. potential diagnostic tools used in physical therapy to help diagnose and treat pain. You’ll want to learn h tools differ from what other doctor’s offices As many of these us prepare for Thanksgiving and connecting with may thoseoffer. we love, Henri Nouwen’s words seem particularly I’m meaningful: going to agree with Nathaniel Hawthorne this month, who wrote:

Community is where humility and glory touch.

I cannot endure to waste anything so precious as autumnal sunshine by staying in the house. So I ha spent almost all the daylight hours in the open air.

We are humbly andtogloriously grateful for each of you.falling leaves and daylight hours. Here’s enjoying the October sunshine,

facebook.com/agingoutreach/ instagram.com/agingoutreachservices/

Aging Outreach Services dedicates each November Theas a time to show in our Aging Wellto our many clients, gratitude families, network of colleagues and care providers.

AT T I

Experts We are passionate“Our services are ‘consumer directed’ because they are truly driven by each client’s individual about helping older needs and requests. Each person has a unique story, and we are honored to be a part of the journey.” adults navigate the Amy Natt, CEO & President many challenges D E OF TU G Rof AT I aging. D

Amy Phariss, Editor-in-Chief, OutreachNC | editor@outreachnc.com

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

2 - NOVEMBER 2022 November is the month I really begin to appreciate living in the Sandhills. Rather than grey, dreary days, November shines. The leaves are still full of color. The sky is clear and blue. The days are crisp in the freshest possible way. There is hope in the air, even when it rains. We wake in darkness, brew coffee or steep - 2unfolding in color. tea,OCTOBER anticipating2022 the day Well, it’s official: fall is here. I had my first pumpkin-spiced latte just two days ago, as the evening temper This month,ture we’re excited toenough have two with subject matter experts. dipped low tofeature merit ainterviews fleece.

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Dr. Sara S. Morrison, T, DPT, CDT, FCE, CFT, Cert FMTCSA | Owner -Total Body Therapy & Wellness AmyCert Natt,DN, , MS, CMC, | amyn@agingoutreachservices.com

OCTOBER 4 - NOVEMBER 2022 -2022 10 No one likes to be in pain. In fact, I have spent the past 20+ years helping people get Q: My husband and I purchased a longout of pain. The most common question I termiscare policy about years hear “How can I get this15 pain to goago. away?” He has recently been in and out of the The answer to this is simple. We first need hospital related to falls, and I think to know Why you are hurting. Then we can it might time for the us to getSo, some figure out be how to stop pain. why are additional themany home. I pulled out you hurting?help Thereinare different reasons for pain to occur in our bodies. Pain can the policy, but it is overwhelming. Where be due towe a problem should start? in the Muscles, Joints, Tendons, Organs or Nerves. It can also be A: Long-term carePsychological (LTC) policies have or due to Medication, reasons, gained popularity in recent years. Many Nutrition

and diagnose your pain with over 98% accuracy. That means that we can find the real problem, or When the time utilize policy, there problems, and comes addressto them fromyour the beginning. is No a process thatand most insurance more trial error. No morecompanies “try this forfollow. a They have claimsget specialist youwecan few typically months and if ita doesn’t any better willcall to getabout an MRI”. With the addition Diagnostic to try inquire initiating the claim. of Here are some imaging, Physical basic steps your you can startTherapist with: can now say “From my evaluation it looks like you have a problem in Step 1: Initiating a Claim ____. We are going to do a Diagnostic Ultrasound and confirm this and fully check your joint.” Call long-term care company claims In ayour matter of a few days, we can have your test department. Each provider has a process performed, results given to you and a new, for more initiating a claim.plan It typically involves forms that comprehensive to improve your pain.

people have purchased these plans in hopes you will fill out to determine if you are eligible for Diagnostic imaging in in physical therapy includes: benefits, as outlined your policy. Keep a notebook of 1. dates and providersUltrasound (hospital, therapy services, Musculoskeletal (MSKUS) hospice, home care, etc.) you have used because it is likely they will want this information. If you have an elimination period (be sure to ask this question) those days of service may be counted. It is likely you will have some out-of-pocket expense as you go through this process, so be prepared for that.

Many health care professionals diagnose pain of being able to age in place and bring by Special Tests. During these tests, your the care they need home. There practitioner will use into their the hands to push, are some great and there are pull and twist thepolicies areas that arethen causing you policies thattests have many hoops to jump pain. These aresovery useful to find what through is and criteria meetIf that they structure causing youtopain. you place neveron geta fully utilized. people stress structure and itMany increases yourare in pain, it is likely that structure is contributing the midst of a health care crisis when they to your symptoms. Although helpful, many of need the policy and get easily overwhelmed these special tests are only 60-80% accurate. (and often give up) when trying to apply While this may look good at first, changing for benefits. the way the question is framed will show that this alsoown means they are 20-40% If you an LTC policy, youinaccurate. should pull Misdiagnosis of pain be you very understand costly. At best it out now and makecan sure it keeps you in pain longer, while in other cases exactly how it works. Each policy is very it can allow symptoms to intensify. When you different and the company you purchased are dealing with pain, missing your it from originally may or may notfavorite be the activities and sleepless nights… you want to be current owner of the policy. Each year it is as accurate as possible!

advised that you contact them and request an updated of benefits. sure The addition schedule of Diagnostic ImagingMake in Physical Therapy has revolutionized therequest way they have your current address and pain is addressed. By utilizing Diagnostic any updates or changes in writing. Imaging, PT’s are now able to look inside you

Step 2: Establishing Eligibility The LTC company will want to establish that the insured is eligible to receive benefits. There is language in your policy that states what criteria must beMSKUS met to become eligible for benefits. For example, is a safe, non-invasive, and painless you may need documentation from your medical diagnostic tool. It is used to diagnose structures provider you muscles, require assistance with ADL care such as that tendons, bursas, ligaments, nerve entrapment/pinching andsuch joint as structure changes. (activities of daily living) bathing, dressing, Like a video, MSKUS captures real-time images of toileting, transfers and ambulation. It is likely the bodywill structures and canyou assess a joint/area policy require that need help withwhile two it moves. This feature is especially useful as many times to three of these tasks. Your policy may also have pain does not occur at rest, only with movement.

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submitted for each provider. They will then verify the provider and let you know if they will reimburse you for the care and the dollar amount. For example, if you are wanting home care and you have a benefit for home care, the policy will state what type of provider is acceptable. It may require that care come from a licensed home care agency, or it may allow for you to use independent providers or caregivers that you choose. There may be other requirements regarding homemaker or companion services.

an option for coverage based on severe cognitive impairment. Documentation to substantiate this will be required. The LTC company will likely either arrange for a nurse to visit you and make an assessment, or it will obtain clinical documentation from your doctor or provider. Once eligibility has been decided, then you can determine what types of services and providers your policy provides coverage for. Step 3: Approving a Provider The schedule of benefits will outline what services are covered and at what dollar amount. Examples might be home care, adult day care, assisted living or skilled nursing. There are also benefits for equipment and training in some policies, so read those parts carefully. The LTC company will provide the insured with definitions of each type of provider and instructions on what information should be

The fine print is important. Until you go through the process of submitting everything required, you will not know 100 percent that you are going to be reimbursed, so have some money set aside that you can use during the elimination period (days needed before coverage begins). The terminology may be new to you, so ask for a definition sheet. If it is an older policy, some of the terminology may be outdated and you can request an alternate plan of care be created to cover benefits or providers not necessarily included in the original policy language. Finally, you are dealing with a lot, so if it gets overwhelming, reach out to a professional for help. The LTC company may have a care manager or you can hire a private care manager (visit AgingLifeCare. org). Your attorney or someone with the provider you choose might also be able to help you navigate the claim. Hang in there! You have paid good money toward this policy and you want to ensure you take full advantage of the benefits it can offer.

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TIPS FOR TOURING CARE COMMUNITIES: I always like to emphasize looking at more than just the fancy stuff in a community. So, if the community has multiple levels of care, go see how skilled nursing or memory care is managed/staffed. Also ask about fees: what do the fees cover? What are the qualifications for the community or facility to raise rates? What is the community’s policy if someone needs more care and can supplement it (like with caregivers) versus being required to move to a higher level (for example, moving from independent living to assisted living, etc.)? I would want to ask how long the administrator/director was in place and what was the timeframe for the person who held this position beforehand. What are the levels of care provided for assistance with memory care? For example, is there an in-between option that is not a locked memory care unit but which provides reminders or gentle prompting for residents with memory issues?

Kate Pomplun AOS Care Manager, Aging Life Care™ Advanced Professional

ONC: What should we be thinking about after touring a community? RH: This is a good question. There is a lot to consider. You’ll be given a lot of information, such as fee schedules and lists of services provided. But there are other things to consider after a visit. Ask yourself: •

How do I feel when I’m there? What is my feeling? If you’re not happy touring it, you won’t be happy living there.

•

What did it smell like?

•

What are their common areas like?

•

Do the amenities (swimming pool, library, exercise room) fit my lifestyle needs?

•

Was the size of the community appealing to me? Some people like smaller, cozier spaces, and others prefer a large community.

•

How forthcoming did the staff seem? From the first phone call to the end of the tour, did I feel I was given enough information and detail to make a good decision?

ONC: That’s a lot to think about. Is there anything we’re missing? RH: I think it’s also important to ask about and discuss resident rights. So many people have the mistaken belief that an adult living community is a place with no resident rights. They think they’ll drop their parent off, and they won’t be able to visit. They think their parents won’t be able to make decisions or have choices. But this isn’t true. All residents have rights. You can ask about this. Some residents may not want to eat lunch or have a morning shower or change their shirt after a meal. If you see a resident with dirty clothes, you can ask about that. Perhaps that resident hates changing her clothes. They may not force her to change her clothes after lunch. They may give her the right to make that choice. You still have rights. Your parent is still an individual. They have the right to ask questions, to talk about and understand their care, whether they’ve invoked their power of attorney or not. They have the right to still have their dignity. ONC: Yes. Wow. Yes. That’s a very important point. I think the myth is that once someone moves into a community, life gets smaller in some way. What would you say are the biggest myths about living in a senior community?

NOVEMBER 2022 - 7

RH: There are some key myths, and they’re just not true. People think a senior community is a prison. People think once they move in, they can’t leave. They can leave. There is the myth that the food is terrible. The food is actually very good at Fox Hollow, which is why it’s so important to taste the food during a tour.

I have several suggestions for someone thinking of touring a senior living community. Some of my top tips and questions are: •

People worry that they can’t leave for vacation. This is a myth; you can leave and go on vacation whenever you want.

Don’t give notice of your tour, just show up so you can see what is happening day to day in the facility.

•

I’ve often heard the belief: I have to sell my home to live here. That’s not always true. Care communities can cost a lot of money. It does take planning for this type of living. People need to plan for this lifestyle, but there really aren’t any absolutes.

Compare the activity calendar to what is going on when you are on your tour. Is the calendar accurate?

•

Tour on both a weekday and a weekend.

•

Have a meal at the facility.

•

RH: I’d say the biggest tip is to have tough conversation early on. Don’t wait until you’re past needing help. Also, communication between siblings and the parents is so important. Being on the same page is so important. Each sibling will have a different perspective. The sibling who serves as the primary caregiver, this perspective needs to be taken into consideration. A sibling living a few hours away may not see the daily needs. What does the refrigerator look like? Are her clothes clean?

Ask about staffing to resident ratios and who plays a role in that number. Some facilities will actually try to use housekeeping and dietary staff to meet their numbers, so you want to clarify what the staffing ratios actually mean.

•

Hiring a geriatric care manager can help you have a better perspective of where you need to be. If you’re not there, and you don’t see it and you don’t have boots on the ground, let them be your boots on the ground.

Call the local ombudsman to get info from them about the facility and what the complaints are (if any) against the facility.

•

When asking for rates, request something spelled out. Does the rate include everything you need? Are there levels of care that would increase the rate?

•

Ask to see the emergency preparedness plan.

Another myth is: I can’t have visitors when I want. They can have visitors 24-hours a day. They might need to ring a doorbell, but they can come.

ONC: With all of this information in mind, what are your top tips for a family or an individual considering a senior living community?

Finally, really look for a community that supports the lifestyle you want to have or continue. If you attend church, it will be important to find a community that supports that. If you are a highly social person, you want to look for clubs and meetings. You want to find a community that supports these activities and has the space and capacity for a variety of choices. Senior living communities are more than bingo. There are knitting clubs, book clubs, events and excursions in the community. There’s a lot going on. Decide what you’re looking for and what kind of life you want to lead. This is a new chapter.

Jennifer Tyner AOS Lead Care Manager, Aging Life Care™ Professional

8 - NOVEMBER 2022

OCTOBER 2022 - 11

Pumpkin Spice Smoothie

With MSKUS, you can view the joint while it is present and the extent of the damage. Many times, moving and assess if something is pinched, squished, nerve pain can shoot or radiate from one location to or moves abnormally when it is used. MSKUS is much another. This makes finding the true source of pain less expensive than MRI or CT Scan tests. Therefore, challenging. EMG/NCS will not only detect damage, it does not require pre-authorization to complete. This but it will pinpoint the exact location of pain and the means the results are obtained much faster, allowing extent of the damage. for faster is used,for andnon-stop MSKUS Starbucks runs and pumpkin-spiced lattes, you might If youpain don’trelief. haveNo theradiation time or budget example: You have pain in your neck which shoots tryfor a healthier, cheaper version at home: Pumpkin SpiceFor Smoothie. is safe any individual. down your arm all the way into your fingers. Your pain This is atosimple way get the full flavors of fall with some (yogurt and milk) and nutrients. Compared MRI or CTtoscans: Similar to a picture, canadded be theprotein result of a problem anywhere from your MRI/ CT scan provides only a static/ non-moving neck, shoulder, elbow, wrist, or hand. An MRI may INGREDIENTS image. willpumpkin not allow for assessment of a joint in arthritis • show 1 cup milk in your neck, and you may be told this is • This 1/3 can puree motion. (give The picture is grainier and not as detailed as causing your arm and hand pain. EMG/NCS can show or take depending on your tastes) • ¼ tsp. vanilla extractis in your elbow. EMG/NCS will that the nerve damage MSKUS. These tests are much more expensive and 1 banana (frozen works or well) • show 1 tsp. brown sugar orwhere mapleyour syrup often• require pre-authorization other procedures to your PT exactly issue is, how bad it is • 1 tablespoon ground flaxseedwill allow them. be performed first before insurance and give them information on what needs to be done • Whipped cream to fix it. Your PT will also have information on how They• also¼ utilize - ½ tsp.radiation. pumpkin pie spice long this will take to improve. 2. Electromyography (EMG)/ Nerve Conduction DIRECTIONS: Test (NCS) As we age, many people often have more than one Place all ingredients into a blender and blend until smooth. Taste and foryou sweetness. problem. Just adjust because have arthritis in your neck, Add a dollop of whipped cream if you’d like. it does not necessarily mean that this is the cause of the pain that is in your arm. I have seen many people Tips for Making It Your Own: in this condition have surgery on their neck when in • Use whichever milk you use regularly. fact they had a pinched nerve in another area. The If you use vanilla-flavored milk or sweetened milk surgery did not fix their pain and now they are in (such as almond milk), be sure to adjust worse shape than when they began. If an EMG/NCS the sweetener in the recipe. test had been performed, they may have been able to avoid an unnecessary surgery. • Frozen bananas work well in this recipe, keeping the smoothie chilled. Diagnostic imaging has paved the way of the future • You can substitute flaxseeds to allow people to heal their pain faster and less with chia seeds if you’d prefer. expensively than ever before. If you are in pain and These tests are used for those suffering from nerve interested in real answers, contact your physical Canned whipped pain•(numbness, tingling,cream burning, coldness, therapist. Be sure to ask if they utilize diagnostic is an easy way toweakness). top this These tests measure heaviness, unexplained imaging. No order or referral is needed for physical smoothie off in as the a treat! the electrical activity muscles and nerves. It can therapy when using Medicare or commercial help identify if nerve damage or pinched nerves are insurances.

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CREATIVE MEMIOR: USING VIDEO IN STORYTELLING

Amy Phariss, Editor-in-Chief, OutreachNC | editor@outreachnc.com

NOVEMBER 2022 - 9 Over the past few months, we’ve explored the idea of storytelling using memoir. This month, we’re lucky to interview Lyn Jackson of Every Story Media, an organization focused on family stories and the people who want to capture and preserve them for current and future generations. Jackson, a television reporter, producer and documentarian, helps families record high-quality videos in which loved ones tell their stories. Video helps record not only the story itself but the voice of the person telling it. It’s a visual and auditory experience for the family to share for generations. Jackson shares her experience, perspective and thoughts on making the most of storytelling using video and what she has learned along the way. This interview has been edited for length. ONC: We’ve focused a lot on writing and using memoir to share stories. You utilize videography for storytelling. What are the benefits of video stories vs. written stories? Lyn Jackson: Stories are a vital part of everyone’s legacy. Video brings people, their unique personalities, and their stories to life, capturing and preserving everything about them in the moments they’re speaking.

There’s nothing like video to capture the essence of a person; the twinkle in the eye, facial expressions and mannerisms, to hear their voice and their laughter, to see and feel their emotions and their unique ways of telling stories. Remember all the great stories your parents or grandparents used to tell of growing up and life “back in the day?” At Every Story Media, we capture those memories and preserve them on video. The finished “movie” consists of stories, memories, values and traditions, culled from interviews, woven together with photos and other memorabilia… just like a film documentary.

It can be created from one interview or interviews with several people. We love video because it captures so well and so much of the person behind the stories. We love video because it offers all the energy, excitement and emotion that we associate with TV and movies such as sight, sound, motion, and emotion. Seeing and hearing those we love elicits so many positive emotions. Just imagine how wonderful it will be to watch your mother or father, or your grandparents sharing their stories with you on video.

On a completely practical level, for most people, it’s a lot easier to talk than to write, and for some people, easier to watch than to read. At Every Story Media, we believe that there is no one right way or wrong way to tell your story and that something is always better than nothing. We love written memoirs as well as documentaries. There are so many ways to preserve your family stories, and everyone should do exactly what suits them best. Do it for yourself or do it for your loved ones. It doesn’t matter how, just do it. ONC: What stands out to you about the need to share our stories with others? LJ: Quite simply, we all want to be remembered and loved for who we are and for the lives we lived. We all want to be heard and understood. For those who’ve lived long lives, there’s generally much more there than meets the eye. As a youth focused culture, we have a tendency to ignore older people, to dismiss them as uninteresting when so many of them have actually lead fascinating lives. When you think about it, we’ve all had interesting lives, if for no other reason than the history we’ve experienced, and how that impacted us and our families and friends. Sometimes the sweetest, best and even most interesting stories are of the every day and the seemingly mundane: the family rituals and routines, values and traditions, our hopes and dreams for the future, the funny mishaps, silly things that the kids (and maybe even the dogs!) did that make up our lives and our best stories. Family stories connect generations. ONC: What is the biggest fear that people have about sharing their stories?

10 - NOVEMBER 2022 LJ: Most people fear that they’ll forget to tell me about something important. We want everyone to feel completely comfortable talking about their lives. We always sit down before we actually videotape anything, talk with those who are to be interviewed, and work together to figure out the best stories to include and to leave out. Even before meeting, we suggest topics to consider and send out question ideas for people, allowing plenty of time ahead of the interviews so each person can think about which stories they want to share. Our interviews are actually more like conversations. Shortly after we start talking, it’s as if the cameras and lights aren’t there. It’s just a couple of people talking about life. Before the interviews, we also encourage everyone to have conversations with people they love, to look at photos, etc., to jog their memories. And again, I reassure them that there’s no ONE right way or wrong way to do this and that something is always better than nothing. ONC: What is the biggest benefit you’ve seen from doing this work, for the person sharing as well as for the family? LJ: Telling our personal and family stories offers us a chance to reflect, be grateful, remember, and appreciate life’s experiences. Research shows that it’s therapeutic to look back on life as it helps us gain perspective. For the children and grandchildren

watching these videos, it’s priceless! They learn about their family in a way a family tree or genealogy can’t tell it… from the stories of the people who lived it. Genealogy is here forever but once parents and grandparents pass, sadly their stories are often lost. Through their family stories, children and grandchildren understand that they, like their forebears, will be able to overcome adversity and thrive. They also have a greater appreciation of how hard everyone worked to make sure they’d have a good life.

Research shows that children who have a strong family narrative (in other words, they know the stories of their parents, grandparents) are happier as adults. Again, family stories connect generations. It’s so gratifying and actually therapeutic for people to look back on their lives and tell their stories. After finishing, people are so relieved to have done this incredibly rewarding work and to know that they’ve left something for those they love and for future generations who’ll never know them in person but will LOVE getting to know them in a personal way through their video stories. Here’s a quick top ten list I wrote a while ago that sums it up pretty well:

NOVEMBER 2022 - 11 1. Your kids may not want your stuff but they DO want your stories. 2. It’s one of the best gifts ever – way cooler than anything you could ever buy. 3. It’s a great way to share life lessons, values, traditions, hopes and dreams, and it’s a lot less boring than a lecture! 4. It’s fun, engaging, stimulating, and even therapeutic. 5. It connects generations, in a cool way. 6. It offers a wonderful opportunity to look back on life and reflect – to give and get perspective in a way that might have previously been elusive. 7. You get to check it off your to do list. It’s quicker, easier and more fun working with professionals and the final product is an extraordinary treasure. You and your loved ones get a sudden sense of relief and a huge sense of accomplishment when you’re finished. 8. Solace and comfort for those we love after we’re gone – a rare opportunity to laugh together, to share stories, bits of wisdom, the value of persistence and resilience, and to live on forever through the magic of video. 9. It can help give meaning to life and permanence to your stories. It’s good for your kids, grandchildren and the greats, and it’s also good for you and everyone who’s interviewed. 10. You can easily create an incredible one of a kind family heirloom that you’ll cherish and pass on to future generations forever. ONC: What makes a “good” story? LJ: A little humor is always good but authenticity is perhaps the most important element of a good story. I also encourage people to talk about not just events but also about how those events made them feel, how they may have impacted/changed their lives and why. The “why” enriches every story. ONC: How do legacy and story connect?

LJ: Stories are a vital part of everyone’s legacy, whether we tell them or someone who loves us shares them after we’re gone. ONC: What has been most surprising to you as a professional in this field? LJ: Initially it was how many people came up to me and told me how much they love – and were so excited by - what we do. Too often though, they’d share regret that they’d never got around to taping a grandparent or parent before that loved one passed away. We heard “I wish I’d done that, their stories are lost forever” a lot. Like so many things in life we all plan to start, producing a life story video isn’t necessarily the quickest, easiest thing to do, emotionally or otherwise. But everyone who’s finished his or her heirloom video is thrilled to have done this. It’s a beautiful gift of an emotional connection to the person/persons in the video that they’ll have forever and pass on, positively impacting future generations. Working with professionals can make all the difference. Sometimes it’s even simply the difference between getting it done and never doing it at all. ONC: What are some of the common themes you hear in people’s stories? LJ: Resilience is a common theme. Also, conquering setbacks and fears, overcoming trauma, and succeeding despite challenges are often themes. Immigrants often have fascinating stories they rarely talk about. It’s so important for them to share their experiences with current and future generations who grew up in a radically different way from their children and grandchildren who wouldn’t even be here if not for the sacrifices of their elders. Gratitude is another common theme: appreciation for all those who helped, inspired and encouraged all along the way. ONC: Regarding story and perspective, do you ever find in interviews that people remember the same events or stories in different ways?

12 - NOVEMBER 2022 LJ: Absolutely and sometimes comically so, which is perfectly okay and actually part of what makes all of this so fascinating. ONC: What would you say to someone who says: my story isn’t interesting enough to be recorded? LJ: We’ve actually heard a few people say this. One thing to consider is that the people who love you will always find you and your stories interesting. Your children, grandchildren, etc. will be thrilled that someone they adored through their lives was generous enough to share and save their stories for them. Again, sometimes it’s the seemingly small moments of life that turn out to be the most important, both the highs and the lows. Remember and celebrate the joy, the light, the awe, the beautiful moments that are part of every life. But it’s also perfectly okay to share some of the challenges and the struggles. After all, we’re all human.

Everyone gets to decide what they want to talk about and what they want to leave out. Perspective is everything and it’s important to share that too. ONC: What final, parting words would you give readers or anyone considering storytelling and memoir? LJ: Do it for yourself or do it for your loved ones… it doesn’t matter, just do it. Make it fun for yourself. It won’t necessarily always be easy but it should certainly be enjoyable. Some people don’t think twice about spending thousands of dollars to go on vacation. Why? Because it can be an amazing experience and the memories last a lifetime. Doing a video is a similar kind of gift - for yourself and for others. And it’s a gift that keeps on giving joy and wonder for generations.

Weymouth Wonderland Holiday Festival • Dec 2 - 4 Three Days of Something Wonderful for Everyone!

Candlelight, Carols & Cocktails Friday, Dec. 2 • 5 pm Ticketed Event

Adults

Outdoor Wonderfest & Market Saturday, Dec. 3 • 10 - 4 pm Donations Accepted

Teddy Bear Tea Sunday, Dec. 4 • Two Seatings 1 or 3:30 pm Ticketed Event

Visit: weymouthcenter.org

Weymouth Center for the Arts & Humanities 555 E. Connecticut Avenue, Southern Pines, NC

NOVEMBER 2022 - 13

GRAY MATTER GAMES

ACROSS 1. Those who malign 10. Soils composed of sand, silt and clay 15. Plastic film, brand name (2 wds) 16. Cereal killer 17. Accustom to a new environment 18. Musical notation for repeat 19. Change, as a clock 20. Bolivian export 21. Sage 22. Baby’s socklike shoe 24. Adaptable truck, for short 25. Overthrow, e.g. 29. Divine retributions 31. Product quality assurance 35. Deception 36. Bypass 37. Balloon filler 38. Doctor Who villainess, with “the”

39. Alliance that includes Ukr. 40. Inflammation of the small intestines 42. Family subdivisions 44. Bond, for one 45. Biochemistry abbr. 46. Check 50. ___ of roses 52. “A jealous mistress”: Emerson 53. Analyze, in a way 58. Choice 59. Buildings’ covered entrances 61. Busy places 62. Visionary persons 63. Lilac, e.g. 64. Plunder

DOWN 1. Boris Godunov, for one 2. Dash 3. Parentheses, e.g. 4. Broad valley 5. Condo, e.g. 6. Valley (Welsh) 7. A Muse 8. 4:1, e.g. 9. All in 10. Inferior 11. Sundae topper, perhaps 12. Antibody that causes cells to clump together 13. Believer in one god 14. The Rolling ___, band 22. Car accessory 23. Female sheep 25. Having I-strain? 26. Deeply thoughtful 27. Bring up 28. Crumb 30. Winged 32. Masefield play “The Tragedy of ___”

33. Little bird 34. “... ___ he drove out of sight” 38. Fix, in a way 40. Ring bearer, maybe 41. Backstabber 42. Pie charts, e.g. 43. Least cooked 47. Fleet 48. Chip away at 49. ___ throat 51. Call from the flock 53. Bundle 54. Battery contents 55. Santa ___, Calif. 56. Rectangular paving stone 57. “___ quam videri” (North Carolina’s motto) 60. Toni Morrison’s “___ Baby”

OCTOBER 2022 - 12 14 - NOVEMBER 2022

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Make Every Day Five Star

At Fox Hollow Senior Living, our residents have the opportunity to do everything they’ve always loved. With Five Star Dining, days filled with friends and adventures, you can be yourself again – while we take care of the rest. FOX HOLLOW SENIOR LIVING COMMUNITY 190 Fox Hollow Road • Pinehurst, NC 28374 910-695-0011 • www.FoxHollowSeniorLiving.com ASSISTED LIVING • MEMORY CARE RESPITE/SHORT-TERM STAYS ©2021 Five Star Senior Living

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