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COMPLIMENTARY

OCTOBER 2018 | VOL. 9, ISSUE 10

the

LONG game

riding the ups and downs of life

Serving the Sandhills & Southern Piedmont

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| OUTREACHNC.COM


ICHMENT CENTER THE ENR

Fall Festival 1615 S. THIRD STREET | SANFORD

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 27, 2018 8:00 AM - 2:00 PM

Browse and purchase from more than 50 tables filled with woodcarving, jewelry, paintings, baked & canned goods, homemade soaps and lotions, candles, Christmas decorations, hand sewn items and much more! Join us for grilled hot dogs or sausage dogs with all the trimmings - chili, slaw, & onions. Drinks and Fresh Baked Goods will be available for purchase.

Cutlery Items available for purchase and orders accepted.

All food and cutlery proceeds benefit The Enrichment Center, Inc. Helping Fund

The Helping Fund assists Lee county older adults who are in a crisis situation with the basic necessities of life.

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features OCTOBER 2018

30

Birding in NC: Tar River Trail by Ray Linville

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Carolina Conversations with Showbiz icons Sally Struthers and Kim Coles by Eddie Carmichael

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The Many Impacts of the Arts Council of Moore County by Michelle Goetzl

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The Long Game Issue

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The Good Fire

Photo Essay by Brady Beck

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Push-ups at 93

by James J. Hatfield

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Rodeo: A Generational Sport by Spencer Griffith


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departments October 2018

"One day, you might look up and see me playing the game at 50. Don't laugh. Never say never, because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion." - MICHAEL JORDAN

advice & health

10  Ask the Expert

by Amy Natt, MS, CMC, CSA

life

12  Aging Thoughtfully

16  Brain Health

14 Cooking Local

20  The Triumphant Elder

17  The Reader’s Nook

22  Eat Right

18  Tapping Into Creativity

24  Planning Ahead

55  Resource Marketplace

26 Role Reversal

62  Grey Matter Games

by Karen D. Sullivan, PhD, ABPP

by Tim Keim, EYT500, Yoga Therapist by Laura Buxenbaum, MPH, RD, LDN by Tim Hicks, RICP, APMA

by David Hibbard

28 Home Staging

by Kasia McDaniel

by Corbie Hill & Michelle Goetzl

by Ray Linville

by Michelle Goetzl

by Barbara Hengstenberg

Find the resources you need.

Sudoku, Word Search & Crossword Puzzles

63  Over My Shoulder by Ann Robson

64  In Verse

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66  Generations

by Dr. Mardy Grothe

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or mail a check to: PO BOX 2478 Southern Pines, NC 28388


Emmy Award winner Gilmore Girls & All in the Family

Living Single & In Living Color

Law and Order & Fifth of July

an intimate collection of stories by Nora Ephron & Delia Ephron based on the book by Ilene Beckerman

Oct. 18-21 ONLY!

Season Seven Sponsors

Hannah Center Theatre atThe O’Neal School Tickets + Info: JudsonTheatre.com

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from the editor

Papa kept a can of bacon grease in his fridge. It was always there, and it was always the same. From when I was a little kid, too young even for school, through my early 30s, just before he died, there was always a worn tin can in his refrigerator, filled almost to the brim with congealed grease (the outside of the can was kind of slimy, too). Every morning Papa took it out to cook with, because he started every day with eggs and either bacon, sausage or country ham. Thing is, Papa made it to 89, and he did so without abandoning his basic pleasures. He hunted well into his mid-80s, even if his endurance wasn’t that of a younger man’s. He played the cornet, practicing hymns and the old Big Band dance numbers that had sustained him throughout his service in World War II. He tended his treasured key lime tree, which survived coastal North Carolina’s nasty winters only because of his careful attention. And he ate bacon and eggs.

Any nutritionist worth their salt will tell you not to cook with bacon fat. And I’m not encouraging anyone to do that, either – it’s so, so bad for you. The point here is that we can live long lives without abandoning every guilty pleasure. We just need to balance them out. And to the point of this issue’s theme, “The Long Game,” I volunteer a theory: I think long life is a negotiation between what we want to do and what we know we should do. Papa knew these breakfasts were risky – especially at that frequency – but he was also driven to keep physically active, maintaining his tree-shaded yard and garden plot with minimal assistance on through his twilight years. And while one beneficial action doesn’t neatly cancel a harmful one like in a math problem, he achieved a sort of stubborn balance anyway – and made it nearly to 90. So how do you play the long game? How do you run the long race? Are you like Hamlet World War II veteran Herbert Nelson, doing push-ups at 93? Are you like rodeo regular Eddy Gushlaw, who kept involved after a broken pelvis by pivoting from riding to coaching? Or do you find your own way to run as long a race as you can without sacrificing the things that make you happy? Thanks for picking up OutreachNC, and I’ll see you in November.

- Corbie Hill

Correction

We at OutreachNC aren’t perfect – nor do we claim to be – and errors inevitably slip by us. Last month we goofed substantially. On page 63 of our September issue, an accidental punctuation mark slipped through, changing the title of Dr. Mardy Grothe’s inaugural column from “Lofty Thoughts” to “Lofty Thoughts?” We apologize to Mardy and to our readers for the glaring error and will redouble our proofreading efforts.

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Editor-in-Chief Corbie Hill | Editor@OutreachNC.com Creative Director Kim Gilley | The Village Printers

Monthly Musings from the Meowing Maestro

Creative & Graphic Designer Sarah McElroy | The Village Printers Ad Designers Stephanie Budd, Cyndi Fifield, Sarah McElroy Proofreader Kate Pomplun Photography Brady Beck, Diana Matthews, Caitlin Penna, Mollie Tobias Contributors Laura Buxenbaum, Eddie Carmichael, Michelle Goetzl, Spencer Griffith, Mardy Grothe, James J. Hatfield, Barbara Hengstenberg, David Hibbard, Tim Hicks, Corbie Hill, Tim Keim, Ray Linville, Kasia McDaniel, Amy Natt, Amy Phariss, Ann Robson, Karen Sullivan

"Over here we have the newest Sealy Posturepedic: Au Naturale."

Spiritual Advisor Jeeves

Y Publisher Amy Natt | AmyN@AgingOutreachServices.com Marketing & Public Relations Director Susan McKenzie | SusanM@AgingOutreachServices.com Advertising Courtney Bunker | CourtneyB@OutreachNC.com 910-692-0683 ext. 141

"I'm sure you're all wondering why I asked you here today."

Circulation 910-692-0683 | info@OutreachNC.com OutreachNC PO Box 2478 | 676 NW Broad Street Southern Pines, NC 28388 910-692-9609 Office | 910-695-0766 Fax info@OutreachNC.com

www.OutreachNC.com

OutreachNC is a publication of The entire contents of OutreachNC are copyrighted by Aging Outreach Services. Reproduction or use without permission of editorial, photographic or graphic content in any manner is prohibited. OutreachNC is published monthly on the first of each month.

“Kids, we’re trying to be sneaky. Sneaky. S-n-e-a… oh, never mind.”

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advice

Our Aging Life Care ProfessionalsTM will answer any aging questions you may have.

Email us your questions! info@OutreachNC.com

ASK THE EXPERT

Moving Through Grief by Amy Natt, MS, CMC, CSA My mom passed away about a year ago and I have noticed that my dad is still not getting out of the house very often. He is surviving on frozen dinners and the news channel. He has become increasingly more negative and we just don’t know how to help him. Any ideas?

&

Grief is a very personal journey for each person. Losing a spouse can be particularly difficult for older adults, as routines are typically well established during retirement years. It is also a reminder of our own mortality and many older adults just don’t feel like they have the motivation to start over and establish new routines. They go the simple route, like frozen dinners. There can be a tendency to shut others out and self-isolate. Also, men tend to grieve differently. They may not be as comfortable openly expressing feelings. They are accustomed to being the provider and taking charge. They may feel they need to remain strong in dealing with the loss of a spouse and not want to risk being a burden to other family members. Your dad will need time to work through his grief and process the changes to his daily routine. Family members can help by establishing a new routine as well. Perhaps

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there is a set day of the week that you can call your dad. If you live nearby, perhaps designate a lunch date once a month. Look ahead to holidays and special events and encourage him to put these plans on a calendar so that he has something to look forward to. Depending on the circumstances, it may also be appropriate to encourage friends to reach out. Specifically, those who may have also lost a spouse. If he was a caregiver for your mom, those relationships may have taken a back seat to his role as caregiver. If your dad belongs to a faith community, there may be someone available to talk with him. He might be more comfortable talking to someone one-on-one or in a small group specific to men. There are a lot of resources out there, but you want to be careful not to overwhelm him. Try putting together an email or typed sheet of paper with the local resources you've identified and leave that with him. Think about things your dad might have liked to do in past years. Perhaps there is something he can


Making Your Home Picture Perfect for the Holidays

tap back into. As time passes, you can encourage volunteer or community opportunities, but you want him to take the time to grieve and not fill his time with activities in an effort to avoid his feelings. Cards and notes can also be helpful and less intrusive than in-person visits that he may not be up for. About those frozen dinners and the news channel -- that combination would take a toll on any of us. Today we have a lot more resources for healthier prepped meals. Find out what local grocery stores and delivery services offer. You could also offer to come once a month to do some cooking and portion out healthier meals to put in his freezer. Sometimes a caregiver, friend or even an established cleaning service might be able to help with meal prep and clean up. Try introducing your dad to Netflix or drop by some classic DVDs he might enjoy watching. Humor can be very therapeutic, so go for something funny. Music can also be very uplifting, so make sure he has a music player at home and some favorite CDs he can play in place of always having the television on. He is probably using the TV to keep some background noise in the house. If you continue to see a decline and have more serious concerns or feel like he is dealing with depression or physical symptoms of his grief, you may need to reach out to his medical provider for evaluation. All of these things are changes and take time. Be consistent and let him know you love him and support him through this transition in his life.

Readers may send questions to Amy Natt, an Aging Life Care ProfessionalTM, certified senior advisor and CEO of Aging Outreach Services. She can be reached at amyn@agingoutreachservices.com .

MON, OCT 29 | 6PM MORGAN’S CHOP HOUSE, FAYETTEVILLE Concert Sponsor: Keith and Sarah Tilghman / The Cobb Tilghman Group of Merrill Lynch

Join us for an evening of music and culinary delights. North Carolina Symphony musicians will share favorites from the chamber music repertoire— introducing each work with their own commentary and insights—and the evening begins with a delicious meal, drinks, and good company.

Seating is Limited—Call Today!

ncsymphony.org | 877.627.6724 OCTOBER 2018 |

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life

A G I N G T H O U G H T F U L LY

Life in the Past Lane by Dr. Mardy Grothe

When I meet people for the first time, I generally ask about where they grew up and what their early lives were like. While it looks on the surface like I’m simply showing interest, I’m really doing it to please myself. I’m not a big fan of meaningless conversation, and over the years have discovered that people are rarely superficial or banal when recalling childhood memories. Over the years, I’ve found myself captivated by countless stories that were so fascinating they could easily be dramatized in a film or novel. As these new acquaintances become more familiar, though, some continue to repeat the same stories again and again. This kind of thing is so common that we have a phrase to describe it: “living in the past.” And while it is widely believed that living in the past refers only to remembering the “glory” days, the “sorry” days are also remembered with great tenacity. Folks with this problem aren’t merely living in the past, they are stuck firmly in it. Edna Ferber captured the problem in her 1963 autobiography A Kind of Magic: Living in the past is a dull and lonely business; and looking back, if persisted in, strains the neck-muscles, causes you to bump into people not going your way. Another problem with living in the past—and a reality frequently ignored by those who reside there—is that our memories of what actually happened way back when are so notoriously bad. This doesn’t mean that we’ve forgotten so much about what happened as we’ve remembered things that never really happened in the way we remember them. Mark Twain gave the problem a humorous twist in a remark to his biographer: “When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not; but I am getting old, and soon I shall remember only the latter.” Jessamyn West expressed it even more starkly in A Matter of Time (1970): “The past is really almost as much a work of the imagination as the future.” This month, think about how any of this applies to you. If you end up concluding that you’re spending a little too much time in the past lane, perhaps you need to do some personal revising or tweaking. To assist you in your reflections, here are some other quotations on the topic:

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A long past vividly remembered is like a heavy garment that clings to your limbs when you would run. — Mary Antin One must always maintain one’s connection to the past and yet ceaselessly pull away from it. — Gaston Bachelard Never speak of the past any more than you can help. — Gelett Burgess Be not the slave of your own past. — Ralph Waldo Emerson In the carriages of the past you can’t go anywhere. — Maxim Gorky The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there. — L. P. Hartley The first recipe for happiness is: Avoid too lengthy meditations on the past. — André Maurois Every journey into the past is complicated by delusions, false memories, false namings of real events. — Adrienne Rich Faithfulness to the past can be a kind of death above ground. — Jessamyn West

Dr. Mardy Grothe is a retired psychologist who lives in Southern Pines. The author of seven quotation anthologies (all available at The Country Bookshop), he is also the creator of “Dr. Mardy’s Dictionary of Metaphorical Quotations (DMDMQ), the world’s largest online database of metaphorical quotations: www.drmardy.com/dmdmq/

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life

COOKING LOCAL

Pickled Shrimp Lettuce Cups by Ray Linville | Photography by Diana Matthews

“I’ve always loved to cook. My mother always let me help her, even when I was very young, and I stood on a step stool when I couldn’t reach the counter. By the time I was 9, I was cooking for the whole family,” says Ivory Whitley Mulholland, this month’s featured chef. Chef Ivory’s pickled shrimp lettuce cups will be highlighted at The Chef 's Feast, the annual fundraiser for the Sandhills Branch of the Food Bank of Central and Eastern North Carolina that will be held on Oct. 16 at Pine Needles Resort. Why pickled shrimp? “I want to feature North Carolina ingredients and have something Southern, but light and crisp,” she says. Chef Ivory has a special relationship with the Sandhills Branch. She has demonstrated healthy food preparation at its open houses and has given tips – how to sneak vegetables into muffins and extend the life of fresh vegetables in soups and casseroles – at meetings attended by the branch’s partner agencies. She also is the only chef to be featured at every Chef ’s Feast. “Chef Ivory is the only chef who has been with us from the beginning,” says Michael Cotten, director of the Sandhills Branch. “She remains a crowd favorite. We will have a tremendous variety of food samplings, and her dishes complement everything else marvelously.” For a Chefs’ Feast, she’s never content to bring only one signature dish. Last year she served pulled pork with pickled collards and peach bourbon barbecue sauce as well as strawberry sorghum sticky buns. In addition to lettuce cups for this year’s event, she will make pimiento mac ‘n’ cheese with pork cracklins gratin and oatmeal cream pies with miso buttercream filling. Rat Linville writes about local connections to Southern food, history and culture. He can be reached at linville910@gmail.com .

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Really, oatmeal cream pies? “Actually, they are my best selling item. Everybody just loves them,” she says. With business partner Jen Karlowicz (both are military spouses), she owns and operates Spoon Lickers Catering, which offers healthy meals weekly through the online ordering service Supper Meals. In addition, they cater weddings, workshops, retreats, parties and open houses. Born and raised in Alaska, Chef Ivory now has North Carolina also in her heart. However, the cool interior temperatures of her home let you know that she hasn’t fully adapted to the heat of the South. She met husband Michael Mulholland, a career Army officer assigned to Fort Bragg, while he was stationed at Fort Wainwright in Fairbanks. Now homeowners in the Sandhills, they share a sense of adventure with travel, healthy food and exercise. The chef works out seven days a week and her husband, who played lacrosse at West Point, works hard to keep up with her.

Ivory Whitley Mulholland operates Spoon Lickers Catering. She will be featured at The Chefs’ Feast, the fundraiser of Sandhills Food Bank Branch at Pine Needles Resort on Oct. 16, when she will serve her eclectic lettuce cups and two other signature dishes. Call the Food Bank at 910-692-5959 for ticket and event information.


Ingredients Makes 8-10 appetizer-sized servings SHRIMP 1 pound large shrimp or prawns (peeled, deveined and butterflied) ½ small red onion, thinly sliced 1 cup seasoned rice vinegar 1 thumb fresh ginger, diced 2 cloves garlic, diced 1/3 jalapeno, thinly sliced Pinch of salt LETTUCE CUPS 8-10 leaves of butter lettuce, rinsed and dried 2 radishes, thinly sliced ½ green tomato, thinly sliced 3 tablespoons kimchi, thinly sliced (spiciness is up to you, I like it hot!)

Directions 1. To prepare shrimp, combine rice vinegar, ginger, garlic, jalapeno and salt in a small sauce pan. Bring to a boil. Place shrimp in small oven-safe glass dish. Pour boiling mixture over shrimp and bake at 400 degrees for 5 minutes. Remove and let cool. Refrigerate for 4 hours or overnight. 2. Whisk sauce ingredients until combined. 3. Assemble lettuce cups by filling lettuce leaves with shrimp and assorted sliced veggies. Top with sauce and enjoy! Chef ’s Tip: Serve all the above ingredients over chilled short grain rice and you have a delicious grain bowl. Two cups of cooked rice with the above ingredients make four hearty grain bowls.

SAUCE 1/3 cup Duke’s Mayonnaise 2 tablespoon Thai sweet chili sauce 2 teaspoon white miso Dash of fish sauce or soy sauce Zest of 1 lime

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health

B R A I N H E A LT H

Reversible Causes of Dementia by Karen D. Sullivan, PhD, ABPP

To meet the criteria for a clinical diagnosis of dementia, three conditions must be met. A person has: 1) newonset declines in memory and in at least one other cognitive or behavior domain, 2) these deficits must interfere with instrumental activities of daily living (driving, remembering to take medications accurately and managing complex financial matters) and 3) all reversible causes for the decline must be considered and ruled out. With more than 50 conditions mimicking the symptoms of dementia, an important first step in a gold-standard evaluation of brain functioning is to rule out these potentially treatable causes. The following eight reversible causes of dementia produce up to 23 percent of symptoms and are easily remembered by the mnemonic DEMENTIA: Drugs (any drug with anticholinergic activity) Emotional (depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress) Metabolic (thyroid disorders) Eyes and ears declining Normal pressure hydrocephalus (accumulation of cerebrospinal fluid in the brain) Tumor or other space-occupying lesion

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Infection (urinary tract infection) Anemia (vitamin B12 deficiency)

Once these conditions have been ruled out, a comprehensive dementia evaluation can occur and must include a thorough history including an interview with the person and ideally someone close to them, a detailed review of medical records, neuropsychological evaluation (cognitive pen and paper testing), mood assessment and possible neuroimaging (MRI or CT scan). A neuropsychologist’s job is integrating the findings from these sources to determine if the person is experiencing normal cognitive aging, a type of mild cognitive impairment or a subtype of dementia. With over 50 types of dementia, it is critical that we identify what type or subtypes are causing the symptoms (some people have more than one type of dementia) because this is how personalized brain health treatment occurs. Dementia treatment is not a one-size-fits-all approach. Dr. Karen Sullivan, a board-certified clinical neuropsychologist, owner of Pinehurst Neuropsychology Brain & Memory Clinic and creator of the I CARE FOR YOUR BRAIN program, can be reached at 910-420-8041 or by visiting www.pinehurstneuropsychology.com or www.icfyb.com.


life

THE READER’S NOOK

The Dream Daughter by Diane Chamberlain Book Review by Michelle Goetzl What would you do to save your child? What lengths might you go to if your child was sick? These are the central questions behind Diane Chamberlain’s newest novel, The Dream Daughter. In this captivating read, Chamberlain explores the parental bond and the lengths one woman will go to for her child. The story begins in 1970. Caroline “Carly” Sears lives with her sister and brother-in-law on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Carly’s husband has recently been killed in Vietnam and Carly is given the awful news that the baby she is carrying has a fatal heart problem. As anyone in her day would, Carly is prepared to continue with her pregnancy and pray for the best; her brother-in-law, Hunter, has another idea. Hunter has a plan to save Carly’s unborn child by sending her to the year 2001. It seems outlandish, and the plot device is a big break from Chamberlain’s typical writing style, but Hunter manages to prove to Carly that he isn’t crazy and that it is the only hope. To save her daughter, Carly has to take a giant leap of faith. The majority of the novel takes place in 2001 as Carly prepares for the arrival of her daughter and then waits for her to get healthy enough to leave the hospital and return to 1970. She has to live in New York City with modern technology and lifestyles that she is not accustomed to. Going on with Hunter’s plan forces Carly to have a strength and courage that she isn’t sure she possesses, but it makes her stronger in the long run. With trademark Chamberlain style The Dream Daughter

revolves around relationships, a medical issue and secrets, though the secrets are kept by Carly, not kept from her, as is often found in Chamberlain books. The reader is asked to suspend disbelief when it comes to the time-travel aspect. While this is an important part of the plot, the focus is more on Carly herself. Carly is a very likeable heroine. She has issue after issue thrown at her and handles them all remarkably well. She has a sweet Southern charm that allows her to connect well with those around her and she builds relationships easily, even while having to concoct stories about where she came from. The relationship that is especially important, and what helps the reader understand Carly the most, is the relationship that she has with her daughter both before and after she is born. Through it all, The Dream Daughter was a complete page turner. With plot twists and tons of details, Chamberlain has created a resonant story rich with characters that come alive on the page. Though nearly 400 pages, it is the type of book that you just don’t want to put down. Fans of books like The Time Travelers Wife or the works of Jodi Picoult will find themselves entranced. Michelle Goetzl writes an online blog—“Books My Kids Read.” She loves books and sharing that love of reading with children. She can be reached at booksmykidsread@gmail.com .

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life

TA P P I N G I N T O C R E AT I V I T Y

Creating from Chaos by Barbara Hengstenberg

Stalagmites grow throughout my house. Not the geological phenomenon, but piles of paper, books, journals, photos, etc. I’m sure this happens to many of us. We receive notes, birthday cards, or hold on to ticket stubs and dogeared magazines – all too special to toss, so they are placed upon “the pile.” And they sit there in the stack built of books stuffed with sticky notes, photos, bits and pieces of ephemera too precious to discard. Once my desk becomes overly crowded and my kitchen table, which should be brimming with food, becomes a favored drop-off point for life’s remnants, I know it’s time to dig in – time to get creative. A blank journal or a simple spiral notebook is essential in creatively organizing this chaos. Start with the heavy hitters: books. Leafing through, I search for those folded or bookmarked pages, those notes scribbled in the margins. Once I rediscover what spoke to me, I jot it in my journal, citing the book and author. The writer’s words may provide inspiration for my own writing or art. Then it’s time to return the book to its shelf or donate it to a friend or library. Next, I tackle the bits and pieces of saved paper. I keep a box filled with photos, stories and quotations torn from magazines and newspapers. Others may prefer to keep these papers in file folders. Scraps of my grandmother’s 1940s sheet music, along with other ephemera, spring back to life as they eventually find their way into painted collages – my way of creating pieces to be loved. There’s something to be said for tangible photographs in this digital world. I’ll affix those photos that touch me deeply into my journal to save for future reflection. Pictures of loved ones bring up a variety of memories and emotions. What better way to write or create art than by tapping into 18

OutreachNC.com | OCTOBER 2018

these feelings? It’s cathartic to sit in a quiet place and write about those special people or momentous events. Long-forgotten letters are mined for details and connected with photos, either personal or torn from magazines. Rather than storing them away, they become integral to my art and writing, creating stories around their visual details. My stacks provide me a time to be mindful. I sit with papers spread upon the table or surrounding me on the floor. Piece by piece, as I peruse these piles, and ask myself: • Is this important to my life? (If so, file it.) • Can this inspire my writing or art? (If so, tape it into the journal or place it in an inspiration box.) • Or... is it what I call “random blandness?” (If this is the case, toss it.) With these fragments of life now organized and the dull leftovers tossed in the recycling bin, I have a feeling of freedom — a sense of a starting point from which to create. This all comes with the added bonus of a clean desktop and a kitchen table fit for a family meal, yet always at the ready for the new stacks to form — because I know fresh stalagmites will always grow. They’re just part of the mess of life... tangible proof of a contemplative life well lived.

Barbara Hengstenberg is an artist, writer and educator who always encourages creativity. She is the founder of WildesArt, an online gathering place for creatives. Barbara can be reached at Barbara@WildesArt.com or by visiting www.WildesArt.com.


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CHEF'S FEAST SANDHILLS Tuesday, October 16, 2018 5:30pm – 8pm Pine Needles Resort Join the Food Bank of Central & Eastern North Carolina at Sandhills for Chef’s Feast, a food and wine tasting event showcasing chefs from the Pine Needles Resort and local restaurants. Our presenting partner Food Lion will provide a variety of wine tastings to coordinate with the dishes. Tickets are $60 each through September 30, and $75 October 1 until the event. Purchase tickets at the Food Bank, 195 Sandy Avenue, Southern Pines, or online at chefsfeastnc.org.

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advice

TRIUMPHANT ELDER

Battling fungal infections – with a little help from the plant kingdom by Tim Keim, EYT500, Yoga Therapist

Good grief, but it can be embarrassing and persistent – toenail fungus that is. Related conditions include ringworm, athlete’s foot, jock itch and barber’s itch. They all come under the heading of dermatophytosis or common fungal infections of the skin. Burning, itching, redness and a weeping moistness are all typical. Prescription meds include clotrimazole, econazole, ketoconazole, miconazole, tioconazole, terbinafine and amorolfine. Topically they seldom incur side effects, but oral meds may induce nausea, diarrhea, headache, rash, taste disturbances, liver toxicity and interactions with other medicines. Equal to or even more effective than prescription meds, and a lot cheaper, are age-old, easy-to-find remedies like tea tree oil, neem oil, oregano oil, garlic, thyme oil and lavender oil. If you happen to have fresh ingredients around like garlic, thyme, turmeric and oregano you can make a skin wash decoction for topical application and as a stimulating drink. A simple paste can also be made of the oils using wheat, oat or chickpea flour. All the above herbs have strong, wideranging antimicrobial power. Oregano oil

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must be diluted before skin contact and never use the undiluted essential oil on mucous membranes. I and my friends have used these remedies to good effect. Cold sores can be painful, unsightly and embarrassing. When I feel that tingle of an emerging herpes cold sore, I reach for a sure fire viral killer, oregano oil. One or two drops mixed in five or six drops of olive oil applied two to three times a day will generally stop an outbreak in its tracks. Oral consumption of over-the-counter oregano/olive oil will compound therapeutic action. A friend recently had a fungal skin infection that defied pharmaceutical treatment. A few days of oregano oil cured him without relapse. Our housekeeper, who is constantly being exposed to many fungal organisms as she works, developed a fungal infection diagnosed as poison ivy. A steroid shot suppressed the immune reaction, but the infection returned with itching and burning. I recommended tea tree oil to her, and the condition resolved within a few days.


Also, I had a skin cancer on my ear so I made an appointment to see my dermatologist. Before the appointment I began treating the lesion with my daily massage oil that includes 50 percent hemp oil. By the time I saw the doctor, the tender, scabby little sore was nearly gone. Why are these plants so effective? Plants produce multiple disease-fighting constituents to ward off constant attack in the wild. They confer that antimicrobial power upon us when we use them, too. One of these components is terpenes, an accelerant that helps skin absorb the oil. As we have seen, disease organisms can develop immunity to pharmaceuticals. Nature is smarter, nimbler and faster than we are at fighting infection. Constant naturallyoccurring evolutionary updates in plant biology effectively fight the latest mutated versions of infectious agents—for free. Essential oils are widely available in health food stores and websites like Organic India or Banyan Botanical.

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December 16, 2018 1:30 pm Tim Keim is an IAYT certified yoga therapist, and has been teaching yoga for 15 years. Keim can be heard Saturday and Sunday mornings from 7 a.m. to 1 p.m. on 91.5-FM, WUNC. He can be reached at timkeim811@yahoo.com. OCTOBER 2018 |

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health

E AT R I G H T

This Fall, Eat Together, Eat Better by Laura Buxenbaum, MPH, RD, LDN

For many households, family meal time is as obsolete as a rotary phone. Regular sit-down dinners have been lost to demanding schedules filled with long work days and never-ending after-school activities. It should come as no surprise that time is the number one barrier to preparing healthier meals at home. In fact, according to a study published in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, working adults spend less time on food preparation, while spending more money for convenience. Saving time by skipping family meals may seem like an easy solution, but when it comes to the overall health and happiness of your household, dining together should be a high priority. Here’s why: recent studies link regular family meals (three to five meals per week) with lower rates of substance abuse, teen pregnancy and depression, as well as higher grade-point averages and higher self-esteem in children and young adults. But what about those individuals whose days of work and grinding schedules are behind them or whose kids are grown and off to college or the workforce? Eating together can still be just as important. Our choices around the dinner table tend to be healthier and lower in fat and calories when the dinner table is at home as opposed to a restaurant. Secondly, eating alone can be isolating. Coming together at a meal, whether with loved ones, friends or co-workers, provides connection and conversation. Whether time or other barriers get in the way of coming together with family or friends for a meal, it is possible to prepare a nutritious meal to sit down and enjoy together. Follow these time-saving tips to make healthy meals in minutes so you can spend less time in the kitchen and more time at the table.

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PLAN: Meal planning is happening less and with less time. According to data from the Hartman Group, more than half of dinners in America (53 percent) are planned within an hour of eating. Avoid that lastminute stress and the inevitable not-so-healthy takeout order by making a weekly menu. Save your family money by shopping smarter using a list. Research shows that when a list is used to shop, 40 percent less is spent on impulse purchases. Use USDA’s MyPlate to plan healthy meals that include vegetables, fruit, lean meat, whole grains and low-fat dairy foods. When planning meals, remember that it doesn’t have to be gourmet. Pairing a rotisserie chicken with brown rice, broccoli and fresh fruit is a quick and easy meal. Serve milk with meals to provide three of the four essential nutrients that Americans are not getting enough of in their diets – calcium, potassium and vitamin D. PREP: Take advantage of extra time on weekends since you probably won’t have it on hectic weeknights. Chop vegetables, brown ground meat, boil eggs, shred cheese and mix up dressings or marinades and have them in the fridge ready to go when it’s time to cook. In fact, research shows that greater amount of time spent on home food preparation is associated with higher diet quality, including significantly more frequent intake of vegetables, salads fruits, and dairy. PANTRY AND FRIDGE ESSENTIALS: Save time and eliminate food waste by using what you already have on hand in your pantry and fridge. Astonishingly, according to the USDA Economic Research Service, one-third of the food that Americans purchase is thrown out. Keep your pantry and fridge packed with meal assembly items such as whole grain pasta, brown rice, canned veggies and beans, shredded cheese and lean meats.


Additionally, keep frozen fruits and vegetables on hand to use as a side or incorporate into a main dish. They can be just as nutritious as fresh vegetables and work great as a side dish, incorporated into a casserole or for dessert. Turn your healthy kitchen staples into a last minute, healthy one-pot meal like the recipe below.

beauty

Discover the of Quail Haven Village in the

Fall!

CHEESEBURGER MACARONI CASSEROLE 1 pound lean ground beef ½ cup chopped onion 1 cup uncooked whole-wheat elbow macaroni (or whole-wheat penne or rotini pasta) 1 medium tomato, chopped 1 (8-ounce) can tomato sauce 1/2 teaspoon seasoned salt (optional) 1/8 teaspoon pepper 1 cup shredded reduced-fat cheddar cheese DIRECTIONS: Preheat oven to 350˚. Coat an 8x8-inch baking pan with nonstick cooking spray; set aside. Cook ground beef and onion in a large skillet over medium heat until beef is browned and onion is soft; drain. Cook macaroni according to package directions, omitting salt; drain. Spoon macaroni into prepared pan. Spread beef mixture and chopped tomato over macaroni. Pour tomato sauce over beef and sprinkle with seasoned salt, if desired, and pepper.

We handle the maintenance and upkeep of your home so you can do the things you love. Call Lynn to schedule a visit of our spacious garden-style ground level apartment homes.

910.295.2294 or visit QuailHavenVillage.com

Sprinkle with cheese and cover loosely with foil; bake 35 minutes or until cheese is melted and edges of casserole are bubbling.

Laura Buxenbaum, MPH, RD, LDN is the Assistant Director of Food and Nutrition Outreach for The Dairy Alliance. She received her Master of Public Health at UNC Chapel Hill and has been working in dietetics for over 15 years. She can be reached at lbuxenbaum@thedairyalliance.com.

Hours: Monday-Friday 9 a.m. - 5 p.m. 155 Blake Blvd. | PINEHURST A PART OF THE LIBERTY FAMILY OF SERVICES

OCTOBER 2018 |

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advice

PLANNNING AHEAD

Investing for Retirement Income: Straw, Sticks or Bricks? by Tim Hicks, RICP®, APMA®

Part I: Dividend-Yielding Stocks – A Straw Strategy

If ever there were an appropriate analogy for how to invest for retirement, it would be the classic fable “The Three Little Pigs.” As you may recall, those pigs tried three different structures to protect against the Big Bad Wolf. Similarly, there are at least three kinds of “building materials” that investors typically employ as they try to prevent today’s low interest rates from consuming their sources for retirement income: 1. Dividend-yielding stocks 2. High-yield bonds 3. Total-return investing

In this three-part series, we’ll explore each of these common strategies and explain why the evidence supports building and preserving your retirement reserve through total-return investing. The approach may require a bit more prep work and a little extra explanation, but like solid brick we believe it offers the most durable and dependable protection when those hungry wolves are huffing and puffing at your retirement-planning door. PART I: DIVIDEND-YIELDING STOCKS – A STRAW STRATEGY

We understand why bulking up on dividend-yielding stocks can seem like a tempting way to enhance your retirement income, especially when interest rates are low. You buy into select stocks that have been spinning off dependable dividends at prescribed times. The dividend payments appear to leave your principal intact, while promising better income than a low-yielding short-term government bond has to offer. Safe, easy money – or so the fable goes. Unfortunately, the reasoning doesn’t hold up as well upon evidence-based

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inspection. Let’s dive in and take a closer look at that income stream you’re hoping to generate from dividendyielding stocks. Dividends Don’t Grow on Trees.

It’s common for investors to mentally account for a dividend payout as if it’s found money that leaves their principal untouched. In reality, a company’s dividends have to come from somewhere. That “somewhere” is either the company’s profits or its capital reserves. This push-pull relationship between stockholder dividends and company capital has been rigorously studied and empirically assessed. In the 1960s, Nobel laureates Merton Miller and Franco Modigliani published a landmark study on the subject, “Dividend Policy, Growth, and the Valuation of Shares.” In “Capital Ideas” (a recommended read on capital market history), Peter Bernstein explains one of the study’s key findings: “Stockholders like to receive cash dividends. But dividends paid today shrink the assets of the company and reduce its future earning power.” Here’s how this MoneySense article, “The Income Illusion,” explained it: “[I]f a company pays you a $1,000 cash dividend, it must be worth $1,000 less than it was before. That’s why you’ll often see a company’s share price decline a few days before an announced dividend is paid.” Dividend Income Incurs a Capital Price.

So yes, you can find stocks or stock funds whose dividend payments are expected to provide a higher income stream than you can earn from an essentially risk-free government bond. But it’s important to be aware of the trade-offs involved. As described above, rather than thinking about a stock’s dividends and its share value as mutually exclusive sources of return – income versus principal – it’s better to think of


them as an interconnected seesaw of income and principal. The combined balance represents the holding’s total worth to you. (If you’re reading closely, you may notice that we’ve just foreshadowed our future discussion about adopting a total-return outlook in your investment strategy!) “Safe” Stocks? Not so Fast.

In addition, dividend-yielding stocks may not be as sturdy or as appropriate as you might think for generating a reliable retirement cash flow. Even if those stocks have dependably delivered their dividends in the past, assuming they are as secure as a government bond is like assuming that a Big Bad Wolf is harmless because he hasn’t bitten you yet. The evidence is clear, and it has been for decades: Stocks are a riskier investment than bonds. This in turn has contributed to their higher expected long-term returns, to compensate investors who agree to take on that extra risk. Dividend stocks may offer a slightly more consistent cash flow than their non-dividend counterparts, but at the end of the day, they are still stocks, with the usual stock risks and expected returns. The key to (most) bonds is they aim to pay you a fixed income until a certain date, at which point you get your initial money back. That is very different to equities, which offer no such certainty of income or capital returns. In “The Dividend-Fund Dilemma,” Wall Street Journal’s financial columnist Jason Zweig explains it similarly: “When you buy a Treasury, you collect interest and get your money back (not counting inflation) when the bond matures. When you buy a dividend-paying stock, you collect a quarterly payment – but that certainly doesn’t mean the stock price will be stable.” Nor is there any guarantee that the dividends will flow forever. Zweig described a lesson that many investors

learned the hard way during the Great Recession: “In 2007, 29 percent of the S&P 500’s dividend income came from banks and other financial stocks, according to Howard Silverblatt, senior index analyst at Standard & Poor’s. That didn’t end well. Many banks that had been paying steady income to shareholders suspended their dividends – or even went bust. Their investors suffered.” Your Essential Take-Home

Our capital markets rarely offer a free ride. If you’re taking stock dividend income today, you’re likely paying for it in the form of lower share value moving forward. And if you’re invested in the stock market, you are exposing your nest egg to all the usual risks (and expected returns) that comes with that exposure. That’s how markets work. The fixed income bond markets offer their share of risks as well, but in a different form, which tends to make them a better choice for helping you dampen your total risk exposure as you pursue expected market returns. Stretching for high-yield, higher-risk bond income begins to shift your bond holdings away from their most appropriate role in your total portfolio,which will be the subject of our next piece in this three-part series. About Tim Hicks, CFP®. Investment advisor representative of and investment advisory services offered through Garrett Investment Advisors, LLC, a fee-only SEC registered investment advisor. Tel: (910) FEE-ONLY. Hicks Financial Partners may offer investment advisory services in the State of North Carolina and in other jurisdictions where exempted. Investing involves substantial risk and has the potential for partial or complete loss of funds invested. Investments mentioned may not be suitable for all investors. Before investing in any investment product, potential investors should consult their financial or tax advisor, accountant, or attorney with regard to their specific situation.

Serving residents of Scotland, Robeson, Richmond and Hoke counties in North Carolina, as well as Marlboro, Dillon and Chesterfield counties in South Carolina.

www.ScotlandHospice.org OCTOBER 2018 |

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advice

ROLE REVERSAL

Transitions by David Hibbard

Over these last several months, I've offered my perspective on what it's like to once again share the same living space with your parent (or parents) after many years of being "on my own." While every situation and personality dynamic is unique, for me it has been a blessing to be at the same address with my mom for the last 10 years. The circumstances that bring parent and child back together later in life are different in virtually every family. Sometimes it's by choice, other times out of necessity. Regardless, I subscribe to the theory that if everyone involved decides to make the situation work, it will. In these columns, I've talked about several keys I feel are important to cohabitating happily and successfully. To bring this series full circle, here's a quick summary: 1) Jump in and take on some responsibilities: Your parent may be moving into your home, or you may be moving to theirs. Regardless, step up and take on some of the household chores and expenses. After all, you're not a 10-year-old anymore, and your parents are a good bit older now. They likely can use your help with some things around the house. Figure out where and how you can help, then do so willingly. And by "help," I mean not only with the actual "doing" of the work, but also helping pay for things when you can and should. 2) Communicate: Professional and personal relationships don't get very far without good communication. It's especially hard to live with someone and enjoy it if you don't talk to one another! Keeping the lines of communication open with your parents when you live with them the second time around is an essential ingredient. Discuss your new living situation and establish some basic household ground rules. Talk about everyone's likes and dislikes, and avoid doing those things that get under each other's skin. 3) Respect the fact that they'll always be your parents: There's no getting around it — your mom will always be your mom. And in some ways, she'll always act like it! Embrace this, though, and respect it. Give your parents the courtesy of knowing your schedule, where you're going and when 26

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you'll be home. Defer to their wishes on the little things. Be receptive to the pearls of wisdom they still have to pass along to you. While you may know much more now than you did 20 or 30 years ago, you still don't know it all, right? I know I don't! Yes, the parent-child relationship does change over the years, but there is some truth to the old saying that the more things change, the more they stay the same. 4) Encourage your parents' friendships with others: During the years you lived apart, you and your parents undoubtedly developed friendships with others in your own neighborhoods, workplaces and communities. As you begin to establish a new life living together, work hard to maintain the friends each of you already have. Get to know your parents' friends and find opportunities to share time together with them. A strong network of friends and neighbors, I think, is especially important for our parents as they get older, and helps them stay connected and engaged with the wider world. 5) Help your parents be independent as long as possible: It's human nature to want our independence, to do for ourselves and not rely on others. Of course, advancing age and declining health can ultimately dictate a less independent lifestyle for all of us at some point. If you're living with your parents again, I think you have a wonderful opportunity to help them maintain that independence longer. Identify what they still like to do, and what they can still do without too much stress or strain. Take on some of the other household chores and tasks that are more difficult for them. If they need help managing their checkbook, bills and other finances, do that. Do the grocery shopping if that helps. In ways big and small, your help can give your parents more independence and relieve some of their fears and concerns.

Share your role reversal stories with contributing writer David Hibbard. Email him at: hib1967@gmail.com


Apply now for the 2019 Youth Tour to D.C. Each year, Central Electric sponsors two rising high school juniors or seniors on the trip of a lifetime to Washington, D.C. in connection with the Electric Cooperative Youth Tour. While in D.C., they’ll join

1,800 other students from across the country to meet members of Congress and learn more about American history and the electric cooperative business model.

The 2019 Youth Tour trip will be June 15-21. The application period for next year’s trip has begun and will run through Jan. 25.

Visit www.CEMCPower.com to download the application or to find out more information on the incredible opportunity.

OCTOBER 2018 |

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advice

H O M E S TA G I N G

Is Your Home Grandkid-Friendly? by Kasia McDaniel Most of us love to see our children and grandkids visit. But if you ask the young ones how kidfriendly Grandma’s house is, they may not think it’s any fun. Some may enjoy the different scenery, especially if they come from out of state. However, if you don’t see your grandkids very often, you may be in for a rude awakening. My parents live in Arizona, so we don’t get to visit much. But when we do, we have to think of things we can bring to entertain the kids. I remember growing up and visiting “old people’s houses,” where there was nothing for us kids to do. They would make us tea and bring out some cookies, but otherwise we were bored of the adult talk. To avoid the same scenario, here are a few ideas for grandparents to have a more kid-friendly home when the grandkids come over. 1. Basket of goodies: Collect board games or card games and teach the kids how to play them. This depends on the age group you need to entertain. You can find new ones at the dollar store or used games at a thrift shop. 2. Recipes: If the grandkids are visiting for a holiday, put them in charge of making a dish. Give them the recipe and work on it together. Teach them how to make the cookies you send them or share a favorite recipe. 3. China and crystal/old dresses: Depending on the age of the grandkids, put these things away beforehand to avoid any accidental breakage. If you have some old chipped pieces, you can use them for a quick “tea party” with the younger grandkids and dress up using old costume jewelry. The older teens might just think your old clothes are vintage and would love to take them off your hands. 4. Movies: If your TV has internet access, you can choose 28

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which family movie you can watch together. Otherwise, consider borrowing a few DVDs from the local library (yes, they have them) or renting from Red Box. 5. Craft supplies: You don’t need much to have your grandkids create something they can leave behind. Construction paper, tape, crayons and markers can go a long way. For the older crowd, pick up a few adult coloring books. 6. Books: Speaking of books, the younger kids will enjoy having Grandma read to them, so have some books on hand. Take them to the library if needed and pick out some reading materials together. Some libraries also have puzzles you can rent out. Borrow one and start it. It’s amazing how quickly it will draw people to work on it. 7. Old blankets: Have the kids create a fort with blankets and pillows and then have a snack in the “fort.” Mom and Dad would never let them eat in a fort, but Grandma just might win the “Grandparent of the Year” award. 8. Outdoor work: Grandpas can get in on the action here too. If you have a larger property that needs a riding lawnmower, tractor or utility vehicle, give the grandkids a ride or let them drive it around. Even a ride on the golf cart can be fun for them. Do you have a firepit? Have them help you chop the wood or pick up sticks for the kindling. If you have horses or other animals, they can help feed them or take care of them. In the end, all these activities will bring you closer to your family. By having a few things on hand, both the grandkids and your kids will want to come back and create more memories.

Kasia McDaniel, a Home Stager and Certified Interior Decorator at Blue Diamond Staging can be reached at 910-745-0608 or by visiting www.bluediamondstaging.com


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SEE YOUR WAY CLEAR

Eyesight is a precious way of experiencing the joys of family, friends and life. Cataracts can cause you to lose sight of those joys.

If you have a cataract our expert doctors can help restore clear, crisp vision and even decrease your need for distance and reading glasses. Call today for more information.

Move in this season and enjoy Five Star Dining and Lifestyle360 activities with friends by your side. Reserve the apartment of your choice, ahead of the winter rush, and fall in love with Fox Hollow Senior Living.

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Birding in N.C.

Tar River Trail by Ray Linville

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Walking Through a Floodplain Forest with Cultural Connections

Want a birding location where you can connect to early colonial history, the Industrial Revolution, Civil War activity and the Civil Rights Movement? The cooling days of October are a great time to explore the Tar River Trail in Rocky Mount. The scenic paved trail links together these cultural connections as it meanders through a floodplain forest that borders its namesake river. Because the trail offers year-round birding opportunities, it is part of the North Carolina Birding Trail that links educational and historical attractions with communities and businesses across the state. As the Tar River Trail intersects a diversity of habitats, the prospects of seeing migrating and breeding songbirds are excellent. It is also a great location to observe the Acadian flycatcher, brown creeper and winter wren.

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Acadian Flycatcher

The Acadian flycatcher is a favorite of birding enthusiasts because it can fly backward. An excellent flier, it likes to clean itself in the Tar River. Rather than standing in water, it dives into the river from above and hits the water with its chest. Then it returns to a perch to shake off the water and groom itself. You may hear its song, which is a quick, loud “peet-sa,” along shady spots of the river. An adult has olive upperparts and whitish underparts with pale wingbars. The approximate size of a sparrow (its wingspan is about nine inches), the flycatcher chooses the deciduous forests of the eastern United States as its breeding habitats, although its name derives from Acadia, now Nova Scotia, where it was first discovered but no longer lives. Its nests are usually about a dozen feet aboveground, but sometimes may be as high as 50 feet up in a tree. This flycatcher waits mid-level in trees for small insects such as wasps, bees and beetles, and flies out to catch them in flight. In addition to caterpillars and spiders that it finds on the undersides of leaves, it may also eat small fruits, berries and seeds.

A small woodland songbird, the brown creeper loves the tallest trees that it can find. Its migration from northern and highaltitude areas to North Carolina and the South peaks this month. Although it is well camouflaged in a shady forest, you may spot it as it zigzags up a tree trunk in search of insects. After working its way to near the top of a tree, it flies down to the bottom of an adjacent tree and begins again the process of gleaning, probing and pecking with its long, thin bill that curves downward. Its energy needs are low and it burns only 10 calories a day. Eating one spider gives it enough energy to climb 200 feet. The creeper rarely feeds on the ground and spends most of its time spiraling up trees as it searches for insects, which constitute most of its diet. It also eats small amounts of seeds and plant materials. Adults have white underparts and are brown on upperparts with light spotting that resembles tree bark. In fact, they look like a piece of tree that has come alive. When they can’t be spotted, their piercing calls provide notice of their presence. Both males and females make high, wavering call notes all year long, and particularly when foraging. Their calls are longer than the short call notes of other birds. 32

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Brown Creeper


Unlike the brown creeper, the winter wren forages very low in dense vegetation. As it creeps around decaying wood and hops slowly on the ground as it inspects crevices and roots, it behaves more like a mouse than a bird. However, like the creeper, it also feeds mostly on insects, such as beetles, caterpillars, ants and wasps. It also feeds along the river’s bank and sometimes takes items from the water’s surface. Occasionally it eats small fish and berries.

Winter Wren

Its migration from northern areas occurs late in the fall. The winter wren frequents the Tar River Trail during nonbreeding seasons when it inhabits gardens and bushy fields as well as deciduous forests. It flies short distances with quick wing beats in the forest understory between food searches on the ground. This wren is brown overall with dark barring on its wings, tail and belly. It is very energetic and bobs its body as if doing squats when nervously looking around the understory. The male sings a cascading, bubbly song that can last up to ten seconds. Its song is delivered with ten times more power than a crowing rooster (per unit weight).

Tar River Trail The Tar River Trail, which runs almost three miles along its namesake river, is open daily from sunrise to sunset. From Sunset Park to Martin Luther King, Jr. Park, it connects to three other city parks and several historical landmarks and also passes the original site of Rocky Mount Mills, the second cotton mill in the state. Only a block away from Business U.S. 64 in the downtown area, the trail is wheelchair accessible and near public parking at five locations. It is mostly asphalt paving but tree root bumps may hinder mobility and one boardwalk section crosses a marsh habitat. Pets on a leash are permitted.

OutreachNC has embarked on a yearlong series that highlights regional sites of the N.C. Birding Trail. Enjoy the series as contributor Ray Linville explores beautiful landscapes and birds of our home state. He can be reached at linville910@gmail.com.

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DECLUTTERING The Swedish Death Cleanse is not as scary as it sounds by Amy Phariss

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One year ago, my beloved great-aunt passed away. When I heard the news, I went downstairs to my living room and sat on the mid-century sofa she’d passed down to me, the one hauled by cargo ship all the way from Europe over 50 years ago. I went to my bookshelf and pulled off a copy of Robert Frost’s poetry collection, inscribed to my aunt, and I sat on the sofa and read a few poems. It seemed the best way to honor her, sitting with some of her belongings, remembering she was the one who first introduced me to Frost at all. I thought of the other items around the house my aunt gave me over the years: her class ring from Wellesley, a set of cocktail napkins with tuxedoclad pigs embroidered on the corners and a black satin evening bag that still held a half-eaten roll of Certs. I felt lucky to have the memories of my aunt, those carefully chosen, curated items from her life. Then I thought of how different my experience was from so many of my friends.

fact, when performed on one’s own terms, a Swedish Death Cleanse can actually be a blessing and cathartic release before our final days.

For many people I know, the death of a loved one is not only a time to grieve and reflect, but also a stressful, emotionally-charged haze of reconciling estates, selling cars and de-cluttering homes full of a lifetime of stuff. I’ve had friends speak of the emotional toll of not only suffering a loss but also managing to somehow find the mental reserves to tackle the processing of a loved one’s possessions. Friends tell tales of sitting for hours on the floor of a parent’s bedroom, deciding which items to keep, which to donate and which to throw out, ending the day in a stream of tears rather than relief. With all of this in my mind, I was intrigued when I heard of a different way of going about de-cluttering, particularly later in life: The Swedish Death Cleanse.

Here are some helpful tips on getting started, staying the course and completing your own Swedish Death Cleanse:

I’ll admit, when I first heard the term Swedish Death Cleanse, it sounded a bit, well, morose. I pictured a person on his deathbed, swathed in white, about to have a water-infused cleansing ritual. The Swedish Death Cleanse, it turns out, is much less macabre. In

The idea is based on the Swedish word “dostadning,” from the words for death and cleaning. The concept is simple: don’t wait until we die to de-clutter. Instead, the Swedish believe de-cluttering and sorting through one’s belongings should begin during the second stage of our lives, around the age of 65. Why burden our children, grandchildren or friends with the job of dealing with decades of paperwork, exercise equipment and old clothing, particularly during an already difficult period? No, say the Swedish; this is not right. Instead, let the de-cluttering begin now, while we’re able to do it ourselves. Not only does a Swedish Death Cleanse relieve our loved ones of the responsibility of dealing with our belongings when the time comes, but de-cluttering now means living with less clutter for us, today.

Go Slowly De-cluttering and reviewing our possessions takes time. It’s emotionally and physically exhausting, so don’t feel as if must be done on a strict deadline. Set realistic goals that don’t feel overwhelming. The process itself will be challenging enough without rushing to accomplish in a week what can be done in a few months. A friend’s mother, upon her husband’s death, de-cluttered her entire home. The process took her an entire year to complete, but she reported feeling happy with her progress and at peace with her decisions. Unless you’re looking at a deadline such as a moving date, give yourself the time necessary to honor the cleanse with happy memories, time to reflect and space to truly consider what to keep, what to pass on and what to toss.

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Determine Your Why The ‘why’ is often the meaning behind a goal. When we know our ‘why,’ the how becomes much easier, and the hard work involved in meeting our goals becomes less of a burden. Understanding your own ‘why’ when it comes to a de-cluttering cleanse is the key to staying the course and enjoying the process. Perhaps you don’t want to burden your children when the time comes to sort through your stuff. Do you already feel consumed by clutter and want to spend the next half of your life less weighed-down by physical objects? Maybe there are parts of your past you’re ready to let go of as a means to fully embrace the future. Whatever your ‘why,’ get clear on it before you begin, and let it sustain you through the sorting, filing and passing-on in your decluttering future. Make It Your Own There are no hard-and-fast rules when it comes to de-cluttering. What matters to you won’t matter to your neighbor, your son or anyone else. Nobody else will value the salt-and-pepper shaker collection you’ve acquired from 20 years of family road trips or see the value in a worn out bowling bag or a faded stack of

letters. Just as nobody can determine what matters to you, nobody else can tell you how many boxes to give away, how many items to keep, how long it should take or what the definition of ‘minimal’ is. The only rules that matter are the ones you set for yourself, and even those can get tossed (along with Grandma’s costume jewelry) out the window if you feel they’re holding you back. The point of a cleanse isn’t to adhere to strict guidelines or end up with a space devoid of objects; the point is to process your stuff on your own terms, so that you and your loved ones can live now with the peace of knowing the work has been done. My great aunt gave me the evening bag 10 years before her death, and we had a good laugh when I found the half-eaten Certs. I read her several Frost poems while she sat in a chair recovering from surgery beside an open window. She saw pictures of my kids sitting on the sofa she hauled all the way to America from Europe. She had the pleasure of seeing her beloved possessions passed down, in her own time and on her own terms. Though she didn’t necessarily label it a Swedish Death Cleanse, in her own way, my aunt subscribed to the idea that de-cluttering didn’t have to

Moore County Farmers Market

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www.moorecountyfarmersmarket.com 36

OutreachNC.com | OCTOBER 2018

Downtown Southern Pines Broad Street & New York Avenue 8 am - 12 Noon Open through 10/27


be put off; she did it herself and often expressed to me that living with less eased her anxiety and gave her a sense of peace. For me, I was able to enjoy these gifted treasures with my aunt during her life and now, as a reminder of her, a year after her passing. The one dark secret? I gave the pigs-in-tuxedo cocktail napkins to a thrift store during my own de-cluttering process. I think my aunt would approve. If you’d like to learn more about a Swedish Death Cleanse or de-cluttering in general, check out these books: The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family From a Lifetime of Clutter (Margareta Magnusson)

Downsizing the Family Home: What to Save, What to Let Go (Marni Jameson, AARP)

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing (Marie Kondo)

Decluttering at the Speed of Life: Winning Your Never-Ending Battle With Stuff (Dana K. White)

The Stories We Leave Behind: A Legacy-Based Approach to Dealing with Stuff (Laura H. Gilbert)

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g n i k Ta Stage e h T

Carolina Conversations with Showbiz icons Sally Struthers and Kim Coles. Their lives, their legacies and their North Carolina connections. 38

OutreachNC.com | OCTOBER 2018

by Eddie Carmichael


Locals who love to laugh have a treat in store when Sally Struthers and Kim Coles appear in Judson Theatre Company’s production of Nora Ephron and Delia Ephron’s contemporary comedy Love, Loss, and What I Wore from October 18-21. These performances at the Hannah Center Theater in Southern Pines mark the Sandhills area debut of the play, which ran for more than two years in New York. From TV series like All in the Family and Gilmore Girls, films like Five Easy Pieces and The Getaway, and Broadway triumphs in The Female Odd Couple and Grease, Emmy and Golden Globe winner Struthers has had a distinguished career. Coles appeared on Living Single and In Living Color and is also a favorite with reality audiences from appearances on The Mole and VH1’s Celebrity Fit Club. On top of that, Coles is an acclaimed motivational speaker. OutreachNC had a blast chatting with these talented actresses for this special two-for-one Carolina Conversations. ONC: People may not know this, but you’ve both spent a bit of time in North Carolina. Kim Coles: I’ve been going to Raleigh all my life. My mom is from Raleigh, my dad is from Brooklyn. They met in line during registration first day of school at Shaw University in Raleigh. He got a GI Bill scholarship and a little money to go to college. Being this New York kid, [he and his friends] were making fun of the girls, “You’ve got a funny accent, why do you talk like that?” And my mom said, “You better not tease me! You may just marry a girl like me.” Dad replied, “I’m never going to marry a country girl.” Anyway, they married and moved to New York City. [Years later] after they divorced, they each separately returned to North Carolina. I’m in Raleigh four to five times a year. I did a brief stint at NCCU in Durham in the 80s—they still claim me! Also, I met my husband in South Carolina, when I was doing a speaking event. So the Carolinas are special to me. Sally Struthers: My overall view of traveling is that when I meet people wherever I go, they’re so nice – whether it’s in North Carolina or Montana. They’ve seen me on TV forever, or in movies, or maybe on the Broadway stage; they feel like I’m a member of the family. [And there’s] the genteelness of people in the south – you can double

the niceness when you’re below the Mason-Dixon line. ONC: At the age you are now, at the place you are now, what are you looking forward to in life? SS: Figuring out what I want to be when I grow up. KC: I’m 56, I have more time behind me than ahead of me. I’m really tapping into the question – what’s the legacy I’ll leave? Part of my legacy is teaching – there’s a Zig Ziglar quote I heard at a really dark time in my life. I was busy being blue about not being on a TV show anymore. Paraphrased, he said, “you can have everything in life you want if you help enough people get what they want.” That shifted my energy, it changed everything. How can I use my gifts and talents to serve the world? Laughter is something I do—I can help people be happy. Now, when young people ask me questions or seek mentorship, I think, “I know some stuff I can tell you to do!” ONC: Speaking of happiness, what was the happiest time in your life thus far? SS: My childhood in Portland, Oregon around my loving family, in my sweet neighborhood. [That was] an idyllic time in America’s history. [As for the happiest time in my career], I don’t think I can pinpoint it, but there’s an overall feeling of happiness whenever I’m allowed to ply my trade … when I’m working, period! So many actors have long times of unemployment, and I haven’t had to experience that. I’m very fortunate. KC: I find joy a lot everywhere, but being on the set of Living Single was a perfect thing. I call it the sparkling jewel of my career. It was this coming together of amazing, talented people. We became family. ONC: Tell us more about your respective TV series work. Sally, All in the Family was so groundbreaking – what comes to mind when you look back on the show today? SS: God, was I young and naïve! The writing was the star of the show – we were secondary to great writing. They cast actors who were perfect for their roles. Nothing had ever been written like that before. No one had had the nerve, the gumption to write a series that would make people’s mouths hang agape. ONC: The Gilmore Girls is treasured by audiences in a different way, it’s a different type of show.

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SS: Gilmore Girls was also written very well; I was thrilled to do that seven years. [Executive Producer] Amy ShermanPalladino wrote many of the episodes and also directed – and I thought her writing was phenomenal. ONC: Living Single was groundbreaking too. What was a typical week like on the set? KC: We’d read the script on a Wednesday, to tape the following Tuesday. The scripts changed during the week, and they cycled through pink, blue, yellow and chartreuse pages [as the script changes came]. On set, we’d always tease, “when the chartreuse pages come, you’re in trouble!” But we did network run-throughs, production company run-throughs and sometimes on Monday, they’d go back to the original jokes. Sometimes they’d say, “Don’t even rehearse it, go home and we have to make the script better.” We did a fourcamera shoot, which is my favorite, because it’s all caught [on camera] at once. ONC: What do you love about live theater, and specifically the work of Nora Ephron (one of the authors of Love, Loss, and What I Wore)? KC: I love funny women who write. I speak of Nora Ephron in the present tense because she still lives for me [through her work]. When Harry Met Sally I could watch 855,000 times and never get sick of it. It’s a brilliant, perfect thing. She knows how to do that relationship thing so beautifully. Even though she’s passed on, her legacy lives on.

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SS: I’m totally comfortable with [performing in live theater]. I started on stage in elementary school. I always had zero fear … it was already there. I do not mind making a horse’s ass of myself, or looking unattractive. Neil Simon wrote me a love letter on opening night of The Female Odd Couple on Broadway that said “until I met you, I never thought blondes could be funny onstage.” There are other actors in the industry who would consider me fearless – there’s not enough money in the world to get them onstage [because] it frightens the hell out of them. On a movie, you may shoot three pages a day; onstage you have to know all 100 pages of the script and do it without stopping. I’m as comfy [onstage doing live theater] as on a soundstage or doing a TV series. KC: The thing about live theater is that it combines the best of everything. It’s the original form of entertainment. It’s live, so I get my “standup jollies,” and I get to play with other people, like a sitcom. For Love, Loss, and What I Wore, I can’t wait to meet and play with Sally Struthers! She’s a legend. Love, Loss, and What I Wore Hannah Center Theater at the O’Neal School October 18-21 Buy tickets at JudsonTheatre.com (limited quantities of tickets also available at The Country Bookshop, Arts Council of Moore County and Given Memorial Library)

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Arts and cr afts and theater and music and tr avel and dance... The many impacts of The Arts Council of Moore County by Michelle Goetzl

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Stop and think for a moment about art and its importance in our quality of life. Art makes you think and feel. It draws your attention. It can help you better understand the people around you. Whether you make art or just appreciate it, both visual and performing arts of all types are an important part of the human spirit. Lots of big cities boast museums and performing arts centers, something that smaller communities typically cannot do. But Moore County stands out by having the Arts Council of Moore County, a nonprofit which brings a thriving world of art to its residents. The Arts Council began in 1973 when, according to Executive Director Chris Dunn, “a group of volunteers got together and said, ‘let’s present some arts to kids and to the community,’ and they started the Arts Council.” Since then, the Arts Council has played a role in celebrating both visual and performing artists from the area and beyond while helping the region keep its small-town feeling. Through the showcases of local artists and professional musicians, art tours and youth programming, the Arts Council has made an impact on the community.

The Council has its home at the historic Campbell House in Southern Pines. It is the heart of their visual arts programs with galleries that showcase artwork by local, regional and national artists. The Campbell House is “for everybody and anybody,” according to artist and former employee Kim Sobat. Entrance to Campbell House is by donation only and it is home to their features and sales galleries. The former is so popular among artists wishing to exhibit their work exhibits are currently being scheduled two years in advance. Having a place for local artists is an important part of the Arts Council. “We are really down to one gallery in Southern Pines,” explains Sobat, who was also this year’s Fine Arts Festival winner of both best in show and first place in the painting category. “The Arts Council gives us a place to exhibit our work.” Not only are The Campbell House and its galleries important for artists, but also for those who visit. “I manage to learn something new every time I go in,” says Kathy Wright, a local Arts Council supporter. “The thing that amazes me is the talent. The creativeness and artistic talent in this area is amazing. I am not artistic, but I love to see other people’s creativity.”

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The annual Fine Arts Festival is the Arts Council’s way to provide incentive for artists aged 16 and older to improve their technique as well as a place to showcase and sell their artwork. Founded in 1980, the festival has since grown into a major art exhibit featuring works by artists from all over the country. “Everything entered is hung,” explains Dunn, “unless it is obscene.” The artwork is also judged and cash prizes and ribbons are awarded. They also have a Young Artists Fine Arts Festival for all students in Moore County in grades K-12. Each school has the opportunity to enter a certain number of students, whose works are judged and awarded in various categories just like the adult festival. This program has been in place for 20 years and children in public, private, charter and even home-schools look forward to it every year. In the realm of musical arts, The Arts Council brings amazing talents to our little corner of the world through their Classical Concert Series as well as their evening of jazz every February called the Heart ‘n Soul of Jazz. The 2018-19 season of the Classical Concert Series marks its 37th year with four performances, including one by Moore County’s own Lucas Meacham, a Grammy-winning baritone. Another way that the Arts Council serves the local population is by organizing and facilitating ARTours to theaters, concerts and art exhibits. From relatively local trips to places like Durham and Charlotte to larger excursions to New York and even Belgium and Holland, the Arts Council does the legwork. While one could travel for art on their own, going with a group often makes the experience more enjoyable. Kathy Wright and her husband are big fans of the ARTours. This past July they joined a group that visited Asheville, NC to see the “Chihuly at Biltmore” exhibit. “Whether for a one day or extended tour, those are fun trips,” Wright explains. The Arts Council has been an important part of Wright’s quality of life in Moore County. When she and her husband moved to Moore County in 2005 they starting going to opening

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receptions, which became an important part of their social life. “Every time you go [to an event], it’s like old home week,” Wright says. Since 1978, the Arts Council has also contributed to small town community building by partnering with the Southern Pines Parks and Recreation Department to put on the Autumnfest Arts and Crafts Festival. Autumnfest is a small festival that is fully contained within the Downtown Southern Pines Park. The festival does not block off any streets, but still provides a world of entertainment. Autumnfest is an event that many in Moore County and beyond look forward to every year. It brings people together to enjoy the arts and the start of the fall season. For athletes, the festival has a 5K race, a one-mile fun walk/run and youth sprint races. Shoppers can wander its approximately 100 booths with local vendors and crafters while enjoying great music and a fun kids’ area. This year the festival will be held on October 6th from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. A small stage will be set up in the park and will feature local band Cousin Amy Deluxe Old Time String Band, a performance of medieval sword fighters by The Knightly Order of the Fiat Lux and the 82nd Airborne Division’s rock band, Rizer Burn. In the Kids’ Zone there will be lots of fun games, but the big attraction this year will definitely be the chance to experience Knockerball facilitated by local company Sandhills Knockerball. Historically, Autumnfest has featured artists and vendors with a local connection to enhance the downhome feeling. Area dance companies have gotten a chance to shine as well as musicians. As people wander through the park, they are sure to run into someone they know, which is half the fun of going. A final aspect of how the Arts Council impacts the entire Moore County community is through their youth programming. Since 1981 the Arts Council has partnered with Moore County Schools to present the Performing Arts in Moore Schools program (PAMS). This program has brought in professional performing artists whose work ties into the schools’ curriculum.


“We have brought in storytellers, dancers, musicians and a lot of theater,” explains Dunn. In a time when funding for arts education is constantly being cut, Dunn is proud that “every graduate in Moore County has experienced at least one performance over their educational career.” Access to the arts is important for all students. Sobat explains that “the visual and performing arts sort of level the playing field. No matter what your socio-economic background, everyone can enjoy and understand the arts.” Sobat has experienced this firsthand. Not only is she a visual artist herself, but she was the programming director at the Arts Council for many years, often working with students. At one point, there were not many options for local kids to get acting experience, so the Arts Council started a youth theater program. Bradley Gibson, the latest to play Simba in The Lion King on Broadway, was one of many to go through Arts Council programming. Now that more schools have theater programs, the Arts Council has taken a smaller role, but still welcomes the Missoula Children’s Theater program every fall and partners with Sandhills Community College to offer summer camps in theater arts. Supporter Kitti Pyne sums it up perfectly – “I believe the arts are essential to a full and complete community life. I think the importance of the Arts Council of Moore County to our community is that it educates and enriches our lives through its programming.”

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The Good Fire Photography and text by Brady Beck

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Fire is a critical part of North Carolina’s cultural and ecological history. Much of the plant and animal life in the state requires fire at some frequency to persist and thrive. This is especially true of the longleaf pine forests in the Sandhills. Public and private land managers use controlled burns to improve and maintain habitat for Sandhills natives such as the red-cockaded woodpecker, bobwhite quail and pine barrens treefrog. So if you see smoke in the area, most likely it is wildlife and forestry professionals keeping our forests and their wildlife residents healthy!

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Pine barrens treefrog: This rare frog lives in frequently burned shrubby wetlands.

After the fire: Grasses and herbs begin to regrow within days of a passing fire. Within a month or two, the lush green is once again providing habitat to the wildlife that call the longleaf pine forest home.

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Bobwhite quail: These ground-dwelling birds can thrive in the diverse plant and insect communities maintained by disturbances like fire.

OCTOBER 2018 |

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Red-cockaded woodpecker: This federally endangered species requires frequent fire to maintain its preferred open forest conditions

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PUSH-UPS AT 93

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by James J. Hatfield | Photography by Mollie Tobias

NINE DECADES IN, HAMLET WWII VETERAN AND RETIRED RAIL CONDUCTOR H.L. NELSON IS STILL GOING STRONG

OutreachNC.com | OCTOBER 2018


After burning down a worn-out highway through Southern Pines I finally arrived in Hamlet, NC. I got there almost an hour early. To kill the time I decided to engage in a favorite pastime of mine when visiting a new place; I went and drove down the main drag. Hamlet has a population of a little over 6,000. I cruised down Charlotte Street, parking when I saw a sign for the National Railroad Museum and Hall of Fame. To my surprise, I learned Hamlet is known for this. Well, that, and being the birthplace of John Coltrane. But that is not why I am here. I hopped back in my car when it was time, and when I arrived at my destination I saw a man with suspenders and a ball cap walking over to greet me at his front gate. The Parks and Recreation department from neighboring Scotland County had sent word to OutreachNC about a person who they find to be extremely interesting, and 93-year-old Herbert “HL” Nelson did not disappoint. We sat on his porch for a little while. Surprisingly enough, his story started not far from where we were sitting. “I was born and raised two doors down,” Nelson seemed to drift for a moment in his wavering thoughts. He looked like he was in sight of land. Then he snapped back and finished his thought: “And after I got grown and working and all, I bought this house here. Anyway, I got married. We lived in my mother’s house until we bought this one. Been here ever since.” The Conductor Nelson had just finished high school. His plans were to go on to more school after the summer. He stopped to watch the trains go by—something he did often—with no idea it would lead to his career. “I started as a brakeman and worked up to conductor,” Nelson says. “To tell you the truth, I had never done anything with the railroad before. What happened was the superintendent of the railroad came out and met me—I was on my way back from the movies— and the train [was] coming in. I stopped at the station to watch the train and he came up beside me and we started talking.” That afternoon Herb went to his mother and told her he was going to work at the train. He needed her to sign for him, since it was required to have parental consent at the time to work so young.

His mother was under the impression he was going to go to school in the fall. He reassured her that this was only a summer job. That’s what he planned at least. “But it got to being good to me,” Nelson recalls. “And I told her, I said, ‘I think I’ll stick with the railroad.’ And I did for 35 years. Tell you the truth, I enjoyed it. That’s why I stayed with it so long.” Herb would have a fruitful career, starting with sorting other people’s luggage and working his way all the way to conductor. A few years into this newfound vocation the train industry had a massive boom. The cause of this new wave of immigration that rocketed the use of the railroad is the exact same reason Herb had to put his career on hiatus just after starting: WWII had begun. The Soldier From what my editor was told, I thought that Nelson was at Pearl Harbor during WWII. It turns out he was actually in Saigon. Not only that, but he was part of the team that loaded the planes that dropped the atomic bomb on Nagasaki “They took off in Saipan, you see, going to Japan. They came back and brought pictures,” says Nelson. “They tore that place up. You don’t see nothing but fire and smoke from all them bombs they dropped in Japan. And I never thought I would be able to see all that. But I’m glad I was able to see that, because if someone told me about it, I wouldn’t have been able to believe it. “I tell you the truth, I didn’t show it,” he says, getting emotional. “When I got home and got to thinking about that I start[ed] shaking, to tell you the truth.” This is when I saw the tenderness in Herbert. I felt sorry that a man who is so sweet had to live alone, even though he himself is still living independently and, from my personal view, is doing fine. This is something I had wondered, and through Herb I found it true and manifested. People who have seen so much life have the ability to reflect longer, and they are likely to recognize a higher amount of good in the world with all that extra time to look at it. The blinding light of getting life going, right now, makes us use our hands as sun visors. That meaning, the immediacy that impedes life so harshly seems to block our ability to sit back and really view it. But that is not a problem for this man. OCTOBER 2018 |

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“It’s like all the sudden something just hits you. Doing all that when it’s happening you don’t think about it— what’s happening—to tell you the truth. Until it’s all over and you start thinking about it. And they start showing pictures about [World War II]. And you were a part of that.” The Husband and Father Nelson, with his 93 years of life, has outlived two wives and one daughter – all of whom passed away from natural causes due to old age. He told the story about his daughter: “She went to school in Durham, and she got a job with the government. And after she retired she moved back here. I was in Laurinburg and I came [to Hamlet] to check on her—something just told me to come over here—and I always come in the back way. And I kind of saw the back door open. It was about 8:00 or 9:00. I said, ‘What’s she doing up this early?’ So I went on in there and opened the kitchen door and walked in there, and she’s laying on the floor. I called the rescue [squad], and they came and done everything they could. The top man stood up and shook his head.”

When he spoke about it he seemed to have fully reconciled with it. He did mention the feeling that one may have when the major milestones of one’s life are accomplished, and how simple and quiet life is thereafter. “I tell you, there ain’t a whole lot to talk about. I sit in the house most of the time,” he says. “See, when you get to that age you don’t really wanna go nowhere. When someone calls, you don’t really wanna answer. I say that’s life, I guess,” he said with a shrug. Nelson seems to have a good attitude about everything. This is likely one reason the folks at Scotland County Parks and Recreation told us he would be a fascinating story. The Active Man One thing that gets Nelson out of his house is a health and exercise class he attends in Laurinburg three times a week. He’s known to do push-ups beside his car. I am a 25-year-old writer who can do eight pushups successfully before collapsing breathless. I felt compelled. I had to ask him. I said, “What’s your secret?” He held up two fingers and crossed them, “We like this.”

He told the story about his second wife:

I said, “You and who?”

“I got married again. And she died on me. And it made it even that much worse.”

“That’s your secret?” I said.

Herb said, “Me and God – try to be, anyway.” Nelson chuckled.

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“I don’t think the passion will ever leave me” Whether coaching or riding, generations of bull riders bond over their love of rodeo at Shady Acres Farm in Hope Mills by Spencer Griffith | Photography by Caitlin Penna

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In bull riding, accidents are going to happen. Indeed, when rodeo veteran Eddy Gushlaw instructs new riders at Shady Acres Farm in Hope Mills, that is one of his most important lessons. “It’s not if you get hurt, it’s when and how bad you get hurt,” Gushlaw explains. “It’s all about how you react and come back from that injury.” Gushlaw, now 47, had to learn that firsthand after a particularly nasty incident at Shady Acres left him with a broken pelvis and ended his career in 2015, much earlier than he ever anticipated. Fortunately at Shady Acres, folks seem to have a way of finding the silver lining in accidents—in fact, that’s how the farm fortuitously found its way into the rodeo world in the first place. “My dad was backing out of a gas station and backed into a lady’s car,” remembers the farm’s thirdgeneration owner, Tim Fowler. His father, Bobby, learned that the woman’s son had recently passed away but that she couldn’t afford a gravestone, so he threw a barbecue fundraiser on the farm. At the event, an attendee from Texas mentioned to Bobby that the property—which had been bought for his father to raise horses and grow tobacco and corn— would be an ideal spot to host a rodeo. After consulting with a friend who had more rodeo experience and giving the idea a test run, Shady Acres soon bought bulls and built an arena, with the Fowlers learning more about the sport as they went. By the late ‘90s, the Shady Acres Jackpot Association claimed over 300 memders, sending its top five performers to the Professional Bull Riders tour stop in Fayetteville each year, while its own rodeos drew as many as a thousand spectators along with world champion riders like J.B. Mauney, Tuff Hedeman and Billy Robinson. These days, the crowds at Shady Acres are considerably more modest for its Sunday evening practice bull riding sessions—they stopped doing full-on, seven-event rodeos a few years back—as dozens of regulars are scattered around the ring on metal bleachers or the tailgates of pickup trucks. It lends a family feel to the farm, which also hosts barrel racing once a month and regular bull riding

clinics, although the bucking bulls—which Gushlaw only remembers canceling for severe weather or Christmas Day—are the main attraction 52 weeks out of the year. There may be less than a dozen riders on a gloomy day or as many as 30 on a particularly nice one, coming from across North Carolina and neighboring states. A regular during his riding days, Shady Acres was a natural spot for Gushlaw to continue to be involved in the sport by instructing new riders when he was forced to hang up his bull rope. He found inspiration in Archdale’s Jerome Davis, a championship rider who broke his neck inside the ring in 1998 and was paralyzed from the chest down but remains a prominent figure on the bull riding circuit. “I was wanting to ride until I couldn’t ride anymore,” Gushlaw explains. “If I had to use a walker to get myself up into the chute but I was able to sit down on that bull and ride it, I would do it.” After his doctor explained that continuing to ride after his injury could jar loose the metal plate that was inserted to repair his broken pelvis—potentially severing his femoral artery and causing him to bleed to death in mere minutes—he was left with little choice, though it was still a hard pill for him to swallow. “I could teach these guys and make sure there’s a place where people can come and enjoy the sport, because I don’t think the passion will ever leave me.” Gushlaw fell in love with bull riding in the late ‘90s after being challenged by a couple of cowboys familiar with Shady Acres and its weekly practice pen that welcomes newbies. At the time, he was working as a bouncer at the Palomino Club in Fayetteville, seeking to recapture the rush he got from jumping out of airplanes while serving in the US Army for seven years. He was immediately hooked—finding that bull riding filled the void far better than working at a bar—and spent the next half-decade traveling around the region and competing in local rodeos with a group of younger riders that showed him the ropes, rarely taking a weekend off. “It’s euphoria, like a peaceful high. It’s like sitting in

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the eye of the storm where it’s calm, but as soon as you call for the gate, it’s crazy and hectic and you’re in the middle of it all,” he offers, grasping for the right words while laughing at his own comparison. “Well, I’m trying to say it’s like getting high, but I’ve never gotten high, so I wouldn’t know—but if you like adrenaline, it’s highly addictive.” Naturally, teaching riders doesn’t quite scratch that itch for Gushlaw in the same way, although he’s come to appreciate the different rewards it provides. “With teaching, I feel a sense of gratitude and pride,” he says. “It’s almost like I’m a father figure and I’m passing it on.” He was already helping run the bull riding activities at Shady Acres at the time of his accident, so teaching was a natural extension of his role, which expanded further as he transitioned into becoming the voluntary caretaker of the property. Performing the day-to-day upkeep—and tending to the bulls in particular—has lent him a new perspective as well. “When I was first riding, I admired these bulls, but they were something I needed to conquer,” he explains, reflecting on the increased sense of respect he’s found for the hulking beasts. “Now that I take care of them, I just love them.”

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He’s quick to add that he gets plenty of help on the farm from a host of friends—which he calls his rodeo family— and his wife Sonya, the rodeo mom. Lending a hand seems to be the Shady Acres way, after all: Following in his father’s footsteps, Tim Fowler pooled the money from one of the rodeos shortly after Gushlaw’s injury and donated it to Gushlaw to help with his recovery, so looking after the farm and lending his wisdom to cowboys is one way he can give back to the community. Being familiar with the rush has helped him learn when—and how—to best lend advice to newcomers. He gives them an idea of what to expect on their initial ride, from first sitting down on the bull to making a safe landing and escape, though he admits that he doesn’t expect them to remember much once the adrenaline hits on their first ride. “I tell them they’re either gonna love it or hate it,” he laughs. “When they come off, they’re either already going to sign up for another ride or they just say that they crossed that one off their bucket list.” One of a handful of first-timers who were at Shady Acres on a sweltering mid-July evening this summer was Brandon Mills, who made the drive from Gaston, South Carolina and fell into the former camp. “I’m still shaking OCTOBER 2018 |

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a little bit, but it was fun,” he admits. “It was a lot faster than I expected and it was rough, but I landed on my feet and hopefully I will every time.” Like many newbies, Mills spent some time earlier in the afternoon in an adjacent barn soaking up pointers from Gushlaw while practicing on the drop barrel and stationary barrel, tools Gushlaw uses to help teach balance and timing to rookies or fine-tune techniques with experienced riders like Clayton’s Jorden Halvorsen, who has won first-place buckles from competitions as far away as the Fort Worth Stock Show.

try as female riders are a rarity elsewhere in the bull riding world. “When I started out here, I didn’t know that there was this big problem with girls riding bulls because they never treated me any different,” explains the 23-year old Halvorsen. “When I started going to other places, they were like ‘girls aren’t supposed to ride bulls’ and I was like ‘well I love it, so I’m gonna keep doing it.’ I’ve been places where they told me I couldn’t ride and been turned down, but it’s just part of it and I’ll be kicking their tail one day.”

Halvorsen rode her first bull at Shady Acres and remembers grinning ear-to-ear the whole time. Like Gushlaw, she remembers being hooked from the get-go and now travels to compete as often as possible. She still returns to Shady Acres regularly, though, and credits the mentoring she’s received there for part of her success. “Eddy helps me every time I’m here,” she says.

Indeed, Liz Moreau of Spring Lake arrived at Shady Acres for the first time this summer and signed up within minutes to ride. “I thought if the boys can do it, I can do it,” she said after confessing that she had originally planned to just observe some of her male friends with more experience. “I never thought I would do this in my whole life, but I’m going to keep riding and get better at it,” she added shortly after her first two rides.

“I’m proud to say I’ve helped her,” says Gushlaw, who claims teaching Halvorsen as one of his greatest accomplishments. He believes that her presence at Shady Acres has encouraged more local women to give the sport a

It may not be exactly how Gushlaw imagined his rodeo life playing out, but as long as he’s around Shady Acres, Moreau—like many others—has found the right place to do just that.

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GREY MATTER See Grey Matter Puzzle Answers on Page 65 Puzzle 10 (Medium, difficulty rating 0.54)

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Actor Alert Apart Appreciation Awakened Ballot

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Edged Eight Exist Folks Fossil Found

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DOWN ACROSS 1. Hand warming device Across 1. Come together 5. Fix 9. Wine holder

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13. Authentic 14. Banded stone 16. Call from the flock 17. "Mi chiamano Mimi," e.g. 18. Artificial gem

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resembling a diamond 20. Sawbuck 22. Delhi dress 23. Cable network 24. Prepare for winter takeoff

1. Cold cuts, e.g. 2. "God's Little ___" 3. Climb 4. Aloof 5. Typewriter part 6. "Bleah!" 7. Bring up

Issue Joins Judge Messes Meter Method Pounds Reign Ripen Seats Sixth Skiing Smooth Snack Starts Stirs Stool Subtle Tasks Tempo Tense Tooth Undress Verbs Vital Weapon Worked

8. "Empedocles on ___" (Matthew Arnold poem) 9. Mouse catcher 10. French romance 11. Taste, e.g. 12. Work, as dough 15. Like "The X-Files" 19. Trig functions 21. Moray, e.g. 25. Tie 27. One who boasts 28. "... or ___!" 29. Essence 30. Sagan of "Cosmos" 31. Pants measure 34. The "p" in m.p.g. 36. Pigeon-___ 37. "___ be a cold day in hell ..." 38. Central point 41. Bullfighter 44. Lush 48. Frock wearer 50. Ring bearer, maybe 51. Heirloom location 52. Obstreperous 53. Hammers, saws, drills, etc. 54. ___ dark space (region in a vacuum tube) 57. Small cave 59. Arm bone 60. Big bag 61. Young falcon or hawk 63. "Are we there ___?" 64. Grassland


OVER MY SHOULDER

‘Not over ‘til it’s over’

life

by Ann Robson

Birthdays are a good time to pause and survey where you’ve come from and where you’re going. They are the New Year for individuals. Making a wish as you blow out your candles signifies hope for something good in your next year. Many folks are sensitive to revealing their ages and may be somewhat unwilling to celebrate birthdays, particularly some of those landmark ones that end in “0” or “5.” They are missing the point of such observances. Birthdays are celebrations of life and should be enjoyed. I have two close friends who were born the same year as me. This year I wrote to one of them: did you ever think we’d get to be this age? How did we get here? I found it quite astonishing that we were still relatively strong women living our lives as well as we could. I think that’s what counts – as well as we could. Each of us has had setbacks along the way. Some of these events have been tragic. Some have been surprising. Many have been heartwarming. Some have even been joyous. We didn’t consciously plan to reach a certain age. We seemed to have arrived whether planned or not. Yet each in our way did prepare for the long game whether we knew we were doing it or not. We lived our lives with purpose and, step by step, arrived. We are likely to continue this pattern, come what may.

Along the way we made decisions about today and tomorrow, each in our own way. Tomorrow is an unknown, but a few basic tenets can help get us through. There are sensible things like managing whatever financial needs we have, paying attention to the little details so there will be no shocking big problems along the way and making decisions about how we want to live our lives in the coming years – and then sharing that information with members of our families who should be part of the discussion. While financial decisions are important, they are not the only key to future comfort. We need to feed our souls as well as our bodies. Following a healthy lifestyle so that our bodies don’t turn on us and hinder our well-being is necessary. However, a healthy body without a worthwhile attitude really has no meaning. We are social beings and need social interaction. That will mean something different for each of us. What makes you happy may drive me around the bend, or vice versa. As our circumstances change we need to be ready with Plan B or C or Z. To use the sports analogy of a long game, my two friends and I are probably in the fourth quarter, the 7th inning, the third period, the second half or down one set. We are still in the game. We can still score that “Hail Mary” pass, home run, winning goal, three-point basket or come back to win the match. It might take us a little longer, but we didn’t get here by giving up. We know how the game is played and still have a few tricks up our sleeves. Ann Robson is the author of “Over My Shoulder: Tales of Life and Death and Everything In Between.” She can be reached at overmyshoulder@charter.net .

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IN VERSE

“Like a River” Life is often like a river, skimming over a rocky bed. Its coldness causes us to shiver. As the Olympian runner we mock, trying to win the race of life. We are always dashing by the clock. Above the river in our lives’ highlights, we often can see clearly as a bird from a lofty height. Then, so quietly birdlike, lifting our earthly might, we fly into the night. No longer with Olympian, bird, or river but with all our inner sight we enter the highest world of light. Hopeful in sight.

In life we blossom as a flower after the buds have come. Not far from the bower misfortunes often lurk so the flower time of life is dear. -----Time is filling a well-spring of youth grown old a lingering tide.

Barbara Stoughton is a resident of Penick Village in Southern Pines who processes the experiences of aging and of living in a retirement home through verse.

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WORD SEARCH

CROSSWORD

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by Corbie Hill & Michelle Goetzl OutreachNC asked adults and children our October question. Share your answer on our Facebook page.

The Black Hole – Beattie, 7

Ant Man – David, 8

Elvis – Rose, 76

Pikachu – Timmy, 7

A cow - Tessa, 5

Hocus Pocus – Chloe, 7

I was always a ghost as a kid – Mary, 70

Luigi – Gideon, 4

Jack Sparrow – Max, 13

Power Rangers – Asher, 7

Harry Potter – Nik, 10

I think I’ll dress up as myself – Joseph, 54

A kitten - Liat, 9 An astronaut – Victor, 72 A dragon - Yael, 5 A bat – Aislyn, 5 A flower child – Susan, 85 A rock star – Olivia, 7 Spock – Corbie, 36 Elpheba from Wicked – Judy, 11 Cat – Hailey, 11 A go-go dancer – Yolanda, 68

If you would like to submit an answer for an upcoming question, please email editor Corbie Hill at editor@OutreachNC.com. Please be sure to include your first name and the age you will be the month that issue runs. The upcoming Generations questions are... November: Who is the oldest veteran in your family and what was their service? December: What is your all-time favorite holiday gift? (This can be a gift you have given or received.) 66

OutreachNC.com | OCTOBER 2018


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OutreachNC.com www.AgingOutreachServices.com OCTOBER 2018 |

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The Long Game Issue

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The Long Game Issue

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