OFM August 2021 :: Aurora/Community Pride

August 2021

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AURORA SPEAKS OUT POLICE at PRIDE

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TABLE OF CONTENTS VOLUME 45 NUMBER 05 AUGUST 2021

FROM THE EDITOR 07 LETTER

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Police at pride

OFM HEALTH

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RAPINOE

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PLEXXAGLASS

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OFM TRAVEL

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OFM CULTURE Rep. Sharice Davids Aurora Pride The Misfit Amish Mark S. King

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photo by Nino Munoz/CPi Syndication

MEGAN & RACHAEL

photo courtesy of Mendi

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OFM BREAKING

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OFM MUSIC Ezra Michel

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EDITORIAL EDITORIAL@OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM EDITOR-IN-CHIEF ADDISON HERRON-WHEELER EXECUTIVE CREATIVE DIRECTOR, MUSIC EDITOR VERONICA L. HOLYFIELD COPY EDITOR KEEGAN WILLIAMS CELEBRITY INTERVIEWER DENNY PATTERSON BREAKING NEWS REPORTER, PODCAST EDITOR RAY MANZARI WRITERS AMANDA E.K., ANGEL RIVERA, ASH TREGO, BRIAN BYRDSONG, REV. MARIA

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FROM THE EDITOR One argument I often see floated from both those on the Right and the Left is the idea that being “so sensitive about everything,” “politically correct,” or, my personal favorite, “snowflakes,” leads to tearing apart a community at every turn, for any reason. For example, these people will argue that folks who demand we stop using gendered terms like “dude” and “yasss queen” or call out someone for cultural appropriation are just looking for reasons to fight and not band together.

DISSENT FUELS COMMUNITY

I used to somewhat subscribe to that ideation. I felt like while of course, being sensitive and caring was important, focusing on microaggressions was just a way to keep dissent going in spaces that could otherwise be unified to fight back against oppressors and make real change.

Now, I realize that dissent is really a necessary part of change and holding the community accountable. It’s not about tearing people down over any little thing they get wrong or say. It’s about pointing out microaggressions and ways we can change our language, and being strong enough to stand up for the marginalized and call it out when things are unjust or unfair.

So, in the spirit of that, we introduce topics that people are calling out and calling attention to, like police at Pride and how we show up for our community. We invite discussion and examination of our community so that we can continue to grow and be more loving and accepting of everyone in the ever-expanding rainbow.

In community and Pride, Addison Herron-Wheeler

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P POLICE AT PRIDE

by Keegan Williams

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his year marked a time of abundant shifts, as the collective United States begins looking toward the postvaccinated, “new normal” that is 2021 and beyond. We are collectively grappling with the deaths of hundreds of thousands due to COVID-19, while also dealing with abundant social conflicts and human rights conversations that have reached a head, both in the Colorado community and the U.S. as a whole.

If we flash back to June 2020, we would see the Pride events and marches replaced with protests, following the death of George Floyd in May and the elevated visibility of the death of Elijah McClain at the hands of police in Aurora in 2019. The last year saw multiple lawsuits against Aurora and Denver Police, some around the treatment of BLM protesters and others by citizens citing excessive force under new police accountability bills.

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Denver and Aurora’s Opposing Stances and the Road Ahead

This is on top of the multiple investigations into the death of McClain and allaround increased visibility around police procedures and Colorado legislation surrounding them.

Following the influx of conversations and traumatic events hitting close to home within the Colorado community, June 2021 was just around the corner. Pride Month’s origins date back to the riots at the Stonewall Inn in 1969, an embrace of LGBTQ Pride and livelihood and a protest against police and their treatment of queer and trans people.

And as the city where it all happened, New York Pride made headlines earlier this year, announcing they would not allow police participation at their Pride event, not just this year, but until June 2025.

It was a topic nationwide, and following the recent events that had Colorado police at the forefront of conversations surrounding policy, racial justice, and accountability, Denver Pride faced the same conversation.

DENVER PRIDE ADDRESSES POLICE PARTICIPATION

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n May, Denver Pride announced they would not allow police to participate this year, though the decision-making process has been years in the making and followed feedback from community forums; staff of The Center (which organizes Denver Pride); and queer, trans Black Indigenous people of color (QTBIPOC).

Rex Fuller, The Center’s CEO, says the decision was not an easy one to make, as they have had a healthy and beneficial relationship with the Denverarea police departments and individual officers. While he and The Center recognize the sacrifices of officers, especially LGBTQ cops, within the community, he says the events surrounding the death of Elijah McClain and subsequent investigations against local police departments forced them to reconsider their stance.

“The question is, ‘Is it appropriate to lend our endorsement to those agencies that are currently under investigation?’” Fuller says.

“And looking at the history of the Pride movement, which started with protests against law enforcement harassment of the community, and looking at the history of The Center, which very much has its roots in objecting to police harassment of a community—that tipped the scales and made the decision, especially this year.”

Police were still at Denver Pride to meet regulations around public safety, and 2021’s Pride event did not feature a parade, which was standard pre-COVID and boasted police participation. The specific decision was around uniformed police participation in Pride events as an agency, and Fuller says the reception afterward was fairly negative, despite the community input that led to the decision.

“When people talk about inclusion— that’s what’s made this decision so hard, is knowing that it automatically excludes some really important people to us,” Fuller says. “But, by saying no to a police agency or law enforcement agency, I have to ask, ‘Who are we saying yes to?’”

AURORA PRIDE TAKES A DIFFERENT STANCE

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enver Pride is the largest Pride event in Colorado, though Aurora Pride has recently emerged as a queerfocused, beachside bash off the reservoir.

The event is held in August and took a different stance on police participation.

Aurora Pride released a statement following Denver Pride’s announcement, conversely stating that they would

“We really struggled with being exclusionary, you know, because what we see with our police at Pride is, they’re all volunteers; almost all of the officers that come to our event to volunteer to work are part of the LGBT community,” Oklar says.

He says that part of working toward accountability and fixing the issues within local police departments, and departments across the country, is allowing them to be part of the conversation, “We just feel like, you know, breaking those connections is just not going to help us get there.”

“If we’re not able to be a part of these events... how are we ever going to move forward?”

“It feels like we’ve been excluded from our own community, but also, too, there’s the bigger picture of, we understand that, you know, members of the community don’t trust police right now, that there’s a very tense relationship right now because of things that have come to light,” Amsler says.

“In the past, you know, George Floyd and social reforms and criminal justice reforms that are taking place—but we really feel like, if we’re not able to be a part of these events, and have those positive interactions or have those discussions with folks, how are we ever going to move forward?”

Amsler says the department has kept in communication with The Center and is “optimistic that we will one day get a chance to be able to march down Colfax again.”

The Aurora Police Department released “A New Way” in 2020, a self-described “plan of action to restore the community’s trust through a new way of policing.”

The plan includes a comprehensive review of the Aurora Police Department, an evaluation of department leadership, looking into training procedures for officers, increasing transparency with a focus on accountability and review of policy (notably, taking the investigations of the Elijah McClain case into consideration),

-Chris Amsler, LGBTQ liason officer at Aurora Police Department

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and engaging and including diverse, critical voices within the community.

A COMMUNITY RESPONDS

“Being in uniform means that there are consequences of wearing that uniform.”

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-Tara Jae, Denver’s Black Pride co-creator

ara Jae is one of those voices within the community, as the co-creator of Denver’s Black Pride event, executive director of Youth Seen (which focuses on mental health and wellness for QTBIPOC folks), and a new Aurora Pride board member. They say that The Center’s stance was huge in not only impacting the community greatly but also telling the community that they are listening.

“It’s very much an opportunity for law enforcement to come to the table and come to the community and be open to what the community has to say,” Jae says. “It is not in any way to shame them. It is not to say they can’t be a part of it in any way. However, being in uniform means that there are consequences of wearing that uniform, because of behaviors, incidences, and also just how our society is functioning around law enforcement right now.”

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While Oklar says the Aurora Pride Board has heard from people who disagree with their decision, the majority of community input was supportive, specifically from officers, city officials, and nonprofits. That said, he recognizes that this is an ongoing conversation, and Aurora Pride is working with Denver’s Black Pride event and the NAACP, alongside law enforcement, to continue these conversations.

AURORA PD RESPONDS

reception was overwhelmingly positive, as the department became more involved in Denver Pride over the years, which was part of the reason he and his colleagues were disheartened by Denver Pride’s decision.

PD currently has its first openly queer police chief, Vanessa Wilson, along with many LGBTQ officers who have a storied history in Colorado’s Pride events. Chris Amsler is one of them, the executive officer to the chief of police and LGBTQ liaison officer at Aurora Police Department. He remembers his first experience working at Pride 19 years ago, set up with first responders and grand marshals at the parade before he was out at work.

Amsler recalls reaching out to Wilson years later in 2010 and encouraging the department to become more actively involved in the LGBTQ community, which led to their participation at Denver Pride, promoting community outreach and recruiting at the event. He says the

Is “A New Way” of Policing Accountability in Effect?

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allow police participation. Aurora Pride Executive Director Zander Oklar echoed Fuller’s sentiment: it was a very tough question to consider from the beginning.

They consulted organizations in Aurora and around the state, gaining input to make the most informed decision, but the idea of “Pride For All” resonated deeply, and they felt excluding police did not work in conjunction with that idea.

Jae observed a clear response in their line of work: a resounding “Yeah, it’s about time, and why did it take so long?”

Jae also sees this as an ongoing conversation, which was part of the reason they joined the Aurora Pride Board, under the pretense that there would be a larger conversation about what law enforcement at Pride should look like. They also say that it’s an opportunity to collaborate with other Pride events in the area, like the emerging Broomfield Pride, and figure out how these different events can work together in these discussions on a larger scale, as a collective Colorado community.

Alison Coombs is also an Aurora Pride Board member and the first out, LGBTQ member of Aurora City Council. She recalls the conversations that initially began following the Denver Pride announcement, which were often challenging as a person who has taken the position of demanding police accountability. outfrontmagazine.com 9

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She brings up the open letter written by Sgt. Bill Hummel following Denver Pride’s announcement. “From his perspective, this is how far we’ve come, is from having the first Pride be a riot against police violence, to having our LGBTQ police officers in our community.”

She says that she didn’t feel it was her place to exclude individual LGBTQ officers as members of the community, though she recognizes the implications of uniformed police officers, which can often create fear among community members who have experienced violence at the hands of police.

Coombs said that there is not a clear answer, but a main focus must be looking at police accountability alongside the role of police, and policing in a broader sense. “(It means) starting from a position of welcoming and mutual respect, with the recognition that the conversations can, and probably will, still get difficult over time,” Coombs says. “But, that we’re not going to have the conversations at all, I don’t think, if we just say, ‘You’re not allowed. Go away. Stay away from us and our things,’ not acknowledging that, for some of those folks, they feel it’s their thing, too, you know?”

LOOKING FORWARD AND CONTINUING THE CONVERSATION

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klar and Amsler both said they have not heard anything about anti-police protests or demonstrations at Aurora Pride, but they would respond to that situation with the same procedures they use to respond to

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anti-LGBTQ, or other, protests at these events. Fuller at The Center and Oklar at Aurora Pride both voiced respect for the police agencies and for the different approaches the other events decided to take this year.

The events of the past several years have allowed for a new perspective on laws around policing in the state. Last year, Colorado ended qualified immunity for police. Politicians like Representative Leslie Herod have made substantial progress in addressing issues surrounding criminal justice, addressing the use of ketamine in police arrests and introducing bills aiming to create more transparency, and accountability in Colorado police departments addressing the effect a lack of these policies has on Black communities.

Looking forward, the resonating theme from everyone recognized that these are issues with a storied history, which will need active involvement and ongoing, albeit critical and challenging, conversation around accountability to work to resolve.

“Before we can have ‘Pride For All,’ we actually need to acknowledge how Pride started: it started as a resistance toward the police,” Jae says. “So, once we can actually acknowledge that and bring that to the forefront, then maybe we can have conversations, to continue conversations, and what it might mean for law enforcement to be involved.

If they want it to be inclusive, let’s start talking about acknowledging the past, the present, and what we could be doing in the future.”

these individuals, 70 percent report being verbally A Divided Community Among harassed or sexually assaulted in homeless shelters. And

by Zachari Breeding, MS, RDN, CSO, LDN, FAND

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any urban communities bustle with pedestrians, hip restaurants, small music venues, and “hole-in-thewall” bars frequented by many. A great deal of the people living in these communities rarely bother to cook for themselves, no matter their ostentatious kitchen. They meet with friends, enjoy a craft beer, grab a burger, and trot home past several chain grocery stores and adorable, independentlyowned markets.

Meanwhile, a first-generation, Dominican, transgender girl was just rejected by her parents, who “came to America to raise their son.” She leaves her home, less than two miles from the hip restaurants, and stares at a blank parking lot. To her right are several fast-food restaurants and liquor stores. To her left are a gas station and more liquor stores. This environment is the definition of food insecurity: quite literally, the lack of consistent access to nutrient-dense foods and fresh produce.

And it impacts Black people, Indigenous people, and other people of color (BIPOC) disproportionately.

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The percentage of people in the LGBTQ community who are food insecure is more than twice that of the general population.

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The high amount of liquor and alcohol stores in these communities, who are statistically more likely to be people of color, result in increased risks of alcoholism, drug abuse, and mental illness. In lieu of grocery stores, the streets are lined with fast-food restaurants offering cheap, kid-friendly, high-indulgence junk. But this is not a new story; most of us have heard about how food insecurity impacts low-income communities in the backyards of higher income, mostly white, communities.

However, most people do not know that this entire scenario is more likely to occur to someone who is a BIPOC and part of the LGBTQ community. So much so that one-third of people in the transgender community have experienced homelessness.

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HOW FOOD INSECURITY IMPACTS BIPOC DISPROPORTIONATELY IN THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY

subsequently, one in every five transgender, BIPOC people have engaged in survival sex work. Rates of HIV, poor mental health, and suicide are all greater in these individuals.

Needless to say, there are systemic problems that impact BIPOC within the LGBTQ community in much greater numbers than either their heterosexual or white counterparts.

The issues of food insecurity, homelessness, increased risk of poor mental health, and reluctance to engage in the healthcare environment all directly impact how people eat. One in every four LGBTQ people experienced food insecurity in the last year, with even higher rates among women and BIPOC. The percentage of people in the LGBTQ community who are food insecure is more than twice that of the general population.

Shockingly, half of all Black, LGBTQ people reported in a Gallup survey not eating anything because they did not have enough money for food at least once in the past year. Pair food insecurity with homelessness, as occurs so often for people who are BIPOC in the LGBTQ community, and you have a perfect recipe for nutrition-related diseases (such as type 2 diabetes, heart disease, and cancer).

Sadly, the state of our healthcare system does not at present bode well for people in our community. Rates of healthcare discrimination are greater for those who are transgender and BIPOC, often leading to poor compliance with doctor’s visits, lapsing health insurance coverage, and undiagnosed diseases that increase risk of death. Healthcare discrimination can be characterized in many different ways: refusal to provide care, denial of the person’s gender identity, or verbal harassment, just to name a few.

It goes without saying that seeking the help of a registered dietitian (RD) is these patient’s last concern, despite all that an RD can do to provide assistance. One of the roles of the RD is to help people find nutrient-dense choices in their living environment, such as food pantries and free meal programs for individuals and families. The RD is also the perfect person to work with to engage in conversations around applying for government services to alleviate aspects of food insecurity, such as the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP)—also known as “food stamps.”

Nutrition becomes a primary concern among these individuals within our community because the lack of access to food is so great. Even when consuming high sugar, high-fat, processed junk food, the body can experience malnutrition, or lack of sufficient nutrition, because of the absence of the micronutrients—vitamins and minerals—necessary for everything from basic body mechanics to immune protection.

Malnutrition is the key to disease; nutrient-dense foods are the only fuel people have to survive and thrive. People in foodinsecure communities need more access to fresh food, simple as that.

There are ways to help, if you can. Donate your money or your time to organizations that provide food pantries, meal distribution days, or meal centers (aka “soup kitchens”) and that support people within the LGBTQ community, specifically. The best time to offer your help is not during the holiday season—many places are inundated with volunteers and have to send people home around Thanksgiving and Christmas. Locally, The Center on Colfax partners with many other community allies in Denver, Aurora, and the surrounding counties to assist those within the LGBTQ population get access to healthcare, nutrition, and mental health services. It is time that all members of our community, who are able, step up and support those who need it.

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Tales of a Fierce, Fat, Fit, Femme

Loving Every Version of Yourself

by Addison Herron-Wheeler

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ne thing I’ve heard people of size talk about often, in one way or another, is loving themselves, or not loving themselves, at any size. From “before” and “after” pics used as an example of triumph and achievement to an advertisement featuring someone cringing when an old photo pops up on a newsfeed or timeline, the message society sends is clear: before (or fat) is bad, and now (or skinny) is good.

But those of us living in the real world know things aren’t exactly as black-and-white and linear as that. For most fat or non-thin folks, our weight fluctuates, going from slightly overweight and chubby to much bigger, even getting down to underweight numbers, or the “perfect weight,” whatever that is. Fluctuation means going up, then down, then back up again, then maybe back down. Not everyone is on a linear path that involves getting “too fat” and then slimming back down to what society deems an acceptable size.

I’ve also seen femme folks who have lost or gained weight talking about this distinction and praising themselves at any size. I’ve seen slim women sharing old photos when they were much heavier, celebrating their past selves and the fact that their personhood, their self-ness, is the same, and they were still valid at a different size. I’ve seen curvy, voluptuous women share pics of their curves when they were bigger and more sloping, declaring that they were still gorgeous then, just as now.

that I “no longer have that body” when the truth is, I do, and an even more abundant and full body, at that.

Of course, nothing is linear, and this process is not easy.

Anyone with any amount of body dysphoria, which is most people, can be triggered by a photo of themselves at a different time and a different size. But the key is to celebrate yourself for that selfhood, not for whatever size you are or aren’t right now. Love yourself, whoever you are or were, at any time, at any size.

YOU. US. TOGETHER.

And that, truly, is the key to loving yourself. Not loving yourself right now, now that you’ve finally lost weight, or in the future, when you do finally lose weight—it’s giving yourself the same courtesy you demand society give you and everyone else, and loving yourself at any size.

I look at pics from last summer, and I’m about 40 pounds heavier than now. My initial instinct is to silently cheer my progress. And while there can be an element of that, if weight loss or gain is your goal, I am trying to look at my old pics and see the beauty, focus on the cool color my hair was, the choice of outfit, how happy I looked.

I also look at photos from five years ago, and I was about 100 pounds lighter than I am now. My initial instinct is to despair

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caring forDenver WIDESPREAD, COMMUNITY-INFORMED SUPPORT

by Keegan Williams

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s the Denver community pushes forward in this new stage of the pandemic, the need for community services and resources is more dire than ever.

Representative Leslie Herod saw this need to do better for our local communities, in relation to mental health, substance misuse, and structural issues. The idea was simple: for every $100 spent in Denver, put 25 cents toward addressing these needs.

The ballot initiative passed, and Caring For Denver was born. Caring For Denver is a nonprofit that works to give away grants to support programs that have an impact on Denver communities in need.

Executive Director Lorez Meinhold says part of Caring For Denver’s model is meeting people where they are, creating alternative pathways for folks who have touched the justice system, and reflecting the unique cultural needs, values, and beliefs of the community.

“It creates a significant and an enduring investment over $30 million a year toward mental health and substance misuse, and we really have a frame of, community authored and learning driven,” Meinhold says. “So many times, we build systems for systems’ sake rather than really thinking about the person. How do we put the person at the center of everything we do?”

Caring For Denver is moving to three funding cycles a year for organizations in need. To understand the current needs in the area, they talk to community members before making a call for proposal. It is typically open for about a month, and during that time, Caring For

Denver also likes to open up pathways of communication, like Facebook live events, so local organizations can ask questions.

Their community reviewers go through the applicants, moving forward to a staff review, and finally, Caring For Denver will inform applicants within four months on whether or not they receive funding for that funding cycle.

OFM was able to catch up with some of these organizations about how these grants have allowed them to elevate their work.

Queer Asterisk

Queer Asterisk started out as a small, grassroots, nonprofit mental health organization and counseling center, as a space for queer, trans, and gendernonconforming people to receive mental healthcare without explaining or working around their identities. They also looked to create an alternative to the gatekeeping individuals sometimes experience when seeking letters to begin hormone replacement therapy.

“So the idea is, how amazing would it be if folks could sit down with a provider who is also trans, who can happily bear witness to their story of what their identity is, what they want their transition to be like, and then also provide the necessary legal support in order to make that happen,” Program Director RP WhitmoreBard says.

Whitmore-Bard says the pandemic has drastically exacerbated the need for these services: “There are not enough

providers or not enough facilities to meet the need at this moment, largely due to the pandemic,” they say.

Queer Asterisk introduced their outpatient program through grants from Caring For Denver, which allows folks to come in for their therapy appointments as needed, with the option to attend additional drop-in groups providing more supportive care. They hope to be able to open the program in September.

Whitmore-Bard says another benefit of this support is building the infrastructure for the program and expanding into more creative arts, like starting a queer artists’ residency to introduce dance therapy, drama therapy, and other expressive arts practices.

“As historically disenfranchised people, we freely recognized the importance of having therapeutic programming that’s different from the medical model that many of us have experienced before, that doesn’t necessarily serve our best interest,” Whitmore-Bard says. “We’re really emphasizing an enrichment and a community and a learning approach

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... so that the youth who go through our programs don’t necessarily consider themselves to be the problem, but rather can kind of point to and look at larger systems at work, that are creating distress for them, and then giving them just creative tools and resources to be able to, to not only cope but also honestly to like thrive and be leaders.”

For more information on Queer Asterisk, visit their website at queerasterisk.com.

Youth Seen

Youth Seen began when Founder and Executive Director Tara Jae saw the lack of mental health and wellness resources for queer and trans people of color, specifically Black folks, in the community. Jae says oftentimes therapy in communities of color can be more stigmatized than in mainstream culture, in that many therapy frameworks are still very colonized and whitecentered.

“In order for us to heal, we need to be able to decoloni ze that, break that down, and meet individuals where they are,” Jae says.

“So, therapy is not the one-on-one talking; it is however folks really need it.”

Jae also co-created Denver’s Black Pride event, and they say that this type of community building, where people are able to come together, see each other, and see representation, is essential to Youth Seen’s approach.

Youth Seen was able to focus more on the needs of trans and nonbinary Black folks through the Caring For Denver grant. They are specifically focusing on acquiring lands to have a space specifically for queer and trans Black communities to retreat and heal, without worrying about how other people might show up in a space that isn’t meant for them.

“We need that space,” Jae says. “We need an organization that we can come in and, like, tear things up, in the sense of, like, ‘This is what’s going on; this is how I’m feeling,’ being able to be seen and then also being able to go back out 1 4 OFM A U G U S T 2 0 2 1

to a community, be representation, and have that stigma around mental health, and what that means, broken down, so that people aren’t hesitant in asking for that support,” Jae says they have been very strict around Youth Seen’s boundaries when it comes to taking space in the community, and resounding response from the community they serve is “thank you,” for building that space and providing a place to be heard.

The majority of Youth Seen’s funding comes from organizations like Caring For Denver, and Jae says they appreciate Caring For Denver’s specific approach.

“When we’re talking about equity, and the way that they are making sure that they are walking next to you, instead of just saying, ‘Here’s some money,’” Jae says, “... they will drop whatever they’re doing to be able to have (deeper) conversations, and it’s because of those relationships, and the way Caring For Denver is doing things, and how they are restructuring and, for lack of a better word, decolonizing how philanthropy is working—that’s what actually makes us more successful. My hope is that other foundations will follow them.”

To learn more about Youth Seen, visit youthseen.org.

Envision:You

LGBTQ people often face discrimination, violence, and poor mental health outcomes when they seek support for their behavioral health or treatment for substance use disorders.

Envision:You was co-founded in 2018 by Steven Haden with that truth in mind, addressing the unique needs of LGBTQ people and working to support, educate, and empower people in the community as they take the steps they need to take care of their health.

To help support their mission, Envision:You works to educate the community and raise public awareness around LGBTQ behavioral health concerns through statewide, community-informed initiatives and promotes likeminded policy and legislation. Envision:You also looks to help enhance resources by collaborating with other nonprofits, government agencies, and institutions of higher learning to promote access to resources and advance research, education, and training.

“We know that when the community works together to address mental health concerns, individuals are able to move from a place of surviving to thriving. When that happens, we all

benefit,” Haden says.

Envision:You used funding from Caring For Denver specifically to support their How to Have the Talk campaign and their LGBTQ+ Behavioral Health Provider Training Program.

How to Have the Talk is a public awareness and social media campaign that helps to open up the conversation of having “the talk” when reaching out to someone in need of behavioral health services and understanding the challenges that the LGBTQ community faces. The funding allowed Envision:You to increase their advertising capabilities around the campaign to reach more people. For example, Envision:You sent out postcards and pocketsized tip cards to members of the LGBTQ community, behavioral health providers, pharmacists, and community clinics statewide, which walk through the essential steps in approaching these conversations about behavioral health.

Envision:You’s Behavioral Health Provider Training Program is a multiphase, in-person, and online training program with three program levels. It was designed to help registered and licensed mental health clinicians, addiction counselors, and certified peer specialists to develop new skills and knowledge to enhance the delivery of quality, culturally relevant, and affirming behavioral health interventions for LGBTQ people.

“We are fortunate to have developed a meaningful relationship with Caring for Denver Foundation. The initiative, one of the first in the nation, prioritizes spending in support of mental health programming in the City and County of Denver. We are grateful the Foundation has prioritized funding to ensure communities like LGBTQ+ folks, which have increased risk factors and decreased access to care, are an important area of focus,” Haden says.

To learn more about Envision:You, visit envision-you.org. To learn more about the How to Have the Talk campaign, visit how-to-have-the-talk.org.

For more on the training program, visit envision-you .org/lgbtq-behavioralhealth-training.

The Delores Project

The Delores Project has a storied history, initially operating as an overnight, emergency shelter. They now boast more than 60 beds for unaccompanied women and transgender folks across the gender spectrum and 35 units of supportive housing, where they provide case management for folks who are

Wood-Mason says that the pandemic has also pushed for the City and County of Denver to do more, faster, and helped The Delores Project to move toward a 24/7 model, prompting more conversations about shelter capacity and what shelter programming in Denver looks like.

“It’s been an exciting catalyst in a time that a lot of folks are struggling, you know, we’ve actually seen our agency budget has grown significantly,” Wood-Mason says. “We hear anecdotes now from folks coming into the shelter that were on the street, as you come to The Dolores Project, we’re gonna make you work on getting into housing and then staying stable, you know, it’s no longer the stay here for two weeks, bounce to another shelter and then come back, you know, we’re gonna push you to get to a better place in your life.”

He says that Caring For Denver’s funding has helped The Delores Project especially in investing in their staff. Because of this funding, they can ensure that none of their frontline staff are making less than an annualized $40,000 a year.

Looking forward, Wood-Mason says they are eager to continue building The Delores Project, especially their rehousing program and opening up the conversation to landlords around destigmatizing people coming out of shelters.

“What does it really mean to have lost your way and access shelter services? And how we can really lean into the fact that unhoused folks are—they’re still someone’s kid; they’re still someone’s sibling; and they’re our friends and our neighbors,” Wood-Mason says. “Just because they’ve had to access a service like ours doesn’t mean they’re bad people, and they can make perfectly fine tenants. We’re here to support them and help them live into being good, respectable tenants.”

For more on The Delores Project, visit their website at thedeloresproject.org.

The Gathering Place The Gathering Place (TGP) has been around for 35 years, dedicated to serving women, trans people, and their children experiencing poverty and homelessness in the Denver metro area.

They use a substance abuse and mental health services administration recovery model, which recognizes that recovery is not just about substance misuse or mental health, but recovering from any kind of trauma or barriers leading to a fulfilling, self-directed life. They work to meet the basic needs of folks, alongside long-term needs like housing, comprehensive wellness support, and employment assistance. Members are never charged for programs and services.

TGP President Julia Stewart says equality and equity lie at the heart of TGP’s work, while ensuring they foster a supportive space for people who may be denied services and support, or don’t feel safe elsewhere, because of their gender identity and/or gender presentation.

Caring For Denver’s funding was crucial in the creation of TGP’s peer wellness navigator role. The role went to Sky Lee and involves designing and launching a peer support program, conducting outreach across the community, working with program leadership to develop standardized assessments and tracking systems, and developing rapport with TGP members.

“One of the wonderful things about the program is how Sky designed the program assessment—people are asked to identify strengths, supports they have in place, and also goals they want to work on. It’s a lovely, strengths-based, collaborative approach that is really member-driven. Sky often was a ‘listening ear’... this helped build trust and to transition to actionable steps towards recovery.”

In late-June, TGP shared the passing of Sky. Stewart says TGP wants to highlight his work and positive impact on the community, emphasizing that the Peer Recovery Program is a result of Sky’s dedication.

“Sky was brilliant and uniquely qualified to be a peer navigator, as he had lived experience with homelessness and substance abuse. His lived experience enabled him to connect with TGP’s members in a way that others of us could not, and that is why having peer support in this program is so vital. Sky breathed life into this program and brought joy into every room that he entered and heart that he touched. While his life was more than his work at TGP, the magnitude of his efforts will be forever felt in this community.”

TGP will continue to offer the program, and the work will look very similar. They are looking to strengthen the support to their peer navigators in that role to better help the person in that role feel safe sharing their struggles and the resources they need in their own life.

To support the work of TGP and learn more, visit tgpdenver.org.

OFM health

chronically homeless ( five years or more) and living with a disability or health challenge.

They also now operate 24/7: once you have a bed with them, you can stay as long as you need it.

With COVID-relief funds, they were able to launch a rehousing program in November and have since rehoused 38 people, forming an aftercare program providing at least a year of regular check-ins and support.

“We’re just trying to make sure that we’re catching the folks who would otherwise fall through the cracks,” says Robin Wood-Mason, director of development and communications.

“It’s pretty easy for someone who’s got moved into an apartment, six months down the road, having an issue like your washing machine breaks or your dishwasher dies, and you spun out because you don’t have the support or know how to negotiate with your landlord to get things taken care of.”

To learn more about Caring For Denver’s community-informed solutions and get involved, visit caring4denver.org. outfrontma ga zine.com 15

Images courtesy of Sharice Davids

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ep. Sharice Davids may have a full agenda, but she will always make time to inspire today’s youth.

Davids is another prime example that anything is possible; she made history in 2018 by becoming one of the first two Native-American women elected to Congress and is the first openly LGBTQ person to represent Kansas in Washington. In June, she added children’s author to her list of achievements after her book, Sharice’s Big Voice: A Native Kid Becomes a Congresswoman, was released.

Co-authored by Davids and Kansas-based writer Nancy Mays, and illustrated by Joshua Mangeshig Pawis-Steckley, the picture book autobiography is a joyful exploration of Davids’ experience growing up Native in Kansas and a love letter to the single mother who raised her. Readers will follow Davids’ triumphant story as she learned that her unremitting desire to be heard had a purpose.

Davids did not intend to release a Pride Month book, but says the timing was a “happy coincidence.”

OFM had the pleasure of connecting with Davids to talk about why she wanted to write a children’s book, what made her run for political office, and why LGBTQ issues are still politicized today.

What inspired you to write your new book, Sharice’s Big Voice: A Native Kid Becomes a Congresswoman?

After I won my election in 2018, but before I got sworn in, I was having tons of conversations with folks about how exciting it is, how much work is ahead of me, and how different this is than what I ever envisioned while growing up. Nancy, my coauthor, she and I at some point thought, ‘Oh, I should write a book.’ Through conversations, the idea evolved into not writing a how-to-get-into-Congress book but focusing on the unique journey and the important set of experiences. If you are truly paying attention and truly on that journey, we can do some pretty cool stuff. There’s the idea.

The inspiration, I think all of us know to some extent what it is like to feel kind of invisible, not seen, or not heard. That 1 6 OFM AUGUST 2 0 2 1

Rep. Sharice Davids Aims to Inspire Youth with New Children’s Book by Denny Patterson

was something that I felt growing up, and even into adulthood sometimes, I still feel that way. I think some of that stems from not seeing or being inspired by stories when you are a kid. I was and wasn’t surprised to find out that around 1 percent of kids books have Native representation. To think of the difference is being able to feel seen, even if it is just for a little bit, because you are seeing a story similar to yours, and that doesn’t even have to be the exact same story. There are lots of Native kids out there who are raised by a single parent. There are lots of kids who grow up and are first-generation college students.

Getting a chance to play some part in that was the inspiration for this book.

What is the number-one message you hope readers take away from the book?

That is a really good question. I would say that sense of journey and realizing that one of the most important things we can do is be true to the experience that we are in and the path that we are on. Recognize that there will be ups and downs, twists and turns, people who doubt you, and people who support you.

Sometimes, we need the people who support us because we doubt ourselves. Know that there is a lot we can learn from our experiences, and there is a lot of power in the choices we make.

Was there anything you personally learned throughout the process of writing this book?

My mom remembers things sometimes differently than I do.

That’s one thing [laughs]. I spent a lot of late nights and some days on this thing, but there were a lot of conversations with her. I talked a lot when I was a kid; I talk a lot now, and there is a bit about that in the book. Let’s just say there are a plethora of stories about me talking too much in certain situations. My mom and I talked about the various stories, and she helped me figure out what things maybe could be or shouldn’t be in the book. In some ways, it was almost like a realization: how I remember things and how my mom remembers things. I felt like I got to have interesting conversations with my mom that I don’t know I would have had otherwise.

You made history by not only being one of the first two Native American women ever elected to Congress, but also the first LGBTQ Native American elected to Congress.

What does this mean to you?

First, I feel like it is important to kind of acknowledge that I am not actually sure if I have had a chance to emotionally process

There are different views of it, but there are two lines of thought that I have about that. One, I feel like we have a whole new level of understanding of LGBTQ issues. They have, in a lot of ways, come to the forefront, and then a lot of folks maybe do not realize exactly where we are at in terms of protections and in terms of discriminatory practices, that sort of thing.

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what this means. Occasionally, I do get the chance to feel a little bit of it in a different way. Of course, it was a huge honor and privilege, and it is just really cool to be a part of the freshman class. The 2018 freshman class was, like, the most diverse class in the history of our country. Getting the chance to be elected alongside my dear friend Deb, and so many people who are not very good friends of mine, it’s phenomenal.

There have been times where, I remember shortly after getting elected, a teenager came up to me at a restaurant, and she told me that about a week after I won my election, she came out to her family. She just felt more comfortable after seeing the way that our community had supported my campaign and elected me to represent our district. I remember being kind of blown away at how important having a more reflective government can be. It’s not just the government, but it is also the message that it sends, and that kind of support people might feel. It is definitely an honor.

What initially made you want to get involved with politics and run for office?

A couple of things: There is a big picture, and a very specific thing. The big picture is, I had the chance to work in the Obama administration as a White House fellow. That is where I discovered my passion for infrastructure, and while I was a White House fellow, I got the chance to be in rooms with some of the highest-level decision makers in the federal government on the executive side. I literally saw examples of one different voice in the room asking a set of questions that might not have been asked, how big of a difference that can make in policy. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do after I got done with that fellowship, but I did know it was very important for us to have more diverse voices in the decision-making positions in Washington, D.C. I am from the Kansas 3rd, and I felt like my predecessor was not doing a good job of representing our district. This is a great thing about our country: If you like stuff that your government is doing, you can be supportive of that; if you don’t like stuff that your government or your representatives are doing, you can do something about it. For me, it meant running against my predecessor [laughs]. Those are the two big reasons why I decided to run for office.

What are some of the biggest goals you would like to accomplish throughout this term?

I kind of already mentioned, but I am an infrastructure nerd.

Now that we have gotten the American Rescue Plan passed, and it is being implemented, that COVID relief package is helping us get more vaccines out—it’s helping to make sure that folks who need relief are able to get it, and I think it is getting us on the path to more jobs and getting the economy back up and going.

Now that we are through that, I am very excited about passing an infrastructure bill. During my time as a White House fellow, I was at the Department of Transportation, and I left that experience calling myself a born-again transportation enthusiast. It’s my thing now, and I serve on that committee. I am really looking forward to getting that done in this Congress.

I think a lot of folks are often shocked when I share that I can be the representative for the 3rd District in Kansas to the United States House, but if I wanted to get an apartment, if I were seeking access to healthcare, I could legitimately be turned away in the state of Kansas for those things because I am an out member of the LGBTQ community. I think there is often a lack of understanding about just how prevalent the legality is. It’s not right, but it is legal for those things to happen.

In some ways, it is not as politicized as it used to be in terms of democrats, republicans, that sort of thing. Like, the Equality Act. The Equality Act has passed the House twice. I voted for it my first term; I voted for it again this term. Both times in the House, but the Senate did not take it up last time. I am a little more optimistic that they will this time, but republicans voted for that bill both times in the House, and I think that, in some ways, demonstrates the recognition across the country that discriminating against people who are part of the LGBTQ community is not OK. I also recognize that we have seen, especially in state legislatures this year, horrible anti-trans and anti-LGBTQ bills popping up across the country. In no way do I think that our work is done, but I do think that we are moving in the right direction. We are just going to have to keep pushing.

HAPPY

PRIDE

Do you plan to run for a third term in 2022, or do you have your sights set on a higher political office?

I am running for re-election in the 3rd District. We’ve got redistricting coming up, which is going to be across the country, but in Kansas, the redistricting issue is maybe the subject of a whole different interview.

Why do you think LGBTQ issues are still so politicized today?

denverlibrary.org/pride2021 outfrontmagazine.com 17

photo by Veronica L. Holyfield

OFM culture

Back at the Beach

Aurora Pride Returns to the Reservoir

by Addison Herron-Wheeler & Denny Patterson

F

or those looking to go to a beachside Pride this year, you’re in luck. After a quiet year due to COVID, Aurora Pride is back at the Aurora Reservoir.

The event is happening Aug. 7, 12-8 p.m.

And, for folks who are looking for a more personalized experience, online activities and Pride in a Box goodie boxes are also on the menu this summer.

“We wanted to make sure to adapt our event to the current needs of our community, whatever those may be,” says Aurora Pride Executive Director Zander Oklar. “We love the reservoir, and we’re really excited about having a beachfront Pride in a landlocked state.”

At the event, look forward to food, drinks, swimming, and even HIV testing and COVID vaccines for those in need.

And of course, there will also be an impressive roster of entertainment. We chatted with Aurora Pride’s hosts and performers to learn what Pride means to them.

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“To me, Pride means to be appreciative. To reflect and thank those who came before me. I would not be able to be blessed with the life that I have today without the sacrifice of my brothers and sisters before me. I would not be able to be married, plan my family, express my art through drag, be unapologetically myself, expand my mind, not be scared to fight for what I believe in, or speak up during injustice. Those who paved the way before us were out there protesting, fighting, and marching for a better future for us.

So, I am always tremendously grateful, but it also tells me and inspires me that we are far from being done, and I must carry the torch. I, too, must fight, march, and speak up so my future children, my future community, and future world can have a better future. They, too, can be proud of who they are and live in a society without fear one day. None of this can be accomplished without us continuing the fight. Pride is here to remind us of where we came from, where we are at, and where we are going. Most of all, Pride is here to remind us to love one another as human beings.”

- Minor

Misdemeanor

“Pride, to me, is about more than the rainbows, beautiful colors, and festivities. It’s about the lives we touch, the communities we reach, and the people from all walks of life that we bring together through our beautiful art form called ‘drag.’ Pride is about giving love, spreading love, and showing love, not just in the month of June, but all year long.”

- Samora

Kash

“Pride is all about being comfortable in your own skin and being surrounded by people who love and support you. Pride is also about basking in the diversity of a strong community, remembering how far we have come, and boldly sashaying into the future.”

- Shirley Delta Blow

Dixie Krystals

THE VOICE | THE PERFORMER | THE PERSONA

by Denny Patterson

Who is Dixie Krystals, and what is she all about?

Dixie Krystals is your sweet, Southern gal who loves to sing show tunes and make people happy. Dixie is all about comedy-camp, live vocals and a little bit of glamour.

What are you looking forward to the most about hosting Aurora Pride?

I am really looking forward to seeing people that live in the city where I reside and show them how to celebrate in style. One of the great highlights for hosting is that I get to showcase entertainers from across Denver that I have worked with very closely over the years.

photos by Jeremiah Corder

What does Pride mean to you?

Pride is much more than a celebration or a party. It is really more about giving back to the community and educating folks on how to make a difference. We truly cannot celebrate Pride until every, single person from our community is recognized for the contributions that they have made in history for LGBTQ rights.

When and how did you first start doing drag, and what made you want to pursue it more?

I started back in the late 90s, and it truly came out of being able to get into the night clubs for free on a Disney salary. Once I was bit by the sassy bug of drag and the performance art piece of it, that is what really drew me to pursue it even further. Being a trained actor and singer, it was a natural fit for me because I could use the skills that I learned for the stage and now apply them to some sequined corset and a wig. When I saw my very first drag show in Orlando, it became one of those moments where so many people were not just excited to see the drag queen, but also laughing. When there was interaction, the money started flying. That is the moment I had visions of glitter instead of sugarplums dancing in my head.

What can audiences expect from a Dixie Krystals performance?

I always try and select music that is not popular because people need to know that there is more out there than top 40 hits. I like to do Dolly Parton, Bette Midler, 80s icons, Broadway, and of course, I like to sing live. The

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AURORA PRIDE’S HOST

interesting thing about Colorado is, a lot of people don’t get “live singing,” which needs to change because it is much harder to do that than learn lyrics to a lip-sync song.

What is your favorite part about drag?

One of my favorite parts right now is being able to use my platform to raise up other voices in the community and help organizations raise funds so that they can continue their missions to serve our LGBTQ community.

What are some of your interests outside of drag?

I love to garden, sing, podcast, and travel.

Within my industry of entertainment, I am able to travel very often, and that is one of the highlights of my year when I can do that.

What kind of message do you hope to send with your drag?

Acceptance, love, understanding, and willingness to be open-minded to other ideologies. There is not a one-size-fits-all drag entertainer, and that is OK. We are simply here to entertain while getting a message across.

Where do you primarily perform at in the Denver area?

My home bar is The Triangle, and I also perform at Hamburger Mary’s, Clocktower Cabaret, Park Tavern, and various other private entities. I also travel to New York City frequently to perform.

How would you say drag is constantly changing?

It is great to see how much the community of drag is always ever-changing because there are new things, new fads, and new styles that get invented, or are brought to light, every month. Change is always needed within any art form, and drag is no different.

It is great to see all of the different styles that are incorporated into each, individual act. Unfortunately, we live in a world where everyone is infatuated with Drag Race, and that skews their idea of what actual drag is.

There are more styles of drag out there and people need to be introduced to them. One of the things that I always finish every show with is, ‘If you cannot name 10 local drag artists but you are able to name 10 Drag Race artists, then you are not a true drag fan.’ outfrontma ga zine.com 19

saturday

AUG 07 PRIDE 12 p.m. to 7 p.m.

advanced admission tickets free at aurorapride.com

party

BEACH

hosted by Dixie Krystals & Evelyn Evermoore

schedule of events 2-4 p.m.

4 - 5 p.m.

5-7 p.m.

family-friendly drag show

michelle castro quartet

drag extravaganza

beach volleyball

paddle boarding

aurorapride.com

drag performances

samba dance lessons

Art by BJK

T

Plain Rainbows

he story of being queer, out and Christian, and not fully accepted or loved, is a familiar one in our community, unfortunately. Parents learning their child is queer choose to try conversion therapy or pray the gay away, instead of accepting their child as they are.

But, in these situations, the child still has options: a community at school, online resources, and information from media showing them that they are not alone. For the formerly Plain, the Anabaptists of the queer community, those options are not a reality.

“It's obvious that we exist, but it's also obvious that there's no space within an Amish community or Plain community for us to exist, without judgment, persecution,” explains Mary Byler, CEO of The Misfit Amish, LLC. You see, for Amish folks and other Anabaptists, there’s no access to community through technology or chosen family, at least not in most cases.

And there’s no getting your family to come around—there’s complete shunning. In some cases, the only reason to bring a queer child into the outside world is to send them to conversion therapy.

“We are shunned, whether they call it excommunication, or whatever they call it,” she explains. “They say it’s done out of love, but you don’t show your children that you love them by completely cutting them off and only talking to them to tell them to return to the ways of their youth or they’re going to Hell, threatening them with hellfire and brimstone. The shunning I’ve experienced was complete and utter. I have not sat down to eat with my family in 17 years, and my egg donor told me it would be better that I were dead than living like this.”

The Amish experience, Byler explains, is complete. Often, even youth with jobs have their funds taken, and in some Anabaptist communities, there isn’t even running water or electricity. And there aren’t levels of acceptance for queer youth, from outright celebration to a demand for reform.

There is only shunning.

“Shunning kills because it isolates people; it tells them they’re not worthy of having been loved by their family members,” she says. “It’s a conditional form of control and manipulation by the church and your family to return to the ways of your youth, so they can once again control you and make you do whatever they want you to do. It’s equivalent to saying you’re not worthy of love unless you do these things. Many people struggle with suicidal thoughts, or even go so far as to have attempts. That is why shunning kills.”

by Addison Herron-Wheeler

OFM culture

GIVING A FACE TO THE FACELESS

And the children who are shunned often don’t have the skills necessary to join the rest of the world. In addition to having been isolated from technology and popular culture, Byler explains that many Amish people speak English as a second language, mainly speaking Swiss, German, or Pennsylvania Dutch at home and in their communities.

Pennsylvania Dutch is a spoken-only language, so trying to translate or learn to communicate with the outside world can be incredibly difficult.

Additionally, in some cases, even when people from Plain communities leave their religious families, they experience a different kind of shunning even from formerly religious communities. Byler criticizes ex-Amish folks who now espouse conservative views, speaking out against queer and trans folks on public forums like YouTube.

“How can people feel like they’re safe to come out when that’s what they’re surrounded with?” she says.

For this reason, with some like-minded individuals like fellow activist James Schwartz, she started Plain Rainbows and The Misfit Amish, groups that help create a safe space for folks who are out and formerly Plain. Some goals for the future are more people and avenues to help with outreach, as well as a blog, but for now, she and her community do what they can, replying to messages and chats and doing what queer folks have been doing since the beginning of time—creating their own community.

“Our message is to talk about people’s journeys, their lives after being shunned, and show that there is a life, even if the rest of the Plain community doesn’t accept you, there is still space for you. You deserve to exist and find your tribe.

You deserve to be here, and you deserve to be free. You don’t have to go to conversion therapy.”

She also started the group because she’s tired of being talked over by a community of folks who really have no clue about what Amish life truly means.

“Part of the issue is that when you come from the Amish community, society as a whole still looks at Plain people as being this community that can do no wrong,” she says.

“That they are this utopian society, and they romanticize them. If you start talking about your struggle, people tend to silence you or speak over you, talk about what they’ve seen on TV or how they have an Amish neighbor who isn’t like that.”

Because the Amish are by and large known in popular culture as pacifists and friends to their neighbors, good at building and baking, the amounts of spiritual and physical abuse that often happen in those communities gets overlooked. But Byler wants to make sure that their stories won’t get ignored any longer.

“I literally have to tell people that I learned to cook and sew before I can talk about the abuse and invalidation that happened to me. I’ve been listening to people talk over us for a long time, and I’m done. Stop talking over us, and start listening.”

“Stop talking over us, and start listening.” outfrontmagazine.com 21

Mark S. King

W

hen members of the Colorado community first gathered 35 years ago to create a living memorial for friends and family who lost their lives from AIDS-related complications, no one could have anticipated this act of solidarity would grow into a yearly event now known as the Festival for Life.

Hosted by Colorado Health Network (CHN), a statewide organization serving more than 5,000 individuals annually who are living with HIV, as well as providing prevention and education programs, this year’s Festival for Life will be a hybrid virtual and in-person event scheduled for Aug. 21.

Helping CHN with one of its pre-festival promotions is Mark S. King, an award-winning writer, author, speaker, and activist who has been involved with HIV causes since testing positive in 1985. Last year, King was named the 2020 LGBTQ Journalist of the Year by the National Lesbian and Gay Journalist Association (NLGJA) for his blog, My Fabulous Disease, and was the recipient of the GLAAD Media Award for Outstanding Blog. King also contributes regularly to several HIV related publications including POZ and The Body.

OFM had the opportunity to connect with King and talk about the Festival for Life, being a long-term survivor, and what he hopes to accomplish as an activist and writer.

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photo by Matt Roth

OFM culture

HIV Activist & Writer

by Denny Patterson

What are you looking forward to the most about this event?

I am looking forward to being exposed to all those people who still give a shit [laughs]. I am looking forward to getting to be a part of this community of people that still care an awful lot about ending the HIV epidemic once and for all, and again, represent those of us who are still walking and talking. I am so grateful for that.

In my lifetime living with HIV, which has been a very long time—over 35 years—I have had to reach out for help along the way. I have had to get help with my insurance premiums, housing, food, and just helping me kind of navigate the whole healthcare system. Like, what do I need? All that stuff, I was guided every step of the way by the kinds of organizations that are raising money at this thing. It absolutely saves lives and helps people navigate at a time when they are freaked out, in crisis, and don’t know which way to go.

You tested positive in 1985 and immediately became an AIDS activist. How did you have the courage to be so open about your diagnosis?

People made one of two choices during that time. Either we were shocked into silence and could not process it, and that was true for me for a period of time. When I got my test results, they literally said, ‘We’re sorry to tell you, you have HIV. Good luck to you.’ There were no medications or

Because we did not have a president who was talking about it, there was no congressional money, and there wasn’t this huge effort for research; it was really in the hands of us living with HIV, our friends, families, and allies to speak up. That was the choice that I made. I was diagnosed when I was 24, and you think you have your whole life ahead of you, but the party stopped. We were all forced into this position of trying to understand the meaning of it all. Why is this happening to us? Why are we all dying? Why are gay men dying? Were the Evangelicals right? All these serious questions you thought you had your whole life to figure out, but now, you have this much time.

So, when you asked how I had the courage to be open about it, I did it because I was sorting through my own trauma. The only way I knew how to sort through my own trauma was to help somebody else, get the word out, and share with people that we were going through this. I have just been doing it ever since. Obviously, things have improved, but there are still things happening to us.

You publish a video blog called My Fabulous Disease, and you are a contributing writer to several HIV-related publications including POZ and The Body. What do you hope audiences take away from your work?

That our history as a community is a legendary story of courage and love, and I want that history to be accessible. I do not want it to be like, ‘Back in my day, we all died of AIDS.’ That is just not my story. That is not what I am here for. I am here to tell you about your legacy, as a gay man, and what we did for one another. How triumphant, courageous, and heroic it all was, and it was. It will forever influence who I am and my sense of self-esteem as a human being because I was there when we did all those things and helped one another.

We were called up to do it.

OFM culture

anything, and all that I knew was, I would die soon. I was shocked into silence for a short period of time, but I chose the other route, which was, do something. Fight. What would I have to lose? I’m going to be dead in a couple years. I might as well fight with everything I’ve got. Get the word out, and talk about it. It was not being spoken about.

Let’s hope that in your lifetime, you don’t have to face something like that sort of annihilation, but if you do, you will be able to step up because we have seen it, and we did it before. Just knowing we are capable of that is a wonderful story. It is an amazing story, and it should make all LGBTQ people feel so proud, so capable, and so powerful. We have a history that shows that we kicked death. If we have to do it again, we will. To me, this is a story of our triumphs, compassion, and humanity.

What more do you hope to accomplish with your platform as a writer and activist?

I don’t have any big changes in mind. I am going to keep doing exactly what I have been doing all along, and that is telling the truth about what life is like for this gay man. This gay man just happens to have HIV, is recovering from addiction, all of that. I am a storyteller, and I just keep telling the story.

However, the story keeps changing because I keep getting older. In 30 years, I will keep telling it, but I’ll be a hologram!

I am never going to stop, and I just want to chronicle it for as long as I am here to tell it.

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OFM culture

THE ART OF preserving QUEER STORIES

Storytelling is the crux of our society, and we have access to more information than ever before where we can form narratives, revisit history, and promote progress.

photo provided by ABC

While we may have an abundance of avenues in which we can acquire knowledge, the art of conversation remains the most powerful entry point of challenging thought, stimulating progress, and catapulting movements. For journalist, public speaker, and podcast host LZ Granderson, diving into LGBTQ history, dissecting the misgivings, and bringing to light the joy that stems from the queer experience have become his driving passion.

Life Out Loud WITH

LZ Granderson

by Veronica L. Holyfield

2 4 OFM AUGUST 2 0 2 1

ABC News Contributor and host of ABC News’ Life Out Loud with LZ Granderson podcast, Granderson gets into the weeds of what matters most to our community: the dissection of the intersections, the diversity of lived experiences, the dismissed and underrepresented voices. As an intersectional minority himself, his queerness and Blackness have shaped who he is, what his path in life has led him to, and how he focuses his energy.

“I live in that intersection; I embody that intersection. As a gay, Black man, I’m no shortage of being exposed to policies, perspective, and laws that target aspects of my identity,” Granderson explains. As a result of his own trials, tribulations, and successes, this in turn can’t help but inform the kind of work he then produces.

Twenty-twenty was a catalyst year for many, and Granderson was not exempt, and as we watched the LGBTQ and POC communities being devastatingly and simultaneously impacted by the health crisis and political climate, Granderson knew that we were quickly losing everything that we had fought so long for, and more. With a desire to connect the pieces of the LGBTQ puzzle, find community during a year of isolation, and an earnestness in preserving the joys of being queer, Granderson had the idea of Life Out Loud.

“I wanted to create a sort of vehicle that always made sure that our issues, our stories, and our history was being documented by a major news outlet. When I pitched to ABC, that was the original intent, to make sure that there was always a home for our stories regardless of what was happening around us,” he says.

When Granderson met with members of the ABC Pride team, he knew he wanted to intentionally highlight those in the LGBTQ community who embody those intersections, work tirelessly in providing 360-degree depictions of the diverse, queer experience, and passionately pursue the betterment of the health and wellbeing of queer folks. The clearly defined way to mount the complex topics of history, social justice movements, and lasting happiness, while preserving the nuance and granular specificities to each individual, was to carry out that storytelling through the podcast medium.

“As I was going through the directions I wanted these conversations to go, I didn’t want to stay stuck in coming out

Proud Sponsor Of stories; I didn’t want to stay stuck in talking about HIV and AIDS work; while these are all important markers, there’s so many other things that go into navigating your life in this country, or any country, as a queer person,” Granderson says.

While those conversations about policies, protests, laws, and struggles are woven throughout every conversation, as we face those issues every single day, Granderson leans into the lighter part of life as well. Whether it’s joking with a sexy actor about being a thirst trap on Instagram or shooting the shit with queer comedians, there is no shortage of laughter, revelry, and charm.

And, whether it’s talking to pop culture icons, scientists, politicians, activists, or creatives, Granderson skillfully and compassionately explores the intricacies in how every facet of the queer community has been both disserviced and celebrated.

With abandon, no stone is left unturned with Life Out Loud, as each new episode is more powerful than the last. Interviews with Pose Co-creator Steven Canals and actress Mj Rodriguez explore the groundbreaking impact of the FX series; Dr. Anthony Fauci discusses his response to the AIDS crisis in the 90s, and today; LGBTQ civil rights lawyer and HRC president Alphonso David talks about his restless strive toward trans rights. These conversations, and so many more both elevate and honor LGBTQ history, commemorate our achievements, and still ask what more needs to be done.

“I’m just a curious person and always believe that we all have something to offer each other; we just have to be patient enough to mine for it. I think far too often, especially now in our partisan pockets, we prefer to hear coverage and messages that confirm what we already believe,” Granderson says. “I think it creates a culture in which you start believing that you are the smartest person in the room, and I always like to stay away from those places. If I feel like I’m the smartest person in the room, then I’m in the wrong damn room; that’s what keeps me curious.”

Granderson exudes self-acceptance and confidence, even if he says that it is in admitting his frailty and being vulnerable that is in fact disarming to those he meets. He is proud of how he has navigated his work in media, how he has helped to elevate LGBTQ stories, and bridged the gap between perceived understanding and complex comprehension. While he expertly talks with some of the most high profile people in our community with informed ease, and openly shares his own experiences, he says there is one conversation he wants to have that is the most vulnerable and intimidating of them all.

“There is one conversation that I am trying to prepare myself to have: I would like to have a conversation with my ex-wife. I was married and raised an incredible young man, but obviously, when I came out, both of our worlds were turned upside-down, and I think that would be an interesting conversation for people to hear. The processing, and all of that from both angles, I think it could be beneficial,” he shares.

From love and art, to inspiration and dedication, Granderson dives into the beauty that is queerness, community, and stories.

In the interest of honesty first, he openly discusses the innerstrength he sees in both himself and those around him, and the power of queer excellence. Where preservation and perseverance meet, we are gifted with the crafted and careful end product that is Life Out Loud with LZ Granderson.

Saturday, August 7th 11am-7pm Aurora Resovoir

outfrontmagazine.com 25

OFM culture

Dashaun Wesley The King of Vogue on How to Be Legendary

by Denny Patterson Photos courtesy of Nino Munoz/CPi Syndication

Anyone can demand the attention of a room, but no one can do it as effortlessly as Dashaun Wesley.

A lifelong dancer and performer, Wesley wows the crowds with his unique, vogue style and charismatic personality.

Born and raised in Brooklyn, he was introduced to the underground, NYC ballroom scene while in high school and has gone on to become an icon within the circuit. They don’t call him “The King of Vogue” for nothing.

Not only is Wesley a dancer, but he is an actor who has appeared in TV shows including FX’s hit series, Pose, as Shadow Wintour. Right now, most notably, he is the host and MC of the smash, HBO Max reality competition Legendary.

Exploring the world of ballroom culture, Legendary features eight voguing teams, or houses, competing at weekly balls, voguing, and walking in highly themed categories all for the 2 6 OFM AUGUST 2 0 2 1

chance to win $100,000 and the status of Superior House.

Legendary puts the spotlight on talented artists serving face, body, and sickening fashions.

OFM had the opportunity to catch up with Wesley and talk more about the show, how he got involved with ballroom culture, and how the scene has personally helped him grow and live an authentic life.

We just wrapped up Season Two of HBO Legendary. How much fun has it been being the MC of this show?

The fun I am having, it’s unexplainable because it is so random, but I get to dress up; I get to have fun with my friends who are judging on a panel, and I get to see my family and friends. Having the opportunity to be a platform this big and to explore that talent, it is so fun. It is such a good atmosphere.

For those who have not watched, why is Legendary worth checking out?

You are known as the “King of Vogue.” How did you initially get involved with ballroom culture?

I started my career exploring as a young teenager trying to find his way in a world where, during that time, there was no understanding about being an openly Black, gay man in New York City. I found a place and a standing in a community of family and friends by going to Christopher Street in the West Village, and from there, I grew a family and received the opportunity to learn this dance style. I was intrigued and kept learning from that day forward. From the first time I saw it at the age of 14, I kept going since then.

What is something about ballroom that not many people know about?

Everyone knows that the ballroom scene is a little bit shady, but at the same time, I think people are getting the misconception that ballroom is only for a specific background or person. The scene is for everyone. As long as you come in and follow the lines of what we say when you participate in a category, anybody can walk. When people see people of color, yes, we own this community because we started this where we came from, but we will open the doors for anyone else who wants to come in. This is our community, but if you come in and follow our lines as well, you will be great.

well, you may have a good chance of winning. Again, if your look is together, your confidence is there, and you have the attitude and presence, you can just take the grand prize. It has happened before.

I loved seeing you as Shadow Wintour in Pose. What was your experience like playing that character?

Oh! That was like playing the character I would love to be in a ballroom scene. I had the opportunity to create this character and step up to be this person. They don’t give you the character and say, ‘You got to do this; here’s your lines; create this man.’ So, I created this man about something I don’t do in the scene. I am not a rowdy, jump-in-your-face, grab-him-up kind of person, but I am open and free to do that while being Shadow Wintour.

OFM culture

It’s worth checking out because it is such a community.

It has been seen for so many years, and now, we have an opportunity to get a directive of where its origin came from and where people get some of that inspiration. I know we have seen a lot on social media platforms like YouTube, and maybe Instagram and TikTok, but now, we are reaching in places that are unspeakable at these moments. It’s only in due time that it happened now.

What more do you hope to accomplish with your platform?

One thing I always say is, when I was growing up, I didn’t have anyone who looked like me. An open figure to the public and world you can see moving in a positive light. Growing up, there was a lot of stigma going down to openly Black, gay men out there. I’m not saying just openly Black, gay men, but the LGBTQ all over the world, but for me, I did not see someone out there in the world who I could look up to.

Now, I can be a figure for someone out there. Some little kid out there who sees that there is something that I can do better for myself by being yourself. I want to say that to a lot of youth and young adults that I know, because I used to work in the prevention field as well. I just want to be positive moving forward in life, and you can always get what you want if you go for it.

Have you always been an outgoing and extroverted person?

Definitely. I have always been outgoing, sometimes too outgoing [laughs]. I’ve always had this background of caring.

I am a nurturing person, so when it comes to a lot of people around me, I care about what they do and how they feel. I was always like that growing up.

How has ballroom helped with your self-confidence?

Number one, immediately, we are involved when you decide to participate and walk. If you ever do it for the first time, your life is shaking. I know your body is shaking and your hands are shaking, but your life shakes at that moment.

You have to make a choice whether you are going to walk and face this fear or stand back and allow this opportunity to overcome you. We definitely have those chances. Still to this moment, if I walk, I still get scared, but I know what it is to overcome that moment, to get to that spot, to get what I want. As a performer, you have to have that.

How would you say ballroom helps one’s sex appeal, body confidence, and image?

In the scene, we always try to promote; we have categories specific about what people can do and what they cannot do. One thing that we are definitely doing on this platform is letting people know that we are always about body positivity. Yes, we look for specific directives, but at the same time, if you feel that you are confident enough, and no one can tell you anything, and you can walk out there and be as confident as the person we already know who can do so outfrontmagazine.com 27

M

Photos courtesy of Mendi

RAPINOE

Megan & Rachael

RELIEVING THE STIGMA OF CANNABIS IN SPORTS

by Denny Patterson

egan and Rachael Rapinoe may be synonymous with soccer, but they are quickly emerging as leaders in the CBD market.

world. Megan trusts Mendi to deliver consistent mood, pain, and sleep management to set her up for success on the field and beyond.

Retiring from the field and pursuing a career in health and fitness, Rachael helped launch Mendi in 2019, an athlete-built cannabis brand that provides all-natural solutions for sports and athletic performance recovery with the highest quality of hemp-derived, CBD products. Mendi grew out of the sisters’ shared passion to improve the lives of athletes using the untapped potential of Mother Nature’s best ingredients.

OFM had the opportunity to connect with Megan and talk more about her role with Mendi, the products she uses, and destigmatizing cannabis in sports.

As Mendi’s official athlete brand ambassador, Megan is a longtime proponent of using CBD for recovery. This summer, she is leading the U.S. Soccer Women’s National Team to back-toback gold medals at her third Olympic Games in Tokyo, and for the first time out of the Olympics’ 125-year history, elite athletes can incorporate CBD products during their rigorous training schedules in preparation to compete in front of the 2 8 OFM A U G U S T 2 0 2 1

Can you tell us more about your role as the official athlete brand ambassador for Mendi?

My decision to partner with Mendi was two-fold: I loved their products but equally loved what their brand stood for. From the beginning, Mendi chose to build a brand that champions a level playing field. This was a big draw for me, as there are a lot of other CBD brands in the space. The biggest role in my partnership with Mendi is to lend credibility to their allnatural CBD products and how it solves real ailments in my life, such as pain, inflammation, sleep, and stress.

Mendi’s recovery products have sincerely made a big impact on my life, both physically and mentally. I am lending my voice and platform to help Mendi advocate for all athletes to have access to healthier, safer, and more natural alternatives for better recovery. I also help with product feedback, R&D, and brand visibility to name a few other things.

What was going through your mind when Rachael said she wanted to start this brand of CBD sports medicine? Were you 100 percent on board with the idea, or did you have some reservations?

I was 100 percent on board. Not only is CBD such an important piece for myself and other professional athletes I know, but Rach is uniquely positioned to lead an incredible business and help build an inclusive space within a growing industry.

What has your relationship with CBD been like, and how do you implement it into your regimen? Which Mendi products do you use regularly?

As an athlete that has gone on this journey with CBD and cannabis, it has really been about trying to figure out what it is and how it works. I also had a personal journey with prescription drugs, opiates, and sleeping pills, etc. Not that I ever abused it, but just the regularity with which it’s been handed out for athletes who are not sleeping well due to jet lag, sore muscles, hurt, or whatever. I just absolutely think that CBD as an alternative can help athletes be the best that they can at their craft and return to nature in a way that gives real recovery benefits long term.

As for which Mendi products are truly part of my daily life, I love the gummies and the salve stick. Both are so easy to travel with and carry. I also use the massage oil and the gel caps.

Now that CBD has been removed from the World Anti-Doping Agency’s list of banned substances, how is this a game changer for the world of sports?

I think this is the first step in the right direction and an exciting moment in the world of cannabis and sports. For the first time in history, CBD products are helping athletes get to the world’s biggest stage. These products have proven to be healthier tools than what has been historically prescribed and used in sports. So, from an athlete’s perspective, I feel better than ever because I know what I am putting in my body is all-natural and 100 percent safe for me.

Do you believe Mendi is also changing the narrative and fighting against the negative CBD stigma?

At this point in my career, it is more important to have long-term partnerships with companies who genuinely want to build a brighter future for all. Mendi is absolutely doing this by fighting for the destigmatization of cannabis in sports, but also by actively creating equality and equity in the world of sports and cannabis. They have been extremely thoughtful, detailed, and disciplined in their approach thus far, and I do think they are changing the narrative.

You are competing in your third Olympic Games. How meaningful is this to you, and what are you looking forward to the most about Tokyo? Can you talk about the process and what athletes go through leading up to the games?

I never take moments like this for granted; being a part of the Olympic team is an honor every time. This journey has been unprecedented, with the pandemic and ground shifting in our country. Athletes have been training under circumstances we have not seen before. It continues to be an intense time for all of us. I am always excited to take the field with my team and compete at the highest level.

Being the only openly queer player on the U.S. women’s national team around 2012 put you in the spotlight as an LGBTQ activist. What are leagues doing to handle LGBTQ acceptance and other racial/justice movements?

Like with any movement, it has been a process for leagues to learn how to handle a changing landscape. We have made a lot of progress since 2012, and we have a long way to go. I have been proud of my teams for embracing each other and always having each other’s backs.

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RACHAEL RAPINOE Photos courtesy of Mendi

On founding Mendi, the products, and ensuring success.

by Denny Patterson

You are the co-founder of CBD sports medicine brand Mendi. Can you begin by telling us more about it and why you wanted to start this venture?

We are a cannabis sports brand creating all naturally derived recovery tools to keep athletes on top of their game in a healthier, safer, and more sustainable way. That, for me, came from a very personal need. I come from a long family history of drug addiction. I grew up in a very rural town in Northern California that got hit very hard by the opioid epidemic. I have a brother who is a heroin addict, so I grew up with an interesting and emotional relationship to drugs and alcohol.

I also played elite soccer, went on to play division-one college soccer at the University of Portland, and went onto international championships. By the age of 21, I blew out my knee, and from 21 to 26, I had six surgeries, four knee surgeries, ankle surgeries, and I was prescribed, taking, and misusing more opioids than anyone should ever be prescribed, especially at that age. It is so addictive, and you are just not prepared for the type of effects that you are feeling. That immediately kind of catapulted me into a very passionate career in health and wellness. I started a training company after my master’s program. I have my master’s in health and exercise, and I built a performance training company here in Portland training elite collegiate and professional athletes.

Mendi started, honestly, because a lot of my athletes were using cannabis products, and we have seen for years that athletes have been crying out for the destigmatization of 3 0 OFM A U G U S T 2 0 2 1

cannabis in sports and for them to be able to use healthier pain management tools. They don’t want to use opiates; they don’t want to use prescription sleeping aids. Five years ago, I started using this stuff myself, and it made a huge difference in my life mentally, emotionally, and obviously, physically.

My co-founder, Brett Schwager, and I decided about threeand-a-half years ago that there needs to be a trusted sports brand that is sincerely formulating products from the ground up to meet the needs of athletes. The big thing is, most athletes are struggling with the same issues that the broader cannabis market is, which are mood, stress, anxiety, sleep, pain management, and inflammation. So, our strategy was to keep athletes at the center of influence and to tell their stories because it can tap into a much larger cannabis market.

Specifically, what kind of products does Mendi offer?

Cannabis is not a one-size-fits-all, so we offer a range of topicals, bath salts, and a range of ingestibles. With that, there are various dosages that you can take as well. We typically are on the higher end of baseline dosages because efficacy is so important when you are working with professional athletes who have a public relationship with us. So, we have anything from gummies, soft gel capsules, tinctures, day and night tinctures, bath salts, lotions, and massage oil. Then, we are launching a hydration product in the fall. It really is a suite of recovery products to kind of meet athletes or everyday weekend warriors, wherever they are at in their routine.

It sounds like there are many benefits to cannabis in the sports world.

There are, yes. We create products that solve real problems in people’s lives. Everything is benefit-led with us in terms of our formulations and the efficacy of it. We are specifically targeting pain management, inflammation, sleep, and mood, and mood can be broken down into a reduction of stress and anxiety.

What were some of the challenges of getting Mendi started? I assume COVID played a big factor?

We went to market at the end of 2019, and we kind of blew into the scene because we launched our brand during the Women’s World Cup. Of course, my sister, Megan Rapinoe, who is, like, the global, football, lesbian icon–that was her breakout moment. She was definitely on a path to stardom pre-2019, but she had a phenomenal tournament, and her individual brand just blew up after that. She was our first athlete that we signed, so we kind of came in hot into the market championing equity, equality, and healthier recovery for athletes.

Then the pandemic hit. Having that happen during our firstyear startup has been difficult to navigate, but even more than that, women in particular have been hit very hard with this pandemic. More job losses have been female jobs; females have been for sure underpaid, and female-founded companies have been hit very hard in terms of the capital landscape. We were already around 3 percent, so about 3 percent of femalefounded companies pre-pandemic were getting institutional funding. Now, it is even less than that.

So, the pandemic has been a challenge, but just the inequities in general in this space, both in a sports and cannabis space for women, people of color, and the LGBTQ community. That is even more important why a brand like Mendi needs to exist. To be leaders in this space because we need equity, and we need this industry and the sports landscape to work for everyone.

Speaking of Megan, how special was it to have her involved and be the official athlete brand ambassador?

Was she supportive of this venture from the beginning?

That is a great question. She truly is a big reason why I started down this path. I have always been interested in health and wellness; I love sports science; I love human physiology and anatomy, but she was one of the athletes that introduced me to cannabis because she needed something healthier. She was using it as a wellness tool, and she encouraged me to use it because I have a lot of inflammation and pain in my knees and joints.

I told her what Brett and I were concepting, and from day one, she has been all in. She has been looking, selfishly as an athlete, her and Sue were looking for cannabis companies to trust. They were kind of bouncing around from different brands; they didn’t really know what to trust. So, we have been their trusted brand, and we have been their resource for cannabis education. Her support has been the world, but she has really been with us since day one.

There has been a lot of misinformation about CBD. How is Mendi changing the narrative and fighting against that negative stigma?

That is definitely something that has hurt the landscape, for sure. It has caused a lot of confusion, but it will help immensely when we have the full support of the FDA. Hopefully, that will rule out some rules and regulations that will create more continuity between brands and in the landscape, especially for the retail market. We are sciencebacked, so we have a sports scientist on our advisory board, and we have two other sports physiologists that are on our advisory board as well.

That was the first thing we did. Even before getting athletes’ names out there attached to Mendi, we wanted to solidify ourselves as a sports performance company that was grounded in and backed by science. All of our products are formulated from the ground up with our chemists, our sports scientists, and our product teams, and we follow what the data says. There is a ton of evidence out, a ton of research, and our sports scientists have been doing this type of research for over 35 years. We use a lot of his markers to guide us in our language.

Also, we do not count CBD as a cure-all. It is a wonderful, natural tool that can be used every day as part of a healthier recovery system of tools that someone is using, but if you are taking a CBD pill every day, then drinking a 12-pack and chilling on the couch all day, then obviously, it is probably not going to solve all your pain management issues. We tell the real and sincere story of what it can do when combined or put into an all-natural recovery system. outfrontmagazine.com 31

Since Mendi’s inception, how has it been received?

Great, phenomenal. I cannot even tell you how many athletes are like, “Thank God there’s a brand out there that we can trust and is thirdparty tested.” We are very transparent with our ingredients, and we have been wonderfully received by pretty much every major sports league and sports team out there. We are, obviously, heavily integrated here in the Pacific Northwest because we are an Oregon-born company, but yes, we have been received very well. We are young, and we have a lot of growing to do, but our path is very bright.

What are you personally going to do to ensure that Mendi stays a success?

That is a loaded question because I do a lot.

I would say, I am going to continue being the fearless leader of Mendi; I will not let the inequities in this landscape hold us back at all, and I will continue advocating to destigmatize cannabis in sports. I truly believe this plant needs to be free, and every athlete should have equal access to it so they can perform at the highest levels and recover better.

What are some future goals you would like to see Mendi achieve in the next couple of years?

We definitely want to be a leader in the industry.

We want to have a strong, online footprint; we have a very scalable, D2C business model, and we want to continue getting brand visibility. We also want to continue being entrenched in all the major sports leagues: basketball, football, soccer.

Obviously, right now, we are championing our Olympic athletes and into the Winter Olympics, but after that, we are going to focus on some of the more institutionalized sports. At the end of the day, we want to be a brand synonymous with healthier pain management and recovery tools.

When you go into your cabinet to get Tylenol, we want Mendi to be synonymous with that. That is really our ultimate goal.

Before we wrap up, is there anything else you would like to mention or plug?

This is a very exciting time for cannabis. The World Anti-Doping Agency lifted the CBD ban a couple years ago, so this is the first Olympics that athletes have been able to use these products to get them to the world’s biggest stage, and that is really the story that we are trying to tell. Cannabis, for the first time ever, is on the world’s biggest stage, and this is what the face of cannabis and sports actually looks like.

There is definitely a real stigma that only certain types of athletes are using cannabis products, but in reality, the majority of athletes are using products, and it is not a one-size-fits-all. There are topicals, tinctures, gummies—it’s just a matter of what works for you and what you are currently using in your recovery routine. I think the story we want to tell is, here’s the face of cannabis, and it is on the world stage. That is a big game changer in the world of sports.

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N E W C U S T O M E R S R E C E I V E 3 0 % O F F*

During increasingly digital times,

some things are better in analog

OFM travel

Voyage to the Mountains

N

Paonia

by Ash Trego

estled in the North Fork Valley on the Western Slope of Colorado lies a town called Paonia. This small, rural community is truly special and offers a plethora of unique experiences to both its residents and visitors alike.

Being somewhat off the beaten path, Paonia, CO is a littleknown gem of a town just a few hours away from the Front Range. With only about 2,000 residents, give or take, Paonia is the quintessential small town from one end to the other.

During the summer months, which typically are from Memorial Day to the end of October, the multiple wineries and farm markets open their doors for the season and offer an endless array of wine, food, produce, arts, crafts, and more.

What was once primarily a coal mining and agricultural valley has morphed over the years into a little haven of delightful exploration for the senses where winemakers, beer brewers, hemp growers, cheesemongers, artists, musicians, and world-class chefs hone their crafts and share the fruit of their labors with the community.

What might a visitor do for a romantic and relaxing weekend in such a place? I’m glad you asked. Here are just a few of the activities and venues that might be on the menu:

Lodging choices are plenty and include motels, Airbnbs, and bed and breakfasts. The Bross Hotel Bed & Breakfast is located just a block from downtown and is a sure thing for a wonderful night’s sleep in a beautiful, historic building with an amazing breakfast.

This lovely, old inn is as charming as they get and boasts a combination of vintage décor mixed with modern nuances and amenities for your comfort. Owners Suzanne Tripp and Mike Yengling make each guest feel at home and prepare delicious, gourmet breakfasts each morning.

“Both Suzanne and I have backgrounds in historic architecture—I used to work in organic farming, and she’s a lifelong baker and cook, so the Bross and the North Fork Valley are a pretty natural fit,” Yengling says.

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And the wine tasting! One of the more stand-out attractions of the area is its wineries. Of these, there are plenty of choices. Just a few miles out of town is Alfred Eames Cellar.

These guys—Alfred “Eames” Petersen, his son Devin, and their family—have been winemakers and much-loved fixtures in the community for many years. Working side-byside, they produce some of the best and most recognized wines in the state.

Rob Kimball of 5680 Vineyards produces the highest altitude Syrah in the North Hemisphere with grapes he grows in his backyard vineyard.

Root and Vine Market and Café is also home to Qutori Winery and Tasting Room, where you can have locally roasted coffee, taste wine, and enjoy lunch or a fresh-baked goodie while taking in the spectacular view from their front patio. Annie Stewart, Root and Vine’s head baker, says, “Forget cake–let them eat pie!” (She says this, even though they also serve cake.) Another great option is Delicious Orchards Café, which doubles as a tasting room for several local wineries, and also makes great hard apple cider. Delicious has an outdoor picnic that provides a true country atmosphere with music, a playground for kids and all.

Just up the hill from Root and Vine on Garvin Mesa are two more wineries to visit. Azura Winery and art gallery are owned by Ty and Helen Gillespie, who bring with them years of passion for wine and food and who have created a scenic haven where one can enjoy a glass of wine on the patio or even sail miniature yacht in the pond down below.

Stone Cottage Cellars a little farther up is owned by Brent and Karen Helleckson, formerly an aerospace engineer and a business/marketing professional respectively, and who now produce fine wines from their vineyard, which is one of the original plantings in the valley.

Brian and Cyndi of Endless Endeavor Winery and Bed & Breakfast and Steve Steese and Jaime Henderson of The Storm Cellar wineries are two of the newer wineries in the area and are already producing outstanding wines and helping to further the appeal of the area and the rapidly expanding popularity of Colorado wine as a whole.

The Black Bridge Winery and Orchard Valley Farms is a long-established farm market and winery owned by Lee and Kathy Bradley. The setting at Black Bridge is truly something to behold, with a gorgeous stretch of riverfront seating by the water. The tasting room and market offer a multitude of wines to try as well as olive oils, balsamic, vinegar, local honey, and treats galore. When in season, there are U-Pick fruits and veggies and just an endless array of delightful activities for all. Just across the Bridge from these guys is soon-to-be the newest winery and B&B in the area, The Painted Vineyard, owned by Jeff and Karen Schiros from the Vail area.

Chef Kelly Steinmetz, who is the proprietor of The Flying Fork Restaurant and Corner Bar, hails from Aspen and has been serving up his world-class cuisine in an environment that is best described as “simple elegance.” Kelly focuses on using the freshest and most locally sourced ingredients in his Italian-inspired cuisine to create everything from his artisanal pizzas to dishes like shrimp in vodka cream sauce over homemade linguini, tasty chicken piccata, and vegetable lasagna to name just a few. An eclectic selection of wine, beer, and craft cocktails offer ample choices to pair with a meal or to enjoy at the cozy little bar where locals and visitors gather.

Food trucks like 1-2 Thai, owned by Alm and Tyson Schneller, have been around town in various locations serving authentic, tasty Thai food since 2014. The culinary scene is ever improving and includes everything from Rio Bravo Mexican restaurant, Paonia Bread Works (where fresh baked bread and pastries can be enjoyed with a coffee), Louie’s Pizza, Edesia Community Kitchen, The Diner, Sweetgrass, and more. There is truly something for every taste.

Paonia has two local breweries that offer both familiar favorites from the PUB (Paonia United Brewing) like IPA, stouts, and lagers to the sour beers of Chrysalis Brewery. Both breweries are always evolving and offering thirsty patrons new and exciting selections to quench the thirst of those who enter.

The Arbol Farmer’s Market on Tuesday brings farmers, artists and food vendors and music to the town park where many festivities take place during the summer.

A long-running favorite is Pickin’ In The Park, a summer concert series that not only brings people from all over to listen but brings a collection of musical talent from far and wide to this small town. The annual Fourth of July celebration Cherry Days is also in the park and offers the public three days of festivities that include a parade, live music, food, drink, dancing, and more. The wineries host several events each summer that include Wine Trail Weekend, which offers winery tours, tasting, winemaker dinners and more. Closer to fall, Mountain Harvest Fest is a combined effort of the community that features music, food, special events, and more and is meant to celebrate the abundant harvests of the season.

In addition to all of this, the area offers an endless array of outdoor activities like hiking, biking, river rafting, fishing, paddle boarding, camping, boating, and doing all of these in one of the most breathtaking, tucked-away corners of the world.

Paonia welcomes all and is an experience one will not soon forget and which most who come to once are sure to visit again.

PROUDLY SERVING THE AURORA COMMUNITY SINCE 2015.

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VISCERAL experience

Vickie Peirre

by Addison Herron-Wheeler

A

window into the past and cultural expression, Vickie Peirre weaves together striking, 3D structures that touch on classic sensibilities but with a focus on cultural commentary. The Miami-based artist’s pieces have been described as “fractured fairy tales.” The first glimpse reveals beauty, but a deeper look brings a pointed message. Her work is currently on display at the Boca Raton Museum of Art, and we talked with her about her work and creative process.

How did you first get into making art, and what led you to this medium?

I have been making art my whole life. As a child, I would draw on my bedroom walls and eventually in my school books! I became more serious about my artmaking process once I graduated from college, School of Visual Arts. I started out with the usual, painting and drawing, but in the early 2000s, I began playing around with decorative objects that I’d been collecting and hoarding for some years. I began to see and understand the connections of these objects to global histories and cultures as well as my personal memories.

What is the process like for making your pieces?

I make a lot of sketches of project ideas for my assemblages and collage works (on paper and canvas). I’ll sift through the sketches to find inspiration or the concept can come to me through every day visual experiences. Once I determine the size and shape of the work, it becomes a self-evolving process. There are times when the process of creating a piece is very quick and seamless. Other times it can be stagnant,

and I’ll leave the work alone to allow for more time and consideration to show me the path forward.

What points are you trying to explore with your art about colonialism and race, and how do you feel this is achieved? How do your pieces deconstruct ideas about colonialism, class, and royalty?

In my work, I consider how history, gender and ethnicity influences the way I view the world and my place in it.

The works are multilayered, without a linear narrative.

They may appear to be enchanting and whimsical; that is an intentional, important part of the work. But while the use of decorative architectural elements (wall plaque decorations and candle sconces, from varying periods), point to grandeur, decadence, and beauty, they also point to systems of power as well as the ignored truths and caveats of such beauty and how that was obtained and who benefited, etc., etc. Minimal color usage in some of the works project, a fantastical tone that speaks to nightmares, higher powers, and enlightenment. In addition, the assemblages are very much about empowerment of the femme in me and in everyone. Certain objects carrying certain connotations: the galleon ships and gold inflections refer to the slave trade and the continuous migration of peoples around the world. Decorative wall plaques are cut and manipulated, positioned to create new decorative objects. Silk doll hair and deconstructed perfume bottles consider idealized femininity and how that is commoditized. The upper portion of the perfume bottles are detached, leaving the lower skirt segment as a nod to surrealist artists and as an active representation of the deconstruction of historic feminine tropes.

What do you think people take away from or get from your art?

Hopefully, viewers will have a visceral experience with the work that will move them to consider their connections to historical and decorative objects in their personal lives.

Do you have anything new or exciting in the works that you want to announce?

I am currently preparing a series of canvas works composed of acrylic, collage, and mixed media. Like the assemblage works, the underlying narrative always speaks to the intersection of feminine identity, Caribbean culture, history, and decoration.

Where do you hope to be in five or 10 years with your art making?

I am compelled to make this work, no matter what, so I hope, I expect, my work will continue to evolve and grow as I do.

OFM art

the

outfrontmagazine.com 37

OFM music

CAKES DA KILLA

photo by Ebru Yildiz

by Denny Patterson

by Denny Patterson

A

lthough indie rap artist and nightlife maven Cakes Da Killa launched into the mainstream after appearing on Netflix’s reality competition Rhythm + Flow in 2019, he already made a name for himself as a leading figure of the queer hip-hop explosion almost a decade earlier.

Giving listeners a witty flow and unapologetic delivery, Cakes helped push the acceptance of openly gay artists in hip-hop, a genre that has been historically low when it comes to LGBTQ representation. Mixing 90s grit with high energy club beats, Cakes’ unique persona quickly cemented him as one of the most dynamic lyricists to hit the airwaves. He continues to break barriers and pave the way to promote Black excellence and LGBTQ visibility in the media.

Cakes has a bright future ahead, and we cannot wait to see what he delivers next. Recently, he reunited with producer Proper Villains for the new Muvaland Vol. 2 EP, the sequel to last year’s Muvaland.

OFM had the pleasure of connecting with Cakes to talk more about the EP, the divide between the LGBTQ community and hip-hop, and living your life to the best of your ability.

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You recently released your new EP, Muvaland Vol. 2. Why did you want to do a sequel to Muvaland, and what was the EP’s concept and inspiration?

The initial EP was supposed to be a one-off that I did with Proper Villains. We put it out at the height of the pandemic, and for me, it was just something that I wanted to do for the community as something to take their minds off of what was going on. We really thought the world was going to fucking end. It still may [laughs].

So, I wanted to put out a high-energy project, and Classic Music Company put out the first installment of it.

Muvaland Vol. 2 is a joyride back to 90s ballroom?

It is more so just a throwback to 90s club music. Think about when you would go to the clubs in the 90s. Going to places like The Limelight or The Sound Factory.

How has ballroom culture contributed to your success as an artist?

I came out during a time where being Black and gay, there were no visible characters like there are now. If you wanted to socialize, be creative, or have an outlet to meet people like you, you had to go to the Village and meet people who vogued. That is why the community is so large. For so long, people like us, Black and brown gay, trans, and nonbinary people, we did not have places to go to be creative.

Ballroom has always allowed me to network, and it has always been a place of inspiration. It is a lot bigger than what people make it out to be, especially with it becoming more mainstream.

I love that it is having its time on the mainstage because there is a lot of talent in the ballroom community.

With shows like Legendary and Pose, what needs to be done for people to know that ballroom culture is more than just a trend?

I think for people to know that ballroom is more than just a trend, they actually need to talk to people that are actually affluent in the community and take part in the community. Opposed to running with what they hear through the filter. A lot of people are taking their ballroomisms from people who are not affiliated with ballroom, so that is when the message gets diluted.

There is a song on Muvaland Vol. 2 called “Stoggaf,” which is the homophobic slur spelled backwards.

What is your take on the reclamation of this word, and why did you use it to title the track?

I titled that because that is what the song is about. For me, as someone that grew up being called a faggot, I think that I have every right to re-appropriate, throw glitter, chop, and screw the word as much as I can. Do I think everybody in the community identifies as that or likes the word? No, but I don’t think my life and my existence on this Earth is to please straight people or everybody in the community. I come from a community and from a culture where we go out, and we like to fag out. So, this song is for the people who like to do that, and those who don’t like it, skip the track.

How did you get into the world of rap?

I fell into this genre just by recording videos of myself rapping on YouTube, just to make my friends laugh. Someone asked me if I wanted to be featured on a mixtape that they were putting together, and ever since then, I just got addicted to recording. I fell in love with performing, and I always had a love for nightlife, so they just combined.

Have you faced any challenges being a queer artist in hip-hop?

I don’t really know of any hardships or blessings that were blocked because of me being open about my sexuality, because I don’t worry about it. I kind of operate on the timeline of, what’s for me is for me, and what’s not for me is not for me. I do not want to be in places or spaces

where I have to convince someone that I should be there. My sexuality should not matter. I have been very successful as an artist, and I don’t like to focus on the negatives. I like focusing more on the pros of my accomplishments.

Why do you think there has been such a divide between the LGBTQ community and hip-hop?

[Laughs] That is a loaded question that has to do with a lot of different variables.

We can talk about Buck Breaking; we can talk about the role religion has on the African American community, we can talk about politics, we can talk about racism—it’s a lot. Isn’t America like the newest country? We have a lot of things to work on, but it’s a lot. To me, I just feel like people should mind their business.

I do not think my presence in media or in life should cause homophobia. I don’t give a fuck what you feel like, but when it becomes violent or you try to put that on someone else, that is out of balance.

I think everyone should live their lives and focus on themselves.

Do you think we are heading in a direction where we won’t have to advocate for representation and inclusion as much?

No, because even with this whole meshing of people, people not identifying as homosexual but identifying more as queer and destroying binaries, people are still going to have their racisms and -isms. People try to make it seem like we live in Care Bear land now, but there are still issues between queer people and gay people. The same way that there are issues with people who wear masks.

People are flawed, and they are always going to find something to be fucking pressed about. That is why I just stick to my cocktail and mind my business.

You’re vocal about celebrating Black artists; do you think we are giving them the attention they deserve?

I have always been vocal about celebrating Black artists because I am a Black artist myself, but do I think the mainstream media are more accepting of Black artists? No. I think there is more stealing from Black artists at a higher rate than ever.

What more do you hope to accomplish with your platform?

With my platform, I just want people to really realize that you are only on this planet once, and you should really live your life to the best of your ability. Do and achieve whatever you want to do. If it’s for you, it’s for you, baby. outfrontmagazine.com 39

photo by Pri

OFM music

PLEXXAGLASS T

he rise of the pop artist is not linear, and in fact, it is as unique to each individual artist as is the journey through queerness. One’s arrival at their identity may resemble another experience, but no two journeys are the same. For Plexxaglass, the evolution of identity in both music and life have been stories of exploration, growth, and authenticity.

Dark pop is where we can nestle in and understand the nonbinary artist’s sound, yet it is more complex than that, as are most things. Finding beauty in the macabre, the droning resonance of minor keys are abundant and revealing. From their relationship with themselves to the ones with those around them, Plexxaglass uses their art as a motive for self-exploration and finds relief in sonic expression, mental health, bodily autonomy, gender, and sexuality; they are digging down deep and delivering powerful and relatable songs.

After releasing their latest single, “Lilith,” produced

by Linkin Park’s Mike Shinoda, Plexxaglass has discovered a brand-new audience and a true inner strength. Through hard work, dedication, determination, and a solid vision, they remain true to themselves, honest about their experience, and vulnerable with their art. From talking about how their music has become a declaration of empowerment to a safe space for them to live in their truth, we learn more about the art, the artist, and the person, who is Plexxaglass.

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Dark Pop Meets Queer Feminism

by Veronica L. Holyfield

There is an anthemic and powerful resonance to your music; how did you discover your creative voice?

I’ve always wanted to perform; I started out in musical theater when I was a lot younger, so, when I decided that I wanted to dabble in my own music, it was a process of figuring out how to remove a lot of my training, to be honest. I really do credit a lot of it to my producer, Kevin Billingsley. I co-wrote a song for a band that he was working with, and I was in the studio with him, and he said to me, ‘Hey, this is sounding great, but can you enunciate less?’ I know that sounds like such a simple thing, but it really clicked with me. There is some ambiguity when it comes to pop music, and that little adjustment really helped me a lot.

How has music been a tool of self-discovery and expression?

My second single I ever put out is called “Liar,” and it is specifically talking about my Bipolar II. More neurotypical people might feel that declaring your mental illness is like saying a bad word, but for me, it was very powerful for me to get that diagnosis and to feel like what I was feeling was real.

I also took a big journey with my music on my gender identity. I’m pretty newly out nonbinary—it’s only been, like, a year-and-a-half— but looking back on my work, I don’t even know if it was subconscious or what, but I didn’t really use pronouns; it was all first person. I just

Coming into your nonbinary identity, what was that journey like for you?

I was reading a book, Black Sun by Rebecca Roanhorse, and there are these nonbinary characters who use ze/zed pronouns, and I was like, ‘Wow, that’s cool.’ I think before I read that book, it hadn’t really clicked with me that this was an option for me. I can tell you so many anecdotes of when I was a kid, trying to mask myself, and feeling so frustrated that I had to conform to what being a little girl was supposed to look like, and be like, ‘The Z Generation, they really have it going on;’ I applaud them and thank them because they know something about all of this that my generation, and generations prior, just did not know. It’s been great. It didn’t feel like a scary coming out—it felt right and relieving, and it was very affirming How did the concept of bodily autonomy arrive as a theme you wanted to write about in the single “Lilith”?

I wrote it when the last season of Handmaid’s Tale came out; I was very fascinated by the character studies that they were presenting in that season and watching them go through the struggle of realizing that their ideology was flawed. And then Lilith is such an interesting biblical character, or not biblical depending on who you ask; she’s left out in some cases. I don’t even know when I first heard about her, but I always found her interesting. The thought of Adam having a wife before Eve is just fascinating in and of itself, but her is she basically left Adam because she didn’t want to have sex with Adam in missionary; she wanted to be on top sometimes. He was like, ‘No,’ and so she left because she’s like, ‘We’re made from the same clay, bro. Where do you get off thinking that you’re better than me?’ She was actually made from the same clay, not just the rib, and I think that’s a reason why she is used in spirituality as a pinnacle of feminism and equal rights. I think she’s a really cool figure and one that I definitely used when I was completing this song.

How much do visual concepts and components incorporate into your songwriting?

How did the collaboration with Mike Shinoda come to be?

He started to get into the TikTok game and was asking people to duet songs that he created, so I actually did a duet with him on TikTok and some of his fans found me through that. One of them messaged me on Instagram and said, “Mike wants to produce independent artists this year, you should submit your song.” So, thank you Jacqueline because if it wasn’t for a Mike Shinoda/Linkin Park stan, we wouldn’t be talking about this release right now.

OFM music

recently went back and realized that it has always been there, even before I came out, to separate myself and declare myself in that way.

We talk a lot about the negative effects of social media, but that sounds like an instance of it working in the right way, by creating opportunity and connecting with people.

I’m so glad that I finally swallowed my pride and decided to go on TikTok because, even before all the Mike Shinoda stuff, I had a video going a little viral. It was a low point; I was incredibly depressed and feeling like I wanted to quit. I was so tired of the grind; it’s just so draining, and all of the comparison, it is really hard. I posted a video just being very brutally honest, like, ‘Hey, I can’t seem to break through, and it’d be really cool if some people that I didn’t know would check out my music.’ I’m not big on unsolicited feedback, but I was looking for a fan base. It’s been crazy; I went from, like, 100 monthly listeners to 2,000 in 24 hours, and it’s been a steady three to five K a month.

It sounds like resiliency is a prevalent theme in your life.

As a nonbinary and pansexual person, I do feel so lucky to be alive now. There’s so much more progress that needs to be had, but I think it is finding that community, and knowing there are people in that broader community that I may never meet, but it’s so comforting. I think without that, I would not have felt comfortable being myself and speaking freely about my identity. I have never conformed with my art; I think that’s the one part of my life that has always been 100 percent authentic to who I am, inside and out. It is the truest form of expressing myself, and at the end of the day, whatever happens with this journey that I’m on, I can go to bed at night and have this concrete example of me being true to myself, no matter what.

A lot; when I first start writing a song, I’m always thinking about, ‘What could a video for this song look like? What kind of imagery am I feeling here?’ I see little stories when I’m writing; I definitely feel like specific environments, like for “Lilith,” it was almost like Siberia, a whole desert wasteland.

Have you ever had issues with executing your entire vision, from start to finish?

I actually directed two and edited one of my music videos myself because I had very specific shots that I wanted, and when it comes to stuff like that, I think it is really hard to articulate exactly the movie that I’m playing in my head. I am that type of person, and so many people in my life have made many attempts to break me of this, but I do have a problem speaking up for myself. There are times when it’s in someone else’s hands that I bite my tongue because I don’t want to be like, ‘Hey, there’s two seconds longer than I want on this shot.

Can you shave off two seconds and then sit and render it for two hours? Thank you.’ So, when it’s just me, I can feel good about going back and being nitpicky.

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OFM music

Ezra Michel

Trans Liberation Through Music

by Denny Patterson

I

n the words of Mark Twain, “Write what you know.” That is exactly what Los Angeles-based, multidisciplinary artist Ezra Michel does.

Pulling inspiration from his experiences as a trans man, Michel is focused on creating content that explores gender, expression, and liberation. His goal is to highlight the nuances of existing within the realm of nonbinary transmasculinity, with a lighthearted and genuine approach.

Earlier this summer, the queer singer released his latest single and video, “Girl Baby,” which tells the story of an AFAB child growing into their nonbinary identity and receiving support from their parents, who are played by trans superstars Gottmik and Laith Ashley. Michel says the song’s intention is to imagine a world where coming out as nonbinary or trans is not an Earth-shattering event or something to fear. The music video also marks the directorial debut of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season Eight winner Bob the Drag Queen, who happens to be Michel’s partner.

OFM had the opportunity to catch up with Michel and talk more about “Girl Baby,” his coming-out story, and music goals he would like to accomplish.

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Can you begin by telling us more about your latest single, “Girl Baby,” and what inspired you to write it?

I actually wrote it a few years ago in my bedroom. I was going to bed, and then the phrase ‘girl baby’ suddenly popped in my head.

You hear the phrase ‘baby girl’ a lot in reference to a newborn child or whatever, but I was just thinking about the phrase and was like, ‘Whoa, they thought I was a girl baby, and I wasn’t.’ For some reason, it just blew my mind.

So, I leapt out of bed and wrote the song in like 15 minutes. I played it at shows as a folk song for a long time, but when I brought it to a producer, he produced a different song for me. He was like, ‘I feel like we can turn this into something else. Like, some sort of pop track.’ I said, ‘Sure.’ So, that is where it came from.

The music video for “Girl Baby” features an all trans cast, which includes you, Gottmik, and Laith Ashley. What was it like working with them, and why did you choose these two to be involved?

My partner, Bob the Drag Queen, is the one who directed the video.

When he brought the idea to me, he had this whole fantasy already played out in his mind of what it would look like, and I was just blown away. He was like, we have to get some parents.

Gottmik had already been cast on Drag Race, and it was in the middle of the season, and I said it would be a trip if we got Gottmik to be the mom and Laith Ashely, who is a friend of mine, to be the dad. I always joke around with Laith, calling him my dad anyways [laughs].

Which is so silly because he is not that much older than me, but when I was a teenager, I really looked up to Laith. I always idolized him. I put him up on a huge pedestal when I was younger; then we became friends.

So, I immediately thought of him, but it would be wild and amazing if we could get Gottmik.

photo courtesy of Ezra Michel

This was also Bob’s directorial debut. How meaningful was it for you to share this experience with him?

It was really special. Bob has been so generous with sharing his platform and supporting me in whatever way he can with my music. We talked about it, and he was like, ‘I’m not doing this just because you’re my boyfriend. I actually like your music.’ Like, thank God! The great thing about Bob is that you can take everything he says at face value. He doesn’t mean anything by anything other than what you think it means. He is just so direct and honest, so I really trust that. He has never lied to me, not once, and that is pretty beautiful in almost two years of a relationship.

So, working with him has been very dreamy, it has been a lot of fun to create together, and he is very supportive of uplifting the trans community in whatever way he can.

What was it like for you growing up trans and coming out?

I had a really hard go of it. I am a drug addict in recovery, and I mostly just turned to numbing out and running away from everything for a while. Even though I did come out as a lesbian in high school, after that, I quickly turned to drinking and drugs.

It was like, ‘Yeah, this is me,’ but when I got the reaction, then I was like, ‘Fuck, what have I done? I have to go hide now.’ [laughs] So, it took a while for me to find some confidence and really own it.

I really went through it as a teenager, and I almost didn’t make it so many times. I almost didn’t graduate from high school. It was very tough, and I do attribute it to having known that there was something off and not being able to pinpoint it because there really wasn’t any language for it yet. When I did think that maybe I could find the language, I was not secure enough to own or claim it. I was in the dark, hiding, binding my chest at two in the morning, looking in the mirror, crying, and writing songs. That was the vibe I was going through.

What are some future goals you would like to achieve with your music career?

In whatever capacity, I would like to be a household name. I would like that so much. I also want to make albums instead of just singles, and I think that is an achievable short-term goal. I have written over 70 songs. I have so much music that I am just sitting on that no one knows about! That is the result of a lot of ideas and really severe ADHD. outfrontma ga zine.com 43

OFM music

OFM NEW MUSIC This month’s must-catch new releases from the artists you already love and the musicians you need to know.

Zachary Knowles

MAY-A

Don’t Kiss UR Friends

alexalone

Tender pop meets anthemic introspection with the debut album

by Zachary Knowles. Mirroring the flow of emotions, Tendency To Be a Loner explores the energy of an introvert: the highs and lows of the struggle to connect. With a melodic vocal styling that is both a lullaby and an energetic spark, Knowles leans into acoustic inspirations while building on the familiar singersongwriter aesthetic. Exposing the commonalities of the human condition, this album will bring a sense of belonging.

Releases August 6, 2021.

Breakout artist MAY-A releases her debut album and adds a whole new layer of dimension to her catalog.

Threading together her previously successful, pop singles, MAY-A expands her queer songwriting stories with new songs that share the artist’s journey throughout the course of a relationship. Gaining confidence both in life and in love, the music shows a maturity in sound and lyricism, as the songstress churns out track after track of catchy, moody, and relaxing features in Don’t Kiss UR Friends.

Releases August 6, 2021.

Through dark, droning, and muddy spaces, art is found and brings relief from the monotony of life. The new album from alexalone brings that breath of pulsing energy with the release of their first, full-length album, ALEXALONEWORLD. Emotion swirls as guitars shred, and the drama continues to build, as each song on the record ups the ante, contrasting the soft tones of vocals with the harsh and dissonant quest for the peaceful place where mystery meets self-actualization.

Releases August 13, 2021.

Dakota Jones

Shannon & The Clams

CHVRCHES

Raging against death, darkness, and disease, the sixth studio album from Shannon & The Clams is a reflection and intimate portrait of overcoming the odds and thriving in the process. Showcasing a blend of garage psych, doo-wop, classic R&B, and surf rock, Year of the Spider showcases the band’s authentic and innovative sounds paired with a message of community and love.

Through swelling, pop arrangements and bewitching vocals, we find the classic rockers at their best.

Releases August 20, 2021.

After a decade of making music together, CHRVCHES is still going strong with the release of its fourth studio album. The reality of pandemic life of human connection through monitors and screens, a concept collection of songs was born to provide both escapism and expression.

The alt-pop trio lean into its distinct tempos paired with surprising beat structures which highlight its ability to write catchy and dynamic melodies.

Screen Violence is the release to catch this month.

Tendency To Be a Loner

Black Light

NYC-based funk-rock band Dakota Jones, led by vocalist Tristan CaterJones, delivers a blend of invigorating blues and sultry soul with the release of Black Light. Unafraid to explore the mess of life, the album features stories of the ups, downs, and in-betweens, all while featuring powerful and confident rhythms and rhymes. Funky layers emphasize the magnetism of instant attraction to nostalgia, the refreshing revelation of modern soul, and the essence of vintage blues. Tried and true, Dakota Jones delivers something that is both fresh and timeless.

Releases August 27, 2021.

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Year of the Spider

ALEXALONEWORLD

Screen Violence

Releases August 27, 2021.

HIGH NOTE photo by Lucas Garrido

HALSEY

If I Can’t Have Love, I Want Power Pop powerhouse Halsey continues to push creative boundaries with If I Can’t Have Love, I Want Power. The singer-songwriter, poet, and influential, queer icon-in-themaking blurs the line between art and life and has created a concept album that places us directly in the mind of the artist.

In their fourth studio album, the nonbinary musician explores the contrasting, simultaneous experience of the joys and horrors of pregnancy and childbirth. After recently giving birth to their child, Ender, Halsey has publicly spoke of how being pregnant changed their perception of binary gender and their relationship to the body, recognizing it as a vessel of creation and commentary. Sexuality and parenthood co-exist in a space which illicit feelings of both admiration and admonishment, and in both peace and power, Halsey reclaims their body, and their autonomy, from the mindset of ownership which society enacts on celebrities.

The cover art of the album is used as a way of visually communicating the intention of the music. Showing the sexual and strong beauty of the body postpartum, Halsey aims to eradicate the stigma around bodies and breastfeeding without sterilizing or hiding the health of connection and nourishment.

Releases August 27, 2021.

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o u t f r o n tm a g a z i n e. co m 45

from

A

OFM style

Modern Body Piercing Born Kink

magazine, the first piercing and body modification magazine, as a person with increased access to photography and articles on the subject.

The inaugural issue features an illustration of a beefy, tattooed man in a harness, arms chained together, penis on full display donning a Prince Albert piercing.

The magazine persisted, and the studio grew over time from a small space and jewelry manufacturer in Los Angeles to include locations in San Francisco, New York, a franchise in Paris, sitting beside a huge jewelry manufacturing operation.

Piercing culture did not marry itself to tattooing or fall under that larger body modification umbrella we often see today until the mid-90s, when the heteronormative mainstream began to embrace it. Before that, piercing as a whole often was tied to queerness, kink, and alternative culture, and though body piercing expanded over time to queer communities across the U.S., Ward was well aware of how it was perceived.

In one of his Body Modification Ezine columns, part of his series “Running the Gauntlet,” Ward said he became paranoid being part of the industry in the 80s, in that some “authoritarian agency might decide what we were doing what somehow criminal,” in relation to the studio and the magazine.

“It was the mid 80s, and the government had started cracking down on S/M publications. I took a long, hard look at the material I was publishing, asking myself if there was anything in PFIQ that might come under attack.”

The publication experienced censorship in Japan, Great Britain, Australia, and New Zealand, regularly seized by customs agents and regarded as indecent.

Gauntlet published a total of 50 PFIQ issues, and it wasn’t until 1998 when Gauntlet closed up shop over bankruptcy, the court also seized the rights to the PFIQ. Nearly six years later, the trustee took steps to dispose of the property and put it up for auction on eBay. An anonymous bidder placed the winning bid and sold it to Ward and his partner for $1. “It brings a tear to my eye every time I think about what has happened over the years. Jim has done so much for me and others that words could never be put forth in this format ... Now, it’s time to give him something,” the bidder says in an email prior to the auction.

“It is without question one of the most generous gifts I have ever received,” Ward says.

Ward has since been inducted into the Leather Hall of Fame and the Society of Janus (a BDSM organization) Hall of Fame.

In their 2004 documentary The Social History of Piercing, MTV dubbed him “the granddaddy of the modern body piercing movement.”

While body piercing and body modification has a deeply storied history, with the undeniable visibility and increased acceptance of body piercing in today’s modern world, there is no denying it would not have happened the same way without people in early queer and kink culture, like Jim Ward.

and Queerness

by Keegan Williams

couple months back, I wrote a column talking about the history of men and ear piercings and how the prevalence today of body piercing has links to queerness. I mourned my slim word count in comparison to the vast amount of information on the subject, specifically discussions about Jim Ward who opened Gauntlet, the world’s first body piercing studio, in the mid-70s.

Ward was responsible for popularizing a variety of body piercings, developing many modern-day techniques and jewelry designs, and ultimately helped to lay the foundation for body piercing as a worldwide industry.

Ward had an interest in body piercing prior to opening his studio, largely born from his involvement in the New York Motorbike Club, a gay S&M group, then the Rocky Mountaineer Motorcycle Club in Colorado.

He experimented with nipple and genital piercings before using those roots in the leather scene to pursue piercing on a broader level, after moving to West Hollywood. He met Richard Simonton, also known under the pseudonym Doug Malloy, who spent his life engulfed in alternative lifestyles, wrote the short, mostly fictional autobiography released as The Art of Pierced Penises and Decorative Tattoos, and ultimately fronted Ward the money to start Gauntlet.

A third name often mentioned in this early history of modern body piercing, Fakir Musafar (born Roland Loomis) began documenting his piercing and body modification practices as a teen, often exploring it alongside kink, gender presentation, and gender identity. He began exploring body modification as a teen, in the 1940s, for which he legitimately feared could lead to being institutionalized, and later flirted heavily with what he called “body play,” often having his waist cinched tight, among other practices.

Musafar’s approach is often critiqued, as a white man who cited Native Americans as inspiration for his exploration.

Anthropologist Daniel Rosenblatt spoke on Musafar’s dialogue and writing around body modification as, ”the whole history of Western speculation about other cultures … tossed into a blender with more than a little New Age mysticism and some contemporary sexual radicalism thrown in.”

He ultimately worked with Ward to help produce the initial issues of the Piercing Fans International Quarterly (PFIQ)

o u t f r o n t m a g a z i n e. co m 47

OFM style

R

Beauty Beat

ight now, some of you may or may not be wearing highlighter on your face, and some of you may be wearing it in other places. Some highlighters are cheap, and some are pricey, and whether they are expensive or cost-effective, it’s the technique and location that creates a lovely glow to features any look. Highlighters come in many forms: powder, liquid, cream, and in a stick, so, light up yourself with highlights that can be worn with or without a full beat of makeup.

Highlighter

by Angel Rivera

Love Yourl Loca aG Auror

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ov.org

more brow definition. Of course, keep in mind your complementary colors or even using a pure sparkle highlighter if you aren’t looking to add any more color to your look.

Now, if you aren’t into wearing makeup but would like to rid yourself of some dullness and want a nice glow to your skin, then exfoliating your skin will mitigate some dullness. Plus, using a liquid highlight, skin gloss, or salve in the high points of your face can give you a radiance that people will want to copy. If you are having trouble First, let’s get to the basics of highlighting with finding the high points of your face, your face; where it should go and what to just remember: it’s any point on your face accentuate. We want to keep the high points that any light from right above you that of your cheeks beaming with a dusting of hits you ought to have to do any dramatic highlighter, but where else? A fave spot to movement. place it is the cupid’s bow of your lips to add With your face being your base, where dimension to the lips. Always make sure to else can you place highlighter? If you love use a color that complements the type of wearing tank tops or are going topless to lipstick you are wearing. If you wear red, any locale, use highlighter on your neck and wearing a yellowish or orangey highlight for clavicle to create more length between your the cupid’s bow gives it a power boost, and head and body, and even your shoulders to pinks, purples and lilacs look amazing with give you a glowy, sun-kissed look. Finally, one another. Or adding a holographic shine lightly dust your face highlighter on your or colorless highlighter works even better hair during at night to Guevara yourself an alluring sparkle that will catch eyes on the as lip toppers. dance floor A hot tip to make your eyes look more puppydog-esque: add a bit of highlighter Remember, these tips can be used together with a shudder brush under the eyebrow or in moderation to help complete looks. arch to add some oomph. This also diffuses Highlighters are not an essential part of light to “create” more area between the a routine, but you are. Be the highlight of brow and lash line. A plus is that this also your own life. Be bold; be proud, and be creates an artificial brow-lifting effect for beautiful.

We challenge you to Love Your Local breweries, trails, restaurants, boutiques and every small business in between.

Every visit builds a stronger community we all can enjoy.

by Angel Rivera

3 million items searched and sold, and recent report showed that people are buying fashion that isn’t exclusive to their chosen gender. For example, brands such as Vivienne Westwood have seen a 59 percent increase of searches for jewelry, more specifically pearl necklaces. Gen Z has embraced this statement as a symbol of blending binaries and it has become a favorite among TikTok-ers, e-boys/girls, rockers, and fashion connoisseurs alike.

Jewelry is not the only fashion front that is blurring the lines of gender–so is footwear. According to the genderless fashion report, a diverse range of are wearing all kinds of foot wear, including heals, flats, and especially clogs. With the rise of iconic, avantgarde silhouettes, like Lady Gaga and brands like Commes De Garçon and Yeezy, shoes are not just a staple of comfort, but of luxury. Just take the Yeezy Foam runner that inspired young fashionistas with its chunky and unorthodox form.

Fashion, be it resale or hot off the rack, is seeing a revolution in the way people wear it and the way it is discovered. Recycled and upcycled thrifting speaks to people, the way they express themselves, and the way they take care of the planet. Given the future of fashion and sustainability, it’s no wonder why buying online and from retailers that care is becoming the most important fashion statement. Stay bold; stay proud, and stay beautiful.

OFM style

Genderless Fashion

Get the look

I

f you have never been thrifting in your life, then I can surely say you may be missing out on some of the best looks and pieces to add to your wardrobe. From hidden gems to Cinderella stories, thrifting is no joke. It might be intimidating for people who have either A) never been thrifting or B) never have any lucky finds, but we have some great news. Physical thrifting is out, and digital shopping is all the rage.

When I say digital thrifting, you may think, “Is that even possible or safe?” No fear here; you don’t have to scour Facebook marketplace or Craigslist for some steals. Now, it can all be found in safe and reputable marketplaces, like Vestiaire Collective.

Some online retailers have dedicated time to spotlighting LGBTQ fashion designers and creators and recently released a genderless fashion report, giving insight to the future of inclusivity and gender-fluidity, all within the resale market.

Meaning more than ever people who thrift are more likely to be queer or experimenting with the fashion binary.

Vestiaire Collective is an online global marketplace that deals with more than 7,000 brands that financially accessible and higher end fashions. In addition to selling and buying looks, Vestiaire Collective has committed itself to the Stonewall Global Diversity Champions program. Meaning they are committed to working with queer-owned and allied compaies that guarantee safety and champion diversity. Giving LGBTQ fashion designers the opportunity to flourish, we are seeing people experiment outside of the gender binary now more than ever.

Resale fashion is exhibiting genderless and genderfluid fashion in a big way, and the buyers market is thriving. Vestiaire Collective has gathered data on its 11 million members and

It is time to reexamine what’s important to you. At Klarisana, our focus is on your mental health. We help people rebuild their lives and their perspective through Ketamine treatment therapy.

Scan or visit klarisana.com to find out how you might benefit from Ketamine therapy.

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o ut fr o ntm a g a z in e.co m 49

OFM reads

Separated Seasons

Book Review

A prose by Samantha Albala

EMBODIED

January 19 Your mom makes me a grieving cake with lavender icing and yellow dusting sprinkles. She listens for my feelings to swell. For a lake of my predestined preoccupation with sadness to be collected into her fists and mended to turn tomorrow just another day. I fix the sheets in the makeshift bed where last night your breath steamed in my ear, a simple request to love me. I promise your mom, for both us, that we would stay another night. Only then does she cut into the cake. It is red velvet, your favorite, not mine. Her hand squeezes the meat of my shoulder.

You know how I struggle with touch, how much energy it takes to press back into her hand instead of back into myself. A cheesy song comes to mind. The words filter through my bones: if only we could find a way to leave all our darker days, soak in all the sweetness of our skin.

This song skims against my chest and stings, barreling a fist-sized hole through my sternum. I flip a pericardium joke around in my mind.

I excuse myself to call a friend and say I know no that the heart is its own person, in pleasure greater than its own skin, somehow stuck keeping another whole kissing you under falling person alive. I laugh cherry blossoms. Your smile is to them, then I a great aesthetic. The wafting, sweet affirm, I am scent of flowers is an unnecessary bonus. alive.

You tuck your fingers under the silk straps of my white dress. The fabric softens with your warmth, and every molecule in me buzzes as my palms grasp onto your bicep and back. I used to think I was distilling you into a big what-if that I gulped down with my morning cup of coffee. Still, you present yourself to me, brilliant and bold. You are here.

April 4

It is noon on another continent, and we are clutching the handles of our perspective suitcases dashing toward the next adventure.

On the plane, you whisper Wang Wei poems into my ear. I dunk shortbread cookies into a cup of black tea, feeding them to you between stanzas. Your muffled giggle reminds me of waking up to blue jays on a small island in Maine more than a decade ago.

June 23 I watch you dress, meditating on the amber-honey freckle below your collarbone. My heart’s skin claws at my own. You remove your shirt and look back at me, close up, one eye at a time. My teeth stand atop my bottom lip. You envelop me, slipping back into bed, reaching to tuck my hair behind my ear. I know I idolize far too much, especially the empty spaces in our days. Still, I know we will always be two separate countries with foreign flora and fauna, blooming and howling at the edges of a new moon. Always my gut holds a knowing at how natural it is to be next to you.

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An Intersectional Feminist Comics Poetry Anthology

From the moment I saw the cover of Embodied, I was intrigued. It’s beautifully designed and inviting, and its intriguing mashup of comics and poetry did not disappoint. This anthology, with poems—exclusively from cis female, trans, and nonbinary poets—was a very thought-provoking read. In the foreword, Editor Wendy Chin-Tanner mentions that they “believe in the power of stories to create empathy because empathy is the engine of change.” With this collection of poems, they have done so.

These powerful poems run the gamut of experiences from the intersectional feminist lens. The very first poem creates a sense of longing that I had not realized I felt, and from there I went on a journey of emotions.

I was taken from that sense of longing in Miller Oberman’s “Voyages” to anger in Laura Hinton’s “University Toxic” then to a sense of Joy in the excerpt of JP Howard’s “A Love Letter to The Decades I Have Kissed or Notes on Turning 50.” All of that was rounded out by the sense of poignancy I felt from Wendy Chin-Tanner’s “Birth” that contained some of the more powerful artwork I’ve seen recently.

Poetry, on its own, is a powerful medium that can be used to help in that aforementioned mission to create empathy. However, combining the poems with artwork serves not only to help explain the story of the words on the page, but to augment the emotions that the words evoke. Indeed, the artwork is just as powerful and quite possibly could tell a story all its own. And that’s what makes Embodied such a unique, gratifying, and powerful experience.

It grabs you, holds you, and it will stick with you long after you have closed its pages.

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OFM reviews

COMMUNITY CANNABIS Summer is all about community, and if you’re also a smoker, it’s all about cannabis, too. Hang out around a Blazy Susan rolling joints with your friends, or snack on a Peach Dream Bar with that special someone. Whatever you do, cannabis is best consumed communally!

BLAZY SUSAN

If you’ve ever wanted an aesthetically pleasing but highly functional rolling tray, look no further than Blazy Susan’s spinning rolling tray. Not only does it’s sleek design provide a subtle home decor piece, but it comes with all the compartments for your smoking needs. One of the best trays to keep stoner goodies highly organized.

SUMMER SIPPERS Whether you love to sip wine with dinner or you’ve chosen a sober path, summer goes better with beverages. Here are a few to check out and ring out the summer months in style.

Boozy Beverages

BAREFOOT BUBBLY

Sweet Rose

Barefoot has been a major supporter of the LGBTQ community for more than 30 years. This year, they’re wrapping their Sweet Rose bottles in the Pride flag and Trans flag with wrap around text reading “Equality for All.” Barefoot is Partnering with National Center for Transgender Equality and FREE Mom Hugs. Their NEW Sweet Rose has a light berry flavor and is the perfect level of sweet to enjoy! With the Pride season now in full swing, make sure to get your own Pride bottle of Barefoot’s NEW Sweet Rose. When you check out their site to get your bottle, take a look at their supportive Pride swag that are both festive and fun!

KYOTO BOTANICALS

This cream does have a bit of a strong menthol smell, but it gave me instant relief from my aches and soreness after a vigorous leg day workout. Warning, though, my cat tried to lick it back off !

Not sure it would be safe for pets.

INCREDIBLES PEACH DREAM BAR Just because it’s summer, doesn’t mean you need to take time off from chocolate bars. Get in the mood for summer with Incredibles’ Peach Dream Bar, a delightful combination of white chocolate and peaches-andcream flavor. Available in both med and rec doses, this delicious, light treat is perfect for the warmer months.

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Liquor-Free Libations

ZEVIA SODAS

If you need an extra caffeine kick or some sin-free soda that still tastes amazing, you need some Zevia soda in your life. With riffs like Mountain Zevia and Dr. Zevia, they seriously have a drink for everyone of every flavor style. And if you’re also looking to cut caffeine, they have fruity sodas as well as caffeine-free cola.

It’s hot out there, so stay cool with some high-class lube between the sheets, or keep those pearly whites clean for a hot date with a Sonicare, Pride-themed toothbrush. Whatever you do this summer, know that selfcare is absolutely essential to having the sexy summer you deserve.

MARCO/MARCO UNDERWEAR Comfort and style are both very important to me when it comes to underwear! LELO partnered with Marco Marco to “amplify the LGBTQ+ perspective on sex and pleasure and create a collection that inspires confidence for every body.” This partnership was a wonderful decision, and they created an amazing pair of underwear! This pair was so soft I forgot I was wearing underwear. They really succeeded with what they sought out to do because when you wear these, you can’t help but feel sexy walking around your apartment or at your next underwear party. Don’t wait; get your pair now!

SONICARE

Do you want even your toothbrush to be gay? I didn’t think that was something missing from my life until I was sent the Spotlight Oral Care Limited-Edition Pride Sonic Toothbrush. With settings like “Werk,” “yasss,” and “shhhh,” even the speeds and sounds are queer! The toothbrush itself is gorgeous and rainbow, and using it feels like a tooth cleaning from the dentist. What more could you want?

OFM reviews

STEAMY SELF-CARE HONEYDEW SIDE SLEEPER From the moment I got the green-and-white

box of the Honeydew side sleeper pillow, I was excited. I have always struggled to find a pillow that works for me outside of my enormous body pillows (that my partner hates), so I was excited to try something that could possibly replace my mainstays.

Honeydew claims to stop cricked necks with this pillow, and wow, did they deliver.

After the first night using this pillow, I woke up refreshed and painless. Overall, after using this pillow for more than a week, it is by far one of the best. The Honeydew side sleeper is available online at honeydewsleep.com.

TOCA BOTANICALS

This intimate oil, while pricey, is quite possibly one of the most useful I’ve ever used. Not only is the design of the bottle sleek, and sprayable (which avoids the problem of slippery caps and dropped bottles), but it smells great and works wonders to relax the more important muscles during solo or partnered intimate time. Toca has two lines of intimate oils: Toto and Qulo. While each is designed for specific areas, they both work anywhere you would like to use them. These are definitely going to become a mainstay in my household, and once you try them, they’re sure to be mainstays in yours too. These intimate oils are available online at tocatocatoca.com.

GOOD MYLK CO. Super Oat Activated Creamer

As a major fan of coffee, I always love coming across a new creamer to try! I wasn’t too sure what to expect from a plant based activated creamer but this one didn’t disappoint! This creamer has a smooth taste and adds the right amount of sweetness. This creamer also helps with longevity, clarity, and with the journey towards glowing skin. When you finish your coffee, you’ll have a pep in your step and be ready to take on the world and work the runway!

Almond Activated Creamer

I was excited to try this NEW creamer I wasn’t aware of. I often have to buy Almond milk because I’m lactose-intolerant, so this almond, plant-based creamer was a pleasant sight to see. At first, it looks like you’re adding pure sugar cane because it’s not a powder. When mixing, it will not completely dissolve, but that won’t be a problem. Despite how it looks at first, this creamer is refreshing and makes the coffee just sweet enough without disguising the coffee completely. Like the Super Oat Activated Creamer, this creamer helps with longevity, clarity, and with the journey toward glowing skin.

outfrontmagazine.com 53

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WHERE YOU BELONG

21

SELECT PRODUCTS AVAILABLE AT ALL REC LOCATIONS

Order ahead at LivWell.com ©2021 LivWell Enlightened Health. All rights reserved. Colorado only

AUG

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coloradohealthnetwork.org

T

he Festival For Life is one of Colorado’s oldest and largest community traditions to support our friends, neighbors, and families who are living with HIV and other related health conditions. People from across the state join together to celebrate how far we have come, honor the journey and remember the loved ones we have lost, and above all to rally together in solidarity with our community as a testament to the strength and resilience of all those impacted by HIV. Funds raised through the Festival For Life provide vital resources, programs, and services to Coloradans living with or at risk of acquiring HIV and related health conditions.

On Saturday, August 21, 2021, come out to Cheesman Park in Denver, CO from 9am – 1pm to join the community in person for the Festival For Life. This one-day gathering will feature free health screenings, display of panels from the AIDS Memorial Quilt, the 10th annual Diva Dash, a refreshment garden, informational booths from partner agencies and vendors, live entertainment, and more!

In years past, the Festival was set up in the southeast corner of the park near Race Street and 8th Avenue, with the AIDS Memorial Quilt panels honorably displayed in the Pavilion.

With the excitement of an in-person event in 2021, the entire Festival will be in the heart of Cheesman Park! Imagine people sauntering along neat rows of vendor booths on a grassy field, with community health groups offering health screenings and wellness resources. Burly men clad in stilettos making a mad dash to the finish line for the coveted Diva Crown. Go back in time with a walk along the fountains to view the History of AIDS/HIV banners (at this time, the fountains near the Pavilion are under construction, but you can hear the water, yes?). Continue towards the Pavilion and be moved by families taking a moment to commemorate their loved one’s quilt panel. The Festival For Life is a significant and important event that brings hundreds of individuals together in the spirit of community and wellness.

The 2021 5K Walk & Run will be conducted virtually, offering an opportunity for larger communities to participate.

Runners can complete a 5K route of their choosing then upload their finishing time and run map to the event site between Monday, 8/2/21 and Sunday, 8/22/21. Top category runners will receive a special prize from Runner’s Roost.

Walkers can complete their 5K during the same timeframe and are invited to share photos from their route on the Festival Facebook page @festivalforlifeco or tag the CHN Instagram @cohealthnetwork!

To register or learn about more ways to get involved, and for answers to frequently asked questions, visit https://rebrand.ly/ CHNFestivalForLife or contact a member of the Festival team at (303) 837-0166.

OFM thoughts

American Queer Life

THE ALTHEA CENTER Capitol Hill’s Un-Church

by Rick Kitzman

766 Church … Please keep reading.

As an American shibboleth, church has fewer and fewer believers. Church can conjure unsingable songs with 37 verses, mind-numbing or damning ministers, judgment and guilt. For those still seeking a sacred, joyful community, the Althea Center for Spiritual Engagement is an exception. But it’s not a church, a word, in fact, diligently avoided. Althea caters to no religion nor dogma; it is as its title declares: a diverse and inclusive center for spiritual engagement.

Althea has quite a history. In the 1890s, four remarkable women founded the spiritual movement of Divine Science, a chapter of the dynamically American New Thought Movement. (Ralph Waldo Emerson provided a pillar of its foundation.)

While that connection is appreciated and acknowledged, spiritual authenticity of all kinds is celebrated today.

GATHERINGS After a year of online gatherings, Althea reopened in April on Easter Sunday for safe, live celebrations. Pouria Montazeri, a Sufi mystic and teacher, delivered the message. The Queen City Jazz Band, with diminutive, powerhouse vocalist Wendy Harston, performed a rousing resurrection of joy, life, and spirit.

Sunday mornings continue to offer a variety of spiritual speakers: Suzanne Hunt, an empathic clairvoyant; for Cinco 5 8 OFM A U G U S T 2 0 2 1

de Mayo Danny and Dex Stange, teachers of Aztec/Mayan, Indigenous Native systems; for Earth Day, an owl and her guardian from Birds of Prey (a raptor rescue foundation); a Mother’s Day panel that explored the Divine Feminine of Hindu goddesses, the transgender experience, and the male spirit; Greg Wilkins, a Vibrational Activator and Sound Sculptor; for Juneteenth Jo Bunton-Keel, a local performing artist with ties to Cleo Parker Robinson Dance; for Pride Month Steven Burge, another local performer who gave a humorous and heartwarming message.

MUSICIANS Althea has always been known for its exceptional, local musical guests.

Michael Stanwood is a five-time winner of Westword’s Best of Denver (his digeridoo is phenomenal). Latin Grammy Nominee Gonzalo Teppa makes his bass dance to his creative directions. Sandra Wong and Jon Sousa bring heart and soul to their piano and string duets. Young vocalists Vidushi Goyal and Christopher Weatherall (aka Athena) have recently electrified the gatherings with their extraordinary talents.

TENANTS Althea’s tenants reflect its diversity.

Sisters of Color United for Education cultivates Promotoras (community health workers) for members of disenfranchised communities.

Rev. Arica King (Awakening Souls) practices Spiritual Psychology and is also an Advanced Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist. Arica recently held a class on “Gender Identity: One Transwoman’s Perspective.”

Midwife Natalie Baca provides individualized care and comfort with evidence-based information.

The St. Francis Employment Center helps women and men connect with full-time employment to end cycles of poverty.

EVENTS

In two years, Althea has hosted more than 150 classes, workshops, and events of eclectic content, including Developing Intuition Through Creativity with Zack Kopp, Gong Baths with Greg Wilkins, and Enneagram classes with Julia Foster of Nine Ways to Love. Kathleen Humphreys facilitates Community Connections every Thursday at 11 a.m.

Althea has also hosted seasonal observances: the Open Full Moon with Hearthstone Church; solstice celebrations conducted by Rev. Mary Jo Honiotes (who also runs the Althea Women Emerging monthly group); and the Festival for the Soul, a metaphysical fair in the fall.

Longtime member and activist Tim Wilson created Mariposa, a safe haven for LGBTQ individuals and allies to explore their spirituality and self-empowerment.

He has been involved with San Franciscobased Black and White Men Together, AIDS causes, and PFLAG. In December 2020, the Althea Center hosted Legends & Luminaries: A Transformational Gathering for a New Year & a New World featuring Byron Katie, Gregg Braden, Matthew Fox, Neale Donald Walsch, and others.

As if COVID-19 wasn’t enough of a challenge, our spiritual director quit. Many—including myself as board president—worried Althea would close. Not on my watch! From that low tide sprang the fertile waters of creativity as our community happily and excitedly stepped up and offered their talents.

The world can be a noisy and ugly place.

To rejuvenate one’s abilities to meet that world, check out the Althea Center at the corner of 14th and Williams. It’s that 100-year-old, Greek revival edifice with the columns and round portico you’ve driven by a hundred times. In addition to spiritual food, you’ll also find a good lunch, great music, community, a few laughs, and lots of heart and joy. Gatherings begin at a civilized 10:30 a.m.

Remember, Althea is not a church. Almost a century ago, one of our founders wrote, “We are still expanding. The world needs us. Let’s give it our best.” Visit us. Be a part of our future. The world needs you now.

AWKWARD AF

Hi, my name is ________ and I’m an alcoholic.

If I’m living my truth, I have to be honest and say that sobriety isn’t only a challenging thing to sustain; it downright sucks sometimes. There are a lot of things that I miss about drinking, including late nights out at the gay bars, happy hours at the newest restaurant, and beers at barbecues.

However, most of those things that I miss, I have been able to grieve and let go of. Though, one thing persists that I fear will never go away: I miss social drinking.

At my core, I am a socially anxious, insecure, neurotic mess.

Alcohol, at it’s best, provided me a lot of relief from these uncomfortable feelings. After a few vodka sodas, I felt like I was a sexy, shiny object that was untouchable by shyness and uncertainty. I could shamelessly take to the dance floor; I could engage in small talk with randos. I was confident; it lifted my worries, and I was more comfortable in my skin; I was finally able to relax.

The way that alcohol allowed me to disregard some of my biggest fears, I am left now with a glaring issue since I’ve entered sobriety. I am again consumed with social anxiety, insecurity, and neuroses. Something as simple as engaging in small talk feels crippling and with the best of intentions, I find myself making plans only to cancel them and sit at home alone, allowing my concerns to consume me. While in my active addiction, alcohol was ruining my life, I still feel like alcohol made me better in a lot of ways.

As contrived as it may sound, losing the ability of relinquishing social anxiety has meant that I now have lost

the ability to confidently enter spaces, to take up space, and to blossom from a wallflower into a part of the party.

So, what do I do now? It feels like the most logical thing in overcoming a fear is to look back at when the fear formed in order to work through it. For me, it all stemmed from adolescence.

I am emotionally stunted, and I have observed the feelings of anxiety, insecurity, and uncertainty directly mirror how I felt as a teen. I still feel like that 16-year-old me who was an outsider, lonely, and empty inside. I felt invisible to the outside world and like I never fit in anywhere. Instead of accepting my shyness, my introverted self, I deemed myself unacceptable and searched for anything that would ease the self-hatred. Enter drugs and alcohol.

I never grew up from that 16-year-old mindset, and I carried that narrative that I needed a substance in order to be more liked, to be less anxious, and to fit in. I’ve also discovered in many conversations with other addicts that the majority of us feel like we are frozen in time, never maturing beyond the age of when we first started using. Growth is uncomfortable, living life on life’s terms is uncontrollable, and in that petrified progression of growth, we stopped developing diversified coping mechanisms other than escape.

Part of the work I do in 12-step groups, with my therapist, and with trusted friends, is, I am learning how to sit with discomfort, how to pause before I react, how to communicate my needs, how to uphold boundaries, how to live a life that is aligned with my values, and how to even discover what my values are. I would often choose to escape in the bottle anytime I was faced with uncertainty in order to ease my nerves and calm my racing brain; now, that’s not an option.

Like a child, I am learning to use my words, to self-soothe, and to integrate into social situations with an openness to experience. It’s fucking terrifying. However, I don’t have to do it alone.

I came out as queer at 26, and I came out as an alcoholic at 34, and those two admissions have been met with similar outcomes. People were supportive; they were understanding; they were compassionate, and they were proud of me for speaking out. While I know that is not the experience many folks have, I have learned that we can all choose to focus on gratitude, and that, then provides hope. The more I stand in my authenticity, I find people who accept me, support me, and encourage me. It’s not always the people I want, it’s not always the people I expect, but it’s always the right people.

Social anxiety will probably be something that takes me a long time to overcome; my insecurity and self-esteem may ebb and flow depending on where I am and who I am with, and I’m certain my neuroses will always be there ... but I am grateful that I now have the ability to acknowledge all of these parts of me. They say the first step to change is admitting we have a problem, and I’ve to admit a lot of things, to myself, and to others. I had to admit that I was living a lie as a straight person in order to embrace my queerness; I had to come out as an alcoholic in order to get help and find sobriety, and now, I’m coming out as a socially anxious, awkward person, in order to overcome my fears and insecurities.

Watch out, world; I’m coming to meet you.

OFM thoughts

A Queer in Recovery

-An anonymous queer in recovery Email a.queer.in.recovery@gmail.com for additional support and resources. outfrontmagazine.com 59

NOT YO MAMA’S

I

by Rev. Maria Shinzai

OFM thoughts

MEDITATION GROUP

address our lived experience as members of groups which have been discriminated against. On the other, there is our own, individual tendency at times to self-exclude.

There are two practical options, as I see it—you can engage with groups that you might otherwise not be that attracted to and change them, help them be more open and welcoming just by being there and using your voice. You can also seek out teachers who do have more experiential understanding that is relevant to you. There are inclusive, nonbinary Yoga teachers.

There are bi, Hispanic meditation teachers. We exist. We are part of the same communities. Together, all of us are not a minority.

I would also say that when groups or classes are failing in some way to reach you and to address your needs, then you are doing any genuine teacher a service by letting us know. This is not all top-down and one-directional. We work together. There are no teachers without students. You are not at the bottom of some hierarchy, no matter how much some norms and messaging may try to have you believe otherwise. You are not lesser because you suffer from depression. You are not lesser because you are trans. You are not lesser because you are a gay, white guy. You have a voice. An important lesson is to learn to speak with that authentic voice. I hear you. Others will hear you.

I am reminded of the traditional Buddhist metaphor of ‘Indra’s Net.’ The context is that the multiverse, all that is, is composed of an infinite array of jewels. Each jewel is complete and distinct. At the same time, each jewel reflects and indeed is the reflection of every other jewel. The Jewel Net of Indra. You and I are jewels, too, and reflect each other, while also being completely ourselves, with our own, unique identities. Isn’t it time that you started shining?

’m a born-and-raised Coloradan from a small town. I am also bi, Hispanic, and a Zen priest and meditation teacher.

This might not seem so strange at first glance to informed, cosmopolitan readers, but I can guarantee that there are very few of us around. If I were to want to reach out to another Zen priest and ask about their experience as part of the LGBTQ/ Hispanic community, say, I have almost no one to go to. So, a big question for me is how is it for those who would benefit from having a teacher who understands better their lived experience when it comes to their wanting to work on their wellbeing?

We are, all of us members of groups—bi, gay, trans, straight, queer, and so on. These are fundamental aspects of who we are.

When it comes to integrating these aspects of our experience into how we interact with others, there’s sometimes a tendency to try and subsume all such identities into some abstract whole, which can obliterate real distinctions and be a form of intolerance, or they can be seen as being barriers between ourselves and others, rather than points where we connect.

What are we to do with this seeming contradiction? Many sense on some level that life is magical. We know that unless we open to that and realize it (make it real), we miss this.

We might start with Yoga lessons, meditation, do all the ‘right’ things. Yet, something still doesn’t quite click. Often, too, some might not even try such things. Some groups may not intentionally exclude but there can be part of their functioning which does exclude some who would most benefit. Also, how many actively welcome and encourage people of color, gay people, those who are trans, to join and take part?

So we have two aspects here that work together. On the one hand, there is a lack of teachers and facilitators who can outfrontma ga zine.com 61

OFM lust

An Erotic Education

by Amanda E.K.

T

whe cavernous campus library is lit with dozens of hooded lamps reposing on their respective desks. The library is empty except for a naughty young couple who hid away until past closing so that they may have the illustrious racks all to themselves. Amelia—a redhead with long straight hair and pale freckled skin—is lounging in a cushioned chair with a stack of vintage erotica at her feet.

Her girlfriend, Alma—a curvy Latinx woman with Betty Page bangs and a penchant for dark lipstick—sits facing her with one leg swinging over the arm of an identical chair.

It started with an assignment for their queer literature class: write an essay on the poetry of Michael Field. Michael Field, their professor explained, was not a man, but the pseudonym for a late 19th century lesbian couple—one woman the niece of the other. As Alma and Amelia studiously exhumed the history of this pioneering couple, they discovered the lush and thriving garden of vintage queer erotica.

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Most famously, there was Sappho, the woman-adoring poet and muse from the island of Lesbos in Greece, from which the word “lesbian” comes from. Lesser-known was an anonymously-penned book of kink and BDSM called Astrid Cane, published in 1891 in which a young girl is initiated into womanhood by an older dominatrix. Next, Alma and Amelia found the book Mysteries of Verbena House, published in 1882 under a pseudonym—an erotic, flagellatory fiction that follows a British headmistress as she maintains discipline and order among her 50 curious and unruly students, whipping any young lady who steals into another young lady’s bed.

The mischievous, willful deviance of Victorian-era erotica captivated Alma and Amelia, arousing their senses more than the modern-day lesbian porn they liked to watch together in their dorm room on the weekends. In an age of anything-goes, nothing seemed quite as deliciously obscene as the printed pornography from an age of sexual regulation and restriction.

As though designing their own pornographic plot, the two young women decided to sneak into this symbolic home of higher learning to further educate themselves in the wicked ways of secret smut that was gathering dust on the shelves where few students sought their learning.

“Listen to this,” Amelia says to Alma, holding open a text by Anaïs Nin. “‘I want to love you wildly. I don’t want words, but inarticulate cries, meaningless, from the bottom of my most primitive being, that flow from my belly like honey. A piercing joy, that leaves me empty, conquered, silenced.’”

“Her passion practically drips off the page,” says Alma. “I bet she was a generous lover.”

“Did you know she was openly bisexual?” asks Amelia.

“She had countless lovers, both men and women. And she had an illegal abortion in the 1930s despite the stigma. She knew what she wanted, and she went after it her whole life.

Erotic writers are just as important and valid as the literary canon,” Amelia adds, twirling a lock of her strawberry hair as she puts down the Nin and flips through a Victorian novel.

“Their work helps awaken people’s senses and inspires them to know themselves fully. It shows us that we’re not perverted for entertaining certain fantasies.”

“Or it shows us that everyone is perverted, and that there’s nothing wrong with that.” Alma winks at Amelia under the shadow of the lamplight. “Go on, then. Read something from the other book.”

Amelia sits up straight, her legs spread slightly apart so that Alma can see a swatch of her lacy-pink panties peeking out from beneath her skirt. She begins reading in an innocent voice from a collection of fictional letters called School Life in Paris. “‘Suddenly she flung herself along the foot of the bed, and forcing my legs still further apart, she thrust her head down between them, and in another instant I felt her long and ardent tongue forcing its way between the throbbing lips of my excited cunnie, tickling the top of the entrance to it with steady friction, and from time to time exploring its inmost recesses, so as to stimulate every organ of it to the highest enjoyment of sensual pleasure.’”

Alma wiggles in her seat, massaging her ample breasts.

“Shall I go on?” teases Amelia.

“Don’t you dare stop now,” Alma commands, looking flushed.

Amelia spreads her legs a little wider and unbuttons her satiny blouse so that her matching pink-lace bra can be seen pushing her modest breasts up toward her collarbones. Alma bites her lip. “‘As soon as she could feel that all the nerves in my cunt were fully aroused and excited, she made a sign to the other girls—’” “Wait, there are other girls?” interrupts Alma. “Who are they?

Where are they?”

“They’re students at an all-girls boarding school in Paris who are initiating the newest girl into their lesbian society.”

“Dear sweet Gaia,” swoons Alma. “Please continue.” “‘She made a sign to the other girls, who immediately quickened the action of their tongues upon my tiddies, and of their fingers upon my spine, while she somehow managed to slip inside my pussie one of her fingers, with which she began to irritate it by rubbing the upper part of the inside with as much speed and energy as she could, thereby leaving her tongue free to act continuously on a small spot on the top of the entrance to my cunnie where it caused me a most delicious sensation.’”

At this point, Alma is practically panting. As Amelia continues to read in her sweet yet sultry voice, Alma slouches forward in her chair and raises her right foot, sliding it up along the inside of Amelia’s legs and pressing it directly against the lacy fabric between her creamy thighs. Amelia gasps, thrusting forward into her girlfriend’s exquisitely arched foot, and continues. “‘With all these agencies at work, the thrill of pleasure, which was throbbing through every part of my body, became more and more intense, until at last I could scarcely bear it—’” Amelia pauses mid-sentence when Alma presses her big toe against her swollen clit—the contact dampening the delicate lace of her panties.

“Don’t stop reading, or I’ll take my foot away,” says Alma, her eyes locked on Amelia’s.

Obediently, Amelia reads on. “... something, that the other girls called the liquor of love, escaped from my cunnie and I seemed to die away in a swoon of voluptuous enjoyment.”

At the phrase “voluptuous enjoyment,” Alma kneels on the floor and begins to enact the very same delights as the school girls upon the story’s narrator. “Don’t. Stop. Reading,” Alma hisses, and then envelops Amelia’s plump lips with the flat of her greedy tongue. “‘When I came to myself the girls were all gathered round me on the bed, some of them kissing me, and all congratulating me on the way in which I had gone through my initiation, for they declared that, while it was going on, the lasciviousness of my movements and the voluptuous contortions of my body had clearly shown what an intensity of pleasure I was experiencing, thereby proving that I was specially endowed by nature for appreciating the viscous enjoyment of sensuality.’”

Amelia can go on no longer. Caught up in incoherent pleasure, she pushes her pelvis into Alma’s face, squirming against the finger charming her insides like some seductive serpent. Alma grips her hips, pinning her to the chair, and flicks the tip of her tongue against the soft button of her girlfriend’s fragrant sex.

Amelia arcs her back and cries out, tugging at Alma’s raven hair as she vibrates with the electric climax of sensual release.

“Yessss,” hisses Alma. “You deserve every last drop of pleasure for how good you made me feel with only the sound of your voice. And when you recover, I’d like to see if I can make you feel the same by reading the sinful smut of The Nunnery Tales.” outfrontmagazine.com 63

OFM

BAR TAB | Colorado Nightlife

BENNY’S 301 E. 7th Ave. Denver (303) 894-0748 bennysmexican.com

HAMBURGER MARY’S 1336 E. 17th Ave. Denver (303) 993-5812 hamburgermarys.com/denver

THE TRIANGLE BAR 2036 N. Broadway St. Denver (303) 658-0913 triangledenver.com

BLUSH & BLU 1526 E. Colfax Ave. Denver (303) 484-8548 bluebludenver.com

ICONS 3 E. Bijou St. Colorado Springs (719) 300-7863 Instagram- @icons_colorado

STONEY’S UPTOWN JOINT 1035 E. 17th Ave. Denver (720) 485-5503 stoneysuptown.com

BOYZTOWN

LI’L DEVILS

WILD CORGI PUB

117 Broadway St. Denver (303) 722-7373 boyztowndenver.com

255 S. Broadway St. Denver (303) 733-1156 Facebook- @lildevilslounge

1223 E. 13th Ave. Denver (303) 832-7636 wildcorgipub.com

CHARLIE DWELLINGTON’S 1103 N. 1st St. Grand Junction (970) 241-4010 charliedwellingtons.com

LIPSTICK DISCOTEQUE 5660 W. Colfax Ave. Denver (720) 669-3470 Facebook- @lipstickdiscoteque

X BAR 829 E. Colfax Ave. Denver (303) 832-2687 xbardenver.com

CHARLIE’S NIGHTCLUB

MILLERS & ROSSI

#VYBE

900 E. Colfax Ave. Denver (303) 839-8890 charliesdenver.com

3452 Walnut St. Denver (720) 257-5342 millersandrossi.com

1027 N. Broadway St. Denver (720) 573-8886 303vybe.com TRACKS

R&R LOUNGE

TIGHT END BAR 1501 E. Colfax Ave. (303) 861-9103 tightendbar.com

4501 E. Virginia Ave. Glendale (303) 388-8889 Facebook- @elpotreroclub

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TRIANGLE 17TH AVE.

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STONEY'S XBAR

VD BL .

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CLARKSON ST.

WASHINGTON ST.

PENNSYLVANIA

1ST AVE.

BROADWAY

COMPOUND BOYZTOWN

DADDY’S BAR & GRILL

R+R DENVER

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8TH AVE. DENVER 6TH AVE. SWEET

GLADYS TRADE

BLUSH & BLU

11TH AVE. VYBE

LI’L DEVILS

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CHARLIE’S

TRADE 475 Santa Fe Dr. Denver (720) 627-5905 Facebook- @tradedenver

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GLADYS 500 Santa Fe Dr. Denver (303) 893-6112 Facebook - @gladysdenver

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SANTA FE DR. KALAMATH ST.

3053 Brighton Blvd. Denver (719) 570-1429 Facebook- @fusions5280

CLOCKTOWER

COLFAX AVE.

TRACKS 3500 Walnut St. Denver (303) 836-7326 tracksdenver.com

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4958 E. Colfax Ave. Denver (303) 320-9337 Facebook- @randrdenver BROADWAY

776 N. Lincoln St. Denver (720) 598-5648 denversweet.com

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MILLERS & ROSSI

by Brian Byrdsong

“T

hey’re out there,” he told me. “Fields and fields of them.

As far as the eye can see.”

I wasn’t sure what he was talking about. He pointed to the horizon, and I looked, but all I could see was the wilted stalks of wheat, the result of the weeks of the neglect the farm had suffered ever since Jimmy’s dad died. I remembered just a few weeks ago, all Jimmy had seemed to care about was the farm. He would water the crops, till the soil, and take care of the pests. I’m sure there were a thousand other things Jimmy did that I didn’t know about but, hey, I’m no farmer.

Ever since his dad’s death, though, it was like Jimmy was different. He’d been surrounded by his family and friends these past few weeks, but none of them had cared enough to stick around long after the funeral. So, there I was, one of Jimmy’s oldest friends, and there I had been for two weeks. I tried to make sure Jimmy took care of at least himself. I knew the farm was a lost cause after a few days of staying with him. I know they say that grief takes many forms, but I couldn’t help but to worry about what was happening to Jimmy. He started talking to himself, mentioning things that I couldn’t see.

Jimmy and I continued wandering through the fields while I reminisced about our younger days. We would wander around the fields, climb the sparse trees that lined the edges of the farm and look and laugh at the cows, pigs, and chickens.

Suddenly, Jimmy’s eyes seemed to gloss over, and I could almost see the thoughts leave him. He turned his head and stared out at the cliff and

instinctively, I mimicked him.

I saw the clear blue water and the cloudless, pristine sky. It had always been a perfect view, but I had only grown to appreciate it after I’d moved away from my rural hometown.

Then, as if he’d been struck by a cattle prod, Jimmy took off running into the field. “C’mon Joseph!” he said. “Let’s go catch ‘em!” reluctantly, I chased after him, following him on this wild goose chase.

As we weaved through the wilted wheat, hordes of disturbed locusts shot into the sky like stray bullets flying every direction and ricocheting off each other. I wondered if the locusts were the “they” Jimmy was talking about? Either way, Jimmy didn’t stop running. In fact, he seemed to be running faster, as if whatever he was chasing was getting away.

Jimmy, wearing his bright blue overalls, seemed to get further and further away from me as I struggled to keep up. Soon Jimmy was gone. And I was out of breath, unable to tell my legs to push forward, to keep chasing him.

I should’ve known better.

I’d been chasing Jimmy my whole life and could never seem to catch him, though a few other people had.

I took a deep breath and pulled myself together. “Jimmy!” I yelled. “Jimmy! Where are you?” No answer. Something deep in my gut began to turn.

“Jimmy!” I proclaimed to an empty sky. Still no answer.

I began to run once more.

Quickly, I found myself on the edge of a cliff, the cliff that overlooked Teardrop Lake.

The most horrific of thoughts crossed my mind. No. This accident doesn’t just happen.

It couldn’t be real.

Calm. That’s what I needed.

Calm. It was probably me just fearing the worst. Jimmy knew the place. This can’t have happened. To calm my nerves, I slowly looked over the edge, hoping to see only the jagged rocks below that led to the clear blue water. But below I saw my most horrible nightmare made real. There lay Jimmy, mangled and broken like a rag doll forgotten by an angry child. Jimmy’s blood was splattered across the rocks and dyed the water a horrific shade of pink.

Tears began to stream down my face. How could I have let this happen? I should have stopped him. I forced my eyes open for the briefest of moments and out of the corner of my eye, I saw a note, slightly crumpled and strewn near the edge of the cliff.

I opened it as tears slowly dripped on the few words

scrawled on the thick brown paper. It simply said: “Joseph, thank you for loving me.” My biggest regret is never telling him that I did love him. I do feel better, though, knowing that he knew.

OFM lit

For Jimmy

“Alright, Joseph,” the detective said, “are you sure this is what you’d like to report as your sworn statement for the events that took place one week ago?”

“Yes, it’s the truth. That’s what happened,” Joseph responded.

The officer shook his head in acceptance and headed toward the door of the interrogation room.

“One last thing, Joseph … what happened to that note you say Jimmy left?”

“Well, you see, detective, in my haste to call for help, I’m sure I must’ve lost it.”

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Learn more at viventhealth.org outfrontmagazine.com 65

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