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Vol. XXXVii iSSUe #4 May 15, 2013 t

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CONTENTS FeATURe: eXPReSS YoURSelF! ToP 15 ConTeSTAnTS FoR PRiDe CoVeR ConTeST

CoVeR SToRY: WHAT iS BUTCH?

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SO LIV FO CUS CIAL ING 6 Letter From The Editor 8 Speak Out 10 News 14 Panel Voices 16 Gal On The Move 17 Bleed Like Me

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25 26 28 31 32 36

PrideFest Preview Food For Thought High Society Bar Map Bar Rag Entertainment

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43 44 47 48 50 52

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On the cover: Sarah Friden, Linda Cox, Kyle Simmons and Jennifer Fossen. Photo by Hans Rosemond // www.HansRosemond.com 4

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Metro Life Gay Aesthetic Big Toys Queer Marriage Back In The Day Sexuality

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Serving the LGBT Community of the Rocky Mountains since 1976 3535 Walnut Street Denver, Colorado 80205 Phone: 303-477-4000 Fax: 303-325-2642 Email: info@outfrontonline.com Web: OutFrontOnline.com Facebook: facebook.com/OutFrontColorado Twitter: @OutFrontCO Out Front Colorado is published by Transformation Communications Group, LLC, a Colorado limited liability corporation and is a member of: Denver Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce and Denver Drama Critics Circle. PHIL PRICE / Founder, 1954-1993 JERRY CUNNINGHAM / Publisher Email: Jerry@outfrontonline.com J.C. MCDONALD / Vice President / Director of Circulation Email: JC@outfrontonline.com NIC GARCIA / Associate Publisher Email: Nic@outfrontonline.com JEFF JACKSON SWAIM / Chief Strategist Email: Jeff@outfrontonline.com

EDITORIAL HOLLY HATCH / Editor-in-Chief Email: Holly@outfrontonline.com MATTHEW PIZZUTI / Junior Editor Email: Matt@outfrontonline.com KRISTIN ZIEGLER, ALEX MEYER / Editorial interns CONTRIBUTING WRITERS: Brent Heinze, Robyn Vie-Carpenter, Scott McGlothlen, Jeff Steen, Josiah Hesse, Gary Kramer, Mike Yost, Ashley Trego, Nuclia Waste, David Marlowe, Jonathan McGrew, Chris Azzopardi, Shanna Katz, Noelle Leavitt Riley, Amy Lynn O’Connell, Kristin Ziegler, Steve Cruz, Jasmine Peters, Lauren Archuletta.

ART SARA DECKER / Creative Director Email: Sara@outfrontonline.com DENEE PINO / Production Assistant CHARLES BROSHOUS / Photographer

MARKETING / SALES JORDAN JACOBS / Marketing Executive Email: Jordan@outfrontonline.com DAWN HARTBARGER / Marketing Executive Email: Dawn@outfrontonline.com ROB BARGER / Marketing Coordinator Email: Rob@outfrontonline.com

DISTRIBUTION: Out Front Colorado’s print publication is available semi-monthly, free of charge in Colorado, one copy per person. Additional copies of Out Front Colorado may be purchased for $3.95 each, payable in advance at Out Front Colorado offices located at 3535 Walnut Street, Denver CO, 80205. Out Front Colorado is delivered only to authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of Out Front Colorado, take more than one copy of Out Front Colorado. Any person who takes more than one copy may be held liable for theft, including but not limited to civil damages and or criminal prosecution.

COPYRIGHT & LIMIT OF LIABILITY: Reproduction of editorial, photographic or advertising content without written consent of the publisher is strictly prohibited. Advertisers are responsible for securing rights to any copyrighted material within their advertisements. Publisher assumes no responsibility for the claims of advertisers and reserves the right to reject any advertising. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization in articles or advertising is not to be considered an indication of the sexual orientation or HIV status of such person or organization. Publisher assumes no responsibility for the loss or damage of materials submitted. OPINIONS EXPRESSED are not necessarily those of OUT FRONT COLORADO, its staff or advertisers.

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The identities we choose

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FRoM THe eDiToR

ABOut tHE cOntrIButOrS:

Saying “I’m gay” or “I’m a lesbian” is really hardly saying anything about yourself at all. It could mean you still live more or less “traditionally” – your partner’s gender the only thing distinguishing you from any straight person – or you could be saying that you wholeheartedly embrace the LGBT movement and any of the many sub-cultures, communities and lifestyles within it.

CONNECT WITH MATTHEW

reach junior editor matthew Pizzuti by email at matt@outfront online.com, phone (303) 477.4000 ext. 712

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the categories we reject for whatever reason, we tend to see them as inauthentic labels, imposed on or suffered by those who still haven’t discovered themselves enough to move beyond. For gay men that can sometimes mean trying to extinguish anything resembling an effeminate quality in ourselves, to “man up” or “act less gay,” because maybe we think it’ll make us more sexually attractive to other gay men, or more acceptable to mainstream society. (Others say there’s pressure in the opposite direction.) For lesbians, it’s sometimes thinking there’s a need to be ‘butch’ because we can’t envision a relationship between two women who are both feminine, or else sometimes a wrinkled nose or taking offense by the idea of being butch, seeing negative connotations. This issue’s cover story – Butch – is very much about that tension between self-expression and the idea of being “categorized.” We’re proud to cover a concept we feel is often overlooked in gay media. Some of the women we hear from said they used to think of “butch” as something that lesbians were supposed to be, and had spent time exploring it or gaining the right to move in and out of the identity. Others were concerned about being stereotyped and had evolved in the way they see the label. And some (among the four women interviewed, these experiences overlap) embrace the term wholeheartedly. An empowering identity or a frustrating label can be exactly the same thing – the difference comes down to whether it’s something we chose to use describing who we are, versus something somebody else chose to call us disregarding how we felt about it. The beauty of our diverse community is that we’re usually pretty good at understanding how that works, and with maturity move toward accepting and respecting each other’s differences as valuable and authentic. This is us at our best – cuz honey, you can be exactly who you want to be.

Matthew Pizzuti – Junior Editor

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Hans Rosemond has been an active magazine, portrait and headshot photographer for the last seven years. He enjoys all things film – from The Lord of The Rings to Dumb and Dumber. The only thing better than a good movie is making the subjects in front of his camera look and feel like rock stars. Hans is especially excited to see the ongoing struggle for marriage equality finally making progress. See more at r HansRosemond.com. Hans’ photography is on the cover of this issue, and inside on pages 18-20.

Robyn Vie-Carpenter writes her column Gal On The Move and interviews with local movers and shakers and national figures alike. Robyn loves her life as a “professional lesbian,” and when she’s not flitting about from party to pool to political rally, she spends her time being a happily married woman. r For more info, visit TheLesbianSocialite.Word Press.com. See Robyn’s editorials on pages 16 and 48 of this issue.

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Coming out and joining the community, it turns out, is only the beginning of the process of becoming who we are. We can dial down further as a “twink” or “bear” or “butch” or “fem,” identifying ourselves with those with whom we have the very most in common, or we can resist all sub-categorization. We can straddle a fence, maintaining a professional, buttoned-up personality during the workweek and a completely different social persona on the weekends. Or we can evolve through different understandings of our place in the LGBT community as we mature. No part of the community – no gender presentation, subculture, scene or style – is better or worse than any other, nor is there any wrong way to be a lesbian, gay man, bisexual or trans. Still, we all wrestle with doubts about the “right” way to be LGBT. There’s a fear we sometimes have – a fear that can take a long time to sort out – that somebody is taking the whole gay thing “too far” and looking too much like a “stereotype.” It can become a tense and conflicted relationship. We want to say, “just because I’m attracted to the same sex” or “just because I’m trans” … “doesn’t mean I talk differently, dress differently or act differently than any straight person.” And that’s completely true. But it’s also true that you can be different if you want to be. Gurl, if you wanna, you can be as queer as a three-dollar-bill – nobody should be making you feel otherwise. There’s an impulse, in our individualistic American values system, to form our identities through resisting “categories” – we also sometimes call them “boxes” and they have a negative connotation in our culture. To the categories we embrace as our own, we don’t see them as “boxes” as all – they are useful, flexible sub-communities or terms helping us find our kindred spirits. To


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SPeAKoUT

Keeping faith through breast cancer Komen helps patients through one of life’s greatest trials

By Dorothy Marburger, Survivor

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From day one, Susan G. Komen stepped in and I never had to worry about how I was going to pay for my medical expenses. They helped me pay for my treatment at Poudre Valley Hospital and provided on-going support services throughout my battle with breast cancer. Komen became my “Angel in Pink.”

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One day I noticed a lump on my breast that was sore and wasn’t going away. I had fibrocystic breasts so I wasn’t too worried, but my partner, Gina, encouraged me to get it checked. The doctor called me back for an ultrasound, and Gina, who is an ultrasound technician, was with me during my exam. She kept repeating, “it’s bad, it’s really bad.” I was worried, but much more for Gina than myself. I wanted to be strong for her. I like to call my journey “out with the old and in with the new.” I put everything in God’s hands. I knew I had no control over this thing that had invaded my body. I chose doctors who I trusted and did all I could to improve my chances of survival. The rest was in God’s hands. My support system of my partner, Gina, and my friends was strong. I met many people along the way that I now count as friends. From day one, Susan G. Komen stepped in and I never had to worry about how I was going to pay for my medical expenses. They helped me pay for my treatment at Poudre Valley Hospital and provided on-going support services throughout my battle with breast cancer. Komen became my “Angel in Pink.” I underwent eight months of chemotherapy to shrink the tumor with little success. A few months into my treatment, I entered a clinical trial that included oral chemotherapy. The trial drug made me so sick that I couldn’t work. I lost 50 pounds and Gina had to help me in and out of bed. I dropped out of the clinical trial, and at that time had a double mastectomy. Luckily the cancer had not spread to my lymph nodes. I chose not to have reconstruction. I was worried about further complications, and for me it was actually a freeing decision. Komen continued to be my Angel in Pink, helping me throughout my journey with non-medical financial assistance as well my treatment costs. From the beginning, I was open with my doctors about Gina being my partner. She was there with me throughout every treatment and every test. Just the other day, I said to her, “We’ve been together for 18 years, I’m missing a few parts, but I love you.” She responded that she was missing a few parts too, but thankfully we are healthy and going strong. I first signed up for the Komen Denver Race for the Cure in 2010, the year I was diagnosed. I was back the following year. I will do the walk as long as I am able. I consider it a joy and privilege to give back in some small way. From the beginning Susan G. Komen was there for me, and I want to be there for others. Seventy-five percent of the funds raised by Komen Denver, stay in Colorado to help women like me. Please join me on September 29, 2013 at the Pepsi Center for the Komen Denver Race for the Cure!


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Anna Simon, center left, embraces Fran Simon May 1 in the atrium of Denver’s Wellington Webb Muncipal Building after the couple became the first enter into a civil union in Colorado. The couple regularly testified at legislative hearings on the Colorado Civil Union Act. The bill became law in March and took effect May 1. Photo by Evan Semon/Out Front 10

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News

Sealed with a kiss Colorado becomes 19th state to offer legal protections to same-sex couples after hard–fought political battle

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t was the last night of April, and ebullient participants of One Colorado’s “Civil Soiree” shuffled into Denver’s 100 year-old McNichols Event Center Building. Loud music blasted from speakers stacked around a large dance floor. Vivid lights in purple and blue illuminated the walls and ceiling. The anticipation was palpable; conversations were punctuated with bouts of laughter and adorned with ceaseless smiles. It was finally happening: after a three–year struggle, civil unions were going to be a reality. It was an arduous political battle that brought vitriolic debates in the state House and Senate chambers, emotionally–charged rallies on the Capitol steps, and last year, a dramatic legislative shutdown by then–Speaker of the House Frank McNulty, R-Highlands Ranch. But the Civil Soiree wasn’t about dwelling on the past. Colorado had come a long way from its label as “the Hate State,” applied in 1992 after voters passed the infamous Amendment 2 – a ballot question which would have prohibited legal protections for LGBT Coloradans. Twenty-one years later, the LGBT community and its allies were triumphant in gaining legal recognition for same-sex couples. The final version of the civil union bill extends most of the rights of marriage to Colorado same-sex couples. A religious exemption affords ordanined ministers the right to reject a same-sex couple from forming a union in their places of worship, but third party organizations working under church dogma, like adoption agency Catholic Charities, are forbidden from discriminating against gay couples wishing to adopt. “I wanted to celebrate the passage of the legislation,” said Gabriel Lopez-Allen of Aurora, who came to witness the momentous night with a friend. “You have to be there for history.” An information table was set up in one corner of the room, a large picture of two gold wedding bands

Matt Ockels, left, and Ryan Drummond were one of the first gay couples to form a civil union May 1 at the Webb Municipal Building after the Colorado Civil Union Act went into effect. The couple has been together for five years. Photo by Evan Semon/Out Front

hanging overhead. Couples entering a civil union signed in at the desk as One Colorado volunteers answered questions about the new law. Debbie and Margo Chandler moved to Colorado Springs from Florida in 2008. They have been together for 17 years and drove to Denver to get their civil union license at midnight. “We had an unlegal beautiful wedding in ’98,” Margo said. “We just wanted to be a part of it (civil unions) right when it strikes.” Together they are raising two girls, ages 9 and 11. “While they couldn’t be here tonight, they know all about it,” Margo said. “They’re excited.” Though civil unions grant Debbie and Margo many of the same state– level rights married couples enjoy, they both worry how their union lacks federal recognition. “The biggest issue for us is taxes,” said Debbie. Bill Giertz and Mark Hirst signed in at the same table, eager to have their union recognized by the state. “The big event for me was on

election night,” said Giertz. “Hearing that the Democrats had taken the House. That they were going to replace McNulty. That, to me, was a feeling of . . . finally, acceptance.” Giertz has been living in Colorado since 1979. “I’ve been here a while. It’s taken a long time to get to this point. But then again, this is one step. It is not the step – true marriage.” Shortly after 8 p.m., more than 400 people packed the third floor of the McNichols Building for the celebratory dinner, featuring several guest speakers including Denver Mayor Michael Hancock and U.S. Rep. Dianna DeGette, a Denver Democrat. “Everyone in this room has reason to celebrate tonight. It has been a long journey. It has been a tough journey,” said Hancock, who planned on officiating civil unions that night. “If history has taught us anything, in the words of Dr. King: ‘The arc of history is long, but it bends towards justice.’” Hancock echoed the words of couples who were joyful the state

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By MIKE YOST

was finally recognizing their relationship, but still felt many of their rights were lacking. Colorado’s Amendment 43 defines marriage between a man and a woman. “The journey is not over. And we will not stop until all residents, in the words of our great state Sen. Pat Steadman, have full marriage equality under the law.” When DeGette spoke, she held up a certificate signifying her as an ordained minister. “I’m going to go over with the mayor, and I’m going to perform weddings,” DeGette said enthusiastically. “This is a basic human right,” she added. “It is way, way, way overdue.” DeGette also emphasized the work ahead to establish full LGBT equality in Colorado. “We’re going to fix one word in this statute, and that word is going to be wedding and marriage.” A lively reception followed the dinner, and couples, friends and family members soon made their way across the street to the Wellington Webb Municipal Building. A long line had already formed around the block, with some couples waiting at the doors since 2 p.m. Then shortly after midnight in the vast atrium lobby of the Webb building, a sea of people crowded around Anna and Fran Simon. For the past three years, the couple testified at endless committee hearings about the importance of Colorado providing the legal rights and protections to same-sex couples. Fran and Anna were the first to receive a civil union license, making Colorado the 9th state allowing civil unions. Jeremy, the couple’s five-year-old son, stood next to his parents as they said their vows amid a shower of flash bulbs and cheers, the ceremony officiated by Mayor Hancock. A total of 114 couples followed that night in Denver. Many couples were confident they would soon return to apply for a marriage license, and that Colorado will one day join the list of currently 10 states recognizing same-sex marriage. MAY 15, 2013

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News

Denver Mayor Michael Hancock celebrates before officiating Colorado’s first civil union for Fran and Anna Simon. Earlier, Hancock told a crowd of more than 400 that marriage rights for same-sex couples was a mandate. Photo by Evan Semon/Out Front

A vow of marriage By Nic Garcia

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ith only a few hours between the past and the future of relationship recognition for Colorado’s same-sex couples, leaders of the state’s LGBT and allied community seized the present and made their strongest and most public case for marriage equality. Surrounded by hundreds of current and potential donors, and reporters from the largest media market in the Rocky Mountains, politicians and activists clearly stated their work isn’t over. “Marriage is our mandate,” Denver Mayor Michael Hancock said in front of a sold-out fundraiser for One Colorado, the state’s largest LGBT advocacy organization. “The Civil Soiree” event — part victory-lap, part pep-rally — was held at the McNichols Event Center in Denver’s Civic Center Park, a brisk minute’s walk from the Wellington Webb Municipal Building where dozens of couples began lining up as early as 2 p.m. to become the first Coloradans to enter into a civil union. Civil unions, which grant most of the rights and responsibilities of marriage to any two unmarried adults regardless of gender, became legal at midnight May 1. The county clerk’s offices in 12

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Denver and Boulder opened at midnight to begin issuing licenses. The new statewide relationship recognition became law after Gov. John Hickenlooper signed the bill into law in March. The Colorado Civil Union Act was approved by both Democratic-controlled chambers of the Colorado General Assembly earlier this year. Advocates of the bill have said they wish they could do more. But Colorado’s Constitution, which defines marriage between a man and a woman has held them captive. But with marriage victories at ballot boxes across the U.S., leaders here believe they can strike while the iron is hot. “This is a constitutional issue for me. It’s a case for the 14th Amendment,” said former state Rep. B.J. Nikkel. “I think it will happen.” Nikkel was one of the Republican lawmakers responsible for the bill’s first death, but is now a member of the chorus championing for same-sex marriage. Nikkel became the darling of gay and lesbian activists in 2012 after she reversed her 2011 vote against the bill. Her affirmative vote breathed new life into the second version of the bill which made it through two other Republican controlled committees only to be denied a floor debate by GOP leadership at the time.


Democrats regained control of the House of Representatives in the 2012 election. Nikkel did not run for re-election after her Loveland district was combined with another. “I wish this would have happened last year so I could have voted for it on the House floor,” she said. Earlier this year, Nikkel joined a group of Republicans across the nation and signed an amicus brief urging the U.S. Supreme Court to overturn Proposition 8, a voter-approved amendment to California’s Constitution defining marriage between a man and a woman. A decision on that case is expected in June. Colorado’s Amendment 43, approved by voters in 2006, is the 10,000 pound gorilla separating same-sex couples from statewide marriage equality. Unless the Supreme Court establishes an extraordinary nationwide mandate for same-sex marriage, Colorado voters would most likely need to overturn Amendment 43. The last three years of political unrest for Colorado’s gay and lesbian families may end up looking like a walk in the park compared to what political opportunities await them. “This is a victory. But it isn’t an end,” said Hank Provost, chairman of the Colorado Human Rights Campaign steering committee. “(Tonight) is representative of the bigger journey to create a more equal and respectful community — for all.” Provost said he’ll encourage members of

Colorado’s LGBT community to work with nationwide organizations like HRC and Lambda Legal on moving the state toward marriage. “We need to learn from their experience,” Provost said. Last November’s election marked the first time voters in any state approved marriage equality at the ballot. Public relations campaigns and get-out-the-vote efforts coordinated between nationwide organizations in partnership with state organizations similar to One Colorado were part of the successful strategy to win marriage in Washington, Maine and Maryland, Provost said. To be sure, One Colorado’s mission has always been full equality as the organization’s leader Brad Clark reminded civil union critics who dismissed the 21st Century advent as a half-step. On stage Tuesday, celebrating his thirdyear anniversary as executive director of One Colorado, Clark smiled and said: “You will see marriage in your lifetime.”

Coloradans began lining up at 2 p.m. in front of Denver’s Wellington Webb Muncipal Building to obtain and enter into a civil union.The Denver clerk’s office opened at midnight May 1 to issue the licenses. Denver issued more than 100 licsense between midnight and 4 a.m. Photo by Evan Semon/ Out Front

Get more photos and stories from the May 1 ceremonies at outfront online.com

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PANEL

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There are fewer LGBT bar/club establishments that cater to women because there a number of false assumptions about the lesbian community – namely that we don’t go out as much, don’t have the disposable income commensurate with the men, etc – that simply aren’t true. Even worse, a “women’s bar” has been an afterthought in the LGBT bar scene, thus not giving women the opportunity to frequent a quality establishment catering to our community. At eden, we are reversing these false assumptions by providing a hospitality and entertainment venue run by lesbians for lesbians, and rather than finding it difficult to sustain a long-term lesbian bar, we are seeing the LGBT women’s community embrace us on a nightly basis. In addition, while we strive to focus our menu, drinks, and entertainment towards lesbians and women in general, everyone is truly welcome at eden. Next time you are in, please ask for me and I would love to give you a tour of our full venue! Chin-yuan Hu

e

Iowa native George K. Gramer, Jr. is the president of the Colorado Log Cabin Republicans.

I’ve been working in the bar scene my entire adult life, from helping run them to owning and operating four. Catering to women is a part of my DNA. And if I didn’t do it, who would? I helped open and run my first bar in 2000: The Wave, which catered to gays and lesbians. Since then I’ve opened tHERe coffee bar and lounge, HER Bar and my latest venture: Blush & Blu. As one of the only long-term lesbian bar owners in Denver, I know how difficult it can be to create synchronization for such a diverse community. The bar business – gay or straight – is hard. The most difficult part in maintaining a lesbian–centric bar has been trying to please all of the clientele. I’ve seen women segregate into cliques, a trend I’m trying to dismantle. I am proud to offer a place where everyone feels welcome, but that dream isn’t always realized, by myself or the community at large. This business is the hardest when I lose support. How do I then create a space women will want to be a part of again? I’m not a mind–reader, I’m doing what I do because I believe in camaraderie. As a bar owner, I’ve been invited into peoples’ lives and get to share in the ebb and flow of a universal tie. I don’t think it’s a lost cause to run a successful lesbian bar, but I do know that it takes a village. If we band together, the lesbian bar can be a successful mainstay. I am looking forward to that day. Jody Bouffard

Dede Frain is the CEO and founder of BAD, BabesArounDenver.com.

I am clearly not a lesbian, and I’ve never been to a lesbian bar, but am always am up for a challenging question – the answer to this is cultural, social, and economic. For starts, gay men go out to bars, they like to drink, and they bring their friends. I believe that lesbians are much more likely to spend quieter time together, whether in small or larger groups. Bottom line: gay men generate far more revenue. Women (both lesbian and straight) definitely go to gay bars, but men (whether straight or gay) are far less likely to go to a lesbian bar. Several panel discussions ago, LGBT poverty was the subject. Lesbian couples have a significantly higher poverty rate than gay couples and heterosexual couples. Less disposable income means less time out in restaurants and bars of any kind. Laura Douglas-Brown wrote in the GAVoice (Atlanta) that “bars don’t play the same role for lesbians in coming out and socializing that they do for gay men.” Maybe her comment reflects the more social nature of gay men. In 2013, lesbians can go out anywhere and probably feel comfortable in their skin. Gay men perhaps prefer being out and about in a gay setting where they can enjoy the experience yet still feel secure. All said, if someone invites me for a drink in a lesbian bar, I’ll be there. George K. Gramer, Jr.

Dede Frain

I could write a book on this topic. I think it’s probably because lesbians tend to “nest” more than men, so when they meet someone and U-Haul it, they tend to stay home much more. Many lesbians also socialize with a small group of friends (especially when they are partnered) and look for activities outside of the bar scene. Single women often tell me they are uncomfortable going into bars and clubs by themselves and instead seek opportunities via groups that focus on activities or shared interests. Without generalizing too much, many lesbians – particularly those in their late ’30s and beyond, perceive the bars as hook-up scenes rather than places where they can have meaningful conversations that might evolve into a relationship. I have been in Denver since 1977 and I have seen more than 12 women’s bars close. And in my view, guys go out more and apps like Grindr – afford them numerous opportunities for easy hook-ups. I don’t think many would argue that men are more comfortable with casual sex where as lesbians are often looking for relationships. I think men are socialized to be more assertive, and this is not unique to Denver either. With few exceptions, even larger cities struggle to maintain successful lesbian bars. Someone should write a dissertation on the topic and the rest of us could debate the issue over cocktails at a nice local lesbian bar.

Why has it been difficult for Denver to keep a long-term lesbian bar open?

Ching-yuan Hu has been General Manager at eden, a women’s bar that opened in June of 2011, for the last year and eden has been growing and expanding hours to better serve the community. More info at EdenBarDenver.com.

Jody Bouffard is the owner of Blush & Blu, 1526 E. Colfax, BlushBluBar.com.

Interested in becoming one of the voices on Out Front’s panel? Contact the editorial department by email at editorial@outfrontonline.com or call (303) 477.4000 ext. 711 to be considered!

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gal on the move

Fabulous vs. fun

Robyn VieCarpenter r Email Robyn at GoddessOfJoy1@ gmail.com.

Transplants from all over bring their city lifestyle to our slower setting. We are creating this wonderful, vibrant, inte grated community here, and I am really proud of it

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It’s a beautiful Sunday, the sun is shining, and I am getting ready to go to the theatre – alone. I can’t get any of my people to go with me. I don’t blame them; this is a long–awaited spring to get out and enjoy the weather. And this is Colorado. A few years back, my friend, jewelry designer Andria Li, and I were talking about one way of living an authentic life: living in Denver for the lifestyle, while producing products that others expect only from New York or LA. Many people feel that when you love great food, art, theatre and fashion, you’ll leave Denver for a bigger city. But many stay in Colorado and love those things anyway. The added bonus is that in Colorado it’s seen as perfectly reasonable to blow off the theatre for a hike. Or, the ultimate community gatherer: firing up the grill. They’re warning of snow tomorrow, but most of us have work tomorrow anyway. Today’s a perfect day for Sunday Funday. Here we love the fabulous just as much as any other community, as long as it doesn’t interfere with the outdoors. In big cities, getting to nature usually takes planning and a decent drive out of town. Here, we’re 30 minutes from Red Rocks. We love a great party and a chance to dress up, yet also lying in the grass drinking mimosas in the park, or throwing the dog, the cooler and ourselves in the car for an afternoon in the mountains.

It’s why the gays here love a patio so much: for funshine and fabulousness simultaneously. If a drive out of town isn’t practical, X Bar or Eden have both. Faced with a choice – get ready for the theatre or just enjoy the sun – everybody bailed. If my wusband were here, she would have bailed too. She would want to wash the car or something wusband-like. I am from the city, where, if you have tickets for the theatre, you go. In the city, you are obligated to do. It’s the reason everyone who lives in a big city says they live there. There’s so much stuff, so of course you do stuff. Colorado keeps a slower pace; there’s just as much to do, but we live “come as you are” – there’s a choice. Transplants from all over bring their city lifestyle to our slower setting. We are creating this wonderful, vibrant, integrated community here, and I am really proud to be part of it. The thing that keeps making me smile is that all of that “big cityness” has only sped up our pace a little bit. Colorado is big, so it slowed people down way more than they sped us up. This way Nic Garcia can wear a jacket and tie with shorts and flip flops and Jerry Cunningham and JC can wear jeans. It’s a great mix of all of who we are. So, the funshine is calling and my compatriots have answered. I’m going stag. I love theatre. I’m going to have a blast. I love that I live in a place where everyone wins.


BLEED LiKE ME

Leaping Larry, the hot douchebag scraped his bumper across the top of the than the accident, and I felt the need to usher him Even in my early twenties, I preferred sports car’s hood. The truck driver didn’t onward so he wouldn’t instigate an actual fight. to date older guys. Yet when Larry Embarrassed myself at this point, I realized that notice what he was doing until the people contacted me online – barely in his on the coffee shop patio screamed and in addition to being attractive and smart, Larry twenties and beyond handsome – I set signaled him to stop. When it ended, the was a douchebag. those preferences aside. He looked like It seemed clear that a peace–loving hippie hood was covered in dents and scrapes. chiseled perfection. Larry was excited. “Whoa, did you see like me couldn’t make it work with a testosterAt first I wondered if his digital that? The guy in the truck is going to get one–fueled fighter like Larry was. But he was too pictures were fake. But when we met in his ass kicked!” he said. I found it odd: attractive to break up with, so I overrode my gut person, Larry looked like his photos and not only did the car accident energize feeling and decided to stick with the eye candy, then some. He was an avid kickboxer him, but the idea of a fight roused him hoping I could change him. and had the muscled body to match. He Instead, our next date flopped. even more. In seemed so exceptionally unflawed that I Scott McGlothlen Within 24 hours of the coffee my mind, the reverted to my inner awkward teenager, ‘‘ Just dating the shop incident Larry put me on the downplaying my inner dork and hoping to look cool. two distraught car owners chopping block with an excuse My self–doubts continued when it came to sex. should exchange insurtextbook specimen too far–fetched to take seriously. Larry seemed more impeccable with every layer ance information with wasn’t enough; I had A perfect looking man like Larry of clothing he removed, and to compensate my peace and compassion. to show him off. probably had lots of experience As the truck driver main task was well–rehearsed “O faces” and other with that, and flawlessly, Larry sexy poses. It was worth it: At work I’d force my waited embarrassedly for coworkers to look at Larry’s online profile. Just the sports car owner to arrive, Larry continued, “if I buttered me up as he let me down. After I finally realized I had been dumped, I felt dating the textbook specimen wasn’t enough; I had was that guy, I would have driven off. And if I was the totally disappointed – not with Larry but with myself. owner of the car, I would come kick this guy’s ass.” to show him off. Normally I would have countered with logic I dated this guy on a purely superficial basis, and On one of our budget–friendly dates, we went out for coffee followed by a stroll around the park. or babble on about Ghandi, but before I started, tried impressing him by being someone other than Before we could get one block into evening on foot, Larry struck a kickboxing pose and began leaping myself. Worse, I’d kept it going after I knew better; in though, Larry and I witnessed a seriously ugly around, acting proud about the major damage he this scenario, the real douchebag was me. And that accident: a driver of a large pickup truck attempted believed he could inflict on anyone who’d damage was something worth never forgetting. a tight parallel parking job, misjudged the distance of his car. Dancing out kickboxing moves and talking the fancy sports car behind the spot he wanted and to himself, Larry became more of a spectacle r Email Scott at BleedLikeMe@gmail.com.

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CoVeR SToRY

what is Photography by Hans Rosemond :: HansRosemond.com

BUTCH? 18

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JENNIFER FOSSEN – 47 – Owner and founder of JENFIXIT

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Photography by Hans Rosemond

hen I think of the term ‘butch’ I generally picture a woman who identifies in some masculine way, and chooses to express herself in that way. But really, categories and stereotypes are different for everyone. I self–identify as butch, but you might say I cover a lot of bases, and I certainly feel less butch when I’m out on the town and have my hair down. People love being a part of a subculture. We all long for a sense of belonging, some more than others. When I first came out, I was way more butch, and considered myself a ‘baby dyke.’ I used to long to fit in. In my new understanding of myself as an adult, I’ve discovered how I feel most comfortable. When I was a young tomboy, I still never wanted to appear as a ‘man’ – but I don’t like wearing dresses and skirts. As I matured, I got tired of labels. When I used to wear a baseball cap, I got called ‘sir’ a lot, so now I try and maintain a sense of who I really am in the way I carry myself. I don’t wear men’s clothing and I don’t own flannel; I have a swagger more than a sway, but I wear tight jeans. I do feel more butch when I’m

wearing my work pants [construction clothes] but I’m not seeking a style as much as functionality; my butch aspects are more born out of necessity and practicality. I first fell in love with a woman when I was 18, and it shattered my understanding of myself. It threw me for a loop because I was the worst homophobe of all, and had to start over. As a member of the Colorado Hookers [a motorcycle group] we definitely get stereotyped. We are a social group of diverse women who, quite simply, love to ride. The Hookers is really about the experience of riding in formation, as a group; there’s so much cooperation needed and without instructions or rules, we find a way to work together and move as one unit. I tend to defy most gender norms, so therefore being myself is rebellious to the notion of typecasting. Many of us see labels like “butch” as just a necessary component to our strange balance. We make up all flavors of the rainbow; the possibilities are endless. As a woman who is attracted to women, I really don’t believe in letting stereotypes or labels define who I am. I embrace the duality of sexuality and gender and although I’m most attracted to femme women, it’s not my preference to label, because I really appreciate all forms of beauty.

SARAH FRIDEN – 32 – National Sales Manager

Photography by Hans Rosemond

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f I would have talked about what I thought of ‘butch’ women yesterday, my definition would be different than after the photo shoot today. I would have said: ‘butch women have short hair and drive motorcycles!’ But the women in this issue all have girly or feminine aspects too. I’m not a big label person, but I date women. I have a hard time coming out and screaming “I’m 100 percent gay!” I just prefer women and am only attracted to more feminine women. I grew up in a very small town in Oklahoma that was very closed– minded, and when I met the first woman I was attracted to, I didn’t know what was going on. I never had a ‘coming out moment’ or period. I knew I was attracted to women, so I cut my hair shorter and realized more women were attracted to me, so it was a progression to finding my personal style and mannerisms. In general, I think it’s easier for people to accept women when they date women that look like the ones I date; they are the ‘super femme’ stereotype. When I was first getting into the dating girls thing, I tried to mirror what I thought I needed to be. But OutfrOntonline.cOm

CoVeR SToRY

as I’ve grown into who I am, I feel more comfortable in myself, and I’m really big on originality, and no longer try to look a certain way; I think I just look like me now. I think for the most part labels are destructive. The most discrimination I’ve ever run into has been within the LGBT community. I’ve found that the more “butch” women in the community tend to be competitive, which gives me anxiety, and maybe they are looking for the same types of women that I am. So I tend to stay on the outskirts of the community; I’m very single, I spend a good deal with my close group of friends and I love to work out and travel. I’m just me. I sometimes wish I wasn’t so picky, when it comes to attraction and dating, because I do despise labels so much. But I am; I’m in my 30s now, and I know what I’m looking for, and what I deserve, so I’m not looking to waste my time. Working out, lifting weights, having a short hair-cut and dressing in a style that might seem more androgynous is just how I feel most like me; I’d rather continue feeling that sense of self from within, and ditch the stereotypes that attempt to label me. Continued on page 20 w MAY 15, 2013

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LINDA COX – 51 – Founder and owner of Rent-a-Butch

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rolled sleeves; that was the style a million years ago. Later I was fem for a couple years to try it, and being ultra-fem was kinda fun too. I think that’s one of the things that makes me a successful butch, because I understand both sides, my butch femininity and my fem feminity. I’m attracted to all women; I say there’s no such thing as an ugly woman. But I tend to date women on the fem side, because I’m shy and it’s about who asks me out – that’s who asks me out. It was very difficult to be a butch in the 80s. I used to not even go into a bathroom in a public place if I’m not in a gay venue. Butches weren’t always that popular, but right now we’re a hot commodity and I’m loving it. I get such positive responses – gay people, straight people. I’m really grateful to be living in this time – I can’t begin to tell you how much I’m enjoying it. The meaning of life for me is to have a series of experiences to discover who you are, by discovering who you are not. Over the years I’ve peeled away the layers. Butch fits me. That’s what’s cool about this time in the world; I can be who I am and not feel bad about it anymore. Photography by Hans Rosemond

utch’ is a gender identity. In today’s society, ‘gender queer’ and all those new terms coming up are allowing flexibility in how you identify yourself – butch is a look, a lifestyle and a way of life. One thing I don’t say is that butch is ‘masculine.’ Men don’t own this. What I am is a strong, assertive woman – strong physically, mentally and emotionally. One term I like to use is ‘butchismo.’ I never wanted to be a man. The worst discrimination I’ve received from any group is from straight feminists and lesbians because they couldn’t understand that this wasn’t me wanting to be a man. I’ve been accused of being chauvinistic in my treatment of women because I tend towards the more chivalrous side of manners. What I like to say is that I open my femininity up to different interpretations. I think I’m very feminine, it’s just not society’s interpretation of femininity. I was a tomboy all my life – I was in rodeo and worked construction with my dad. Twenty-six years ago, at age 25, I came out as a lesbian – I was a late bloomer. I was butch for a couple years, kind of a ‘soft butch’ – you know, mullets and

KYLE SIMMONS – 25 – Lead Singer

U

Photography by Hans Rosemond

ntil recently I’ve had a bad taste in my mouth for the word ‘butch’ – people think of a crew cut, low voice and abrasive personality. Coming into me as a person now, butch is another term with 20 layers. It doesn’t mean not wanting to be treated as a woman or enjoy what a woman enjoys, doing hair, makeup – and a woman’s emotional capacity is huge. The LGBT community can be opinionated about your role in it. I grew up conservative Christian and hearing ‘you need to be heterosexual, you need to be attracted to a man,’ and when I came out as lesbian I just adopted that instead. I tried to be more feminine, had longer hair and felt awkward. I think I was still trying to escape the ‘stereotype;’ I guess I’m still trying to, a little bit. You see The L Word and they’re all hot, successful women and I was trying to look like that. But I look terrible in a dress! I was a lead singer of a band, and when it ended it kind of blew up in my face. That’s when I started reflecting on who I was and how to reflect that in my appearance – I started working out, lost weight, died my hair, cut it shorter and my face started to show up. I describe my sexual orientation as ‘queer.’ People think butch women would never be attracted to a man,

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but I might be; I see myself as having a capacity that’s bigger than most people. But I know that to society’s viewpoint, I am a lesbian. My style has been called androgynous. It’s an inner confidence. There’s some dapper awesome shit that men wear; I’m always thinking ‘why don’t they make that in a woman’s size? Can my boobs fit in that? I’ll make it work.’ The Teddy Girls was a 1950s British youth subculture where these girls developed an underground lifestyle, wore short hair and suits. They started a whole movement that wasn’t really publicized until recently. I compare myself to that scene. I don’t want to be seen as more ‘masculine’ or more ‘feminine’ – it’s an independent, strong, confident personality, traditionally seen as male. There’s a rebel quality in taking something that wasn’t made for you, and making it yours. But I feel like more of a woman and more beautiful now than I ever have. It feels good to defy expectations and not be strapped to any one thing. I can be chubby one day, lose the weight and gain it back. But I definitely believe there’s a core purpose in who we are. There’s a destination within ourselves, I’m constantly in pursuit of it.


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feature PRIDE COVER CONTEST

A l Message of pride

Top 15 expressions in Out Front’s Pride Edition cover contest

We’re blown away by the touching, clever and funny messages of acceptance, equality and most of all pride, that hundreds of people have offered to Out Front’s Express Yourself project. Between April 12 and April 21, we brought our photo station to five local gathering spots – Charlie’s, X Bar, Hamburger Mary’s, Tracks and The Wrangler – inviting the community to create messages for Pride and enter them into the project by having their photos taken with their signs. Readers voted for their favorites from among more than 200 expressions. These top 15 entries got the most votes and advance to the next round – from these, readers will again choose their favorites. Out Front’s Pride Edition is our most widely-read issue of the year, and that’s why it’s important that it be about our community and readers – about you – so your top choice will be invited to appear on the cover!

Jaclyn Prado & Adam Perowski

Billy Mitchel

Courtney Gross & Whitney Morie

Greg Steimel

Domenic Rubio

Kimberly Le & Justin Daniels

Matthew Raschke & Charles Broshous

r See the full 213 contest images online at ofcnow.co/Qdc Photos by Rod Alan Wildeman photography r rodalanwildeman.zenfolio.com Continued on page 24 22

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To locate an Open and Affirming church near you, go to: ofcnow.co/ucc OUTFRONTONLINe.COM

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feature CONt’D

One of these messages will be on our Pride cover! l

Brandon Buxman

Dustin Wagner & Ryan Stafford

Daniel Nelson

Sernam Castillo

Erin Rust & Nicole Rosales

Corkey Blankenship

Jody Bouffard

Yingzhe Xu & Juan Alvear

Three individuals or groups from these top 15 photos will be invited to bring their messages to Out Front’s Pride Edition – the top choice appearing on the cover, revealed at the unveiling event June 4. Those winning messages will be selected by you – our readers – who are voting online on our website. Deadline to vote: 11 p.m., May 17. r Visit ofcnow.co/xok to see these images again choose your favorite, or ofcnow.co/Qdc to see all 213 messages from the community that were entered into the contest. r More contest details at ofcnow.co/COVR

O SCAN ME TO VOTE! 24

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PrIDe PreVIeW

Countdown to PrideFest:

Big Gay Race, volunteering and new alcohol regulations FIRSTS THIS YEAR: The Big Gay 5K family–friendly walk/race. The 5K will take place on Saturday, June 15 and will start and end in Lincoln Park, 14th and Broadway. Early registration is $30 and includes the timed race, prizes for theme costumes, a free t-shirt and a donation to The Center.

festival and seventh largest Pride parade in the nation, The Center is working to accommodate new city regulations and restrictions for obtaining a liquor license in Civic Center Park. Make sure you are aware of theses new rules, which will keep PrideFest going strong for years to come:

LOOKING TO HELP OUT? Registration for volunteers is now open at DenverPrideFest. org. All volunteer positions are available, and volunteers receive a free lunch or dinner, a t-shirt and being a part of a larger cause. NEW ALCOHOL/SAFETY RULES IN THE PARK: As Denver PrideFest has grown to become the third largest

OUTFRONTONLINe.COM

• Addition of fencing around the parameters and increased restrictions for alcohol. People will not be allowed to bring in or take out alcoholic or unsealed beverages. Sealed water bottles will be allowed. Note: There are water fountains in the park. • Coolers, backpacks, bags, etc. will be checked. • No beverages purchased in the park will be allowed to

SOCIaL

leave the park. • No weapons of any kind will be allowed into the park; all guests entering will be subject to search. • The festival will have established entry and exit gates at all intersections into Civic Center, near the library to the south, and the Denver Post building to the north.

e

The theme for this year’s PrideFest 2013 is Focus on our Families, a message that hits close to home for many folks in the LGBT community. “The Denver PrideFest theme celebrates the growing momentum and recent victories in Colorado and across the country for equality in relationship recognition,” said Amy Drayer, Vice President of Strategic Initiatives at The GLBT Community Center of Colorado, in a press release. “Our families have taken many shapes over time, and PrideFest is a place to very visibly demonstrate the positive transformational power of love, family and community.” The theme is a celebration of civil unions in Colorado, and recognizes LGBT and allied families across the state. “We are celebrating progress and looking forward to a world in which all loving families are recognized, respected, protected and celebrated,” said Carlos Martinez, The Center’s CEO.

For more information, visit denver prideFest.org.

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FooD FoR THoUGHT

‘‘

Poverty: One out of every six children in developing countries is underweight. Obesity: Obesity rates have more than doubled worldwide since 1980.

Little Dragon 1305 Krameria Street, G Denver CO 80220 • 303-322-2128 LittleDragonDenver.com

Getting global about food By Jeffrey Steen Every so often an issue of dramatic comestible controversy enters our public consciousness: genetic manipulations of corn, the raging terror of Mad Cow Disease, whether horsemeat could really be tucked into our Big Macs. But more often than not – partly wanton ignorance, and partly a simple lack of education – gustatory issues remain outside common ken. Food experts and activists say public awareness is stunted, adulterated or altogether absent. They are the crusaders who dare to ask: If food is so important, shouldn’t we be talking about it more? For most the answer is an unqualified “yes.” The tough part, however, is keeping the conversation going. Ethical debates on GMOs might be pertinent to our health, but they’re hardly sexy. That’s why Danielle Nierenberg and Ellen Gustafson have charged forward with a new idea, melding the traditions of politics, academia, and everything we eat. It’s called The Food Tank. Think tanks have existed for decades and rarely draw a batted eye. Most hone in on specific topics while others – like the Brookings Institution – cover a wide array of issues. Still, with all of the heated debates in courtrooms and legislative houses surrounding what we eat, it’s a wonder that more energy hasn’t been spent on food. Hence, birthed in early 2013, the brainchild of Neirenberg and Gustafson. They’ve framed their mission: The Food Think Tank is for the 7 billion people who have to eat every day. We will offer solutions and environmentally sustainable ways of alleviating hunger, obesity, and poverty by creating a network of connections and information for us to consume and share. The founders come from gustatory pasts; Nierenberg spent years working on sustainable agriculture across the globe, including two years in the Dominican Republic as a Peace Corps Volunteer, while Gustafson comes from an executive director position with another think tank, the 30 Project, tackles many 26

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of the same issues The Food Tank hopes to address. How does this work? It starts with education – through their website, where statistics, graphics, and links to outside organizations shape a vision of food needs across the globe; through webinars and conferences, where leading personalities from chefs to farmers talk candidly about what’s missing in the food industry today; and through community forums where perspectives are shared from one culture to the next. The next step is where people are inspired to do something – to volunteer, to donate, to change habits. It’s worth noting that the tone Nierenberg and Gustafson have adopted is encouragingly positive. “We hope to bridge the domestic and global food issues by highlighting how hunger, obesity, climate change, unemployment, and other problems can be solved by more research and investment in agriculture,” they say. “We’ll highlight hope and success in agriculture. We will feature innovative ideas that are already working on the ground.” There’s no doomsaying here. Before action happens, however, The Food Tank needs our attention. And it starts with the cold truth about what’s happening in the world of food. For example: Poverty: One out of every six children in developing countries is underweight. Obesity: Obesity rates have more than doubled worldwide since 1980. Agriculture: 500 million small farms worldwide, most still relying on natural weather patterns for irrigation, provide up to 80 percent of food consumed in most of the developing world. Our charge? Read more, think more, do more. We can start by watching the recording (posted online) of the April 17 Food Tank gathering, a meeting devoted to improving the agricultural and culinary microcosm of Chicago. Then we explore, read, write and do. We build healthy disciplines. We live by example. And we get to know our food. It begins at foodtank.org, and leads to an ethical revelation we simply can’t ignore. OutfrOntonline.cOm

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The Melting Pot 2707 W. Main Street, Littleton, CO 80120 • (303)-794-5666 MeltingPot.com


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HiGH SoCieTY

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Sense & Sensibility the Musical

Top 5 LGBT films to rent this summer By Steven Cruz

Summertime, an’ the livin’ is easy… and the cinematic pickings are slim. The blockbuster film season is almost upon us, and for lovers of character, story, pathos and skill, the multiplex buffet is soon to be spread with big budget eye-popping extravaganzas which can be disappointing at best and predictable at least. If your tastes differ from middle-class heterosexual teenage males ages 12 to 16 – the most sought–after demographic in the summer film market – then perhaps this list can help. Pop your own popcorn and consider the following LGBT-themed favorites:

1

BEAUTIFUL THING (1996) – This British phenomenon is touching and memorable, but if you have difficulty with the inch–thick workingclass accents and numerous Britishisms, switch on the subtitles. The story: Jamie and his mom Sandra live in a low-income apartment near Ste, who is constantly targeted by his brother and father in their violent household. When Ste finds refuge at Jamie and Sandra’s, the boys have an opportunity to explore themselves and each other and ultimately those who love them. Shot through with the musical genius of Mama Cass Elliot (of The Mamas & The Papas), this film is among my all–time favorites.

2

C.R.A.Z.Y. (2005) – This French-language Canadian gem is complex, at times harsh, deeply affecting and indelible, not in small part to the lead actor’s on-screen charm and Gallic beauty. Set in the 1960s and ’70s, the story of Zac Beaulieu (Marc-André Grondin), who has three older brothers and a homophobic dad, carries the appeal of production values and storytelling on par with any film release, not just those within indie gay film circles. This is a dramatic feast: gritty and rewarding. It’s a rating rarity, scoring 100 percent from reviewers on RottenTomatoes.com and 91percent from audience – more than 80 percent is considered stellar.

3

VICTOR/VICTORIA (1982) – If you haven’t seen this film in a while, it holds up beautifully. If you’ve never seen it, you’re in for a smashing treat! Julie Andrews stars as a down–and–out singer in 1934 Paris, taken under wing by a freshly jobless performer. Together they transform her into Count Victor Grazinski: she masquerades as a man who performs as a female impersonator. The Count becomes an instant 28

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smash (the musical numbers are phenomenal) and two meet a gangster (James Brolin) who owns a string of clubs in Chicago. The gangster’s moll is played brilliantly by Lesley-Ann Warren and his bodyguard played by Alex Karras. Both Warren and Karras are given fantastic scene stealing lines. Victor/Victoria was nominated for seven Academy awards and won for Original Music Score.

May 5 – May 26 1101 13th St. • Denver, CO 80204 r DenverCenter.org

An Evening Under the Stars

August 29 Arvada Center • 6900 Wadsworth Blvd. Arvada, CO 80003 • r ColoradoBallet.org

Baroque Chamber Orchestra of Colorado: music by Handel and Telemann May 19 PACE Center • 20000 Pikes Peak Avenue Parker, CO 80138 • r PACEcenteronline.org

Hair: The American Tribal Love-Rock Musical

May 17 - June 16, 2013 • 2450 W Main Street Littleton, CO 80120 • r townhallartscenter.com

4

MY BEAUTIFUL LAUNDRETTE (1985) – Young and incredibly hot Daniel Day-Lewis – long before his acclaimed turn as Abe Lincoln – took his first starring film role in this unlikely romance. The film broke bias barriers as a gay Brit and Pakistani fall in love while the audience cheered. It marked director Stephen Frears’ successful foray into gay cinema and was followed up by the classic Prick Up Your Ears, and a host of successes including Dangerous Liaisons, The Grifters and High Fidelity. Day-Lewis and costar Warnecke mount what may be one of the steamiest and funniest lovemaking scenes ever.

5

PARIAH (2011) – This phenomenal indie went on to great acclaim, but it stuns me how many people have yet to see it. Actor Adepero Oduye is a knockout as 17-year-old Alike (a-leekay), an African-American lesbian just figuring out how to navigate the world around her. So many outstanding performances mark this film, but Kim Wayans as Alike’s mother is especially impressive as the funny lady takes a dramatic turn. This slice of working class urban life has genuineness and honesty, and is still able to preserve a poetic facet that seared through me. This is a skillful, beautiful and ultimately satisfying story of learning to live in a world with real difficulties and no easy answers. OutfrOntonline.cOm

The Hobbit

July 9 – July 25 9900 E Colfax Ave • Aurora, CO 80010 r aurorafoxartscenter.org

Dividing the Estate

April 26 - May 26 6901 Wadsworth Blvd • Arvada, CO 80003 r arvadacenter.org

The Wizard of Oz

May 18 - August 31 5501 Arapahoe Ave • Boulder, CO 80303 r bouldersdinnertheatre.com


Outfrontonline.com

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HAPPY HOUR FUN MON - FRI 3PM - 6PM

50SKEE-BALL ¢

IN MARY’S NEW GAME ROOM

$3 Beer & Well Specials $4 Vodka Specials $5 Martinis, Margaritas, & Wine Specials $5 Appetizers at the Bar

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bar tab

Weekly recurring drink specials from Out Front’s Bar Tab members e Aqua Lounge – Facebook.com/Aqua.Denver Mondays: Karaoke hosted by Adam from 8 p.m. till close. Tuesdays: Mil Hi Bullseye Dart League! Open play and free darts from 10 p.m. - 2 a.m., league play from 7-10 p.m. Wednesdays: Wet Wednesday Dance party with DJ Tatiana and GoGo Dancers // 75 cent beers, $2 wells, $4 Absolut. Thursdays: Karaoke hosted by Dave Myers at 8 p.m. // half-price bar from 8-9 p.m. e Blush & Blu – BlushBluBar.com DAILY HAPPY HOUR: $3 wells, vino, domestics, lattes; $1.50 PBR’s; $4 shots of Fireball everyday (3 p.m. -7 p.m.) // Daily $4 mystery drink or shot bartender special Mondays: Poker Night – Texas Hold ‘em – with dealer Deb Z and prizes! Free to play (7-10 p.m.) Thursdays: $4 “U-call-it” drinks (4 p.m.-midnight) and hip-hop jams by DJ Jodyb Fridays: Top 40 jams and dance party with DJ Sinna-G (9 p.m.-close) e BoyzTown – BoyzTownDenver.com DAILY HAPPY HOUR: MondayThursday: 3 p.m. till 8 p.m. and Friday–Sunday: noon to 8 p.m. Mondays–Thursdays: Absolut $4.50 “U Call” Fridays & Sundays: Stoli $4.50 “U Call” Fridays–Sundays: 3Olives $4.50 “U Call”

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e El Potrero – Facebook.com/el.potrero.180 NO COVER on Wednesdays and Fridays! Wednesdays: Drag Wednesdays with 2-for-1 beers, $3 rum, and vodka specials, $2 drafts Fridays: Go-Go Fridays with $2 rum and vodka specials, $2 drafts, $5 Jose Cuervo, $15 beer buckets and $5 Jager shots e Li’l Devils – LilDevilsLounge.com DAILY HAPPY HOUR: Everyday from 3 p.m. to 8 p.m.: $3 well, wine, domestics and $4 for 22 oz Domestic tanks, 16 oz imports and craft mugs, and call liquors. Tuesdays: Two-for-one beer or cocktails specials starting at 8 p.m. Sundays: Trivia Night! Compete for free drinks and bar tabs, starting at 7:30 p.m., $3 Smifnoff Vodkas e R&R – rrDenver.com WEEKLY HAPPY HOUR: $3 wells and domestics from 3-8 p.m. Mondays–Thursday: 3-7 p.m. on Fridays, and 11 a.m.-7 p.m. on Saturdays and Sundays Wednesdays: PBR and a shot of Jager for $6 (8 p.m. to close) Thursdays: $4 3Olives Vodka drinks ALL DAY Sundays: $3 Bloody Mary’s (11 a.m.-8 p.m.)

e Charlie’s – CharliesDenver.com DAILY BEER SPECIAL: $4 for a 32 oz. domestic pitcher and $8 for a premium pitcher Mondays: Karaoke at 9 p.m. // $2.25 Bacardi (9 p.m.-close) Thursdays: 1/2 price night! Fridays: $10 Buddy Beer Bust (5-8 p.m.) // $3 Absolute (9 p.m.-close) Saturdays: $5 Beer Bust (2-5 p.m.)

e Tracks – TracksDenver.com Mondays: Ultimate Queen Contest with no cover for over 21 and $2 wells until show starts Thursdays: Superstar Night, 18 and up dance party // first 50 guests free // $5 after 10 p.m. Saturdays: Elevated Saturdays with DJ’s Flowers, Sean OGrady and Markie // 2-for-1 drinks from 9-10 p.m. // $5-$10 cover

e Eden Restaurant & Bar – EdenDenver.com DAILY HAPPY HOUR: $3 Domestics and wells, $2 off wines (4 p.m.7 p.m.) // $4 calls and shots (11 p.m.-midnight) Thursdays: Karaoke with DJ Bella Scratch at 9 p.m. Sundays: 10 a.m. Yoga, $7 per class

e Wrangler – DenverWrangler.com Tuesdays: Tightwad Tuesdays with $2 beer grab, $2 wells, and $3.50 domestics // $5 Buy-in pool tournament Wednesdays: Geeks who Drink Pub Trivia (8-10 p.m.) Sundays: $8 Legendary Beer Bust (4-8 p.m.)

Bar Tab is a list of partnering lesbian and gay–friendly bars and venues in Denver, including some of the top destinations in the region for gay nightlife and specials and events every night of the week! 30

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4501 E Virginia Ave Denver, Colorado 80246 • (303) 388-8889 www.facebook.com/elpotreroclub

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A. Aqua Lounge B. bLush & blu C. BoyzTown D. Charlies E. Eden

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BAR RAG

Photo by Joseph Jestes Photography

Denver’s hottest rooftop dance party is back ‘Climax Sundays’ boasts fabulous new summer lineup It’s that time of the year again – for rooftop dancing and late night summer parties. Home to the largest LGBT Sunday rooftop party in the Nation, Climax Sundays at Club Vinyl are opening Memorial Day weekend, May 26. Organizer DJ Tatiana is excited for the summer season and all of the shennanigans that come with the Climax party, including: local and national DJs, fire pits, hookahs, grilled food, go-go dancers, theme parties, frozen drinks, free on–street parking, happy hour specials from 6 p.m. till 8 p.m., no cover over 21 and

of course the best view of the city. For the opening night on May 26, make sure to come check out DJ Aron (from New York City) and DJ Tatiana spinning jams on the rooftop, VDJ Mr. Groove spinning in the Glass Lounge and the famous Climax go-go boys and girls. Don’t miss out on the hottest weekly summer party of the year, and help spread the word! r VIP Bottle service tables are available. To reserve yours, call (303) 832.8628. Club Vinyl is located at 1082 Broadway. More info at ofcnow.co/1gu.

New country bar, The Rodeo, kicks off with May 15 Grand Opening Denver Rodeo, which owners like to describe as a hometown style bar with a friendly staff and a diverse music selection, has Denver buzzing with excitement about this new country bar. With dance lessons every Wednesday through Saturday, from 7:30 p.m. till 9 p.m. and Sundays from 3:30 p.m. till 6 p.m., drink specials and prizes like two tickets to the Kenny Chesney concert, get your boots and hats ready for a weekend of yeehawing fun. Denver Rodeo is located at 7800 E. Colfax Ave. r For more info, contact (720) 502.6943 or email to DenverRodeo@gmail.com. More on Facebook.com/Denver.Rodeo.5. 32

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radioactive vision

Stroke-o-vision condoms to 10,000 athletes at the starts stroking in the middle of a PowerPoint When I was a kid, we looked forward 2012 Summer Olympics in London, presentation to the board of directors? to a future when we’d all have Dick And why limit this to just a pair of panties? is back with a new twist on technolTracy video watches strapped to our ogy – Fundawear. Terrible name. You’re still not quite naked. How about a lovely wrists. As much as we envision what pair of pasties for the ladies? Great idea. the world will be like in the future, Every time your girlfriend With a pair of we seem to miss the mark by more tickles her phone, your touch actuator than a few degrees. ‘‘ nipples take the call. Or how activated undies Video watches never really came Pair Fundawear with a Skype about a pulsating cock ring and an iPhone to be. Though the watch is a baromsession and you have the that can stroke from afar? It’s app, you can eter of time, the future was instead a shock collar for your penis: now stimulate a heralded by that clunky rectangular makings of some hot Internet Nuclia Waste Heel, boy, heel! Or should I hottie thousands device called the cellphone. foreplay and then some ... Have say, squeal, boy, squeal? The phone went from a common household of miles away. The underyour boyfriend or girlfriend slip The hard–hitting, fast– appliance to one of the most powerful pieces of wear has built–in battery– into a pair of Fundawear and shooting detective Dick Tracy sensors that technology that you can slide into your pocket. powered had it all wrong. Travel to our Our phones let us communicate thoughts, dreams, simulate touch to stimulate head to work. Then use your future, Dick, and slip into a words, music, dance and even body parts. We much. iPhone screen swiping phone to fire up the app at pair of Fundawear to become check ourselves in to longitudes and latitudes all leads to underwear cleanup random throughout the day. hard and fast–shooting in a over the world. Our phones talk to satellites, can wiping. You’ll never want to whole new way. control the lights in our house, fly drones and sext get off the phone, because Sound, sight and touch – three senses down, like nobody’s business. They transmit two of our you’ll be getting off while you’re still on it. Pair Fundawear with a Skype session and two left to go. It’s just a matter of time before most powerful senses, sight and sound. Reaching out and touching someone had you have the makings of some hot Internet we are sniffing and licking the screens of our only been an empty AT&T slogan to promote foreplay and then some. Why limit the tech- phones. As long as no one is butt dialing me, the long distance calling – until now. Thanks to the nology to just online fun? Have your boyfriend future smells rosy. miracle of microchips, the sense of touch is now or girlfriend slip into a pair of Fundawear and coming to a pair of underwear near you. Durex, head to work. Then use your phone to fire up r Nuclia Waste can be reached through the company that prevented more unwanted the app at random throughout the day. Won’t he her website at NucliaWaste.com. For more athletes by distributing over 150,000 free or she be surprised when his or her underwear Nuclia, visit Hx9.

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Chris Azzopardi: Steven, you’ve made the gayest movie of your career. Steven Soderbergh: That was my intent.

intervieW

CA: Was it? SS: In a way. It was an opportunity to make use of all the hours that I’ve spent watching melodramas like Sunset Boulevard – anything connected to a certain aesthetic that we associate with camp or just glamour. It was a friend of mine in New York who made me aware of Thorson’s book (Behind the Candelabra: My Life with Liberace). Once I read that, it solved all my problems. That was six years ago. So we’re sort of experiencing everything through his eyes. He’s Alice going down the rabbit hole. CA: Did you discuss with Michael [Douglas] how flamboyant he could go with Liberace? SS: Sometimes I’d use a number. I’d go, “Oh, I think he should be at a 7 here.” CA: A 7 on the flamboyancy scale? SS: Yeah. But more often than not, he and Matt [Damon] would both tell you that once you put on the outfit and the hair and everything, you’re kind of there. I don’t remember having to really talk about how gay I wanted them to be. (Michael) would just show up in that outfit with that hair and it was happening.

Matt Damon and Michael Douglas star in Behind the Candelabra a film directed by Steven Soderbergh. Photo by Claudette Barius/HBO

Behind the Candelabra Director Steven Soderbergh talks Liberace biopic and why he’s proud to call it his last film ... for now By Chris Azzopardi

Steven Soderbergh knows who’s significantly responsible for the major success of his male-stripper romp Magic Mike: gay men eager to ogle the barely-covered bits of Channing Tatum and his hunky posse. The Oscar-winning director’s upcoming feature will obviously court the same audience – and not just because Matt Damon lets it all hang out, too. Behind the Candelabra is so gay that major Hollywood studios would have nothing to do with the Liberace film. Premiering May 26 on HBO, the revealing biopic stars Michael Douglas as the shiny showman who died of AIDS complications at age 67 and Damon as his much younger beau, Scott Thorson. In our interview, Soderbergh spoke in depth about their real-life relationship, the “flamboyancy scale” used to guide the actors’ gayness onset, diversity in film and why Damon wanted to flaunt the junk in his trunk. 36

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CA: The sexual tension was so palpable my screen was sweating. SS: (Laughs) One of the things I liked about it is this sort of Sunset Boulevard dynamic in terms of the age difference and the fact that Scott shows up and Lee’s giving him elevator eyes. CA: Matt had said that it’s a challenge creating chemistry with someone you wouldn’t normally be attracted to. As the director, was it a challenge to make this relationship seem real? SS: The key, which they understood intuitively, was: The chemistry was going to come from the comfort level, and the more comfortable they felt with each other and the more that it seemed, “Oh, this is how people act when there is not a camera around,” that’s what would sell it. Just being totally inside of it and never stepping out of it and looking back at it. You have to just jump into the hot tub, and that’s what I think really sells it when I see the movie. They seem so comfortable with each other. CA: And only one take for the sex scene where Matt is on top of Michael – really? SS: (Laughs) I said, “OK, Mike, you’ve gotta be able to reach the amyl nitrates, so you should be here. Matt, you’re gonna be on top of him here. I’m gonna drop the camera down here.” We did a take, there was a long pause and I was just like, “I don’t have any notes. That’s that.” CA: Not that I was counting, but there were three Matt Damon ass shots. When is an ass shot necessary and when is it gratuitous? SS: In this case, it would’ve been more awkward and distracting if you somehow didn’t show it. But none of that was planned. Matt’s in his robe and he gets into bed, and in another scene he’s getting out of the hot tub. It’s all stuff that was motivated; I guess that’s really what it comes down to. “Gratuitous” means they’re doing something they wouldn’t normally do to create an ass shot, and that’s not how we were thinking. Though I certainly


had it in mind when Matt came to the set and said, “You’re not gonna believe the Brazilian tan line I got from the spray guy. The world has to see this.” (Laughs) CA: Studios turned down the film because they said it was “too gay.” What exactly is “too gay”? SS: They weren’t convinced that anybody who’s not gay is going to want to see it. That was really their attitude. It’s not like, “We don’t like gay people.” They had concerns about how to sell it. And when you’re just looking at it on paper, and then when you see what Michael and Matt did, I get why they couldn’t see it. I was just frustrated that they didn’t believe that we could see it. CA: What do you think it says about Hollywood and society when a movie about two gay men won’t get picked up by a major studio but a movie that exploits violence does? SS: That’s more about the culture at large than Director Steven Soderbergh. it is about the studios. Photo by Claudette Barius/HBO They don’t give a shit. If movies like this were making a lot of money, that’s all they’d be making. The reason you don’t see more movies made with non-white protagonists as leads is because, in our culture, non-white audiences go in significant numbers to see movies with white protagonists, but white audiences do not return the favor. It’s not reciprocal, and that’s the only reason that movies lack so much diversity. CA: On behalf of the gay community, I would like to thank you for Magic Mike. SS: (Laughs) It’s so funny, because that was such a huge part of the success of the film – the attention it was given from that community from the minute it was announced. It was such a chatter magnet and, honestly, that was part of the reason why Warner Bros. came in while we were shooting and picked the movie up. CA: Are you still Photo by HBO retiring? SS: In terms of movies, it’s going to be a break. I don’t know how extended. I’m just taking a break from that specific kind of work for a while to see if I can tear everything down and rebuild it. See if I can come back different. Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBT wire service. r Reach him via his website at www.chris-azzopardi.com. Soderbergh’s film ‘Behind the Candelabra’ premiered May 26 on HBO. Outfrontonline.com

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pride e l party b a t t e g r o f n u n A for all five senses By Noelle Leavitt Riley With PrideFest just around the corner, June 15 and 16 at Civic Center Park in Denver, it’s time to pull pride season party ideas out of the closet. And like any plan, a great party comes together best with foresight. “We consider the five senses,” said Chris Blumke, president of Denver-based Decor N More, Inc. “You have to think about the sound, smell, touch, taste and feel of the party.” That applies to food, drinks, decor and music for the perfect social atmosphere. For example, an outdoor pride bash could involve a party tent above couches and lounge chairs. “The current trend is to have standing highboy tables and cocktail tables so people can mingle,” Blumke said.

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“Everyone wants everything modern and glowing. Build bars that glow and cocktail tables that glow.” For battery-powered lights that can be attached under tables, try Party City or Party America, Blumke said – and make sure they’re the right kind for what you’ll use them for. “It’s got to be event lighting units, such as hard cans or LED light units.” Don’t hesitate to flip through magazines for ideas, considering who you expect to attend and what would fit the crowd. “Every time I go somewhere, I open a magazine,” Blumke said. The easiest way to throw a party is to hire a planner – most charge an hourly fee, so it’s important to give them your budget from the beginning. Continued on page 46

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THE GAY AESTHETIC

BEAUTY By Kelsey Lindsey, the Boulderite Beauty

Swimsuit season selftanning must haves wWe’ve heard time and time again that any sort of sun can (literally) be the death of us. But with the summer pool season looming in the not–so–far–off future, no one relishes the idea of being the pasty guy hiding under the umbrella while Tone–and–Tanned Tony flaunts his golden glow around the pool deck. Thanks to the latest innovations in self–tanners, you don’t have to subject your skin to the dangers of UV rays to compete with that douche. From odorless to streak free, these sunless products can help you avoid future skin damage, while still landing you that cutie under the cabana today. Clinique Non-Streak Bronzer For Men ($19, Nordstrom): For those wanting a subtle glow without a permanent fix, this gel bronzer is perfect for a one– night–only glow. With virtually no order, this non-streaking formula provides a temporary tan that washes off with soap and water. For an everyday natural tan, mix this gel with your daily moisturizer or (for skin care goody points), a SPF face cream. Jergens Natural Glow and Protect Daily Moisturizer SPF 20 ($10.99, Walgreens): For those that don’t want to give the jig away by leaving work ghostly white one day and coming back full-forced tan the next morning, this gradual self-tanner adds color progressively with each use. Bonus: The SPF 20 helps keep your skin healthy long after that tan fades. St. Tropez Self Tan Bronzing Lotion ($42, Ulta): Need color in an instant? This lotion is the next best thing to salon spray-on tans. Providing a deep but realistic color just hours after use, it lasts for days without washing off. Just make sure to exfoliate skin before applying to avoid streaks.

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Xen-Tan Perfect Blend Self-Tanner ($45, Nordstrom): With an adjustable dial that lets you customize the color of your faux-glow, this lotion is perfect for the self-tanning newbie. Its refreshing cucumber-melon scent is a nice alternative to the normal chemical smell of some other bronzers. Lorac Self Tantalizer Body Bronzing Gradual Self Tanner ($34, Sephora): Thanks to the application mitt included with this tanner, tanning streaks reminiscent of gold and white zebras will be a thing of the past. As an added bonus, anti-aging ingredients like Camu Camu and Maracuja help keep skin smooth and healthy. Clarins Self Tanning Instant Gel ($35, Sephora): Applying tanning lotion to the face can be nerve-wracking, but this non-oily and lightweight gel doesn’t clog pores and dries in minutes, making it ideal for your visage. The gradual build of color this product provides allows for daily use, without turning yourself into a bad George Hamilton impersonation. Nature’s Gate Glow Lotion ($12.99, drugstore.com): For those that strayed away from self-tanners in the past because of their chemical-y tendencies, this natural lotion gradually enhances skin tone while still being free of unnatural parabens. With seven moisturizers like shea butter and vitamin E, it also leaves skin soft and moisturized – just in time for swimsuit season. r Reach Kelsey by email at Kelsey@OutFrontOnline.com. For more beauty, visit ofcnow.co/dgw.

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METRO LIFE CONT’D

Continued from page 43

Family Centered Medicine

Serving the GLBT community for over 15 years Primary Healthcare

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Dr. Christopher Ott, an emergency room doctor, and his partner Jeremy Simons started Denver’s famous Pink Party in their backyard eight years ago. Since then it’s grown to one of the largest pride parties in Denver, and this year Ott is expecting around 1,000 guests of the event – which has become a fundraiser for statewide LGBT advocacy organization One Colroado – at Cassleman’s Bar and Venue located at 2620 Walnut St., Denver. “It’s just a sea of pink,” Ott said. When he and his partner started their PrideFest party planning, they would throw two parties: one on the Friday before PrideFest, and the other the day of. “The party the night before was a flavored vodka party,” Ott said. “You’d put out 40 handles of various kinds of vodka. The biggest thing you can do is provide the booze; have it be open bar.” Of course most first–time hosts won’t be thinking quite that big. “You shouldn’t size the party too big off the bat,” Ott said. Start by inviting 20 to 30 people, and if it’s a success you want to duplicate, expand it next year. Ott suggests picking a signature drink to match the theme. (Blumke suggests beer for a Western-themed party, for example.) Nita Mosby Henry, founder and president of Girlz Pushing the Button – a black lesbian organization in Denver – also throws an annual pride party, this year

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with a Southern Savanna theme on the second level of eden Bar and Cuisine Lounge at 30th and Downing. “It’s one of the only times we can pull together the black community,” Mosby Henry said. The décor will represent a soft, cotton-like feel with sheer white linen across the walls, plus Southern comfort food – food being one of the major attractions of the event. For a fun event on a smaller scale, Ott suggests a PrideFest brunch. In potluck style, provide the mimosas and Bloody Marys and let guests bring the food. “Depending on how hung over you are from the night before, it’s sometimes a great idea – and sometimes not a great idea,” he joked. Blumke suggested a “build a float party” to prepare for the PrideFest parade – her company builds floats, including a huge burrito float for Chipotle last year. Blumke says it costs between $1,000 and $2,500 to build a float, so the party – serving drinks and light food while your guests enjoy building it – is a good way to get some free help and excitement around the project. “It’s an opportunity to really get creative,” she said. It’s a perfect mix for a perfect party – full of scent, sight, touch and sound – which applies whether you’re gathering for a serious purpose or just a gathering among friends to mingle or wind down. “A lot of people can plan their own party, as long as you can feed the five senses,” Blumke said.


BIG TOYS

Old Detroit goes head-to-head:

Ford Taurus v. Dodge Charger By Jonathan McGrew The “Big Three” have really picked themselves up by their bootstraps and stepped into the 21st century of automotive design and technology. Both are part of a successful offering in this fast paced, give–me–everything–at– my–fingertips–so–I–can–look–like–I– stepped–out–of–GQ world. Ford and Dodge have taken both concepts seriously; their respective answers in the full–size market are the 2013 Ford Taurus and 2013 Dodge Charger. The exterior design on both vehicles is actually a couple years old. Both take design cues to their companies’ gangster persona pasts – but the Charger really takes the lead with a strong front facia that is extended and shapelier than the first generation. It also has the “Race Track” LED taillights that seem to have come rout of Star Trek. Meanwhile the sides and interior are reminiscent of the late 60s. Simply: the Charger makes you stop to nod in approval. The Ford Taurus is no ugly duckling either; you can find strong design characteristics including the slab style and high belt line. For 2013, you have the addition of LED rear brake lights and a refined interior that has taken the path of other vehicles in the Ford fleet like the 2013 Ford Explorer and Ford Flex (see our Ford Family of SUVs article in the March 6 Edition). Speaking of improvements, both cars have good V6 engine options

with the Charger winning the horsepower in both the V6 and V8 (R/T) model. You can also get all–wheel drive in both the Taurus and Charger. One major difference between the Taurus and Charger can be found under the hood. Ford opts to use their EcoBoost™ option for their performance SHO model. While it puts out 365-hp, it isn’t quite the direct power feeling of the V8 HEMI in the Charger that puts out 370-hp. In the V6 models, the Taurus will get you fuel economy rated at 18/26 mpg city/ hwy. The Charger will achieve 18/27 mpg city/hwy. When it comes to creature comforts you can option both cars with almost anything you can think of, from heated and cooled front seats to a touchscreen navigation interface, rear backup camera and even heated seats for your rear passengers. One place the Dodge Charger can’t compete is in the parking lot; the Ford Taurus has the optional Active Park Assist where it will parallel park itself. In this head to head Detroit rumble, the winner is your pick. I find the Charger more aesthetically pleasing, much easier to see out of better on rear passenger legroom (but then I own a 2013). The Taurus has a more refined look and can carry more in the trunk with one of the largest cargo capacities available in a full-size car. It also has Microsoft SYNC – enough said. In the end, it comes down one question: MOPAR or Blue Oval? Outfrontonline.com

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QUEER MARRIAGE

THiS iS WHAT QueeR mARRiAge looKS liKe

Tom Long and Dennis Gosnell By Robyn Vie-Carpenter After eight years together in 2011, Tom Long and Dennis Gosnell decided the time was finally right to create a lifelong commitment. They welcomed me into their beautifully–appointed home to tell the story. RoBYn vie-cARPenTeR: How did you meet, move to Colorado and get married? denniS goSnell: [looking at Tom] You want to do the first half and I’ll do the second half? [laughs] Tom long: Well, we met at a club in L.A. and liked each other pretty much right away. That was January 2, 2004. I was living in Santa Fe. He had just moved from Orange County up to West Hollywood. And on Valentine’s Day, I think it was probably the third time I’d seen him, I told him I was in love. He said, “OK, why don’t I come live in Santa Fe?” dg: I was transitioning with work and life. When you meet somebody and you feel like this might be it, and you’re very loose in life – why not? Rvc: It’s like you came to West Hollywood just to meet Tom. dg: I know! It’s pretty much how it is. Tl: So we lived two great years in Santa Fe and then I said we can move wherever you want. So we moved back to West Hollywood. Rvc: That was around 2006? Tl: Yep, in 2006 we moved to West Hollywood. dg: Tom’s house was still on the market [in Santa Fe]. It didn’t sell while we were in Los Angeles. We were paying rent in Los Angeles and a mortgage in Santa Fe. So in ’07… Tl: …it still hadn’t sold. dg: We packed up everything headed back to Santa Fe… Tl: …And the house sold that weekend. Rvc: Are you kidding? Tl: No! The day of our going away party we got an offer on the house. That was a Saturday and 48

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by Monday it was under contract. dg: So we didn’t have any place to live. I had taken three–month leave of absence from work, so we took a trip across the country. dg: We saw his family. We spent like seven weeks on the road. We went through like 32 states. We were free. We ended up back in Los Angeles in early September and lived there one more year. But Los Angeles wasn’t working. We knew we didn’t want Santa Fe. What city fits between with enough of everything to make us happy? We landed in Denver, and we’ve been here four years now. Rvc: Why’d you decide to get married? Who proposed? dg: I think it was pretty mutual. I had wanted to get married when we lived in California before Prop 8. Tom wasn’t about it 100 percent. Tl: It doesn’t count until the federal government recognizes it. But, after a couple of years I regretted that decision. I was like, you know, we should get married. It just happened that in 2011 we went to New York for Pride and landed on the day that the State of New York passed gay marriage. It was a big deal. Our friend lives in Chelsea, so we walked down to The Stonewall Inn… Tl: It was a great moment. dg: It was wonderful. Tl: We were right there, kind of where it all started… dg: …So we decided to come back the next year and get married. We invited friends and said, if you can make it, great, but it’s very informal. We understand it can cost a lot of money and didn’t want to put that on our friends and family. Tl: We got married at City Hall. We went down, got our license, went back the next day. [to Dennis] Did we ride the subway? dg: Yeah we rode the subway down. Rvc: I love it! Tl: We had about 20 people there dg: Family on both sides made it. Tl: Two of my sisters… OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

dg: …And my brother, two friends from Colorado, one from New Mexico and others from California. And we had friends in New York who came. One of the great stories that day: We checked in, it’s Friday, you know, it’s going to be an hour or two, it’s Pride Weekend. So we’re like, OK, we’re all together, let’s go get a drink. At about 2:10 or 2:15, BA-BOOM! It starts pouring. It’s a deluge, and we’re about a quarter mile away, and it kept going and going! And you know, the girls were in dresses. Everyone was dressed up. Rvc: Right, everyone’s looking pretty. dg: Exactly. But, we’re like, we can’t wait any longer, we have to get back or we’re going to lose our spot. So we’re like [shrugs], you know? So, we went running into the streets, puddles, soaked. We heard later that rain on your wedding day is good luck. Tl: And then it was sunny and we had a really great afternoon – and it was Pride. Rvc: Like a giant gay wedding reception. Does it feel different? Tl: Being married? [long pause] Yes. Not being married, but getting to that point necessitated conversations that you might not have had with just “the boyfriend.” It’s like, we can get married but you have to commit that you’ll stay with me for the rest of our lives. dg: Yes! Tl: Because you know, we don’t have to get married, we can keep doing this. But, if we’re going to get married, we have to talk about things. I think it did change things. I don’t know in what way. [looking at Dennis] I couldn’t love you more. dg: Same. Tl: But you’re my husband. It’s like every time you look at him, it’s just a little bit different. dg: I think it reaffirms and solidifies, in my head and heart. And now we’ve got a piece of paper, yes, and government etcetera. I know that I’m going to be with Tom for the rest of my life – it was just a matter of sealing the deal.


REAL ESTATE

Remodel or move? The pros and cons By Jeff Hammerberg

No home is perfect for everyone, and wherever you live there are probably a few things you wish were different about your space. But should you put up, upgrade, or move on? There are many factors to consider.

Remodeling Your Home Remodeling can be anything from changing cabinets or flooring to adding or knocking down walls, redoing a kitchen or bathroom, expanding a garage or building an entirely new room. Advantages • Remodeling can meet unique needs or tastes unavailable in homes you could buy. For simple fixes – like small fixtures, shelves, cabinet designs or flooring – redoing it is much cheaper and easier than moving. • Remodeling – especially kitchens and bathrooms – could increase a home’s resale value. • Some home maintenance is necessary – like fixing broken pipes, shingles or siding – and you might as well upgrade the look while you’re paying for construction. Disadvantages • Many projects require permits to comply with safety and zoning rules. • Remodeling expenses can add up to more than you estimated. If you hire a contractor, make sure your contract has specific prices and completion dates to protect you. • It can be difficult to live around ongoing construction. • Many homeowners are disappointed discovering a remodel doesn’t pay off in resale value, especially if upgrades outpace the rest of the neighborhood, or if you switched from a more generic layout to something unique making it harder to find buyers who appreciate it like you do. Moving Moving to a home that’s already closer to what you

want can save time and effort, especially if you didn’t play on staying there long anyway – but might not be necessary. Advantages • For significant factors in home size, location and condition, moving could be the only way to meet your need. • Over the past 5 years it has been difficult to sell a home, but the market is shifting towards sellers and it’s easier now to move. • Selling the old home may pay off most of the new mortgage, and the interest rate will almost certainly be lower. Disadvantages • Home inventory across the country is low, so you may not be able to find the “perfect home” without compromises. • With new construction, you’ll have many additional costs including landscaping, window coverings, and replacing some of that shabby furniture. • Moving can be expensive, takes time and effort, and you may not want to sacrifice what you like about your current location. Which one for me? Home is where you spend most of your time, and whether to remodel or sell is a personal decision involving factors you can’t get from experts alone. Once you know what your options entail and understand what you’re gaining or giving up, acknowledge the bottom line but feel free to focus on your dream. r Author Jeff Hammerberg is the founding CEO of GayRealEstate.com.

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BACK in THe DAY

FROM THE SEPT. 21 ISSUE OF OUT FRONT: WOMEN WARRIORS

Back in MY day…

Got a story, memory or reflection to share from way back when? Let us know about it! Email editorial@outfrontonline.com with a story with “back in my day” in the subject line to have it considered for print! 50

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Out Front covered predominantly gay men in its earliest days, but since then we’ve proudly taken the identity of a whole–LGBT– community publication. The September 21, 2011 cover story addressed women’s health and breast cancer in the lesbian community –a story by and about women – complementing the annual AIDS Walk issue that comes out every August. With it, pictured here, was the first time Out Front’s cover featured a whole group of women in quite such a provocative way. Here’s to many more to come!


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‘‘

SeXUAliTY

... researchers found that the relationship

ASK THe SeXPeRT

Heart-to-heart before you start Dear Shanna-

between using porn and “risky” or adventurous sexual behavior (such

The kids really are all right By Lauren Archuletta At one point or another growing up, most of us looked at porn. Some people may define porn solely as videos, but I see it as anything – magazines, pictures – with extremely explicit sexual content. I can still remember, when I was 12 years old, my friend Katie calling to say she had something that I just had to see. After walking a few blocks to her house, I was greeted by Katie on the front porch holding a spread from Playgirl magazine. She’d uncovered her brother’s “secret stash” – a bin behind their garden shed filled with pictures of naked men. Later in life Katie’s brother came out and now his boyfriend likes to playfully tease him about the stash, asking if he’s going to find another stack of magazines hiding in the linen closet. The secret stash was my first glimpse of “porn,” and I remember the feeling: exhilarated and guilty at the same time. I thought back to my Catholic catechism classes – sins of the flesh would send supposedly send us to Hell, and I figured that looking at pictures or videos of those sins would mean the same. It took me all of 10 minutes to get over that notion. Values are instilled in us through many channels. For me it was a youthful attempt at Catholicism. For others it’s from family, teachers, laws, news programs. Whatever our influences may be, the overarching message is that enjoying porn is an unhealthy vice; many of us grew up hearing lectures or seeing reports about porn causing sexual maladjustment. I’m here to tell you that might all be complete and utter crap. In recent study published in the Journal of Sex Medicine, researchers found that the relationship between using porn and “risky” or adventurous sexual behavior (such as paying for sex, having many partners, or – controversially – having same-sex sexual partners) was slim. Martin Hald, head researcher of the University of Coppenhagen project, worked with a research team asking 4,600 young men and women in the Netherlands about the sexual acts they participated in and what could have influenced them. Though pornography did play a role, the research team found it was not a major determinant of behavior. The numbers demonstrated that while 88 percent of the surveyed men and 45 percent 52

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as paying for sex, having many partners, or – controversially – having same-sex sexual partners) was slim.

of surveyed women admitted to viewing sexually explicit material in the past year, porn motivated between 0.3 percent and 4 percent of real-life decisions – a tiny effect for something that well over half of the population was found to engage in. “Pornography is just one factor that may influence the behavior of young people,” Hald said. It’s easy to try to place ourselves and the choices we’ve made alongside those numbers: was our decision to participate in a threesome solely because we saw it in a video on Youporn? Did our one-night stand stem from Playboy – really? – or did some other channel influence us? Darnell Madrid, an Englewood 23-year-old who works in retail said that he felt too much emphasis was placed on porn when he was growing up. “I grew up hearing that that ‘filth’ would take over my mind if I ever watched or looked at it,” Madrid said. “In my house Howard Stern was considered the devil, who wanted to expose us [children] to the evil ways of the world. I think it’s pretty clear that kids are going to get their ideas from somewhere, even if it isn’t porn,” Madrid said. The University of Copenhagen findings seem to support Madrid’s take. Their study shows that although the same individuals who seek out or see porn overlap with those engaging in riskier sexual behaviors, other factors play a much greater role determining how people make choices. Hald found that one specific “contributor” to high-risk behavior could be the desire for adrenaline and thrill seeking. Society as a whole might be more accepting – or at least tolerant – of porn now; a May 2011 Gallup poll showed that 42 percent of people between 18-34 found porn “morally acceptable,” compared to 19 percent of people 55 and older. With a digital world at our fingertips now, it’s harder in the first place to shield kids form the realities of the world. Yes, pornography does exist, and yes, it can have a negative effect on adolescent behavior, but recent studies clearly demonstrate that it’s miniscule compared to other factors. You’ve heard it time and time again: kids will be kids. And it’s true. They’re still going to be curious and want to try everything once. But if we want to understand how we become who we are, it’s clear we have to look beyond the images we see in porn. OutfrOntonline.cOm

Shanna Katz

My girlfriend and I have been together a few years and the sex is fantastic. We’ve become friends with another couple (also lesbian) and there seems to be chemistry between us. I know the term “swinging” is somewhat outdated, but I think it’s the best word for what we’re interested in. Is it a good idea? If so, how do we move forward? – Potential Swingers in Sedalia

Hello Potential Swingers; What an exciting position to be in – a satisfying relationship plus the potential for some other adventures. Before anything else, you and your girlfriend should sit down and talk about what you want. While the fantasy of a four–way or other combination may sound incredibly hot, consensual non–monogamy works well for some folks and not well for others. Ensure you are both on the same page with what might go down (pun intended). If you’re both go for it, set some boundaries. What are you OK with and what are your hard limits? Consider bringing up the idea subtlety with the other couple – you could reference recent Mad Men episodes or talk about “friends” who practice swinging and like it. Use these conversations to feel out how they feel – if they don’t take the conversational bait, you might be barking up the wrong tree. If they do, set a time to talk about what might happen – don’t have these types of conversations when intoxicated, or when not all four of you are around. Make sure you are all part of the talks, and can agree on limits and expectations – is it a one time thing or potentially ongoing? – and safer sex choices. Make sure they’re both equally comfortable – that neither seems pressured by the other – and that you’re really interested in both of them and they’re really interested in both of you rather than treating someone as a less-desired part of the package. A great book to check out is Tristan Taormino’s book Opening Up which talks about different types of polyamory and consensual non-monogamy, and gives good guidelines around negotiations. – Shanna Shanna Katz, M.Ed, ACS is board certified sexologist. r For more info, visit ShannaKatz.com. Email questions to ShannaKatz@gmail.com.


HEINZESIGHT

Why are guys the same everywhere?

d Dear Brent,

Guys don’t seem any different in Colorado than any other places I’ve lived – many are flakes about meeting up or arrogant both in person and online. I moved here because I had heard that Denver guys aren’t like guys in other big cities, but I’m feeling really disappointed because I think they are.

I think there’s a question somewhere in there, but I’m not sure where. It sounds like you moved here looking for a kinder, gentler gay culture, in which people are engaging without pretense and always follow through with plans, and where men would embrace each other in brotherhood while maintaining high levels of empathy, intelligence and a healthy sex drive. Unfortunately, as you approached this beautiful oasis, you found that it was just a cruel mirage and are left disappointed. I understand where you are coming from, but there’s a potential that the main issue isn’t with the Denver gay scene but how you see yourself among gay people in general, and what you expect. When the same outcomes occur over and over, evaluate what is going on instead of keeping the same approach – the names and faces of the guys around you are changing, but the constant is you. There are situations that happen to us without provocation, and then

thinking about how there are outcomes that things are going to be so happen as a result of much better somewhere our own actions. Are else or sometime in the you the innocent byfuture. But anyone who stander who is always knows about goal setting knocked down through or procrastination can no fault of your own – tell you there’s no time or do you see patterns and place like here and in your own behaviors now to change yourself. and expectations? It Every new expedidn’t work the first Brent Heinze rience allows us to 500 times you tried it, expand ourselves and change the so why would that change now? Regardless of cultural or geo- way we interact with the world graphic variations within gay com- around us. It can be difficult to munities, there are more similari- look at ways we can improve, ties than differences in one city but through this process, we can or sub–group to the next. When develop an increased sense of thinking about why someone pride and confidence that we can doesn’t win at a game, you evaluate improve ourselves and we are not where you play, how you play and the powerless victim of our surwho you play with. The same is true roundings or the people around us. here: changing your strategy can Be careful in blaming outside situations for something that could be increase your chance of winning. Some wait to begin working on improved on by evolving inside. something like increased social skills or self-esteem until they make a Brent Heinze, LPC, is a licensed huge life change, like moving. More professional counselor. r Email him importantly, time can be wasted on at PerspectiveShift@yahoo.com.

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Envisioned by Boberto

OUTback classifieds S A D B U T T R U E ! OutBack Classifieds are one of our most read sections. It’s like a car wreck – you can’t help but look. Irreverent Advertising that gets noticed.

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Sexual tension turns explicit on the silver screen between Matt Damon and Michael Douglas ... and three Matt Damon ass shots? ... page 36

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Drag yourself to where the booze will be sure to give you a hunky hump-day or keep the party go-go-ing on Fridays with no cover ... page 33 54

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A peace-loving hippie didn’t think he could make it work with a testosterone-fueled fighter like larry ... but he was too attractive to break up with ... page 17


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May 15, 2013  

Annual Women's Issue: What is Butch?

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