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Vol. XXXVI • Issue #18 • JANUARY 2, 2013




20 FEATURE: “I want it to be about more than just the job. I want to make connections with people – that’s my currency. That’s what keeps me going ... I like creating new relationships. For me it’s a perfect fit.” – Kate Kendell, Executive Director of NCLR


“As LGBTs we have a common struggle. I hope we use the awareness of that struggle to understand the struggles of our diverse brothers and sisters – many of whom are also LGBT. Justice for all is not lip service. It is a real and powerful concept ... We need to champion diverse perspectives and experiences in our community ...” – Cristina Aguilar


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Columns and Departments

focus 6 letter from the editor 7 SPEAKOUT 9 NEWS 10 panel: voices 12 OUT IN COLORADO body and mind 15 BEAUTY 16 THRIVE 19 faith & spirit Social 24 food for thought 26 HIGH SOCIETY 31 bar tab 33 QRAVE living 37 fashion 38 TRAVEL 40 SHOW & TELL 41 BACK IN THE DAY 45 HEINZESIGHT

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Serving the LGBT Community of the Rocky Mountains since 1976 3535 Walnut Street Denver, Colorado 80205 Phone: 303-477-4000 Fax: 303-325-2642 Email: Web: Facebook: Twitter: @OutFrontCO Out Front Colorado is published by Transformation Communications Group, LLC, a Colorado limited liability corporation and is a member of: Denver Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce and Denver Drama Critics Circle. Phil Price / Founder, 1954-1993 Jerry Cunningham / Publisher Email: J.C. McDonald / Vice President / Director of Circulation Email: Nic Garcia / Associate Publisher Email: Jeff Jackson Swaim / Chief Strategist Email:

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Our soaring hopes and searing skepticism


enough that we make the soaring hopes and searing cut, but not so much that skepticism – are initially everybody makes it. overwhelmed and disapAnd naturally, with pointed. inevitable bumps and deImagine – we come with pressions, we’ve all experithat baggage and hope, enced periods of wanting to only to learn we’re still give up on the whole LGBT as different from everyidea and declare ourselves body else as we ever were outside it – the community among straight people. unsalvageable, pointless. (You thought you were the Matthew Pizzuti “Aside from my partner I’ll only one who felt that way!) just associate with straight Imagine coming to a place to finally be accepted, to find there’s still folks.” Or, “I’m not ‘gay,’ just a man who prejudice and rejection there. Remember happens to like men.” Sound familiar? Those conflicts and insecurities peel first finding LGBT culture, only maybe a little bit less foreign than a straight person away over time – most of us grow out of would in our shoes, toward gay people of them – but there’s a simmering skepticism the other gender, the idea that gender itself toward each other that we, the whole comis negotiable, other races and cultures, munity, hang on to. Even those of us who people with HIV, toward – goodness – drag embrace the movement occasionally roll our eyes, wrinkle our noses or distance queens, and generational gaps. Like any straight person would, we ourselves from certain things LGBT. Which comes to this issue of Out Front. had to learn tolerance for the LGBT community’s diversity, with the added feature Despite the drawbacks, our community’s that it was full of mirrors flashing things introspection and self-criticism is a trewe still struggled to accept in ourselves. mendous asset if we stick around and At the same time, we started our first real work. We have righteous complaints, romantic relationships with a fated mix loving suggestions, and valuable insights of yet-untested sexual morals reconciling to call ourselves out. What better channel what we’d been taught with who we were, for that than New Year’s resolutions – to teenagers’ sex drives, adult expectations get it on the table and commit to change? We, the LGBT community, are a motley, and pre-teen experience. Naturally, we’ve experienced wanting mottled assembly. In very few places do everybody else to change for us: Thinking you see so many experiences – of race, sex should be limited to established re- culture, age, sexual openness and otherlationships, but we’re horny as heck, wise, personality, style, religious beliefs so hoping the first guy who smiles at us and nonbelief, interpretations of gender, will commit that night so we can get on extremes of wealth, political views, very with it – days later feeling led on, testify- different sorts of hardships, heartbreak, ing that gay guys are fickle whores. Being thriving despite disease – hanging out in paranoid over whether we’re “visibly the same place, truly together. The LGBT gay” so wishing the twinkling queens community is one of those places. Like and butch lesbians would start talking many minority groups, our hardships like good country folk lest their spice rub have instilled in us a remarkable focus off on us. Declaring that those we find ex- and solidarity. In a few decades, though, ceptionally attractive should stop being many of us will have won equality and too shallow to date us, turning around to our place in the mainstream. And since, declare that those we find unattractive unlike many of those groups, we arrive on need to put some more damn work into Earth imbedded in such disparate identithemselves. Deciding our ex-girlfriends ties, we’ll decide if we’ll fragment into our or ex-boyfriends or all those who rejected respective other communities – grab our our love are evil jerks. (Your list may be partners and go home – where surely some will say we fit better. different, but you get the point). Or, we can decide we really can put up We would say people should be who they are, unless that happens to fulfill a with each other enough after all, really do stereotype, in which case we’d say they’re like each other enough after all, to proudly just acting a part and making us all look stick together – this time by choice – with bad. We were no better toward those who all our history, creativity, personality and don’t fit positive stereotypes; not trendy, individuality in the funky agglomeration not progressive, old-fashioned. We wished of human experience we are. I hope our answer is yes. ] everyone would be less judgmental just

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ABOUT THE CONTRIBUTOR: Andie Lyons has been trying to explain the world using obtuse vocabulary for approximately 22 of her 31 years, and has no plans to stop anytime soon. Andie enjoys exploring the lived experiences of people, the cultural myths we co-create as a society, and asking people if they believe in God. Andie’s writing has appeared in her own zine collection “Already Too Much; Never Enough,” The Precarious Web magazine, and is scheduled to appear in a forthcoming anthology on Fat Queer identities. Read Andie’s editorial on page 19.


We, in the LGBT community, are a selfcritical bunch. If the comments we at Out Front hear are any indication, many of us think our community is too promiscuous, too risk-taking, too liberal, too conservative, too alcohol-oriented, too bitter toward religion, too addicted, too male-dominated, too “politically-correct,” too prejudiced, too gendered, too gender-bended, too shallow, too commercialized, too segmented, too unhealthy, too narcissistic, too obsessed with body image, too dramatic or too reminiscent of stereotypes about us. Maybe we’re all too hard on ourselves? OK, not all these complaints carry the same seriousness. You probably found yourself nodding with some, cringing at others. Some of these are more principled and selfless, and yes, some note things we do to parts of our community that are downright indefensible. The most valuable concerns are distinguished by their sense of reciprocity, not battling lifestyle or personality differences but focused on broad principles we hold ourselves to also: Nonjudgment, sensitivity, inclusivity, compassion. They also come with willingness to organize and work on them. Still, one of our community’s distinguishing characteristics is that we struggle – a lot – with each other and ourselves. There’s a reason for that. LGBT people come from all corners. We are black, Latino, Asian, white; raised liberal, conservative, urban or rural; we grew up Jewish, Muslim, Christian, agnostic – this list doesn’t end. We grew up in every distinct culture and family life, usually not yet knowing we’re LGBT. Usually hearing mixed messages – sometimes overwhelmingly negative messages – about LGBT people, believing those messages, and with very different expectations about what proper sexual morals, relationships, political views or social lives should look like. Coming out – to ourselves first, then the world – and then discovering the “scene” of other LGBT people, is where our individual stories only begin to converge. With any transition to a new community comes culture shock, the challenge of finding how we fit in, rethinking our prejudices and not approving of everything we see. Through years of adolescent isolation we’d been desperately searching for “people like us.” Through those same years we’d been desperately hoping to establish which stereotypes about LGBT people that we, and each other, are not. It’s no surprise that many young people reaching out to the LGBT world for the first time – with


from the editor

CONNECT WITH MATTHEW Reach junior editor Matthew Pizzuti by email at Matt@outfront or call (303) 477.4000 xt. 712.


Putting on the Ritz

Cecil Bethea Cecil Bethea was raised in the South before joining the Air Force and now calls himself a ‘Westerner of Southern extraction.’

The phrase “Putting on the Ritz” originated during the early part of the last century from the Ritz Hotel in Paris, one the brightest stars in the excesses of the Edwardian Era and even today. One of the attributes of the Ritz was the large number of Rolls Royce automobiles that conveyed its guests.

Carl Shepherd, my partner, now lives in a nursing home. I try to take him out to prevent bouts of cabin fever, but because I no longer drive, we have to use RTD, which is not bad considering the alternatives. At Prime Timers, I learned that Howard Martin owns a Rolls Royce. This prompted an idea – not so much an idea as a daydream. I asked Richard whether he would take us for a ride. Expecting “no,” I was surprised to hear “sure.” We scheduled a day when Howard wasn’t working. Also, Howard would not drive in snowy weather or on cold days; the heater doesn’t work. That afternoon I asked Carl whether he would like to go on a drive in a Rolls Royce. Silly question; he just wanted to know when. On the eve of our departure, I helped him shower, and on the day I saw that he was shaved and properly dressed. Since we rode in the gay Pride parade, Carl’s straw hat and dark glasses have become vital parts of his outings. We were waiting in the parking lot at 10:45 a.m., 15 minutes early. Finally the ride arrived with Richard attached. It was beautiful, the acme of the car designers’ art

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and those words just minimize its awesomeness. It is a Silver Cloud II – last produced in 1980 when 200 of that model were exported to the U.S. The color is a very dark green; ‘Brewster Green’ is its name, the British racing car color. On the front of the hood was the Nike symbol, bending into the wind. Such an occasion had to be photographed. Carl had always been our photographer. Knowing nothing of the subject, I am, regardless, now the recorder of events. Camille, the receptionist, self-assuredly took a picture of the three of us with the Nike. Then we got in. Firstly we had to get Carl ensconced on the luxuriousness of the cowhide-covered back seat. After that task, we made failing attempts at getting his wheel chair into the trunk. Richard thought the stuff already in the trunk prevented our carrying the chair, but I think it was my excitement. Camille kept the chair; Carl can walk short distances if he holds someone’s arm. After I sat in the back seat, Richard started the car. I could never have turned the key or even moved the car in the parking lot for fear I’d break something.

Not Richard. He deftly eased the beauty into the 15th Street traffic and toward Downtown. We reveled in our luxury and looked out at the less fortunate. True we felt not the urge to give them a Queen Elizabeth wave. Richard did see several people give him a thumbs-up or some other sort of friendly salute. Richard drove us around. We saw Washington Park from our regal perch. After an hour we went to Gaetano’s for lasagna. Then came the dreary drive back to Carl’s residence. After retrieving the wheel chair, he and I stood in the parking lot watching the Rolls Royce drive away. It did not turn into a pumpkin; it only turned the corner and out of sight – but not out of mind. The memory of that ride will persist in our minds until our minds themselves are fractured into fragments of Alzheimer’s. Until then it will be the stuff of daydreams. We, with high hauteur, shall bore our friends about the time we weren’t nobodies. True we were just acting somebodies, but they can’t take that from us. For once, we were putting on the Ritz. ]

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Illinois could pass marriage equality by Jan. 9

Illinois lawmakers hope to make their state the tenth to offer full marriage equality, planning less than two years after civil unions became legal in Illinois to push through a bill for full same-sex marriage this month. Democratic Gov. Pat Quinn, who signed Illinois’ civil unions bill in January 2011, indicated last December his eagerness to see same-sex marriage reach his desk at the end of the lame-duck session before newly-elected legislators are sworn in Jan. 9. Chicago Democrats Rep.

Greg Harris and Sen. Heather Stearns replied announcing they were close to getting enough commitments to pass the bill when the legislature reconvened Jan. 2 after the holiday break. Democrats will have a 40-19 majority in the Senate and a 71-47 majority in the House when the new members arrive, but Democrats think they can pass the bill before then with some bipartisan support and their current, slimmer, 35-24 majority in the Senate and 64-54 majority in the House. Some Democrats from conservative rural areas in southern Illinois have opposed civil unions and same-sex marriage, but there are also moderate Republicans from the state’s dominating Chicago area - which totals half of the state’s population - who voted for civil unions in 2010. If Gov. Quinn is able to sign the bill, same-sex marriages will likely begin in Illinois on July 1, and Illinois will likely be the tenth state with same-sex marriage after Washington State, Maine and Maryland enacted their voterapprove marriage equality laws in December and January. ]

supreme court Justice antonin scalia draws ‘parallel’ between homosexuality, murder It’s yet unknown how U.S. Supreme Court will rule on two crucial same-sex marriage cases it has agreed to hear in 2013, but staunch conservative member Justice Antonin Scalia made has given strong hints where his own vote will go. The more pivotal of the cases the high court will take, reviewing a federal appeals court ruling striking California’s Prop. 8, probably won’t focus on whether same-sex marriage is a constitutional right – the lower ruling instead says that voters couldn’t take away the existing

right of same-sex marriage the way Prop. 8 did since there wasn’t a legitimate reason to. But Scalia has written in his dissenting opinion on the Supreme Court’s 1996 Romer v. Evans ruling that much of the law – regarding “murder, for example, or polygamy, or cruelty to animals,” Scalia’s opinion stated, is based on moral disapproval and “even ‘animus’” toward the behaviors they criminalize. “Surely that is the only sort of ‘animus’ at issue here: moral disapproval of homosexual conduct.” A gay student at Princeton University, where Scalia was speaking in December, asked why the justice had equated laws banning sodomy with those against bestiality and murder in yet another public opinion Scalia had voiced, Scalia clarified that he was drawing a parallel rather than equating homosexuality and murder. But on the message, Scalia doubled down. “If we cannot have moral feelings against homosexuality, can we have it against murder? Can we have it against other things?” Scalia asked. ]

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Civil certainty

Civil union bill could be signed into law as early as Valentine’s Day

Nic Garcia

They say third time’s a charm. And for Colorado gay and lesbian couples eager to have their relationships validated by the state, that looks to be the case. Nearly three years ago, with a chilly Valentine’s Day rally on the north steps of the state Capitol here, gay Denver Democrats state Sen. Pat Steadman and Rep. Mark Ferrandino introduced the Colorado Civil Union Act – legislation that would establish legal relationship recognition for same-sex couples.

do everything they can to And now, in a matter of a continue to deny gay and few short weeks, the political lesbian couples critical protecroller coaster that saw nearly tions,” Clark said. “As in years a dozen suspenseful commitpast, opponents will offer up tee meetings and rallies, tears lies and use scare tactics to try of joy and sorrow, and that to derail civil unions. It’s imre-wrote the political legacy portant that LGBT Coloradans of the two Republicans on remain engaged in the process opposite sides of the issue, and ready to respond when opcould end on the very same ponents threaten progress.” day it started: Feb. 14. The Colorado General This year, the final sprint Assembly, by law, must for the civil union bill to the adjourn by May 8. governor’s desk will be a “I’m looking forward brisk one. to sending the bill to the Steadman and out lesbian Governor,” Ferrandino said. state Sen. Lucia Guzman, Hickenlooper, a Democrat, D-Denver, will introduce the will sign the bill after it’s bill in the Senate on Jan. 9, passed by both chambers. the first day of the regular In his 2012 state of the state session. Ferrandino and out address, he called for the bills lesbian state Rep. Sue Schafer, passage. D-Wheat Ridge, will carry the And, after Republicans bill in the House. blocked a full vote of the The 2012 election results House in the last days of the – voters sending more than regular session, killing 30 enough Democrats to take other bills at the same time, control of the House and to Aubree Peckham chants at a 2012 rally in support of the Colorado Civil Union Act. The same-sex Hickenlooper called a special maintain the party’s edge in relationship recognition bill will be reintroduced Jan. 9 when the Colorado General Assembly starts its next regular session. The bill is expected to pass now that the House of Representatives is controlled session to allow the GOP the the Senate – paved the way for by the Democrats. Photo by Sean Mullins. time they said they needed to the bill to become law in the debate the bill. first three months of this year. When the legislation becomes law, Colorado will become the ninth state to Republicans had previously controlled the House with a one-seat advantage, 33-32. Despite an onslaught of courting by gay rights groups, and even some in their offer civil unions to same-sex couples. After the 2012 elections, an additional own party, House GOP leadership blocked the bill in both 2011 and 2012, while it nine states offer full same-sex marriage to its residents. Before Colorado’s laws can provide marriage equality here, a voter cleared the Senate with bipartisan support both years. Rendered to the minority party in the House by nine seats, the 2013 Republi- approved constitutional amendment would have to be overturned either by a vote of the people, or a wide ruling by the United States Supreme Court in its can caucus will be powerless to block the bill. While no one, not even the bill sponsors, can publicly guarantee when the upcoming decision on California’s Proposition 8 case. Most legal experts, including The GLTB Community Center of Colorado’s bill will be signed by Gov. John Hickenlooper, several sources familiar with the bill’s track have privately told Out Front the bill will be signed as early as Valen- Mindy Barton, agree the latter is unlikely. “It is important to note that regardless of a determination in either of these tine’s Day and no later than early March. “We look forward to working with a historic number of openly LGBT leg- cases supporting equal marriage, both the Colorado constitution and our islators as they lead passage of this critical bill,” said Brad Clark, executive state statutes will still include language defining marriage in this state to be director of One Colorado, the state’s largest LGBT advocacy organization and only between one man and one woman,” Barton said in a statement released the nonprofit funding the lobbying effort behind the bill. “The legislature has shortly after the Court announced its decision to hear the Proposition 8 case. One Colorado’s Clark said his organization is committed to realizing full a lot of issues before them in 2013, from job creation to education. We expect civil unions to move through the legislature alongside dozens of other impor- marriage equality for Coloradans, but more work has to be done. “Although public opinion is changing quickly, we still have work to do tant bills, and we hope that LGBT Coloradans will be engaged in the legislative to build support among our friends and neighbors – which One Colorado process on a variety of bills, not simply civil unions.” Due to the expected expediency of the bill’s passage, One Colorado has moved is committed to doing in the months and years ahead,” Clark said. “In the meantime, civil unions will provide critical protections to vulnerable families up its annual Lobby Day from President’s Day on Feb. 18, to Feb. 4. “Despite widespread support for civil unions, opponents of equality will in our state.” ]

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Panel: voices


If the LGBT community as a whole were to come up with a New Year’s Resolution, what do we need to change most?


Give. Ever wonder why the LGBT community always moves one step forward, then gets clobbered and sent back to the starting line? Well, look at who’s clobbering us: homophobic religious institutions. What gives them such an edge? Their constituents show up weekly in a place of worship and give money – dozens of times every year. With this financial support, homophobic religious institutions can hire large, professional staffs. They own universities, radio and TV stations, headquarters buildings in Washington, D.C., lobbyists and staggering sway with mainstream news organizations. Hell, one homophobic religious institution holds the political and economic monopoly of a neighboring state. Another owns a small nation in Italy and “permanent observer” status at the United Nations. How? A large, committed constituency trained to give. In comparison, organizations of, by and for the LGBT community are paupers. Our successes are largely thanks to the simple justice of our cause, and a huge corps of motivated volunteers. That’s great, but not enough. We need strong, professional executive leaders, communicators, fundraisers and administrators. They deserve good salaries, benefits, well-equipped work places and generous budgets to do their jobs. This year, resolve to give to one or more LGBT causes. Never given before? Resolve to give $100 right now. Then give another $100 before the end of the year. Already giving? Give $100 more. Give locally. Give nationally. Name LGBT organizations in your will. Give monthly. This is the best way: sign up to give $10, $25 or whatever you can afford monthly from your credit card. You’ll never miss it, and your community will get stronger. ]

Cecil Bethea was raised in the South before joining the Air Force and calls himself a Westerner of Southern extraction.

Phil Nash has been writing his way through life since he wrotea book report about a fake novel in 9th grade. Nash has spent most of his career writing for foundations, nonprofits, elected officials, an ambassador and, once upon a time, for Out Front as its editor.

Community engagement on New Year’s Resolutions, read the cover story on page 20.

Interested in becoming one of the voices on Out Front’s PANEL? 10

Phil nash

Iowa native George Gramer is the president of the Colorado Log Cabin Republicans. He has two degrees from the University of Colorado at Boulder.

It is at least improbable for all gays to agree upon anything other than gay rights. We are too diverse, as is the case with any large group of human beings. If the Supreme Court rules in our favor in the marriage cases, what else shall we, as a group, want? With “gayness” being of a biological origin like green eyes or red hair, we as human beings disagree upon everything else. Coming from every economic and social level, every nation, every race, how could we not differ amongst ourselves? With growing acceptance, we can live most anywhere we want outside the gay ghettos. Some have even migrated to the suburbs where they are judged primarily by how well they keep up their properties. Any Gay thinking of moving to Last Chance or Cortez should check carefully the attitudes of thee locals before calling the movers. In years gone by the assimilationists and the separatists argued greatly about which direction to work in. The separatists believed that we should exile ourselves in ghettos having as few contacts with straights as possible. The assimilationists wanted us to be absorbed into the greater society, when the neighbors would say, “Bill and Bob? They are nice but different if you know what I mean.” Gays should not be able to speak in an anonymous voice. I want every Gay to be an individual, not the result of mass-production. Even those who are submerged in suburbia might wallow in mowing dandelion-free lawns, tending to smoke-filled barbecues, perhaps even in fractious fights at the PTA. Never let us speak with one voice; let us be different – even difficult – Individuals. ] cecil Bethea

george gramer

Only one New Year’s resolution? Our community must examine many things. All we need to do is look in our collective mirrors. What are our worst attributes? There are many (and please realize that I am making sweeping generalizations to make a point): We can be spiteful, elitist, snippy, snide, crude, and impolite. We can be ageists (on both ends of the age spectrum). We often expect others to be in Olympic gymnast condition (or the complete opposite). We discriminate based on weight, height, color, occupation, and education. We can be overly promiscuous. We misuse drugs and alcohol. We limit relationships based on a fetish or a preference. We hold a mistaken sense of entitlement while ignoring other people’s positions and ideas. Our closed-mindedness is one of our worst failings. We do not give back. We do not contribute to charities as much as we should, and we do not volunteer enough of our time to worthwhile non-profits. We do little to change any negative image we have in the press and in the greater community. We shout when we should whisper, and we whisper when we should shout. Saint Francis of Assisi wrote, “Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is doubt, faith. Where there is despair, hope. Where there is darkness, light. Where there is sadness, joy.” Let it be so in 2013. ]

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Contact Holly Hatch by email at or call (303) 477.4000 ext. 711 to be considered!

THe leBanese lesBian

Doing time in America

maya salam Email Maya at

Dont forget Tuesday is $15.00 Liters of House Margarita Silver or Gold!


elcome to the future! Seriously, though, is it 2013? Where’s my levitating house and my robot dog? How long have I been out and proud? Every year is more of a blur that the year before; is that normal? Dang, how old am I going to be this year? I guess it’s time to keep that between me andmy driver’s license – or so I’m told. It was once explained to me that the reason time seems to accelerate with age is because each year takes up less of a percentage of your overall life. When you’re 10, a year is a tenth of your life; when you’re 40, it’s a fortieth. That makes sense. It becomes less substantial, and therefore less significant as time goes on, right? Wrong. Well, right if you let it, and wrong if you don’t. Time stops for no man, woman, or anyone in between or outside of those gender norms – but that doesn’t mean we have to be paralyzed by the passing of it, always trying to stop it, guilty when we do nothing with it, and defined by it. I mean, is it just me, or do you feel like Americans are as unhealthily focused on the hour and minute hands, too? It goes beyond aging, although I have recently known several people who’ve turned 30, and about half of them (mostly women) were somehow crippled by the chiming of the bells. It’s true that our culture doesn’t really embrace getting older, or support and admire our elders the way many other cultures do, but is that the root of our obsession with time, and is

our obsession with it a hindrance in a slew of other ways? There are two known cultures that don’t even have the concept of time. One of which is the small Piraha Tribe of the Amazon Rainforest. They have no words for time or numbers. There is no past tense; everything exists in the present. When it can no longer be perceived in the now, it ceases to exist. Talk about carpe diem! While I see negatives to this seemingly extreme form of living, such as no history and no knowledge of one’s ancestry, there is something to be learned. The Piraha live a relaxed lifestyle free to experience every moment for what it is and what it is worth. These people are certainly not faced with the giant digital numbers on their iPhone every five minutes. Americans are way on the other end of the spectrum. We attach guilt to not maximizing every moment of our time. I thought that the technological revolution was supposed to free up our time. Instead of sitting down with our checkbook to pay every bill, address the envelope, and balance our finances, we have auto-bill-

pay features and bank alerts. Instead of waiting in line to pay for gasoline, we have pay-at-the-pumps. Does that mean we’re using this freed-up time to relax with our families and, I don’t know, paint a picture? Not at all. We are driven to constantly do more, earn more and consume more so that we can achieve more. It’s the American way. Of course I’m not suggesting we throw all our clocks in the trash and get to work three hours late, but perhaps if we each take the pressure off of ourselves, release the guilt of expecting so much from daily race, and calm out hurried state of mind, we can actually hop off the wheel and not have our years always feel like another dizzying flash in the pan. American psychiatrist and acclaimed author Peter C. Whybrow wrote, “For many Americans, the ‘free moments’ that once glued a busy life together have almost disappeared.” I agree, and I think it’s time to take ownership back of these free moments. Maybe it’s time to take our control back, and turn the tables on time controlling our everyday lives. Sounds like a good resolution to me. ]


Not all green chili is created equal. Come in and get your Benny’s fix for the winter. 301 EAST 7TH AVE. • 303 894 0788 BENNYSRESTAURANT.COM [ [ focus ] ]

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★★ ★ ★

2013 ★★★

at a glance Look for these coming events in the next year!

Your one-stop destination for events online at: Outfrontonline .com/events

A fundraiser for the Roaring Fork Gay and Lesbian Community Fund – Jan. 13-20


10 year anniversary – March 1 Women Pride Party – June 21



Valentine Extravaganza – Feb. 9 Rocky Mountain Regional Rodeo – July 12-14 Jakino Scholarship Fundraiser/ Royalty Competition – Dec. 6-7


7th Anniversary Dinner – Feb. 23 7th Annual Build-A-Bear Charity – Oct., TBD



‘Music in Our Souls’ – March 15-16 Diva Ball – May 4 ‘Dance the Night Away’ – June 13


Law Enforcement Breakfast – TBD Civil Unions advocacy and rally participation – TBD Gay Prom with Rainbow Ally –TBD



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Octoberfest – Oct. 10-13 Summer-end Camp Out – Aug. 8-11 Summer Picnic – July, TBD


Winter Concert – Feb. 16 Melodies of Pride –June 11 ‘Spooktacular’ Halloween Cabaret Oct., TBD



Onyx Ball – Jan. 12 Black Tie Affair – Jan. 26 King of Hearts – Feb. 23 Renaissance – April 20


Day at the Legislature – Feb. 4 ‘Fully Awake and truly Alive’ talk March 17


Athens Boy’s Choir – Feb. 3 Queer Seder – March 28 Winter Fundraiser – TBD


International Ms. Leather April, TBD International Mr. Leather May, TBD 33rd anniversary May 3-5


LGBT Lobby Day – Feb. 4 Pink Party – June 15 Ally Awards – Aug. 17


Dining Out For Life – April 25 Art For Life – May 17 A Taste For Life – Oct., TBD


Denver PrideFest – June 15-16 LGBT Job Fair – Spring and Fall Jokers, Jewels and Justice – March 16

Boots-N-Boxers – May 18 Diva Day – Summer TBD Christmas Tree Wreath Auction – Late Fall, TDB


Bear to Make a Difference Gala – Oct. 12 Elton John Benefit Concert – April, TBD

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For the full calendar and daily updated listings, visit events PLUS don’t forget to submit your own event!

radioactive vision

Porn this way

Nuclia Waste Nuclia Waste can be reached through her website at

When I was younger, I knew porn was bad. Raised as a goody-two shoes Roman Catholic altar boy, porn was a big no-no. On overnight sleepovers, my grade school friend Mike would produce issues of Playboy, lifted from his dad’s secret stash. Even though I knew it was a sin, I would sneak peeks at the centerfold. It did nothing for me, making it that much easier to resist temptation. The effect of those 2-D models with the triple-D tits on Mike was another story. They got his motor going. And that, in turn, made me excited. In a roundabout way, porn was a temptation. Those priests were right after all. When I got to college, my take on porn changed from one of sin to one of exploitation. Those poor women were being objectified and treated like pieces of meat! Since naked photos of women did nothing for me, there had to be something else wrong with porn. Exploitation must be it. Then I came out of the closet and discovered gay porn. It did not feel like sin. It did not feel like the objectification of men. It was just hot.

Back then you had to work at scrounging up your gay porn. Movie theaters and bookstores were the only place you could find it, if you had the courage to walk in those doors. For a long time, I did not. But in college that wasn’t problem. I was young, horny, dating and starring in porn films of my own making. A photo paled in comparison to a naked Italian as I climbed up and down his six-foot frame in the classroom of our campus fine arts building. Anyone could have walked in on us at any point. And that was the point. Now porn is a mouse click away. I don’t think twice about sampling the variety on Rockettube. And it’s not just “porn” – it’s the Baskin Robbins of porn. The almost 31 flavors include Amateurs, Bears, Euro Guys and so many more. There’s more porn variety on the Internet than you can shake a big stick at. And most of us probably do. The lines between what “is porn”: and

what “is not” have blurred with the invention of camera phones and apps like Grindr, Growler and Scruff. Craft your messages carefully and complete strangers will send you photos that will make you sweat like a nun in a field of cucumbers. With a web-cam and some mood lighting, everyone’s a porn star. Whether you like it or not, porn is here to stay. From the first penis our ancient Cro Magnon brothers scratched on a cave wall, to that crotchshot you just texted to that guy across the dance floor, porn is entangled in the fabric of our lives like sixteen legs at an all-night orgy. Some say that porn is one of the seven deadly sins. They say that porn destroys and, as evidence, point to all the porn stars who have died. Well, I hate to burst that bubble but all the Catholic saints are dead too. To paraphrase the Lady, Gaga, “No matter black, white or beige, Chola or orient made, we’re on the right track, baby. We are porn this way.” ]

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january 2, 2013 |



Sing over the naysayers

Robyn Vie-Carpenter Email Robyn at



any people struggle with the understanding of what they want to be when they grow up. I am not only speaking of my young friends; age matters not when you have challenges in life. Some believe it can be reduced to a one-word answer: doctor, lawyer, teacher, chef, electrician, nurse, journalist, minister etc. That is how we grow up – giving these answers from an early age.

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The challenge is not a one-word answer – not an answer at all but a question. We need to be asking, not what, but “who do you want to be when you grow up?” And the answers? Trustworthy, courageous, loving, caring, kind, understanding. It’s more the qualities of our lives than our titles. When we are in flow, on our shit, doing our thing, singing our song, everything is easy whatever it is. It feels easy to us because it’s being our authentic selves. Our witnesses do one of two things: wish us well or wish us ill. If they wish us well, it’s because they know one person’s success does not diminish what will manifest in their own lives. If they wish us ill, it is because they’ve judged us unworthy and believe one person’s benefit is another’s cost. Either way, none of it is your concern. Eleanor Roosevelt, a Sapphic woman of great wisdom, said that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

This is it. If you know that you are being completely honest and authentic in your actions, somebody’s issue with you is her or his own. What matters is that you are listening to your gut, being authentic to you, living your mission, singing your song. You must trust yourself to know what your path is. Our flow, our perfection, is achieved when we no longer let someone else dim our lights. When you are lit from within, that is when everything seems to work easily. People respond the way you want them to. Everything that needs to happen, does. But only when you are ready for it. But I AM ready for those things, you say. I say, if you are ready they are happening already. If you haven’t found your love of self and way to trust, you aren’t ready – your readiness is different from your want. Weeks ago I had an epiphany of all this. I stopped judging myself as being inferior and embraced an understanding of my gifts. Weeks later, I’m in a

[ [ body & mind ] ]

Jeep, on my way up a mountain, and another light bulb flashes – now I have to change a whole section of my book. It’s as if I am listening to my echo floating across the mountaintops, sitting beside the mountain lake, having what can only be described as an awakening. I was overwhelmed at first and then uplifted. I swear I heard music playing. I felt free in a way that I have never before. I felt as though the final rope had been untied and my balloon was free to soar. I felt at peace in a way that I never have before. I knew that I was connecting to my truth. I finally believed all of the things I had been saying. I am ready to govern my life by living this mission, singing this song. My old pastor, Rev. James A. Forbes, Jr., once wrote a song called Release Your Song: There’s a song inside of me, I can hardly wait to see What it is I have to say Or the music I will play… No matter where you are, if you are singing your song, you will always be in tune. ]


New year new you?

Kelsey Lindsey Email Kelsey at Every year on Jan. 1, I wake up with a new purpose to be great and do great things. That is – be great and do great things right after I get over my massive hangover from the night before. Two liters of water and some aspirin later, I am ready to take on the world, making this year my year: The year I finally run a half marathon, confine my yoga pants to the house, and start that book of poems (or children’s book, or cookbook…really just any type of book). Fast-forward six months, and I am nowhere close to this improved Kelsey I promised myself I would be. I’m still huffing and puffing through three-mile runs, convinced myself that yoga pants are an avant-garde public fashion statement, and on my desktop is a blank document entitled “BEST BOOK EVAH.” Halfway through my actual marathon (it’s the first season of Girls), I convince myself improved Kelsey can wait until next year – so it’s six more months of yoga pants procrastination. I have decided, in the most unscientific and unquantifiable way, that this is the problem with New Year’s. Amongst the throngs of confetti and champagne flutes, is everybody’s expectation to be outstandingly better than their former selves, whether that means thinner, smarter or more accomplished. Society has convinced us that New Year’s Day is a day of reflection and ambitious change; and when we don’t live up to our unrealistic expectations, well, cue the yoga pants, gallons of ice cream and days wasted on the couch. If I can’t be that super Kelsey that I dreamed up on New Years, what’s the point in trying? To avoid another inevitable relapse into self-inflicted failure, I have decided to set realistic expectations and to give myself the appreciation I deserve for my smaller accomplishments in the past year. I’ll trim that half marathon to a 10K, make my yoga pants a nighttime luxury (no one can tell the difference in the dark, right?), and will consider it an accomplishment to have six chapters of my book done by December – right after I figure out what kind of book it will be.

This is where my beauty guru comes to play. I encourage all of you to do the same – to set reachable beauty and health goals realizing that failure is an option, and to not being too hard on yourself if it happens. Instead of wishing yourself into those skinny jeans, start with a reasonable resolution to cut out soda and walk more, with the hope that, someday, cutting soda might lead to cutting processed foods and sugar, and walking may lead to jogging. And, instead of lamenting the wrinkles you’ve acquired over the past year, implement the habit of always wearing sunscreen and drinking plenty of water, two habits that can help reduce wrinkles in the future. Take time to appreciate achievements of the past year that have led you to grow, and the bad habits acquired that have stunted your success. Acknowledging these will help you continue, or alter, whatever actions, good or bad, you have grown accustomed to. But most of all, remember: Just because it’s a new year doesn’t mean that it’s a completely new you. Be nice to your current persona, and know that making it another year isn’t a reason for lamentation, but celebration. ]

[ [ body & mind ] ]

January 2, 2013 |


THriVe: ParenTinG

My New Year’s resolution

Letting my child grow up As LGBT parents we need to help our children understand that it took a man and a woman for them to be created. In turn we must be prepared for questions that our children might have and for reactions and responses that might come along with their understanding. I have been out for some years now, but only recently my eldest son told me that he wants to get to know his father. His desire was understandable, as I believe that it is important for children to know both of their parents (birth mother and birth father), if that is available to them. It helps them to better understand who they are. You being a lesbian means that I will not have a dad in my life, correct? - my son asked. “That is incorrect,” I responded. “Being a lesbian means that I, personally, prefer a woman to be my partner. You have a dad that helped bring you into this world and has made a conscious choice not to be a part of your life.” “Well, I want to get to know my dad,” my son said. “I want to know what he is like, what he likes to do, if we have anything in common, I just want to know my dad, mom.” My discomfort came from not what he asked, but how he asked. I know that he meant no harm, but it left a sting. I have known for some time that my son felt like he was missing something in not knowing his father. I could see that there was a void in his heart, but his question took a stab to my pride. I took his request personal, which I should not have done. I reared him from birth, until now, alone! How dare he make such a request? I’m getting ready for him to graduate from high school and now he wants to get to know his father? Many selfish thoughts and question ran through my mind


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– until I sat with the image of my son and the look on his face when he asked to get to know his dad. I could see that this was a personal desire of his, not a mission to disappoint or offend me. I could see that he wanted to understand why this man whom he called dad never had a relationship with him, not increase my resentment towards this individual for not wanting to be a part of such a wonderful human beings life as he promised. I could see that it wasn’t about me, but about my son. As parents we take pride in rearing our children. With the challenges that come as a lesbian, single mother, rearing a boy to become a man, my pride was even higher. Until I looked into his eyes and realized it was time to let him go. After multiple bouts with bad decisions my son was making – part just being a teenager, part showing the pain he had due to

[ [ body & mind ] ]

Jasmine Peters Jasmine Peters is the founder of Parenting Wellness Center, a certified life coach, an ordained non-denominational pastor, author and single parent of five. Email to Jasmine@ Online: ParentingWellness

his void – I gave in. I agreed. I sent him to visit with his father for the rest of the school year. As a parent, you want to do what is in the best interest of your child, even if you think you know the end result, even if it challenges your pride or hurts your feelings. You have to let them learn and be there to support them when it is needed. There comes a point and time when we, as parents, have to let go and it might not look how we expect it to look. But the time will come, so prepare accordingly. I am not done parenting my son, but my parenting now looks different than when he was a child. The same letting go is going to take place with my other four children in due season: it’s not when, but how I let go. Be confident, let them soar and know that it is not about you, but them! ]

You being a lesbian means that I will not have a dad in my life, correct? – my son asked.

January 2, 2013 |


BLEED like me

Naked yoga

courageously exciting and new. When the class began, I didn’t want to take my clothes off – what if my manhood shriveled up? Even though the room was warm, I was certain my boys weren’t happy about the weather outside. Or what if I got a boner? I was still at that age when hard-on stood outside the building, bundled happened without control. I stripped down anyway. Comin my winter coat. I clutched my new yoga mat, still in its plastic, deciding pletely bare, I tried my hardest to whether I’d actually go inside. Trying follow instructions while imitating anything for the first time can be nerve other students. By the end of class, I wrecking. Trying something new without was certain that I would be asked to not return, due to my lack of skill and clothes on seemed ridiculous. My mind raced. What if all the incessant erection. But the teacher other guys were in amazing shape? and classmates applauded my efforts Or what if they were just creeps at being a yogi – rather than writing me off, they wrote off the anatomical getting their rocks off? action going on below Months earlier, I conmy waist. sidered myself a fitness I left unsure about enthusiast. After years how much I liked yoga – of lifting weights, I but the nudity kept me finally felt in shape. But titillated. things started feeling After only a month, wonky inside my body the odd pains from – a simple bicep curl weight lifting went away would shoot of agony and my penis started into my shoulder blades. learning to behave. The A trainer suggestmore I practiced yoga, ed yoga to correct the the more I fell in love. It problem. I didn’t want didn’t matter how good that; I only wanted to do Scott McGlothlen or bad I was, because, acthings that would give me cording to yoga’s philosobulging muscles. Nonephy, it always meant that theless, by the end of a I was simply right where holiday season my body I needed to be. felt so painfully disjointRemoving judgment ed that the trainer’s sugabout my practice also gestion seemed a perfect kept me coming back to New Year’s resolution. practice removing any While searching yoga judgment about my body. classes online, I came Being exposed around across a listing for “Denver the guys felt communal Nude Yoga.” I immediately and sensual rather than clicked the link hoping sexual, and eventually my dirty mind could get a I became a regular who quick fix – instead, it was cheered on newcomers intrigued. The website wary of their own firstmade it clear the class was non-sexual, and I began thinking about time boners or inabilities to twist, my fear of being naked in front of others. stretch, and balance. As the years went on, the class This could also be another New Year’s resolution. It would be like killing two birds evolved through different venues and teachers. Regardless of how conwith one stone; two flexible, naked, birds. As I bit the bullet and walked into sistently I practiced yoga, I always the studio, my questionable assump- knew I could drop in, strip down and tions were terminated. Guys of all enjoy an experience that many would shapes, sizes, and ages were there. deem too scary to ever try. Recently, With our clothes still on, introductions the teacher hugged us students, turned into conversations and conver- saying something we don’t often hear in life: He thanked us for taking the sations turned into laughter. “This must be really exciting for time for ourselves. I realized that this was the only you,” one guy said. He clearly could tell I was nervous. “Think about it. When time I’d ever kept a New Year’s resoluwas the last time you did something for tion. And having overcome some very strange battles in life, it felt more like the first time?” I had no answer. He was right. I a revolution. ] couldn’t remember any time in my adult life when I had done something Email Scott at


I began thinking about my fear of being naked in front of others.


january 2, 2013 |

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Andie Lyons

Meaning in the cold

Andie Lyons holds a Masters degree in theological studies from the Iliff School of Theology. Her interests include queer theologies and you cultures and religions.

As I sit down to write this, the third night of Hanukkah has fallen, two candles on the Advent wreath are lit, there are only 13 shopping days left until Xmas and 11 days until Winter officially begins on the solstice, sometimes called Yule. In the United States and in many other Westernized (and usually Christianized) countries, this is usually referred to as the “Holiday Season.” It’s not a coincidence that we’re knee-deep in festivities in the dead of winter. Under more usual circumstances (see: not yet affected by global warming) we’d have been battling waning daylight, bitter cold and inclement weather. In our agrarian days, the abundance of the harvest was over and the pickings were getting slim. The colder weather drives us indoors where we spread our cooties all over and end up with an awful cold or flu. If you work in a windowless office or, like me, on the basement level of an old house, you can go a whole day hardly seeing sun, let alone soaking up your requisite vitamin D. That might just account for the depression so many experience as Seasonal Affective Disorder. What I’m saying is this: When you live in the Northern Hemisphere, winter can be a bummer. Why not cheer ourselves with a fabulous party or two? Some nice warm drinks with a splash of rum? Some bright lights? Some excellent food – maybe a little higher in fat than our normal fare – but an extra layer comes in handy this time of year. It’s not that the winter holidays – religious or secular – were dreamed up only as paltry distractions from the weather. But there is great mystery about the way the Earth turns its tides, more palpably in the chill silence of winter. We don’t seek meaning the same way when life is bursting in a riot of color, sound and smell. Then, we may wonder about the world, but don’t have to dig so deep for an answer. When it is quiet and still, maybe sad and cold, the smallest beauty elicits the biggest celebration.

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Winter miracles we commemorate in rituals come small and wonderful: days beginning to lengthen again, the lamp oil burning far longer than it should, waiting for a baby to be born, being each day closer to the next riotous spring. We celebrate them by making what our earth can’t give us right now: light abundant, the warmth of friendship, kindness, food, gifts. Unfortunately, for every case of seasonal depression is a bout of anxiety under the stress of going home. For every joyful celebration is a day spent alone. There are as many alcoholic relapses as festive cups of eggnog. There are panic attacks about accrued debt or the inability to buy the perfect present, or the emptiness of buying things because we feel like we have to. There is grief from the loss of family from death or estrangement, from being single when the world tells us we should be anything but alone. The pressure to find joy in this ‘most wonderful time of the year’ compounds anxiety and sadness. The irony is how extensive our company might be if we realized how many around us have the same struggle. Winter can still be a bummer. Nowadays maybe less because of the cold and snow (it’s been 60 degrees and we got only our second snow of the year in early December) and more because of unrealistic expectations. When a candle and the sun were our only sources of light, we made our own warmth – now we light up furnaces and gas fireplaces with the flick of a switch. With everything we might ‘need’ at our fingertips, there is still mystery that needs explaining, still comfort that needs creating. It might be time to reexamine what warmth, light, and the coming of hope might look like in a world of fluorescent lights and seat-warmers. After wishing store clerks a “Happy Holiday!” this past season because you didn’t want to guess what they celebrate this time of year, comfort yourself knowing that we were all seeking the same thing: something light, something warm, something meaningful in the midst of the barren cold. ]

january 2, 2013 |


Calling us out Change we hope for in 2013 through our individual and community New Year’s resolutions


here’s no shortage of things we want to change about the world, each other and ourselves. We’re full of suggestions – which we’ll all hear especially when Pride season comes around. But New Year’s is the official time of transition and resolution, so what better time to channel that energy and find room for growth? Let’s get it all on the table and call ourselves out. Our own resolution: Find more things to celebrate about ourselves and each other. Change starts with the individual – not with quiet complaints but with real effort and voices from us, and you – and besides, what’s the point of fixing something you’d rather walk away from than stay and love? We have community leaders, thought leaders and folks on the street telling us how they plan to make 2013 their best year yet. We asked: What’s your New Year’s resolution, and what resolution should the LGBT community have as a whole? What would your answer be?


January 2, 2013 |

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Relationship recognition isn’t the finish line Will we stay and fight until we’re all free?



A renewed focus on trans equality

Honor our overlapping identities

Our community is facing a groundbreaking 2013. The months ahead of us could change our lives forever – from the passage of civil unions to the hopeful death of the so-called Defense of Marriage Act. Never before has there been so much momentum for change – history-making change that was unthinkable just a few years ago. My hope for 2013 is not for this change to happen (because I believe it will) – it’s for unity in the face of such incredible change. My hope for 2013 is that we welcome this change together – as the victories they are – while realizing that full equality for our entire community must be advanced. My hope for 2013 is that we will see the coming change as a turning point in our movement – not as the end of our movement. Even after every person can stand up in front of family and friends and marry the one they love, work remains. Work remains to achieve full equality for transgender Coloradans who face injustice at every turn. According to the National Transgender Discrimination Survey: • 90 percent of transgender people report experiencing harassment, mistreatment or discrimination at work. • 19 percent have experienced homelessness at some point in their lives—because of their gender identity or expression. • 16 percent of trans people who had been to jail or prison reported being physically assaulted, and 15 percent reported being sexually assaulted. • 50 percent of transgender people report having to teach their medical providers about transgender care. Think we will have achieved equality for our community after we secure marriage for same-sex couples? Think again. This data underscores the incredible amount of work that remains – for all in the LGBT community. And so I’m asking you: please don’t give up before the job is done. Resolve yourself – I mean, it is New Year’s after all – to sticking around after we’ve won marriage. Stick around to advocate for trans-inclusive healthcare and economic justice, lobby for stronger anti-discrimination laws, and organize an end to the violence that transgender people suffer. Keep fighting until the work is done. As Emma Lazarus said, “Until we are all free, we are none of us free.” ] Jace Woodrum is the Deputy Director of One Colorado, the state’s leading LGBT advocacy organization. He’s also a trans guy, a husband, and a puppy parent.

I believe we have to change our perspective about how knowledgeable we think we are about diversity. I believe whenever you get a group of people together who get categorized as diverse (like the LGBT community typically does), we somehow begin to act as if we have mastery of being inclusive. The reality is we still have a ways to go in understanding how to be inclusive within the LGBT community. Everybody is not the same…nor do they want to be. Everyone wants their diversity, whatever that might be, to be recognized and acknowledged. We have to remember that. Our LGBT identity is not always the only identity that we want recognized. I am just as proud of being a Black, 50 year-old, female, mother as I am being a part of the LGBT community. My New Year’s Resolution recommendation would be to Honor Inclusion…for real. ] Nita Mosby Henry is the Executive Director of the Career Service Authority – the City of Denver’s Human Resources Agency. She is a member of the One Colorado Board of Directors and the Tony Grampas Youth Services Board and is the founder of Girlz Pushing the Button.

CRISTINA AGUILAR End all predjudice, racism and discrimination

It is my wish that as an LGBT community, we come closer together and move farther away from racism, oppression and discrimination in 2013. This resolution is an invitation to the community that I hope we can adopt and make meaning of together. I write this raw, fresh on the heels of the latest mass shooting in Newtown, CT and am deeply reflective on what is happening to our nation and our communities.

[ [ Cover story ] ]

I’m concerned about cracks in our collective spaces and see in this darkness an opportunity to create light. My dedication is motivated and driven by who I am – an activist, a healer and a dreamer. I co-founded One Colorado’s People of Color Caucus because I wanted to see bridges built, not burnt; I wanted to see LGBTs of all ethnicities and class sharing spaces, discourse, meaningful friendships and relationships. I wanted to see our entire LGBT community sharing victories, realizing that to have true “wins,” we need to be standing together – not only demanding equality, but promoting it. Statewide and nationally, we are on the brink of many victories that will impact many aspects of our diverse LGBT community. For our community as a whole, we have already seen marriage equality victories in other states and relationship recognition is ever closer here in Colorado. For our Latino community, we have seen immigration reform move high on the priorities list nationally and within our own state. The new healthcare law cuts across many segments of our LGBT population, with new opportunities for socio-economically disadvantaged, transgender, seniors and women. We have so much to celebrate and, yet, in the darker corners of our community, we are still struggling with setbacks caused by discrimination, and oppression. As a queer Latina, I want to see equality for us as LGBTs as much as I do for our marginalized communities. I believe we cannot say we have advanced until we all have advanced together. As LGBTs we have a common struggle. I hope we use the awareness of that struggle to understand the struggles of our diverse brothers and sisters — many of whom are also LGBT. Justice for all is not lip service. It is a real and powerful concept. As we near a large success for LGBT equality by way of relationship recognition, I fear we will achieve this and forget about the inequities that persist for women, communities of color, and transgender people within our movement. We cannot stand by and idly let this happen. We must lift each other up and leave no part of our community behind. There will be many opportunities for us to be a part of intersectional work as our state legislature takes up issues that cross through our LGBT community. It will be important for us to have presence not just at the rallies for civil unions, but also at the rallies for tuition equity for Colorado’s undocumented students. It will be equally important to be advocating for implementation of the affordable care act for transgender people and marginalized communities. Can you imagine a world where we don’t just say we are “One” but we truly embody what it means to be “One” LGBT movement, challenging racism, discrimination, and oppression; holding each other accountable, and collectively moving towards a world that embodies justice for all? Can you imagine the healing possibilities and the future we can create with unified equality and community? I see beauty and hope for this possibility and a myriad of options to make it happen in 2013. ] Cristina Aguilar is Deputy Director for Colorado Organization for Latina Opportunity and Reproductive Rights. She co-founded the People of Color Caucus and serves as vice chair of Denver’s GLBT commission. Continued on page 22

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2013 and beyond

Your resolutions

“To go to Brazil to marry my woman … and to be awesome!” CHANELLE REDMAN –  – LESBIAN

“To work less and make more money!” ABE HANSEN –  – GAY

“To love myself more.” LIZ LOPEZ –  – LESBIAN

“I’m losing some weight for my New Years Resolution!” BRIANNA MATTHEWS –  –LESBIAN

“To enjoy life on a whole new level.” DANIEL DAVIDSON –  “To fix his [Daniel Davidson’s] hair.” DUANE SCHNEIDER –  – GAY

“To make better decisions and refuse to let people use and abuse me.” TY LINK –  – LESBIAN

“I want to get more buff.” BRENDEN CALIGARIS –  – GAY

“Do more traveling … to Europe!” RUEBEN BUSTAMANTE –  – GAY

“Stay healthy and continue traveling back to Asia.” GLEN BERNARD –  – GAY

“To keep moving forward!” SUSAN CHASE –  – LESBIAN “To marry my partner when it becomes legal.” MARILYN WILLIAMS –  – LESBIAN

“This year I will swim in the ocean, wake up every morning with focus on the love and gratitude in my heart. I will create abundance.” KATHRYN DUNN –  – BI

“I hope I make it to New Years!” JERRY DOROUGH –  – SEXUAL NON-CONFORMIST

“To have less of the bad kind of fun and more of the good kind.” SALIM ABED –  – GAY

“To complete the process of coming into ‘my own’ and figuring out what to do with everything that I know about myself.” TRACI WALLACE –  –LESBIAN

“To have more self awareness of what’s going on around me.” JIM SCHARPER –  – GAY

“To get a job! That’s my resolution!” CLAIR DUBOIS –  – LESBIAN


JAnUARy 2, 13 |

Continued on page 32

[ [ CoVER SToRy ] ]

KK: I grew up in a very middle-class, striving family. My mom was a stay-at-home mom the whole time we were growing up. My dad owned a small insurance agency in Ogden, Utah where I grew up. I look back on it now and I know that there were years that we were really struggling financially. Even though we had a very nice house, in a very upscale neighborhood, I think that there were moments when my parents were hanging on by their fingernails. I remember one year my big Christmas gift was ski mittens. And that’s when I knew [we didn’t have a lot of money]. Although other families in our neighborhood had more, I still describe it as a middle-class to upper middle-class upbringing because I had opportunities.

Photo courtesy of


RVC: Opportunities and a good education will certainly get you far, even without money. KK: My parents came from a working class background. So, neither one of them really emphasized education very much. And they weren’t students of the world necessarily. They weren’t very political. My dad was pretty conservative. I vividly remember beginning to understand that my dad was not like me when he was supporting George Wallace for President. Who of course, I could see was a total racist. And I knew what he was saying about black people. RVC: So, your worldview didn’t come from your parents. KK: I had a current events teacher in junior high, totally progressive, really wild, politically involved. Her name was Lynn Miller. I don’t know how she ended up at this public junior high in Ogden, UT. That’s when I started to see the world bigger than my own world. She introduced me to Fredrick Douglas, Sojourner Truth, Chief Joseph and Caesar Chavez. All of a sudden I thought, whoa, that’s an amazing way to live; to be an agent for bigger change. I remember it igniting something in me that had I not run across if it weren’t for her I think I would be doing something where I was very unhappy and unfulfilled.

America’s head lesbian: A journey

RVC: Wow. Teachers can truly make an amazing impact on our lives. KK: Sometimes it only takes one person. I think she changed my life.

through the life of National Council for Lesbian Rights Director Kate Kendell

By Robyn Vie-Carpenter


hen I first met Kate Kendell, Executive Director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, she was pouring drinks for the women at the 2011 fundraising cocktail reception Out Boulder holds annually for NCLR. Kendell’s personality fills a room, belying her petite stature. I knew then and there I wanted to find out more about this woman and how she became the nation’s “head lesbian.” Robyn Vie-Carpenter: Although you have a really big and pretty important job, you have always struck me as just “Kate” being authentically yourself. Kate Kendell: Thank you. There are people that don’t like the social stuff and I always have liked it. I feel so blessed to be in this job. To get up every morning and feel like you enjoy what you’re doing and you feel like it makes a difference and you get to meet people all over the country. I mean I have to pinch myself. I feel so incredibly fortunate. I mean, how can you not be enthusiastic and excited to meet people? RVC: You seem really in your element at these events, like you really are enjoying yourself. KK: I want it to be about more than just the job. I want to make connections with people – that’s my currency. That’s what keeps me going. Some people don’t like that; the idea of being in a crowd of people and meeting new people freaks them out. Then obviously this is a job you wouldn’t want. I have a wonder and awe about the world, about people. I like creating new relationships. For me it’s a perfect fit. RVC: Let’s back up. How do you get to this place? Where did this journey start for you?

RVC: So, where did you go next? KK: I stayed in Utah the whole time. My first partner was a woman who had had a one year-old daughter. She lived in Utah. I thought about going somewhere else for college. But, I had to pay for it. So, I went to the local college. It ended up being a great experience. Some of my professors are in my life to this day. And it was in college that I met Jane Marquardt who was a very politically active attorney. She ran for the legislature at one point. She really impressed me about lawyers. So, I decided to go to law school, mostly because of her mentorship. RVC: You said that education wasn’t really emphasized in your family. Are you the only one to go? KK: When you come from a family that doesn’t put an emphasis on education, you know, no one was encouraging me to apply. There was just no expectation that I was going to go to college. My sister and I were the first to go to college in my family, I think, in several generations, on both my mom and my dad’s side. So, we had to make it as easy as possible to go to college in terms of both proximity and logistics and money, or it wasn’t gonna happen. RVC: Do you have a motto? KK: I think life is worth living, with a capital L. It doesn’t mean you try heroin. But it does mean you try a range of experiences that are safe, not harmful and not demeaning, just to sort of live life. RVC: Well you strike me as a grab life by the horns kind of gal. KK: I think having new experiences and being out of one’s comfort zone, is not a bad thing. Again, within common sense boundaries, I mean, I like it when I challenge myself, when I do things that I thought were scary and I didn’t think I could do. RVC: You’ve always been a champion of people first the ACLU and then NCLR with incredible purpose. What drives NCLR? KK: We’re about getting rid of the “buts” and the “ifs.” We’re about having the “ands” and the “mores.” Thinking in a way where anything is possible. We’re all about “glass half full.” Part of our work, even though we’re a legal organization, what it’s really about is getting rid of stigma and empowering people. We’re not resting until everyone feels that they do see themselves reflected [in popular culture], they do feel a measure of protection [for their safety], they do feel greater acceptance from their families and their communities. When that happens we can begin to talk about our job being done, but we’re not done yet. ]

[ [ FEATURE ] ]

January 2, 2013 |



Photos courtesy of

Dine with the Dragon By Jeff Steen When you walk into Little Dragon – somewhere between grocery shopping and grabbing dry cleaning after work – it strikes you with an untakeout-like vibe. There’s something, well, elegant about it. Sure, there are only two tables for dining in, and sure, it’s part way between King Soopers and a laundromat, but that’s what makes Little Dragon so unique. Mimi Chan – the ebullient owner, ever at the ready to greet and treat with a cup of green tea – has been in this biz for more than 20 years. She knows her stuff. And for her, hospitality has taken a focus on food more than opulent ambience. Yes, Little Dragon is comfortable and tastefully designed (even the carefully placed Chinese lanterns and stretching bamboo give one a happy pause), but the focus is clearly the food – fresh, homemade, authentically crafted cuisine. Take the beef for example. Most of us expect Mongolian Beef to pull at our teeth with stringy gristle and defeating chewiness. Chan’s, however, is supple and succulent, surrendering to bites with such ease it makes you wonder if there isn’t some mistake. This is a takeout restaurant, right? Indeed it is – though Chan also dabbles in her fair share of catering. And whether you get Sesame Chicken for a crowd of 40 or a humble table of two, there’s always something to rave about: a dish where each ingredient is treated with respect, never cooked to hell, and soars in delicious symphony with flavors ranging from maple to flavorful sesame seeds. Part of the joy of finding yourself at Little Dragon is uncovering new creations that the dozens of other Asian takeout restaurants in the city haven’t ever offered – things like Saltand-Pepper Shrimp, tempura-battered and fried until golden, tossed


with al dente vegetables and lots of TLC. Or the Shacha entrée, touched with a sweet barbecue sauce and a market full of dynamic vegetables. But while I love food, part of why I love Little Dragon – on top of the Mongolian Beef that seduced me – is Mimi Chan herself. Who else would meander out from the kitchen rich with smiles, a cup of tea in one hand and a bag of fresh stir-fry, teeming with flavor, in the other? What other takeout and delivery spot do you know where the owner knows the customers by first name, chats with them about their day, and gives them a hug before they leave? Heck, not even my family does that. And the food – married to the highest quality and layered with flavor – is a natural extension of Mimi’s passion and commitment. If it needs be said, she is rabidly against MSG, so don’t expect it. When you crave a certain something that is a bit off-the-beaten-path and off-the-truck fresh, it’s here where you find it. My menu du jour? Tea with Mimi, Pork Spring Rolls (one of my greater sins, and happily enjoyed here), and an order or two of the unique Singapore Rice Noodles, rich with the saltysweet aroma of curry. I’m not sure I could be clearer about this, but here it is: if you’re on the prowl for an Asian go-to when life is in a rush and things are hectic, stop by Little Dragon. If you’re hungry, stop by Little Dragon. Honestly, if you just want to catch up with Mimi and have some tea, stop by Little Dragon. And sure, it’s a takeout and delivery place. But it’s not like every other one you’ve known. This one’s different. It’s innovative and inspired, backed by years of experience. It’s friendly and fun. You’ll just have to experience it to know what I mean. ] Little Dragon is located at 1305 Krameria St. Online at

JAnUARy 2, 13 |

Pork’s the Thing I love Pork Spring Rolls almost as much as I love sex. Good sex. Seriously, though, I’ve often wondered if there isn’t some way to prepare these delicious treats at home. Here’s a recipe I stumbled upon that even takes some of the fat out of the equation: Baked Pork Spring Rolls. Dig in, then hop to Mimi’s place for a piled-high plate of Sesame Chicken. INGREDIENTS: 1/2 pound ground pork 1 cup finely shredded cabbage 1/4 cup finely shredded carrot 2 green onions, thinly sliced 2 TBS chopped cilantro 1/2 tsp sesame oil 1/2 TBS oyster sauce 2 tsp grated fresh ginger 1 1/2 tsp minced garlic 1 tsp chile sauce 1 TBS cornstarch 1 TBS water 12 (7 “ square) spring roll wrappers 4 tsp vegetable oil DIRECTIONS: 1. Preheat oven to 425 ° F 2. Place pork in a medium saucepan. Cook over medium high heat until evenly brown. Remove from heat and drain. 3. In a medium bowl, mix together pork, cabbage, carrot, green onions, cilantro, sesame oil, oyster sauce, ginger, garlic and chile sauce. 4. Mix cornstarch and water in a small bowl. 5. Place approximately 1 TBS of the pork mixture in the center of spring roll wrappers. Roll wrappers around the mixture, folding edges inward to close. Moisten fingers in the cornstarch and water mixture, and brush wrapper seams to seal. 6. Arrange spring rolls in a single layer on a medium baking sheet. Brush with vegetable oil. Bake in the preheated oven 20 minutes, until hot and lightly browned. For crispier spring rolls, turn after 10 minutes. 7. Enjoy!

[ [ SoCiAl ] ]

The Melting Pot 2707 W. Main Street, Littleton, CO 80120 • (303)-794-5666

Hamburger Mary’s 700 East 17th Avenue Denver, CO 80203 • (303) 832-1333

Delizios Bistro and Wine Bar 2299 West Main Street, Littleton, CO 80120 • (720) 897-6550

Serioz Pizzeria 1336 East 17th Avenue Denver, CO 80218 • (303) 997-7679

Little Dragon 1305 Krameria Street, G Denver CO 80220 • 303-322-2128

january 2, 2013 |



Keith Phares ‘A Journey of the Human Spirit’ shows at 7:30 p.m., Jan. 16 and 17 at the June Swaner Gates Concert Hall at Denver University’s Newman Center for the Performing Arts, 2344 E. Iliff Ave. Tickets start at $26. Online at Photos courtesy of:

‘A Journey of the Human Spirit’ A community collaboration with vision By Holly Hatch A blend of theatre, opera, ballet and symphony, ‘A Journey of the Human Spirit’ appeals to any and all audiences. With a dark setting during Nazi-era Germany, the production is yet a true community collabortion that uplifts through the music and dance with its universal theme of hope despite oppression. The production brings together Viktor Ullmann’s opera, The Emperor of Atlantis, the dance, “From Darkness to Light,” by choreographer and artistic director of Ballet Nouveau Colorado Garrett Ammon, and music by Ofer BenAmots, an internationally acclaimed and Israeli-born composer, in a collaboration project by Ballet Nouveau Colorado, Central City Opera and the Colorado Symphony. Opera singer and 15-year stage veteran Keith Phares plays the lead role of The Kaiser. Phares spoke with Out Front about the importance of theatrical celebration, the challenges of opera and how this seemingly dark theme creates a brilliant aesthetic through the artistic collaboration and surprising moments of humor. Holly Hatch: How is this show different from other productions you’ve been a part of? Keith Phares: I barely interact with anyone in the show. Even though The Kaiser is presumably supposed to be in charge and in control, [my character] ends up willingly coming to terms with my inevitable powerlessness. HH: How is the theme of the production similar to struggles any minority might feel?


KP: I think anyone can connect to a story about one man trying to exert his will over masses of people for no justifiable reason. HH: How does the Nazi-era theme make for a relevant production in today’s world? KP: We’ve got both sides of the political spectrum throwing the “Nazi”word at each other. The important thing not to lose sight of, while so many people are complaining about taxes, is that there is still discrimination, oppression and inequality in the world, often under law. HH: What can you say about the staging or direction? KP: Like any great production or staging, it brings the story into focus and as allegorical as the story is, the characters are still very personal and human, with a sense of humor. HH: Was there any part that was especially challenging for you? KP: Vocally, it’s about the most challenging role I’ve sung. The spectrums of range, color and dynamics are huge. The lines are long and syllabic, often with wide leaps between notes. Basically, it’s a real pain in the ass to sing, but very gratifying and the music is gorgeous. HH: As an opera singer, what do you see as valuable about opera as a genre? Why should people come see the show? KP: Opera, as big and exciting and as grand and loud as it is, requires active listening, curiosity and patience, particularly when it’s not in the audience’s native language. Other forms of entertainment have become so visually explosive, that

january 2, 2013 |

live opera, as seen in an opera house (as opposed to an HD telecast) can seem tame. HH: What do you love most? KP: The natural acoustic of it. The sound you hear is not coming through an electronic filter, amplifier or some other form of distortion. It’s a pure transmission from the performers to the audience. I know that sometimes, people feel like they might as well be going to a dusty, museum exhibit, but this is not that kind of piece. In all aspects of this production, from the staging to the sets, to the costumes and individual performances you can expect a full range of moods and emotions. HH: People in the LGBT community are often very fond of the aesthetics of theatre. Tell me about the visual appeal. KP: Visually, it’s a beautifully striking and provocative show, much like the story and the subject matter. It’s dramatic, but there’s still a great sense of fun and playfulness. HH: What are one or two aspects that you are especially proud of, in the coming together of the entire production? KP: It’s an ensemble effort from beginning to end and everyone is giving 100 percent, because we believe in the piece. ]

2012 Marlowe Awards:

Recognizing a year of Colorado theatre. Find the best performances and artists by Out Front theatre critic David Marlowe at

[ [ Social ] ]

The Nutcracker

November 24 – December 24 Ellie Caulkins Opera House 1101 13th Street Denver, CO 80204 More info: (303) 893-4100

Natalie MacMaster: Masters of the Fiddle January 25 PACE Center 20000 Pikes Peak Avenue Parker, CO 80138 More info:

For more information on how to get your event listed, please call 303-477-4000

on the scene with charles

Team Friendly Colorado launch party at the Compound

Photos by Charles Broshous

[ [ Social ] ]

january 2, 2013 |



The wines I’ve loved and loathed, and how we met By Ashley Trego

I, still to this day, remember my first sip of wine. I guess I was about six years old and my sometimes-presentbut-mostly-not papa was visiting from I don’t remember where. Just for the record – my papa loves his booze. I remember him, in a goodhumored way, chugging something alcoholic at every opportunity and that is how I had my first swig of boozy goodness. It was popcorn and pickle night at our house on Garvin Mesa and Pop had his cheap bottle of wine. Because he loves me, and because he was all about education, he offered me a swig.

I, of course, accepted, and down the hatch she went – a huge mouthful for a six-year-old non-drinker – and now that I think about it I’m a little surprised I remember this story at all. I liked it. It was sweet, smooth, and damn sexy and I’d never tasted anything like it. If I had to say with complete honesty, I think that drink of wine may have been my very first true love. Some years later, still highly illegal, I met Mad Dog and Boone’s Farm. Oh Mad Dog, you talked so sweetly, bolstered my courage, made not-so-cute people look super sexy and gave me some of the most mind-numbingly horrible goddamn headaches of my life. Boone’s Farm and I broke up after that one camping trip that one time, but I don’t want to talk about that (and will deny everything if asked). Mad Dog, on the other hand, gave me one of the greatest fucking laughs of


january 2, 13 |

[ [ Social ] ]

my life. A friend of mine once slammed an entire bottle to bolster herself into making a move on the object of her affection. Just as she leaned in for the big kiss, out comes good old Mad Dog with a vengeance. For fear that she might be possessed by the devil, Mr. Wonderful hauled ass out of there and never looked back. Traumatizing? Maybe for them. I laughed my ass off, she eventually got over it, and I think that guy joined the Witness Protection Program. Next came big girl wine in the form of the beautiful Blue Nun. Finally legal, it was time to start drinking the good stuff. This was also when I discovered clubbing and, ohpraisesweetbabyjesus, ladies’ nights. I don’t know who thought of this delight but if I ever meet them there’s going to be some serious making out. So me and my friends used to go to our favorite club, about six nights a week, and consume massive amounts of the cheap house wine and dance ‘til the sun came up. Not very smart, but super fun, and we never even once got arrested. Some years later I decided I actually wanted to learn about wine and not just chug it. So I took to study not just wine, but also beer, Scotch, tequila, sake and then some. Went to France to learn more. I have made, have sold, drunk, mostly loved and sometimes hated these old friends of mine – but never a dull moment. It’s a fun and never-ending education to say the least, and one that, with any luck, and no arrests, will continue well into my days. I have still not decided on a favorite. I’m OK with that. By the time you read this, I’ll have tried a bottle of Gaja 2004 Barbaresco Costa Russi for Christmas and of course some Champagne on New Year’s Eve. I hope you had some good stuff too. Time for a drink! ] Ashley Trego is a Western Slope based chef, event planner, wine industry professional and freelance food and wine writer. She works with the Black Bridge Winery, 5680 Vineyards, Alfred Eames Cellars, Lilliputian Winery and Garfield Estates Winery. Ashley can be reached at

ask a slut

ask a slut ●

Franks andto beans Tell him

dump the Dyson

and plenty of special sauce Sassy Squatch

Winnie Bego

Zoey Diddim

Diane Tolickya

going to be. So anything else is fine as long as you pack the butter flavored Crisco and energy drinks. Sassy: I don't think it really matters what food you take. From the sounds of it whatever you take is going to end up with pubic hair in it! Winnie: I'll have the big Italian Zoey Diddim: Take lessons. Watch sausage and two meatballs! the classic movies like Some Like it Eden: Stick with oysters and green Hot, Tootsie, Pricilla Queen of the M&M's. This way those boys stay Desert and Mame. Follow the side- nice and horny all weekend. kicks/bitchy parts then emulate that. Diane: Cucumbers, squash and for Juana Mann: Start with heels. If the brave or cocky boys, bring along you can't work a good heel you are a watermelon. Oh wait, were you doomed to failure. Nothing worse talking about food to eat? Rolonda: Franks and beans, and than hearing “Queen Down!” Winnie Bego: Come to Slut bingo plenty of special sauce. Freeda: I heard orgy where and and see how the real ones do it. Diane Tolickya: Find a sugar when? daddy and break the bank, honey! Bea: I guess I don't understand how It's way too expensive to look this the two go together. If there is an orgy I am sure no one needs food, damn cheap. justthe plenty of water, and touch Molotovia I find First thingCocktail: I’d tell him is that thatawhen vacuum says it ahas a of spermicide. favorite store helps. I only “beater bar” that’s not shop whatat it means! Ouch! the best. Le Mart du K, Jacques Pen nay, and my all time favorite is Le Dear Cycle Sluts, Why are straight people so Bon Will. TellDazzle: him to dump Dysonfor and intrigued buy him aby real penis pump. drag queens and Bea Well, the speaking myself, I started on my back, and drag shows? then moved up to my knees. I have Signed, "Straight-Curious" had many satisfiediscustomers in my Good hygiene very important. It’s your responsibility to Juana: Have youI seen pumps. make sure he does it right. So give him Hello! my number, can us? Rolonda Flor: Big titties and big Zoey: It makes them feel safe in help – I’m better than any Hoover on the market. their suburban world knowing there hair are the ultimate accessories. Eden Cox: My suggestion is to go are other freaks out there to draw the dumpster diving honey. That's attention off religious, judgmental, bigoted groups. brought where you canon findwhat the best jewelry! It depends he was vacuuming. He mayWho have been in my soap box? Freeda You start by crotch trying Fondle: to get rid of can those pesky crickets. If he was Freeda: Bitch, because taking me using a shopping. Dust-Buster then get some Rid and get rid of him,we are Sassy Squatch: Maybe start at fabulous! (unless you’re the one gave him the crop). If he had the Winnie: Cause my legs look better Charlie's? Oreck on his organ then you aren’t in adoing dress! your husbandly duties. Get on your knees and pray for forgiveness. Diane: It's because we're so f*cking Dear Cycle Sluts, shiny! Some friends and I are planRolonda: Because we're easy. ning a camping trip where we Molotovia: The women can hang will be really roughing it. I am It would depend which attachment he was using. Just be with us without fear of getting in charge of the food for the happy that he cleans! weekend. I'm sure an orgy is in groped and the men hang with us in hope that they get groped. the works for that weekend so Bea: Well, Doll, first of all the difwhat do you suggest for the ference between str8's and gays menu? If he didn’t spend all his time playing ‘World of Warcraft’ six-pack. Gays have them, Signed, he’d be"Chef able Boys-are-whee" to find a real personistoa do it for him. Be a good anddone. str8s drink them for an alibi! friend and show him how its really Zoey: The menu I suggest is the Eden: Well, I think the women come number for room service. My to get beauty tips from the best. idea of "roughing it" is walking And the men are there because they Girlfriend, better put aice. stop are to him using that equipsecretly fantasizing about getdown the hallyou to get my own tingyou to wear our dresses. I AM a Diva after all.on using his! Can ment if you plan imagine if that Molotovia: on there? the Sassy: Because we're so glamactually gotDepending sucked up in orgy menu the food menu should orous and entertaining. Also we can NOT include asparagus (PEE- rock a dress and heels better than you if you pee on them). And NO most real women do! Just sayin! ● Gurl, he’s just cleaning off his crouch. ] Mexican, refried are a nothe gocrabs if On the Web at http://denver they are re-RUNS. Juana: like you know what Keep questions OnlineSounds at your main course for the weekend is coming to Keep questions coming to Dear Cycle Sluts, I am thinking about trying drag but I don't know where to begin. What do you suggest as the starting point? Signed, "Wigs, Dresses and Shoes, Oh My!"

Dear Cycle Sluts, Recently I came home to find my roommate had been cleaning the house. When I walked in the living room I found him vacuuming his crotch. Is this safe and what do I say to him since he didn’t see me. – Clean as a Whistle Sassy Squatch: Zoey Diddim:

Molotovia Cocktail

Juana Man:

Rolonda Flor

Juana Mann

Molotovia Cocktail:

Bea Dazzle:

Bea Dazzle

Rolonda Flor:

Eden Cox:

Eden Cox

Freeda Fondle:

Freeda Fondle

[ [ Social ] ]

April 18, 2012 ● 51

january 2, 2013 |


Sunny with a dark side

Photos courtesy of Varlet


Varlet meets extremes in Denver’s indie rock scene By Greg Toland


arlet is a study in contradiction.

Their songs are chippy and quaint, yet the lyrics are X-rated. Their singer was an American Idol star, yet is now treasured by hipsters that hate television. Their keyboard player was a classically trained musician, but dropped out to become a rocker (he’s also gay and plays in metal bands). “Varlet likes to write controversial songs, songs that are borderline offensive, yet happy,” said front-woman Lilly Scott, who began singing at the tender age of three, took up piano at four, and by five was singing the national anthem at Invesco Field. “I’ve always liked intense lyrics. I write songs that mean something personal to me, but could be interpreted differently by other people. They usually end up being pretty provocative.” Thankfully for the censors over at FOX, Scott stuck to classic covers during her 2010 American Idol appearances, making it to the Top 16 before being eliminated after Simon


Cowell referred to her selection of Patsy Cline’s “I Fall To Pieces” as “a risky thing to do.” “You hear people talk about ‘it,’ and you’ve got ‘it,’” Ellen Degeneres told Scott after an earlier performance of Sam Cooke’s “A Change Is Gonna Come.” “I forgot we were even in a singing competition, I was just a fan, in a seat, watching an amazing performance. By far the best performance of the night.” After her Idol elimination, Scott appeared on Ellen’s talk show, where she received enthusiastic praise from the queen of daytime television. Yet those Hollywood credits didn’t transfer to the Denver music scene when Scott returned home to her band Varlet, which she’d been playing with since the age of 17. “I love the Denver music scene,” said Scott, “everyone’s really rad and extremely talented.” If anything, Scott’s American Idol performance was more of a hindrance to Varlet than a leg-up. Denver scenesters are very suspicious of a musician’s corporate industry success, leading many to disavow Varlet contemporaries like Tennis and The Lumineers after

january 2, 13 |

their national recognition. Though the members of Varlet have maintained a strong following in their hometown, performing at local summer festivals like Westword Music Showcase and The Denver Post’s Underground Music Showcase. In the fall of 2011, the band released their debut EP, The Drifter. “I feel a lot of support in the music scene, support I wouldn’t get if I was a quarterback on a football team,” said keyboard player Vaughn McPherson on being openly gay in the Denver indie-rock scene. Like Scott, McPherson began playing instruments when he was barely out of his toddler years. The melody bug stuck with him through his high school years, leading to his studying classical music at Metro State – yet the world of musical academia soon began to conflict with McPherson’s inclinations to rock out. “I was living a double-life,” McPherson said. “I would wake up at seven, go to classes, then around eight in the evening meet up with the band and be in the studio until around two, then get up the next morning and do it again, heading to class reeking of whiskey.”

[ [ Social ] ]

When the opportunity presented itself to join Lilly Scott in Varlet – along with Will Duncan, David Scott and Cole Rudy – McPherson could finally put his formal training of classical music into the informal world of rock shows, lending an age-old sophistication to Varlet’s seedy, bar-culture sound. Increasingly, Denver’s indie-rock scene has been filled with gay-identified musicians, such as Ian Cooke, Jen Korte and Joshua Novak. Yet while previous generation’s LGBT icons would militantly put their sexuality at the forefront of their public persona (i.e. Boy George; K.D. Lang), today’s hipster homos see their persuasions as more incidental to who they are, rather than the singularly defining aspect of their character. “I am out and proud of my sexuality,” McPherson said. “But that makes up so little of my personality.” ] Varlet’s EP, ‘The Drifter,’ is available for download on iTunes and bandcamp, as well as for purchase at record stores around town. The band is currently in the studio recording their full-length album, which will be released in March, 2013.

Sexy santa at X bar

Photos by Charles Broshous

[ [ Social ] ]

january 2, 2013 |


COVER STORY continued from page 22

Local leaders speak out “Get more involved with the GLBT community outside the Front Range Bears, to explore Colorado and spend more time with my partner.” – James Martin, Front Range Bears – 52 – Gay Organization’s resolution: To provide an increased awareness of the ‘bear’ community in the LGBT community.

Your HIGHLANDS real estate LGBT specialist MICHAEL MADSEN 303 726 1543 M i c h a e l @

“To celebrate life each and every day! – Darrell Vigil, Colorado AIDS Project – 46 – Gay Organization’s resolution: To diversify the linkage to care services we provide to clients as related to health care reform. URBAN HOMES. LEGENDARY SERVICE.

“I have resolved to actively learning new things and discover the world.” – Jeremy Van Hooser, National Gay and Lesbian Task Force – 28 – Gay

“Learn how to be a better ally to other communities. – Rafi Daugherty, Keshet – 30 – Queer Organization’s resolution: Work to continue building a robust queer Jewish leadership in Colorado. “Got to the gym!” – Michael Hobbs, Denver Boys of Leather – 50 – Gay




Through the month of January



“To do a better job of self care so I can be more present to those in my life who I love the most.” – Jeremy Shaver, Interfaith Alliance of Colorado – 37 – Gay Organization’s resolution: To recommit ourselves to standing alongside those in our community who are oppressed and marginalized.

“Continue to work on the foundation for what people say at my elegy.” – Ken Bazan, The Imperial Court of the Rocky Mountain Empire – 44 – Gay


“To find new funding journeys for the Gender Identity Center.” – Kate Bowman, Gender Identity Center of Colorado – 64 – Lesbian Organization’s resolution: To continue services 6-days a week through day services and nightly support groups.



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Out Front’s QRAVE program offers exclusive discounts at participating locations across the state. You choose the discount you want to offer to your QRAVE customers – then sit back and watch the people line up at your business! The QRAVE membership is free to Out Front readers who regularly check the QRAVE web page and printed participating business list to determine where to spend their hard-earned dollars.

Email or call (303) 477.4000 ext. 702 for details!



For information on placing a Marketplace ad, call 303-477-4000 [ COSMETIC ]


Be fresher, younger looking today!

JAMEY COLLINS, LCSW PSYCHOTHERAPY Specializing in Gay/Lesbian, Stress/Coping, Anxiety, Depression, Couples, Dating, Spiritual Growth, Grief and Loss, Self-Esteem, Transitions, Aging, HIV

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The DSC is looking for clean-cut, self-motivating workers. Medical and retirement available. Apply in person. Monday through Friday. $8 per hour. F/T. 6923 East Colfax

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The United Church of Christ, Whoever you are and wherever you are on life’s journey, you are welcome here.

For more information, call 303-477-4000


january 2, 2013 |

To locate a church near you, go to:


Denver’s most reliable moving and storage company serving the LGBT community for over 16 years. Selected “Best of Denver” four times by Westword. COPUC Mover

We’ve lost count of the number of ads that’ve been ripped out of our publication, but who’s complaining? For more information on the Marketplace, call 303-477-4000

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The hottest coats for the chilly winter FOR THE GALS


Classic, Chic, Business

Old-style, Classic

larry levine’s Walker Coat – – $149.99

Calvin Klein jacket, Bonded rip-Stop Bomber jacket – – $69.98

This wool blend coat features a feminine tailoring, a notched collar, on-seam pockets at hips, midweight and hits right around the thigh for a classic, clean look that fits any occasion. Comes in black, white and grey textured fabric. Stay classy, and smart.

For a go-to favorite that’s sure to make you feel like you are flying high, this bomber style jacket offers a casual look for surpassed confidence and added attitude. With polyester fabric, water-restraint, fully lined and knit cuffs, you’re ready for anything. Available in smoke, major brown and black.

Hip, Youthful, Sassy

Ski-week, Adventurous, Prepared

Mackage Mixed Media Moto jacket – – $455.60 You’re still young, or you feel young, so spice up your outerwear to reflect your pizzazz. A combination of lambskin and heathered wool, this short jacket is fully lined to keep you warm and sexy during the cold nights out on the weekend.

Cool, Undercover, Sophisticated apt. 9 Solid Faux-Fur Trench Coat – – $79.99 This season is all about faux fur, all the sheek, without the price. This undercover style trench coat provides warmth, a full lining, and a flattering fit. The soft fabric and faux fur collar and cuffs assure a comfortable and confident style.

Functional, Warm, Outdoorsy

The north Face Storm Peak Triclimate 3-in-1 insulated jacket – – $330 You are all set for a weekend ski or boarding trip to the nearby mountains with this 3-in-1 ultimate snow-season coat. For maximum warmth and protection from the elements, wear the shell and liner together. With a detachable hood, handwarmer pockets, an interior media pocket to hold your MP3 player or phone and adjustable cuffs, you’re ready for the elements.

Business, Sophisticated, All-occasion Michael Kors San Diego Wool Blend Peacoat – – $99.99 Stay handsome with this clean-styled, broad double-breasted peacoat. With zip pockets and full lining. This is the all-occasion style of coat perfect for business occasions or a night out.

Fashionable, Sharp

Marmot Safire Down jacket – – $165 For the outdoor enthusiast, stay warm with the season’s hottest new down jacket. You are ready for anything with this lightweight, slim fitting 650-goose down fill, elastic bound cuffs to keep heat in and available in green envy, blue sea and black to individualize your look.

[ [ liVinG ] ]

apt. 9 Wool Blend Fashion jacket – – $125 Stay stylish in the cold with this edgy yet classic jacket. With heavyweight insulation and a full lining, you’ll stay warm while you strut your stuff. The Epaulets on shoulders provide a classy touch, and the seven pockets keep your hands free no matter what you’re carrying. ]

january 2, 2013 |



hag•gis [hag-is]

Europe! A wanderlust journey

noun, A Scottish dish of a sheep’s or calf’s offal, suet, oatmeal, and seasoning, boiled in a bag.

By Amy Lynn O’Connell


ow and sheep intestines? Whoa. Staring at your Google search with astonishment, you exclaim, “going with the flow is a gross understatement!” You’re not sure that ‘pushing your boundaries’ on vacation includes eating like you’re on Survivor.

It’s your last night in Paris, and until this point, you were happy to not have Internet on your cell. TMI…damn wifi at this fancy pants hotel. Yesterday, you moved across the river to Saint Germain, an area of Paris famous for it’s rich intellectual history, rich shopping and of course, a certain sweet liqueur that blends nicely with Champaign. Setting aside the frightening thoughts of Scottish delicacies, you let your palette warm to the famously French taste of Laduree lavender macaroons, pleasantly placed on your pillow for when you arrived. Draw a bath, soak your tired feet in bubbles for a spell, and shimmy into a sharp outfit for the night. Midnight in Paris –here we come! Thanks to the marvels of social media, you connected to distant relatives in Paris and are off to visit with them tonight. Rumor has it they’re fabulous, so you bound off into the streetlights to their neighborhood for a semi-traditional French feast. Overwhelmed with excitement, you’re a bit early, so you pop into one of the many art galleries in the fourth arrondissement – a French word for neighborhood. Marvel at the offering and then head up to the top floor of their building, on a small, crowded street. You’re greeted with warm smiles and offer up wine from yesterday’s wine tasting at O Chateau, a wine bar. Conversation at dinner flows beautifully, and it gives you a chance to ask all


the little questions about Parisian life that you’ve collected over the past few days. You learn about the film industry and art world of Paris, the school system (according to a sharp, engaging 10-year-old) and what if feels like move to Paris after being raised in America. What a story! Leaving their home, your mind wanders to their beautiful view of the lively city below, and you start imagining yourself settling into this place indefinitely… Glancing at your watch, there’s just enough time to find a cab driver crazy enough to get you to the Moulin Rouge. Originally, this place was scratched off the list because, I mean really, how cliché can you get? However, the thought of scantily clad entertainers strutting about and singing seems oh-so-gay and a MUST! A hurried attendant rushes you to the front row, in a snap, chilled Champaigne is being poured and the lights are dimming for the show. Gorgeous women, flamboyant muscular men, and showy costumes… far more refined than expected, but a perfectly risqué way to end a Paris journey. “Pardon?” You estimate that your Scottish cab driver is about 112 years old, and he chuckles at you. Deliberately slowing down his speech (and letting you know he’s doing so), he asks where you’re from, in a slightly more understandable dialect. You’ve arrived in Glasgow, a city known for it’s industrial heritage and less touristy action – it’s quirky and homey. It’s a dreary night, but your body welcomes it. Something soothing about the rain, you roll into Anniesland for the night, a welcoming town on the outskirts of the city. The next morning, you mix a bowl of muesli by combining fresh grains, dried fruit and cold, thick milk. Everything here feels hearty and whole. Tea, we don’t make tea like this in the states. The sky is overcast, but that doesn’t matter when you’re greeted with a lush green morning in winter. It’s off to the train station for a

january 2, 2013 |

quick ride into Central, before hopping commuter to Edinburgh for the day. Everything moves slower here, a calming pace that hugs your soul and reminds you to be a little less pretentious. It’s lunchtime in Edinburgh, and your eyes are a bit dizzy from trying to count all the sheep and stone cottages on the ride over from Glasgow. This train situation is IMPRESSIVE compared to the limitations of Denver’s lightrail. You could go your whole life here without a car! Edinburgh looks like a land far far away, featured in the pages of some book about princesses in puffy dresses with talking pets. Trippy. You walk past the famous Balmoral Hotel, home to the Queen when she decides to descend from her cloud to grace her beloved Scotia. It’s breathtaking – next visit, book that hotel! Your sister entertains all your silly questions about what’s what, as you spin around and point at everything, “What’s THAT!?” In the near distance, the Edinburgh Castle sits proudly overlooking the river. Apparently, the first reference of this behemoth fortress was in 600 AD… and we think the Brown Palace is old?! Staring in sheer astonishment, you stumble across the bridge, almost running into easy strolling pedestrians. Turning the corner into Old Town Edinburgh, you funnel into The Waverly pub for lunch. The booth at the back of the bar offers up a view of the river thorough an arched window. Ordering a Tennents beer and beef stew and dumplings, you can’t help but laugh at the difference a day makes. “I think I’ll have the haggis,” your vegetarian sister says, and you gasp! What?! “Vegetarian haggis, of course, with neeps and tatties.” Seriously? The table erupts with laughter. If you were to ask a Scot what they think of when you say, neeps and tatties, they would launch into a nostalgic ode to eating turnips and potatoes as a hearty meal throughout their lives. To the American ear, it sounds a bit porno.

[ [ liVinG ] ]

You walk over cobblestone, and dart in and out of charming Scottish shops. The sun starts to set too early for your liking and you ascend up the hill towards that castle. Bummed to learn that’s it’s closing early, you cheer up by checking out the view overlooking the whole city. The streetlights are just coming on and you understand fully why someone would choose this very spot to build a mansion— it’s enchanting and envelops you. On the train ride back to Glasgow, you chuckle at the guys gambling over a game that looks like poker, and a table covered with Scottish brews. They’re loud, have charming accents and hollow belly laughs. Morning comes and you head to campus to see one of the world’s most beautiful universities. Honestly, this place is Hogwarts, where’s Mr. Potter and Dumbledore. The stone buildings are heavy and softened by delicate green moss. The day is lightening up and your excited for the journey to northern Scotland’s small coastal town of Fife – home of St. Andrews, the worlds first Golf Course. The train ride is long, but relaxing. Catching up on reading for the first time in days, you handle a small promotional pamphlet on the town of Fife. Hell, this is where Will met Kate (See, there! All those gossip rags you read while getting your pedis are paying off!). Nothing can prepare you for how green and manicured the vast distance of the fairway is… it’s marvelous. With your travel companion preoccupied with shopping for a perfect holiday gift, you walk down towards the waterfront and take in the miles of coastline before you. A decrepit sign posted on the rocks reads “Danger,” and this moment feels so very far away from dangerous. However, you’ve let yourself be present. Letting go of the details of a journey, the commitments that loom in the future, you spend a dangerously delicious moment in silence… oh, Scotland. ]

january 2, 2013 |



Aspen Gay Ski Week rolls into town

36th annual LGBT Winter travel event kicks off Jan. 13 WHAT: The nation’s largest and oldest gay ski event to benefit the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, The Trevor Project, the Point Foundation, the local program Teachers Empowering Agents of Change, the Western Colorado AIDS Project, the Gender Identity Center of Colorado and local schools of the Roaring Fork Valley. This years big name entertainer is Drew Carey. WHEN: Jan. 13 through Jan. 20 WHERE: Aspen Valley, events at the historic Wheeler Opera House MORE INFO:


SUNDAY Opening Party: Join the festivities and opening party at the Hotel Jerome Lobby Bar; guests will enjoy complimentary Bud Light and Svedka drinks. MONDAY Film Night Gala: Film Night Gala features Gayby, an irreverent comedy from director, Jonathan Lisecki. After the film, Lisecki will answer questions from the audience. Late Night Party: The late night party will be hosted at Escobar, the underground bar that resembles an airplane cabin. TUESDAY Comedy Night: Comedy Night showcases Thomas Dale and headliner, Michael Kosta. Late Night Party: Tuesday’s late night party is hosted by the hip nightclub, The Regal. WEDNESDAY Fashion and Art Night Out: Aspen is home to world-class shopping, and for the annual Boutique Night Stroll, participating boutiques will be open late. Wednesday Late Night: This event will benefit TEACH and is hosted by Aspen’s premier private night club, The Caribou Club. THURSDAY Comedy Night: Comic Brendon Walsh will open for headliner, Drew Carey. A comedy icon and television legend. Dance Gala: Hosted by the historic and newly renovated Hotel Jerome, gay ski week guests will enjoy dancing, go-go dancers, a VIP lounge and DJ Dylan. The theme is a tribute to the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and our military service men and women. FRIDAY Top of the Mountain Party: This party, at the top of Aspen Mountain, returns for its second year. Begin the night with a moonlit ride up the gondola, then dance the night away with music from DJ Gant Johnson. SATURDAY Friendship Cup: A free event at Lewis Ice Arena, the Friendship Cup, the Gay vs. Straight Ice Hockey Championships, precedes the pool party. Pool Party: Aspen Recreation Center will once again host the infamous pool party, featuring DJs, dancing, hot tubs, water slides, a lazy river and open bars. ]


january 2, 13 |

[ [ Living ] ]

BaCK in THe Day

From Out Front Colorado’s January 22, 1992 issue …


he LGBT community has always been willing to criticize itself. From the beginning of the AIDS crisis when gay men regularly wrote to Out Front speculating their peers’ sexual behavior as a likely cause of the “mysterious” new disease, to frequent callouts about racism, sexism or anti-trans attitudes in the community, to young lesbian and gay people struggling to find where they “fit in” or lamenting why they can’t find a date among those in their local social scene – we’ve always been eager to find room for improvement. We may be “born” lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender – but for many of us we don’t know about it until adulthood, and come to the community with our own native cultures, customs and biases. In the meantime, we’re a young community that’s been through a considerable evolution in the 43 years since the Stonewall Riots. This issue’s cover story carries that theme – it’s the most direct we could possibly be about the need to resolve and change. There’s no doubt that our evolution will continue, but there are

big differences between concerns that have been answered and those that continue, perhaps in perpetuity. In 1992, Out Front covered domestic violence in the LGBT community – touching one area where the increasingly-small differences between ourselves and the general population isn’t a good thing. On the pages of Out Front itself, it’s clear that diversity has gotten more attention from community leaders – growing from a “gay” men’s newspaper, to a magazine with a few token lesbians, to one that makes an ardent effort to include everyone. We’ve won countless political battles, and we’re also certainly more aware of – and welcoming to – our youth. Concerns about each other’s sexual frequency haven’t changed one bit. In the early 1990s, George Bush, Sr., was president. Bryan Adams’ “I Do It For You” topped the charts in 1991, and there were also gay favorites “From A Distance” (Bette Midler) and “I Touch Myself” (Divinyls). Roy Romer was governor of Colorado, and in 1991, Wellington Web had recently become mayor of Denver. ]

Back in MY day… Got a story, memory or reflection to share from way back when? Let us know about it! Email with a 200-400 word story with “back in my day” in the subject line to have it considered for print!

[ [ Living ] ]

january 2, 2013 |


Big ToyS Lexus :: GS 350 F-Sport All-Wheel Drive

Lexus :: GS 450h Photos courtesy of Lexus

Sporty or Green: the flavours of the new Lexus GS luxury sedan By Jonathan McGrew For the last few years there has been a tug-of-war in our consumer driven minds. Culturally, and to some extent ethically, we should be considering alternative fuels for our daily transportation. Now we have to stop and ask: Can I drive a sports inspired car or should I be looking at the “Green” alternative? Maybe the better question is: What can I choose? Lexus is trying to bring some peace to this inner struggle. Lexus wants to sell you a car, but what I find interesting is that they have captured the spirit of what some consumers are


looking for and wrapped it up in the all-new 2013 Lexus GS model family. The GS allows you to pick and choose the image and level of environmentally consciousness; but it does come at a price that starts at $46,900. Steep? For some yes; and for others looking at Lexus’ German competition it may seem intriguing. Let’s consider these options: GS 350 F-Sport All-Wheel Drive and GS 450h (“h” for hybrid). These two cars put you in the mid and upper range of the GS family. The GS 350 rear-wheel drive is your base $46K sedan. With the baseline set, let’s take a closer look at sporty v. green. Ironically, the answer really doesn’t come down to per-

january 2, 13 |

[ [ Living ] ]

formance. The differentiators: Price, image and feeling. To illustrate, each GS has the 3.5-liter V8 engine – even the hybrid model. All the non-hybrid models will also have 306-hp and a six-speed sequential shift automatic transmission. The top of the range is found in the hybrid, which also has the power differentiation of 338 Total System Horsepower, an addition from the Lexus Hybrid Drive system. Want All-Wheel Drive? That is available only on the GS 350 and GS 350 F-Sport and will change the rear-wheel drive EPA numbers from 19/28 mpg city/hwy to 19/26 mpg city/hwy. The MPG winner: the GS 450h with a family leading 29/34 mpg city/hwy. Surely the GS 450h is a lot less sporty, right? On paper the GS 450h boasts the highest 0-60 time at 5.6 seconds, but only by a tenth or two. If you are puzzled about where the F-Sport, Lexus’ sport package or the Hybrid fits into the equation it comes down to those three original items: Price, image and feeling. The entire GS model family is sporty; what isn’t conveyed is the feeling that each model gives you. The design is crisp on the outside and well put together on the inside with class leading features like the 12.3 in. high-resolution split screen navigation and entertainment system. However, each model will give you a slight spin on this sports luxury sedan’s image. The GS 350 F-Sport gives you a more aggressive look and driver centric features like the 16 way F-Sport Driver’s Seat. The GS 450h will be more subdued from the exterior and will provide the most economy and performance, but at a higher price. In the end price may be the final factor. The 2013 GS350 F-Sport AWD comes in as tested at $58,997 and the 2013 GS450h tipped scales as tested at $69,754. The biggest difference between the two models? The starting price to get one. ]


Lauren Archuletta

What lesbians vs. straight love about a woman’s body

When I first sat down to write this article, I asked myself ‘how hard could this be?’ I thought that discussing body-type preferences between lesbians and straight males would be an easy subject to tackle – that I could guess what they’d say ... I couldn’t have been more wrong.. I began my quest approaching a former teaching assistant of mine, Annie Sugar. When I posed the question about what types of women lesbians are interested versus those of straight men, I was shocked when she told me, “well that binary is all kinds of bullshit.” Apparently I had struck a nerve that would completely change my perspective on this topic. Because who was I to assume that the body type of a woman (or anyone for that matter) would be a cut-and-dry answer? “Lesbians are all colors of the rainbow,” Sugar said. “I know so many lesbians who are into the skinny, sporty, ‘boy-ish’ body on girls or the plumper ‘square’ shape with no waist.” Sugar said that while her girlfriend may be six feet tall with big breasts, there’s a lot more that’s attractive about her. “Speaking for myself, when it comes to female partners, I tend to find the mind and personality attractive. The body type doesn’t factor in that much.” Sugar went on to explain that she has a preference in the features of her partner. “Personally, if I have a physical ‘type’ it’s black women, Indian women, Persian women – my girlfriend is Persian,” Sugar said. “And she could tell you about liking the curve and sway – she loves a soft body.” Taking Sugar’s theory on what she finds attractive in a woman, I went out in search of somebody else that would talk about what’s “sexy” about a woman. Cassie Smith, a 23-year-old student at the University of Colorado, liked the phrase “a little curve, a big sway,” because that’s what she’s attracted to in women. “Since I don’t have curves, I’m attracted to girls that do have them,” Smith said. Having done ballet for the greater part of 20 years, Smith has what one would call a “dancer’s” physique. She appreciates fitness and those who value it, which is why she said she prefers girls who are toned and defined, but don’t have a bulky shape. After having talked to both Sugar and Smith, I felt like I was getting a better understanding of how lesbians’ different “types” can’t necessarily be pinned down. But when it came to straight guys, I assumed that “big boobs, nice ass” would be the general preference – apparently my preconceived assumptions were incorrect there, too. According to a study by the University of Westminster in London, men want more than just a slender, big-breasted woman – they often prefer not only a personality, but curves, as well. “I think it’s one of the biggest myths that has been perpetuated by some evolutionary psychologists – though not all – is that there is one ‘man,’ or ‘men’, with universal behaviors,” said University of Westminster psychologist Viren Swami in a recent article in Psychology Today. I started wondering if I’d been wrong this whole time about what straight guys really like – which was especially surprising to me, as I’ve been seeing men since I was maybe 15. “I think most men actually love the curve and sway [of big women],” Sugar said. “The media just lies and tells us they don’t. The media lies to them about what they’re supposed to like and lies to women about how they’re supposed to look.” With my head spinning, I decided to ask some straight men what they really find attractive.

[ [ Living ] ]


“I like a girl to actually have proportions,” said Chris Herron, a 23-year-old music education student at Colorado State University. “I don’t like girls to be too skinny.” Convinced that this couldn’t possibly be the norm, I wanted to talk to at least one more straight guy and find out whether or not curves actually factored into the “attractiveness” of a woman. After consulting a fellow journalist, Joseph Maestas, I was spinning when he told me that he thinks “curves are nice” and that he prefers them. There it was, from the mouths of two female-loving, straight men: guys do indeed enjoy the “curve and sway” of women. I’d assumed that women were the more accepting of the sexes – more appreciative of the female body, no matter what “type” it is. I had shared this piece of information with my favorite ballerina, and she told me that it’s a typical notion. “I think [lesbian] women just have a lot less images being thrown at them that tell them what perfect looks like,” Smith said. But maybe men and women – straight men and lesbians, that is – are more alike than I had ever imagined. It’s funny how much stereotypes really defined our views of normalcy. At the end of the day, it’s impossible to pinpoint – or compare, for that matter – the exact body type everybody prefers. But for what it’s worth, I’m glad that my curves are appreciated on both ends of the spectrum. ] Lauren Archuletta is a student at CU Boulder finishing up her fall internship with Out Front. Reach Lauren by email at

january 2, 2013 |



Would-be baby blues Dear Shanna,

My partner and I have decided to try in vitro fertilization to have a child. I’m having to have a variety of injections and monitor my cycle, and it has definitely started to affect my sex drive. How can we keep the loving happening while still working hard to become pregnant? Dear Mommies to be,

Shanna Katz

Regardless of the method couples use to get pregnant, many couples wind up with disparities in sex drive and a decline in the frequency of sex during the process.


january 2, 13 |

[ [ Living ] ]

First of all, a huge congrats to you and your partner in beginning this adventure together! Regardless of the method couples use to get pregnant, many couples wind up with disparities in sex drive and a decline in the frequency of sex during the process. Why? Because they tend to stress themselves out so much while they are trying to get pregnant that all other things fall to the wayside. When we are stressed, our bodies can go into fight-or-flight mode, with less energy left over to put toward feeling sexual. Make sure you schedule some time to take good care of each other. It doesn’t have to be the sex you’re used to having, but at least put aside some time for an enjoyable and sensual massage for one another. Make an effort to spend time together where you don’t talk about the process, or about getting pregnant. Establish sexy time that does not involve giving injections or taking your basal temperature. When you only talk about sex or your bodies when in reference to pregnancy, you’re sending each other messages that sex is off the table – be conscious about putting it back. Lastly, orgasms can help facilitate pregnancy. In general, the Os (the opening of the cervix) makes an opening and closing action during orgasm that can help sperm progress through the vaginal canal. Beyond that, orgasms make you feel good and relaxed, and that can help your body move out of the fight-or-flight mode of stress, and back to a relaxed state. Less stress can make it easier to get pregnant, so schedule time for massages and/or orgasms, and you may be mommies sooner than later. ]

Shanna Katz, M.Ed, ACS is a Colorado native, fierce femme and board certified sexologist. She loves teaching adults how to optimize their sex lives. For more info, please visit or submit an anonymous question to


The lesser-known addictions M

any of us have struggled with addictions: alcohol, drugs, tobacco, sex, eating, working out, or gambling. But there are social patterns, beliefs and attitudes – many common in our community that can also fall into this category. Potentially addictive actions should be monitored on whether they’re destroying parts of our life or causing pain for those around us. Additionally, they can make us seem tragic. Consider the role of the following three behaviors in our culture: bitchiness, self-loathing and overachieving. Argue with the concept all you want, but you could very well be addicted. Addiction, by definition, is nothing more than continued use of something despite negative consequences in your life. These outcomes may include social difficulties like isolation, bitterness, or a lack of healthy relationships, but also physical problems like lack of good sleep, nightmares, higher blood pressure and tension. Sometimes addictions creep up and we don’t

realize the problem until they’ve already caused us harm. Have you ever tried to acknowledge when you are being generally bitchy, talking mad crap, and then trying to stop doing it for an extended period of time? What about working to challenge ideas that you are not good looking enough or too fat? Is it hard to accept success when it has only been marginal or you feel that you could have done better?

It can be difficult to try to stop the actions, but it’s even more difficult to stop the thoughts. Over time, the thought patterns become more engrained and changing them is even more difficult. Addictions are also characterized by having dependence on them – when they’re not present, we can feel something important is missing and begin to crave it intensely. We can also build up a tolerance to what we’re addicted to – and may need to increase frequency or intensity to get the same effect. Many times our

[ [ Living ] ]

Do some introspecbehaviors and thoughts tion to list some of your intensify as well. Our most prominent qualiself-deprecation and selfties. If these include image gets worse or we being grumpy, self-critbecome more bitchy and ical, negative, bitchy, judgmental. We can also arrogant, insecure, selfsuffer from never being involved, traumatic or pleased with accomplishdramatic, you may be ments, or feeling we will struggling with addictive never be good enough. patterns. Adopting new Withdrawals from patterns and phasing the these behaviors may be old ones out could be a less dramatic than withBrent Heinze positive in your life. drawing from heroin, but There are many ways can be quite uncomfortable in different ways and may make to treat these addictions, but none of us feel strange since we may have been them can start without a firm dedicadoing these for a very long time. Old tion to want to stop. As with any goal, developing a plan to achieve it is parahabits can definitely be hard to break. Don’t get normal patterns confused mount. Maintain your focus and keep with addictive ones: There are also working – sometimes things get firmly healthy expressions of these thoughts lodged in our minds, and removing and actions. Sometimes it is perfectly them can be a long, painful, and frusappropriate to call out some douche- trating process. But you can recover bag, be disappointed with oneself, or and re-gain your sobriety. ] feel let down after a failure. It’s usually when your personality becomes partly Brent Heinze, LPC, is a licensed defined by these patterns that you professional counselor. Email him at need to get concerned.

january 2, 2013 |



january 2, 2012 |

MONDAY Flasback Mondays 5 Hour Lockers are $10 from 5pm to 10pm

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january 2, 2013 |


January 2, 2013