GAL ON THE MOVE
No room in my closet for ME “Burst down those closet doors once and for all, and stand up and start to fight.” – Harvey Milk I like to joke that when I realized I was gay, I couldn’t be in the closet – there was no room with all of my clothes! I know that I was fortunate. I lived in New York City and worked in fashion. No one cared if I was gay – just whether I was fabulous. My first girlfriend did not have the same experience. She wasn’t out at work, or even to herself. Everyone’s coming out journey is her own. A woman I met over the weekend was telling me about her recent relationship ending. The overarching reason was the fact that her ex was not out. They’d had a 10-year on-again offagain relationship (lesbians? Never!), and although she still loved her partner very much, she just couldn’t do it. She couldn’t spend one more moment in a closeted relationship. This has always been an issue for me. Although there are still challenges, even people in the military don’t have to hide anymore – yet I am repeatedly told that the reason people aren’t out at work is because they are in a “very important position within the company.” Why would you spend so much time in a place where you can’t be yourself? You can’t talk about your girlfriend/ boyfriend/partner/spouse. You have to change pronouns. You use euphemistic terms like “my friend” when you mention them. You can’t hold hands in public for fear of someone from work seeing you. This is no way to live. Isn’t the best thing about being say, a vice president is that you have achieved a respected status? People look at you as providing a real asset to their team. This kind of position is exactly when coming out would have the most impact. This would prove that our sexual orientations have nothing to do with whether we are good at our jobs. It is by coming out we can show those that will be coming behind us
20
OCTOBER 3, 2012 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
[ [ BODY & MIND ] ]
Robyn Vie-Carpenter that who you love has nothing to do with your aspirations. As an adult, I had the privilege of working with a student gay-straight alliance for a short stint. The fact that schools have these kinds of clubs/ groups is awesome. Children can be extraordinarily mean, and those mean kids can make life hell in school. For National Coming Out Day, the GSA wanted to do something that would be important. It was decided to give everyone the opportunity to come out for something, preferably something that no one knew about you previously. Students came out as Yankees fans (this was Massachusetts). Jocks came out as musicians (this was pre-Glee). It was a great success. What struck me the most was that these children were working hard to create an inclusive environment for their peers. What also struck me is that adults do not do this for theirs. I remember impatiently waiting to grow up – a time when you finally get to do what you want and be who you want, or so I thought. What I found was people aren’t necessarily any more tolerant, prejudices don’t go away unless that person puts forth the effort to make the change. Adults can be mean. And now those mean kids can get you fired. We need to get beyond high school. We need to break free of the “differences freak me out” mentality. We have to encourage people to not just get older, but grow up. We have to stand up to the mean kids. We have to come out – do it for the ones who love you. ] Email Robyn at goddessofjoy1@gmail.com.